Things that people do in movies that you're never quite sure are really possible IRL

Like...can you really buy a plane ticket at the airport?

MAYBE you can. I Don't know.

You certainly can buy a plane ticket at the airport.

And I know because I've had to buy a new one after missing my plane.

agree over the phone to meet up with someone but never discuss when or where the meeting will take place (esp. pre-cellphone era)

oh! I have another one - ALWAYS hang up without saying "goodbye". Anyone ever try this?

if I were some sort of CIA spy badass dude I probably would hang up without saying goodbye

ask for a beer at the bar and not have the bartender say 'what sort?'

have straight sex with tom cruise

Also in phones: Just going "Yeah?" when you pick up the phone, regardless of who it may be; and then, rather than saying "bye", just hanging up on the caller in implicit agreement that the call has ended. See also: Turning off the television halway through an important story that is integral to the plot, rather than watching the whole thing in case there is extra or breaking news.

I know this is all perfectly possible, but it is daft.

haha yeah they should first have to sit through the local news stories about a gorilla in a backyard or whatever

Like...can you really buy a plane ticket at the airport?

I've done this a couple of times. Once was a 'next flight to anywhere' type thing (as it turned out the next flight was far too expensive, but we eventually found one going to La Rochelle, France and got on that).

Converse in complete sentences, with very few fragments, interruptions, uhhhhhhs, etc.

look cool while fighting for an extended period of time

Wow I'm impressed that anyone has really done "the next flight to anywhere". How did you come to try that? Just pack your bags and head to the airport?

xxp good one

Wow I'm impressed that anyone has really done "the next flight to anywhere". How did you come to try that? Just pack your bags and head to the airport?

― painini (admrl), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 10:30 AM (16 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

buying a ticket for "the next flight to anywhere" seems like a good way to get yourself flagged for a stringent strip-search by airport security

ask for a beer at the bar and not have the bartender say 'what sort?'

this is a good one

oh! I have another one - ALWAYS hang up without saying "goodbye". Anyone ever try this?

― painini (admrl), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 11:20 AM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This hardman move is real hard to do irl because people will think your call just got dropped or they accidentally hung up on you with their chin or something.

Parking in front of the building you have to go into.

have a birthday party without singing 'happy birthday'

have an entire conversation of searing emotion with your BACK TURNED to the person you're speaking with

(usually looking out a rainy window with anxiety etched on your face)

Not realize you've been shot.

Turning around just before leaving a room, pausing meaningfully and saying "Oh, [insert name here], one more thing." Possible obviously, just not something I've ever done.

Marco beat me to the parking one by a second. Would probably not want to see a movie in which someone spends 10 minutes looking for a good spot near the courthouse though.

Accurately shoot an assailant immediately after having been fatally wounded yourself.

Write an important message on the floor your own blood seconds before expiring.

This could go on for some time.

Wouldn't tailing a car would be harder than it seems in films? In my experience, following a car from, say, a church to a wedding reception (so the mark knows you are following and wants you to follow) results in the lead car accidentally shaking its tail about half the time.

have numerous and hilarious mishaps with animals without using one of the big 7 swear words at least once.

occupy gigantic apartments in soho/greenwich village/etc on the income of a writer/comedian/editorial assistant/etc

woof tailing ppl is actually possible if the driver is good. works better with two cars though

Have a gun pointed at your face by a gloating psychopath talking in detail about how much he will enjoy killing you without pissing yourself.

oh! I have another one - ALWAYS hang up without saying "goodbye". Anyone ever try this?

― painini (admrl), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 11:20 AM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This hardman move is real hard to do irl because people will think your call just got dropped or they accidentally hung up on you with their chin or something.

― more lunacy and witchcraft! (kkvgz), Wednesday, 11 August 2010 15:33 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

we need more movie scenes wherein the person on the other side of the line immediately calls back. CAH MAN I'M TRYIN 2 BE A TUFF GUY HERE MAW.

occupy gigantic apartments in soho/greenwich village/etc on the income of a writer/comedian/editorial assistant/etc

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 3:40 PM (1 minute ago)

insert the words 'well kept' in there before gigantic imo

As that Chinese guy at Newark in January demonstrated, it's not possible to sneak through security to kiss your sweetheart, romcom-style, without triggering a major security shutdown. Reminded me of this:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/romanticcomedy-behavior-gets-reallife-man-arrested,757/

have sex without revealing your genitals

This:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuSsSwg9MXs

definitely couldn't happen.

hang onto a ledge with just your hands

pull yourself up to a ledge starting out with just your hands

Lots of these are definitely impossible?

Tailing is car is good, though.

Going to a "gentleman's club" where the dancers never take off their lingerie.

Women who have intercourse and sleep without removing their bras.

Drug addled bad guys who can somehow keep a car on the street after ramping it off one of San Francisco's peaks. Most drivers would bounce and hit the sidewalk.

No one keeps their bowling ball on the top shelf of a hallway closet.

Arguments in the road where another car doesn't appear until one of the characters has decided to hitchhike.

Hurling oneself through a glass window/door seems like one - would that work? I could sort of be persuaded either way?

seen people walk through glass doors tbh

I think there's a good chance you'd be sliced up horribly. But probably worth a go for the sake of looking cool.

buying a ticket for "the next flight to anywhere" seems like a good way to get yourself flagged for a stringent strip-search by airport security

word, or saying "just give me the cheapest one you have" so you can get through security to catch someone at the gate.

Never use the restroom

xp. This guy can do it. Skip forward to 3:00.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=plv14PuEdrE

Women who have intercourse and sleep without removing their bras.

this always seems so ridiculous to me - altho obviously it's possible IRL

fwiw I have broken a large plate glass window and remained entirely uninjured, so that one is possible

although I think in that particular case that was probably because the blinds were down. if they'd been up, glass probably would've cut me

People in movies always have sex with the sheet perfectly bunched up over their bottom halves, which I guess is technically possible, but statistically unlikely

you would need lots of double-sided tape to keep the sheets up like that.

Stopping a bomb by pulling a wire out of it.

oh! I have another one - ALWAYS hang up without saying "goodbye". Anyone ever try this?

My boss and I do this pretty frequently, but after 12 years working on the same publication from different worksites, the phone is more like an intercom.

Women who have intercourse and sleep without removing their bras.

Somehow this is slightly less ludicrous to me than the once ubiquitous gesture of pulling the sheets up after a shag to cover your breasts/nudity.

Oh you must try it

or the L shaped sheet

Going to a "gentleman's club" where the dancers never take off their lingerie.

Women who have intercourse and sleep without removing their bras.

Both of these are common.

look cool while fighting for an extended period of time

I can confirm that I've dine this irl several times

Like...can you really buy a plane ticket at the airport?

I rewatched "The Parallax View" recently, and there's a scene where Warren Beatty walks onto the airplane, it takes off, and THEN he buys his ticket mid-flight!

While dining even, like I bite into a sandwich in-between jumpkicks to carb up

I rewatched "The Parallax View" recently, and there's a scene where Warren Beatty walks onto the airplane, it takes off, and THEN he buys his ticket mid-flight!

this is how life should be.

having a meal without actually eating anything

Sit in a group of 4-6 all around one side of a dining table and act like there's nothing weird about it.

getting up and leaving someone at a restaurant because of an argument, with your food still uneaten

I've done that, Tracer

Yeah, but you're Michael White.

Putting on shaving cream and beginning to shave, then being interrupted by someone or a phone call mid way through, deeming it an emergency and terminating the shave and taking off the shaving cream, only to be left with a totally clean shaven face.

Get a bed in a labour ward because your water just broke five minutes ago.

getting up and leaving someone at a restaurant because of an argument, with your food still uneaten

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 5:24 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark

done this and im not michael white

argue with your superiors in a police or military context

answering a phone by just saying my last name

The single most annoying visual fallacy in films and TV, however, is the shameless use of 20Ks in the background in night shots. It neither looks like real life nor even attempts to approximate it and while most people are inured to it, it makes it hard for me to suspend my disbelief.

execute a code 10 abort

The single most annoying visual fallacy in films and TV, however, is the shameless use of 20Ks in the background in night shots. It neither looks like real life nor even attempts to approximate it and while most people are inured to it, it makes it hard for me to suspend my disbelief.

― Un peu d'Eire, ça fait toujours Dublin (Michael White), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 5:34 PM (40 seconds ago) Bookmark

it's a lot better now than in the olden days though. day for night shooting n shit.

What's a 20K?

big ol light

I answer the phone at work by saying my first and last name, that's pretty close.

pretty much anything involving "hacking"

my favorite is the animated skull and bones that appears to confirm a successful hacking job

Lighting a cigarette, taking a couple of puffs and then extinguishing it at a resonant point in the conversation always strikes me as odd. Nobody ever walks off still smoking or says to the other guy "I'll be up in a minute when I've finished this."

witty repartee

execute a code 10 abort

actual IRL lols remembering straithairn here

school classrooms that aren't lit

except by sunlight

pretty much anything involving "hacking"

― bnw, Wednesday, August 11, 2010 4:38 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

Yeah, and guessing passwords.

kids who just vanish silently when adults start talking

school classrooms that aren't lit

― caek boss (latebloomer), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 11:43 AM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

except by sunlight

― caek boss (latebloomer), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 11:43 AM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This is a good one.

I was pretty happy with myself when I got into a taxi once and said "follow that car".

Of course the car was another taxi, bringing the other group of friends we were with to the same place we were going.

Also, I had to tell the driver the actual place we were all going to.

Snap someone's neck with a smart grip and click move.
Seems like it probably would be possible, but I cannot say I know for sure. (I suppose if someone says he knows for sure, he's likely to receive a visit from some agency or other)

Yeah, and guessing passwords.
Feynman has an essay about how he became known as a badass safe-cracker in part because he was really lucky in guessing some guy's number.

instantly knowing the right way to go in a strange city or building, without having to check a map or ask for directions

make a dude lose consciousness by a sharp quick punch in the nose

fall over or off something in an amusing way without seriously hurting yourself

Speaking of safes, did turn-click-stethoscope safe-cracking really work for long? Like I can see how it would work, but surely safe manufacturers would have introduced preventative measures p quickly.

Here's that Feynman essay, btw. The safecracking bit is right 'round the middle. Search for "safe" and you'll find it right away.
Los Alamos from Below -- Reminiscences of 1943-1945

Get shot and bleed to death without leaving a mess.

instantly knowing the right way to go in a strange city or building, without having to check a map or ask for directions

Well to be fair there might be signs.

Jump out of a moving vehicle, roll on impact, no bones broken.

walk out of a building that isn't a big hotel or airport and immediately grab a cab

hot-wire a car

Get shot and bleed to death without leaving a mess.

pretty sure this is possible, bullets don't always leave the body when someone is shot and you could die from internal bleeding

hot-wire a car

― Jarlrmai, Wednesday, August 11, 2010 1:54 PM (5 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is definitely possible with older cars, not sure if it's still possible with modern computer cares

walk out of a building that isn't a big hotel or airport and immediately grab a cab

― buzza, Wednesday, August 11, 2010 1:23 PM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

pretty obviously possible

Jump out of a moving vehicle, roll on impact, no bones broken.

― Zooster vs. The Slapp (Capitaine Jay Vee), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 1:16 PM (37 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

seems like this is probably possible, though difficult, and maybe based more just on luck than on skill

return to one's hometown and have a hilarious adventure or some kind of romance

This reminds me of one of my favourite threads:
in every old movie ever

xp variation: return to your home town and inadvertently discover that the bully who beat you up at school is now washing dishes in the local restaurant.

be alive between 1920-1940 and simultaneously be attractive

answering a phone by just saying my last name

― max, Wednesday, August 11, 2010 4:33 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

My dad did this his entire working life. Not at home though, just when he was in the office.

people in their 20's living in big cities with the most amazing apartments.

cop shops with glass walls and fancy LCDs everywhere

i would feel like such a wiener answering my phone and saying "read"

i'm wondering if any real life cops have commandeered a vehicle by flashing their badges because they saw it in a movie and thought it was a real thing.

cops getting in high profile shootouts in major populated area WITHOUT ANY CIVILIAN FATALITIES

also criminal - cop battle leading to destruction of significant portion of downtown including vehicles, buildings, etc. like how often has anybody heard of this happening?

no post-traumatic stress disorder ever

Instantly killing someone by shooting them once. Possible, but not in a string of 10 people.

Making a vehicle explode with one bullet.

also nobody IRL has had or simulated sex in front of Rob Reiner

When people are grievously injured and yet somehow manage to be not only alive and conscious and mobile, but alert and active and ass-kicking.

Oh oh oh or when somebody crashes the shit out of a car and can still keep on driving it. Jason Bourne, I am looking at you.

hot-wire a car

I've done this! (it was my own car)

Making a vehicle explode with one bullet.

Basically everything that gets satirised in the movie 'Last Action Hero'.

re: vehicle commandeering

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2247/can-cops-really-commandeer-cars

There is even a U.S./U.K. culture clash on the issue - tailor-made for ilx!

so they can demand you use your car to help apprehend a fleeing suspect but won't reimburse if you wreck? man that's hogwash

that dude in Speed is prolly pissed

fall over or off something in an amusing way without seriously hurting yourself

― goole, Wednesday, August 11, 2010 6:47 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

but usually it turns out they ARE seriously hurt tho

people coherently and thoughtfully conveying important information just prior to dying

as in

- pratfall
- dude gets up
- some1 shouts "HE'S OKAY"
- dude falls back over

this is more television based, but suspects confessing emotively about the reason for the crime they committed. Hell, people continue to profess their innocence in the face of irrefutable evidence all the time! I hate the plot device cuz I don't think the audience ever has to have it spelled out for them that cleanly!

err, to elaborate, suspects confessing only after the 'evidence' that will convict them is shared with them, but previously denying their guilt.

ongoing changes in life or outlook reflected in clothing.

totally happens!

i bought more than one light-coloured garment recently nahmsayin

total bastard has a life-changing experience and vows to be completely nice from then on

oh i did that

People that look like Nick Cannon aren't really nerdy and can get girls wifout paying

Take a pill of some kind and feel effects within sixty seconds

Also: get things like chloroform and explosives easily. But maybe CVS sells these, I haven't checked

having sex w/clothes on

Lie in a bathtub and slide under the water and stay underwater for minutes at a time with your eyes open thinking about your pain/bad day

Realize that someone is about to get hit by a car and then knock them to the pavement safely out of harms way.

make a dude lose consciousness by a sharp quick punch in the nose

Or the late 60s equivalent, the karate chop to the back of the neck. I saw this recently on something and as ridiculous as it was in the 60s, it's roll-on-the-floor funny now.

Also, jump in front of a bullet.

Aren't there people who's actual job description is that?

Anyway: Hotwiring a car; done that. It was an old car and it did belong to a friend...

Kevin Spacey kissing a girl

I am certain that is possible, just not very likely

Fighting a masked assailant for some minutes without realising it's a pretty lady.

live during Elizabethan era in England and have perfect teeth

what I learned from Date Night:

1. You can't report 'flipped' cops to the police, at least not until AFTER you've let them try to kill you for 2 hours

2. You are allowed to break into shops, cause property damage, wreck other people's vehicles and property while taking the law in your own hands with no repercussions

3. Mob bosses are smart enough to work mostly undetected in the criminal underground, but stupid enough to get lured into a trap by a financial advisor.

That said, movie made me mad LOL

(How did you come to try that? Just pack your bags and head to the airport?

Pretty much. iirc a trip we had planned fell through at the last second, we had the week off, uhmed and ahed for a bit then decided to go to nearby Birmingham Int and ask about flights. It didn't feel quite as devil-may-care as it might sound, but it was quite exciting. La Rochelle was great though, and I'd never had gone otherwise.
Sadly, there was no strip search.

Second time I did it I knew where I wanted to go (Stockholm to Malmo). I'd heard it was cheaper if you buy the ticket on the day, it wasn't. At least not this time.)

People that look like Nick Cannon aren't really nerdy and can get girls wifout paying

Similarly, what bloke is "just not that into" Ginnifer Goodwin? That's just not believable.

Hurling oneself through a glass window/door seems like one - would that work? I could sort of be persuaded either way?
― Gravel Puzzleworth, Thursday, 12 August 2010 01:24 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

seen people walk through glass doors tbh
― "It's far from 'loi' you were reared, boy" (darraghmac), Thursday, 12 August 2010 01:28 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I think there's a good chance you'd be sliced up horribly. But probably worth a go for the sake of looking cool.
― Merdeyeux, Thursday, 12 August 2010 01:29 (8 hours ago) Bookmark

Oh, man, have done this several times inadvertantly, and not been injured by the glass, but did once hit head hard on bricks outside, and another time bounced off the flyscreen beyond it, leaving neat little holes with my nose and teeth, breaking my glasses, and hitting my head on a pool table back inside the room. Was entirely sober, which made it worse.

how has this happened to you more than once???

Once as a child (the bricks time) falling off a bed while jumping on it

Once as teenager, wearing dark glasses inside because was an idiot (the flyscreen time) so couldn't see glass door was shut

Once as adult (walked into glass door in service station, despite red stripe painted on glass, glass not as bulletproof as might have hoped)

total bastard has a life-changing experience and vows to be completely nice from then on

This happened to a kid I teach! Like, total bastard is obviously much too strong but he was v. naughty - then he was in a car accident and came back vowing to try incredibly hard to be sweet to everyone, both staff & other boys. And he kept it up!

James Morrison I salute you and your window-hopping ways.

agree over the phone to meet up with someone but never discuss when or where the meeting will take place (esp. pre-cellphone era)

― call all destroyer, Wednesday, 11 August 2010 16:19 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

ask for a beer at the bar and not have the bartender say 'what sort?'

― just sayin, Wednesday, 11 August 2010 16:21 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haven't read the rest of the thread but I fucking hate either of these things in films.

People that look like Nick Cannon aren't really nerdy and can get girls wifout paying

the geeky girl in the school being in anyway attractive let alone not being a goth and/or waaay overweight who hates everyone to the point where they have to take medicine to stop them wanting to stab you for saying hello. Srs they could have made She's All That into a classic if done properly.

Opening a locked door with your shoulder. I don't see how this ends with anything other than me rolling around on the floor in pain in front of a still-locked door.

Also did the credit card trick ever work for anyone? I tried it a ton as a kid and I could never make it work.

Also I know for a fact that you can't enter Narnia through my bedroom closet. I tried. (Though imo maybe it was just my closet that was the problem)

did the credit card trick ever work for anyone?

Not with a credit card, because too sturdy. But a credit card sized card made out of flexible material - like a New York subway card -, oh yes. Depends on the lock: those that have the round side of the hump of metal (that actually locks the door) facing the street side of the door.

ask for a beer at the bar and not have the bartender say 'what sort?'

― just sayin, Wednesday, 11 August 2010 16:21 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haven't read the rest of the thread but I fucking hate either of these things in films.

― a hoy hoy, Wednesday, August 11, 2010 9:00 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

do u realize how annoying most movies would be if they left in all that shit

haha

no no it would be great. Especially in Transformers or something

Also did the credit card trick ever work for anyone? I tried it a ton as a kid and I could never make it work.

I had to do this not that long ago - it was a bedroom door / not a thick front door lock, but it def worked.

walk out of a building that isn't a big hotel or airport and immediately grab a cab

This happens all the time.

fall over or off something in an amusing way without seriously hurting yourself

At a work Christmas party a few years ago, there was a faux-beach Christmas tree tableau set up on a riser. Some of us went to lounge in the deckchairs there, mine collapsed and tipped me off the riser onto the floor. I rolled, bounced to my feet without spilling my champagne, and walked five metres to the Head of Television Comedy and pitched a series of genre idents based on the previous few seconds’ scenario.

I put my face right through a viewing window in a door when I was 12. Just felt like glad wrap wrapping around me for a few seconds and then I was like “uh shit”. No harm done. Except I had to pay for the window.

On vacation last month we got locked out of the apartment we were renting and the locksmith jimmied open the lock in like a minute using an x-ray of his own shoulder - it was like a big flexible card.

s1ocki has a pretty great point. what if movies were all people endlessly listing the drink options in bars or wrestling with locked doors for half a hour or walking down ten flights of stairs and waiting ten minutes for a cab?

i want to see a neorealist spy movie.

like a guy leafing through a big folder on some terrorist for twenty minutes while eating lunch, then playing a bunch of farmville.

Marco beat me to the parking one by a second. Would probably not want to see a movie in which someone spends 10 minutes looking for a good spot near the courthouse though

I loved the endless parking hassles in The Squid And The Whale

those little issues can be inspirational though - breaking bad is masterful at using these physical obstacles, little niggles, to amp up tension or blow the characters off course

I loved the endless parking hassles in The Squid And The Whale

yes! almost posted this last night

if characters in movies named beers then they'd get shit for product placement

make a dude lose consciousness by a sharp quick punch in the nose

Or the late 60s equivalent, the karate chop to the back of the neck. I saw this recently on something and as ridiculous as it was in the 60s, it's roll-on-the-floor funny now.

OTM. Knocking someone out with one punch thing has always annoyed me but it's pretty much essential in the history of cinema!

I've seen a couple of once punch knock-outs irl.

Of course, but not every time

TS : one-punch KOs vs. 10 minute bouts that contain dozens of knockout blows, leg-breaking falls, etc, with the protagonist walking away at the end with nothing worse than some ruffled hair.

yeah i've always thought the one-punch-and-out fights were more realistic than the extended bouts

of course, i haven't had secret agent training

10 minute bouts that contain dozens of knockout blows, leg-breaking falls, etc, with the protagonist walking away at the end with nothing worse than some ruffled hair

... else the protagonists enjoy the experience of violently attacking each other so much it brings them closer together, in a non-homoerotic manly sort of way

... this might happen irl, I'm no expert

I had to do this not that long ago - it was a bedroom door / not a thick front door lock, but it def worked.

― iatee, Thursday, 12 August 2010 03:24 (7 hours ago)

Had this happen once. Shared student house and someone lost the key to their room. The door was locked with a Yale type lock but we couldn't get it open. Eventually elected to kick the door in. The kicker was rather overenthusiastic about getting to do something he'd seen in movies, and his foot went through the door and splintered the door frame apart.

xpost They Live! to thread

Yeah the corlooray to the one-punch KO is when you get kicked in the head but it ain't no biggie

the corlooray.

Guys if you watch boxing or mixed martial arts with any regularity you see the one punch KO literally all the time. e.g.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FsJH3_txX7s

not sure ultimate fighting counts as IRL

It's as real as it gets, man.

seen plenty of one punch knockouts IRL

waking up from one within a few minutes and just shaking it off- not very true IRL

speaking of arguing, is it really possible to get in a really heated argument with someone and then stop in the middle, passionately kiss, fuck on the desk, etc

usually with me it ended with my partner in tears and me feeling like crap, not wanting to do anything intimate. :/

speaking of arguing, is it really possible to get in a really heated argument with someone and then stop in the middle, passionately kiss, fuck on the desk, etc

― max, Thursday, August 12, 2010 11:19 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is sort of on my bucket list, tbh

the next movie that depicts someone (cop, civilian) driving on the sidewalk to avoid traffic should depict human beings being squashed into the pavement. I mean in these movies there's always like 2 people on the sidewalk -- i don't exactly live in Metropolis but like even at night there's more than a handful of people on the sidewalk, and they'd no doubt get squished under the tires.

and now I'm getting an image of the Lebron James Grandmothers club being on the sidewalk while a car careens at them

yeah tbh collateral damage just isn't a thing with action movies, bourne or one of the new bonds should have addressed this while they were at it.

ronin did

those poor greengrocers :(

the most ridiculous example of this is Speed where they hit the baby carriage and after it upends, soup cans come flying out. WHO THE HELL TRANSPORTS SOUP CANS IN A BABY CARRIAGE?

I WANT FLYING BABY

haha

walk out of a building that isn't a big hotel or airport and immediately grab a cab

The building across the street from my office houses a prominent law firm, and there is always a queue of cabs in front of it, day or night.

hold the entire weight of a dangling person by gripping onto their hand really hard

Customer service reps in movies often unusually bold, and anti-consumer. I mean I ain't worked at any job where I could talk to someone like the dude did to D-Fens in Falling Down

also super intelligent criminals being able to put together complex criminal plots without being detected by any enforcement agency (hello Eagle Eye!)

umm pretty sure 9/11 was IRL

detecting v. ignoring

lol I was just about to type that. also Eagle Eye's plot was way diff in terms of its ridiculousness. I hate movies with "omniscient" bad guys.

operate a computer, computer makes sounds as you do so

Ah but D-Fens had his revenge

in a quite classic scene. I kinda wish that movie had gone farther though.

I mean I ain't worked at any job where I could talk to someone like the dude did to D-Fens in Falling Down

RIP Brad Hamilton :(

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:c5KWtNoa-NvG5M:http://i25.tinypic.com/99l7gn.jpg&t=1

awwww, that scene actually brought up rumblings in my stomach when I saw it the last time I watched Fast Times cuz I totally identified with dude's frustration. working in restaurants=thankless, something i'll never do again unless there's no other hope.

hold the entire weight of a dangling person by gripping onto their hand really hard

Similarly, holding onto a cliff edge/window sill for any amount of time with just your fingertips. I mean, I'm sure the life instinct is pretty strong, but, well, as I say, can you do this?

Climbers can hang by one hand for sure but the gen pop? Unlikely for a lot of people.

Just guessing.

if characters in movies named beers then they'd get shit for product placement

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snhiofL2Rh4

hold the entire weight of a dangling person by gripping onto their hand really hard

Saw this on an original series Star Trek last night, but the "person" doing the holding was a 7 foot tall robot, so not so unbelievable (Ted Cassidy - Lurch from Adam's Family).

Things that 7 foot tall robots do in movies that you're never quite sure are really possible

Things that 7 foot tall robots do in movies that you're never quite sure are really possible

Burn things at a considerable distance with red laser beams that emanate from their eyes/optic-sensor. I'm just not sure about the whole accuracy thing.

Guess passwords and get into computers with complex security systems in less than 5 minutes

One problem with Beer in movies is that naming a brand IS product placement, so you have to pay. I love how in Blue Velvet the earlier Heineken scene (w/Laura Dern) is presented almost like a commercial parody.

The same thing applies to soft drinks. People don't ask for Coke or Pepsi.

blow up a gas station with a lit cigarette

in fact, do oil or fuses really burn like they do in the movies? can anyone tell me?

What's more frequent IRL: Cops getting killed "Three days before retirement" or virgin girls getting pregnant "the first time" ?

Also, can a hitman really retire?

One problem with Beer in movies is that naming a brand IS product placement, so you have to pay.

Wait, who has to pay what now?

What's more frequent IRL: Cops getting killed "Three days before retirement" or virgin girls getting pregnant "the first time" ?

― Your cousin, Marvin Cobain (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, August 12, 2010 1:52 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

pretty obviously the latter. you guys are really not thinking through the possibility/probability of some of these posts.

One problem with Beer in movies is that naming a brand IS product placement, so you have to pay.

Wait, who has to pay what now?

Usually when a brand name such as a beer is mentioned in a film, it's done with the cooperation of the brand's company. If they do that, you'll see the brand throughout the film. What I neglected to say was that something like this is usually paid for by the company. The problem is if you just have one bar scene and one line citing some brand names, they'll have to get the company to sign off, and that costs money. So it's easier to just drop brand names completely and use generic terms like "beer", "brewski" etc. which isn't exactly how people talk.

i'm kind of amazed that devolution Mike Judge movie was able to secure costco and fuddruckers but not gatorade.

Idiocracy? - i guess the reference was gatorade, but it made me think of vitamin water

my question about that would be whether you can use co. names/logos without permission if the purpose is for satire

it would be a fair use issue, probably, but that doesn't mean that the corp./tradename owner couldn't sue you over it

so like in "Role Models" when they're making fun of Starbucks they still have to pay Starbucks for the permission to make fun of Starbucks?

There's probably a whole section here to do with fire escapes. This could just be a limey watching US films, but how easy, for instance, is it to find fire escapes in back alleys where you can jump up and pull them down fairly easily?

Oh, and another one, related I guess - if you fall from a reasonable height and land on a grocer's (say) awning, would you fall through, bounce off, or (most probably if I think about it, sort of land and slide quite heavily, crashing sharply into the awning understructure, before landing painfully on the ground?

^ these are good questions. I feel like the awning would probably just break? but I'm not sure

this isn't so much an "impossible" in real life but a "doesn't really happen in real life".

While it wasn't the only movie to depict this (and presumably the book did it too), the godawful movie Death Sentence that came out a few years ago depicted gang members driving around in a car with their lights off at night, and Kevin Bacon's character flashing them to warn them. Predictably, they followed him and killed his son as an initiation.

Only problem is it is an urban legend -- there is no document or record that gangs actually or actively do this (as it would be fairly stupid and make them easy to target). Really I wouldn't be surprised if people do it NOW due to the prevalence of the rumor, but I couldn't believe they based the crux of the first half of the movie on such a weak premise. Then again the rest of the movie was worse.

ok having worked in this field

u always need to get permission for marks, not necc legally, but just to cover your ass & for insurance reasons

more often than not money does not exchange hands

we got clearances to use a bunch of brands in a film with no money going either way

usually they dont mind as long as they know the context, like, they dont want a guy eating doritos as he strangles someone

my question about that would be whether you can use co. names/logos without permission if the purpose is for satire

http://www.boingboing.net/2010/08/06/campbells-soup-exec.html#comment-853835

I guess this kind of behavior depends on the company. About eight years ago, while I was working on Will & Grace, we had an episode (written by Sally Bradford) that made a small joke at the expense of Fuddruckers. To wit:

(WILL is sitting at the table reading when GRACE enters, carrying a business suit. She shows WILL the suit, holding it up to her body.)

GRACE: Ok. What does this say to you?

WILL: It says... this is our busiest night at Fuddruckers; I can't seat you without a reservation.

Anyway, somebody at Fuddruckers was delighted, and they sent the writers a grateful note of appreciation and a $500 gift certificate (cheekily, they sent a four-foot-long sweepstakes-winner/philanthropic-contribution giant-size certificate).

Nice of 'em (especially considering it was such a throwaway joke that didn't exactly sell Fuddruckers as a great place to eat), but since none of our writers were particularly avid meat-eaters, a bunch of us in the Production Office dressed up nice, toted the giant certificate off to the Burbank Fuddruckers, and pretended to be the writers of the show. We stuffed ourselves on free burgers, and the store manager made a handwritten notation on the certificate deducting our $160 bill from the $500. If anyone knew where that certificate ended up after the show wrapped (it hung on the office wall for years), and didn't mind schlepping it back to Fuddruckers, they might still honor the balance.

xpost "The Deadly Dorito Assassin"

xp - wait what don't they actively do? kill people as initiation rites or drive around without headlights on? Because where i live, the headlights off thing is really common.

Thanks for clearing that up slocki. I probably should add that my education in such matters comes from fraidy cat indie people.

xpost use the headlights to select and find their victims: http://www.snopes.com/crime/gangs/lightsout.asp.

Certainly I think it's foolish for Snopes to say "false" as it's something that feasibly could be implemented and done, but there isn't really any documentation that gang members have used it as an initiation rite historically.

Where I live, the person driving without their headlights on at night is more likely to be an absent-minded soccer mom than a gang member.

Yeah, and so many late-model cars have daytime runners anyway.

mine does.

i'm pretty sure around here it serves a function in the drug trade

like headlight morse code?

i don't think so, unless "t" or "e" constitutes some significant message in the west oakland drug trade

Similarly, holding onto a cliff edge/window sill for any amount of time with just your fingertips. I mean, I'm sure the life instinct is pretty strong, but, well, as I say, can you do this?

― Hide the prickforks (GamalielRatsey), Thursday, 12 August 2010 16:10 (3 hours ago)

yes

someone at fuddruckers must be a huge beavis & butthead fan because idiocracy was not kind to fuddruckers.

should I see idiocracy

i'm pretty sure even the top-level execs at the fuddruckers corporation are all like "heh-heh-heh, ruddfuckers"

re: should you see idiocracy, it's not bad but it is weirdly sapped of any life force, despite the vigor of terry crews.

even for stupid comedy Idiocracy was hard to get through for me. and I love Mike Judge. funny moments but like they don't add up to a whole

Similarly, holding onto a cliff edge/window sill for any amount of time with just your fingertips. I mean, I'm sure the life instinct is strong, but, well, as I say, can you do this?
― Hide the prickforks (GamalielRatsey), Thursday, 12 August 2010 16:10 (3 hours ago)

yes

Yep, I buy that (and what Laurel said). Thinking about it more, I guess it ties in with Tracer Hand's pulling a person up by one hand - it's that moment in films where either they're hanging on by one hand and they have to kind of throw the other up, or they're hanging off by two hands, and they have to release one hand in order to grasp the person trying to help them. It worries me. Not least because my hands get sweaty when I'm nervous. Guess I should just try to avoid falling into cases of international espionage or fugitive derring-do.

Hmmm. Have just started thinking about cars on cliff edges now.

i don't think i've ever seen anyone do a double take.

i have seen spit takes though

there's always more nasal action in real life spittakes, though i wonder how you'd simulate that w/o making the sacrifice.

i've seen fart takes

I have done an IRL double-take.

people nailing perfect shots while on the run. I mean it's not impossible but good lord recoil and physics suggest that running while shooting=the worst you can do for your accuracy.

blow up a gas station with a lit cigarette

in fact, do oil or fuses really burn like they do in the movies? can anyone tell me?

I've heard a lit cig won't ignite liquid gasoline, but it can ignite the right mixture of gas vapor and air.

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9C01E4D8113EF933A0575BC0A9609C8B63&sec=&spon=&pagewanted=all

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yaound%C3%A9_train_explosion

I have to think if lit cigs could really do that much damage that frequently, you'd hear more often of gas stations blowing up on the news. I mean look at the average human being, you think nobody ever smokes and pumps, and drops their butt at the end?

well I stand corrected

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/world/africa/02inferno.html

^That one is from a tossed match.

wonder if the asshole who threw it survived? I would imagine not?

you'd hear more often of gas stations blowing up on the news.

To be fair, this does seem to happen most often around pipelines and tankers rather than at Speedways.

I suspect gas stations are kinda idiot-proofed on purpose (cf "I mean look at the average human being").

Oh, and another one, related I guess - if you fall from a reasonable height and land on a grocer's (say) awning, would you fall through, bounce off, or (most probably if I think about it, sort of land and slide quite heavily, crashing sharply into the awning understructure, before landing painfully on the ground?

There was a Mythbusters episode about this, don't recall how it turned out, but I do remember the life-sized (and weighted) dummy falling through a few awnings.

Ok, that's handy to know. Should my non-awning graced, first floor flat turn into a towering inferno or be broken into by expert killers.

how effective would using someone as a 'landing pad' work in real life? I've seen quite a few movies wehre someone was sustaining a large fall, and they used the perso nthey were on top of to cushion the blow. Problem is I would think the energy generated by the fall would still provide a heavy impact, even if you were on top of someone's body to absorb the energy. Yet in the movies they make it look like dude on the bottom took all of the impact and dude on top is fine.

i need to know this in case I fall out of a window while having sex tbh

And would the person on the bottom really be driven into a person-shaped hole in the asphalt?

the only movie I can think of that actually does this is Austin Powers

2

"He said by telephone that witnesses had said that the spark that ignited the blast came from a man who used a lighter to check if his can was full. "

You can't make this stuff up.

And I saw that Mythbusters; the conclusion was that you'd survive, but be in no shape to continue running away.

re falling + cushioning - I believe I've read of people who tried to commit suicide by jumping and survived thanks to landing on someone. That someone, I think, usually ends up dead, so to be in that position deliberately would be... pretty brave.

I have to imagine that if you can arrange for someone else's rib cage to absorb the impact, rib cages are pretty springy if you don't care what they look like afterward. Getting that person correctly positioned while you both hurtle through the air might be the hard part, also there's the fact that your major organs might be cushioned by your suicide buddy but your legs wouldn't be, and you're still gonna crack your head on SOMEthing.

ew

I mean you might only crack your head on THEIR head, which is better than the cement, I guess, but I would imagine you'd still get a broken nose or cheekbone out of the deal. Unless you can position your head so it's tucked into their neck/collar area. I don't know, it all seems to require so much PREPARATION.

Maybe best to make sure the person under you landed on another person first.

that'd take a lot more midair preparation than is usually allocated

are we saying the butt is the best place to be on a human centipede?

CONCUSSION!

It always bothers me that people who get knocked out in movies wake up with perfect recall of events up to the blow to the head. In real life, as far as I know from personal experience, you get that weird retroactive amnesia thing that wipes out your short-term memories from before the injury. Plus, people often don't go unconscious straight away after hitting their heads--instead, they get vague and bad-tempered for a while before falling unconscious.

Has it ever happened IRL that you wake up and remember it all? Or do I just have a feeble brain?

Maybe you have a large brain for the space inside your skull. That means less room for cushioning fluid and more impact from the inside of the skull. Seems like a good reason to avoid sudden movements, imo.

Why do I think I know so much about this stuff? Probably watch too many action movies.

No that's not entirely true, I have spent years thinking about how I would position myself/survive if the building I was in collapsed, for instance. It all started in college when my loft bed was like 14 inches from the ceiling and I looked at the floor above me a lot.

Has it ever happened IRL that you wake up and remember it all? Or do I just have a feeble brain?

I was in a moped accident 30 years ago and lost memory of the previous half hour to an hour. Never got it back. I woke up in a hospital, I think strapped to the bed (loosely, but still), and thought I was in some kind of prison. One of the nurses said I was saying things in my unconsciousness (which lasted about a day), but I decided I didn't want to know what it was.

Maybe you have a large brain for the space inside your skull.

This is the theory I will go with, as the most complimentary.

Guess passwords and get into computers with complex security systems in less than 5 minutes

a corollary to this - use passwords that are meaningful words relevant to their lives, without being regularly informed they have to change it to a collection of letters, numbers and symbols.

yea exactly.

"OMG I'M BRILLIANT CRIMINAL MASTERMIND BUTM Y PASSWORD IS 'WHISKERS' WHICH IS MY CATS NAME"

The password for any computer system is always "OVERRIDE"

Don't know if this has ever been mentioned before, but how about this. Being attacked by an invasion of zombies, vampires, aliens or similar and no one sitting down and going "Actually what the fuck is going on here? We'd better call the police about this".

plenty of government forces involved in the original zombie films. ditto cloverfield. where you have to be careful is something like invasion of the bodysnatchers though where the police, telephone operators etc are complicit.

speaking of zombies - the lawnmower as efficient mass murder weapon as in Dead Alive

There's a handy lawn mower next to a mob of zombies in Dead Rising.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSKENgOYgn8

beating dudes to death w lawnmower = epic, why don't i play videogames?

but come on

well, as you probably know, in Dead Alive he didn't beat them to death with the lawnmower, he just held it - blades facing out, and the zombies just kinda walked into it and were dismembered.

just like in the game!

but then (in the game) he takes the shit-heavy lawnmower and BEETS THE REMAINING ZOMBIES TO DETH w it (according to helpful tube), which is quite the maneuver.

if i had zombies i would not mess w lawnmower beetings, and would probably just rent less infested property.

Saying absurd dialogue without laughing (i.e. Inception).

Also, romantic reconciliation not long after a partner learns a secret from the past and/or present that shakes the foundation of their perception of the person that recently came into their life.

xp - yeah but that's a video game - i wanna know - in real life, can a lawnmower that effectively dismember people?

Surely not. Maybe an adapted strimmer. But otherwise your best bet is to accidentally mow through the power cable and use that instead.

how easy, for instance, is it to find fire escapes in back alleys where you can jump up and pull them down fairly easily?

99 times out of 100 the ladders are too high up to pull down (otherwise they would be like special courtesy entrances for lazy thieves)

in real life, can a lawnmower that effectively dismember people?

i find that u have to tie them up first, then apply the lawnmower fairly slowly. but shit is heavy & way unweildy, and noise can be disconcerting, so proceed w caution.

first hand experience?

oh no but i have heard tell...

nauseating horror = lolz, rite?

I reckon a lawnmower is powerful enough to cut through bone so you could probably tear someone apart but it would take a while.

a

while

hey, um, are you done being apart yet?

not funny, i know...

have a conversation in a nightclub, being able to hear each other over the music without shouting into each others ear

also, accessing computers. being able to communicate with computer with near normal human being type commands

"request top secret file on Mr Spy"

Also frequent operation of GUI with keyboard.

you go to that one underworld bar and pulverize that one (random) dude and he just happens to cough up relevant info on massive international conspiracy

you crash your great evil cop car through a fruit stand in pursuit of wrongdoers, and luckily there is no mom + stroller on the other side

shots they fire happen not to hit you. shots you fire happen to hit them.

I think those are all possible irl

"possible" = great exculpator

"He said by telephone that witnesses had said that the spark that ignited the blast came from a man who used a lighter to check if his can was full. "

I once went to look at a house and when I opened the front door the landlord was in a cupboard that housed the gas supply with a burning piece of paper "looking for the leak"...

worker blew herself out the front window of a chippy a couple years back checking the fryers with a lighter. she was ok iirc.

And if you put that in a film, no-one would beleive yer...

(school flashback - i before e - how many times do I have to tell you)

Re cigarettes and gas stations: When I was a teenager, a bunch of us used to hang out at the local Mobil station when the owner's son worked the night shift. Once, he extinguished his cigarette by dropping it down the tubes that tanker trucks dispense the gasoline into. So either a.) filling station safety systems are extremely secure, or b.) I was a roll of the dice away from fiery death. Easily one of the top 3 most terrifying events in my life.

Anyway, my point being that a lit cigarette into a puddle of gas may not reliably set gasoline on fire, causing a huge explosion, as seen in film.

Never quite sure if it's actually possible (though I don't think it is); appears in literally HUNDREDS of movies and TV shows:

Cop stands behind a tech-y guy seated at a desk, who calls up some CCTV footage on a monitor. Cop seems to spot something small in the footage - a blurry speck, but possibly significant.

COP: "Right there. Can we enhance that?"

Tech-y guy clicks his mouse and presses a button; zooms into blurry speck, which then becomes a clear hi-res image of the missing person/suspect's face.

I'm sure it can be done in rare occasions, but as attested by nationally-covered disappearances like Jennifer Kesse where there was footage of the supposed perpetrator, the blurry nature of the video has made it impossible to ID the guy for years.

otoh there was this:
http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/08/interpol-untwirls-a-suspected-pedophile/

yeah that was awesome work from all concerned

that was just rearranging information tho, blurring or lo-res = information loss, and you can never get it back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxq9yj2pVWk

hahaha. God, I would hate to work in the equivalent of that job and have pointy-haired bosses coming in all the time expecting you to be able to revolve the image in a still photo or whatever.

"can you, uh, can you remove that cap so we can see his hair colour?"

That is hilarious... well done.

I'm glad people take the time to do those YouTube compilation videos. I was just saying that I hope someone eventually makes one with every movie and TV show scene that features a character saying something humorous or significant, stepping off the curb, and then getting RAMMED by a speeding bus. (This is such a cheap trick but it works every time).

you'd think the characters in these movies would know something bad was going to happen when their peace and quiet suddenly gets disrupted by orchestral swells

Spoke too soon!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQ7d_xmvuoU

Seems like in some of those clips the buses are going way faster than buses should.

cops can insult their bosses and grab them by the lapels and not get disciplined

ugh, terrible video. JUST SHOW US THE BUS HITS WE DON'T CARE WHERE THEY'RE FROM OR WHO YOU ARE

I'M A BUSY MAN

lol I had the same thing. GET ON WITH IT

Once, he extinguished his cigarette by dropping it down the tubes that tanker trucks dispense the gasoline into. So either a.) filling station safety systems are extremely secure, or b.) I was a roll of the dice away from fiery death. Easily one of the top 3 most terrifying events in my life.

I guess there wasnt much air in there? Either way, scary as fuck.

That video enhance thing... weirdly, futurisitic 'Blade Runner' is the only one where it might work, because I think they were analogue 3D photos or some such that he was exploring, so you can keep on zooming in (to a point) in a way you can't with digital pixels.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uoM5kfZIQ0&feature=related

I don't watch CSI so I'm not sure if this is very common in the series, but it's still pretty hilarious.

going weeks/months/years without defecating

lol@ "The resolution isn't very good." "Yes it is." BECAUSE THIS IS A PHOTOGRAPH OF MAGIC.

hahahahaha that reflection in the eyeball thing is amazing

I watched The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo last night and was gratified that the INability to bring an old blurry picture into better focus was a plot point.

A: "i have something to tell you"

[conversation gets interrupted by something which negates the possibility of A telling B the important thing (usually that A has been in love with B for many years)]

B: "so what did you want to tell me?"
A: "oh it doesn't matter"

[B drops the thing instead of going "oh just tell me... go on, tell me, please... just TELL ME you c*nt!"]

you know that thing in movies where the killer always raises the knife/sword/w.e *forever* what is the deal w/ that.

that made me dislike movies as a kid. I always said I wanted to see movies where they just wasted the person without saying a word.

then growing up I saw several movies that finally did that and was sated.

err I mean just wasted them without some extraordniary time wasting movie that allows someone to come to the rescue

ugh TIME WASTING MOVE fuck my life

yeah, my sister hates how i always narrate the moment between the knife raising and the moment an opportunity appears for the knifee to get away.

i admit its probably annoying but are you gonna do

my family hates me for doing ish like that but lampooning is just my style. that's why i tend to go to movies alone, i behave better

then again my brother does the same thing, ie remarking "Thanks Batman for destroying all of downtown" at the end of Batman Begins

jed just described all six seasons of Lost.

yeah "don't ask me why!" "I haven't got time for questions" "I'll explain later..."

six years later and I'm watching a 15 minute epilogue hoping for 823 answers.

also nobody IRL has had or simulated sex in front of Rob Reiner
― plate of dinosaurs (San Te), Wednesday, 11 August 2010 19:34 (1 week ago) Bookmark

This really cracked me up. I'd be willing to bet, though, that shit got pretty crazy at "The Bucket List" wrap party. You never know.

Experience shocking near death incidents with out any psychological scarring at all.

This is pretty late but I wanted to say something w/r/t homo-eroticism in long martial arts bouts -- In Enter the Dragon, John Saxon has a fight scene on a golf course in which he gets a IRL boner during (its real obvious too and hillarious), and thats a choreographed fight! Imagine how many boners pop when dudes fight for real.

total bastard has a life-changing experience and vows to be completely nice from then on

Hey have you met my good friend, Paul, formerly aka Saul "of Tarsus"?!

i am v thankful that no ghostly apparitions or knife-wielding psychopaths appear in the bathroom mirror every time i go to splash a little water on my face tbh

a friend of worked at a gas station told me that a cigarette would be smothered by the fluids if tossed into a pool of gasoline. the most dangerous thing at a gas station would be the actual lighting of the cigarette.

Be greeted back to their country by an enthusiastic 'welcome home' from passport control. I've never received more than a nod and a grunt.

I've gotten the "welcome home". It's nice.

thread title should be changed by replacing "possible" with "probable"

I don't think i've ever witnessed an unironic slow Lucas-style clap.

Surprisingly, and it was always surprising, TERRY EAGLETON of all people has a section devoted to this (thread) subject in his 2003 memoir THE GATEKEEPER!

Like...can you really buy a plane ticket at the airport?

― painini (admrl), Wednesday, August 11, 2010 11:13 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

haven't read through the thread yet but I totally did this once (not voluntarily)

usually they dont mind as long as they know the context, like, they dont want a guy eating doritos as he strangles someone

― the disappearance of apollo creed (s1ocki), Friday, August 13, 2010 3:24 AM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

now I'm not sure if it's possible to strangle someone while eating doritos

unless maybe you had really really big hands and they had a really small neck and there was an open bag of doritos conveniently placed on a table

or maybe the victim was eating a bag of doritos

hmm

have a conversation in a nightclub, being able to hear each other over the music without shouting into each others ear

― F-Unit (Ste), Friday, August 13, 2010 6:28 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark

been watching a lot of entourage lately and this. is. so. annoying.

I guess it would be possible to go to a nightclub like that irl, but you would probably be in the world's lamest nightclub

I think it was somewhere on ILX that someone discussed a trick for hearing people talk at normal volume in a nightclub that involved pushing on some part of your ear. Maybe all of these film people are secretly doing that. (I really like the one movie nightclub scene I can think of where they aren't all talking normally, that being the subtitled scene in Trainspotting.)

re Doritos, maybe you could shove a pile on your mouth prior to the strangling, and only start chewing once strangulation commences?

yeah I frequently put my fingers in my ears at really loud shows to help hear the music better. would it really be effective in a nightclub situation?

In Enter the Dragon, John Saxon has a fight scene on a golf course in which he gets a IRL boner during (its real obvious too and hillarious)

Huh? I've seen this movie a bunch of times and I've never noticed any Saxonwood!

haven't read through the thread yet but I totally did this once (not voluntarily)

What do you mean?! Like... at gunpoint?

it was because I missed my flight!

re Doritos, maybe you could shove a pile on your mouth prior to the strangling, and only start chewing once strangulation commences?

― Antoine Bugleboy (Merdeyeux), Friday, August 27, 2010 5:36 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark

hmm, interesting - and it would be 'ironic' because even if the victim wanted to eat doritos, they couldn't even swallow it because they are being strangled, so what's the point? another expression of the power dynamic between the strangler and the stranglee.

I would strangle the dude, rip open a bag of foritos, pull out a chip and tuck it in between the deceased's lips.

doritos are really greasy and you get doritos residue all over your fingers - i'd think it would be distracting from the act of strangling to try and strangle someone with the dorito crud on your fingers, but maybe if you were really mad and hated the person a lot, having the dorito crud on your hands would be really cathartic, like you could smear it on the person, thus defiling them, and then kill them

but then CSI could trace the killing back to you via your unique dorito™ fingerprint

I've always kinda wondered, are the house parties American teens have anything like you see in teen movies? I.e. you have like 200 hundred people attending, there's a DJ playing music, kegs of beer and tons of other beverages are provided for the guests, everyone's dancing on tables and making hell of a mess, etc... Because that's not the kind of house parties we had as teens. (Though our parents didn't have no houses, I guess apartment building flats have more limited options when it comes to parties.)

i live in the states and i always would think that i should have been going to parties like that as a teenager. You know… people totally wrecking a house, swinging from chandeliers, couples getting it on in every room but most parties i went to mostly resembled the So not gonna happen picture

^^^

When I was 15 or 16, I actually went to one house party that was similar to a movie house party, albeit somewhat smaller, and I remember thinking (before I got plastered on grain punch and stopped thinking about much of anything), "Hey, this is finally a party that is similar to a movie house party!" There was a pair of underwear in a tree and everything.

lol aerosol so otm

re Doritos, maybe you could shove a pile on your mouth prior to the strangling, and only start chewing once strangulation commences?

― Antoine Bugleboy (Merdeyeux), Friday, August 27, 2010 5:36 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark

hmm, interesting - and it would be 'ironic' because even if the victim wanted to eat doritos, they couldn't even swallow it because they are being strangled, so what's the point? another expression of the power dynamic between the strangler and the stranglee.

― dayo, Friday, August 27, 2010 6:02 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

that's what i was thinking. "pre-load" your mouth with them

this isn't "impossible" as much as "illogical", but why come everytime our protagonist is in custody, they wait until an opportune moment, and are able to break free with as little as an elbow to the face, and are able to disarm whomever is transporting them.

I mean IRL I'd imagine dude struggling and getting put down on the spot.

Converse with a colleague while walking at speed along a corridor, both facing straight ahead.

planning a highly complicated deviant plot that relies on 4 or 5 things which the plotter has absolutely no control over, and having everything go perfectly as according to plan.

Converse with a colleague while walking at speed along a corridor, both facing straight ahead.

totally done this before

Converse with a colleague while walking at speed along a corridor, both facing straight ahead.

I could see this being a valuable skill if you are the preznit or some gobshite who thinks his time is as valuable as the preznit's.

or if your're late for class

Having spontaneous wild sex with someone from your office after nothing more than a brief but intense stare.

what movies are you watching?

Emmanuelle 1-99

emmanuelle was in an office?

own a home

Having spontaneous wild sex with someone from your office after nothing more than a brief but intense stare.

― Ground Zero Mostel (Hurting 2), Friday, August 27, 2010 11:23 AM (50 minutes ago) Bookmark

^ pretty common complaint

plenty of brief but intense stares possible after you bone someone from the office. maybe that doesn't really make up for it.

Emmanuelle goes to Human Resources

Reminds me of that scene in the wire when mcnulty is so fucked he crashes his car twice and cant remember how to drink coffee properly and yet it cuts to him fucking the cute waitress? like in wtf world does that happen?

(goes off to crash his car, brb)

drunk people have sex all the time

a world in which you look like McNulty?

Pretty sure Tiger Woods has pulled off more than a few McNultys.

Do people who look like McNulty really have waitresses tell them "You can have anything you want!" in a blatantly suggestive way?

i know a few not-very-attractive drunks who have plenty of sex. the key is to hate yourself and not care and keep hitting people up until something happens.

Computer programs that make lots of pointless beeps and whistles.

Also programs that are completely controlled by frantic keyboard typing (that don't involve a computer screen full of code; instead zooming in on a map or something)

ya - i know a few guys that just play the numbers game.

xpost

Computer email/instant messaging programs where the message comes up letter by letter rather than the whole thing at once.

Women having orgasms in like 45 seconds.

Also computers where you type in questions and get answers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vxq9yj2pVWk

Women having orgasms in like 45 seconds.

― Hubert Lolz (lpz), Friday, August 27, 2010 12:46 PM Bookmark

Actually, this can happen [/cocky condescension]

Also computers where you type in questions and get answers.

True story: I got my first computer when I was 7, it was a Commodore 64. Now, I'd read from the papers that there are these people called "hackers" who've managed to get inside FBI and CIA and other confidential databases by using their computers. So I thought I'd try this "hacking" too... I opened my computer, wrote "CONNECT TO CIA"

Also computers where you type in questions and get answers.

True story: I got my first computer when I was 7, it was a Commodore 64. Now, I'd read from the papers that there are these people called "hackers" who've managed to get inside FBI and CIA and other confidential databases by using their computers. So I thought I'd try this "hacking" too... I opened my computer, wrote "CONNECT TO CIA", and pressed Enter. I was pretty disappointed when nothing happened, and gave up my dreams of becoming a hacker. Of course I didn't even have a modem or anything, but back then I didn't know what a modem was.

(Sorry about the double post.)

i liked the story better in the first post!

Computer email/instant messaging programs where the message comes up letter by letter rather than the whole thing at once.

― 8 (88), Friday, August 27, 2010 12:43 PM Bookmark

^^^ ICQ chat in the late 90s was like this, all kinds of confusion and hilarity resulted.

^^^ ICQ chat in the late 90s was like this, all kinds of confusion and hilarity resulted.

BBS chat was like this, too.

Google Wave lol

my BBS chat wasn't, in fact it was so lagged that sometimes we'd wait 10+ minutes to see what we sent appear in the chat room.

so we'd go play Legend of the Red Dragon or Tradewars instead

run for a mile or more while wearing dress shoes and a suit (especially the dress shoes part)

a world where there are no mice and all computing is done by loud typing sounds

I kinda did that one already!

i live in the states and i always would think that i should have been going to parties like that as a teenager. You know… people totally wrecking a house, swinging from chandeliers, couples getting it on in every room but most parties i went to mostly resembled the So not gonna happen picture

― Aerosol, 27 August 2010 12:04

have been to loads of these parties but not since i was maybe 17 unfortunately

peeves me that all high-school actors are played by the 25+ crowd. i drive past the local high-school today and am astonished how small these kids are, and then i realize that that really is how you're supposed to look at 16. like remember buffy? cordelia chase would've been legendary in high-school with whatever level of puberty she was at.

http://accessmaincomputerfile.net

more a question, but are cops/detectives really allowed to open fire on criminals who haven't shot at them first, even if they pose no threat to people around them? what is the criteria for that?

I thought of this thread the other day during some mundane movie scene, so annoyed that now I can't remember what it was! Maybe it was women putting bras on in like a second by hooking them behind their own backs? No, but something like that, you know?

guys undoing bras them in anything less than 5 mins, maybe!

i drive past the local high-school today and am astonished how small these kids are, and then i realize that that really is how you're supposed to look at 16.

This is why Sam Weir and Neal Schweiber were such great characters.

http://www.gamasutra.com/features/20061017/bullettime.jpg

^yeah rite!!!

i was never quite sure about that

actually, since that takes place in a computer simulation, it's probably the most do-able thing itt

that's not irl that's in the matrix ffs

^ what slocks said

guys undoing bras them in anything less than 5 mins, maybe!

― i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), Wednesday, September 22, 2010 5:31 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

darragh this will sound harsh but 1) THIS IS SUCH A ROTE LINE 2) really dude? 5 mins?

how come E.T. could heal people but couldn't inflict pain

xp this may sound harsh but no not really it's an internet message board wtf

more like 10 mins amirite

o snap

it just snapped

i just let em take em off themselves, saving them the frustrated sigh and curt "just let me do it" that would inevitably occur

more like FIVE YEARS amirite

^^^rote line

rote by seinfeld

True story: I got my first computer when I was 7, it was a Commodore 64. Now, I'd read from the papers that there are these people called "hackers" who've managed to get inside FBI and CIA and other confidential databases by using their computers. So I thought I'd try this "hacking" too... I opened my computer, wrote "CONNECT TO CIA"

― Tuomas, Saturday, August 28, 2010 6:13 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark

Maybe my all-time favorite Tuomas post

Another hacking one: codebreaking programs that break one number or character of a code/password at a time.

feel like tuomas' approach to computing has remained exactly the same

CONNECT TO ILX

You are standing in an open thread west of a clusterfuck, locked by an administrator.
There is a small TMI poll here.

When the movie Hackers came out I was in complete envy of whatever badass OSes they were using. Only later did I learn they were complete fabrications.

Also LOL about different viruses that show up as graphic displays. Really wish Norton Antivirus would show a colorful screen of a worm eating away at code and then getting wiped out, rather than the grey box with "125434xx files scanned...".

Posted: September 22, 2010 12:30:07 PM
I thought of this thread the other day during some mundane movie scene, so annoyed that now I can't remember what it was! Maybe it was women putting bras on in like a second by hooking them behind their own backs? No, but something like that, you know?

This is the way I put mine on. How do most women do it?

(Late post, sorry)

In a second?

Also LOL about different viruses that show up as graphic displays. Really wish Norton Antivirus would show a colorful screen of a worm eating away at code and then getting wiped out, rather than the grey box with "125434xx files scanned...".

― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, November 27, 2010 10:53 AM Bookmark

When we had our first Mac, I was a bit quicker than my dad at figuring things out and I found the "Down the Drain" screensaver (which made your desktop appear to be swirling a drain) and added the scrolling text "Hard disk now being erased. Have a nice day." Dad did not handle it well.

In a second?

I was focusing on the "behind their own backs" part, but I don't do much fumbling around when I put mine on.

SPECIFIC TO TV SHOWS:

Characters never wearing the same thing twice. I think Spaced avoided this - can't think of any other shows.

Don't remember Captain Kirk having a very extensive wardrobe

But the Doctor's companions do. Clearly there's some gizmo on the Tardis that'll, I dunno, manufacture or shapeshift a wardrobe accordingly...

I think the TARDIS has several infinite wardrobes.

xp

Well, sure, but it'll be like Borges' infinite library, where you could spend quite a few lifetimes searching for a book with an actual story, much less one with a single coherent sentence - so ludicrous as to render the notion of actually matching one item of clothing to another for the sake of a half-decent outfit an unreasonable task.

you could spend quite a few lifetimes searching for a book with an actual story, much less one with a single coherent sentence

dr who scripts

When having sex, straight couples always have orgasm at the same time, except if the movie specifically wants to make a point on of one of them (usually the guy) being a lousy lover.

This is possible in real life, sorry Tuomas!

Okay, name me a couple who always orgasms at the same time.

tuomas i don't think movies are obligated to show you every time a couple has sex, just perhaps a "representative" moment that tells you something about their relationship

i agree that showing a simultaneous orgasm is lazy shorthand when there are plenty of equally satisfying ways for sex to go though

- hang from a rope/ledge/anything for more than 2 seconds

And how everyone ever knows to pull each other up by the wrist rather than the hand.

Okay, name me a couple who always orgasms at the same time.

― Tuomas, Wednesday, 8 February 2012 13:47 (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

No.

Unless we take this to TMI or something...

Not hearing this from Vic Mackey on The Shield led to me not saying "bye" on the phone in real-life, which led to some awkward interactions and an actual argument, which in turn led to me once again saying "bye", but very sheepishly and not at all Vic Mackey-like.

Oh, meant this for surm's telephone thread.

okay I thought the 2nd post of tracer's was connected to the first and was all wha? about it

i agree that showing a simultaneous orgasm is lazy shorthand when there are plenty of equally satisfying ways for sex to go though

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, February 8, 2012 1:50 PM (40 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

- hang from a rope/ledge/anything for more than 2 seconds

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, February 8, 2012 1:50 PM (40 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Like is that a satisfactory way for sex to go? Maybe? I dunno. Then I realised.

rewatched the departed recently and wondered if there actually are people who are able to text discretely with their hand in their pocket without looking at their phone at all.

xp Imitating Vic Mackey in any way is a bad way to live life, IMO, unless you need to lie brazenly to ppl who want to kill you. Then he's a great role model.

I'm amazed at how people in movies are always ready to give a speech. Like without practice.

I'm amazed at how people in movies are always so good looking

otm

<I>rewatched the departed recently and wondered if there actually are people who are able to text discretely with their hand in their pocket without looking at their phone at all.</I>

I think you save it as a template beforehand and hope you don't get jostled and send "sorry I'm later will be there in 15 minutes"

Moe: It all goes back to my acting days. I was auditioning for the role of Dr. Tad Winslow on the hit soap, "It Never Ends."
[reading from a script] Angela, I'm afraid I --
Producer: [interrupting] Thank you; next! [to Casting producer] What were you thinking?
Casting: Well, you said you wanted gritty. In other words, ugly.
Producer: I wanted Mary Ann on "Gilligan's Island" ugly, not Cornelius on "Planet of the Apes" ugly. TV-ugly, not ... ugly-ugly.

[flash back to the present]

Moe: I've been called ugly, pug-ugly, fugly, pug-fugly, but never ugly-ugly.

the use of SMS in THE DEPARTED

Ok, this is kinda weird and hard to describe, but I'm going to give it my best shot.

In the mid-2000s, I remember noticing a trend among scenes of explosions in film and tv in which soundtrack to the explosion would be:

silence > a brief hi-pitched creak > deep explosive sound

First I want to know if I'm just imagining remembering this. Can anyone come up with specific examples to show me that I didn't just dream this?

Second, does anyone know if an explosion could sound like this irl?

I think that the sound effects were meant to replicate say, an explosion in which a pressurized gas or something ripped out of its tank and hence the *creak* of the tank struggling to keep the gas in or something? I don't fucking know.

I know what you're talking about but I can't think of any examples nor do I know whether this is irl accurate.

Kicking out a car window while underwater.

Blowing air into someone else's lungs underwater to keep them alive.

That second one's probably really messy to try and do.

Having enough air to last you long enough to punch a hole through a coffin from the inside while buried six feet underground.
Crawling up through the earth afterwards.

I do believe that it's true that we don't get all the oxygen out of the air we inhale in one inhalation. So there is actually good O2 left in that air for another person, if you can get it into them. That's the part I wonder about.

but then you have none left!

I think the issue would be forming a proper seal.

Like, if you just blew into an unconscious person's mouth underwater, would it just come out their nose?

silence > a brief hi-pitched creak > deep explosive sound

this might be inherited from video games. call of duty for ex had a couple of explosion types where the 'warning noise' would be the sound of an incoming missile etc. ergo all explosions must have a special noise before.

You'd hold their nose then blow them a lung full of low oxygen high CO2 air. Then you'd both die.

xp: Ok, that's an interesting hypothesis!

i'm aware of film explosions going deep explosive sound > a brief hi-pitched creak > silence, to give you that feeling of severe hearing damage.

more of a whine than a creak though.

Killing people by sneaking up behind them and then doing a quick necksnap move.

ledge, I know what you're talking about, but I'm definitely talking about something different.

but then you have none left!

Well, you have what's in your bloodstream from the air you just inhaled, but it's true that you can't replenish it from your lungs now that you've given the air away. This is why it's sort of a heroic thing to do? In movies.

The Wilhelm Explosion

Well, you have what's in your bloodstream from the air you just inhaled, but it's true that you can't replenish it from your lungs now that you've given the air away. This is why it's sort of a heroic thing to do? In movies.

Yes, but in movies they generally both survive, with just a little bit of coughing afterwards. Not sure that's really possible irl.

I suppose you could keep swapping that lungful until you kill each other with CO2 instead of drowning.

isn't the explosion noise that you're talking about meant to be the sound of your hearing being damaged by the noise of the explosion?

no we're talking about a whining/squealing/whooshing kind of noise before the actual explosion

oh ok I got it the wrong way round.

Like the air sucking noise in Backdraft? Oxygen getting pulled towards centre of explosion before it really kicks off?

Like jumping off a building on to Ronald Reagan's hair

Crying while masturbating. Is this even possible? I thought this made Muholland drive less believable.

Pretty sure I've been there.

it can happen but you cannot pee meanwhile - violates the laws of body fluids

At least found an instance of what I was talking about. Around 3:52:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcFKItTtIxM

In this case, upon scrutiny, it seems to me like it's obviously a fake-ass noise that wouldn't have occurred irl except they wanted to draw our attention to the spark. But I'm sure I've seen/heard this same thing in like half a dozen permutations in other films.

Yeah, there it's surely intended to indicate an ignition spark as you say. I guess I know what you mean, although I'm struggling slightly to think of other examples, but if I were to look for a dramatic function it would be to indicate the moment of danger. It's to prep the viewer, get a heart-stop moment in, PEW shot change/intake of breath BOOM.

Yeah, the contrast in pitches and timbres as a way to heighten the tension/release.

Yeah I'm sure there's often a very brief sucking noise, or complete drop out of audio before an explosion in movies. As you say, to make the viewer go "Oh shiiiiit".

the airports in many movies still look like pre-TSA in terms of security