Charlie Sheen commits suicide

maybe, someday

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ypTj5jw38I

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01523/hippo-crocodile-2_1523610i.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27apfmh5Qw0

http://12.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kssubuKQYK1qa1m5uo1_500.jpg

http://unrealitymag.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/major_league1.jpg

"Stick around long enough in this business, kid, and who knows - you might be star in The Big Chill 2."

jeez i just cannot predict my death pool properly

pool of people who will die someday

how dare u sir

http://bittenandbound.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/06/charlie-sheen-brooke-mueller-wedding-ok-magazine.jpg

HollywoodLife.com has learned EXCLUSIVELY that Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller’s huge Christmas Eve blow-out had everything to do with Brooke allegedly returning to some of her past substance abuse habits. Despite reports that the fight ignited over a song written for Charlie’s daughter or the fact that the couple had been drinking, a source close to the couple tells us the fight was about Brooke — and a substance abuse problem that had recently re-emerged, according to our source.

On Jan. 27, Brooke reportedly checked into the Two Dreams Outer Banks rehab center in North Carolina, after a stint in the hospital due to pneumonia. According to RadarOnline.com, Brooke “is in rehab for both drugs AND alcohol. Her lifestyle was so out of control that friends tried to bring her drugs while she was hospitalized during the past several days.”

There were also reports that Brooke was sent to rehab for substance abuse, which her lawyer denies. But one source who knows the couple tells us, “The fight they had on Christmas was definitely about her using substances again. She has been in rehab on and off for years. When she went to the hospital, it was because she was using substances again.”

We contacted Brooke’s lawyer, Yale Galanter, and have not heard back.

Charlie “is totally against drugs” the source adds

I thought this was going to be some cross-promotional tie-in for the Wall Street sequel.

wait, so basically they're saying "it's okay he hit her, she's a dirty junkie"?????

I mean, wtf

who knows what actually happened

she has druggie eyes

"it's okay to hit her she has druggie eyes"

the fuck is this thread btw

Charlie “is totally against drugs” the source adds

LOL

I think the idea is that he didn't hit her - he never admitted to more than yelling, taking her glasses and breaking them - and that her 911 call was just some cracked out crazypants stuff. but the whole thing is confusing - supposedly they want to get back together but the sheen team is clearly throwing all this shit out in the public to discredit her. no matter who did what, the whole thing sounds fubar.

team sheen

so fresh so sheen

after i found out that Channing Tatum's entourage have "team channing" jackets and refer to themselves as such in e-mails, I've just assumed that's the case for everyone.

"Wait did you say 'drugs'?" asked the source. "Oh, I thought you said 'trucks'; Charlie hates those huge awful things. He's totally cool with drugs, though."

how is it that the other guy from Two And A Half Men is the one with a price on his head?

http://www.news.com.au/entertainment/television/two-and-a-half-men-tv-star-jon-cryer-says-ex-has-hired-hitman-to-kill-him/story-e6frfmyi-1225822374200

lol his face

i still find it hard to believe sheen is as crazy, crazy rich as he is, even if I know he's the highest paid actor in sitcoms today. there's just something about him that will always scream B-movie.

waht the (re: cryer hit plot)

hes the highest paid actor in sitcom? i couldn't give a shit about him and he's ugly

:(

can't wait to find out what fucked up shit the little fat kid is up to

I just don't get who the hell watches two and a half men. I blame these people for making charlie sheen rich.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD7RCB7WWkA

WHO WATCHES IT raise your hands

can't wait to find out what fucked up shit the little fat kid is up to

― da croupier, Thursday, January 28, 2010 4:25 PM (39 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

who do u think is running that whole crazy circus

I was about to post something like "The kid from '2 and a Half Men' fingerbanged my poodle," claims distraught housewife

he did not hit her it's not true it's bullshit

And I think 2.5M is totally predictable but funny so I don't turn it off if I'm on CBS when it comes on.

SOMEONE SEND CHARLIE SHEEN TO JAIL

(ftr I hadn't heard anything about the Sheen situation beyond the initial report so I never heard the denials re: domestic abuse)

okay HI DERE is to blame

SUFFER

AND SEND JOHN TRAVOLTA WITH HIM (FOR OTHER REASONS)

I like to think that the main reason Sheen remains the star of the most popular comedy on TV through all this stuff is in part because of truth in advertising -- he plays a debauched L.A. scumbag on the show, and anyone who knows anything about him knew that that's what he is IRL since well before the show went on the air. If he was the star of Full House or something it might matter, but it doesn't.

^^^

also 2 1/2 Men is totally a funny show, or at least it was before they saddled Sheen's character w/ a really boring fiancee for the last couple seasons

HI DERE and some dude are to blame

anyone else gonna come out of the closet

the entirety of the memorable quotes page for two and half men on IMDb
==

Alan: Pretty flowers
Charlie: (sarcastically) Thanks
Alan: Wanna stick 'em somewhere?

Charlie: Come on, Berta! You're like family.
Berta: Am I in your will?
Charlie: no! but none of the others are.

bahhhahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

how can a forum so obsessed with underhanded zings turn its nose up at a show that's nothing but that?

watched Hot Shots! last night and was reminded again why i like charlie sheen as a comedic actor

stupid zings are stupid on this site and they're stupid on tv too

what if charlie was hiv+

really makes u think

fuck you that is not funny

haha

i must admit Charlie's cameo in Loaded Weapon One still makes me laugh when i think about it, and it's all in the delivery. but everything i've seen from 2.5m (admittedly late in the game shit) has been hellish.

Kind of want to argue that sharpness/originality of writing has less to do with the humor than simply just how frustrated with each other all of the characters are and how they resent being family but that sounds more like a defense of "Everybody Loves Raymond" (which, paradoxically, had better writing and acting IMO but I enjoyed a lot less)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vypByg_H_YY

BOI-OI-OING!!!

this is like a remedial sitcom or something. i feel like it's a training video for how to watch tv, but not actually a show.

haha that's a great way to put it

after i found out that Channing Tatum's entourage have "team channing" jackets and refer to themselves as such in e-mails, I've just assumed that's the case for everyone.

this fucking guy

or like, a fake sitcom that would playing inside another tv show

xp

so that is easily the least-funny 2.5M clip I've ever seen and even there the part that's funny is the look of horrified, disgusted disdain on Jon Cryer's face

i could have just taped myself watching it for one of those

2 and a half men 1 cup

hahahaha

lol velko

i never understood the stans for that show. such a stupid, stupid show.

Can't catch a break:

A car that plunged down the side of Mulholland Drive on Friday morning is owned by actor Charlie Sheen, who reported the vehicle stolen, authorities said.

Sheen called police about 5:15 a.m. to report a possible burglar on the premises of his Sherman Oaks home, said Los Angeles police Officer Bruce Borihanh.

“That’s a hot prowl -- as in, ‘I think there’s someone in my garage,’” Borihanh said.

The car, a Mercedes four-door sedan, was found 300 feet to 400 feet down near the 13300 block of Mulholland Drive in Beverly Crest, said LAPD Det. Bill Bustos.

Police and fire crews found the car badly damaged just after 4 a.m., but no one was found in or around it. A search was ongoing.

Nothing else from Sheen's home was reported stolen, Borihanh said. The Mercedes was likely taken before the burglary was reported, Borihanh said.

(Updated at 8:17 a.m.: A law enforcement source familiar with the investigation says that based on a preliminary review, it appears Sheen’s car was stolen after the actor left it in the open garage with the keys inside.)

stolen, or he accidentally slid his car off the road and then ran back inside and reported it stolen?

Yes. To both.

oh pleeeease let it be the fat kid on a meth bender

if anyone can get away with 'i left my merc in the garage with the keys in it, it's a thing i do' then i'm backing c sheen.

hot prowl

charlie sheen hot prowl film at 11

“That’s a hot prowl -- as in, ‘I think there’s someone in my garage,’”

"honey, tell Timmy he and his band have to stop hot prowling, it's after seven."

good god I haven't watched network TV in forever - you can do genital jokes like that now?

there used to be a part on his wikipedia page detailing how he'd claimed to have had sex with more than 5,000 women in his lifetime so far

"5000 1/2 Women"

Charlie Sheen, network headache.

Big Bang Theory's ratings are neck-and-neck with 2 And A Half Men these days, shouldn't be hard for CBS to just start focusing more on that anchoring their Monday night lineup.

helps that BBT is way funnier

he is looking more and more like his father

he is seeming more presidential every day, yeah

haha

i do imagine that that famous "hotel room" scene in apocalypse now is basically how every charlie sheen day begins

so nobody saw the now legendary episode - aired this week - where charlie throws up on a baby?? awe-inspiring. truly awe-inspiring. you would think this show was british or something.

two and a half men is a great show

as for the ilx snoots who couldn't give a hoot there's always reruns of 30 rock you can re-psycho-analyze
and I don't think there has been enough banter about how nothing good happened on lost this week
save the flamin for the shows yall care about

okay, naysayers, fess up to what bad or dumb shows you are a stan of. do it

no

Charlie Sheen's publicist announced Tuesday the actor has entered rehab and is taking a break from television's top-rated comedy, "Two and a Half Men," prompting the network to announce it is temporarily halting production of the show.

"As a preventative measure, Charlie Sheen has entered a rehabilitation facility," publicist Stan Rosenfield wrote in a four-sentence statement that did not specify why Sheen, 44, was seeking treatment. The statement sought privacy for the embattled actor.

Sheen's bosses expressed support for the actor in a statement that said production of "Two and a Half Men" would temporarily stop.

"CBS, Warner Bros. Television and (Executive Producer) Chuck Lorre support Charlie Sheen in his decision today to begin voluntary inpatient care at a treatment center," the statement said. "We wish him nothing but the best as he deals with this personal matter."

The statement offered no timetable for when the show would resume taping.

I like how Chuck Lorre just took another show he wrote (Cybill), added a brother/kid combo and called it a day. Cybill Shepherd is a crazed alkie that might be entertaining in person, but I'd probably cross the street if I saw Charlie Sheen coming down the sidewalk.

http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/03/exclusive-charlie-sheen-marriage-explodes-multiple-sex-partners-revealed

that is like the most unshocking shocking revelation possible

it wld b cool if one of the partners revealed was tiger woods

cooler would be Elin

We’ve also learned that the woman is single, not a prostitute and is shopping her story to the highest bidder.

love that they had to spell that out

she's a dance-ah not a whoo-ah

The story of Hollywood excess, drugs, booze and three-way sex is about to explode

the one story arc they use over and over on 2 And A Half Men is Charlie trying to settle down with one woman and swear off his womanizing ways, which always inevitably implodes and he goes back to being a happy single gigolo. it's amazing Sheen's never gotten the hint.

I honestly don't give a shit about the man but I really really love this thread title for the thrill I get every time it gets revived until I remember it's a joke.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/04/fashion/04noticed.html

TMZ has learned Charlie Sheen's car went over a cliff in the Hollywood Hills -- but Charlie was not in the car ... he was at home, when police called to report the accident.

What's bizarre is that the same exact thing happened to one of Charlie's cars back in February.

Fire and police responded to a call of a car ditching off the side of Mulholland Drive at around 3AM this morning, according to LAPD.

We're told officers arrived on the scene and found a Mercedes at the bottom of the cliff -- and after running the registration discovered it was Charlie's ride.

Just like 4 months ago ... police are at Sheen's house -- not far from the wreck -- making out a stolen vehicle report. Technically, it's stolen and recovered at this point.

Story developing...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4PNZqnaZzo&feature=related

Charlie Sheen Hospitalized After Being Found Naked, Drunk In New York Hotel

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/26/charlie-sheen-hospitalize_n_774058.html

jeez can't a guy even be naked and drunk in his own hotel room these days

rip ilx

which allergic reaction is marked by yelling and throwing furniture, because that seems like the most awesome of allergic reactions

celebrities are awfully prone to allergic reactions and exhaustion, it's pretty alarming.

which allergic reaction is marked by yelling and throwing furniture, because that seems like the most awesome of allergic reactions

I think he is allergic to sobriety.

Two and a Half Relapses

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EpjM5wMOJ4c

http://img188.imageshack.us/img188/2487/29101788132a7a3766b0.jpg

A drugged up and naked Charlie Sheen -- just two months out of rehab -- allegedly trashed his room at The Plaza Hotel early today in a frantic bid to find his wallet and cellphone after partying with a hooker, authorities said.

Hotel security called police just after 2 a.m. where they found the hard-partying Sheen after a woman called the front desk from the famed Eloise Suite, sources told The Post.

Tables and chairs had been thrown around the room and a chandelier was also damaged, sources said.

The damage to the luxury suite reportedly totaled about $7,000.

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/police_called_to_charlie_sheen_room_zKbwIvShUm8vhbeDUEowRK

too soon

ForReal

10/26/2010 3:18 PM

@bobbyd12..you're so right man...I would love to trade places with him, just for a week. All these negative posters are just jealous - their fat overweight, overeating, overbearing, wives are waiting at home. Even Al Bundy has a better life than some of these poster losers. How many of you losers can bang any girl you want? <crickets><crickets><crickets>.

JustMyTwoCents

10/26/2010 5:10 PM

Soon he will be dead in a hotel room, mouth filled with vomit, be patient.
I will just miss his show.

I'll drink to that!

Vespers1610

10/26/2010 3:36 PM

9/11 was an inside job. That's just one of Mr.Sheen's pet causes. Tells you a lot about the people who spew this kind of nonsense. Can't wait to read about his fatal OD some day.

Out-of-control Charlie Sheen is on a NEW rampage with hookers and cocaine, partying wildly since returning from New York, RadarOnline.com is reporting exclusively. And the situation is so grave that one close friend, who has known him for more than 20 years said: “Charlie Sheen is going to die this week.”

cool friend

what a bro

Charlie Sheen plans to go to work on "Two and a Half Men" this week rather than dying in a frenzy of hookers and cocaine, his manager told TMZ on Sunday.

Mark Burg, who said he went to Sheen's house to check on him to make sure he wasn't nearly dead, said he found the actor eating a turkey sandwich and asking for a copy of this week's script. "He looked as normal as he's looked in a long time," Burg told TMZ.

Charlie's challenges

How should Sheen remedy his antics?

Issue a public apology and then take some serious time to deal with his issues.

Rehab clearly didn't work...maybe he should work on stepping out of the limelight entirely.

I'm more worried about how his young ones will cope with all of this.

"He was punching the walls of the hotel room and going crazy and shouting 'n**ger, n**ger, n**ger for no reason at all," a source said. "It was absolutely bizarre."

since Charlie Sheen hasn't actually committed suicide, I think this thread's title should be changed to "Charlie Sheen punching the walls of the hotel room and going crazy and shouting 'n**ger, n**ger, n**ger for no reason at all"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AG_OB-W3FQM

magic teddy, want one.

last night's episode of two & a half men was all charlie being completely wasted and paying for hookers and hooking his mother up with the drug addict pharmacist played by martin mull. public apology? cbs should give him a raise.

can't believe how much the brat pack rules t.v. or just 80's people in general, i guess. kyle mclachachalaka was great on how i met your mother last night.

rob lowe, keifer, jon cryer, charlie, spader, even andrew mcarthy on occasion. even martha plimpton now. oh there are probably loads more that i'm forgetting. even stamos on glee.

Charlie was on a bender over the weekend, holed up with three porn stars, including Bree Olson.

Charlie's people, as well as suits from the studio ... are deeply concerned for him. We're told Charlie's people have been trying to get him in rehab but he doesn't think he has a problem.

http://www.tmz.com/2011/01/11/charlie-sheen-porn-star-bombshell-mcgee-bree-olson-makeout-kissing-video/

The fact that he's the highest paid actor on TV is amazing. I absolutely want this man to be enabled. He's really the only reason 2.5 Men is really watchable. I mean the jokes are usually pretty lame and repetitive but the show is entertaining in a way that, say, Everybody Loves Raymond or The King of Queens is not. All the characters are depraved in some way so it doesn't get off on that kind of awkwardness that other shows do. I just find it entertaining that Sheen basically plays himself and has become very successful doing so. That kid is ridiculously awful though. He must have been the only child actor available. Nearly every one of his lines are cringe-worthy, as though he doesn't even understand why his lines are supposed to be funny (they're not, but that's besides the point)

Charlie Sheen was rushed to the hospital this morning, TMZ has learned ... and a source at the hospital tells us, "It's serious."

We're told Charlie was taken out of his home on a stretcher and loaded into an ambulance at 7 AM.

Two young women exited the house at the same time Charlie was taken out with a towel partially over his face.

Charlie was transported to Cedars-Sinai Hospital in L.A. We're told tests were performed and doctors are waiting for results.

The 911 call was placed at 6:35 AM.

Sources say Charlie was having severe abdominal pains which triggered the 911 call. Stan Rosenfield, Charlie's publicist, tells TMZ Charlie was in the emergency room this morning -- sleeping.

We're told Charlie's father, Martin Sheen, and his mom, Janet Templeton, are at the hospital. Charlie's ex-wife, Denise Richards, is also there.

UPDATE: Neighbors tell TMZ Charlie threw some sort of party last night. They heard women inside Charlie's house singing Red Hot Chili Peppers songs throughout the evening. The party went on -- loudly -- well into the wee hours.

kinda feel like this is charlie sheen's three-sentence biography: Neighbors tell TMZ Charlie threw some sort of party last night. They heard women inside Charlie's house singing Red Hot Chili Peppers songs throughout the evening. The party went on -- loudly -- well into the wee hours.

dude probably ODed while banging two hookers

how this isn't a weekly occurrence, I have no idea

severe abdominal pains & singing Red Hot Chili Peppers songs throughout the evening......unrelated?

two and a half men is a great show

― CaptainLorax, Thursday, February 11, 2010 2:41 PM (11 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

know how there's sometimes a moment w/ ppl that you seriously begin to question if you can ever place stock in their opinions again? well...

29 January 2011 - the day Charlie Sheen and Nelson Mandela died

American Creampie

Zonked out, on a couch getting blown, staring at the ceiling and singing "Under The Bridge" with eyes squinted shut.

If I edited Interview magazine, I would try to get Sheen and Houllebecq in the same room. Preferably at a five-diamond resort in Thailand.

severe abdominal pains sounds like pancreatitis which is frequently triggered by high alcohol intake or blood sugar sex magik or a noisy combination of the two.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRbzZG_JxYY

^career high point

*high* point geddit

Abdominal pain due to excessive laughter.

severe abdominal pains & singing Red Hot Chili Peppers songs throughout the evening......unrelated?

― buzza, Thursday, January 27, 2011 6:50 PM

chi peps dyspepsia

The pr0n star he was with tweeted this picture of his table just before he was taken to hospital

http://yfrog.com/hs5rrhwj (nsfw)

Is this a bikini or a lamp?

29 January 2011 - the day Charlie Sheen and Nelson Mandela died

Well, they've both been released from the hospital, but I suppose you still have another day.

one of her earlier pics http://yfrog.com/f/hsw3f4j/

http://insidetv.ew.com/2011/01/28/charlie-sheen-rehab-2/

Legally, the hands of the companies seem to be tied: As long as Sheen is showing up to work, learning his lines, and continuing to headline the sitcom, he’s not in breach of his contract that pays him well in excess of $1 million an episode, a key source informs EW. So-called moral clauses in contracts are rare in TV, and one doesn’t exist in Sheen’s multi-million dollar deal, EW has confirmed.

I knew he was highly paid, but a million per episode??? Holy shit, that astounds me.

As long as Sheen is showing up to work, snorting his lines, and continuing to headline the sitcom

......the "professional"-looking dealer dumped out "five K- balls, huge like the size of my fist; we're talking twenty grand I swear in coke," which Sheen proceeded to smoke from a green pipe as he screened selections from his extensive X-rated film collection in the theater room....

http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2011/01/real_housewives_rescue_charlie.html?f=most-commented-24h-5

K- balls

He seems to plan this out pretty well. 24-hour bender, and then back to work. He's probably putting in four hours at Equinox today.

isnt the porn star the one that Jordan S. went to HS with?

http://www.parisintimates.com/image/cache/k-balls-no-10-pink-2-500x500.jpg

isnt the porn star the one that Jordan S. went to HS with?

different one. basically, every time a porn star comes up in relation to sheen it's a different one.

100% PURE SHEEN

http://www.tmz.com/2011/01/27/charlie-sheen-porn-family-george-santo-pietro-booze-wine-mansion-hospital-xxx/2/

Sources connected to Charlie tell us ... during the infancy stages of Sheen's most recent bender Tuesday night, the actor brought his realtor and some of his XXX lady friends to dinner with his neighbor George Santo Pietro -- Vanna White's ex-husband.

We're told the meal was served in the wine cellar at George's home -- located just two miles from Sheen's place -- and Charlie drank ... A LOT.

During the boozefest, Charlie agreed to rent out George's giant estate for four months -- at the rate of $250k per month -- while George goes away on an upcoming trip to Thailand.

And why does Sheen need an extra mansion? Charlie explained that he wants to start a "porn family" -- and he wants the "actresses" to all live in the same house. One big, smutty family.

awww, that's sweet.

also would be best reality show EVER.

in her tmz interview (had to watch it for work!) kacey jordan also talked about him trying to get her to sign on for his porn star mansion.

"Charlie...Charlie...have another glass. Now: all this can be yours, for, what, 250K a month? How's that sound? Have another and think it over."

charlie's only mistake is getting married and engaged all the time. what's up with that? 3 wives. 5 kids. multiple normal girlfriends. why bother?

what porn star did sarge go to school with

so you can do coke for, like, 30 years, and still work and actually stand up. it IS impressive. you gotta admit.

My life has changed... Speechless :) 5:40 PM Jan 26th

ok for all he fucking haters... i'm getting a baby blue convertable bentley next month so i dunno... HUSH fml 5:57 PM Jan 26th

going to go ATVing in the dark... this will be interesting and fun! 7:53 PM Jan 26th

Haha just checked to reaffirm dude was off probation for attacking then-wife with a knife christmas '09, cuz i wondered how the fuck porn stars could be reporting cocaine-by-courier without police caring.

what porn star did sarge go to school with

― marios balls in 3d for 3ds (Princess TamTam), Friday, January 28, 2011 1:42 PM (59 minutes ago) Bookmark

the chick that was locked in his hotel bathroom while he trashed the place

first seen here (embarrassing thread): Did anyone else go to high school with a porn star?

i also love how anytime people talk about charlie sheen they always use the phrase "showing up for work" like he's work the night shift at a chile's

tbh, sounds kinda like how he probably treats the job

he has gotten rilly coke skinny. on the show.

or you know not just the show in life. but i only really see him on the show.

idk, i just think there should be a separate colloquium or phrase used to separate working a real job & getting paid a million dollars to say shit into a tv camera

for like 20 hours a week or w/e he does (probably less than that?)

I'm not disagreeing with you there, just saying, for Sheen, showing up on the set is probably taken just as seriously as the second shift dishwasher at Chiles. You know, just something he has to do to keep the party rolling.

and you know the dishwasher at Chiles would exactly do the same thing as Sheen if he made a milli a shift

And why does Sheen need an extra mansion? Charlie explained that he wants to start a "porn family" -- and he wants the "actresses" to all live in the same house. One big, smutty family.

Maybe he misses The Girls Next Door and wants a real life re-creation.

I always wondered why he got sooo much moolah for that show until I learned its known in many other countries as

http://www.warnerdvdshop.com/photos/200x280/49/49461.jpg

yes, but with fewer name brand porn stars and not as "professional" looking dealers

$200K for every 30-second commercial every week, so that's not including future syndication.

how much do you think he makes in syndication? he could probably build his next mansion out of coke. coke and porn stars.

I'm sure it's a lot, but the $200K figure is what advertisers pay for a 30-second commercial on that show any given week, according to one of those articles linked above.

jon cryer is actually the most despicable character on that show. not charlie. they have made cryer completely unlikeable. charlie is somehow still kinda loveable. or maybe i just find him loveable. and i'm not like a big loveable rogue loving kinda guy. i got no problem with charlie sheen. feel bad for his five kids wherever the hell they are. but he probably doesn't know where they are half the time either. they are probably better off that way.

How many of you losers can bang any girl you want? <crickets><crickets><crickets>

yeah they've kinda robbed Cryer of any lovable loser cachet he might've had and just made him outright worthless, which in a way i think is kind of cool, so Sheen's character is left as at least a less whiny or pathetic scumbag

you just want charlie to kill him. like, actually kill him. that would be a great finale, actually. charlie and jake killing alan. throwing him into the ocean. he's horrible!

fuck charlie sheen, i'm much more interested in how rich the kid is

whenever I see sheen nowadays I think "maybe, someday"

this porn star family idea is next level, type of shit you can only think of when yr brain has been rebuilt in an exhaustive 30 year process bit by bit using nothing but cocaine molecules

otm

i mean what does it even MEAN what would even ENTAIL its like a throwaway line in 30 rock

from what i can tell he doesnt even bang the porn stars he just likes to chill with them

that's probably not true

he's like a porn star hoarder where every room has a layer of sleeping porn stars on the floor instead of dead cats

altho in the realm of ppl that will smoke crack with you, porn stars are probably the most reputable bunch, so you might be right

this is one of those situations where quoting dave chappelle seems pretty apropos

if youre a jaded seen it all hollywood drug addict smoking crack w/porn stars while watching their performances on yr home theater big screen might not be so bad as far as available novel experiences

maybe John Malkovich can talk him down

Now your patrons have all left you in the red
Your low rent friends are dead
This life can be very strange
All those dayglow freaks who used to paint the face
They've joined the human race
Some things will never change
Son you were mistaken
You are obsolete
Look at all the white men on the street

CHORUS

Clean this mess up else we'll all end up in jail
Those test tubes and the scale
Just get them all out of here
Is there gas in the car
Yes, there's gas in the car
I think the people down the hall
Know who you are

Careful what you carry
'Cause the man is wise
You are still an outlaw in their eyes

Get along, get along Kid Charlemagne
Get along Kid Charlemagne

My father fucking loves 2.5 men.

me: Dad, you hear about Charlie Sheen again?
dad: Yep, that's my Charlie!

smdh

"Yep, That's My Charlie" deserves to be an option on Best Foreign Title For Two And A Half Men

like, i don't even know what that's supposed to mean

omg - it should!!!

I cant stand 2.5 Men. I like the two shows before it, HIMYM and Rules of Engagement. The latter is kind of stupid, but at that point on a Monday night I'm not exactly looking for Shakespeare. Plus Landon Donovan's ex, who is on the show, is pretty hot.

this is still probably my fave thing on the internet. and i still want the book of poetry but i don't want to spend 200 bucks for it.

5.0 out of 5 stars Carlos Etstevez is the best estevez (just behind joe), August 26, 2001
By john stamos (LACA) - See all my reviewsThis review is from: A Peace of My Mind (Paperback)
Charlie is a personal friend of mine, and i have been reading his poetry for years. This collection is the best of the best as far as Chas's art is concerned. When one works on a show like full house, one sees many forms of expression (from "youve got it dude" to "Watch the hair!" [my personal favorite!]). Sheen expresses the overall feeling of the modern man. From our disgust with the system (damn the man) to our love of sheenistry. Not many people realized that i not only function as an actor, but as a producer. How does this relate to Los? one might ask. Well, sheen PRODUCES some pretty good poetry. Ok ok. Some of sheen's poems may be seen as obscene, thats what i hear anyway. Well, thats trash. that is like saying c thomas howell is a bad tennis player. its just flat out not true. Sheen steals part of ourselves and gives us a chunk of humanity and sheenathan. And, everything that is sheentastic. i remember when a young man named carlos estevez came to town and tried to break into the business. After a name change and a little flick named Lucas, the buzz was too loud to ignore. i personally think that the artist formerly known as estevez will be known more for his poetry than for his acting. carlos is of a caliber not normally seen in this lifetime. I know that sheen has given us all something to think about. ok, i know what you are thinking. he is a mysoginist. nope. he is a drug addict/alcoholic. nope. first of all, as sheen once said, "nobody ever told me it wasnt ok to have a good time." ill vouch for that. ive known the man for quite a while, and never, i mean never, during that time did anyone tell the man that it was not ok to have a good time. now, time to get down to the nitty gritty. The poetry. it is outstanding. brilliant. fun. did i say outstanding? yeah. i am going to go out on a limb here. are you ready? sheen has produced the greatest book of all time. did i say the greatest book of all time? yes. the greatest book of poetry of all time? nope. the greatest book of all time. Why? well ill answer that. sheen is willing to take on the greatest of topics. i wont spoil anything, but lets just say he runs the gamut from A to F. F stands for a bad word. now im going to introduce a new word. Sheenastia. verb. - to live life with the greatest of detailed theological reasoning known to the human form. NOUN - a bong. There is one movie that i would like to expound upon. please allow. NO CODE OF CONDUCT is a film not like any other. on the surface, it seems to be the story of a man's struggle to solve a crime. yeah, yeah, but thats not the end of it. It is ultimately an allegory of one man's search for truth. It may have been directed by the greatest new directing talent on the planet. bret michaels. alright, enough. back to my experience as it relates to sheen. sheens and my life have intertwined on not only a physical but a spiritual level. And through sheens words, i have found life. life's name is estevez. the extevez tribe started in spain in the year 4000 bc. when the spanish conquered much of south america, the estevez's moved on to find their fortune in the new world. they made it, but little jose esteves, didnt. this created a long line of disillusionment within the sheen's inner circle. it lasted for generations, and was not truly harnessed in art until young carlos sheen, born 2350 years after jose, gave his artistic gifts to the world. now, we experience a new form of sheen. a new form of expression. i believe that this book will outlast us all, and will be the final testament of a species that never fully grasped their capability. Call me oldfashioned, but that is the way i feel. sheen has given us what we may never repay. now i will get to the real purpose of this review. i, as a spiritual being, believe in my deepest darkest regions, that sheen the publishing of this book breaks the forth seal of the apolcolypse. that being said, i also believe that sheen is not human. allow me to qualify. sheen, the father of modern thought, is supernatural. sure martin claims to be his biological father. but i know this is not the case. the conception of one carlos sheen-estevez was one of divinity. this impregnation parallels that of another great book of poetry. in fact, i'm not convinced that sheen did not write that great book, as either one apostles or the Lord himself. How did this happen, it cant be true you say. permit my clarification. it is not widely known, but this book of poetry was originally written by sheen during a year of isolation and meditation in the mountains. sheen during this binge of spirituality, would go into trances where he would write unconsciously. Big deal, you say. well, did i mention that he wrote it in a dead language known as aremaic. Once this book is broken down, translated back into other languages and then back to native american languages, we will get the true translation, we will see THE BOOK OF SHEEN aka a piece of my mind.

holy shit

from what i can tell he doesnt even bang the porn stars he just likes to chill with them

Charlie Sheen : Porn stars :: Michael Jackson : Children

He may see himself as the most successful member of the tribe. He designs a playland for them to live out their fantasy. Maybe he hung out at Don Simpson's at a teenager.

Carlos Etstevez is the best estevez!

Everything about that is incredible and I really really want that to actually have been Stamos.

http://www.amazon.com/Peace-My-Mind-Charlie-Sheen/dp/9991300007

truthbombs all over that review, this is the biggest TB is history tho:

that is like saying c thomas howell is a bad tennis player. its just flat out not true

*is=in

that review is
one of the best things I've ever read

mind is reeling that people would say c thomas howell is a bad tennis player

guys

Sheenastia: verb. - to live life with the greatest of detailed theological reasoning known to the human form. NOUN - a bong.

t is not widely known, but this book of poetry was originally written by sheen during a year of isolation and meditation in the mountains. sheen during this binge of spirituality, would go into trances where he would write unconsciously. Big deal, you say. well, did i mention that he wrote it in a dead language known as aremaic.

its realy sad he was a poet

Twas buttocks last in the dooryard moon'd

two and a half men is a great show

― CaptainLorax, Thursday, February 11, 2010 2:41 PM (11 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

know how there's sometimes a moment w/ ppl that you seriously begin to question if you can ever place stock in their opinions again? well...

― eep opp ork ah ah...and that means suck my dick (San Te), Friday, January 28, 2011 12:02 AM (22 hours ago)

I feel like I should explain myself here. First of all, it's a good show but not great (I lied before). This show needed to have someone defend it on this thread.

2&1/2 men is amazingly unperfect. Not many shows give all the main characters flaws as extreme as the ones on this show. Watching every first run is like a pathetic addiction I have to TV's #1 dysfunctional family. I don't get excited to watch this show (unlike when I was watching two Trailer Park Boys episodes a week back when I said this show was great). But on a sad bastard level I can't help but tune in every week and see how my comrades keep on going in the face of sad but sort of funny bastardism. And with as many jokes that are writ into the show - as many as in Big Bang or Mike & Molly (both of which I watch) - there is bound to be at least a couple incidents of funny jokes or situational humor per episode.

on the plus side, if America keeps on sending our dumb shows to other countries maybe we can make foreigner children as dumb as ours

USA! USA! USA!

"Not many shows give all the main characters flaws as extreme as the ones on this show."

huh? we're living in the age of extreme character flaws: house, nip/tuck, dexter, that hoarders show

if 2.5 men were charlie sheen and kelsey grammar playing themselves, and the kid is playing mcnulty from the wire, then we've got something.

one of those is a reality show, and the rest have sympathetic or innocent or 'straight man'-kind of main characters in addition to the more polarizing protagonists (nevermind that the post was probably talking about sitcoms, not dark cable dramas) xpost

man i'd kill to be a writer on hoarders

all those shows are way funnier than 2.5 men.

on the plus side, if America keeps on sending our dumb shows to other countries maybe we can make foreigner children as dumb as ours

hope you know that y'all doing a fine job of that from what I can see in these parts

i've seen every episode of 2&half men, but i don't really have the energy to defend it. it is what it is. i'm a sitcom fan. that's all there is to it.

"and the rest have sympathetic or innocent or 'straight man'-kind of main characters"

it's been a while since I've seen one, but has the kid grown up into a skinhead or something? because he's always been the standard innocent kid character as far as I've seen.

he's really dumb!

they made him dumb beyond sympathy? like they went from Latka from Taxi to GWBush?

he has gotten rilly coke skinny

guess he was afraid this was his only other option

http://images.usatoday.com/life/_photos/2006/09/06/emilio.jpg

No longer a repo man.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/showtracker/2011/01/charlie-sheen-enters-rehab.html

http://www.celebritysmackblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/nm_charlie-sheen-drunk.jpg

thread needs more sheentasticness!

this was the last wife i think?

http://www.starcelebritys.com/wp-content/uploads/Charlie-Sheen-and-Brooke-Mueller.jpg

old sheen daughter

http://www.popcrunch.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/09/Cassandra-Estevez-Got-Married.jpg

giving the bride away

http://boomnews.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/15b02a8ed668x835.jpg.jpg

first wife that nobody remembers. not the mother of the old daughter.

http://www.mamapop.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Charlie-Sheen-Donna-Peele.jpg

he shot kelly preston with a gun so she didn't marry him.

http://assets.nydailynews.com/img/2010/10/27/gal_charlie_sheen_kelly_preston_102610.jpg

and then there was this whole thing

http://www.celebrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/charlie-sheen-denise-richards-sperm-8-7-07.jpg

Oldest daughter looks like potential OK Cupid spokesmodel.

is he still searching for the truth about 9/11? his porn star army should help him get to the bottom of things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PviXgj-yS5Y

I can only imagine the debasement any wife of Charlie Sheen is in for, whether they know it's coming or not. Like, Denise Richards totally understood his thing for porn stars, right? What date night must have been like for those two ...

it would have been 100000x healthier for everyone involved if she had married the kid on that show.

she's pretty porny herself, though

Probably Sheen saw a clip from Wild Things somewhere and misunderstood what sort of movies she made

is there some charlie sheen relevant news story or is this a sporadic revive that i dont need to feign knowledge of regarding "real life events" anytime in future?

God damn that pic of him in the Cincinnati shit is pretty hot. I feel so wrong saying that but he was a really good looking guy.

Cincinnati shirt not shit

"Not many shows give all the main characters flaws as extreme as the ones on this show."huh? we're living in the age of extreme character flaws: house, nip/tuck, dexter, that hoarders show― Philip Nunez, Friday, January 28, 2011 10:45 PM (Yesterday)

Dude, I said ALL the main characters. And I wasn't actually considering reality shows since they aren't supposed to be characters but real people

this crapfest show is still on the air, meanwhile Firefly got 13 episodes. fuck tv

imo 2 And A Half Men about on the level of Married With Children, it can be appalling on some level but on another level is really tightly written and is just constant mean zings

oh hellllllllllllll no

I had to see way too much 2.5 men thanks to my parents watching it all the time when I lived with them....just seemed like the same stale raunchy jokes and ridiculous sitcom situations. predictable, yawn, bored....

I liked MwC a lot and think it was better than 2.5 BUT I've also watched a lot of 2.5 thanks to my parents and it's not 100% completely awful. I mean, I wouldn't watch it on my own but I get why some people would be into it. It was better when the kid was little. He's like 30 now. WTF.

also MWC was pretty unique at the time cuz after the first few seasons, it didn't even attempt to live anywhere in the realm of reality -- ie, Bud getting the death penalty for groping women in one episode, Bud being conditioned to be turned on by chimpanzees due to an incident with virtual reality software....just went OTT in ridiculousness in its satire.

he's 17. are you saying he shouldn't still be living with his dad or they should stop calling him a half man? xpost

I think they shoulda recasted him with someone who could act or had any sense of comic timing

Oh man, he's only 17? Nah, he can still live there. It was just better when he was small and cute but they are sorta dissing him now with the 1/2 part, huh?

at least when he was young he got by on cuteness points

i think him still being kind of awkward and having horrible hair makes the character more pathetically funny. he's like a live action Meg Griffin or Bobby Hill.

thank god the family isn't jewish, the show would've been over 4 years ago

or they'd change the title to "three men and semen"

lol jordan

Firefly fans are babies.

babies are like 1/8 men approx

Oh man, he's only 17? Nah, he can still live there. It was just better when he was small and cute but they are sorta dissing him now with the 1/2 part, huh?

I always assumed the joke of the title now is that you have to guess which one of them is the half man.

I stopped watching this show when they had the episode where Charlie's fiancee was coming home and he had to hide a passed-out woman from her. The way she was handled like a side of beef was the kind of slapstick I just don't like, but the fact that Jake then took pictures of himself sitting beside her to make his friends think he had scored with her was plain creepy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2MbZMpJZc50

I watch the show in reruns completely out of the protest of the hipsters who think I should be watching ironic crap like Arrested Development and 30 Rock. Screw you, I like my cheesy half-assed sitcoms written by bitter old LA writers. I love Chuck Lorre and his never ending quest for enlightenment brought on by working for Cybill Shepherd.

thanks for setting back the cause of people defending this show by making us all look like contraristans

i eat glass and asbestos completely out of protest of the hipsters who think i should be eating nutritous crap like meat and vegetables.

MintIce watches television sarcastically

no, ironically

the anti-hipster is the ultimate hipster

(i was stealing a line from "The Other Guys", sorry)

some shows that Conchata Ferrell appeared on before her "star-making" role on Two & A Half Men. With brief commentary:

Hot L Baltimore (Norman Lear flop. 13 episodes. Would love to own it on dvd. Conchata originated the role on Broadway and won awards for it. So, at a young age, she went from critical Broadway acclaim straight into decades of television.)

Maude (nothing needs to be said. genius.)

One Day At A Time (I watched this every week. It frightened me sometimes.)

The Rockford Files (I loved loveable rogue Jim Rockford. I loved his theme song.)

Blansky's Beauties (I watched this every week and it got yanked like a bad tooth. The Firefly of its day.)

Good Times (mostly really sad times, but, again, the theme song made up for everything.)

The Love Boat (Watched this every week too. My introduction and education and primer for all things old Hollywood, Borscht Belt, Tin Pan Alley, and Vegas. An invaluable guide.)

Lobo (hated the Lobo. whenever I saw Lobo I would think of the episode of I Love Lucy where Lucy thinks she is going to be eaten by cannibals and it turns out that they are movie cannibals and Ricky the fucking bastard laughs and laughs and tells Lucy "theeeese eees nut a reeel canneebul theeeeese eees meeeester claude akins heeees an actor!" or something like that.)

Knots Landings (for sad moms. didn't watch much.)

B.J. and the Bear (kinda over my whole monkeys and trucks thing by the time this aired.)

Lou Grant (yeah, no thanks. would probably watch it now though. just to see who showed up.)

Quincy M.E. (Yeah, same with this.)

Cagney & Lacey (groundbreaking and empowering for lesbians and transgendered people. It made me itchy sometimes.)

St. Elsewhere (wacky. again, i would watch this now after so many years cuz you know all the dying people became famous movie stars.)

Matlock (you could actually smell old people when this was on. some sort of strange olfactory hallucination.)

Night Court (horrible. an abomination.)

Sledge Hammer! (genius.)

Hooperman (Okay, this I would have to look up just to remember what the hell it was. oh, wait, john ritter, right?)

Who's The Boss (loved it. the little gay kid. the conflicted lesbian mom. the retarded guy. loved them all.)

Murder, She Wrote (would buy dvd set and big bag of weed and watch all these jessica murders.)

L.A. Law (kinda hated this in the same way that i would later hate the west wing. mostly because the people on it reminded me too much of people in real life that i would never want to know or go near in a million years.)

Dinosaurs (the honeymooners has a LOT to answer for.)

Sirens (hot!)

Hearts Afire (i'm drawing a blank. was it a Picket Fences knock-off? is picket fences on dvd?)

The Naked Truth (pretty sure i hated it. skinny blonde chick, right?)

The Client (god only knows.)

Minor Adjustments (????)

Sabrina, The Teenage Witch (love.)

Push, Nevade (missed this too.)

Becker (beyond horrible. one of the least watchable shows ever made.)

Judging Amy (zzzzzzzzzzzzz)

Walker, Texas Ranger (for major dads only. i had Coach in my life. didn't need Walker as far as manliness goes.)

Townies (bad)

Teen Angel (ummm...)

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (mark sinker)

Touched By An Angel (blarghhfeciksdndn!)

Two Guys, A Girl, And A Pizza Place (Two Men and a whole girl! This was terrible. See Conchata in Mystic Pizza instead.)

JAG (more dad rock.)

Friends (love the friends. will watch new joey show and new chandler show. love cougar town. jen, t.v. is your friend!)

Get Real (??????)

The Wild Thornberrys ( I think i was out that week.)

Popular (would probably like it, but i never knew when it was on. it's probably still on, right?)

The Zeta Project (this might be made up. never heard of it.)

wait who the fuck is hatin on night court

me, scott!

not me. I'll always stan for Night Court.

hated everyone on that show. except for selma r.i.p.

oh and ellen foley. i like her. she got out when the getting was good though. same with selma.

NIGHT COURT THROWDOWN

one of the least funny casts of all time. and the fact that it was on for so long only makes it worse. hate harry anderson. unfunny. hate john larroquette. hate markie post. ugh, markie post? hate marsha warfield. hate richard moll. i REALLY hate richard moll. blah. this show was for losers. with a big L. LOOOOO-sers.

how u hate this guy

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_wB_B2FyhJMM/TTXRpYaW6aI/AAAAAAAADRY/b1V5bRKTfBo/s1600/302974223_e9343b8b35.jpg

http://www.cmpsouthwest.org/PhotosWebsite07-08/moll.jpg

http://suburbarazzi.lohudblogs.com/files/2007/08/richardmoll1.jpg

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_UlDPlUOM5iI/TIpQDPVGz5I/AAAAAAAAAFQ/r4dBg-UuB2c/s1600/Richard+Moll+with+tree2.jpg

Screw you, I like my cheesy half-assed sitcoms written by bitter old LA writers.

So you're really into iCarly and the rest of the Disney preteen sitcom horde, then?

those shows are written by salty old Chuck Lorre type TV vets?

Night Court (horrible. an abomination.)

hate richard moll. i REALLY hate richard moll.

fuck you. FUCK YOU

They're mostly written by old sitcom veterans, people who wrote for shows like Happy Days way back when, yes. Dunno how jaded and bitter they are, but I can detect a distinct Hanna-Barbara style "let's just throw some crap at the kids and call it a day" tinge to some of it.

Night Court and Richard Moll both ruled/rule.

I wish it was still in reruns. Would watch again and again.

And Night Court an abomination? Mentalists.

i love icarly.

"Mentalists"

not plural. just me. THE NIGHT COURT SLAYER!

love icarly even though created by the big dude on another show i kinda hated Head Of The Class.

never liked night court, sorry

I loved Head of the Class and Dennis was the best!

Also he was Ricky in Better off Dead. I could never hate on Ricky.

see even when i say i hate things it should be noted that i have seen like EVERY episode of these shows. cuz i'm pitiful like that.

Scott, I can't believe it of you. My love of Night Court even carried me through Dave's World and The John Laroquette Show. I can't believe you, a fellow sitcom traveller, didn't like it.

what no sad pathetic Becker fans out there? i slammed that one too! you know who you are you twisted danson freaks.

i'm sorry! harry anderson ALWAYS bugged me. mel torme and magic? ahhhhhhh! and, yeah, john laroquette show was another one. yeesh. the entire night court cast was just really unappealing to me. Mac? reallly, Mac? and Marsha Warfield? sooooooo unfunny! i have to be honest here. i talk about a LOT of stuff on ilx that i like that gets pooped on around here.

haha i just noticed this:

Buffy The Vampire Slayer (mark sinker)

Oh god, if my dad and my brother could spend the rest of their lives doing nothing but watching Two and a Half Men and Becker, they would be happy, happy men.

i mean while we're not talking about charlie sheen, i loved this show for the brief time it was on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld2lyIKc-G4

that is frreaky-- i was just watching that exact fucking youtube video and then clicked over here and saw yr post

haha

Who's The Boss (loved it. the little gay kid. the conflicted lesbian mom. the retarded guy. loved them all.)

yeah that was my favorite entry on scott's list

small wonder is where it was at

I watched the shit out of Small Wonder.

Which was pretty creepy come to think of it now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ydZse57514c

ann jillian!

Walker, Texas Ranger (for major dads only. i had Coach in my life. didn't need Walker as far as manliness goes.)

I enjoy that one too but that's because I really liked Coach which is still on at ungodly hours and which I will watch whenever I stumble upon it.

Woah I just had a whole "It's a Living" thing with a friend of mine recently.

Like, if you had asked me if I remembered it I probably would have said no but she sent me the youtube clip and it blew my mind. I think my Mom loved this but I remember it being on and even the theme song.

oh also Paul Junger Witt the dude who produced that and GG and Empty Nest is the son of a (now dead) family friend. I also thought that was kind of neat.

i was thinking about it's a living randomly the other day while crossing the street. i dunno if i saw some woman who reminded me of ann jilian or what. i remember ann jillian being like, this big phenomenon back in the day. splashed across the tabloids. she battled breast cancer...

i just discovered there are a bunch of episodes of it's your move on youtube, some with original commercials that aired, which are even more entertaining than the show

i used to be kind of into this show!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qwRVY8C8i8

Yeah the Ann Jillian breast cancer thing was big. Maybe she was one of the first famous ppl to be open about it?

i used to watch phenom. and small wonder. this was my fave of that ilk though:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f1fYg32Vjc&feature=related

Evie! Buzz!

I feel like this was on Saturday mornings for some reason. I LOVED it.

in the early 90's i worked the graveyard shift at a supermarket and i would come home at 7 in the morning and smoke tons of pot and watch out of this world.

i even TAPED out of this world on vhs when it was on t.v. still have some old tapes somewhere.

that's impressive

x-post awesome

That youtube just gave me some serious flashbacks. I was between 9-12 when it aired so Evie was older than me and I remember thinking she was so pretty and had cool clothes and could stop time! It was so great.

jeepers i had totally forgotten what a huge crush i had on that phenom girl.

also the balding older brother character on that show was AWESOME

I was probably like oh when I'm a teenager I'll be cool and have cute clothes and be able to stop time by pressing my fingers together too!

that's also when i would tape the short-lived american version of xuxa's show that was on in the morning. still have those on vhs somewhere too. top ten stoner mindfuck television. utter chaos for an hour every day. also, possibly the loudest show ever aired on american television.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84KGCJgvcXQ&feature=related

im shocked that you dont love Quincy ME, scott

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DpYd7bOn52M&feature=player_embedded

but thats the only quincy episode that anyone ever brings up! i'd kinda rather watch CHIPS. but don't get me wrong, i would watch Quincy if i had the chance.

"I just saw the most beautiful ghost in the world: she slept here"

Let us not forget the wonder of JENNIFER SLEPT HERE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQxbVndvxJY

before youtube, i tried to think of the name of this show for like 15 years
thanks, internet! the intro is really trippy and romance-novelesque

haha holy shit

sometimes i can't believe that my parents let me watch stuff like starsky & hutch when i was kid. they didn't care. so many dead hookers in my life when i was a child.

that kid in jennifer slept here is 16 going on mickey rooney

parker lewis can't lose -vs- adventures of beans baxter -vs- second chance

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_vp4wuryjY

the kid from "jennifer slept here" really got around!!

John P. Navin Jr. (born July 24, 1968) is an American film and television actor from Philadelphia. He is well known for his roles in the 1981 drama film Taps and the 1983 movie Losin' It, in both of which he co-starred with Tom Cruise. He also starred in National Lampoon's Vacation as Cousin Dale.

Navin starred in the short-lived 1983 television series Jennifer Slept Here with Ann Jillian.

He has made guest appearances on the television shows The Facts of Life, Gimme a Break!, Silver Spoons, Cheers, and Double Trouble.

He has the honor for being the first patron on Cheers, appearing as a teenager who presents a fake I.D. to try to get a drink.

i love the whole tortured history of second chance/boys will be boys:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Second_Chance_(TV_series)

what happened to the kid from the "I Know My First Name is Stephen" tv movie? the actor, not the real Stephen (he's dead)

god, that movie...ugh. unbelievable. heartbreaking. all that.

that was corky!

he still acts:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corin_Nemec

oh shit I forgot it was the Parker Lewis dude

i knew Scott was my secret twin but the fact that he still has his Xuxa tape cliches it. I'd tape Xuxa and Bananas in Pajamas every morning then drop a chicken and relax to it after work.

anyone repping for Drexell's Class? Hermann's Head? Step by Step? Day by Day? Babes?

parker lewis was on tv when i was p young and at that age where the idea of popular culture as a thing and not just any other combination of colours and sounds that constitute sensory perception was just beginning to seep into my understanding of the world and as a result when i remember it it feels like a weird fever dream

I met Xuxa in a store in Manhattan once, back when the US show was on the air.

hahaha Herman's Head, where we had the pleasure of seeing the voice of Lisa Simpson, Yeardley Smith.

I also remember the awful tv version of Ferris Bueller

omg bananas in pajamas!

Parker Lewis was like a weird fever dream iirc, had an exaggerated Coen Bros/Raising Arizona-style direction and camera work

Charlie Sheen: Joe Estevez, His Uncle, Wants 'Two And A Half Men' Role While He's In Rehab

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/29/charlie-sheen-joe-estevez-his-uncle-wants-two-and-a-half-men-role_n_815854.html

awkward

every time i see this thread i have a spasm of belief.

Joe Estevez is one of the most fascinating b-movie actors. Surprisingly talented, and seemingly committed to roles in some of the worst movies you'll ever see.

Presumably he's just a totally insane dick and that's why he's stuck in those movies.

maybe he doesn't exist outside of teh movies

maybe he's really a martin sheen performance art project

that reeks of Labute-participation

Sheen’s own curt text message sent Friday to Radar Online: “I’m fine. People don’t seem to get it. Can’t a guy have a great time and do his job also?”

http://www.suntimes.com/entertainment/3571652-421/sheen-rehab-charlie-source-half.html

parker lewis was on tv when i was p young and at that age where the idea of popular culture as a thing and not just any other combination of colours and sounds that constitute sensory perception was just beginning to seep into my understanding of the world and as a result when i remember it it feels like a weird fever dream

― plax (ico), Saturday, January 29, 2011 3:48 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

Parker Lewis was like a weird fever dream iirc, had an exaggerated Coen Bros/Raising Arizona-style direction and camera work

― Mangrove Earthshoe (herb albert), Saturday, January 29, 2011 5:48 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

i should have referenced Three O'Clock High instead

Charlie Sheen: Joe Estevez, His Uncle, Wants 'Two And A Half Men' Role While He's In Rehab

Two and a half soultakers! That would be awesome.

Two and a Half Wurwohlves

It is funny how that kid has been doing the show for like 6 years now and yet still uses the same deadpanned, looking-at-the-cue-cards delivery with no sense of timing or anything (as though he does not even read the scripts beforehand), but still makes like a bazillion dollars, I want his life

pretty sure you don't want the life of a child TV star

doesn't really work out too well for most of them amirite

Charlie Sheen spent $500,000 on hookers, drugs; 'Two and a Half Men' crew grumbling over latest rehab stint

http://www.nj.com/entertainment/celebrities/index.ssf/2011/01/charlie_sheen_spent_500000_on.html

the moment you start to envy child television stars, just remember:

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/124465/thumbs/s-BRIAN-BONSALL-large.jpg

"Charlie’s nightly habit would be tens of thousands of dollars of drugs and two girls. He would typically pay them $5,000 to $10,000 for the night and would give them cash, check or money transfer."

A lot of guys blow half a week's paycheck on drugs and hookers. That's practically frugal.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUp6NMLmWbY

"I've never seen -- someone so self-destructive and able to take in so much at once," says adult film star Kacey Jordan, who was at the recent Charlie Sheen party that sent him to rehab on Friday. "I thought maybe it was almost like a suicide binge."

She described Sheen as being a mess. "He's wearing an all-white shirt…covered in wine stains. All the way down him…down his shirt…his hair's all messed up. He looks up. And he's like…. His eyes are all like squinty," she said. "I was thinking that I was gonna meet the Charlie Sheen that I see on TV. Not the one that's like in shambles and wrecked…"

Jordan said there were four other women at the party, at least two of them were porn stars. At about 3 a.m., Jordan said Sheen asked one of the guests to produce drugs, and a man came in and dumped "tennis ball-sized cocaine" on the table. "It's like I thought I was like living…it's like Scarface. You know? I was like, 'oh my God, I cannot believe it.'"

it's funny to me how this can be so publicly discussed ("Charlie Sheen paid me $35k for sex!") but no one gets arrested

"There was a plethora of cocaine everywhere... it was a mountain of cocaine," she told RadarOnline.com. "It put Mt. Everest to shame... I had no interest whatsoever in the mound of cocaine that was in the room."

A lot of guys blow half a week's paycheck on drugs and hookers. That's practically frugal.

― An Artily Shot Sesame Street (Eazy), Monday, January 31, 2011 1:39 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

srsly dont pay him $1m+ an ep if u dont want him to spend it

title his bio 'climbing mt. cocaine'

sub 'every day life w/my porn family'

oh man I don't think I've ever seen the grown up neck tattooed version of the kid from Family Ties before

Sheen just needs "The World is Yours" tattooed on his forehead

yea and most of the pics you'll find of Bonsall now are mugshots

"I was thinking that I was gonna meet the Charlie Sheen that I see on TV."

And he assumed he was going to meet the Kacey Jordan that he saw in Don't Let Daddy Know.

Ascending Mt. Cokeporn

"It is funny how that kid has been doing the show for like 6 years now and yet still uses the same deadpanned, looking-at-the-cue-cards delivery with no sense of timing or anything (as though he does not even read the scripts beforehand), but still makes like a bazillion dollars"

if you were this kid, would you risk jinxing this situation by showing any actorly ambition that might cause the producers to think you were angling for a plum role on the next david simon project?

how old was the kid when he started partying w/charlie is what we should be asking

Playing with Charlie

it's funny to me how this can be so publicly discussed ("Charlie Sheen paid me $35k for sex!") but no one gets arrested

― ex-heroin addict tricycle (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, January 31, 2011 10:40 AM (10 minutes ago)

Do you think they had sex? I'm not even sure, dude seems like he just wanted wallpaper while he pondered oblivion.

he jerked off while she read excerpts from a Julia Child cookbook

that's still funnier and less icky than 2.5 men.

interviewer looks like eric wareheim dressed up as sarah palin

lol

porn gals help him build 7 wtc models so he can run his implosion experiments

roflz

building them like this but w/ cocaine instead of mashed potatoes

http://img.listal.com/image/1516117/600full-close-encounters-of-the-third-kind-screenshot.jpg

can't wait until the day his brain finally cooks and he spends the rest of his days in a psychiatric ward believing he's Rick "Wild Thing" vaughn

On how he’s ready to work, but though the rest of the Two & a Half Men crew is not:

“Nobody told me. I just figured, you know, supposed to be back at work, they told me to get ready…We’re on forced hiatus, they said, ‘You get ready, and we’ll get ready,’ and I got ready and went back, nobody’s there. I don’t know what to tell you. Nobody’s there. I’m here and I’m ready, they’re not. Bring it.”

“I’m a man of my word, I have a contract. They said get your act together and I did, and…I think maybe it’s a timing thing, they didn’t think it was going to happen this fast.”

And, on why they should go ahead and start shooting now before his moment of sobriety passes like thief in the night (that’s totally not a red flag, or anything):

“I heal really quickly, but I also unravel really quickly, so get me right now, guys,” he said. “Get. Me. Right. Now.”

About crack:

“I said stay away from the crack. Which I think is good advice. Unless you can manage it socially. Because if you can manage it socially, go for it, but not a lot of people can, you know.”

Why he drinks:

“The only thing that makes me want to party is when my brain says, ‘It’s on.’ Usually at the wrong time…It tends to do with boredom. It’s never been about, everyone else is drinking, I should too. It’s about wanting to make things better, whether it’s real or imagined.”

Charlie Sheen had a few friends over Friday night for another get-together in his screening room -- but this time the guests were stars of pro baseball (not porn) and the movie was "Major League" (again, not porn). To our knowledge, nobody called 911.

The movie party, reported by TMZ, continues the baseball theme of Sheen's at-home rehab, which has included a stop by the UCLA team's batting practice to swing at a few pitches and remind the players to stay off crack, and a couple of revealing calls to "The Dan Patrick Show."

Sheen's guests Friday included Lenny Dykstra, Kenny Lofton, Brian "The Beard" Wilson, Eddie Murray, Todd Zeile and others, TMZ said. The website also reported Sheen let a few of the guys try on one very special ring: Babe Ruth's 1927 World Series ring, which Sheen picked up at auction a while back for a mere $225,000. (After losing track of that $150,000 Patek Phillippe watch in New York, we're almost surprised he let anyone try on such a pricey bauble.)

In Sheen's second chat recently with Patrick, he advised Lindsay Lohan to work on her impulse control. "Just try to think things through a little bit before you do them," he offered.

In "Major League" and "Major League II," Sheen famously portrays Rick Vaughn, a pitcher with control issues -- control of the ball, of course. Sheen's Vaughn shares the nickname "Wild Thing" with retired real-life relief pitcher Mitch Williams.

Sheen reportedly flew Wilson in from Arizona on his private jet, later returning the San Francisco Giants star to spring training. The actor intends to be back at work on "Two and a Half Men" next week, Show Tracker says.

threads needs mughshot btw

http://weblogs.thecwdc.com/entertainment/traveling-talk-show/charlie_sheen_mug_shot.jpg

Charlie Sheen is a talented funny actor. It confounds me exactly what he has done to upset people. If he wants to hang around prostitutes that is his business. Can't people find something more serious to obsess upon.

nope

Sheen: I pray for my son Charlie

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ukpress/article/ALeqM5ig_4cxhKLKSNCCtrs07IprrcHKuQ?docId=N0084921298322757677A

thank god someone is finally standing up for charlie sheen

also dying & todd zeile & kenny lofton hanging out w/ charlie sheen

^^^^

dying @**

they were prob all where is the cocaine and sluts

well at the very least you know lenny dysktra was

Kacey Jordan, the porn star whom Charlie Sheen paid $30,000 to party with him one night last month, had an abortion last week--and she thinks she may have become pregnant during that wild night with Charlie.

"I think it might have been too soon to be Charlie's baby, but you never know. I get pregnant very easily," Kacey, who has had three previous abortions, told Radaronline.com.

Kacey said that when she and Charlie had sex during a 36-hour cocaine binge that landed him in the hospital, they tried using a condom but she "kept having to put it on again." She also talked about how impressed she was at Charlie's ability to finish under the influence of alcohol and drugs - when she arrived his eyes were already half-shut from drinking.

"The drugs didn't even come until the following morning, and then we had sex after he had the drugs," she said. "I was really proud of him, I couldn't believe he could do it."

holy hell those quotes are amazing

what if your parents were charlie sheen and kacey jordan? what would your life be like?

lmfao at sheen having a movie showing party with his own movies. is that common in hollywood? seems hilariously narcissistic

http://www.eskimo.com/~noir/ftitles/sunset/sunset02.jpg

a. kacey jordan couldve had that baby and ensured herself a life long paycheck

b. shes a porn star isnt she on the pill

JUST DOES NOT ADD UP PEOPLE

but she gets pregnant really easily!!!

hmmmm, this is what she said 3 weeks ago

“It was OK,” Jordan tells us. “It didn’t last very long.”
While Jordan was surprised about their “quick” romp, she has a theory why it was so brief.
“Because he was so f–ked up,” she claims. “When you’re that high…his performance wasn’t very long.”
By her count, Mr. Two and a Half Men clocked in at just over two and a half minutes. She alleges he later made some “excuses” for his abbreviated performance.
“It was a three-minute ordeal,” Jordan says of the hookup, which happened right before she left his house. “After sex we just sat in bed and he held on to me. He was sloppy but still functioning, (he) wouldn’t stop kissing my feet. He promised me he’d get me a Bentley.”
Jordan claims Sheen was so much the worse for wear that she felt bad leaving, but did and went directly to deposit the check he wrote her for $30,000.
“He’s the nicest guy, kind, sweet,” she says. “But for my safety, if I didn’t leave, I’ll be on a stretcher in the hospital. I sent him a text asking for the other $25,000.”

Cameras have caught Sheen kissing his new mystery woman. He was seen with the same woman on a yacht Tuesday night. Her name has yet to be released.

Charlie Sheen told "Good Morning America" that his new love is not a porn star or actress, and that the couple met through a mutual friend at a party.

The mystery woman told "GMA," which agreed not to reveal her name, that she is a graphic designer. Sheen says he rescued her in a way and trusts her, that she's the only one who understands him.

When his new girlfriend was asked if Sheen was sober, she said, "We don't use the word 'sober' in this house, we use 'clean,' and he is clean.'"

Sheen says he is 100 percent sober, he has things in check and is enjoying every moment, "I have 'mondo' gratitude for this life. Life is a fantasy."

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/__8TEoUtILSQ/TEutWphyVYI/AAAAAAAAARI/CLVQN7thTj4/s320/most_interesting_man.jpg

"I have 'mondo' gratitude for this life. Life is a fantasy."

i feel like they should do an episode of Two And A Half Men where every line of dialogue is taken from the press coverage of Charlie's life

That clip of him saying "bring it" that they kept repeating on the Soup this week cracked me up for no particular reason at all.

lol @ saving a mystery graphic designer what will he do next

I think it's awesome how most of the press for Two and a Half Men was saying that Sheen was playing an "exaggerated version of himself" when the reality was that his real life is an exaggerated version of the sitcom character...I don't think that's ever happened before

http://deadspin.com/#!5768806/lenny-dykstra-vouches-that-charlie-sheen-is-a-rock-star-and-f+ing-genius

f+ing-genius

-- On Alcoholics Anonymous ... Sheen says it's a "bootleg cult" with a success rate of only 5%, while his is 100% and added, "Newsflash .. I am special and I will never be one of you."

-- After one rant the host, Alex Jones, tells Charlie he sounds like Thomas Jefferson. Charlie's response, "I'm not Thomas Jefferson. He was a p***y! But I dare anyone to debate me on things."

-- On his drug and alcohol issues, "I have a disease? Bulls**t! I cured it ... with my mind."

next level http://www.tmz.com/2011/02/24/charlie-sheen-two-and-a-half-men-chuck-lorre-argument-radio-talk-show-tirade-turd-thomas-jefferson/

i feel like maybe it turns out he wrote that amazon review

what an amazing url

On why he should be feared:

"There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."

Wait, what?

"Guys, it's right there in the thing, duh! We work for the Pope, we murder people. We're Vatican assassins. How complicated can it be? What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks. Boom. Print that, people. See where that goes."

No, seriously: What?

"If you love with violence and you hate with violence, there's nothing that can be questioned. People say, 'Oh, you'd better work through your resentments.' Yeah, no. I'm gonna hang on to them, and they're gonna fuel my attack. And they're going to fuel the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers. Because they're all around you. Sorry, you thought you were just messing with one dude. Winning."

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2011/02/charlie_sheen_radio.html

its funny cause hes clearly high on drugs

sounds like he's seen this thread :)

"Look what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls. I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee … they lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say, 'I can't process it.' Well, no, and you never will! Stop trying! Just sit back and enjoy the show."

haha sheen otm

Charlie and Khadafy are currently switching hosts, obv.

i like the part where he says two and a half men is terribly written, but i don't like the part where he's being anti-semitic and crazy. :(

the battle cry of my deadly and dangerous and secret and silent soldiers
i mean...

Is Sheen a Sci3nt0l0gist?

"I can't process it."

audio is spellbinding.

What they're not ready for is guys like you and I and Nails and all the other gnarly gnarlingtons in my life, that we are high priests, Vatican assassin warlocks.

wth

so Alex Jones is one of the Vatican assassins? did he know about this beforehead?

i'm imagining his agent calling lenny dykstra and his new graphic designer girlfriend all "WHO LET CHARLIE WATCH 'THE DAVINCI CODE'?? GIVE ME AN ANSWER"

"high priest assassins of the vatican" sounds like a lost wu tang rap

gnarly gnarlingtonS!!!

I have to credit Sheen here for inventing so many new, wonderful phrases. He's like a one-man snorg tee design crew.

sorry WINNING

have you met my ugly wife, my ugly children?

"high priest assassins of the vatican" sounds like a secret communion wine drinking club for scowling altar boys.

^^^

CBS and the television production studio Warner Brothers announced Thursday night that they decided to shut down production in the hit comedy “Two and a Half Men” in the wake of two incendiary interviews in which the show’s star, Charlie Sheen, attacked the creator of the show, Chuck Lorre.

In a terse statement, CBS and Warner Brothers, which produces the comedy, said, “Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of “Two and a Half Men” for the remainder of the season.”

Lawsuits!

god, cbs needs to lighten up

the cbs execs need to just chill out, take a hit of crack, invite a bunch of ex-athletes over to watch a movie, and think about things

Rhymes with winning? Anyone?

binning!

http://charlieharpershirts.com/

Q: What are the Shirts made of ?
A: Generally we use 100% Polyester. Fully washable and excellent for the Style
and Drape of our shirts. There are many grades of this type of material. The
flimsy grade for ladies nightwear and supreme grade which is probably unlike
anything you have seen before ! velvety soft and real quality, this is what we use
for your shirt.

feel like we need to move this to IRE

genuinely the worst kind of shirt in the whole world

I think even the cast of Swingers would have said no to those shirts.

The look works best when the shirt is un-tucked - never tuck this shirt in! - and
is paired with either khaki or gray slacks, although Charlie Harper wears the
shirt to great success even with shorts. Stylish and cool for the Summer or
Anytime !

http://www.charliesshirts.com/

http://charlieharpershirts.com/images/ScreenHunter_01_Jan._20_21.53.gif

great success!

http://www.calccw.com/Forums/holsters-carry-methods/3343-charlie-sheens-wardrobe-2-1-2-men.html

haha holy shit

Wow! Only one hour after my rather late posting and I get the straight poop.

Every monday night I watch 2 1/2 Men,

1. Because I think the show's a riot
2. Because I want to catch the wardrobe credits for those shirts but I always forget

Thanks Hoser. This is such a great sight. http://www.calccw.com/Forums/images/smilies/extra/anim_headbang.gif

http://www.calccw.com/Forums/images/smilies/extra/haha.gif

Outta "sight"!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekAWhfXvua4

There was seriously an article in the Age JUST YEDSTERDAY saying sheen is fucking untouchable because the show is such a money spinner.

So this is extra hilarious.

Primo sn material too.

the fact that Lorre has 2 other highly rated shows on CBS must've made it pretty easy for the network to decide who to side with here

he fought the lorre and the lorre won

:D

That was a little dad joke for you tho, estela ;)

In an open letter posted on TMZ.com Thursday evening, Sheen responded to the news that CBS halted production of his show, calling out Lorre, whom he again refers to as Haim Levine, specifically.

"I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth," the letter reads. "I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists."

holy shit

http://www.tmz.com/2011/02/24/charlie-sheen-open-letter-two-and-a-half-men-chuck-lorre-tirade-turd-production-season-shut-down-crew-cbs-warner-bros/

shd change the title to charlie sheen commits career suicide

I would pay to see all this fire-breathing fists in his octagon

i was sort of hoping that he was using "can't handle the truth" as a segue into a plug for him & lenny dykstra's upcoming showing of "a few good men" at the charlie sheen rehab center

screening a few good men IN A COURTROOM

i realize that sheen is on some "barack HUSSEIN obama" thing in calling lorre "haim levine" but also wtf is "haim"

THE COURTROOM OF PUBLIC OPINION

trap goin haim

Funny how worked up Carlos Estevez is getting over a name.

^^^i was just thinking about that.

"I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words – imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists."

Holy roffling what the fuk.

Frickin' love some of the TMZ comments there:

The only people I know that watch this show are my parents - both in their 70's. And when my mom heard Charlie was doing cocaine and hiring prostitutes, her and my father vowed to never watch again, and they haven't.

I am fucking dying of laughter here.

PAIN IN MY OCTAGON

his fists breathe think abt it

someone needs to photoshop this mofo

SHEENZIRRA

Yes this needs a Z S Special Edition, urgently.

His letter > every episode of 2 and a half men

I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

So the fans are beautiful but the wives and kids are ugly. Or am I getting that wrong.

Wait I didnt read the whole thing.

I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Jesus dude, it's not Libya.

it appears as if you're trying to reason with a crackhead

I'm telling ya, he and Khadafy, swapping bodies right now.

lol good point Jord

Jon Cryer's somewhere right now going "Time for that spinoff series..."

'One Man'

Ferris Buellers Day and a Half off.

(I know he was in Pretty in Pink shut up thats why)

one man and a big dumb kid

hell, i'd watch it.

<< >>
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #329
I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I've had chest x–rays, cardio stress tests, EKG's and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers.

If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.

<< >>
1st Aired: 14 February 2011

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CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #327
I'm writing this vanity card in Israel. I like it here. Not for the geography, or architecture, or even the history. No, I like it because for the first time in my life I'm surrounded with DNA much like my own. Until I got here, until I wandered around Tel Aviv and Jerusalem, I didn't realize how much my double helix yearned to be around similar strands. Now that's not to say that I don't occasionally have that very same genetic experience in Beverly Hills (particularly in Chinese restaurants on Sunday night). But the sheer homogeneity of Israel overwhelms any over-priced kung pao gathering at Mr. Chow's. The cop, the cab driver, the hotel concierge, the pilot, the waiter, the shoe salesman, the beautiful girl looking right through me as if I didn't exist -- all Jewish! If I had to sum it up, I'd say the sensation is like being at a B'nai B'rith summer camp that is surrounded by millions of crazy bastards who hate the sound of kids playing tetherball, and all the poor little camp has going for it is pluckiness and nukes. Anyway, I have to believe my visceral and very pleasant reaction is some sort of evolutionary, tribal thing. Some sort of survival gene that makes human beings want to stay with their birth group. Which raises the question, why have I spent a lifetime moving away from that group? How did Chaim become Chuck? How did Levine become Lorre? The only answer I come up with is this: When I was a little boy in Hebrew school the rabbis regularly told us that we were the chosen people. That we were God's favorites. Which is all well and good except that I went home, observed my family and, despite my tender age, thought to myself, "bull$#*!."

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1st Aired: 07 February 2011

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CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #324
WARNING!

Do not attempt to replicate what you saw in tonight's episode of Two and a Half Men. Despite the seeming lack of serious consequences and regardless of the hilarity that ensued, this is extremely dangerous behavior and could result in injury or death. Please keep in mind that we employ a highly-paid Hollywood professional who has years of experience with putting his life at risk. And sadly no, I'm not talking about our stunt man.

<< >>
1st Aired: 17 January 2011

what an asshole!

<< >>
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #315
To Do List

Re-calibrate the line behind fiction and reality

Meditate using new mantra, "high ratings do not equate to high self-esteem"

Go to Al-Anon meeting

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying "no comment"

Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying "as far as I know everything's terrific"

Write a country song entitled, "Hooker in the Closet." (Chorus: "There's a hooker in the closet, 'neath the monogrammed robes, don't know how she got there and I can't find my clothes. Officer Krupke, how are you tonight? I've misplaced my watch but I'm feeling alright.") Donate royalties to womens' shelter

Quit the business and teach creative writing at Cal State Bakersfield. Fresno?

Bite the hand that feeds you because you've had more than enough to eat

Hire a publicist to put a positive spin on this vanity card

<< >>
1st Aired: 22 November 2010

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CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #312
I believe I have identified a debilitating psychological syndrome that has infected a large number of people, myself included. Simply put, the sufferer, in varying degrees of intensity, is convinced that he or she is "not alive enough." This delusion drives them to carry out all manner of self-destructive acts in a vain attempt to "feel more alive." I've dubbed the syndrome Peggy Lee Disease (in honor of her classic song which first identified the malady, "Is That All There Is?"). The list of misguided actions caused by PLD is almost endless; over-eating, over-sexing, over-shopping, extreme sports, sadism, masochism, alcoholism, drug addiction, workaholism and spending all your money to run for governor of California (for a more complete list check web sites such as TMZ and Radar Online). To date, the only sure cure for PLD is altruism -- putting aside selfish interests and giving unto others. I'm embarrassed to admit that I'm waiting for something better.

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1st Aired: 15 November 2010

Okay so my new theory is that Lorre is Edward Norton and Sheen is Brad Pitt...

i was sort of feeling bad for chuck lorre, but jesus christ

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CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #304
I have to assume that there's an evolutionary advantage to having a brain which keenly remembers the bourbon-soaked magic carpet ride, but not its puke-on-the-shoes, please-God-help-me-find-my- car aftermath. The same holds true for romantic relationships. The dreamy, eye-gazing moment of transcendent intimacy is recalled with perfect clarity, while the sleepless nights on a bed with enough room between the two of you to park a car is but a dim memory. My theory for this mental preference is that the brain is hard-wired to push the organism toward pleasure and away from pain. It's actually designed to cherish the good times and discard the bad. I can't think of another explanation for why I'm always amused by the "drink responsibly" tag at the end of alcohol commercials. Sure. What other way to drink is there? It also explains why, whenever I call my lawyer, he starts the conversation with "please tell me you're not getting married again."

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1st Aired: 25 October 2010

lol this dude has a blog at the end of his tv shows

This is probably the most fascinating thing going on in America right now.

Ned may be on to something.

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CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #292
When I was a child I was taught the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." At the time, I saw the sense of it. Words, being intangible, have no ability to inflict physical harm. Whenever another child said something mean to me, I would loudly recite the saying at them, using it like a magical incantation that would protect me from getting my feelings hurt. I usually said it with tears running down my cheeks. As an adult I've come to see that the saying is, like many things taught to children, a lie. The truth is that bones heal, while the damage done by words can last a lifetime. I bring it up here only to remind those who write about television of the power they wield. And that is the power to wound with words. The power to be mean. They have absolutely no power to affect ratings and the likely success or failure of a TV show. In that arena they are laughably impotent. Unengorged. Limp. Flaccid, if you will. Forever poking, but never really penetrating. But I should tread carefully here. I don't want to now become the very thing I decry. One who uses words to hurt. Having been a victim of verbal abuse, I certainly wouldn't want that on my conscience.

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1st Aired: 27 September 2010

aren't you proud of me for looking those up? it dawned on me that there might be relevant text on those things that he sticks on the end of every show. not gonna go through every mike & molly card.

but feel free to dig for more dirt:

http://www.chucklorre.com/index-2hm.php?p=292

how is this guy even an adult

on one of the 2 & a half men cards he says that cbs censored the text because it was a rant about cbs so he just stuck the uncensored card at the end of mike and molly instead. but, like i said, don't feel like reading them all.

Lorre attended State University of New York at Potsdam, but dropped out after two years.[2] After leaving school, he toured the United States as a guitarist and songwriter. He wrote Deborah Harry's radio hit single "French Kissin' in the USA" for the 1986 Rockbird album.

?!???!

hah scott these are amazing thx

how is this guy even an adult

which one?

chuck lorre's been doing ranting vanity cards since like the mid-90s! proto-blog!

how do these look on tv? just white screen/black test or what

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H-c_s2GgJtk

http://grab.by/999i

http://himself.files.wordpress.com/2008/10/bigbang204.png

they just flash up the whole text black on a white screen for about half a second. i remember seeing them at the end of dharma & greg or whatever and being like man i should tape those just to see what they say oh what the fuck i'm not going to tape dharma & greg

sometimes i'd see them at the end of i was sort of feeling bad for chuck lorre, but jesus christ

― pop the s1ock (J0rdan S.), Thursday, February 24, 2011 11:09 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

i dunno between the guy who runs a dozen shows and the one actor on one of them who's kind of notoriously nuts, i'm betting that the former wasn't entirely to blame for their issues with each other

mine has the font right though :p

well i would not know!

Ned liked the "endowed" one I see ;)

White screen, teeny tiny black text that's on for .000002 of a second.

happier times

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/sites/default/files/2011/02/85404550_a_l.jpg

Ned liked the "endowed" one I see ;)

More than anything I'm just 'well...that's your world, then.'

There is just so much crazy to go around.

Lorre's a bro imo. he's like the Aaron Sorkin of skeezy banter. ok, skeezier.

Lorre seems pretty obnoxious. The production credits were enough, Lorre Rants sealed it.

oh i wouldn't argue that he's not obnoxious or anything

http://www.tvsquad.com/2008/07/30/chuck-lorres-old-career-had-a-lot-of-turtle-power/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRoHnB6b-pY

This is turning into a nexus of everything.

― Dr. Frogbius (some dude)

?

So Sheen's character, who writes ad jingles and music for kid stuff, is based on Lorre's early career?

Obviously the series has to end with Charlie writing a sitcom pilot

Shockingly enough, Lorre's contributions to TMNT went beyond the theme song. "In fact I'm on the original ... I'm the voice of the turtles on the original (episodes). I did all the voices. I sped up my voice (to play the various turtles). I said to the producer, 'You're going to replace me with the actors, right?' and he said, 'Nah, that's fine.'"

:O

Trying to get a break as a songwriter, I find out where Harry Nilsson lives and bring him a box of reel-to-reel tapes of my original songs. He threatens to kill me if I ever come to his house again.

http://www.variety.com/index.asp?layout=chart_pass&charttype=chart_lorreCareer

hahahahahahahaha

LOL @ "I create "Grace Under Fire," realize what I'm in for and try to quit after pilot is picked up."

Harry Nilsson OTM

Chuck Lorre Productions
The Official Vanity Card Archives

SEARCH TERMS

In order of frequency:

- 717 for "censored"
- 16 for "censorship"
- 11 for "contact"
- 7 for "claudia schiffer"
- 6 for "217"
- 5 for "censor"
- 3 for "claudia"
- 3 for "cocaine"
- 3 for "gay"

thread keeps delivering.

it rly does

Dear Bill Carter, please hurry up with your inevitable book about all this because I can't keep trawling the showbiz gossip sites to find out what's going on. Thanks.

― Dr. Frogbius (some dude)

?

― Dr Frogbs (am0n), Thursday, February 24, 2011 11:49 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

sorry dogg i will step off your turf

sorry to all the fans, but thank God this show is off-the-air! it surprises me none that the two ppl most involved with it turned out to be self-absorbed slush-headed assholes...

Charlie's megalomania is v. entertaining tho.

That kid has got to be pissed right now

He's 17, he's probably busy trying to pretend he hasn't been in close proximity to Charlie Sheen throughout his formative years so everyone doesn't realize his life perspective has been forever skewed.

I think he'll turn out okay
might need to have sheen quietly 'bumped' at some point tho, so that the whole thing becomes a 'tragedy' and his syndication income remains secure

fyi guys the show has just shut down production for the rest of the 2010-2011 season, there's been no confirmation that it's totally canceled and not coming back in the fall (although obv it wouldn't be a shock if that happened)

this kid has definitely got a frankie muniz-type life ahead of him

i know nothing about the kid IRL, and in the show his character is always being led astray by his uncle Charlie, but i think maybe Sheen's example will scare him straight instead

I want a spinoff movie where it's pseudo-documentary about Charlie Sheen taking the kid actor under his wing for a weekend in Vegas

More quotes: http://videogum.com/278921/the-19-best-charlie-sheen-quotes-which-you-trolls-probably-cant-even-process/top-stories/

“People are mystified by this odyssey that refuses to quit calling itself Charlie Sheen.”

http://videogum.com/files/2011/02/charlie_sheen_vatican_assassin.jpg

now that I think of it, Chuck Lorre might have the worst luck in TV history as far as working with stars who are notoriously problematic (Sheen, Roseanne, Cybill Shepherd, Brett Butler), plus a Scientologist (Jenna Elfman). i hope for his sake that everyone on Big Bang Theory and Mike & Molly is nice.

You have to wonder what the guy who plays Sheldon is like in real life; I don't think anyone can picture him acting any different which probably drives him nuts

i wonder if jon cryer ever dreams about switching places with that dude

i think this was posted way upthread but let's not forget that Cryer seems to have a pretty fucked up life too:

On January 15, 2010, it was reported that Cryer told police he believed his life was in danger and that his ex-wife had hired a hitman to kill him. The following weekend, Two and a Half Men was filmed without its usual live audience, apparently due to concerns over Cryer's safety.

now that I think of it, Chuck Lorre might have the worst luck in TV history as far as working with stars who are notoriously problematic (Sheen, Roseanne, Cybill Shepherd, Brett Butler), plus a Scientologist (Jenna Elfman).

With a track record like that, I wonder how much of it is bad luck or if he is just drawn to the crazy.

it's possible!

the guy who plays Sheldon seems totally different and normal IRL from what i can tell from interviews

On January 15, 2010, it was reported that Cryer told police he believed his life was in danger and that his ex-wife had hired a hitman to kill him. The following weekend, Two and a Half Men was filmed without its usual live audience, apparently due to concerns over Cryer's safety.

― some dude, Friday, February 25, 2011 10:51 AM (10 seconds ago) Bookmark

did they really think that a hitman was going to pop out of the crowd and kill jon cryer in front of like 200 people?

have to imagine that the "mike & molly" duo are pretty chill irl

probably very jolly

maybe Cryer had just watched that Seinfeld episode where they were taping the pilot and Crazy Joe Davola jumped out of the audience and tried to kill Jerry

maybe it was all just a hilarious prank charlie sheen was pulling on him that 'went too far'

Jon Cryer actually did have one of the few lines on the show that did make me laugh, there's one where he like tries to get his brother to cut in line at the hospital and says something like, "Okay, I didn't want to have to tell you this but....I'm Matthew Broderick"

did they really think that a hitman was going to pop out of the crowd and kill jon cryer in front of like 200 people?

It's happened before :(

http://ordable.com/img/lists/and-now-the-fake-news-best-fake-news-reporters/items/2708200902058network.jpg

re jenna elfman:

On March 27, 2008, she and Charlie Sheen co-hosted the Scientology-affiliated New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project Charity Event at Geisha House in Hollywood, California.[16]

chuck lorre is an olympian-level hack, somehow saved from the annals of has been-dom by the wretched hail mary pass of this show. i don't know why anybody is surpised that a guy who got his start o the animated heathcliff show (along with paul haggis!) is anything more than a relentless careerist asshole

like seriously fuck the old white people who still make multicam sitcoms featuring former matinee idol types.

the Scientology-affiliated New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project

no offense but, what a weird charitable cause

Don't question the ways of the Vatican Assassin.

what an asshole!

― pop the s1ock (J0rdan S.), Thursday, February 24, 2011 11:07 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

are you kidding, this guy is a king

like seriously fuck the old white people who still make multicam sitcoms featuring former matinee idol types.

― they call him (remy bean), Friday, February 25, 2011 12:10 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark

yeah fuck these people who entertain millions *rolls eyes*

yeah! fuck those people! [laugh track]

enbb posted this but all these need to be itt in the flesh

* “People are mystified by this odyssey that refuses to quit calling itself Charlie Sheen.”
* “Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!”
* “I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”
* “I’m so tired of pretending my life isn’t perfect and bitching and just winning every second and I’m not perfect and bitchin’.”
* “Look what I’m dealing with, man, I’m dealing with fools and trolls.”
* “It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”
* “They lay down with their ugly wives and their ugly children and just look at their loser lives and then they look at me and say “I CAN’T PROCESS IT,” well, no, you never will, just stop trying. Sit back and enjoy the show.”
* “You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”
* “Check it, Alex, I embarrassed (Two and a Half Men creator, Chuck Lorre) in front of his children and the world by healing at a rate that his unevolved mind can’t process.”
* “I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”
* “Oh wait, can’t process it. Losers. Winning. Buh bye.”
* “I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. It’s over. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”
* “There are parts of me that are Dennis Hopper.”
* “I don’t live in the middle anymore. That’s where you get slaughtered. That’s where you get embarrassed. From the prom queen.”
* “The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”
* “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”
* “I dare anyone to debate me on things.”
* “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
* “If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”

"and this includes naps"

i bet charlie sheen takes a lot of naps

@ tam tam

panem et circenses

it's because of rich old conservative cocks like lorre and sheen that scripted network TV's ushering itself out of existence.

thanks for making me google that latin crap, would it really have been harder to just write in english

how is scripted network TV ushering itself out of existence? is this really a thing

“Check it, Alex, I embarrassed (Two and a Half Men creator, Chuck Lorre) in front of his children and the world by healing at a rate that his unevolved mind can’t process."

Okay this is definitely on some Scientology shit right here.

says someone with an unevolved mind

guilty

rich old conservative cocks like lorre

Contributor Occupation Date Amount Recipient
LORRE, CHUCK
PACIFIC PALISADES,CA 90272 WARNER BROS. TV 10/21/2010 $1,000 Boxer, Barbara
LORRE, CHUCK
PACIFIC PALISADES,CA 90272 WARNER BROS. TV 7/27/2010 $1,000 Boxer, Barbara

"and this includes naps"

― goole, Friday, February 25, 2011 12:29 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i bet charlie sheen takes a lot of naps

― max, Friday, February 25, 2011 12:29 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

"and this includes naps" was my fav part

Oh and of course this too "“People are mystified by this odyssey that refuses to quit calling itself Charlie Sheen.”

I am 100% certain remy meant "conservative" in terms of comedy, not politics.

so is somebody gonna poll those quotes or

“You have the right to kill me, but you do not have the right to judge me. Boom. That’s the whole movie. That’s life.”

http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2011/02/cbs-pulls-the-plug-on-two-and-a-half-men.html

“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

hah ok here it is in full, "open letter to chuck lorre":

What does this say about Haim Levine [Chuck Lorre] after he tried to use his words to judge and attempt to degrade me. I gracefully ignored this folly for 177 shows ... I fire back once and this contaminated little maggot can't handle my power and can't handle the truth. I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists. I urge all my beautiful and loyal fans who embraced this show for almost a decade to walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice to right this unconscionable wrong.

Remember these are my people ... not yours...we will continue on together...

Charlie Sheen

megalomania is a hell of a drug

so is crack

I nearly began a poll right now, but, y'know, why kill the goose (in our OCTAGON) when it clearly hasn't stopped laying golden eggs. Maybe just wait till Monday when clearly it'll be twice as large.

damnit that letter was already posted, slow down internet

nothing is going to top imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists

http://www.joystickdivision.com/2009/01/16/dhalsim_fireball_1f.gif

I have read all these quotes like 3 times already today.