"Stuwall" The Funniest Message Board Thread I have ever read.

Pure genius, if any of you ever meet this guy buy him a pint! The way he took all this was brilliant.

Funniest laugh out loud thing I have read in years. Too good to just be posted on the footy thread.

http://www.hof.org.uk/showthread.php?t=2403&page=1

my fave part

Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
Stu, you could be the next big Internet fad like numanuma guy. May I suggest registering the domain name www.1bloke2seats.com

...
now i have a mental image of stu selling his spare ticket to the numa-numa guy and the whole stand singing along

I'm on page 3, when does it get funny?

Ok I admit I wasn't following at first, but when I went back and re-read page 1 it all came into focus. Hilarious.

let's treat this for what it is, an obvious made up lie

I'm on page 3, when does it get funny?

― brotherlovesdub, Monday, 8 March 2010 17:58 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

when you find out can you email me I got to page 2 and gave up!

what are they saying

guy with season ticket pretendint to be annoyed that he can't buy his own seat, basically

they told him his seat was sold out! Is funny because it is sold to him because he hev season ticket!

fuck knows

but why did he want to buy his own seat?

I haven't laughed this hard in a long time Herman I owe you 1

Ken C are you stuwall? ;)

Im in no doubt,ferg, that this is in no way made up.

this thread is funnier than that one

http://www.google.co.uk/#hl=en&source=hp&q=stuwall+idiot&btnG=Google+Search&meta=&aq=f&oq=stuwall+idiot&fp=62a05b16394d8ccd It's all over the web now.

Listen Stu is a good lad, he works for me as a labourer & while he aint the wilson... what do you expect for £20 a day? I think some of you lot should be ashamed of yourselves taking the rise out of a fellow Wall fan, to be fair he's never been the same since Black Nev (we call him black Nev coz he's black & his names Neville) dropped a hod load of bricks on Stu's swede a couple of years back, someone shouted watchout & Stu looked up to see who was barking at him & caught about 24 bricks slap bang on his boat. So think on hey before you start digging him out.

I do kinda feel like this should be read out over the national anthem

o be fair he's never been the same since Black Nev (we call him black Nev coz he's black & his names Neville)

OMG love this

Listen Stu is a good lad, he works for me as a labourer & while he aint the wilson... what do you expect for £20 a day?

^^^lol of the year

so mad I didn't read through to this post

My mind is boggling at how you can read ILX in all its glory and think *that* is the funniest message board thread ever (does it get better, I went to about page 7 waiting for the solid comedy gold, and the humour showed no sign of being forthcoming, apart from that black Nev dropping bricks on his head thing)

I forgot, ilxors need "comedy" GIS zings every other post.

I think that there are issues of tone and rhythm with this piece. I lol'd, but I could see how someone could find it boring.

Ailsa I think it relies on comedy through repetition so if you got to p7 and didn't find it funny then I fear the moment might have passed

maybe i'm inured to ilx layout, but the pagination on normal msg bords renders everything on them unfunny

is this one of those things where you, at some point in your life, had to be a theater kid into monty python to enjoy it

Yeah, I figured that. But at least I got to the dropping bricks on his head one, because that was funny. xpost re the repetition thing.

I'm with MPx4A, it just seems made up.

goole/omar both otm--it's like classic british not-getting-it comedy destroyed by the fact that it's on a msg board.

wtf are you even talking about

all you need to see the humor in this is basic reading skills

yeah yeah, the guy's a dumbshit. i dunno, he just seems pathetic.

(sorry that came off way more aggro than I meant it to, I'm just kind of baffled by how that conversation is anything other than lol hilarious)

end of p. 1: not funny yet

end of p. 2: not funny yet. the guy is a bit dim? HURRRRR.

ok this is good:

Hunsdonroadlion

Originally Posted by Rome77 View Post
Was wrong it must be a problem with all Milwall fans only having the one brain cell in their bonces then. Think West Ham fans must be mensa geniuses campared to you lot, and thats why you are in League one.

Dim Witted cockney Wanker!

Scouse cunt, about the strength of you lot, giving it the large on-line, lap top nicked is it? stu fuck em mate,what a bunch of cunts

sorry, pressed edit by mistake, did not touch post

...

end of p. 3: i am not physically laughing out loud. i think that much as that metal review pfunkboy linked to wasn't really the worst piece of music writing ever, this is by some stretch not the funniest message board thread ever.

last line is funny. xp

all you need to see the humor in this is basic reading skills

― Lee Dorrian Gray (J0hn D.), Monday, March 8, 2010 3:34 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

hahaha i don't know if my basic reading skills cover this amount of britishisms

Ailsa otm, the 'Black Nev' bit's the funniest. Guess I deal with too many of these guys irl to see the humour.

i think i figured out what makes it so unfunny:

org.uk

Quote Originally Posted by Loki View Post
Stu, you could be the next big Internet fad like numanuma guy. May I suggest registering the domain name www.1bloke2seats.com
...
now i have a mental image of stu selling his spare ticket to the numa-numa guy and the whole stand singing along

if this is the funniest part i feel like i dont need to read the whole thing to figure out that i wont find this funny

another classic pfunk thread

"RAGE RAGE RAGE AGGRO oh sorry, I pressed edit by mistake, please forgive me" is kind of hilarious, yes

it's not the funniest ever. that is hyperbole. that a dude attempted to buy the ticket he'd already bought for the entire season, was told "no that seat's sold," then bought another seat (possibly three times if I'm reading some of his more impenetrable posts right), then went onto his favorite board to say how it really sucks the way they sell your seats right out from under you...I lol'd a lot

I mean it's an extended soliloquy version of the "where do I log in to Facebook" deal, essentially

could use a 'cock of the week' icon around here aminotcorrect

that was also kind of funny

He's only got 118 posts on that board, I can't be bothered counting to see how many are on that one actual thread. It sort of smacks of trying to create an insta-viral, tbh. It takes some special sort of stupidity to not know how a season ticket works.

lol and again we find ourselves discussing what is funny

pizza

I Love Meta

is it sad that this is the most a charlton-athletic-related item will ever be discussed on ilx and i can't be bothered

I did not laugh once at Spinal Tap because it was all made up and not a REAL documentary.

The dude patiently going through several different analogies only to get "why are you making fun of me ;_;" in response must have been dying.

http://cdn.footballtalentspotter.com/contentimages/player/Jonjo_Shelvey.jpg

http://www.contacttheplayers.com/images/players/lrg/69109f6b9d30d47d96509c9975855139.jpg

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/04_03/076bentDM_468x628.jpg

http://www.cafc.co.uk/uploads/charlton23417news1.jpg

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/41555000/jpg/_41555058_curbishley-pa300.jpg

http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40157000/jpg/_40157533_euell_gi300x245.jpg

http://www.cafc.co.uk/uploads/charlton33100news1.jpg

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2007/04_03/CharltonDM0705_468x400.jpg

http://sportscalendars.co.uk/charlton.jpg

http://www.clubbrugge.be/img/spelers/27.jpg

http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Chelsea+Training+Press+Conference+NjCCiCipDsel.jpg

RIP

http://u.goal.com/51600/51683_news.jpg

http://distillatoricollepassesi.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/antonio-cassano.jpg

is this shit thread dead yet?

guy was ridiculously stupid. well done.

You're pretty much an asshole.

Gets good around page 12 where one of the regulars starts moaning about other posters using the word "guys". Bleedin' fancy-dan Premiership softies and their new-fangled slang, etc.

first lesson of image-bomb: never stop to explain, just keep droppin'

then find something better to do for a month

http://www.morethings.com/music/george_clinton-parliament/pictures/bootsy_collins89054893.jpg

http://thisrecording.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/bootsycollins.jpg

http://www.morethings.com/music/george_clinton-parliament/pictures/bootsy96467.gif

http://www.bagelsound.com/lj/bootsy.jpg

http://mubarek.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/bootsy.jpg

http://blog.cleveland.com/andone/2009/01/bootsy-collins-pic-1.jpg

yeah i just got bored and started googling lol cassano

http://img37.picoodle.com/img/img37/4/5/11/f_BootsyCollim_c0fb1f6.jpg

hey i havent even read this thing but image bombing for no reason other than "i dont care about this" is a douche move, so the 2 of you are thread banned. if you dont like a thread, go read a different one ffs.

pfunkboy that's classic fuck the haytaz

why did he try to buy his own seat though?

my theory is that he went up to the front office and said "can I get my tickets then" and the person selling took him to mean "I need to buy a ticket" and he said "I sit in this section" and the vendor said "oh no sir that section's sold out"

right, and i understand that, but why did he try and buy a ticket when he already owned a season ticket?

Therein this, the greatest of mysteries.

i have no doubts this thread was real. I've seen people do dumb shit like that - it's just a matter of not phrasing your request correctly so the person behind the counter can help.

and those who say it isn't funny must have brain damage. I lolled through this and shared it with a coworker who also did.

well i should add it's also a product of deficiency of the employee not asking probing questions too...

right, and i understand that, but why did he try and buy a ticket when he already owned a season ticket?

because he has a hard time understanding stuff, is the short answer

i woulda been like "psst i can get you your seat back, I know someone in the office, just gotta paypal me 25 quid temporarily....." on that thread.

exactly j0hn. the funniest thing is that he interpreted the situation to be that he got screwed, and he just accepted it. if such a real life scenario were even possible, and it really happened to me, you can bet I'd have ranted and raved. but nope, he just said 'thank you sir, can i have another'.

because he has a hard time understanding stuff, is the short answer

no, no, i get that he's obviously got some cognitive issues. but that still doesn't explain why he tried to buy a ticket. why would he do that? i mean, he already had a season ticket, after all.

I've seen customers do things like that where I work. Usually people who are a little slow on the uptake, with weaker wills, maybe even with learning defiency. because of their lack of confidence they'll do things they know don't feel right like PAYING FOR A TICKET AGAIN simply because the employee assisting them is a twat and not being helpful and misleading them. I wouldn't be surprised if he asked why he had to pay "again" and the dumb bitch looked at him crosseyed and said "cuz tickets aren't free!"

example: when i worked in a call center, a lady called in asking about something that another department handled. I transferred the call, and she also set up a password to use ongoing.

Five minutes later, she calls again, making the same identical request, and doesn't remember the password she just set up. for security's sake I can't tell her I have record she just called (a stupid rule but one I had to follow), but I try to jog her memory and see if she remembers calling in by saying "did you call in earlier today"? She says she didn't...we had to reset the password she just set five minutes prior.

xpost are you trying to recreate the experience of the stuwall thread by asking questions about stuwall's motivations

well played iiiijjjj

exactly j0hn. the funniest thing is that he interpreted the situation to be that he got screwed, and he just accepted it. if such a real life scenario were even possible, and it really happened to me, you can bet I'd have ranted and raved. but nope, he just said 'thank you sir, can i have another'.

― Ballistic, Monday, March 8, 2010 9:48 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark

isn't this why it seems fake?

I've seen people I know that have done dumber things. my mom, god love her, has even done things as silly as that.

it could be fake but i dunno, I can't imagine somebody preplanning something that obtuse, because it's humor hinged on somebody picking up on his benign statement about his seat being sold. If nobody noticed it and asked him on page 1, it may have never come up.

I'm gonna say it again: did you guys not see the "facebook login" debacle recently? no story in which human beings do staggeringly dumb, weird, incomprehensible shit seems fake to me. at all. I think people in the main say "this is fake" for weird reasons far outside whether stuff seems fake or not anyway, vide a buncha Licensed Professional Sockspotters et al

cf. THIS LOOKS SHOPPED as reaction to perfectly credible pictures - people are sorta flagrant w/their paranoia these days

john i'm like one of the most anti-sockspotting people here and i'm really not sure about this one. i also don't know what "facebook login" is so

xpost

Example of similar stupid thing someone did:

like when i was taking calls for 401(k)s, this guy asks about interest rates on his funds, so I assume he's talking about rates of returns for the year. I open his account and it's depleted, and I tell him "sir, I see that you distributed your money".

He gets this grave, concerned sound in his voice, and says "No, I never distributed my money!". We go back and forth for five minutes, he's freaked out because he thinks somebody stole his money, I'm asking him a bunch of questions like "Is there anybody else in your house who would have add access to your password", doing research on who has called, and he's still saying he never did a distribution. I'm getting ready to start giving him instructions on a fraud investigation when the numbnuts finally has a lightbulb go off....

"I did a ROLLOVER" he says (which is...a form of distribution). 5 minutes of getting himself worked up, and all along he knew he had taken the money out and moved it. And for some reason, decided to call the company that he moved his money OUT OF to ask how his money was doing in the new company.

also had someone complain to me once that they "couldn't find files I had sent them anywhere", and I had just sent them via email. spent like 15 minutes trying to help her find it, and then she lets out with "was I supposed to download them?". bitch just assumed they walked from the email onto her computer via magic.

then again she was so stupid she probably wore surgical masks whenever her computer got a virus....

Views: 384,959

It's gonna hit a million!

just hoping it doesn't turn into a "All Our base are belong to us" and become so huge and over the top it loses all that made it awesome in the first place :/

I hope stuwall makes some money out of it to get him another season ticket next year and enjoys his fame rather than being worried and embarrassed about it. His reaction on the thread suggests he's a good bloke. Im sure he will get plenty of pints in his local for this. The guys a legend!

yea, i like how most of the people didn't pile on him, it was pretty good natured. nobody really took pot shots....

...course THAT doesn't ever happen on internet message boards

I actually kind of feel sorry for the old fella, by about page 7 he seems to realise what he's said and is all apologetic and embarrased :(

loooool

so this is the facebook login debacle j0hn mentioned upthread, i gather? cuz wooow. actual, in-office lols by the time i got to comment #180:

http://www.readwriteweb.com/archives/facebook_wants_to_be_your_one_true_login.php#comment

never read this before, and I'm extremely excited.

i mean seriously. feel these nipples.

Wow I had missed that Facebook fiasco. Holy shot.

holy shit, hahahahahahahahahahahaha

"Holy shot" obviously means "Holy shit, how do I shot google facebook login"

I'm w/Trayce, page 7 made me sad.

All I can do is apologise yet again. I've done a wrong'n and I know it. LK, before you start digging me for apologies, at least I know when I'm in the wrong.

^^this man is like Job, if Job did not understand season tickets

Wow, I really do think I want to see all those 'facebook login' morons beaten about the head with their own computers.

And then again there's this thread I've just learned about:

http://sg.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20071021113419AAYCo66

I didn't think the Internet could continue to bring me that much joy. Those poor Farmville addicts.

wait how does a season ticket work??

that thread made me laugh and also die inside :/. i don't get the whole 'googling websites' thing. i took a call in our call center once for a woman who insisted she couldn't get to the web address I was giving her, only to find out she was typing it in Google. :/

http://www.readwriteweb.com/mt423-static/support/assets_c/userpics/userpic-623-75x75.png?3487

Whoa, Ned, that Yahoo answers thing...I'm kind of impressed someone got the answer.

is that grownup Yahoo Serious?

the pic that is

it is the picture accompanying one of the comets on that fblogin thread

britishers, is there any practical difference between a 'wind-up' and 'trolling'

lol i know i was just making fun of his hair.

how many pages did you get into that thing? I had to quit after 7

don't get the whole 'googling websites' thing. i took a call in our call center once for a woman who insisted she couldn't get to the web address I was giving her, only to find out she was typing it in Google. :/

It took me some time to figure out why people persisted in Googling URLs. Its because IE very often ends up with the Google toolbar installed if you install various other apps. It's search bar is bigger and lower down on the page, and is prob the first thing dimbulb users see, so when they type in there, it opens in google and they just assume thats how shit works.

We've frequently had cusotmers doing this and when you explain to them "no the ACTUAL ADDRESS BAR ABOVE THAT" and guide them to it theyre like "oh would you look at that, I had no idea".

"i hear you'll be able to order actual dinner on teh internets one day. what will tehy think of next??"

okay I finally get this thread, and what it convinces me of is this, that in the future when I am filthy rich I will never actually read anything anymore but instead I will employ a stable of accent-correct dictators who will be able to instill threads like this one with the inflections and intonations it deserves

pretty sure there was a lot of snark directed that guy's way that was deleted, and that's where he got all deflated and apologetic. so it's not a completely dick-free zone.

i still don't really understand that man. was the charlton game the first game of the season? what happened previous matches when he went to get his ticket??

he thought it was a cup game, but it wasn't?

no he clearly said to his fellow that it made no difference to him, league or not? what happened during the previous league games why did he try to buy his own ticket this time? i don't understand what happened can someone please explain to me what happened?

Jim. Makes no difference to me fella. Forgive my wallyness, but I don't get why my seat's not there still. League game or not fella.

i don't know why they didn't give him his own seat

Basically he's either on the wind-up so it's not funny, or his learning difficulties/dementia are so severe he just has no understanding of anything, so it's not funny

happily, cockneys calling people "donuts" and shit is always funny

the charlton game is this weekend, and will be lost by millwall in front of a snivelling crowd, anticlimax pummeled home by the rangy right peg of david mooney

but why did the staff sell him another ticket?

because his seat had been sold to someone else

I repeat, they sold his seat to someone else

I think what happened was he had this long conversation about his season ticket and then the ticket office guy said "I keep telling you, this is a cinema", and he said "blimey I really am a thick cunt" and then his dad came and hit him with some wood

they can't sell it to someone else if he has a season ticket

how can they treat their season ticket holders so badly?

it can't be a wind up because if it was a wind up he wouldn't have actually bought the other ticket?

ken if you attended football matches now and then you'd know it's possible for anyone to buy a match ticket at the ticket office without revealing one's name, address or season ticket status - you just name a stand and hand over the cash - they procure your gleanings promptly -

ferg why must you be so amusing

(although maybe that's borrowed from Viz - certainly got the right tone)

I reckon the real reason he bought the other ticket was because he was going to the game with that woman on Facebook who said "Jesus is really testing me" but it was because her son was called Jesus aaaaaah

They will have a pint in New Cross after the game and discuss what it's like to be an obvious made up lie

i have only been to emirate games recently and that is a season ticket that my friend doesn't use and lent to me i think he would have been upset if arsene wenger had sold his seat to someone else and made him buy another ticket!

to be fair, the only addicks away game i've ever been to was in the home end at highbury to watch poor charlton led out onto the pitch and get stuck by henry and company and their fancy capes

say what you like about arsenal fans but they sometimes have a spare season ticket

having to buy an extra ticket for a game that he is not even attending may as well just rob his house?

and then sell the house and made him buy it back again?

tbh the stuwall thread is basically an LP version of the (blue) jam sketch with the stupid woman recovering a car from the pound

(although maybe that's borrowed from Viz - certainly got the right tone)

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f346/Triggerhappysrt/mysteryghost.gif

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/0d/Terryf.jpg

xp yes! I was trying to recall the specifics of that sketch LJ

i know what a parking meters is

What with this guy and Rod Liddle, Millwall messageboards are quite the place to be seen these days.

with the club messing their fans around like that i'm surprised they still have fans.

they're all closet Hammers

this thread (well the one linked in the OP, at least) still gold

The link to thread doesn't work anymore...

not as good as the FB "how I loginnn?" thread but lol: http://deadspin.com/scores-of-idiots-dont-realize-fox-is-airing-last-year-1529242573

omfg dying at this one: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=107926751

itt lifters debate how many days are in a week

flag post

Well you do have plenty to spare but nonetheless I appreciate your charity

loooooool

http://www.chuckstoyland.com/potpourri/jackalope%20postcards/Jackalope%20Riding%20Jack%20Rabbit/5%20Jackalope%20Riding%20Jack%20Rab%20PC%205.jpg

Just had conversation with a British couple who have a holiday home near us. They voted for Brexit and have made no arrangements whatsoever for what happens on Jan 1. They have now discovered the reality of their situation.

The blame apparently is with "Brussels".

— RS Archer (@archer_rs) June 29, 2020

faaaaaaaaake

It's so perfectly dumb that it reads fake, but it's definitely well-written.

That was a magnificent read.

It is not well written and it is transparently fake

He just sent me a message asking how far is it from my house to Brussels. I said about 850km.

He then asked for the distance in miles as he,

"Doesn't do French lengths"

— RS Archer (@archer_rs) July 1, 2020

It’s like the borowitz report but before an editor takes a pass.

It's effectively crafted as a serial, well-designed for the medium, distills a real idiocy that exists into (probably) a caricature that is communicated without having to explain the point being mocked (in a way that flatters the accurate but snobby prejudices of the intended audience, thus increasing its likelihood of being spread around*).

The ever-increasing cast of characters who are in touch with the author is very implausible, to the degree that it might be a deliberate tell.

* this is definitely Borowitzian, but either this guy is better at it, or reading a few tweets a day makes it more palatable than Borowitz' rank sneering.

I don't know why anyone would ever be so cruel as to compare a human being to Borowitz.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eECjjLNAOd4

it is astonishing/depressing just how much viral content is either likely or transparently fake

Deleted his account. Guessing that either too many ppl called him out, or he got publisher interest for his non-existent series of books.

local soccer team is selling 3 game packages of tix for next year.

have spent two days going back and forth with this Stuwall-esque dude

who is furious that they're charging such a ridiculous markup for the tickets.

it's $93 for 3 games combined. he keeps misreading it as $93/game.

i don't know how else to explain it rn!