M4rk Cr4ig (aka Bimble) RIP

I got a call from a Seattle investigator last night asking if I was related to M4rk Er1c Cr4ig. I said no and the investigator apologized and hung up.

After hearing more rumors today, I called the number back and got a Seattle medical examiner's office. Apparently on the 4th of August Bimble was reported dead by police, having been found by his roommate after shooting himself.

Bimble was a dear friend to many of us on this board (myself included) and his unmatched passion for music will be sorely missed. May he rest in peace.

I'm numb, totally... oh man

This is terrible and wrong. Bimble was a great ILXor and a genuine enthusiast with whom I connected on numerous occasions. Regardless of how troubled his soul was, this is a great and appalling tragedy, and I am almost in tears here.

R.I.P. bimble.
Wish you had emailed me about how bad you were feeling so i coulda done something.
I enjoyed chatz most days with you since i got to know you last year and its never gonna be the same.
At least we all know you're at peace now.
Goodbye my friend.

Bimble, you will never know what a massive internet crush I had on you and your record collection and it pisses me off that I never got to tell you that.

oh no. oh no oh no oh no.

This is really dreadful news. RIP, Mark.

this is really terrible. bimble was my first friend on this board. may he rest in peace.

This is just upsetting. Goodbye Bimble...

kate he spoke very fondly of you

Feeling so sad for him and the ones that loved him. RIP

Oh, Curtis, I feel so so so sad for you (and other friends and family).

Oh my god.... what?

no way - fuck - this is really appalling. One of the coolest posters around here - never knew he was in trouble. RIP

this is terrible. RIP.

Damn. RIP.

rest in peace, mark.

I owed him an email that I'll never get an answer to - we always emailed on early Saturday morning my time/late Friday night his. And I *didn't* this weekend coz I was at a festival.

And I just wish I could have told him that I thought he was amazing. I always thought there would be another day and another email and another bouncy exchange on the 'Cooler thread, and now there isn't.

This doesn't seem entirely real

just horrible. rest in peace.

i wasnt on aim at the weekend due to my laptop having a virus. Im guessing that he just wasnt online and if he had been he coulda spoke to others. but it doesnt stop me wishing i had been on just incase. but it seems like he wasnt online at all.

Kate, did you know he was depressed? Why oh why didnt he reach out. :-((

he did reach out, but i don't think anyone really knew what to say. i spoke with him a number of times, and i knew he was really, really sad. but sometimes i just didn't know what to say.

he was always depressed (reason why he was always drinking) but noone knew it was as bad as this. He gave no hints at all. Nothing in chatz or by email. Usually he emailed everyone he knew when he was really depressed. Usually replying or chatting on aim was enough for him.
I guess he didnt want to be talked out of it and just did it :(

Oh no. My condolences to family and freinds.

I met him last year in LA when he came down to the Part Time Punks fest. Prior to that I had sent him some CDs, and since then we'd emailed. His emails got more and more intense and personal over time, and I tried to help in the little ways I could. I wish I could've said and done more, but I also don't think anything I could've done would've changed anything. I'm watching the Factory All Stars New Order/ACR/52nd St. etc super-jam in your honor, Mark.

It seems trivial to say I thought he was troubled, just from what I knew of him here. Wishing peace to his soul.

he had a pretty large support network of ILXors who cared about him and he knew that and (as far as I could tell) was appreciative of it - I don't think there's much anyone of us could have said or done to help him come to terms with whatever emotional troubles culminated in this. And of course more often than not he seemed very positive and delighted about things.

If only he couldve told someone what he was gonna do. i just hope that he wasnt on aim looking for someone and noone was there (im sure he wouldnt have as i know he wouldve emailed someone at least)

I just wish he had been on aim and spoke to someone.

I owed him an email too because I am always tardy at the whole communication thing. I always thought Mark was too full of life to ever let the downs beat out the ups. This is just so sad. He was just so full of everything.

RIP, Mister.

I knew he was up and down but I thought he was muddling through, like the rest of us were.

I can't say "I had no idea" because I had a bit of an idea about things he was finding tough. But I didn't know he was that close to suicide. Initially when he got SB'd he was miserable, but then he said he was finding stuff IRL to engage with, and other things to do. There were other situations in his life that he'd finally started to open up about, but... I wanted to sit down and do his email justice, rather than dash off a reply, going "I'm off to Disco 3000, you'd hate it, TTYL"

And I am kicking myself because I feel like I *do* know what to say - - if I'd known he was that bad. But I did not know how bad it was.

He told chatz last week that he didn't mind being banned for a month and he enjoyed the time off ilx. He did say he didnt know if he would come back straight away. Now sadly we will never know.
His personal problems had nothing to do with ilx. But his friends on ilx did help him in the past. He was always appreciative of that.

shocked and speechless

i'm totally shocked. i obv didn't know him nearly as well as anyone here. poor guy.
i hope everyone that was close to him here is doing ok.

Awful, awful news. Please rest in peace, Bimble, and my condolences go out to all the ILXors here who knew him and were his friend.

he loved music so much. i will listen to kate bush in his honor tonight.

Yeah, sorry, this...

His personal problems had nothing to do with ilx. But his friends on ilx did help him in the past.

I wasn't trying to imply that his SB was anything to do with it. It was more like, he did actually seem like he was getting some perspective on things without ILX squabbles as a distraction.

he will be thrilled to meet tony wilson and ian curtis at last. I hope they appreciate him.

This is really grim news. RIP, Bimble.

aw surm. that's a great tribute.

His last email to me was about Def Leppard's "Photograph." I never read it until now because I hardly ever check my gmail account :/

RIP.

(No worries Kate, I think we understood what you meant, or at least I did.)

yeah I knew what Kate meant too. I was just pointing out that bimble had got over being temp banned.

RIP

We last exchanged emails a couple of weeks ago; his were increasingly overwrought. I knew he was in the grips of something awful, but didn't know him well enough to intervene. I pegged him as a decent guy with a massive chip on his shoulder who needed good friends. I'm sorry about it now.

not sure that was ever really his favorite but tonight I'll play Cale's Caribbean Sunset - pretty much epitomized the way he could contagiously gush over certain songs

jesus christ, this is so fucking sad. he had such enthusiasm! to put it mildly. aw, this sucks.

I just realized that I bookmarked and occasionally perused his blog.

He always seemed v intense and troubled but I didn't know he was in such a bad way. I loved his crazy enthusiasm for every song that grabbed his attention at any hour of the day.

RIP Mark. Always more goth than us.

man, this is sad. RIP.

I never got around to listening to this band from Worcestershire he sent me, the Dancing Did.

I chatted to him on AIM about 2 weeks ago and he seemed better than he had been over the past couple of months. But I guess that's how it works sometimes with depression and suicide. I'm just in shock at the moment.

Yes, I never really interacted with Bimble on ILX, but I did peruse his blog and found his enthusiasm for music charming.

He sent me a couple of e-mails towards the end of July. Evidently he was banned from ILX at the time? His notes gave no indication of any bigger trouble. Still cannot get my head around it.

Bimble emailed me a few months ago about chatting on AIM, which I was/am unfortunately too much of a Luddite to take him up on. Always enjoyed his posts here and on his blog.

Shocked and stunned, really don't know what to say, I hope he's at peace now.

I chatted to him on AIM about 2 weeks ago and he seemed better than he had been over the past couple of months. But I guess that's how it works sometimes with depression and suicide.

I know I'm wayyyyyyy jumping to conclusions here, but I'm guessing he probably did this as an impulse decision, possibly under the influence of alcohol. But I don't know the details, and I think an investigation is still going on.

Busting out that copy of "Take No Prisoners" to play at some point, in tribute

Requiescat In Pacem. I never knew or corresponded with him, but reading these remarks it's obvious that he is already missed.

RIP Bimble. Don't know what else to say, but I found his enthusiasm really contagious and uplifting. So many of us are so jaded about the music we like & listen to, but he seemed like someone really caught up in music's ability to bring joy & excitement. This is awful.

shocking news.

this is so fucking sad.

I know I'm wayyyyyyy jumping to conclusions here, but I'm guessing he probably did this as an impulse decision, possibly under the influence of alcohol. But I don't know the details, and I think an investigation is still going on.

I know, I know. I'm trying not to be all armchair psychologist. I just don't know how else to try and deal with this at the moment.

Wow, this is shocking and sad. RIP Bimble.

RIP Bimble. We interacted directly very little but you helped make this place more fun and for that I'm grateful. You'll be missed.

Never got to know him as I tend to lurk ILM more than really interact but he was one of my favorite characters around those parts. RIP dude.

In many cases suicide is of the moment. Of course the person is suicidal to begin with.

Guys, I feel so sad for all of you who knew him. I only vaguely knew him. What a loss...

I spent a lot of long nights with Bimbs on AIM and did my very best to cheer him when he was capable of being cheered. He seemed to be having a perpetually rough time in the nearly 3 years we'd been IMing, so it was hard for me to tell if his most recent difficulties were any more intense than usual. I'm really saddened to hear that they were, and to hear that he chose this way out.

He overflowed with vigor and excitement even in his dark hours. I'll miss him. May he rest in peace.

bimble will always be more goth than you. RIP dude.

I'm stunned and a bit numb by this news. I'm so sorry to read this. RIP, Mark.

Holy fucking shit. :( WHY?
He called me a few nights ago, he had been feeling awful. I don't even know what to say.

Holy Shit. Fuck. Damn..

I know his posting style was at times a bit irksome, but he was a lot of fun to spar/talk smack with ILM, where you could always count on finding him in the deepest hours of the night/morning. We had a good rapport going during the 4AD polls & those are some of my favorite ILX experiences as a result.

RIP Bimble..

wtf, this is terribly sad news. I don't know much about Bimble but seeing him on chatz few times when we were both barred...
I told him how I loved him for being a genesis fan... I never said much to him I suppose

My paltry tribute. He will be missed:

http://vassifer.blogs.com/alexinnyc/2009/08/rest-in-peace-bimble.html

I never knew things were actually *that* bad with him. I thought he was just being melodramatic.

his last blog post was orbital belfast/wasted, now listening to that track i'm getting real fucked up!

it must be raining in heaven

RI was one of the ppl that he reached out to and had an idea that things were that bad however there is nothing that I could have or was in a place to do about it. I'm worried that some other ILXORs may feel unnecessarily guilty for not having done something more. Please don't do that guys. It wasn't your job or place to do so. RIP Mark. It is obvious from this thread that he will be missed by many.

uh - "I" not "RI" obv.

oh man this is so so so sad

we traded a few emails just as over the top as the ILM posts, and I remember that was when I think I clued in to these being the upswings of a lifelong manic. I've known a lot of people like that, almost too lonely for true friendship but their peaks so often come across as gifts to the rest of the world, even if very few of us have the courage or ability to stick around when the drop happens a few hours later.

he gave so many of his happiest moments to ILX

Wow, how shocking, and how horrible to read about this. I'll probably think about the guy whenever I hear New Order. RIP.

just the most enthusiastic & positive ilm poster. now playing "inspiration" by section 25 in your honour. rip.

don't even know what to say. terrible. rest in peace.

To You, With ReGard, Mark

RIP

Although I didn't know him, he gave me a lot of pleasure and I'm really, really sad to hear this.

Shocking and horrible news. A couple of years ago, Mark/Bimble very kindly sent me a CDR of a 1984 New Order gig that I attended in Berlin - quite unsolicited, and just because I'd mentioned attending the gig on ILM. (I hadn't even realised that the show had been recorded, so it was a real thrill to receive the CD.) In return, I promised him a CDR of early 1980s post-disco/pre-house dance music - but typically, I never got round to compiling it. I enjoyed his crazy enthusiasm at face value, and never twigged that a more troubled soul lurked beneath. One of the great characters of ILM; I shall miss him. RIP.

i know some folks were put off by his style but tbqh i always thought his "taking the ball and running with it" w/r/t music and specific artists was pretty fun, esp w/r/t kate bush.

and Stevie Nicks!

yessssss

I never interacted with him, but this is incredibly sad news. RIP Mark.

I just remembered my last conversation with him in which he shocked me with the news that he loved Dolly Parton.

Only been on this board a few years, but the man's posts were as entertaining as **ck. All of a sudden this day's come to a grinding halt.
rip Bimble

Wow. Reading this thread, I had no idea that so many of y'all were so close to him (at least as far as online acquaintances go), but it makes me really glad that ILX gave him an outlet and a support system for a while. RIP.

let's face it, they don't come much more goth than Dolly. xxp

I'm in shock....I'll think of a good mini-soliloquy for him when I can move & think better...

shit. RIP Bimble :(

i didn't interact w/him much at all, but he struck me as a troubled soul and an essentially good-hearted person. hope he's at peace now.

Man, just started downloading the "Fotheringay 2" album he posted to the group some of us belonged to... weird

To interject one dissenting note here, I didn't much like his inclination to hide behind victimhood whenever one of us called him out on dumb shit; he and J0rdan fought about a month ago on the gay thread over this same problem. Also, his actual problems aside, I can't imagine hanging out with someone responding to stimuli at such a level of intensity; maybe he was just that way with us. Obviously the inclination had roots, and, we now see, tragic consequences.

I know it's pointless to think this way, but I just have to wonder - if he had a clue how many people here absolutely adored him, would he still have done it, drunk and impulsive though it might have been?

Except that kind of thing doesn't actually matter when you're in that long dark night of the soul that drives you to something like this. All you see is pain and you want it to end.

People online or at the end of a phone are not people standing next to you, holding your hand or looking into your eyes.

But you can't think like this, you just can't. You just have to believe that he is out of pain. And hope that there's a really good juke box wherever he has gone to.

ILX will be a decidedly less colorful place without him.

Masonic Boom, just so you know, he mentioned you over the phone around 5 days ago and said how much you rocked. Ditto, Alex in NYC. He loved you guys.

He was deeply upset about having been banned from ILX. I'm glad that certain people have had the civility not to post phony condolences in this thread, because they were frankly jerks to him.

I don't think I ever even talked to Bimble on the board, but he was a really interesting dude. I loved his takes on music, even (especially?) when I disagreed with them. I'm pouring out a 40 for ya, B.

so sad. RIP.

Also, his actual problems aside, I can't imagine hanging out with someone responding to stimuli at such a level of intensity; maybe he was just that way with us.

I can, though. I know few people like that, but they are the BEST people in the world. And it's sometimes frustrating or exhausting, but it's also totally worth the rollercoaster for the joy and the beauty and the insights and the... *fun* that they can bring. People like that let you see the ecstacy of life. As well as the pain.

Masonic Boom, just so you know, he mentioned you over the phone around 5 days ago and said how much you rocked.

That makes me a bit happier but also very very sad. I just HOPE HOPE HOPE that he KNEW that I felt the same way.

Of course he knew, Kate. And Alfred, no one wants your opinion.

i'm not sure, alfred, if it's necessary to point out what you disliked about him at this time. this thread is for honoring the death of a sad man, not for digging up old news.

Piss off, Turangalila. My feelings about Bimbs are pretty clear to anyone who reads English.

Alfred, well, it was painfully clear to him that you didn't like him. Do you get something out of reiterating it? What's exactly the point of your 'dissenting note'? Just wondering.

please don't do this on this thread guys

To interject one dissenting note here

If you have to preface your post with this, maybe this isn't the proper time or place.

I hadn't much direct interaction with Bimble, if any at all, but I always admired the gusto with which he threw himself into whatever it was he was currently loving. This is sad sad news.

RIP Bimble

how sad.

rest in peace.

i always liked his posts about music.

it's weird to realize how little you really know people online.

i hope everyone is okay and on the whole a vast majority of you seem like real nice folks.

He used to chastise me for signing off IM without saying goodbye; I think he took it personally, even though it was really just me being a flake. Either way, he topped me with this stunt. I just really can't believe it.

He was deeply upset about having been banned from ILX. I'm glad that certain people have had the civility not to post phony condolences in this thread, because they were frankly jerks to him.

― Turangalila, Thursday, August 6, 2009 12:18 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

alright look: i was not a jerk to the guy. i think he deserved a stern talking to with regards to his posting on a particular thread, and i was very much not alone in this. for as enthusiastic as his posting was, the flip side of that coin was that it eventually tired many people, and he was a very stubborn person and refused to tone down his posting, even when he was reasonably asked to do so.

i don't want to turn this thread into a thing about what happened on ilx before he was banned but i felt the need to respond to this. i think it's fucked up that he felt the need to do this. suicide is generally a bummer.

nah he didnt take it personally, most aim folks got mad at you doing that!
xpost

This is awful news, rest in peace. I never interacted him outside ILX, but here he always seemed like a very intense, obviously troubled, but also immensely sympathetic fellow. I do hope Jordan and other people who argued with him on ILX are not feeling guilty because of this, because the sort of problems he obviously was having are not something people on message board could ultimately solve, or be blamed for. No offense, Turangalila, but I didn't notice anyone really being a jerk to him. Even in the cases where people were (understandably) critical towards certain things he'd do, it was obvious they still had respect for him.

remember curtis, bimble said he was still more goth than you ;)
xpost

Oh man. I didn't know him well, but always loved his posts - they may have frequently been over the top, but were never mean spirited. This is really really sad.

I was a jerk to Bimble sometimes! A lot of the time! Other times I would see things his way and reminisce about Cabaret Voltaire or Psychic TV with him. If I had thought "wow, a stranger being uncool to another stranger on an internet message board could make him kill himself," obviously I would have shut the fuck up, but sometimes we got along - he called me "a big hunk" a month ago or so. I felt like, after a lot of sparring, we had sort of found a way to get along.

I hope that when I die nobody chastises anybody who wasn't always 100% nice to me for sharing their feelings. I am sad that Bimble is dead, that he was in all that pain.

sad news. one of those posters who had definite character. rip.

My heart goes out to his family and those of you who were close to him.

This is very sad news. He was one of the true characters of ILM for sure. RIP

I hope that when I die nobody chastises anybody who wasn't always 100% nice to me for sharing their feelings

OTM.

(and I'm playing H&O's "Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid" in his honor as I type)

"wow, a stranger being uncool to another stranger on an internet message board could make him kill himself"

That's not what I suggested, John. He was just surprised at certain comments that were made *after* he was banned. He understood perfectly why he was banned.

Anyway, his problems obviously went much deeper than this and had little do to with ILM. Lately, they were mostly of a purely physical nature---something regarding a risky surgery---and that affected his mood a lot.

There's a terrible asymmetry to suicide. The final, irrevocable act on one side, and the messy little memories of particularly good days and particularly bad days on the other. I liked a world with Bimble in it better than I like the world without Bimble, but I don't have to live Bimble's life. Only he knows why made this choice and now we can't ask him about it.

Awful news.

RIP.

What I meant about people not being jerks is that I never noticed anyone being more nasty towards him than they'd be towards any other ultimately likable poster. No one was harassing him or anything. If he couldn't handle any criticism towards him, then I think it was because he was the sort of personal problems no one here was in any way responsible for. It's just very very sad he never got over those problems, because whenever he wasn't haunted by his demons, he seemed immensely likable.

"he was having the sort of personal problems no one here was in any way responsible for"

RIP

i never argued w/bimble but I may have teased him a few times about his intensity and as I gradually realized he was a troubled soul this made me feel guilty. but I felt a kinship w/him too, as one of my few age-group peers on the ILX. recently, since he disappeared from posting, it occurred to me what an influence he's been on my own musical thinking esp w/r/t his beloved early 80s. his infectious enthusiasm, as many have pointed out, and his incredible OPEN-NESS to musical/cultural stimuli was no IS inspiring. at the risk of sounding corny, he will live on here every time a thread revive pulls up a flurry of bimble-ness. still, he will be missed. one of the fucked up things about life is you really don't appreciate some people until they're gone. RIP, dude.

Anyway, his problems obviously went much deeper than this and had little do to with ILM. Lately, they were mostly of a purely physical nature---something regarding a risky surgery---and that affected his mood a lot.

This is so frightening to me. Without over-disclosing, a lot of physical problems over the past two years have had me in & out of really crippling depression - moodiness is one thing, but feeling abandoned by one's own body is another. Sad to know a little about what that must have been like.

I had hoped some time to see him at a show so I could tell him Christian Death stories.

Yeah, one could find his posting style occasionally exhausting etc without being his enemy; he tired me out on the gay thread (I never knew him from ILM). But I wish he had found a way to still be here.

xxpost Tuomas:

And I haven't stated otherwise.

I just think it's particularly distasteful to come into a thread like this and go "he was such a victim." It strikes me as hateful and pointless. The guy's dead and obv. that's the sort of thing you say to someone who's living as constructive criticism, but I fail to see the the goal in saying that in a thread about his death. Is that so hard to understand? To me, it's basic fucking etiquette.

I only interacted with him a couple of times on ILX and not at all off it, and we didn't really see eye to eye on those occasions. Like many people it was clear he had problems, but I had no idea what they were, or that they were this bad. You can never really tell what's going on behind the screen name and no one should beat themselves up over this.

Still, for anyone to get to this point is a horrible, horrible thing to happen. RIP. And I hope his family/loved ones are coping okay.

I chatted with Bimble a few times over AIM, and he was a really sweet and fun person. I'm crying right now typing this so I won't belabor the post. Rest in Peace, Bimble.

I'm not sure if they've been able to find family yet - when I called I got the impression that they're still looking

i basically campaigned for him to get SBed off the board, but i talked to him every weekend and we loled a lot together. anyone acting like someone doesn't have the right to post condolences on this thread is experiencing a case of "R.I.P./this-is-about-me." what kind of etiquette, turangililia, are you displaying in pointing fingers on your friend's R.I.P. thread? Let people talk about Bimble whatever way they want to. He would have loved it anyway.

This is awful - I didn't have any dealings with him outside ilx but he was always so enthusiastic about the music which seemed to me much more important than if he went over the top. And I loved it when he went over the top about JD/NO because it reminded me of what a fan should be like, what I was like, in love with the music. And his youtube thread of women in music was one of my favourite threads. Glorious in it's mess. RIP for sure.

please for the good of all concerned lets not turn this into judging how people react to news like this.

this sort of news is always terrible. RIP.

I'm not sure if they've been able to find family yet - when I called I got the impression that they're still looking

Do the police know his birth name? Does anyone here?

I don't - I'd always been curious but never asked

Wow, RIP, horrible news.

He left a post on my last.fm page saying he liked what I'd been listening to, which I took as a great compliment, because he really knew his stuff as far as I could see, as well as being a great enthusiast.

I don't know if that's the case here, but I've always felt kinda angry towards families who break contact with a family member due to him going through a process like the one Bimble went through. It's hard enough for them as it is, and I think they'd deserve as much support as possible from family and friends.

Don't jump to conclusions

it wasnt like that tuomas. His mum even paid for one op.

Okay, I'm sorry for jumping to any conclusions.

2009, what a shitty year.

RIP man.

i dunno why they stopped talking but i know he called his mum a few months back and there was no reply. No idea if he tried again.

RIP Bimble. a sweet and enthusiastic guy. out of curiosity, what was he banned for?

RIP dude

I apologize for the defensiveness, all. :(

How old was he finally?

38 i think?

Poor buddy, I loved seeing him on the AIM, in chatz or solo. He told me once he'd like to get high with me more than anyone else, which I found (very oddly) flattering. He was always a funny, friendly dude to me. I'm sure he's the only late 30s dude I could have palled around with like an old high school friend. Great taste in music, great guy. I had a singular sort of pride in him, and respect for who he was. Obv he had a very complicated inner life, and we were always comfortable hashing that out with each other, if only in a superficial way. We'd share 'buh I am so depressed' depressio moments. It's tragic that he was to the point where he got in the frame of mind that doesn't allow you to feel or see any other solution.

It was weird, we even talked about suicide once; I went on my usual rant abt how odd and foolish it is. He didn't really opine either way. I hope no one feels like they 'could have done more' (or less); imo suicide is the biggest mystery. You'll never be able to figure out why a person did it; it comes from a very rarefied interior world that is pretty much just inaccessible from any rational or even empathic view. I've had too many friends (close irl friends) commit suicide and it's the ultimate cipher. fwiw I think the best way to deal with these things is to just cherish the moments you had, and how you thought of them in the good times, and not even try to figure out why it happened. To get into is to never get out of.

RIP buddy.

He was 39.

out of curiosity, what was he banned for?

I know this is an innocent question asked from an innocent frame of mind but there are other threads that discussed this already (use the search function); I personally wld prefer that stuff not get discussed on this thread but I am pretty sensitive abt the recently deceased.

ok np

Never got to know him as I tend to lurk ILM more than really interact but he was one of my favorite characters around those parts. RIP dude.

― °⌉ 3⊥∀N (╓abies), Thursday, August 6, 2009 12:42 PM (1 hour ago)

RIP

btw, even though he was banned, he could still vote in poll threads. That made him happy!

Fuck. I didn't interact with Bimble outside ILX at all, and not all that often on ILM itself either, although we did have similar tastes in many ways and crossed paths a lot. He (caps lock) shouted at me the other month for saying PJ Harvey had mellowed and that this was OK; he didn't think it was OK. I would have agreed a few years ago but I got old. He didn't. In some ways. I don't know what he thought of me; probably that I was an idiot or cynic. Suddenly it almost seems important to me to hope that he thought I was a good guy. He was OTT a lot of the time, a hundred posts in a row on Kate Bush or whatever, but, as I said, a few years ago I'd have done that too but I got old. He didn't. He seemed like a good guy to me. I don't really talk to many people off-board unless I've met them IRL and even then not much; the whole social... politics seems the wrong word. The meta-networks that exist beyond... not just ILM or ILX, but beyond the threads I read, is quite a mystery to me. This has made me very sad. I guess if I'd paid more attention I'd have taken his OTTness for the kind of mania that does often have a counter-balance of deep, deep sadness. What has been said about his physical problems is mysterious to me as I don't know the details but, having had a couple of (minor) operations myself this year I know that feeling as if you're body isn't working, or is working against you, or isn't you anymore, is a horrible, horrible thing. I remember the black flow of dread that came up through my gut and over my shoulders when I read about hernias online and realised I had one and needed an operation and it could go wrong and fuckfuckfuck and that was a very minor problem, easily fixed, and if he experienced that feeling often then I have... or had... no, I still have, massive, massive empathy and sympathy for him. But that's speculation. He was, definitely, a huge character on ILX, a massive presence. I know other posters, much loved posters, have also died before, but this odd, distant, abstracted death of someone you only know through text on a forum doesn't get any easier to get your head or heart around. I'll miss seeing his name on the new answers page as the last person to have posted to a thread. Seeing that used to make me click a thread.

RIP Bimble. Surprised and saddened.

Saw this thread two hours ago and still don't know what to say. It's sad to think about how much he was hurting.

first time i remember noticing bimble was during all the 'in rainbows' polling being done right after the album's release. he had such a spirited presence on those threads. i never interacted w/ him directly but i definitely remember his enthusiasm for music. i'd check ILM first thing in the morning and see all these threads revived throughout the night about bands i liked. i'd open them and see bimble's exuberant posts.

rest in peace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YZk-2mVB5o

Pour one out.

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy
And sad of eye
But very wise
Was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things, fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return"

"The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved
In return"

He was 39.

i got the idea he was older -- in 2008 he started an ILE thread for "ILXORS in their 50s" (basically me & aimless) though the last post there was me asking bimble how old he was. he didn't answer and i thought it was a faux pas on my part. this is all so sad.

First post I remember reading by him was something like "Chic are better than the Beatles," which was the kind of ultimate challops that brought me here in the first place.

I remember asking him wtf he ever did before youtube and he said it was a long apprenticeship in record shops and asking questions, and I guess its really just making me sad that someone who had so much enthusiasm and energy, also had a black cloud that, in the end, blocked everything else out, even if it was just for one deciding moment. I don't think anyone should be blaming anyone else here, nobody can like everyone and its pretty hard to really reach out to someone through the internet. And those that really did make some sort of meaningful connection with him, it makes me glad to know that he knew you were there, even if he was done with this world.

I'll miss seeing his name on the new answers page as the last person to have posted to a thread. Seeing that used to make me click a thread.

Yes, this. Thanks Nick, so otm.

Fuck.

Rest in peace, Bimble, you full-on, old-school, Factory-loving star.

We had occasional off-board correspondence and even from those brief e-mails it was obvious that he was a tremendously troubled soul. And I realise from this thread and from others that I didn't even know the half of it.

I think Curtis is absolutely right: regardless of what was sometimes a difficult relationship with ILX, he knew there were people here who really cared for him. And that's what matters: that so many of you were friends to him and did everything you could to help him.

Nobody here has let him down; no matter what support ILXers offered him, his troubles transcended that.

He will be thrilled to meet tony wilson and ian curtis at last. I hope they appreciate him

I liked a world with Bimble in it better than I like the world without Bimble, but I don't have to live Bimble's life

Two sentiments beautifully put.

RIP, Mark.

I never had contact with Bimble outside of ILM either, but he always seemed to be around in the middle of the night (which I now realize is because Seattle is 3 time zones west of me). I was there when he'd get really excited about some band and create a thread just for them, asking for recommendations or when he'd play a record and essentially live blog the experience through successive posts. Our tastes were very similar, and I appreciated that a great deal.

Still, even without ever really knowing Bimble/Mark, he reminded me of another person I knew only by online contact a few years ago. There was a sadness behind his mania/enthusiasm, and I always feared there would be a thread about his death one day. It's something I have experienced before with someone who behaved similarly, but that doesn't make me any less sad.

RIP Mark. I enjoyed you a great deal.

Aw man, rest in peace

does anyone know what Bimble meant, where it came from?

Often wondered that.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bimble

pretty sure it was the 4th def?

RIP

All of them seem oddly appropriate.

omg, one more reason to miss him. Figured it was a Joy Division lyrics or something

aw for fuck's sake, Bimble. want you and your spirit back. RIP.

a song for you. hope the afterlife is better to you than this one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V5gFAiPJhvI

Bimble was so 100% full-on in chat that I regretted anytime I had to block him just so I could get some work done. Of course he'd figure that out and he'd email me something like "christ, Chris you don't understand... lou reed!"

I'll miss talking about old Simple Minds and oddball Mitch Easter productions with him and the ongoing comedy of errors any time I tried to send him a mp3.

I think my favorite chat with him was the one time he logged on, IM'ed me "Fucking Peter Gabriel" and then logged off.

This chat outburst is great too

bimble78: MANIACS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bimble78: MANIACS
bimble78: MANIAC
bimble78: Fuck me up the butt! I have to see early Natalie on You Tube
bimble78: holy god
bimble78: she was so hotttt
bimble78: And they were so hotttt

I got a call from a Seattle investigator last night asking if I was related to M4rk Er1c Cr4ig. I said no and the investigator apologized and hung up.

I got a call too...I had no idea it was Bimble the guy was asking about.

RIP

mental ilness makes me so angry... it's this evil force that takes people who would probably otherwise be happy and destroys their lives and makes them think and do horrible things. i don't know the specifics of bimble's situation but he was obviously not well. i can't say i'm shocked by this news, but i'm mad about it.

the idea that his name will never be on my AIM buddy list again is really eerie.

My inbox used to be routinely filled with excitable missives from Mark, invariably composed after several drinks. I took a break from ILX in 2006 to go work for MTV News (yeah, that really worked out well), and he kept me apprised for a while.

Still cannot fathom it all. Again, his last message to me (July 25) spoke of getting excited about some Duran Duran re-issues. Clearly, he was looking toward a future.

If anyone in the U.S. is feeling freaked out or unable to deal w/this, this is a good hotline to talk to. They're always sharp and helpful and empathic but never condescending:

1-800-784-2433

also they won't send cops to your house like some suicide hotlines (!!!)

oh this is awful, awful

R.I.P.

This is terrible. RIP Bimble, still more goth than all of us here

I can't help but feel horribly guilty and shitty about all of this.

If you mean because you could see he wasn't well but didn't know what the hell you could do about it then I can understand.

As pointless as it is for me to say - don't feel like that. No-one knew this was going to happen.

R.I.P. Bimble. Best wishes to those who knew him.

I'm not a big ILM reader, but I always checked out his threads and revives. That series of THE STEVIE NICKS THREAD revives are some of my favourite posts on ILX.

Never knew Bimble and I can't recall seeing his posts here, but just from reading this thread it seems like he was an incredible dude and the world is lesser for his not being here anymore. RIP dude.

Suicide is such a shit...

RIP Bimble....

My thoughts are with those who knew him better than me...

Don't feel like I have anything else to add but this is very sad.

RIP.

a youtube post for the master of youtube posts:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5P0v0kGauc

It seems as if anything I write here will only add to my already gargantuan self-absorption (even with this sentence...is using "self-regard" chickenshit? is wondering if it's chicken shit just more self-absorption?). But what can I say? Bimble hurt me and I responded in kind. After the SB, I opened up communication with him again and it seemed as if things were going well. And by "going well" I mean that it seemed as if he was making an effort to relate on a less manic level. But deep, deep down, I suspected that Bimble might not have wanted that, that banal, even-keeled communication was a sort of end for him. Or maybe he couldn't find a midpoint. I don't know.

Maybe saying nothing at all would've been the best tribute to him.

Holy shit, this is awful.

Bimble was an ilxor to whom I felt a tiny connection because of some silly decided minority shared opinion (we both liked a Police song that everyone else hates) and his quirky posting style became comforting in its familiarity and frequency. So much enthusiasm - it'll be hard for me to read his old posts as threads get revived and not wonder how much of that was desperation.

My condolences to Mark's friends and family members, including the ones who already posted here. This is really sad.

RIP Bimble (more goth than anyone)

(yeesh, prolly should've changed that display name before posting)

Incrediby sad news. Poor fella. RIP.

it might be a compliment to surmounter that i always regarded him and bimble as a kind of enthusiasm tag team and on the days when both were simultaneously *on* it was fun to watch.

very sad, take care

one of us

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

i definitely was a dick to him once or twice, but backed off. it seemed like he mostly posted on ILX while drunk, and internetting while drinking is something I was definitely guilty of in the early/mid-90's when I still drank. I think what I probably reacted to in him was seeing some parts of myself that I didn't really care for; he was mostly enthusiastic, but it seemed a bit like a train wreck. I backed off when I realized that, because random stranger being a dick isn't really helping. I hope he found whatever peace he was searching.

maybe he loved music too much. he was so incredibly serious about it. in the last couple of years i have been fighting with my fading interest in music. somehow i adored his enthusiasm but on the other hand i found it rather immature, it reminded of the joni mitchell song from "hejira" where she shouts "grow up". maybe that is a good tribute to bimble. which must mean straying around, looking for something and not finding it. and going on.

A Strange Boy

A strange boy is weaving
A course of grace and havoc
On a yellow skateboard
Thru midday sidewalk traffic
Just when I think he's foolish and childish
And I want him to be manly
I catch my fool and my child
Needing love and understanding

What a strange, strange boy
He still lives with his family
Even the war and the navy
couldn't bring him to maturity

He keeps referring back to school days
And clinging to his child
Fidgeting and bullied
His crazy wisdom holding onto something wild
He asked me to be patient
Well I failed
"Grow up!" I cried
And as, the smoke was clearing he said
"Give me one good reason why!"

What a strange, strange boy
He sees the cars as sets of waves
Sequences of mass and space
He sees the damage in my face

We got high on travel
And we got drunk on alcohol
And on love the strongest poison and medicine of all
See how that feeling comes and goes
Like the pull of moon on tides
Now I am surf rising
Now parched ribs of sand at his side

What a strange, strange boy
I gave him clothes and jewelry
I gave him my warm body
I gave him power over me

A thousand glass eyes were staring
In a cellar full of antique dolls
I found an old piano
And sweet chords rose up in waxed New England halls
While the boarders were snoring
Under crisp white sheets of curfew
We were newly lovers then
We were fire in the stiff-blue-haired-house-rules

RIP. I hope it was quick and painless and you're at peace now.

i forgot: whenever i hear from something who has killed himself i find that extremely courageous. it is the decision i respect most, the one which is most human. as nobody has asked us if we wanted to live on this planet before we where born.

Yeah, I won't get behind that.

o_0

I had been stupidly holding off posting here because I didn't feel I had anything remotely useful to say. Dumb. Who does? RIP. And good wishes to all of you who knew him better than I did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiP8H_B3dOk

I wonder how he would have felt about his RIP thread next to that of John Hughes?

He'd have loved it.

one of us. RIP.

aw fuck bimble why

didn't know him but our shared love of swans n foetus n the fall n such ensured we crossed paths frequently on ILM

RIP you crazy enthusiastic goth maniac

Oh jeez, this is fucked up. Feel so sad for Bimble and all his friends on here. You got such a sense of how intensely this guy loved music, it's sort of scary thinking about how that intensity of feeling might have translated into other parts of his life. Sweet dreams Bimble.

Also I can't help thinking about what a shit year this has been for Seattle folks here :(

Sad News, R.I.P

damn, that fucking sucks. He sent me a strange love note on an older account that I forgot to respond to a few months ago... hopefully it didn't contribute to any composite effect. One of the few posters on here who I truly liked. :{{{

i didn't know the guy, but i hope he is r-ing in p, more p than he had yesterday or the day before.

wow. what a terrible tragedy.

condolences to his friends and family - I loved his posts and will definitely miss them/him ... I have some people close to me dealing with depression/mental illness and this has pushed me to check in with them a bit more and be there for 'em

I am totally shocked by this news, his post-punk music blog i read via bloglines and bimble was always a friendly positive contributor on ilm

My condolences to all. RIP.

ah shit, he was an awesome guy. RIP.

man, i thought out of anyone he would keep on keeping on but i didnt know him like that tbh. be in peace brother

damn, that's just terrible. RIP and my condolences to everyone here who knew him.

I only interacted with him once or twice but he was, yeah, such an enthusiastic poster and stray posts of his made me dig out and relisten to tons of albums to see if I could feel something of that enthusiasm. RIP, & my condolences to those close to him.

i didnt know him but the enthusiasm in his posts was often so infectious. rip bimble, i'll miss you.

v few interactions with bimble, occasional AIM chat, but sad to hear of someone in a situation where they felt they needed to do what he did.

I'm not quite sure what to say other than 'RIP.' And also thank you for introducing me to a lot of excellent music. And I hope you're dancing to the radio with Ian Curtis.

:[

i'm really sad to hear this. i didn't know him or interact with him outside of ILM threads, and i didn't know anything about any of his personal issues (except for the mood swings that were obvious in his posts). but like lots of other people have said, i loved his enthusiasm, especially since it often overlapped in improbable ways with things i love. and i liked his blog (and told him so) and got some good stuff off it. he seemed like an interesting guy who i would have been happy to get a drink with.

he got sort of typically ecstatic when i posted this video on a big country thread he'd revived, so i'll do it again (and probably will always associate this song with him from now on):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k626lSsx0uA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AkNIQ24QxPI

I was unkind to him on more than a few occasions (always in jest, of course), but he always seemed to take it well! He was certainly a distinct character and this is very sad news. RIP

I just saw this thread. I can barely believe this, RIP Bimble.

I knew him and talked to him off-board, but blocked him on AIM a while back after he randomly screamed at me while drunk. I'm happy that he did have so many ilxors who were willing to put the time in w/ him and I guess I feel guilty for not being there til the end, but I just wasn't interested in getting involved w/ the train wreck.

We had v. v. similar taste in music - it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that our friendship was basically built on talking about John Cale. I introduced him to some stuff that seemed to make his life temporarily more bearable, so I guess I can tell myself I ended up being a net positive.

RIP

Oh shit, oh shit :( I think, deep down, I saw this coming. I felt something in Mark that was dark and unreachable when he'd talk to me, and when he was at his darkest/most flailing on here. I always feared this day would come but I dismissed my mind as making its own drama.

I could have been a better email pal to him, we used to talk more than we have recently, but like some other people have said I just didn't know how to handle the depth of his despair.

I'm very sad now.

i see some of myself in the way mark was. i cling to music, and to ilx, in a world that often confuses me. i think ilx is a sort of safety net for a lot of people, and it's really sad to see that it didn't end up being enough for him.

Also from the glam rock thread:

But where would I be without ILM? Without ILXors? NOWHERE, that's where.

― Where's All The Hippies? Fuck off! (Bimble), Friday, July 3, 2009 10:23 AM (1 month ago)

Such an enthusiastic guy. He'll be missed.

(meant to post that in the other thread, but I guess it's more appropriate here.)

I just read the Kate Bush song surm posted in the ILM thread and I have tears in my eyes now which isn't good at work. :(

he was just asking me about that song like a week ago. just bizarre. i've always connected to that song, and i felt happy to talk to him about it. just about being with your friends while you can.

The last time he contacted me was, weirdly, via lastfm's message centre (instead of by the email addy I know he had of mine). He was very pissed off at a passing insult someone here'd flung at him, and demanding to know if I knew about it- I didnt, and I got a bit cross that he was dragging me into it.

I didn't know how to diplomatically handle it so I just didn't reply.

Now I feel kind of bad about that.

bimble78: Ramzi that song by Kate Bush, All The Love. what do you think she's talking about?

me: she's talking about her friends

bimble78: right

me: and the people she loves
and about her insecurities
in reaching out to people
about how she waited when she should've reached out
and then, just like that, the chance is gone
that you have to seize these moments as they present themselves to you
to embrace the love.
that's what she's talking about.

bimble78: yeah

oh

i don't think all this quite hit home for me until that post.

fuck.

this has been hitting me hard all day for various reasons; I should probably be staying away from the internet for my own good. just now I looked at his most recent last.fm plays and it's incredibly unsettling. Men At Work's "Overkill," Thom Yorke's "All For the Best," Orbital's "Belfast/Wasted," Nick Drake's final recordings, Penderecki's Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima

i have been so profoundly effected by this sad, sad news. i was reading this thread at work and started to cry. it effected my whole day and i just kept asking why, even if it is none of my business. i think i connected with him because we shared the same passion for music and we both lived on the west coast. so he was always around when i was around on this board. i wish i met him but feel i knew him because we are similar in many ways.

RIP Mark (Bimble) goddamn it you will be sorely missed on ILM and on this earth.

(ok including men at work in that list might have been stretching it xpost)

*guilty lol*

Curt1s check yr gmail.

Deeply saddened right now. Spent the last hour reading his e-mails. How did this happen? How did it come to this?

I only knew him from the boards, but this is hitting me hard for some reason, probably because he was a guy straight out of my generation -- about the same age as me, grew up listening to Joy Division, Cocteaus, etc. (and never grew out of that habit), the kind of guy with whom I would have been swapping cassette tapes in high school. I'll miss him very much.

Mark and I corresponded for a few years via e-mail, mostly in the late '90s -- we had met on the old 4AD listserv while he was still living in Charlottesville. He was such a eager, open-minded listener -- we'd be several levels deep in some conversation about some eighties post-punk band and then all of a sudden he'd be raving about some current mainstream pop, R&B, or country song that had caught his ear. Our correspondence gradually ground to a halt -- I simply just wasn't able to keep up with him, and I mean that in the best way possible.

When I noticed him on ILX shortly after that, I thought 'this is good -- here's a deep pool of active, intelligent conversationalists; they'll keep him engaged, and vice-versa.' I didn't follow all of his threads, but I think that his contribution to ILX was substantial, and you could tell that despite a few bumps along the way, he enjoyed being here.

I'll miss him and am sorry we never got to meet in person. RIP.

I think what made this so jarring for me today - and, yes, i could guess that all was not right with him based on his posts and others' posts - was that you couldn't help but notice how VERY MUCH ALIVE he was and how deeply he loved the things in his life that he loved. They may have been drunken outbursts - and i could relate for sure - but they were SUCH heartfelt shouts of I LOVE THIS AND IT IS SO BEAUTIFUL that I couldn't help but admire the sentiment behind them. And, like anyone with very high highs, this could be tiring to some people. I get that too. But I'm gonna miss it for sure. For a lot of people who burn to brightly, finding that middle ground that helps you make it through life can be so fucking hard.

otm

Never had any contact with the guy apart from the board, but will be very hard to listen to the VU again without thinking of him. RIP.

For a lot of people who burn to brightly, finding that middle ground that helps you make it through life can be so fucking hard.

Yes, this resonates strongly with me too.

Rest well, Bimble. Your enthusiasm for music is something we should all remember in those moments when we're feeling jaded and think we've listened to it all.

it was a bit surprising to see him on the threads about gay marriage. he was really angry and engaged, it was cool to see that he was not like the type of music obsessive who doesn't pay attention to the world around him.

Oh god. We hadn't spoken since I 'left' ilx and my aim account(s) stopped working, but we spent hours and days and weeks and months talking about Genesis, among other things. I only saw (or remember) the lovely side of him, and he really was a lovely bloke.

Not sure what else to say. Just an enormous hug to everyone who knew him.

He will be thrilled to meet tony wilson and ian curtis at last. I hope they appreciate him

it'll be a while, he'll probably keep running back to Peter at the gates to share one! more! thought! about the last musician he was listening to, for about a week. RIP Bimble.

terrible, terrible news. there are a lot of moving tributes here. RIP.

oh make it go away. i never really said this to him, but i just want to say it now: i know, bimble. that might have been why i was such an asshole to you at times, but it was always because i knew i shared similar loves and could never be as enthusiastic as you and it made me feel terrible. i wish i could have shared it with you now, as i listen to "cloudbusting" after a particularly rough day.

i don't know if i have it in me to put it on

I turned off Squeeze and put on "Cloudbusting" just now.

Such a great song. Bimble had great taste.

Cloudbusting would make me cry rivers right now.

I've been on and off ilx since 2000 and I read more than I post. I'm not sure if we ever were on the same threads much. But I discovered his blog through one of his threads and have read it daily ever since. This is very sad news. My heart goes out to his family and friends.

My thoughts and emotions are so fucking mixed, and yeah, that feeling of partial responsibility is of course there.

I never answered the phone when he called -- not that I answer the phone when MOST people call -- and I failed to respond to his last email to me (about how moved he was by being banned from ILX). Honestly, nearly all my responses to his mail was not fully invested, consciously.

In a fucking shitty attempt to defend my indulgent privacy, I DO feel I contributed to this, and I do want to partially blame all of us, really...only to return to MY responsibility.

I'm so, so sorry.

I miss him.

I think he'd be happy to hear I listened to my first Kate Bush album today because of him. And I relistened to all my Stevie Nicks tracks.

which album? hounds?

yeah. hounds.

The last time Bimble IMd me he wanted to talk about Kate Bush.

I think Bimble would love how much music people are listening to because of him.

I just put on Joy Division for the first time in years.

Yeah I've been blasting Les Baines Douches at every possible opportunity today.

me:i remember a couple years back i was writing a story and i was trying to get into this really dark place to do it cause it was a fucked up story
me:and bimble was up with me, drinking with me and keeping me company
Erica:awww
me:and he kept sending me bowie youtube links
me:FUCKING BOWIE HOOS
me:DAVID FUCKING BOWIE
me:"did you watch it??"
Erica:HAHAHAHA
me:"watch it again!!"
me:"you can never watch that video enough hoos"
me:"i could watch it forever"

He will be thrilled to meet tony wilson and ian curtis at last. I hope they appreciate him

it'll be a while, he'll probably keep running back to Peter at the gates to share one! more! thought! about the last musician he was listening to, for about a week. RIP Bimble.
― more funny and original than, 'ow you say, a penis (sic), Thursday, August 6, 2009 9:53 PM

oh gawd sic, that's really beautiful. instant choke up...

wow, cloudbusting is a really great song I have never heard before

That k8 song (all the love) is always gonna make me feel all this again, and remember all the good things I liked abt him. thanks for sharing that surm, w/him and w/us too.

I hope none of you guys ever do suicide. ;_;

i was out all day but kept refreshing this thread on my phone's internet when i had the chance, to read everyone's comments and tributes. even if i sometimes had a hard time getting a handle on his extreme enthusiasm for things, i still recognized a bit of myself in it, my own positive reactions and loves and passions, and i think as a msgboard full of music lovers that we likely all did as well.

i just listened to "mercy street" by peter gabriel and thought of him. i hope he's finally gotten there. RIP.

I promise you I ain't going nowhere Abb I <3 youse all too much.

I never really interacted with Bimble much, if at all, but anyone who reads ILM was certainly aware of him and I, like so many of you, could only marvel at his enthusiasm. I'm trying to take all of this as a reminder to be more thankful that I am mentally healthy enough these days that it (mostly) doesn't get in the way of my living and enjoying my own life. I, well all of us, can only imagine how hard things must have been for Bimble, and I feel for that more than anything. I'm running off the my Thursday night DJ gig. I'll be playing as much stuff I have that I know Bimble loved. That's the best that I can do. Goth on, dude.

I'll always remember him for his gratifying appreciation of a forgotten Australian band, Deckchairs Overboard, and their song 'That's The Way'.

I won't clutter up this thread with my drunkenness but I just want to say that I really miss this guy and I'm listening to the 19 minute bootleg of Sister Ray for him and remembering the time we cued this up together and did ping pong commentary on AIM and I can't express how sad I am that we'll never do that again. Even if he was overzealous to the point of SB sometimes--and sometimes was perhaps too often--his enthusiasm was enviable and I got the impression that great songs saved his life more than once. He was utterly, utterly terrific. I'll think of him every time I play VU, Joy Division, John Cale, Lou Reed, Kate Bush, and even The Cure and The Smiths.

He may have burned too bright for us sometimes, but thank God that he burned.

he was the first person to say something nice to me on ILM. it often seemed like he wanted to express more than could be said on a message board. listening to Les Baines Douches and Kate tonight for him. i really hope everyone that knew him is okay. RIP.

wow, cloudbusting is a really great song I have never heard before

― CaptainLorax, Thursday, August 6, 2009 9:42 PM

me too. amazing. thanks, bimble.

It's so great, right?

incredible.

RIP bimble

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ux94HePVvbA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxR-GSKvg2A

Y'know, I hope people can learn from this thread: before considering suicide, reach out to someone. But at the same time I hate this thread: it shouldn't exist, he should be here ranting about music.

Right now is about the time of night I'd usually encounter Bimble on here, starting a thread or reviving one from six years ago just to say how much he was flipping out over some song or band. The last thing I remember totally bonding on him with was his recent revelation about Cheap Trick, and how he wanted to hear everything... even the bad stuff.

For Bimble, I will now play 1986's The Doctor and marvel at its terribleness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zq5GX5g3o0

Yeah, this is about the hour I would encounter Bimble doing his thing too, except I would be sat at my desk, first thing in the morning, stone cold sober, and he would be out there somewhere in the night in ecstasies about BRUCE FUCKING HORNSBY MAN, and that would make me smile.

"Look Out Any Window" & "Every Little Kiss", they're holding my skeleton upright.

I get lost sometimes, and I feel afraid, but if I just go back to those two Bruce Hornsby songs then I'm okay again.

― Sleep Tundra (Bimble Is Still More Goth Than You), Saturday, 4 July 2009 20:05 (1 month ago)

Aww shit man.

KBP: Now Playing: The Durutti Column, "Silence" - in memory of Bimble. RIP.
KBP: Also, can someone let ILX know that not everyone has someone to reach out to?

(I am just teh messenger)

? Sending good vibes to KBP xxx

RIP
i didn't know him, but many, many times i'd see a thread about an artist i loved at the top of ILM, because bimble suddenly had something wildly enthusiastic to say.

i see some of myself in the way mark was. i cling to music, and to ilx, in a world that often confuses me. i think ilx is a sort of safety net for a lot of people, and it's really sad to see that it didn't end up being enough for him.

― I love rainbow cookies (surm), Friday, 7 August 2009 01:26 (7 hours ago) Bookmark

I feel like this. I think that was one of the very first emails he sent me, he said "the way that we post, it's the same" or something like that. And I just took that as the hugest compliment because he was so passionate. I didn't judge him for the mood swings, how on earth could I? He always made me feel like, deep down, we were made of the same stuff. That was a real gift he had.

And for someone as lonely and isolated and confused as I am, that was such a beautiful feeling. To know that someone felt in the same *way* the same manner that I did. He made me feel less alone. And I feel more alone, knowing that he didn't dodge that awful fate I've always felt waiting for me. That I think every bipolar feels waiting for them.

This is a selfish indulgent post. It's a kind of arrogance, thinking that you could save someone. You can't. But I just wish I could have been there for him, more than I was. I'm not sure how.

The last four tracks he listened to, according to http://www.last.fm/user/Bimble7895

Belfast/Wasted - Orbital, 1 Aug, 6:20 pm
Hanging On A Star - Nick Drake, 1 Aug, 6:45 pm
Voice From The Mountain - Nick Drake, 1 Aug, 6:48 pm
Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima (1959-61) - Krzysztof Penderecki , 2 Aug, 3:56 am

While it's always dangerous to ascribe retrospective significance where none was intended, the lyrics of those two Nick Drake songs make for very painful reading, in the light of what we now know.

xpost

I don't think that's a selfish or indulgent post at all. I think it's an honest, heartfelt, important one. Everything you say makes perfect sense.

It sounds to me like you were there for him so much, and were such a good friend to him -- and that's what ultimately matters. Yes, I can absolutely understand why you might feel you wish you could have been there for him even more, but ultimately I don't think anyone could.

Don't suffer in silence, will you? No matter how bad you might feel, you're not alone.

There was an interesting exchange on Twitter last night between two ILXors who I won't name but I don't think will mind me saying this: one asking, perfectly understandably, how you deal with the death of someone you knew only online, and the other replying, beautifully, that you deal with it as you would the death of any other human being. I'd hate to think anyone felt that they couldn't talk about this -- about Bimble, his death, how they feel, how upset they are -- because he was an online friend as opposed to an IRL one.

My god... am just seeing this now. This is horrible... :(

We've mailed about a few times, quite some time ago, strictly music related. Bimble to me was like ILX's Neil Cassady, a crazy mad cat so vibrant with life and passionate about music... He simply would not be stopped... I loved him for this.

Rest in peace, Mark. You will be missed.

Holy shit what shocking and terrible news. He was a great ilxor. He had such enthusiasm for music.

This is just so sad and awful. RIP Bimble.

This still doesn't feel real. He had more personality than the lot of us combined. This is a massive blow to ILM, zero hyperbole.

ILM is worse off now for the loss of Bimble. You really noticed a difference in it while he was banned but now he wont be back. A big presence has been lost.

this is making me sick.. so so so sad. RIP mark

ILM is worse off now for the loss of Bimble. You really noticed a difference in it while he was banned but now he wont be back. A big presence has been lost.

This is how I feel, even though I didn't even know him. RIP.

aim chatz isnt the same knowing he wont be in anymore

I never really spoke to the guy so I can't say much but seeing Bimble on a thread generally meant it came with an immense sense of enthusiasm I love ILX for, so RIP.

my posting to ilx/ilm has been so sporadic over years i didn't have the chance to cross paths with bimble in any significant way. i didn't even know he'd been banned. only time i became aware of him was on the thread he got banned from. i loved the incongruity of him slamming up the husker du videos cos he was so excited by them AT THAT TIME.

such a horrible piece of news.

A lot of the songs you all mentioned here are going to end up on a mixtape or two I'm making for him over in ILM.

I didn't know Bimble much at all but I wanted to do this for him and all the ILXors that have come together and expressed how much his presence was felt here at ILX. This is a sad loss for everyone.

That's a great thing to do Captain!

I'm tempted to post the lyrics to Spoonfed Hybrid's "Pocketful of Dust" since Bimble found them so devastating. But they're a bit much for me, now. I never met or messaged him, but through months of lurking recognized him as a kindred soul in some ways (too many). I curse the illness, addiction, and immediate means that took him away.

RIP bimble.

RIP. Someone I can't remember ever disagreeing with on ILM.

"Dance, dance to the radio," wherever you are.

i didn't know bimble irl (i don't ever IM and rarely e-mail any ILXors, not just him). but i was always thrilled whenever i saw some old thread of mine on ILM suddenly revived, or a new thread of mine bumped up to the top of the pile over there, b/c bimble had taken an interest in whatever it was that prompted me to create the thread in the first place. on those occasions, bimble's enthusiasm reminded me of what brought me here to ILX in the first place -- a love of music and wanting to find others who shared that love. i hope that ILX brought him some joy and relief in his life, and i will miss his presence.

RIP.

Bimble dude I haven't known what to say, so I thought I'd wait until I was pretty drucnk on a Fri eve

You've made me put on the Cocteau Twins at least twice. Without you we could hardly say "xmal deutschland lol".

The rest of the history I had no idea about, before some invade-lurking i did on That Thread after the fact. Wish you all peace man. His friends: wish you all the best. Keep above water please. You all rule so hard I cry.

ha, just re-reading some of his stuff. great. his collected posts should be titled I FEEL IT SO MUCH!

yesssssss!!!

just listening to Threnody right now ... RIP

heheh (except for the Threnody, that's scary stuff!)

wanted to do this for a couple days, felt too lol college, but whatevs, should get over that, I've turned forty:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/0/0d/Edna_St._Vincent_Millay.jpg/200px-Edna_St._Vincent_Millay.jpg

My candle burns at both ends
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends --
It gives a lovely light.

I wish I could've been a proper friend to Mark, but I couldn't match his intensity very well. Very sad news. Going to listen to some Dif Juz, Diagram Bros, Industry, anything on LTM in his honor.

i really like that. xp

Never really interacted with the guy, and I can't say anything better than what's been said by about a hundred people here. He seemed to hear music in a way that I rarely am able to, and I envy him for that. RIP.

Lost & Found, don't give up on me yet. Just wait...

― which was a bit synth-cheese-tastic for my tastes (Bimble), Saturday, July 4, 2009 9:11 PM (1 month ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Lost & Found, don't give up on me yet. Just wait...

I never give up on the good guys.

― Lostandfound, Sunday, July 5, 2009 12:10 AM (1 month ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Last thing I said to Bimble, so glad I did.

I've lurked on ILE and ILM for a few years...Bimble was my spectator sport. I loved his posts. Sense, no sense...at his most passionate, his rants were kind of infectious for me, inspired me to love the music I loved even more. As sad as I feel not knowing him, I cannot imagine the sadness for those of you who did.

RIP Bimble. To lose someone that loves music is like losing a friend.

Just found out about this this morning, have been thinking what to say since then, but I can't think of anything but RIP Mark and I hope you've found what you were searching for that the world couldn't give you when you were here.

How'd I miss this?

A huge loss. Even in my limited interaction with him on ILM, he was a profoundly inspiring, music-loving presence. The first time I've really felt a degree of grief over losing a semi-anonymous forum colleague.

Also, have found myself today having more than a passing thought or two for his poor room-mate as well. What a hell of a thing to go through.

Haven't said anything before because I wasn't sure if it was my place, but I'm sad about this. I liked Bimble's enthusiasm for things that you don't often see people getting so enthusiastic about.

xpost You are so right, Ailsa. I feel so utterly sad for the one who found him. Of course for Mark and everyone else connected to him. But very much so for the one who found him. :-( A local guy I knew through the years, did in fact traveled all the way to the South of France to hang himself, so his family wouldn't find him. :-((((

oh fuck!

jesus i wz just thinking about emailing him...

KBP: Also, can someone let ILX know that not everyone has someone to reach out to?

can I just mention how much I really really really really wish I hadn't lost touch with him when I stopped posting on ILM? I never even sent him the email on why he should listen to The Slits...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1YkHJJi-tc&
BITCH I MISS YOU

RIP Bimble. didn't even see this thread til just now, but i did wonder where the hyper, late-night posts had gone...

god damn this is lousy news to come back to. he was a singular presence on ilm and one of the first folks whose style i was able to nail down when i was lurking and figuring this place out. rip.

this weekend felt weird not seeing his posts on ILM when he was usually the only one about.

:( I know what you mean.

I know we're not the only ones.

This is so, so, sad and I am praying for Bimble and all who love him.

I haven't been frequenting ILX in the last couple of days, so it was jaymc that told me this news. It kinda messed my head up a bit. Ok, more than a bit.

Actually, there's no stupid bloody celebrity death that could ever make me feel as awful as this.

multixp hahahah Orbital > Nick Drake.

Bimble, I love you.

What do you say? I never met him, but I hoped to. And the last I remember, he was having a bit of a meltdown... this shakes me up, and that's no joke.

This still keeps hitting me, its weird :(

I've had this paradoxical disconnect/deep sadness since this happened, which is entirely new to me b/c, prior to my involvement w/ ILX (which is, in itself, in a relatively nascent stage), I haven't really been involved in any sort of online community. As such, I've been slow to reach out to communicate w/ ilxors on a more personal level, out of shyness or whatever, tho some of you have sought me out & Bimble was one of those. We mainly rapped about music, traded files or whatever but he was still an ally, even if I didn't really know him as a person, which I might have gotten to do, if not for this.

This didn't really hit me until tonight, as I'm looking for a proper Pale Saints song to add to his ILX mixtape.

again, RIP Bimble.

Trayce ,judging by all these posts, you're not the only one. Hang in there.

It's weird, I find this hard to talk about on ILX - probably because it's too close to home.

I was online a lot at the weekend, and kept expecting to log on and see him in my inbox and he wasn't there.

I keep thinking about suicide, in the abstract, as, like a concept - it keeps popping into my head. Not in the normal kind of reflexive way, but in a "can't get it out of my head" way. The way it affects the people left behind. The hole it leaves in a community. How you never realise you're part of a community until an important member of it dies.

And that missing sense of connection to that person that's gone reinforces one's own sense of disconnection.

Because the more I read people writing about him, it's realising that he really was one of those people who functions as the glue in a community, that he had connections with so many people here, over so many different things.

Sorry, I don't express myself well, I never do.

Kate you're fine, of course you express yourself well :)

We have had several of our kin here pass away in recent years, and I still put a hand to my heart to every time I see an old post of theirs.

Ive known a few old workmates or acquaintances that have died in recent years too, from overdoses, suicide, illness. None of them were at all close.

This is the first time someone I like to think I knew well and talked to a lot has chosen this path. It feels like a breakup, oddly - going onto their stomping grounds and they're not there any more, and re-remembering.

Bimble, I am sorry I couldn't handle yr brightness. Maybe it mirrored some of my own too much. I hope you're looking down at us all and smiling though.

I'm almost always a lurker and had no interaction with Bimble at all, but I heard "Look Out Any Window" by Bruce Hornsby for the first time in the last month or so and that was down to him. Sorry to all who knew him. RIP

I suppose what I most relate to and am most shaken up about is my own occasional urge to do exactly what Bimble did. Fuck anyone who has ever said it's the "easy way out". I have taken the easy way out in almost every way in my life, but I have never taken this particular bungee jump. There's nothing easy about it. It's as difficult as it is awful. It takes something special to do it, something that I very much understand, could never possibly explain, and (thank god) do not possess, at least not as of this writing.

I wish I knew him better so I could feel real grief. That would at least clear my head and put me in a place I was not before.

I understand what you mean, Kenan. Been there, felt that way but somehow was too chickenshit scared to actually do it (or, you could say, I still saw that all things pass, even the bad shit). But then I was merely depressed, it wasn't tied to any physical pain, so I could hold on to the hope that it was changeable. And it was.

jeez, damn. r.i.p.

i didn't really interact with him here, but still, when ILXors pass it always jolts me.

I tried committing suicide a couple times because "life would be better dead", "it's the only way out". I never said I was feeling sad at the time. I said I was just irritated with the rest of the world.

Anyways, however many months after my suicide attempts I decided that I WOULD NEVER do that again. In fact I had a renewed appreciation for life.

Not to mention finally adjusting meds over the years to a workable combination (fyi. no combination is ever perfect and med adjustment takes a long time) has put me in a generally happy state today.

The fact that I would never never commit suicide just goes to show that comments like these: "suicide is just as natural thing as freedom of choice. I didn't choose to be born - I have no obligation to live" are really radical comments. I'm certain that many many people can change their mind about committing suicide. Suicide is not the only option and you can really love and appreciate life even if you don't feel like you there is anything for you at the moment. The fact that I could change my outlook on life to a point where I can say I would never commit suicide and that it's the worst thing anyone can do. This is coming from someone that was suicidal. SO NO, suicide is not natural or a free choice anyone should allow themselves to make. Being suicidal is a problem that CAN BE FIXED. Anyone can naturally find a way appreciate life 1,000,000,000 times more. It doesn't take a failed suicide attempt either. Anyone that has been thinking about committing suicide should call that help line - things can only get better. It might take time, but things do get much better.

Can we PLEASE not turn this into a suicide: classic or dud thread? I really couldn't stand it.

I had to lock the thread on ILTMI after this happened. I just don't want to go there right now. Too soon.

only just saw this thread. i'm deeply saddened. obv never met Bimble in person, but he was one of my fave posters here. RIP.

The rest of my post is kind of bollocks except for: "I wish I knew him better so I could feel real grief. That would at least clear my head and put me in a place I was not before." Because otherwise, the things you mostly feel are all ugly. I suppose I only speak for me. Self-pity, self-aggrandizement, pornographically public introspection... none of this has much to do with what leads a person -- certainly not a person as sharp as Bimble -- to shut out all the lights. I can empathize, but that's not an activity that leaves me feeling clean or insightful or righteous or anything but worse. If it was my grandmother, I'd have signposts to the things I felt. I'd have emotions that were deeper than brain-level, and the experience could be processed at that level. This? All I can feel is... kinship. At best, kinship with a person who offed himself. It's more than a little bit fucking grim.

This still keeps hitting me, its weird :(

Me too, Trayce.

I suppose what I most relate to and am most shaken up about is my own occasional urge to do exactly what Bimble did.

kenan you said the same thing I was too worried to vocalize here. (Maybe you guys can tell I am also flipped out abt the idea of copycat suicides!) My husband had to keep giving me clonopin all weekend to kill my freaking shakiness and racing thoughts. I'm feeling less freaked out by me, at least, but this is still hitting me hard. Dissociating all the time, which I haven't done in years. What a confusing world we live in.

Sorry. I can't be helping. You or me.

Aw, Abbot, I wish I could reach through the internet and tell you how much better my world is without me in it.

I have noticed my mum kind of ringing me more often these past few days, almost checking up on me. Although it has greatly upset me, and yeah, I'm having trouble dealing with it, and I can't say it hasn't affected my moods - the one thing that it has REALLY driven home is...

No matter how alone you feel, or how isolated you think you are, you are still connected to people. And those people, though you may not *know* it emotionally, when you're in a dark place - there are people who would feel as gutted and awful and grieving as you and I feel right now, if one of a theoretical us were to do the same thing.

Sorry, I'm losing grammatical coherence at this point. But it's driven it home, how much suicide hurts the people around you. And every time I think of doing it, I think of this pain I feel right now and think that no matter how awful life is, I don't want to inflict this pain on someone else.

Wait, that makes no sense. At all.

How the fuck did that come out?

How much better my world is with ABBOT in it.

Shit that is one fucking Freudian slip and I almost want to ask a moderator to fix that cause that scares me, that that came out.

xp Most elaborate slip of the tongue ever.

Jesus christ. That just isn't what I wrote, I have no idea how that came out.

I feel really weird about his last.fm. The last few things he heard, I had just recently sent him --- and the fact that the last one he ever played was Penderecki's Threnody is creeping me the fuck out. He immediately sent me an e-mail telling me how scary and goth he found it.

I feel quite horrified now.

Kate: it's ok. Not that creepy, slip or not. It's gonna be a kind of dark thread, we all know that going in.

Besides, I'm the one laying out how very awfully relatable it all is, in detail; you have nothing to get skittish about.

what the fuck?!? I figured this was some in-joke before I clicked on it... I don't know what to say, this is just awful.

truly shocked, this is super-depressing.

I always appreciated his stuff on the Lou Reed threads

There isn't much in the world that can happen to me in life where the version of "Waiting For My Man" from this album won't pull me out of the blues. I remember hearing that at 3AM in the dark on the radio when I was a teenager and I played it on my iPod just now as I walked outside. That shit has magical properties for me. It heals me on levels I can't explain. It is the ultimate go-to record for me when I'm down, only I don't tend to think of it as anywhere near the first thing to play in those moods. For those who haven't heard it, this is about 6 billion miles from the Velvet Underground version, we're not in Kansas anymore.

A recent girlfriend of mine pointed out to me that he & Laurie Anderson finally tied the knot in April.

― Bimble, Saturday, July 12, 2008 7:33 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark

Which version?

He immediately sent me an e-mail telling me how scary and goth he found it.

Im actually glad you sent him that and its not just something he picked out as his final song if you know what i mean . That there's a reason he played it and it's just coincidence it's his last song. (it might not have been his last song he heard anyway given his addiction to youtube).

The completely ludicrous blues-shuffle version that's on Take No Prisoners

(x-post_

The last few days have been weird, as they've been filled with absolute sadness then weirdly, anger at him for doing it, then guilt at not being online that night a if i couldve helped, even though I know others were online and say he wasnt on then back to sadness again. I've never known someone who has committed suicide before but I do know I dont want it to happen again.

and to all of you who have taken it really badly or might feel like bimble did in the future please hang in there.

I lurk here all the time and have rarely ever posted. I was always happy to read Bimble's posts and they so often made me dig out something I hadn't listened to for a while or search for something I'd never heard. Even though I'm not really part of any ilx community and I never had any contact with him, I found I've been thinking about him a lot since I heard the news. As some sort of private tribute I decided to find his last.fm profile and listen to his station. I had to laugh when the first song played was "Working For The Weekend". So RIP Bimble. Your enthusiasm and your taste gave me--someone you had no idea existed--a little more to enjoy in life. I'm sure I'm not the only one.

He's not the first person I have known to have done this. But trust me, it doesn't get any easier with practice.

I've been coming back to this thread occasionally since Friday, not quite wanting to post something since I enjoyed Bimble's enthusiasm but, being a very occasional poster, didn't have much to add and felt like it'd be selfish to say anything. But, as it's just one post in a thread with some good thoughts, here it goes.

My fiancée attempted to take her life last Wednesday night, not long before this thread was posted. I'm feeling odd even posting this, since I've had to step away and we're now what I would describe as separated at best. I feel like I can feel supportive now, but not to the extent I can help directly -- she's had a long path that's lead to this, and while she is sure now that she's hit the bottom, I'm still going to have fears. She's been in denial about how serious her problem has been for quite a while and I feel like I've enabled a lot of behavior and feel guilty and angry about it.

Abbott's suggestion of seeking help if you feel at all affected or desperate yourself are spot on. The best thing you can do for yourself, your family, and your friends is to get help. There is nothing shameful in having these feelings, or not being able to deal with parts of your life.

jesus mh, im sorry to hear that, i hope your fiancee and you can both get enough help to feel solid and happy, together or separately

mh, i think that's a very good post. it's a really difficult thing to deal with these feelings in the context of a relationship, insofar as the issue of responsibility arises. i wish you the very best in your relationship.

mh, my best wishes for you and your fiance. Be strong.

Same for me, hope things get better for you both, mh.

To clarify, I feel completely horrible, but I really think my part in things is done with. I'd like to write more about it right now, but it's not really the place. Thanks for the kind words.

Godd luck mh, sounds like an awful and confusing situation to be in. Hope all y'all can find the help you need.

BTW I was kind of wondering whether there was any money left over from the recent ILX fundraising thing, and if so, maybe that could go to a mental health charity in Seattle or something. Or maybe we could set something up? Would be nice to do something positive in this situation to try and fight the sadness.

To clarify, I feel completely horrible, but I really think my part in things is done with.

omg no Thank You for being the kind of person who understands this.

It's not about saving people. It's about everyone's relationship with living, or sometimes not living. Nobody is going to save you. Some people might tolerate you along the way, but it's best not to ask for the impossible.

I may sound like a horrible person. But really now. What can you do?

there are good points here. we have all have responsibilities to each other, in addition to ourselves. this is what can become so difficult in relationships.

Well said. I would never say otherwise.

But I might also say that a person who is unwilling to take responsibility for their own EXISTENCE, their own sustenance, be it spiritual or what have you, is not a partner but a parasite. Some people are like this. They can only be the takers in a relationship, and can't find it in themselves to give. Dump these people immediately.

Getting off topic, though.

i definitely understand this. i'm extremely self-aware on this point, because i never want to be a chore.

ever.

Yeah I am a bit of a chore sometimes about not being a chore.

like, i think we all have a responsibility to make each other happy

But no one's feeling of responsibility to make someone happier can outweigh the person's own desire to be happier, or not happier. It's the truest cliche ever. The lightbulb has to WANT to change. And if not that, it at least has to want to light you up as well.

it's true, i just mean. i always want to be the person making the people in my life happy, instead of being the person who needs needs needs. that's just my personal thing.

You are officially DATE-ABLE!

Hi guys, I went away from ILX for a year and a half or so b/c my job got too busy to post anymore, but about 6 months ago started lurking a lot again. Bimble's suicide has really shaken me. Thinking about it so many times since Thursday morning. He was my age, and his relationship to music so similar to mine. He's basically a peer. And god help me, I did tease him after Tony Wilson died and he was flipping out.

When someone takes their life, for me it creates this terrifying black hole, it tears a big rent in reality and rationality. Just once I got horribly close to that precipice, 19 years ago. Straight-up garden-variety depression with an OCD/anxiety component has always been my deal, and that shit has been managed quite well with SSRI's for like 15 years now, but the fear that my mind could simply destroy me like it tried to in 1990, that my mind is DANGEROUS, is apparently going to ride with me daily for the rest of my life. Only my evergreen Reagan-child terror of nuclear holocaust is as perennial a companion.

Abbott, there's nothing wrong with falling back on yr klonopin at a time like this, I've done exactly the same. Pretty soon, just knowing I have it on hand to fall back on denecessitates me actually taking any.

I am so hungry to know more things about Bimble's demise, so I can fit the event back into the causal universe, but I know that's not really healthy. RIP Bimble-- I hope your soul has become sound.

Ha, klonopin wasn't even my idea! The husband has an rx for it & was basically like "god, for fuck's sake, take one of these."

xp

I can't possibly say more than that, or better.

If anyone wants to talk/vent/cry over the online btw you can email me at igotabeefpastry @ gmail . com

RIP Bimble-- I hope your soul has become sound.

Lovely words. He seems to reverberate all through ILX now.

xpost Klonopin is v v handy at crisis times. Although there's a Stevie Nicks connection which is a little disturbing at the moment. And you really truly can't drink on it.

(mh, i really hope your girlfriend can find help/a way out of the darkness.)

Fuck. Just seen this. Very sad.

Goddamnit I still have the acrid feeling in my stomach... I'm still expecting the chat bubble to pop up at an inopportune time telling me to go listen to a Wake 12" or twenty-five year old Simple Minds outtakes.

This is so, so sad. What a great loss. I am praying for Bimble and all who love him, and everybody's words on this thread are astonishingly lovely.

Bimble, for a while, you were great fun to obsess about music with.

I feel really weird about his last.fm. The last few things he heard, I had just recently sent him --- and the fact that the last one he ever played was Penderecki's Threnody is creeping me the fuck out. He immediately sent me an e-mail telling me how scary and goth he found it.

― Turangalila, Monday, August 10, 2009 12:55 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

thank god he sent you that email Turangalila - one of my biggest anxieties induced by this whole thing was the possibility that he blew his brains out to Penderecki (sorry for bluntness but that's how my brain kept wording it.)

also Abbott don't rely too much on klonopin or before you know it your anxieties will be 10x greater from withdrawals. just based on personal encounters w/rx drug abuse + depression

looks like curtis thought the same about that track as i did then.

But it was 2 days before the police said he'd died... unless.. oh anyway, I dont want to dwell :(

yeah but he died on sat night

xpost yeah, that's why I felt the need to point it out.

@Turangalila, thanks for telling that. I've had the same thing, image, on my mind as Curtis and Pfunkboy..

the fuck is klonopin. is that like valium or something?

yes

once i took valium, and i shouldn't have. felt good though!

Katy Perry in 10 yrs.

I'm really sad he missed getting hyped about the Stone Roses rerelease.

also Abbott don't rely too much on klonopin or before you know it your anxieties will be 10x greater from withdrawals. just based on personal encounters w/rx drug abuse + depression

Ah no worries, I haven't done it since that day & before that not since March. It's like a for-emergencies-only thing. thx for the kind advice tho (not sarcasm).

anyway, yeah, I am very sorry, if nothing else

Just read Drew's tribute on Pfork this morning -- I spend most of my time on ILM so hadn't come across this thread/news. Just shocked and saddened... We emailed from time to time and Mark always seemed full of life, granted he was talking about the Bunnymen shoe with the full orchestra that he had recently seen, or some other passion of his at the moment. I knew he was troubled but never knew the extent of it, or that it may have come to such an end. RIP, Mark -- we'll see you on the other side, someday.

link?

Its on Pitchfork ffs, Google broken?

i looked on pitchfork - it wasn't on the front page and the search didn't turn up anything.

Scroll down the page:

http://pitchfork.com/features/guest-lists/7698-guest-list-2000s-edition/3

Sorry that was a snotty response and certainly not in the spirit of this thread.

wow <3 drew for that entire article :)

Bimble's suicide still gets to me a few times a day, every day.

Yeah I often think of certain bands or songs he loved and get sad.

I think of him every time I play The Velvets.

I've been listening to Bruce Hornsby for the first time since I was a kid (parents were big fans) due to Bimble, and think of him when I listen. The music's obvs dated, but it sounds fantastic! so catchy.

also, agreed Drew's article is terrific.

Yeah it is, <3 Drew for what you wrote. Unlike Momus and his unpleasant aggrandising lies.

thats a really nice tribute.

Bimble's suicide still gets to me a few times a day, every day.

me too. I still come across albums that I want to make his fuckin day with.

I'm glad you guys are cool with it, I wasn't really sure about talking about Bimble in public and on another site as if I had some particular expertise or right to do so, but the more I thought about it, I finally just decided that it felt appropriate in the context of remembering things that gave us pleasure and meant something. Mostly I wish Bimble was alive to talk shit online with; just yesterday I was listening to Felt and thought "I wonder if Bimble thinks . . ." and then went, oh, right.

It was very appropriate and very well done.

Seconded. I'm glad you wrote it.

Me too, and Curtis otm with what he said. Everytime i hear something or read about something i still feel the urge to pass on the links to Bimble knowing he would love it.

great piece, yeah, and v cool of p4k to allow it!

thoughtful and thought-provoking. thanks NPS.

(glad I missed that momus stuff/what a prick)

was reading through the whole Guest List thingy on the bus tonight, without seeing this revive - Drew's was so wonderful, and so out of place, that I wish they'd given it at least its own page of the section.

I want to link Bimble to this so bad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxZX8LpFOKo

oh wow

I'm pretty sure that I never had any interaction with Bimble. None that I can remember. But his passing, and the sentiments and feelings expressed on this thread really make me realize how important this board is.

I would obviously prefer that there were one more registered user online. RIP, Bimble.

Well, roxy, you managed to bring a tear (oh hell, a dozen) to my eyes.

Yes it's the same here. Very beautiful.

I still feel bad that I never responded to any of his emails. Of course it seemed a bit odd at the time to receive them, considering how discreet I've always been here. Now I realise that because of my stupid shyness, I missed the occasion to know someone like him better.

No reason to feel guilty, Jamie.

i never got an e-mail by him though we were often participating in the same threads and often i had the impression he was my alter ego. he liked more or less the same bands. sometimes i felt caught when he eulogized a song or album i had wanted to praise before but had forgotten about. lots of weird coincidences with bimble.

You can spot a few tears on this recording, because this was our last day together in school.

A few tears here too (I am a big soppy). Thanks for posting rozy.

I think Bimble would have fucking loved that.

I think he would have loved to see them getting hugs with Stevie Nicks too!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZgRfpkzN48
(very low audio - but that's beside the point)
(maybe he did see this - I see it was posted up at the beginning of July - I hope so)

awful news :(

rip Bimble, one of the most genuine and likeable posters on the entire board if this thread isn't proof enough of that already.

for me, much kate bush, but especially "the ninth wave," belongs to bimble now & always

john hughes + bimble passed away within days of each other. subsequently I was listening to a bunch of hughes soundtracks and I will likely never hear this again without thinking of bimble.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw1fqgg42vo

</3 ;_; </3

oh god, even before i knew bimble that track turned me into a sobbing mess whenever i heard it.

yup, still turns me into a sobbing mess. one of my best friends has sort of disappeared (as in no one knows where he is, if he's stil alive, etc) , and i remember sitting in his house, listening to that song, being high as fuck on lots of bad c0ke and just losing our shit together, just collapsing. argh.

okay, i'm all right. just had to get that out.

one of my best friends has sort of disappeared

Oh table I'm so sorry to hear that :(

<3 that 'Pictures of You' vid

;_;

Delurk ... discovering Kate Bush was a pretty big deal for me. When I mentioned it here Bimble responded in the tone of the music freak mentor I'd have loved to have. It was nice to have someone give a shit.

still hurts.

:(

Kate Bush just made me have to blow my nose for like three straight minutes. Stop doing that to me.

something about smalltown boy makes me think of bimble every time i hear it. i don't even know if he liked it, but i figure he must've.

Oooh that song always made me tear up anyway, even as a teen.

Kate Bush was also I huge discovery for me. I can only listen to This Woman's Work when I feel like letting it out.

wtf? this is really upsetting to me.

fuck.

I only just found out about this, and am saddened by the news.

just broke down out of nowhere over this and I don't know why. pictures of you vid is killing me

'only' 8 months ago!

Curtis I know what you mean, it hits me every now and then still when I see his posts on revived threads.

I still miss him too.

yeah, it's still pretty much </3 when I see this thread, bittersweet when I run across one of his wildly exuberant posts

sometimes i just think of that 'pictures of you" video and it makes me sad.

I wz reading the old Doors thread which I had saved to my laptop, and at the end the little exchange between Hoos and Bimble almost made me cry...

heard Cale's Caribbean Sunset this morning and thought of bimble

u no i was just thinking abt bimble this morning before i got up, weird how i obv was not the only one.

<3 and hugs Crut, I still think about him often as well and get very sad.

i think about this fellow all the time when I think about ILX. I still feel awful about being rude to him once or twice, serves me right, I won't do that again. His love for music was really contagious, and I listen to a lot of the same music myself, and I really do think about him every time I hear something he used to rave about. A genuine music fan, and I think he was a fine man.

Was just talking to a couple of ilxors about him the other day. ILM isnt the same without him.

When I die, please bury some talisman of Lou Reed with me. Just some symbol of him, anything. A tiny shred of his album cover, anything. When I die, he's going to be there, man. He's gonna wave to me and smile, and I'll know my life wasn't in vain.

― you could call it a "fan" club but a man I can only be a "fan" of a hot (Bimble), Saturday, February 7, 2009 8:05 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark

from the Coney Island Baby thread

i missed this because it happened during a time when i wasn't often checking in. since returning, i've noticed his absence of course, but based on a passing comment, i assumed that he'd simply quit posting here, had been banned or something. though i didn't really know him, we corresponded a bit, and at the time, i looked forward to getting to know him better. you've all dealt, i suppose, but i'm so sad and sorry to finally hear this. don't know what to say or do. some belated goodbye.

:-( Hugs.

Woke up this morning with Felt's "Ballad of the Band" in my head. Googled it, first result was Bimble's blog.

http://windyweather-bimble.blogspot.com/2009/01/felt-ballad-of-band-12-ep-1986.html

Although this was the song he really liked:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axULDVGYI98

"And all those songs...
You know I love them all,
But oh, I still feel like giving in."

Nearly a year. aim chatz has always felt empty without him. I really hope bimble is at peace now.
I found out a couple of months ago that an old friend of mine committed suicide 2 years ago (ironically his name was Mark too), didn't get a chance to go to his funeral. Even if you don't see someone for a few years, they don't stop being a friend. Not even in death.

right on.

very sorry to hear about your friend, herman.

holy shit I never new this... R.I.P. Bimble, god damn...

was just thinking about homebro before I even saw this thread was revived. miss him.

I think we all miss him. ILM sure misses him. No-one loved to talk endlessly about music with such enthusiasm more than bimble.

his OP on the chic thread is one of my favourites.

one of his more understated ones though