Spontaneous Combustion - fat people like to nap while smoking
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:36 (fifteen years ago)
Bigfoot - high naked biker on camping beer run
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:37 (fifteen years ago)
yeti - eskimo with downs syndrome
― remy bean, Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:38 (fifteen years ago)
Loch Ness Monster - i could swear i left that inner tube somewhere around here
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:39 (fifteen years ago)
Contact at seance - you prepaid, plus grandma never really liked you that much really
tungkusa event- lenin farted
― remy bean, Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:40 (fifteen years ago)
most ghosts - old houses are creaky
― mh, Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:41 (fifteen years ago)
bermuda triangle - cant get cinemax on the open seas, and this bottle of captain morgan isnt going to drink itself
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:43 (fifteen years ago)
chupacabra - a delicious burrito
― $5.00 Footlongs (thebingo), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:44 (fifteen years ago)
bohemian grove - whorehouse security these days is notoriously lax
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:44 (fifteen years ago)
area 57 - the space between your balls and asshole
― $5.00 Footlongs (thebingo), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:45 (fifteen years ago)
jesus = if dirty hippies didn't exist it would be necessary to invent them
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:51 (fifteen years ago)
Faked Death of Jim Morrison - nom nom nom drugs and booze are awesome nom nom
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:54 (fifteen years ago)
Aliens - What are the chances that they'd look anything like a human? No, weird looking eyes + short/tall + hairless isn't enough different.
― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:56 (fifteen years ago)
this is already my favorite thread
― chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Thursday, 16 June 2011 18:58 (fifteen years ago)
JFK assassination - you try moving your head in the proper direction when somebody shoots you in it
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:02 (fifteen years ago)
Alien abduction - people like to claim that made up things happened to them because they like the attention
― wtf is wrong with people? (snoball), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:05 (fifteen years ago)
9/11 - Mysterious details don't justify a story line that makes way less sense than the obvious one.
― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:06 (fifteen years ago)
evolution -- shit happens
― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:07 (fifteen years ago)
past-life regressions: wishful thinking
― Mr. Patrick Batman (WmC), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:08 (fifteen years ago)
It's haunted, I just heard a weird noise and it smells like DEATH - I farted
― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:11 (fifteen years ago)
telekinesis - everyone can see that wire
― chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:11 (fifteen years ago)
The works of Hermes Trismegistus, destroyed by fire when the Great Library of Alexandria burned = porn
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:12 (fifteen years ago)
witchcraft -- goth shut-ins have a lot of time on their hands
― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:12 (fifteen years ago)
oklahoma city bombing - though they may lack certain social skills, redneck, wannabe militia, ex-military people ACTUALLY pretty good at blowing shit up.
― scott seward, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:12 (fifteen years ago)
Knights Templar - actually secret D&D nerds
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:13 (fifteen years ago)
demonic possession - epilepsy + Tourette's Syndrome is a terrible combination
― chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:14 (fifteen years ago)
The Necronomicon was actually a fairly mediocre cookbook.
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:15 (fifteen years ago)
Bible = old school fan fiction
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:16 (fifteen years ago)
richard gere with a gerbil up his butt - it was actually a lightbulb with a gerbil's face painted on it.
― scott seward, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:17 (fifteen years ago)
telepathy - you are really boring and predictable; I've just been too polite to tell you
― chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:17 (fifteen years ago)
Uri Geller - buys really poorly made flatware
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:18 (fifteen years ago)
jesus turning water into wine - MiO water enhancer not actually an astounding modern scientific breakthrough
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:20 (fifteen years ago)
Virgin Mary is on my potato chip - Shut yer trap Cletus I'm trying to watch NASCAR.
― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:20 (fifteen years ago)
shroud of turin -- iron-on transfer
― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:20 (fifteen years ago)
jesus curing the lepers - jerusalem did not have a reporter on the leper beat to follow up and see how things were going
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:22 (fifteen years ago)
masonic lodge conspiracy - old dudes love broing down and being weird
― mh, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:22 (fifteen years ago)
Robert Johnson - traded the Devil some fish for a few guitar lessons
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:23 (fifteen years ago)
jack the ripper -- angry pimp
― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:24 (fifteen years ago)
jackalope - masturbating onto a cantaloupe
― $5.00 Footlongs (thebingo), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:24 (fifteen years ago)
Samson - wife makes husband get a damn haircut, dude gets all mopey.
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:27 (fifteen years ago)
biggie/tupac - suge knight sure is a dick
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:28 (fifteen years ago)
god - head cold
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:34 (fifteen years ago)
Creationism is the belief that the earth and universe and the various kinds of animals and plants was created by God or some other supreme being - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iYUdbbDvPk
― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:34 (fifteen years ago)
paul is dead -- paul is actually dead
― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:35 (fifteen years ago)
unicorns - noah brought them onto the ark but decided to serve deep dish unicorn pizza on night #25
― Z S, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:36 (fifteen years ago)
tantric love is actually just horniness
― coffeetripperspillerslyricmakeruppers (Latham Green), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:36 (fifteen years ago)
the lost city of atlantis -- hurricane planning has always been a neglected part of disater preparedness
― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:37 (fifteen years ago)
Jonestown massacre - MiO water enhancer not actually an astounding modern scientific breakthrough but the formula did need a few tweaks
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:38 (fifteen years ago)
jfk assassination - rock thrown by motorcade tire
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:38 (fifteen years ago)
twin towers - strong winds
moon landing -- nixon, abandoned "outer limits" stage set, wild turkey
― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:43 (fifteen years ago)
sea serpents - rum, sodomy, the lash, dehydration, boredom
― scott seward, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:45 (fifteen years ago)
most everything can be explained by wild turkey
― mh, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:46 (fifteen years ago)
battle of los angeles - army base game of truth, dare, doubledare got way out of hand
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:46 (fifteen years ago)
mermaids - manatees
manatees - mermaids
― chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:46 (fifteen years ago)
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer),
omg guilty lol
― Mr. Patrick Batman (WmC), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:47 (fifteen years ago)
poltergeists - your 11 year old is a sneaky little dick
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:48 (fifteen years ago)
crop circles -- bored farmers on bathtub meth
― strongo hulkington's ghost dad, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:48 (fifteen years ago)
virgin birth - premarital boning
― mookieproof, Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:52 (fifteen years ago)
drugs
― unmetalled world (wk), Thursday, 16 June 2011 20:13 (fifteen years ago)
― chupacabra - a delicious burrito (DJP), Thursday, 16 June 2011 19:17 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
was scrolling upthread for posts by user 'telepathy'.
― i love the smell of facepalm in the morning (ledge), Friday, 17 June 2011 08:31 (fifteen years ago)
meditation - you feel relaxed when you don't pay attention to anyone but yourself
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 09:47 (fifteen years ago)
Marie Celeste - "let's get fucked and go for a swim"
― Matt DC, Friday, 17 June 2011 09:52 (fifteen years ago)
roanoke - predators
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 09:54 (fifteen years ago)
chiropractic - saying you got better just to stop that guy breaking your spine
― i love the smell of facepalm in the morning (ledge), Friday, 17 June 2011 09:56 (fifteen years ago)
acupuncture - saying you got better just to stop that guy sticking fucking needles in you
― i love the smell of facepalm in the morning (ledge), Friday, 17 June 2011 09:57 (fifteen years ago)
homeopathy - saying you got better just to de-creep your medical situation
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:00 (fifteen years ago)
psychoanalysis - it's good to talk
― i love the smell of facepalm in the morning (ledge), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:05 (fifteen years ago)
western medicine - that looks interesting. do you mind if i cut it with something?
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:07 (fifteen years ago)
Atlantis - Plato just out of a bad relationship (he wanted real commitment but the other guy wanted to keep things "platonic"... yeah, right), out of his gourd on mead deciding to fuck with everyone's heads
― R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:08 (fifteen years ago)
the allegory of the cave - shut up, i'm talking to you
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:11 (fifteen years ago)
Kaspar Hauser - lying attention seeking little fuck
― R. Stornoway (Tom D.), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:15 (fifteen years ago)
Star of David & three wise men - future Xtians time-travel package tour
― sometimes all it takes is a healthy dose of continental indiepop (tomofthenest), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:25 (fifteen years ago)
Reincarnation: you just keep having weird dreams you used to be Marie Antoinette or Lenin.
― Bloompsday (Trayce), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:25 (fifteen years ago)
humanism - i love you so much that those bears don't want to eat me
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:33 (fifteen years ago)
The Immaculate Conception — women are better at keeping secrets than men
― naus, Friday, 17 June 2011 10:35 (fifteen years ago)
communism - the best thing about poor people is that they all want the same thing
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:37 (fifteen years ago)
Endtimes - we are the chosen generation
― Ned Trifle (Notinmyname), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:51 (fifteen years ago)
precognition - avoid me, for i have unplumbed issues
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 10:56 (fifteen years ago)
The Illuminati — 18th century graphic-design firm. The "eye in the pyramid" was an early attempt at subversive "edginess" that became so popular that the then-young & hip United States decided to put it on their currency
― naus, Friday, 17 June 2011 10:58 (fifteen years ago)
scientology - borderline psychopathic arseholes with overdeveloped egos get what they want out of life, news at 11
― i love the smell of facepalm in the morning (ledge), Friday, 17 June 2011 11:00 (fifteen years ago)
Search for the Reincarnation of the Dalai Lama — fucking pageant moms in Tibet
― naus, Friday, 17 June 2011 11:12 (fifteen years ago)
Curse of the Pharoahs — a nice way of saying "you're lame and we don't want you coming to our kickass secret pyramid raves"
― naus, Friday, 17 June 2011 11:29 (fifteen years ago)
Chemtrails - condensation + bored idiots
― Synth Solo (Matt #2), Friday, 17 June 2011 11:42 (fifteen years ago)
Chemtrails - plane farts
― The Hetfieldification of the Menopausal Male (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Friday, 17 June 2011 12:18 (fifteen years ago)
Fairies - paper cut-outs of fairies
― Ned Trifle (Notinmyname), Friday, 17 June 2011 12:50 (fifteen years ago)
"They say..." - Actually just you do
― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Friday, 17 June 2011 12:55 (fifteen years ago)
Tree auras - trees don't have auras.
― Ned Trifle (Notinmyname), Friday, 17 June 2011 12:58 (fifteen years ago)
Deja vu - your life really is that repetitive
― cloaca flocka flame (NickB), Friday, 17 June 2011 13:30 (fifteen years ago)
Dinosaurs - died in a car accident
― Nebuchadnezzar Buchanan (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 14:39 (fifteen years ago)
Shadow gov't = the gov't isn't organized enough to pull menial shit off much less this
― Nebuchadnezzar Buchanan (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 14:41 (fifteen years ago)
Rasputin - those guys didn't try very hard to kill him and were just bad at it in general, so they had to do it a lot of times.
― the three stigmata of a (Viceroy), Friday, 17 June 2011 14:54 (fifteen years ago)
Princess Di - killed by dinosaurs and rasputin
― scott seward, Friday, 17 June 2011 15:16 (fifteen years ago)
fountain of youth -- some people will make up anything to get out of spain
― it seems i am the larry (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 17 June 2011 15:19 (fifteen years ago)
How did the Egyptians manage to construct such huge monuments - huge fucking whips
― aka best bum of the o_O's (Noodle Vague), Friday, 17 June 2011 16:33 (fifteen years ago)
2012 - told you to buy Christmas presents.
― resonate with awesomeness (jel --), Friday, 17 June 2011 16:37 (fifteen years ago)
D.B. Cooper - bloody mushroom cloud of $20 bills
― lemon kerrang! (jjjusten), Friday, 17 June 2011 20:06 (fifteen years ago)
People who can see lizard people - incredibly talented at spotting dry skin, should actually be working at the cosmetic counter in a department store, dispensing skincare advice.
― Ktulu says, I've come to hate my body (wk), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:34 (fifteen years ago)
ouroboros - that's not his tail he's trying to swallow
― Ktulu says, I've come to hate my body (wk), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:35 (fifteen years ago)
synchronicity - lots of things happen
― shannon HOOS of blind melSTEEN (rip van wanko), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:38 (fifteen years ago)
past life regression - don't worry you were just as boring
― resonate with awesomeness (jel --), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:38 (fifteen years ago)
pyramid power - everyone just loves triangles
― Ktulu says, I've come to hate my body (wk), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:39 (fifteen years ago)
infinity - shit is just really big
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:39 (fifteen years ago)
expanding universe -- actually, eventually, you just fall off the edge
― it seems i am the larry (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:40 (fifteen years ago)
magnetism - horny minerals
― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:40 (fifteen years ago)
i ching - invented by ancient chinese schoolgirls to find out which boys liked them
― Ktulu says, I've come to hate my body (wk), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:41 (fifteen years ago)
contracting universe -- gated community for dead scientologists on other side
― it seems i am the larry (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:41 (fifteen years ago)
the magic 8 ball - actually a rudimentary time machine that can access information from the future
― Ktulu says, I've come to hate my body (wk), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:42 (fifteen years ago)
yoga - girls in tights
― shannon HOOS of blind melSTEEN (rip van wanko), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:43 (fifteen years ago)
parallel universe - it'd only be marginally better, or worse, so don't worry.
― resonate with awesomeness (jel --), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:44 (fifteen years ago)
like, cosmic man - not really.
lucky streak - talk to me in an hour
― shannon HOOS of blind melSTEEN (rip van wanko), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:45 (fifteen years ago)
the universe is an atom in a dog's tail -- actually an atom in a flea on a dog's tail
― it seems i am the larry (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Friday, 17 June 2011 21:45 (fifteen years ago)
Stigmata — picking at mosquito bites
― naus, Friday, 17 June 2011 21:54 (fifteen years ago)
Stonehenge — college prank
― naus, Friday, 17 June 2011 21:55 (fifteen years ago)
full moon effect = morons get overanxious due to belief in urban legend and act crazy due to overcorrection
― Nebuchadnezzar Buchanan (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:03 (fifteen years ago)
MJ 12 - ill-fated 12th album by the king of pop
― resonate with awesomeness (jel --), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:07 (fifteen years ago)
ghosts = stop using PCP in houses with lots of mirrors
― Nebuchadnezzar Buchanan (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:09 (fifteen years ago)
agharta - I'm not really too impressed by a bunch of dudes who live in caves tbqh
― Ktulu says, I've come to hate my body (wk), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:34 (fifteen years ago)
Bloody Mary - if you put fire next to a dark mirror you're gonna see some shit
― broke, broke, broke usher (reddening), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:36 (fifteen years ago)
ghost poop - tucked away somewhere in the toilet hole and you can't see it, but wiping is still a must
― Nebuchadnezzar Buchanan (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:38 (fifteen years ago)
answered prayers = WOW who'da thunk studyign for that test = higher grades???!!!!
― Nebuchadnezzar Buchanan (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:39 (fifteen years ago)
the Legend of Sweeney Todd - disgruntled Yelp review ruins barber's reputation
― broke, broke, broke usher (reddening), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:56 (fifteen years ago)
Wilt Chamberlain - ain't no way he fucked all dem broads unless he outsourced his peepee
― Nebuchadnezzar Buchanan (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 22:58 (fifteen years ago)
stonehenge - burt reynolds did it
― why i am an anarcho-sandwich artist (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:00 (fifteen years ago)
lovely girl hitchhiking turns out to be ghost - lol nice imaginary girlfriend you saddo
― broke, broke, broke usher (reddening), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:13 (fifteen years ago)
burning bush = arson was popular hobby in biblical times
― why i am an anarcho-sandwich artist (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:17 (fifteen years ago)
Roswell 1947 = New Mexico feeling unloved by tourists
― why i am an anarcho-sandwich artist (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:21 (fifteen years ago)
call is coming from inside the house - bored phone operator bein' a dick
― broke, broke, broke usher (reddening), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:30 (fifteen years ago)
The Flying Dutchman — drunk sailors
― naus, Friday, 17 June 2011 23:30 (fifteen years ago)
Pied Piper = your kids really really hated you
― why i am an anarcho-sandwich artist (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:32 (fifteen years ago)
escaped killer w/hook for a hand seen near Lover's Lane = elaborate art project by guerrilla abstinence group
― broke, broke, broke usher (reddening), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:37 (fifteen years ago)
Unicorn = horse w/ really grotesque looking tumor
― why i am an anarcho-sandwich artist (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:38 (fifteen years ago)
tooth fairy = denture cartel running short of supplies....
― why i am an anarcho-sandwich artist (Neanderthal), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:39 (fifteen years ago)
cursed treasure - everybody likes & wants yr treasure
― broke, broke, broke usher (reddening), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:50 (fifteen years ago)
Dark Side of the Moon - Wizard of Oz sync = Stanley Kubrick faked the Moon Landing
― David Allah Coal (sexyDancer), Friday, 17 June 2011 23:55 (fifteen years ago)
haha I worked on that one forver to no avail
― shannon HOOS of blind melSTEEN (rip van wanko), Saturday, 18 June 2011 02:43 (fifteen years ago)
lucky four-leaf clover -- rummaging through a clover patch for endless hours has addled yr brains, rendering you more easily impressed by things
― broke, broke, broke usher (reddening), Saturday, 18 June 2011 02:59 (fifteen years ago)
Moon Landing: Believe it or not, 40 years ago Americans actually built shit that fucking worked.
― Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 June 2011 03:19 (fifteen years ago)
Pharaoh's curse: It's called cancer, Howard Carter
― Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 June 2011 03:23 (fifteen years ago)