The Apprentice UK 2010

So the candidate profiles are up on the BBC. I've just read the profile for Alex, 26, who claims to have invented the concept of the bendy bus (um, Alex, mate, I was on a bendy bus before you were even born, so no). I haven't read any further because I don't have a brick wall handy to hit my head off.

Karren Brady is the new Margaret Mountford, and Dara O'Briain is the new Adrian Chiles. Let the hilarity commence.

Karren Brady did it last year, but yes.

Blimey, there's tons of them!

Did she? I had it in my head she'd just done the baby one, which doesn't really count.

xpost

Oh, maybe so. It just seems a looooong time ago.

Actually, I thought the 'baby' one was miles better:

1) They are young, and supposed to be. The 'grown-up' edition seems to not much consider any applicants beyond 35.

2) The idea that AlSug "knows all" and the apprentices "know nowt" is more acceptable towards schoolkids. Any time a 'grown' apprentice is right and AlSug is proved wrong seems to get glossed over.

Raleigh Addington's mug shot!

Last year's does seem so very far away. It was last year that Yazmina won, right? Has Kate Walsh really only been on telly for less than a year? For some reason my TV defaults to Five when I switch it on, and her inane grin is always bloody there when I put the telly on.

xposts, I agree about the baby one, really, I don't even pretend this is even about business any more, it's just hyuking at stupid people (including - in fact, ESPECIALLY - SrAlan) while pretending not to be pissed off that they earn like 20x my salary. Except the one random non-business-minded one who is always 10000x more sensible than the self-styled captains of industry that they usually find.

Just looking at these profile pics makes me giggle.

Stuart Baggs has a quality serious face.

We met Kate and Phil at Tibsheld services. Funny, a number of people were sort of 'orbiting' their table until one old lady came up and basically asked "Hello, I recognise you but I don't know where from.." Phil says "Um, The Apprentice?" to which she says "nooh..."

It doesn't help that half of these photos look like E-fits.

Laura and Raleigh look like a low rent Sapphire & Steel.

Last year's does seem so very far away.

This year's series got delayed because of the General Election. Last year's actually ended at the beginning of June, so Kate etc. have been on TV for about 18 months.

Stuart Baggs has a quality serious face.

He looks like a schoolboy, in fact I imagine that he's wearing shorts in that picture.

Ha, i was just checking that page out and coming here to post, "Jesus, would you look at this little lot"

Raleigh Addington's mug shot!

Raleigh Addington's name!

Oh yeah, I forgot about the delay, that makes sense, thanks. I really had to struggle to think about last year's (but then it all came flooding back once I started thinking about it and, bar anything involving James, I think I'd rather it had stayed repressed).

"Stella English"

Alex Epstein

Age: 26

... y' what?

properly lolling at stuart baggley, the guy has hair like a conker shell

http://i2.cdnds.net/10/39/550w_reality_tv_the_apprentive_2010_candidates_stuart_baggs.jpg

and oh yeah, some MAJOR porkies being told about age by plenty of these

bulldogchewingonwasp.gif

These are people who are happy to spend virtually all their time in cheap viscose trousers, man and woman alike. RUN.

• Alex Epstein - 'Credits himself with originally conceiving the bendy bus' - poor bullshitting skills, will get fired early. 'Describes himself as "unconventional"' - yeah, definitely an early bath.
• Chris Bates - 'Passionate about rugby, Gordon Ramsay and money-making', Investment Banker from Surrey, says it all really. 'Considers intelligence to be his biggest strength' - well holy shit it's better than being thick...
• Christopher Farrell, Mortgage Broker. I'm getting a real Sophecles/Ben vibe.
• Dan Harris - 'The budding entrepreneur was once an extra in the hit movie Saving Private Ryan'
• Jamie Lester, Overseas Property Developer
• Joanna Riley- 'Describes herself as "honest, direct and funny"' - AlSug will not like here then.
• Joy Stefanicki, Marketing and PR Director, I predict that she will not know the first thing about marketing and will come badly unstuck in the first marketing centred task.
• Laura Moore, Business Development Manager - so many of the contestants this year have titles that just mean nothing...
• Liz Locke, Investment Banker
• Melissa Cohen, 'Inspired by entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson' - that will go down well with AlSug. Looks like she has the same hairdresser as one of the groups on X Factor and/or Sigue Sigue Sputnik.
• Paloma Vivanco, Senior Marketing Manager
• Raleigh Addington - 'Coached tennis after graduating with a degree in Economics and Politics'
• Sandeesh Samra, Recruitment Consultant (boo hiss!)
• Shibby Robati - 'Believes that knowing his own weaknesses is his greatest strength. Surgeon and Business Owner. Claims to be a handy impressionist and comedian' - yes he'll have everyone in stitches!
• Stella English - 'Left school with no qualifications, but flourished in a Japanese bank. Inspired by Bill Gates and Steve Jobs.'
• Stuart Baggs - 'The Apprentice's youngest ever candidate used to sell yo-yos in his playground'

Baggs ftw

Hang on, only three of them are 30 or over?

Aye, right

Exactly.

The audition videos are, er, quite something...

• Alex Epstein - lying middle manager
• Chris Bates - overbearing arrogant wanker
• Christopher Farrell - I'll take back the Soph/Ben comparison, this is contender #1
• Dan Harris - "I get people to like me"
• Jamie Lester - good unintentional comedy potential
• Joanna Riley - 'I'm a bit foot and mouth'
• Joy Stefanicki - reminds me of Lorraine from last year
• Laura Moore - here's your aggro hyper critical candidate
• Liz Locke - backstabber
• Melissa Cohen - "I could sell anything to anyone" er, NO... "It's all psychology" er, NO...
• Paloma Vivanco - will stab people from the front
• Raleigh Addington - "people compare me to Boris Johnson", bumbling fool/twat/a nob in more ways than one
• Sandeesh Samra - contender #2, as long as she's not one of the legion of recruitment consultants who seem to be incapable of anything
• Shibby Robati - "trauma surgeon from Guildford"
• Stella English - "completely unpredictable crazy risk taker"
• Stuart Baggs - "people like me intimidate me" er, so you intimidate yourself? "I'm alive. There are so many people who aren't alive, who have died, unfortunately."

I'm just home from work, once I'm finished hooting at the people on Comed Dine With Me, Apprentice auditions are go.

one of the contestants has the same name as my partner, all set for some childish lols chez NI

Please tell me your partner is called Raleigh Addington.

haha if only

We've just got round to watching them.

"I'm alive. There are so many people who aren't alive, who have died, unfortunately."

Actual real lolz. We love him. He'll lose, badly, but bring the giggles. My other half is patenting Stuart "Baw"Baggs as a nickname, btw. Raleigh is every bit as awesomely bad as you would expect. I think I'm calling Christopher or Shibby as the winner (though we liked Joanna a lot, and think SrAlan will too). I hate Stella already.

* Alex Epstein - Full of shit. Will get to the last 4 through a Badger Effect scenario and pleading "but I really want it much more than them" repeatedly.
* Chris Bates - Will miss something basic on his only PM task and get nominated by everyone on his team.
* Christopher Farrell - Will be asked if he's so driven, why he left the Army and what motivated him to do so. Will do a goldfish impression and fall on his sword before Sralan says YF.
* Dan Harris - Semi-finalist. Will be found out at the last interview stage, like James should have been.
* Jamie Lester - what does property development have to do with business? Will PM well but rub his team up in the process and come a cropper.
* Joanna Riley- Could walk when she sees what kind of cunt's bazaar she's volunteered for.
* Joy Stefanicki - Sralan will HATE her and play the "oh, so now the economy's fucked you've come back to sponge of the state" card at every opportunity. Expect "kick off your shoes" hilarity if she stays in.
* Laura Moore - wanted to be a pilot or astronaut, and has worked abroad in two countries. And is 22. Hadn't Anita Roddick been exposed as an exploitative cow who had made up all the ethical bollocks to sell product by 1988 i.e. when she was born? (Panorama? Something on C4?)
* Liz Locke - Michelle-style winner.
* Melissa Cohen - will go a long way playing the Jew card. Although selling Jewish stuff to a company with Cohen in its name is kind of shooting fish in a barrel.
* Paloma Vivanco - will play the sexy card. Will fail because Karren takes offence at her.
* Raleigh Addington - token posho you're supposed to hate. Will do at least as well as Rafe and may have a more successful post-Apprentice career.
* Sandeesh Samra - will lurk in the background and nobody will remember anything she's done when she's fired.
* Shibby Robati - Thinks he's this year's Philip. May be this year's Tim.
* Stella English - fails because she isn't a single mother.
* Stuart Baggs - fails because he's a prick.

Do none of them have proper jobs this year?

Apprentice man Christopher Farrell in fraud probe

On BBC1 now...

It's a bit depressing - too many tosssers.

The PM on the boy's team is the worst. The sausages they're making look terrible as well.

Who is the first to go?

argh this show drives me nuts. the idea that this is how 'driven' people behave is just http://hubcap.clemson.edu/~sparks/sfhorror/eyeroll.gifhttp://hubcap.clemson.edu/~sparks/sfhorror/eyeroll.gif to me

The boy's team is called 'Synergy' FFS...

(x-post)

I thought for a moment you were pointing out the ridiculous enhanced blue eyes in the photography.

this is cringeable

Stuart hasn't packed his bag. Quality.

He must be the one to go then?

stuart has TINY ears

and a TINY brain, obv.

omg banish all of these people to the depths of hell

Stuart is going to go simply because he can't keep his mouth shut.

because stuart's ridiculous and good for a few more weeks or stupid shit

OF NOT OR

Paraphrasing Brian Hanrahan's Falklands "counted them all out counted them all back" as part of a boxer style entrance back into the house? Wanker...

dara o'briain?

Chiles works for ITV now.

Liked Stuart's "let's work this out on a calculator, let's see, oh yes, ZERO". He will be kept in for entertainment for ages. Otherwise, mostly meh. Too soon to tell about any of them really, way too many under the radar.

Hope he falls really badly. A Toryboy tossbag in a room full of Toryboys. Seeing him become completely unravelled is going to be worth waiting for.

Raleigh wagging his finger at Dan was lolz as well.

Really depressing watching The Apprentice followed by coverage of the Conservative Party Conference on the news. Tory tossbag zeitgeist in the UK.

i liked the bit where one of them said, "when i'm going in the boardroom, i want even bother packing my suitcase, i'm THAT confident i'm staying." nice work.

yeah, that was rentaquote BawBaggs. He also said if he got the job and didn't return Lord Sugar a tenfold return on his investment within a year, he'd repay him his full year's salary.

Jamie's sneery as hell, bet he sticks around forever

IT IS SHAMEFUL!

Liked Stuart's "let's work this out on a calculator, let's see, oh yes, ZERO".

We both said "Ian Hislop" at that point.

haha, true. We thought was a bit like when Tim takes the piss out of Gareth in The Office.

IT IS SHAMEFUL!

It was the wagging finger than made that.

Which one's Jamie? Is he the one that looks like 24 year old Alex from a couple of years back?

I couldn't get over how many 'Tim nicebutdims" there were going "seriously, can't be spoken to like that, seriously?"

Alex bendybusinventor needs to learn to smile a bit, he was sitting in the back of the car looking like Gordon Brown. I think he also reminds me of someone off an earlier series, but I can't remember who it was, so I might have made that up.

I laughed at how it was decided that Stella and the pretty one (Liz?) are supernumerate geniuses just because they can do simple arithmetic using a calculator. Then I remember MattLucas-alike Kevin the Bank Manager from before who couldn't count tomatoes.

Based on past series, actually working out how much they need to charge to make a profit is amazing, even though in the real world it's primary school math class "you are running a cake stall" basic level stuff. Almost as amazing as Nick Hewer singling them out for praise - he's been spending too long around candidates who just pull figures out of thin air.

"praise" = "you should all be doing this"

Dan 'my motto is JFDI' was never going to survive the total and utter humiliation of being told to sit up straight by SAS - no possible way back from that.

My favourite so far is Raleigh - as others have said SHAMEFUL was Apprentice gold.

I though Jenny(?) who was team-leading the girls...sorry APOLLO, was a pretty dire team leader really. I quite liked the shouty blonde with specs, she should be good value over the coming weeks. I think Liz will do well.

ugh, when shouty blonde with specs was arguing about closing her own deals - nagl.

ABC

Always Be Closing... your sausage sales.

Dara O'Briain is v. good on You're Fired, btw.

My other favourite thing was "supermarket sausages have, on average, lots and lots of food miles. These have lots and lots less".

Also, man, how much would you laugh if someone hit the buzzer for your flat and said "do you want to buy any sausages?"?

totes agree w dr cee - shouty blonde w specs pretty much won them the task by saying follow the advice that you're given (ie go down the gourmet route - boys were never gonna compete w tesco etc in the cheap shit banger market). apollo team leader only looked good in comparison to synergy twat leader

I liked how one of the girls wanted to call the team "Winning Women", like they had ever seen the programme before and didn't realise that it's only girls v boys for one week.

Maybe it's a description of the prize for the boys...

This is probbly old, but:

Unemployed head of communications.

What does that mean, exactly?

xpost. I disagree. Joanna was civil, calm, listened to other people's ideas, reassured the woman who was making a hash of the sausage-making, and made everyone feel involved, ie what a team leader should do. Melissa had one good idea but praising her just seems like falling into the trap of thinking that you have to be a pushy arsehole to do well in business. Very slippery of her to flatly turn down being team leader and then try to boss around the woman who did take the job.

Also, Joanna listened to the point being made, then took it on.

Even though the person making it was all "professionalism, DUH!!!"

but again, i thought shouty blonde w specs was right to object to joanna trying to close the sale that she had made! this isn't really 'business' this is a fucking competition and lord suges and his helpers were clearly taking a note of who made what sales - so if the girls had lost the task, joanna would've had a big score to her name that she didn't really make - that seems far more slippery to me

Bit of both, really (re shouty Melissa). I don't agree with the central Apprentice idea that selling is everything - the prep work and everything that goes on "backstage" is just as important to the overall deal as the ability to actually close the sale, but The Apprentice never ever sees this. Unless it suits them.

Unemployed head of communications.

He was one, and now he isn't. I loved his brilliant and innovative marketing strategies - "Britain's best bangers" YES WELL DONE YOU ARE VERY CLEVER.

Also all boys need mega-slaps for suggesting that the concept of a beef'n'ale sausage would alienate mothers. And women.

Thing is the show's so heavily edited to push the viewer in certain directions that it's hard to say what the right or wrong of a situation is - it's more a visceral reaction. Maybe Melissa was right to argue about the sale - couldn't be sure with the available info - but the way she snarled "professionalism" at someone who had, seemingly, treated everyone with respect got my hackles up.

oh i'm sure she wld be a nightmare to work with/manage irl but she is gd telly

Haha, yes.

Selling trumps all other biz skills in Apprentice world because SAS is still basically a market trader/wheeler-dealer writ large. And sales are quantifiable.

Basic ways to get fired in the Apprentice:

1) Sell nowt, after setting yourself up as the best salesman/woman in the world.
2) Doing nothing at all to help. (Usually takes a few weeks to uncover this - more obv when the numbers thin out.)
3) Having a REALLY terrible idea and forcing it through despite objections (e.g. 'Pantsman' in the last series)
4) Practical problem - being mainly responsible for a process not working or choosing wrong location to sell.
5) Basic financial f-up, i.e.costs too high.

Oh yeah, great telly. The Apprentice always needs a charismatic pain in the arse. I expect her and Stuart Baggs The Brand to be kept on for a few episodes even if they fuck up.

Dr C, you forgot

6) remind SrAlan that you have excellent academic qualifications

Doesn't really get you fired on it's own though? I think you need to be guilty of one of 1-5 and then bring this out during the boardroom grovel.

Fully expected two of the boys to lose both hands when they leaned into the mincing machine to push the sausagemeat out through the hole at the bottom.

There's an interlock on those machines so they can't be started up when the top is open. Still, basic kitchen safety a bit lacking. I lolled when the dude showing Apollo how to work the sausage making machines told them "wear this (protective glove) on the hand you're not holding the knife in".

I can sure pick 'em...
'Apprentice' hopeful 'fired for watching porn'

Did we do the one convicted of racist assault?

http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/s108/the-apprentice/news/a279657/apprentice-hopeful-riley-has-conviction.html

No, damn - Joanna was the one being the reasonable PM on the sausage task. I didn't know that a conviction for racist assault could be spent.
Meanwhile I hope Shibby wins, if only to keep him away from patients...
'Apprentice' star 'ruled as unprofessional'

Vetting procedure went well then :-)

Doesn't it always? Lee 'I lie on my CV' McQueen - who incidentally has left Amscreen...

lol Lee McQueen motivational speaker. People will actually pay for him to shout "THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!" ???

"Lee McQueen is VERY ANGRY!!! He wants to SMELL LIKE A MAN!!!"

"I didn't get where I am today by telling the truth!": lie your way to a better future the Lee McQueen way.

Anyone else notice the registration plate on the taxi at the end alluding to Lord Sugar's sexyness?

Er, sexiness even.

Ohh, wonder if it'll be a different one each week...

What did it say? "LS15HUNG"?

Apprentice contestant quit after brother injured

So this is basically the "dog accessory" task from a couple of years ago.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolie

Synergy deserve to lose for a) ^^^ that, b) blatant sexism. Although Apollo might just lose due to being an uncontrollable rabble.

...and also because their product is an unidentifiable pile of sticks.
"Investment Banker Chris" investment wanker more like...

Jesus if that Laura had 1 braincell it would die of loneliness

33 miners in Chile get out of a hole, while several candidates dig themselves into a hole.

Melissa is so fired.

She is completely useless, isn't she?

She's an expert in food sales which is why she is PM.

No, wait, she's Melissa COHEN who is 'successful' through increasing the KOSHER sales of Tesco. Named after Tessa COHEN.

lol, who the hell thinks £1.82 is an acceptable price for a bread roll?

£50 says she wins tonight though.

Yeah, probably :-(

Are you taking the bet then? ;-)

xxxp bet Tony Hancock would have had something to say about that...

no way. Impossible to predict. Too many random elements in this task.

<makes chicken noise but probably hopes he doesn't get called out>

I can't even remember who is in which team now, and I swear to God i've not seen this Chris character at all in the last two weeks.

He lay on the towel last week.

So far: like Jamie and Stella.
Hate: that chipmunk-face that was team leader last week, Alex and his 11 A* GCSEs.

Have a virtual £50 from someone daft enough to take your bet, aldo

Cheerio Sandeesh, though I think Shibby might carry the can.

Melissa's card is well and truly marked though.

OMG bawbaggs and Alex doing sexytime dances with the belly dancer. MY EYES!

Shibby will go, aye. He will choose badly who to take back in.

Alan Sugar must have a personal scriptwriter for this series - with more of the wisecracks than before.

God yeah, the paracetamol one was awful.

Rule one of being a bloke team leader: do not bring two women back in with you. They will go all girl power ganging up on you.

Ooh, we don't like Paloma much in this house now.

"I have two ears and one mouth, I use them to that ratio."

"i understand you're academic" = BYE SHIBBY.

At least they're no longer thankful for the opportunity

I'm not actually convinced I like anybody this year.

I was impressed with the way Sandeesh's large eyes narrowed when she heard criticism.

xp agreed - I've been hoping that someone will start to reveal themselves as a semi-likeable sort-of-competent person, but nothing as yet.

I've read at the top of the thread where I say the first bloke out will get to the semi-finals, so I clearly know nothing.

I quite like Jamie and Stella, but only by default. One or either of them will do something terrible next week, I'm sure.

xp On-bail-for-fraud guy was my pick, so I sympathise.

Dara is bloody loving this week's firing.

His best week yet.

lolz@ Dara's dig about him having a degree in a proper subject

I hated Stella from the videos, and liked Shibby and Criminal Chris. We're not very good at this, even after years of watching it.

Does nobody sweep the You're Fired studio? I've never seen so many dust motes.

Are/were we better at any other reality show? Probably not. xpost

I've never seen so many dust motes.

You need to look at the 'ghosts' in Most Haunted.

Maybe when Dara starts presenting it.

xxp I think we all pegged Josie as possible BB11 winner from practically Day 1. Predictions for the placing of other housemates was sketchy to say the least.

Why isn't he? CALL YRSELF AN AGENT? xpost to the Monkey

xposts, ha, no, you're right. I should stop making snap judgements that will lurk on the internet forever.

other xposts, except for BB11, which I didn't watch.

Yeah, everyone even vaguely watching it had Josie from the beginning, that's true.

You know what I used to love when BB was big enough? First night on in the pub, with no sound on, trying to work out where people were from based on what they looked like.

Why isn't he? CALL YRSELF AN AGENT? xpost to the Monkey

We should pitch it.

Melissa's not Lady Gaga, she's Gok Wan.

Dara killing it. Set up the meeting, I will get him the gig.

"oh look, there's something the more feeble minded amongst you will be taken in by."

Rolls: my demise

paloma is like an actress she's so damn good at being on this show

Yes, she's like someone playing the part of a glamorous, tough-talking businesswoman in a primetime drama. "I'm a businesswoman and you're a joke - that's the difference between you and me" was good stuff for an ad hoc retort.

I found Alex's GCSE defence endearing.

Good point made on You're Fired though - at what stage in your career do you stop having to bang on about what exams you passed when you were 14 or whatever?

(not that Unemployed Head of Communications Alex *has* a career, right enough, but seriously, you don't have to be a mathematical whizzkid to realise that £1.82 is not a feasible answer to "what is the wholesale cost of a single bread roll?")

Paloma is horrible.

Also, please help me, you lot. Which actress/personality/singer is Stella reminding me of, btw? It's really annoying me. I thought yesterday that it might be Tea Leoni, but I suspect it's someone less glamorous than that.

My first thought on reading that was that it was David Duchovny's ex-wife, but that I couldn't remember what her name was.

That's why it was endearing. It's lovably pathetic to fall back on your GCSEs in your late 20s. I think I like Alex precisely because he's so hapless and doomed. If this was a war movie he'd have had his face blown off by a grenade by now.

He *does* have Gordon Brown's face, which really helps seal the doomed thing for him.

I thought he had Alistair MaGowan's face...

We were in apoplexy when she said "82p per roll", We'd missed the £1 (people were on the phone)

Not to be all "reality TV, tut tut" but I swear the editing is even more atrocious this series. I actually haven't been able to get a proper picture of any of their tasks and how they'll be assessed other than "oh they have to bake something and... sell it.. to... someone?" and I feel like I'm just watching a semi-random series of 2-second soundbites and facial reactions. Even the first episode, before they even had the first meeting with Sir Alan, it was mainly "reaction shots" of them standing around in the reception area waiting to go into the boardroom. Just bizarre.

Rolls: my demise

Uh btw I think this is maybe the best joke I've ever made on ILX so I hope you all caught it

Yeah, I seriously can't get a handle on who anyone is and what they are doing (like I couldn't remember that Chris guy at all, have only seen Liz once, doing some sums on a calculator). There's basically too many of them at this stage. I totally fell for the "Melissa is so fired" thing early on this week after the multiple shots of her going "duh" at any questions, before aldo reminded me that meant she was probably going to win.

I did sort of think I'd missed something when the task just ended and it was boardroom time, I was a bit "oh, is that it?", but I thought it was just me because they are trying to cram in impressions of lots of people in a v. short space of time.

I just got your joke now! I should be a contestant on the Apprentice, I am so slow.

I don't get it. What is it?

No one watching this week then.

They're just all horrible people.

I don't just want to see Melissa fired, I want to see her trampled.

Can't stand Paloma.

"no room for manoeuvrement"

Melissa is so full of shit. But they're not going to fire her since aggro = entertainment.

Oh look I was wrong.

(I would make a shit Apprentice candidate since I can admit when I'm wrong)

manouvrement
professionality
retributed

guh

analysation!

Richard Herring, come on my son!

Grace stop being so nice!

Probably the easiest pick ever.

Oh Liz Locke.

It never ceases to amaze me how the most ridiculous contestants can be changed characters on You're Fired. Or maybe their original awfulness really is largely down to that famous 'editing'. Melissa was self-aware and not at all defensive on YF tonight.

"It's got something to do with science...or museums."

Melissa really is the worst person ever and possibly the only one to still be that arsey outside of the boardroom (refusing to shake hands etc).

"It may not be the actual produce per se in terms of shower heads" lol

I'd guess they have some media advice for appearing on 'You're Fired'. In Melissa's case, not only did she follow the advice on seeming pleasant, she went for the full image make-over. It also helped that she was given the easiest of rides by the panel.

She still didn't seem to accept that she'd done anything badly, though. Yeah she was laughing along but everything she said suggested she still thought along the lines that 'if you sound like you know what you're talking about' then you've done a good job.

The panel really gave her an easy ride. This is the idiot who "owns a food distribution company" and thought you could sell, wholesale, a bread roll for £1.18.

Well, that programme is supposed to be a bit light and breezy, and I guess there's no point trying to provoke a row on it, which means, in Melissa's case, that you can't say anything even remotely negative to her. Plus the panel did seem to be really taken aback by how pleasant she was being. Why they seemed prepared to accept that this was more like the real her, I can't say.

She certainly styled it out. She got Dara as well; "Are you going to be listening from now on?" "Sorry, I didn't hear that" "I said..". He didn't seem to find that funny.

Nobody likes to be fished in by dad jokes in front of a television audience.

I thought he took that with good grace "arrgh, ygot me yr terrible thing there..."

full image make-over = Not wanting to be stopped in the street for being *her!*

Trust me, comedians haaaaaaaaate it when you get a joke in on their funnytime.

Oh, I have no doubt:

Get one in, it's "OK, you can have that one"
Get two in, it's "right, that's enough now"
Three, and it's Bruce's copyrighted "All right, all right, I do the funnies!!!"

Did anyone hear people in the You're Fired audience playing the Last Clap game? Could hear someone going "Shhh!". It was well funny.

aargh, just watched this. hate all of them, except Liz and Jamie and maybe Chris and maybe Christopher and possibly Stella. Alex came across rather well this week, I thought. The cackling coven of Laura, Paloma and Sandeesh can all fuck off though. Really? Jesus, you have proper really jobs and stuff!

For some reason I keep thinking Laura's Swedish and it makes me like her. TBH all of them look like well-adjusted human beings next to Melissa.

Now that I've realised that Stella's an Essex Tea Leoni, I need to work out who Laura reminds me of.

kate o'mara?

Nina Persson from the Cardigans?

btw don't look anyone up on Linked In unless you want spoilers... (my o/h tried to look up Melissa to see what on earth she's done with her life and even the "other people viewed..." panel had spoilers)

Linda Blair?

ha!

haha, shit, it actually is Nina Persson. Crossed with Linda Blair, obv.

Still think Laura is:
http://www.pierrehale.com/kiu/i/top100/kate_o_mara.jpg

"In clubs in Manchester, they still make you wear shoes."

LOL at Cassetteplaya...

Were they selling clothes for adult babies?
"Both teams want the sparkly dresses" <<< props to the voiceover guy for saying this without laughing. I wouldn't be able to.

Stuart's toned down his look this week. He looks almost human now. Then he speaks...

I guess this is bye bye Alex then?

Paloma is hideous.

Alex's tie should be recycled - into firelighters.

Paloma could possibly be this year's "talked themselves out of the door where just being silent would have saved them" candidate.

"Can I just just one thing shovel a whole load of bullshit in your face?"

is dara steaming?

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD

The beard suits Brigstocke, I think.

Makes him look even more of a tosser. So I agree. Totally suits him.

Find these makeovers and conversions to niceness a bit nauseating.

They've had longer than usual this time - a year instead of ~6 months.
Also LOL at Paloma getting hardsonned by Deborah from last year.

It's like a serial killer criticising someone for eating a bacon sandwich.

The 'You're Fired" panel is far too soft again. Paloma's come away thinking she really was a good, if not the best, candidate who only blew it through that 'could I say one last thing' intervention in the Boardroom.

Whereas she should been told that she as pretty average at best, and a hard nasty piece of work that should be taken round the back on Apprentice HQ and given a kicking.

Yeah, I saw a little thing pass over her face at the audience being mostly "fired".

Key moment was way before the "can I say one thing", was when Paloma said "I have nothing to pin on her this week" out loud as opposed to just thinking this.

She's been lining up fall guys every week so far.

just caught up with this - sandeesh is v pretty & nerdy dude getting the advert should have been treated as the best thing their team did

abs.

Watched this late last night, haven't seen Dara show last week, but agree that Alex getting the TV advert was brilliant and should have been made more of. Paloma may well have more business sense etc, but she came across as an utterly horrible human being (sitting handwaving and going "Laura! Laura!" every time Alex tried to explain the impact of his move to arrange the TV ad. All this "he's just theorising" nonsense was just nonsense, btw. A decent strategy and store layout from the off might have helped, no? Her face when Nick refused to agree that Alex was irritating was brilliant.

I also loved how un-self-aware they all were when pitching to the sparkly dress firm, Paloma actually looked like she was going to physically vomit all over the clothes.

massive lolz at Stella waving forlornly in the window, having no idea what she was doing there (me neither, to be fair).

Next week looks like solid Baggs-shaped gold.

No idea where that random "last week" came from in my first sentence, btw.

Maybe not on par with Simon's "Represent the street!" rap, but looks like lols to be had for sure.

There is one person to blame for their failure, and it is whoever thought that buying a load of chopped-up suits was a good idea. It's the kind of thing you see on Regretsy. Absolute nonsense. I bet that woman who got pressured into buying the tie dress would have brought it back the next day if the shop had still been there.

A decent strategy and store layout from the off might have helped, no?

One of the Dara panellists said, nicely, that he was right.

It did look like the show was edited against her, i.e. that he was given his head but took ages about it...

That dress was awful. It looked more like a quilt. Even the woman's kid thought so ("This is a Slanket, no?")

Does Alex remind anyone else of:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_n0A-3IuKg1k/SkJYNKn2jNI/AAAAAAAABmk/iVlBRVaEB_A/s400/AndyMcCluskey.jpg

Or is it just me?

Good to see Paloma get the bullet last night - always bad tactics to gang up on someone in the boardroom and has never worked in the past. Idiotic to take Sandeesh in, after praising her, in order to inform Lord S that she did Ok this week, but is a 'weaker candidate than me overall'. I am getting to like Alex - he's a tit, but at least he has a go. And yes, as mentioned upthread, without the TV ad that he arranged they would have done far worse.

Alex's rotundity mitigates against McCluskey comparisons.

Ew, just remembered Baggspuss having a swift jiggle of himself under the duvet :-(

(have been discussing this with someone, I'm not just randomly thinking about him or anything weird like that)

Noticeable that this year all the psychos are getting ditched early, while the ones who seem like normal people (and there were more of them to start with than previous years) are staying on, even when they don't necessarily appear that competent. Is this what the BBC meant when it repositioned the Apprentice for straitened times: not rewarding those for whom Gordon Gekko is a lifestyle choice?

I liked Paloma until she started saying "Stop intellectualising the layout!" about 50 times. Alex was pointing out probably one of the most sensible things ever pointed out on The Apprentice. I don't really care if she was bitchy, but that just made her look like an idiot.

Ah yes, that was it, I was thinking "theorising". But yes, assuming that a project starts on the shop floor and is completely reactive on an ongoing basis = WRONG. I would have thought anyone with a degree of PM experience would know that there's a whole lot of planning and thought that goes on at the start of the process, and "intellectualising" your process is absolutely the way to go ahead. Sure, reacting to situations as they occur is necessary, but analysis of the potential risks before you start etc is simply good planning. Not that SWOT analyses make for riveting telly, but it wouldn't hurt to give it some consideration. I wish someone in the boardroom had pointed THAT out to her, and given Alex more credit for the good work he had done (or tried to do).

not rewarding those for whom Gordon Gekko is a lifestyle choice?

"For want of a better word: backstabbing is good. Backstabbing works..."

Baggs was otm last night, warning Alex that Paloma was going to set him up as a scapegoat for the failure of the task.

I really liked how Liz said at the very beginning, "The most important thing from the last task that we learnt is be professional, be interested, love the product even if you don't love the product, and just make sure you get home the point that we want to represent them". I know we see how candidates do learn from their mistakes, Stuart toning it down after Week 1 being a prime example, but it was great to actually see someone saying, "This is what what happened last time, this is how we can improve, and this is what we're going to do". Basic stuff maybe, but we all know how rare that kind of thing can be on The Apprentice, and it was that kind of enthusiasm that Liz was talking about that persuaded Liquorice to go with them.

Haha, we were laughing in amazement at that. Apprentice explicitly states they should learn from experience! If next week someone cottons on to the fact that AMS *always* says that the commercials need to say what the product does, above all else, then we have truly entered a new era.

Paloma was going on about 'theory, theory' too iirc. I thought everyone knew about the 'turning right in a shop' thing but my o/h had never heard it.

Yeah, Baggs is daft and full of himself, but he's not actually stupid.

I really like Liz. She seems smart and still willing to learn. So she's bound to arse something up spectacularly v. soon. Criminal Marine Christopher is still way under the radar, isn't he?

I can't actually remember now why Laura annoyed me so much.

Crying and whining, probably

Quick perusal of the internet suggests it was because she was so horrible to Jo and her book reader idea even though she couldn't think of a single decent thing herself, then she went with it and blamed Jo for it throughout without even pretending to be enthusiastic about her own team's product, then she arsed up on the fact that Boots somehow wanted exclusivity on the piece of shit and then refused to accept any of this was her fault.

what's the reasoning behind people turning right when they enter a shop?

right handedness

really? i'm left-handed so thought it seemed nonsense

Self-fulfilling prophecy if all savvy store managers put the interesting stuff at the right of the shop, surely?

yeah, i think there's a lot of that to it as well.

just thinking of hammersmith. hmv has all the gadgets and games on the right, the actual music on the left and i always go left in there. whsmith has the magazines on the right and i go that way.

I'm sure the 'stuff on the right' thing is a retail truism so deeply ingrained that it's become a bit chicken/egg.

Theory: I am left-handed and have never had my bag lifted or my pocket picked; this might be because I habitually hang my bag on the 'wrong' shoulder for a pickpocket/mugger to reach.

Total WTF moment from Alex there.

I like the Octopus.

I like Octopus too, but nobody seems to have twigged germinate ACTUALLY MEANS to grow.

Germinator? As in the thing you put seeds into to germinate?

Needs more Sian Lloyd.

Yeah, that's the one. It's now thought of as a good name for a kitchen detergent. xpost

"Let's be honest, sex sells everything". Christopher is a moron.

Germ-o-nator packaging is really, really awful.

It's ok, it's germonator

Xp

"that to me says bathroom. because of the octopus..."

Why is it Octi-clean, not Octo-clean?

You'll love her Octopus hands.

I JUST CAN'T GET RID OF THIS GRAVY

xxp didn't one mock up on the designer's computer say 'Octo' and another mock up say 'Octi'? They made the wrong choice IMO.

And isn't calling it 'Germinator' (or whatever) a bit misleading, as it doesn't kill germs?

Why couldn't they have just made the Germinator-wielder ... not a child?

Germinator: crap name, packaging doesn't look like a cleaning product
Octi-clean: blah name but passable, actually looks like something that would be on a supermarket shelf

MP3 players! Search engines!

"so I think on this occasion I need someone I think will make a mess so I can escape this wreck"

Christopher's "eight hands..." line there was rapey as fuck.

The unacceptable rapey ad might be the winner, given that the other is probably illegal.

Germinator packaging is more like weedkiller.

Will it germinate your seeds or kill them? Take a chance!

Good God.

Rapey ad is so so so bad.

Sandeesh is keeping a low profile this week.

Can't call this - I suspect I'd ditch Alex despite rapey ad on the other side.

I JUST CAN'T GET RID OF THIS GRAVY

― Alba, Wednesday, 10 November 2010 21:23 (12 minutes ago)
http://www.comedy.co.uk/images/library/comedies/180x120/v/vic_reeves_big_night_out.jpg

I love that Alan keeps pushing this "Nick is a pervert" line.

"all over it like a tramp and chips"

"8 hands are better than 2" may be the only clever bit, but it's a clever bit.

This legitimises rape.

If only we could have seen A Helping Hand in action.

Liz always wins

(possibly not true - haven't checked)

Where the heck is this Bridge Cafe, and does AlSug own it?

Duh, crap opening line from Alex. He's going.

Shut after series 2, from memory, and he bought it to film the bit in (the leaseback to the BBC over the series pays for it). xp

So it's part of the mighty AMSprop department? I bet Simon (winner from whatever year) is in there between shows sweeping it up.

Laura would have gone if she'd been called in, I reckon.

Will Sandeesh manage to hypnotise the Lord with her enormous eyes?

He's going to talk himself out the door, I think.

Germ 'o' nator was robbed imo.

Yeah, he seems harsh on Laura, but he's not forgiving of people of throw up objections but are overruled.

Somehow "Prove I don't do naff all" sounds like idiomatic double negative.

He walks a bit like Gordon Brown

He ties his tie too short.

John Terry is a cunt.

He's worse than Hitler.

hey Alex has borrowed Louis Walsh's jacket from X Factor

He needs a bigger size

Oh god, his honking voice! Argh!

He's like a terrible club magician who just makes you feel sorrier and sorrier for him the longer he's on stage.

Oh FFS he's so full of shit. He's obviously convinced that he's done nothing wrong. Glad that Ruby Wax is there to lay into him.

Indeed - a bit like Gordon Brown... The resemblance is getting stronger.

Dara bringing that science knowledge, knowing what "germination" actually means.

Was Alex trying to do a David Brent parody there?

He's been doing that for the entire series!

"I'm as much of a comedian as an ad exec"

"I'm as much of a comedian blowhard as an ad exec complete twunt"

Whenever someone asks Alex a question, there's a fraction of a second pause where the caption 'BULLSHIT MODE: ON' should appear below him.

Wait a minute... octopus... rapey... CLEVER PLAY FOR THE TENTACLE PRON MARKET

Painful viewing

Where the heck is this Bridge Cafe, and does AlSug own it?

― Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball),

It is/was here, it seems

I called the Gordon Brown thing ages ago! (just watched it, everyone OTM about Christopher's rapeyness, settling down for the Dara takedown now)

Seemed a very disjointed task, really (radio ads with Bawbaggs were actually quite memorable and cheesy and good, totally ignored in the boardroom decision). Why no mention of retail value, etc? That's what would sell it, surely?

jesus, he just said "artworked".

We're worryingly warming to Bawbaggs, btw.

WATCH MY SKYDIVING VIDEO! Surprised they didn't kill him in the house, tbh.

Fuck, I hope this is real:

http://www.alexepstein.co.uk/

To find out more about how we can work together, simply enter your details. I’ll then be in touch ASAP so we can meet and discuss your needs over a nice cup of tea.

ALEXFAP! (or ALEXFACOT)

"I don't want soup, I want Heinz Cream of Tomato Soup" (see that Alex website). What a twat.

So, just trying to follow this from China - Alex was fired, yes?

Yeah Alex was fired.

His really high-pitched yell at Chris in the board room! The look on Sandeesh's face!

Did anyone else notice Stuart's eyes light up when Lord Sugar said the word "brand" when he was explaining the task at the beginning? Hehe.

Prize for best "I really wanna go back to bed" face goes to Joanna.

god, all of these men are extremely naff. chris has a shocking delivery and a NVGSOH, to say the least. the other quite good looking one with the crew-cut and the extremely ill fitting suit is naff as hell too. his pitch for octi-clean had me cringing in my own home.

the last time I saw The Apprentice (early in its lifetime) the contestants were fairly competent and utterly dickish and I didn't think much of it. But I watched tonight. And these people. Omg.

On the plus side, has there been a better episode for quotes so far? Nick's movie-dvds? Christopher literally bringing his sniper ACTUAL killer instinct into the businessplace?

I wish they'd show less of the candidates having to get up early and a bit more of the relevant stuff like what the ad people actually thought about the ads.

tbh that Alex website is exactly what you'd expect of any other PR company, full of exactly the same language and guff. I could find you a million like it. Look, here's one at random from the the google recommended picks for "brand marketing agency":

http://www.wildfiredesign.co.uk/

WHAT WE DO - we create, develop and produce thoughtful, engaging and well-considered communications across a wide variety of media for an even more diverse mix of clients. We bring together brand strategy, offline and digital communications to complete the marketing mix...

It even has a blog, like what Alex wants to put on his, to show they're 'down with the kids'.

Oh wait, this lot are better:

http://www.fathom.uk.com/who.php

Experts in turning your brand into a castle

Theory: If Laura had been brought back, she still would not have gone. She might have "talked herself out" but then after last week, she'd have been mindful.

Haha, formerwinner Michelle Dewberry has domain squatted all the female candidates. All the blokes had previously taken out their own domains.

sandeesh's eyes = still otm.

alex was mostly useless but he was bullied to fuck by the other snidey housemates so he has my sympathies. ruby wax was just repulsive on YF, no wonder alex puts on his bullshitter shield when he has arseholes like her lobbing 'jokes' at him.

interesting that big al used the "with regret.." line on him, first time this series i think?

yeah, think so.

like stet said above, there was a weird gordon brown/alex synergy going on, probably producer-created. the red tie, the physical resemblance, the bumbling deluded oaf thing and also the way he was always captioned as 'unemployed head of marketing'. might explain why labour peer al was more sympathetic toward him (i'm maybe overthinking this)

minor chuckle when sugar went to the house, looking nervous and out of sorts ('oh this is kinda uncomfortable, but im no good at smalltalk so i'll just check my phone'), looked like a little teeny tiny oompa loompa man next to statuesque stella

Mmmm 'statuesque Stella'...

Interesting he used the regret line. Despite all of Alex's twatishness, in the context of the other apprentices he was not wholly dislikeable. I think his total lack of self awareness was his saving grace. At least he was himself all along.

This week: a re-run of the shopping centre stick-your-mug-on-a-mug task

Stuart is so awful. If you can't be anywhere except at the top, why are you trying to work for Sugar? I like the idea of faking consensus by stunning everyone into silence.

His extreme masculinity is a key part of the brand

He hates arse-covering as a practice.

I have no idea who is going here, I suspect Sandeesh.

"He's not coming back for it and no one else is going to buy it"

Knockdown price for desperate paedophiles?

Jamie dodges a bullet there, Sralan could have been talked into firing him I reckon.

"Chris and, sadly, Liz"

Nick wuvs her.

pinewood studios - furniture warehouse

OK, I also wuv Liz.

"eins zwei drei vier fuenf sechs sieben acht" - Stuart secretly a Kraftwerk fan?

I love Stella. She is a secret ice ninja queen and she *will* kill BawBaggs at some point. Loved her snidey dig at him back in the house.

So much comedy gold tonight. Particularly agreed with Dara and Andy Parsons that they should have ripped up the rule book, bought £40 worth of Sandeesh's DVDs themselves, and just fired Baggs for the lolz. Wish they'd had time to have a go at him for trying to talk cars with two unimpressed Brands Hatch employees, and getting absolutely everything wrong.

I've decided the person Laura reminds me of is our future Queen Middleton, btw. And Chris has stolen Jack Whitehall's voice.

Stuart was very lucky that Stella didn't punt his extreme masculinity up into his steel-trap head, tbh.

Forgot Stella's digs at BaggsTheBrandTM at the champagne tasting thing, which he clearly didn't get.

This was one of the shittiest episodes so far... why did they have to choose two pre-made movies (underwater etc) if they weren't using them? Stella totally ruled this ep though.

Also: "Just to make it clear, you want to do sales, so you will take the responsibility if we lose on sales?" "I hate arse-covering"

why did they have to choose two pre-made movies (underwater etc) if they weren't using them?

They could have used them if they'd wanted to, and the losing team did switch to using their archive footage when they realised their filmed footage wasn't working (it was a stupid task though).

Isn't ability to do the best with a really bad product kind of the best preparation for working for an AMS brand?

True, true. My problem (and a problem many people have, I'm sure, I'm not trying to be all TrishyB the Brand or anything) is that seeing people desperately struggling with something that clearly isn't going to make any money and is probably going to make them look stupid is not entertaining. It just gives me tension.

Like, if you're told to sell baked goods and you can't sell them, then you're a twat and I've little sympathy for you. This though... it's the kind of thing I run a mile from in shopping centres.

I'm just waiting for the day when someone actually realises it is completely pointless and goes tonto on someone/everyone. My money's on Stella.

I gave up on this being a recruitment process somewhere around the second week I watched it. We just watch to shout at the telly and get cross that most of these people somehow have better jobs than me.

And, for maximum shoutiness and crossness, we have decided Baggs needs to stay in until the interview stage.

xpost, oh, I absolutely agree with you. Though ordinarily the people selling this kind of tat have a proper strategy and decent base material and whathaveyou. The jack-of-all-trades shit they are routinely expected to pull is so ridiculous that it basically hinges on your tolerance/entertainment level of watching idiots make idiots of themselves. I mean, some of the country's actual real best business products would struggle to present an hour of tat-flogging on QVC.

All OTM. Task was crap.

Also WHY didn't they take the money upfront, because punters buggering off without the bloody DVD was so obv going to happen.

I hope Baggs stays in for the interviews but he is one losing task away from the bullet, surely. Stella et al toying with him was priceless. Also I quite like Joanna now and I think she could make it to the last 2 or 3.

Usually the excerpts from the following week are fairly unspecific, but if that wasn't "AlSug kicking SBags around the table" I'll be a.

"You're a loser" is not something he'd dish out lightly.

Good point.

I think a monumental cock-up from one of the others could still warrant that AlSug comment.

seeing people desperately struggling with something that clearly isn't going to make any money and is probably going to make them look stupid is not entertaining.

I find it hilarious. Seeing twunt middle management types coming unstuck is great. In a real workplace, they'd be fingerpointing at minions and avoiding getting the blame, but on 't Prentice there's no-one else apart from three other twunt middle management types. It's like the business equivalent of watching Wile E. Coyote running off the edge of a cliff, running on thin air for a few seconds, and then suddenly realising plummeting downwards while frantically flapping his arms like wings.

Baggs needs to stay in at least until the interviews. We need to see at least Bald Claude rip into him.

(not to mention Viglen's Chief Meerkat and that guy who looks a bit like Chris Moyles except without the winning personality)

Margaret is also interviewing.

That settles it, we need to see Baggs at the interview stage.

funniest moment of this episode: the dvd our boy baggsy screwed up which had bonus footage of some other confused-looking child spliced in randomly. cannot believe the mother actually bought the dvd, even if for a knock-down price.

just like palmoa was almost too evil business queen to be true, liz is the golden girl opposite. bound to be her vs stella in the final, the guys are just awful this year. only had a glimpse of porno chris with his sid the sexist advert last week, eagerly awaiting his upcoming almighty cock-up.

"this tastes like paintstripper"
"have you even had champagne before Stuart?"
"yes, it's what they give you for free when you go into nightclubs"

"You're a loser" is not something he'd dish out lightly.

See, I kind of hope not. Twenty-one is a bit young to be written off as a loser. A gobshite, certainly, but you can't properly be a loser till you're at least in your thirties, surely? Guys?

the dvd our boy baggsy screwed up which had bonus footage of some other confused-looking child spliced in randomly.

I proper laughed at Dobby's impression of the family reaction to that.

Twenty-one is a bit young to be written off as a loser.

Sure, but there was nothing in his project handling that was purely down to his superior management skills, beyond "a stopped clock is right twice a day", e.g. doing the racing car, and picking the right people for the front-sales-team (actually, all his team would have been fine there)

I like Laura.

There, I said it.

I suspect "you're a loser" comes at the end of him repeatedly insisting that he is in fact a winner. In life. Forever. Because he has testosterone and enterpreneurial skills and a brain and therefore has winner written through him like a stick of rock, etc etc etc.

actually, I really suspect it'll be directed at Jamie or something.

btw, one of the things that was pointed out was that Jo was naturally good with the kids because she had kids herself. We've established that Jamie and Stella have kid(s). Why were they shoved backstage? Chris is so stilted and unfun that I can't see WHY he was kid-engagement-strategist.

looking forward (sort of) to the comedy opportunities afforded by (1) hidden racism let loose, (2) a soldier let loose in Germany (possibly related to (1)) and (3) Nick Hewer and Baggs let loose on the Reeperbahn. How can it fail?

Ah, man, they do this with every soap opera. "Holiday" special. This year, I see Emmerdale have "won the lottery" and are off some place.

It's usually pants/bobbins, and the TV companies expect you to buy the 'full' version on VHS.

OK, maybe times have changed.

winner written through him like a stick of rock

It's a six letter word beginning with 'w' at least...

it'll be directed at Jamie or something.

He's the one that looks the most precarious - he doesn't seem to have any management skills at all and is just ever more transparently bullshitting his way through tasks. Baggs is full of shit as well, but he has a tiny tiny amount of nous when it comes to organising stuff. But OTOH it's totally subsumed by his macho man act. Also, BBC please to use Sinitta's 'So Macho' for Baggs' 'best bits' VT?

xpost The foreign trip episode of The Apprentice is usually comedy cold. Remember the priceless Kosher chicken mishap, when the self-styled "good Jewish boy" bought a halal bird?

And Army Paul trying to cook sausages with a tea-light and an empty bean can, before having to dump a metric fuckload of Makro value cheese into a bin in Calais because no-one in France wanted to buy it.

xp especially since this time they're going to German, and the German language has plenty of innocuous words that when mispronounced can result in an offer to visit an S&M dungeon in Hamburg.

re: the champagne tasting - I bet Stuart drinks WKD and isn't even mildly embarrassed about doing so.

since this time they're going to Germany

^^^ is what I meant

oh I just thought of something else Stuart could do - a cover version of Kraftwerk's 'Pocket Calculator', except change the words to "I'm the operator with my invisible pocket calculator".

guys its just going to be fawtly towers zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Except that the Germans won't be polite.

the tv listings say "Crisps"

(1) hidden racism let loose, (2) a soldier let loose in Germany (possibly related to (1))

Chris: "I hate Germans as well"

Laura really fucking hates Jo having ideas, doesn't she?

Money still on stealth ninja ice warrior Stella kicking Bawbaggs's head off.

If so, it'd be my dream episode.

I think the other team are much more likely to lose, so Chris PM will go.

Yeah, they are setting Baggsy up for the fall too early for it to come through.

I hate these tasks, btw. WTF is to be proved by asking people to conduct business in a foreign language (other than easy comedy lolz)?

Chris has been the losingest candidate so far, and we're expecting "You're a loser - you're fired" tonight. Looking bad for him, I'd say.

Laura's so careful to cover her arse at every opportunity. She was so keen for Stella to make her own decision about the crisp flavours.

Uh oh, the music tells me she's talking too fast!

ha, yeah, that was superobvious.

I am genuinely in awe of Liz' ease at dealing with people. Which probably means I have been ruined by years of watching gibbering idiots on this show.

lol at Keith Lemon lookalike

oh no, Baggs and Laura live to annoy me another week :-/

Cheerio, um, one of the Chrisses?

The Chris that was PM this week and that's been in the boardroom three times already and this is the 3rd week he's been there in a row.

LOSER! He hasn't struck me as that bad, actually. Or that good. He's just *there*

His voice drives me up the wall. It's like those really grating Simpsons characters (mostly Hank Azaria's, I think) who are fine in their small roles, but when the episode is built around them you get sick of listening to them very quickly.

I'm still trying to work out who he sounds like. I was convinced last week it was Jack Whitehall, but now I'm not so sure that's who I'm thinking of.

Anyway, meh, not bothered about losing Corporal Christopher.

I'm still trying to work out who he sounds like.

a low-flying bomber according to my viewing pal. his voice is hideous.

Chris has been the losingest candidate so far, and we're expecting "You're a loser - you're fired" tonight.

Ha, was totally waiting for this then he didn't even say it! Bit of an anti-climax after all of Baggs' gibbering and Laura's not even pretending to care about the task more than she cares about planning what to say in the boardroom.
Blond Chris does sound like Jack Whitehall and about 90% of students in my previous town.

Baggs' white sausage - urgh urgh urgh.

"I didn't particularly enjoy going to Germany, they bombed our chippy"

Stan Boardman's a contestant?

insert "it was a big Fokker that did it" 'joke'

disappointed that YF crew made no mention of dirty chris's post-apprentice porn-fuelled sacking

The yorFire crew is all about the positive spin, innit? To show that these people are actually employable really, etc.

aye but it was THE big apprentice story before the series began. also joanna's racist taxi queue bust-up but that isn't quite as chucklesome. i was a bit surprised chris turned up for YF as the press made a big fuss about how he'd disappeared in shame after being caught cracking one off in his office.

Privates on parade...

The yorFire crew is all about the positive spin, innit? To show that these people are actually employable really, etc.

I suspect that they won't be taking this tack with Hairbaggs, sorry Herr Baggs.

Wasn't there some stuff about Army Chris being sacked for fraud from his mortgage sales job?

Baggs still alive and kicking! I think Joanna will make it to the last 3 along with Stella and Liz.

Sorry for being slow with this one, but last week's YF had a 'skit' where AlSug falls under her spell from her eyezzzz and says "Sandeesh, You're Hired"..

now, it wasn't much of a brilliant sketch, but did they get him to do that for a lol, or does he have all these inserts pre-filmed 'just-in-case'? (It didn't look like they'd dubbed in "Hired" from someplace else)

I suspect maybe for a lol?

I assumed that the 'you're hired' was from the end of an old series, cos he doesn't fire the runner-up does he, he just hires the winner?

yeah, but it was "Sandeesh, you're hired" specifically.

Oh was it? I really should pay attention.

naw, it was spliced together from other bits.

Where was Sugar calling someone a loser, which we saw in the trailer last week?

Oh, they had that "You talked yourself out of this, you're fired" for weeks.

It's obviously SBaggs' eventual dismissal, intit?

Might be blond Chris if he ends up on the losing team AGAIN though. Baggs is being saved every week by being in the same team as Stella. Needs more mixing up.

"Talked yourself out of this" was a few weeks ago if iirc, when one of the aggro women was too aggro during the final 3.

Yeah, I meant that the "firing" sentence in the preview doesn't mean it's in next week's show, etc.

yeah i realised after. carry on.

in what sort of godless universe is kelvin mckenzie still alive btw?

expanding for clarity:

Oh, they had that "You talked yourself out of this, you're fired" in the preview for weeks.

"You're a loser, you're fired" is obviously SBaggs' eventual dismissal, intit?

No worries.

Gah, I didn't know what the Blue Book was but it clearly sounds like a business thing. Why are they fixated on this old military periodical?

Laura: "I can't go higher than £60. £65?" FAIL!

Stella suddenly losing all her common sense? "Hello, is Marco Pierre White there?"

I know that every year this particular task is a shambles, but come the f*** on...

Yeah, Stella is being stupid dumb, but Laura's schadenfreude is rather unbecoming. You're sitting next to her! You're on her team!

Laura is a bit of a cow.

I really dislike her. I hope she goes, but I'm worried for Stella and Liz here.

haha come one boys, truffles != chocolate truffles

come on, I mean

Ha ha. Loving Liz sticking the pen into the slow old man's hand.

I wouldn't want to be the person whose job it is to clean out that car after Chris and Baggs have been in it, all that testosterone.

Poor Jamie and his rubbish treasure hunt skillz.

"I called the whole of northwest London"

"Have you opened your Christmas cracker jokes early this year? stolen my script full of off-the-cuff remarks?"

A twist too far. More fines please.

SAVE LIZ!

lol at the result - another "winning team didn't really win but was less crap than the team that lost"

i don't understand how that can be?

Girls were fucking shite at buying stuff.

xp The women's team (Apollo?) paid way more for the items compared to the men's team.

Ooh, that Laura.

I want Laura to be fired and Stella and Liz to eventually end up in the final. Because it will be knives out between them from now on.

yeah, that would be awes.

Hooray, Laura has brought up her young age (so why the fuck are you a management consultant then, btw?), and has admitted her PM task was a shambles.

ARRRGGHHH SHE IS SO ANNOYING.

I want Laura to be shot and Liz to eventually end up in my bed.

Any office worker with middle management aspirations can become a management consultant - "hey boss! why don't we stop using staples and just fold over the corners of papers to save money!" (boss walks past without even noticing) = BINGO! U R A "management consultant"

lol SrAlan just turned into Simon Cowell there. And Laura is talking at hyperspeed.

BYEEEEEE!!!

Why does he always shortlist corporate types then say he doesn't need corporate types though?

liz looks like mischa barton

Stella vs Liz: it is soooooooooooooooo on now

"Where is that spark of genius?" - well Mr. Amstrad sir, it's likely to be a long long way from a company that used to make double decker VCRs...

Yeah, Liz v Stella smackdowns will be awesome. And Stella will win them all because she is an icy ninja.

Would not be surprised if she doesn't share some genetic material with Nick Hewer.

It just shows you, business is all about the shareholders. Who cares if you're delivering the product, as long as you're coming in at a low cost?

The Apprentice is really not about business at all though.

Alvin Hall really belongs on the Men Who Look Like Old Lesbians thread.

Dara's going to fit in a lot of interview with Laura if she keeps gabbling that quickly.

> Gah, I didn't know what the Blue Book was but it clearly sounds like a business thing.

the small print said "the london runs 1-320" which was a bit of a giveaway.

laura unlucky i think, given that it was all sorted on past performance. that said, she did completely give up last week (as the YBF montage just showed)

laura has been very lucky to stick around for so long. She's done absolutely nothing of substance whatsoever. people on YBF far too nice.

big fan of joanna now but next week's preview of her "unprofessionalism" not looking good for her :(

Yeah, but everyone made to look like twats on next week's preview.

Three weeks to go. Next week - patronise the whole of London. Week after = interviews. Then final. Whither the comedy shopping channel task? QVC denied BawBaggs :-(

def a missed opportunity there!

Glad Stella didn't go. Surely someone could've figured out that list price of 50g truffles = £100 so even with a £50 fine it wasn't worth getting at anything over £150?
Also, LOL at the boys making up a story for lower prices that is based around a WEDDING. Because no-one's ever heard of paying through the nose for wedding-related stuff, right?

Yeah, every 'story' started "I'm desperate", whereas any true negotiation begins with a "I don't really need to buy from you specifically", as per "I'm off to Southall" which was somewhat rude but more realistic.

Basically, it's "You are on the TV if you drop the price", which is .. fair enough.

knives out between them from now on.

Looking good for this and continuing the backbiting once returned to the house is never a good look. Probably not worth fixating on the task itself, but it seemed flawed that there was no bonus for getting all the items, so the lads won by default after a shit performance.

Favourite bit of this episode was the old dude at the sewing machine shop's "I am the Managing Director", a class act.

lol yeah "ytf would i not take full price, yr own personal camera team could chip in if you cant afford it"

I didn't know Laura was 22, she seemed older. And didn't get a 'pass' for being young like Stuart Baggs did.

Surely someone could've figured out that list price of 50g truffles = £100 so even with a £50 fine it wasn't worth getting at anything over £150?

Yeah Stella said she'd realised this, hadn't she, but had a go at Laura for chuntering on about £200 before she could stop her (though I'd have faked a fainting fit or something to get us out of there by that stage).

It's a shit task precisely because of the camera crew ("I'm going to my cousin's wedding, I have £25 on me*, oh aye, and my own personal camera crew and Karren Brady FFS!")

* Baggsy was ace at that "no, Chris, you've got a £20 note and I've only got £3 on me!"

Yeah, he played a blinder at that point, amazingly enough. Actually believeable.

I'm starting to think ANY of them could win now. Including Baggs. Though I suspect he will go for being insufferable at the interview stage.

Our tour guides in Egypt taught us that this is exactly how you haggle. You keep all your notes separate from each other and you pull one out and some change and say "this is all I have" and the person you're haggling with takes it or doesn't.

Probably not worth fixating on the task itself, but it seemed flawed that there was no bonus for getting all the items, so the lads won by default after a shit performance.

Yeah, this was my eariler point. That's how business is now, it seems. More important to keep costs down and bring home some change rather than actually produce what you said you would.

amazing to see the two head girls battle it out at the end. *has* to be a final with those two, no one else comes close to being half-decent in this silly series. though hats off to racial battery thug joanna for toning her 'orribleness down in recent weeks.

laura has been a sly sneaky back-covering little toad for weeks now, she shouldn't have lasted this long. really warming to baggsy, guaranteed mega-lols when he's in town. i wonder if he's playing up to it, the way he spoke to stella with all the 'older lady' bumf the other week, surely no one would speak like that about someone else? ricky gervais said this of him: "Isn't he a joy? When he won his task he did that face like a puffed-up toad. Oh I love him, he's amazing. I'm loving that he's the new David Brent."

liz really lost her lustre with those snide remarks back at the house, totally unprofessional. she seems like someone who has spent her whole life being told how amazing she is at everything, so when she screws up reacts *really* badly, throwing blame around at anyone nearby. she is remarkably good-looking mind, the producers must have been delighted when she turned up to audition.

hate the whole bartering thing with a passion. seems to be a new meme in reality tv, not just the apprentice - shows like don't tell the bride, and that (cheap flights?) advert banging about stupid brits not being able to haggle. it's invariably gobby self-serving wankers who do best at it, uncontained joy at slicing off the profit margin from some small business owner. if i never have to do this in my life i'll die happy.

Bear in mind, this was Liz right after the firing. Probably calmed down the morning after. xpost

I will always maintain that 'you never find out your boss's (or colleague's) true nature until you screw up'. Anyone can be a good boss/colleague when things are going well. The real test is when everything's going wrong. Liz has that nasty hidden 'blame anyone so long as it's not me' finger-pointing BS.

*Was* it right after the firing? When did the boys go to Paris then? The timing on this show is wack.

Agree that we've never had to see Liz' bad side until now. Stella's bad side appears to just be Nick-Hewer-style eye-rolling. She pretty much won me over the week she had to put up with all the boys going "wor, Stella in a weeny bikini!" and still had them all onside really really quickly without actually moaning or making a big deal about it.

Yeah, the show made it look like the boys went to Paris, then went back to the house in time for the returning girls. I'd assume they went after the firing/return.

> pull one out and some change and say "this is all I have"

but why are you spending your last £23 in the world on a vintage sewing machine?

Because Lord Sugar told you to yr gran needs to make a tartan throw for a wedding, and has to give it to her taxi-driving nephew.

Because there are no cash machines on Regent Street and kiltmakers don't take Switch. Oh...

Well, there's a whole bunch of 'rules' that seem implicit...

Like 1) Look up on Google to find out what a "blue book" is. They don't, as if they're not allowed the internet on tasks.

Aye, but why would a regular shopkeeper not at least try to brandish their chip and pin machine at them? This haggling pish in actual shops is horrible and proves nothing (except hilarious, obv).

Also, the camera crew following them about prevents anything being done "properly", like when a bunch of pished idiots bought a skeleton in a pub a couple of years ago. normal things like pitching to a business, running a shop, etc, shouldn't be *that* affected by the cameras, but tasks like this fail completely because of them.

i would give chris any price as long as he stopped talking lies to me in his hideous droning voice.

i'm glad laura went but id rather sirallan or karen brady had brought up her schadenfreude (as mentioned above) or her desperation to take no part in any decision that could have led to her being fired.

> Look up on Google to find out what a "blue book" is

not very useful, too vague. but add 'london runs' and it starts returning sensible results in the typeahead stuff.

Yeah, I tried googs after typing that, did fail.

Well, there's a whole bunch of 'rules' that seem implicit...

The biggest one is not being allowed to say "if you play an important part in our success in this task, your business may well get national tv exposure for not much money at all"

Though perhaps some figure that out for themselves? Like that shop that put in a surprisingly large order for those shower heads earlier in the series.

I was ranting about them not using Google last year (Nigella seeds, iirc) and I think someone told me was one of the rules. Would make sense, what with them being in an empty office with a pile of Yellow Pageses.
This is the key bloody thing that irks me about the show. Sralan's all "Your task is to buy these items for as little as possible. Is that clear?" No!! It's not clear!! What are the penalties and limitations? They're always brought up vaguely about halfway through the task but hardly ever in a way that you (the viewer) could use to actually work out how to the task better within the set limits.

One of the better episodes this evening.

The usual lame negotiation plus... oh! middle management twunts can't do jobs (bus conductor, tour guide) that require them to be polite to the public.

I honestly don't think I can watch this, it's so excruciating. I reckon Stella's for the chop.

The face of Big Ben - more than 20 diameters in width!

Stella's really messed up but Jamie's done sort-of OK. Chris one step away from an "I 'ate you Butler!" routine. Baggs running around like a headless chicken trying to get business - could be game over for him.

"where's Downing Street....oh"

They have to keep Baggs in for the interviews.

I think they can stitch up Stella. If the other team loses, surely Chris will go for that ridiculous tourist centre deal.

Baggs the baws.

xxp Agreed, need to see him get grilled in the interviews.
If Joanna's team loses, she'll probably be fired. Good chance to get rid of someone who's been in the background a bit and not done much in the last couple of weeks.

"innovative way of doing things" ffs Sugar, if they'd lost, you'd be bawling him out about it.

...and damn it, we either lose Baggs before the interview stage, or we don't get a Stella vs Liz grudge match final

They didn't break down how much the tourist centre flogged on their behalf, did they?

I'm guessing that the result would have been a lot closer without that 20% deal.

hence Sugar's 'you've won, but not by using a practical business model that would work for more than a single day' shrug

"you can always get rid of two" OH GOOD IDEA

Stella looks like she's all set to rule over the frozen wastes of Narnia. Baggs could be talking himself out the door with this "I can run a company for you" spiel.

But Liz is coming over desperate with this pitch, which never works well on this show.

I would actually fire Stella just for looking so smug right now.

baggsy's setting himself up for epic interview investigation fail next week.

Ridiculous,

Lord Sugar has actually finally flipped.

They've got shit on him to drag up at the interviews, surely?

JEBCA! Baggs through to interviews. Yes he's a twit but he does (when pressed) admit to it. Liz looked increasingly just like a talker during that final boardroom.

Margaret!

Mountford replaces Moyles lookalike aggro guy, can't decide if that's good or bad.

lol Dara

This whole "director of a company with a turnover of £3 million" is going to get shot to pieces next week.

omfg how did he survive? this is going to be the best episode of telly ever next week. margaret!

I am greatly looking forward to next week.

Me too.

Not sure whether to watch that 'Final Five' programme tonight (Thursday).

Revealing the true stories behind their super-confident egos, we discover what really makes these budding business men and women tick.
Parents, friends and former bosses, along with Lord Sugar's trusted aides Nick Hewer and Karren Brady, discuss the strengths and weaknesses of the final five personalities.

Might ruin next week's episode a bit.

It's usually just a "best bits" thing with no real insight, if previous years are anything to go by. I will be amazed if Baggs has friends.

Don't think I can watch this show any more.

Fucking hell. Has Alan watched even 30 seconds of footage of Baggs? He is a terrible, terrible human being. "It's a free country" "call the police then" "hit me then"

Another example of how Alan totally contradicts himself as well: talking about Jo going back as not projecting a good image - for a business that won't exist tomorrow; telling the other team not to try and undercut the 'industry standard' 35% when only last week he told them to offer £50 for the truffles, as "the worst they can do is laugh at you". I know this happens every single series but it's just a joke!

There was an "OMG, Stuart's just saved himself!" moment, then AlSug's reaction proved it.

A distinct lack of "your fault, no your fault" in the boardroom. First time the three embraced their farewells and not looked hypocritical.

Don't think I can watch this show any more.

I started watching it this year because everyone I know appears to watch it, and because Dara was presenting You're Fired, but I won't be watching it again next year. I am hooked on finding out what happens to these people now, because I've been watching them from the start, but the whole show is ridiculous. I even got annoyed at Dara last night because he was talking about how hilarious it was that tourists just handed over their money to total strangers and got a piece of paper in return with the promise of a bus tour the next day. Yes, complete strangers with a bloody camera and production crew with them! It's not quite the same thing.

The fact that Baggs is kept in just because they wanted the reaction shots of him at the interview stage just shows how little credibility the show actually has.

Cute one did not deserve to go. "You are the only one to have done anything on this task, ergo you are the one worth firing."

trish you do not at all watch the apprentice for believability. Its not the reaction shots on the interview he stayed for, its because they've got dirt of the highest fuckiung order on him and want to bury him long teeerm.

I'm not bothering with the "five" programme today.

Would rather see what gets raised and found out next week.

I tuned in very briefly to see a montage of prat boys complaining that Liz was 'too perfect' plus other backhanded compliments designed to marginalize scompetent women who are good at their jobs. Please let me know if any of these viscose-trousered snakes actually said her 'face doesn't fit'.

trish you do not at all watch the apprentice for believability.

This is what everyone who likes it says. And that's fine, but if I'm going to watch something that's not grounded in reality, I'd rather watch something with a better script and characters I don't loathe.

I'm with a hoy hoy - no-one I know watches this show thinking it's a credible interview process, it's basically to laugh at incompetent and deluded people being incompetent and deluded (I frequently includes Alan Sugar in this, with his complete inability to set his goalposts and stop moving them). It's like how no-one would watch Come Dine With Me if it was Masterchef. I realise it's not big and it's not clever, but it's frequently entertaining, and made more so by watching with people who realise it's not big or clever but it is incredibly ridiculous.

This series is lacking Margaret Mountford - Nick has been rather marginalised and Karren Brady is altogether too reasonable and sensible.

xpost obviously

Which reminds me, if The Thames is the second largest river in London...

Also, interesting that as far as AlSug is concerned, selling the tickets and getting people on the bus was the point of the exercise, not giving them a 'good' tour.

I see the cheap shit fake Lapland is in the news again...

(I frequently includes Alan Sugar in this, with his complete inability to set his goalposts and stop moving them).

See: last night. Any competent mind, let alone business mind, would be fucking cackling with laughter at anyone who would not fire bawlbaggs.

Karren Brady is altogether too reasonable and sensible.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/04_02/sullybradyAI_468x322.jpg
http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/04_02/sullybradyAI_468x322.jpg
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http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/04_02/sullybradyAI_468x322.jpg

Yeah, apart from that.

I may be wrong, but I think I saw the Shibster in Guildford yesterday.

I saw Corporal Christopher on the news last night, being done for fraud.

Charged with four counts of fraud by false representation.
"They should charge the whole bleedin' lot of 'em! eh? eh? "one of the best salespeople in Europe"? You're 'aving a tin bath!" /alsug

Baggs on BBC1 now.

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/850550-man-caught-masturbating-to-alan-sugar-book-in-library

"you're not even a fish"

The interviews were actually a bit underwhelming.

Impressed at Claude's level of anger that he brings to his interviews each year.

Right, so there's nothing wrong with being a cleaner, but being a successful PA is something to sneer at? Fuck off Claude you massive cock. Let's see you survive two minutes without a successful PA.

I can't call this, even Baggs is still in there.

Yeah. We reckoned Stella and Chris came out of the interviews best, but it's anyone's game.

Jamie looks the weakest here, followed by Joanna. It's either going to be Stella vs Baggs ('LOL craazzzzzzzzzy final' option) or Stella vs Chris ('ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ final' option).

Joanne committed the cardinal sin of not knowing what Wigglyglen did or which companies SrLordAlan even owned.

Jamie the weakest, probably. Head says Stella and Chris but would you really choose two people so similar?

holy shit

xp And they both fall into Sugar's 'Steady Eddie' category (hate that phrase BTW).

Just realised that Baggs looks like a young David Walliams, ie, another reason to dislike him.

btw, we did all spot Head of Viglen claiming than an ISP was an Internet Service Protocol, right?

BYE BYE BAWBAGGS

Oh someone being fired for bullshitting on their CV? This must be an Apprentice first.

Wait a second, Melissa has her old hair in the final task. When did they do that then?

Joanna love-in in progress.

"Why would there be a cog in a wheel?" stop being snarky, ever heard of a Sturmy-Archer gearbox Dara?

Baggs is going to be polluting the daytime TV airwaves for some time, isn't he.

Not liking his 'ned at funeral/in court' look.

This was anti-climactic. Actually felt a tiny bit sorry for Bawbaggs - he was fairly sensible back in the boardroom and got chucked out; after talking absolute "toot" last week and getting a big metaphorical cuddle from Alan.

Joanna really failing to pick up on opportunities to make herself look good, I thought. By the end of it she had given the impression that she started the business because she thought it would be easy, got by ok but never bothered to learn the basics she could have used to really take off. I mean never bothering to learn balance about sheets etc etc is not something to be proud of if you're supposedly 'doing everything it takes' to be the best etc etc.

I do wonder whether any of the interviewers had seen any footage of the tasks - maybe Stuart wouldn't have gotten such a relatively easy ride?

I do wonder whether any of the interviewers had seen any footage of the tasks

I think not.

Also, did any of the interviewers say SBaggs talked complete shit? No. Having said that, they showed very little of his interviews.

Oh, and Claude is all nicey nicey in the boardroom afterwards...

The daft thing was, all the reasons Stuart didn't get fired last week were all valid (in fact, reinforced) this week.

I can only assume Nick and/or whoever had said "You fired Liz instead of Stuart? Are you insane", and/or that "Alan" (as Karren referred to him on "You're Fired") had now seen all the episodes featuring him.

And lying on the CV as the reason for Baggs being sacked?

Lee McQueen got caught out doing that a couple of years ago and still won.

Although Sugar got slaughtered in the press for hiring McQueen, so maybe he had to come down heavy this time.

Was it lying? It seemed more 'open to interpretation'.

Less lying than the "solely responsible" that someone else had.

don't take baggs' side! it was not a 'fully licensed telecoms company'.

I'm not.

I was 'in and out the room' when this was on, so by all means clarify a few things...

he claimed to have a 'fully licensed telecoms company', when it just had an isp licence. (which mr 'in the technology business for 25 years' interviewer thought stood for 'internet services protocol'.)

i was hoping for more dirt tbh, he also claimed his company (the same? another?) had a £3 million turnover. in the boardroom they seemed to imply that all his claims might be specious, but they didn't show any other specific claims being dismantled.

yeah im surprised baggs got away so lightly. suggests he is actually a millionaire and all that other guff.

interviews v weak this year, esp after all the trailers and articles running-up to it saying how baggs got SLAUGHTERED. nothing of the sort, bowden even came round to him by the end of their interview, seemed to like him. does seem that they kept baggs in for good tv, producers rubbing hands with glee expecting him to be torn to shreds in this episode. didn't happen but hey lets get shuggy flip out at him ANYWAY so dumb public goes away thinking phhe-yeew that baggsy should did get his bum served to him

Baggs on 5live just now: "Take me, I'm on the left, well no, I'm on the right because I don't vote Labour. No one should, by the way"

TV cunt turns out to be IRL cunt. Film at 11.

didnt like the whole joanna you are a salt of the earth honest to goodness amazing woman and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. uh she was a gobby bullying manipulative dick. not just the overt aggro in the early epsiodes but her ham-fisted mindgames with jamie in last weeks ep: nagging the fuck out of him, jamie says give it a rest and lets get on with the job, joanna acts aghast and plays up the harmless little girl act "jamie you're being quite aggressive" (quick glance to make sure both nick and cameraman are catching this). oh yeah and she BEAT UP a taxi driver and threw in some racism for good measure. nasty piece of work all round.

did find it odd how we never knew she was a cleaner until this episode. they didn't make this clear, she runs a company and she also works for it as a cleaner, is that right? as soon as this info came out she seemed to crumble and unleash a whole load of insecurities. very different to how she's been in the rest of the show, same for everyone i guess - this interview ep is crazy in how it reveals the 'true' character of everyone, everyone is on an even keel pre this and it all gets shifted about.

bugs me how they can criticise someone like stella saying 'oh but shes never done this in her career so far'. this is precisely the point of having this 11 weeks interview process where she clearly proves she can do all this stuff you're mumbling about AND MORE. i know i know dumb tv trope #8668 but ffs keep some semblence of what the show is about

Yeah, the Joanna love-in, from lordalan himself to the 'You're Fired' show, was incredibly patronising.

Can't believe Borden got taken in by Stuart's "Sorry I didn't catch your name" right in the middle of him ripping him to shreds about his telecoms licence! Don't tell him your name! Give him hell!

uh she was a gobby bullying manipulative dick. not just the overt aggro in the early epsiodes but her ham-fisted mindgames with jamie in last weeks ep:

Whaa? Pretty sure it was Jamie getting aggressive. Don't recall Joanna giving him any aggro at all. She'd ask him to do something and he'd totally freak out for no reason.

Jamie losing it with Joanna last week was like one of Simon's comedy tantrums in The Inbetweeners.

you reckon? there was a ton of clips showing her badgering him throughout the day about the most petty pointless stuff, total 'im the boss and even though im out of my depth and messing up im gonna nag on at you to make you look bad and use it against you in the boardroom' stuff.

then the scene in the doorway with her in his face treating him like a 7year old boy and he, understandably imo, told her to knock it off. you could see her eyes light up like "yess! at last, just what i wanted" before she launched into the oh-so hurt and scared liddle girl act.

not to defend jamie here, he's a shifty slimey guy, but he's not someone you can imagine being aggressive - far too camera-conscious for that. whereas: http://www.fmwf.com/media-type/news/2010/10/apprentice-contestant-joanna-riley-convicted-of-racial-abuse/

(amendment to above, she didn't beat up the taxi driver, just kicked the shit out of 3 cars)

yeah i have to agree with NI here, Jamie is clueless and naff but the only hostility from him was a mild rebuke in the face of Joanna's constant nagging and bullying throughout the task.

I think this is the first series where the "make everyone else look bad" has overridden "win task" as the MO. Often, the "win task" has been secondary/nice bonus...

Witness Stella's "It's a shame we won, really....(looks over to...)"

(to be fair, I don't think Stella was involved in the "meelb", hey look she did win tasks with duff project managers)

stella's rebuke came after the task was finished though. i don't think it made her look bad at all.

no, exactly, I did clarify. (badly)

btw, we did all spot Head of Viglen claiming than an ISP was an Internet Service Protocol, right?

yeah wtf at this, unless ISP is used for two different things?

Final on now (slightly delayed by some guy holding a weird trophy in front of a crowd while Take That's 'The Flood' plays for the millionth time on TV this week)

aw crap have i missed anything?

no

goody

Struck by "no Steady Eddies or Cautious Carols" when he's put through to the final a Steady Eddie and a... erm... Cautious Carol.

Chris picks: Jamie, Liz, Alex, Shibby
Stella picks: Joanna, Chris Farrell, Melissa, Paloma

I think that Chris has the better team there.

When 'Porno Chris' is the best person on your team, you've got troubles from the start.

Nobody who wanted to win could pick Melissa when there were other options, surely?

Who picks Joanna when there are six other people available?

It went down to choosing between her or Paloma or Shibby though.

Has Alex just suggested inventing grenadine?

where is bawlbaggs (plus im sure someone else missing?)

"you are happy when you are blue"
"blue's gay"

Calling it now, all Stella's brainstorming is shite and she can't possibly win. Alex seems to be doing a half-decent job for Chris.

Stella's focus group close to inventing a hot toddy and suggesting only girls drink it there.

xxxp I'd have picked Shibby tbh.
BawBaggs left under a cloud hence his abcense here?

No Laura or Sandeesh or the really early on losers (guy that went out first whose name escapes me - Dan?, Lorraine-lite whose name also escapes me)

If Stella wins this, it'll be mostly through her own effort and by getting her team to shut up.

Both these bottles and names are going to be horrible, no?

Stella trapped in a car between Joanna and Paloma, lol

OMG "Urboun" WTFF

NO NOT THE AWFUL PUN

i love the cleaner is just "i don't care, whatever you think, maybe give me a job as a yes man"

URBOURN

xp seems that neither team drink much? Chris's bunch seem to have the edge in actually buying these kind of things. Master stroke to put Liz in charge of the sub team. This kind of booze is pretty much universally awful.

urboun bourboun is the worst idea ever. Joanna appears to think Stella is a genius. Joanna needs to get out more.

U R BOURN OUTTA LADY SLICE OF LEMON

Yeah, I think Stella falling out with Liz has pretty much scuppered her. And yes, these people never go to pubs with actual humans.

I don't know why nobody is developing a curry, sausage, and paprika drink. It will sell in Germany.

"are you putting daterape drugs in it?"

We seriously can't underestimate that Stella's focus group seem to think they've invented the hot toddy AS DOES SHE.

Stella's bottle looks like a bottle of olive oil. Chris's bottle looks like an ioniser.

Pomegranate Rum and jISM?

Oh yes, that well known "problem" of women being scared to order bourbon.

This is basically WKD for people who drink shorts, right?

Chris's bottle looks like all those things like Galliano that sit gathering dust in bars because no-one knows what they are.

Massive lolz at ad girl dancing into an empty bar

That's how I always walk to the bar tbh

why was she strutting through an empty bar?

lol xpost

Chris's 20 minute presentation is going to seem like 20 hours. He's the most plodding undynamic candidate ever.

This room full of people who work in the alcohol industry have realised the economic potential of the alcohol industry.

Arguably still more exciting than Stella. xpost

Thinking about it, this is trying to invent the new Taboo or Mirage, isn't it? And we all know how much money they made and how long they lasted.

omg nicks look at the dancers

Chris is stating the very very obvious, in the most tediously long drawn out way possible, but at least he has something to say. At this rate Stella will mess up the presentation. I'm half thinking that Michelle/Paloma/Joanna are deliberately sabotaging her, or at least not doing anything useful.

"anyone will want to consume it because look how chic it is"

head in hands right here

and yet i bet he is still better than stella