The Snow Has Melted So Now You Have No Excuse — ILX Gayz Spring 2011

It's supposed to be like 57ºF today

0% chance of rain for five days, and I saw an ex student on the bus now whose hipster sweater and Islam textbooks made me swoon.

it's supposed to be rainy tomorrow and wednesday but sunny for the rest of the week

although the weather has been so crazy lately who knows

Temps in NYC ten degrees below normal all this week

ie, fuck calendar "spring"

it rained buckets yesterday and might rain again today

people reading way too much into the blue sky here - it means nothing without a concomitant temperature rise - it really isn't spring as long as concepts like "central heating" and "winter coat" still cross my mind daily

Thunderstorms yesterday = :D

Are you guys speaking in code?

maybe this is why tim f almost never posts here

it's snowing here

fuuuuuck

wasn't it just like 70 in the northeast on friday? yeesh

a freak occurrence, w/ no others in sight

After three days o beautiful weather, it is snowing. Slept in and then finally watched All About Eve. It's not bad at all. Heavy lesbian overtones, or maybe i'm just questing everything again baselessly.

rain/snow for most of the week here. iris blades are halfway up, the rose bushes are trimmed and ready to pop, and the finches that live on our porch roof are back. hoping to grow a ton of basil this year.

Queering. Not questing.

I think there might be tentative flirtation with a friend going on in my world. It's interesting that "tentative flirtation" can include such messages as "You have Face Time too? We can Face Time fuck."

Queering. Not questing.

Alternative thread title.

Ooh who is he Jesse, do I know him?

I don't think so? He's a sort of friend of my not-really friend Michael (the one who has a thing for me and is weird vigilant of others' behavior). This dude is somewhat geographically undesirable, but he's easy-going and I'll be happy to hang out or whatever else might happen.

being geographically undesirable is such a hassle

sometimes I feel like I need to get out of this neighborhood but if I moved somewhere nicer I'd just be depressed by blasé cute bitch-shielded white dudes

I mean that he lives in a suburb.

So we're in NYC and we're going to the IFC to see PINK NARCISSUS tonight at 10:15 w intro by Jonathan Katz

so come and hang if you wanna see some widescreen smut

ugh, would be there if i could

Likewise, especially if the smut is scratch-and-sniff.

woulda gone! but that's too late for a school night. (i've seen PN)

I'm heartened that Bobby Kendall purportedly never considered himself good looking until Pink Narcissus. Might just be a good story and not the god's honest truth, but hey.

god this movie looked so gorgeous on the big screen, I'm really glad I went, and there was a galaxy of queer stars in attendance too, including James Bidgood himself- I paid suitable homage to his queenly majesty

i got to email interview him once for a research project - he seems like a total hoot

I've been trying to avoid making posts like this on this thread, but I am srsly at my wits end/totally bummed out over this thing where my mom is just a weird bigot and totally in denial abt it. It all started when we were going somewhere and she refused to take me out of the house bcz she found the tank top I was wearing SO HIDEOUS and ugly (it was just a plain tank top w/ black and white horizontal stripes, idgi) that she didn't want to be seen w/ me wearing it, and then she said that I "might as well wear a huge sign across my chest that says 'I'M GAY'". So instead of getting reactionary or arguing, I simply changed my shirt (to a Keith Haring one lol) and then calmly asked her why she said that the way she did, framing it in such a negative tone, bcz to me it's obv not a big deal, but to her something that is in any way indicative of one's homosexuality is totally undesirable and bad and we can't have that.

So then of course we got into this whole argument, which wasn't even an argument but was more me presenting facts/asking questions in the most calm/non-accusatory tone I could, and her getting more and more upset and yelling and shit. Like how SHE'S okay with it (<---this part seriously fucking pisses me off), but other people might think bad things, so you shouldn't tell them, and how she can't help how she feels bcz she can't help who her parents were and how she was raised. Seriously, she has never told/would never tell anyone. None of her closest friends know, none of her family knows, etc.; she has openly admitted to it embarrassing her.

The two things that upset me the most are that first, she has it in her mind that this is the way she feels and that there's no way that she can change, and that other people have already made up their mind abt gay people and there's no way that they can ever change that either. Like, okay mom, if everyone thought like you, there would have been no civil rights movement or women's rights movement and black people would still be slaves and you would still be at home with the kids, because "things are just the way they are" and there's nothing you can ever do to change that. The irony is that she likes things like "Modern Family" and "Glee" and (seemingly) has absolutely no problem with other people being gay. It's only a problem when that person happens to be her son.

Second--and probably the most upsetting--was that she just doesn't get it. A few times during this car ride from hell she was like "Fine, I'll just turn around and you can put the damn shirt back on" (like she thinks I'm upset not bcz she's ashamed of having a gay son, but bcz she finds my shirt disagreeable) and "What do you WANT?! I know, your stepdad knows, your dad and brother know... what, do you want me to go around announcing it to everyone that I meet?" I mean, in her mind, this exists in polar opposites: You hide in the closet and never tell a soul, or you traipse around blanketed in a rainbow flag singing Judy Garland at the top of your lungs. I don't thinks he's even fucking able to grasp the idea that it can just NOT BE A THING. I mean not only is she incapable of feeling that way, she's incapable of even recognizing that that is a thing to feel. She tries to say she's taking it step by step, but the fact of the matter is that she's known for 8 years and she is terrified of dealing with it. The only reason people know is because either I've told them, or her and I have had these really fucked up knock-down-drag-outs where she has a hysterical meltdown and calls them bawling. I told her how I have been trying to get her to join PFLAG and she says things like "well what's that going to do for me? What will that change?"

Not only does she feel all of these horrible and fucked up things, but she really thinks that she is justified in doing so, and that she's actually okay with my being gay. What do you even say to that? I can't ever bring up my dissatisfaction w/ her attitudes w/o her getting really upset and telling me how I'm ruining her day w/ this shit and stuff; like she just gets angry because she sees me as trying to pick a pointless fight and doesn't understand why I could possibly be personally offended by any of this.

I'm nearing the point where I feel like I can't even maintain the relationship w/ her that I do, because she is so fucking clueless re: all of the implications and ramifications of being gay (she keeps trying to compare it to the most asinine shit, like how she's a divorcee and some people find that disagreeable and she doesn't always tell them, like okay mom tell me more abt how divorcees have health crises and get beat up all the time and everything), and all of my attempts to inform her of such have been met w/ very strong and hostile resistance. Like at this point I don't even know if she can change; she's certainly convinced herself that she can't.

so anyway if anyone has any new mommies lying around that they don't want plz send them to me.

jesus sorry I didn't realize that was so fucking long

hugs, dude. I don't have any advice beyond: Does she have any friends with gay kids? I think the best hope id for her to find a way to change while she claims she can't.

I don't think she does. I mean tbh I sort of just feel sorry for her bcz she is SO FUCKING CRIPPLED by what other people will think of her, not just about this but about everything.

not even what they'll actually think about her, but what she thinks the might think about her.

It might be great if she were went to PFLAG.

I think things will improve a lot when you are able to move out. She may or may not come around later. If she does, great; if not, then you don't have to deal with her shit every day.

Me moving out will just make it easier for her to ignore it/pretend it doesn't exist. Like, it's pretty much what she's been doing since I went to college.

I can see that, but you can't force her to change. And she might never change, in which case you have to manage a bad situation. I know that doesn't sound like "it's going to be all right."

But as we've talked about before, yes, you deserve to be treated better. She's being shitty and maybe resentful toward you.

Show her the Golden Girls episode where Blanche is "fine" with her brother being gay, but just doesn't want him dating men.

i can only echo what jesse said (and eric's advice to watch golden girls, the cure for all society's ills imho). sorry dude :/

Is it like the one where her son tries to marry a black woman and by the end of the episode she still hates the idea but supposes she'll deal with it?

I know this angle could be heresy among modern gays, but her "ignoring it" -- if that's her inflexible position -- can be lived with. (At least until you have a man in your life who wants to meet the folks.) I have family that I no more want to discuss my sexuality with than my righthandedness.

Kind of just want to send her a sympathy card that says "Sorry I'm gay :("

Stevie, your post moved me beyond words because I'm in the same position, except we're still in the cold war stage of our relationship. Like Morbs said, I could live with it until I meet a man.

Even when you do meet someone, she can still remain the same. My family is about as stoic and shut-off as anyone's can possibly be. I brought my boyfriends around and they "accepted" them and chatted with them, but no one has ever talked about our relationships. I don't live around my family and except my mom and brother, don't talk to them (we have never been hostile at all - just silent), and it works for me.

A friend really helped me deal with the fact that I wasn't pushing my family to be PFLAG-types. She advised that if the relationship is just not working out, it's totally valid and reasonable to distance yourself.

And I hope this does not sound like I'm denying that your situation is troublesome, but your mom's attitude and understanding of the gay is miles ahead of some parents'. Even if that's cold comfort now, it might provide some kind of hope for the possibility of enlightenment.

Is it like the one where her son tries to marry a black woman and by the end of the episode she still hates the idea but supposes she'll deal with it?

Basically yes, only with much less physical contact between the controversial lovers.

stevie, i'm really sorry this has been an ongoing battle with you and your mom for the past couple of years.

it's easy for me to say this, because i live on the opposite side of the country from my parents, but....last august, after getting into an argument with my mom about these same sorts of issues (it was when she said i was "trying too hard to be gay," whatever the fuck that means), i simply didn't return calls and made a point of not returning home for the holidays. which seemed to force the point into her head that she could either have a gay son and be proud, or not have a son at all. luckily, she chose wisely, and we're getting along a lot better now.

in other words, move out ASAP and cut off ties. it's dramatic and kind of awful, but in the end, it can work, ime.

In fairness to your mom, tabes, you are really really gay. David Sedaris, Rip Taylor and Bill T. Jones all asked if you could tone it down a little.

loooooool

I think I would've slapped her by now Stevie. I admire your patience. But seriously, move out.

morbz, you just made me laugh.

i went to the Scissor Sisters opening for Lady Gaga tonight. um. uh.. i am sweaty, and would really like to say that LADY GAGA IS AN AMAZING PERFORMER. i was all " it'll be okay" and then i was just half-naked doing go-go dancing moves with m4tt and these other dudes and our friend j4ckie. epic night, so happy, so weirdly okay with playing into things.

i think i knew it was going to be a good night when we were standing in line in front of a woman and her 15-year-old son, who won tickets off the radio yesterday, and she had driven him to the show and was going to wait in the parking lot for him until it got out.

we were talking about these christian protestors that were there, and how they were saying that gays couldn't be happy, and this young boy said, "i'm really happy. those people can eat me." in front of his mom. it was so amazing and sweet and the perfect sort of hors d'oeuvres before the sweaty massacre.

finally, "born this way" sounds a lot better when it's just her and a piano and nothing else.

okay, love yall.

gee, you're not so gay after all!

Aww. The thing about the kid and his mom warms my heart a little. Im happy for kids growing up right now. Not just bc of the gay part, but bc the future looks like it will be really really interesting.

to me it looks "interesting" as in the Chinese curse "May you live in interesting times."

No surprise there. You must be very happy you won't have to be a part of it.

no, I expect to live long enough to be fighting in the streets for crusts of bread with the rest of the gays and tolerant straights.

or drowning in Waterworld

Or barring such events as would lead to fighting for bread crusts, continuing to mumble unhelpful snark.

no, 'snark' usually involves style or pop music; you know, gay shit.

Looks like our overlords, including the historic hopeful president, have no interest in barring such events btw

Yeah, what Morbs contributes is unhelpful and intensely killjoy-happy, but only sometimes counts as snark.

Realism is always helpful.

but let's just move on to the next version of woohoo, gay kiss on Glee!!!

my eyes are rolling so damn hard i look like a slot machine

Lemme help:

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kp44omplzF1qza9o7o1_500.gif

I know the feeling, that's what mine were doing when the streets of Brooklyn exploded in ecstasy on Obama's election night.

Your Gluckschmerz knows no bounds.

We get it.

c'mon guys, lighten up, Jesse and I are just laying the PR groundwork for our boxing match.

Morbz, I know my jab came out of nowhere. I get frustrated with you sometimes. We'll work this out in the ring!

Not interested in any contest not settled in a dance-off.

Eric, thanks for the new word in my vocab!

I have that one down as my religious views on Facebook.

Gluckschmerz is a nice one, E, but I don't have it in my quiver. Gay-tolerant kids are great, I never said otherwise!

All OK, Jesse. I warn you, I can take a punch.

Why don't you guys have a SWORDFIGHT LOLOLOL

Yday my friend asked me if I'd ever had a swordfight with someone and I was just like *facepalm*. Like apparently a lot of straight ppl think this is what we do

*discreet silence*

When in fact, we scissor.

Disclosure: I have scissored.

I know elmo wrestled in school, so he probably has too.

Morbs - I haven't sparred in a long, long time, so I would probably get winded and knocked before I ever landed a punch.

I'm old, you know. But start training anyhoo.

scissorlocks are illegal in collegiate style wrestling iirc; frottage is not

haha

surely your teammates tried them out in practice tho?

unrelated: i have been whispering "WHITE DIAMONDS" to myself all morning

"These have always brought me luck"

~*~*~WHITE DIAMONDS~*~*~

I just recommended "White Diamonds" to a friend looking for perfume recs.

was this a Liz Taylor endorsement?

thx, elmo, for the new screenname

Loooool

xo Eric

m0rbz, get one fucking life, seriously. i sometimes feel like you resent any expression of happiness.

i COMPLETELY forgot about 'white diamonds'! :D

I liked the SNL parody, shot through absurdly thick gauze.

"These have always brought me luck *necklace-clutch*"

actually giggled in delight when i saw r4mz post the ad on facebook

actually i'd have to say my favorite wrestling "move" is the "butt drag"

which was not taught in my highschool but which i enthusiastically endorse in theory & principle

it's sunny today, i went on a great run and i'm quitting smoking for the thousandth time. i seriously <3 u all!

I love ya too, and I sincerely wish the life I have on narcissists when their looks go.

So you were/are a narcissist, Morbs?

I had/have my moments.

+ narcissists can be self-turned on by other things than their own looks

well sure, why else would I write for the internets for zero fucking money

can I just insta-gain 50 lbs of muscle plz?

Dude, it sounds like your muscles are responsive in a way that many people would envy.

Not to say that you're not working hard, but it pays off for you more than for some guys.

maybe — I really have no way to gauge.

corey, slender is sweet

:)

corey's looked hot for months now.

*blushes*

it's truuuuue

my beard is getting out of CONTROL

I'm not allowed to have a beard at my new job unless it's "grown-in", but then I'm not allowed to let my beard grow until it's "grown-in"

'grown-in'?

fresh beards, grown in-house

like it's only okay if I met him looking like a cossack

hey come to William Basinski's instore at 8pm at Other Music y'all, should be dronetastic

Omg fuck! Wtf, this is like the week of everything cool ever happening in NYC.

But Dr3w I will be in town Monday afternoon/early eve and also maybe Sunday night if you'd maybe fancy a pint?

drew, hope to meet you in glasgow in may!

aw, I'll look for you in Glasgow- and Stevie, we're off on Sat, alas

but this trip to NYC has been kind of fucking awesome, I gotta say, I've worked a lot but I've also had more fun than I've had in a long time, this town can be so ridiculous sometimes

my awesome awesome brooklyn lesbian friends are gonna get married! squeeeeeee

"squeeeeeee" would be a fun wedding toast, just sayin'

haha i'm not sure what they're doing for a ceremony but i'm hoping for my first-ever gay wedding invite.

I check my mailbox every day for one.

I'd like to go to a gay wedding. I'd like to be a co-groom, too.

My straight weddings have finally worn down. I'm not exactly chomping at the bit to buy a bunch more wedding gifts, but you know just know the DJs at the gay ones will be on point.

Nearly all my friends/family are already married or intractably single. Except for my primary gay-couple friends who had a non-wedding party in Savannah last fall.

i like the word 'groom' nearly as much as i like the word 'husband' but as far as spousal synonyms go i have a silly antiquarian weakness for 'help-meet'

what about "catamite"?

I got unequivocally* asked out by that guy with whom I've been having "is-it-flirtation?" IMs.

*But nothing is unequivocal for me, so I am sitting here overanalyzing his invitation to get dinner, its ramifications, implications, and the nature of communication in general. Let's hope I find a way to not kill the fun!

dd, did you go to Mattachine?

bitches:

I went to Julius's Bar this evening, which, if you didn't attend our FAP there a year or two ago, is a historic West Village gay place...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Julius_(New_York_City)

...for my monthly beer (cuz a Bass is $7 there, for Chrissakes). I went into the campy red-walled restroom, festooned for at least 30 years with the same LP covers -- Broadway cast albums of shows you have never heard of, a Robert Goulet solo album, Lambert Hendricks & Ross, Nina Simone, New Faces of 1952, you name it -- to take a leak...

The LP covers were gone. Replaced with the same white tile-and-black trim you can find in Chelsea "sports bars."

On my way out, I asked the barkeep who was responsible for this atrocity. He just laughed, "You're not the only one..." I just grumbled, "One more reason to move New York."

I am e-mailing Michael Musto. Thank you for your attention.

lame!

see if you can get them to lower their prices while they're at it

What the fuck?!

def not enough crew shots on this boat race coverage but some of theme are like woah.

Guys, I want to read about the origins of the whole gay/sailor thing. Can someone recommend me some books? Hello Sailor! by Jo Stanley and Paul Baker turned up via Google search; it looks pretty good. Also thinking of reading Jonathan Ned Katz's Love Stories: Sex Between Men Before Homosexuality (pretty sure I've already read stuff of his about the invention of "heterosexuality"). I've also got this Fear of a Queer Planet anthology lying around, as well as John D'Emilio's Making Trouble. And I still haven't read all of these Allen Barnett short stories (p.s. EVERYONE READ "THE TIMES AS IT KNOWS US") and I have this other short story collection called Dancing on the Moon by Jameson Currier.

So many books!!

Weird that you mention that today. Apparently the sailors are on some kind of leave from Naval Station Great Lakes b/c they were all up in the (gay-associated) barber shop I go to. There was one there who looked about 24 and he was definitely gay and he was just plain gorgeous. Plus he smiled a lot.

Navy uniforms seem sort of gay to me, with their snug seated pants, flared legs and (apparently?) white scarves, which the boys all wore today. Plus the fact that they switch between Winter Blue and Summer White.

I left my cell phone at the office and I've been too busy to pick it up (and, admittedly, it feels rather nice not to carry it around). I'm supposed to go to a gay bar with a close (straight) friend who's interested in scoping out birthday locations, and I was gonna tellJ0rdan to join us, but I remembered that I had a relative's birthday to celebrate. Finally, the "motor" of my swimming pool is broken, therefore no pool -- on an 87-degree day.

I'm opening wine.

i'm at work and blasting young dro because no one else is here

I blasted Warren G, the Weeknd (sorry, lex), and Drive-By Truckers.

really want to read the andrew parker essay in fear of a queer planet but i cant use my credit card at the moment and im not a member of any libraries or anything

alfred, that liza/PSBs song you put on yr blog is terrific - i'd only ever heard 'losing my mind' from that album

also the video beats sinead to the long-shot-of-tear-rolling-down-cheek thing by only two months i think!

isn't it great? I finally got it a few days ago.

Stevie, even though it isn't non-fiction, Genet's "Querelle" is pretty much the go-to novel about sailors and homosexuality. I really like it quite a bit, and the film isn't terrible, either.

Also, when it rains, it pours: I now have a new regular lover, and last night, I took this beautiful latino tattoo artist home with me from the queer industrial punk party. first sex in my new room. yeah!

"lover"?

MY LOVAH

http://www.dvdverdict.com/images/reviewpics/willferrell04.jpg

can't not hear Pete Burns bellowing that

Luv ya Tabes but that is a "posts very much in character" if there ever was one

whatever, 'partner' is weird and 'fuckbuddy' is too crass. so 'lover.' but yeah, that post is very much in character.

drew, could you webmail me re. something relating to stirmonster? cheers.

jed what is yr email? or is there a way to get it from your postings here? (sorry, I is dumb)

everybody- I feel you on the awkwardness of terminology here. I am starting to find "boyfriend" pretty infantilizing as we approach the 20 year point- "partner" is cool with me except it does have a bureaucratic/legalese vibe to it, "lover" sounds like I should have a rose in my teeth as I say it. Mostly I keep remembering the "yes, he . . . was . . . my . . . BOYFRIEND!" line in "Young Frankenstein" whenever I think about this.

please never say lover

& yeah it reminds me strictly of the will ferrell sketch

this is what I'm talking about:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBx8JNarOlg

drew, it's colinohara at gmail dot com

thanks

lol, thought of Frau Blucher just last night

"paramour" makes a boulevardier out of everyone.

"Lover" is great.

so is tabes' move to NYC off now?

"Lover" sounds way dated to me. Also, affected if used by someone under 60.

I usually resort to the colorless/less-concise "guy I'm dating"

Affect is our game!

xpost

pro tip: don't talk about yr SO at all

Since I haven't had a "date" (what a grotesque term) in eons, the issue is entirely academic, but I like "receptacle."

also while i guess once you're in a vaguely serious relationship, it's time to tell the world, but if i'm just fucking someone? no one but me and him needs to know. (and i assume no one but me and him wants to know, unless they have a vested interest in either of us, in which case oh well not my problem)

lol british

vmic

what is vmic?

very much in character :)

o i have a rep as repressed now!

or british, anyway

it's all good

i'm happy w/it

Repression is underrated.

it's not so much repressed as private

I agree. This weekend a friend asked if I was seeing anyone. I said no. Then he wondered, semi-facetiously, if I was "getting any." Yeah, I said -- somebody came over last week. He was mildly frustrated that I hadn't mentioned it. I just didn't see the point!

i know right! i get that too. i don't know why i would want to inform people about my hook-ups, or why they would want to know.

my friend makes me tell her sometimes im like squirming this is not really for your ears claire i mean my god

the fact in and of itself isn't too remarkable. i usually only mention anything if something weird/funny/awful happened

ha i used to have girlfriends who would want me to tell them all that stuff and i'd be like "look just cuz i'm gay & you're female doesn't mean i really want to talk about this w/ you"

man you dont know this girl she is force of nature level

when my lips are closed tight, no force of nature can prise information out of them

I have no girlfriends. I mean friends that are girls.

They're too *girly*

cooties

my ideal friend-that-is-a-girl would be abbbottt

but they're so pretty

i have a good balance of male and female friends. maybe slightly more of the latter?

I might if I'd gone to school, otherwise there's pretty much no social construct where I'd befriend anyone, girl or otherwise.

i def have more female friends and ones where the friendship really lasts against all odds. i need women around me.

xpost you were home schooled?

I went to a regular high school, but I was pretty antisocial and had like one friend who I would still want to talk to now.

Are you still planning on going back to college?

Most of my own friends are women - hetero men can make me uncomfortable with their talk of cars and vaginas and football, all of which I know nothing about, and gay men seem to think I always want to sleep with them then either get hurt when I don't or annoying when I do. Women in groups can get irritating and cliquey but on their own I prefer them.

i usually only mention anything if something weird/funny/awful happened

Is it wrong that there are few things in life that give me more joy than awkward sex stories?

hetero men can make me uncomfortable with their talk of cars and vaginas and football,

hetero men do this?

I think there is nothing wrong at all with that.

hetero men can make me uncomfortable with their talk of cars and vaginas and football

LOL.

xp

The few hetero men that I regularly talk to do, maybe they've just given me an unfortunate bias.

I wish more homos would talk about cars. Also, "lifehacks" and keyboard shortcuts.

str8 men talking about women is often quite fun in a peek-into-the-alien-mind kind of way, unless they're being stereotypical #lads in which case i'm probably not friends w/them in the first place. football is a hideous topic of conversation and i consider it socially acceptable to just get my phone out if it crops up. i don't think i know a single person interested in cars.

for the most part, my straight guy friends are much coyer than me on discussing matters sexual (but most of them have girlfriends, who i'm also friends with)

football is usually my favorite topic of discussion

All my best male friends are straight. I have few gay friends because they can't talk about anything!

sports talk is usually when i ask their girlfriends how they've been lately

i assume different football? though it doesn't change my attitude particularly

i think only a tiny minority of my friends, male or female, are so stereotypically gender-bound in the subjects of their conversation. if a boy could only talk about vaginas/football, or a girl could only talk about make-up/men, i can't see why i'd be friends with them.

I talk with some of my straight male friends about vaginas (etc.), but it's not in the stereotypical kind of straight guy way. We also talk about dicks and gay sex.

^^^^ yep

I was at a poetry reading the other night at which I saw the photos of the dicks of the host, a friend, and the balls of certain ILXor, all of whom are straight. They were texting those photos to each other for some reason.

yeah stories like that make me think "wow my social circles are REALLY different to yours" :/

a good str8 friend of mine has season tickets to the opera and takes ballet lessons. many more probably know more about fashion than i do

(admittedly not a hard feat)

It was a very #lad-ish thing of them to do, but that bro-ish behavior was offset by the fact that we were at a poetry reading organized by one of them. I recall now that was a LOT of poetry involving first person accounts of receptive anal sex, but it was not a gay-themed event. Not intentionally, anyway.

Also, this group of friends see each other naked quite a lot since they're all from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where there is a lot of Norwegian culture, and therefore a lot of saunas.

Are you still planning on going back to college?

Yeah.

I recently accompanied some of my female queer friend's to a munch (attn lex: vanilla meet'n'greet party for kinksters, FYI) which was fairly innocuous until someone got spanked for their birthday by approximately half the room.

Which is to say I have straight friends, but many of them are turning out to be bi, and those who aren't talk about gay sex and opera and hockey and law and politics and Stevie nicks and porn and cars in a big melange. So I don't really have a point of reference for 'normal' social interaction.

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-QfMPlhLJAcI/TYeCL7nggdI/AAAAAAAAM-M/NbBCbnMxkAA/s1600/Cacha%25C3%25A7aBrokeback.jpg

This ad contains homophobia.

wtf? what's the product so i can boycott it.

magnifica?

Copyranter says it's Cachaça Magnifica.

hm, cachaca brand apparently xp

also the layout is wack. why would the entrance to the small bedroom be via the kitchen (making a long useless corridor section into the room rather than giving more space to the kitchen and who wants to enter a bedroom via a kitchen?). it should be adjacent to the apt. entrance.

it's a plumbing nightmare too.

Copyranter's commenters explain that the small bedroom and bathroom are for the maid, which is a common layout in Brazil, where this ad originates.

ha! well it could work better all the same.

what the fuck.

Maybe it means, Oh, your son is a homosexual, so perhaps he would enjoy a nice caipirinha.

It depicts homophobia, but it is a joke -- the father (or mother) too blind to realize the truth about Junior's "best friend."

Unless "be strong" is code for "thrash the shit out of both of them."

I think the idea is more "get hammered and keep up the denial."

"Enable your son, buy him alcohol to ply his friend with"

haha i totally interpreted that as the son having to be strong cuz he wanted to make a move on his str8 friend (ie "buddy" rather than "boyfriend") and was hoping for some sort of six-beer-queer situation, hence the beer having to be strong

if they wanted to be homophobic it would've worked better if the son & his friend were in one of the bedrooms surely?

eh, the ad is stupid and homophobic, but also...well, i know that my parents drink more now that they realize their son is a total weirdo who won't have kids until they're dead, if ever. so in some ways, it's just...accurate? but still reinforcing of negative reactions towards homosexuality, which sucks.

in related news, i watched L.I.E. just now. hadn't seen it since it came out, when i snuck into the theatre.

god being a teenager sucked.

fuck Liz Taylor, Farley Granger died.

I don't think he ever did

I saw him at BAM 5-6 years ago doing a Q&A for Senso

http://www.thewildeye.co.uk/blog/wp-content/uploads/senso1.jpg

he was gorgeous

Liz, Lanford Wilson and Farley Granger are a preetty gay trio of showbiz deaths.

I haven't seen Senso since the summer when I identified too closely with Alida Valli.

p sure that ad is saying "you've just discovered your son is a homosexual...time for a drink"

tabes is right in that it's reinforcing a stereotype that says that having your kids come out is like this horrible thing for parents, but i suppose it could be spun as being sym- or empathetic: "finding out your kid is gay is stressful, and merits a drink, because even if you are 100% supportive it can be hard to learn that your kid will now face a world that is pitched against him or her." or w/e

Alfred, have you been ruined by a caddish Austrian lieutenant?

xp ppl also drink to celebrate, nobody has made this assumption

^^the appropriate response to a loved one coming out in a better world

i'm gonna have to ~quit you~ Cachaça Magnifica!

i dunno about jo3, but for real, this is my favorite kind of weather— 84, dry, sunny, slight breeze. i'm wearing booty shorts and a mesh top. and my tan is already starting to come in. FUCK YEAH.

yeah it is crazy gorgeous outside right now - now that the days are longer and the weather is nicer biking home from work is a total joy again

this seriously feels like our first warm/sunny day we've had since fucking october and on my drive to work this morning i was buzzing like crazy, i seriously almost lost it in a "isn't life beautiful abooboo" way.

weather still sucks in NYC -- rain/snow mix possible tonight -- so da hell wit' yall

same thing tomorrow, fts

my mom & brother are up in boston & i am not jealous

Unspeakable humidity today. Ugh.

Highs in the 40s all week, some T-storms and rain and some sun. I'm content.

this is not a shorts city unfortunately. not sure how i feel about shorts anyway. jorts are definitely awful.

i do see a lot of 1) road bikers in lycra, 2) contractors.

I like skinny jorts

meeeeee too

i should break my skinny jorts out again

Weekends are for jorts.

I'm still self-conscious enough not to wear them after 6 p.m. I'm stupid.

It's not quite sunny enough for jorts yet, but were getting there. Excited! Spring is in the air, even though we still have too much snow on the ground.

Can the snow talk, weather girls.

We're discussing jortflakes, white boy.

can everyone stop saying jorts?

^ seconded

I didn't know what they were until this thread half an hour ago, but I was just following the herd. I prefer the term 'cutoffs'.

i think of 'jean shorts' as having a finished hem - 100% abominable imo

but cutoffs are totally fine, i just don't consider the terms equivalent

I haven't worn jean shorts since 1994.

Cord cutoffs > Jeans cutoffs

never seen those

oh THAT'S what jorts are, i was wondering!!

i find them a bit of an unnecessary contradiction - i think of denim as a pretty heavy, warm material. if it's hot enough for shorts it's too hot for denim => jorts are pointless. (as well as being FKN HIDEOUS)

I think "jorts" is "fupid."

However, cutoffs are hot on the right legs.

^^ Your generation appalls me.

Cord cutoffs > Jeans cutoffs

― scissorlocks and the three bears (Eric H.), Friday, April 1, 2011 9:01 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

Amen!

never seen those
― your generation appalls me (Dr Morbius)

I feel like they're all I've ever seen EG's BF wear.

well, I never see those guys in the summer. (It did take me 15 minutes to figure out who EG was.)

yo t3ddy i *might* be up in oakland for a work trip later this month!

Moammar Cutoff-y

A good manly look.

http://jeansimages.beckco.com/images_product/small/wche15c24_01.jpg

Depends on the knees and thighs.

so much depends
upon

the knees and
thighs

i wear cut-offs all the time, and they're jean cut-offs, and fuck the haters. my Bruce LaBruce look (black jean booty shorts with suspenders and a white tank) is classic. i have the legs for it, too. *braggin*

anyway, last night i was having trouble getting to sleep, so i drank some beer. then at 2:45 am, my BFF calls me in tears— she'd fallen off of her loft bed, hit her head, blood everywhere, etc. so i went over there and took her to the hospital, got home by 4, woke up at 8, went to the city to do an interview, tried to meet up with my somewhat famous ex but then decided i was too tired to wait for him, came home, and promptly fell asleep until BFF called me and told me that she had a concussion, and that i was totally right on in taking her to the ER (she didn't want to go). (she's okay, by the way. have i ever shown yall a picture of her? sorry if it's lolhueg):
http://a3.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/148099_499883138277_502818277_7162267_5539096_n.jpg

now i have to deliver some poems up in berkeley, then meet m4tt at his work to pick up some shit that i bought and some shit that's his, then have a cocktail, then sell records at this show for most of the night. it is absolutely amazing that being underemployed can be this *busy*.

also, jo3, please do come up to oakland. we can have a grand old time.

she kinda looks like a female Terre Thaemlitz

~~drama~~

good work on the ER, t3d.

Seconded, tabes. Falling in the bathroom is my biggest fear of living alone.

and here I'm thinking of building a loft bed — note to self, add safety bar.

I've instructed the old cubanas in my building to call the coroner if they smell something rotten that's not old cassava.

safety bar in important. also, she didn't even really fall off of the bed itself— she lost her grip on the last rung of the shitty ladder, but because the bed is so high up, it was a dramatic fall. i also sleep in a loft bed, and have for a while now, and have never had any problems. that said, my loft has an excellent ladder, plus the drop is only like 5 feet. hers was more like 10 :0

in other news — I don't usually go for the stereotype blue-collar dudes but the young flop-haired guy in the coveralls at work today kinda made me woozy

http://farm6.static.flickr.com/5307/5580218261_ba45ecc40d.jpg
tmi but damn this hickey is BIG

whoa!

it looks like I was bitten by a zombie or something. collared shirts ahoy

last year i got a very large and very conspicuous hickey on my neck and i wanted to throttle the guy who did it

i actually said "dude, what the FUCK?" to him

I like necks, but I've never gotten that chewy.

tonight i am going line dancing at a gay c&w bar

i do not own any boots btw

Hey dr3w is your webmail address current? I have an email-question for you

yep, it's current and there's also always drewdaniel at jhu dot eeedeeyooo

huh, i've never really associated hickeys with anything shameful. but then again, i'm one of those who finds boys biting/sucking my neck and ears to be one of the more pleasurable aspects of intimacy.

in other news, i'm being chased around by two boys atm, and i'm all up in this 'getting rid of sinus infection' game, and i keep putting them off because i feel gross. :(

At this point it's stupidly easy just to write table parody posts ourselves

hey, he wisely took his friend to the ER, that was a nice changeup.

Trading texts with a somewhat drunk 21-year-old is the quickest way to feel roughly twice my age.

"OMG Gwen Guthrie?? I LOVE No Doubt!"

well thx for justifying my non-texting life.

Seventh heaven, indeed.

J0rdan and I were the only two (out) straight boys at karaoke tonight. I sang "The Look of Love" -- ABC's.

good one!

I've always been pissed that someone stole that title from Burt & Hal.

I went to sleep at 11 instead of going to the local monthly sex party. Priorities.

i did 'walk on by' at the c&w gay bar (along with "rose garden" and "stand back"). time mercifully prevented me from having to sing a duet of moby/gwen's "southside" with a weird guy who was flirting with me)

ugh I forgot how much I hate that song

i suggested 'don't you want me' and he said he didn't like that song, which is basically three strikes in one afaic

At this point it's stupidly easy just to write table parody posts ourselves

― lex pretend, Saturday, April 2, 2011 5:01 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

hey, he wisely took his friend to the ER, that was a nice changeup.

― your generation appalls me (Dr Morbius), Saturday, April 2, 2011 6:01 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

1- lex, i could say the same thing about you, so watch yr back.
2- m0rbz, what's your fucking problem?

also lex, you're British.

aw. I think lex's statement was meant to be friendly jokes? anyway, what's characteristic of tabes' posts are less about content and more about tone - you have a very distinct voice. and, for the record, i could totally recount my life in similar ways, so whatever. haters gon' hate.

i mean yeah, i got really butthurt (lol) for a sec there, but mostly because it seemed like lex was suggesting my expendability.

anyway.

or you know, I could have. these days my life consists of studying in cafes and cooking dinner and watching audrey hepburn films in the bf's new apartment. i'm all *domestic* and shit. it's weird.

let's all be nice, k?

seconded.

Aw, Alex: is that the first time you've referred to him as the bf?

it's finally spring here! sunny weather and donna summer and isaac hayes and cute boys playing frisbee.

is it the first time here? maybe? I'm not sure. think I did over on 77. that term (or its french equivalent) has been in use since sometime in february.

progressively more apt now that he has his own homophobe-free apartment.

I have many problems, tabes; overexposure to your love diary is not a huge one. BOOM

btw we are all expendable

what morbz said

it's not like i have any patience for IRL friends constantly going on about their sex lives or their mundane dramas or babbling about how many boys/girls they have after them, either

I thought Morbz said the opposite, that he is OK w table's sharing.

Rather, that it's no big deal to him.

lex, i get it. to some people it's just a bigger part of life, tbh, but i understand being miffed. but what you posted earlier was kind of bitchy, and i had to respond in kind.

anyway, i'm going to go enjoy the day. xo.

While we're oversharing can I talk abt how this guy I fucked yday afternoon apparently designed a compilation cover for Strictly Rhythm and is also friends with J0sh W1nk?

that term (or its french equivalent)

Wait wait I used to know this...mon copain?

I am going to guess "fiance," based on my year of French and an annotated English translation of The Stranger.

Haha. Technically dr is correct - it's copain or copine, but in Quebec the term commonly used is "mon chum" = my boyfriend. The female equivalent is "ma blonde" - and yes, that does mean 'my blonde' but...the strange sexist implications of it all are lost on no one, and my lesbian friends still use it to refer to their girlfriends, so...go figure.

It becomes you -- I like the verve and swag of your Facebook posts lately. Congrats!

Verve and swag? Haha. I am buried under mountains of schoolwork, living in the most hellishly out of control/stressful/financially untenable roommates/house scenario until July and have yet to find a summer job.

I can't decide if my mood is due to blissful ignorance of life's problems, or just the prospect of SUMMER. Probably the latter.

Wait. That was a compliment. Um...thanks, Alfred. I am working on verve + swag.

An interest in legal issues and Change (the disco group) = verve and swag

A suggested title for the summer gay thread, btw.

I swam a few laps in the pool today: my first dip since October. I've got a good tan.

you're smokin' the verve pipe

I want a pool! I'm considering getting a YMCA membership this year if I can afford it.

fuck tans, im stayin pale all summer

I don't tan at all. It takes me months to get as dark as others get in days.

i got a little tan after last week's 90-degree weather :D

I have never been as tan as I was last summer, when I worked in the sun all day.

tan dark. i'm thinking in white peoples' terms.

don't let that happen again, Rev

i tan like crazy. i'm already darker than i was, like, a week ago. i don't understand how Polish and northern Irish ancestry allow this to happen, but i hardly ever burn. just get darker....

75 F in NYC tomorrow? NOW you can call it spring...

supposed high 86ºF today holy fuck that can't be right

WTF. Weather Bug says high of 90. Gross.

And low of 53. Weird.

high of 65 here

Highs in the 50s the rest of the week. Chicago weather, you so crazy.

It snowed here a few days ago.

65 and sunny here today. it was freezing last night in the City, but that seems to be the way of things.

also, let me tell you, cruising the Anarchist Book Fair yesterday was fun, even though i was already 'attached' to a certain someone for the event.

also, though i haven't seen him here as of recent, happy birthday to ti4rn4n!!

Just returned from the pool: 87 degrees. I was the only fool without children and reading Eric Hobsbawm.

The male seniors in high school next to me are casually chatting about whether they preferred sex with one guy, one girl, two girls, two other guys, or one guy + one girl. They're being surprisingly thoughtful and articulate about it.

so what did they prefer?

Sounds like the right kind of all you can eat buffet.

They're being surprisingly thoughtful and articulate about it.

What arguments were being presented? I'm not asking in a pervy way, more in a "how articulate can you get" curiosity.

One said that he had only been with two girls who were both straight and not into doing stuff with each other, which made him feel burdened with having to be constantly active. He liked girl, guy, guy best. I didn't catch a resolute opinion from the other one.

xp - They were obviously introspective and able to talk about their experiences and thoughts. They were not being crude or silly (not that there's anything wrong with crudeness or silliness), and the first guy I mentioned was considerate about making sure his friend was comfortable with their discussion.

I might sound like a lech, but if I may protest:

1. I am a chronic eavesdropper.
2. I wasn't perving on them because
3. I'm not into guys their age.

"burdened"

Ha, I do this all the time, Jess.

it sounds like maybe the guy saying he preferred girl, guy, guy might have been coming on to the other guy by putting out there that he was into that sorta scenario?

that's how I interpreted it -- ostensibly straight guy making his bro comfortable.

Well that's the thing! I did not get the feeling they were into each other. The guy whose opinion I didn't catch (if we refer to him again, we'll call him the Puerto Rican, because he was Puerto Rican and the other guy was generic White) was trying to hook up Whitey with a guy he knew. But who knows.

xp - Neither of them was trying to front like they were straight, that's for sure.

Last night, unsober, in mid monologue

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f308/sotoalf/DSC00357.jpg

G.B. Jones' The Lollipop Generation is screening on a loop at this one gallery in Philly and I think I might go see it </tablebait>

why not? it's GB fucking Jones. i just got a picture through the interwebs of myself with George Kuchar, the both of us fondly caressing a Sal Mineo biography.

feel like i've said this a thousand times here but whatever: the kuchars are my heroes and i am very jealous

Angling to get a John Waters interview this June. Don't normally get starstruck, but if I pull this one off, I'll be bringing a marker.

for him to sign what part of you?

Ask him what he thinks of The Sunshine Boys.

Going to have him autograph my headshot of Marguerite Duras.

I dunno. I like that this thread can't be revived buy a new Gaga leak.

er, by

not bi

who?

Sad to say, I think I'm finally liking her.

next, The Moldy Peaches.

Next, vagina.

hovering over SB button for that, morbs

i revived that gaga thread, if that counts for anything? delegation!

It's snowing here. Maybe I'll revive the winter gayz thread.

fuuuuuuuck

I think I already posted the 'Disappointing Gay Best Friend' Gaga video, so I got nothin.

j0e, I thought your ringtone was "Little Bunny Foo Foo"!

I wouldn't mind seeing a knockoff series "Disappointing Fag Hag."

LIke she's constantly stealing the straight men her gay friend has already bought three drinks.

i had a short window of time where i had ringtones for specific friends before realizing that vibrate really is the way to go - other than that the only general-purpose ringtone i've ever d/led was "tarzan boy"

I make my own ringtones, but for awhile my default ringer was YMO's "Rydeen"

right now mine is t-pain's "i'm sprung" cuz i'm too lazy to change it

mine just goes beep-beep beep-beep beep-beep

"My phone's on VIIIIIBRATE for you...."

SoHo, "Hot Music"

(Doubles as alarm clock: "Get up! C'mon!")

!

Used to have "Sex Machine" until I got a new phone which had the same effect.

I have...no phone

your generation appalls me

Btw, I spent a bunch of time this afternoon with this guy I have a crush on (a couple of you have seen pics) and I really want to get my homosex on right now but have no outlet for my homosexing. :(

Morbs, you have no phone at all, or just no mobile?

I know a lawyer in NYC who, last I heard, had no home phone or mobile. It's odd for any person to not have any phone, but he was with a big firm that basically owns your every waking minute, so I'm surprised they didn't require that he have one.

yes, i have my landline which almost no one but my sister ever calls.

Omg you should post your number so that we can call you

I have a cell phone, but sometimes I wonder why. No one ever calls.

'cept for the Pope may-be in Rome.

<3

I get texts. And it doubles as an mp3 player. I am getting better at syncing my calendar (which isn't too hard given my schedule). I think it owns me, but I get so much in the bargain.

My iPhone has been a crucial tool in getting my life in order. I use it to manage my schedule, work-related stuff, physical fitness, and most importantly, finances (I almost all of my bills on my morning commute which is AWESOME.) Plus I've ditched a lot of physical media in favor of reading on my phone. I'm looking forward to further developments that make life more like the Jetsons.

Conveyor belts everywhere

Talking dogs.

Ralking rogs.

your boss screaming at you on a giant television every day

That's all I'm asking for.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNPC394nzLQ

Soooo futuristic.

holy kraut that was terrible

Either that or The Adventures of Milo and Otis was the first movie I can remember having seen in a theater.

The Jetsons did not invent the boss-yelling-from-TV thing:

http://loubega33.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/modern_times-021.jpg

ie, happy birthday, Charles.

I would call Morbz and Corey!

well I'm off to Williamsburg for maybe 2-1/2 hrs, so not now.

I often think of Chaplin when I sit at my desk, brain taxed by trying to make sense of figure legends edited by Indian outsourcees, and having to listen to 8 different fucking ringtones go off around me.

I use a Nokia 3310, ie the phone everyone had ten years ago. Learning how to work an iPhone or whatever seems like a lot of time and commitment, plus I can play Snake on it. It's always on silent, because the vibrate is so ridiculous that it makes enough noise just by doing that.

SF Eagle being closed? How is that possible?

http://blogs.sfweekly.com/exhibitionist/2011/04/eagle_tavern_closing_means_sf.php

long story short:
Yuppie from Santa Rosa (yuk) inherited the property, and doesn't want to renew the Eagle's lease because he either wants to open a spin-off of the Skylark— a horrible fucking straight yuppie bar in the Mission— or turn it into condos.

In other news, Twitter got a $22 million tax break for staying in San Francisco and expanding their offices along Market St, the borderland between SoMA and the Tenderloin (which, if you don't know, is where a lot of the older gay bars, hustler bars, drug spots, SRO's, and cheap apartments are, at present). The entire area has now been zoned in this way for big businesses (as in tax breaks galore), so in the next ten years, there will essentially be no neighborhood in SF with any fucking character. I love SF dearly, and seeing what is happening to it destroys my heart all the time.

I have had another amazing weekend, btw. Scissor Sisters, porn shoot, hanging out with this awesome boy (same one from last weekend) and creating havoc. Later today, I'm going with M4tt to this park up in the hills and we're gonna let his new dog run wild.

No American city will have any personality much longer, if it's any consolation.

</Morbs>

yes, so gay will be officially over, right around the time marriage becomes legal nationwide. VICTORY!!! Everyone can be boring til we die at our desks at 85.

Apparently the Eagle is secure through the end of May. I'd like it to still be open if I stop by in July.

Everyone can be boring til we die at our desks at 85.

Or irascible and prone to soliciting abuse.

lol

meh, when you hit me, it feels like a kiss.

I can understand not minding American cities not having any personality. I wouldn't, if I were in television. :D

all yall in NYC should go to this: http://www.tribecafilm.com/filmguide/smut_capital_of_america-film34858.html

it's Larry Kramer, finding out about Grindr:

http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2011/04/23/larry_kramer_interview/index.html

wow, that interview

I mean, I know about Larry Kramer and stuff, but the starkness of the 76/27 pairing in the conversation, it seems like people really talking past each other

wish it was a longer conversation that went into how the internet might really enable and reinforce the closet- since it becomes so much easier to be closeted and hook up- even as, duh, it holds out all kinds of virtual lifelines for people in homophobic environments. I fear the sort of self-fulfilling prophecy of a gay bars being lame, so young people don't go to them, so they get lamer, so even fewer new people go to them, etc. You need a critical mass of creative queer people coming together to model what a good queer space looks/feels like, and it won't happen without numbers and dedication. We moved to Baltimore four years ago and the gay bars here are boring and generic and I had just assumed that that was specific to this city, but I wonder if it isn't part of an overall waning of the gay bar as such which is in progress and perhaps ongoing/unstoppable.

I had that conversation a few weeks ago. One of the unintended ironies about our "socialization" is the slow erosion of queer-catering establishments as lively as the straight ones.

There were always problems with the "gay bar = our community" model (the racism, classism in many bars, the de facto risk of encouraging alcoholism as a tonic/compensation for oppression, blah blah) but that said, I wonder about the tradeoff of atomized, isolated hookups enabled by the internet and Grindr and other apps versus the feeling of strength-in-numbers and solidarity that a good night out on a dancefloor generates between people, and the sense of a something-in-common across various stratifications which is implicit in the group experience- Kramer is right that that is politically powerful in ways that you won't miss if you don't know that it is there in the first place. When I see how many people insist upfront- or even long for- a "blow-n-go" situation in their hookup ads on various websites, you can see that even one on one intercourse between two people- which might under the right circumstances become a friendship or alliance of a sort- is also becoming de-socialized, pushed towards the aspie / shut-in / control-freak model. People are having more risky sex than ever, but they're taking fewer and fewer risks as persons by frontloading elaborate lists of demands and requirements about the terms under which they will interact with each other.

I guess whether the SF Eagle is saved will mark how far that "waning" has gone (tho I have to think they'll open a new one in another location).

My last night at that bar a few years ago was spent mostly talking with the bartender who went into great detail about the old SoMA vanishing.

I enjoyed all of Larry's shit-shoveling in that monster Koch's face.

Ugh, don't even get me started on the politics of the "blow-n-go". I tried it once and it was so dehumanized/desocialized that it didn't even feel like a sexual encounter in any capacity. It was so boring.

And I side with Kramer to a large extent but still have issues with some of his logic. I HATE self-ghettoization. Philly, for example, has the "Gayborhood" with like 10 or 15 gay bars in a 3-block radius, and then NOTHING outside of it. I've talked to so many gay men who live in and p much refuse to even leave the area (which is seriously like 3x5 blocks), and it feels really sad when you just refuse integrate yourself with anything not explicitly TOTES GAY

And lamenting the downfall of cool/thriving gay spaces (or at least, compared to 25 years ago), Kramer is totally OTM re: my generation not defining identities primarily by sexuality, but I think this is a very good thing, indicative of widespread acceptance and the ability to successfully integrate. You don't HAVE to only go to gay bars/bathhouses/etc. But, then, conversely, they cease to exist.

It was strange reading that interview, because I actually just started reading "Faggots" the other day.

I think the only thing I totally disagree with Kramer about is the thing about friendships and sociality. I don't think I can count the number of straight friends I have on two hands, at least if we're talking people that I see on a regular basis. Most of my friends are queers. Only when I'm in New York does that change, strangely.

Also, re: gay bars— I don't understand how you New Yorkers do it, I hate every gay bar I've ever been to in NY. And Stevie, there are gay bars in Philly you'll deign to go to? Where are these mysterious bars? Every single gay bar in Philly I've ever been to has been full of clones. Just awful places.

Not to be all like, "The Bay Area is better," but even if the Castro burned down tomorrow (one can only hope...), there would be several amazing gay bars left in the city.

The only one I ever go to is the Westbury (13th and Spruce, the one everyone calls the gay Cheers). Venture Inn's not bad either but they don't have a tap, so...

Re: NYC, I like Ty's, and Nowhere/Phoenix/Metropolitan are nice bcz I think beardy hipster dudes are cute. There are no beardy hipster gay boy bars in PHL ;_;

Huh, okay. I'll check it out when I'm in Philly next month.

Re: NY, I hardly spend any time in Manhattan and hardly see any reason to excepting galleries, so I am willfully ignorant of most gay bars there. Chelsea and the LES in general freak me out enough during the day, I ain't wasting my dollars there at night. The last time at Metropolitan, I felt like I'd walked into a den of unfriendly, prissy bitches who were undressing me with their eyes while simultaneously sending daggers at me.

Also, great day yesterday. Pedaled all the way from the Red Vic (in the Haight) to 16th & Mission with the awesome boy clutching to me for dear life and sitting on the saddle. ROMANTIC. It's kind of gross how much I'm falling for him.

I would have thought Larry Kramer would have been appalled about Grindr.

I've said it before, but because all my close friends are straight guys, I have to work that much harder in a bar.

Tbh, I'm about 50x more likely to want to go to a gay-friendly hipster bar than to a gay bar. But I dunno, I'm like Alfred in that the vast majority of my friends are straight.

i'm much more likely to go to a dive bar or a punk bar. tbh, i only go to two or three gay bars with any sort of regularity: Aunt Charlies, The Hot Spot, and the Eagle. and Aunt Charlies beats the other two by a million.

i'm much more likely to go to a dive bar or a punk bar. tbh

^^^this. Come to think of it, pretty much the only time I go to the gay bar is when I'm meeting up with someone; I rarely just go to hang out (though I've dragged dell there a few times which has led to a lol or two)

yeah I tried to valiantly go to the Baltimore Eagle on Saturdays when we first moved here but there are too many noise shows and gay-friendly mixed/hipster parties that are just better- though lately the funny trend in Baltimore is that the hipster dance parties hold their events in the failing/emptying gay bar spaces, so it's the best of both worlds- and now the programming of DJs/bands is starting to blur further- like there's this str8 hipster party called Deep In the Game that happens at a gay bar called the Hippo and they've brought in New Orleans sissy bounce, and DJs from the vogue scene like Vjuan Allure, so it's queerer-than-gay nowadays, and the gay dudes who just want to hear Ke$ha look confused but it's all good

I think I've mentioned this before but I'm really impressed/content with how queer-friendly the "hipster scene" (or whatever the fuck you want to call it; you know what I'm getting at) is. I keep forgetting that there are tons of people my age who are NOT down w/ fags, because virtually all of the people that I know are p pro-queer. There are a few weekly/monthly dance parties in Philly that are held in this one otherwise-terrible gay club, but it's nice because A) it, by default, provides an explicitly queer-friendly space and B) draws a lot of cute gay boys out. Table, did you know OPTIMO played at fucking Woody's earlier this year?

Yeah, I f/w dive bars, too.

Yeah, the "hipster" bar/club scene which took off in Miami around 2000 and 2001 boasted a ratio of about 60-40 straight-gay, and as far as I was concerned did much to get straight boys and girls used to gay guys and lesbians making out and groping on the dance floor.

Dive bars or GTFO, IMO

The gay bars in LA proper don't really do anything for me - Gold Coast aside I hate WeHo bars, and Akbar (the Metropolitan of LA, basically) is always crowded and I sometimes get that daggers vibe Tabes talked about. I've loved the handful of gay bars in the Valley I've been to tho - there's a home-y vibe there that I don't usually feel at NYC/LA/SF bars, people of all kinds are welcome there and not just a certain gender/body type, etc

Also I went to the LA Eagle last night. Remember on "Double Dare" when they'd have to squeeze/dive through that wringer contraption to get to the slide on the other side? Walking through there kind of felt like that to me.

ugh, so disgusting.

on the plus side, today i thought about Samim, and then i realized i had this record he did with jay haze.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZVQ6FV-tj8

also, i just was at mixtape club, and got six amazing tapes to listen to during the next week.

the track is great except for the whole vocal bit

okay, also, i'm gonna just do a Bimble:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9cHSN6rq-s

I keep forgetting that there are tons of people my age who are NOT down w/ fags

Me too, though moreso people your (Steve's) age than mine. I kind of think of the entire North Side as a gayborhood. My straight, single, female friend C0urtney agrees with that characterization with some displeasure.

Because she hates faggots.

Which reminds me - I said the word "faggot" on Saturday to a group of fags at a party on Saturday and I was VERY surprised when two of them, both about age 25, said they didn't like that word. One was a pretty sensitive and almost naive dude, but the other is pretty sarcastic, apolitical, and suspicious of "political correctness." That guy said he would be happy to never hear that word again. Upon my interrogation, he told me that he wasn't even OK with gay guys using that word.

As for me, I use "fag" and "faggot" with pride. Early in my faghood, I used those words in an in-your-face sort of way, with the intent of challenging the bigots of small town North Carolina, but now they're just part of my everyday talk.

I tend to use "faggot" around straights; it upsets them.

Do you find that satisfying? I do!

do you guys legitimately get offended when straights say that word? for example I'm a jew and hear a lot of slurs and jokes about it and they're mostly obnoxious unless they're actually funny. but the mean-spirited ones do get to me a little. I realize the situation is a little different there

I'll admit to hypocrisy: I get miffed when straight friends use it.

My straight friends can in many cases have license to use that word, but if someone uses it as a slur or uses it casually as a derogatory term, it offends me. I'm pretty happy about the ad campaign against "that's so gay."

Lord Alfred and I are sisters.

i'm offended when you use the word, frogbs

An approved use of the word by straights: my teacher buddy told me about waking up his class of college freshman by reminding them that "Lots of people in this country still hate faggots and niggers."

Ha! It took a re-reading to realize you didn't mean that your friend wasn't rousing a particular college freshman from sleep by saying that to him or her.

I'm talking about like Kobe, for instance; they fined him a ridiculous amount for dropping that bomb, but I hardly think he is anti-gay in the slightest; I think it's just the knowledge that it rattles people is why it gets used so much. Not to insinuate that the words are similar but if "fuck" was totally okay to say on TV and in PG-13 movies, I think over time people would use it a lot less.

When I was in grade school people would use "that's gay" all the time so it obviously caught on with myself and my friends for a while. At the time I did not even know that gay people existed. And for a while after I had kind of believed it was a weird personal choice (this is all before I was 12, btw); I obviously don't use it anymore but I can see how it would spread like that

yes, when you are strategically using it to invoke the emotions that come with it, to make a point, that is fine.

"Fag" is fine, "faggot" I used to really not like but am sort of coming around to. Straight people using it to mean "idiot" or "lesser-than" is clearly not acceptable, and is one of the very, very few things that will evoke a confrontational response from me.

My best friend occasionally uses "faggot," but he grew up in Queens in the '70s, whaddya want? He's no homophobe: he gave me a Desperate Living/Polyester DVD for my birthday.

i had a date on saturday that culminated in us watching 'desperate living' (ie, it was a very good date)

<3

fag/faggot : gay people :: the n word : black people, as far as i'm concerned. of course the targeted group can say it, use it and own it, and other people can't. that said i used to very occasionally use it in a derogatory way about particularly annoyingly stereotypical gays, and i don't do that now. and yeah, unless it's used in a strategic way (rare!) i would raise an eyebrow and smh at a str8 person using it.

emotionally i find it hard to get roused about "that's so gay" to describe something negatively, though rationally i'm pro attempts to stamp the habit out.

also, lol traditional british food:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_x7L3SHdRI4A/TOSNFgzIb5I/AAAAAAAAAKs/QyV-zLzj9co/s1600/4faggots.jpg

i use faggot all the time. in fact, my housemate and i call each other 'faggot betch' on a regular basis, as a term of endearment.

I love the pepper shaker, peeking furtively and shamefully through the grass at the faggots.

"Mr. Brains" makes this product all the more delightful. And sickening, as those faggots look like brains soaked in a rich west country sauce.

Is it fair to say that it wouldn't take much acrobatic logic to mine John Waters movies for homophobia?

I mean, not that any one group/type really comes out of a John Waters movie looking good.

OMG. I just confirmed that previously mentioned suspected flirtation did in fact happen. Got the following IM:

Gr36*✧✧✧@gm✧✧✧.c✧✧
So... between you and me...

Your intelligence, masculinity, and other things are a major turn on.
The fact that you can hold a convo for more than 5 miuntes... very intriguing.

I guess I violated the "between you and me" part just now.

Eric, misanthropy, dude

Did I tell you when my next trip to NY is going to be?

no, is that a trick question?

One thing I find weird, as a queer black man, is how different the gay use of "fag" and the black use of the n-word are from one another. The former always seems to take on a much more self-deprecating tone, almost as if it somehow needed excuse more than the often frank usage of the latter. I find this unsettling even though not only am I put more on edge by a white person's use of "nigger" (whether the context is acceptable or not) than a straight person's use of "faggot", and even a lot more likely to say "fag" myself.

You're too good, Morbs.

The former always seems to take on a much more self-deprecating tone, almost as if it somehow needed excuse more than the often frank usage of the latter.

Rev, do you mind elaborating on this? It's an interesting observation. I'm not sure if I'm reading correctly. Are you saying that in your experience black use of the n-word is more...full-throated/less hesistant, while gay use of "fag" is sort of couched in humour or irony or...something else... rather than a genuine embrace/reclamation of it?

that sounds about right -- i mean i only say "fag" to refer to myself in an ironic fashion

i definitely have said "you are SUCH a fag" to gay friends before, in that self-reflexive/good-natured ribbing sort of way

Rev, do you mind elaborating on this? It's an interesting observation. I'm not sure if I'm reading correctly. Are you saying that in your experience black use of the n-word is more...full-throated/less hesistant, while gay use of "fag" is sort of couched in humour or irony or...something else... rather than a genuine embrace/reclamation of it?

― Alex in Montreal, Monday, April 25, 2011 3:10 PM Bookmark

I don't really have much to elaborate on that other than to say "yes".

The thing about reclaiming words such as fag/nigger/whatever that makes me feel uneasy is that, no matter how good the intentions, the word itself is being invoked as a direct reaction to oppose its negative connotations, but in doing so echoes the original and unpleasant meaning the word signifies, thereby perpetuating the very failing of language (as a positive).

In other words, I might call myself a "fag" as a celebratory term but the word itself is still loaded with its discriminatory and vicious signifiers, and no amount of recontextualisation will ever be able to entirely strip the word of those. Language is a tool of history and I think it's important we preserve these words as tools of hate and develop our own to use as tools of empowerment.

(I'm quite drunk and I accidentally deleted my first draft of this post so excuse me if it's not the most coherent)

Also I think the audience and the speaker must both be fully aware of the implicit dialogue between original and new meaning regarding such language, which is always risky, and explains why terms such as "retard" and "spastic" have never been perceived as suitable for reclaiming, even though the idea in principle could apply similarly.

In fact, I'm pretty sure the reason the terms for the mentally handicapped keep evolving ("retarded", "spastic", "learning difficulties", "additonal support needs", and so on) is because once the language is claimed by those pushing a discriminatory and unpleasant bias, the words are no longer suitable.

Well how do you feel about "queer" then?

Bersani has written extensively on this subject, most notably in "Is the Rectum A Grave?"

Queer's a funny one because, at least in my lifetime and experience, I've not really heard it used with any regularity as a disparaging term, but I still flinch a bit when I hear it. I like the idea of terms such as "queer", "camp", "homo", etc being used as coding devices with the homosexual male context, almost like genre signifiers, to discuss broad collectives that distinguish themselves within a large social group, but I'm not convinced that the terms themselves are neutral enough to safely use. I see where you're coming from, using queer as an example of a word that's destructive power has been eroded through time and reclaimation, but it's still not entirely neutral (cf. we all know someone with a grandparent or parent who thinks of "filthy queers") and I think that these words will always carry a trace of their original meaning.

I mean, obviously we are all so brilliant and wonderful that mere language cannot describe us (!)

Last year I took a writing course where one of the materials we read casually mentioned "the queer perspective." A couple of 30-something women in the class were horrified bc they thought it was a slur. We had to have a sidebar to discuss reclaiming words and queer theory. Even then, they didn't seem convinced that it was an acceptable term.

i've gone from disliking the use of "queer" by homophobes because it was a slur to disliking its use by gay people because it's used to denote and reinforce outsiderness, freakishness and non-normality. understand why people might want to celebrate that in themselves but they don't speak for all gay people - i don't consider myself an outsider or a freak at all - which raises the question of whether it's possible to be gay but not queer, lol.

possible to be gay but not queer

i think so? or this would seem to be the foundation of a large number of queer theory critiques of, for example, same-sex marriage and its normalization non-normative sexualities through domesticity, 'good citizenship' etc. etc. etc.

I've written about how as an adolescent I felt more "queer" for loving books and movies than lusting over men.

haha, i feel similarly

still do!!!

I'd like to think I don't code as either stereoptypically gay or outsider queer: not quite in a liminal space between the two but not quite outside the two either - if that makes sense, and is possible.

In other news, last night I was in Glasgow's supposedly seediest gay bar, The Waterloo, and a gentleman in his fifties came over to me slightly drunk, read my palm, and misinterpreted my empathy upon hearing about his deceased partner as an express wish to have him suck on my neck. As a guy in his early twenties I'm not entirely averse to the idea of the older man - there are many a silver fox out there - but how do you make it clear that you're just not interested in someone, in a polite, dignified and respectful way that allows everyone involved to not feel horrible? I always feel that saying "I'm not interested, leave me alone" sounds so harsh and brutal and if overheard can be really embarassing. Am I being too considerate?

No, it's not harsh at all. You can always add, "I'm sorry" to that interjection.

I feel terrible when I reject a guy I'm not interested in – who hasn't been in the rejected guy's position?

Yeah, the "sorry" would be an automatic, although I worry how sincere it would seem.

haha, i feel similarly
― lex pretend, Tuesday, April 26, 2011 7:31 AM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

still do!!!
― lex pretend, Tuesday, April 26, 2011 7:31 AM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

srsly Eric, plz come to NY this year and lust over movies with me.

so i think i'm a li'l swoony over this guy i've gone on a few dates with

also today it is 80 degrees

~good vibes~ all around

i would say that i identify as queer, and don't really have a problem with those who don't. i do have some issues with those who embrace normality/change their behaviors or desire to appear more acceptable in the eyes of society. in the end, though, the biggest problem is society itself, not really anyone's sexual desires. being 'outside' of society (or as outside of it as one can feasibly get) is really kind of amazing— it frees one up to do so much more, or at least this is true for me.

anyway, i also am like Alfred and the Lex and Eric and Morbz— I definitely lust over books and movies. a lot of them are 'gay,' but a lot of them are *gulp* sci-fi and fantasy.

still trying to pin down the terms of my own queerness - the book and music thing applies to me, sure, also i guess just liking things no one else was interested in or vice versa? but i suspect it's more complicated than that

i do have some issues with those who embrace normality/change their behaviors or desire to appear more acceptable in the eyes of society

What about those who do the same thing in the opposite direction--aligning themselves more with stereotypically gay behavior because that's what they feel they "ought to do" as a gay man?

that's what i mean. the pink dollar is still a dollar.

i've talked here before about how the Castro and gayborhoods in general infuriate me, not because i have a problem with separatism necessarily, but because they are based on the same principles as the larger heteronormative matrix, just with a lot more buttfucking.

well, this is why J0rdan and I like baseball.

It's almost 80 degrees here too, and Office Crush is lookin' superfine.

btw I am NOT in sync with Larry Kramer that one is gay before everything else. A strange concept for almost anyone over 40.

I dunno, as someone who doesn't identify as gay per se, I like "queer" not so much as a signifier of otherness, but as a catchall.

Kinsey should've done a scale indicating amplitude of sexuality, from 0 for asexual to 6 for, well, table.

I'm probably like a 2 on that scale :/

I think I set the low end of the curve.

Would amplitude be charted by frequency or distribution or variety?

Like. There is a monogamy/polyamory axis and another one for frequency of fucking?

How about a protractor to measure the angle of floppy-handedness?

we must find more ways to quantify sexuality, surely! someone bring me a liquid cup-measure and electroencephalograph machine -- no one leaves until we figure this out once and for all

I don't feel particularly gay today ... and now I'm gonna go stare at Jodie Foster's Beaver for 90 minutes.

someone bring me a liquid cup-measure

hate to think what you're filling this up with

cuppedjoy

bet it's a bodily fluid of some kind, maybe sexual in nature xp

no, it's to measure the booze needed to attain a straight dude's consent to get blown

where can I get that measuing cup?

they make special small ones when your city's team wins a sports championship!

My city only boasts two of them :(

i want one of those cups filled with bbq sauce plz

a measuring cup filled with gin and tonic right now would be heaven.

today I could have sworn a man who stood leering in the doorway of our store asked "is this a homosexual bakery?"

http://wwwdelivery.superstock.com/WI/223/1792/PreviewComp/SuperStock_1792-83669.jpg

i'm pretty sexual, but tbh, i don't have sex all that much. like two times a week or so is average.

momentarily breaking my own no-tmi rule: I haven't been laid since like January ;_;

nbd, welcome 2 the club

my god, stop wasting your youth.

I work a lot, read a lot, listen to music. Barely have time for anything else.

like once a year is average for me

I haven't even attempted to get laid since October. :/

yeah, i don't think not having sex weekly is "wasting your youth". sex takes up time, too.

I was supposed to meet up with someone a couple weeks ago, but (of course) he flaked out.

I am fairly burned out on random hookups in general.

also, less sex means you can save your energy for middle age, and do stuff like have a boxing match at a biker club when you're on vacation.

surely its easier to have more sex when you're young and wasted

hey, i'm hardly ever wasted when i have sex.

also, it isn't 'wasting your youth,' that was hyperbolic. but still— all yall are sexy boys and should be getting laid a lot, imho.

it's not really that simple

and sex would kinda suck if it was, imo

Sex does suck.

ha, right after I said the above I set up an a4a account — probably nothing will come of it though

Don't think he checks in on this thread much anymore, but he wished me a happy birthday last year, so happy birthday Lou!

eric h, do you not like sex? y/n to confirm, lets get this cleared up once and for all.

; )

sex isn't easy when you live in the middle of nowhere and have no transportation or social life :/

I live in a major metropolitan area with a great public transport system (no social life) and still can't get laid. -_-

I think I've been pretty clear on it, Matt.

But I am thinking of having t-shirts printed.

Like, does "feels empowered by my boredom during sex" make for a handy acronym?

feeling underwhelmed currently, k?

i'd buy that t-shirt.

i am also unsure if he still hangs out here but either way: happy birthday lou! :D

yeah happy bday lou!

i don't think i really understand any of you, really.

happy bday, lou!

It all feels like too much hassle these days - the meeting someone, the deciding if they're smart and fun enough to spend time with, the winning their trust, the initial bedroom awkwardness - these days I get more pleasure from my music collection and cooking a meal.

I was having a "thing" with a guy who wasn't that far past turning eighteen recently and, since it's ungentlemanly to kiss-and-tell, I'll just leave it with the fact that I'm now more resolved than ever to stick to guys on my side of twenty-one (at least).

the meeting someone, the deciding if they're smart and fun enough to spend time with, the winning their trust, the initial bedroom awkwardness - these days I get more pleasure from my music collection and cooking a meal.

it's called a hook-up, and trust me when i say it can lead to bigger and better things. i'm dating someone whom i met at a bar and came home with me without much conversation, and he's fucking rad. and my last boyfriend— who has now been my best friend for exactly a year (!!)— and i met outside a punk show, started making out, and went on a date without knowing each other at all the next day. two weeks later, we were sleeping with each other every night and spending all our free time together.

cooking and enjoying your music collection is great, but sex is also important and part of a healthy life, in my opinion and the opinion of many others.

and as far as *bedroom awkwardness*, as you put it? guess what? IF YOU NEVER HAVE SEX THEN THAT WILL CONTINUE UNTIL YOU DIE. i haven't felt this socalled 'bedroom awkwardness' since 2006, and even then, it was mostly isolated incidents, and most of it was projected. one thing that's always important to remember is that even if you have an awkward sexual thing with someone, it doesn't really matter. why? because the other person doesn't think about you that much. you're not the center of their world. just shrug it the fuck off.

okay, i'm ranting, but mostly because i'm so dumbfounded and also so totally against what i'm perceiving as a repression of desire because it isn't *convenient*.

desire is never convenient. it's strange and can be sloppy and awkward. if you aren't ready to accept the sloppiness of life or sex in general, then maybe you should check into your nearest monastery.

I'm going to study music composition so I might as well

oh for fuck's sake i'm not repressed

lol i don't think it's about bedroom awkwardness for me but it is about convenience, most of the time i'm just not in a situation where i can just drop everything for random sex. and when you are, you then have the issue of finding someone who you're really really into physically and hopefully mentally as well! and then the same has to be true of them towards you! many things have to coincide basically.

i don't think any of us are repressed.

sex is like a condiment. sometimes i want it, sometimes i don't. it is not the central organizing principle of my life, and i don't think that's weird or prudish.

like, having standards for hook-up partners and maybe not wanting to go into detail about one's sex life in public ≠ repressed

I can accept the sloppiness of life and sex, I just can't always be bothered with it. Good things can and have came out of hook-ups in my experience, but so have things I just feel too disinterested or lazy to be bothered with. I mean, we've all that post-coital chat with someone and thought "oh God", right? Or, do I just need to tighten my standards in regards to this sort of thing?

Ugh. I'm not quite to that point, but i would gladly skip the gross early part of a relationship and go directly to year 3 or 4.

Xp

And valuing sex less than you - table- isn't either.

I assure you, I'm not repressing any desire. I literally don't have it. But I know that's undoubtedly a foreign concept to you, table.

There are also plenty of other worldly things keeping me from joining a monastery, too.

And, a live not spent fucking is not a life wasted, FFS ... pun intended.

live life

- a few things: i do have standards for hook-up partners, trust me there.

- sex is a big part of my life for obvious reasons, but there are also plenty of other things. i wouldn't call it a central organizing principle by any means.

- lex, what you're talking about— getting things to coincide— isn't an issue of convenience at all, imo. it's just an issue of standards, which is great. but if your standards are as such that you're never having sex, then maybe there's something wrong with your standards.

and to jesse:
And valuing sex less than you - table- isn't either.

i know this. i'm not a fucking idiot.

No, when it comes to fucking, you're more of a savant.

let's be nice

fluffy bunnies

oh eric, i actually lolled at that. it's all good, i really like all of you quite a bit. i can sometimes be overbearing, i know, and i apologize, but i just think that if you're under 30 and feel *disinterest* or *laziness* towards having sex, then...well, that's really anomalous, and congratulations. just know that it'll be much harder to form relationships later.

hooking up requires meeting people, which i am incapable of.

rev, any sort of thing i've been saying today isn't really about you, since your situation is shitty and is actually based on inconvenience and awful circumstance rather than disinterestedness or laziness.

and also: there are definitely times when i'm not particularly interested in sex. you might not believe me, but it's true.

Actually, I'm kind of exaggerating. I met this gorgeous guy I have a crush on, but I find myself unable to hit on guys unless I am 100% sure they are down with D.I.C.K.

i pretty much side w/ table here

i haven't had sex since january & i'm pretty much crawling out of my skin at this point -- my prob is a. i'm hesitant in taking a leap to meet ppl, internet profiles aside b. living with my parents is kind of throwing the whole situation out of wack for me -- pretty much my #1 reason for moving to or into a city would be more access to sex

Tbh, I feel like I suffer a lot more for lack of companionship than lack of sex.

Here's my situation -- a rare moment of candor...

My ex, with whom I've had a tense platonic relationship for two years, propositioned me three weeks ago: the first time he's ever delivered what I call a Say Anything moment of naked honesty. I hesitated. I'm not in love with him yet I'm totally ready for great sex (which we've always had) and dinner companionship.

However, the sticking point: I insisted on an open relationship. Upon hearing my reminder that I had a "wandering eye," he goes, "Oh, ALL guys have that, that's fine. Unless you mean..." Yeah, I said -- I would totally act on the impulse. He didn't answer. I reminded him that on our second date I drunkenly made out with his friend on a dance floor (which retarded the growth of our relationship for several months, heh) yet I was still devoted to Taking Him Seriously.

He made the proposition three weeks ago tomorrow, and I really feel I must answer him this week. I hesitate because, well, I'm not in love but am prepared to live with it, and he is, but may not want to live with my urges.

So, yeah, I'm totally with tabes. My ex and I met online! Most of my sex these days comes from online hookups. Hookups can lead to Deeper Things.

I think the likelihood of my finding a lasting relationship will increase once the memory-span of the men I'm attracted to goes beyond two weeks.

oh eric, i actually lolled at that.

Good. It was meant with something like affection. Or wonder.

just know that it'll be much harder to form relationships later.

Oh, I've learned this lesson already too. I'm not cut out for relationships, and if I get snippy, it's because I'm still coming to terms with that.

Hey, I'm still around. Thanks guys!

FWIW, I feel it's really important to have sex regularly lol. This topic has kind of become a big deal in my life lately, but I'm not really able to discuss it here.

happy birthday lou! Belated, of course.

All I can say about my desire to have sex is that it is much much stronger than my desire to finish this 24 hour take home exam, but one of them is due in 9 and a half hour and the other doesn't get back in town until 6PM.

Fuck law school.

xp Rev, do we have a backronym for D.I.C.K.? Because we should.

Although, if my relationship were open, I'm under the impression that late night libraries are sort of a thing, no? Hmm...

Ah, well.

Lou where have you BEEN!? We have to talk. About a mutual friend of ours. Are you ever on Facebook chat?

ours definitely was, though i never summoned the courage to do that

people already know my deal so I won't summarize it here

all i can say is that the difference between sex and love, and the very fragile but real possibility of their overlap and the painful and very frequent fact of their disjunction (sex without love and love without sex, both cool for a while until you notice something's sort of missing), has me continuously juggling and wiggling and wriggling around, trying to get the balance right, and, er, it's really hard sometimes

(the balance part, obviously, not talking about the D.I.C.K., which takes care of itself mostly)

i will never really solve the mystery of it

i guess your passions are what you suffer, in a very literal way they move across and through you and you don't get to choose them

I have a pretty decent amount of sexual urges, but they've become an annoyance. In a couple of months it will be 10 years since my last long term relationship, during which time, I have become really tired of hook-ups and and fuck buddies - these encounters are just scratching of an itch. Afterward, each feels like a waste of time and considerable emotional energy. The fun went out it years ago, but biology still does its thing.

After all those years being open to something meaningful have been exhausting. Hook-ups, getting to know someone new, first kisses, and first everything - it's all pretty laborious stuff these days. The labor being for the goal of finding a partner and making it past the purported excitement of the honeymoon period and into the more favorable conditions of familiarity and partnership.

just know that it'll be much harder to form relationships later.

well there's always a silver lining! Hell is another person in your house, etc. (not meant as a universal truth, blah blah blah)

I'm simply not doing anything about sex these days. i'm busy.

happy birthday lou.

Ha, Stevie- I noticed you two are friends! I'm not on FB chat much but I'll try to sign on, or send me a message if you want.

tune is space getting right at what's been making me nuts lately. Going to have to make some very tough decisions soon and I'm not handling it well at all. Probably dumb of me to say anything if I'm not going to elaborate, though.

Yeah, basically, I've never been in love (or even really in a relationship) before.

Yeah, basically, I've never been in love (or even really in a relationship) before.

― KIP malone (The Reverend), Thursday, April 28, 2011 1:03 AM (29 minutes ago) Bookmark

i have a longstanding love

(with a stripperrrr)

(but really)

At 23 I always feel like I'm the last one left who's never had a boyfriend. It makes me sad.

i guarantee you that's not true

Oh, I know, but I feel like I'm part of a very small percentage.

My favorite is when people tell me things like "oh, it's so much TROUBLE, you don't want one at all, beLIEVE me!" Thanks. While you're at it, please also provide me with a list of foods you're sick of eating; surely I can't enjoy any of those either. Fucker.

hey stevie i've never had a boyfriend either, it's cool

i guess that for me, the laboriousness of it is only there if i MAKE IT laborious. obviously, speaking only for myself. but much of the time, i can tell what's going on with someone from the first time we meet. i mean, first kisses? maybe i am a slut compared to some of you, but tonguing with someone at a party (or anywhere else, for that matter), isn't really that important to me, because it's a party. if a person wants to take it further— that's when i start vetting them to see if they're up to my standards. luckily, i've a good eye, for the most part.

i've been thinking for the past week about how m4tt and i are still weird husbands and it freaks me out to some extent, because in the end, he is most certainly the first 'partner' i've ever loved in a real way. right now, it's at the point where his dog gets upset when i leave the house (that we built together. things are complicated). but then i remember that no matter the circumstances, he has my back and loves me and i still love him, and am completely fine with the sex part of the relationship being over (with the possible exception of drunken stupidtimes).

despite the lovely place our relationship is in, though, i cannot help but think: last year, at this time, i was sitting with him on a sidewalk, talking about Chicago and living in Pilsen and making out for the first time. i'm a sentimental guy (duh), but it's like it was yesterday? christ.

and hey, stevie and j0rd: whatever, having a boyfriend is great, but it comes together in time. i had only had one boyfriend before 23

I think the last time I tongued someone at a party was about...two years ago? Before I moved to Portland for sure.

i haven't had a bf SINCE i was 23

just know that it'll be much harder to form relationships later.

oh lol this is a given. i've never had a bf (not counting, like, month-long flings) and it sometimes vaguely worries me how little i want one - i'm not, like, dead set against one but even more than sex (which is pretty easy to get when i need it) it is just not convenient. i don't have that much time to give to anyone. basically i'm incapable of entering a relationship unless it's someone who totally sweeps me off my feet, which...doesn't happen. i'm really happy that i don't fall in love easily - i slightly pity the people i know who are constantly doing it - but yeah ultimately this is about emotional repression not sexual repression. like, this dude i'm kinda seeing atm...he's lovely, cute and nice and funny and all that, but i just feel NOTHING for him. this happens a lot!

I find myself unable to hit on guys unless I am 100% sure they are down with D.I.C.K.

yeah, whenever y'all regale your tales of flirting or hooking up with random cashiers or whatever i'm like, my default assumption whenever my head is turned by someone in public is that they're str8 lol. my gaydar is the most useless thing (doesn't help that if someone's obviously flaming enough for even me to notice, that makes them automatically not my type).

I think to some extent gaydar is just hopeful thinking that sometimes pans out. You just need to assume they're ALL gay unless given strong indicators to the contrary and just be shameless.

Openly soliciting tattoo ideas. Sleeve or neck designs favored.

Edith Massey in profile

showgirls pool scene

Arm or neck?

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l4h6dhR4So1qbn6bbo1_500.jpg

John Cassavetes explodin'.

How butch do you want this to be?

howbout an Al Hirschfeld drawing?

http://www.tombolaoffun.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/sunshine-boys.jpg

How about you don't get a say in this.

OK. But btwn the climbing and tats, I expect to see you in the next X Games.

In other cultural news, I would get budget tix for this if anyone wants to go:

http://www.slantmagazine.com/house/2011/04/the-normal-heart-on-broadway-and-larry-kramers-legacy-of-provocation/

wd smash that cast

what, with your hibernating libido?

You know I'm just saying.

GIS "sleeve tattoo ideas for men" results invariably horrible.

I'll shut up after this: is there a Scandinavian equivalent to Celtic bands/crosses that appeals to you?

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/83/Bj%C3%B6rk%27s_Tattoo.svg/120px-Bj%C3%B6rk%27s_Tattoo.svg.png

Yeah, definitely trying to research Norwegian symbols/insignia that would be appropriate for an elongated design.

That's a great suggestion, fwiw.

i'd volunteer an idea but i'm having trouble thinking of one for myself

Edith Massey in profile

OH GOD YES!!!

I am actually considering a tattoo as well, my first one ever.

I'm thinking this:
http://i934.photobucket.com/albums/ad184/sdolnack/gear.jpg

Right about here:
http://i934.photobucket.com/albums/ad184/sdolnack/cf3469bd.jpg

The thing that terrifies me is that I'm seriously not kidding about any of this.

as i have said before i think it is a dope idea tbh

Is that C+C Music Factory?

I am really not kidding anymore either. Only cost is preventing me, but i also understand these things are done in pieces and not all at once.

So nothing really stopping me from laying the foundation soon.