for the good of the internet i bring you 374000 ER visits

http://www.sun-sentinel2.com/features/ftlaudNEISS/ftlaudNEISS08_list.php?goto=1

PATIENT HURT WHEN CHAIR PULLED OUT FROM UNDER HER AT HOME AS A JOKE DX: CONTUSION TO LOWER BACK

PT PLAYING WITH BROTHER AND SOMEHOW A SMALL PLASTIC TOY FLASHLIGHT GOT INSERTED IN RECTUM FB RECTUM

PT FELL OFF POWER SCOOTER, FRACTURE OF LEFT WRIST

USING COCAINE AND PLACED PLASTIC BOTTLE IN RECTUM AND TRIED TO REMOVE I T WITH COAT HANGER AND CAUSED BLEEDING

search for "narrative" "contains" "rectum"

SAT ON TV ANTENNA;DX PUNCTURED RECTUM

PT AT A BONFIRE PARTY AND POURED LIGHTER FLUID ONTO THE FIRE AND CAUGHT PANTS ON FIRE THERMAL BURNS TO LOWER LEGS NS IF FD ON SCENE

20"TV FELL ON PUBIC AREA;DX CONTUSED PENIS

PT INSERTED TAB OF *** CAN IN PENIS,PT HAS HISTORY OF F.B. TO MULTIPLEO RIFICES#

URETHAL TRAUMA - 38 YO MALE WAS MASTURABATING LAST NIGHT AND PUSHED A S ODA STRAW UP HIS PENIS ABOUT 3"

no results for either "gerbil" or "gallon of semen"

PT HAS A PIECE OF A SEX TOY STUCK IN HER VAGINA DX// FB VAGINA REMOVED

PATIENT PLAYING BASKETBALL, JUMPED UP AND STRADDLED OPPONENTS FOOT ON L ANDING, HAD VAGINAL BLEEDING/SWELLING; VAGINAL INJURY

UNHELMETED BICYCLIST RIDING BIKE WHILE DRINKING ALCOHOL DOING COCAINE & SMOKING MARIJUANA FELL OFF BIKE BUT DOESNT REMEMBER.D:FACIAL ABRASION

PT WAS SHAVING HER VAGINA AND DEVELOPED AN ABSCESS

SHE PUT A DOLL'S SHOE REALLY FAR UP INTO HER VAGINA DX" VAGINAL FB- TO THE O.R.

PYT

max you're an ace for this btw

lol just came to post the vagina removed one xpost

ATTEMPTING TO CHANGE CHANNEL ON TV AND SLID ONTO BUTTOCKS STRAINING KNE E

45YO WHITE MALE ON ATV,GOT CLOTHESLINED BY A BARBED WIRE-STRUNG ACROSS ROAD,NLOC,LACERATION TO NECK,+AMPHETAMINES,+COCAINE

PT WITH A ONE FOOT LONG CANDLE STUCK IN RECTUM, BY GIRLFRIEND

KINKY MANEUVERS

PT WAS TRICKED INTO EATING *** CANDY WITH DOG FECES ON IT AFTER THAT HE TOOK A DRINK OF *** CLEANER DX// INGESTION FECES AND ***

+ETOH,PLAYING A GUITAR,STUMBLED,FELL BACKWARD ONTO UNCAPPED BEER BOTTLE ,WHCH CONTACTED PERINEAL AREA,BOTTLE INTACT DX: COMPLEX VAGINAL LAC i.e. BULLSHIT, YOU WERE MASTURBATING WITH A BEER BOTTLE

19 Y/O FELL JUMPING ON TRAMPOLINE AND STRADLED THE BAR. DXX-INJURY FROM VVAGINA TO RECTUM. DX INJURY GENITAL ORGANS.

BIPOLAR MAN TOOK LSD AND WOKE UP WITH PLASTIC FORK IMPALED IN EAR

BOYFRIEND INSERTED A BASEBALL IN HER VAGINA 4 HOURS AGO UNABLE TO REMOVAL BASEBALL FOREIGN BODY VAGINA REMOVAL

everybody on this thread has a degree, an advanced degree at that, and is spending Sunday evening typing "vagina" and "rectum" and "penis" into an ER log search engine

life rules

this, my friends, this is what the internet was for

PT SUSTAINED A CONTUSION OF THE BUTTOCK BY FALLING WHILE PULLING A HOES .

jeff, tell the truth, did you search "buttock" or "hoes"

i dont have a degree

PT PULLED GARBAGE BAG OUT OF TRASH CAN AT HOME AND WAS BITTEN BY A RACC OON DX/ PUNCTURE WOUND RIGHT HAND RACCOON BITE

SENT IN BY POLICE FOR EVALUATION, TAZERED 7 TIMES, ADMITS MARIJUANA A BUSE>>SUBS ABUSE/FACIAL CONTS/SCALP LAC/PSYCH EVALUATION

LT WRIST & ANKLE CONTUSION: CHASING RACCOON LAST NIGHT, FORGOT HE HAD A CABLE SET UP IN YARD, IT TRIPPED HIME, HURT LEFT WRIST

FOREHEAD LACERATION: RUNNING FROM A RACCOON THAT WAS IN THE HOUSE, TRIPPED, FELL HEAD-FIRST INTO A RECLINER

FINGER CELLULITIS-KNIFE SLIPPED WHILE SKINNING A RACCOON-AREA INFECTED

ACCIDENTALLY SHOT SELF IN SCROTUM WITH BB GUN. DX-GSW SCROTUM AND TESTES.

STUCK HAIRBRUSH IN VAGINA

UNHELMETED BICYCLIST RIDING BIKE WHILE DRINKING ALCOHOL DOING COCAINE & SMOKING MARIJUANA FELL OFF BIKE BUT DOESNT REMEMBER.D:FACIAL ABRASION

cankles I confer upon you the degree of bachelor of sciences in internet

PATIENT LYING AWAKE IN BED AFTER SURFING THE INTERNET, NOTICED WALLS CL OSING IN AROUND HIM,DIFFICULTY BREATHING; ANXIETY ATTACK

ANUS FB-PIECE OF BLUE STRING REMOVED FROM RECTUM-NO DETAILS

I tell ya, "urine" is gold...

BIPOLAR MAN TOOK LSD AND WOKE UP WITH PLASTIC FORK IMPALED IN EAR

DX LAC R SH/HTN: W JUGGL'G 3 KNIVES W HE LOST CONTROL & KNIFE STUCK 3IN INTO R DELTOID REGION; PT SMELLS OF ETOH--ADMITS 2 "3 BEERS"

UNHELMETED BICYCLIST RIDING BIKE WHILE DRINKING ALCOHOL DOING COCAINE & SMOKING MARIJUANA FELL OFF BIKE BUT DOESNT REMEMBER.D:FACIAL ABRASION

― supra-max (ice cr?m), Sunday, January 17, 2010 6:02 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

already posted bro - use ctrl-f so u dont RUIN the thread again

yah no ones even reading whats posted

PAIN TO PENIS AFTER TOILET LID FELL ONTO IT.

20"TV FELL ON PUBIC AREA;DX CONTUSED PENIS

snoball u left out the all-important diagnosis. D: PENILE BLUNT TRAUMA

STATES HE ACCIDENTLY HIT HIMSELF IN GROIN WITH BACKPACK FULL OF BOOKS AT HOME

There are a lot of "dropped toilet seat on penis" injuries.

oh man. beer brings the lols, vodka brings the ;_;

too many ppl gettin caught in their zippers

CANKLES ROLE-PLAYING TO MOVIE X4DAYS & INSERTED 8-10 INCH SCREWDRIVER INTO ANUS, NOW W/RECTAL DISCOMFORT, FB REMOVED; FOREIGN BODY IN ANUS & RECTUM

PATIENT PUT A RUBBER BAND ON THUMB SEVERAL DAYS AGO, THUMB IS NOW BLACK FROM KNUCKLE TO TIP; RUBBER BAND REMOVED, GANGREN

PT WASHED PENIS WITH CAT SHAMPOO INFLAMMATION OF PENIS

PATIENT IS MENTALLY RETARDED, HAS BEEN PINCHING HIMSELF IN THE FACE & WAS WITNESSED RUNNING INTO GLASS DOOR BY NURSE. DX-BLUNT HD TRAUMA

MILD PHARYNGITIS. PT FELL ASLEEP WHEN COOKING HAMBURGERS ON STOVE

SHE & FRIENDS WENT TO A HAUNTED HOUSE, SHE HAD 2 SHOTS OF VODKA, & SOME *** TO DRINK- VOMITING- BROUGHT BY AMBULANCE. DX; ALCOHOL INTOXICATIO

PT WAS TRYING TO PERFORM A MAGIC TRICK AND PUT A STICKER IN ONE EAR AND TRIED TO PULL OUT OF OTHER SIDE OF EAR. DX RIGHT EAR F.B.

PT SPRAYED AIR FRESHENER ON HIS PENIS ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!!!

64Y/O,M,HAD SEXUAL FANTASY, PUT COAT HANGER IN PENIS, HANGER BROKE,ADM FOREIGN B (cue "well hung" joke)

INTIAL COMPLAINT OF ANKLE PAIN&SWELLING, ALSO REPORTS ACCIDENTALLY SHOO TING SEFL

prob should report that yeah

34 yo FEMALE+ETOH,PLAYING A GUITAR,STUMBLED,FELL BACKWARD ONTO UNCAPPED BEER BOTTLE ,WHCH CONTACTED PERINEAL AREA,BOTTLE INTACT DX: COMPLEX VAGINAL LAC

21YOF WAS HOME IN THE SHOWER HAVING SEX WITH HER BOYFRIEND,ACCIDENTLY BRUSHED UP AGAINST A RAZOR;BUTTOCKS ABRASIONS

HIT IN GENITALS W/LAWN MOWER HANDLE MOWING LAWN DX; PENIS AND SCROTUM CONTUSION

CONT/77YOM STS AT HOME SITTING DOWN EATING BANANA, TOSSED PEEL ON FLOOR & GOT UP TO USE BATHROOM AND SLIPPED AND FELL ON BANANA PEEL.

INJURED RT EYE WHILE SHE WAS WALKING DOWN THE HALL, TEXTING, ON PHONE,S TUDENT RAN INTO HER EYE WITH HIS HEAD.. DX: RT SUBCONJUNC. HEMORRHAGE

WENT TO FISH FRY, PT DRANK 2 BEERS, 4 SHOTS OF LIQUOR, WENT TO TENT WIT H BOYFRIEND HAD SEX, BROUGHT BY PARENTS FOR EVAL.

SECOND DEGREE BURN TO FORESKIN (OF PENIS) - WHILE MOVING A KEROSENE HEATER IN THE NUDE, HIS PENIS HIT THE HOT GRILL. NO MENTION OF FIRE IN

HYPOTHERMIA WHEN JUMPED INTO POOL FOUND NUDE BY NEIGHBOR

EVAL. = nicely done xxp

PATIENT WAS FOUND LYING PRONE ON THE GRASS, HAVING SEXUAL ACTIVITY WITH A POLE. DX-DRUGS VS ACUTE PSYCHIATRIC ILLNESS

SEXUAL DEVICE HAS BEEN STUCK IN PT'S RECTUM FOR 2 DAYS. DX: RECTAL FB.

LAC TO FOREARM, WILL ONLY REPORT THAT INJURY IS "PERSONAL" AND THAT IT INVOLVED A WHISKEY BOTTLE.

PATIENT WAS FOUND LYING PRONE ON THE GRASS, HAVING SEXUAL ACTIVITY WITH A POLE. DX-DRUGS VS ACUTE PSYCHIATRIC ILLNESS

― emil.y, Sunday, January 17, 2010 11:22 PM (6 seconds ago) Bookmark

those americans and their polack jokes...

no emu, ostrich, camel, or llama related injuries.

10 Y/O AT FRIEND'S HOUSE SHOOTING BIRDS WITH BB GUN ACCIDENTALLY SHOT HIMSELF IN THE FACE. DX-GSW FACE.

RAN INTO COUNTER AT TACO BELL;DX LACERATED HEAD

BEEN BAKING ALOT LATELY, NOTICED LOTS OF BIRDS IN THE HOUSE DIED,NOW WI TH LIGHTHEADNESS AFTER EXPOSURE TO A FAULTY STOVE>> CO EXPOSURE

ON FRIDAY, ACCIDENTALLY STABBED HIMSELF IN THE FACE LIKE A HULKAMANIAC, NOW WITH SWELLING&REDNESS TO THE AREA>> CELLULITIS

PT WAS AT A "NIN" CONCERT IN THE "MAGE PIT" DANCING, SPRAINED RT ANKLE.

PT SITTING ON PORCH-FELT STING TO GENITALS,SCORPION FELL OUT OF PTS PANTS,C/O THROAT FEELS DRY,DX SCORPION ENVENOMATION

BROUGHT IN BY PD-PT FOUND RUNNING NAKED THROUGH PARKING LOT W KNIFE PT TAZED 3X'S,+AMPHETAMINES,DX METHAMPHETAMINE INTOXICATION

PT SPRAYED CLEANER ONTO PANTS TO TRY AND REMOVE A STAIN WHILE WEARING PANTS AT SHELTER. DX: CHEMICAL BURN GENITALS.

PT WAS TRICKED INTO EATING *** CANDY WITH DOG FECES ON IT AFTER THAT HE TOOK A DRINK OF *** CLEANER DX// INGESTION FECES AND ***

9 YO MALE WAS TRICKED BY OTHER KIDS TO DRINK GASOLINE AND URINE - MOM G AVE *** BEFORE KNOWING - HYDROCARBON INJURY

MOVING A COW AND HIT WITH BUCKET THAT BOUNCED BACK AND HIT HIM IN THE NOSE. DX LACERATION NOSE

WAS PLAYING , WEARING AUNT'S HIGH HEELS, & FELL, HIGH HEEL IMPACTED HER PERINEUM, WASN'T WEARING UNDERWEAR. DX: PERINEAL TRAUMA, STRADDLE INJ.

In penance for accidentally reposting one of John D's finds:

PT WAS EATING CHEESEBURGER AT ***'S AND ON 2ND BITE FELT EXCRUCIATING P AIN IN BACK OF TONGUE. DX. FB TONGUE, FISHHOOK.

PT HAD FISHING HOOK TO BUTTOKS. FISHHOOK WAS IN JEANS WHEN PT PULLED T HEM UP

29 YO MALE PATIENT HAD A FISHHOOK STUCK IN BOTH THUMBS. DX-FOREIGN BODY THUMBS.

PT WAS PLAYING SEX GAMES WITH WIFE HAD BELT AROUND NECK, JUMPED OVER SOMETHING AND GOT HUNG UP,ALSO FELL DOWN STAIRS DX: TRAUM ARREST

sounds like she was trying to murder him

PT FELL OFF GOLF CART AFTER 6 BEERS. DX: CONCUSSION W/LOC, HEAD CONT, ETOH INTOX.

7 YOM STRUCK ON HEAD BY FALLING TOY PIANO

Couldn't find anyone who had an actual piano fall on them.

FELL FROM THE BED TO THE FLOOR AT THE NURSING HOME STATED "IT WAS FROM ALL THOSE RABBITS AROUND ME."

feel terrible for laughing at that

PT POUT HUNTING RABBITS AND SHOT SELF IN THE RIGHT GREAT TOE WITH A PEL LET GUN FB TOE

Run for your lives!

PT HIKING AT ***-ATTACKED BY BEES-FELL 80FT DOWN TRAIL,+LOC,L GRTTOE PR OXIMAL PHALANX FX,R DISTAL RADIAL FX,3 R SIDED RIB FX,

REPORTS HEARING NOISE IN THE WALL UNDER THE WINDOW SILL&SUDDENLY WHEN OPENED THE WINDOW WAS ATTACKED BY MULTI BEES

PT HIKING WHEN ENCOUNTERED BEES. BEGAN RUNNING AND RAN OVER EDGE OF CLIFF FALLING 10 FEET. BEGAN RUNNING AGAIN & TWISTED ANKLE. D:ANKLE SPRAIN

MOTHER STATES PT WAS STUNG BY SEVERAL BEES AFTER A WALL IN THE HOUSE FELL DOWN AND BEES CAME IN DX ALLERGRIC REACTION BEE STINGS

MASTURBATING WITH AXE BODY WASH NOW HAS RASH. DX CONTACT DERMATITS

the amount of people who have "shot self" is proper smh america

^ glad the words "body wash" are in there, xp

(15yo male) FOUND BY DAD ON THE DECK IN UNDERWEAR, +INCONTINANCE, PALE, NOT MAKING SENSE, ETOH ON BREATH >>ETOH=0.187 INTOXICATION

UNHELMETED BICYCLIST RIDING BIKE WHILE DRINKING ALCOHOL DOING COCAINE & SMOKING MARIJUANA FELL OFF BIKE BUT DOESNT REMEMBER.
D:FACIAL ABRASION

PATIENT HURT WHEN CHAIR PULLED OUT FROM UNDER HER AT HOME AS A JOKE DX: CONTUSION TO LOWER BACK

PT PLAYING WITH BROTHER AND SOMEHOW A SMALL PLASTIC TOY FLASHLIGHT GOT INSERTED IN RECTUM FB RECTUM

PT FELL OFF POWER SCOOTER, FRACTURE OF LEFT WRIST

2 METAL WASHERS IN STORE-BOUGHT BURRITO DX: F.B. (METAL WASHERS) SWALLOWED

RAN INTO COUNTER AT TACO BELL;DX LACERATED HEAD

yeah the child abuse ones = not funny

80 YO M LACERATION TO EYEBROW TURNED QUICKLY FELL HIT FLOOR AT *** ARBY'S

CHI. PT FELL TO FLOOR HITTING HEAD AT ARBY'S

14 Male White PLAYING WITH SMALL DISC SHAPED MAGNETS NEAR FACE - ATTRACTED TO METAL FRAME OF GLASSES // FB REMOVAL FROM EACH NOSTRIL

YESTERDAY, USED STRAIGHT EDGE RAZOR FOR SHAVING, TODAY WITH RASH ON THE CHIN>>CONTACT DERMATITIS

DOG URINATED IN FLOOR, PT SLIPPED IN WET FLOOR. DX KNEE SPRAIN

PT WAS IN A GO-CARRT AND HAD A PAIR OF PLIERS IN PANTS AND CRASHED GO C ART PLIERS WENT INTO THIGH AND DAMAGES FEMORAL ARTERY

!!!!!!

PATIENT WAS RIDING HIS BICYCLE, A BEE GOT UNDER HIS HELMET, STUNG HIM ON HIS CHEEK, CRASHED, WENT OVER A WALL. DX-SUBDURAL HEMATOMA

that sucks

eep, didn't actually notice the subdural hematoma bit. That kinda ruins the slapstick fun.

many of the buttock incidents, likewise, are a lot less fun when you see that the patient is 94.

PT MISTOOK PEPPER SPRAY FOR MOUTH FRESHENING SPRAY AND ACCID. SPRAYED I T IN HER MOUTH. HAS BURNING TO LIPS AND MOUTH. DX CHEMICAL BURN MOUTH

PT FOUND HOLDING A BOTTLE OF HOMEOPATHIC BELLADONNA TABLETS UNKNOWN IF INGESTED POSSBLE POISONING

You can only overdose by ingesting less than 1 bottle

PATIENT PUT A RUBBER BAND ON THUMB SEVERAL DAYS AGO, THUMB IS NOW BLACK FROM KNUCKLE TO TIP; RUBBER BAND REMOVED, GANGRENE

SPRAIN R ANKLE WHILE DEFLATING AN INFLATABLE BOUNCE HOUSE.#

PT SUS AMPUTATED FINGERS AFTER STICKING HAND IN CIRCULAR SAW WHILE HUSBAND WAS USING IT%

Christ, I'm stopping now.

PA friend of mine had to do an ER intake on a dude with rectal bleeding who denied any trauma to that area until she said the doctor would be in to exam him at which point he admitted that he'd been masturbating with a broom handle stuck up his ass and it had broken leaving a big chunck inside and tearing his rectum.

Yikes! I wonder how common these kind of ER visits are?

rectum? damn rear killed'em!

PATIENT PLAYING TROMBONE MARCHING UP AND DOWN HILLS AT BAND CAMP, NOW W ITH KNEE PAIN, H/O JRA; LIKELY OVERUSE INJURY OF KNEE

PT CUT LIP ON EDGE OF BOWL WHILE EATING YOGURT. DX: LIP LAC SUPERFICIAL.

45YOM AT HOME DRESSED AS A PIRATE, WEARING A MUSTACHE/ BEARD ATTACHED WITH ADHESIVE & A PATCH ON EYE,GOT ADHESIVE ON HANDS,RUBBED EYE;EYE IRR

I've heard that the 'injury due to insertion of foreign object into rectum' ER visits are pretty damn common.

whoever told you that was just being tactful, I'll bet.

lesson: just dont put any old thing up yr butt

loool unreg

Yes, thank you for the quality zing, unregistered. :)

48 YOM WAS CUNNTING FOOD WITH KNIFE AND CUT FINGER FINGER LACERATIONG

I do not want to know what this entails...

*sends to entire medical school*

xxpost - anytime, man. glad I could be of service :)

PLAYING ICE COCKEY&CHECKED FROM BEHIND&STRUCK SHOULDER AGAINST BOARDS >>CONTS

FELL ON CAN OF FOOD;DX LACERATED HEAD

http://img.youtube.com/vi/Axq71RFAYgo/0.jpg

ALLERGIC REACTION: STATES "DOING SNUFF" WITH THE BEES , HAD BEE SUIT ON STUNG ON BACK OF HEAD, HIVES, USED EXPIRED ***

48 YOF SLICING FOOD ON A MANDOLIN LACERATED HER RIGHT THUMB

DOING A WINDMILL MOVE W/LITTLE GUITAR; NOW HAS LT SHOULDER/ELBOW PAIN. SPRAIN LEFT SHOULDER

it was fucking worth it.

PT AT A PARTY PLAYING A VIDEO GAME CALLED GUITAR HERO AND PLAYED FOR A LONG TIME AND PASSED OUT WHILE PLAYING TREATED FOR SYNCO

likewise.

PATION?

PT BROKE DRUMSTICK AND TRIED TO PLAY DRUMS W/BROKEN GOLF CLUB & CUT SELF. DX: L INDEX LAC 2.5 CM.

10 Y/O AT FRIEND'S HOUSE SHOOTING BIRDS WITH BB GUN ACCIDENTALLY SHOT HIMSELF IN THE FACE. DX-GSW FACE.

okay i'll stop

PT WAS AT A PARTY AND BROKE A BOTTLE OVER OWN HEAD DX: SCALP LAC

CHILD HAD A PINATA FILLED WITH 25 LBS. OF CANDY HIT HER ON FACE ON SUND AY

I mean...what?!?

probably meant "Sunday"

LAC TO GROIN AREA FROM HER UNDERWEAR

god is going to punish you all by making you experience each incident you posted.

That's okay. I need a matching "laceration to groin area from underwear" story to go with my "laceration to finger area from BAGEL" story.

I could probably post a baker's dozen laundry list of dumb injuries I've sustained that, thankfully, never made it into an ER database.

PT BURNED FOOT WHILE TRYING TO PUT FIRE OUT ON CARPET WHILE WEARING 2 PAIRS OFSOCKS

PT SNEEZED GOING DOWN STEPS, PAIN WHEN PUTTING SOCKS ON DX:LOW BACK PAIN

PT STUCK A SCREW UP IN PENIS AND INTO BLADDER. DX; FB IN PENIS

ETOH INTOXICATED, HOLDING A GLASS IN THE HAND THEN FELL DOWN A FLIGHT O F STAIRS, UNKNOWN NUMBER CUTTING FACE WITH THE GLASS>>LAC

PT CUT FINGER WITH KNIFE AND THEN FELL ON FINGER AND ITS NOW INFLAMED. ADMITS TO ETOH

PT WAS "GUARDING THE FRAT FLOAT"@ FRAT HOME & PLAYING W/ KNIFE WHEN HE ACCIDENTLY STABBED SELF W/ KNIFE ON THIGH .+ETOH.DX:LACERATION

PT BURNT TIP OF INDEX FINGER TESTING TEMPERATURE OF IRON

DX: PT IS AN IDIOT

I could probably post a baker's dozen laundry list of dumb injuries I've sustained that, thankfully, never made it into an ER database.

― ACCIDENTALLY STABBED HIMSELF IN THE FACE LIKE A HULKAMANIAC (Deric W. Haircare), Monday, 18 January 2010 03:02 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

PT STUCK A SCREW UP IN PENIS AND INTO BLADDER. DX; FB IN PENIS

― SNEEZED GOING DOWN STEPS, PAIN WHEN PUTTING SOCKS ON (Deric W. Haircare), Monday, 18 January 2010 03:14 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

posts that go well together

I keep reading 'FB' as 'facebook'.

WHILE DANCING AROUND DOG, PT SLIPPED AND FELL, FX UPPER ARM

patient was 73 years old, btw

PT WITH LAC TO HAND, PUNCHED THROUGH WINDOW DURING EXORCISM BECAUSE HE STATES HE IS THE DEVIL

PT DOING POWERLIFTS-WEIGHT LIFTING)BACK FREAKED OUT,HEARD SHOULDER POP,DX L SHOULDER STRAIN,CONSIDER ROTATOR CUFF TEAR

ha.

helluva lot of angrily punched walls and windows here.

lockers are a popular thing to punch, so it seems.

ACCIDENTLY PUNCHED A WALL PLAYING W/ FRIENDS ABSCESS LEFT THIRD FINGER TRAUMATIC

read that as saying "playing w/ friend's abscess".

30 MINS PTA, WAS HIT IN BACK OF ANKLE BY ICE CART AT GOLDEN CORRAL, IMM EDIATE PAIN. DX. CONT R ANKLE, SPRAIN.

old people and their scooters HOLY SHIT

old people and slot machines HOLY SHIT

EATING ORNAGES FROM A GLASS JAR AND CUT TONGUE ON GLASS. DX LACERATION

pretty sure that this is indeed the best way to be spending my time.

FOOLING AROUND WITH GIRLFRIEND AND SPONGE AND CLEANER THAT SPLASHED IN HIS EYE WITH CHEMICAL BURN

PT STATES WAS ACTING A FOOL AND FELL ON GRILL DX LIP LACERATION

LYING IN BED TONIGHT FELT FOOLISH ALL DAY, THINKS SHE FELL ON THE FLOOR GOT BACK IN BED. DX-HEAD INJURY.

LAC R EYEBROW, "MY DUMBASS ROOMATE" KICKED THE DOOR OPEN" AND IT STRUCK R EYEBROW DURING THE HORSEPLAY. SMS

PT WAS GOOFING AROUND W/FRIENDS, SOAKED PANTS IN GAS, PUT THEM ON & LIT THEM. +FD. DX: 2ND DEG BURN BILAT LEGS 5%.

AT BIRTHDAY PARTY,PUT FINGER IN COIN SLOT OF GUM BALL MACHINE,COULD NOT GET IT OUT,FIRE DEPT HAD TO REMOVE METAL PLATE OFF AND ABRADED FINGER

PUT FIVE PENILE RINGS ON PENIS TO MAINTAIN ERECTION CAUSING STRANGULATI ON INJ; REMOVED UNDER ANESTHESIA

2 DAYS AGO, BROTHER THREW A PLASTIC BALL, & HIT PT IN CROTCH, AT HOME, DX: PENILE CONTUSION

PT STATES MESSING AROUND W/HIS GIRL FIRND, PUT A PLASTIC BOTTLE ON PENI S, LEFT ON TOO LONG NOW CANNOT REMOVE. DX. PENILE FB, LACERATION.

PATIENT SAW PIMPLE ON PENIS, TRIED TO POP IT WITH AN UNCLEAN NEEDLE, NO W REDNESS AND SWELLING, LUMP ON INGUINAL AREA; PENILE LESION

PT SWALLOWED SMALL THUMB NAIL SIZED HEART SHAPED GEM STICKER >> FOREIGN BODY INGESTION

PLAYING "DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE" AND RAN INTO A CHAIR. DX NOSE CONTUSION

SPRAIN FINGER - 19 YO MALE PRESENTS WITH COMPLAINT OF RT INDEX FINGER P AIN - INJURED WHEN USING WITH "FAKE" WEAPONS PLAYING DUNGEON/DRAGONS

BURNED A CROSS INTO WRIST WITH HOT SCREWDRIVER WHILE DRUNK THAT IS INFE CTED NOW

Awww...

HALLUCINATING THAT ANGELS TOLD HER TO GET UP AND WALK. FELL STRIKING F ACE ON CHAIR. DX FACIAL CONTUSION#

WENT TO A WEDDING,HAD FEW TOO MANY DRINKS, LATER FELL OFF A CHAIR & NOW COMES WITH ALTERED MENTAL STATUS>>AMS S/P FALL/ETOH INTOX/SYNCOPE

PT WA PLAYING A VIDEO GAME AT HOME WHEN HE STOOD UP AND THREW HIS HANDS INTO THE AIR. HIT FINGERS ON CEILING FAN. DX. FINGER PAIN

(age of patient: 33)

37YOF WHILE SNOWBOARDING WAS HOLDING A CUP OF HOT CHOCOLATE,SLIPPED OUT OF HAND LIQUID BOUNCED UP STRUCK LEFT EAR;1ST DEGREE BURN EAR

aw! The angels told her to do it! <3

ANGRY AND ATTEMPTED TO STAB A REFRIDGERATOR WITH A KNIFE. THE KNIFE BR OKE. LACERATION L HAND#

There are way more results for chocolate than I would have guessed.

PT WAS DEEP FRYING CHOCOLATE AND BURNED TOP OF FOOT

PT FOUND WANDERING STREETS NAKED + COCAINE + THC FELL IN ER ON FLOOR IN JURED FACE DX// FACIAL FX COCAINE ABUSE PSYCHOSIS

naked plus cracks me up!

63YO WHITE FEMALE AT HOME PLAYING HOT POTATO WITH GRANDKIDS,DOVE FOR POTATO HIT CORNER OF TELEVISION WITH CHEEK,NLOC,DX FACE LACERATION

PT TRIPPED ON PANTS. DX: R ANKLE SPRAIN.

PARENTS CONCERNED PT HAS INGESTED STRANGE SUBSTANCE OOZING FROM TOYFOOT BALL

(I think this means Toy Football)

PT WAS AT A "NIN" CONCERT IN THE "MAGE PIT" DANCING, SPRAINED RT ANKLE.

Awww! This lady is the best.

PT WAS HELPING A STRANGE CAT THAT HAS FISHING LINE WRAPPED AROUND PAWS & CUT BIT PT ON HAND DX: PUNCTURE WOUND LEFT HAND

Yeah, I usually stick to the "CLERIC" pit when I'm at a NIN show.

PT WAS AT A BAR AFTER A FUNERAL AND HAD A SHOT OF TEQUILA AND FELL OFF THE BARSTOOL. D: CHI, ALCOHOL INTOXICATION, SYNCOPE. ADMIT

@ SCHOOL GETTING READY FOR A CONCERT, ACCIDENTALLY HIT WITH VIOLEN'S BOW TO THE FACE >> LAC

FRACTURED 5TH MC, NONDISPLACED, CLOSED: "PUNCHED MY COMPUTER OUT OF ANGER" HAND PAIN

I need to stop, but some of them are just hilarious:

75 YOM WAS KNOCKED OVER BY HOT DOG CART YESTERDAY BACK PAIN

PATIENT IS MENTALLY RETARDED, LIVES IN A GROUP HOME, WAS SITTING ON A COUCH EATING MACARONI AND HOT DOGS, CHOKED. DX-CHOKING EPISODE

SPEED WALKING AND RUNNING TRYING TO GET TO COMPUTER DESK IN COMPUTER CLASS RAN INTO A WALL HIT HEAD ON A FILE CABINET CLOSED HEAD INJURY

PATIENT RELEASED ELASTIC BAND ON HIS UNDERPANTS, BAND HIT TESTICLE 7 DA YS AGO, 2 DAYS AGO DEVELOPED EDEMA AND ERYTHEMA;TORSED EPIDIDYMAL

There are 52 Wii-related injuries!

FX RADIUS/ULNA - PALYNG WII AND TRIPPED OVER DOG

ACCIDENTALLY STRUCK ONTO LOWER ABDOMEN WITH HOCKEY STICK WHILE PLAYING WII>> ABDOMINAL PAIN

PT WENT TO FRIEND HOUSE TO PAY MONEY BACK & FRIEN D GOT MAD & PUSHED HIM AGAINST THE WALL.

14 YOM SANT DOWN ON WII CONTROLLER, ARM HIT SIDE OF CHAIR KNOCKING BATT ERIES OUT OF CONTROLLER, STRUCK R EYE BY BATTERY SUSTAINING LACERATION

Strangely there are no PS3 related injuries.

11 YOM WAS PLAYING AT FRIEND'S HOUSE, HIT ACCIDENTALLY IN THE FACE WITH XBOX CONTROLLER

If you look up "video game" a lot of those sound like Wii injuries too, as most of them are the controller-swinging variety

(also a couple of table thumping incidents which I nearly posted here to laugh at until I remembered that I have a fierce and irrational temper myself)

got angry, punched something, broek hand...

"PUNCHED MY COMPUTER OUT OF ANGER" hand pain is common AND treatable

PEBKAC

HORSING AROUND W/ A FRIEND IN THE SHED CUT ARM ON A MACHETTE

DX "2000 FLUSHES TOILET" INGESTION: P/W INGESTION OT TOILET BOWEL H2O; PT FOUND W BRUCH IN MOUTH THAT SHE DIP'D IN THE TOILET

There appears to be only one segway related incident

PT FELL OFF HER SEGWAY AND FRACTURED ANKLE

SWUNG KNIFE AT A FLY, DROPPED KNIFE TO CALF, DX; LEG LAC.

RAN INTO CLOSED HOSPITAL CAFETERIA TO TOP OFF HIS COFFEE,GRABBED WHAT H E THOUGHT WAS PACKET OF CREAMER WAS URN CLEANER,TOOK SIPS,SPIT OUT

(shudder)

PT WAS USING A SEX TOY WITH HUSBAND, THEY PLACED A URETHRAL STIMULATOR UP INTO URETHRA, IT GOT SWALLOWED UP INTO URETHRAL. DX: FOREIGN BODY

PT WAS AT A MONSTER TRUCK SHOW AND FELL TRYING TO GET INTO A TRUCK AND LANDED ONTO TILE FLOOR SUSTAINED A CLOSED HEAD INJURY

they have tiled floors at monster truck shows?

There appears to be only one segway related incident
Probably no one willing to admit it.

Lol

11YO WHITE MALE AT GRANDFATHERS HOUSE & WALKED INTO THE MICROWAVE

TRIPPED OVER KITTEN.
CAUGHT HERSELF ON WALL.
HEARD A SNAP.

DISLOCATION

(solo)

26 YOF HAS BEEN HAVING NAUSEA AND VOMITTING EVER SINCE CLEANING TURTLE

38 YOM WAS HORSEPLAYING AND HIT IN FACE W/PIPE. DX MISSING TEETH