Big Brother 2011 (UK) Thread 1: When Love Takes Over

It's coming back! Bigger than ever yadda yadda this is going to be shite isn't it?

Celebrity one first apparently. I think one thread will probably be enough to cover both that and the wannabe one.

Promo:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=gMYVglkRPh4

let's try that again

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMYVglkRPh4

Stars who have denied they'll be taking part: Charlie Sheen, Mike Tyson.

Stars who haven't denied anything: Jedward, Kerry Katona, Sarah Ferguson.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/mediamonkeyblog/2011/aug/02/daily-star-celebrity-big-brother

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/view/204109/Pamela-Anderson-to-sex-up-Big-Brother/

So, Brian Dowling's going to be Davina?

If those planes had started dropping bombs it would have been perfect.

marcus bentley's there = so am I

I will be watching this, unless Jedward are in. That joke stopped being funny a long time ago.

They should have spontaneously combusted on stage at the end of their Eurovision performance. Would have been the perfect exit.

Kick-off is 9PM Thursday 18th
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/s150/celebrity-big-brother/news/a333180/celebrity-big-brother-launch-night-details-confirmed.html
The celeb version might work if they can get a good mix of housemates - not fucking Jedward. The civilian version is probably going to die on it's arse,

i thought big brother was done with for good? why is ti back, god, let it die

Dudes if you're watching this then you are giving money to the Richard Desmond empire and basically putting it in the pocket of the English Defence League. I hope you're all happy with that.

We'll change channels when the ads come on.

i thought big brother was done with for good? why is ti back, god, let it die

― lex pretend, Thursday, August 4, 2011 12:39 PM

i think this is a good point

Oh it'll last until the end of this celeb series, then the main series will get cancelled either halfway through or even before it starts. Then it might get a reboot on Dave ('The Home of Witty Comedy Banter").

I like the optimism inherent in 'Thread 1' though. If we get to Thread 2 then that'll be one thread more than the entirety of the last Premiership season.

We only got one thread last year...
Big Brother 2010 (UK) Thread 1: Unknown Pleasures
...seems like a looooooooooooooooooooooong time a go /morganfreeman

wonder what they're gonna do in the way of support shows

Emma Willis will be presenting Big Brother’s new and exclusive spin-off series ‘Big Brother's Bit On The Side’ which will be scheduled around the main show.

Emma Willis, the wife of Matt Willis, who ate a crocodile penis on TV while Ant & Dec watched.

rubbish prog name but no george lamb already hundredfold improvement on last few series

Hi.

It's tradition for these threads to start with "thread one", in old ILX days the thread would go to another thread when it got too long to be manageable/loadable in pronto.

Two things happened, ILX got quicker, the 'skipping' got installed, and the BB series got less interesting so generated less interesting banter.

I like the title btw.

when love takes over/breaks down

The ee-dee-el connection almost makes it 'When Thugs Take Over'.

ee-yeah-ee-yeah

http://www.big-t-shirts.com/ProdImages/big/792.jpg

Possibly no-one if the housemates are a bunch who make Jedward look like Mastermind contestants.

Dudes if you're watching this then you are giving money to the Richard Desmond empire and basically putting it in the pocket of the English Defence League. I hope you're all happy with that.

― Matt DC, Thursday, 4 August 2011 13:09 Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Happy to hear of a TV channel I can watch that doesn't put money in the pockets of some cunt I don't like.

sally bercow?

Hmm, didn't know "When love takes over" was the theme tune for the preview ads.

1 DAY TO GO!

So, it seems to be Jedward and Sally Bercow!

Unless they got paid money to be fakenames...

Oh, and someone who keeps talking about Vajazzling, or some such. Is it like Snowboarding?

Much to learn have you, young padawan...

Vajazzling: The act of applying glitter and jewels to a woman's nether regions for aesthetic purposes.

With or without her permission?

She doesn't use it in that context, she just means glamming things up.

This may be because she is stupid.

I keep seeing a poster for a nightclub in Glasgow that does vajazzling parties, the concept horrifies me.

Apparently in this we're getting Kerry Katona and her mother too. I hope it's the fun, likeable version from I'm A Celebrity, not the empty husk from recent documentaries.

we're getting Kerry Katona and her mother too

Shameless & blatant move to be the next Jade Goody! Does she have a racist boyfriend she can bring in?

I'll be at the football tonight - might ask the missus to record it.

There's clearly nothing else on at 21:00 tonight, so I probably will be watching.

But, I'm not holding out much hope of anything actually interesting happening.

Years previously, there'd be papers and TV making something of it, but there seems to be a d-notice going down on all media except for Channel5 and the Daily Star.

This is gong to go down like the V2000 format.

oh ffs i will not touch this if katona is in it, she doesn't deserve any of my air time

Sorry Ste, looks like you're out for this

Housemate #1: Kerry Katona

uh lock thread
bye bye...

FUCK

ring me when she's thrown out

haha did she just wipe her feet on entering?

haven't kept up with the rumour mill, but the categories of people i predicted to be in there are

1. people best known for reality tv appearances
2. people best known for life collapses (kk could apply to either!)
3. people who were a bit famous in the 80s
4. glamour models
5. token american

two categories in one again!

Genuinely never heard of Tara Reid.

Housemate #2: Tarra Reid (sp? and also "who?") - token American

she seems in a state of shock

tara reid is like the american kerry katona

she's pretty famous! she was in american pie and, um, one of the pierce brosnan bond films, and other stuff i'm sure. also known for assorted addictions and bad boob jobs, iirc.

she was in 'the big lebowski'

I think I once saw her mentioned in a Family Guy cutaway joke

"a couple of hair-raisers" Jedward alert...

i think i'll go for a wildcard 6. of disgraced political / media / etc figure.

a john edwards to go with jedward, perhaps.

Holly Valance will appear in a commercial for fizzy Aussie piss, but won't stoop as low as appearing on C5's CBB.

OMG hahahahhahaha

Housemate #3: er? who?

who the hell is this guy.

Paddy Doorie?

"famous" "gypsy"

king of the gypsies

brilliant

Paddy Docherty (sp?) - never heard of him!

isn't he from the gypsy weddings programme

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-vTDqCYI-Q

Literally can't understand a word he's saying.

So apart from Katona/Reid/Jedward, everyone else is going to be 7. from a C5 reality show.

"this will be the first time in thirty three years that Paddy has slept in a bed... in an actual house"

Housemate #4: Amy Childs - who was going to do it, then wasn't, now is. Will be fist to walk probably.

okay is she acting or what ? NOBODY KNOWS

first to walk

so we're all watching tonight and never again, ya?

ooh hurrah, that girl who uses glitter glue on her fanny

xp Very probably. Everyone so far has been a veteran of at least one reality show already.

I really hope Sally Bercow is doing this so she can show people like Amy Childs up for the useless vacuous idiots they are.

ffs Brian, no-one remembers or cares that Kerry used to be in Atomic Kitten.

I care! Atomic Kitten were a fun, passable girl-group fun until she left, then they replaced her with the girl who looked exactly the same as the other two and they all got too pregnant for dance routines.

Fucking hate this prick.

bugger, not sure he fits any of my categories, whoever he is.

Housemate #5: uh... he said his name but I forgot it already. Mr. Papparazzi Twat

No results found for "the infamous mr paparazzi".

He must embarrass the hell out of his kids at school parent's evening.

I'm sure to be infamous you need to be, y'know, famous.

Housemate #6: Sally Bercow

I feel kinda hopeful that a girl on my Facebook who is "ecstatic" over the vajazzle girl is about to be introduced to Sally Bercow, but we'll see.

Housemate #7: some guy who used to be in Coronation Street.

Which I only know because he just said that he used to be in Coronation Street. Otherwise I'd have no idea.

I only know that because he just said that too, and I watch Corrie.

Good luck finding romance in there son.

Everybody in the house at the moment has that 'I hate this and want to leave right now' look.

Paddy's never been apart from his wife, I'm sure he'll get lonely. (xp)

xp I imagine there are many viewers who have that face too right now.

hm, I forgot the category of 'people who are associated with actual famous people'.

Housemate #8: Pamela Bach-Hasselhoff

haha this woman is great

Pamela Anders-oh wait :(

Brian totally out of depth there

I hope channel 5 are taking the "Never Mind The Buzzcocks" approach to contestants, ie ply them with drink before and for the duration of filming

pap guy reminds me of...
http://www.sitcom.co.uk/hi_de_hi/graphics/char_ted.jpg

I'm guessingggg Tony Blair and Thomas Pynchon.

xxp There are about half a dozen bottles of champagne at that table, plus another half dozen bottles of misc. wine. Between eight people.

When you put it like that, it sounds like an elaborate honeytrap by Social Services to get Kerry's children taken from her for good.

Housemate #9: some male model

"I bet he's used to posing" - yes Brian, because he's a fucking model. I guess that C5 didn't manage to convince Davina's script-writer to come back either.

Bobby Sabel here so famous that he doesn't have a wikipedia page.

Housemate #10: Jedward

Next shot should be of Brian Dowling nailing planks over the front door.

Jedward can't even tell themselves apart.

devious big brother surprise of letting a few tigers loose in the house, plz?

They're going to take away all doors and Tara Reid will have to come up with something else to talk about

Kerry: your secret mission is... to be a good parent to your four children and not abuse substances

does kerry have the coke nose/no septum thing that that lassie from eastenders had ten years ago? i didn't realise.

i recognise the corrie guy, he was the christian bf of sophie webster before she lezzed-up.

I'm really amazed by how this manages to look like it's had so much money thrown at it and yet still look ridiculously cheap.

Wow, Josie got skinny.

Right:

Every CBB so far has had a guest where you might reasonably say "I'd not have expected that person to do this". Germaine Greer is the number one example, for instance.

None of these has that.

The pap guy was a reality documentary "star" almost as long ago as Jeremy Spake, not seen since.

Trouble is, most people with any kind of TV presence (avoiding calling them 'celebrities') might be tempted by the amount of moneys involved, but have some sort of hope that it might escew them from doing what they are good at.

The TV show like having melt-downs to show, but asking Kerry to go out and have a meltdown plz is up there to say "we have no clue what to do now"

Because the people actually making the show have a high turnover of behind-the-scenes people as well. Anyone with the wit and ingenuity to come up with good ideas has clued into using that skill in more lucrative areas. Probably.

So this is Desmond funnelling a load of money into a property and celebrities that will be on the front page of OK! and the Daily Star, will sell copies of both of those titles and make even more money for Desmond. It's like the bargain basement celebrity equivalent of Keynesian economics.

I looked at the housemate list on the way home last night and said "who?" a lot. A paparazzi guy wtf - bad enough getting these one-person-removed ex-partners in but someone who takes photos of famous people is now a celebrity?

I think this will all go badly for Kerry Katona. Jedward will probably win, I think - though I'd prefer them to be separated for the final vote to start a huge rift that ends up with one of them shaving off his wedge head and getting his face tattooed.

Dunno, Kerry has been through a lot and 'come out the other side', and short of a total meltdown for real will probably win.

She won the Jungle through appearing relatively normal, I don't see how anything will change, short of the show putting her mum and/or her ex-husband-or-parter(s) in.

See, this is where the ILX threads have always been useful, it's for people who can't or won't keep up with every waking moment of this, whereas a lot of the digitalspy/Ch4 web-blogs of the past have been for people discussing minutae.

Dunno, Kerry has been through a lot and 'come out the other side'

she's done this about four times iirc, dunno what point in the cycle she's at just now

It's not that, it's more that every time they get someone in that has regular "public spats/meltdowns" and look like they'd be barking mad, into these kind of places, they turn out to be completely normal etc.

No doubt LynLo would be much the same...

soo.. are Ch5 not going to be showing any live stuff after hours like 4 used to? Instead they'd rather broadcast the crap supercasino. hmm.

fear not. there's a stream online of the entire live feed from BB7.

No-one watching this?

if you watch this then you are hurting britain

and if you don't, you are hurting Jedward.

You choose.

I saw about 15 mins of yesterdays show.

Marcus calling the twins "one Jedward" and "the other Jedward" interchangeably.

Kerry failed task, up for evic, had to nom 2, picked SallBer and someone else I think the male model dude.

I was on the edge of my seat, reading a magazine.

Hurting Jedward seems like a good option, tbh.

C5 gaming the eviction vote at the first opportunity. Kerry is famous enough to win a "vote to stay in" against two people most of the country doesn't know. She is probably also famous enough to have lost an eviction vote against two people no-one really knows enough to hate. Making it vote to keep is C5's way of making sure one of the few people who's actually famous (ymmv) stay in.

It's also a clue as to how popular the prog is right now.

So far I've watch the opening night and the next one. Highlight was seeing the Jedwards and Amy Childs discuss Sally Bercow. They worked out that she was really important because she is an MP which means she "owns the House of Parliament" and she'd be really good at educating them all about politics.

She has her work cut out.

Making it vote to keep is C5's way of making sure one of the few people who's actually famous (ymmv) stay in.

Main difference between BB and CBB is that you vote to *save* your favourites. The idea that a celebrity would allow people to vote based on 'hate' for them is something they would not aquiesce to. I think the first series was 'vote to evict' but it changed at some point...

They worked out that she was really important because she is an MP which means she "owns the House of Parliament" and she'd be really good at educating them all about politics.

Haven't seen any of this yet, but it was being told this anecdote which is making me think I really don't want to.

That Childs/Jedward (Chedward?) quote is several leagues of stupid beyond 'East Angular'.

Anybody watching this?

yes

I have about 6 episodes recorded - can't get motivated to watch them.

oh.

My kids are keeping up with it, I've had other things to do.

This week: the Celeb thing finishes on Thursday, the "real" one starts on Friday.

Thread Continues...

I had no idea the real one started so soon.

knew it started just after but not JUST after seems a bit dumb

thank god

http://www.metro.co.uk/tv/874911-celebrity-big-brother-final-2011-paddy-doherty-takes-the-crown

Celebrity Big Brother 2011 has come to an end and Paddy Doherty has beaten the likes (...) Jedward, (...) to emerge as the victor.

We can but dream...

Regular version is starting just now but I doubt anyone's going to get attached to it.

i'm so shocked that it's a bunch of cunts

so what's the Pamela Anderson thing?

she's famous for starring in a 90s TV show about hot women in swimsuits and starring in sex tapes

well done.

I hope Stephen Fry enters the house.

Then the twist could be a soupy twist.

too young

too english

tonight was good

Why, did they announce that it was being cancelled?

that's right

hooray!

now you can safely watch channel 5 again all day and all night

I caught five minutes of it today. There was one lassie perpetually in tears at any given moment (most notably at not being allowed to cook some pasta). They all seemed v. dull apart from crying women who seemed v. annoying. I doubt I'll bother much more with it.

I saw five minutes of it last night or the night before, Pamela Anderson was on it for some reason. Didn't bother with the celeb one this time, probably won't bother with this either.

The little I have seen:

One geordie bloke, desperate to be seen as 'great at shaggin and that' could actually be the first northeasterner to 'not do particularly well thanks to the NE block vote' which usually kicks in. Jus that everyone I know have been 'ugh' about him.

A girl from South Shields seemed familiar, had I seen her around town? No, it turns out she's been on SnogMarryAvoid. apart from that, can't work out why she got picked as opposed to any other diedblonde..

The last girl in seems to be unusual in that she actually looks like she should be a model. Not greatly smart, not absolutely dumb, and can wear a hat.

A ad that looks like Mika, someone called Mark, um......

Let me know when something interesting happens, yeah?

Lad that looks like Mika, obv.

yous are shite at big brother

last night was the first one I've watched for any duration.

Girl giving chapter and verse of all the other housemates motivations and gameplans.

Young good looking lad charming older girl, quite effectively.

Blokes, naked, jumping into pool. Girls stripping off down to their jeans to join in....

Some other stuff.

rebeckah big obvious dick with aden who is pathetic and shite btw spurning and leading on and the traditional mixed messaging and manipulation no wonder she never meets any "nice men" also in her v astute i.e. inane game plan diagnoses she has likened harry to nasty nick just to say something I guess how v boring.

harry thus far likeable despite the hunting shit and other posho accoutrement - seems fairly genuine and not snobby but keep in mind he is definitely a posho.

aaron weird pussyfooting and baseless arrogance - a small man but relatively sympathetic.

tom cute nonentity.

alex kind of a boring minger - reminded me of bonnie going in but seems to have acclimatised OK but then everyone is young and english.

anton shifty and transparent - trying to style himself a victorlike diary room straight talker but is crap.

jay nice enough beyond the obvious character signifiers he has selected.

heaven lots of outward shows of boring interesting alternative quirkiness or whatever but seems a bit normal when it comes to it.

louise overdoing the "I'm normal" routine and maybe a bit shallow and been taken in by aaron but OK.

maisy hard to say but think she might be reasonably nice after all the necessary vanity and lack of anything interesting to say.

faye don't know why she's a wrestler actually it's probably so that she has some distinctive facet - she's OK.

tashie my god. nommed because she's only annoying and reacts to being nommed with uncontrollable wailing and whining thus ramping up the annoyingness - no wonder she was bullied to fuck in the rest of her life. it is essential that she is evicted this time around.

mark transparent wacky clowniness a total yawn but a funny moment about his penis with harry when he was in the shower and took rebeckah's initial aden-taunting attentions in an admirably unmoved/oblivious manner.

everyone's getting on on the whole apart from small alignments and a couple of minor manufactured divisions but then they are all young and english.

what do you reckon so far dan

hahaha literally this is the first time I've looked at this thread

they've blocked Digitalspy at my job, which was the main way I followed UK Big Brother, so I have no opinion this time around

:((

this sounds the genuine death knell of bb

oooooh

what's happened?

just rebeckah lying v barefacedly to heaven denying that she had told jay that heaven was eating all the chocolate which rebeckah v definitely did do and then even bringing jay into it to help deny and he hummed and hawed and avoided saying anything and then when heaven went away rebeckah denied to jay too that she'd said it and jay was a bit like actually you did and also all this cycle of bad men thing of rebeckah's - it's like the old thing of what has been the only common factor in every one of your failed relationships? YOU

and now she's in the diary room nomming jay for not backing her up so maybe she's totally deluded and lying to herself and even though she and heaven made peace and everything and heaven hasn't nommed rebeckah rebeckah has nommed heaven saying she doesn't trust her haha

rebeckah and heaven up and rebeckah must go I hope

Save Heaven.

It has a ring to it...

alex so far has had five spray tans one after the other

Just in case anyone's wondering why I haven't posted any links to Sparklit poll pages, it seems "Big Brother Online" are arsed.

rebeckah must go was good last night when they recounted to the assembled housemates the convo harry anton and heaven had in which heaven expressed shock at harry and anton's assertion that rebeckah will have definitely nommed her saying no way we had such a deep convo and I didn't nom her just painting rebeckah in a worser light only hope voters who hate rebeckah are still motivated to vote since the to-save vote skews things slightly

Was this recounted because "housemates are forbidden to discuss nominations" ?

that's right

ah.

after saying he thought rebeckah definitely had voted for her harry said to heaven I bet you voted for rebeckah and heaven believably reactively said I never having not realising the ramification of her words and then immediately said I'm not supposed to say that...but...well I never and that's the truth

Viewing figures under a million for the first time on Saturday night.

They should stop broadcasting but keep the housemates in doing tasks and stuff and see how long it takes them to notice no-one's being evicted.

I have yet to see an episode of this since the second week of the celeb one. I keep meaning to check it out but then keep not getting round to it.

reasons for not watching, or missing it, include:

1. Oh something else is on at the same time
2. how about..
3. forgot.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Big_Brother_2011_housemates_(UK)

why is a good chunk of this about when each housemate has been naked on camera

The word 'penis' appears 27 times on that page.

well you know

Jay has kept his penis off camera to date.

well done Jay

It's wikipeenia.

The person who wrote that page sure is anal about penis...

...

Anton's penis was seen to be the largest of all the male housemate's penises and much thicker and less floppy than Tom's.

This page is killing me.

I am dying that each cock description has a footnote

yas rebeckah out

So, Rebeckah is out.

And the rule of "whenever a female is nominated against male, Female loses", means Heaven is over.

probably but would rather aden went I think aaron has my total sympathy this past week faye quite thick and rubbish tom was bad anton shite in the diary room despite thinking he's amazing and entertaining

and, so it was.

wonder who's next

aw

So, after winning the task and getting a large shopping budget, the posh bloke bought nothing but:

1) Bananas
2) Food Colouring
3) Chocolate
4) 'Frosties'
5) milk

..and laughed like a lunatic when they all found out.

i've watched this two or three times over the past week. it's actually pretty good. no one on it seems completely loathsome which wasn't the case with the last two ch4 ones.

have been away the past week and have some catching up to do

they do all seem to get on reasonably well but I will say again - they are all young and all english

apparently jay did a shit in the freezer earlier this week

not earlier this week

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAxkrh8CCqo

also wtf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ms43ybGI-Ew

he's a lad all right

jesus christ this is still on ?!!

good revive.

In reference both to the freezer shit incident and the series in general...
http://www.big-t-shirts.com/ProdImages/big/792.jpg

xp i know, sorry, but i've been waiting for ice road truckers to return for what seems like an eternity now. when does this finish?

Last day is the 11th November.

(I type FAST!)

And when the housemates come out, they'll still be as anonymous as when they went in.

Close to the end now.

Looks like the Geordie guy will walk it.

So, where does it all go from here? Reckon there will be another one next year?

Well:

Tonight, BB2011 ends.

Apparently, Celeb BB 2012 starts in January!

see you then

please don't let jay win

phew