itt blogs instruct you how to be a man

defend the indefensible, if you dare.

http://therulesofagentleman.tumblr.com/

http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com/

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm96k2nGuU1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

i mean

No. 214 : "Do not touch the hiney unless you have earned her trust"

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm96o9GSWP1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

"rape discourse is very much alive."

Like someone mentioned in another thread yesterday, I wish there were glasses that would allow me to see the people in real life that post this kind of shit so I could avoid them completely.

xp: I see how that translates to rape discourse, but I think the intent was for things like opening doors and pulling out chairs (unless sex is now officially a "small thing")

wondering where this stuff fits in with the bizarre constellation of PUA artistry, "men's rights" advocacy, and reader's digest coffee table books.

DJP - I think it was more just a snarky commentary on the use of the phrase, "she's really looking for it".

This one's a podcast, not a blog, and it's actually mostly good.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltcg3L9TV1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

"bad advice"

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llee4ffcZ01qj29d6o1_500.jpg

i mean how is this not utterly horrible, like some yawning chasm of possessiveness & jealousy beneath a thin screen of romantic sentiment.

"how to be a colossal creep and repel women"

Guys I gotta run, some dude at my wife's work just cracked a joke that made her smile. I have to go shoot him, iirc.

you must not love her, if you even let that happen.

I am not a real gentleman I guess.

a man's biggest mistake

Some of these things have 8,000 odd comments underneath!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkuxehTxHr1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Erm...

okay I really thought this was all massive overreaction until those last two

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk9mk1B66s1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

^^^ Clearly whoever wrote this has never been in a black taxi in London.

15,000 comments underneath that one.

The Art Of Manliness is aight when the topics are practical things like how to trim your mustache or how to make jerky or how to tie a tie; obnoxious when it editorializes about the pussification of the American male. overall it comes across as the Boy Scout handbook for self-conscious men's rights activists who wish they'd been born in 1880.

ALWAYS SAVE SOME TURKEY FOR HER

these have to be some sort of joke right, love?

I think that 175 can work for some guys. Depends on how it's said and by whom imo. The suggestion that it'll make "her melt everytime" is lol though. The rest of these are just ridiculous.

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llrdobGYLc1qj29d6o1_r1_500.jpg

not sure "apathy" is the right word.

-xpost-

Well, that's how they come across to me (as a joek). Not looked at the blog.

Although I do remember that guy chatting up girls in the bakery…

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj4bmNQYL1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

what if you like girls that swear??

xpost "I should really be writing you passive-aggressive emails right now, but pffff...."

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj32oOhtP1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

first rule of fight club is never talk about fight club

http://img848.imageshack.us/img848/7974/tumblrljl0htdvwk1qj29d6.jpg

out of context, a lot of these read as practical advice for the parents of 3-year-old girls.

Yeah I think this all has to be a not very funny joke.

lol bedtime story

djp i really don't have a problem with promoting courtesy, respect, civility, discretion, & other 'gentlemanly' virtues, whatever, but a lot of this 'advice' is just weighed down with so much gender insecurity and total cluelessness.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llht3w8xz21qj29d6o1_500.jpg

strangely hurt and jilted tone to this one.

No.200 - now I know this is a joke. "I love how he only fights with me when nobody's watching. It makes me feel special".

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llbjugEajG1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

wasn't this a rick astley b-side??

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llht3w8xz21qj29d6o1_500.jpg

IDIOT. ARE YOU GETTING THIS, IDIOT? OMG WHAT AN IDIOT.

lol xp

Elmo that's why I think that the author is being facetious. It's just too ridiculous.

if this is a joke it's actually hilarious

but it isn't a joke.

That last one Local Garda posted is so so creepy.

i can assure you that no matter the intent, this shit gets reblogged in total sincerity. i can't go on tumblr to look at menswear blogs without one of these bits of fucked up advice popping up on my dashboard.

no. 200: "let her know there's a private world that you and her share that is chock-full of acrimony and bitterness"

djp i really don't have a problem with promoting courtesy, respect, civility, discretion, & other 'gentlemanly' virtues, whatever, but a lot of this 'advice' is just weighed down with so much gender insecurity and total cluelessness.

All I'm saying is that the tone you were seeing in the initial ones you posted seemed like they were reaching for the worst possible interpretation; out of context from some of the later ones, I don't think they are terrible pieces of advice, but taken as a whole I totally agree with you.

http://img2.wantitall.co.za/images/ShowImage.aspx?ImageId=Family-Guy-Diamonds-Sticker-S-FG-0054|31wmBnQcB0L.jpg

http://www.crazymadwriter.com/Images/crazy%20eyes.jpg

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll2on5oLch1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljzur7fWyc1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Advice from a jaded bitter dude there.

I think Noel G and Scholesy need to submit a few entries.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll2okcnVuy1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

finally the way my ex used to bite her lip during non-commital discussions of the future explained

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljqerv4i6B1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

!!!!!

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljyl466UB51qj29d6o1_500.jpg

braggin'

#74 actually works, btw

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkpmnbXjlf1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

let's face it

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljkzxilan01qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Go on. Be that guy.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljxtvj5Py91qj29d6o1_500.jpg

author obv think all women are incapable of recognising good music from bad

hahahahahahahahahahaha oh I would love to see someone terrible at music try #134 on ANY of my musical friends

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk9ot3WjoC1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

if you imagine these as written by a paedophile many make a more sinister form of sense.

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj385YA5V1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/7514/340xandyplatesrantflv.jpg

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk5t36czyz1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

"i've just been to the doctors, it's extremely bad ne"

"SHUT UP DARLING!"

i can assure you that no matter the intent, this shit gets reblogged in total sincerity. i can't go on tumblr to look at menswear blogs without one of these bits of fucked up advice popping up on my dashboard.

― burberry kush (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:11 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark

OK if that's true than that's completely fucked up.

"Write a song for her. Even if it's shit you'll be kneee deep in clunge"

braggin'

― blueski, Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:14 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

LOL

CLUNGE!?

ewwwwww

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljlam6uGoq1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Not quite sure what this one means in all honesty.

x-post I think that only gash might be worse euphemism.

Yeah, 34. What does it even mean?

If a girl admits that she likes _____, know that it took every ounce of courage in her to say that.

haha dan i was kinda o_0 at the gentlemanly wisdom of "if you give her sperm she'll give you a baby" i mean

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk7100rtQJ1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

Str8 rapey this one.

http://beerinnprint.co.uk/images/products/large/1711.gif

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljs613eoGi1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

submitted by Garu G

This must be a guerilla viral for the new Inbetweeners series, surely?

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljwjk5cWwe1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

my mind is blown dude. rewriting the rulebook!

#34 is "it's about the personality"

haha dan i was kinda o_0 at the gentlemanly wisdom of "if you give her sperm she'll give you a baby" i mean

well obv that is ridiculous and not necessarily true, but that's not really the important part of the advice, which is "don't be a dick to her"

http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/11/365-days-307---.html

are there any actually non-crazy bits of advice here?

a couple but not many

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljqpa5EyFV1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

She will be aroused by the increased chance of you being attacked or run over.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljuysncTdv1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

ahahahahahahahahaha

78 is strange

"Never aggressively roar at her to question whether she should be living in your town"

hmmm...weird, anyone shed any light??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTKi6V6qCBk

the good grammer one is sort of odd coming from someone who is responsible for the sentence "boobs or butts doesn't matter". also "bro's"

grammer, yes

we have noticed a few people sending in messages regarding the similarity between

http://therulesofagentleman.tumblr.com/

&

http://etiquetteforagentleman.tumblr.com/

For all we know, we started this blog before them and theirs was made recently

For all we know!

78 is strange

"Never aggressively roar at her to question whether she should be living in your town"

hmmm...weird, anyone shed any light??

― MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE LIVING HERE!! (Local Garda), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:24 AM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

OMG

I died.

eh dan i kinda read that first piece of advice as more "if you call her out on anything she will transform into a wretched nagging harpy."

^^^ like my wife

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljog84MgVD1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

otm that cold sore won't heal itself!

OMG

I died.

was going to post it on your wall in case you missed it, hahaha...

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm96o9GSWP1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

no to chivalry means yes to chivalry

hey they got rules for the laydeeeeez too

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llqu13rQhn1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

gosh that's a long word

Are we already running out of lol material at this blog?

Okay why is #79 objectionable? Do you think your SO should be the first one to get hit if a car jumps the curb?

eh dan i kinda read that first piece of advice as more "if you call her out on anything she will transform into a wretched nagging harpy."

That is exactly what I meant re: the worst possible interpretation.

hey honey aren't your boobs sore.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljog78bGAr1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

uh

ah come on dan all these things are so trite, no more than if you had a blog with "look before your leap" and "a stitch in time saves nine" etc etc on it

omg that rule for a lady

I don't have any interest in defending this shit beyond pointing and laughing at the ones that are actually ridiculous

doing our part for gender hegemony, one tumblr post at a time

"Write a song for her. Even if it's shit you'll be kneee deep in clunge"

The origin of Paul McCartney's 'Frog Chorus' explained...

where's the lady blog? gonna fwd it to a select bunch

what grown woman has a stuffed animal.

http://therulesofladies.tumblr.com/

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm57rxcZ0Q1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

wtf...paolo abdul said this, not paula coelho!

She should have three things from you. A pretty shirt, a sweaty animal, and a stuffed ring.

a wet t-shirt, sweaty balls and a cock ring.

a knife, a gun, and a horse

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj5rtWo6q1qjnt7yo1_r1_500.jpg

truth bomb finally

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llsbtidfww1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

lovely poetic ring to this one

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk9oshKGp91qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

the people submitting these are a trip

http://hesmyheartpainter.tumblr.com/
http://shesmyheartpainter.tumblr.com/

Do the gents and ladies sets match up? Does #81 for the guys say "You gots to get out there with a metal detector and find that treasure yourself. Idiot."?

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lltdf0LPG01qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

if she can do the first part and survive at all i'll be impressed

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkbd2h89fc1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

Jesus Christ.

think it was woody allen who once quipped "when going out with a man it is important to ensure mutual respect between both parties. after a number of years of seeing each other this will generally lead to a better and healthier relationship."

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm57l1cJV71qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

girls are s0 cRaZy

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk45dvsod51qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

"if you can taste blood, you're doing it wrong"

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llau49Jc2b1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

setting the bar high

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvmyTZEqlo8

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll4k33lUlK1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

this one is just like a snippet of a banal conversation.

really want to mock up some like "if you are at the supermarket, can you buy me some scallions"

My girlfriend is a member of a book club where they only read these terrible self-help dating advice books that read like they hail from a time before feminism. I should post a few choice quotes when I remember.

OMG the lady ones are so much worse.

Mad that I have some actual work I need to be doing right now.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lk5g76QdIg1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

i.e. ignore the other 100 rules that encourage you to pattern your life choices around the happiness titillation of men

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkuwfiFeBF1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

yeah almost certainly. there's no real history in human culture of "unwanted love" or not even a proper way of describing it...

"happiness and titillation" I mean - xpost)

can decide which one is behind this

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y176/edwardiii/1-3.jpg
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y176/edwardiii/Misery-Kathy-Bates_l.jpg

can't

ok my colleagues are trying to ignore my laughs here

jesus

like i don't even comprehend why these rules are gendered at all. most of the actual not-crazy advice on these can apply to anybody regardless of gender, and the ones that explicitly comment on gender are usually 100% fucked up.

seriously expecting one of these lady rules to prohibit all excretory bodily functions

If you don't obey
conventional wisdom,
she'll never forgive you.

There is no sex
in the champagne room.

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkt814GFPw1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

hmmm

men like football, women enjoy shopping

a man is a man, a woman is a woman

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41Iz1vSnBgL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU02_.jpg

Maintain your mystery; never agree to see them again.

If you love him, tell him. Chances are, the Mayans were right all along.

THE
No. 318
RULE OF A PROLETARIAN

When you seize the means of production,
don't forget to be amazing.

Maintain your mystery, that balaclava really suits you

tracer <3333333333333333333333333

Rule Of A Lady #425:

Shame sluts
whenever possible.

Can't wait for some of these to turn up on dayo's zenlike koans thread.

Rule Of A Gentlemen #425:

Never call a lady slut.
Even when you think she is.

The No. 232 Rule Of A Lady
Words create lies. Pain can be trusted.

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y176/edwardiii/audition1.jpg

http://i55.tinypic.com/k20dg4.jpg

A good master never beats his slave
Even if he deserves it

ugh judging by this thread the lady one is way worse

^^^^^

i'd say you're otm, but, you're a woman

lol

wtf...paolo abdul said this, not paula coelho!

― MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE LIVING HERE!! (Local Garda), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:33 AM (34 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol

xp and lol again

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj675WtCw1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

strong Whose Line Is It Anyway vibe from this one

I misread "crown" as "clown"

okay this has to be a joke.

invisible crown is the only one that has made me lol, though

wait you mean you don't already do that?

Wondering how many of the guy ones were actually written by a woman and vice-versa.

"submitted by [random punter]" on most of the laydeeez ones, betraying the lack of bespoke attention to detail and high quality control as found on the gents blog.

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y176/edwardiii/44ffd00c-425a-4b0b-ba4e-bbb6c5fad173.jpg

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llht3w8xz21qj29d6o1_500.jpg

This sounds like the advice of Matt Foley, motivational speaker.

boobs or butts doesn't matter

it's a puzzle

bums don't matter

hips don't lie

that's definitely the most mysterious imo

194 - I feel like there's some positive in that one though.

boobs or butts; doesn't matter

The No. 159 Rule of a Gentleman

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.

need a gif generator stat

boobs or butts don't matter
anyone can see
boobs or butts don't matter...
to meee....

yeah with the semi-colon i guess it could be read as advising men to be equal-opportunity oglers.

advice that was sorely needed

These need t-shirts!

http://th779.photobucket.com/albums/yy75/pashby_2009/th_Video-Stills-Black-or-White-michael-jackson-11510203-720-480.jpg

I said if you're thinkin' of being my baby
It doesn't matter if you're boobs or butt
oww!

ha

poll:

boobs
butts
doesn't mattter

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyLQ1muosqQ

How To Hail A Taxi Cab Like A Man via art or manliness

how does this relate to 'being a man' at all, please someone tell me

ugh i dunno, i know it may be tiresome to call bullshit on this gender stuff ad nauseam but it bothers me that "competence at any task whatsoever" is somehow constructed as a "masculine" trait. really?

yeah, also, all those directions are completely obvious. i don't mean to be a jerk but how long does it take to figure out the off-duty cab thing? i guess i hail a cab like a man.

"how hail a cab without looking like a dumb tourist asshole"

It was about 3 miles from my hotel, so I decided to take a cab.

Realizing I was looking more and more like a dopey tourist, I gave up and decided just to walk to Katz’s.

Yeah, I could have taken the subway, but they’re fraught with their own complexities for the uninitiated.

hey maybe the first step in reclaiming the "lost art of manliness" might be: don't get intimidated by the arcane complexities of public fucking transport

For well-known places in town, like the Empire State Building or something, you can just tell the driver the name of the place. But for hotels, friends’ apartments, or restaurants, give the address or at least a nearby intersection of the place you’re going.

okay really?

"Where are you going?"
"Jim's apartment."

haha

I want to submit "how to put on pants like a man"

Shit like this is why I let my subscription to Esquire expire.

Dan, when you put on pants, be amazing.
She'll notice.

How to Exit a Room Like a Man offers these helpful suggestions, each of which are followed by a full explanatory paragraph:

1. Know when to leave.

2. Stand up.

3. Hold out your hand.

4. Say “Thanks!” and “Goodbye.”

5. Gather your things.

6. Walk to the door with confidence.

7. Open the door.

8. Walk away.

the fuck

7.5. Fart authoritatively.

h8 this shitt so bad

omitting Step 7 can have tragic consequences:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z14eZN7ZjA

2.5 Get dressed.

200. There's actually only one woman. She has been replicating herself for untold millennia. Across the ages, her characteristics and needs and desires are exactly the same across all iterations of this single extant woman, incarnated in billions of variable forms. A man is a person. "Woman" is a breed.

the unspoken subtext here - and in PUA guides - of helpless, infantile ineptitude - the inability to even be an authentic example of your own gender - is kind of heartbreaking in a way

10. Do not get a visible tattoo larger than your penis.

Don't know if that includes area or shape.

idk at a glance like 60% of the articles on AoM are how to affect anachronistic or stereotypical masculine bahaviors, 20% are survival skills you will never actually use, and the remaining 20% are fundamental skills that anyone could benefit from but who cares because all that matters is that you can cook bacon... LIKE A MAN.

I do rule 74 a lot

right, and 100% of those things are meant to wallpaper over the vast cracks of insecurity that the target audience apparently feels

like, women are assumed to just be themselves (for better or worse) but men have to be instructed how to be themselves, or at least how to be something more than a worthless piece of shit not fit to feed the pigs with

I am dying at "how to leave a room like a man"

(and i suppose in this way men's mags have finally caught up to women's mags)

xpost

It's p much a race to the bottom, tbh.

how to leave a room is even more hilarious than I thought it would be

is it a choose your own adventure

2. Stand up. When they feel it’s time to leave, most folks start to squirm in their seat and say things like, “Weeelll…. it’s getting late.” Then they just keep on sitting on their duffs looking awkwardly at their watch. Don’t dilly dally. If you’re ready to leave, then show that you are. Standing up shows you’re committed to leaving.

Now, don’t be abrupt about it. That’s just as awkward as squirming in your seat and looking side-to-side for a means to escape. Stand-up smoothly and confidently. While you’re standing, simply say, “Well I must be leaving.” Never give an excuse for why you have to leave. An excuse can make your hostess feel unimportant and force you to sheepishly explain yourself all the way to the door.

If you want to be particularly suave about your transition from sitting to standing, try this trick. When you’re ready to leave, wait for a pause in the conversation and start a short story. Make it an engrossing, entertaining story. You want to leave them laughing. As you tell the story, start standing up. You can even start putting on your coat and hat as you spin your yarn. Walk next to your host when you reach the story’s climax. Give a quick wink to the group, and…

3. Hold out your hand.

No. 214 : "Do not touch the hiney unless you have earned her trust"
― Latham Green, Wednesday, June 8, 2011 1:39 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

misread this as the whiney and wondered if area51 had visited the untranny valley in the interim

fwiw i feel really bad for the kid whose dad wrote all those fucking rules for

316. Don’t stare directly into a dog’s eyes.

unless you have peanut butter on your nads.

why is everyone so bossy about this shit, is what i want to know

xp nuts on your nuts

i like the dad one...maybe cuz im a dad.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llqug66eTM1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

this just confuses me. real men don't carry change??

how are you supposed to carry change except with an effeminate little-girl beaded change purse in the shape of chococat's head? i ask u

I thknk probably actually do the opposite of every hence suggested

http://d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net/upload/22858893_oZxOI8gB_c.jpg

yeah no, don't do that.

The "dime" thing -- is that about the PUA rating system? Being a ten? I'm so confused.

http://blackbroadcasting.com/7/wp-content/upLoads/2010/06/macho-men_hic.jpg

yea dime = a ten

so remember that while "confidence is sexy" you should never have that much self-esteem

um, that is the exact opposite of what that piece of advice is incoherently trying to say...?

by the same person / people, apparently:

Problems and Advices (sic)

ha dan i swear i'm not trying to misinterpret these things i just apparently have serious trouble understanding

i mean, who uses coins anyway? fags, that's who!

guys everyone knows that you keep coins in a jar at home so that, if you're like me, you can turn them in once a year and make $$$

ps i made $160 last week from stupid gay coins, eat it losers!!!

the "men don't carry change" thing doesn't really make sense, and isn't really a thing, it's just a dumb play on "dime"

anyway, am i wrong in detecting some race-y type crap in that one?

"DO not have pillow fights with her unless she wants to"

i dunno if i've learned anything today except for "crowdsourcing on tumblr is a horrible thing"

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llj3rnn7j91qj29d6o1_500.jpg

My head just exploded.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ll0zpivILZ1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

A cop will tell you in a half a second that someone who always looks you directly in the eye is lying to you.

stare her down, bro

Maybe a compromise would be eye contact/staring at boobs.

Her boobs, of course, to clarify.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkxfd5ghMo1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

this is just the worst advice. i know several women who would be fucking appalled that some twee blog-reading asshole in a bowtie would just pick them up & spin them around. some women don't like being tossed about!

A cop will tell you in a half a second that someone who always looks you directly in the eye is lying to you.

yeah but a fair amount of cop wisdom is essentially handed-down stuff that's not actually true. "someone who [exhibits x behavior] is lying to you" = the same sort of shitty reasoning that informs the stuff we're talking about here.

"... she'll love it"

*shudders*

someone who stares you right in the nose, however- watch that fucker

http://images.businessweek.com/ss/07/04/0430_negotiating/image/eye_contact.jpg

a fair amount of cop wisdom is essentially handed-down stuff that's not actually true.

The reasoning behind that one, though, I believe. It's because the perceived wisdom is that liars are shifty and never look you in the eye, so people who are actively trying to tell lies will always look you right in the eye, thus overcompensating for what is baloney to begin with.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkwqy2MaAj1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

"yes, my precious darling, cry your little heart out. yes, just like that... it feels so good..."

copycat tumblr: http://etiquetteforagentleman.tumblr.com/

elmo you are KILLING it itt

kenan, interestingly I was just reading a book that claims that people don't do ANY one thing when they're lying. Also that human beings, even ones in law enforcement and related pursuits, are TERRIBLE at telling when someone is lying.

Apparently some people are naturally good at telling when someone is lying, and some aren't, and no one can explain why. (How many of those people are cops is beyond me.) It's like the way dogs can smell cancer. I'll look for a link.

xposts and since liars who have heard this new piece of wisdom will make sure *not* to meet your gaze, cops can be assured that the non-eye-lookers are, after all and as originally suspected, the liars. Until the liars catch up to that one - then the paradigm will shift once more.

my response to all of these blogs is basically "valerie solanas OTM"

aha but if you believe these gentleman rules, women are infallible lie detectors and can find anything out, so you should never lie to them. they can smell lies like dogs smell cancer.

"... she'll love it"

This increasingly reminds me of the "I'm one of the few men in the city with nothing wrong with him" answer machine message guy.

aha but if you believe these gentleman rules, women are infallible lie detectors and can find anything out

The overriding theme of most of these little advices is that women are a mysterious "other," instead of just other people.

Not to state too much of the obvious or anything.

About the Author:

http://imgur.com/FWIhv

http://i.imgur.com/FWIhv.png

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm57l1cJV71qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

rules for the manic pixie dream girl

Where does "absolutely intolerable" fit into that scale, I wonder?

see ok the thing here is that i have met and had actual conversations w/women who would say that a lot of this advice is otm (in as much as this is how they think men really ~should~ behave)

The reasoning behind that one, though, I believe. It's because the perceived wisdom is that liars are shifty and never look you in the eye, so people who are actively trying to tell lies will always look you right in the eye, thus overcompensating for what is baloney to begin with.

dude no. "look you in the eye" nonsense is just infantile. you know who else won't look you in the eye? lots of people in whose cultural context holding somebody's gaze codes as aggressive. and people who were raised by people who come from that cultural context. seriously dude. it means nothing whatsoever if somebody isn't looking you in the eye, and if you take somebody meeting your gaze as a sign of anything other than "this person is meeting my gaze," you are being silly.

see ok the thing here is that i have met and had actual conversations w/women who would say that a lot of this advice is otm (in as much as this is how they think men really ~should~ behave)

― cop a cute abdomen (gbx), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 5:47 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

really? which ones?

nobody wants to be picked up and twirled, right? i just can't fathom that.

some do!! my friend rusty is lol hueg and would routinely do this (tho tbf in the context of dancing...he was into swing dancing) and some chicks went nuts for it. and i've had several lady friends tell me that they like it when men make them feel small, or whatever. not saying they're right, or that i'd want to date them (too much work), but not all of this is idle male fantasy. there are women that buy into old-fashioned gender roles/codes and shit. i wouldn't think this to be controversial!!

aerosmith, you're making my exact point. It means nothing whatsoever if somebody isn't looking you in the eye. But people who are lying to the police often think that it DOES mean something, because they heard it somewhere.

And criminals are often not up on the latest articles about this kind of thing from the New Yorker.

dude what are you even talking about

okay if any women reading this like to be picked up and twirled/like to swing dance i didn't mean to suggest there's anything wrong with that! i just dgi

I don't understand what people are not understanding about what I am saying.

i'll be honest kenan i'm not really reading it that closely

Cops should pick people up and twirl them and if they don't like it then I think they must surely be criminals.

"Twirl the witch!!!"

can someone redo this with quotes from terminator and blade runner?

fwiw a lot of the women i've met that buy into this stuff were chicks i knew in high school---i mean, my only point is that it codes as "old-fashioned" and there are a lot of old-fashioned ppl still out there!!

"Where are you going?"
"Jim's apartment."

― low-rent black gangster nicknamed Bootsy (DJP),

Seriously burst out laughing like mad when I read this.

feel pretty comfortable judging anyone who buys into this bullshit

can someone redo this with quotes from terminator and blade runner?

I was thinking Conan...

Crush You Enemies
See Them Flee Before You
Hear the Lamentations of their Women
etc

feel pretty comfortable judging anyone who buys into this bullshit

― ☂ (max), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 5:10 PM (54 seconds ago) Bookmark

ditto! it's not just dudes, tho!

Thees is a good thread. It mek me laugh. It mek me cry. But it also mek me verah confuse.

you're drunk

Ok how about andrew wk lyrics?
http://i.imgur.com/Cwqh8.png

http://i.imgur.com/bmUXH.png

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmadaolciy1qj38q5o1_500.jpg

give her a bandaid when she gets a booboo

i've had several lady friends tell me that they like it when men make them feel small, or whatever

oh sure, i've heard this too and kinda understand the sentiment, and as a big guy who gives awesome hugs I've heard this too. but there are also women out there who do not like to be lifted off the ground because they do not like to be made to feel small or overpowered and just maybe if they've been sexually assaulted such show of manly strength might be a potential trigger. so i mean unless you know they like it then it is definitely Not Okay, gentlemen, no matter who tells you "she'll love it."

some of these rules are all "respect the lady at all times" while others are suggestions for things that are totally disrespectful in their presumption of what that lady wants / likes. taking a swing at your lady with a pillow might seem fun and spontaneous and silly to you -- pillowfight! squeeee -- but it's also a good way to get cursed out by a lady who doesn't like feeling assaulted!

h8 this shitt so bad

― brad whitford, witchfynder general (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Wednesday, 8 June 2011 16:52 (5 hours ago)

yeah, it's totally offensive. all these rules should be "work through your own insecurities then get over yourself" imo. then maybe you can have a relationship that isn't full of bullshit. so many of these for dudes are like "she has daddy issues? then be her daddy!" sex can be so much more than that. "advice" like this objectifies men as much as it objectifies women.

so i mean unless you know they like it then it is definitely Not Okay, gentlemen, no matter who tells you "she'll love it."

yeah, ironically this flavor of "respect" seems to be outside the consideration of this blog

respect your woman, give her an allowance for dresses that aren't too tight or too loose every week, she'll love it.

i love the tight/loose woman/lady dichotomy. for when you're too refined to just come out and say "virgin/whore."

feel pretty comfortable judging anyone who buys into this bullshit

<3 u max

all these rules should be "work through your own insecurities then get over yourself" imo. then maybe you can have a relationship that isn't full of bullshit.

truthbOTMb

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llsbtidfww1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

Just don't forget that being attractive is the motivation for your behaviors.

Is parallel construction also unattractive?

No kidding about asking first when picking up a woman and whirring them around. Once did this for fun and got screamed at pretty hard. Didn't mean anything by it.

She calmed down once I got her back in her wheelchair though.

Major guilty lols

sorry i haven't read this whole thread but the "rules of a gentlemen" one reads as if its written by one of those 'sensitive' 23 year old virgin types, whereas the 'rules for my unborn son' is pretty clearly written by someone who reads 'esqure' obsessively

i would like judith butler to write a rules tumblr blog

"rules of a gentlemen" one reads as if its written by one of those 'sensitive' 23 year old virgin types

'sensitive' tucker max variant imo

hey honey aren't your boobs sore.

― Bert Macklin, F.B.I. (thebingo), Wednesday, June 8, 2011 10:31 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark

lol

i wonder what ben rofflesberger thinks about these

spirit of Marc Loi lives on itt

i would like judith butler to write a rules tumblr blog

would reblog

It's days like today that I am super thankful for my commute, which involves very limited exposure to the elements. It pays to work in the same building as your train station.

200. There's actually only one woman. She has been replicating herself for untold millennia. Across the ages, her characteristics and needs and desires are exactly the same across all iterations of this single extant woman, incarnated in billions of variable forms. A man is a person. "Woman" is a breed.

This is so OTM I want to give you a medal. Elmo also OTM over and over. Also, good odds that whatever horseshoe is thinking but hasn't posted is also 100% OTM.

Hahaha okay that bit about my commute is for the Chicago thread. Or maybe it is my advice on how to be a lady:

Never get wet while commuting to work.

yeah that aero post is a+

THE
No. 891 RULE OF A GENTLEMAN

Women can smell your fear.
Compensate by acting like a fucking jackass.

not all of this is idle male fantasy. there are women that buy into old-fashioned gender roles/codes and shit.

I don't think the point is that ALL of the advice is stupid or that NO people are ever like "this" or "that", the point is that IF YOU ARE LIKE THAT, THEN BE LIKE THAT, AND STOP READING ABOUT HOW TO BE LIKE THAT. Anyone and everyone who has said that this is about constructing a self made of outside advice because of your crippling insecurity otm.

ok so there is also this:

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llrsojx31y1qktoezo1_400.png

what in the world

THE
No. 322
RULE OF A GENTLEMAN

Put a towel on the floor by the two-inch gap under the door.

i mean okay i guess i can read a positive message in that but uh -- xp

How to Have Sex Like a Man

1. Engage in intercourse.

2. Stand up.

3. Hold out your hand.

4. Say “Thanks!” and “Goodbye.”

5. Gather your things.

6. Walk to the door with confidence.

7. Open the door.

8. Walk away.

loll

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llljcyuE2j1qktoezo1_400.png

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llljds1jQ01qktoezo1_400.png

hmmmm...

fuck you girltips

also lol Tracer

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lllj5fAXK01qktoezo1_400.png

*sigh*

"...bitch!"

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llk6wk4SMq1qktoezo1_400.png

this is a pretty clear indicator of a borderline personality, y/n?

those kind of sound like random Facebook status updates TBH

I thought those girltips were ironic and meant to point out the craziness of the How to be a Lady ones, but I guess not???? I like that there is NO man worth a girl's virginity. None.

oh maybe they are!

yeah girltips is definitely not the same sort of advice but still horrible and disgusting, also pretty certain they have no satiric intent

oh jeez, these are all so, so fucking ridiculous, but I almost can't bring myself to get upset over them bcz it's only a niche thing that only ppl who already feel this way are going to seek out, not some huge widespread mainstream publication. Though OTOH this is, of course, just perpetuating all of this bullshit, and very few things set me off like queer/gender politics (reinforcement of dumb gender roles being a big one). Is it unfair to say that the ladies who eat this kind of shit up are probably just as dull and as the guys?

This is just really fucking stupid, I guess.

just, thank heavens for @feministhulk

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llk3ig2a5U1qktoezo1_400.png

brb gonna shoot myself in the face

i feel like the ladies who eat this kind of shit up are probably 12. maybe the guys, too.

OH GOOD

that last one cannot be serious

I was just looking at the rest of the site and yeh, the context suggests that it's probably not satire :(

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llk5l7wP7f1qktoezo1_400.png

FOR SHAME

ya dude that jersey shore one is the one where you stop being upset and just ryde and walk away; these probably aren't changing anyone's mind or "teaching" anyone anything in the first place

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lljydftcwg1qktoezo1_400.png

okay wendy shalit

Ok I call bullshit on girltip #95. Fess up, whomever shopped it.

hah DON'T YOU GET IT??? WE ARE ALL POLITE AND CHIVALROUS ANGELS WAITING FOR YOU DUMB SLUTS TO SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND KNOW YOUR PLACE

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llmf3g8PfH1qktoezo1_400.png

KIP!

yeah these aren't "tips" so much as insane person rantings

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lllm5lhVHy1qktoezo1_400.png

ok this one is just making me lol

I CAN'T TURN MY HEART INTO A CONDOM

oh sure i know that steve. i just... idk i just feel horribly for the adolescent kids (and older ppl too i guess) who fall into this advice trap, i guess, even though they end up perpetuating bullshit gender types. it just plays into so many kids' deep insecurities that some obnoxiously opinionated ppl exploit to get followers & reblogs.

i wonder if people were exposed to quite so much life-crushing idiot folk wisdom before the Internet era, feels like they weren't

they weren't basically huge swathes of content need to be machete'd out plus maybe the internet needs to be closed for a few hours each day or curfews put in place or something so that the people that write this crap, the people that read it looking for life cues and the ppl that read it and just feel slightly queasy at it all can have a break from it all and git real or whatever

Noodle you are forgetting "fax humor"

well i was gonna say Trace at one time u had to wait until you were in a horrible job before you got exposed to this shit so much, now it's out there for teens and younger

was also gonna say tho it's not just the internet, i guess reality TV shows have developed their own vocabulary and allowed a whole swathe of street philosophers to get their message out globally

i guess there were always wack-ass bumper stickers and t-shirts too plus real men don't eat quiche type books

t-shirts and bumper stickers are more like unfunny jokes that get less and less funny, whereas these kinds of blogs really set themselves up as HOW TO LIVE YOU LIFE 4 REAL

yeah, you're right.

good point you made connecting it to reality shows, too

i know someone who went abroad for a couple of years in the early nineties...and when she came back she was shocked and sorta mystified at how everyone seemed to be speaking in this new way, sorta like FRIENDS tv series-speak. can't imagine what it would be like to go away at the dawn of the 2000's and then come back to find people's speech peppered with all of the reality tv-isms

love the way "I'm just being real" became code for "FUCK YOU BUDDY I WILL BE AS NOXIOUS AND ENTITLED AS I WANT"

There have been women's and teen mags full of terrible advice for a long time.

yea for certain, but it's all ~decentralized~ now, all the kids telling other kids how to act horribly

#
Ok. I just want to let you all know, I got more submissions and more hatemail and to be honest, this blog is meant to amuse and not to hurt anyone. Im glad I have publicity :) If im so hated, why do i have 1,218 followers? Pleasee.. Tell me:) Haters will hate. I will get back to posting new tips soon :) <3 xoxo.

1 hour ago / 5 notes

sometimes haters hate because the hated is just so hateable.

i like to think if the internet was around in 1940 there wd've been all these butthurt nazis with "Haters Gonna Hate" gifs on their MeinSpaces

lol

that feels like another reality TV invention tho, the whole "if you hate anything i say or do the problem is with you and not with me, ever"

Starting at about age 10, I was consciously looking for help figuring out gender roles, mine in particular. 13 year old Jesse would have eaten a lot of this shit up. While I accepted feminist ideas, I also was influenced by the trend of bucking the strictures of being "PC," and I wanted desperately to fit in as a guy, so I could imagine myself acting out some of the crap from these sorts of advice sites.

xpost

yeah, that combined with the idea that being a dick/instigating drama all the time somehow makes for an endearing personality trait is just bad news

that feels like another reality TV invention tho, the whole "if you hate anything i say or do the problem is with you and not with me, ever"

It's not reality-TV, it's the self-help/self-esteem boom of the 80s

society is in the gutter iirc

you're probably right Dan, we shd institute an archeology of douchery in the post-War era

Just DOn't read this
http://www.carnaval.com/initiation/iron_john.jpg

i'm aware of his work, isn't it mostly about beating women with all-natural weapons?

I appreciated the girltip about menstrual blood because I have been letting it run down my legs and pool into my socks and never understood why people avoided me for five days each month.

http://www.actlikeaman.org/

Men – we face tremendous pressure and stress everyday. Work will never be finished but if there is one thing we need to remember all the time – it is this:
DON’T FORGET THE GIRL!
In every movie that we see the main guy does his thing, fights the villain, slays the dragon for one good reason – the girl. He has to go and get back to his girl.
Spiderman faces his villain who is holding Mary Jane. The villain is about to let go of her but at the same time he needs to save the people who are dying. He does his thing and saves the people while the villain drops Mary Jane. He does it on time but he gets back, swings his web and saves his girl.
Husbands – we sometimes feel like Spiderman. We are given a choice everyday – do our job and love our family – both takes time.
Do whatever you can to have a great job but not in the expense of having a bad marriage. A great marriage is worth more than our job. So in the course of doing our job – don’t forget the girl.

lol Jenny

How could I forget the girl? They never shut up.

http://www.actlikeaman.org/category/homosexuality/

enjoy

Churches and the kind of MAN they produce

http://actlikeaman.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/38947_1394124211219_1175589896_30950199_5671855_n.jpg

okay guys, nothing homoerotic to see here, move along

A Man’s mind is like a toolbox. A compartment for the nails, a compartment for the hammer, a compartment for every tool. Women are like their handbags. Have you tried getting something in a woman’s bag. It seems like every woman’s handbag has a black hole in it. Everything is mixed up and they like it that way and they have the talent of finding stuff in the bag.

Jesus

that one i feel like i know actual people who secretly believe something along those lines

We are given a choice everyday – do our job and love our family – both takes time.

bzzzzt skrsssh crash

We are given a choice everyday – do our job and love our family – both are soul-destroying wastes of time, amirite fellas.

TS: "boobs or butts it doesn't matter" vs "We are given a choice everyday – do our job and love our family – both takes time."

we are given a choice everyday -- boobs or butts -- doesn't matter

^^^ OTM

As skewed and fucked up as these are, can one at least make the argument that on some crazy level, there is at least an attempt to, y'know, be nice to ladies and treat them right (vs. being a blatant misogynist and etc)? Even if it is a totally batshit and bad way to do it?

I mean tbh some of these are sorta OTM

no. no you can't.

boobs or butts -- both takes time

I see what you're saying and I sort of agree, but at the same time I can't help thinking

As skewed and fucked up as slavery is, can one at least make the argument that on some crazy level, there is at least an attempt to, y'know, be nice to slaves and treat them right (vs. being a blatant racist and etc)? Even if it is a totally batshit and bad way to do it?

"the way to get exactly what you want from women is to intimidate them, be demanding, trick them, whatever"
"no no, the way to get exactly what you want from women is to be a magical prince who twirls them around"

hmm

you could in theory, sure, but it would still manage to be insulting and patronizing to everyone imo. at least the "treat 'em like shit in order to get laid" or whatever school is sort of straightforward in it's grossness

ha, so what goole said

yes but upthread people were scoffing at things like "walk on the side closest to traffic" which is kind of o_O

oh ok. i have no problem with that stuff

I think it's a lot easier to dismiss this kind of crap as mostly harmless or inconsequential if you've never been on the receiving end of advice like this.

I mean, I recently, as in the last six months, heard a judge scold a male attorney for arguing with his female opposing counsel because "She's to pretty to argue with." So these stereotypes exist, and are harmful, and while we can be all "LOL joeks" about them, there is a sincere audience for this and pretty much anything that reinforces this thinking is bad. Even if there are women who like to be picked up and twirled around or some of these things boil down to "don't be a dick."

Like, this kind of thinking isn't constrained to relationships. You get this idea beat into your head hat underneath it all, every woman wants to be treated like a very dumb child and that bleeds out into the workplace and then I, who have worked hard to cultivate relationships with people who see me as an individual with valuable opinions, get ignored at work because whatever I'm saying, I really just want a man to step in and relieve me of the burden of thinking so much.

tl;dr: this is not theoretical and the real life results of this shit is damaging.

xpost

i think part of my problem with the blogxamples upthread is the italic font makes them much more glurgey and self-important than need be

nah i think most of us on this thread totally agree with that Jenny. the only humour is in how egregious and o_O this shit is.

oh god yeah del i was gonna say before the fonts on all of these drip with evil

I agree with that, Jenny; in fact, IMO the real definition of being a gentleman is "treat a woman the way she wants to be treated".

However, there are certain things I do which I will maintain until the day I die which are wholly innocuous such as holding doors open for people (not just women) which I do because I was taught it was the polite thing to do; encountering a thread where that type of behavior is lumped in with "pat her on the head and treat her like a child and maybe she'll fuck you" dismissals basically just makes me think most of my peer group is fucking rude. I guess if you want me to let a door close on you so you can prove that you can open it, knock yourself out (not on the door) but my default reaction is going to always be "I am going to take 3 seconds to hold this door for the next person" and there isn't anything nefarious behind it.

yes but upthread people were scoffing at things like "walk on the side closest to traffic" which is kind of o_O

strangely, when my grandmother instructed me in this piece of etiquette she explained the reasoning for it like so: when people used to empty chamber pots out of second story windows, the person closest to the street was the one more likely to be rained on with excreta :(

the physics of that explanation elude me tbh

i've heard that too.

Dan i hold doors open for people and offer my seat on the bus to somebody who looks like they need it and whatever else but that's not done on a gender basis either

Trace Tudor houses used to have upper floors that overhung the lower so whoever was furthest from the road was sheltered to an extent

definitely never let a woman defecate on your pumpkins

now you tell me

well i guess the assumption would be that the chamber pots contents were flung towards the street? idk, my nan was big on manners but not so big on physics xp

Tracer, in medieval cities, the building walls on the ground story had to be set back a certain amount to leave room for traffic, but in the absence of sensible building codes, people would overhang their second stories out over the street to gain more floor-space...sometimes leading to second-story windows that were so close to their across-the-street neighbors that people could pass things from hand to hand. Presumably these structures or types of structures persisted for a while until they burned down in some great fire or other and were rebuilt along saner lines as cities got better at that kind of thing.

So in this explanation, the person walking on the inside is actually UNDER the overhang and therefore sheltered from waste from above.

xxxp Oh DAMN. What I get for being tl;dr

Oh yeah, my father-in-law who is huge on the PROPER ETIQUETTE OF ALL THINGS ALWAYS, constantly chides me on visits if I walk on the non-street side of my wife.

I feel you, Dan, and agree but (oh god I'm sorry to go here) given the ~context~ in which that type of suggestion is presented, I don't feel too compelled to rescue the bits that could, if de-gendered and pulled out of context, serve as helpful hints for being a good person.

I mean, advice on how to be friendly that doesn't require the reader to separate what's solid from what's sexist bullshit exists.

the proper technique is to carve the punklin FIRST

btw Jenny you are one of my favorite posters

i almost can't believe you're a woman, tbh!

(ok sorry)

detailed advice about opening doors for women: http://artofmanliness.com/2011/06/08/opening-door-for-woman/

includes this little tidbit:

There are some women who are offended by it because they think it implies the inferior status of women–that women are too weak to open doors for themselves. Kate thinks that if you’re dating a woman who takes umbrage at having the door opened for her, that’s a red flag, because it signals that she does not understand that a woman can be smart and independent while still being playful about gender roles.

original emphasis btw

i heard that it was so that the person walking on the street side would shield his companion from stuff kicked up by cars and carriages

I feel you, Dan, and agree but (oh god I'm sorry to go here) given the ~context~ in which that type of suggestion is presented, I don't feel too compelled to rescue the bits that could, if de-gendered and pulled out of context, serve as helpful hints for being a good person.

The whole thing is crowdsourced, right? I think the context is all over the place tbh.

I mean, despite appearances I'm not overly interested in defending these things (lol), it's just that the mocking seems to go beyond actual batshit things to stuff that I'm pretty sure most people on this thread do all the time.

^^ oops i forgot blockquotes are all italicized. the word playful was italicized in the original quote

xps

i heard that it was so that the person walking on the street side would shield his companion from stuff kicked up by cars and carriages

The proverbial splash of the puddle, as it were.

With double doors, open the first, but not the second. When there is a door, and then an entryway airlock area, and then another door, open the outside door, allow the woman to step inside the airlock, and then for the second door, do as indicated above and simply help the woman open the door as she .... (continues)

lol gbx.

Also taken to gendered extremes, even casual kindness gets ridic and counterproductive, ie being the lone woman standing in the back of a crowded elevator only to have the men climb on top of each other like lemmings to clear a path so I can exit first. Like, my fragile ladymind can handle the crushing humiliation of getting off an elevator last.

I also think, again in a work context, casting these politenesses as things men must do for women carries an undercurrent of women being delicate needing a certain amount of coddling and gentle treatment that only men can provide. As a woman working in a very manly area of law, that kind of attitude is poisonous and also makes me want to strangle people.

Note: I am not playful about gender roles.

How To Apologize LIKE A MAN

I mean, despite appearances I'm not overly interested in defending these things (lol), it's just that the mocking seems to go beyond actual batshit things to stuff that I'm pretty sure most people on this thread do all the time.

― low-rent black gangster nicknamed Bootsy (DJP), Thursday, June 9, 2011 1:03 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont walk on the street side when i walk with my gf tho! and (no offense) i would probably roll my eyes at any guy who insisted on doing so

i know a single woman who wears a wedding ring just to eliminate like 80% of this crap

Note: I am not playful about gender roles.

red flag; you have been cited for lack of playfulness

jenny otm

the apology thing seems pretty otm imo

it's not about "insisting"! it's about "offering"

lol my wife would really hate this conversation as it's basically telling her she is a bad woman for being Southern

no one thinks yr wife is bad, just that shes attached to behaviors rooted in anachronistic & outmoded concepts of gender that contribute to discrimination against women

idk tracer i just fail to see what makes an apology "manly"?

well yeah me neither

artofhumanness.com - not taken

With revolving doors, reach out and slow it down so that she can step in. This rule is especially true for older revolving doors that lack the auto-revolving feature that many modern revolving doors have.

iirc debrett's says a man should go in first to push the door, but make a complete revolution so that the lady can exit first. that's pretty stupid, but not as stupid as trying to slow the door down, because if someone is coming the other way - something which is a major feature of revolving doors - they'll get stuck while mr art-of-manliness is dicking around.

With revolving doors, reach out and slow it down so that she can step in. This rule is especially true for older revolving doors that lack the auto-revolving feature that many modern revolving doors have.

what in the hell

"risk breaking your damn fingers and grind the flow of people to a halt, because a woman is around"

yes see, this makes no sense ergo I get mocking it

i don't understand opening a door for a woman after she's already started to open it herself!

xxxxp Actually, chamber pots were usually taken to public privies and dumped.

Jenny so otm

Dan the critiques aren't really about women who are accustomed to courtly behavior!

If I walk through a door and someone (of either gender) is walking behind me, I politely hold the door open. But if I see someone who's way behind me, I won't hold the door for 10 or 15 seconds. But sometimes, there's that in-between walk-behinder who I'd have to hold the door for about 5 seconds, and I'm never sure whether I should hold the door for her, or if it would look odd that I'm holding the door open for so long (of if it will imply I want her to hurry up, etc.)

How many seconds behind you must someone else be before it's acceptable to let the door close behind you?

it depends on how good-looking they are, obviously

if the door would swing fully closed by they time they reached it, then maybe it's ok to not hold the door? leaving the door to swing closed in their face just as they reach it seems like a dick move.

just realizing that Art of Manliness is largely co-authored by a husband & wife team

if i could identify a common theme in much of this "being a gentleman" / "being a man" nonsense, it would be "false nostalgia":

Whenever I’m watching a movie that harkens back to a sepia tinted yesteryear, it isn’t the simpler times I long for so much as a return to the distant days when a man rose alongside the sunrise and was expected to give the daylight his best.

Clothes were sharper, adolescence shorter, and the word man still deserving of the first spot in the word manners. Now it seems as if there is something missing, something stripped from today’s men, besides their buttons and blazers. I peer at photographs of my grandfather in his prime, and ponder the polarity of our worlds. A dozen decades have hurtled by with such speed; it seems they have left our populace with a case of collective amnesia. I look past the creases of my curling photographs, grateful that I can still teach my son what I believe it means to be a man.

The fellows in those old photos look like they had manners, you can practically see them. Even greasy and fatigued, they never went outside without a hat to hold the hair upon their head. It is difficult to believe that they would have left behind their pleases and thank yous. If it were only manners abandoned, things might be easier to explain to my boy, but it isn’t. There is a mindset now missing, an outlook thickened by decades of languor.

i gagged

of course these men had manners. not a drunk, a gambler, a wife-beater, or a degenerate bastard among them! i can tell, you see, because these photographs are old.

Rule #743:

Wear a hat
... to hold the hair
... upon your head

re: "baby"

I call my gf "baby" all the time but in the context of "quit being such a baby" bc babies are the only minority group I am comfortable disparaging

You see, that congressman was RIGHT, babies are the most AT-RISK MINORITY IN AMERICA TODAY.

lol

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm96y1iz7I1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

okay no

everything about that is wrong

I think once you start having 216 rules, you might not actually be all that much fun to hang out with.

i think an exception should be made re: Rule 216 for the gentlemen with a stomping fetish

I decided to be playful with gender roles today and when the elevator arrived at our floor and the two dudes who were right in front of the doors stepped back and away from the doors so I could enter first, even though I was farther away and they were there first, I just stood there. We had a standoff until the doors started to shut and I caved and got on because the elevators in our building are super slow and I was really hungry.

In conclusion, feminism is dead.

Yeh, how the hell is sticking to old-fashioned gender roles "playful"? Being "playful" with gender roles is Madonna wearing a suit and tie.

I thought the bend-over boyfriend trend was the end game of "playful with gender roles"

Is that some new doll?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bend_Over_Boyfriend

people call it wordplay when somebody mispronounces something in a song

people r dumb

i think the being "playful with gender" sentiment is just a shading on the "humorless feminist" stereotype?

he hit me and it felt like a playful

i dunno, maybe it's "playful" in the way where they all dress up like Mad Men characters and revel in the superficial pleasures of midcentury gender roles? i have no fucking clue tbh

someone should do a parody of one of these that describes the series of chemical reactions started off by the sry gene in the y chromosome

rulesofasevenweekoldembroyo.tumblr.com/

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmjvx7PKqw1qdmmiqo1_500.gif

i hate this awful person, btw.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llee4ffcZ01qj29d6o1_500.jpg

fucking weird

I like to imagine that same guy standing over his cowering gal shouting "GIGGLE FOR ME! ONLY FOR ME!"

that one just reminds me of the weezer song

rivers cuomo is not a dude whose attitudes toward women one would want to emulate

he seems to have some ideas about people with southeast asian heritage iirc

heh - both of the last two posts def true based on things I've heard from someone who was on tour with him

I don't know if touring musician-time is something I would fully judge someone on.

Fucked up life.

I guess but still.

also

I appreciated the girltip about menstrual blood because I have been letting it run down my legs and pool into my socks and never understood why people avoided me for five days each month.

― phantoms from a world gone by speak again the immortal tale: (Jenny), Thursday, June 9, 2011 12:11 PM (11 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol <3

- I usually hold the door for people out of politeness, not out of any 'hay look I'm a lady and I'm holding the door for dudez'...but over time I've sort of learned that especially with older, like 60+ fellas, it's like some genetic chivalric duty and they wither to dust if they are denied (or they get really mad)...but I'm not above having a door opened for me either. It's not like I'll refuse. But if my male friends try to be all, "no you go first" when I hold the door I get bolshy and yell at them til they go through the door. Because it's fun.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Holding-doors-open-for-bitches-cause-your-a-classy-cunt/151250144944959

A man is a person. "Woman" is a breed.

couldn't help notice that the titles of the gentlemen / lady rule blogs subtly echo this ^^

The Rules of A Gentleman (singular) vs. The Rules of Ladies (plural)

(sure ok it's probably a url availability thing but it's cultural implications did not escape my hypervigilant eye, no sir)

even more:

http://tobealady.tumblr.com

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkmh2qCyvI1qivqa1o1_500.png

xp lol i just tried to post that one

is this a fucking koan?

"if you are outside the house, you are not in the house"

hahaha

oh whoops i just i didn't have that one, heh

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm4cuwAhFO1qivqa1o1_500.png

wait, waht

If you can see the back of your bra, you're a good enough contortionist for a Russian circus.

er, "i guess i didn't have that one" i mean

anyway, am i being a little bit unfair in wondering why this one:

http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llq8nkBYu11qivqa1o1_500.png

is... brown?

okay lol

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkmgtz2tby1qivqa1o1_1280.png

piper-laurie-with-knife.jpg

^^^
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkmgtz2tby1qivqa1o1_500.png

Guess I have to stop wearing that T-shirt where I cut out two squares int the front on "casual day" eh.

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_liug2oywc91qivqa1o1_r1_500.jpg

oh, okay!

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljmgur7Egn1qivqa1o1_r1_1280.png?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJ6IHWSU3BX3X7X3Q&Expires=1307804899&Signature=A5FSjPGCT3oUCgNftvf%2FoqG1k10%3D

Gross.

"plus, ribs are delicious"

This stuff all reminds me of the Mormon-penned manuals for teen girls my mom would buy me, except without tips on French braids and testimonies.

oh i'm sure tips about French braids and testimonies are in there if you search long enough

To Be A Lady
No. 081

You deserve the best in life,
So if the time isn't right then move on.

oh man this stuff sucks so bad

I've crossed a threshold and now all of this stuff is just stupid

I hate gender roles

To Be A Lady
No. 145

If you're wearing pants,
You are wearing pants

to be a lady
"When you pull down your lady-panties - allow the crotch to get stuck for a moment in the secret hair temple - men love it. "

"...I promise"

I just want to rewrite all these with the lyrics to "Freaks of the Industry"

To Be A Lady
No. 107

Keep your public hair trimmed.
Seriously, girl, it looks like kudzu down there.

no hairpanties

To Be A Lady
No. 305

When performing fellatio
Don't neglect the testicles!

To Be A Lady
No. 037

If your booty starts to make that clappin sound,
Tell him to take it out and put it in your butt.

O_O

lol Tracer, now I just want to start posting Yin Yang Twins couplets and quotes from "Oochie Wally"

Rule of a Gentleman No. 173
Like it was your last meal.

lol

hah, i'm imagining these with lines from "tales of taboo"

this is not a famous person but it's a fucking world-class fall - love the way one actress can't un-shake herself but the lead just heads right back into the scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJtEzAW9WSw

wrong thread, but still lol

massive lol, that is one of my favorite falls of all time

also homegirl is ACTING, she is incorporating that fall into her character and showing concern that her deaf and blind ward just faceplanted hardcore

maybe she did it on purpose to make the point taht the character is blind

Was there not a gentlemen in the theatre who could have made his way on to the stage to give her a rub?

http://www.brotipshq.com/

ffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lme4flAJ5K1qic2kco1_400.png

i have no words

751!!

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmfv4tLwtz1qic2kco1_400.png

uhhhh has dude ever put on a condom before?

http://i.imgur.com/0GB2q.png

these seem more like 'jokes bruv' whether dumb or not

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llrqc2dY3R1qic2kco1_400.png

yeah these are just bad jokes & dont seem partic serious in terms of gender role policing

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llmb9jhCbV1qic2kco1_r1_400.png

omg lol

alpha fish, bro

yeah these are just bad jokes & dont seem partic serious in terms of gender role policing

yea i see that but it's interesting to me at least because by the very fact of presenting this particular species of masculinity is instructive -- it's just focused on male gender performance in relation to other males and not towards women

Bitches are just a distraction, bro.

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmpnfzljr91qj29d6o1_500.jpg

that doesn't even make sense

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm62jmfrjT1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

you better work!

rule 218 is fucking creepy

yeah it makes it sound like girls as a breed are serial killers

it is very impressive of them, i think, to isolate the one dream of a girl.

and to discover that it is dressing up in your flayed skin just to feel close to you. ♡

seems more like 'give her an old tshirt. bitches love that shit and you need new tshirts anyway'

who are these fools?!

its like congrats, you have discovered the niche of menswear tumblr bloggers and know how to publish your thoughts on the prestigious internets, stop writing rules & being so narrow minded about gender

maybe these presumptuous rule writing young people should ENLIST IN THE MARINES

http://i649.photobucket.com/albums/uu216/le_bateau_ivre/tumblr_lax0w3PN911qatjg5o1_500.jpg

xp

seems more like 'give her an old tshirt. bitches love that shit and you need new tshirts anyway'

― goole, Tuesday, June 14, 2011 5:39 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i think that is what it means, decoded, but the attempt to class it up is hilarious/nonsensical/creepy

xp lol

the idea that women everywhere just want to take things from men is also a little creepy

tshirts are for rubes, real gentlemen know they have to up their game and give her something she'll really treasure, ol van g knows what's up

"I saved you some turkey."

haha

<3

haha i'll never really understand that meme

i'd never heard it and suddenly it's all the rage

omg dude, really????

If you start throwing out random words, she will lose interest fast.

well i never

aw i was hoping this was a group we could all join

http://is-is.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=2256487864&topic=12106&post=67188

So much LOL in that other thread. Thank you, ILX.

just saw a girl riding a bike no hands carrying a large frozen bird

she was kinda cuet

she knows!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmrvyv7KDt1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

like a kitten!

... she'll love it!

(p.s. no tongues)

lmao

http://agentlemansguide.tumblr.com

ok this is passably funny in a tongue in cheek way

this on the other hand:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmrwieHxXm1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

intensely creepy

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lm162mnfL71qdt7kvo1_500.png

~parody~

http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lo46kqjlir1qj29d6o1_500.jpg

haaaahahahaHAAAA

i mean... no. you probably shouldn't be doing that.

~so sensitive~

as long as your surreptitious about it.

you're ;_;

No. 249:
When she takes out an order of protection on you, check up on her more often.

when she realizes you're a dickbreeze, never change.

"hey, so it's been a couple of days since I dumped you... how are you holding up?"

^ who does this

Dudes who want to assuage their guilty feelings, or are hoping for a post-breakup fuck. In my previous experience of dating jerks, anyway.

If you break up with her, pull her even closer and hug her even tighter.

"It must have been extra tough on you to have gotten dumped by someone as great as me. I can only imagine how that must feel."

"I still don't have anything planned Friday, do you want some sympathy sex if I can't find a new date?"

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnyxtnE8GI1qjnt7yo1_500.jpg

hmmm.

Blowjobs pretty ok too, I believe.

a lady doesn't think so, i guess

sometimes trumpets

iirc a lady will also, on occasion, blow this popsicle stand

ladies also sometimes blow kisses afaik

bubbles

ass

what about blown my beeper up

If there's anything a woman should suck, it's a champagne popsicle on a hot summer day.

The benefits of being a beta male

Sorry, not actually a blog

hell yeah

It's interesting that you can use poo to infer stress levels

http://www.americasmanliestcities.com/

BROUGHT TO YOU BY COMBOS

LA got less manly after i moved there

Good to see that my hometown of Louisville, KY rated #3 in Salty Snack Sales

and that my current city, Baltimore, MD is #1 in number of people with Manly Occupations

*grunt of manliness*

“Manly Kryptonite” Category / Emasculating Criteria*
Cities also lost points for an overabundance of emasculating criteria – factors that reduced a city’s manliness rating. These factors included the number of home furnishing and décor stores, cafés/coffee shops, sushi restaurants, “modern” male apparel stores and cupcake shops. Cities with higher concentrations of these types of stores lost rating points.

I am proud that Chicago has dropped 17 points. We just got a new sushi restaurant in our neighborhood, too, so I'm hopefully we'll fall into the bottom half in 2012. Maybe the Bears will move to Iowa.

Chicago has way too many bead shops to be manly. Fuck that, I'm moving.

how the hell was Charlotte the most manliest city in American in 2010? Are bankers more manly than other professions?

Okay wait, how is San Francisco consistently topping the "emasculating" category not some homophobic bullshit?

Not even on the list, I'm not a man anymore

I see MAine is forgotten like on most lists - good

Maine is pretty manly iirc

no - not Mike Hanle y's Maine - maybe Bill Green's Maine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ov_63AACotc

can't spell maine w/o M-A-N iirc

can't be a Mainer without sticking yoru hand in the tree beast

How is sushi not "manly"? You're eating fucking RAW* MEAT**!

DD's post made me think: you know what I think is manly? CBT - cock/ball torture. But no, I'm sure if prevalence of participation in CBT in a particular city were a factor, it would be in the faggoty girly crap "kryptonite" category.

*not always raw, but often

** fish is meat, FUIUD.

but maybe CBT is already a sub-category of "Salty Snacks"?

My ex-bf used to say - and he was being serious - that it took a real man to take it up the butt.

I recently read an article about gaining weight in the anus - I wonder if that can happen

My ex-bf used to say - and he was being serious - that it took a /real/ man to take it up the butt.

Makes sense to me.

really it just takes a butt

Weird that your quoted text shows the italicized "real" with slashes.

Maybe bc I'm using ZING!

maybe it takes a real man to slash the butt

oh lord

Whoa.

I mean, I get what he was saying, and I've heard other sodomites say it: it takes a sense of security in your masculinity and some physical fortitude, but really, it's kind of a gay argument.

It takes a real man to zing the butt

Sadly I do not think being a power-bottom counts as a "manly occupation" in these rankings.

It's sad he was etc etc

it takes a man to be such a powerbuster powerbottom as to actually motivate out into the hallway during the power

"Do Real Men Wear Halloween Costumes?"

http://bit.ly/utOfEg