Women's peeves about their guy

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/10/05/tf.loves.pet.peeves/index.html

some of these people are imaginary, right

'the frisky'

I think almost all of them are perfectly reasonable, except for the 2 or 3 that seem to have been written by either robots or retards -- perhaps those are the ones you meant.

Actually most of the writers are pretty charitable about the things that annoy them, ending with "but it's a small price to pay for blah blah blah" sweetness & light.

Sorry, or did you mean the comments AFTER the article? I'm afraid to read those.

My significant other doesn't hear me. I can tell him things over and over, but unless I stand right in front of him and tell him it is important, he never remembers what I tell him.

My way of dealing with it is to bombard him with things when I do have his attention. So what should be a simple statement ends up being about 10 statements, because I know he is listening at that time."
--Suzanne Alicie

"The most annoying thing that a guy could possibly do is look right through you whenever the game is on. The rest of the time you're told you make a better door than a window, but somehow they can see through you then! Game time is the best time for "me time," though. I probably do the same thing when I watch Lifetime!"
-- Jody Morse, East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania

I hadn't gotten to the comments and I know this is totally wrong but after reading that article, especially the quotes Milo and Curt1s reposted reposted, I came across this comment:

Ray
updated 55 minutes ago

It's not that we don't listen....it's that we just don't care.

HERO

to be fair, Suzanne sounds aware that her solution is non-optimal

smart person here

Minor annoyances are nothing in comparison to keeping the peace in a household. We all have annoying habits that can irk our significant others."
-- Pamela Chenevert, Sturbridge, Massachusetts

on the flipside, the woman who folded up and put away the paper towels also = HERO

Is this perhaps the worst lede ever? Finding a boyfriend is only the beginning when it comes to relationship woes.

That sentence is really just kinda o_O. I know what it means, but I don't know if they know what it means, you know?

"He will ask me to watch a movie with him and then he logs onto the Internet and plays poker during the movie. He makes comments and I'll think it's about the movie, but then realize he's making a comment to another online player out loud. I usually leave the room or read a magazine because my interest in the movie is broken. I've told him this annoys me, but he still does it."
--Teresa Mahieu, Junction City, Kansas

this guy is just a dick IMO

Also, lol-ing because in our house I mostly do the laundry and my wife does two of the things mentioned here. (Leaving clothes on floor and not putting them down the chute, and leaving Kleenex, paper towels, wrappers etc. in her pants pockets.) TAKE THAT LADIES.

I don't think much of it means anything, which is kind of reassuring. Like hey, confirmed, any human in the world you live with will do irritating messy things, not always be entirely listening to you, and have a couple weird habits -- all is right and well with the universe.

xpost - yeah, none of these things seem remotely gender-specific, which is probably a good sign for all respondents

"His biggest may be weekend rearranging the man cave by dumping everything in the living room and starting over."

What does this mean?

I despair that I know what this means.

^ okay, that whole one was clearly an abandoned rough draft of a Jean Teasdale column

time better spent rearranging the woman cave amirite

I've always thought "peeves" were weird. GF is totally oblivious when she's wrapped up in projects, the computer, TV shows she likes, etc. And I'm the same way. Only difference is that she gets crazy peeved about it, builds it into this big deal about personal respect. And I don't.

Meta-peeve = peevishness about peevishness. Guilty as charged.

It even contains a sentence that could be interpreted to suggest this woman married her own illegitimate son:

After all, he is the result of the best mistake I ever made.

That's one of the two people that I think might be a robot because that post just makes no sense. Also the one who has to be taken out to Starbucks to placate her when she turns obnoxious. That one is really wtf.

(He has his own guy room, called a "man cave", and likes to spend time rearranging it, but when he does it encroaches on the common family space.)

(A friend of mine has a man cave but his wife mistakenly calls it his "man hole". Whenever he hosts his poker night, she always tells everyone walking in the door that all the guests are already in her husband's man hole. She can't seem to work out why she shouldn't say this.)

I like this comment:

Cat
updated 3 minutes ago

Ketchup on a hot dog is UNnatural? What planet are you from? Ketchup on a hot dog ROCKS!

Ah clear solution to the man cave issue is to make the entire house into mutual cave.

tempted to make one of those isitchristmas type sites. amiwithsomeoneterrible.com or w/e and it just says YES.

My mom does the weekly re-arranging thing, it used to drive me nuts as a kid.

cat otm

So when they moved into my grandfather's old house, my dad and I divided the large living room into two. Now she has her lizards, computer, TV, fish tank, etc. in one room that can be repeatedly arranged without bothering him.

hot dogs are unnatural

show me where "hot dog" appears in the Bible and I will grant that they are natural

"My husband is quite the prankster; he used to fall to the floor at random times and lay there, lifeless, as though he had passed out. I finally conveyed to him that if he ever really passed out, I probably would just walk away and assume that he was up to his usual tricks. I guess the thought of that really scared him, because he stopped doing it!"
-- Jamie Marable, Birmingham, Alabama

what i say what in the hell

"make the entire house into mutual cave" == yes, this is something that has always fascinated me about gender roles w/r/t homes and stuff -- there is even a whole reality show where they build men one room arranged to their (admittedly often hideous) likings. and it always makes perfect sense in terms of a whole bunch of stuff about gender roles and social conventions and whatnot, but at some point it's like geez, this guy is an adult with a job and a house and his own horrible taste, so why does there need to be some private addendum to his home where he can put up his framed Sopranos posters? is control over home function and decor routinely held in quite so gendered a way?

yeah pretty much

no, not entirely

lol

my office has a vintage elliott gould poster lording over everything

Elliott Gould is awesome. Forget the office - that should be in your house.

we don't have any posters on our walls

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/ssi/story/2.0/banner/the.frisky.inc/the_frisky_logo_cnn.gif

at some point it's like geez, this guy is an adult with a job and a house and his own horrible taste, so why does there need to be some private addendum to his home where he can put up his framed Sopranos posters? is control over home function and decor routinely held in quite so gendered a way?

I mean this is really making me roffle hardcore. I am imagining putting all of my Doctor Who books on the living room shelves and the resulting fight that would happen because of it and... seriously, lol. You do not know how quickly some women will stab you over their living aesthetic, it seems. It isn't really a surprise; there are tons of girl toys surrounding dressing up and decorating, so it would be odd if a larger percentage of women didn't grow up more passionate about controlling the decor of their living spaces than men.

i don't think it's gendered, either, i think when people live together, it's natural for one or both of them to need their own space

one of the first things my bf did when we moved into our apartment was install art on the walls. i initially wanted higher shelves, but we reached a good compromise.

You put his art on the higher shelves?

most of it is art by friends and stuff we bought at benefit sales.

i don't think it's gendered, either, i think when people live together, it's natural for one or both of them to need their own space

This is certainly part of it but I do think there's a gender role component to this when you move into common space, which is where nabisco is perplexed that the guy's wife/girlfriend isn't allowing him to plaster the walls with Sopranos posters.

I am imagining putting all of my Doctor Who books on the living room shelves and the resulting fight that would happen because of it and... seriously, lol. You do not know how quickly some women will stab you over their living aesthetic, it seems. It isn't really a surprise; there are tons of girl toys surrounding dressing up and decorating, so it would be odd if a larger percentage of women didn't grow up more passionate about controlling the decor of their living spaces than men.

This definitely doesn't apply to all women though. I wouldn't care about that sort of thing at all.

I actually shouldn't say "control" is gendered, since it's not like these guys' wives had special rooms to whatever they wanted, but the standard set-up had the wife as the enforcer of social norms like "no tacky posters" and "this area off the living room is supposed to be a den and no, you can't put a poker table in the den," etc. (xpost yeah, Dan, this has always been a set of responsibilities put on women) -- but then eventually they'd leave these guys one little independent space somewhere to mess with, which in the end is not really so imbalanced of a deal, apart from the weird social and symbolic humiliation of being considered inappropriate to your own home

xpost - Dan I'm not perplexed in the least, I just find it like 2% problematic as a cultural thing!

first world problems iirc.

btw - right in the middle of our living room RS has an entire bookcase filled with graphic novels and decorated with Marvel character dolls most of which I bought for him knowing that they'd be displayed there.

The decoration stuff is interestingly intertwined with whose responsibility it is to manage the household in general. I mean, organization of house things in general gets combined with the fact that it's unmasculine to have good taste/cary about design aesthetics, et viola.

I am imagining putting all of my Doctor Who books on the living room shelves and the resulting fight that would happen because of it and... seriously, lol.

What?

not cuz they're doctor who books, but because there are approximately 200 of them.

(xpost - I mean it's not a flat conflict of control, a lot of it is wives who feel socially beholden to create a Proper Home and then husbands who feel less beholden and just want what they like)

it's unmasculine to have good taste/care about design aesthetics, et viola.

i think it depends on what social circles one runs in, as well as class.

xp Husbands who aren't really judged by the relative beauty/comfort of the home, because that's not "their" "job" to manage.

yeah i think it depends on the people involved--my wife and i have NO pictures on the walls, we've lived in our place for like 4 years? neither one of us really cares about decorating (obv.) i really don't think there's anything embarrassing about people having their own space if they want it.

There was this AMAZING old TLC home makeover show where a designer would come in and make these wholly insulting almost-childlike themed rooms for men in their homes, the most staggering one being the one done for a golfing enthusiast that had an actual golf green with a hole and flag placed in the middle of the room, making the whole space practically unusable. The wife was so excited about it, it was ludicrous; it was almost like watching the human-human equivalent of the relationship between those batshit poodle groomers and their dogs.

not cuz they're doctor who books, but because there are approximately 200 of them.

AND because they are Doctor Who books. Also because I already have two shelves filled to overflowing with SF/Fantasy books out there.

http://worldoflongmire.com/dailycomment/racecar_bed.jpg

I thought Dr. Who was just a tv show...pardon my ignorance at the existence of Dr. Who "books"

Surprised that anyone is at all surprised by HD's story. Individual variation's a given, but I think what he's talking about is a cultural norm. Cliche, stereotype, whatever, but still the way a lot of homes operate.

http://www.childrens-bedding-direct.co.uk/product_info.php?products_id=3073&osCsid=74d3bc4ce964a5d7982fc0f50edb2232

xp Dan: it sounds more like she wants more equity in terms of shelf space, or a broader representation of genres

that's pretty much what I mean by "socially beholden," Laurel

you mean you want a car-shaped bed?

with a dalek comforter

yeah those design shows are weird....they hear that one guy kinda likes the red sox and they paint a giant mural of ted williams frozen head floating in pickle juice on one wall and put ketchup on the heel of half of his white socks

the question is if they make dalek comforters in queen and king size, or do the manufacturers just assume that someone who buys one is sleeping alone?

Dan: it sounds more like she wants more equity in terms of shelf space, or a broader representation of genres

No, she wants me to get rid of all of my Doctor Who books because she thinks they're ugly and childish. We have had very clear communication on this issue over the past 16 years.

She also wants me to get rid of most of my CDs because they don't all fit on the CD rack and she thinks the milk crates and boxes I keep the overflows in are ugly; there is currently no space to put another 750 CD rack in the living room and we'd need to do a serious reorganization of the study to even free up the space to put in shelving for them, but she already has entirely different plans for that space anyway.

yikes.

Yeah I feel bad for you Dan! :-(

heh, my bf's comic book collection from junior high and high school was already in boxes to be shoved in the back of some closet.

x-post Tell her to leave your books/CDs alone!!! >:O

my wife doesn't like when i drink octoberfest and give her dutch ovens late at night. but she knows i love her.

haha

Yeah I feel bad for you Dan! :-(

Don't! This is rather obviously not a dealbreaker argument for either of us, having been married for a decade and together as a couple for 16 years. So yes, she pushes every now and then about getting rid of stuff and I say "Um, no," and then there's some back and forth and then it's over.

The big argument is going to be over the remodel she wants to do that I am convinced will render our place unsellable but that's still down the road.

but she already has entirely different plans for that space anyway.

This is called being goal-oriented.

hahaha

i think the only arguments we have had over decor have been based on ease of locating things and preventing piles of things from accumulating on the floor

Yeah no I know it's obv not a dealbreaker it's just really foreign to me to not allow things that one's partner really likes to have a space in their home. Those are exactly the kinds of things that make a place feel like home to me.

my wife also didn't like when i peed on the dining room chair one night in a drunken haze...i don't think thats a peeve.

Eh, I suck at group projects, so it's just as well to clearly delineate responsibilities. I can clearly imagine saying, "You care about your records, so you get to choose how and where the music is stored. But move anything in my kitchen and I will kill you with a potato masher."

well, if you only have one chair in the dining room, it sounds like you have other problems

we have four. weeee.

I get her point about the CDs. If we had the space and the funds to really build something out, I would love to have them all organized and put away but, due to the layout of our living room and the amount of stuff in it, we don't have enough physical space to put them all out in an organized, orderly fashion and if we pack a bunch of them off in the basement I am sure I'll start buying duplicates of things I already own. We haven't argued about it in years anyway because I think she's given up on me budging about getting rid of any of them.

oh woah, you have a basement? see, we keep a bunch of our CD's in our storage space--haven't run into the duplicate problem

Laurel - I can definitely see how some people would prefer that kind of system. I've just always been of the mindset when living with someone that shared space is just that have never really had those sort of disagreements.

Ha yeah, we have basement space but that is also rapidly running out of space, what with several boxes of clothes that have never actually been unpacked mixed in with a bunch of stuff we should just throw out and my one concession to the common space, namely moving out my comic book longboxes.

To be honest I have probably been pretty lucky that I've never lived with anyone who had a problem with me having a life size stuffed bear or my Alf doll in the living room.

in our storage space right now we have maybe 3-4 broken chairs. some that need to be re-caned, some that need "repair." they've been there for years, and i've stopped thinking about them for the most part.

over the past 16 years

lol u old (nb i am older)

my "taste" in "art" tends to run to maps of the roman empire. so i have one of those, and wife pretty much selected everything else. i don't really care.

cds went into binders last time we moved.

We have a bike in our storage area where basically I think the frame is salvageable but the chain and tires are DOA. I think we can resurrect it but J just wants to get new bikes altogether. Somehow I feel like that is a waste of money (really more like having an operational bike would make me feel guilty about never riding it and I hate guilt more than I hate my slowly-growing gut).

hahaha we keep our bikes in our storage space, too. we only get them out a couple of times a year, but it's worth it and totally fun whenever we do go out. i guess i bought mine with an unexpected bonus, so no guilt there.

(also I not-so-secretly hate keeping things in the basement because J is afraid of it therefore always makes me trudge up and down the two flights of stairs to get stuff or put stuff away)

ENBB: yeah, at one low point in my relationship, I visited a single friend's place and it was very tidy, and he had shelves everywhere, and I felt a bit resentful of the restrictions on shelving because my bf wanted art on the upper parts of the walls. But then I decided that that compromise and sharing was intrinsic to being in a relationship.

Compromise and sharing are intrinsic to being in relationships but I am glad that my relationship doesn't involve very much need for decor compromise, because I wouldn't care enough to fight but I have friends with similarly lax attitudes who live in ridiculously decorated houses and that would be depressing.

i dont own enough stuff to get into arguments with my girlfriend about it

Sarahel - agreed but like I said, the fact that I have my fair share of weird and random stuff laying around has most likely colored the way I feel about this.

We actually have similar tastes and values, and have large collections of books and movies that constantly grow past our capacity to shelve them, so there are piles on the floor.

I stuff my ridiculous amount of yarn behind the book cases. My books. I am in awe of my husband's ability to tolerate my growing stash 'n' book collection.

it's not like these guys' wives had special rooms to whatever they wanted

uhhhhhh the kitchen, wherever the washer/dryer are, etc etc

bad, bad joke

baddest joke in the whole damn town

bad because it's mostly true

Well, whatever you're responsible for, I think you get priority in making decisions about. One of my uncles did all the cooking at his house, he pretty much good-naturedly "tolerated" my aunt's keeping some canned soups etc in the cupboard for when he wasn't home to make a 3-course meal but everything else was HIS business.

btw I don't think the home-space thing is entirely about different interests or tastes, though that's the stuff it plays out around -- what seems more important is that one partner is taking the role/responsibility of keeping a conventionally attractive and functional and socially appropriate home, and therefore being the enforcer of what has to be what way, so the other partner inevitably winds up craving some small autonomous space they can feel is un-enforced and actually theirs.

These articles do my heart justice. So glad I'm single again and honestly really don't mind staying that way. My kids are everything I need.
Steve
updated 18 minutes ago

kinda bummed there are no ads for the remake of "The Stepfather" linked to this article

Mr Veg and I have found middle ground. We have all our cds in the living room...giant Rockband drum kit + guitars...some of my family photos, some of his...and a bunch of original concert poster art we've had framed over the years. we had to come to an agreement on the giant Stuka airplanes, WWII tanks etc...they hang in the computer room & the bedroom, but mainly because we don't really have any shelving in the living room display them...and if given carte blanche they'd be lined up on the dining room table :) But I really don't have too much 'grown up' sensibility about our decor. It's where we live, and it shows that we live there. We're kinda 'stuff' magnets, we like stuff. Some people find it childish but I know guys who aren't even allowed to have their cds on display in the BASEMENT. The only peeve we run into is me leaving my laundry in piles in the closet, and his reluctance to throw anything away (shoes that no longer fit, etc). But we're more alike than we are different, so the niggles don't really spill over that much.

his reluctance to throw anything away

My husband's socks with more holes that fabric have a way of disappearing.

Whoah whoah whoah there are MODEL PLANES at your house?? I want these.

are the stukas over disneyland?

At least its not this article.

WORLD'S WORST LOVERS:

1. Germany (too smelly)
2. England (too lazy)
3. Sweden (too quick)
4. Holland (too dominating)
5. America (too rough)
6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)
7. Wales (too selfish)
8. Scotland (too loud)
9. Turkey (too sweaty)
10. Russia (too hairy)

okay that is flat-out fantastic

My husband pretends to listen while he's working but doesn't actually hear the words I'm saying. So, those important conversations I thought we were having tend to be forgotten a day later.

Am I nuts or is one solution here to not try to have "important" conversations while one party is actively doing something else?

8. Scotland (too loud)

I'm not even sure how to go about imagining this

xxp - fantastic because Brits are rated worse than Americans? You realize that according to that list, KBP is rated more highly than you, Dan.

"Am I nuts or is one solution here to not try to have "important" conversations while one party is actively doing something else?"

^^^ solitary posts that effortlessly summarize the spirit of ILX

it's like Groundskeeper Willie got so much action he threw off the poll

the top 5's have a funny catholic/protestant split but after that it breaks down /gabbneb

oh wow, that's a really good point

we need a parenthetical reason for the top 10 too imo

1. Spain (most swarthy)
2. Brazil (most exotic)
3. Italy (most culinary)
4. France (most oral)
5. Ireland (most ginger)
6. South Africa (most segregated)
7. Australia (most formerly convicted)
8. New Zealand (most sheep)
9. Denmark (most there)
10. Canada (most ladylike)

Okay I have a long history with Irish boys and even *I* have no idea how they got to #5.

accent + loads of alcohol

on that note though, waow that Australia made it to #7. must be the blundstones.

sorry, what's this thread about now? I lost attention right when I read the bit about the hott sweaty Turks...

stop objectifying

http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/06VdcF4gmk8ZM/610x.jpg

hahaha I was about to make an oil-wrestling joke

don't try to carry on an important conversation with me when I'm clearly busy lusting

^^ I think that's already in the site FAQ

can't speak. I've got these naked Turks to oil. I may be some time.

"peeves" is some sort of clinical term then, I guess?

on that note though, waow that Australia made it to #7. must be the blundstones.

― VegemiteGrrrl, Monday, October 5, 2009 2:00 PM

based on the cited explanation i'm pretty sure it's b/c they give it to you prison-style

but seriously read that list again this poll = one writer sitting around making up a pisstake

Prison-style = into a rolled up towel that's wrapped around ziplock baggies filled with warm water?

or in the butt, whichever is easier

Prison-style = into a rolled up towel that's wrapped around ziplock baggies filled with warm water?

― that stupid-ass cannibal pen-pal of yours (Laurel), Monday, October 5, 2009

Overwhelming Exquisite Feeling! (possibly NSFW)