Bearsharktopus v. Bearotaur

imho - the Bearsharktopus doesn't stand a chance. top heavy and only tentacles to support it's front, it's no match for the speed and weaponry of Bearotaur.

Speed is of the essence. Bearotaur.

bearotuar in a walk

where is the "yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss" option?

beatotaur is a fucking bitch. put your spiky bat down and we'll see what happens.

Bearsharktopus is just awesomer, regardless of whether it would flop about and fall over a lot, or not.

Guys, what if the fight takes place in water??

both pics are on a beach. clearly our competitOrs have already chosen a battleground. ankle deep water.

wondering if the bearsharktopus has also inherited the deadly intelligence of the octopus as well.

Which has left the most offspring??>?

wondering if the bearsharktopus has also inherited the deadly intelligence of the octopus as well.

i don't think so. otherwise it would have brought a weapon to the fight.

I am also wondering how a Bear Centipede would fare in this fight

Pics?

do not discount bearsharktopus my bredrin

yeah, i'm not so sure - bearotaur seems to have just regular old bear paws, which means no thumbs, which means that the admittedly kickass mace he's got is likely just duct-taped there. see, how both paws are on top? who holds a weapon like that? useless, dude.
on the other hand, bearshartopus looks like he eats some nasty stuff and likely has some literally stunning wicked reek going on. i guess bearotaur can still run away pretty fast though.

the more i think about Bearsharktopus the more i think it would drown if it ever tried to swim. a shark isn't going anywhere without it's tail, which this guy does not posses. a squid gets around using water propulsion which is also absent here. even a bear needs it's from paws to swim!

Q: Where is bearsharktopus from?
A: It's from paws!

I think it's quite attractive

paws

not sure how bearotaur is gonna fare once he gets close enough to do any damage, but i'm gonna say speed would win the day for him.

speed as in "omg look how fast bearsharktopus tore bearotaur's legs off with those monstrous tentacles"?

those tentacles aren't monstrous, they're stubby- that's why i'm not giving them as much due as i otherwise would.

paws

right now the only thing bearotaur has going for him is his sweet castle; pretty sure there's a ballista up there backing him up for when the velcro on that club comes loose

it's where he's holding bearsharktopus's daughter hostage.

if bearsharktopus even tried to bring its jaws into play it would fall over

obv the skarktopus part of it couldn't care less, but the bear component is fucking pissed!

xpost - exactly!

you guys the bearsharktopus can only look up

aaaaa

now i'm imagining it coming at me from below

this is also imp. data re: the bearotaur

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=poEwkIPKn3w

holy fucking shit!!!!!

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

voted bearotaur under pressure

That video suggests the bearotaur will mostly be using that club to hit itself in the head, so I'm voting bearsharktopus.

furry fin is adorable, bearsharktopus wins for cuddle-bility.

u got a low threshold of cuddleability, imo

so are these SyFy original movies or what

I'm a sucker for suction cups, tbqh

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

a travesty - bearsharktopus should have won!

nonsense. it can barely stand.
the people have spoken.

bearsharktopus can both stand and swim! It can probably breathe underwater, unlike bearotaur.

if by "swim" you mean "thrash about frantically until it sinks to the ocean floor" i would be in agreement.

although i will concede it could breath just fine down there.

in the episode of X-Files, the thing that could breathe underwater won vs. that which could not

Mulder was which one?

at any rate - the battle is not happening in the deep blue depths, but the shoreline in which both are photographed.

no, it was alien-human underwater hybrid breathing creature vs. helpful sewer system supervisor and before him, hapless sewer maintenance technician

basically bearsharktopus could employ a similar strategy and hide underwater until bearotaur enters the water, then knock bearotaur off-balance by grabbing bearotaur with the tentacles, then delivering fatal bites

how do you hide underwater? it's clear!

wtf seawater is not clear!

Only 37 people voted in this vital poll?

more importantly, only 21 of them voted correctly

I think sarahel is without question otm and sharks hide underwater all the dang time. Bearotaur is up on their high horse legs and would never suspect bearsharktopus' tentacles OR gaping jaws. Even if Bearotaur employed the morningstar it would only cause a slight gash in the furry dorsal feature.

there's no way that bearsharktopus could even swim ffs

i want to believe!

next poll to include

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/science_and_environment/10461066.stm

THIS RESULT IS A FUCKING TRAVESTY

^^^^^

so magical awesome creature lost to basically a centaur with the added power of biting? wtf people

john, you're a mod, can't you do something about this?

come on bearsharktopus has a dodgy comb over

yeah which just makes him MORE PISSED AND DANGEROUS

embarrassing hairstyles are irrelevant here!

I wonder if this piece of evidence re: the octopus capabilities might have changed outcomes:

http://www.sevennationarmy.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/octopus_lg.jpg

agh

lets do a little reductive work here

BEAR VS. BEAR - DRAW
SHARK VS. HORSE - SHARK
OCTOPUS VS> CORPSE OF CRAPPY BEAROTAUR - OCTOPUS

the key thing is that the bearotaur's strength and power only appears useful against things at his level of height - he is not going to be able to bend down so low as to damage bearsharktopus if it keeps itself low to the ground and goes for the legs

Also it's all bearotaur can do to keep from barfing as he watches bearsharktopus groom himself. bearotaur will be sent running back to hundredotaur acre woods crying to christotaur robin.
silly old bearotaur!

for real lolz @ hundredotaur acre woods

what is hundred acre woods?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hundred_Acre_Wood

but back on topic - bearsharktopus FTW!

the key thing is that the bearotaur's strength and power only appears useful against things at his level of height - he is not going to be able to bend down so low as to damage bearsharktopus if it keeps itself low to the ground and goes for the legs

HELLO HUGE FUCKIN MACE!!!!!!

Maces that are stapled to yr hands aren't very effective

shaving octopus is making me cringe

it's like shaving your nipples off

... well, I suppose, only I don't have that many nipples

speak for yourself

HELLO HUGE FUCKIN MACE!!!!!!

hello! we already covered this!

Even if Bearotaur employed the morningstar it would only cause a slight gash in the furry dorsal feature.

so since people keep coming back to the mace, would it be safe to assume that you dudes would have also voted for "regular old bear with a mace" because i am trying to figure out what posi effect the horse legs really have here

beatotaur is a fucking bitch. put your spiky bat down and we'll see what happens.

― goole, Monday, June 14, 2010 3:10 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

i mean i guess that his terrible shame at being seen in public and being so damn stupid looking could maybe make him meaner and more itching for a fight

this reminds me of the time that a whole bunch of you saps were dead wrong on the riding dinosaurs jpg thread

another problem with the bearotaur is... you throw a salt block at it and the fight is over

"regular old bear with opposable thumbs and a mace" would beat both Bearotaur and Bearsharktopus easily

horse legs equal huge speed, heavy cavalry style with the mace, devastating.

Hows Bearsharktopus gonna fend that of with its spindly tentacles.

it is true that bearsharktopus might be so overcome with laughter wrt the lameness of bearotaur that he might get a cheap shot in but after that its all death in the briny deep

well, i don't think bearsharktopus is capable of laughter, per se, can sharks laugh?

You know, horses can deliver some filthy kicks.

it bothers me that there is any debate here, because A) yes, horses can deliver some filthy kicks. plus bearotaur B) is huge and filthy and has opposable thumbs with which to grasp not only grotesquely huge maces, but any other bashing things that might be within paw's reach. and he's fast as shit, right, because he's basically a huge horse with half a somewhat less huge bear strapped to him.

the bearsharktopus is tragically top-heavy and can barely support himself on his little furry legs. as you can see in the (artfully though misleadingly posed) photo, he's gonna topple forward onto his flopping appendages at any moment. at which point his fearsome teath will be good for little but gnawing sand.

bearotaur is majestic and stinky master of all he surveys. bearsharktopus is flopping, serrated monstrosity, master only of dorsal featurs. how do hair gills work? can he actually swim with dysplasiac bear hips? too many questions, not enough blows to the head. suspect he would be fearsome in a moggy swimming pool tho.

i don't think it is a fact at all that bearotaur has opposable thumbs! that is not established anywhere, you are being homosapien-ist assuming that just because bearotaur has a weapon like a homosapien, that it has opposable thumbs like a homosapien!

plus, bearotaur is really a misnomer as "taur" refers to a bull, and the bottom half of bearotaur is actually a horse, it's totally fronting with the name bearotaur

this is not a name contest. and horsotaur has to hold that mace somehow. maybe he has les sapienist opposable pinkies or extremely advanced cilia-type bear polyps on his palms like spiderman. there are many possibilities which have not yet been considered. the primary point is that bearsharktopus is primarily threatening to children who attempt to cuddle him at night, mistaking him for a large stuffed animal. so terror of faceless children, yes. threat to well-armed bearotaur, no.

or were you saying he should be called bearoquine?

the bearse bearotaur has the top half of a bear, why would you assume that his paws are not completely ursine? And would you be completely blasé when faced with the immense jaw and sharp teeth of bearsharktopus? I think not!

plus anyone, child or adult, that came into contact with the terrorizing countenance of bearsharktopus would end up faceless -- bearsharktopus would rip it off and eat it!

the paws are probably not totally ursine because they come equipped with mace. and if bears could carry maces, they would, and we would be totally fucked. even without the horse part. they would hit us with maces and then eat our cans of beer which we carried like 50 miles even though they are heavy (youtubes of this).

that said, i'm not inclined to be blase about my face, and therefore would therefore not likely entrust it to fursharktopus, who doubtless has plans in mind.

god shark eyes are really creepy

like squirrels

maybe if this battle were to take place on dry land, the bearse would have the advantage, but clearly, the epic confrontation will occur in the water, which is obviously bearsharktopus' domain, as it is 2/3 sea creature.

plus bearsharktopus is composed of multiple predatory creatures, so it would have a greater genetic need and capacity for hunting and killing, as opposed to the bearse, which is part horse, which is a grazing animal.

i mean, maybe if it was squirrelsharktopus and not bearsharktopus, then the bear-horse creature would stand a chance ...

so many wrong thoughts. the reticence and nobility of the horse give the bearseotaursesses an advantage over the trembly, blood-mad octobearoshark, who can really only comprehend the world in terms of the fleshy rended bits that will (hopefully) soon hang limp from its trembly shark lips. one might suppose that the brain of the wily, jar-negotiating octopus would grant similar adbvantage to the monstrosity, but no, because it's really only the tentacles, and tentacles are not notably the most intelligent part, being just tentacles.

plus bearotaur has elegance of design, very desirable quality. bearsharktopus is questionable, result of last minute weed inspiration, subject to harsh crit.

sqirrelsharktopus would be really funny in calamari. because of squirrel head which would look at you menacingly as you tried to eat it. terrifying in packs though.

plus, see? the hundred aker wood. shit comes around.

i like how the creature smart enough to get a weapon is the one assumed to be dumb enough to fight its opponent in the only conceivable environment that would be a disadvantage

and there you go

"taur" refers to a bull

Either your joking or your knowledge of mythological creatures is sorely lacking.

argh, you're.

lol @ all this.

wow btwn jj and hi dere fence-sitting on the green/brown banana question and now pash lolling @ this, i'm beginning to think that perhaps ILX mods aren't really in touch with the vital issues for the ilxor on the street.

uh.

:)

"taur" refers to a bull

Either your joking or your knowledge of mythological creatures is sorely lacking.

Don't get this - the Minotaur was half bull, not half horse, so surely sarahel's point stands?

Yeah but centaurs...

Centaurs aren't real, tho

But it doesn't follow the same word creation rule! It would be BEARTAUR.

Unless it is Mr. Bear O'Taur, perhaps.

fucking blame it on the irish, i see what's happening here

So, even if the etymology of bearotaur is from centaur rather than Minotaur (which I doubt very much, from the appended 'o'), the name STILL means 'bear-bull', 'centaur' most likely meaning 'bull-slayer'. So the bearotaur proves himself even weaker, having had to have the 'slayer' part of his name removed... BECAUSE HE IS A WUSS.

The 'o' represents their fondness for onion rings.

'o' is the face you pull just before he pulls your face off

you can explain your dismissal of the etymology of his name while he kicks your jaw in to space.

Ha, I just noticed the furry fin on bearsharktopus' back. He wins, based on that.

how a fight would go.

http://img710.imageshack.us/img710/5109/sharktopuswins.gif

AWESOME

also, accurate

self-mutilatipon? that's what your guy's gonna win with?

i dunno what i just typed tbh

self mutilation - and apparently fursharkpus is eating a giant sperm.
Bearotuar should have won by a wider margin if that's how things are gonna play out.

atipon- a suffix meaning furry fin or tentacle

atampon - a suffix referring to a popular feminine hygience product

poor bearotaur!
http://img375.imageshack.us/img375/999/sharkwinsagin.gif

:D

i mean it's nonsense, obviously, but bravo anyway

Philip you have taken this thread to a new level! Awesome!

Also - BEARSHARKTOPUS FTW!!!!!!!!

god bless you you fantastic man

would buy in tshirt form. not kidding.

wow that picture raises a terrifying thought - what if bearsharktopus and bearotaur joined forces and bearsharktopus rode bearotaur into battle?

aw, shucks. thanks folks!

BTW I stole 'where your mace at? HAW HAW HAW!' from the new yorker caption contest.

holy shit phil :DDDDDDD (!)

also want "where your mace at?" shirt

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/818963/bearotaurpwns.png

is really what would happen tho

bearotaur covering his eyes in the 1st philip drawing is the best part tho

I agree

also it doesn't look like bearshartopus is that hurt. slightly annoyed is what I get from that picture.

xp - that is so not what would happen:

bearsharktopus would not be facing the opposite direction and would not be standing up while in the water!

he's been flanked but the superior speed of bearotaur. if he spins too quickly he falls over, because he is a rubbish monster

also it doesn't look like bearshartopus is that hurt. slightly annoyed is what I get from that picture.

jeez the shark face isn't the most expressive of canvases fyi

it's bearsharktopus, not bearshartopus!

also it doesn't look like bearshartopus is that hurt.

please please tell me this was intentional and not a typo, becuase +1 to you if so

xpost

but doesn't bearsharktopus have sharkspeed sandals that give him combat advantage when flanked?

also lets be fair, bearshartopus would not win in any fight.

bearsharktopus can swim ffs!

also i do not want him/her on a tshirt at all

oh jees louise must be subconscious because a friend of mine just told the craaaziest story.

and shart is exactly what potential offenders do when approached by BearsharKtopus

also apologies for placing gender on bearsharktopus.

can you do a cheezy mspaint illustration of the craaazy story?

I'm at work. don't bother me.

haha just kidding. I'll see what I can do.

once bearsharktopus is done with him, bearotaur wouldn't even be good enough for the glue factory

BASH IMO

http://i17.photobucket.com/albums/b74/righteouskate/untitled.jpg\

xpost to i sharted thread I guess?

that's all I got.

your friend wasn't half-bear by any chance...

what, because he's brown???

bearsharktopus sucks

bearsharktopus would rip your face off if he heard you say that

this is my favorite thread for drunk posting fyi

http://i47.tinypic.com/fvxo4l.jpg

the truth about the shart

i would walk behind bearsharktopus and call him names while he failed to turn.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v210/jel2004/S4302023.jpg

good point jel - i'm pretty sure that Bearsharktopus and Bearotaur have yet to inspire their own annual festivals.

this is my favorite thread for drunk posting fyi
― bearotaurdo montalban (sarahel), Friday, July 2, 2010 5:34 AM

this explains alot! ;)

http://i47.tinypic.com/hwg28h.jpg

run, daryl hall, run!

cutest depiction of bearsharktopus ever. He's plucking John's head off with so much care, supporting the victim's body with the gooey loving tentacle, and is even wearing a reassuring smile! How considerate!

clearly a bearsharktopus puppy imo

puppy with a ballin ass tag

bearotaur pic not showing for me and since the other one is so great, wish it would :(

tbh you're not missing much

unless you mean my one, obviously- that's the best

bull fucking shit you're not xp

love oates's giant dead eyebrows and mustache, weepy-eyed anime hair hall w/ 80s-angular shoulders, and SUPER CUDDLY BEARSHARKTOPUS!

i guess the bearotaur creator took the pic down :(

bearsharktopus wins!!!

appropriate reaction to crushing shame of bringing such a thing into the world imo

MAYBE HE JUST RETIRED AFTER REACHING THE TOP?!

top of jerk mountain maybe

maybe he got stuck in a pot of honey and had to be rescued by other woodland creatures

thats ridiculous, no one would help stupid bearotaur

not even eeyoreotaur?

eeyoreotaur wouldn't help its own mother out of a ditch, why on earth would it waste time on bearotaur

rootaurd

i hate you people

not as much as bearotaur hates the blind idiot god that created him

um - just because his pic is gone does not mean you can pretend he was nothing short of majestic.
if a "blind idiot god" were to create anything it would be that monstrosity of a hairshartopus. a creature incapable of moving forward or even swimming due to it's frankenstein-like stitching.

okay I hate you forever for even hinting at the concept of the "hairshart"

hmmmm. not an unlikely outcome when you think about it.

john, you are insulting Blind Idiot God for suggesting they're responsible for that stupid winnie the bear-horse thing

if a "blind idiot god" were to create anything it would be that monstrosity of a hairshartopus. a creature incapable of moving forward or even swimming due to it's frankenstein-like stitching.

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall,

Co-sign, OTM & recommend 4 medal.

i see no stitching on BEARSHARKTOPUS!!!! which we have seen can rip John Oates' head clean off

the song Maneater was actually about Bearsharktopus

theme:

hairshart tonight, wrapped around the corpus of death tonight
hairshart burning becuz this is the nexus of love tonight (tonite tonite tonite.....)
alright!!! tonight!!!
tentacles of love and hair within the light tonight
octopus sanction of vengeance coming down alight
fire within the gill-flesh armor of shark tonight
alright......alright......ALRIGHT!

pot of hunny, btw

in the spirit of:

http://i274.photobucket.com/albums/jj242/donaldparsley/blort.jpg?t=1278591051

bearotaur so lame the durans don't even notice him, except for nick rhodes who's all 'whateverrrrrrr'

They laugh at his cheaply pierced ear.

man, was SO drunk

is hard to "draw" undr normal circumstances with little touch pad guy, but...

I assume being incredibly drunk and hairsharts always go together

lolololol

i am seeing a trend on this thread.

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/818963/jeopardy.bmp

who would win in jeopardy?

as above imo

depends on if you define winner as "the one who answers the most questions" or as "the one who eats everyone on stage and runs off with the money"

if we're talking running then it's def not the hiarsharktopus!

need a (drawing) tablet bad

but darragh u just made my day :D

i love this thread ... and i'm sober now.

its easy to fix that problem u know

the fact i'm sober or the earlier problem of bearotaur being bearotaurdo montalban?

sobriety is a totally curable diease thanks to medical and retail science

bearotaur's retardedness is incurable tho

need to photoshop andrei arshavin into a pic with both, and whichever eats the most of him by weight wins imo.

http://imaletyoufinish.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/bearsharktopuswkanye.jpg

man another reason to distrust kanye

which is more retarded: kanye west or bearotaur

oh thats easy that would be bearotaur

i have reached that point where bearotaur however fills me with sadness and pity, whereas kanye is like a buzzing fly. poor poor shameful bearotaur

i dunno john, i think kanye west might just be stupider than bearotaur

waiting for Kanye to tweet WEL AT LEAST I'M NOT AS RETATRDED AS BEAROTAUR LOL

Kanyetaur.

for reference:
http://img822.imageshack.us/img822/9860/centaur.gif

Nothing's as retarded as whatever bearotaur kicks in the head.

if you want a vision of the future, imagine bearotaur kicking himself in the head...FOREVER

bearotaur and kanye kicking each other in the head forever would be a funny vision of the future

if you want a vision of the future, imagine bearotaur kicking himself in the head...FOREVER

pretty sure bearotaur would need completely different legs to achieve that

maybe when they unvelcro the mace they can slap a couple on his paws

http://i29.tinypic.com/307n8ef.jpg

Bondage Goat Zombie vs. Bearotaur

the picture is kinda blurry - what Bondage Goat Zombie holds in its hoof is Bearotaur's Little Brain

did a goat zombie take that picture?

while drunk?!

and with auto focus off?

you saw the picture before you uploaded it and you thought it'd be fine, i'm happy with this out of focus picture to go up on the net for many people to see and went ahead and posted it?

lol that image is to the Bearotaur detractors what the Hitler billboard is to the tea partiers!

bearsharktopus sux

Clearly bearsharktopus is the ultimate winner here, since bearotaur has run away.

fair point, but our cavedrawing tributes remain in tribute as secondary evidence

It's a movie now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGTJ4Cv5ktE

Bump for contritionbearotaur sketchings, go

bearotaur and kanye kicking each other in the head forever would be a funny vision of the future

― sarahel, Wednesday, July 14, 2010 12:18 PM (ten years ago)

i kinda feel like we are living in that future rn

BEARSHARK

A cursory web search finds no bands named something identical or similar to Bearotaur. Advantage: Bearsharktopus.