This Milkshake is the Dietary Equivalent of 68 Strips of Bacon: America, Your 20 Worst Drinks Available

Traditional Red Lobster Lobsterita

Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape

what the

kinda disappointed that there's no lobster in the Lobsterita

yeah I looked it up and it seems just like a margarita w/ a lot of calories, but the name + would require going to red lobster = still the winner imo

Totally no fair, where are more chocolate options? Vanilla Frappuccino, are you NUTS?

I just posted the list. I did not compile it.

I found the drinks to doughnuts conversion factors particularly chilling with a few of them.

Red Lobster was still awesome the last time I went to one (...1994?)

also anyone expecting a healthy version of the Baskin-Robbins Ice Cream Soda deserves to be incredibly, mind-bogglingly fat

Oh wait that's an easy vote if they'll make it with chocolate ice cream AND chocolate syrup. Done and DONE.

"Can you BELIEVE the number of calories in the Dairy Queen Caramel MooLatte????"
"... Yes."

also anyone getting venti Starbucks drinks etc etc prodigious behind etc

i love these gallery features so much

Sunkist Orange Soda is really gross too actually

and I basically like soda

have not yet read the whole thing but my first thoughts are

- krispy kreme makes drinks????????
- i drank lots of cold stone pb&cs when i worked there

<3 sunkist

I LOVE SUNKIST ORANGE SODA

though it isn't as good as Orange Crush

ORANGE SODA POLL

did not hold up very well

well that top 3 is OTM and I assume #4 is Creamsicle-flavored, which well DUH of course

#4 is so good oh man

Sierra Nevada Bigfoot (1 bottle, 12 fl oz)
Carbohydrate Equivalent: 12-pack of Michelob Ultra

Haha, dude, you drink your way and I'll drink mine, okay?

i seriously love these articles so much

cactus cooler shoulda been on that poll, but with each vote counting as half a vote, because pineapple.

so can I just point out that comparing any beer's carb level to Michelob Ultra is bullshit

so can I just point out that comparing any beer's carb level to Michelob Ultra is bullshit

Fixed.

well yeah I thought that kinda goes without saying

It can never be said enough!

Seriously, any time I see someone with that stuff in a bar I'm thinking "you really don't LIKE beer, do you?"

so can I just point out that comparing any beer's carb level to Michelob Ultra is bullshit

Yeah. I also think it's weird to recommend drinking a Leinie Brown Ale instead, because I suspect that most people who buy Sierra Nevada Bigfoot are not just blindly picking a random beer off the shelf -- they're probably "into" beer to some degree and are choosing it in part because it's a barleywine.

Apparently, the Lobesterita is some hellacious pink colored frozen gigantarita with tons of booze and sugar.

The picture in the linked article is not the correct one.

And your point about the Bigfoot Ale is entirely true - I don't know ANYONE who could or would take down 12 of those fuckers, so the comparison to Michelob Ultra, which is NOT a beer, is really intellectually dishonest.

And yeah, if you're drinking Michelob Ultra in a bar, you should have gotten a martini or whiskey on the rocks.

the photos with this are so awesome

i'm voting for the lemon sherbert chiller because it's a drink from krispy kreme and cuz i think just reading this sentence gave me diabetes

Imagine taking a regular can of soda, pouring in 18 extra teaspoons of sugar, and then swirling in half a cup of heavy cream.

it's true that some of these drinks were invented by enterprising 10-year-olds

seriously what the fuck

Who really needs a third of a gallon of sweetened peanut butter blended with grape juice, milk, and bananas?

if somehow guy fieri could figure out how to roll these drinks in rice america would be totally perfect

http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/7852/lobsterita.jpg

^^^ okay that drink looks terrible (although cuet)

"Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape"

I'm voting this just for being 40 oz.

Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape

Imagine saying this after a couple of Traditional Red Lobster Lobsteritas.

I'm voting for Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape for being "a third of a gallon of sweetened peanut butter blended with grape juice, milk, and bananas"

like, sure all of those things could go with peanut butter, but all TOGETHER? come on

you can drink it with a bag of dicks.

That would be a 64oz bag of dicks, yes?

grape nuts

Voting for the Tropicana kids' drink because it's for KIDS and it's 340 calories. Gross.

Thirsty now. I would drink all of these. And then eat the calorie-equivalent snacks beside them. Oh god, my diet! Back on the exercise bike for the next year just for looking at them.

how do you even drink that peanut butter thing

that seems less like a "smoothie" and more like a "choking hazard"

http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/4205/cbeerimage.gif

or

http://img7.imageshack.us/img7/3016/clamatotomatococktail.jpg

http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/8127/budlightchelada.jpg

Per the Sunkist thing, can I defend insanely sugary fruit sodas for a second?

Because obviously the main sugar problem with soft drinks is that they pretend to be real beverages, and we drink them like real beverages, even though in an ideal healthy fantasy world people would enjoy Coke in practically the same amounts it's healthy to enjoy, like, Scotch. Or medicine.

And I'm kinda okay with things like Sunkist (or more often Strawberry Jarritos) because they are practically just straight-up syrup and are hardly kidding anyone, and for me, personally, I can drink like three ounces of either, over ice, and then I am basically done consuming or even thinking about soda/sugar for a good long time.

(I realize that's personal and there are surely people out there taking down like 40 ounces of Sunkist at a time, but this works for me.)

never had clamato or michilada but they're both very intriguing to me.

anyway, that list made me realize that, yes, i am in the future

the idea that this exists still grosses me out the most:

http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bloggraphics/Jolly_Rancher_Soda_Photo_3.JPG

http://www.lld-law.com/uploaded_images/blogpic2-722081.JPG

I voted for Rockstar Energy Drink because I find all energy drinks to be intensely revolting. I can't even smell them. Plus it's the only poll option that I've had any personal experience with.

But I like Chelada so maybe I shouldn't be voting at all.

this too. if you loved the gum...

http://candyfordinner.com/wordpress/wp-content/gallery/bubble-yum-sour-cherry-soda/DSC00356.jpg

I'm not sure how anyone could look at that and not just imagine melted-down Jolly Ranchers in a bottle (and then vomit)

Oh. Bubble Yum soda? Oh no. No.

must have missed this one:

http://www.x-entertainment.com/updates/pics/yumcream1.jpg

now how does that work? is a spittoon involved?

of course if you want to be HEALTHY:

http://www.myjones.com/store/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/5e06319eda06f020e43594a9c230972d/t/o/tofurky_2009-product.jpg

Lobsterita with human, for scale:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/50/143142650_8392969c8b.jpg

(I used to get bubble gum ice cream at the mall when I was a kid. IIRC, it was pretty vile, but also awesome.)

OMG

some of the other jones ones are pretty good. can't remember which ones i've had though.

http://www.billsdistributing.com/jones%20multi%20bottle.jpg

it's between the antioxidant water and green tea, because who would suspect those to be bad for you.

the descriptions in that article are 100% quality lols, would read again

holy

that lobsterita

I

I read that whole article and now I think I have diabetes.

Apparently, the Lobesterita is some hellacious pink colored frozen gigantarita with tons of booze and sugar.

The picture in the linked article is not the correct one.

I had a Lobsterita less than a year ago & it looked like that. I ordered it bcz many years ago, it came with this ridiculous string of MArdi Gras beads that had shiny red plastic lobsters on it as well. This is no longer the case! It matched that giant inverted cone of green sadness photographed for this article.

holy hell that Lobsterita

I think I completely glossed over the size

Drinking it with a STRAW is a pretty good idea, as I would say the circumference of that glass is about equal to the circumference of my giant, round Charlie Brown head. I tried to do so without & I spilled all over myself, like the goofus that I am.

i love me some milkshakes but this shit is nasty

serves me right for ordering a shit milkshake

I think the worst drink in America is probably when I'm too lazy to look up a recipe and try to "invent" a mix drink.

As demonstrated in my "In the 2k10 i am trying to invent cocktails. this is my **BLLELEEEECHHHH**" thread

The time I put bourbon and Tapatio together would qualify.

Survive the rising tide by eliminating these, the country’s most damaging drinkables, from your beverage regiment.

gaaahhh, fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyou

http://i46.tinypic.com/2vao5sg.jpg

the graphics on this list aren't misleading per se, but I can't stop myself from thinking, "wowowowow, that lemon sherbet has as much fat, sugar, calories, sodium, cholesterol, and carbs as 16 chocolate eclairs." and even after I read the caption and realize it's just sugar that's being compared, the message just doesn't get through to me in the same way that the initial shock of the picture does.

above all, this article reminds me that unhealthy foods are way better than unhealthy drinks. milkshakes and cappuccinos? fuck that shit; I can drink maybe half cup a before the sugary, fattening enchantment wears off but those peanut butter cups and donuts are making me hungry, and I want to hug and eat them all.

Essentially it’s a mocha Blizzard made with Oreo cookies and topped with whipped cream and an oversize Oreo.

they failed to mention that the cup and straw are also made out of oreos.

what other drink names would be immeasurably saddened and/or made lol by incorporating the word 'lobster'? "ayo barkeep, 2 green apple lobstertinis plz"

Voted Arizona Rx green tea. Makes me feel like punching someone for about three distinct reasons.

i've had three of the ones listed:

SoBe Green Tea
Rockstar Energy Drink
Sunkist Orange Soda

ah well. the first two at least serve a purpose (caffeine, in varying amounts).

i voted for the antioxidant water just for being the stupidest.

^^^

are you that far gone nutritionally that you don't get any antioxidants from *food*?

(the rhetorical "you")

Yeah this antioxidants cure all craze is just going too far. They plaster the little "antioxidants are good for you!" label all over coffee and chocolate here.

And vitamin waters are a joke. I will only ever buy the one with the guarana in it, for the caffiene hit, because it's less sweet (well, the Nutrient Water brand is anyway).

I used to buy Sobe Green Tea quite regularly from a campus vending machine. ;_;

i don't think i can drink much other than cold water after reading that

I know a guy who will neck 3 or 4 of those Mother cans in a row. Then, unsuprisingly, he goes really quite mental.

Is there a word for this kind of photo gallery story? Photicles?

Voted green tea, because they've taken something that's fairly good for you and completely ruined it. Also for the same reason the antioxidant water, which should really be rename "any antioxidant qualities that thie water once had have been completely negated by the crap we've put in it".

fuuck.

guess this is why i've not been losing any weight then. lol clueless

Switch to Lucozade - 70 calories per 500ml in spite of being 26% glucose syrup.

switching to tapwater after that

"Contains 5 a day... of lethal bacteria"

i'm going with sunkist because the last time i tried that i was a kid and (naturally) did not like it. hated it. LOATHED it. i almost voted for the green tea. but then it reminded me of the one i tried in japan (coke light green tea) which was actually pretty good (but completely wtf anyway).

lol americans etc.

voted Starbucks Vanilla Frappuccino, mainly because iced coffee grosses me out.

hahaha I just looked at the "drink this instead!" options and more than 50% of the time they are comparing some gigantic drink to a small

^^^ otm, I was going to post about how it's appalling that the default drink size in america is now like 16-20 ounces, but then I remembered a lot of people still drink from bottles/cans.

"Don't drink 40oz of margarita, drink 5 8oz margaritas instead! Oh wait..."

haha I just did some back of the envelope calculations on how many calories are in a 40. OE800 has about 530 but steel reserve high gravity has 740. so if you play edward 40hands w/ steel reserve and finish you've just downed about 1500 calories.

Setting up the props in the photos looks like fun -- "How can we make 56879823490 cookies appear to EMBRACE this weeping plastic cup?"

the part where this pictorial fails is that I feel like half of the tableaus are challenges instead of warnings

voted for the vanilla frappuccino cos the idea of bottled frappuccinos seems mad - i thought the whole point is they're so cold and full of ice you can't taste the sugar?

tbh while i'm feeling pretty smug about my inability to stomach oversweet drinks I'd probably be perfectly happy eating their solid-food equivalents.

^^^ otm, I was going to post about how it's appalling that the default drink size in america is now like 16-20 ounces

I was astounded (the first time in the US) how fucking big everything is, package wise. I couldn't find anything in tiny packages. I wanted to try loads of sweets but had to buy these XL packages (as opposed to Japan).

I know that I'd probably drink the calorific drink and eat all the ice cream/cookies/etc.

like, I look at the Arizona Kiwi Strawberry one and think "yes, I CAN eat 7 bowls of Froot Loops; BRING IT ON"

yeah there was one fudge milkshake beside a huge bowl of icecream and i did think "now that's a good evening in"

There's a good possibility that I could motor through all 20 drinks and their accompanying comparison snacks in a single day.

68 bacon strips, now come on raise your hand if you don't eat that regularly every sunday morning.

Those pictures are basically "20 Stoner Meals"

Voting Rx because putting "Rx" in the name is especially mean-spirited and cynical. The Cold Stone thing doesn't put on any pretensions of healthfulness (although the smoothie might be on the borderline).

LOVED all the photos for this, very well done MensHealth!

hahaha I just looked at the "drink this instead!" options and more than 50% of the time they are comparing some gigantic drink to a small

― Marni and Louboutin: coming to Tuesdays this fall on FOX (HI DERE), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 9:37 AM Bookmark

Well...yeah. I mean the bigger-picture problem here, which they suggest at the outset, is that we've slipped over to thinking of getting a large sugar-drink as something pretty regular that happens all the time. I'm working in a restaurant again these days and I REALLY have to work hard to not fill my styro cup with soda every time I get something to eat, 'cause it's free, and since I was a kid I've been psychologically wired to EXPECT a Sprite with chicken fingers. Something seems missing without it. But that is fucked up and terrible!

What this wants is some sort of comparitive graphic of all of them (with more "everyday" drinks alongside to show their own badness)... like one of those "silhouettes of the world's tallest skyscrapers" type image..

haha I just realized that the oreo cookies shown w/ the sunkist are not in fact oversized doublestufs* but actually oreo ice cream sandwiches.

*(I kind of wish the slogan for these was "so packed we couldn't fit in the extra f!"

this list is lol and fucking disgusting

would never drink any of these, including the microbrew with 300 calories

I like ice cream sodas! They're MORE than sweet enough as they are, including some kind of soda and some kind of ice cream, and if you make them at home they're cheaper, smaller, and have fewer calories/less sugar than the commercial kinds. You do, however, have to limit yourself to one (small-ish) serving and not go back and make seconds.

love how the "drink this instead" tips at the end of the list are way worse than the shit on the beginning of the list. for the top ten it should just say "fuck it, go for it"

here's the whole list on one delightful page (incl. some mad comments down the bottom):
http://worldmysteries9.blogspot.com/2010/05/harmful-drinks-in-america.html

this list is lol and fucking disgusting

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, 25 May 2010 15:44 (18 minutes ago) Bookmark

Would have been better if the entire Drink This Instead list just said 'tap water'.

liquid calories are such a waste of good calories!

(non-sugared booze withstanding)

I like ice cream sodas! They're MORE than sweet enough as they are, including some kind of soda and some kind of ice cream, and if you make them at home they're cheaper, smaller, and have fewer calories/less sugar than the commercial kinds. You do, however, have to limit yourself to one (small-ish) serving and not go back and make seconds.

OTM. Except for the last part. If you can consume more than one ice cream soda (or "coke float" as we always called them), I bet you'll be too ill to eat anything else for awhile and it will all even out in the end.

My favorite is vanilla ice cream and grape soda.

i find sugar- and fat-infused coffee-related drinks to be the worst offenders. because i love coffee and doing that to coffee is just cruel.

liquid calories are such a waste of good calories!

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:26 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

(non-sugared booze withstanding)

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:27 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

on the motherfucking money

xp to Jenny: Oh, I can.

xxp: Does anyone know why my mother always called ginger ale + vanilla ice cream a "Boston Cooler"?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_cream_soda#Boston_cooler

Oh SHIT, no less an authority than Wikiped notes that it's a Detroit thing! Rad!

xp sigh. yes.

perhaps we need a best ice cream soda poll

Don't forget to include "double-chocolate soda" as one of the options so I can vote in it thx.

Smoothie King Peanut Power Plus Grape

this just sounds like a big bucket of vomit

I know – and there's 40 oz. of it!

this just sounds like a big bucket of vomit

http://www.emoboyfriend.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/doublebucket2.jpg

Oh, man...why?

why with the picture of puke?

i can smell that picture, ugh

That picture is probably the worst thing that's happened to me today.

http://chapmancatalyst.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/photo_nutrition_0239.jpg?w=216
^^^ i worship this

liquid calories are such a waste of good calories!

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:26 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

(non-sugared booze withstanding)

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:27 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

on the motherfucking money

― call all destroyer, Tuesday, May 25, 2010 10:32 AM (1 hour ago)

^^^^^^, biggest ilx truthbomb in years

We stopped thinking of a soda as a treat - akin to an ice cream or a candy bar - and started seeing it as the equivalent of a glass of water, drinking two, three, four, or more a day.

microcosm of what is wrong with americans today

Those decadent Americans with their fancy sodas!

haha i think of it as "wants" turning into "needs"

Thread bump to ask a question:

McDonald's Triple Thick on the way home: Y/N?

http://www.rapworlds.com/gallery/data/500/thumbs/snoop.gif

liquid calories are such a waste of good calories!

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Tuesday, May 25, 2010 11:26 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

Right! So after you get into the habit of drinking six of them a day and realize that you are heading rolling downhill precipitously toward diabetes, you can switch to the diet version! Hey, drinking a six pack of diet Coke a day never hurt anyone! My brother was over for a five days once, during which time he went through a 24-pack of Diet Dr. Pepper all by himself. At least a third of this was completely wasted, as he had a habit of leaving half-empty cans everywhere he went, forgetting where his last soda was, and, desperate, going to open a fresh one.

Soda is too cheap. If it cost as much as one of those Naked brand mango protein super hoonja doonjas, which are $5 for 16 ounces, people wouldn't develop these inexplicable addictions.

You ever see this Facebook status update? "So I'm quitting soda today! This is really hard!" Fuck you. Go get a real bad habit.

To clarify - I was not speaking of the 40 oz triple thick. Just a lil' guy. You know - a size we can all comprehend and appreciate instead of being afraid of.

I will be drinking a HUGE glass of "Get me the fuck outta here" on Wednesday night. Hooo...

I really think a case can be made for the starbucks bottled frappucinos. They're so fucking small that it's easy to forget how many calories are packed into them.

there was a time when i used to drink a lot of those and ran out of them at about 2am, so i poured cold filter coffee and a glass of dissolved caster sugar into a 2/3 full 2pint milk carton and it tasted almost exactly the same

currently wondering how i got into the habit of drinking vast amounts of kiwi strawberry snapple, complete waste of time rly

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Diet soda is one thing, *possibly* "bad for you" in some nebulous, chemical way. Coke etc is another, filled with sugar you don't really need. But these coffee and milkshake drinks are wild. 68g of saturated fat is outrageous!

A Big Mac and Large Fries is "only" 13.5g saturated fat. Recommended daily allowance is around 20g.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.