X Factor 2011 (UK)

Kicks off Saturday 20th August. No Simon. No Cheryl. No Dannii. Instead it's Louis Walsh, Gary Barlow, Tulisa Contostavlos (Dappy from N-Dubz' cousin ffs), and Kelly Rowland. Rihanna on board for bootcamp. Robbie and Beyonce to help out their respective mates at the judges' houses.

http://www.big-t-shirts.com/ProdImages/big/792.jpg

fwiw Tulisa is also in N-Dubz.

Starts tonight, 8PM on ITV1. Embrace the madness sadness.

tulisa will be the break-out star of this. am imagining she'll change a lot of people's minds.

I think I've got jump cut/zoom in/speed up/slomo fatigue already.

this could be a really good programme, you know, if it weren't for the 9394829283 fucking annoying things about it

i don't understand why they like this loser

Most annoying thing of all: 15 minutes in, first commercial break, and all they've really done is say "ay, these are yer four judges" and "hey look at this toolbox from Brighton".

This singer (Kitty?) is heading for such a fall.

barlow's inherited the cowell money-in-my-eyes stare, i see

why did they open the show with some ~cheeky~ indie wanker? way to make millions turn off. he's going to be there in the top 12 though isn't her. :/

*he

lol kitty when someone says you talk a lot it's a hint that you should maybe shhh, not interrupt them!

kelly rowland looks gorgeous.

Kitty - no no no, this is not going to work out. Crazzzzzzy alert.

the only thing i'm excited for this season is beyoncé at judges houses. hopefully her schedule doesn't end up full so has to bring in michelle instead

xxxxp: He's inherited his entire persona, it seems.

and it seems so overly deliberate and heavy-handed. really hatin barlow already. i guess there's no real "boss" though? that could be good, in past series you knew that regardless of the pantomime arguing they'd have to defer to cowell at some point.

i'm watching for tulisa!!

Background music in XF and used in a commercial? Fuck, Supergrass must be coining it in.

Background music in XF and used in a commercial?

hope everyone noticed the wand erection song being used as background music before it's properly out #subliminal

gary has one of the most irritating voices ever

hey so kelly's actually quite good on this thing

'live the lifestyle of Britney Spears' - that sounds so unappealing!

Win the lifestyle of Britney Spears!

Courtesy of Marks & Spencer lol

that was pure gold.

m&s dealin coke and pills now?

noooooooooooo it's the xfactor ellie goulding noooooooooooo

Oh come the fuck on, that was about as good as the music for a building society commercial. It was not some transcendental experience.

DISTINCTIVE? IT WAS LIKE ELLIE GOULDING/DIANA VICKERS/NNNGHHH

To be fair, she wasn't as bad as Diana Vickers.

She was Bono. She was not Larry.

i shall support that girl group there!!!

my name's jooj!

well they couldn't be flagging what's gonna happen here up any higher

Oh fuck I remember those Triple Twuntbags. He still looks like a knob though.

lol @ dermot tryna be hardman

About as convincing as Danny Dyer. I have suspicions that random tattoo Gorg was paid to go on and do his thicko act. No-one's that stupid.

LAST WEEK!!!
some fucking bullshit...

THIS WEEK!!!
some fucking bullshit...

the swelling strings coming in after every performance we are to judge as stirring PISSES ME RIGHT OFF.

OK so they found the one overconfident guy in Croydon who can actually sing.

BROMAN5E!

MJ impersonator from last year was back on last night, as himself. Which somehow was worse.

I quite liked the cheeky 16 year old lad who fancied Tulisa - sadly completely overshadowed by Not Michael Jackson strop then weird crying fest at the end with the Scottish girl who did a quite good but not perfect Adele impersonation.

yes the over crying fest was so weird i thought it must have been pre-arranged? i think i'd look up from my pint if she was on at the karaoke but not much more.

It did seem a little pre-arranged. Or maybe just over-edited. Her audition took over ten minutes.

This thing of showing people leaving their homes before auditions is a bit wtf - like aren't they supposed to turn up and queue to register and stuff? Why would they put a film crew out to record some no-mark no-one's heard of unless it was already decided they were going to get through (like the Norn Irish girl the other week - full at home profile then surprise surprise four big one thousand percent yeses)?

The whole journey pish they set up for fake Adele was ridiculous. Fuckloads of people have a single parent who had to work, they must be really struggling for actual sob stories. Also, she went way off tune at one point, presumably so up to their ears in their own bullshit that their hearing became impaired. Decision already made before she opened her mouth at that stage, obv.

Plus, I like Fife.

Although not enough to live there any more, mind.

Ha, I said last night that if anyone in St Andrews or the East Neuk was watching, theyd be well pissed off at being lumped in with Buckhaven.

Seems to be a kind of docusoap Pineapple Dance Studioes vibe about this series - video of them leaving their homes, the make-up room, kids appearing to ask that girl from Week 1 (Kitty?) for her autograph (that had to be set up, right?). Some of the judges comments seem to be even more obviously scripted/prompted than usual, too.

itt: ppl complaining about x-factor being stage-managed

i know right? but come on.

as soon as that girls VT started i knew she was going to sing "someone like you".

haha, fair point.

pretty poor auditions this week. misha from last week was the best so far imo.

@KatieWeasel Katie Weasel
Beating up a toilet attendant? RT @cherylcole I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing this very day 10 years ago..

i wonder how far in advance they had recorded the backing track for the last guy's special version of "lose somebody"?

dermot's navy rollneck. nagl.

thank god auditions are over, the last couple of episodes were dire

Tell me about it, seven episodes...

uh, fuck this reality TV nonsense

"the amazing, phenomenal Beyonce Jennifer Hudson"

(sorry prolego)

ffs Robbie...

:(

actually fistpumped the air when I saw Robbie

Gary's bald patch really shows from that camera angle.

Alex Vickers, "Amusement Park Squirrel"

Surprisingly bold move getting rid of this year's Aiden.

They've let 'Olly's kid brother', the one with tattoos on his arse, go through instead.

I'm going to be sick of "I've come to a decision" in another half hour.

Boy bands in 'being mercenary' shocker.

Louis' sunglasses (which he's been wearing for the entirety of both programmes this weekend) make him look like a ticket tout.

Your gay chappie he picked first is capable of a Brian Dowling sized career in television.

Samantha out but Kitty in? Louis fucks up the over 25s for another year.

HOW DID LOUIS EVER MAKE A LIVING IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS?

xp scratch that, Goldie quits and Sam is her replacement

I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!!!

We get a lot of freeze frame shots of the back of Dermot's head this week.

That shot of Gary at the end there looked like he was lighting his farts. Or maybe a small nuclear explosion went off behind him.

Groups:

• The Risk - Tulisa tries to be Simon and pull a Wand Erection. Except it won't work and the public will roundly hate them.
• 2 Shoes - more like 2 Planks. Worse than those two guys from Manchester who butchered 'Barbara Streisand'.
• Nu Vibe - like a bunch of lads doing a half drunk bad karaoke performance.
• Rhythmix - Tulisa's second 'I-am-jenius' group. Going on the GBP's reaction to X Factor girl groups, they could be the 21st century's answer to The Supremes and people will still hate them.

Boys:

• Frankie - Olly Murs' little brother. If at any point he does a Frank Spencer impersonation, I will put my foot through the fucking TV screen.
• James Michael - safe choice for the young teenage girl vote. Has less personality than an unconscious Milk Curdle.
• Marcus Collins - the contender in this category, if Barlow doesn't grind the personality out of him.
• Craig Colton - gets the Eoghan Quigg granny vote.

• Johnny - could do well unless Louis tries to do a Wanger with him.
• Sami - my pick for overall winner.
• Jonjo - tabloid's favourite.
• Kitty - the evolved pokemon version of Katie Wastrel. The fountainhead of dramatic freak outs it here.

I'm assuming they'll have Johnny 'dressed up as a ladie' from the outset on the live performances.

Very surprised that Jade from Fife didn't go through. I liked her.

Had my stopwatch out last night, timing the amount of footage that featured contestants/judges crying. And from a 75 minute show (less if you take out the ads), this year's Judges' Houses Blub Factor was...

...dramatic tension-building pause...

Custard.

Ten minutes and twenty-five seconds.

Note the way that the episode finished with both Kelly and, um Janet I think, in simultaneous blub-mode. If XF = emotional pornography, then you can't top going out on a double cum-shot.

New Yeo Valley advert. Great.

Big Stupid Twist

"We are live" on Channel 4, please do not say fuck or bugger

I CAN'T TURN MY TV ON

HOW DOES THIS SHITTING MACHINE WORK

NONE OF THE BUTTONS ARE DOING ANYTHING

(it's a new tv, i've just moved house, and I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN IT ON)

power button on the remote?

BTW you just missed a 16 year old girl who looks 30 do 'Billie Jean'. Also the new stage set is a bit big, kind of impersonal.

And you can probabyl watch a live stream on the ITV website if you don't mind them having your e-mail addy

ffs this Yeo Valley ad

They're trying to appeal to the 'pitchfork' crowd...

so, what's the twist? i just switched on.

Each judge has to ditch their least favourite act.

oh so we don't get jade fae fife back?

oh god endlessly buffering stream vs a TV THAT WON'T TURN ON

why can't i fucking switch the tv on??????

manufacturer and model #?

wow Gary sure looks stone faced after Johnny's performance there

feel round the edge of the tv, lex

Louis shows his 'golden' touch with the OVer 25's again - it's like if John Inman starred in a remake of The Matrix

i actually agreed with gary, that was fucking embarrassing. why was the crowd lapping it up? fucking england and its love of awful clichéd light entertainment camp

i don't know what the tv make or model is

Rhythmix's version of Nicki Minaj's 'Super Bass' might actually have been good if a) the backing track had been louder than a gnat's fart, and b) there wasn't a cathedral like reverb on the vocals.

that was actually good! even though they inexplicably opted not to rap the line about selling coke which threw the whole rhythm off

Frankie Cock-Hoser, wtf song is this he's butchering?
His appearance reminds me of Brian Molko from Placebo. Gary's TV voice is like a carpet warehouse commercial.

is this cock the worst x factor contestant ever? i think he might be. how the fuck are they selling him as a sex symbol???

Louis is just so full of shit. This twist is garbage because none of the judges have to be honest this week.

there are people in this world who think that is attractive

what is the twist i missed the first 10 minutes

the GB public might be idiots but there's no way they'll fall for that crap.

Gary's tweed jacket makes him look like an early 20th century Tory landowner. If that was Frankie putting 'everything he had' into his performance, then he's screwed. Is he actually what young teenage girls want?

uberweiss, the twist is that each judge has to send home one of their own acts this week

thx snoball

saw the man from louis' 25 and overs sing "love is a losing game" last week and thought it was quite nice. of course because he's camp he had to be turned into a joke act.

oh no not adele

oh katy perry that's much better

a tenner sayss that guy isn't really playing that piano

This is a better version of 'Teenage Dream' that the original, altough that's not exactly hard...

Louis said "recording voice" - everybody drink a shot!

booooring

i'm here for misha bryan. "survivor" was easily the performance of the series that i've seen

um did kelly say she was gonna sing a song by a uk artist before that or did i imagine that? does kelly not know what her acts are singing or where katy perry is from?

katy perry is a gift to xfactor contestants anyway, your voice is always gonna be better than hers

both the last two performances are very much #thenewboring

lex that's why i thought it was gonna be adele wtf

i love kelly rowland :D

that was a bit EDL rally :/

fucking flags :/

that was kind of amazing. big smile on my face!

hahahaa tulisa, "you don't know HOW TO HAVE FUN gary"

#THENEWBORING alert

oh god i can't deal with this guy

BE GONE.

#THENEWHARDLUCKSOBSTORY alert

That intro VT was the worst blatant manipulative bullshit since that contestant with the dead wife

Ticket to ride? Take a fucking hike pal!

i had to look up this song. it's by the beatles. oh.

i thought it went "she's got a ticket to write"

kelly going further and further up in my estimations. best judge ever

and so #THENEWBORING ensued

with a sob story-derived (oliver) twist to the styling kmt

no i didn't just hear a real instrument comment. stfu and die gary

the only acts i like so far are tulisa's groups

'who would dare take on a Beatles song' er about 49457823234 fucking acts?
'you're the only act playing a real instrument' 1) XF is a singing contest, 2) playing an instrument during the live shows really works out well, just ask Journey South

oh HERE'S the one doing "number one UK artist" lol kelly

oh no that means misha is doing adele :(

omg misha no not adele don't do this to me... if it has to be then please do "rolling in the deep"

uh

REMIX!!!!

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

THAT WAS FUCKING AMAZING

REMIX

it kills me that she will come like seventh

^^^

cher lloyd & misha

give me this duet right fucking now.

totes her rap was pretty blehhh

THAT IS HOW YOU SWITCH UP #THENEWBORING

minor quibble: wacky clothing, not such a good look. leave that shit to gaga

more like No Vibe here

valiant effort with the smiling and dancing there, tulisa

wtf are these comments

Kelly is brilliant as a judge, she takes absolutely no shit at all.

it was kind of like the performance equivalent of hold music

kelly and tulisa routinelu showing gary and louis up as the divs they are

You know it's autumn because Lee Evans is on the Johnathan Ross Show lugging his new DVD.

no.

Marcus has been saddled with a terrible song, but he's making a good go of it.

you can do it again TOMORROW :D

(k probably not with this twist thing but whatever)

yeah he was pretty good despite the song being horrendous

kinda hott too, how could anyone be attracted to cocozza with marcus there?

that poor woman

the first bit sort of worked, this second bit, er...

tulisa sux

Louis really has no fucking idea how to style, present, correograph, or pick songs for, any of his acts.

automatic love for anyone doing that song <3

even if there was a touch of the florences about it

right ok sammi take one for the team

i like sami but this is our chance to get rid of gary right here!!

ha xp

what there are still more to go? christ how many of them are there

4 more to go

there is still janet :(

ugh i'd forgotten janet :(

if janet comes ahead of misha i shall rampage

#THENEWBORING

"This group is my risk and I believe in them as you can clearly see from the excitement on my face generated by the imminent prospect of their performance"

#THENEWBORING

misha b trending worldwide :D :D SO MUCH FUCKING LOVE <3

\(^_^)/

meanwhile, fuck The Risk and fuck Plan B

lol, ITV1 digital terrestrial signal is glitching out here. When ITV1 even refuses to serve up this shit, you know it's bad...

I think that biro is superglued to Louis' hand.

that was actually ok! was not expecting that

nobody can make this song sound interesting but i see a bit of potential maybe-ish...

i predict a mumford & sons song

i'd never knowingly heard the song before, lol. i expect it was probably better than the original cuz i enjoyed it.

kinda REALLY impressed that it was their first live performance together. harmonies! i miss harmonies in pop

oh he's a diva-ish warbler not an authenticindiewanker

Craig's haircut is just ridiculous.

oh we also still have kitty lol - who, of course, was a £500-a-night lapdancer according to the sunday mirror

craig's got a really interesting something to his voice, can't abide that fucking song though

kitty and janet await us, oh fucking joy

kraaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzy vs bland

Tesco Real Food, as opposed to all the fake food they sell.

craig sounds a bit like antony

he should do hercules & love affair's blind

bland vs blander

Sometimes I think the crux of my love/hate relationship with XF is that it practically forces me to watch all the stupid/insane/bizarre TV commercials that normally I'd have no idea even existed.

"a classic song by Queen" oh goody...

lol @ the way they're editing her

THE SPOTLIGHT'S ON ME

The make up artist must have been short on time and had to full in her eyes with a magic marker. And oh one of my most hated of hated Queen songs.

Johnny's really screwed - given a joke song to perform, and there's no way Louis is going to let any of the other three go.

stfu stfu stfu stfu stfu stfu

i am livid already

I think playing up her obvious essential evil could be a fruitful way to go

when you GEH washu want but not washa neeeed

No surpsiee that they're going with a Dido/Vickers router here with Janet.

"raw talent" - another shot everyone!

any positive feelings i had for any of the judges before totally negated

so who is leaving...

amelia
james
nu vibe
jonjo

nu vibe and jonjo are NID but it's tough to predict from the girls & boys. obvs not janet/misha/frankie/marcus

SHOULD GO: luna lovegood, cockozza, no vibes, soldier

Johnny's silver raincoat is the kind of thing you'd find crumpled up in a plastic bag in the backroom of a charity shop.

i'd have had so much more respect for the soldier if he'd done destiny's child's "soldier"

oh dear why am i watching xtra factor

hello olly murs & anonymous female

i miss konnie huq :(

that episode lasted about 10 years. olly murs is, oddly enough, not temptation enough for more.

cardle live performance promised :(

and like nobody in the audience even really screamed for him. well it was a good ride whilst it lasted, matt!

Cee Lo probably even now thinking "wtf happened to my career?!" while searching for the bit of paper with Dangermouse's phone number on it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idaoG74UKzg

so good

wikiwikiwikiREMIX!!!

she's wonderful, but i can't help waiting for the travesty of justice to ensue

can't stop watching :D

the scars of your love remind me... OF USSSSS

ROLLING ROLLING ROOOOOOOOOOOLLING

i know right, not watched an xfactor clip on loop like this since "turn my swag on"

honestly i can only think of janet as a potential rival to win - the rest just don't seem to have the obvious fanbases/judge support yet, or the potential to get them.

in the cold light of day rhythmix were a lot shonkier than i thought at the time (ie it wasn't just my choppy stream).

re: 2 shoes, i kind of love how one of them's 4/5 months pregnant and performing as though it's nothing. which it shouldn't be! kind of want to see her 8 months pregnant in the final

meanwhile is there or is there not PURE EVIL at the core of kitty brucknell

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/10/09/article-0-0E4B2EBF00000578-457_468x396.jpg

she looks like ke$ha x madonna. madonna now.

she looks like a bloke tbh

misha clearly the best but i don't know how likeable she is as a personality. she's got super-professional thing going on (cher had it too) that ppl don't warm to.

next best last night for me were nu vibe and craig - think craig could win it.

I thought Craig was a far better singer than most of them, yeah. Hair needs work.

thought No Vibe were rubbish, wouldn't surprise me if they get the axe tonight altho sadly i suspect it'll be 2 Shoes or whoever was on first that i didn't see

i mean "The Risk" is a terrible name but they were way better than Nu Vibe i think

oh oops after discussing this with someone irl i realise i meant the risk. yes nu vibe were v bad!

i don't think Misha did herself any favours with that "winners speech" she gave after her performance. i really like her but even i though that was kinda weird.

i didn't think so, i thought it was obvious she was thanking kelly for the nice comments, and dermot was being a dick (shockah) by framing it like that.

cher was really raw, not super-professional like misha is - i do find myself wondering about misha's background, where she learned to be ON IT like that, cuz there's barely a trace of amateurishness about her.

there are plenty of talented people out there who are industry savvy and have honed their performance skills without being professionals i think, the internet and community projects and FE courses make it a lot easier for people to develop themselves as artists without having record company involvement or full time management. there's always a thin line on X Factor between professional and amateur anyway, Misha just strikes me as somebody who is driven and knowledgable and wd probably reach her goals without the show tbh

is anyone following US x factor btw? i'm not really, but this audition is worth a look: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CqjroNlL4pI

yeah i've enjoyed a few of the US XF auditions i've seen, can't remember names offhand though.

why doesn't voiceover guy introduce tulisa with her surname? contostavlos is not a very hard name to say

that boy marcus is so cute. there's not much male eye candy in the show apart from him though.

yeah agreed. jonjo was kinda hott in a "he'll do i guess" way but even thinking about him seems a bit pointless

oh it's that guy who won last year, er... Mark, er, Candle?

actually the male eye candy is like 10x better than the girls though. one of rythmix is painful to look at.

i like jonjo looks-wise so i'm kinda sad he'll be going.

hmm, I think Louis will be getting rid of Johnny, not Jonjo.

i muted curdle, watched misha again twice instead :)

i think jonjo's the only dead cert to go...he got roundly slated last night and barely looked like he wanted to be there.

nu vibe are the obvious choice for tulisa to dump, though if she feels she needs to stand by her overboard praise of them then it might be rhythmix who suffer - 2 shoes too entertaining to let go, and don't have the incompetence of eg diva fever

kelly...well she has to keep in ~show favourites~ misha and janet, right? i have no idea who she'll dump, amelia and sophie both strike me as competent-with-potential-but-not-special.

gary might get rid of james? frankie might be too much to hope for, craig's got too many plaudits, marcus is too genuinely good.

if 2 shoes go, as i suspect, the groups section will be made up of x factor solo failures.

i don't get what the format's gonna be here. is anyone going to sing again?

Half an hour blubathon, live?

I think the obvious ones to go are James, Nu Vibe and Jonjo, but I have no idea what girl Kelly will pick as they're all as good as each other. Janet and especially Misha are the two that I just don't get what people see anything in, but that's more about my taste than anything else. The debate we were having about it earlier centred around Kelly being American and maybe it will just come down to the overnight download charts as a measure of popularity - in which case I would guess Janet. Was on last, by which time fatigue had undoubtedly set in for the viewer.

Louis should have a cat like Blofeld, and four trapdoors in the stage. "We do not tolerate failure in this society" /presses button

surprisingly poor sequencing there, maximum tension would've been louis leaving kitty vs jonjo as the final choice

well what the fucking fuck? Johnny had better not come out with a joke performance next week oh wait though it's Louis...

half hour pause-a-thon? jonjo pretty fffit tbh.

glad johnny's still in but they need to give him a serious song next week

Frankie has a passing resemblance to a young David Essex, not that that makes him any better, mind.

Almost wish Johnny had gone, because I don't think I can bear weeks of Louis turning him into a Wangeresque comedy act.

Put Frankie Cockfarmer out plz.

goddamn that was expected but ugh a chance to get rid of cockozza gone

James out instead, which is great, but Frankie will get his soon enough.

Yeah I got my hopes up for a second there. xp

oh a handy reminder that james was fucking shite at least

xp although I think we're going to have a few more engineered 'cliffhangers' with Frankie in the bottom two once we get into the public votes

Never mind James, I hear that Kleenex are looking for test pilots...

i can't watch dudes crying i feel so uncomfortable

"Win a Mini in the colour of your choice!"
I'd pick whatever brown colour it was that Louis' hair stylist dyed his hair last year.

no one's going to buy this cocozza crap. he'll be out pretty soon.

pretty sure 2 shoes will go from the groups. she's not going to keep two girl groups given the overwhelming x factor girl group trend.

axiom, rather.

Rhythmix have the worst clothes. So them.

they look like an 80's hair gel commercial

wow first kinda-surprise :/

thank fuck for that, no more contrived TOWIE rubbish

They're going to end up doing a TV commercial for that women only car insurance company, I just know it.

ughhhhh i just tweeted i'd have so much respect for kelly if she sent janet home. rmde

gawd I knew Kelly would start blubbing

Wow. The pre-live show bookie's favourite.

what's rmde?

rowland made dire error

rolling my damn eyes

Right decision first three judges, don't get the last one at all -- redhead and brunette totally weak

come on, pink hair was totally weak too

I thought Sophie was going to get the boot, but v pleased Amelia went. Thought all the judges made the right decision except Tulisa. Nu Vibe were shit, and it seems stupid to split the boyband vote by keeping them.

Janet can sing a bit. v. much not my thing but she will tremble and warble her way thru a lot of twee bullshit for a few weeks i think, the other 2 women were kinda identikit non-entities

can see the media back-story turning into "brash cocky nasty Misha" vs "sweet shy people's princess Janet" or something of that ilk.

Tulisa keeping No Vibe in was some cold calculated gamesmanship that i kinda respect

janet is terrible but also one of the bookies' favourites, early front runners, has an identifiable fanbase. obviously never gonna go.

i thought amelia was good but not so much that i'll miss her, would've said the same about sophie - i did admire amelia's stiff upper lip at the end though. she didn't let a single tear fall! watch and learn, wimpy boys.

tulisa's was the most baffling decision i think - nu vibe were shit, this is splitting the boyband vote and 2 shoes would have been an entertaining and fun talking point for a few weeks more - and unlike previous novelty acts they were somewhat competent.

i think she probly decided that No Vibe had more chance of winning it in the long term. i don't think they've got much more chance, but i think she's right

i wd rather she kept 2 Shoes tho obv

the weirdest thing tonight was struggling to remember how the fuck Matt Cardie won it last year tbh

Cardle reckons Misha should've gone and was shocked when someone said Janet was the weakest of the girls.

i don't even wanna begin to think about why somebody wd think that

Cardie is such pointless gash tho

Cardle reckons Misha should've gone

i

can't

even

i just can't

god can someone just behead him already

he didn't really say that did he

jesus CHRIST

k i got 3/4 predictions right. tulisa you ruined it for me.

don't care about any of the 4 that left though, so cool. pointless 45 mins though *yawn*. i guess i enjoyed none of the girls hugging or even making eye contact with oneanother.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FbsmvXzMJY&feature=relmfu

what an unpleasant voice. jesus.

read a drinking game that featured drinking when 'worst soldier in world cries again'

A drinking game for real piss artists would be 'take a shot whenever Frankie does something "cheeky"'.

Cardle reckons Misha should've gone

Another reason to hate this guy. Just add it to the pile.

Cardle....

If he thinks that Misha should've gone, whatever it's his opinion and if he didn't feel it, OK. Would you expect Van Morrison (assuming he'd care) to pick the 'right' one? I dunno.

His song: I'm assuming the Garysong is one of his best 'current' tunes, because Matt is still high profile and Gary has to saddle/back a winner otherwise once Take That have finally packed for good, he's going to need singers/acts queueing up for his "something a bit like "Rule the World" plz" tunes bespoke factory. The one he failed to make last time TT packed.

Matt's performance was easily the weakest of all the acts of the weekend and it was just as well he was on before Cee-Lo because he could not have followed him.

jonjo said gary barlow gave him negative comments because he's hot and gary didn't want the female vote being split between him and gary's own boys lol

Looks like they got rid of the deluded nutter before they knew he was one!

Now ILX is back up, comments on last week's show?
Obviously a win that NoVibe have gone, even if we could have been shot of Cockhoser instead.

damn shame about the cockhoser. utterly woeful on both nights. no vibe were terrible too but the blonde one was good to look at.

People say that Kitty is the new Waisel, but I think Frankie could take that title, at least in terms of dreadful 'sing for survival' performances week on week.

good to see that the public aren't buying into frankie

last week's show was awful. misha was great of course (week 1 was better though). the risk were nice, but a horrible song yet again. kitty and rhythmix were tolerable. everybody else was horrendous. and kelly rowland is the worst judge ever

I made notes while I was watching last week. Saddo that I am.

1 - NoVibe, actual lols when Tulisa said "Look at me and Dappy, I can't stand him."
2 - Sami, first mention in the live shows that she's from Wales, expect Louis to say "everyone in Wales must vote for Sami!!!" every single week now.
3 - Craig, twin dangers of him becoming smug a la Cardle, and also having the personality ground out of him by Barlow.
4 - Janet, same old Dido/Vickers stuff.
5 - Frankie, it's obvious how they're pitching him, the use of the sodding Fratelli's 'Chelsea Dagger' during his 'what I did this week' VT. His main performance was fucking awful, like the Artful Dodger from Oliver.
6 - Johnny, his Wanger-isation at the hands of Louis continues.
7 - Marcus, frankly I don't even remember what he sang. He's got the same problem as Paije from last year: great singer, but lacking stylistic direction.
8 - Rhythmix, their VT acknowledged that girl groups on XF have a hard time. Dressing them like 80's children's TV presenters doesn't help. I kept expecting Timmy Mallett to walk on at any moment.
9 - Misha B, far and away the clear winner for me. Which, as others have mentioned upthread, means that she'll come seventh or something.
10 - The Risk, or The Rash, or whatever, and their stool o'clock performance.
11 - Sophie, again, I don't remember what she sang. She's anonymous, without even Janet's gimmick of sounding like someone else.
12 - Kitty, pretty good, if shouty, performance of 'It's Oh So Quiet'. If the public, or more accurately, the media, can get over their pidgeonholing of her as this year's panto baddie, she could do well. Marked as 'this year's Waisel', but apart from the need for other's approval and the meltdown potential, Kitty's better than that.

Results show.

Group song: this Glee style doesn't really work, just a shambles really. And the Misha/Marcus rap was shoehorned in.
The Wanted: I was away from the TV when they were announced, and came back in mid-performance. I spent two minutes wondering who the hell they were.
Katy Perry: nails-on-a-blackboard voice and straining-out-a-turd face even when she's singing a ballad.

NoVibe's (more like 'mouldy old dildo' - crap joke but the last chance I'll get to use it) survival song was another of these ropey boy band ballads that I'm thankfully completely unaware of. Enough people are buying these kind of songs to make writing them a paying proposition though.
Frankie really should have been kicked off for that half-hearted survival performance. If someone's going to act like they think they're going, then they should go.

i think at this point misha is definitely my FAVE X FACTOR CONETSTANT EVER :D

NoVibe's survival song was by Cheryl Cole, albeit fed through the regulation boyband modifier.

i wonder how long the producers have been grooming misha before pretending she just showed up at the auditions. misha b, of course, not misha barton. i think she'll win, the risk second, janet third and i'm sure that's what the producers want to happen too. craig, one trick phony, gary would have been better off going with the other big guy, the one who didn't get through last year, who had an amazing voice and seemed more versatile. barlow has pretty much made a fool of himself with coccoza - the british public hate this kind of guy, no? marcus, nice enough, seems like a sweet guy but who cares, really. so much nonsense from the judges about rhythmix who are awful and terrifying. the risk were surprisingly impressive this week.

I don't think that they've been grooming Misha as a potential contestant. She has way more self confidence and a solid idea about what she wants to do musically, much more than any previous XF contestant (including Cher Lloyd). But I think that she's come to these decisions by herself, and that's the really exciting thing, because Misha really does have the potential to be massive, even if she bombs out of the competition seventh. By comparison, even Cher was fairly unsure of herself until mid-season.

Up to the advent of this show, "The X-Factor" was that indefineable 'something' that separates the unique from the 'merely talented'.

Of course, this format 'in-the-end' rewards the 'unique' but the process only allows for the 'defineable' to get to the starting blocks.

Up to the advent of this show, "The X-Factor" was that indefineable 'something' that separates the unique from the 'merely talented'

I was going nuts at the weekend when one of the judges (can't even remember who now!) was on about that something that proper stars had and was struggling to think of the right phrase. Dudes, it's the programme you're fucking presenting, seriously, just THINK about how much you've devalued the phrase!

If it was on the proper meaning of the phrase "X factor", Misha B would win this hands down.

No-one here likes Janet, right?

I 'like' her, I'd go as far as that.

There's about 4 acts I 'like'.

Precisely zero acts I'd actually buy the record, but that's the same as ever.

If someone gave me a voucher and said "go get an album by an X-Factor person/group, past or future", I'd probably go DVickers, purely because she seems to have the spirit of adventure. Misha also, but I'd expect I'd play it once and go "well done, yes" and that's it.

yeah but did you actually get the diana vickers album? it's really impossible to tell what kind of album any x factor contestant will make "in real life" - the talents or otherwise that they showcase on the programme are only ever a small part of what potentially makes a pop album great.

can't stand janet. it's a sign of what a sick, sick world we live in that "dolores o'riordan doing coldplay" garners unanimous praise from the judges and reinforces her status as favourite.

i note that the "arrogant diva" press stories are already being wheeled out re: misha.

if i see anyone this weekend pretending they don't know what kelly means by "put it down" i will murder them.

It's a reference to a song by Beck.

i note that the "arrogant diva" press stories are already being wheeled out re: misha.

They're setting her up as backup panto baddie in case Kitty gets booted early.

Strap yourselves in, it's Rock Week.

It's great that our future popstars are preparing for a climate of "up in the club with my hands in the air dancing" chart-pop by doing rock songs.

Johnny will be doing a some by The Darkness, no doubt in some attempt to be worse than Frankie. Probably won't be 'Keep Your Hands Off My Woman' though.

'a some' = 'a song'

in the spirit of adventure, marcus will be performing cygnus X-1 book II

barlow: "he's only one this week to play a 12-minute drum solo"

dammit i was just gonna suggest "2112"

if Kitty does "Touch Me I'm Sick" i'll forgive her everything

"It's Tarkus week"

see i get all excited and i forget it's gonna be all Queen, the fucking Beatles and a Robbie Williams joint in reality

ugh fuck queen fuck the beatles

and fuck robbie williams

Bet someone does 'Rock DJ', and their mentor argues that it fits in with the theme because the title has 'rock' in it. Bonus points if this bizarro piece of logic comes from Louis.

I would love it if next week was 'Velvet Underground week' and the group song was a full length version of 'Sister Ray'.

Sami - 'Train Round The Bend'
Craig - 'I Found A Reason', smug face throughout
Janet - 'Heroin'
Frankie - 'That's The Story Of My Life', as a Frank Spencer impersonation
Johnny - 'Lonesome Cowboy Bill'
Marcus - 'Stephanie Says'
Rhythmix - 'European Son To Delmore Schwartz'
Misha B - 'Venus In Furs' with 'White Light/White Heat' as a rap in the middle
The Risk - 'The Murder Mystery'
Sophie - 'I'm Sticking With You'
Kitty - 'Lady Godiva's Operation'

The Risk - 'The Murder Mystery'

OMG

I just want to hear them stumble over the words "neuro-anesthesia analog".

http://a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/s320x320/294214_10150413858706103_13793281102_9877614_948384540_n.jpg

Frankie - 'That's The Story Of My Life', as a Frank Spencer impersonation

h8 u for bringing this so vividly into my head.

am shocked nobody's running with the "Kitty is a tranny" angle yet

Well I've had this horrible thought that for Halloween Week, Louis will get Johnny to dress up as Riff Raff and sing 'Timewarp'. With potentially good results.

xp try Tess Daly on Strictly

Dermot's intro music is Queen, bad sign.

as bad as these performances will be, the thing with rock week is that i struggle to think of how, exactly, an x factor version of "are you gonna go my way" could be good

he's so cute.

I don't particularly like Janet that much, but why the fuck should she have to answer questions from three guys who look like they're come to read the gas meter.

i quite liked how janet refused to do anything resembling rocking and just got a harpist out.

Things to remember:

• "Sami is from Wales"
• Gary is a knob
• Louis is a knob

Also, Rock Week is where everyone seemingly pretends to sing in an American accent for no reason.

it's kinda dispiriting to see someone like sami progress through the x factor - at auditions you're like, wow, she can sing! great voice! and over the live shows you just see how little of her own personality she stamps on her songs

OK, Sami's plea for votes just went a thousand miles beyond the standard 'phone hand'.

The problem with Sami is basically 'Louis'.

that was shite

That performance was better than last week, but boy do Rhythmix have a problem with a) styling (their clothes are actually eye watering to look at) and b) "rock" week strikes again, although I supposed 'Tik Tok' rhymes with 'rock'.

Tulisa redefining rock to suit herself = she knows how shitty X Factor judge rows work.q

i love that they just completely ignored the shit theme, and that was almost certainly the most fun we'll have tonight, and at least it wasn't actual ke$ha singing it eh. not that it wasn't still a terrible mess but oh well.

judges seem to be a bit more barbed this week!

Louis and Gary are going to be scratching each others eyes out by the end of the show.

they're ramping up the intra-judge bitching cos all the contestants are so boring and shit

Fucking hell, rock week is obviously a shit idea but it's made so much worse by everything being turned into a terrible ballad.

Complete snoozefest so far.

So, is this "do a rock song in a not-rock way" week, or is it "take a not rock song and do it a bit rocky" week?

(I've just got in so have only seen Oasis song and Bonjovi song.)

Can we have Eddie and the Hot Rods doing "Get out of Denver" like it's 1976 plz?

xp Rhythmix did a medley of not-rock songs in a not-rock way.

thx.

head like a horses arse

Well, at least Kitty understands the concept of rock week. She looks a fucking state though.

"You're back in the game"

in before someone says it.

This could have been her week if she'd been given a better song.

"ennivotive"?
That's why Take That were never innovative, Gary could never say the word!

xp given the dross everyone else has served up so far, it still could be her week.

Think it *is* her week anyway.

xpost three times.,

Can't believe I turned down a knitting circle tonight to watch this shite.

fibs.

BTW, was Janet wearing TreyC's feather thing from last year? Because Kitty was recycling her set (sadly minus the dancers firing sparklers out of their genitals).

"cheeky" fuck off Frankie

He looks knackered at the end of that VT

Oh, time to make Bobby Gillespie look like a really good singer!

SING RANDOM WORDS NOW!!

MAKE IT STOP!

Can't believe I turned down a prayer meeting to watch this cunt.

Worst ever performance. Out of everybody on the live shows.

Including that one.

Gary's his mentor.

He should kick his arse right now!

Fortunately I missed that because a mains water valve on the street outside burst.

If anyone has any fucking clue what Louis is on about...

Hang on, Gary wanted to be a shit Bobby Gillespie when he was younger?

Oh.

Gary went back in time to kick his arse last week.

it's not possible.

xpost EVERYBODY wanted to be a shit Bobby Gillespie when they was younger?

that was the worst 5 minutes of tv we're gonna see in a while, right? when the dancers started crawling between his legs ughhhhhh

that was embarrassing

Misha B, save us.

Derry or whatever his name is from The Risk fancies himself waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much for a member of an XF boyband with crap harmonies.

We've all abandoned any pretence at rock now, right?

Blimey that sounded wonderful.

Oh hang on, after Frankie, what wouldn't?

that poor scottish boy having to pretend to be a ladies man!

More like having to pretend to be a wanker.

"smash it" drink a shot"

natch

Because if I was a 40 something guy, I'd ask for advice from a 16 year old girl.

NO STOP

GEOGRAPHY TEACHER HAS A FIT

It's Robin Gibb!

Robin Giblet.

Not a terrible choice for his voice, but outfit is so very wrong.

mmm.

"purple rain" doesn't suit being edited to 2:20

That was a low trick from Tulisa there. No-one gives a fuck what happens backstage.

I love it when Dermot plays hardman, because no-one takes any notice of him.

Agree re Tulisa's bullshit. Terrible tactics.

Still, deflected from Louis reverting to 'you look like every black person I can think of' again.

nah i dunno, if she's a cow then it's ok for them to call her out on it. seems like she probably is.

There's a time and a place though, and I don't think that was it. It was total gamesmanship, and a bad display of it at that.

frankie and who else for bottom two? rhythmix or sophie? so many of them were shite though.

The lad singing "Stop Crying" was so... dull.

Craig. But it'll be Frankie and Sami for bottom two, I think.

Worry that Marcus might be forgotten due to performing first. But aye, Frankie v any one of Sami, Sophie or Rhythmix would be fine by me.

I'm thinking it will be Sami and Marcus in the bottom two tomorrow, Marcus doesn't deserve to be there but no one is talking about him and he was on first which is never good.

I have this awful feeling Frankie will survive tomorrow. I never thought I'd hate anyone on the show as much as I hated Danyl Johnson but now I think I do.

Surprised to say Johnny and Kitty were my favourites tonight. I like Sophie a lot but Kelly's choices for her have been so dull so far.

i don't think frankie has a hope in hell. i had forgotten danyl johnson. terrifying.

I don't think Frankie will last long but I think he may just make it through this week.

Danyl Johnson was pure evil, his one big note in every song, him throwing the microphone from one hand to the other and of course Simon trying to force us all into believing he was going to be a huge star.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0EFtU2Hd0o

This was the week after he was in the bottom two. He came out and sulked, sang out of tune and sailed through to the next week. Simon standing up for his big note is one of the most annoying things I've seen on the show.

One of my favourite bits of that year was Whitney staring down Danyl and telling him to sing her song properly, ie the way it was written, rather than making up his own shitty 'tune' for the vocal melody.

misha was amazing as always
everybody else was boring as always

been rewatching "would i lie to you" performance all week. at first was slightly underwhelmed but now i think it's just as jawdroppingly good as the "rolling in the deep" one.

so big bad misha is being mean to rhythmix or something? no1curr. they seem irritating as fuck. i'd be mean to them, too.

bottom 2 = marcus and sami, probz

danyl johnson was evil because he should have gone instead of miss frank = the best group ever on x factor

gary barlow makes some sort of "cutting" comment => johnny comes up with some "sharp" comeback => "OH HAHA HE GOT ME AGAIN! WHAT IS HE LIKE?!!"

just how retarded do these producers think the british public is. k they probably are quite, but still

<3

I dunno, why would Gary even do that, assuming you mean it's all scripted etc?

Frankie has to go tonight. When someone can be described as 'boozy Robbie but without the talent', it's pretty much curtains.

if she's a cow then it's ok for them to call her out on it. seems like she probably is.

wtf is that meant to mean? why does she "seem" like she is?

ngl i felt a bit ~betrayed~ that it was tulisa who went there but it backfired anyway - she did it so ham-fistedly and it was so evidently playing dirty that misha would've just ended up with more sympathy than if the rumblings about her attitude had just carried on it tabloid stories. "purple rain" was just okay though, it was no ruth lorenzo.

wtf is that meant to mean? why does she "seem" like she is?

tbh i meant "it seems" not "she seems". and i meant that it seems like she probably is because two of the judges referenced her bullying or bitchy tactics and Louis, for all his faults, is almost universally positive about the contestants and doesn't seem like a shit stirrer.

i agree with your ruth lorenzo point though. it's funny how ruth was first to do it and it seemed quite a bizarre/unique choice and has since been trotted out as a standard rock ballad-y type belter subsequently.

what's with these awful cunty journalists with janet here? marcus was really good there.

and then they manage to turn 'sweet child o' mine' into a ballad for her. yawn.

i think it's one of the most unsavoury aspects of the show how rude the judges are to Louis (and not just on this series), like he's not allowed to say "swagger" because Kelly says so?

xpost to myself

lol @ kelly r = tallest judge

Bruno Mars isn't exactly my favourite artist in the world, but he's making everyone else look second rate here.

i wish the young orson welles HAD made a version of the james brown story

Frankie safe? FUCK OFF

ughhhh anyone who voted for frankie needs to take a long hard look at their lives

I'm gutted Frankie got through, his reaction filled me with rage.

xp Well all those people are going to learn a lesson next Saturday when he inevitably fucks up after caning it like a madman for another week.

I'm gutted Frankie got through, his reaction filled me with rage.

me too

one day - i am holding on to this thought - one day he is going to get punched very hard in the face. one day.

also, kitty must stay

Thought Kitty was safer than safe. Actually, against Sami, she will be. But seriously, fuck you, world (or that portion that voted for Skankie at any rate).

xp ^^^ yes

xxp And it'll very likely be Barlow that does it.

i'm guessing it was sami's pleading for a pound that fucked her?

ugh i can't believe i'm gonna have to sit through frankie next week, what is WRONG with people

I'm hoping Kitty will be saved but really all I want now is just to see Louis cry. I love it when he cries and his voice goes a little high/wobbly.

Next week he should sing one of the 'great' Fat Robbie era songs 'Hope I'm Old Before I Die'.

kitty should do non-stunt performance more often

"this is really hard" drink a shot!

fucking stupid crowd cheering for sami

UGH TULISA DO BETTER AS A JUDGE

At least Louis didn't send it to deadlock.

WEEP GOBLIN WEEP

fucking hell what is the world coming to when we have to rely on louis to make the right decision

@MissFireUK Miss Fire
Wtf plz tell me I'm reading this wrong cowshit head cyant sing cripple foot frankie is thru ??? Wtf
14 minutes ago via UberSocial for iPhone

:D

Wow I'm actually surprised and quite impressed Louis had the guts to do that.

Cher next week, should be good.

...and Nicole
...and the ropiest Halloween costumes you've ever seen

If the group song next week isn't 'Monster Mash' I will be gravely (geddit?!) disappointed.

cher and nicole next week when i have to be elsewhere?? ugh why couldn't they have acts i cared about on the past 3 sundays i've been able to sit through it

Wow I'm actually surprised and quite impressed Louis had the guts to do that.

No.

If he'd saved Sami and it had gone to deadlock and Kitty had the highest number of votes, he'd get back an act he'd voted to not save.

wtfrankie

emos = silent X Factor bloc vote

more like tone deaf emus

Oh, it's early days.

At the moment, the "Bottom 2" basically consists of acts the viewing public aren't fussed about. You don't like Frankie, your only option is to vote for everybody else.

So, Frankie gets a few weeks of ever-mounting car-crash telly, birds and booze, until the people voting for him because of his 'spirit of rock and roll' gets outnumbered by people voting for acts they actually like.

(fwiw, I reckon Kitty will get a massively increased vote next week)

He's the worst contestant since Peter Brame from Fame Academy.

That's the one I was trying to remember. At least you felt Peter was trying.

As I say upthread, if Gary's best mate doesn't tell him that Frankie needs calling out on-screen if he nauses up next week, well, he hasn't got one.

I liked danyl johnson. He thought he was prince and michael jackson combined but better than both. I like to see that kind of misplaced arrogance.

He's still the 'on-call local celebrity' around here.

Nice of Frankie to thank the audience for booing him on ITV2. Although when he said "Thanks for the boos" I initially thought he said "Thanks for the booze".

Paisley Christmas lights switch-on by ex X Factor person update:

Stacy Solomon and Gamu!

I'll be out of the country though :(

I will sell my house and move to a new council tax area if they ever book Skanky Cockhoser.

Gamu! Is she even legally allowed to be paid for it? I lost interest in her visa saga.

Anyway, was Louis all "I'm a bit sorry" yesterday? I missed it.

he said sorry for saying bully, it was the excitement talking, then his two gals were in the vote-off and he pretended his decision was principle not maths, then he wept

Yeah, I saw the last bit.

WEEP GOBLIN WEEP

― mark s, Sunday, October 23, 2011 8:57 PM (Yesterday)

^^^ this is fucking hilarious

Gamu! Is she even legally allowed to be paid for it? I lost interest in her visa saga.

Yeah, me too. iirc they're still OK to be here, but it's all still being appealed. Maybe she's not getting paid - there was a huge stink last year about the amount that Olly Murs was getting paid for doing a free concert in the town, but he ended up donating the lot to two local charities, so perhaps they've had a re-think (but I don't expect Stacy Solomon comes cheaply these days).

Anyway, how come Louis had to apologise for explicitly calling Misha a bully but Tulisa got away with the shit-stirring that started it?

Maybe he actually felt bad and she didn't.

xp I read that Stacey is getting the same money as Olly got, despite complaints about it.

Jolly good, that's a lesson not learned then. Well done Renfrewshire Council.

pete dochertewok

bbb gllspwk

very good: https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Fix-Factor/111934432232722?sk=wall

The expression on Louis the Seal is spot on.

oh no kelly rowland has left(/has a throat infection and won't be there this weekend)

nicole sherzinger is yet again picking up the scraps

Rhythmix have to change their name to Little Mix

ashley from the risk has left and been replaced by ashford from nu vibe lollll

wtf? what one's ashley?

also can i say how hard it is to believe that this dude Leroy Bell from the US X Factor is 60 years old.

http://img.poptower.com/pic-68750/x-factor-fox.jpg?d=600

i haven't been following it, i just flicked past it there honest.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrmCbddXmDI

Ashley is the one that looks like the non-descript member of a third tier boy band, while Ashford is the one that looks like the non-descript member of a third tier boy band.

cool, got ya.

I'd be surprised if they spend more than 30 seconds talking about the switch tomorrow.

that leroy guy is pretty good, and melanie is the other standout from the US show afaict, but it was heartening to see that the general standard in the first live show was as dreadful as it is over here

how's the girl who sang "listen" in the audition doing

I've just worked it out, Sophie Habibis totally reminds me of Katherine Parkinson.

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01395/SophieHabibis_1E_5_1395788a.jpg

http://images.digitalspy.co.uk/07/38/160x120_katherine_parkinson.jpg

Well it's Halloween theme week, so Sophie could go on dressed like this...
http://sunshineglasses.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/aunt-irma-2.jpg

haha

"WHY CAN'T I FIND A PEN IN HERE!?!!?!?!"
because it's superglued to Louis' hand...
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/36175_166921276651549_166920036651673_591573_4433302_n.jpg

Yes.

She does the malteser ads too, right?

"This week's theme suits both my acts" because they're terrifying.

"smash it" - drink a shot

oh ffs Ashley, being in a boyband is not a lifetime decision, it's two or three years if you're lucky

The Risk's 'Thriller' is more like 'zzzz-er'

This new member has brought the no vibes with him. That was awful. Zzzzzz

Just say, theoretically, that some people voted for The Risk in previous weeks, and their fave was Ashley, then, in theory, could they argue for a refund on their phone vote?

snoball, you're gonna be pished tonight.

I haven't had a drink in ten years! I'm drinking virtual shots.

Well I've had this horrible thought that for Halloween Week, Louis will get Johnny to dress up as Riff Raff and sing 'Timewarp'. With potentially good results.

― cheque out my debit to building society (snoball), Saturday, October 22, 2011 6:12 PM (1 week ago)

X Factor VT editors, you are fucking with me...

this is so scary.

plus: not a joke performance
minus: tuning all over the shop

that's not a ballad ya diddy it's a torch song.

Delia, that's not a roast, that's some bits on a plate.

If you were in an elevator with Piers Morgan and James Corden, who would you punch first?

that was terrible and she was almost as bad as cocozza last week.

btw that wasn't a ballad either.

Well I wouldn't say as bad a Cockhoser - Sophie was just about competant, performance was as flat as cardboard though.

And wtf exactly is so wrong with the riff of 'Superstition' that the arranger felt it necessary to replace it with the tune from an INXS song?

Louis namedrops Jimmy Scott!

Jdjjdjdjfjgkksigfj SO GOOD

Janet is CAAAAAANED

misha b devotion.

holy shit that was actually not terrible. she totally flipped that song around!

i thought it was gawdawful

yeah I thought that fucking sucked.

"@Popjustice: The only meaningful measure of this performance's awfulness is that I would rather hear it being sung by Sting #xfactor”"

she seems actually creepy and weird this week. not as shy and quirky. I LIKED THAT.

oh she's just talked about getting her guitar out next week. k i hate her again

Every time Frankie says something I just hate him a little bit more.

This guy makes Donny Tourette seem like Billy Idol.

how the fuck is this a halloween song

It's shocking?

It has the stench of rotten-ness about it?

Oh and as usual, theme abandoned about two acts in.

I wish he would go

did alexandra just say "and you know what, i might be back"

Her duet with Beyonce was one of the best things to ever happen on this show. Frankie is the absolute worst thing to ever happen.

okay dot com!

"you'd better get the words right okay dot com"

With my accent, I pronounce it 'Lidl Mix'.

rhythminx would have been better.

"This competition is wide open" - they say that every. single. year. Gary.

wide open dot com!

They're all shit dot com.

They're all shit dot co dot uk

Craig is wearing this year's must-have pop star fashion item, the three-sizes-too-small duffle coat.

Not seen: half eaten packet of Fisherman's Friends in the left pocket.

#NOTABALLAD
#TOTALLYAHALLOWEEN SONG

so bad so bad so bad

so basically misha was the best as always

kitty was great
janet didn't make me want to throw things for once. I LIKED IT!

and everybody else ranged from mediocre to terrible. frankie & craig are my personal bottom 2

wait a minute

did i just see misha go into a bit of "loving you no more" by diddy dirty-money? fjnsfjknfsdjknfsdjhbagvdagvadjgvadjhadskklfdglndskngd amaaaaazzzzzzinggggg

I love how the judges are tacitly slagging off ex-Risker Ashley.
"They're a way better band now (that loser has gone)!"

excited about cher lloyd :D

This Nicole Sc joint seems cobbled together from bits of other songs.

Frankie through again, wtf is wrong with people?!

jwqerokhwqeofiwejflksdhfijweb filuq3yw 8r ywq34iuf q24i85y2189ry 23eufh aslkjfh slf waeFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFCUKFCUFCUKFCU

wtf!?

are you fucking kidding me?

MY LIFE IS ACTUALLY OVER.

total shocker

not ok.com

the british public

i'm actually fucking moving

i can't live in this country

multiple people picked up the phone and voted for frankie

this is really making me re-evaluate things

habibis was rank last night and last week tbh.

This is maybe the worst result I've seen on the show. Obviously Misha will be saved.

But at least she makes some kind of effort. Frankie puts in the most piss poor performance, uses the excuse that 'it's rock'n' roll', and people still vote for him.

Obviously Sophie was never going to win XF, and I didn't care much about her act, but to see her going out when Frankie Cockfarmer is still in is fucked up in the most extreme degree.

ok amazing song choice though

it's a shame that she's doing that to it but whatev

Slight (understandable) vocal wobbles aside, this could be her best performance.

<3 greatest x factor contestant of all time

will get a boost in votes next week at least

Good performances. I wonder how Kelly feels about it all.

Oh here she is.

Hope that Kelly slaps the shit out of Frankie.

lol 'calling in sick voice'

haha

For the first time, an XF judge literally phones it in.

gary declines world-class chance for free-pass challops

a fake cough wouldn't have gone amiss

so um why was alex there tonight?

'Kelly Rowland is unwell'

Kelly Rowland is 'unwell'

lol, didn't even see above

ha yeah i know that but, like, why did they need her tonight? did she do anything? say anything? have any role whatsoever?

she said "this is just too close to home"

xxp lol, is one of us Jeffrey Bernard?

If you see a small explosion coming from the London direction later tonight, it's just lex finding out about this bullshit.

!

I mean as in 'exploding with rage'

i guess the ewok-themed pet's fuckdoll cockhoser is being kept for a deeper, sharper fate

Yes, it's called 'Club Classics Theme Week', next Saturday.

= fred durst medley ---:D

Can't wait for the reinterpretation of club classic to include something-that-Janet-can-lisp-through.

http://www.radiotimes.com/news/2011-10-30/the-x-factor-2011-finals-week-four---sophie-habibis-goes-home

'rat-haired teen fornicator Frankie'

"Kelly... whose croaky calling-in-sick voice was exemplary" <--

I love that NO ONE believes she is actually ill.

xxp
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjIPzyVlK60

that radio times column is great.

Good morning.

Frankie's performance was at least 'functional', even "not terrible", but undoubtably "the worst this week".

The acts that have gone, none of the 'public votes for them' will be transferring their allegiance(s) to Frankie. So, it's just a matter of time.

Mischa B has not been served terribly well by the themes for this week or last. But the people who actually want her to win will 'throw off voting lethargy' and vote for her strongly. Like what happened to Kitty this week.

Sophie? Yeah, 'not a pop star despite being a good singer', basically thesedays there are two kinds: The ones that turn up on Breakfast telly to plug the single/album, and the ones that are too good for that sort of thing. Alexandra Burke being the former, Leona Lewis being the latter.

xxp as long as Janet reinstates the missing verse about "sitting in this field"..

Double elimination this week - if one of them isn't Frankie, I'll be fuming. Actually they could eliminate Frankie twice, he's that bad.

Johnny's VT there provided for the benefit of anyone who might be in any doubt that he's gay.

And clearly 'Club Classics Week' stretches to include any song that might have been played in a club at any time, ever.

WHY has no one made johnny do pet shop boys/billy mackenzie yet? he's just sloppy when he does female divas - the key to kylie/cher/madonna vox isn't silly camp, it's rigorous discipline, and he doesn't have it

OMG just seen what song frankie's doing

*kills everyone*

forgotten words :D
failed high notes :D

serves you right for badmouthing your only good performance aka last week's.

what did she do last week? missed both shows completely. oh yeah wtf misha in bottom two? insert outrage here

xxp any song that has lyrics then?

it's kinda hard to be excited when all the non-misha acts are so ropey, none of the vague potential coming through at all, mad kitty now outed as ~racist~ (?) and misha obviously just treading water (her song choice tonight, god, have some imagination)

lex: proper creepy version of "every breath you take". changed the meaning of 'i'll be watching you' completely (or at least i'd never thought of it with those connotations before her rendition...). i liked it. everybody else hated it.

Can you tell what it is yet? Yes, it's another fuck awful Piers Morgan cry-a-thon.

i forgot craig existed

still lolling at last week's "craig's not doing a ballad this week. he's gonna shock everyone" and then he sings adele

craig is absolutely horrible in every way. get him off my tv please ughhh

ffs how many times are they going to say "comfort zone"? Surprised that the show this week isn't sponsored by Comfort fabric conditioner.

This is laughably awful.

great dancing

"He reminds me of a young Gary Barlow when he's singing and dancing" oh that's the worst underhanded insult

"I had fun with you" - not to self, never play poker against Tulisa and her championship straight face.
Kelly stop doing that finger waving thing!

DJ Sammy though! I've now got my fingers crossed and my hopes unbearably high for a bit of Cascada or Scooter from a contestant. I would cry tears of joy if Misha B were to do the rap from "The Logical Song"

wow brilliant advice from jls

JLS were a group for years before they went on XF, so I guess the only advice they could give The Rust is 'don't be a kit assembled XF boy band'. Oh, whoops...

piss dreadful rap

I don't know what's worse, trying to make Derry out to be a rapper or a ladies man.

"sing better and perform better and be better than the many relevant bands in music today such as boyz II men and *nsync. k can i have my moneys now"

literally though tulisa was gonna say "i don't have anything negative to say because i'm so happy BECAUSE I'M ON A PILL WOOOOO"

Marcus up next, and possibly the only contestant who has a chance of dancing convincingly.

there's nothing marcus can do to not be the most boring person alive

i dunno about you lot but i can never go a night without hearing this in tha clubz

Unless Misha picks up her game, I think he can win.

xp Darby & Joan clubs?

awww marcus

he is v likeable

that song was shit though

"only girl in the kitchen"

lolllllllllll

"only girl in the school" is about right for the age range of Wand Erection's fans.

reminds me of this

i love stans

hahaha kitty's vt

"post-apocalyptic"

ok just been on the phone with a friend for an hour -- where have we got to?

gary is dressed like the posh husband who shagged the maid in midsomer murders

:D AMAZING

xxp We've had Johnny (camp, grating), Janet (forgot words), Craig (Gary Barlow style dancing), The Risk (worse than the version of the same song that was used for a bingo commercial), Marcus (safe boring song choice, great voice though).

tulisa call her a racist bitch, quick

louis should have stood on his chair to clap

kelly calling it correctly, kitty the racist belter very by-the-numbers there

(when was she racist)

wtf i thought her vocals were brilliant

and obvs nobody's dancing can compare to craig's but yknow that's a v high bar

xp She allegedly said something racist to Derry during a row over a sofa.

THEY ARE VOTING FOR THE SEX-EWOK because rule 34

i thought kitty was totally flat til the end - she only really does it for me when she's doing terrifying hollering like she's summoning the devil

surprised at no backlash re "racism", unsure whether that happened for real or not?

^^^yes she's good when she's demonic

xp I don't think it happened - the row supposedly happened in front of half a dozen production staff in a rehearsal room, if Kitty had really said something racist she'd have been kicked off the show.

WAR!

ugh louis is like a 5 year old. uncomfortable

and watching the producers tear him down after they realise the public haven't really fallen for it is funny

"It (your singing) is the only thing that's wrong with your performance" - apart from your dancing, your hair, your clothes, your attitude, your laughable work ethic, your lack of maturity...

Also, stfu Louis

haha at kelly's damning with no praise, "the main thing you need in this industry is being able to sing, you funny little chap" -- this is way harsher than "that was bad karaoke"

"at least i'm here every week" was lol tho

kelly should so everything in croaky-voice

awww the cameras were just watching misha on the laptop in some room and spontaneously caught the moment where her family came in. cute

oh no not this song. wtf boring

roahleng-uh!

Same problem as Marcus, great voice, boring safe song choice.

erm she did what she could with that song choice i guess... bit impersonator-ish.

Louis: "I love Tina Turner!"
For those of you playing 'Black artists that Louis Walsh has heard of' bingo, there's another name to cross off.