how often do you hang out with friends?

hanging out has become this big thing. i just can't always do it. some of my friends, they hang out all the time.

but keeping in touch is big 4 me so i make it happen. just not like, every night.

u?

altho some ppl would say i go out a lot. but i know plenty of ppl who have plans like 4+ nights in a week. i can't.

and what's with this thing about ppl booing you if you can't make it? "oh you're not going to ryan's? BOOOOO"

like, really? do i need to be booed?

hanging out has become this big thing.

dude u r just something else

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2V_ZT-nyOs

You spent the first five years trying to get with the plan
And the next five years trying to be with your friends again

u_u

Once every couple of weeks.

i hate to be all ADOBE SLABS FO ME AND MAH GIRLS HYAAHHHHH about it, but that LCD Soundsystem line probably resonated for me more than any lyric in the last decade

i try and see friends on the weekends because i lead a lonely existence during the week

yea typically i try and book fri and sat nights. daytime planning is less likely.

In Florida, I would just get bored and drive over to my friends house on like a Wednesday night and chill out and watch Mr. Show or something, would prolly "hang out" like 4/5 nights a week.

But in New York I'm lucky if I hang out even once a week because everyone lives like a 45-to-60-minute subway ride away and are total workaholics (including myself)

You have to like "book" hang-out time with New York adults as opposed to just "dropping by," despite what Seinfeld has led you to believe

i would feel weird if someone dropped by my house, even my close friends that live in the hood

see a couple of friends of mine just moved to the neighborhood and they have actually just dropped by and taken me to dinner. i like it.

and what's with this thing about ppl booing you if you can't make it? "oh you're not going to ryan's? BOOOOO"

like, really? do i need to be booed?

― janice (surm), Sunday, July 11, 2010 12:20 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

luv this

i try and see friends on the weekends because i lead a lonely existence during the week

― max, Sunday, July 11, 2010 12:23 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lonely late nite guy bloggin abt stuff

but that LCD Soundsystem line probably resonated for me more than any lyric in the last decade

yeah word

in chicago i lived w/pals and hung out 4-6 nights a week and had a v tight friend group. in mpls i'm busy w/school all the dang time and know v few ppl my age (one of the downsides of being an 'older student'). pretty lonely existence for the last two years, getting with the plan.

at least now it's summer and i've got time off---kinda been hanging too much these last two weeks imo

Currently living a life where people drop by all the time, I'm poor but don't really notice, and I hang out pretty much every single day, often multiple times with different people/groups.

Money's gonna run out really soon, but until then, this is fucking awesome.

xp yeah it's nice to have phases of too much, but i too have definitely cooled it since lol college. not bc i don't want to be around people, i actually feel best when people are around - i just need to get things done.

i call it 'chill-cycles'

my ~5-6 best friends are spread out in states/countries very far away from me. me and the gf have a small set of local friends who we hang out with every few weeks or so. actually a really big % of our social life = hanging out with friends from other places who are in town visiting new york.

Hanging out with friends means a lot of different things and different contexts to me now, after all these years. It's like I can't really how often or when, it's this free-flowing thing.

In MO (where I'm currently at for a few weeks to see my family+old friendz) I would "hang out" pretty much 5-7 times a week during summers (these were college days) and maybe 3-4 times a week during the school year.

Nowadays I hang out maybe 1-2 times a week, and that's usually just going to a happy hour after work with work friends so that I can talk about work after being at work all day. WORK

I miss not just the quantity of MO hang out time but also the quality. In CoMo and my hometown you really could just walk or bike over to someone's house just to see if they were there, and then sit on the porch and eat Wonderbread or something. Nowadays it's more like "OK take this metro to that metro, walk 6 blocks this way, we've reserved a table here at this time, hope we don't have to cab it home, oh and don't mention to X that Y is looking for a new job because Z might be there and A1 might eventually hear", bleeech

Starting to get unnerved by how terrified I am of alone time.

what abt txtin u guys it has really changed things y/n?

idk tbh

don't have txtin atm, would it change my life if I were to have it again? O_O

In CoMo and my hometown you really could just walk or bike over to someone's house just to see if they were there, and then sit on the porch and eat Wonderbread or something.

yeah, this is what i miss most about lol college. it's weird, now that i live alone i kinda don't like it when ppl just drop by (one of my friends str8 up kramers me every couple weeks and it is sort of infuriating), but when i lived with bros (and my personal space was already up for grabs) it was great.

i have a new slidey fone xp

two or three times a year.

Starting to get unnerved by how terrified I am of alone time.

^^^ this used to be me - now when I know I'm going to be hanging out with people, I experience the expectation as a really intense pressure/weight. am trying to get better about this but I think sociable me died & was buried circa 1996.

not e-freakin-nuff

seldom more than twice a week

Don't think texting has changed stuff as much as FB ... at least in my situation. I can't stand seeing pictures of people having fun doing stuff I was never even invited to do.

was waiting for someone to drop the f bomb

i love hanging out with bros, and i miss college sometimes, cause my biggest college bros live too far for frequent brocial interaction, and getting together with them requires intense nebrotiations

but the big thing w/ me is that i have a rull serious longtime girlfriend so i 'socially interact' every night basically (not even a sex euphemism) and having hang-out time with friends is less crucial

i would probably be starving for get-brogethers if i didnt live the girl who is essentially my best bro

aw

2 cuet

but yeah i agree w/ the people saying that when you have a 'real job' and a 'real life' and a 'real apartment' and 'real commitments' & so forth, it gets way harder to see the people who mean a lot to you, and some days im just like, why cant i move into a big ol farmhouse with all my best bros and we can spend all our time doing cannonballs in the pool and eating watermelon

My real job and real life and real apartment and real commitments aren't getting in the way of hanging out with friends.

It's my friends' real jobs and real lives and real apartments and real commitments getting in the way.

yeah and i imagine that they really regret it a lot. i know i do. and i dont even have a real job.

probably every day if u include stuff like playing racquetball or going swimming

sports hanging out is A+

Except for a brief late afternoon round of drinks yesterday, I haven't seen my friends this weekend. Now that more friends move away due to school and jobs, I don't have every weekend night booked like I used to even as recently as eighteen months ago. Two of my closest straight friends just got girlfriends, and these bros are squishy enough not to press the issue about hanging out, which is very, very irritating. I've no doubt their girlfriends would let them hang out; the guys simply don't care enough. I suppose that's why I've never had a boyfriend longer than a few months: I simply couldn't enjoy one person's company exclusively no matter how deep my attraction and affection.

underrated hangout situation: someone is getting a haircut in the kitchen

doesn't come up too often, but it's always fun

otm

totally

I mean, I need my friends: the tension, arguments, idle conversation.

(It would help too if I liked sports. Watching baseball and soccer is the only way to guarantee a chick-less afternoon or night, but then I have to compete with the damn flat screen)

all of my main dudes live at least 2-3 hours away or more, so my hang time typically consists girlfriend and her social circle. which is totally cool. they are, for the most part, A+ bros. we usually do something on the weekend, and maybe something during the week, if ppl are getting antsy.

while I miss my old school bros, this is all probably for the best. too many bros in close proximity makes me irresponsibility-prone

move to NC Alfred

underrated hangout situation: someone is getting a haircut in the kitchen

doesn't come up too often, but it's always fun

― 1967 Dragnet episode (Z S), Sunday, July 11, 2010 6:13 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

doesn't this happen in 'clueless'? seconded

move to NC Alfred

― les yeux sans aerosmith (underrated aerosmith albums I have loved),

I would fear for the sale of gin.

my horrible secret is that it's always me who is getting the haircut in the kitchen. but I swear it's always fun. suggesting that it's time for someone to give me a haircut is one of the ways that I contribute to the hangout.

After mulling over the question for a bit ... Things I need to do to enjoy more time with friends: keep getting new friends.

I would fear for the sale of gin.

new summer night thing in our house is cocchi americano & soda....oh man is it good

not as often as i should, but that's my lack of effort!

underrated hangout situation: someone is getting a haircut in the kitchen

also really dope: making a meal. really anytime where a couple of ppl are occupied with something sort of physical but not too engrossing & u feel 'busy' but still just aimlessly jaw about w/e is ~amazing~ killed so many afternoons/evenings like this

my #1 summer hangouts are pools/the beach tho

World Fap needs to happen at Aero Smith's house, srsly. And nobody is allowed to use real names. Even people who go by their real name on ILX have to make one up for the meetup.

My answer to the OP -- never, and it's the biggest unhappiness in my life.

I'm really pretty bad at this. My closest girlfriends both live on the other side of the country and I'm awful at making plans with ppl who are nearby. It's totally my fault but then I complain about not going out enough or having much of a social life. :/ I would say I average about once a week, twice at best. I should really really make more of an effort. I know that some ppl (my old roommate for instance) have stopped inviting me places because I never accept invitations. I wish everyone just lived in my neighborhood. That would make things easier.

this thread is making me think about what to do with my freetime at the end of the summer. was gonna go to panama (frequent flier miles + pal who lives there = cheap!) but now maybe i will just go to the PacNW or NM and kick it w/bros in an old timey way

Even people who go by their real name on ILX have to make one up for the meetup.

"Hi, I'm Calum."

"We figured."

hang out once a week or so. by contrast, last year around this time i was spending time w/friends pretty much daily. what changed? i dunno. geographical issues, significant other stuff, my being a squzz about taking the initiative to telephone ppl... when i do spend time with people it's always fun and rewarding in unexpected ways, so i guess i should put in more effort? but i really like spending time alone. but, like, i should have made plans w/ppl to watch world cup today. but the fact that i still could but instead am occupying myself looking at internet serves to demonstrate how perversely wacked-out my priorities are, i guess

not very often as my friends have other friends they hang out with more often

jeez, this thread's getting grim.

World Fap needs to happen at Aero Smith's house, srsly.

still hate that the Tea Party con in Nashville FAP didn't work out. mostly b/c it was so damn close to me. and i am lazy.

x-post Message board regulars (self-included) reveal themselves to be reclusive loners and/or just lazy in internet shocker.

haha Erica

errr self included no hyphen

ha yeah i was thinking the same thing after i posted

i e-bro down on the reg

My answer to the OP -- never, and it's the biggest unhappiness in my life.

aww man! I will hang out with you WmC! you have always seemed like a good dude to me

admittedly I am intimidated by human company and will need to get drunk to tolerate it, but what the hell, I got a well-stocked cabinet in the next room & plenty of glasses

hang out!!

i have this one acquaintance who asks me if i want to do something every time i talk to him. i'm like, could i really be that interesting to you??

surm, yes!

all your friends probably want to be hanging out with you all the time!

:P stop it youuu

couple times a week seems about right to me

i've not been one of those people that has The Gang for kind of a while; kind of miss it

pretty much all my friends are a train journey away. i guess on average i see people: once a month?

mainly i think this is due to living in four different places in the past two years but sometimes i think it is because i have forgotten how to socialise

ive found moving cities/countries/continents three times in the last four years has made me way better abt socializing maybe partly because its often new ppl that im hanging out w/ - no complacency.

! I think moving around a lot is how I became the anti-social hermit I am

living two years in a town of only 775 people at one point probably didn't help

i don't really have any non-ilx friends here, and i've been here four years. ilx friends i see v. infrequently because i work nights and am poor and seem to have forgotten how to do social things that don't involve drinking.

have actually thought about moving back to nc! but all my friends live in south durham mcmansions -- it's kind of depressing

I get exhausted 'hanging out' more than once or twice a week. But this may be because most of our hanging out happens at a bar rather than someone's house.

echoing what max said - when you're living with an s.o. the need for social time w/friends isn't so great. now that i'm single - it's like 4 or 5 times a week, though a lot of it is hanging out at shows. The challenge for me is trying to strategize/make time for hanging out with specific people or groups of friends.

You have to like "book" hang-out time with New York adults as opposed to just "dropping by," despite what Seinfeld has led you to believe

This can have its down side, sure -- I do miss just lazing around people's (nice) apartments on off nights the way I used to -- but one advantage is that you can usually "book" something to do, or someone to see, without having to already be keeping up with some ongoing hang-out thing, you know? Which I appreciate. Especially since I dropped out of a lot of seeing-people-really-regularly loops in order to spend more time on, you know, Important Life's Work.

i like "booking" peoples time to do museum/music/world cup type things. its a win-win situation because i get to do things that i want to do, and i get to see my friends, and we feel like accomplished 20something types who actually DO things instead of just smoke pot and play megaman

though its nice to just call up old friends every once in a while and say, why dont you come over and well cook dinner and go out for a couple drinks and you can just crash on the futon and well get brunch in the morning, even if your firneds live in the same city, just cause it feels like good old fashioned college hang out time

infrequently, maybe meet up for a meal or drinks w/a friend once a month at most. but months go by w/o hanging out. it was more like once a week when I was single & living alone. working freelance has no doubt exacerbated my natural loner tendencies. time goes by, friends drift or lose touch. I get to spend 'quality time' w/my son every day yet full as my life is I miss hanging out w/friends. TBH lately the hermit thing is getting a little tired.

Basically never. One friend, lives many states away and was never the "hanging out" type anyway; the closest thing I have is maybe one weekend a month driving over to my boss's house and playing board or computer games with him and a coworker. It's always RTS shit that I'm terrible at and hate but do because it's better than doing nothing (if only just barely).

Best friend: all the time - I tend to visit him twice a week or so and often stay overnight with him and his gf - v much a third wheel

Best female friend: about once every week or two, rising to several times a week if our band kicks off

Other friends: ranging from once every year to once every few weeks

I tend to visit him twice a week or so and often stay overnight with him and his gf

Bringing back the glory days of the old TMI L-Jagz, here.

dude you just invoked the most appalling breach of what is right and proper that I have countenanced in so very long

Sorry, it was an open goal dude.

I know. Now the World Soccer is over we must feast on what little scraps we're thrown

wow, it makes me sad that so many of you are merely in your twenties, just on the other side of l-college, as yet unoccupied with family life/hardcore career stuff, but still bereft of time in which to get together with pals. what's gonna happen when y'all's peers start bringing out the babies 'n' mortgages 'n' things? sigh. you kids and your myspace

hanging out is super-frustrating to me--all my best friends live around here but we have such a hard time getting together to do shit. and half of all plans are like movies (where you don't actually talk) or like serious nights out (where there's going to be loud music and drunkness). those things are fine, but like, can't we just have quiet nights drinking on my back porch and actually conversing? everyone's always busy.

ideally i'd like to hang out maybe 3 nights a week? one of which could be a rager and two that could just be chill?

I think I burned myself out on hanging out earlier this year, when I wasn't in school and then I lost my job and just started spending like, 4 or 5 nights a week chilling/getting super wasted at this 8-person house (lol college) where a bunch of my friends lived and/or regularly came to hang. so now I pretty much actively avoid hanging out with all but a select few bros.

I do need a haircut tho, maybe I should stop by that place.

(also it's probably a bit more chill there now that the legitimately-crazy compulsive-liar dude who was drunk 94/7, frequently drove drunk and on several occasions hit cars in their parking lot while doing so, and at one point shot out all the streetlights with his BB gun, has moved out)

at least once a week, we have a standing potluck night. since it's always the same night, everybody pretty much reserves that for friends time.

Wow, lots of feeling on this thread. The problem with being all lol-college 4 life is that people move away and suddenly your social life of farewell parties turns into a life of not much. These days hanging out is once or twice a month, and while usually there's too much going on to worry sometimes you just think "why don't I just hang out more often???".

I live with what is basically my best friend, so in one sense the answer is "every day", but I have a circle of a few acquaintances that I see once every two weeks or so to go to dinner or to see a film with, and I feel pretty comfortable with that amount of time in between visits.

"what"?

I see people much less since I quit Facebook. But I kind of like my own company, so it ok. Almost all of my friends now like in the same immediate neighborhood as me, but some of them I haven't seen in months.

I think I burned myself out on hanging out earlier this year

me too, except more like two years ago. probably i should try to be a social person again. but, oh, so lazy.

ohman i love hanging out
you know how people say they exercise so they can eat? i work hard so i can hang out. sometimes i don't even work that hard and just go hang out and then have to stay up late/wake up early to work. but whatevs, hang-out time is valuable stuff. so yeah, often.

i had four close friends move away around christmas time, which was brutal, much harder than i expected really. it was a harsh winter, even with new internet technologies (hangin out online is just not the same, clearly). but i slowly became closer to other friends, and new friends have come into my life, which is just like yaay <3

i'm just coming off a two-week reclusive period (relatively), which happens naturally, but like magically, i saw A LOT of lovely people this wkend - way to break a losin streak!
i think Montreal is a town that's extremely conducive to hanging out tbh (obv esp in summer)

A few times a month. I do talk to my closer friends a few times a week via IM, phone, etc. but most of them are out of town for summer or moved away after college.

And I love meeting people and socializing but, at the same time, staying home and being quietly disappointed with myself on a Friday or Saturday night gives me a sort of equanimity. Without that the time spent hanging out wouldn't mean as much to me.

my friends are the most important people in my life. i love making new ones, having old ones around, etc. like on Friday, i woke up in my man's apartment with four of his friends from PDX sleeping on livingroom floor, and the five of us (man had work) hung out, ate things, made fun with furry animals next to water, then went to the location of the evening's show, where many of my old friends showed up.

this is a pretty regular occurrence here.

On average, once every 6 weeks. Sometimes never for over two months.

"what"?

Ha, I didn't notice that.

Just to clarify my friend is can be reasonably called human.

"is can be," fuck!

So, those of you who don't see friends often: what are your alternatives?

Read a lot, listen to music a lot, etc.

netflix. girlfriend. doggies.

Oh, I have a wide spectrum of imaginary friends that take up positively oodles of my time. For instance, my imaginary friend Pauly is constantly calling me up and describing in great detail his relationship woes. Sometimes I'm tempted to ignore his imaginary calls, but I realize that would be kind of shitty of me.

Also there are around three dozen imaginary internet messageboards that i post on in fairly compulsive fashion.

accomplished 20something types

Do not understand this phrase.

also, I'm sure my friends will get back to me once their kids leave for college

i think Montreal is a town that's extremely conducive to hanging out tbh (obv esp in summer)

Quite right!

I've been thinking about this a lot because I'll feel like I've seen a lot of people and they'll say they haven't seen me for a long time. For me if I hang out once a week or once every other week that's a lot. I guess I need a lot of alone time. But it's causing a conflict with my sister who lives around the corner because she's pressuring me to hang out more and I feel like I've just seen her.

So, those of you who don't see friends often: what are your alternatives?

― Filmmaker, Author, Radio Host Stephen Baldwin (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, July 11, 2010 8:59 PM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

In lieu of real people:

records and music, going on ILX (sigh), schoolwork, skate videos, errrr, my left hand, etc.

most of my closest friends (whom i miss) have moved to better cities. i hang out with my brother who is also a bro every few weeks.

I do live with 3 other people, mind you.

altho i hang out with my wife and her bff fairly regularly if he comes over to our place xp

So, those of you who don't see friends often: what are your alternatives?

Oh, tons of stuff. Agreeing to work extra hours on the weekends because I have jackshit else to do and my boss and I both know it, watching half of a movie before losing interest and lying on the couch for a few hours, walking in large circles around my apartment complex; the fun never ends!

Telephone where do you live?

if i see friends twice a month, that's fine with me. i'm a homebody and going out isn't as much fun for me as it used to be.

Also, I don't need other people to go out to events and the like

Telephone where do you live?

South Jersey.

Is it suburban hell? If so I feel you.

Not to say that if you lived in a city I wouldn't sympathize as well.

So, those of you who don't see friends often: what are your alternatives?

Anesthetizing myself with the internet and food; feeling my heart harden, and my brain and prostate shrivel up from disuse; daydreaming about what I'd do with lottery winnings or a time machine; online poker; gardening.

My ex was really obsessed with constantly making new friends and having dudes over to jam with and compare guitar pedals and whatever, I found it a bit baffling, his level of almost desperation to constantly go go go friendfriendfriend. I liked the fact people came and went heaps on the weekends, and I'd just pootle about cooking and watchin' TV while they made cool music in the next room. Kind of miss that.

I hang out with friends more lately than I have in ages - I think that last relationship made me a bit of a recluse. Now I'm catchin up at least once a week with my bestest bud, when I hadnt seen him or his missus in months (terrible - they only live in the next suburb). And now that my BFF+++ in the whole world has moved in with me, its like hangin' out every night, playing PS3 games, eating spagetti, watching Futurama. I'm pretty happy.

...but I cant do lots of social things all the time, like big catchups/clubbing and that? It drains me really heavily to be that "on" for more than one or 2 nights a month, I think. I find it really difficult.

Hence my unfortunate habit of piking.

oh that trayce -- always pootling and piking

Hey, theyre perfectly cromulent words!

On a weekly basis. I would prefer less tbh. :-( But that's because I am married, have kids, work and lately been battling mad migraine attacks. I feel like it's overwhelming, y'know. but do you tell your friends: "I need some time on my own! Leave me alone!" I told her I wanted some time with my husband this other weekend. What does she do? Invite herself anyway two days later. And I said okay... I realized afterwards: wtf you just invited yourself when I specifically told you I wanted some time with my husband?!?

Yeah that is a bit rude if you were specific about wanting alonetime with your hubby!

i also admit that being in a relationship with someone has actually made me more social. like, we're both Libras, we both love hanging out with other people, and pretty much have the same group of friends. so my social life has been bolstered quite a bit, when it usually goes the other way?

I hang out w/ friends a lot

the thing is, i would be even more social if i had a job that like incorporated more of what i love to do. but since i have to work a dayjob and do my own stuff on the side, it gets pretty difficult.

I'm thinking of starting a business w/ some of them, it kind of started out as a joke and it is becoming more real and I am getting way more frightened

! awesome

the thing is, i would be even more social if i had a job that like incorporated more of what i love to do. but since i have to work a dayjob and do my own stuff on the side, it gets pretty difficult.

― janice (surm), Monday, July 12, 2010 9:52 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

yeah I hate this

drive three hours there and back at least once a month to chill with bros

problem of living in what is basically a university town is that over summer the answer to this is once every four months or so. Lonely guy feeling lonely.

during term time, a pub visit or two during the week and, when people can be bothered, a rotation of weeklyish dinner parties. Lately that being bothered is ever rarer, though. Probably a monthly bit of nightclubbing too. Quite a lot then, apart from now.

i've got a pretty good collection of friends - the closest of which i see, usually weekly. most every few weeks. the more of my friends that marry off or makez peoplez the less i seem to see them.

... which is happening more and more often.

i hang out w/ friends fairly often, mostly on weekends, but now that unemployment is really beginning to take its toll i'm gonna have to reduce this by necessity

I can go months/years without seeing some friends I still regard as close. Am about to catch up this evening with an old friend I havent seen in quite a few years. People change and get busy, I suppose, especially once kids come into the picture.

THIS IS WHY I AM MOSTLY FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE KIDS AND HATE MARRIAGE.

Hahah yeah same :)

I've been in Hoboken a year with my girlfriend and still haven't made "hang out" friends yet.

man this thread is helping me come to terms with the fact that life post-college will almost never be about hanging out all the time and while that's depressing I think I'm ready to move on

there's still a lot of quality hangout time after college ime, but 30 kills that shit off so fast it ain't true

three times a week, four times? although i don't know if it counts as "hanging out" in the sense of having nothing to do, maybe having the tv on, just letting the day drift. usually it's for dinner. i guess the closest i get to that these days is impromptu get-togethers in the park. which RULE.. they can just stretch on and on until it gets too dark. and maybe even after that.

THIS IS WHY I AM MOSTLY FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE KIDS AND HATE MARRIAGE

if your social life revolves around drinking late then yeah, parents are going to struggle to keep up with that on a consistent basis. for a lot of my life, drinking was the glue. so i've had to re-engineer how i get together with a lot of my friends now that late drinking isn't a real common thing with me.

tip for singles who want to stay friends w/new parents: invite yourselves over to their place. trust me, this works!

they seriously don't want me over!

nothing i did - they're just always busy with parenting bs or "taking the kids to see the grandparents." which seems to suck up %50 of the time.

i'm not bitter.

there's still a lot of quality hangout time after college ime, but 30 kills that shit off so fast it ain't true

what?!

let's go to tracer's house

er the whole point of grandparents is so they can get free. maybe they were never told this.

xpost mookieproof i just moved, you'll never find meeee

"they can get free" = "the parents can hang loose" i mean

tip for singles who want to stay friends w/new parents: invite yourselves over to their place. trust me, this works!

otm -- preferably if you bring the wine.

yesss.

also i don't get what "parenting bs" that one could be busy with post bedtime. seriously. it ought to be "when the cat's away" type of thing once 8pm rolls around.

A friend of many years standing said that she was terribly pleased that I wanted to stay friends after her kids came along as she said many of her friends either assumed that she was too busy to catch up or were weirded out over dealing with someone with kids in the first place. Their loss, really.

i honestly don't get it either. but they're always busy nowadays - and i would call whenever i was near - but nope. now they've moved to the outskirts of town, so i'm not even in the hood anymore.

there's still a lot of quality hangout time after college ime, but 30 kills that shit off so fast it ain't true

Well fuck.

I've been in Hoboken a year with my girlfriend and still haven't made "hang out" friends yet.

yeah it's way too easy to get lazy and let this happen when you're living somewhere new and you also have a girlfriend. 1) you always have someone to hang out with 2) you get laid either way so that's never driving you out the house. and in my case 3) you are friends with her friends by proxy so if you're someone like me who doesn't need to be out socializing every free minute it's like "eh" *get drunk on gf's porch again*

TBH, now I think about it, my friends who are 30-35+ are all mostly "eh who can be bothered?" a lot of the time. We're not busy with families; only about 2 or 3 of my friends have kids. We're just old and bored and fed up with endless drinking and partying. We still do it, but are happy to do it once a month instead of twice a week.

IT'LL HAPPEN TO YOUUUUUUUU /abesimpson.

days when i don't see a friend are rare. most of my friends (avg age 30) have roommates, some in bigger communal living situations. 32 years old and have been expecting people to drift apart, but it hasn't happened, maybe it won't?

guess center of gravity will shift with more babies, but i'm starting to think few of us will have them.

days when i don't see a friend are rare.

forgot to mention, unemployed

i hang out with other people's estranged family members

i'll be damned if 30 takes it out of me. mark my words.

I've been in Hoboken a year with my girlfriend and still haven't made "hang out" friends yet.

― Evan, Monday, July 12, 2010 10:15 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

we had a good social network in nyc before moving here but it took like a year and a couple months to make brand-new friends unconnected to ppl we already knew. it takes time but it happens.

hmm, dunno, my friends were always up for hanging out well into the thirties. having kids slowed things up some, but even then, not so much. i'd say that geography, personal distractions, social inertia factor in more than age/people-making

i'll be damned if 30 takes it out of me. mark my words.

Yeaahhh everyone says that :)

30, maybe not. Closer to 40? Oooh you start to feel it. Esp if you've partied hard non stop til that point. Ugh.

31.

that was the year where i turned old.

and if went out too much my bones would ache.

and i would become grouchy.

and then die of said grouchiness.

tip for singles who want to stay friends w/new parents: invite yourselves over to their place. trust me, this works!

thank you for this! i gotta be more proactive on this front for sure - i always figure they're super busy with kids, but whenever i actually visit friends w kids it's great and at ease.

31.
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Monday, July 12, 2010 10:34 PM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

that was the year where i turned old.
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Monday, July 12, 2010 10:34 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Fuck me.

Are most of you guys in relationships, or have roommates? I have neither right now, so I'm probably more likely to make plans with friends, but I really hang out with a friend or two about two or three times a week, see parents or family every week and a half, and one of my best friends works a building over at work so I eat lunch with him about 3 times a week.

I always thought of myself as kind of a loner who appreciates being completely solo, but maybe I handle that by living alone?

Keep misreading this title as how often do you make out with friends?

me too.

again - stopped almost entirely when i turned 31.

my friends are more my family than any family i've ever had. so, whether it be sitting around a fire and knitting and talking about arthritis or going out, i will not let my 30's get the best of it. what's the point then!

sorry i'm getting kind of emotional.

Got a roommate. It does help fill in some of the gaps, especially in winter.

Oh ok, well its a bit different when you incorporate just seeing yr friends quietly at your own house, having a cuppa or something. I kind of forgot we were talking about "hanging out" and made it all about going out socialising.

I'd happily have people at my place many nights a week! I'd make big pots of soup, and we could bitch about the news.

In fact I came up with an idea of having a "geezers party" and we all sit around outside with blankets over our knees, nursing a gin/scotch and yammering about the old days. Everyone thought that would be awesome.

yeah see!

And a soup party! 3-course soup meals for all! Ice cream soup!

... I'm veering off topic.

What awesome ideas!

i feel that way about some of my friends now, when we're all just sitting around

u know how some friends u can picture at like 80 years old, playing cards with you

Aww <3 I would totally love to hang out with you surm!

:D and i love soup (like, a lot)

tater tot soup

Crunchy!

three course soup meal = my idea of a perfect meal.

My social life basically revolves around knitting w/a group mostly comprised of great-grammaws so I am down w/a 'geezer party.'

Why you guys gotta be so far away *cries*.

i live with 3 other people when i'm at school so sort of "always" but actually going out & stuff or meeting ppl i don't live with is maybe... once every few weeks? almost all of my really good friends (and my actual best friend) graduated a year ahead of me and we were at the point where no one made plans, we kind of just met up at the same place to eat every fri night and then the whole weekend flowed from there -- i'm too lazy to try and figure out things to do and i'd rather just sit and drink at home and play playstation then go pay mad $$ for drinks at a bar

i don't think GOING out counts as HANGING out. unless you're going to a pub, which isn't really "going out" in my book. hanging out is directionless. it's productive idleness. it's trayce's making soup and bitching about the news.

i'd rather just sit and drink at home and play playstation then go pay mad $$ for drinks at a bar

My kind of guy!

Yeah, that is my type of scene, too. The problem is there's not a central location (like a bar) for meeting homebodies. They're all at home.

I have a standing weekly dinner thing with a friend where we check out a different bbq place once a week. There's also an on-again/off-again weekend grilling thing that some friends have been doing where we rotate between houses and chill in backyards.

Used to do something w friends between 3-6 nights per week, most weeks. Now I...haven't done anything social in a couple of months, I would guess. Really, really feeling like a shut-in some days but I have to remind myself that some of the busyness of my prev life was a placeholder for being the age I am/was and having no relationship. I was taking up slack so I couldn't be lonely (or think about being lonely), in addition to my natural social impulses and my desire to over-plan everything by 35%. So the moral is to be careful what you wish for, basically.

But seriously the hang-out number will go back up once money isn't so tight. It's just that the goalposts for that happening keep moving out.

a bunch of my friends just moved in about a block away from me which is also about a block away from where I work so it is pretty easy to hang out or go out almost every night of the week.

One of my very best friends in Los Angeles is in his 60s. Young people suck

some of the busyness of my prev life was a placeholder for being the age I am/was and having no relationship. I was taking up slack so I couldn't be lonely (or think about being lonely)

yep

I have to remind myself that some of the busyness of my prev life was a placeholder for being the age I am/was and having no relationship. I was taking up slack so I couldn't be lonely (or think about being lonely)

deeply otm in my case, i think

even now most of my 'hanging out' is really 'going out' and i'm really only doing that because i don't have a gf

early stages of relationships seem notorious for squashing the social life (apart from being w/the s.o.)

I haven't had this kind of relationship yet but that's because I've shared all my friends with my last two LTPs. Breaking up with them squashed my social life the most.

i just feel very fortunate that by the time my ex and i broke up, i had a good number of "my own" friends, even though we'd spend time with them as a couple. probably, because my job doesn't occupy as many hours of the day as his, and my schedule is more conducive to going out, i was just a lot more social than he was - so the transition was easier. Whether he's bummed out or uncomfortable about spending time with friends that were "both of ours" - that's his problem, and I have little sympathy.

I mean it's complicated -- I also had a severe falling out with someone who was part of about 30% of my social groups/interactions, so I cut some ties around the same time the LTR began. Different things snowballed.

I miss the outside world, but I have also learned things about the partner, the LTR itself, and how/who I am IN it that probably would have gone unobserved and un-understood if I were distracted.

Christ, I have got to stop reading this thread, especially the stuff about post-30s :(

TT - don't worry about the post-30s, really. And if worst comes to worst, you can always make and hang out w/younger friends

I am going to pretend like that stuff only happens if you let it.

honestly, i think a lot of it depends on your interests, and where you live, and a lot of different factors, not just age

Yeah, don't believe it!! I was busy-ier and happier in my 30s than in my 20s, swear to god. Have only cut back because the delicate balance of my limited time & energy & money being very specifically targeted at only my exact desires & priorities, and now all must be shared with another person who seems to think I should care what he thinks. Weird, right?

Much happier in my thirties. I go out less, and the hangovers are worse, but slowly and subconsciously, you mind less. That's a kind of solace.

huh - my hangovers are pretty much non-existent in my 30s (compared to my 20s), and I go out way more - but def. as you get older you come to accept a lot more things

Just so no one's depressed about the post-30s, please keep in mind that other kinds of social life can replace "hanging out!" I mean, regular hanging-out with a close core friend-group is awesome and worth fighting to preserve. But I think part of what replaces it, sometimes, is having a way broader sense of people you know, from different places, in different contexts -- like a whole "adult" social sphere -- and that's interesting, too.

Also I don't think it's just age that changes anything, and it's not like people just magically LOSE their hanging-out. Life might just shift to work differently. Plus there are a lot of life events where ... there is maybe some point just past 30 where it gets likely that, say, you move to a new place and don't set up a new core friend-group, or members of your core friend-group move different places, or your core splits and multiplies until you have a foot in several different places ... it's not that everyone wants to hang out but is suddenly too busy for it; sometimes it might be like your world grows new facets.

(Also I get the feeling the trend reverses when you get toward 40 or something? Like people have developed new adult social networks again.)

I mean, it's occurred to me here that I "hang out" a lot without even noticing it. Like we know loads of people from a bar/cafe on my street, and we'll go a couple nights a week and spend a few hours having drinks and chatting, and I'll see people there when I'm working during the day. But it doesn't spring to mind as "hanging out," it's just being out in the world and knowing people in a particular spot, you know?

yah fwiw as i get older and have more "responsibilities" in my life my social life is if anything even more active, its just that im typically doing more structured/purposeful stuff w/ ppl rather than just kicking back & drinking some beers or playing ps3 or w/e

well, part of growing those new facets is contingent on how you go about your life, and also a bit contingent on where you live. The phrase "being out in the world" is the key thing here.

I've still got a ways to go, but I turn 27 in just over a month and that has me freaking out- I fucked up most of my life so far due to major depression/social anxiety and an avoidant personality, the last year of my life feels like it flew by with no positive changes and I can easily see that happening again. I feel this huge pressure to get together some kind of social life before too long and I have absolutely no idea how.

don't feel pressure to do anything based solely on age! i think there are at least a half-dozen how to meet new people and make friends threads, if you want to use ilx as a resource, ha.

Yeah sorry I think ppl misunderstood what I meant - in your 30s you (can) start to wind back, but not because you have to or cant keep up - its like Alfred says. You just dont mind anymore! Yr happier chilling at home or a quiet cafe with friends and chats/chess/cards, or a TV marathon, or a weekend with the girls baking bread.

And also, most of my friends are in their 20s still, so.

Don't feel bad about that, you feel like you fucked up, but really you just front-loaded a ton of learning into the first 27 years and now you have all that knowledge to build on.

I, for one, had pretty nasty anxiety about a number of things and some bad preconceptions/misconceptions about how I needed to interact with friends and family, and in relationships. Probably everyone does. That sense of pressure you feel? It's completely bullshit and it's an anxiety defense from actually getting anything done. Never set a goal or have preconceptions about what a "social life" is supposed to be. I really value my time alone, just cleaning the house and chasing the cat around while listening to music, as much as I value hanging out at the bar with friends. Maybe more.

I guess I mean, never set an *end* goal.

you can set an end goal, just don't have fixed ideas or unrealistic preconceptions about how you get there

This is going to sound cheesy, but I tend to think making-friends challenges are mostly personal, and less a matter of your "approach" -- you know, you work on getting yourself to a place where you're happy and can be a good friend and have room for people in your life (and can be understanding/patient about how much room others have in theirs), and that can sorta do its own work.

xpost - so yeah, less about the goals/expectations, more about keeping yourself satisfied and having an open space for people

That said, you know that old advice about classes and activities? More and more I think this is really good advice! Even when given for dating purposes. (Sometimes I eat at a restaurant in my neighborhood that does cooking classes in the back, and last time I saw one it was like eight attractive women and one guy whose knife skills were getting a lot of attention.)

Not often I agree with Alfred Soto, but it is true that 30s seem to be when you stop giving a fuck (in a good way, you don't have to go to seed or anything), which is just SO nice.

especially when it's the switch from "I'd rather hang out than work on stuff" to "I'd rather work on stuff than 'hang out'"

Not often I agree with Alfred Soto

Let's get gin and tonics.

I love gin and tonics!

Thirded.

who amongst us does not like a gin and tonic?

Aliens, scalawags and utter barbarians.

See? We get on already.

makin one know iirc

NOW

love you guys

30s hanging out is different, and better, than 20s hanging out, imo, more thoughtful or something
like tracer said, "productive idleness", the hang-out idea factory that actually works
xps

I see my bandmates/friends once a week (sometimes twice) for rehearsal, usually see one or two other friends regularly on the weekends. But with a kid "hanging out" doesn't really happen in the same way it does when yr younger and rootless - I have to like schedule stuff and work around what my daughter's needs are but by and large it's no big deal. I don't really go out much at night since I am broke and usually beat by the end of the day. if someone wants to come over and sit around with me and the wife after the kid's gone to sleep hey that's great but that almost never happens.

one of the reasons i am looking forward to going back to lol college (beyond like learning stuff) is hanging out with friends again - having a bit of space where i'm comfortable having people over, and living close enough to people to just pop in on a few minutes' notice rather than having to organise a few days in advance. i see friends about twice/3x a week at the moment but usually out in the pub, or going to do something like go for a walk or see some art - i really miss just taking an evening to make dinner, play videogames, chat shit, fall asleep on someone's sofa and stumble home.

Shakey, hanging out with friends who have kids can be nice for that reason. You know they're going to appreciate your company, and won't be tempted to go crazy on a weeknight. More tricky when everyone has kids, though.

I had a gin & tonic tonight.

Met my best friend at the bar, but I only see his kids (13 and 8) once or twice a year.

this guy i know does nothing but go out and see people, and it really annoys me. it's just like, that's nice and everything - it's GREAT to see friends - but honestly, when you ask me if i'm available every single time we speak (3 days in a row for instance), I just have to wonder what else you have going on for you. like, do you have other interests? or do you just parade around the city moseying from one cocktail to the next? :/

and we're not even close! i mean, we met at a party a couple of months ago, hung out once and talked online a bunch. if he's giving ME this kind of time, i can't imagine what he gets up to with his friend friends.

go for a drink with workmates once/twice a week in summer, some of these are really good friends so always good to hang out outside of the office (or on a diff floor of it, where the bar is!)

non work friends i'd say i see friday/saturday/sunday, and then sometimes i might one day out of a monday/tues/weds/thur go for dinner or watch a match or have people into my flat for food or whatever. average week i'd say 2/3 nights in.

somehow i'm not surprised you're so popular :D

i have hung out with people pretty much every day of my life for the past few years, but i'm young. i'd say it's a nice way to live for the time being, i don't get as much reading done as i would like though

That said, you know that old advice about classes and activities? More and more I think this is really good advice!

People always tell me that classes and activities are the way to meet people, but in my experience classes and activities (post-university, at least) are a great way of finding 20 new people you ought to say hi to if you pass in the street and 0 new people you can ring up and go "heyyy, let's hang out"

admittedly I am just not very good at turning people from type 1 to type 2, don't know if I miss the magic signs that a type 2 friendship has become possible or if they're never there in the first place

anyway I have now reached the point where if this starts to bother me I remember all the unread books and undone chores around the flat and feel like I do not need any more missions in life

Almost never. And this has started to bother me.

I had this weird revelation over the weekend, about the difference between "talking friends" - i.e. those kind of close soulmates with whom you can talk about anything and everything - and "doing friends" who are the kind of people that you might not know that much about, but you just go out and just do stuff with them. That it's an activity based friendship, rather than a deep, meaningful soulful talk kind of thing.

And it's so important to have friends of both kinds, in order to live a balanced life. I have been profoundly missing "Talking Friends" in my life recently - but the thing is, people-on-the-internet can, in some ways, fulfill the need for "Talking Friends." But people-on-the-internet can almost never fulfill the need for "doing friends". And I'm just starting to realise that the need for "doing friends" is just as important as the former.

For most of my life, "doing friends" were kind of provided by the music scene. That a lot of my social life revolved around being in bands, or going to see bands. And since I'm not so much interested in being-in-bands any more (at least, I'm just not interested in the pressure of being in a band where everyone wants to MAKE IT!!! so badly that they forget it's supposed to be fun) I miss that. It's weird, in the past two weeks, I've been to two gigs recently where I ran into a lot of "doing friends" who think that I have dropped off the face of the earth because I've just not been going to shows.

I dunno. I think classes and activities and things are probably good for providing "doing friends" but the problem with "doing friends" is that they tend to be associated with one particular activity. And if you stop doing - or enjoying - that activity, the friendships wither away, and, in my case, are not replaced.

It's possible that some of the Doing people could make a transition to being Talking Friends -- not the bulk of them probably but there's usually one or two people who are a little more thoughtful, a little more interested or sincere when they ask how you've been, a little bit different from the others.

Pick one and have him or her over for tea, or ask them to go with you to something that's sort of a Doing Thing but will offer better chances to talk one-on-one.

I understand the distinction between "doing" and "talking" friends, but the only way to bridge the gap is to ask more probing questions. Guys tend to be less inclined to share intimacies, especially when they're young.

Well, isn't Masonic Boom saying the opposite, though? That it is the lack of Doing Friends, not Talking Friends, that is becoming a problem?

I'm not sure I can really offer any advice, as my friends almost invariably come from the music scene that you're not so interested in any more. I don't really do anything else with my life.

Actually on review of kate's post, you're right. But a way of getting more Doing people in your life is taking them from one context to another. Maybe someone who likes the same music as you will like the same something else, too. Or at least be open to a fun thing.

But yeah, I would say that while the distinction often does exist in practice, it is important not to dismiss individuals as belonging solely to a single category - make your talking friend into a doing friend by inviting them out to stuff; make your doing friend into a talking friend by, well, talking to them more, or doing one of those things that Laurel suggested.

xpost

Well, the biggest reason that I'm specifying the difference between "doing" friends and "talking" friends is, as I said, that it is possible to make and keep and have great relationships with "talking" friends via the internet. It is almost impossible to have "doing" friends solely over the interent. I've been slack recently, and let my social window shrink (due to work and age and job and other constraints.) But I am trying to get myself to remember that there are some social voids that the internet cannot fill. It's possible to have a "talking friend" in another city, another country, in another time zone. It is not possible to maintain a "doing friend" under those circumstances.

With the music scene thing - I still love music, but I REALLY no longer love going to or playing gigs or clubs. Which, given that those are the principle means of *doing* music, that those things are no longer a good way to meet or maintain "doing friends."

I guess I just need to remind myself of my other interests, and figure out a way to turn them into social activities. Remembering that I love nature walks, so I should try to investigate finding more ways of doing them (though, frankly, the Ramblers scare me a little) even though I seem to have lost my nature walking friends. Or trying to figure out a way of making drawing / sketching into a social activity, which I keep meaning to do, and then missing the start date of life sketching classes.

Just a reminder to myself, really, that life exists outside the shiny silver box, even if I can't stand going to clubs any more.

I've been in Hoboken a year with my girlfriend and still haven't made "hang out" friends yet.

yeah it's way too easy to get lazy and let this happen when you're living somewhere new and you also have a girlfriend. 1) you always have someone to hang out with 2) you get laid either way so that's never driving you out the house. and in my case 3) you are friends with her friends by proxy so if you're someone like me who doesn't need to be out socializing every free minute it's like "eh" *get drunk on gf's porch again*

― makes da cool chewbaccas in pain sounds STAR WARS (arby's), Monday, July 12, 2010 10:57 PM (1 week ago)

I've been in Hoboken a year with my girlfriend and still haven't made "hang out" friends yet.

― Evan, Monday, July 12, 2010 10:15 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

we had a good social network in nyc before moving here but it took like a year and a couple months to make brand-new friends unconnected to ppl we already knew. it takes time but it happens.

― max, Monday, July 12, 2010 11:20 PM (1 week ago)

I forgot about this thread. It just comes down to that we don't really know how to meet people here in a natural way. I would feel silly in any sort of forced friend-making activity. Was just bummed when I originally posted because my girlfriend's friends are all in NYC but all of my friends have moved all over the place.

this guy i know does nothing but go out and see people, and it really annoys me. it's just like, that's nice and everything - it's GREAT to see friends - but honestly, when you ask me if i'm available every single time we speak (3 days in a row for instance), I just have to wonder what else you have going on for you. like, do you have other interests? or do you just parade around the city moseying from one cocktail to the next? :/

I guess he doesn't need any other interests. I think if that's how he enjoys life, then let him go for it. My main hobby is knitting and I don't do much else. I mean, I dropped reading and music pretty much in favour of knitting. Do I feel guilty? Fuck no. You do what you like and enjoy it.

I have other interests but I don't think I'm better/worse than him.

you're right, you're right. i guess i'm being judgmental, but to me, knitting, chillin with friends and doing other things as well is more interesting than just hanging out with ppl all the time. i mean, that's just what i find interesting in a person: more variance.

It does make you wonder what you can talk about if you are always hanging out with people and not taking time to pursue your own interests. I guess you talk about other people, gossip or tell stories about whatever crazy party you went to last night.

well, y'know, some of those people might be interesting in and of themselves too. i tend to hang out with one big interconnected group of friends so we're always catching up really.

There's also...news items. Politics, social landscape stuff. Books and movies that have come out, or that you just saw. The 70-yr-old guy who just passed on the street who was tattooed all over his arms, legs, and face and was probably a Person of Interest in his day. A story about a funny thing.

I know I'm the girl of a thousand hobbies and everything, but just hanging out with people is cool too. Or just ask them HOW THEY'VE BEEN, like REALLY, and see if they say, "I've been feeling kind of depressed, actually" or "I just got really into basket-weaving" or "Someone I work with did something shitty last week and I don't want to feel bad about it but I can't tell if it was my fault" -- and follow that up. Have a conversation that's not about whatever crazy party you went to last night.

unless the party was really really crazy.

surm, i really didn't intend to blast you for your opinion. i mean, shit, you're right. but then i think "whatever, if they are happy, then that's great." :-) but of course you ARE right. if that's all they do.