"Liquor cabinet? I barely know her!"
post variations here
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:04 (sixteen years ago)
Non Sequitor? I barely know her!
― Garri$on Kilo (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:05 (sixteen years ago)
"Pole vaulter? I barely know her!"
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:05 (sixteen years ago)
"Rubber innertube? I barely know her!"
^^ all time fav variant
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:06 (sixteen years ago)
How have I never heard any of these?
― ENBB, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:08 (sixteen years ago)
"My girlfriend went to university in Wales"
"Bangor?"
"Not yet, we've only been going out for a week."
― Milijas now living will never die (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:08 (sixteen years ago)
rectum?? i damn near killed him!!!!
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:09 (sixteen years ago)
my favourite ^
― the shock will be coupled with the need to dance (jim), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:10 (sixteen years ago)
"My wife's run off to the West Indies"
"Jamaica?"
"No, she went of her own accord"
― Milijas now living will never die (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:10 (sixteen years ago)
It's supposed to be "Wrexham", isn't it? Conforming to the placename template...
xp
― Michael Jones, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:11 (sixteen years ago)
I'm studying English at university.
Do you enjoy Dickens?
Dunno, haven't been invited to any yet.
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:12 (sixteen years ago)
My wife hails from northern Italy.Genoa?I should hope so, we've been married 10 years!
― Michael Jones, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:12 (sixteen years ago)
(A lot of these rely on deliberation mispronounciation, it's true).
Is "she was only the [occupation]'s daughter" eligible for this thread btw
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:13 (sixteen years ago)
has this been left out because it's the most obvious?
"Foreigner? I can barely fit three in her"
― dan selzer, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:13 (sixteen years ago)
"Rubber _____?" works every time really
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:13 (sixteen years ago)
I've just got back from the dentist's...in North Africa.Tunisia?Yeah, a lot better, thanks!
― Michael Jones, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:13 (sixteen years ago)
She was only the fishmonger's daughter, but she lay on the slab and said "Fillet!"
― Milijas now living will never die (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:14 (sixteen years ago)
My wife has gone on holiday to Poole.
In Dorset?
Yes, she highly recommends it.
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:14 (sixteen years ago)
Do You like Danny Rampling?I Dunno, I've never Danny Rampled.
― ledge, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:14 (sixteen years ago)
I don't get this one.
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:14 (sixteen years ago)
She was only the cricketer's daughter, but she took a full toss in the crease.
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:15 (sixteen years ago)
xp I think it is supposed to be a term for an orgy - my English teacher told me it aged 12 or 13
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:16 (sixteen years ago)
I'm going on holiday to Africa.Kenya?Don't see why not!
― ledge, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:17 (sixteen years ago)
oh, maybe "dickings"?
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:18 (sixteen years ago)
She was only the general's daughter, but she slept in the officers' mess
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:19 (sixteen years ago)
My wife went on holiday to Indonesia.Jakarta?Nah she took the plane.
― ledge, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:19 (sixteen years ago)
dick-in, as in a sit-in
― mark cl, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:20 (sixteen years ago)
dick-ins
― mark cl, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:21 (sixteen years ago)
?
"I visited Thailand last week"
"Bangkok?"
"Well I didn't go for the food"
― Milijas now living will never die (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:21 (sixteen years ago)
these are great btw
Rejoinder? We never broke up!
― Garri$on Kilo (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:22 (sixteen years ago)
"I took a friend to visit George Washington's house last week"
"Mount Vernon?"
"Tried to but he doesn't swing that way apparently"
― Milijas now living will never die (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:23 (sixteen years ago)
― ledge, Wednesday, July 1, 2009 10:14 AM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
No idea who this is, but I've heard a version that involves Kipling ("I don't know, I've never kippled.").
― great gabbneb's ghost (jaymc), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:26 (sixteen years ago)
"Supercollider? etc."
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:27 (sixteen years ago)
There's a Big Country gag that I've been struggling to remember for weeks
― Milijas now living will never die (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:28 (sixteen years ago)
"Stuart Adamson was a Big Country member"
"Yes, I do"
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:32 (sixteen years ago)
Oh thanx man that's been bugging me for ages
― Milijas now living will never die (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:36 (sixteen years ago)
RIP btw
no, that's going to have to be explained to me
― darraghmac@nebbmail.com (darraghmac), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:38 (sixteen years ago)
she was only a farmers daughter but she was a total slut
― darraghmac@nebbmail.com (darraghmac), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:39 (sixteen years ago)
i don't get these, tbh
"member" = "remember"
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:39 (sixteen years ago)
-i'm from alabama!-tuscaloosa?-no, i use dentu-grip
― chronologymentully (donna rouge), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:41 (sixteen years ago)
or rather "big country member" = "big cunt, remember"
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:41 (sixteen years ago)
ok, one down, the rest to go.
― darraghmac@nebbmail.com (darraghmac), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:41 (sixteen years ago)
"The doctor prescribed a new tonic for my wife."
"Elixir?"
"Well, I'd never allow that!"
― Garri$on Kilo (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:42 (sixteen years ago)
where are s1ocki & some dude, for this thread? it is crying out for dads
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:43 (sixteen years ago)
"I took my wife out to my parents' house, just past the local ravine.""Etter?""Eventually."
(that one is for the south-of-HSTNGS massiv)
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:45 (sixteen years ago)
She was only the stableman's daughter but all the horse manure.
― franny glass, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:45 (sixteen years ago)
She was only the tobacconist's daughter, but she'd shag behind the counter for a very reasonable price.
― dada wouldn't buy me a bauhaus (aldo), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:49 (sixteen years ago)
I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue Samantha jokes to thread
Samantha is a qualified croupier and often works at an exclusive Soho club where gamblers pay top money to pay roulette all day and poker all night.
― ledge, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:53 (sixteen years ago)
Samantha tells me she has to nip out now, as she's off to meet a gardener gentleman friend. She says he's recently planted an apple orchard with a view to getting into commercial scrumpy production. Samantha says that if his forecasts are correct, he's going to be really big in cider
Samantha has to nip off now as her plumber is sending round the man who does the annual safety test on her gas boiler, which always gives her great peace of mind. She says it's good to feel the plumber's tester calls at regular intervals.
― ledge, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:54 (sixteen years ago)
Samantha has to nip off now to play in the park with her dog, lying blissfully in the sun as it licks her face and pants.
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 15:58 (sixteen years ago)
Samantha has to nip off now as she's trying to start honey production but is struggling to increase the size of her apiary and is getting an expert keeper round to advise her. Apparently he's very keen to look at her 36 bees.
― dada wouldn't buy me a bauhaus (aldo), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:01 (sixteen years ago)
Lionel Blair once managed to finish off Two Gentlemen of Verona using just his mouth.
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:04 (sixteen years ago)
My friend Riley told me he was Jewish
Jew? Riley Gotlieb?
I love that Kinks song too
― hobbes (brownie), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:04 (sixteen years ago)
- My wife has just booked us a mystery holiday somewhere cold.- Where? Juno?- No I don't know any specifics yet.- Maybe Alaska??- NO! Don't ruin the surprise
― ken "save-a-finn" c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:04 (sixteen years ago)
is that how you spill juneau in england
― i want to marry a pizza (gbx), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:05 (sixteen years ago)
lol n/m
lol sorry stupid film ruined it lol
― ken "save-a-finn" c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:07 (sixteen years ago)
"Poker face?" / Lady GaGa etc
― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:14 (sixteen years ago)
"If I can find my plane ticket I'm going to New England for a vacation""Nantucket?""Please don't accuse my deceased grandmother of theft"
― hobbes (brownie), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:17 (sixteen years ago)
- I took my 16 yr old niece to switzerland watch Euro 2008 last year- Wankdorf?- !!
― ken "save-a-finn" c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:19 (sixteen years ago)
Who can forget Una Stubbs staring in awe as Lionel pulled off Twelve Angry Men in under two minutes.
― ledge, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:24 (sixteen years ago)
Una Stubbs = brush of shame for ILXors of a certain age
― snoball, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:54 (sixteen years ago)
gah! crush of shame
brush of shame has awesome meme potential imo
― darraghmac@nebbmail.com (darraghmac), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:55 (sixteen years ago)
boom boom
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:58 (sixteen years ago)
bring me some cake Aunt Sally... then tidy up the crumbs with the brush of shame
― snoball, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 16:58 (sixteen years ago)
broom broom xpost
― ken "save-a-finn" c (ken c), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 17:09 (sixteen years ago)
"You have to focus.""BOTH of you?"
― Three Word Username, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 18:43 (sixteen years ago)
liquor in the front, fuck 'er in the ass.
― ian, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:05 (sixteen years ago)
Exeter?I never entered her!
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:08 (sixteen years ago)
there has gotta be some hip hop lyric abt a dick causing an exit wound right?
― ian, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:12 (sixteen years ago)
In college we'd try to come up with the most nonsensical "-er / I barely know her" - such as:
"self-defrosting refrigerator""New Hampshire""thermonuclear""Robert's Rules of Order"
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:19 (sixteen years ago)
Horse Rotorvator?
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:26 (sixteen years ago)
Paper jam?
― ian, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:27 (sixteen years ago)
Pater familia?
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:30 (sixteen years ago)
roller coaster?
― ian, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:31 (sixteen years ago)
pot sticker?
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:33 (sixteen years ago)
Phil Spector?
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:36 (sixteen years ago)
Air Traffic Controller?
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:40 (sixteen years ago)
i & i control to de fullest.
― ian, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:40 (sixteen years ago)
Toyota Corolla?
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:41 (sixteen years ago)
ilxor?I never her!
― hobbes (brownie), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:43 (sixteen years ago)
brownie - lol!
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 19:44 (sixteen years ago)
this thread has stopped me feeling sad.
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 21:52 (sixteen years ago)
Bipolar?
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 22:07 (sixteen years ago)
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, July 1, 2009 7:36 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
Regina Spektor would 'work' 'better' imo
― Real Men Play On Words (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 22:21 (sixteen years ago)
xp LJ - no, thank goodness.
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 22:26 (sixteen years ago)
Seasonal Affective Disorder?
lol ok that's enough anyway who gets SAD from summer
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 22:31 (sixteen years ago)
Real Estate Speculator?
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 22:39 (sixteen years ago)
Inspector Gadget?
― emil.y, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:04 (sixteen years ago)
^^^^ awesome
― ian, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:13 (sixteen years ago)
^^^ Inspector Gadget is up there with Rubber Inner Tube
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:15 (sixteen years ago)
"I was into Muffin the Mule as a kid but then the police caught me"
― Milijas now living will never die (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:16 (sixteen years ago)
Albrecht Dürer?
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:22 (sixteen years ago)
Comatose? Pervert.
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:25 (sixteen years ago)
http://comps.fotosearch.com/comp/UNN/UNN424/tomato-woman-vegetable_~u11232131.jpg
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:28 (sixteen years ago)
Enigma?
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:29 (sixteen years ago)
Roller Coaster?
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:35 (sixteen years ago)
Wienerschnitzel?
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:37 (sixteen years ago)
inner dialogue
― darraghmac@nebbmail.com (darraghmac), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:38 (sixteen years ago)
inner ear?
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:38 (sixteen years ago)
decorator
― darraghmac@nebbmail.com (darraghmac), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:40 (sixteen years ago)
Cochlea?
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:41 (sixteen years ago)
Edwina!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sitina_Tunnel
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:54 (sixteen years ago)
for some gender equity:
a salaam alaikum?
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:57 (sixteen years ago)
No idea who this is, but I've heard a version that involves Kipling
"Do you prefer Browning or Kipling?"
― tokyo rosemary, Wednesday, 1 July 2009 23:58 (sixteen years ago)
Saki all the way
― lynndie englisher (country matters), Thursday, 2 July 2009 00:00 (sixteen years ago)
in arrears?
― the shock will be coupled with the need to dance (jim), Thursday, 2 July 2009 00:15 (sixteen years ago)
This is fucking awesome btw.
― bro down syndrome (Trayce), Thursday, 2 July 2009 00:53 (sixteen years ago)
Martin Heidegger?
― I hurt your arm and now I want to dress your arm, please (dyao), Thursday, 2 July 2009 01:26 (sixteen years ago)
martin heidegger?? i can't even bestand her!!
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Thursday, 2 July 2009 01:31 (sixteen years ago)
actual keyboard coffee
― c.c. crabcock (electricsound), Thursday, 2 July 2009 02:36 (sixteen years ago)
wither away and die?
what are you, dyslexic?
― real men love cheeses (latebloomer), Thursday, 2 July 2009 02:46 (sixteen years ago)
ugh
― real men love cheeses (latebloomer), Thursday, 2 July 2009 02:52 (sixteen years ago)
And speaking of cheeses folks, I had a cheese night at my apartment last night.
"Gouda?"
"Eh, I've had better."
"Blue?"
"No, they weren't THAT bad."
"Edam?"
"Well I sampled but I have to save some for the party!"
"Emmentaler?"
"Really sir! She's only an acquaintance and that's hardly appropriate."
― Garri$on Kilo (Hurting 2), Thursday, 2 July 2009 03:08 (sixteen years ago)
oh wait sorry I sort of fucked up the third one.
― Garri$on Kilo (Hurting 2), Thursday, 2 July 2009 03:09 (sixteen years ago)
She's my sister; what do I need to metaphor?
― Armageddon Two: Armageddon (dyao), Thursday, 23 July 2009 03:32 (sixteen years ago)
i feel like i could come up with male-gender variants if i knew more yiddish
― real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Friday, 28 September 2012 20:18 (thirteen years ago)
"Goyim? I hardly knew im!"
― has important things to say about gangnam style (Hurting 2), Friday, 28 September 2012 20:20 (thirteen years ago)
"You brought her! YOU lick her!"
― Trip Maker, Friday, 28 September 2012 20:31 (thirteen years ago)
thank u ilx, i needed that. *wipes away tears of laughter*
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 28 September 2012 20:37 (thirteen years ago)
thresher? I barley know her!
― has important things to say about gangnam style (Hurting 2), Friday, 28 September 2012 20:42 (thirteen years ago)
Albrecht Durer? is still making me laugh
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 28 September 2012 20:48 (thirteen years ago)
"My wife hates our dog.""Doberman Pinscher?""No! He bit her!"
― Loo Reading (Capitaine Jay Vee), Friday, 28 September 2012 21:18 (thirteen years ago)
http://ihardlyknowher.com/Flickr viewer
― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Friday, 28 September 2012 21:24 (thirteen years ago)
Rubber balls & liquor.
― Three Word Username, Friday, 28 September 2012 21:26 (thirteen years ago)
Sacher Torte?
Piece of cake!
― The windiest militant trash (Michael White), Friday, 28 September 2012 21:30 (thirteen years ago)
Fokker Dreidekker?
No, the Red Baron was in town.
― Three Word Username, Friday, 28 September 2012 21:33 (thirteen years ago)
whitey bulger?
― marcos, Tuesday, 13 August 2013 13:39 (twelve years ago)
ok lol
― ⚓ (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 16:30 (twelve years ago)