The Apprentice UK 2011

Meet the candidates:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/apprentice/series7/candidates.shtml

There's an Ed Hunter!

And a Jim Eastwood - a parallel universe Tim Westwood?

Leon already has the 'haunted' look.

None of the videos work and some of the profile pages don't exist, but anyway...

• Leon Doyle - a bit of a tool but should be good for Shibby type lols. "I don’t like your gimmicky salesman who thinks he can sell ice to an Eskimo. Chances are he probably can’t, and why would an Eskimo buy ice?"
• Alex Britez Cabral - no profile link, but watch for 'Britez Empire' punnage from a bored production team.
• Melody Hossaini - "was trained on climate change by Al Gore." translation: watched that film he made.
• Felicity Jackson - "is inspired by the T-Mobile brand." WTF?! Your standard "is only in this to get a career in TV" contestant.
• Edna Agbarha - oldest, ie over 35, contestant.
• Susan Ma - no profile link.
• Ellie Reed - aggro contestant "I don’t like lazy people... dole dossers that don’t want to work. I don’t like posh kids who have everything on a plate"
• Helen Louise Milligan - no profile link.
• Natasha Scribbins - "I’m like a really fine tuned switch. If I need to turn it down then I turn it down. If I need to turn it up then I turn it up" - sonds more like a knob to me... ba dum tish! Will not listen to criticism.
• Vincent Disneur - "My positive approach and very good looks make me stand out from the crowd" ...and don't forget his modesty.
• Gavin Winstanley - "I’m everything. I’m all mouth."
• Ed 'unter - "I’m the wheeler dealer who accidentally became a finance professional and wants out" - also available for careers planning advice.
• Jim Eastwood - "I’m not a show pony or a one-trick pony, I’m not a jack-ass or a stubborn mule, and I’m definitely not a wild stallion that needs to be tamed. I am the champion thoroughbred that this process requires" - what this process does not require: someone who knows a lot of synonyms for 'horse'.
• Tom Pellereau - no profile link.
• Glenn Ward - he's 28, but like all Apprentice candidates seems to look far older. Cites Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg as his inspiration - toady backstabber alert! This series' Sophecles?
• Zoe Beresford - "I will do whatever it takes to win"

lacking totty this year though.

"it's all there"

JUST ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES MATE

oh godddddddddddddddddddd

i know edward from university

haha

do tell! was "all there" then already?

(I know I shouldn't say this, but something in his tristesse face, when at his most desperate, reminded me of LJ... I miss LJ ;_; )

Leon Doyle - a bit of a tool but should be good for Shibby type lols. "I don’t like your gimmicky salesman who thinks he can sell ice to an Eskimo. Chances are he probably can’t, and why would an Eskimo buy ice?"

nathan barley more like.

where IS lj? xp

we were kind of friends but i think only cos he liked to copy my homework assignments. i remember him being pretty religious

he was always a nice guy actually but someone really should have told him to stay away from that show

loved the guy who screamed

"I'M GOING TO DEFUSE THE SITUATION!!!"

someone graduated from situation defusing school with a first clearly

I like soup man and scouse bloke and inventor guy. Not convinced that Edward is even real, despite evidence above. Don't like Leon because he looks like Piers Morgan and I don't like the bloke that should have gone into the board room because he looks like Jamie Carragher.

None of the girls really stood out, but assume large Edna v Melody FITE brewing.

@ Whatever, I think he's pre-honeymooning down under somewhere.. rip big man

^'pre-honeymooning down under' sounds like a massive euphemism...

Who was the one on the loser team who Sugar called 'sensible'?

Looking forward to seeing what the Avon lady (that's what's meant by self-employed skincare consultant, right?) learned from the college where Desmond Tutu, Al Gore and the Dalai Lama hang out dispensing wisdom to wannabe LordSugs.

Her accent was really annoying... I'm sorry, I don't want to be "that guy" that thinks accents are annoying, but in this case...

the orange guy was absolutely terrifying my god

I presume the guy that looks like a cross between Antoine Descaunes and Zlatan Ibrahamovic is too ridiculous to comment on for now? Karren Brady was genuinely gobsmacked that anyone fell for his patter, and I'm with her. Ugh.

Heeee yeah I so thought OMG Zlatan! :)

Didn't think he was so ridiculous, but I'm sure by the next episode I will? I liked how he forced his voice down to sound more authoritative. I thought that was lol cute.

He was mega-smarmy, and he did that cufflink-adjusting thing that makes me cringe.

Basically this stage is such an ocean of twattery that first impressions are worthwhile substitutes for paying real attention.

Delighted that rolling with punches isn't going to be a thing any more.

He reminded me of Begbie from Trainspotting

But what the hell was the deal with Edward? He was like the worst contestant ever! Almost as if he intended to fuck it up. Begging, whining, desperately trying to save his bum at the end... God, get one grip.

If he had balls he'd told Lord Sugar "No, I'm not choosing two other men, I am responsible for fucking it up, deal with me." He'd have scored points with that. If he'd still got fired it would be with his chin up. This was horrible and cringe-worthy begging, pleading... stfu and go already, bye.

can't believe he stormed out too

Yeah that was rich!

He reminded me of Begbie from Trainspotting

This too. And Mickey Pearce from Only Fools and Horses.

We were cringing too much all the way through the boardroom to fully appreciate the disdainful look on the way out. It was amazing. It really was like someone had taken all the worst bits of the worst previous contestants and decided that that was the way to somehow not be the worst person ever. And failed.

It was the Noel G exit strategy:

AlSug: "Guy, you got to learn to respect yourself. You're alright. Don't deny who you are!"
EdUnt: "Give a shit (looks the other direction)"

they are all utter bastards again. I can't watch this again, I promised myself last time that I wouldn't.

So these beginning quips e.g. "Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon" - these are now being fed to them Blind Date style. Yes?

I mean, really. These people.

I like the one who looks like a Sad Lucas from Spooks. Also the inventor because he's like Brains from Thunderbirds, but probably because we all know "sciency" type people don't get too far (although not sure how sciency you need to be to invent a ... curved nailfile?)

Funny how they made no reference to the actual reason they failed:

As soon as they got into profit, they slashed their prices in a "job done" fashion.

As opposed to 'earn as much as possible, and only slash prices during the last 30 mins to get rid of stock"...

Didn't they have about 3000 oranges left unsqueezed as well...

Mr Innocent Smoothies: 2008 was a terrible year for us... price of fruit... competitors... someone started this...

> can't believe he stormed out too

i thought he was going to storm out of dara's show too after one of his quips.

as i've said before i can see innocent towers from where i live. or i could if it wasn't 2-storey industrial buildings on an anonymous estate in W12.

2nd task on now.

These puns are app-alling.

I'm loving how they all think everything they do is brilliant.

apps do seem very iFart.

built overnight though.

Both teams are congratulating themselves, but they've done nothing except make funny noises.

An app that played samples of stupid things said by Appr3entice candidates would have probably sold a fortune.

"truly bizarre and unique sounds"

Downloaders be weird.

This year's contestants are the most delusional, backstabby, two-faced bunch ever.

Especially Jim Eastwood. I want him to go, but it'll probably be Nigel Havers Leon.

Jim talking himself out of being called back in was great.

wow Alex just shot himself in the foot there.

Aye, if Leon wasn't such a collossal fucktard Alex would be gone.

EH?

to be fair, there's not much more you could do if it has to be done overnight - you're not going to rustle up angry birds TNG in 16 hours.

but the PMs flip-flopping was suicide.

(am watching this about 5 minutes behind live so he may already be dead)

SRALAN GETS IT

lol Alex

Her explaining that app is just as funny watching it again on You're Fired.

Funny how comedy regional accents have no appel in the USA or Australia.

(Was not surprised Alex went)

Oh, and AlSug getting the girls to disown their product before telling them they won...

Sadist!

Alex is so full of shit, he should be an estate ag... oh wait

Hang on, these apps were free? Next week, selling a pound for a shilling on The Strand.

Yes, they actually attempted to make something attractive!

As opposed to last time's "London tour" which was "get the money in, and sod the quality"

Does anyone else watch this with smug satisfaction, knowing you would be a better project manager? I literally think I am a business genius when this is on. I would love to use the first episode as a "how not to manage a team" for the training events I facilitate at work!

Custard would be a better project manager, sometimes.

Agreed.

custard is big, it's brash and it's bold.

its a horse metaphor

It's better to be a custard dream than a custard cream.

It's my annual rant but: the editing is basically this now:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvwnwBbX70k&feature=player_detailpage#t=29s

Which you think everyone might take on board but there's still blogs like the Guardian chortling about how jokes are "met with tumbleweed" etc etc.

Alex looked like Paddy McGuinness so i'm glad he went.

^ skip to 29 secs in that video

I like Jim and I think I like Zoe (?) with her excellent Chloe O'Brian death stare. Rest of them can probably all fuck off. Edna, to be fair, was fair confident on stage, even if she was talking pish as she was working it.

Is that Michael Sheen playing the part of Tom Pellereau?

"Ellie Reed
Once chased a burglar out of her house at 17"

And many xposts to the person who hesitantly said Edward reminded him of LJ: I thought so too. It's the mouth I think.

That's right Sralan, we completely believe the Savoy are waiting on these specific items before they open. At least pick vaguely believable lies.

It was obvious from last week he would change the teams up this week.

"Can you tell ne somewhere in London that sells fillet steak?"

"How greedy does one have to be?" - project much?

This is utterly hilarious and slightly one-sided.

This negotiating stance is awesome. Vincent (even thought it wasn't him) is incredibly inept.

Even harder-nosed shop owner action than in previous years for this task, because the items on the list are the kind of thing where suppliers can say "someone will buy it for full price, so I don't have to reduce the price to sell it to you, you viscose trousered PHB".

mmmm yummy - 7 kilos of steak that will sit around in the back of a black people carrier for half a day

Vincent to go, but I want him to stay in case there are any other buying tasks. And Natasha. Although walking into a dry cleaners to see if they sell top hats is astounding.

This Sikh fabric shop owner has been on before.

I thought that.

aaaaaaaaaaarrrgh never never never tell a retailer that you're desperate for an item. That's the same as saying "Please feel free to charge me any amount you want."

Susan might throw this away you know.

Best episode in a while.

"We can't have made a mistake."

It's been edited to make the other team look like they'll certainly be the losers, but...

I'm not sure whether taking all the penalties and £50 penalties might have been the way to go.

Jesus, that was close. I think my theory might have been right.

So burlesque is "circus-style cabaret" now, is it?

If the other team had been any worse at negotiation, then as a gamble it might have paid off for Gavin & Co. OTOH, rmde at Susan's team not prioritising purchase of the most expensive item on the list?
Gavin by rights should go, because he didn't his team out on the street for three chuffing hours. But Vincent is so oily that AlSug might just fire him because he doesn't like the look of him.

^^^Gross, he's sent them to The Box.

This is the task I know I could do in about two hours, and watching this idiot viscosity is driving me mad.

Even the winning team made classic mistakes.

Natasha with the brass sign guy might be enough.

Vincent is more efficient than he looks though, I think.

Zoe and Vincent are probably the best two people that Gavin could have brought back in.

Vincent looks spectacularly inefficient so that's faint praise. One of the two blokes, but I can't call it.

I know you're Belgian and that's where the waffles are from!

Almost expected a double firing there.

But it was the sitting around for 3 hours that did it. But really, 10 items, 7 people per team? Get it done in the morning, take the afternoon off.

The classic Sugar bluff of 'Vincent, you are the worst, most unmanageable, person on earth, I couldn't work with you...so Gavin, you couldn't manage him, fuck off, loser' shining through again.

Gavin was shit, but he's making a decent point on YF that you can only work with the crappy tools you're forced to work with.

"double firing" is for offensibly poor performance, and it wasn't that, not quite.

Fuck cleaning a top hat.

Love Tom more each week, he's like a ventriloquist's dummy.
That dark-haired girl calling for the 'procurement lists' annoyed me even more than Mickey Pearce this week. She's like the epitome of shit estate-agent Satruday girls who cannot get anything done and blame everyone else for it.

Haha otm about Tom the ventriloquist's dummy :)

The missus had a good point: there wasn't any quality check by the hotel after the goods were brought in, was there? It was all about the amount of items and money. The actual quality of what they bought didn't seem to matter.

Also, people: look up what a cloche is if you don't know! Jeez.

They never make it clear what the actual rules are (e.g. was there any quality check? if not you would just go for bargain basement shit?) which winds me up no end. Usually in this task they can't use the internet apparently, but they never really make this clear. See also: Nigella seeds from that one year.

xp Apparently they're not allowed to use the interweb. When it came up, I was all '1920s flapper hat, or... oh, yeah. Room service dome.'

I was annoyed to bits that they didn't do the quality control check; it was implicit that the goods on the list had to be to Savoy standard otherwise, you know, top hat from the joke shop in Camden, right? The butchers used by the winning team (Allen's in Mayfair) are seriously expensive so cheeky Irish guy did really well to get that amount of steak for £170.

Jim seems seriously smartest guy in the room at the moment.

The quality check thing was odd. Not implementing it made the Savoy look bad - as if they'll charge top price for what might be an inferior product. Lord S should have also laid into the ridiculous idea of ringing the Ritz and asking for their procurement contacts.

We also never saw the list prices right? If the tea was more than £50 over that then they were worse off for buying it.

Yeah, loving Jim. Susan turned out not to be annoying... this week. The tea thing had me rolling/thinking 'NEALS YARD bulk buy, idiots' (I had similar 'duh, use this stockist' thoughts with most of the items).

Fashiony friends on Twitter were full of OMG THE STUPID IS KILLING ME about this task because photoshoot producers make their runners do this shit every day.

Jim's the only one I really like, too. Can see him go to the final without a lot of competition, he's truly 'together'. Others, not so much. Would like Zlatan/Vincent to stay on as long as possible for lolz.

Jim needs to be careful though - charm is best used sparingly. He's in danger of over-doing it.

Vincent is entertaining - but I don't think he's completely useless as some assume.

This should probably be on 'posts you had second thoughts about', but the tres chic rare tea lady reminded me a bit of Suzy.

There was clearly a quality check. Presumably, every item passed muster, so it was not worth reporting on.

xpost, what, the Suzy that was all "lol Tory women MPs cannot dress themselves"?

(just clarifying)

Yes (nervous disclaimer: my eyesight is quite poor)

aaaaaaaaaaarrrgh never never never tell a retailer that you're desperate for an item. That's the same as saying "Please feel free to charge me any amount you want."

― got a whole lotta gloves (snoball), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 20:29 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Totally, TOTALLY, TOTALLY fundamental.

First rule.

Without this, you are not a negotiator. Only good for collecting for charity.

I loved the Mayfair "why does that matter to me?" fabric woman.

must mention sean lock bringing the lols to "you're fired"

> I loved the Mayfair "why does that matter to me?" fabric woman.

i do wonder whether that's entirely the best attitude to show on national tv and whether it'd win you any friends*? is it better than cutting a deal that you'd then be expected to repeat with every other t, d and h?

* other than alba and the other bloomsbury set, obv.

They were the most anvil-headed hagglers in the world, ever. The shopkeeper's attitude might have been different if that was not the case. Protip: seven meters of organza is not a huge order, so the best haggle they could have hoped for would have been a round-down in any case, but rule one is 'praise the quality of the stock before negotiating a price'.

Dunno Koogs, I think for businesses like the fabric woman and the hat tailor ("Alright, I'll give you the penny" ~> humiliating exchange that was) it's key that they show their regular customers that they just don't do bargains. They are beyond caring about how they appear on this show, and their customers only like them even more for it. They don't want to be seen shopping at a place that does bargains.

xp

i do wonder whether that's entirely the best attitude to show on national tv and whether it'd win you any friends? is it better than cutting a deal that you'd then be expected to repeat with every other t, d and h?

Kinda answers yr own question... (i.e. yes)

oops, that should have been italics..

Jim is a horrible bully. He's also a great negotiator and a potential winner of this thing.

but do ordinary people, people who don't have lord shug's rules to follow, haggle?

i think the answer is give them a discount less than or equal to how much the equivalent advertising would cost.

(am not sure rare tea exposure was worth £500 though)

that said, i am now at least aware of rare tea.

and the real winner here is Top Hat Cleaners in chiswick

They certainly are. And there's an off chance you may meet a celeb, like Dara O'briain...

Jim is a horrible bully

Don't recall having seen any evidence of this? What has he done?

I thought Vincent more or less grabbing the phone off Ellie (?) was awful behaviour.

Yeah it wasn't good and damaged him in the board room. But she was omitting some vital information such as they could pay in cold hard cash and needed it urgently.

Similarly Vince damaged himself by rudely taking over the brass sign negotiation - allowing the person to delusionally say 'I think I could have got it lower'.

Jim bullying Leon out of taking him back into the boardroom is the clearest example I can think of.

Jim is just as convinced of his own charm as Vince is, but he's a psycho rather than a wally. Everything about him gives me the shivers! The way he uses people's first names and his body language - he's constantly holding people's elbows and he basically did the Vulcan death grip on that butcher. He's all dead-eyed smiles and laying on the brogue, but underneath he's completely domineering (maybe that's a better word).

Gah! I hate him! :O

(xps)

Domineering is probably a better word, yes. "You can't bring me back!" is not a gambit anyone expects to work, but everyone wants to say, and some do.

I love the way this show brings out such strong emotions about the participants.

I like to think steely and determined and, yes, maybe domineering, rather than actual bullying. I think he's the only one who actually walks it like they all try and talk it at the start, all that take-no-prisoners/won't-settle-for-second-best etc.

I also think he's got every right to be as convinced as Vincent of his charm, but on evidence thus far, he's actually correct in his conviction, whereas Vince just comes across as an over-inflated ego balloon. I realise this may be as much to do with editing as well - I remember at this stage last year it seemed like Liz could do no wrong, but I'm sure she must have had unseen moments of wrongness before her complete collapse the week she went out.

Zlatan's "I secured you the beef" seems ripe for sampling.

p-dog so otm re Jim. He is eerily similar to an Irish guy who used to be my manager. A likeable charmer for a few weeks, but anyone spending more time with him got sick of his passive-aggressive neediness and bullying. The kind of bully who you know is bullying you but you can't quite explain how.

yeah it's quite obv Jim is a fucker with some dark secrets.

i seriously can't believe that anyone would find him charming. gavin seemed like a decent guy, it's s shame he was useless last night. i like the northern lass.

Chocolate facial? WTF?

(x-post)

Ellie? The one who looks a bit like Eileen off Corrie? Didn't like the way she vowed to take Felicity part in the board room.

Felicity was rubbish. Thought Ellie did little wrong from what she was left with (did Sugar really think she should leave the treatment room unattended after sending Tom down and then Felicity pulling Melody away?). Susan was definitely gone if her team had lost - there's always one every year who fails completely in what's meant to be their area of expertise.

Leon's finger trick was weirdly effective.

yes, creepily so.

How Susan could get pissed off for people bringing up her categorical "I can sell 10 billion" or whatever is beyond me. If you so much as mention anything that ends up biting you in the arse, it gets brought up in the boardroom; has she never seen 'The Apprentice'?
Surely the main reason they lost (more than the location or concentrating on the mental hairpieces or whatever) was overestimating what they could sell and hence spent, but that hardly got mentioned.

> Leon's finger trick was weirdly effective.

but only when they put out the same finger on the same hand - when the one girl used her other hand he was lost.

Leon is very very keen to let people know he isn't gay.

Remember that he has a girlfriend...

Oh wait of course everyone remembers, because he said it half a dozen times.

Just spray-tan muscle dude's pecs FFS.

Leon mentioned his girlfriend nearly as many times as Susan mentioned that she worked in the skincare industry/as a skincare consultant.

I'm dying to find out if skincare consultant = Amway rep/AVON lady.

Vincent's attempt to lure potential customers was ick! "You've got nice hair" he says to a passing woman, while rubbing his hands. Eew.

ha, that was rubbish, yes. Much as Leon annoys me, he was a gazillion times more personable than Vince or the bloke I keep thinking is Jamie from last year (Glen?).

Jim was all but invisible this week.

I mentioned Avon Lady potential further upthread, I think. I really can't be arsed with her getting as far as the interview stages to find out though.

Jim was all but invisible this week.

He was, but he did provide us with the super creepy "Four hands are better than two :D I'll do one of the guys as well :D hehehehehehehehehehehe"

And, once again, the defeated contestant appears on Dara's prog and is really nice. (Sorry, just caught up. I've been in Rome you know...)

Anyway, this week it's dog food...

She came across on the programme as nice as well, she just completely failed to even slightly manage her team, and then the other two took her apart in the boardroom.

xp OK so this week it's like last years kitchen cleaner task, but with dog food. Whatever happens, will the teams serve up a dog's breakfast? And will AlSug use that terrible pun?

Glen does not look like he's going to give anyone a piece of his mind. He looks like he's going to cry.

FUCK!!!

Jim has trees up his arse?

Sincerely hope that Lord Alan fires the fuck out of Jim the first chance he gets.

A little smug smile on the team leader's face after the (first) firing...

What. A. Terrible. Shirt. And. Tie.

you should see it in hd

it's not the shirt and tie, necessarily, it's how they sit with the spiv suit.

I can't figure out if that shirt used to be either a tablecloth or a pair of pajamas.

He looks like he's choking on a hi-viz kite.

jim is so much like a marionette. even the way his features are so prominent yet bland. every move he makes i'm looking for the strings, it's totally weird.

I have a teeny bit of sympathy for the Every Dog team, because for the first time ever it seems like they thought that's what Sugar would want and would give them a bollocking if they appealed to only a niche. If Sir Alan had his way it'd be called DOG FOOD - FOOD FOR DOGS but it kind of flies in the face of what the marketing people rate.

CatSize got off lightly...

And it was only the name that was a problem, really. Foods like Pedigree Chum are designed to be bought by everyone and fed to every dog, but the name suggests fine dining. Well, the pedigree part. The chum part suggests shark bait.

> He looks like he's choking on a hi-viz kite.

the 'best bits' thing showed that he had worn that tie in the house, but it looked ok when twinned with the surprisingly sober suits that he'd chosen.

do dietary claims for petfood need to be proven?

I don't know.

Why didn't they just call it "om nom nom nom" ?

I believe you do need to substantiate claims for pet food. In that, I believe that if you say "good for joints", then you must be able to point to something in the food that has been shown to be beneficial to joint health, such as omega 3. I don't believe you have to actually conduct trials, but then I don't think you need to do that for human food either, you just have to be slightly less definite about what you're saying. There are fewer "may benefit joint health" claims in pet food.

You also don't have to put the calorie content on pet foods, which annoys me. Denta Sticks, for instance, might be great for dogs' teeth, but they are very high in calories.

Jim was super-Jim-like yesterday. I thought he was going to get it for the "every dog" thing which Vincent pinned on him early, but he did explain that it was just one of a load of shit ideas which everyone stupidly agreed with Vincent on as the best (I can't even remember if they had anything better). I really do hate when Sugar tries to single one person out to blame for a group decision, especially when it's the wrong person or for a wrong reason.

I'm liking Zoe more and more now though (though being part of the team pishing themselves laughing at Glenn to his face - well, over the phone - was a bit childish), and Jim less and less. I thought Ellie's firing was a bit pointless, Sugar went on about how Vincent was ridiculous and brought the wrong people in, so why fire one of them anyway before him?

(note: haven't watched You're Fired yet, where they've probably covered this)

(they didn't)

"See their light"

... words fail me really

Would have done better with http://991.com/gallery_180x180/Altered-Images-See-Those-Eyes-53576-991.jpg

"See thee size"

use of saturday night fever music was genius during his best bits

"They're light, DO YOU SEE?"

SIX FUCKING POUNDS

I only just switched this on, but it's pretty obvious who's going to get fired.

Edna's done nothing since the series started, so I'd guess her.

<3 Zoe

Edna gone? OK she's done nowt but I'd have fired one of the other two.

Knives out between Suzy and Zoe though. That's the first time they've shown the in-car return-to-the-house trip.

I have three degrees and i was also in The Three Degrees right.

^^^ also, people who go on about how many qualifications they have = p-boring

And of course we all know AlSug's view re: people with degrees etc..

Speaking of furniture, Arlene Philips' face looks like it's been carved out of wood.

Edna is still rocking those gloves from the fart app presentation.

Zoe is absolutely horrible.

she's pretty draining but i would take her over susie.

disorganised Zoe > whiner Suzy

Susan has an unfortunate marriage of personality and face.

I like Suzy.
Zoe seems like she would be a horror to actually work with on a daily basis.

I have three degrees and i was also in The Three Degrees right.

― jed_, Wednesday, 8 June 2011 20:58 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Yep, said the same thing..

Suzy seems young because she acts like a child always trying to argue with her mum or talk back.
As someone who has been accused of being miserable because of my natural facial expression I have some sympathy with Zoe. I liked her for standing up to Glenn that time. She should have seen that the way to work with Suzy was to throw her a bone once in a while rather than lording her mistake over her.

Zoe claiming responsibility for the failure of securing the pitches, immediately, gained her a few credibility points, funnily enough.

Susan has an unfortunate marriage of personality and face.

yes

Not a vintage series so far, is it?

Helen looking good and I like Tom. Edna was one of the worst candidates to make it to the halfway stage ever - no redeeming qualities at all, just....nothing. Zoe is also useless, and what about Leon - does he ever contribute anything apart from a certain laconicness (laconicity?....you know what I mean!)

Lots of Jim fandom in my house, apart from me. Without being able to explain exactly why, I can't stand him.

I am finding the LordSugar line of 'I can't see myself going into business with you, so you're fired' a bit of a cop-out. It gives him something other than how they've just done on the task to bring in to the boardroom, which is a bit weak. I mean, why bother with the tasks? Also - they're not REALLY going into biz with him, are they?

We're almost half-way through the series and it hasn't properly warmed up yet. Jim seems like someone who will backstab a team-mate in a second. Tom (who actually works out potential profit margins) vs Helen (who can lead a team effectively) for the final, as the others are nowhere near as strong contenders.

jim has too much chat

plus he looks like a marionette.

tom seems the best but maybe because he hasn't actually led a team yet am i right?

think the only ones I know the names of are jim and zoe and susie - is tom the speccy twat?

yes

keen to see him project manage yes

Tom seems to have a grasp of what might help win a task, but can't really see Alan liking him much because he seems a bit brainy. Agree with Dr C about that cop-out line.

Well, dude's an inventor. If Sugar thinks he can patent some useful doohickey...

inventor my arse

Does anyone know what Tom's actually invented? I suppose I could google it, but I can't be arsed.

They're basically auditioning for a business loan here, right? And being able to lead teams and advertise catfood and work out a strategy for a business you have no background in and whathaveyou is basically nothing to do with anything, yes? I mean, you can hire people to actually do all that stuff for you, you just need to have the idea. I generally object to the idea that Lord Sugar's apprentice needs to be a jack of all trades (with as little formal education as possible), but it seems even less of a requirement this time round.

I'm sure its because for a couple of years the winners have 'won' a high-paying job which they promptly leave for some 'reality-tv-seam-mining'...

Didn't he invent curvy nail files?

Wait....you mean you don't have one of these, Ailsa?

http://www.stylfile.com/

"We all have curved nails..."

the winners have 'won' a high-paying job which they promptly leave for some 'reality-tv-seam-mining'...

It seems to be the losers who mine this (I mean, really, Kate Walsh's shopping channel task was toe-curlingly awful, and somehow she now presents a TV show? Not one that anyone watches it, mind*)

In other former winner news, I was called at work the other day by a sales gimp called Simon Ambrose. I wonder if it was him?

* apparently the other presenter of her show is the son of a friend of my mum. Even this has never once piqued her curiosity enough to ever turn over to Five to watch it, even for a second.

hehe, I've just read Tom's website thingie. Do you think he really had an Amstrad as his first computer, or was that put in to toady to Lord Sugar?

A blatant piece of toady-ism.

Some great reviews on the Style file website:

"They are the best files that I have ever seen" - Helen

"Where can I get hold on an original stylfile? I have had one for ages but can't remember where it came from ... it is amazing hence needing to get another!" - Gretta

"My wife bought a Stylfile at a local Christmas sale ... I find it very useful too." - Michael

"I have one of your stylfile's and its great. Everyone I know uses it as I leave it on my desk". - Emily

".....I don't know where it come from. Thank you for your your help". Margaret

Oh, I daresay a fair few people had an am as their first computer.

Not their subsequent one, tho...

I see they've sacked that "internet phone" though...

I don't know about the Amstrad story, but he's designed a product, and presumably marketed it well enough that someone bought the idea to manufacture it. AFAIK that puts him quite a way ahead from the rest of the candidates, who are mostly "my last company's top selling Global Sales Executive" types.

"I have one of your stylfile's and its great. Everyone I know uses it as I leave it on my desk"

ew...

French foot file offshoot 'Pied-o-file' not doing so well however.

hahahaha!

Speaking of which, if Tom's surname is French and he actually speaks French and the 'sell stuff abroad' task is in France and he's PM for that task and doesn't balls it up... then he might dodge the one bullet that could sink him - being a crap PM.

Because I don't think his team will listen to him if he's PM, unless he's PM on a task where they have to listen because it's a French speaking French task in France.

do you think vincent speaks french too?

He may do, and he's got plenty of time to..

(i.e. he gorn)

HOW DO YOU BLOW YOUR LOAD?

Hip Replacement ffs

Should have gone for 'Hip Operation' IMHO

Covered = Loaded lite with creative use of whitespace
Hip Replacement = Saga Monthly

HR is just slightly the worse of the two, but lack of ad space sales could see Covered being the loser.

JIM MUST GO

Did Jim just say at the start there that Susan's voice was 'lost in translation'??

lol at Nick's slight smirk there towards Glenn during AlSug's "are you taking the piss or what" rant

Jim was super-Jim-like yesterday. I thought he was going to get it for the "every dog" thing which Vincent pinned on him early, but he did explain that it was just one of a load of shit ideas which everyone stupidly agreed with Vincent on as the best (I can't even remember if they had anything better)

...

― ailsa, Thursday, 2 June 2011 11:15 (1 week ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

LOL at Jim one week later, trying to pin the whole thing on Zoe coming up with the name. He is so dreadful, and is so similar to my previous manager that I struggle to watch him at all.

Stop saying everyone's name all the time you hateful tool!

Jim is going the fuck down here.

oooooooooooh shit, first "I WANT THIS JOB MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD"

I think Suzy's over-played her "I give people suggestions but they don't listen".

Not having that.

cop out

For fuck's sake - should have been a Glenn/Jim double firing. Suzy has some kind of business sense. The other two were just full of shit.

Classic "don't fire the person who is good TV" tbh.

Oh Tom doesn't speak French then?

Melody does though.

maybe vincent speaks french

They should have gone with "Zimmer" for the magazine name - that was funny.

Ooh, Glenn and Zoe sitting in a tree. Will Dara need to buy a hat?

'Hip Replacement' is like the worst Pavement song-title ever.

Immediately thought "ugh, son", was very surprised that no-one even objected to that title! o_O

Susie did, but you just didn't hear :(

Haha ;)

Mousey

"I've never met an engineer that was good in business." Not that Software Engineer Bill Gates then?

yeah, but he's like giving all his money away now, bleeding engineers.

Maybe Alan Sugar never met Bill Gates?

maybe he doesn't think a software engineer is an engineer

maybe he's right

pull the strings!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQefy5K33Lk&t=1m50s

oh ffs well it was supposed to be https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQefy5K33Lk starting at 1m50secs "ooh shall i sit there? i'm like a little mouse"

Please can Natasha "our focus group was too focussed, yeah" die in a firey fire

omg @ You're Fired festival round-up cutting from people in 2-d cut-out Alan Sugar masks, to Tom Jones and his actual face

LOL at Jim one week later, trying to pin the whole thing on Zoe coming up with the name.

Ha, yes, I did spot that, and shouted at my telly a bit.

It was noticed on "You're fired" too.

Haven't watched that yet. We always end up doing other stuff on a Wednesday then remembering we have to watch the main show before we go to bed and wake up to spoilers all over telly/radio/internets. You're Fired is a Thursday night treat.

This thread is officially a spoiler for u then.

(if yr reading this..)

I've seen the show, just not YF, which isn't really spoilerable. It's fine, I brought it on myself by reading the thread, etc.

ah right.

Probably the most missable "yf" yet, except for the "was AlSug right?" vote....

the audience response during the horse race was interesting, a couple of the cheers or boos surprised me.

I also enjoyed Dara taking the piss out of the magazine covers. But then, you know, I just think he's funhy. Certainly Glenn did nothing to dispel the "what is the point of you, exactly?" feeling.

Remember spotting another excellent "I'm totally Mr Straight, the straightest man in the whole world" protest from Leon, but I can't remember what it was now. Anyone?

I'm still confusing Glenn with Jamie from last year.

ailsa, something about him being a lad and reading all the lads mags.

DO THE FRENCH LOVE THEIR CHILDREN TOO?

DO THEY GO CAMPING? er, yes they do

Leon rightfully sacked. I don't know how he managed to do nothing and still stay on the show for eight weeks.

The guy draws a mean teapot though tbh

DO THEY DRIVE CARS?

I can't believe nobody called Melody on her LIES.

"Do you think a car seat that folds into a backpack would be a good idea?"
"Yes, I think that's a good idea."
"They're saying it's not a good idea."

Leon had to go, he's been doing practically nothing for the last couple of weeks.

^^ I know! I thought that too, she bended it all to her own preference.

Disappointed that Lord Sugar let her off so easily, praising the "tiger" she is. She was completely selfish. Not sharing the contacts you made is a big stinking faux pas

xp

Helen for the win though. She has grace, she keeps out of bickering etc. She can walk the walk and talk the talk.

xp I like Helen a lot.

Perhaps he's setting Melody up for a big fat fail, for being ruthless and a lying sack of shit?

Really hoping he's saved Melody for a dramatic exposure of CV embellishment during the interview episode.

Bit disappointed that being a ruthless self-serving tosser is seen as admirable.

Much as I wouldn't want to have to work with Melody, it seems unfair to say she lied about the market research when it might just have been a bit of creative editing to give that impression.

No, she was really hostile to his suggestion and didn't listen to the French people. In TV, you can't really edit around that.

I love how insistent she was about the strength of her market research, when she actually even said in the boardroom that she'd spoken to four (count 'em!) people who told her they used the Metro rather than cars. In a Metro station.

That mistranslation that trishyb mentions was ridiculous. Conniving rubbish like that and totally failing to do the research on the pitch when Tom specifically asked should have had her arse out the door. Compounding her complete lack of self-awareness by talking all over Tom when he was talking about how she talks all over everyone was the icing on the cake. I genuinely can't wait for her to fall flat on her face. I too hate that that behaviour was applauded, especially after some of the comments and looks from Karren and Nick.

Leon was a complete tool though, and there seems no point to Natasha either.

Helen or Zoe for me.

Melody has total confidence in herself, and feels like AlSug is on her side.

Meanwhile, he is presumably being told she's a live-wire and a liability in the long run.

She won through because one bloke did nowt but draw teapots, and the other was asking La Redoute to buy 10 units...

Yes, because she hadn't done the research he asked (not sure why he couldn't have done it himself though, or thought on his feet rather than offering one unit per buyer sitting opposite him...)

Isn't this shit that Sugar apparently quite likes in Melody the same shit he hates in Jim? (I've gone right off Jim, btw, since early positive impressions)

Also, Susie pitching her shitty pipecleaners to the mobile shop was amazing. '10,000 of these have been sold *just* on that niche market, not popular with phone and ipod users, the internet! Look, you can overheat your phone on your car heater then break several motoring laws with it!'

I would be so happy if, from now on, all boardroom scenes involved Nick going "At 12.50 precisely you asked X to do Y". Why don't they do this more in the face of blatant lying?
Leon having previously worked for La Redoute (as revealed on Yr Fired) was absolute gold.

Also (this bugs me every week): "go to @bbcapprentice"... I mean it's marginally better than "log on to the website" but come on.

Yeah, but they seem to do that for "you tossed a coin???" I mean, yeah? is it relevant?

The focus on that "which of us is less shit at doing this badly-researched pitch" was completely disproportionate when it came to other things that let them down (Melody lying to get the teapot over the rucksack - glossed over, Melody not doing the pitch - glossed over, Tom admitting he'd rather just go with a shit product that everyone was behind rather than fight everyone all day - glossed over).

They always focus on the wrong things though (see also massive raising of eyebrows/rolling of eyes/disparaging comments about Melody leading to, er, praise).

Melody not doing the research for the pitch, that is...

Oh, she is so getting her RAYZOOMAY trashed on national television after displaying such 'single-mindedness'...

Melody is one of the worst people I have ever seen on TV. Her loathsome arrogance and bulldozing self-confidence. Her endless trumpeting of her accomplishments. Her contempt for everyone around her. The way she bangs on about her work for "global youth" but appears to care about nothing more than her own achievements. Her fucking voice.

And yet, she has been given these awards, she does get into the corridors of power, she has been praised by campaigners and politicians, so this level of bullshit obviously works wonders. It makes me think that NGOs are probably teeming with these bullish, vain, networking, resume-stuffing overachievers, and that depresses me. She can be fired from the Apprentice (and she will be) but she can't be stopped.

Leon having previously worked for La Redoute (as revealed on Yr Fired) was absolute gold.

Wait.. whaaaat? Seriously?! Didn't see the show after, please elaborate! o_O

DL, from that, it sounds to me like you've never been to the LSE campus. I am sure that Melody is nice as pie to anyone USEFUL or anyone obviously oppressed, but anybody who does not inhabit either of these categories might as well be the wa-wa voice in Peanuts.

I also know that every single person I have ever worked with would be able to shoot the bitch down in two seconds, tops.

Helen for the win though. She has grace, she keeps out of bickering etc. She can walk the walk and talk the talk.

... has lovely blue eyes. I keep forgetting this is on and missing it! Noticed last night that Melody is about 4ft tall, maybe has a touch of Little Man Syndrome? Mind you she was beside Tom and Leon, two long streaks of piss if ever there were.

Basically, Leon was not told who the other half of the team were pitching to, and as Melody didn't research them, she wouldn't have mentioned it to Leon either.

He worked as a call-centre operative as a summer job. Which means he would have known that they are a 'big name', they don't buy "ten units" for example...

That's crazy, that Leon actually worked there! Haha, what a useless git

(It wasn't his fault, no-one told him they were part of it)

So, who might win, at this stage?

Helen, for being lovely
Tom, for being an inventor and actually having some ideas worth investing in
Melody, for 'chip off' reasons
Jim, because he's still around
who else?

An imaginary office filled with past and present colleagues:

"Melody, can I ask you something?"

"?"

"Are you concerned about global warming?"

*nods*

"Good - you should be. The amount of methane generated by your bullshit just warmed the planet by one degree centigrade."

that's funny

the redoute thing - actually puts melody in an even worser light and leo could have played this up somewhat to try to get her bumped instead like "mel such a bad team player she didn't share contacts with other half and after tom asked her directly to research this place she didn't even *mention* it to me and if she had done even that I could have told her that they were big so"

Susan, so young... but did the perfect sale (I'll buy £1K "Buy some more!" OK)
Natasha
Zoe

I like tom but the dyson thing was lol

Yeah, but AlSug *wishes* he was Dyson himself!

... but he's far too gorblimey for that. Tom panicked there I think.

Tom is obviously just rubbish. He might be a nice guy and everything, but he's done nothing right so far and he completely fell to pieces during that task. I would have fired him rather than Leon last night.

Which means he would have known that they are a 'big name', they don't buy "ten units" for example...

This is part of the reason why, even if they'd had the car seats, they would have failed. They would have gone in and done a rubbish pitch and not sold any car seats. Helen could probably have sold €200,000 worth of the bloody teapot lights.

Though Sugar would refuse to acknowledge Dyson's existence, as engineers just don't *do* business.

Natasha really REALLY shouldn't still be here. What's she done so far? Offended even Karren Brady with her lads mag idea, tried to steal the Ritz' client list and, er, screwed her face up a lot? Forgotten how to speak in public?

I still quite like Zoe. She seems very normal and hasn't displayed any gross stupidity yet (apart from dalliance with Glen, obv).

My prediction for the final: Helen vs Tom OR Zoe. Tom can do the numbers and is a nice enough person, but Zoe doesn't fall apart under pressure.

Thing is, right, Helen's a PA. And they were all really fucking rude to Stella about being "just" a PA last year at interview stage. I think first chance they get, it'll be snide central, because Sugar has zero clue what real people with real jobs actually do.

(I like Helen, but she's been well under the radar until zing! perfect pitch and halo all a-glowing)

AlSug: "your mission, if you decide to accept it, is to make a new... biscuit"

Wales, where strange new biscuits are created.

http://www.empireonline.com/images/features/100greatestcharacters/photos/39.jpg

we keep saying tom's an inventor

we keep saying jim's a nob

we keep saying melody's a monomaniac

sorry monomaniacal cunt

Hearts actually a good idea - shame it was Melody's. Would call them LOVE.

Missed a trick not calling the other one Star Jumps.

'Bix Mix' sounds like the name of a dog biscuit.

bix mix skitz

Meanwhile the other team have fucked up by making biscuits that taste like drywall.

everykid biscuit treats

incredible - jim's pitch in which he promised to reboot the harry potter franchise as a promotional tool

what a promotional tool

clean up required on aisle Tom

Bob Mortimer on You're Fired! You wouldn't let it lie! You wouldn't. let. it. lie!

Zoe channeling Pam Ann on Yer Fiyud right now.

Ugh. I am so sick of Melody and her excuses, her childish behavior and her long list of "awards" that make her into the awesome person she claims to be.

Shame Zoe had to go, because it was about damn time she stood up to Melody and Susan. I almost started to like her.

And I think I have a crush on Helen <3

I have a feeling that they're saving Melody for the interview week, so they can unravel all her BS.

Zoe's really flat lifeless voice bothered me more than it should do.

just watching this now.

you snap and share and someone gets all the chocolate and the other person gets none? how many arguments will that cause?

What's the interview week?

Week after next? It's usually five candidates in and two get fired. We still have six left.

Ohhh right! This is the first season I'm watching, so, n00b here, ta

nice to see zoe has landed an air hostess job since leaving.

More like Bitch Mix amirite.

Quite liked Jim's imaginary ad campaign because it highlights the thing that drives me mad, that they never clarify - how much they could actually spend. Why not make a caviar truffle biscuit with a free Mercedes in every pack? (Noticed the Star ones were giving away a free badge).

Once again Melody got away scott-free with pushing her stupid idea when it was over, wilfully ignoring the focus group, and pushing that ridiculous role play.
otoh, I could probably watch Helen pitch all day.

btw do they have music from the Home Alone soundtrack every series or was this a special treat?

don't get the helen love

when called out in the boardroom on the ridiculous impractical expense of his proposed ad campaign jim said "I stand by that"

Well, he's right in highlighting that it's all "play acting", and that nothing had been suggested regarding promotion even though a buyer is going to need to know...

(I did get the impression that AlSug srsly thought about making and supplying the damn biscuits for real for that kind of bunce)

Quote of the day: (paraphrasing, soz)

"It don't matter if the packaging and promotion is all wonderful, if what's inside is a load of crap" AlSug

Oh Reeeealy? ORLY!! (where's that owlpic?)

Melody was safe the minute Nick reported the buyers liked the "snap'n'share" idea. Sadly. She was the only person who managed any sort of a positive on that team.

Interesting that Sugar was clearly amused rather than annoyed by Jim promising the earth in his pitch. After all, why not? It was only a single pitch with no follow-through – it's all about the short term, and in the short term he got 800,000 orders.

Also seemed amused by the 'play-acting' pitch. Again, possibly because, at the end of the day, it worked.

After disliking Zoe every week, I was actually annoyed that she got fired instead of Melody. At least Zoe was generally willing to own up to her mistakes. Melody is awful. "Just because 10 people in Swansea said it was a good idea doesn't mean it is!" vs "The market research I took from interviewing four Parisians on the metro told me that people in France don't drive cars!" :/

I warmed to Zoe in this ep (being nice to Susan for once, aww) and esp on YF. I think being on the show maybe didn't bring out the best in her... whereas Melody is prb an insufferable arrogant twat IRL and on screen.

Is there some kind of copyright protection for the ideas created on this show?

Nope, off you go with the Catsize!

"seethe hair shite"

So, apologies if is this a thick/oft-asked question, but I still can't get a handle on the parameters of artifice of this show. Has Asda actually ordered any Special Stars biscuits?

Just watched, having been out of the country all week. Melody completely insufferable once more, and salsa shark OTM about her selective memory wrt the power of the focus group.

What I really hated was Lord Sugar's tack in the boardroom of telling Zoe what he thought she was like then shaking his head going 'la la not listening' when she tried to give her side of things. It's really fucking rude and hateful and I wouldn't want to work with someone that did that (I have done, actually, and I quit sharpish).

Also seemed amused by the 'play-acting' pitch. Again, possibly because, at the end of the day, it worked.

Yes, the orders came flying in off the back of it. It was just...bizarre.

btw do they have music from the Home Alone soundtrack every series or was this a special treat?

Just this series I think, never noticed it before. Bit of a weird one, all the other music's original BBC/Apprentice stuff isn't it?

The Special Stars logo reminded me of Milky Way Magic Stars, surprised they got away with that.

Apart from the main theme obv.

When the "What AlSug and the contestants really think of (the latest person to be fired)" bit on You're Fired comes on, I start singing 2 Unlimited 'No Limit'.

I'm sure I somehow/somewhere saw a list of the track names they play on the Apprentice (like that glockenspiel 'no limits') and they're called things like "Something's going to happen"
I need to check whether I dreamt this or not...

Oh, they use all sorts of overmusic.

Was shocked (in the sense of "whoa?") one time a couple of years ago when they used "Marquee Moon".

^ Yeah! I remember that, so weird.

Pile it high, sell it cheap for as much as possible.

Seven pounds fifty for a fucking nodding dog??????

Looks like Melody's going, which is a pity as I'd wanted to see her go through the interview stage.

Melody will survive. She's a cockroach.

Tom looking the weakest of the three by a big margin.

AlSug is actually right, on paper TOm is the strongest candidate, in practice he's been one of the most ineffectual.

Booooo! I wanted Melody to face bald Claude and Viglen meerkat next week.

Glad to be wrong, even though a Melody interview episode would have been good.

For a second there I thought Melody said "you little cow" instead of "Nick and Karen", and I thought it was all going to kick off.

no interview stage?!?!?!

or maybe they're saving it for later...

No interview next week? What's this, 'Hell's Kitchen' crossover?

xp this Ruby Wax vs Melody YF could make up for it though

I still have no idea what Melody does for a job, but I suspect that it involves "taking credit for other people's work".

Oh and Melody is showing the least personality change from task footage to YF interview, like Syed from the first series.

I can't believe Natasha is still in this. Kind of wonder if alsug's sudden £100 fine was an attempt to force that team into losing so he could finally get rid of her...

haha

herahussain Hera Hussain
by InspirEngage
#bbcapprentice Why do people find #socialenterprise so hard to understand? Melodys @InspirEngage seems simple enough to understand

next week: Jim, Natasha, and Suzy vs Tom and Helen. Even with only two people, I'd still bet on the latter.

Oh yeah, Natasha or Susan is going next week. Susan started off dire ("I don't know why no-one's home!" uhm working hours?) but surprisingly got overtaking by stupidity and unsuitability by Natasha. God, she looked depressed this episode. Pale white skin, bags under her eyes. She made so many bad decisions it was almost like she was a mole.

How come Susan didn't get pulled up more on the bangles? Was it really ok to deviate from the set of goods provided?

Well, there was no reason not to, but they never really said if it was a 'master-stroke', a 'total flop' or totally against the rules or not.

A bit pointless showing it, really.

Still none the wiser as to what Melody actually does. "Social entrepreneur" just sounds weird and creepy to me. Jumped off the sofa with delight when she was fired.

Jim confused me by not being sinister this week. Also OTM. Strip away Natasha's layers of bluff and bullshit and there's nothing left. Also, she says "yourself" when she means "you", which is unforgivable.

You're Fired way too nice to her. Thought they might have delved into the Dalai Lama/Desmond Tutu thing a bit.

Why, yeah, is, like, yeah, Natasha, yeah, still there, yeah? Back to calling Jim for the win.

Also thought Jim should have got to do the reward alone for being quite good and not trying to flog cheap duvets to empty households in the most affluent area in the country and not being Natasha.

I got the impression over the past few episodes that Alan's been itching to fire Natasha. Docking £100 didn't work so he took away their treat (loved that, btw). The fine was another weird rule thing that we weren't privy to - Jim mentioned a fine during the task as well. Which would affect their strategies, no?

Natasha and her management process and everything she says is David Brent. Even the way she sits, everything. She'd probably become best pals with the interview guys (we're also baffled, where has that gone?)

Alan's doing that irritating thing of getting hung up on one 'characteristic' for everyone that's way off (I mean, it wouldn't be The Apprentice otherwise, but still...). Tom's been lumbered with the 'makes good comments in hindsight' when he's actually given all his nuggets of wisdom at the start, and spelled it out pretty clearly.

... and was that the Inception music this week?

lol from the Guardian comments: "Tom's face after those sales is like a boy whose realised his Dad had let go of the bike but he's still going"

Yes it was. xpost.

@Kinder, Alan's bugging me as well with that whole "Tom from day one you've been nodding and whispering, inventing bla bla". But Tom himself hardly brings up being an inventor! It's Alan that keeps perpetuating that, not Tom. Highly annoying.

Oh and don't forget: tonight an extra episode with interviews!

Yeah, it's 'profile' interviews, not the "interview stage"..

Which means, thank god Melody went, it'd be a continuous "I'm great, me" with added world leaders and religious masters added.

I'm sure she said something about having founded something that sounded like the united Nations at the final "don't fire me" speechy.

Yeah if I recall correctly she said she founded "the best democratic body/organisation in the world"

> Jim mentioned a fine during the task as well.

i think Jim thought there was going to be a fine for unsold stock, like they do on other tasks. but i thought the instructions at the beginning were quite clear that they'd be counted towards rather than against.

and i thought he was quite PA again this week, was one question which he phrased to lay the blame on the other person. but i don't remember details.

In the boardroom AlSug told the 'winning' team that they hadn't understood that unsold stock was still an asset and counted towards their total.

the instructions at the beginning were quite clear

I think that during the warehouse briefing, AlSug even said "unsold stock will be counted as an asset". Couldn't really be clearer than that.

Totally Clear. If nobody heard that and went "ooh, that's different!" then they deserved no treat.

The £100 fine flung at Natasha's team was completely at random, wasn't it (perhaps because Jim had anticipated one, he decided to give them one). Agree it was just an excuse to fire someone, but I reckon he'd have fired Jim.

I think fining for failing to grasp what a task is about is a dangerous precedent, given the gross stupidity on display throughout Apprentice history.

You're Fired way too nice to her.

To be fair there was soneobne even worse than Melody on the show, Ruby Wax, that didn't help

Soneobne? Now that's what I call a misspelling!!!

Yeah if I recall correctly she said she founded "the best democratic body/organisation in the world"

Going by Melody's linkedin profile, she was referring the UK Youth Parliament with this, probably?

And I would guess that Susan wasn't criticised for the bracelets because she actually managed to sell most of them. I do like her a lot, and I'm glad/surprised she's made it this far. Doubt she'll get to the end of the process though.

What is there to really like about Susan? Serious question. She's so airy-fairy and naive. The "do people drive cars in France" and it's equivalent in almost every episode.

I did like how enthusiastic she was selling stuff on the street, I'll give you that

Haha I just think people underestimate her. I mean she does have her own business at her age after all and yeah she does ask stupid questions at times, but she's also had some decent input/ideas. I think if she were to do this Apprentice thing in another 5 years she might be a more serious and strong contender. I guess I also like her because she doesn't seem to have been completely ground down and twatterised by working in business like so many others on this show. Susan would prb actually be fun/pleasant IRL.

Yeah, you're making a stronger case than I expected :-) Especially her not having been ruined by corporatism yet, that's quite charming. I do agree that she'd probably do way better in five years. Live and learn etc.

Plus she fell asleep in the car, which was hilarious and cute n stuff.

HATE NATASHA

Who Likes her?

(I'm meaning: of the other contestants)

No-one I think. Like I said, it's like she's deliberately trying to screw it up. Really strange, yesterday.

I loved it when Helen, at the end last night, said "Tom has been a bit naughty in the boardroom, so I'm still in the process of forgiving him."

<3

Oh yeah, I understood that they should have spent money on stock, that much was totally clear from the instructions. What I meant was, most of the time the teams seem to have far more detailed instructions than we hear (specific figures, usually; or big folders of info that they have to pick ideas from) and you occasionally get a glimpse of it in their discussions. I thought this might have been what happened here due to Jim being quite OTM about needing to re-invest, but specifically mentioning a fine as well - seems odd that he'd imagine that (particularly when a fine did then happen). So we're all shouting at the telly wondering what possible reason there'd be for NOT buying more stock (still not understanding how this could have NOT been simply communicated to Natasha) when actually the ins and outs of the task might have been more complicated than presented to the audience.

Well, Helen was all for having a 'strategy' and suggesting hers, but at a price: That *she* becomes Project Manager.

Finally just watched last night's ...
Melody: "I set up the world's largest democratic organisation."
YOU WHAT????? Me, wife and 10yo daughter all cheered when she got booted out. She is SATAN.

now now Trudi Styler, the Creator what melody actually said was I set up one of the most successful democratic bodies in the world

Apparently helped set up UK Youth Parliament?

is there any reason to watch the profile episode?

yes

now sympathetic to dozy ineffective susan and bolshy twat natasha hate jim more than ever tom's nice forgotten who the othe oh helen yeah she seems nice but a bit nothing but the prog makes her seem nice too if a bit nothing

I find the final five programme interesting, if you were interveiwing these people for a job, you'd never know about about their backgrounds or personal life, and if they offered that information you wouldn't see the relevance. In fact, it I would think that they were manipulatig the process with a sob story. Recruitment for a role ought to be based on skills and competencies. Equal opportunities blah blah blah. Interesting to watch, but it encourages the viewer to think of the process as a popularity contest. This is not a criticism, but just an observation. I want Susan to win now, because she deserves it!

They want you to want Susan to win now, because they have shown you that she had a hard life :-)

I agree Capt. Rosie. This is my first series of the Apprentice and up till now I was pleasantly surprised at how much it actually focusses on what the show is about, cutting out all too obvious emo shit. I still liked seeing the interviews to get a sense of background, I suppose, but it didn't really change my view of any of the candidates. Gladly.

*How* posh was Tom's mum?

> is there any reason to watch the profile episode?

i was wondering this and the pvr taped it anyway so i figured i'd flick through it. bits i saw were interesting enough for me to want to go back and watch it all tonight.

cutting out all too obvious emo shit yeah like zoe had cancer twice

Cheap shot Conrad, I didn't mean that at all.

Plus, didn't that only come up in that program after she was fired?

I don't even know what you are trying to say or trying to pin on me here.

It's not a phone-in vote, so the 'sob story' does not figure.

Asamoah Nyan I wasn't taking a shot! I was surprised when that was mentioned on fired prog and that it hadn't been mentioned at all before

lol from leon's wikipedia entry:

Leon is a 26 year old University of Huddersfield graduate who lives in Leeds and founded the business 'The Master Menu' and definitely has a girlfriend.

It's the new one:

"I definitely has a girlfriend"

And Susan's entry:

Despite her second name sounding like the call of a baby lamb, she has been described by Nick Hewer as "a little force to be reckoned with".

http://i649.photobucket.com/albums/uu216/le_bateau_ivre/maracas.jpg

Ok people, who of you ilxors is Jim? Fess up!

Put a hat on the cactus, yeah right.

Sugar's got a degree in First aid??

Jim is a Dark Sith Lord but Natasha needs to go.

"I didn't want to get my hands dirty, I preferred to be a manager (and boss people about)" sums up the majority of Apprentice candidates ever.

Natasha's YF is just a whole long list of excuses - and surprisingly Dara is pushing it instead of doing the usual 'soft' interview.

"Didn't Columbus discover the potato in America?" - unorthodox mnemonic for remembering trig functions?

Pie restaurant should have been called Pi with all dishes priced £3.14 (with due respect to whoever on Twitter I just nicked that from)

Apostrophe abuse all over this thing. Caraca's, nacho's... I despair of these people who all earn about a squillion pounds more than me, who are all so completely fucking thick. Also, fuck's sake, 60 x £7 = £4,800?

Cannot believe Natasha got this far. In life, let alone this show.

"Jim, who do you blame for the failure of this task?"

"100% Natasha"

"I take that as a compliment"

caraca's is fine since it's a mexican-sounding name they made up

byron as shakespearean vegetarian and william drake abdicating potato dicovery to the famous briton christopher columbus all great tho

now now ailsa the question jim was actually answering was "who do you think should go?" not that that makes natasha's response any less inane [just watching this now]

natasha's a twat but jim's an arsehole a MASSIVE ARSEHOLE

BRING ON THE INTERVIEWS

Ah, was a bit bleary watching after getting home from pub, was misremembering. But, really, "I take that as a compliment?". She's just mad. I did love when she tried to go all business-speak, it just sounded so WRONG, like she was trying convoluted ways of speaking for the very first time. She sort of sounded like she'd been babelfished. Did she really say "I've come out with my indignity intact" or similar in the back of the taxi?

Also, ffs, "unashamably" (I know that was Tom).

Props to Ed Byrne for bringing up the Scottish meaning of "pie" on You're Fired, as that had been gently amusing us all the way through.

Didn't someone suggest "Mott" for the name of the biscuits one time, or am I just making that up?

Natasha's "I take that as a compliment" I guess was meant to be "Coming from you, that's a compliment" in response to Jim saying "Natasha had her own idea of how this task was meant to go"

But Jim didn't say that, so she blurted it when it looked like he was going to.

Also, it seemed her and Sue had sort of agreed not to slag each other off in the boardroom and let Jim hang himself. Which nearly worked.

I do love how peppers don't suggest Mexico, but the capital of Venezuela - with an added apostrophe - does.

Where were the restaurants, btw? Figured we were meant to think one was under Centrepoint, but then again we're meant to think Sugar HQ is in Canary Wharf.

Tom's really ramping up the mad-inventor-manic-scientist/visionary poses, isn't he?

Yeah that was all too obvious, I though. A pact to put the blame on Jim. I didn't think it was a good look tbh.

From the four remaining I think Susan stands the least change to win it. Too airy-fairy, "rubbing people of the wrong way", come back in five years. Surprised by how Al Sug seems to have warmed up to Jim. He is charmed by Tom, too, I think. But really, it's Helen's for the taking isn't it?

xp

Where were the restaurants, btw? Figured we were meant to think one was under Centrepoint, but then again we're meant to think Sugar HQ is in Canary Wharf.

http://www.centralsaintgiles.com/home.php yep, near Centre Point. Don't know what sort of food outlets there are irl.

Sofra, Zizzi, bunch of mini-chaining crap AFAIK - it's about 10 minutes' walk from my door. Mini-pies would be a godsend around there. One would, of course, be better off with the £6 lunch specials at the Centre Point Koreans around the corner.

Susan is so astoundingly stupid about anything outside her I STARTED A BUSINESS tunnel-vision I am surprised she can work a flush toilet; they should have done a quality Chinese take-away because, duh, one of the team might have been able to serve as an expert. Also, that team's corporate branding was full of apostrophe catastrophes so immediate forfeit to the winners. I can't fathom why the Yer Fiyud pundits want her to win.

Because of awwwwww

The ignorance of all the contestants last night - even lovely Tom, the official Clever One - was appalling. Stuff like the capital of Venezuela and the nationality of Columbus isn't exactly postgrad stuff. But Susan's ignorance ("Do the French like children?") is in a whole different league. She also drives every woman she works with absolutely nuts.

To say nothing of the soldiers marching "Are they gonna keep walking down the middle of the road?"

No, in a minute they cross the road and march down the pavement...

I don't really expect business types to be intelligent but...

Yeah but it's OK to be mithered by Susan when that woman is Natasha, yeah?

^^^Bleating about an 'honours degree' in 'hospitality' from the University of Hollyoaks was the cherry on the top of that particular sundae.

Helen was a bit haughty and diva-ish in the boardroom, I think it's starting to show now how much better she realises she is than everyone else (except when it comes to running a tat-hawking business). It could almost be construed as smug, she was certainly exuding an air of superiority that I hadn't seen (or hadn't noticed) before.

It was the snide "that would be nice" when LordSug asked her to speak (when not having invited her opinion prior to that) that made me go grrrr. Also Tom having to virtually beg to be allowed to do anything (which she then took credit for delegating to him), it's all a bit sneaky and I think her perfect veneer is cracking, just a little.

Susan is REALLY fucking annoying, btw.

My opinion fwiw;
Susan is so naive it's excruciating. Full credit on her acheivements so far but her communication skills are poor, she would find it difficult to get on in most working environments. It's like she's 16 or something.
Helen is pretty ruthless and very self assured. I'm interested to see her business proposal as she doesn't seem to sought any business start-ups previously. She also lacks any sort of compassion but maybe this is her in competition full-flight mode.
Jim is a typical 'sell his own granny' salesman. There are millions like him, you couldn't trust him an inch and this is PAINFULLY obvious. He would be a complete yes-man to the boss and hide all failures - a business nightmare.
Tom has some neat rudimentary business skills and a nice line in posh charm but it seems to me that he just hasn't had much competition.

I think Jim would have done well in previous series, when they were looking for a sales monkey rather than a start-up guy. It seems so obvious that Susan and Tom are proven entrepreneurs and should be the final two standing, but I basically have no idea what the hell is going on any more. The tasks really haven't been able to focus on whatever it is they are ultimately going to be doing. What if, say, Gavin or Zoe had come up with the best business plan in the world but were put out for not being a good salesperson or negotiator or biscuit designer or French speaker (when the business might not even involve selling or biscuits, or might have factored in the cost of employing a Jim or a biscuit designer or a translator for the move to the international market)?

Every year I say I'm not going to watch it but I end tuning in after a couple of episodes. The way I see it is that the producers want 'characters', 'tension' and a 'story line'. The editing provides a platform for this, as do the nature of the tasks which are mostly fairly subjective as to their measurement of success (and failure). The tasks are very unrealistic as is the setting. The ability to work in a team, accept responsibility including failures and adapting to them is crucial in business but not assessed here at all. They are too busy scheming and setting each other up. Hence the "DID YOU ASK ME TO DO THAT? AM I CLEAR?" when it is suggested by a PM that they do a task and think it might fail. Maybe I'm just cynical!

"The tasks really haven't been able to focus on whatever it is they are ultimately going to be doing."

Nail on head. The programme has been going along hoping that viewers won't twig this (or it just doesn't care). I think the newly limited relevance of the tasks started to become apparent once it was clear that there had to be some good reasons (of which we'd learn later) for Tom not being fired.

Heads up: the final is tonight, not Wednesday!

Starting 9PM, two hours long.

That includes a You're Fired, btw

Part of that is the You're Fired interviews with them all + Lord Sugar, plus presumably some review of the series stuff.

xpost

Whoah Nate, I would've totally tuned in on Wednesday! o_O

Thanks!!

My prediction:

Helen goes first. She's never had a 'proper' job in AlSug's eyes and is 'only' a PA. The wheels have come off her performance hard in the past couple of weeks and I have no idea what she could be looking for investment in.

Jedi Jim goes next. A different year could have seen him win, Lee McQueen style, but that's not what the competition is this year.

Which leaves us with Tom and Susan. Both have businesses that are investable in, and both have ideas (even if they struggle to explain them). The biggest differentiator is that she's much less likely to stand up for herself, and much easier to blame when it all goes wrong...

which makes her the obvious choice for a corporate bully like AlSug. Easy to take the glory if it goes right, easy to slope blame when it goes wrong. This us the man who thought the E-Mailer was a good idea, remember.

Ohhh predictions!

First to go: Susan. Too airy-fairy, didn't do too well the whole series, rubs people up the wrong way.

Second to go: Jim. Charming and a good salesman, but also passive-aggressive and not particularly on good terms with AlSug I think.

Leaves us with Helen and Tom.
Helen never had a business of her own, but why not start her first business with AlSug? Her track record is impeccable, she's professional and made some record sales. Only one time she really screwed up (going to stores to ask if they could become their suppliers), otherwise: bright, tough, instinct, charm, grace.
Tom is extremely likable, no matter how many times AlSug has told him not to nod his head, not to say it's a learning process etc etc. I think he does really like Tom, and he comes up with truly original ideas. But ultimately he is more of an inventor/mad professor than a tough business man.

Helen for the win.

I think, Jim will be outed as the worlds biggest bullshitter, Helen to follow for being flaky, Tom will get far and they'll milk it for a good 15 minutes but ultimately Susan will win.

It does depend on what their business plans are though, I can't wait to see them!

thanks for the heads-up! had no idea, really looking forward to spending my sunday night watching this.

Tom to win, which makes a bit of a mockery of the format but who cares, it's been a very entertaining series.

See, I think the opposite. They've maybe been a bigger shower of arseholes than any other series.

INTERVIEW-A-THON COMMENCE!!!

Gin and zoot at the ready....

Helen's business plan is "a new idea and a bit risky" = not for AlSug.

There's a Star Trek 'red team' joke around Tom's jumper there.

Tom looks a bit like David Tennant.
Jim looks like someone I've met before who was a super dodgy character.

Susan: 100% organic beauty product
http://thecampusthrone.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/fight-club.jpg

No, Tom looks like Michael Sheen.

Tom's business idea: some kind of chair?!

I hate all of them.

Helen's business idea: a temp agency?

Yeah, for things you think are beneath you.

As somebody who's done temp work, that's pretty much what most people who hire temps use them for.

My NHS dentists sends exactly that sort of reminder.

Service for lazy bastards, Helens idea is shit.

Actually Helen's idea sounds a bit like the premise for The Goodies: "We Do Anything, Anywhere, Anytime"

Susan appears to have something which at least looks like a viable model.

Helen's idea is shit and is covered by quintissentially.com and texts from every fucking service ever.

Tom prediction upthread withdrawn unreservedly, he's really struggling here! that chair is not what they are looking for at all

Helen's idea is amazingly thin.

Susie's is completely predictable and will probably win.

can't guess what Jim's is gonna be.

Think Susan's business plan is the most viable.

Jim: e-learning - he is so full of shit.

So Jim has discussed his idea with nobody.

"I'm not surprised you have a very nice wife."

God, Jim is full of it. E-Learning? www.stupididea.com

www.boatalreadysailed.com

www.bestofabadlot.com

Sticking with my prediction, although Jim and Helen are swappable.

AlSug: "I don't care about the welfare of my staff."

bye Jim

If AlSug could see through the BS for so long, why did he not fire Jim earlier? Oh right, it makes good telly.

bye Susan

Woah, two worthless ideas he hates in the last two.

he could of course decline to go into business with anyone.

This is the guy that OK'd the idea of the double decker video recorder.

Ha Ha Ha!

Oh, a brand new pitch.

WTF Susan can change her idea right at the last minute?!

Other half calling Helen to get a job running Tom's business.

Quality input from Tom there.

YAY

Worst YF panel ever.

lol, michael macintyre

NO FUCKING WAY

No-one LOLs at Macintyre.

sorry joel just told me who won

B=b-but everyone else was even more shit!

So betting Helen gets a job running Tom's company. Her fate left hanging at the end of the prog...

xp
Susan: make some soap!
Jim: e-learning BS!
Helen: Rentaghost/Goodies, then changed to... a bakery!
Tom: a chair!

McIntyre presumably there to engage in some kind of nod-off with Tom to see whose head falls off first.

Susan's been chatting to her accountant prior to this appearance...

nom just explained that Tom was the least worst

All four business pitches were dire... ab-so-lu-tely dire... jeez.

Predicted Helen & Tom lasting it out, Tom deserved to win in the end. Couldn't ever see AlSug going into a "help you wiff yer appointments n stuff"-business. Tom will bring him ideas, at least.

well I was wrong about Tom winning, but it seemed like they had every intention of dumping his business plan.

Well, Tom's was the only one that had any kind of credibility left.

My wife, who knows, was citing chapter and verse in reaction to AlSug's "I don't care about absenteeism and the chairs my employees sit on" as that's exactly what the point of the 'safety at work' act states: Review of seating in offices is mandatory. Of course, the kind of mandatory that tends to get ignored, but still you are not supposed to broadcast on TV that you have 'no interest' in it.

Which means, all of Tom's Business plan had credibility.

Susans also, but proved to be too expensive. Although AlSug was very "I'll keep in touch with her" meaning next week I reckons.

^^^That's like a less offensive version of the whole not wanting to hire women because they might, shock horror, get PREGNANT controversy...

Yeah, Alan Sugar's wholesale dismissal of the concept of a duty of care towards his employees was kind of stunning.

On reflection, this really has been a dreadful series. No direction, no aiming towards the big prize, and some truly stupid contestants.

On reflection, this really has been a dreadful grebt series. No direction, no aiming towards the big prize, and some truly stupid contestants.

Fixed ;)

I didn't see the final, but I really felt like this year's was the BBC's attempt to stop being so gloomy about the recession and put a positive spin on things. Look, you can make money out of anything if you're prepared to do some hard graft! Even You're Fired had semi-proper interviews with business people, all with the same positive message. It all felt very much like a show with an agenda.

Which was miles better...

In fact, AlSug admitting as much because:

1) Giving the winner a highly paid job "managing a company that recycles old computers" was not going to hold much attraction to some brightyoungthing that suddenly has a TV image to exploit (cf: the Badger 'brand' and the 'Brand' brand (even if Stuart Brand is this programme's Jedward in that respect)

2) um...

Oh yeah:

2) Beacuse having the winner do something that was their idea is always going to keep their interest much longer.

Yeah yeah, I get all that, but having them do the same pishy "flog shit in France with no recourse to research materials or understanding of international business"/"market something you have no concept of"/"do a scavenger hunt" tasks was even less relevant than usual.

Then again, if it was just "punt your business idea to me" (which was all that ultimately mattered in the end), then you're basically just remaking Dragon's Den.

Abs.