Which foreign name for Scrooge McDuck sounds most like a 13-year-old Arsenal Youth prodigy?

actual full-blooded lols at Sknerus McKwacz

Skrue McDuck

Porn name obvs

Roope Ankka scored vs spurs reserves i believe

this is genuinely a very tough call; these are all amazing

Some of them are obviously transliterations of Scrooge, others not... is this because in some countries A Christmas Carol is not so famous?

Balthazar Picsou

^^ good fundamentals but not aggressive enough

Skrudžas Makdakas

^^ excellent ball-handling skills, takes chances, but too slow

Sknerus McKwacz vs Patinhas McPato vs Skrue McDuck for funniest, maybe, although Joakim von And is quite amusing too

Patinhas McPato
Rico McPato
Gilito McPato

Australia suddenly makes complete sense to me now.

They need to all have a random, incredibly mundane English sounding second surname appended to really complete the Arsenal U5s effect, eg Rico McPato-Davidson

they play for Milan,Ned.

'A Christmas Carol' is not likely to be as iconic as it is in the English-speaking world.

This poll is an amazing thing, it has cheered up a day that desperately needed cheer. Voted Roope Ankka, but Makdakas could be the ballwinner they need.

Some of these are not footballers at all

Joakim von Anka

^^^^^^definitely saw him DJ at Fabric last year

Makdakas is a good honest player, but cmon you gotta have more than that at this level of the game, bill

I thought Paperoni was one of Benitez's signings. Doesn't sound like one of Wenger's finds.

Dagobert Duck and his young nephew Alexandre Duck-Longbill

McKwacz, tho.

i mean

where's Bosko Billaban?

Quack Wilshere

Quack!

(aaron ramsey's leg, that was)

can't believe we never did 'your favourite jokes about arsenal'

Q: How does Criag Eastmond address Arsene Wenger?

A: Mallard! (Mi'lord!) (Mallard is a famous duck!)

Stewart DOWNing

ok is it gonna be favourite duck jokes about arsenal because that's gonna be a pretty niche concept tbh

you don't understand! Unbeaten For A Season is my duck!

Hleb moved to Barcelona because of england's fowl weather

Joakim Von And has that perfect fusion of Latin American and Eastern European so I'm going for that.

A large group of ducks gather in a circle. One duck stood up and walked around the circle patting every duck on the head chanting duck, duck, duck, GOOSE! The one that was patted on the head last started to cry. All the other ducks asked why? The tearful waterfowl replied, "It's true!"

can somebody explain this to me please? It is a duck joke.

q. what did the arsenal soccer player do when the other soccer player kicked the ball at his head

a. he ducked! (duck)

Bendtner canardly run in a straight line

What's the difference between a duck with one wing and a duck with two wings?

A difference of a pinion

(i'm not even bothering to link to arsenal at this stage tbh)

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three Arsenal Reserves. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.

The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the footballers that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention them. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. The footballers are left on the bar.

The bartender is alone with the footballers. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" he says to the first footballer.

"Kieran Gibbs," said the first footballer.

"How's your day been, Kieran Gibbs?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of Fran Merida all day."

"Oh. That's nice," says the bartender.

Then he says to the second footballer, "Hi. And what's your name?"

"Carlos Vela," came the answer.

"So how's your day been, Carlos Vela?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again."

So the bartender turns to the third footballer and says, "So, you must be Jack Wilshere."

"No," growls the third footballer, "My name is Fran Merida. And don't ask about my damn day."

Q. What's the difference between a mallard and Robin van Persie?
A. One of them is an animal that reproduces exclusively by gang rape and the oth-

haha i fucked that up

shd read

This guy walks into a quiet bar. He is carrying three Arsenal Reserves. One in each hand and one under his left arm. He places them on the bar. He has a few drinks and chats with the bartender.

The bartender is experienced and has learned not to ask people about the footballers that they bring into the bar, so he doesn't mention them. They chat for about 30 minutes before the guy has to go to the restroom. The footballers are left on the bar.

The bartender is alone with the footballers. There is an awkward silence. The bartender decides to try to make some conversation. "What's your name?" he says to the first footballer.

"Kieran Gibbs," said the first footballer.

"How's your day been, Kieran Gibbs?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of Fran Merida all day."

"Oh. That's nice," says the bartender.

Then he says to the second footballer, "Hi. And what's your name?"

"Carlos Vela," came the answer.

"So how's your day been, Carlos Vela?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of Fran Merida all day. If I had the chance another day I would do the same again."

So the bartender turns to the third footballer and says, "So, you must be Jack Wilshere."

"No," growls the third footballer, "My name is Fran Merida. And don't ask about my damn day."

That makes even less sense.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Make it watch Arsenal until its bill withers.

Q: Who is going to score the winner for Spurs against Arsenal later this season?

A: Eider Gudjohnsen! (Eidur!)

Q. What is an obsessive Arsenal fan's favourite breakfast item?
A. Eggs Fabr-egg-as, like an egg

one day i'm walking down the road and i met cesc fabregas bouncing a brick.

I say, "no way a bouncing brick, i haven't seen one of those in years! I used to love those things!"

He says "do you wanna have a go? you've got to be very careful though, cos if you bounce too hard it'll go way way up in the sky and you'll never see it again"

I say, "don't worry, I have lots of practice with these things- I was quite a pro in my youth."

So he gives me the bouncing brick, and after a few test bounces I've recalled all of my old prowess and am giving it over arm, under leg, behind my back pimped out bouncing brick moves.

He's very impressed, and says "i can see you're a true afficionado- tell you what, you keep that one, i have more at home"

I'm delighted, and after thanking him head off, bouncing my new brick. After a while I meet kieran gibbs.

he says- "Wow, great a bouncing brick, I've never seen one of those! give us a try!"

I'm not sure- "be careful, if you bounce it too hard it'll go way way up in the sky and it'll never be seen again"

He has a go- he bounces it too hard first time, it goes way way up into the sky and it's never seen again.

arsene wenger gets on a plane to india with his duck. the hostess says "i'm sorry mr wenger, that duck has to go in the cargo hold"

he says, "it''s ok, he has a ticket."

"that's not the point sir, animals aren't allowed on the plane"

wenger's indignant- "this isn't an animal, it's my best friend, he has a and a passport. i eat with this duck, see movies with this duck, post under the same ilx name as this duck and generally am very matey with this duck altogether. how dare you call this duck an animal."

they work out a solution. the duck is secured to the wing of the plane with a leather strap, and given an oxygen mask (his ticket is refunded). the gentleman is given the window seat to provide constant assurance and support for the creature.

thirty thousand feet up, the strap breaks.....

the duck's tail feather is smouldering in the engine, and he's trying heroically to grab the end of the strap in his beak. every person on board is crowded round the windows shouting "come on duck! come on duck! come on duck!"

an updraft beats the duck back again. his tail feather is clearly alight now. he's inches from the strap, and giving his all. he slowly beats his way towards the strap again. inside- "come on duck! come on duck! come on duck!"

he strains every duck sinew in his body, and gets the strap firmly in it's mouth! cheers of relief all round.

then whack! a sudden impact knocks him loose, and directly into the jet engine. he's incinerated

he was hit by a bouncing brick

See, I read the second one first

can a mod change the thread title to "indecipherable jokes about soccer"

Q: What does Arsene Wenger definitely not do to his 13 year-old youth players?

A: Ducks them! (Fucks them!)

can a mod change the thread title to "indecipherable jokes about soccer"

in fairness, it already says that in Queen's English

oi!

yeah i could tell that i didn't take the audience with me on that one tbh

i laughed

mostly at 'he was hit by a bouncing brick' though

waldorf salad--now that's some british humor i can get behind

the version i'm familiar with is the spear-chucking/monkey being thrown out of plane one, but <3 punchlines being irascibly explained by an unanswered comedian

ususally you tell one at the beginning and give it a while tbh

yeah, ilx doesn't roll like that

Version I'm familiar has Paddy throwing away half bricks for some reason, a subsequent joke then involving a dog getting thrown out of a train window and then being seen with a half brick in its mouth

You gotta leave it to cook a while, yeah

bouncing brick is the peak of this towering thread

good luck mr que

duck walks into a bar says 'got any nuts?'

barman- 'no'

'got any nuts?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

'ask me again and i'll nail your bill to the bar'

'got any nails?'

'no'

'got any nuts?'

ok lol

hahahaha

The only interest I have in football is roque santa cruz so I don't recognise some of the names or.......themes but I think I get the gist and am lol-ing, esp at the bill withers one. Great thread.

Q: How could Arsene Wengers financial approach to signings be described.
A: As tight as Scrooge Mc'Ducks Arse (Contains a duck reference, a Scrooge McDuck reference (a famously stingy character), a common phrase relating to being penny pinching which relates to Arsenals famous policy of no big money signings and also contains the word 'Arse' which features in both the name of the club and it's manager.

hahaha! well when it's broken down like that...

i have just given up on getting arsenal into any of these obviously

jarlrmai knows whats up tbh

WHAT IS A DUCK'S FAVOURITE PREMIER LEAGUE FOOTBALLER TO EAT?

BREAD HANGELAND

yes

arsene wenger calls up alex ferguson and says 'do you weesh to go feeshin with mee'. ferguson replies 'anatidae thanks'

Q: Which footballer can't crouch down properly?

A: Gary Teale (a teal is the littlest duck in Britain!)

holy shit @ dmac's latest

wd work better with martin o'neill tho

fuck it would too y'know

Q: Which Arsenal player incurred the biggest bill at their last New Year party?

A: Andrei Arshoveler (Andrei Arshavin!) (A shoveler has the biggest bill of any duck in Britain!)

what do you call an arsenal player who is performing open heart surgery

a duck

Bacary Surgeon

Arsene Wenger goes on holiday and leaves Steve Bould in charge of looking after his pet cat. After three days of checking in and feeding the cat, all is well, but on the fourth day the cat is killed when it falls off the roof trying to chase after a duck. Steve Bould phones Arsene Wenger and says "BOSS, YOUR FUCKIN CAT'S DEAD". Wenger is devastated and has to take a moment to compose himself. He then says "Jesus Steve, zat is a terrible shock. For me, you can not say zis in such a blunt way. What happened?". Steve Bould said "I fed the cat and then he went out into the garden. He started chasing a duck on the roof and he fell off and fuckin died didn't he."

Wenger says "you should really try to soften the blow when something like zis appens - you should have said 'Mr Wenger, please sit down, I av some bad news. I fed your cat as usual today but afterwards he went outside and climbed onto the roof in pursuit of a duck. He slipped and I'm afraid he did not survive the fall.' " Bould reflects and agrees that he should have been more sensitive.

Arsene Wenger returns to his holiday and mourns his cat. Three days later, he receives another call. It is Steve Bould. With some concentration, Steve Bould carefully says "Mr Wenger, please sit down, I have some bad news. I fed Aaron Ramsey as usual today but afterwards he went outside and climbed onto the roof in pursuit of a duck."

lollllllllll

^^^

hilarious thread, i voted for joakim von and

Q: When Arsene Wenger watches his young reserves do press-ups, what duck does he keep saying over and over again?

A: Pochard! (Push hard!)

lol @ all this

Q: How many lightbulbs does it take to screw Arsene Wenger?

A: Bangers and mash!

Arsene Wenger is at the training ground when he sees Nicklas Bendtner strolling along being followed by twenty quacking ducks. "What are you doing with zose ducks?" he asks his misfiring centre-forward. "They just keep following me - I don't know what to do with them," replies the man mountain. "Well, take zem to the zoo!" instructs his prudent but short-sighted manager.

The next day Arsene Wenger is at the training ground again and once more he sees Nicklas Bendtner being followed by twenty quacking ducks. "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" he yells in exasperation. Straight away Bendtner replies "Oh shit, yeah, I forgot."

one from the archives

Q: what comes from sweden, has red and white feathers, and has one leg shorter than the other?
A: An-duck Limper

Q: what comes from sweden, has red and white feathers, and has looks good in underwear?
A: Fredduck Longbill

Q: arsenal would have had a clean sheet if it wasn't for which loony tunes' ejaculate?
A: daffy semen

This thread.

You all ought to be run out of town on a Rail (Rallus caerulescens)

Paul Merson staggers home from the pub drunk and tries to sneak in without his wife noticing. He stumbles over a lamp, smashing it, and vomits all over himself. His wife comes downstairs and sees him on the floor, drunk, penniless and covered in sick. She says "Paul, I'm tired of this. If you come home in that state ever again I'm leaving you."

Merson awakes at noon, hungover and consumed with shame. He vows to his wife and to himself that he will turn over a new leaf from this day. He resolves to go and feed the ducks in the park in order to clear his head and appreciate the simple pleasures of life.

Three hours later, Merson is in the pub, pissed out of his face. His shirt is covered in vomit. Ray Parlour walks into the pub and says "fucking hell Paul, you're in a state." Merson says "I've done it this time. I was only supposed to go and feed the ducks. I told Lorraine I'd never get so pissed I cover myself in puke ever again. And I've fuckin' done it. It's over."

Parlour is sympathetic and thinks the situation over. He says "I tell you what Paul. I'm gonna give you a breath mint and £20. You go home, clear your head as fast as possible and tell Lorraine that you bumped into me in the park and that I was pissed out of my head and I threw up on you. Say you've turned over a new leaf and you looked after me and took me home and I gave you £20 to get your shirt dry-cleaned because I felt so bad about throwing up on it. You can tell her it'll only cost a fiver so you've made a £15 profit in three hours and you looked after a friend in need."

Merson sees this as his last chance to change the direction of his life, thanks Parlour profusely and staggers home, carefully feigning sobriety and practising his speech in his head. He goes into his house and says to his wife "Lorraine, I know I look terrible, but listen, I bumped into Ray in the park and he was pissed and he was in a dark place like I was and he got sick on me and I had to take him home and make sure he was OK but he felt so bad he gave me £20 to get my shirt dry cleaned and it'll only cost a fraction of that so we've even got a bit more money spare." Merson clumsily pulls out the £20 to demonstrate this, but inadvertently pulls out another £20 note he had forgotten was there. Lorraine says "well...that's nice, I suppose, Paul, but there's £40 there, not £20."

Merson considers the situation and says "oh yeah I forgot, he shat in my pants as well."

tl;dr

(too long; duck related)

vermaelen serene
gliding on the surface but
legs thrashing below

quack. david bentley
quack. once the future, now past
quack. a single tear

Q. Why did the duck indiscriminately shit on everyone that went near the duck pond
A. It learnt from its father, Paul Merson

poseidon, take back
thy duck. i shall have once more
sweet aaron ramsey

Thierry Henry is out on the town. A club promoter in a duck costume offers him a flyer. Henry says "oh no, I learned my lesson about handbills!"

Ted Drake

i fuckin knew i was getting déja vu at this shit:

What else could go wrong for Gordon Brown in the next six months?

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

mckwacz

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

i was rooting for Paperon de Paperoni.

Skrue McDuck 0

how

mckwacz robbed

^^^quality DN

:) it's a niche thing, unless he has a mixtape out i haven't heard.

this has to be one of the front runners for thread of the year right?

xpost it's almost as good as my completely ignored post here: Messi

also J that's a big call but yeah it's been A+

bold prediction, we like to see those on footy threads

Patinhas McPato
Skrue McDuck

these are the only two where if i heard them during a germany-switzerland world cup game or something i would go "ehh... that doesn't sound right"

xp i don't get 80's louchpop references, but i'm sure it's very nice

ah cmon now dagobert duck is reaching a little

dagobert's one of the names mixed up in all that grail nonsense, which country's that form i wonder? they are sending our kids MESSAGES

this thread is A for most of it, but muted response to bouncing brick maybe drags it down a little imo

80's louchpop

lol

oh damn I was gonna say something pretty much the same about 'Dagobert Duck' - if I heard that on commentary I'd probably die of laughter

i'm hearing big ron delve into the mysteries of the mystic feminine during a lull in play

A large group of ducks gather in a circle. One duck stood up and walked around the circle patting every duck on the head chanting duck, duck, duck, GOOSE! The one that was patted on the head last started to cry. All the other ducks asked why? The tearful waterfowl replied, "It's true!"

can somebody explain this to me please? It is a duck joke.

― DarraghmacKwacz (darraghmac), Tuesday, 16 March 2010 16:26 (1 week ago)

someone pls? i found it on the internet searching for duck jokes and it made me stop laughing.

"Mr Wenger, please sit down, I have some bad news. I fed Aaron Ramsey as usual today but afterwards he went outside and climbed onto the roof in pursuit of a duck."

otoh cannot stop laughing at this

Not only are ducks funny, but jokes involving ducks are funny. The archetypal duck joke involves said waterfowl walking into a place of commerce and speaking, after which hilarity ensues.

ok admit it lj- you fucking wrote that

darraghmac, there is a children's game in the united states called Duck, Duck, Goose. In this game, one child walks around a circle of children, tapping them on the head. the one designated as "goose" must stand u, chase the first child around the circle, and hopefully catch him before he gets back to the goose's vacated seat.

reading this whole thing has made me realise I don't quite understand the concept of 'jokes'.

xp. oh we have that in the united britishesland but i can't remember what it's called here.

it is also called duck duck goose here, at least in englande

ok admit it lj- you fucking wrote that

duck wouldn't have walked, it'd have waddled. or perambulated.

i only remember the 'being hit round the head' part of that game but we moved schools a lot tbh

the duck paused, lit a smoke and insinuated itself into the bar.

xpost it's almost as good as my completely ignored post here: Messi

also J that's a big call but yeah it's been A+

― LiveJournal (acoleuthic), Friday, 26 March 2010 00:45 (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

omg looooooooolj

i started trying to figure out a joek about arsenal duck hunting and them passing the jump around a lot without being able to shoot it, but then i forgot about this thread before i could figure out a punchline. most probably just ends up with pat rice CONTROVERSIAL MOD EDIT THAT MOST NON ARSENAL FANS AIM AT THE MANAGER WHILE ARSENAL FANS THINK LOL PAT RICE

he duck paused, lit a smoke and insinuated itself into the bar.

mandibles oscillated like steak-knives, as the sound of grim chuckling teased the musty evening air

q. why was george w bush considered as a transfer target by arsenal after the senate elections some years into his second term of office?

a. because he was a lame duck president (a president whose party does not enjoy a senate majority is known as a lame duck. arsenal are an english football club that sign players prone to vaguely defined foot injuries (lame))

how does a steak knife oscillate? rubbish.

are you saying your wrist is of sufficient fortitude to slice steak with one clean slice

because I suspect it ain't, buddy

you wouldn't kiss your literary agent with that mouth, just sayin

^^^cleaves his meat with an industrial buzzsaw; invents realistic Chuck Norris anecdotes

we've come a long way from duck jokes. i'd also like to point out that 'difference of a pinion', while admittedly googled, is almost certainly the best duck joke on this thread.

ducks (on water) A bunch of ducks
ducks (on water) A paddling of ducks
ducks (on water) A raft of ducks
ducks A safe of ducks
ducks (in flight) A skein of ducks
ducks A sord or sore of ducks
ducks (in flight) A string of ducks
ducks (in flight) A team of ducks

Arsene Wenger is looking for his keys. But that cheeky Arshavin has replaced them...
Arsene Wenger is about to take a dip in his inflatable pool. But what should he find in there, accompanied by a scampish note in Cyrillic hand...
Arsene Wenger and his team have been shipwrecked. As their cruise-liner subsumes, he instructs his players to get into a lifeboat. There is not room for him. "Is OK" says Arshavin, "is emergency raft." But can you guess what that raft was made of...
Arsene Wenger has just acquired the most expensive diamond in the world. He wishes to keep it away from the world, and consults his streetwise striker, who agrees to build Arsene a compartment. But you can only imagine how long that compartment held together...
Arsene Wenger receives a friendly invitation from a Russian team called Dinamo Skein. He agrees to line his much-vaunted young side up against these mysterious adversaries. But how he felt when he saw what level of opposition he was truly faced with...
Arsene Wenger is selecting his team to face Wigan, when cunning Arshavin comes into his office and declares himself unfit. "Why so?" asks Arsene. "Is unfortunate" says Arshavin. "As relaxation, I do the fencing. Am sore." Arsene is unhappy but not as unhappy as he'd have been if he'd known who - or what - had inflicted such rigours on his wispy wizard...
Arsene Wenger is visiting the comely household of the family Arshavin. He notices that the curtain leading to the garden is closed. "Why is that closed?" he asks. "My wife, she likes the metal music. All her shirts are on washing-line. It would disgrace your eyes to see it." Wenger accepts this explanation. But if only he knew what was really on that line...
Arsene Wenger agrees to let his Arsenal side play a game of charity cricket. But it does not go well. Excitable Arshavin has insisted that his side all wear mascots' uniforms to play. Only one mascot costume agency, specialising in waterfowl, is available at short notice. Owing to their impaired vision and movement, every Arsenal player is out for a very small score...

how do you manage to get cricket into every football thread?

this thread is A for most of it, but muted response to bouncing brick maybe drags it down a little imo

It was a marked failure of Irishness by ILX and I hope that while they were all celebrating St fkn Patty the day after they took a long hard look at themselves

i never saw it as an 'irish' joke tbh, but certianly failing all else i felt a titter as a nod to the season would have been something, y'know?

Arsenal have been rebuffed in a £1m bid for young Stuttgart goalkeeper Odesseas Vlachidimos. The 15-year-old is one of the most sought after talents in European football.

Vlachidimos and pliers

considering we already have 3 of the most promising u20 keepers anyway, i'm sure we can deal.

you're not supposed to actually talk about Arsenal on this thread

yeah cough up the strange names, duck jokes, or it's the door.

sorry I meant to say that is my suggestion for the title of the Premier League 2010/11 thread

Arsenal fans successfully ghettoised to the I LOVE ARSE sub-board where they can finally completely hole themselves up in the revolting infant-obsessed parallel universe they've created for themselves

xp what, mine wasn't?

final sol-ution

Dachau-y Sagna

andrei auschwitzen

jens lehmann

thomas vehavaysundmeans-aelen

Concentration Campbell

Arbeit Macht Rice

Alex Horst Wessel Song

Arsenal fans successfully ghettoised to the I LOVE ARSE sub-board where they can finally completely hole themselves up in the revolting infant-obsessed parallel universe they've created for themselves

I LOVE MESSI/ARSE

also tomofthenest the word 'duck' has a special sporting connotation that involves cricket so I actually had quite a good excuse this time. thank you for your quibbling though, it's what I strive for

'flat track bully'- origin of the phrase is cricket or athletics pls? (F365 mailbox today)

cricket

well there you are.

it could be said I'm a flat-track bully with my grand-scale excelsior attempts - pick an already A+, wacky thread, input an idea, and let ILX do the work

then get called for referencing a sport that uses the subject of the joke as unofficial terminology

do not strive for the excelsior. bring the lols and excelsior will find you. it's like cocaine.

what I'm saying is the heckler principle works - first response to any joke is gonna govern everyone else's

but it's cool, we haven't done the Arsenal Duck version of the black knight on the black horse joke yet

Arshavin has bought a new car, and is eager to test it out. It's an Alfa Romeo, with hundreds of horsepower, a thrumming engine, and style to match. He takes it out onto the road and lets it rip. He gets very carried away, and begins to speed. He overtakes a few cars. Then he overtakes a lorry. Eventually, he overtakes another sports-car, and in doing so nudges it into the central reservation. The driver of this car grows irate, signals Arshavin over to the hard-shoulder, and makes him stop. He get out of the car and bellows profanities at clever Arshavin, who merely grins back in his quizzical manner. Seeing this, the man indicates that Arshavin get out of the car. He goes back to his own vehicle and emerges with a duck. He puts the duck on the ground.

"You," he says to Arshavin. "I want you to get out of your car and stand on this duck. If you know what's good for you, don't get off."

Impudent Arshavin does as he is told. He gets out of his car and stands on the duck. Immediately, the other driver takes his car keys and marks a great scratch across the Alfa Romeo's bodywork. Satisfied, the driver turns. But Arshavin, plotting Arshavin, is chuckling to himself. The driver sees this and says "So you find it funny then? Maybe you'll find THIS funny" at which point he turns and delivers a hefty boot to the car door, denting it slightly.

He turns again to Arshavin, who is this time laughing quietly out loud. "Heaven above!" cries the driver. "I'll teach you to respect me!" He turns once more to Arshavin's car and wildly smashes all the windows in with his elbows and knees. "That'll teach you to drive like a maniac, you terrible bastard!"

Once more, the driver turns to uproarious Arshavin, whose laughter now echoes across the motorway. Defeated, the driver spreads his arms and asks "Why? Why must you mock me? I have just trashed your new motor, and all you do is laugh?"

"Is very simple" replies Arshavin. "Every time you address my Romeo, I step off duck."

no sorry i'm lost

igor stepanovsduck

halcyon days imo

still breaks my head, it does.

I think the current 13(okay 17-20)-year-old Arsenal youth prodigies who sound most like a foreign name for Scrooge McDuck are, in descending order: Oguzhan Ozyakup, Benik Afobe, Wojciech Szczęsny.

altho tbh it seems a good bit more 'lol foreigners' when you do it in reverse. Nothing against foreigners me, many foreign friends I swear.

Wojciech Szczesny already sounds like Donald Duck is saying it, so bonus points there imo

RIP Balthazar Picsou, Joakim von Anka, et al

haha pwned

case yr into some more shoppery after yr sterling contribs to the arshavin thread, fyi:

Dioufy Does Dallas: photoshop El-Hadji Diouf's world tour

A large group of ducks gather in a circle. One duck stood up and walked around the circle patting every duck on the head chanting duck, duck, duck, GOOSE! The one that was patted on the head last started to cry. All the other ducks asked why? The tearful waterfowl replied, "It's true!"

can somebody explain this to me please? It is a duck joke.

― DarraghmacKwacz (darraghmac), Tuesday, March 16, 2010 4:26 PM (9 months ago) Bookmark

I am assuming that Denilson and Arshavin both played the full 90 minutes?

Current Arsenal tiddlers with the best names:

Jack Jebb
Jernade Meade
Brandon Ormonde-Ottewill
Chuba Akpom
George Brislen-Hall
Austin Lipman
Billy Du-Val

Those are pretty good. I hope 'Jernade Meade' rhymes, and that 'Billy Du-Val' is some kind of gun-toting hillbilly type.

Ok only two of those are real, right? (Meade and Brislen-Hall)

Hope Akpom gets the lovable nickname of 'Toothpaste'.

thank you bernard snowy. That sounds an awful game and makes for an awful joke, but at least i know now

Paul Merson went duck hunting. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into the Spurs training ground other side of a fence. As Merse climbed over the fence, Ledley King asked him what he was doing. Merson responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it."
King replied "This is Spurs property, and you are not coming over here."
Merson said, "I am one of the best ex footballers/pundits around and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll get Arsene Wenger to sign all your local talent and leave you dependent on Jermaine Jenas forever!"
King smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here at Tottenham. We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule."
Merson asked, "What is the three-Kick Rule?"
King replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
Merson quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the permacrock centre half. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
King slowly walked up to the drunken chancer. His first kick planted the toe of his Predators into Merson's groin and dropped him to his knees. His next two kicks to the same spot caused the 'popular' pundit so much pain that he nearly gave up. However, he summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you non-footballing wage grabbing inspirational cunt, now it's my turn."
King smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

pause for laughter imo

What has feathers and a bill and goes quick

A deck frem jehannesbig

^

Flu goin round arsenal. In line for jabs new signing kim shellstrom says to bacary sanya "im really looking forward to working with you, what is your favoured position btw?" to which sanya replies "right back at you"

(right back is bacary sanya's favoured position and sneezing is common when one has the flu)

("at you" is to he pronounced as "achoo", in the manner of a sneeze, for the purposes of this joke)

:D

There is a 'symphonic Finnish prog-rock concept album' about Scrooge McDuck that has been recently released

not finding a lot of name value in the current arsenal youth contingent, the counterpoint of chuba 'chubs' akpom and chukwuemeka 'chuks' aneke about as interesting as it takes

was prepared to hate hector bellerin for having a shit name and being another ex-barca youth player ready to take queen wenger's shilling, until i saw this photo of him and felt his move into the EPL was verging on the TE lawrence level of unlikely yet seamless acculturation

http://i.imgur.com/Wcmmh9D.jpg

It's such a beautiful album that it far exceeded my expectations. It keeps the signature style of Tuomas's writing but brings it to a new level

Who's that in the photo with Bellerin?

lauren laverne

a black mass of clothing

Joakim Von And has that perfect fusion of Latin American and Eastern European so I'm going for that.

― Maraca Son Sistema (Matt DC), 16. marts 2010 17:26 (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I don't get this at all...

arsenal just lost the youth cup final

Arsenal: Josh Vickers; Tafari Moore, Brandon Ormonde-Ottewill, Leander Siemann (Stefan O’Connor 71), Julio Pleguezuelo; Ainsley Maitland-Niles, Gedion Zelalem, Glen Kamara (Austin Lipman 83), Jack Jebb; Alex Iwobi (Daniel Crowley 59), Chuba Akpom (c)

Substitutes not used: Ryan Huddart (GK), Alfred Mugabo

Chelsea: Mitchell Beeney; Fankaty Dabo (Isak Ssewankambo 59), Andreas Christensen, Jake Clarke Salter (Isaiah Brown 70), Ola Aina; Jordan Houghton, Charlie Colkett (Reece Mitchell 81), Ruben Loftus-Cheek (c); Alex Kiwomya, Dominic Solanke, Jay Dasilva

Substitutes not used: Bradley Collins (GK), Kasey Palmer

Whilst Arsenal have yet to enter the transfer market for any first-team players, the club have been busy making numerous acquisitions at U18 level.
In addition to the previously announced deals for Kristopher Da Graca, Jonatas Centeno, Savvas Mourgos and Elias Hatzitheodoridis, the club have this week finalised moves for promising youngsters Ben Sheaf and Hugo Keto.
Sheaf, a homegrown central-midfielder signed from West Ham’s famed academy, and Keto, a goalkeeper recruited from HJK in his native Finland, have both been capped by their countries at U16 level.
For all the promise of those listed above, however, Arsenal’s biggest success at youth level this Summer may well prove to be the retaining of the services of an existing player.
Chris Willock, an attacking midfielder deemed so talented that he trained with the first-team at London Colney last season whilst he was still as schoolboy, was the subject of considerable interest from Manchester United, where his brother Matthew, formerly of Arsenal, currently plays.
However, last weekend Willock confirmed that he has signed a two-year scholarship deal with Arsenal and will continue his development at the club. Although he struggled with several injury setbacks last season, Willock demonstrated his considerable promise during his 12 appearances at U18 level and also made the bench in the FA Youth Cup.
There are some other promising Hale End products in this intake, most notably Kaylen Hinds, a striker who featured in the UEFA Youth League last season, and George Dobson, a defensive-minded player with genuine leadership qualities. Tyrell Robinson, a dangerous winger, is also worth keeping an eye on, with Marc Bola, Aaron Eyoma and Chiori Johnson having also commenced their scholarships this week.

Rooting for Hugo Keto

should find a Bryan Ferr to complement Marc Bola

The entire concept of Scrooge McDuck confounds me. Charles Dickens's Ebeneezer Scrooge reincarnated as an anthropomorphic billionaire duck who lives in the US but speaks with an intelligible Scottish accent (unlike his impedemented nephew, Donald) has adventures along with his 3 grandnephews (also ducks wearing baseball caps).

immigrant got rich raised yank ducklings idgi

in the show did he ever talk about his times growing up in Victorian England and being spooked by various ghosts?

IIRC the only time the gang went to England they were warned that it was 'haunted'. The whole country!

not only is Glen Kamara unrelated to Chris he also appears to be Finnish. curious

he has 36 followers on twitter

His family has an old haunted castle. Though he himself grew up in poverty.

In other news, young trio Glen Kamara, Tafari Moore and Josh Vickers have all signed professional terms at the Emirates. Mainstays of the under-18s last season they’ll be hoping to turn heads for the under-21s this season with a view to a potential shot at a run out in the Capital One Cup.

Tafari is a good name

tafari is ethiopian/amharic (haile selassie's birth name & ras tafari = prince tafari) his middle name is lalibela which means his parents are either v serious rastas or v patriotic ethiopians

Spurs youth just gave rafferty pedder some minutes

Hope he gets a song

"Sknerus McKwacz" still makes me laugh today

missed this before, good stuff

https://www.newyorker.com/news/dispatch/the-strange-story-of-dagobert-the-ducktales-bandit

This is wild.

that was awesome, thank you!

Yeah that was incredible

Why hasn't anyone made a film about that yet?

More Germans btw.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR9wq-J0nCE

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2025/may/02/a-big-big-talent-arteta-excited-by-dowmans-potential-to-be-next-arsenal-star

greetings ahh

greetings darragh how’s it going lad

ups and downs

miserable week to week form rescued by bizarrely simple progress in other aspects which i dont trust (its a tottenham reference)

yerself

aye I got the reference

Personally I kinda love the idea of ange winning a big trophy tho after a shit season

I feel like that could describe myself too but alas