reasons to leave a job when you're super-rich

from http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/print/2011/04/secret-fears-of-the-super-rich/8419/

Karen Weisgerber, a senior adviser at the center who also works with Kenny at North Bridge, describes an heir she counseled who had earned an M.B.A. from a top-tier school and was an obviously intelligent man. He nonetheless moved from one high-tech job to another. “At some point, something would happen at each job that those who have to work for an income would learn to tolerate,” Weisgerber says. “And he’d just say, ‘I don’t want to deal with this.’ Eventually he had to say, ‘I don’t have a career.’”

1. vending machine in break room replaced peanut butter m&ms with quotidian peanut m&ms

2. it's Tuesday

3. anxiety induced by shameful secret of mba acquired from second tier school

4. polo injuries

5. Meeting scheduled for lunch time.

6. reprimanded by human resources for signing emails as "his lordship"

^ lol

7. march madness picks were so bad that you know your co-workers will secretly hold it against you forever

8. Disabled toilet cubicle occupied.

9. office won't bend its "no pets" rule for your adorable new baby jaguar

10. Blue jean Fridays.

11. parking spaces in the shade all taken by the time you usually arrive at work

aka "reasons we have wanted to quit jobs"?

12. office has no-slaves policy

13. the toilet paper in the restrooms is too rough

14. democrats are in office and they're gonna raise taxes so high that your time is better spent complaining online full-time

15. your office door is not wide enough to move in your office desk hewn from a single cube of quartz

16. Sandwich artist polo shirt is too coarse, wrong shade of green.

17. your quartz desk looks kinda cheesy in an office building made entirely of quartz

18. no helipad access

aka "reasons we have wanted to quit jobs"?

I will admit I was super pissed when I couldn't bring in my jaguar but hey, I've got a mortgage *shrug*

19. have nobbed all the interns

20. "coffee swizzle sticks are NOT for cocaine use. thanks! :)"

21. you finally understood the message of virgo noir

22. walk to the restroom from your office necessitates walking past the hoi polloi in their cubicles, unambitious enough to work towards having their own offices

23. mail cart boy objects to "collar and leash" ensemble you ordered special

24. proposal to hire a washroom attendant who will hand out scented towels met with blank stares at weekly office meeting. "but I'll pay for it!" you said.

25. you couldn't come up with 200 votes in mingo county

26. bosses force you to use feces bag for horse you use to get from office to office

27. facebook blocked

28. Colleagues invite your valet out for beers, not you.

29. hard to find something for your palanquin bearers to do for the 4 hours you work

30. as a non-exempt employee, you're expected to put in at least 50 hours/week

31. "i can buy and sell all of you!" not appreciated during interdepartmental meetings, whatever its truth

32. cleaning crew wears white before labor day

33. "brunching with a sultan from dubai" apparently not acceptable for excuse from coming in four hours late drunk on pink champagne

34. foreign head of state dies; bereavement time not granted

35. middle-management hates it when you "make it rain"

36. strict no chorling policy

chortling, perhaps

37. inferior grade caviar in the snack machine

38. closest golf course to workplace is a public one

39. nobody found it funny when you converted a janitor's closet into a scrooge mcduck style "money pit"

40. people found it even less funny that you refused to remove janitor first.

41. elves at office xmas party clearly non-magical

42. can't enjoy "bring your daughter to work day" because of paparazzi issues

43. attendees at team-building weekend shocked to learn you've instead planned a battle royale style fight to the death

44. 'no segways indoors' policy chafes at your very existence

45. management refuse to dig a canal to the parking lot to accommodate your speedboat

45. banned from misusing "american psycho" quotes in the break room

46. Ferdinand Marcos inspirational poster deemed inappropriate

47. Using $10 dollar bills as post-its

48. manager expects you to work past 6PM but won't allow you to change into proper evening attire

49. building escape pod addition to your office in violation of fire codes

50. russian mafia keeps prank calling your boss

51. Company's insistence on direct deposit keeps messing up your efforts to keep all your bank accounts at precise, round, 7-figure numbers.

52. denied reimbursement for all the monocles you've broken expressing shock and disdain

53. Fancying popping home for a shag.

54. Phish is touring again!

55. fancying popping off on your boss's desk during a shag

56. Static shock from office door handle.

57. cafeteria refuses to even try making parmesan foam with celery sorbet

58. shocked to find out that a 'conjugal visit' policy was strictly for correctional institutions, not corporate offices

59. complimentary thanksgiving turkey does not have sufficient pedigree

60. shunned at xmas party for repossessing the house of a coworker with two children and an arthritic dog

61. "super yacht monthly" keeps getting delivered to the wrong desk

62. company I.T. policy dictates a five monitor limit for any one office

63. You employ more people than the rest of the company

Though, maybe that's a good thing.

64. rooftop apparently NOT zoned for helipad, with hindenberg-esque results

65. nobody laughs at your jokes about poor people

66. forbidden from participating in the NBA office pool, because you own the Celtics

67. Dress code inexplicably bars silk bathrobes.

68. the trap floor you installed in your office merely drops unwanted people into the mail room, not into a pit of venomous cobras as you had imagined

69. keep getting copy machine toner all over your cravats

70. You just can't get Secret Santa right

71. your mom keeps sending you links to articles about that seamus farrow motherfucker and you just can't deal anymore.

72. 18th-century silverware explodes in communal microwave and apparently YOU'RE not the one who was wronged

73. Lack of helicopter landing pad

that was #64!

73. no one understands your sympathy for zaroff in "the most dangerous game"

75. no one else will play "intern hunt" with you

76. decline to participate in office lottery pool because if you actually won, it would be too hard to funnel the money into an off shore tax haven

75. your manager won't let your people count for you

78. "what happened in vegas" actually apparently got forwarded to everyone in the office, the ATF, and homeland security

79. there are Mexicans working here.

80. You can't concentrate on ILX threads.

guys

18. no helipad access

― jackie tretorn (elmo argonaut)

80. office fridge too small to fit dead hooker, even the midget kind

81. you repeated a post on an ilx thread and were too shamed to go back the next day

82. There's always that moment when yr wife gets offered a job that pays more than you earn....

(!!!!!!!!!)

83. apparently siegfried and roy trained a real long time to make sure no one's head gets bitten off when stuck in a lion's mouth

:D

:D

85. creative differences

86. overheard too many snarky comments in the crowd when you invited rod stewart to headline the company picnic

87. 'snarky comment made about rod stewart' apparently not a good enough reason to fire your secretary

88. hired motorcycle gang as strike-breakers "for the lolz."

89. Nannikins made to wait for 25 minutes when she came to pick you up the other day.

90. caught using crushed bones of middle management as sandwich seasoning

91. You won that online auction you were bidding on - telling people about your new Picasso gets old pretty quickly.

92. apparently attempting to buy someone's silence isn't the best way to handle a dispute over stolen office supplies

93. video cameras caught you spray-painting "SUCKERS!" on the bumper of every car in the employee lot that still had a "obama/biden '08" bumper sticker

94. Someone used your spare cravat as a tea towel

95. Guy from IT left unspeakable things in your cigar box

96. your annexation of the reception area "in the name of the danubian archduchy" were not met with the cries of gratitude you anticipated

oh man
xp

97. wrongly blamed for losing a major account; you were just following your astrologer's advice

99. Someone stole the bottle of vintage Bollinger in the fridge even though it had a post-it with your name on.

100. cheese plate at coworker's retirement party features only three kinds of cheese (and despite what anyone says you can TASTE the plastic wrap)

101. Your email about the state of the cutlery in the cafeteria goes viral

102. colleagues' frustrating refusal to shine your shoes

103. in what kind of world are hourly employees NOT to be used as footrests?

104. switzerland finally unfreezes your assets

105. Yes, you saw the game at the weekend - Prince William's team were robbed.

106. office window faces grade school playground, forcing you to wear pants from 8 am to 4 pm.

107. nobody feels bad enough the gluten sensitivity you just learned you should affect

108. you didn't know that you'd quit, just really didn't 'get' that anyone expected you to be in the office between memorial day and labor day

109. firewall keeps blocking "super yacht monthly" website

109. fluorescent overheads giving you "the vapors" not justifiable sick day excuse

110. scheduled date of company picnic conflicts with G8 summit

111. line manager refuses to accept "feast on the entrails of the weak" as a career goal

112. had no idea rape was actually illegal

113. company gym lacks certified spinning instructor

114. refusal to fill out hr department's personality test because the last time you did that, at prep school, you were forced to spend two months "recuperating" at a "day spa" until your uncle the judge had certain members of the school's staff fired and the records sealed

115. mid-year appraisal omits your performance in the autumn fox hunt

114. passed over for promotion, even though rival candidate had no Mayflower ancestors

117. can't believe that 'special assistant to the director, regional sales' doesn't get you a berth at the aspen ideas festival

118. stern reminder that owning and driving a monster truck does not exclude you from following rules in parking lot

119. no one is willing to schedule the department meeting around your charity event committee meetings

120. Greeting a female colleague with a cheery "What Ho" lands you in a lot of trouble.

121. cannot telecommute from your dirigible

manager does not look kindly upon your request for time off to promote charter schools

123. Alexander McQueen is a dress code violation.

124. you're not exempt from office rules about photocopiers and genitalia even if your family owns a controlling stake in xerox

125. Haven't they even got a bellhop in this fucking building?

126. you're hungry

127. professional sports team you own is making a serious playoff run and you need to attend every game

128. caught manipulating international credit markets just so you could make your quarterly sales quota

129. feeling lonely because nobody else in your office got a google+ invite

130. saudi billionaire friend is starting a new movie studio and you cant pass up the chance to bang all those actors/invest

131. doctored diplomas constitute breach of honesty clause no matter how much your father paid for them

132. your coworkers wanted to 'bro down' and 'pound a few' on the weekend, but you said you're not into the thai sex trade anymore, it's passe.

133. you were invited to be a mod of I LOVE CRICKET: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX

134. you awake every morning feeling hollow & worthless, that every aspect of your life is loathsome & that you only have a short time on this earth to make a real difference.

135. rebels are shelling your office

136. had to share the elevator at work with an ugly person

137. people starting to suspect those "mocha frappucino stains" on your shirt, pants, and office couch are something else entirely

138. the eyes of the less fortunate, silently judging you everywhere you turn

139. zoning laws making it really really inconvenient to add a screening room to your office

140. 'treehuggers' objecting to you placing rug made from grizzly bear you killed over the weekend in the front lobby

141. you killed your boss in a jurisdiction that has an extradition treaty

142. naughty limericks about warren buffett and malcom forbes somehow not welcome in company newsletter

143. c-level execs told you it was 'financially unfeasible' to convert 3,200 offices worldwide to thermal energy no matter what prince charles told you over tea this weekend

144. you're bored

145. "intern's mouth" not acceptable substitute when you accidentally leave your putting mat at home

146. cannot be bothered to bus your own tray in company cafeteria

147. Inferior performance of Beethoven used for on-hold music

148. "antique enthusiast ennui" not covered by health insurance

149. that annoying asian motherfucker below you who went to cal tech and 'builds' all the 'software' got a google+ invite. you've been calling eric schmidt all day and keep getting voicemail. it's ridiculous.

150. after your first taste of glory in the atlantic, you've decided to make appearances in obnoxious trendpiece articles your full-time job

151. it's not like you NEEDED that money out of petty cash to buy lunch but come on it was just sitting there

1512 People don't appreciate the craftsmanship that goes into your pinatas

152

153. A one hour lunch break is just not long enough for all 23 courses

154. orchids on coworker's birthday cake are (a) buttercream and (b) common

155. security won't let you use your wall street journal copperplate portrait on your ID

156. cafeteria makes you pay for refills

157. not one hundred percent sure because you only stopped in briefly for appearances but pretty sure there was wine in a...box at a birth luncheon

158. decided to devote yourself full-time to the monarchist group that declared you rightful heir to hapsburg throne

159. subordinates complain when you throw them bodily out of your office. jesus doesn't anyone remember uncle phil from the fresh prince around here?

160. as of today, everyone had seen all of your work outfits and you don't have time to shop for new ones

161. oak valley country club is finally taking new applications

161. portraitist deemed distracting during business meetings

162. secretary tells you two very angry colombian men came by asking about "the product" and you decide it might be a good time to lay low for a while

163. mistook mailboy for shoe shiner in bathroom, can't bear the awkwardness that will ensue when he delivers your mail tomorrow

164. filled with despair when told that the island you just bought is sinking back into the sea

165. embarrassed to park your ferrari in executive lot next to entry-level mercedes & BMWs

165. someone suggests that giving "the shocker" to people who can't bring projects in on time and under budget isn't really a good motivational tool

166. realize you can just buy your own health insurance

167. seeking employment in taller skyscraper next door.

168. you make the mistake of sexually assaulting a hotel maid in new york city when youre on personal business and dont have diplomatic immunity

169. batman pajamas with butt-flap tsk-tsk'd as casual friday attire

170. company's general counsel was actually really rude to you when you asked him to do something about your page 6 appearance. yes it was a 'blind item' but still.

171. turns out that the anthropomorphic bear you're great-grandfather came up with to sell floor wax is now the basis for a successful animated movie franchise, you're going to write the script to the sequel

173. you've run out of vacation days

174. had a really strange argument, co-workers didn't understand that making a first year suck you off in the back of the chapel at boarding school absolutely doesn't count as gay, that's one of the laws of this country.

175. ate six complimentary shrimp cocktails even though they didn't smell quite right, projectile vomited on arianna huffington during aol merger meeting

176. your trainer can only see you at 10:45 AM on weekdays after her Bravo reality show blew up

177. kiddie pool full of jell-o pudding falls outside of "sprucing up your cubicle with items from home" guidelines

178. new '2 buy-ins maximum' rule for poker nights with 'the boys from work' cramps your fast and easy all-in style

He nonetheless moved from one high-tech job to another. “At some point, something would happen at each job that those who have to work for an income would learn to tolerate,” Weisgerber says. “And he’d just say, ‘I don’t want to deal with this.’ Eventually he had to say, ‘I don’t have a career.’”

I know a couple of people like this except they have no money. Quitting jobs over minor annoyances is just strange to me.

179. no one gets the joke when you offer to pay for lunch and then pull out a milk jug full of loose change

180. your manager gets all misty eyed when he talks about how his ailing father fought at iwo jima, but nobody gives you the slightest consideration that you had ancestors fighting on both sides of the revolutionary war

181. your first project is due tomorrow

182. Someone has to oversee the building of the moat -- you can't trust contractors these days.

183. your hiring processes brought into question when it's discovered that the final step in the interview is answering three riddles correctly or else risk being imprisoned in a latvian dungeon for the rest of the applicant's natural life

184. office doors not tall enough for you to get through without removing your top hat

185. office doors not tall enough for you to get through without exiting your howdah.

186. If there's not going to be a helipad, the least they could do is make the runway long enough for you to land your learjet.

187. chair not entirely comfortable

188. someone farted

189. "Claims Analyst" not as glamorous as it sounds

190. this is like the seventh straight place in a row where i can't find a suitable dwight or a pam to play against my jim character and it's really getting fucking annoying.

191. Co-workers refuse to give you share of $100 lottery-ticket winnings even though you totally meant to put your dollar in last week.

192. Toilet seat in the executive washroom is gold plated rather than solid gold.

192. Salary won't cover cost of new clean clothes daily

194. co-workers can't count sequentially

195. Boss no longer amused by your wisecracking "I thought you meant 'As Slowly As Possible!'" excuse.

196. the annoying aspie who sits in the office next to me.

197. the job is going to be offshored to India or China anyway and life's too short to sit in an office with annoying co-workers and bothersome work-oriented tasks.

198. i have no respect for the managing partner b/c he got his degree from Brooklyn Law (and i got mine from Columbia).

199. It's Wednesday

200. they served peche a la creme in the office cafeteria for lunch today.