Is Kate the new 'Queen of Hearts'?

I wish I had a name like Dickie Arbiter.

JESUS CHRIST DON'T SCARE ME WITH A THREAD TITLE LIKE THAT.

Also, WTF is a "service wife"?!??! That sounds like some kind of medieval vestige.

Oh. Military service? I was really racking my brains because honestly it sounds like something a 1930s batchelor pad would come with. "all mod cons, trouser pressing unit, spare room for your butler, service wife."

I think it means someone married to a military officer?

xpost

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opWSZZ_Y9KM

Yes, it means she's have to go where he goes, have sherry mornings with the other wives, that type of thing. I just thought Dickies comment was a nice contrast with the usual platitudes from the politicos.

Or maybe something to do with the church?

http://nihilobstat.info/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/romancatholicwp.jpg

Either that, or they meant someone who had *been* in service, and honestly, they'd never let a member of the Lower Classes into the Royal Family, would they now.

boring real answer

Dickie Arbiter, the Queen's former press secretary, told the BBC: "She'll become a service wife.

"He'll have to do his statutory royal duty, his royal bit, but he will be very much a working helicopter pilot with RAF search and rescue for the next three years, and Kate will have to get used to living in north Wales, although I think she's pretty much used to it at the moment."

Dickie seems to live in another world.

Ed Miliband said "the whole country will be wishing them every happiness".

speak for yrself son

LOL, a friend of mine from high school is married to her cousin and will be going to this.

should have warned your friend off incest

More like Dickie Arsebiter amirite?

Do we get a day off work? Otherwise I don't care.

lol nobody really cares about dis

this news has triggered traumatic memories of those horrible lady diana blouses worn by millions of unimaginative girls c. 1981-2.

What did you yourself wear?

lesbian/dexy's overalls, an oilskin jacket my friend made me out of her father's volunteer fireman coat that she stole, and doc martens.

Kate'll probably wear something like that to the afterparty.

there hadn't been a fire in that district for years but a few weeks after the sewing session my friend's father was called out to a fire and he couldn't find his coat, that was not so good.

i was going to send kbp a tragic dexy's/lesbian overalls photo for him to lol at but luckily i haven't been able to find one.

Some of us had better things to do with our imaginations than worry about whether our *clothes* were our only means of displaying it or not.

you might not have if you'd been living in a flat street in a provincial new zealand city in a stucco house with a frosted reindeer on the front door.

Palace: Prince William engaged to be married

Read as "Palace: Prince Billy engaged to be married".

Oh for the day when a leader of the Labour party goes "who gives a fuck? lol parasites"

Kate will have to get used to living in north Wales

It's not all sunshine, tho

This news story has reminded me of why I actually hate The Today Show, as they reported on it this morning EVERY FIVE MINUTES with the exact same information and interviews over the course of an hour.

The only reason I kept watching was to catch the interview with the Autotune the News folks, who were awesome and funny.

All very good but is she the new 'Queen of Hearts'?

I'm gonna try really hard to remember that "joking" or "thinking" about the spectacular only feeds it.

replacing the old Queen of Hearts?

http://rockcityband.net/images/Paul%20Publicity%20Photos/juice_newton.jpg

so excited for britain

finally your long national nightmare is over

daily mail commenter: "Her parents can't be overly happy. She has been largely unemployed since she left school and is now marrying someone who has been on welfare most of his life. With the new government's promise to cut housing benefit and force those who repeatedly turn down work into manual labour I do worry for them."

He's got a big chopper, though

I thought you guys didn't like teeth jokes

(okay yes that was a stretch, sorry)

Should have made this a Di vs. Waitie Katie poll.

I'm more surprised that people actually care about this. The paps are just going to find some way to murder her anyhow. They love making the royals' lives a living hell.

And yes, I know that sounds dark but sadly it's the truth. The press has no self control.

This thread is not what I thought it would be about.

imo smiths fan david cameron is fronting about sleeping on the mall aged 14 or whatever

could be his tony-blair-never-even-went-to-newcastle moment

imo smiths fan david cameron is fronting about sleeping on the mall aged 14 or whatever

Yeah, but it was a buggr gettin into the ICA back in the day.

She's not even the Princess of Hearts yet, guys.

she is certainly Princess of The Today Show

Amazing, they both wore something see-through, she's obviously stepped into her shoes and the peoples hearts!
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1330165/Kate-Middleton-Prince-William-engaged-Is-new-Peoples-Princess.html

has she made any tarts yet?

from the DM article:
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/11/16/article-1330165-054E7F0B0000044D-998_306x621.jpg
William looking particularly gormo there, staring right past his beloved at some guys junk.

As Kate prepares to enter the Royal Family, the public will be asking whether she is able to take up Diana's mantle as their favourite Princess

Man, I fell right into their trap there.

So she'll be the first royal with a navel ring, yeah?

I dunno, Princess Margaret liked a sailor or two.

lol at Prince Charles not really giving a shit

Judging the mood of the nation pretty well, really.

Zara Phillips used to have a pierced tongue, IIRC.

She looks like the pro that rooney got funky with.

Judging the mood of the nation pretty well, really.

― ailsa, Tuesday, 16 November 2010 18:15 (31 minutes ago) Bookmark

even the people commenting on the daily mail website are like who gives a shit.

resembles mrs rooney imo

You is blind mr darraghmac

Ed Miliband said "the whole country will be wishing them every happiness saying who? lol. whatever.".

ITN (and also presumably DM/DExp) creaming their jeans over this ("a special extended bulletin")

and newsnight

Needs more Paxo "yyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessss" to cut through it.

switched over to a programme about these guys

Judging the mood of the nation pretty well, really.

― ailsa, Tuesday, 16 November 2010 18:15 (31 minutes ago) Bookmark

even the people commenting on the daily mail website are like who gives a shit.

― prolego, Tuesday, November 16, 2010 6:48 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Papers clearly ignoring this mood t0-day. Pages and pages and pages of it.

Mossad have re-activated the "engagement ring" tracking device.......

I count eight articles about this in the Independent this morning.

I say, steady on, Washington Post...
Prince William's engagement a rebirth for Britain

To the relief of the British public and taffeta-craving masses elsewhere, Prince William announced Tuesday that he was officially engaged...

This is just the worst...
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1330340/Prince-Williams-Royal-wedding-July-8th-Bookies-refuse-bets.html#comments

matching dresses (apparently) and comments from the in-laws.

I'm sure the Queen says "brilliant"
'It is brilliant news. It has taken them a very long time.' - The Queen

I'm just so happy and so are they. It's wicked.' - Duchess of Cornwall

"Bang dat bitch, booyakashah!" Prince Philip

arrgh that gave me a headache

Bit tenuous, but "lol, inbreeding" anyway: http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/11/17/article-1330370-0C1AD3AB000005DC-359_634x626.jpg

I saw Camilla saying "it's wicked" on the news and thought it was weird. It's slightly less weird when you realise she was coming out of the theatre where she had been watching Wicked when she was collared for a quote. But still weird.

The news was insane about this last night, I imagine it didn't take them long to suss they were likely to get a higher hit-rate of people who cared enough for a soundbite if they hung around royal-related tourist attractions. BBC Scotland hanging round St Andrews trying to see if yr man in the street cared because they used to go to university there was a hoot (no-one really did, all the comments were just "ah well, good for them, that's nice" etc).

I turned off the tv last night in the midst of talk about who was going to do the dress and woke up this morning to the sound of local radio asking whether they were going to get "divorce insurance" because of the new restrictions on legal aid. Really squeezing the angles.

have to say i bought the indy just as a way of saying thank you for being the only paper that doesn't have this plastered all over the front.

We apparently had a choice between royals and starving Irishmen, what century are we in again?

Boris Johnson declared: “I think it's fantastic. I'm very pleased for the pair of them and wish them every possible success and happiness. Everybody is pleased. In a weird way, it cheers everyone up.”

Closest lolboris has ever come to actually causing a lol.

let's all pour one out for those "society" columnists who suddenly lost one of their most reliable sources of ongoing column fodder

Harry should be good value on the stag.

charles' quote was awesomely in character - i'm sure someone's posted it but he ended up his "reax" by saying "they've certainly been practicing long enough"

ooooer

Yeah, but so had he, innit?

xxp can't wait for the pics of a drunken Harry and Prince Philip doing the can-can dressed as Nazis

did they not already exist?

Why does Matt Lauer care so much about the royal family? I swear that at least a half hour of the Today show this morning was devoted to this story, it was off-putting.

because ppl are bored of complaining about tories and will take any break

There is no good reason for a US morning show to have that much coverage of a royal wedding.

The economy's bad, everyone's tired of politics...hey! A princess!

You would think that would be played out by now, you know?

sorry confused it with http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Today_Programme

since disney refuses to use white princesses anymore, reality has to keep white girls dreaming

That's okay, I figured that was the case. It was just very strange to see Matt Lauer in such a tizzy over this. xp

xxpost -- Not given a generation hit over the head with Disney Princess marketing, I figure.

Haha Samuel beating me to the punch there.

http://caledonianmercury.com/2010/11/16/couple-who-met-at-university-to-marry/0011924

Ugh, the first few months of attending St Andrews, all everyone went on about was the marriage percentage. Aside from the all being rich...probably not worth whatever the tuition fees will be.

where did they meet? at Uni or College? and how come this kind of meeting of commoners and royal poshos doesn't happen more often at College/Uni?

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

ah well time 4 wills 2 break it off.

queen of gallbladders perhaps

Clubs, diamonds, spades?

so the 'big day' is 29 april. does this mean a double-sided friday-and-monday mayday hol?

hitler's anniversary says twitter

Breaking news: * LATEST: A bishop has been suspended indefinitely for making 'appalling' remarks about the royal wedding. More details soon ...

Just when Wills had made a promise to himself to stop hammering the clergy.

Oh, that was yesterday: Apparently, bish say it'll last 7 years and it's all 'nauseating tosh' and 'national flimflam paid for by our taxes'

Hopefully take a job where I can get the day off work to not give a flying fuck about this and sit in bed eating biscuits and watching old Buffy episodes instead, or something.

Wikipedia says it's Hitler's wedding anniversary, not his birthday:

April 29, 1945 – World War II – Fuehrerbunker: Adolf Hitler marries his long-time partner Eva Braun in a Berlin bunker and designates Admiral Karl Dönitz as his successor. Both Hitler and Braun will commit suicide the next day.

no one said it was his birthday

wikipedia failing to record the rant he had earlier that day about his xbox 360 dying

Yes, in my excitment I misread yr post.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/nov/23/bishop-pete-broadbent-suspended-royal-wedding

Bishop suspended for adhering to tenets of his Church shocker.

shouldn't have apologised

http://i51.tinypic.com/35lzyuh.jpg

http://i56.tinypic.com/6sckcl.png

http://www.elc.co.uk/HappyLand-Royal-Wedding-Set/131121,default,pd.html

queen of FARTS! heh.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/royal-wedding/8385415/Kate-Middleton-marries-Prince-Harry-on-souvenir-mug.html

It's not as valuable as the one with Kate Mid and Bob Marley on it.

it's supposed to be Prince William, right? marrying harry?

gotta say im pretty disappointed in the lack of british ilx interest in the royal wedding

I'm not. Yay, lack of interest.

whenever i see otherwise right-on americans post excitement about it, i cringe. really, it's not as cute as you think it is.

pretty sure max was joking although come to glasgow if you want to see complete and utter disinterest. one street party application in the whole city and it was from a football pub!

The anti-party thrown by Republic will be in Red Lion Square which is very very close to my flat, so I may well pop along.

...after I return from watching said wedding and bitching out the clothes at a brunch thrown by American gays, as nature intended.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_live_events/1201492-STOP-PRESS-Live-pre-wedding-webchat-with-Kate-Middleton-TODAY-at-1pm/AllOnOnePage

Boy, do the members of Mumsnet have a buynch of choice language, once they realise they've been SPOOFED!!!

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/la-et-british-overload-20110425,0,1445378.story

"It's not all castles and cream teas y'know, we have real life tramps and everything"

Grimey Simey!

lol'd at this

http://www.guardian.co.uk/stage/2011/apr/27/royal-wedding-secret-kate-wills

yes, we still have those old red phone boxes.

er well, a few, simon

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/52364000/jpg/_52364726_knitted_wedding_01.jpg

"BBC Coventry & Warwickshire are set to celebrate the royal wedding with a knitted version of the event on Friday afternoon."

finaly their getting married tomorow

xpost
money well spent!

Saw this in Waterstones last week - "a dress-up dolly book"
http://i56.tinypic.com/ncczso.jpg

For in choosing Kate, a simple girl from a school near Swindon, as his bride, William is in fact taking each and every British subject – man, woman, old, young, black, white, Christian and Muslim – into his royal bed, and binding us all to each other in the white heat of his princely passion.

William is in fact taking each and every British subject – man, woman, old, young, black, white, Christian and Muslim – into his royal bed

Provided they're not Catholic of course

Sounds like every Radio 5 Live's presenter's dreams.

http://i975.photobucket.com/albums/ae232/daggerlee/IMG_0200.jpg

I am showing my indifference by fucking off to Porto for four days. Anti-Royal Wedding parties = kinda dud I think. You hate the idea that much, go to work.

...by trying to make a few coins off of souvenir hunters? Sounds great to me.

Our shaman-prince could not have chosen a better receptacle for his magical purposes than Kate Middleton, a peasant-spawned serf-girl, sodden with the primordial mire of the Swindon-shadowed swamplands.

I am not sure if I liked Mr Lee's article, but it's worth it to imagine the apoplexy of Marlborough alumni at being described as peasants from near Swindon

(I went to university with some. Nice enough until the slightest imagined lapse of masculinity would provoke a torrent of homophobic insults I thought had died out in the 60s. All freemasons too, if you like spotting that sort of thing. I am sure KM is a charming lady and has never called anyone a "pillowbiter", of course.)

Spent Charles + Di's wedding on Weymouth beach, gloriously empty as everyone else was glued to the telly. Have failed to arrange to go anywhere tomorrow, so will just be sitting inside trying to remember not to go to the pub as it's got this on a giant screen.

go to the pub

Forgot this as an option. Duh!

I went to university with some. Nice enough until the slightest imagined lapse of masculinity would provoke a torrent of homophobic insults I thought had died out in the 60s.

I went to university with one. Also nice enough but a total Tory. He reckoned being a Tory at Marlborough was actually a rebellious position because the default was to be a middle class leftie/champagne socialist type.

Personally I'll probably be taking the Daily Mash option tomorrow, i.e. cleaning the fridge and maybe the oven during the day, then have a difficult choice of Fuck The Wedding gigs to go to in the evening.

Am banking on the Tate Modern being quiet tomorrow to see the Miro exhib which wold normally be like Disneyland.

According to Londonist they're going to be letting people walk on Weiwei's Sunflowers on Saturday afternoon, if you hold off a day.

I'm gonna jump on my bike and follow my ears. Hoping there'll be a few soundsystems up and around.

XP - Hay thanks, I'd like to do that but it'll more than likely be crazy busy again by Sat.

Programme has leaked - I don't care about them or the whole thing, but that Mario Testino picture on pages 18&19 is vv nice indeed, imho.

http://cde.cerosmedia.com/1G4db6de7f30814652.cde

http://davelee.tumblr.com/post/5011310854/mad-melvin-the-angriest-bbc-local-radio-caller-ever

"£2"

I thought the authorities were stopping people with mental health issues from attending?
From the looks of it you have to be a bit tapped to attend.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1381494/Royal-Wedding-1000s-camp-outside-Westminster-Abbey-time-event-year.html

Spotted: Sarah Burton in a not-very-low-key fur hood entering the bride's hotel.

We honor you all from afar:

http://www.therestisnoise.com/2011/04/fanfare-for-the-royal-wedding-world-premiere.html

xp LOLOLOL was just coming to post - apparently it's vintage McQueen and she's just fitting it. The rumour for weeks in the ESM office that's probably going to be correct.

"There's a ridiculous number of journalists and photographers in London at the moment. Click here for a slideshow and a report by our 5 reporters on the spot" (belgian news site)

k, apparently richard fucking burton presented the radio 4 broadcast of the charles-diana wedding??!!

amazing

Vintage would be a *very*clever move in the C.E.C.

she's not even going to be a princess afterwards - I'm not watching this

'we did it' - my hometown

Holy shit WHOA can't believe that's the one Richard Burton factoid I'd failed to grab in life, especially considering he was one of the actors 13-year-old royal wedding watcher me was completely obsessed by.

finaly today there getting married

Ten minutes of Today has already made me itchy with annoyance. Fascinators! Never was an item less well named.

brodie

tara snooty-druggy looks even more horrible than usual.

I got up at 4 a.m. to watch this thing! I am drinking tea and eating McVities biscuits in honor of you, Britishes.

BBC World is going all 5th century history on us.

Oh and is this the thread where we liveblog or is there another???

this'll do

not inviting blair was pretty stupid imo

i mean sure he didn't direct rocknrolla but...

this'll do, though kate is not the queen of hearts, but named after a really pretty mediocre greene king pub i used to get served in

Who are these three blonde twin-looking girls? They look like the britishes version of Hugh Heffner's girlfriends.

i'm watching sky news so i didn't see these three twins.

I'm on BBC World, but will flip to america channels for lols

the aus/nz president just had their moment

stupid not to invite blair/brown but kinda think who cares but then see theresa may and george osbourne and the rest of these cunts and still think who cares but also look at all these cunts

lol otm

First reaction is to say "quincie u mad, lul" but I take it you're not British? If I weren't one of the abject subjects of her maj and paying for this shebang against my will, I'd probably enjoy it a lot more.

someone give me a shout when the terrorist outrage happens

Just like Blair and Brown, terrorists weren't invited either, afaik.

As it is I can't even get my irony on. Gah! We should give the royals one of those unfinished aircraft carriers to live on and make Buck House into a big tea room with free tea for everyone. And ginger nuts.

xpost I'm from one of the former colonies, watching from the U.S. capital (capitol?) city!

We just don't have this sort of thing, britishes u r a treat.

KA-BOOM

was real tempted to start a fake thread just for the unsavoury lulz

god he's really baldy isn't he

weirdly his ginger brother isn't

Oh dear, Will's hair looks particularly sad today, 'tis true.

all the money in the country and it can't buy the guy a full head of hair, what's wrong with the world

good head of hair on the other one but he got the beady wee eyes and the wee sticky-out lugs poor lads

weird he's deliberately kept it especially long and wispy and sticky-up over the main section of baldiness

the three blondes are their cousins, daughters of charles spencer, i think

OMG the three blonde twins are Spencers!!!!

3 twins! Man, why am I at work?

cos u don't live in a medieval Feudary? oh wait

three twins this disgusting inbreeding nonsense must end it's not natural

3 twins? ILX, come on.
Xpost

these minibuses kind of belong on 'so not baller'

Fairly sure this thread is going to be 500x better than watching it, so thanks, ILX.

(Slightly annoyed at myself that they gave me a whole day off to ignore this bullshit and I can't think of anything better to do with it than read about it on the internet, mind.)

Look, it is early and I have not had coffee! I am drinking tea and now I don't understand how britishes get anything done on this weak sauce.

how you aint watching? it's a big show

xpost

tea not technically a sauce

i'm playing Footie Manager tbh as soon as everybody fucks off out the house and gives me some peace

This show needs more horses already.

Is Charles there on his own?

Mom Middlebrook looks like she could use a sandwich or two.

Yeah idg why the lack of horses, I read something about it being a recession thing, but they still have all those horses, ain't saving money leaving them in the stables.

xposts

jesus all these royals flocking in it's like they've revoked the vampires not going out in the daytime thing

I've been making "won't catch me watching that" noises all week and now I am slightly tempted to watch but too ashamed to admit it to the other half, who's currently using the telly for some unidentified video game

"looks like you could get satellite tv on that" LOLOL

schedule:
22 minutes to the Dress (11:00)
2 hours and 54 minutes to the kiss/handshake/high five/terrorist fist bump (we don't know what they're going to do yet) on the balcony (13:32)

i think there'll be more horses after the main event

So there's been a meeting, months ago probably, where 13:32 has been scheduled to be the "kiss on the balcony moment" - probably based on news broadcasts starting at 13:30 etc? lol

they've spoilered the dress

There's a lot of Rolls Royce action going on. Can't they carpool?

here's granny!

Oh she has a little blue lap blanket! How cute.

Since we're all expecting a terrorist attack, I expect something else will happen like Princess Michael of Kent having a heart attack or something.

There's even a scenario for when she changes her mind at the last moment and does a runner in the church, apparently:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/04/28/operation_pumpkin/

"in the event of Operation Pumpkin being put into effect Ms Middleton will be permitted to run out of Westminster Abbey with her bodyguards trailing discreetly at a distance. Plain-clothes undercover police, MI5 officers and SAS soldiers stationed in the crowd will form a mobile flying wedge ahead of her, clearing a path for the fugitive future princess to escape down.

Prince William will then have a limited time, the subject of tense negotiations between Clarence House and security chiefs, in which the path behind Ms Middleton will be kept open for him to go after her, after which the mobile protective cordon will close again at the Abbey end due to lack of manpower and the Prince will have let his bride slip through his fingers.

If Wills reacts fast enough, however, he will be able to chase after his fleeing fiancee for just under half a mile.

"Clarence House wanted a full mile," says our source. "But we said come on, play fair, she's in her wedding dress and there has to be some limit on the overtime budget."

If the Prince fails to intercept Ms Middleton over that distance, the security team will decide that no on-the-spot reconciliation is possible and a strategically positioned taxi, driven by an undercover SAS operative and unobtrusively escorted by several unmarked police cars, will opportunely pull up to carry the escaping ex-future-princess to safety.

On the other hand if Wills manages to come up with Kate he will be allowed to attempt to persuade her to return with him for a limited period.

"We got Clarence House to cut that by a few minutes by agreeing they could put ringers in the crowd to shout stuff like 'Go on love, give him a kiss'," reveals our source.

It is understood that royal officials are hoping that there will be no need for Operation Pumpkin, but anticipate a significant boost to the wedding's TV ratings if it does go into effect."

(ok ok, probably not true)

lol, can't even get to news.bbc.co.uk anymore at the moment

I hope I'm still rocking heels when I'm 85

Try the restrained coverage at thesun.co.uk (xp)

The Queen is wearing yellow because she wants to show that she is happy with the marriage since yellow is a happy colour. Thank you, Belgian style specialist on the radio.

Cleavage alert @ the dress, apparently?

I'm a lot more disgusted than I thought I'd be

rofl, following this on the radio

Aw, Kate looks lovely!

She's probably pretty nervous at the moment, a psychologist is explaining on the radio.

whatever. back to work (meeting & lunch) - enjoy the rest of the proceedings, everyone :-)

http://twitter.com/#!/TheMainstreamer/status/63900987382956032

awaiting a 'kate middleton LOOKS GOOD' post

lol at the Guardian front page being a giant live-updating splash of Royal Wedding frenzy and then a little link in the top right saying "Republicans click here" to hide it all

ahahahaha

harry has really figured out walking

not

funny how they go on about not knowing what kate's dad must be thinking when in his head he's obviousy rubbing his shitey wee hands together in glee

suddenly feel like watching dune

ah, people pretending to sing

don we now our gay apparel who's not singing any more

Hmm the rest seems kind of anticlimactic. Will try to hold out for horses, but crawling back into bed with Mr. B sounds pretty good right now. . .

here we go the usual anti-gay-marriage diatribe

for richer for richer morelike

they're corpsing?

That girl really needs a pie, pretty quick by the looks of it.

this voice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3fo_lAn15Y&feature=related

IMPORTANT BREAKING NEWS FROM TWITTER

@louisjagger
Oh fucking great, now I discover Prince William's third middle name is Louis

king boy pato, i think they should have invited you to represent us.

what's louis' third middle name

can't believe that other people have names

i wonder how lj will use this new information.

who's this guy?

time for the horses imo

'hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good' -- wow way to bring the sound advice guy

yeah this guy's boring get on with it

this guy's milking it faiw.

i hear we get lancaster bombers later. patience people.

king boy pato, i think they should have invited you to represent us.

I did ask the Palace; told them that I'm "Sir Les Patterson's grandson" but to no avail.

it's heartbreaking to think of you sitting at home in front of the tv with a can of coke and a packet of grain waves.

Bottle of Pepsi Max and Chicken Burger from the Portugese Takeaway, actually.

i was in the ballpark.

Has definitely got a bit boring, shame we just can't cut to the reception and see a pissed Camilla getting the actions to YMCA wrong.

butch and sundance on more4 now btw

oh god another pontificatin' prelate

Radio coverage has been half-decent I suppose. Bristled somewhat when the assembling dignitaries were described as "the great and the good" fuck that imo.

the pontificating is very ZZzzzzzz

i've been trying to think of a big televised church thing that's happened in australia since i moved here and the only thing i can think of is michael hutchence's funeral.

They need to take a leaf out of MH's Funeral and get Peter Hore to work his magic during one of these hymns.

The music is nice! Apart from the new piece which was piffle.

lol peter hore.

heard too much about jesus, haven't seen enough comedy minor european royalty.

there are trees growing in westminster abbey?

haha which reminds me, lj getting bothered about william's middle name... this was basically his school's assembly hall right?

first blake, now milton. Maybe something by Crass for the recessional?

trumpet posse crushing it imo

horses

yeah I gave up for butch and sundance 45 mins ago too

how comes my Facebook news feed is full of girls *actually crying* and calling it a 'fairy tale'?! do they not know what became of the '82 'fairy tale' wedding that ended in infidelity, bulimia and death? kinda gobsmacked.

it was 1981 you idiot

wrong friends imho xp

bluebeard is a fairy tale.

Lots of fairy tales end in death iirc xpost

haha

lol @ harry in the kids' chariot

am at work, avoiding it (unfortunately security guard is watching it, and singing along with the hymns). but i am looking forward to flypast at 13:30ish, should be able to see it from here.

how many cabinet ministers are attending the wedding in more than one capacity

i.e. The Hon Frances Victoria Howell, elder daughter of Conservative Cabinet Minister Lord Howell of Guildford and her husband, George Osborne.

i kinda enjoyed the wedding. some weird hats on display. william put gloves on and sat down first when getting in the carriage, thought this was slightly churlish.

he was probably following a rule dating back to 1456.

He did? That's it! Divorce!

lovely to see the 16 seater standard coach from Wings Luxury & Executive Travel under royal appointment

yeah was that a sop to all the 'my money's paying for this' whiners?

seeing the extended family stuffed in and waving from a white minivan did have a bizarre familiarizing effect though. sort of a neat trick for the archives

poor pippa, stuck with the dreadful philip

at least you know that dude likes to party

the kiss on the balcony was so romantic

more of a peck rly

yeah but aparently its not allowed to be real long

or he turns back into a frog

if it had been anything more than a peck brodie's parents would have switched off the television, they're very protective.

Yet they let him be on ilx...

actualy my mum was more captivated in the romance than to worry about the length of a kiss

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkeu7oG2av1qbvc0bo1_400.gif

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-T2valzI9np8/Tbfgx6pTy7I/AAAAAAAAB2Q/6ersbCtjp2w/s400/110427star.jpg

Congratulations! (*)

(*) http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/view/188177/HEIR-RAISERS/ : "KATE Middleton will be pregnant within a year, according to Princess Diana’s closest confidant. Andrew Morton, 57, reckons the newlywed will seal her regal status by planning a tot straight away." <- guess who has a book out soon? (Andrew Morton will release his new book William and Catherine: Their Lives, Their Wedding, on May 2 for the RRP of £20.)

Isn't this kind of lying headline crap illegal?

It's compulsory over here

planning a tot

LOL tabloidspeak

it's not a lie as we can assume a royal baby will be on the way at some point

the real winner of the speculation hamper is pippa

it's not a lie as we can assume a royal baby will be on the way at some point

Consevative Party Office planning the date as we speak

that's a weird name for somebody's uterus

well i missed it but it sure looked fun

its nice to think that your royals will be pretty good looking from here on out

nah, horse-face genes will out

needed more of this tbh

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkeus9soQI1qdrcrc.gif

lol compact RSS reader:

BALCONY KISSES SEAL
(click link)
ROYAL WEDDING

horse-face works for samantha cameron im not even that ashamed o

i like a nice long face

sarajessicaparker.jpg

"nice"

main worry is epic hair loss

SJP would wear a wig, surely?

there's a street party about 200m from here. did not see that coming.

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkeunp5tPU1qzmsffo1_500.gif

Worth a thousand captions.

aww

"I just farted."

is there a dece pic of the Reigning Frump's outfit?

she looked bananas

so Carmen Miranda fruit hat?

kate's fashion designer: The dress was just one component of a spectacular day, and I do not think it is appropriate to comment any further beyond saying that I personally am very grateful and honoured

is my mind in the gutter here or does this mean what i think it means

both?

idgi :(

u think she banged her fashion designer or what

sorry "shagged"

i assumed it meant she got the commish for the Royal Sanitary Towels

I'm hoping her designer is female

idgi :(

idgi :)

oh, i thought you were talking about the queen, morbius. no carmen miranda hat, more an outfit for gardens, her and a fruit bat

I was, show me the contant gardener

btw, which member of the young generation of royals has given off the biggest 'this job is bollocks' vibe?

i believe Harold looks like he knows he's on a piss-up for life

may the lads be always on tour

harold his name's henry for fuck's sake bell hops

oops wrong comedy old man name abbreviation

Can't be repeated enough:

For in choosing Kate, a simple girl from a school near Swindon, as his bride, William is in fact taking each and every British subject – man, woman, old, young, black, white, Christian and Muslim – into his royal bed, and binding us all to each other in the white heat of his princely passion.

well baldness is meant to be a sign of virility

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkesr6F67i1qdqty0o1_500.jpg

philip has got a great joke about cuban pete

lol

is that a QE2 quote, or Elton John? xxp

man, I'd love to be Prince Harry – the fuck else does he do with his day?

Pippa's dress was great.

i don't even know who this Pippa is?

Kate's brother or something.

the fuck else does he do with his day?

Fly Apaches, apparently

"... did it maaaaaaaaay way!"

http://i51.tinypic.com/mcsw7d.jpg

it's still april

♫tommy seebach band- apache (1977)♫
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkeus9soQI1qdrcrc.gif

Tell me there were some awesome Pink Panther jewellry heists today in London or something along those lines.

is harry the 'prince of livers'.

i mean that if there's some bespoke wedding day couture we're not allowed to know about it can only be a couple of things

- socks with places for your toes to go

- royal snuggie

william really is kinda gross looking

the other one is cuter, but isnt it because CHARLES ISNT HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER?

isnt his father LIKE BRYAN ADAMS or something??

HAHAHA

prolly means she made some wedding day "knickers" right

Didn't Old Liz wear a quasi-military uniform now & then, way back in her 50s?

- bryan adams themed dildo cozy

you're thinking of janet jackson xpost

morbius that quote is from a brilliant Stewart Lee "editorial" in the guardian

hah, I think it was similar! xp

There's a clip of Liz dancing to "Rhythm Nation," with Charles playing the curious Zulu tribesman.

Didn't Old Liz wear a quasi-military uniform now & then, way back in her 50s?

Not quasi and she usually wore it for her official b-day celebration.

http://photos.upi.com/slideshow/lbox/d909dccf96c26b58989f02a8ecb8ebee/British-Royal-Family.jpg

I'm only still watching because I can't be bothered stretching out for the remote to change the channel, but I am kind of enjoying Huw Edwards' slow mental collapse here.

good work MW!

so much better than the 85-year-old banana look

> Didn't Old Liz wear a quasi-military uniform now & then, way back in her 50s?

http://www.annefrankguide.net/en-gb/bronnenbank.asp?aid=35657&step=4e

(her in the ATS during the war)

(not what you wanted, just a good pic)

yeah it's not really quasi, she was in the military, broadly speaking... and its head too

u think she banged her fashion designer or what

― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Friday, April 29, 2011 3:01 PM (58 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

sorry "shagged"

― ban drake (the rapper) (max), Friday, April 29, 2011 3:01 PM (58 minutes ago) Bookmark

shbagged

This might be the only time I ever see the Queen wearing trousers. Great pic.

Wasn't there a scene in The Queen where Liz's jeep breaks down and she fixes it herself?

she was in the military, broadly speaking... and its head too

need pic of her retaking the Falklands

there is a mention of it iirc, when she gets stranded in her land rover -- she's angry with herself for *not* fixing it?

xpost

Yup. Apparently she was trained for such work in the war.

pics of her training with the battle sceptre are awesome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxOKkQ8pYKQ&feature=youtu.be

Haha, A+

defrock, hang, draw and quarter

Waht

the BBC DVD is out next week!? http://www.bbcshop.com/history/the-royal-wedding-william+catherine-dvd/invt/bbcdvd3453/

We do that for the World Series/Super Bowl here

hope it's region free

I really tried to take an interest, my daughter was pretty excited about it all. But the guy that Hugh Edwards (OBN) had on - who I am led to believe was Malcolm Ross just drove me crazy. I liked the trees in the abbey though.

hugh his name's huw for fuck's sake these are my everyday balloons

I thought the trees in the abbey was quite kitschy tbh. Made the wonderful building look like a set from a b-movie

the quatermass experiment, to be exact

http://chzdailywhat.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/bbf4d599-0b36-4b0e-8067-0a3feaf1b99c.jpg

Bridesmaid otm.

aw

What an ugly child. Baby with a batface.

haha @ his hands - no fingerprints on the dress, no touching!

It begins...

http://twitpic.com/4r13gx

Yeah, that was to be expected...

fuck's sake these are my everyday balloons

i have no idea what this means but i find it hysterical.

This cracks me up. So French. It's basically the story of how a French laceworks in the north of France inwittingly made the lace in Kate's bridal gown.

so who will be Kate's Dodi Fayed?

can't believe you went there

she better not go there (ie, 95 mph)

http://www.jmu.edu/vmic/Images/vmic_sm1.gif

<3

JERRY: Kramer, these balloons aren't gonna stay filled till New Year's!

KRAMER: (at the door) Well, those aren't for New Year's. Those are my everyday
balloons.

xps

Didn't Old Liz wear a quasi-military uniform now & then, way back in her 50s?

Not quasi and she usually wore it for her official b-day celebration.

http://photos.upi.com/slideshow/lbox/d909dccf96c26b58989f02a8ecb8ebee/British-Royal-Family.jpg

― Concatenated without abruption (Michael White), Friday, April 29, 2011 2:48 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark

Can't help thinking Liz looks a bit like Colonel Gaddafi in that pic.

"main worry is epic hair loss"

our salesperson has mentioned this. as in, she worries about it. like what?

i don't like kate, but the wedding was quite nice.

lol (nsfw!)

haaa, nice!

Just got back from a day out and managed to miss everything.

Huzzah!

http://s3.amazonaws.com/twitpic/photos/full/287383348.jpg

http://s3.amazonaws.com/twitpic/photos/full/287383348.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJF3XCCKACR3QDMOA&Expires=1304118900&Signature=Dl%2BfF0WkE1m%2BHnbb6fxUD6Zm8Q4%3D ?

Belgian tabloid site: "moody bridesmaid RUINS royal kiss"

562 photos

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Princess-Beatrices-ridiculous-Royal-Wedding-hat/203705509669392?sk=photos

Great work, Glasgow! "Completely unacceptable levels of drunkenness."

good high heels: beatrice & er, the other one
inhumanly high high heels: posh

I mean wtf http://cbswwmx.files.wordpress.com/2011/04/beckhams12.jpg

what abot beatrices hat that is not normal

The internet is slightly overdoing it with the hat opinions (I seem to be in a very small minority, but I think it worked), imho, but anyway:

http://i54.tinypic.com/2gt66w4.png

A+

http://twitter.com/#!/katyperry/status/64006077028638720

Beck's got his medal thing on the wrong side. Maybe the person who dresses him got a bank holiday too.

> Belgian tabloid site: "moody bridesmaid RUINS royal kiss"

moody bridesmaid was covering her ears because of the noise, possibly from the flypast (i only saw clips and they may've compressed the timeline)

and during the marchpast of the cenotaph on remembrance sunday people will wear medals on their right if they are widows / widowers / descendants of the people who received the medals.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/royalwedding/3556132/Two-kisses-for-William-and-Kate-on-Buckingham-Palace-balcony.html

William and Kate's first kiss at 1.27pm lasted 0.76secs
William and Kate's second kiss at 1.29pm lasted 1.25secs

Wow, thank you, The Sun.

inhumanly high high heels: posh

What about that dreadful croydon hairdo? Blergh. Was also sad she picked a dark colour to hide her bump.

Another thing: do the Middletons deal in sunbeds? They should.

They used to be flight attendants, being orange is obligatory.

50,000 fans: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Pippa-Middleton-Ass-Appreciation-Society/183120471735513

Must admit, they are pretty decent looking even if a little too slim.

you seem really really into this wedding, stanm

LOL. Lack of our own decent royal family. I mean, shit, have you seen what we have?

sign here if you would totally read a belgian royal family thread

/signed

co-sign

and it's not like there hasn't been anything to discuss lately either, with one prince going batshit insane (again)

Don't know what to roll eyes at further:

1. The disgustingly savage posts on that fb group, or
2. The fact that a woman with hardly any bottom half has 50,000 fans of her bottom half. Why don't we just admit that beauty rules idealize women who barely even exist? Now available, an EVEN SMALLER girlfriend, perfect for those cramped New York apartments! Folds away when not in use to BARELY the size of a stalk of celery! You can slide her right into your closet!

one prince going batshit insane (again)

That's very true. He's the most fun. The rest is just exceptionally boring.

the closest the windsors get to fun is the not-really-all-that-fun and rather stupid prince harry, the rest are exceptionally exceptionally boring

boring by design

2. The fact that a woman with hardly any bottom half has 50,000 fans of her bottom half

Laurel - where's this?

fb link from StanM, a dozen posts above

The FB page is hideous. The white trousers pic is odd, it's a waist with two legs attached.

The comments on that page are pretty gross.

Lex, I don't think I'm especially fascinated, I think it's because I've been fortunate enough to miss both the weeks or months of overkill you've all must have had in the UK and the wedding itself since I was at work. So for me, looking at articles about it now is still quite fresh, while you've probably been sick of it all for weeks...

And they do indeed look better than our menagerie of inbreds.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/photo.php?fbid=198865743482248&set=a.150904701611686.22857.135267486508741&type=1&theater

http://oi51.tinypic.com/15rkzl3.jpg

Loudest bj ever?

the cumshot heard round the world

poppage!!!!

Hmm.

http://i55.tinypic.com/2cwkgfb.jpg

AS AMERICA SUFFERS is such an awesome subhed

for anything, really

Jays clip White Sox
AS AMERICA SUFFERS

Underground lake discovered in Antarctica
AS AMERICA SUFFERS

*BREAKING NEWS* Alleged princessly mammaries spark diplomatic row with French magazine.

loves his mammaries does stanm, loves his mammaries

SOME BIG-BOOBED BIRD'S ALL OVER THE NEWSIE-WEWSIES

Any word on the status of blood sausage?

they call it boudin noir in belgium iirc

SHE CAN BOODAHN MY NWAHR IFUKNOWWORRIMEAN

ROYAL FURY AS QUEEN SLAMS PAP'S BAP SNAPS; MILITARY 'CONSIDERING' BLACK PUDDING OPTION

FRITES AND SHE KNOWS IT

MOULES MAMMARAIRE

I'D SAVAGELY EXPLOIT HER HEART OF DARKNESS

LIEGE OF CONSENT

What? Did you xenophobic fucks seriously turn this into a random haha belgium thing just because I posted something and I happen to be belgian?

we thought you were british

Yawn. Wake me when the bottomless Pippa pictures leak.

Yawn

Porno For Poirots

^^^^^

ROMPUY MATES

Wake me when the bottomless Pippa pictures leak.

I mumbled something like this this morning and my gf said, "Oh they will. Mark my words."

golf clapping "Porno For Poirots" here

mammaries of murder

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20586343#TWEET415589

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_8k-bUaAM3i8/TT-8cuiQcfI/AAAAAAAAAM0/lFbVj9dOW3g/s1600/The_Invisibles_V1_11_02.jpg

According to the as yet uncorrected Daily Mail homepage:

The Duke and Cambridge of Cambridge are having a baby, it was announced today.

Malkovich Malkovich

Hahah I thought that very thing.

For the greater good:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/

linked to on The Onion thread, but the article delivers!

The other Onion headline about the Royal baby being the last person on earth to see mother's breasts was pretty lol too.

I hope there's a war or something to knock this off the news.

"time to build an extra-small guillotine" was not a popular thing to post on FB, it turns out

haaa

No, that is an awesome thing to post on Facebook. Actual lol.

Sanctimonious response to less-than-thrilled royal behbeh post? Friend list cull opportunity.

"time to build an extra-small guillotine"

irl lol

surely you could just a large potato slicer though.

omg milo i love u for that

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBiLuLI4ERI

I'm not sure if royalty is worse than morning zoo radio djs.

Uh.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-20645838

Yeah, I started another thread about it, was hoping it was a hoax itself, but it doesn't look good...