Interet Dating Dilemma - He wants to be my Facebook friend before we've even met

There's a guy on a dating website who has my email address, but chose to look me up on Facebook (which I don't really mind) Now he's sent me a friend request from f/b with his message. Now, I'm pretty picky about who I choose to 'friend' on Facebook anyways, but I don't know him, he's not my 'friend' yet and perhaps never will be and I don't want him to see all my silly pix and posts, but y'know I am interested a little bit. What's the best way of saying 'look buddy, I want to pursue this, but can we leave Facebook out of it' without seem rude, aloof or as if I've got something to hide? Answers on a postcard, sorry, post, please.

Is it too cliché to say just be honest?

I'm sure if you tell him you'd like to go out, but you don't feel ready to add him to facebook yet he would understand.

if that fails, have sex with him and then change yr email address

"I don't Facebook until at least date three buddy, back off a little."

you should mind him looking you up and should rethink wanting to pursue this. imo.

(goole OTM, ignore my flippancy)

Like she hasn't googled him prior to the date, come on.

I'd just say something like, "Hey, no offense, but I'm only Facebook friends with people I've met IRL" -- make it seem like it's not him, it's just this silly policy you have.

the facebook stalk is normal protocol but friend request is not cool. (also dude is putting himself into the friend-zone right off which is a poor play on his part.)

xp (I don't actually think it's "silly" at all, but you could present it to him like this if you're worried that he'd be offended.)

usually that happens because he doesn't want to pay for the dating site but wants to talk to you

you should mind him looking you up and should rethink wanting to pursue this. imo.

― goole, Thursday, September 10, 2009 11:04 AM

that's ridiculous. but yeah, it shouldn't be that hard to say 'i don't want to be facebook friends with someone i don't know yet, sorry.'

if he has the email address, HE CAN SEND AN EMAIL

ha i hadn't considered that. that seems lame too tho.

xp2cutty

ha, good point! he just wants to scrutize your photos from every angle.

xp2dan

everybody looks everybody up but basically telegraphing "hi i looked you up!" is really over the line.

^OTM

give him the link to this thread and we can all discuss it together

I appreciate that kind of honesty in stalkers.

From that "random thoughts" list that's been forwarded/posted a lot recently:

When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

"Hey baby I was just stalking you. What's your twitter account name btw?"

you can select what he sees, no? i mean, shit, you can make it so he only sees what you're a fan of/friends with/... and that's it.

give him the link to this thread and we can all discuss it together

― cutty, Thursday, September 10, 2009 11:16 AM (1 hour ago)

you should mind him looking you up and should rethink wanting to pursue this. imo.

You are being ironic, no?

nope

yeah seems kind of weird

is this really weird? some people just kind of friend pretty freely it seems. in any event if you decline to friend him for the reasons you stated and continue the conversation in e-mail or whatever, should clear up pretty quickly what his deal is.

just delete him if it goes tits up

i think it's weird. just poor etiquette at least. if he can't understand why you won't friend him or gets butthurt about it then you know he is probably a serial killer

agree w/ call all destroyer.

also you can accept him and set your privacy levels as high as you like

This whole dilemma just screams "socially incompetent" to me. (From his POV - I know you're perfectly socially competent, Prawn)

Looking someone up is fairly common but announcing it by sending a friend request before you've even met is a bit HI I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION IN BASIC SOCIAL SETTINGS.

Unless he's never actually been on the internet before or something.

Would exercise extreme caution with this one.

just ignore his request until you know whether you want accept or refuse duh

I took the screen name of a chick I wanted to pursue on OkCupid - a girl that made an account but for some reason never logged back in - I took her screen name and added it to my AOL buddies list. I saw that she logged in one night and I sent her a few messages about how I got her name from OkCupid and she should check her mail.. see if she wouldn't mind talking to me sometime. She didn't reply but It was late at night and I also wrote later at the end of the IMs I sent her.. I wasn't up for talking and I logged off of AIM in the next 5 minutes. Anyways I now don't know if she ever got that message or if she got it and ignored it. Yesterday I saw her logged in again and the second I sent her a message: "did you get my odd message about oksupid last night?", she logged immediately out. It said the message would send to her next time she logs back in.

Now I don't know whether I should ever IM her again. I already "stalked" her enough but I don't know if she ever got any of my messages to begin with. It's complicated being the person who has the other person's web address and tries to look them up somewhere else.

oh i think she got the message

she logged immediately out.

interesting way to put it

you should email her to see if she got the message

fyi bro when some1 blocks you, it says they're "logged out"

Now I don't know whether I should ever IM her again.

yes you do too know you fucking weirdo!!

xps wow that got the gallery awake

you should watch that swingers film captainlorax

Ha!

All my friends are like "get AIM, get Facebook..." but reading this thread just realise that these things open a whole world of social cans of worms I just don't want to have to deal with.

she is just not that into you. she has not exactly been giving you mixed signals either.

if i'd hit it off really well with a girl online and sent a fb friend request and she didn't add me up i'd just assume she had a boyfriend or she was hiding something terrible tbh.

really well = gonna meet up irl sometime soon.

This whole dilemma just screams "socially incompetent" to me. (From his POV - I know you're perfectly socially competent, Prawn)

Looking someone up is fairly common but announcing it by sending a friend request before you've even met is a bit HI I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FUNCTION IN BASIC SOCIAL SETTINGS.

this is sorta overblown. facebook etiquette can really vary - some people add everyone. sometimes these people are not nec socially incompetent, they just take a different approach towards the site.

oh, Captain Lorax

if i'd hit it off really well with a girl online i would try really hard not to fuck it up by blasting her on every communication channel available to me

xxxp I would never make that assumption -- some people are just selective with who they befriend on Facebook.

you all already know the AIM protocol
'fyi bro when some1 blocks you, it says they're "logged out"'
I never heard that before.
I thought she just logged out quickly.
You all could be a little less mean when I am talking about something seriously. Way to go in for the kill there.

Almost every woman I know is incredibly selective about who they will friend on FB. It's just part of "being careful" or something.

and for your info Country Matters whe wasnt dysfunctional.. she was just a character. played a mean violin and was somewhat dorky and extremly extroverted

dude don't fucking IM ppl after ganking their screenames from a dating site this is a simple rule to follow--ppl on aim generally don't want to be bothered by strangers who want to date them.

Maybe she just happened to log off at that very moment by coincidence, and it was nothing to do with you? It sounds like it was not meant to be.

(That said, never ever use a dating site screen name that is remotely similar to anything else you use on the web elsewhere. That's kind of internet DUHness 101.)

the point of being on a dating site is that you want to be contacted within the confines of that site.

"hi, i saw your profile, then figured out your real name and where you work! so here i am, it's your lunch hour right? i'll buy!"

dude don't fucking IM ppl after ganking their screenames from a dating site this is a simple rule to follow--ppl on aim generally don't want to be bothered by strangers who want to date them.

― call all destroyer, Thursday, September 10, 2009 7:57 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

man that goes back to the OP "There's a guy on a dating website who has my email address, but chose to look me up on Facebook (which I don't really mind) "

so please take your foot out of your mouth or be less rude

to be fair (i hate when people say "to be fair") my impression was that she wrote her AIM name on her profile. still, it's kinda clear she didn't want to talk. xp

they keywords here are "I don't really mind"

all I know is she actually logged off, she dissapeeared from the buddy list on AIM like she logged off and my message to here said it would arrive next time she logge back in

She said she didn't mind him LOOKING AT HER FACEBOOK but she DID very much mind him trying to add her as a FRIEND before they'd met IRL.

lol should i go through why facebook and aim are different

lorax, you *guessed* her screenname, she doesn't appear interested in okcupid anymore and you repeatedly msgd her despite her not responding. this is not anything like prawn's situation

xp No just assume he's a creep and block him when he's AIMs you.

CL, Nobodysprawn doesn't speak for all women.

Or even all women on okcupid.

yeah but you all speak for all women xp

the block button speaks for all women, in this case

I think it's safe to say that we can speak for all humanity when we say you seem like a creepy fuck.

good god Im not talking in this thread anymore.. to many insults just because
"lol should i go through why facebook and aim are different"
which is a pretty lame reason if you dont consider yourself an internet nerd :p

so will you all turn off your asshole switch for a while because you can only keep kicking a guy for so long before it becomes like some sort of fun game for you jerks. buzz off

assjacks for real

Bye!

yeah you enjoy your wonderful life too

Hey, we're on your side here Cap'n.

assjacks. . . for real

No we aren't. We're on her side. The side that thinks you've "stalked" her MORE than enough.

Needs poll.

tough love ilx-style tbh

u fuck up on the internet, we gonna tell u about it

Poor guy. He learned a valuable lesson in protocol and now we're just dumping on him.

Valuable lesson 1: don't be a creep
Valuable lesson 2: if you are a creep don't tell people on ILX about it

Two valuable lessons in one!

Captain, I honestly don't mean to be rude. I had a situation a few years ago where I met a girl on a couple different occasions and seemed to hit it off with her (we even made tentative plans to hang out one-on-one), and then I sent too many e-mails and made too many phone calls before I got the message that she wasn't interested after all. So I know what it's like.

I don't think what you did is beyond the pale or anything. But you have to see understand how it might be off-putting to someone. That's all. I know you'd probably prefer for her to just be up front with you, but it's often easier, especially in situations where you only know each other online, to just ignore someone if you're not interested. And you have to respect that, because if you don't, then you're just making it worse.

what a mess.

this is the first thread I've ever read on ILX. I HAVE A FEELING I GOT LUCKY

what a mess. disaster

lol een

hahahahhahahahahah

welcome!

een i found your website -- wanna chat??

een is kinda cute :) :)

http://andreaeen.com/valley/images/AE200-nobox.jpg

I suppose I hit the creepy territory by sending 2 messages instead of one. I didn't think she got the first message and the only thing the second message said "did you get the first message". I should be ashamed and I die for being a "creepy fuck" as you continually feel the need to point out in those exact words. I'm not going to go into why a couple of the posters here are just pathetic trolls because it's a little to obvious. -_-

first thread I remember reading on ILX had a picture of Momus naked

een wins

Attempt at seriousness: jaymc's probably right. Maybe she doesn't use it much, so while you've only emailed her twice, it looks to her like YOU'RE THERE WAITING TO POUNCE every time she logs on. Plus bear in mind that internet isn't real life. She doesn't know the real you and doesn't have any reason to think of you as a real person - you're just a crazy login - so why wouldn't she block you? It's by far the easiest thing to do. Don't take it personal.

Probably shouldn't have emailed those pictures of you in your mom's underwear either, but hey it's easy to be wise after the event.

i don't rly care if you are or are not a creepy fuck, that's something you have to learn for yourself. i'm just thinking how i would feel is all.

"I suppose I hit the creepy territory by sending 2 messages instead of one."

Uh not to get all post-lawyery, but didn't you actually cop to sending MULTIPLE messages?

xxp I'm not taking any of that personal just the people who went out of their way to call me a creepy fuck. they got suggestbanned

the ultimate revenge

xxp yes 2 is a multiple of 1

good, i like to hear that someone got suggestbanned

just ignore his request until you know whether you want accept or refuse duh

― ice cr?m, Thursday, September 10, 2009 8:45 PM (44 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

ie 1 + 1 = 2

one and one and one is three
got to be good looking cause he's so hard to please

http://www.ratemybody.com/profile_1113468_lmthatguy.html#!

if u want 2 know more ;)

"I saw that she logged in one night and I sent her a few messages about how I got her name from OkCupid and she should check her mail."

een I <3 you; you have already contributed greatly to this fine board.

that's just means I hit enter more than 1 time during the IM conversation in which it was probably too later to get ahold of her so I logged off

I didnt want to talk to her.. I just sent a message that said check your OkCupid and see if you might be interested later

Ah so it was just ONE message with line breaks. I guess that's another valuable lesson you learned. Don't hit enter.

and then the next day I sent one IM that said "did you get that odd message last night about okcupid" (I already knew it was strange to send her a 2nd message, hence me writing the owrd odd).. and she never got this message because she logged off as I was sending it

end of story

technically one message with line breaks on IM is still several messages because everytime you hit send - it says 'send message'

send her the link to this thread next - she'll understand

maybe you should send it to her again, see if she got the message

Mr. Que are you bating this on?

gross

Maybe you should find out where she lives and stand out front with a gigantic poster "DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE?"

captain lorax is one of the best ilx posters in awhile

Mr. Que are you bating this on?

dude, i'm at work. please.

Sucks that poor Nobodysprawn will never actually get an answer to her question now that everyone is jumping on CL. :-(

i think she got a couple of answers already though

she got like every single response possible already

next step poll, obv

Sounds like no one will be jumping on CL anytime soon, amirite?

Oof... if you just sent her a message on the site wouldn't it have gone to her email address (even if she hadn't logged in in awhile)? And then she would have had the benefit of viewing your profile/photos etc. instead of just a screenname, helping her to decide whether or not to respond. This is just how these kinds of sites are designed to work I think!
Maybe I'm taking this too seriously.

next time...

I guess some ppl know who Prawn is because I don't see mention of gender anywhere...?

he probably just wants to see more pictures to make sure what you look like.

Gay guys aren't going to be asking for this advice, Dan.

because I don't see mention of gender anywhere...?

I hesitated before saying "women" earlier, but Kate had already called her a "she," so I decided to take the risk, knowing that I'd feel awful for being so heteronormative if Nobodysprawn turned out to be a dude.

hahaha Alex

prawn=shrimp
shrimp=always female

but (s)he is nobody's prawn

Elephant in the room that no one's mentioning: jaymc.xls

maybe she IS a prawn, but is nobody's, because everybody is going about it the wrong way

oh, i thought it said nobodyspawn but i can't read

Don't worry, Bob, I'm firing up the .xls right now.

ew

jaymc you bating this on?

Master the bating.xls

I thought guy: prawn sized penis. Next tgread will focus on size mattering or not. Answer: depends.

ko poy bating

Actually i am lying. It does.

prawn sized penis

well there's a pleasant mental image

cock lobster

But you can believe what you wAnt of course

jagger wins the thread

you can keep it

I just arrived and am trying to figure out if Lorax actually had the right IM account, or if he just assumed someone's okcupid account name would be the same person on AIM

Y'know, I think everyone has wildly different views on social internet stuff and making any across the board statements aside from "don't be a total creep and asshole" isn't the best move.

I mean, I think it's waaaaaaay creepier when people I met once when I was six who are like 3rd cousins or something try to get ahold of me than when someone from one website pops up on another, but I'm not about to tell the 3rd cousin "whoa dude you are breaching a serious social contract here".

I don't get it. What are your third cousins doing to you? Just contact you?

You know, sending you a facebook friend request, then guessing your IM account and being all like "dude, you're my third cousin, right? did you get my facebook request?"

Oh man yeah that's super-creepy.

You should totally tell your second cousins to watch out for them.

having 3rd cousins is creepy

OK how many ILXors on this thread are friends with a bunch of other ILXors theyve never met cos I know a lot of you totally are fwiw

friends on FB I mean, sorry I just woke up.

I'm not on Facebook. Facebook is creepy.

Yeah, just trying to contact me, but I really don't like that side of the family, and really, I don't know them AT AL and they're asking me stuff about my life.

But that's the point, anything that's only been around for a few years or so doesn't really have codified universal social contract rules so it relies much much more on personal foibles.

I'm not trying to say CL didn't stray a bit into slightly ick territory or anything, just that hard and fast rules like "man you DO NOT message someone on facebook unless you've had AT LEAST 500 characters of conversation on AIM" or whatever probably aren't the best policy.

AT AL, I say!

ilxors are the only facebook friends i havent met irl - except some of them i hav met

dude we will meet one day some day - it will be like a unicorn battling a narwhal over a piece of rainbow

with lobster

that sounds amazing

"just that hard and fast rules like "man you DO NOT message someone on facebook unless you've had AT LEAST 500 characters of conversation on AIM" or whatever probably aren't the best policy."

I don't recall anyone saying this.

yet

Oh neither do I, and I think I'm probably incorporating stuff I've heard elsewhere, but when people act like some action on a social networking site is breaking a centuries-old taboo, I'm just confused.

jhoshea and i will feast on lobster together that is a life promise

feast on prawn?

too far?

facebook is an interesting case since you can actually build up lists of people with different levels of access to your info -- like a work list that sees practically nothing, good friends that see everything, and so on.

That said, if you've only had passing contact via email with someone, do you really want to be connected to them on facebook? It'd fall into my mental category of "people I know but want to know better", but I usually really only think that way about people I've run into in person.

I know Prawn IRL - don't think it's spilling too much personal info to say, yes she is an woman.

And she will be really REEEEAAALLLY confused when she gets back from the pub and logs on and sees what happened to this thread.

we made her something beautiful

I've added 100s of strangers on facebook just so they will be my groupies for my fb rockband (Foghat's Bastard Children). I just make sure to permanently hide all their messages on my homepage.

i mader her something beautiful

http://thedomesticdiva.files.wordpress.com/2007/10/shrimpbaby.jpg

^^ best use of prawn baby ... Mr. Que >>>>>Radiohead

everything in its right plaice

as long as there's no more talk of relish ...

Mr. Que >>>>>Radiohead

can't make value statements about radiohead without a poll to back it up imo

but i promised myself not to make any more radiohead parody polls

Late to the party now but I just finished reading all this and got inspired.

http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/2721/assjacks.jpg

u don't need to keep bullying the guy when he's asked u to give him a break

I read some strong real talk on this subject not too long ago, and I think it would be useful here:

And while I'm dishing out the pro-tips: keep this in mind when e-mailing women.

Most people, but especially women, do not know how to communicate online. They weren't raised on the message board. They think e-mails, wall posts, and messages are bigger deals than they are and there's a strong chance they won't know what or how to respond to you, even if you wrote something witty, friendly or well. They just don't know how to do online communication as well as most guys (yet).

So even if a girl likes you, she may not know how to respond to your witty and cute Facebook message if she doesn't know you well enough IRL. So the lesson to be learned is not to force things with women you don't know too well. Be patient, talk to them in person and let them get an idea of who you are and what your agenda towards them is before you go sending that drunken Facebook poke at 2:45 in the morning.

If you talk to a girl before you write her then your e-mail or wall post has your personality in it, and not that of some random guy that's messaging her. It makes things much easier for her. Keep that in mind: if you make the ordeal easy for the girl things will go easier for you.

...

The truth is that if you are unsure of talking to a girl or messaging her online it's because you have yet to reached the advanced stage in the game where it's cool to do that. You have more work to do (either in social skills or knowing her) and no amount of GirlFAQS is going to change that. If you have to ask for help then you're already in over your head, and bound to make the Big Mistake, if not now, later.

So next time you're thinking of making a thread about how to rescue the princess from the castle, Mario, keep this in mind: there really aren't any shortcuts when it comes to socialization and women. If you're awkward you're making it hard on yourself, if you don't know a girl well enough to add her or message her on Facebook don't do it. So much of what relationship threads amount to is ignoring these basic social rules. This doesn't just go for this board, this also applies to all the other places where guys ask for online help in the realm of women.

conversely, if a girl is on OKC and expressly states that she wouldn't mind receiving messages, ignore the above and send her something engaging pronto before she is SNAPPED UP ;)

seriously, though, that 'real talk' is just a mite patronising

lollllll how it assumes it's the (female) recipient that doesn't "know how to do online communication"

i don't know if that's entirely true ... I think the key concept in all of this is "dating." If some guy I only knew from online messaged me on facebook or wherever and the gist of it was "hey I wanted to know more about (thing) that you seem to be knowledgeable about" or "I have a copy of this foreign no wave documentary you said you wanted to see" or asked for restaurant recommendations where I live or something like that, it would be far less creepy than an unsolicited attempt to get a date.

lollllll how it assumes it's the (female) recipient that doesn't "know how to do online communication"

― harbl, Friday, 11 September 2009 01:19 (1 minute ago) Bookmark

yeah exack

in other words, it's a lot less creepy if there is something more to the communication than "why because you seem intersting"

I think the key concept in all of this is "dating." If some guy I only knew from online messaged me on facebook or wherever and the gist of it was "hey I wanted to know more about (thing) that you seem to be knowledgeable about" or "I have a copy of this foreign no wave documentary you said you wanted to see" or asked for restaurant recommendations where I live or something like that, it would be far less creepy than an unsolicited attempt to get a date.

That's far more normal than what usually seems to happen, which is a guy just sending a friend request or something really vague and hoping the girl will decipher it all and get back to him right away.

x-post

and guys don't find being on the receiving end of this weird or creepy?

The four or five emails I've sent to girls on OKCupid have been, like, LIFE non sequiturs, these things that are just things I have been thinking and supposedly was inspired to say by a profile. Made a sort of casual friend this way. I don't think I'm capable of anything else; or I am, but would feel creepy doing anything else, as if I were gaming life. I'd like to get a weird email from a cute stranger, but I understand why others wouldn't.

Though messaging women with "you seem so interesting..." and a friend request sounds like a great way to find comedy, if not friendships.

xxpost

I dunno. There was this woman from Australia who randomly messaged me because I was on some recent sign-ups page.

And I put up with it before deleting my account, but the subtext of my emails was, you're considerably older than me and live in Australia and we have nothing in common to boot.

For what it's worth, I met my wife at a bar, friended her on FB that night, chatted with her like 3 hours a day for the next week before we actually went on a date together, and that turned out pretty awesome. So there are no hard and fast rules for these things.

(Chatted with her over AIM, from the SN I got off her FB.)

xpost

Yeah, I thought the whole point of Facebook was to sporadically talk to a bunch of people you only barely know, but I don't use Facebook so maybe I've misinterpreted.

i thought the whole point of Facebook is to show all the people you went to highschool and college with what a great life you have now.

honestly to be fair and honest for what it's worth,

comma

,

intersting

How would one do that, Sarahel? Do you show photos of your house and dog and beautiful husband and all that? Brag about you job? Is Facebook for assholes only?

interstitial, yo

h tbf ah fwiw

and guys don't find being on the receiving end of this weird or creepy?

Friend requests from young women I've never met has only happened one or two times and I just ask them if we've met or if they're just being friendly. If the intent seemed innocuous then it's only as awkward and creepy as you want to make it.

if a girl is on OKC...

Oklahoma City girls are especially prone to be snapped up, I presume.

xp - I was being somewhat facetious, actually most of friends' posts are links or youtube clips or quiz results ... but yes, photos of children, pets, spouse, travel ... as well as the daily harvest from one's garden, job accomplishments, etc.

xpost YES all my Oklahomies know.

How would one do that, Sarahel? Do you show photos of your house and dog and beautiful husband and all that? Brag about you job? Is Facebook for assholes only?

I've seen young women getting ready to go out on the town and before they go out one of them will say "bring the camera. tonight is a night for taking photos for facebook." so...

Photobloggers are scum. Sorry if any of you are photobloggers.

fb isn't all this subtle status competition ... one of my hs friends posted the best babby picture -- the kid was dressed in a homemade chicken costume.

I was just saying photobloggers. It was associative.

xp
Facebook's design can encourage the worst behavior from people who already were self-conscious about their social life (Friend counters, notes about yourself, photo-sharing, job and school resume etc etc)

FB to me doesnt count in overall online interaction because its the one place even "non computer" people tend to go, often they wont go anywhere else or even have PCs at home (they'll FB from work).

And the idea women dont do online comms (implication: lol girls cant use computers) is so offensive to me I want to shove an unshielded cable up someones ass.

Yeah I don't think it's really too different.

facebook is for storing photos, joining common-interest groups and keeping in touch w/ ppl - that is why i approve of facebook

you're quite fond of photos, aren't you? ;

Yeah photos is one of the only things I use it for. I'm unhappy at the idea many of my peeps now use it as their event organiser (and they wont email or phone to invite anyone), but whatEVER.

it is also a subtle experiment in social engineering and hivemind which requires alertness to fend off - that is why i disapprove of facebook, although this aspect of it is played up somewhat

yeah sarahel i might be a 'photoblogger' :-/ but i think i'm safe for now

i might be a 'photoblogger'

that was not what i was thinking of ...

a narcissist? imo it shd be done as much for lolz as for vanity

I was referring to a few of your past "glories" documented on ilx ...

thanks in advance for locking this thread, mod

anyway ... the homemade chicken costume was pretty awesome.

If you have one of those columnar photoblogs hosted on tumlr or blogger or whatever, then you're over the edge, Country Matters. Otherwise I think you're in the clear.

i've just never been into taking pictures of myself, friends, etc. I don't see being into it as a personality flaw ... I'm just conscious of the powers of the internet to propagate things and the abilities of photoshop, primarily.

Hm. I guess. I have at times been very open on the Internet and have always proved impervious. It's like some 1p3 thread, and it's obvious from the stats that only 3 people in the entire world have read it. I mean, I've posted my address in the middle of London online and a dozen lampposts and gotten no strangers to show up at my house. Stuff like that.

I made peace with photoblogging until I went to some crummy indie dance night that was really just house music playing, and this guy was going around with an expensive camera documenting the modes of dress and faces and dances, and I got really annoyed and saw into a new side of the activity.

i just don't like looking at photos of people that much ...

Then there's the art-student photographer who tries to inject poignancy to their skinny dipping or ice cream date or whatever. They're okay, I guess.

did they start by taking pictures in cemeteries?

i've just never been into taking pictures of myself, friends, etc. I don't see being into it as a personality flaw ... I'm just conscious of the powers of the internet to propagate things and the abilities of photoshop, primarily.

http://photos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs204.snc1/7133_639311667500_36910239_40959431_1047921_n.jpg

Naw, not goth, just, like, "I'm in art school and I have a lot of really attractive friends, here are my photos with oblique framing and heavy grain and shit."

xpost lol

xp - congratu-fucking-lations!

XD <3

that was at a Lightning Bolt show ... can we call a truce before I compose 5 pages of your flaws and post them to ilx?

username search: haberdager, first 10 posts (more)

also yeah totally truce but nuff with the 'former glories' k :D

it's a deal.

TAKE IT TO AIM

j/k

this thread is like Towering Inferno or one of those disaster movies ...

I just want you all to know that some of you went out of the way to tell me that I'm a "fucking weirdo!!" or "creepy fuck" (goole and call all destroyer)...

please enjoy your well deserved suggest banns.
in the future try not to be such intolerant ass-jacks out to fuck people up

just glad to know i'm on the board tbh

btw the closest i came to actually "insulting" you was sayin that you fucked up on the internet but you already knew that huh

i never called you a creep or weirdo--def not my style

thx man, i'll think about it. i didn't really go out of my way tho.

lorax persrvere man, lots of us out here support u

oh yeah ― Alex in SF is the one who said "creepy fuck", you said don't fucking IM ppl... I probably didn't sb you just alex

captain save a captain

so you are ok call all destroyer.. lol. One less SB to worry about for now

sorry, I got you confused with alex when I was just looking back in this thread

Can I just say in fairness capn that what you said you did, it did come across as something that (from a woman's POV anyway) is kind of inappropriate. You sent a series of unsolicited messages to a complete stranger. I'd have blocked you too, out of "wtf". Its nothing to get angry over, but it wasnt the smartest thing to do.

I only got angry at the people calling me "fucking" ____

but I'm sure that if some girl got some unsolicited message that she didn't care about it wouldn't freak her out; she would just block me or something. I mean I don't think she put any thought into who she blocks or what not.

the other case would be that she didn't block me. she may have went back and read my okcupid message.
but she hasn't logged back into okcupid for over a couple weeks (one thing you can tell by okcupid)... so whatever I quit on her. I wasn't going to email her more than twice. I really didn't do anything very creepy. I just tried to see if she was alive basically.

ok let's stop