Uk General Election 2010: The Results Thread

Here we go...

Andrew Neill is apparently on top of The London Eye.

Or here we put head in hands!

Andrew Neil is the worst

BBC or ITV?

enjoying this high intensity music. hope it's on all night.

Watching 2010 Vine at the same time as 2008 Nadir Of All Television Cowboy Vine. Fuck you; I only watch double election coverage.

itv?

hung parliament

HUNG PARLIAMENT O SHI

Exit Poll: Hung Parliament

LD 59, damn son

Lib Dems lose seats???

Disaster for the libs?

hung parliament + LDs have a bad night

i know this is an exit poll, but can i just lol at 538 predicting 120 LD seats or whatever it was

This is what happens when you make an election about whether or not the public wants a Conservative government rather than whether they want to be led by Lab or LD.

255+59 = working coalition btw

I don't believe that - I think the Tories will get there, based on that

Exit polls sounds likes bollocks really dunnit? Don't think their model was up to it (he said hopefully).

29 is what, 5 plaid cymru and 7 snp, 3 sdlp + the conservative regional parties

whose model? the exit poll model?

sunderland south = banter

307 + 8 Ulster Unionists = 315. 255 + 59 = 314. Fuck.

314 + 7 SNP + 5 plaid cymru + 3 SDLP

or whatever it is

basically this is about as hung as parliaments get, if this is what happens

^^^ uh huh

This could be very interesing...

Michael Gove looks like something from a 1950s schoolboy comic. Or that picture of Don Knotts Enid draws in Ghost World.

these two already dropping coalition bargaining point hints

it's 7 SNP + 3 plaid cymru + 3 SDLP by the way, or it was. 8 DUP.

Comes down to the Nats and the crazies then

did anyone predict that the Lib Dems would lose seats?! puts them in a pretty poor bargaining position if true. Ooh here's Vince Cable

314 + 7 SNP + 5 plaid cymru + 3 SDLP
― caek, Thursday, May 6, 2010 9:04 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

the human centipede

exit polls have historically been pretty good, but a significant third party complicates things i guess. cable is saying they don't count postal votes too, and postal voting dorks like me skew lib dem.

lolool xp

Cable seems shook

Fuck off mackem indie box carriers

did greens get brighton in the exit poll?

Also buts Clegg in a bad position especially if it is the lefty wing of the LDs that dominates the new mix

Greens unlikely to figure in the exit poll

which others, vine you cunt?

exit poll targets ~110 marginal seats

including brigton pavilion and norwich

they are in the poll

but the bbc aren't reporting how the others breakdown, which is kind of retarded given how important the others may be

wouldn't be good psephology to make a prediction one seat in Brighton on a small sample in one ward in brighton?

Here's lovely radiant Sophie Raworth.

I'd be stunned if the Greens didn't take Brighton Pavilion, considering how the narrative has been going for them.

exit polls work like this: http://ukpollingreport.co.uk/blog/archives/2689

This Sunderland footage is how I imagine lj running his 90s albums poll

ah, so they only hit one ward per marginal?

Those 29 Other seats are the most important of the lot just now.

BTW I'm in the US and can watch live BBC coverage at
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/may/06/uk-election-results-2010-live

can you make a good statistical prediction on brighton on n=130, it's shaky enough predicting swing on the n=16500 for the whole country.

It seems to be one ward or polling station per marginal, yes

This Sunderland footage is how I imagine lj running his 90s albums poll

ahahahahahahaha

What the fuck has happened to Marr's chin

blimey

http://blogs.ft.com/westminster/2010/05/seven-reasons-to-be-wary-of-the-exit-poll-tonight/

can you make a good statistical prediction on brighton on n=130, it's shaky enough predicting swing on the n=16500 for the whole country.

no, but surely they mostly ignore the other constituencies to predict a result in one constituency (unless you really only hit one polling station per constituency)

kirsty wark kicking it ~200 yards from my house

didn't realise you were a posh deedaa

Or to put it another way:
http://blogs.ft.com/westminster/files/2010/05/exit-poll-equation.jpg
xp

where's that american dude from essex university? as much as i love mandelson, i want his thoughts.

where is that? Eccleshall?

didn't realise you were a posh deedaa

― problem chimp (Porkpie), Thursday, May 6, 2010 10:19 PM (24 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yes, we have hedges and trees and a conservative mp until 1997 and everything.

yah

538 are saying that if this exit poll is based on uniform swing then it implies a vote share of Conservatives 38.5, Labour 29.3, LibDems 23.3. In their model, that's a Tory maj.

paxman being gratuitously combative for 10.20pm

Mandelson looks like a man who has hung some chads today.

you know what would be a glimmer of hope tonight? Chesterfield going red again, it could happen.....

Mandelson pwning May

Can I second the call for the US professor from Essex - he's a righteous dude

BALANCED AND NUANCED.

what the fuck is wrong with paxman?

Davey looks shell-shocked, have they really just skyed it over the bar from 5 yards?

paxman on too much coffee i fear

"you might just consider getting into bed with Peter Mandelson" GENIUS

what the fuck is wrong with paxman?
a) this is what he does
b) they've got to fill time until some real results come in

Ugh, I can't stand this :(

2220: There appears to be some confusion about whether the polls will remain open after 10pm. The BBC has taken calls from voters in the Penistone and Stocksbridge constituency in South Yorkshire who have been told by officials at their polling station that if they had not voted by 10pm the doors would close. This contrasts with those in queues elsewhere who had been told as long as they were queuing by 10pm, their vote would count.

^ that shit ain't right

he's not usually like this though

Whoa, Mandy: "FPTP is on its last legs".

Graun said that the rule is as long as your ballot paper has been issued by 10pm.

xp, he said the same thing this morning, and it's in the labour manifesto

Ooh, look at that giant touch screen.

xp but yeah, the big guys have been mentioning it increasing prominently over the last few days

Labour want STV or AV though rather than PR.

Swing larger where labour has a new rather than sitting candidate.

yes, but them calling for electoral reform is not new is my point.

oh god, the shits on the balcony

Andrew Neil does not need to be that large. Not looking forward to Prescott, Soames or Osbourne appear on that screen.

Morgan is the vilest person to have been on so far.

307 seats my cock

...been told by officials at their polling station that if they had not voted by 10pm the doors would close

That's a little amibiguous. Doors closing might just mean that nobody else can get inside, but if you're already inside then you can vote (like a shop approaching closing time trying to get the last customers served so everyone can go home).

where's that list of marginal targets. i'm assuming the lib dem mp total is underestimated by ~20 or so, but are most of the lib dem targets labour?

Fucking hell what happened to the Dow tonight?

There's nothing better than a bunch of dyed in the wool Tory shitbags pretending they've just become Tories.

Ooooh, Mandelson: 'The constitutional conventions are very clear. You know the rules. The rules are if it's a hung parliament it's not the party with the largest number of seats that has the first go. It's the sitting government.'

307 seats noodle's cock otm

yiu have been watching has started for those wanting to see it but avoid the other prats

if the LD count is underestimated then perhaps the worst case scenario is that it just shifts seats between two natural coalition partners, best case scenario is it takes a dozen or so of the conservatives too

Fucking hell what happened to the Dow tonight?

― Ismael Klata, Thursday, May 6, 2010 10:30 PM (56 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

if the exit poll is right then shit is going to get really real tomorrow

Ben Kingsley quality NuLab luvvie in the area

Could the exit poll be skewed by the additional Lab/LD marginals included by Ipsos/MORI this time round? So Labour are doing well there, depressing the LD projection nationwide? Grasping here...

BRUCIE BONUS!

POLITICAL ANALYSIS WITH BRUCE FORSYTHE

Brucie doing well there

time to start buying up canned food and long-life milk

bruce's comment on the exit poll: "it's high"

Britain would be a better place if the SS Neil sank.

did i hear them say the LSE opens at 1am?

I think the unprecedented 3-way split is gonna fuck with the exit polls - which have not always been that great anyway

Paddy McGuinness up next to shout "no likey no votey".

I think its the asian markets xpost

Can believe there's some evaporation of the Lib Dems' poll support tho

ah right, xp

http://ukpollingreport.co.uk/guide/conservative-target-seats

uk bond market does indeed open at 1am

It's not like the Stock Market to try and fuck with a non-Tory gov tho tbf

no, bond markets will open at 1am (an unprecedented move)

fucknuggets

if the LD MP count is underestimated by, say, 20 and the lib/con ratio is about right then based on this there is no way con can form a minority government that lasts longer than ten minutes: http://ukpollingreport.co.uk/guide/liberal-democrat-target-seats

FUCK xpost

sod this, i'm going to watch the simpsons!

Politics sucks nowadays, bring back Willie Whitelaw and Roy Jenkins.

Alan Johnson may be better known to you as "that one football manager character Peter Cook played on Clive Anderson's talk show"

Police have been called to polling stations in Sheffield to move people on who've queued for hours to vote and not been able to. Former Hillsborough MP Helen Jackson says the situation is disgraceful and potentially leaves it open to legal challenge if results are close.

JOHNSON MIND GAMES~!

LOL xpost

Yay Alan Johnson's acid kicks in

2237 BBC Sussex understands that in the Brighton Pavilion constituency the Green Party are gloomy about their prospects for Caroline Lucas becoming the party's first MP. Sources there say Labour's held a massive doorstep campaign in the last 24 hours targetting Green supporters.

alan johnson bending over for the liberal democrats here

xps I'm always surprised when Alan Johnson's not
http://www.channel4.com/entertainment/tv/microsites/P/peep_show/images/galleries/season_four/peep_show_s4_ep2_johnson_suze1_400x251.jpg

Johnson's reminding me a lot of Bowie here

Caek: Where do you keep plucking the 20 LD seats from?

Re: Queues for hours at polling stations - how the fuck does this happen? I've never even had to wait for one second.

Arnold has congratulated David Cameron: Game over!

http://twitter.com/Schwarzenegger/status/13508605995

xp Mandy's totally sucking on LD nuts

Old person at the front of the queue? xxp

According to Hari Kunzru there are sitters-in at Hackney polling stations.

nice to see Nick Wilton still getting work

Stokey was apparently very busy

xxxxxxp, my ass. 538 claim the exit poll underestimates if by 50+, which is preposterous, and losing 3 votes seems crazy too, so i'm splitting the difference.

underestimates the LD MP count, i mean

my prediction last week was 70+/-10 i think

apparently my mom-in-law's seen peeps queueing down the street in Chester so maybe some polling stations have been struggling

can honestly say I've never been more emotionally or sexually attracted to Mandelson than tonite

This is GREAT news as far as turnout goes but the WI types who run tings at polling stations must be going barmy.

Mandelson's great, I'll miss the guy

Sunderland South is the seat Chris Mullin is standing down from, right? Any ideas on the new guy?

Mandelson on some Tucker shit

well I said to Mrs V that traditionally high turnout = bad for Tories but we're living in different times right now

Yeah, he's a good looking lad. Do the Tories have any grade-A hunks lurking behind the scenes disposing of the bodies?

xxxp

and losing 3 votes seems crazy too

In the big scheme of things, losing three votes probably isn't that tragic

Why the fuck isn't Vine wearing a stupid costume yet?

"The swing to the Conservatives is higher in England"

No shit.

In the big scheme of things, losing three votes probably isn't that tragic

― Home Taping Is Killing Muzak (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Thursday, May 6, 2010 10:44 PM (21 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

no, but it doesn't seem credible

Best League Country in the World

I think he looses one item of clothing for every seat the swingometer gets wrong

YES

I think he looses one item of clothinglimb for every seat the swingometer gets wrong

― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Thursday, 6 May 2010 21:46 (1 minute ago) Bookmark

Zeniab Badawi (sans twenty hotels)

jesus, she looks like she's not slept for a week

I think he looses one item of clothinglimb for every seat the swingometer gets wrong

― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Thursday, 6 May 2010 21:46 (1 minute ago) Bookmark

― Meowsy McDermott, Thursday, 6 May 2010 22:47 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

If you're gonna do a job

<3 sunderland

still voting in Brockley, more room for challenges

is it me or does this race to declare shit make a mockery of the mockery that is parliamentary democracy?

well done Bridget

1-0, 1-0, 1-0, 1-0

The honourable member for Houghton and Sunderland South would get it, imo.

she looks v. nervous!

Lovely accent.

Okay I'm going to open a beer every time the BNP get schooled.

that's a job for life

the lad Wakefield's done well

In my polling station, we were queueing out the door at 6.30pm, but asking the officers thgere - they'd been empty all day. Vic was queueing for it to open though.

an oxford gel too, how lovely

RIP NickB. Heaven needed a guy to drink 600+ beers

8.4% swing to Tories in Sunderland can't be good news?

lot of maths there tho

There was no queue when I voted but that was at 7:45am

these early seats never matter one jot

anthony king is the essex uni guy we're waiting for. apparently he's canadian. hope he's going to turn up later!

Interested to see how much the UKIP and BNP vote stalls the tory march.

8.4% swing to Tories in Sunderland can't be good news?

― a fucking stove just fell on my foot. (Colonel Poo), Thursday, May 6, 2010 10:55 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

swing is always higher in lower turnout seats

Also swing possibly higher where there is no incumbent.

Sinn Fein winning here.

Interested to see how much the UKIP and BNP vote stalls the tory march.

― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Thursday, May 6, 2010 10:56 PM (20 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i suspect rather less than last time, when there was no real prospect of a tory win

Mandelson looks like a man who has hung some chads today.

― Meowsy McDermott, Thursday, 6 May 2010 21:21 (30 minutes ago)

I wish I knew what this meant ... I think.

Northern Ireland counting tonight!

Douglas Alexander is the kind of wild-eyed Marxist the party needs to win some hearts and minds

people talking about a slight negative swing for the conservatives in scotland, i think lab require ~2% to take the only con MP in scotland

i.e. probably not going to happen

no hang on, he's PC Plum out of Balamory

unless people abandon the Nats

red dougie - waiting for the tanks to roll in

xpost - NV = BOTM

Sinn Fein winning here.

Maybe they can pledge loyalty to the Queen as long as they believe it's Mandelson.

Need to go home, see you in a little bit

this bit is some of the worst tv imaginable

did Douglas just quote the "british constitution" ?

Overall 5.5% swing to Tories, according to grimly fiendish tweet.

Oh shit it's Sam the Eagle

6 May 2010

John Mothersole, Returning Officer for Sheffield, apologised to residents who were unable to vote in Sheffield today.

He said: “We got this wrong and I would like to apologise.

“We were faced with a difficult situation with the numbers of people, and a large amount of students turning up to vote without polling cards. This made the administration process of ensuring the correct person was given a ballot paper much longer.

“The only remedy, which we could not take, was to extend the voting times.”

Ends

At some point tonight, I am going to lose my shit at the umpteenth Tory pundit who proclaims that tonight's result is a clear rejection of Labour, despite having clung on during the desperate decaying corpse of the last John Major gov.

Nate Silver, who was a bit of a star in Nov '08, is beginning to piss me off now. He's assuming 38-28-23 vote share based on exit poll, someone else has "confirmed" this, this swing almost exactly matches Sunderland result, so "so far, so good", yada yada. He might be right but it's not what I want to hear.

who is the worst person on tonight: theresa may or andrew neil?

you know what - someone's going to claim a bum deal very very soon.

xpost - Neil, country mile/

a large amount of students turning up to vote without polling cards

This has to be the result of a LOL pub conversation, doesn't it?

She is horrible but he is a boil about to need a lance, in human form.

From BBC News website live feed:

Another former Lib Dem leader Neil Kinnock also says the figure for the Lib Dems is "almost certainly wrong".

Kinnock was a disaster of a Lib Dem leader tho

exit poll revised, haha, that's reassuring

Dimbleby 3rd World politics disgrace o_O

lol at dimbleby losing his rag

shits gallery mute button

oh my god

People queue for hours in South Africa it's a triumph of the human spirit but if you do it in Leeds apparently we're fucked

The queueing voters do not look like tories to me.

these pictures of people milling around polling stations having been turned away are just embarrassing.

BUM DEAL!

quite loving google livesearch at the moment.

In my polling station, I was the only fucker there.

Damn, I hope it was a polling station.

How come they've tweaked the exit poll? It's 2004 all over again!

There was a queue at my polling station this morning in Islington. Not a particularly long one, but I've never had to queue to vote before.

my polling station there were 3 or 4 people in at the same time as me. Was about quarter to ten.

xpost - Neil, country mile/

OTM. It's not so much that I disagree with his politics, he just seems really shit at being a TV presenter: cheesy, insecure and with a terrible attempt at a head of hair.

Here's some celebrities I care about.

World needs the opinion of Kelly Holmes, oh yes.

OH NOES TELLY BREAKS. Now we'll never have Fern's opinion :-/

Dom Joly obviously not a Daily Sport reader.

cutting away from the editor of Private Eye after 25 seconds so they could get David Baddiel on the stick was definitely a high point for the evening

wtf happened u guys being a mature dignified political landscape? jane fucking moore on the bbc?

What time do I get to lol at Esther Rantzen, btw?

i am so excited for you guys!!! elections are so exciting

Plz to kill Jeremy Vine and his graphics

lol family guy

boundary changes in England make these swing figures for Sunderland (or anywhere else) pretty unreliable until we get a few more in.

Speak of the devil

Who's this kawaii-lookin' dame interviewing her?

What on earth is vine doing with giant dominoes

xxxxpost
not till 3am apparently, word is she'll get about 5%.

ughh, don't think I can take many more hours of this but good luck to those of you who plan to stick it out

ezders keen.

Esther has been meeting people too!

her interviewer appears to be tweaking

my gf has stormed off to bed in disgust at my caring about the uk election. IT'S EXCITING THO, and unlike a real election i can maintain a detached interest.

jesus - can we lose this silver haired, adenoidal pundit?

max, are you watching this online?

wish they could do this like Eurovision and get all the results coming in back to back (with Finnish metallers winning).

RICH HALL C4 NOW

good luck washington

geoff strongman dude?

Giant Haystacks apparently ran a decent campaign for the Lib Dems in Washington

blair? is that blair again?

fuck me, Blair stood as a Tory

lol xp

my gf has stormed off to bed in disgust at my caring about the uk election

my bf has stormed off to bed in disgust at my caring about the uk election, and we live here

2-0 ya bams

2-0

boos for bnp dude, along with 1900 votes

River Song takes Washington

BNP guy standing on the far right.

11.6% swing, think Labour are fucked.

what was turnout there?

psephologists sound so pleased that Tories are doing well

nothing to be learned from that seat, meh.

turnout 54%

wow, not pretty

Jesus, everyone stop going on about the swing in the Sunderland seats - it's totally meaningless.

still maintain those swings mean nothing, yeah

ERIC PICKLES TIME

Loved that in the first result, the BNP woman was still scrambling up onto the stage when her name was read out.

Drunken twats turn up to vote at five past 10, get turned away shocker

I SPOILED MINE AT 8PM YOU IDLE GITS

Realised at 9.30 I should have written "Nate Dogg" tho

Hodgson still got twice as many votes as Cuthbert in Sunderland

this Hackney queues thing is fucking insane, there's a poll station every 100 metres here

tis legal to drunk vote, as long as you get there on time.

lololo

it's the tardiness i'm criticising.

Let's hope Bill Cash gets in a light aircraft soon yeah?

11.6% swing, think Labour are fucked

The Tory vote only went up by about 7%, though (about in line with the exit polls). The larger swing figure is because the Labour vote went down by much more than that: support bleeding away to the BNP and UKIP. Not sure how true this will be in the rest of the country - if you live in as safe a seat as Sunderland then you can afford to make a protest vote.

exit polls are predicting unpredictable predictions

Also Cons hit sunderland more than usual having Sunderland Central as a possible outside chance seat.

Mandy is really enjoying rocking the Dark Lord role tonight isn't he?

jesus, paxman and mandelson flirting pretty seriously here

Half the Labour supporters in Sunderland won't have bothered voting because they know it's a cert.

jeremy giving the morbidly obese conservative a pretty easy ride here

11.34pm: Caroline Lucas is on course to win Brighton Pavilion for the Greens, according to my colleague at the count, Peter Walker.

The chair of the local Greens, Matt Follett, tells me they're "quietly confident" of making Caroline Lucas the party's first-ever MP. He claims their on-the-ground organisation today was actually bigger and better than the main parties'. I guess that's what you can do by concentrating so much on a small number of seats. I've tried to ask the Tories, the other party seen as in with a good shout here, for their view, but they're not talking.

jesus vs paxman
now that i would watch.

"Protest vote" sure but surprised to see Tory swings in the NE after Cameron's funding comments

(points abt not reading anything at all into early results noted)

That was the case last time around - this time turnout is up meaning imo some actual Tory momentum.

Only comfort so far is Lib Lab saying almost nice things about coalitions.

huge xpost

OSBOURNE...cue that shit Darth Vader music

george osbourne a truly terrifying prospect

this wonderful and neglected thread was the first time i became aware of PICKLES

high resolution photos of british mps

and now it TALKS, or tries to

darth vader suggests competence and intelligence

stop this guy talking please

this is, I think, the first time he has been let out in a month

huge swing in the odds towards Tory majority, now 4/7 - you could get 11/8 earlier tonight :(

suspiciously Brummie returning officer in Sunderland South

"Who are ya? Who are ya?"

Jeez, that's a big win

were they just chanting "EASY...EASY"???

big lulz if so

wasn't the UKIP candidate also the BNP candidate in one of the other sunderland seats?

All female parliament so far.

That's the one the tories had hopes for, no?

How you like us NOW, Camerong???

BNP beat UKIP again

4.8% swing in a constituency they'd poured resources with a favorable boundary change?

So - a much smaller swing in that seat that actually mattered more.

300 seats my cock

also mandelson is great and thoroughly sons that dismal bedwetting cryptotory cunt paxman every time he can be bothered, which isn't so often these days

still hard to do swing with all the boundary changes

if that's what happens in the marginals, then banter

huge swing in the odds towards Tory majority, now 4/7 - you could get 11/8 earlier tonight :(

― mierda defensa ... no impedir ... espectador (onimo), Thursday, 6 May 2010 22:41 (51 seconds ago) Bookmark

Just suddenly both have switched to evens. Someone's either a) learned some important news or b) decided to flood the betting exchanges for a laugh

I hate the phrase 'get real' more than maybe any other

Pav returning officer John Barradell has promised he will announce the result like boxing M.C Michael Buffer - The Winner and new member for Briiiiigghtonnnn Paaaaaviiilionnnn is...

Dear George Osborne, you, me, toe to toe in the car park now.

Congrats to the Tory party machine for keeping George Osbourne away from any cameras over the past month though.

uk elections: never change

urgh. toffed up politicians using the phrase "get real"

xpost.

there's no u in osborne!!!!

I should hope not

but there is an FU before.

yes

Colonel Sanders apparently rejected at the polling station.

fiona bruce needs to drop her cheery antiques roadshow voice. election night is serious business.

pretty sure Fiona Bruce has had a few sherries

although appropriate tone too take for the magnificent man in his flying machine

i could use a sherry actually

Dimbleby just called Griffin a racist.

The BNP. A 1 percent gain on 1000 votes = 10 extra votes, yes?

2347The BBC in Merseyside has been taking calls from people saying they couldn't vote because polling stations had run out of ballot papers.

weird!

i really should leave the office

get this pig griffin off my fucking telly!

A RUM JOB

xxpost
Turn over

A RUM JOB

I totally misread that.

this is about the time I bowed out of the snooker on Monday - not sure I can last much longer here, but Sunderland Central has made it a bit interesting

but at least we have a scandal to talk about now

maybe we can start on the referee in a minute

caek you bastard

yes hello!

Argh when is there going to be something real to talk about?

Antediluvian - word of the day so far

really leaving the office now

What about Paxo and Dimbleby being Tory cunts, is that real enough?

No voters turned away in West Dorset although one polling station failed to open because nobody could find the key.

Is Milliband cultivating a Dickie Davies style greying quiff in a bid for leaderly gravitas?

paxman is being a bit weird tonight

Just switched to c4 - my god Charlie Brooker is looking well

I think he got sherbert dib-dab in is bog brush

xpost

11:51 PM (BST) In the three districts that have reported so far, all in Metro Sunderland, Labour is -10.5% from last time, Conservatives +6.0%, LibDems +0.2%, "Others" +4.3%.

^ukip and beanp eating into the Tory swing

(that from 538)

paxman sonning pickles there.

dimbelby is crushing it tonight

Lib Dems going nowhere so far.

This shit is gonna wind up like Bush-Gore y/n?

Yeah, Charlie Brooker + David Mitchell + Rich Hall = better than any number of Paxmen and Dimblebies.

xposts

there are insulin coma patients who could son pickles

HANGING CHAVS

u read it here first folks

prediction - Dimbleby giving a live stern telling off to the head of the electoral commission before the end of the night

I'm still having fun on C4 before I do the switchover.

Is the joke that Jeremy Vine is CGI this time around as well as his background?

The Queen is like Heineken lager = I've been rehearsing *that* one all day

I do not like this guy one bit

SRSLY HNG

if seriously hung, no wonder the queen would become active.

looking forward to mugabe offering to send inspectors for the next election

there is a long way to go, but i can't see cameron making ground on the economy, so for today my prediction is:

lab ~270±20
con ~280±20
lib ~90

lab+lib coalition
PM: johnson
chancellor: cable
foreign: milliband
home: clegg

cameron clings on

― caek, Thursday, 22 April 2010 11:14 (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

caek > nate silver

haha, 90 is not going to happen

Oh look, it's Richard Wilson on a boat with Joan Collins.

and +/- 20 is basically saying "i don't know what the result is going to be" in an election this close

would punch Amis

Labour landslide:
ILX Exit Poll (UK General Election 2010) - new version!

david starkey is such a cunt

THE GAS OF RISING VAT

"L'Oreal election - because you're worth it". Do all these people have a bet on for who is going to say the stupidest fucking thing?

he is a terrible cunt

jeez, Amis is easily the least punchable of these three

as opposed to a good one? (xpost TIMING!)

Oh look, here's Tony Parsons.

Armando Iannucci had a zing lined up there but he got cut off by Joan Collins.

I have a sneaking regard for Dave Starkey, he may be a Tory but I enjoy his history work. Amis fils has been worthless since 1987. Not convinced Joan Collins is even eligible to vote in this country.

Wd take Starkey over Schama eg

Six people around a table and Tony Parsons isn't the biggest cunt? Truly tonight is a historic moment.

really feel for you guys right now

At least we're not on that boat

This isn't really like 2000 in America.

it's all good, Tories finish on 295-ish and we herald in a bright new dawn of Lib-Lab Gordon Brown-less hilarity

Something of the Siouxsie Sioux about Tessa Jowell isn't there?

SB'd you for that

BNP beer goggles

"hanging chavs" is pretty great btw

YAY IT'S THE SCATMAN

Apparently Cameron has had chilli con carne, and is now LIVE in his CAR, DRIVING somewhere!

I suggest we get five players sent off from each side and call the result as it stands. 3-0 to Labour and Sunderland gets to run the country.

And here's an old pisshead.

biddi-biddi-biddi-bop-biddup-boom

3-0 to Labour and Sunderland gets to run the country.

Weren't they all women too?

You'd think Paxo would have learned to pronounce Kirkcaldy by now.

Just get Ken Clarke and Mandelson toe-to-toe and let everyone else go home

How is it pronounced?

wkiw Clarke btw

probably call him a cunt at some point in the evening, but wkiw

he was good on Cannonball Adderley the other week

Is Ken Clarke packing a gun?

curcoddy?

kir-cauddy, basically. not kirk-call-dy. xpost, aye

nah, he's just pleased to see us

wkiw Clarke btw

probably call him a cunt at some point in the evening, but wkiw

^^^^

wkiw NV and KC

facebook abolished

dimbelby on facebook: AMAZING

they abolished facebook!

Dimbleby obv not a silver surfer.

french kiw in the usa

Sky reporting that Lib Dems are claiming Edinburgh South and the Tories claiming Luton South. RIP Esther.

abolish facebook

^^^ otm

@Rory_Phillips: Only in hackney do voters show up fashionably late muttering something about being 'on the list'

wkiw NV and KC

and Nicholas Soames.

"People were put into 'resident' and 'student queue' at Ranmoor, Sheffield."

still watching c4, brooker's brown impression surprisingly good

ranmoor is classic town vs. gown country. sheffield uni halls surrounded by some of the richest people in the north of england.

It's Robert Webb channeling Brown.

The exit polls and early results with swings to the Conservative Party - delighted Tory Nadine Dorries who is hot favourite to hold her seat in Mid Beds.

Speaking from her home she told The Comet shortly before midnight that the Tory train was now unstoppable and David Cameron would be Britain's Prime Minister tomorrow morning.

"The turn out is very high. I have been visiting the polling stations in Mid Beds throughout the day and I believe the turn out has been as high as 80 per cent," said Ms Dorries.

Brooker did a decent impression of him earlier (though Webb also good)

xpost

Ooh, a real result

no c4 or itv chez moi, freeview to blame

BBC coverage abysmal - does emily maitlis have a function??

This is the worst thing I've seen so far tonight, thanks a fucking bunch, Brooker.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7OGUAQSYQ4

lol students

Dimbleby on NI result: "Swing there from Unionists to Nationalists... good!"

hahahaha

guy needs a venti

grrr @ 'Get Real' scrolling across the bottom of the screen now

even tho it's clear that the beeb are fucking this up, my patrician bias won't let me watch the commercial channels

Wonder what the odds are on Dimbleby going home sick before dawn? Starting to sound like he's about to die.

The Queen is like Heineken lager = I've been rehearsing *that* one all day

― ailsa, Friday, 7 May 2010 00:05 (38 minutes ago) Bookmark

Haha *hadn't* he though? So rehearsed.

On the BBC election boat, singer and musician Imogen Heap says she's discussed the future of the creative arts with Nick Clegg: "I heard him talk about the creative arts as a big part of bringing us out of debt because music and art is one of our biggest exports."

DUP losing Belfast East = first genuinely o_O result of the night?

Peter Robinson sacked!! woohoo

Yes, as long as it's not the artists getting the money... (xpost once again) and again.

I've given up for now and am back watching Charlie Brooker getting pissed off at the ridiculousness of it all.

Alliance Party are the secular lads, right?

I am not as au fait with NI parties as I should be, is that bad for Tories?

toby young can fucking choke

PUT YOUR DRINKS DOWN, IT'S TOBY YOUNG

this might be the booze talking but I'm starting to dig the Ship of the Damned feel of Neil on the Big Wheel.

Is that Toby Young pretending he's only just become a Tory????@

suzy, yes, it's a bad result for them, but it was such a weird situation that it's not necessarily a sign of anything

I missed that, who are the Alliance Party?

ach jeesus McGowan get tae fuck

alliance party are the post-good friday lads. will vote with the lib dems on non nornireland issues i think.

No, I know his wife was the teenager-shagging bigot...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alliance_Party_of_Northern_Ireland

yeah I think the Alliance are basically Lib-Dem friendly.

Peter Snow looks like the hero out of a Huysmanns novel

don't even get me started on andrew neil and his stupid party. everyone's sloshed, you'd think it would be more entertaining

Dimbleby has lost it already "that's a Conservative hold in Thornbury & Yate" shortly after announcing it as a Lib Dem hold and with a big graphic saying LD hold and showing a Lib Dem victory.

Nah Trace, it's great, the punchline is THEY ALL DIED when the wheel fell over at 9.30 last night

Collins, Baddiel and Ben Fogle wandering thru the 1st circle of Hell for eternity

The guy in charge of the canned laughter on Channel 4 is either taking the piss or has never been in charge of the canned laughter before tonight.

Really concerned for David Heath in Somerton and Frome at this point. Although my dad did tell me today that the libdems out-leafleted the Tories there by 22 to 16. So that's something.

xp nah i think people just aren't sure which bits to laugh at, can't blame em. vic coren on form tho.

i wd really like to hear Alan Hansen's thoughts at this point

I want a live cut to the bond market right now

Catch me up: is the story "Big swings to the tories where they can't win"?

this dude otm about legitimacy issues if con form a minority government with 0 or 1 scottish mps

Alliance win in Belfast is good news in my book

alliance party are the post-good friday lads
They were around before that, weren't they?

Catch me up: is the story "Big swings to the tories where they can't win"?

― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Friday, May 7, 2010 1:01 AM (54 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

basically yes

CON gain Kingswood

alliance party are the post-good friday lads
They were around before that, weren't they?

― Home Taping Is Killing Muzak (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Friday, May 7, 2010 1:02 AM (11 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yeah, i meant that in a figurative way rather than chronological

Catch me up: is the story "Big swings to the tories where they can't win"?

pretty much. plus "BBC gently backing away from their initial bullshit exit poll"

Oh fuck these tory freaks.

if you can look at a Tory candidate and think they're worth a punt then fuck you tbh

This footage from Kingswood appears to come from 1988n judging from the haircuts and tashes on display.

exit poll is a joint poll conducted by ipsos and mori, paid for by bbc, itv and sky, so technically they're all fucked if it's wrong

Bugger, there's the first red scalp in the blue bag.

oh knobs, there goes my theory

Shit, Tories take Kingswood. Not even in their top 120.

Which was? xpost

Yeah, so it's going to be a Conservative government in the morning.

Dimbleby's been great i thought up until about 20 minutes ago when suddenly.. he's gone into wind down.

guys chill out

gordon brown has got this

Bristol Kingswood/Tory

Paxo looks stoked for our new shitbag overlords

http://home.btconnect.com/rdi/frazer.jpg

The Channel 4 thing really needed to carry on until about 4am, and presented by an increasingly drunken Jimmy Corkhill.

green party guy, proper west country hippy

Dear Nael Kinnock,

Please don't piss on my vaguely warm memories of you as a well-meaning tit by repping for the comedy Channel 5 version of the party you once nobly led to a caning

kthx

Noodle

NV - what?

Lib Dems hold Torbay

they shdn't suddenly change to tory maj projection just cuz some fucking rural slum asserts its irrelevance

Bollocks, I was sky+ing Channel 4 for going back to later, and it's cut out because it was only set to run until 1. Fuck you, Sky, I can't rewind Charlie Brooker now :-/

swing to the LDs which may nibble the Cons in the southwest?

that's a bit more like it.

The Press Association is reporting that Downing Street sources say the prime minister will try to form a coalition government in the event of a hung parliament.

NB&S - the Labour Party died in 1995. Kinnock gets a let-off despite his glaring faults. Gin = awesome. Jeezus is that dude wearing a wig?

kthx

BBC really fucking this up, btw. I'm embarrassed for them.

it's a shambles like this every year, don't feel bad for them

NB&S - the Labour Party died in 1995. Kinnock gets a let-off despite his glaring faults

Think you're a bit harsh on Kinnock

Where can I get a revised seats projection (i.e. exit poll strengthened by results now in)?
I really need to go to bed soon - teaching in 8 hours.

Interesting stuff happening in Northern Ireland

On one level Kinnock's a paragon compared to the Nu School, but then he should keep himself a good arm's distance away from this shower rather than sitting there on TV going OH SHI

Zoiks I went to bed and now Belfast East is not Unionist?? Shd probably go back to bed but that is one thing to treasurelaugh hysterically at tomorrow no matter what else goes to shit

Where can I get a revised seats projection (i.e. exit poll strengthened by results now in)?

― Home Taping Is Killing Muzak (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Friday, 7 May 2010 00:16 (24 seconds ago) Bookmark

With the spreadsheet I've got from a stats website and the results now in, you'd be now looking at:

CON 316
LAB 238
LD 65

Vine's hands are a bit like that Meaning of Life sketch with the annoying-voiced Fish dude.

swings are not regional, but thanks JV

Please God let Campbell try and bite Neil's nose off now there's nothing to lose

damn bbc anchor is a dick

Andrew Neill: on a boat, motherfucker.

are you watching this live lamp? the creepy ginger donald trump on the balcony is not the anchor.

Seriously, Campbell could chin the fucker right now and it wouldn't affect anything

With the spreadsheet I've got from a stats website and the results now in, you'd be now looking at:

CON 316
LAB 238
LD 65

Meh. Weak Cameron government propped up by Unionists on the way then.

10 point deduction for the next election maybe

fuck andrew neil imo

Why this 'Brown to form a coalition' rumour now - is this the first shot in a leadership struggle or what?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIj-6fr2SlI

Maybe Brown actually does believe he's going to be forming a coalition in the morning, hadn't occurred to me

shit....intrade gone from 44%>64% tory maj in the last hour or so

are you watching this live lamp?

yah - have a couple of brit friends over & we're watching the bbc live feed. my friend r feels guilty cuz she didnt vote & not shes worried the tories will take her constituency (is that the right word?)

dam u guyz have like 100 different parties huh

Wd like to begin the appeal to my sisters and brothers in Wales, Ireland, Scotland to put the family up while we apply for asylum

Brown+LDs+Nats+Alliance could make a good case to be the government of all of Britain over an English Conservative party.

all yesterday's parties

Blunkett conceding defeat (with hedging)

why the fuck is he doing it tho

Sylvia Hermon with quite the majority in North Down. Are independent MPs eligible to be chased for a coalition? One for Labour there, probably. If it even comes to that. Ho hum.

Ed I salute yr indefatigable optimism but I fear this balloon is gonna crash hard

A point just made by David Blunkett (xposts to Ed)

Going back to bed before the balloon crash. Good luck UK!

Are they having a minute's silence in Durham?

why the fuck is he doing it tho

discredited Blairite twat with nothing to lose under a Tory gov.

Just guessing

the nats of all varieties have basically said "we are mercenary vote-by-vote cunts" iirc, rather than being team-players

hopefully.... xp

At least sluggerotoole.com will be a good read tomorrow in between crying into my cornflakes.

I, Colette Longbottom [Beavis & Butthead snigger]

Labour hold? Bit of a smirk there.

colette longbottom!!!!! also kinda <3 how cranky the bbc dudes are all "just get on with it" and shit. i guess it is like 2 in the morning there

dam u guyz have like 100 different parties huh

Not really. Traditionally 2.5 parties for the bigger picture (i.e. two main ones, plus one other somewhat fucked over by the system). In recent years a growth of the 'others' vote for Greens (save the planet), UKIP (anti-EU membership, keep the shilling and ounces), BNP (send em back where they came from). Plus one major nationalist party in each of Scotland and Wales. Plus totally different set of parties in Northern Ireland. All the rest are basically fringe nutters losing their deposits.

gordown brown is such a weird dude

Victory for Gordon Brown!

Is the Kirkaldy UkIP nutter a bus driver?

Brown looks good at his count.

how about the terrifying dude in the shades in kirkcaldy?

Quality fringe deposit-losing nutter right behind Gordon Brown there.

Brown's quite impressive on this scale

what is the bus driver holding?

unfortunate having con gain battersea flashing over hist speach

Brown's quite impressive on this scale

Needs some passion in his voice. He's no Neil Kinnock.

Brown looks good at his count.

well i'm sure he'd feel much worse if he wasn't under such heavy sedation

Are you talking about the Land is Power guy? He just seems to be doing some sort of fist-clenching salute (he's not the UKIP guy). He got 57 votes.

xposts to Ed

Also, v. impressed at an alleged social democrat using the word "I" so many times in his speech

Poor Sarah looks like her heart's breaking

not the guy in high viz who looks like he's off to drive the nightbus, far left

Lab hold Telford -> Tories need this for a majority.

this feels like a quasi-concession speech. very strange

Worst back-bencher demoted to the House of Lords before it gets democratically reformed 18 months later ever

The loon's arm got tired

fuk u dimbleby
fuk u robinson

Yeah, bit of magical thinking/railroading going on.

brightonargus:
Peter Bottomley, Conservative MP for Worthing West, criticised “anarchists” who during darkness stole Tory election signs in East Preston and Rustington.
They also threw eggs, and pasted offensive posters, yesterday (Thurs) afternoon on the information board outside Haverfield House, the party's headquarters in Union Place, Worthing.
Mr Bottomley said: “There have been about four cases of criminal damage during the election by people claiming to be anarchists.
“There was an organised attack on our display of election material in Rustington and East Preston on different nights.
“I am not comparing it to what happened in Greece, but one step could lead to another.”

fuk u dimbleby
fuk u robinson

^^^ talk that is real

robinson is a cunt

Oh, I hadn't even noticed the UKIP bus driver!

(many xposts)

Marr u cunt there won't be two leaders trying to form a gov, there's a system, plus some losers

What have Dimbleby & Robinson done that's so infuriating?
Don't know if I can sleep tonight for fear of the impending anarchy sweeping through West Sussex.

THE WREKIN

BBC coverage is a bit "we salute our new Tory overlords"

Up until this point I've subconsciously refused to believe the Lib-Dems will be able to get jiggy with Cameron, but let's be honest here.

What have Dimbleby & Robinson done that's so infuriating?

saying GB had basically conceded already. marr -- who would surely not survive five minutes of a tory govt -- dialled that back a bit.

This Tooting one's a big dog....

now listening to this on r4. feels much more civilized.

Swing not quite as big where it matters, maybe? I'm reaching a lot here

thanks for all sharing the burden so i don't have to call about 1200 ppl fucking cunts tonight

socialism at work

LAB hold Tooting....

if the LDs get in bed with cameron then i'm moving to the land of my fuckin' forefathers midway across the briny irish sea

who's presenting on R4?

Woo! Tooting!

Are there chanting "YES WE KHAN"? Jesus Christ...

Thank you Tooting

Thank you Tooting Asians!

Hahaha, LAB hold Tooting and the betting markets go into meltdown. NOM new favourite again.

Comrades in cunt-identification.

From these seeds, dude

Racial block voting will save us all!

amen xp

Yes we Khan is BRILLIANT.

freedom for tooting am i right?

Swing not quite as big where it matters, maybe? I'm reaching a lot here

This is a straw worth clutching at for the time being. The Tories seem to have piled on votes in safe Labour seats rather than key marginals.

http://imgur.com/695XF.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y62L_qlefHU

different swings in every constituency so far... is the whole uniform national swing thing a myth, or is it in evidence in previous elections? </basic question>

Damn, tories held Guildford (they only had a tiny majority last time).

in evidence in previous elections, iffy tonight - but not wildly iffy

Lib Dems hit pretty hard in Guildford tbh

guildford is as tory as...

69% turnout overall!

yay it's ed milliband, i needed to throw up so I could get a second wind

Ed Miliband: "I've no idea to be honest" - well done that man

Really not. They had a majority of 89 in 2005 and Lib Dem councils round those parts are strong.

(xp)

LOVE LOVE LOVING the commitment to electoral reform from Labour big hitters a mere 13 years too late

can ed miliband pls learn how to talk and not do this smirky lopsided rio ferdinand ish

yay it's ed milliband, i needed to throw up so I could get a second wind

― NAGLuck, UK (Noodle Vague), Friday, May 7, 2010 1:50 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

ah they have a lot worse. gets points for his dad being a bro.

soz i am bigotted woman

1:51 brightonargus:
We've just heard Pavilion is now not likely to come in until 3.30am ...

Labour friend on twitter insists Pav is tight between Platts and Lucas . Recount?

^ oh shit, late night here

ed miliband got

http://www.exeter-labour.org.uk/Michael%20Foot.jpg
http://www.souljaboy-fan.com/photo/soulja-boy3.jpg

Lab hold in Gedling - fairly high on Tories target seats I believe, well within what they would need for an overall majority. On the other hand, Kingswood was well outside it.

Wish Fiona would stop smirking

Eh, bedtime. Good luck, UK! hope we get the least worst possible option.

wd rather eat TESTICLES than shake nick robbo's hand

Pash hopes for London Eye to blow up shockah

ollie from TTOI about 2 weigh in

Kirsty alsop is wankered and has been snogging someone

Dammit all Kirsty, wd still smash god help me

Oh good, Chris Addison gets to try some of his stand-up material on us.

NV you disgust me

Possibly snogging Chris Addsion TTOI, lips are a bit red

Fight!

thick of it shd never break 4th wall

k that was lol ("Lazy!")

"THIS WEEK, JOHN MAJOR HAS HAD TO WALK A POLITICAL TIGHTROPE..."

this cartoonist is to metaphor what cancer is to human dignity

haha

Gerald Scarfe giving Brandt the Physical Cartoonist a run for his money

Cartoonist has drawn Cameron as cartoon George Sanders in All About Eve.

woah, Bradshaw holds, he was supposed to be a definite goner

Do we like him or not?

"THIS WEEK, JOHN MAJOR HAS HAD TO WALK A POLITICAL TIGHTROPE..."
:-)

Lab hold in Gedling - fairly high on Tories target seats I believe, well within what they would need for an overall majority. On the other hand, Kingswood was well outside it.

v interesting result. Lab -6% but all to BeanP & UKIP. Tories flat-lined.

Bradshaw was the cabinet member most likely to lose iirc - unfortunately good news for Balls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCPRqmMsKYI

Right, I'm going to bed within 5 mins. Can whoever it was upthread with the magic spreadsheet give me another updated projection before then, please?

Right, I'm going to bed within 5 mins. Can whoever it was upthread with the magic spreadsheet give me another updated projection before then, please?

― Home Taping Is Killing Muzak (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Friday, 7 May 2010 01:06 (24 seconds ago) Bookmark

CON 315
LAB 240
LD 63

they need to liven this shit up

bring back mandy

lol everyone sounds mangled at the Glasgow East count - pretty sure I heard someone shouting 'CUNT' at the 8np guy

pretty raucous in Glasgow
ha xp

Dunno, BNP dude throwing some shapes there was pretty entertaining.

xxp

Cheers Meowsy. I'm done.

(I mean cheers for the projection, not cheers because I'm the BNP-shape-throwing dude)

what's the harshed part of glasgow?

*harshest

y'knaa, in amongst all this acrimony and hilarity I'd like to pour one out for the Lib Dems: 2nd Party in 2010

cuz that was raucous

fash asping churchill nagl

aping, aspily

That was it. Might as well have held count at the Barras.

glasgow ftw

Hull results expected soon apparently NV. See what you've been missing.

the falcon cannae give a fuck about the falconer

all the Glasgow counts are in the same place, so lots more action to come

my constituency was supposed to be a marginal - Labour have taken it by about 9,000