Embarrassment at the checkout line

Mr. Mom was embarrassed to buy tampons for his wife, I've never been embarassed by this.
What could be the most embarrassing thing to bring to the checkout line. I used to be embarassed to buy condoms when i was a teen, now im embarrassed for Prep-H.

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/NewAnswersControllerServlet?boardid=47

ive never checked out a gays asshole in the checkout line.

I was on a road trip last year and my hemorrhoids were killing me. I stopped at a CVS or Walgreens but felt like if I bought only Prep H that cashier would be all lol emergency 'rhoid relief eh buddy? So I bought a bunch of random crap, too. All I could think about was Homer Simpson: Hi, uh…let me have one of those Porno magazines, large box of condoms, a bottle of Old Harpor, a couple of those panty shields, (Speaks really fast) and some illegal fireworks, and one of those disposable enemas. No, make it two.

haha, thats what i do too. hmm construction paper, a $14 bottle of shampoo (because somehow i was convinced that the checkout person wouldn't notice my tucks medicated wipes if I bought expensive shampoo, like somehow someone who buys expensive shampoo would never have hemorrhoids), some gum and baby wipes.

Having worked in retail most of my life, I can assure you that most checkout girls don't really notice or care what you buy. You totally become desensitised to everything, all your thoughts are focused on when your shift ends and what your going to relieve the mundaneness of your working day. Also, if they do say something, they are nosey bitches.

I can't really think of anything that I buy regularly that I'm at all embarrassed about.

I do remember one time in college when I friend of mine and I both had to get home preg tests at the same time (paranoid youth). We went to the supermarket together and I said I'd buy a double pack but didn't want to get just thought so we went to the checkout getting a double pk of pregnancy tests and a carton of camel lights. Classy ladies.

Drunk friend tells me at last call that she might be pregnant, I take her (blitzed out of her skull) to Wal-Mart to get a test.

Stink eye to end all stink eyes from the cashier, I wanted a giant neon sign that said I'd never even seen her naked much less potentially knocked her up.

ha

although we were sober I'm pretty sure at least one of us must have joked about buying a bottle to round out of amazing assortment of purchases

Lube is more embarrassing to buy than condoms, for some reason.

I can assure you that most checkout girls don't really notice or care what you buy

^^^this^^^

Around here, people do talk about your products. One time I went to CVS while I was having...intestinal issues, and I went to the counter with only a box of Pepto.

Lady at counter looks at me and says "not feeling too swell, eh?", and then to make it more embarassing, as I'm paying, she's like "I'm sorry you're not feeling too perky". What, you want me to call you and tell you how it goes?

A few months ago too I went to Publix and bought 15 tv dinners and a buncha other things, and young girl goes "You don't cook, do you?"

Also I hate the way male 7-11 cashiers used to give the "true, true" nod when I used to buy condoms. Creepy...

"Used to buy condoms"...signs of a drought

Or a snip

Read that as "when I buy used condoms" at first. ;_;

Eww

Just remembered this. I had at one time a vibrator that took flat electronic batteries. I was on a market stall and was trying to find the right size, "what's it for love"? asked the stall owner, it took a 40 second delay for me to think of an alternative item! I landed with calculater and shuffled off red faced :)

being embarrassed to buy tampons for someone else is the worst bitchassness i ever heard of, all it says is "i have a girlfriend, or a young, hot, fertile mom." imagine how much worse it is for the person who seriously overvalues the impact they have on the life of the checkout person at cvs to come to the register with a bunch of things that say "i, personally, am just gettin some super plus level menstruation done today, nbd"

being embarrassed to buy tampons for someone else is the worst bitchassness i ever heard of, all it says is "i have a girlfriend"

ah, but you also get the look that says "none for you tonight!"

Unless your all about getting your red wings?

I relish buying tampons at the drugstore because I keep hoping for a cashier to make a comment or give me a knowing look so that I can lean in and sat conspiratorially, "They go in your cooter, you know!" Never happens, though.

In high school, I was once embarrassed by a condom purchase, but that was because I was with a girl I was not dating and she was buying them for herself and her boyfriend and making a big massive production about it, drawing attention from everyone in the store. Also, we were there with three other male friends, all standing at the end of the checkout line waiting patiently for her to stop fucking around so we could go. When she picked up her bag, one guy shouted "ME FIRST!" and ran for the front door to avoid getting punched by a shrieking teenaged girl.

i think i got too heated because i thought mr. mom was someone's pet name for a real life person in their real lives, not mr. mom from the movie mr. mom

When she picked up her bag, one guy shouted "ME FIRST!"

hahaha, A+

x-post

hahahahaha

amazing

i do get embarrassed though if when shopping for my wifes tampons when there are other women in the tampon aisle. i once walked around in circles in target for 15 minutes waiting for these two ladies to leave the aisle. i spent a lot of time looking at the Clif Bars in the aisle next to them waiting for them to pick out a fucking tampon.

X-Post

"They go in your cooter, you know?"

So going to do that one day, hilarious!

the other day i was at the checkout and the cashier started narrating my groceries - wow that's a lot of apples, you really like apples, don't you; and so what are these [cupcake cases] for, you're making cake, huh? and i was really, really glad i'd not picked up a box of tampon as well because i didn't want to hear him struggle for something to say about them.

(okay tbh he would have seen them in the basket at the beginning and not said anything at all, but)

once waiting in the queue at a whsmiths in a busy train station, the woman in front of me asked for a pack of durex, and the checkout girl was, like, 'durex, right' - turns to look at the cigarettes - turns back - turns to look at the behind-the-counter medicines - turns back - says 'durex...?' - so the woman says, embarrassedly, quietly 'yeah, durex', and in a loud voice the checkout girl goes 'yeah but what is durex again?', and the other girl behind the counter, who has been goggling, says '...condoms?' and in a hugely loud voice the checkout girl says 'condoms!! hahaha it's been so long, i'd totally forgotten!'. and hands them over.

JIMMMMMMMMMY HATTTTTTTTTZZZZZZ

I would have taken the opportunity to burst into a rendition of The Jungle Brothers' "Jimbrowski"

Buying 'vaginal antifungal cream' much worse than tampons, imo

i do get embarrassed though if when shopping for my wifes tampons when there are other women in the tampon aisle.

would be funny to go up to them with a package, hold it up, look back and forth and say "she's about your height...I guess this is the right size...?"

then take one out of the package and hold it up to one of their crotches as one would a blouse

that might be a step too far

i love that jungle brothers song.

Read that as "when I buy used condoms" at first. ;_;

When I bought some emergency contraception pills when they first became available without a prescription in the US about 4 years ago, the checkout girl asked me why a guy would want them. (like, duh, maybe I don't want to inadvertently become a dad, and can't be too cautious).

Although I'm not embarrassed to buy condoms/lubes/tampons, I'll admit to often using the self-checkout lanes when buying these items.

I've never been asked to buy a douche, so I have no way of knowing how embarrasing that may be. But I haven't yet found a tactful way to tell someone they may want to consider using a douche....

tartar sauce panties?

your quim reeks?

your pastrami flaps are rotten

yeah you're right, there really isn't a tactful way

someone get American Greetings on the case

I was never embarrassed until the time in college when I was buying condoms, wine, and stuff to make dinner for my girlfriend at the time and the checkout girl was all, "looks like you're going to have a good night!".

I've never been asked to buy a douche, so I have no way of knowing how embarrasing that may be. But I haven't yet found a tactful way to tell someone they may want to consider using a douche....

― Lee626, Tuesday, March 29, 2011 3:12 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

Actually douching is almost always totally unnecessary and can often do more harm then good so you probably don't want to actually tell someone they want to consider using one.

"i know we've had our ups and downs lately, i just wanted to say...i love you and your bearded clam smells fishy"

uhhhh guys . . .

i stop now.

I would be mortified if a dude told me I needed a douche. Somethings can never be said tactfully.

1990, rite-aid

giant whiteboy afro

large bottle of "Nitz" anti-lice shampoo

:(

aww

I would be mortified if a dude told me I needed a douche. Somethings can never be said tactfully.

about the only way that could be salvaged is if you said "I think you might need a douche..." and then, before she can bloodily murder you, you pull a bow out of your pocket, slap it on your forehead and say "... and that douche is ME!"

Actually douching is almost always totally unnecessary and can often do more harm then good so you probably don't want to actually tell someone they want to consider using one.

I hear/read that alot from women, and is one reason I've never asked a woman to do so. But if it smells really bad, is that normal and should just be left as is, and would you not want to know if it doesn't smell normal?

(sometimes it signals an infection)

or just bad livin

There's no tactful way to say it because it pretty much never needs to be said, outside of cases of serious illness. The fact that there are so many "jokes" about it is only because our society is really shitty in some ways.

xp hah @ djp

Cashier: "That's a lot of Barcadi Breezers! I prefer a nice single malt, myself"
Me: "Yes, me too. I have a couple of eighteen-year-old girls coming over tonight though"
Cashier: O_O
Me: ...

After about twenty seconds i realised how dodgy it sounded and clarified that they were my girlfriend's little sister and her best friend.

I am embarrassed that I caused thread drift. Not tactful!

lol xpost

that doesn't really sound much better tbh!

x-posts Laurel otm but, no, an extremely strong and/or fishy odor is definitely not normal and the lady in question would want to get checked out. Most likely would be bacterial vaginosis which is actually, no lie, diagnosed using a sniff test. To be honest I'm kind of baffled by the idea that a woman wouldn't know if there was something really nasty going on in terms of smell and would need to be alerted to that fact. In most cases I think she'd know herself.

he other day i was at the checkout and the cashier started narrating my groceries - wow that's a lot of apples, you really like apples, don't you

Was your cashier Matt Damon? Bcz if so he was almost definitely setting you up.

x-post Actually scratch that. So many women are so disconnected from their bodies that I wouldn't be surprised at all. Still, let's just stick to the NEVER EVER SAY THAT TO ANYONE rule here.

I'm having visions of Smoove B eloquently offering to bathe his lady's stanky kitty.

sounds good.

Bro jokes about unpleasant vaginas wouldn't be so bad if most dudes didn't seem to think that our shit doesn't get funky.

I can't get over DJP's I'll be your douche move! That's so cute :)

milo otm. The things I've been told/expected to be uh fine with? Like just no.

ha

yep

I have turned down mid-shift oral as a barback because I knew things weren't terribly fresh after four hours inside a 90-degree club. It's nice that you're dedicated and all, but I'm taking a shower before we do anything.

oh guys know, it's just that somewhere down the line someone* managed to insert into society the baseline assumption that rotting meat was a manly smell that should be cherished

* likely a powerful dude with an incredibly smelly dick

yeah ball sweat

jesus I'm thinking of some horribly unpleasant things right now

Just to clarify ENBB i agree with everything you've written. That said, for every woman i've come across who didn't seem to notice said nasty smell, there seem to be 10 men who don't notice their smelly armpits or general need for a shower, and more pathetically, about 4 of those 10 think they can hide it with over-application of cologne or body spray.

xp to milo Listen, you need to go back there and tell that girl that kind of offer is only open to bartenders. If she goes around devaluing the currency for everyone, the ENTIRE staff roster will get totally above itself.

Propositioning bartenders is a time-honored tradition. But there have to be LIMITS.

(she was a bartender)

I don't know who the first guy to be all "... What? You got something to say?" while presenting their smelling-like-old-ham junk to an unfortunate partner but someone should go back in time and gift him some Gold Bond

I kind of miss that bar. And coming out $250 ahead for the weekend. I do not miss working all week and killing my weekend by busting ass Friday/Sat and getting drunk after hours.

LOL Laurel

Oh bartenders are the top of the hierarchy, they can do whatever they want. They dispense the alcohol, after all.

Cock 'n balls can get stinkier than a motherfucker. I wash mine ferociously

oh lord

"ferociously"? like, with a tiger?

at any rate, I too would be embarrassed if I had ever been caught washing my balls in the checkout line

Belt sander for exfoliation

Would you prefer I didn't wash em, ENBB?

Considering the gross stuff that already made me lose my lunch in this thread, I'd think that was a positive!!!

then dipped in turpentine for cauterization (xp)

cereals marketed to 8 year olds

Misread milo's post as 'mid-shaft'.

so did I but I figured I was the only one so wasn't going to mention it

I don't think I could ever buy a porno mag at a reputable bookstore - I don't need to put the image of me jacking off in the mind of the a) cuet checkout clerk or b) the 70-year old grandma clerk.

bunch of frozen dinners which basically says I am lonely guy in 1 BR apartment

Oh I've been eating tons of raw/microwaved food lately, in my case all it says is "My oven is broken and I won't touch anything in the kitchen because of the roaches."

A friend of mine was a cashier at a college bookstore that sold porn. If a shy, awkward kid bought a Playboy, my friend would be discreet about it, and bag it immediately. But if it was some annoying asshole frat boy, my friend would wave the magazine around, loudly calling for a price check.

buying a porno mag seems so quaint now

hate this thread

hate all of u

I'm pretty impertubable when making purchases, actually. It's my money, they sell it and I think any smirking or judgments a clerk might make would be more damaging to their dignity than to mine, plus I don't give a damn what they think about my purchases. I've had to buy lots of out-of-character things at stores. I've become mostly inured to any possible embarassment.

hate this thread

hate all of u

― jeff, Tuesday, March 29, 2011 2:59 PM (43 seconds ago)

ahh, this thread is PG-13 at worst

picking up the ★ the weeknd ★ album

bunch of frozen dinners which basically says I am lonely guy in 1 BR apartment

― no jacket required imo (rip van wanko), Tuesday, March 29, 2011 7:50 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

with stinky taint

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_la9l3qq1EV1qctkcl.jpg
Somebody took Walmart's "Self Check-Out - Fast! Easy! Fun!" quite literally!

This was posted on a another site as "the most WTF Wal-mart Receipt Ever", but I agree with one commenter who noted "You may see a WTF receipt, but I see a person who knows how to have a great night for under $20!"

bunch of frozen dinners which basically says I am lonely guy in 1 BR apartment

ahh, this thread is PG-13 at worst

i am 11 yo at best

the worst I've ever had in life was buying porn from female clerks. in one case, i was waiting in line with something and their was a guy at the cash register but right when I got to the front, he went on his break and swapped out at the register for a pretty girl who was like my age probably. I probably should have just run screaming out of waldenbooks that day.

u usin Berenstain Bears books for porn again?

http://e-bookdown.com/uploads/posts/2011-03/12989520015810017bc1c65.jpeg

c/d - using things as wank material that weren't intended as such...

like a sock??

if that's not what socks were for, then i've lived a confused life

No, I'm just fuckin w/ya, Mr. Tissuefeet.

these hemorrhoids are tearing the ass outta me!

Naw, it was undoubtedly some Plaboy "girls of the pac 10" special issue type thing.

Lube is more embarrassing to buy than condoms, for some reason.

trufax

I bought KY Jelly in a supermarket, with my g/f with me. it's weirder for me when you do it w/ your partner cuz you wonder if the person cashing you out is imagining the two of you doing the nasty an hour from now and either feeling revolted or jealous

I think my faves thing when I was a cashier was the person buying 10 or so jars of baby food and some rat poison.

Also can I say please DO tell your anosmic loved ones if they are having the lady stank (upthread) but please try not to use the phrase "my parents thought an animal died in the basement."

x-post that reminds me of overhearing a couple on the street in Dublin. they were leaving a shop and the woman opened her wallet and said "well, it's either baby food or cigarettes"

xxxxp Yes, reusable, refillable douches do exist.

I hate when ppl do it with my music choice.

Like I bought a Rotting Christ cd and this dude read the band title and goes "gee, nice" as if I was an awful human being

(Of course, the album was A Dead Poem. So he may have been right

Also nothing beat the look this dude gave me when I bought Prince's Lovesexy to the counter w/ buttnaked Prince on the cover

Yes, reusable, refillable douches do exist.

http://www.backwater-productions.net/data_archive/images/funny/animals/I%20Has%20A%20Bucket.jpg

pregnancy tests FTW

over-the-counter DNA tests (i've seen them) have gotta be fun to purchase.

I felt weird the one time I bought an over-the-counter AIDS test, like I imagined that the girl behind the counter was thinking any number of things about me, but wasn't exactly embarrassed.

i have never bought lube in my life. i use spit, porn style.

real lube works/feels so much better than saliva. Worth buying IMO.

^^

I've also used hand lotion and oil, but not, never with a condom.

this thread, what is it

This is Thread Subject Drift Week on ILX, you see.

ah! continue!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLnWf1sQkjY

Set Adrift on Memory Jizz

I find condoms are cheaper in bulk at the sexy-type stores in Philly so I always get them there, and it's nice bcz the staff is actually informed and can answer questions about them.

"How many condoms in a pallet?" :)

I think I would be more embaressed buying condoms in bulk, being a chick it would look like I was on the game!

The guys in the Lonely Island video (or anyone else so inflicted) need to know there is medical help available for this predicament. According to the prestigious medical journal Wikipedia, silodosin will keep you so dry, it's being studied as a potential male birth control pill (read section under "Pharmacology"). I'm currently prescribed a similar (though less potent) drug, tamsulosin, a.k.a. Flomax or Flomaxtra. I love this pill! Not only does it ease discomfort from an enlarged or inflexible prostate (its intended use), but also renders me infertile in a like manner (reversible upon discontinuation) and for good measure even lowers my blood pressure a bit. No chance of either inadvertently soiled pants or inadvertently knocked-up partners whilst under the influence of this stuff IME.

Another possibility are antidepressants like Paxil/Seroxat or clomipramine, which are increasingly indicated for treatment of PE. They function rather like that desensitising lube found on "climax control" condoms (or by itself in squeeze tubes), but without any loss of sensation.

Legal disclaimer: I'm not a doctor or pharmacist, I just play one on your computer....

A bottle of gin and a pack of aspirin isn't such a good look on a Saturday night.

LOLing at irony of curtailment caused by something called Flomax.

i have fond memories of last summer regularly buying two bottles hobo booze, condoms, & whipped cream and getting either nothing, silent O_O, or my fave--the male cashier who silently scanned my items, had me pay, surveyed the items in my bag, and solemnly put out his hand for a high five

(i made a lot of pie that summer)

Trojan pie

LOLing at irony of curtailment caused by something called Flomax.

Seems to be the norm with this med though - see user reviews at RxList.

This thread has been really one of my favourites in a while. Thank you everyone.

or my fave--the male cashier who silently scanned my items, had me pay, surveyed the items in my bag, and solemnly put out his hand for a high five

Thats *awesome* :D

As I dye my own hair I am often buying boxes of rubber disposable gloves and a jar of Vaseline. Cant imagine that looks all that good.

yeah, i guess that would be kinda weird if you got a high-five for buying those items

or the cashier winked at you and attempted to flash you a knowing grin

bought myself a brazillian wax kit for some rly grotty lower-back hair and intentionally chose the 16yr old cashier b/c i knew if he was even remotely close to questioning my purchases i could stare him the fuck down

Lol nice

Oh once I went to the chemists w/a date to grab condoms and the little fucker serving us called out "have a nice night, you guys!" as we walked out.

No wait, he said "have FUN you guys!" which was even worse.

solemnly put out his hand for a high five

lmao

other than the endless amounts of ready meals etc the only other embarrassing moment was many years ago when i hadn't realised that sensors had been invented to auto stop the conveyor belt when your items reached the cashier.

So there I was clumsily trying to hold back all my items from piling into the end of the conveyor belt, much to the hilarity of other shoppers