MegaMillions - For real: If I win, what the hell is my first step?

So, the current jackpot is $540mm, from which a one-time cash payout after taxes would be something around $280mm. It is probably going to be a lot higher by the time of the drawing tomorrow evening.

I'm planning on winning.

That is "there are a lot of people who would kill me without thinking" level of money.

What the hell is my first step? Hire a bodyguard? How do I know I can trust HIM?

I'm already going Howard Hughes level of paranoid on this, and I haven't won yet. YET.

Your first mistake was posting this here.

don't tell anyone.

The AP sez...

Good luck, I'm in an office pool w/10 co-workers. Only agreed to chip in if we all agreed on TOTAL ANONYMITY if we win. For me:

Step 1: Write check to bank for balance of mortgage.
Step 2: Drop off checks at my mom and mom-in-law's for same.
Step 3: Disappear forever.

The thing is, only certain states allow for anonymity/a blind trust. Mine isn't one of them. Plan is to wear a disguise and speak with a goofy accent while holding the oversized novelty check.

spend it

if I won the lottery, I would instantly quit my job and start auditioning for grad school vocal programs

I would buy a new, more comfortable mattress. Then I would buy a nice house to go around that mattress. Then I'd take the weekend to consider my next purchases.

the practicalities of winning a lottery always pass me by becuase I think "HOUSE ON THE BEACH! MOVE TO AUSTRALIA! NEVER WORK AGAIN AHAAHAHAHAHA"

See, I would give my two weeks' notice, then spend it coming to work in a bathrobe and drinking PBR.

aw JF I like your plan

okay - here's a habit of the obnoxiously rich - they never wash their socks.

i was going to buy a lottery ticket yesterday but i forgot. i want to find one of those lottery ticket vending machines so i can buy one (just one) without having to deal with a person.

lol I'm not rick at all, but I totally buy a new pack of socks every few weeks.

you are rich in socks

I don't buy new socks until I'm down to odd pairs with holes in them

I hate buying socks

I would have a sock delivery service if I was $$$

I would pay someone to invent the self-cleaning sock.

Value packs of 12 pairs of white crew socks at Walmart are, like $8. It's the one chance I get to simply throw money away and it feels extravagant!

Guys you are never going to need socks again why because

http://www.georgianindex.net/transportationLondon/sedan_chair_men.jpg

lol!

look at us. on the lottery thread already talking about socks.

we should be talking about pet sharks and gold bathtubs

hahah phil

The best advice I've ever read, of all things, was an essay Penn Jillette wrote in one of the P&T books years ago.

He mentioned the blind trust thing as well as moving to a small town where no one knows you. And to tell no one.

The essay isn't online, unfortunately.

buy a small innocuous cottage, and retrofit the inside with fancy furnishings and dig it six storeys down and have like a secret submarine tunnel going out to the bay and make it totally like Wayne Manor

essentially, you just go to your sock store of choice, fill up the cart with bulk socks, and then at the end of each day, throw your dirty socks away. every pair of socks you ever wear will be totally new. that's the high life, baby http://politiclolz.com/files/2009/12/President-Barack-Obama-Dmitry-Medvedev-Russia-Miller-High-Life-Delivery-Guy-160x160.jpg

wow thats a candidate for the SEO hall of fame thread

I would have a separate trash can just for daily socks

I'd probably release vinyl records of music I and my friends recorded every month for the rest of my life.

i'd probably take the annual pay out, invest it, and live off the interest & dividends tbh.

When Trey & Matt were promoting the South Park movie on Dennis Miller's HBO show, they mentioned that they had it written into their contracts that they got several cases of fresh socks.

"hey, if your feet get wet, don't worry about drying those out, just toss em, open a new bag, there ya go. Fresh new pair of socks"

You'll feel at home here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montecito,_California

this shit is fucking wild, i'm never seen a frenzy like this for the lottery

i was in 7-11 buying a drink and people were lined up at the machine like it was a cracked open ATM

btw i'm in for $5 at my office, everyone wish me luck

remember us when you're ballin'

Fuck youtube for no Simpsons lottery clips.

Not even when he throws the book in the fireplace?

That's the one I was looking for!

Also:

Employee: I don't need your crummy job, Mr. Employer! I've won the lottery!
Employer: Well, who needs employees? I won the lottery, too! [two window washers descend on a scaffold, each with a huge bag of cash (money overflowing) at his feet]
Window washers: We both won the lottery!
All: [to camera] Why don't you win the lottery, too!
Announcer: The state lottery, where everybody wins! (actual odds of winning, one in 380,000,000.)

you have a 10x greater chance of dying of flesh-eating disease, so I hope some dude buys a ticket

put in your two weeks get yr shit together book a flight to monaco for the day you go to collect cash get on the jet ball out forever

morbs must you troll him in all the threads?

what did some dude do to morbs

yeah jeez

Not sure about my first step but y'all can come visit me in the Alpes-Maritimes when I win...

is that a place that you will have a giant castle/ski lodge?

then yes

bitching place in New York, bitching place in San Francisco, ranch in Texas to maintain residency/shoot guns, a year at a high-tech athletic facility getting me in the best shape of my life

party with bowls of cocaine and Victoria's Secret models

ha minus the shooting guns part that is exactly my fantasy too. (xp that's not a bad idea either!)

I would like to buy the house I currently live in so I don't have to move, pay off my and my wife's student loans and carry on as normal, keep my job, but just take secret awesome vacations and maybe buy a sweet studio close to home.

Yeah, def. condos in NY, Sydney and Paris are must-haves.

I am down with all of milo's plan, including shooting guns

I read an article about UK lottery winners recently and the majority all pretty much did what admrl said. Granted they hadn't won mega millions but it was still kind of depressing somehow

Mr Veg and I's lottery plan is: house in San Francisco, house in Melbourne and/or house on the beach in Port Fairy or somewhere cool and chill, and two Saint Bernards that travel with us everywhere

And solve crimes, obvs.

and I would make time to shoot guns and fly planes and laze in front of a giant Citizen Kane/Xanadu fireplace

give $1 million to each of my family, finish school, move to Japan and spend the rest of my life traveling the world and studying languages.

walking the earth like Kane. I like it.

That's what I plan on doing anyway, but I probably won't be able to pay off my family's debts. :\

I imagine that if I won the lottery I would be in a state of mortal terror until the actual ceremony where they give me the big novelty check. Then I would lose my mind.

I would pour enough millions into the Green Party to make chaos of the presidential election

Ok, found it:[sorta]

-What are you going to do with your share, Lucky?-

A car. A big shiny car. How about you?-

New york…maybe paris-mmm-Gona be abig shot for a while.How about you ned?

I wanna start a foundation to help homeless children.-

Well, i ment to do that.
-Well i meant i was going to do that first and then i was going to get the car.

xxpost hey now, this is the hopeful thread. of course you will, tanuki! with money to spare!

wouldn't bother giving money for national political reasons, but I'd totally try to buy the mayor of my hometown

I would totally spend some of it on random acts of expensive kindness towards people and organisations I like but also on annoying the shit out of whomever I hate.

oh man I would buy Toronto's mayor and send him to Florida

Before I left Sacramento, assuming I won a bajillion dollar lottery, I would pay for all the roads in Sacramento County to be resurfaced and repaired. Because nothing bums out a city more than fucking shitty ass potholey roads and this city has treated me pretty well in my time here.

I'd get together all of the shelters/homeless orgs in my area for a meeting, quiz them about which require religious bullshit along with meals or for people seeking help and then lavish money on all the secular ones.

I read an article about UK lottery winners

Those assholes always win. BAH!

I recently won 26 euros. Went wild and claimed it and put it on my bank account. I am slightly less in the red now. lol

After sorting out the Immediate security/safety concerns, I would do the following:

Establish education funds for all my nieces, nephews, and my kid(s) (first due July 5th!) - this would include kids of first cousins, because wtfn?
Give set amount to all immediate relatives - this includes sibs, parents. That is all.
Put well over 2/3 into low-risk investment that I would never touch.
Pay off all my debt.

And then

Buy houses on the Cental Coast of CA, somewhere in Maine, and apartments in NYC, Washington DC, New Orleans, and London.

And then spend the rest of my life reading, traveling, learning music and languages, and raising my kid(s) to be the coolest people ever.

And I would never tell them about the 2/3 stashed and growing. They would find out about it when I pass, and be like "Whoa."

I would have a sock delivery service if I was $$$

Amazon.com probably would be willing to arrange a "Subscribe & Save" plan for socks.

As for me...
1) Set up a trust to fund the Fort Reno concert series in perpetuity.
2) Live-in personal trainer.

Would totally fuck with my hated uncles by establishing college trusts for their grandchildren but not giving them a cent.

Honestly I wouldn't know. Honestly, I would be bored senseless if I won millions: WHAT THE FUCK do you do all day long? Go to work? Kind of pathetic if you have that amount of money. So what the hell do you do? Hang out with friends? They are all at work.

Disappear completely

Some stories (apologies for Reddit links)...

http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9li9n/i_won_a_30_million_lottery_jackpot_and_have_spent/
http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nazsn/by_request_won_a_million_dollars_on_a_scratchoff/

I read an article about UK lottery winners recently and the majority all pretty much did what admrl said. Granted they hadn't won mega millions but it was still kind of depressing somehow

hey way to talk about my DREAM

quit job, start a shell company, tell people i'm freelancing accounting/programming or something else so unspeakably boring their eyes glaze over immediately, start 'business trips' all over the world, constantly.

pay off CC and student loan debt and then...uh idk. those two things for sure tho.

I would also be on ILX much more. Lol

http://www.yukon-news.com/news_images/2007/february/19/021907-drug-bust.jpg

the first thing i would do -- like, the night of, before i even saw any of the winnings -- would be to find the best sushi place in chicago and gorge my brains out

Sushi in Chicago? that's crazy

Very first thing would be run around screaming. I mean, for real, I would probably run around the house screaming.

Would get that Neil Young archives box.

And then listen to all of it in Hawaii.

Performed by Neil Young & Crazy Horse, in person.

one of the very first things, get the fuck out of our tiny underwater-mortgage house

i would bribe stet to grant me the power of uberban

quit job, start a shell company, tell people i'm freelancing accounting/programming or something else so unspeakably boring their eyes glaze over immediately, start 'business trips' all over the world, constantly.

― less of the same (darraghmac), Thursday, 29 March 2012 22:19 (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah but u could also just kill all your enemies then bribe your prison guards to keep u in the lap of luxury with lcd panels around your cell alternating panoramic views of penthouses in london or shanghai or wherever and get your guards to dress up as rickshaw drivers or parisian florists or whatever land just drink romanée-conti ish all day and watch turkish superliga games in the company of your harem and maybe post to ilx now and then

theres a lack of vindictiveness in all these plans

I would send giant bouquets of flowers to all of my nemesis and anonymously send a car to each of my ex-girlfriends.

aerosmith otm

dream bigger admrl

trust funds for my 3 nephews so they can finish school, go to university, etc, and millions each for my brother sister mum and dad.

I really don't need to dream bigger, I'd honestly just be happy not being in debt and not having to work for anyone I hate.

nah i know, i just find it hard to relate to people who are relatively content with their life as is. I'd probably construct a whole new identity for myself if i won

Sushi in Chicago? that's crazy

― killa amc (admrl), Thursday, March 29, 2012 5:27 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

well that's only cuz i live here

You mean an identity other than "Number None"?

xp

if some debt genie came and offered to erase your debt but if they later found out you weren't actually content with just not being in debt, like they caught you secretly pining for a hand-crafted foosball table made from the bones of champion foosball players, they'd double your debt, would you take the deal?

sure, why not

Would get a James Perse ping-pong table.

http://www.jamesperse.com/img/products/PING_PONG_TABLE_BPWD_L2A1.jpg

ok

buy whatever football club employs rafa benitez, sack him, repeat until he dies

That wouldn't be a fun way to spend the rest of your life, though

Hire a plan to tow a banner over Progressive Field during Indians games that says I AM YOUR GOD NOW. With maybe like a toll-free number or something for more info.

Er, plane. Or plan. Whatever, fuck it, I'm rich now.

I'd probably open up an arcade that serves booze and has live bands.

BARCADE?

That reddit bit about the guy who won 30 mil is pretty great. I love the description of his life: compound with a fleet of Porsches, travel all the time, and smoke custom grown. And more money in the bank than he needs. Damn.

Damn.

Endow the ilx server in perpetuity with an annual stipend to stet.

j0rdan how long have you been in Chicago? I thought you were in Florida? or am I crazy? (don't answer that last part)

diamond-studded ilx server

Fly around in a blimp that says "ICE CUBE'S A PIMP"

hahaha

would spend a year driving around the US nailing every coed in my path exploring this great nation and photographing it
don't know if I'd do it in something environmentally responsible (Prius), flashy and absurd (Porsche Cayman S) or somewhere in between

Chevy Silverado with flames and hunting lights?

nailing every coed in my path exploring this great nation and photographing it

irl lols at this

(i fucked up the quoting and bb code, lol)

a lot of the things mentioned you can do on a thousand-aire's budget through the power of leasing.

But it's just not the _same_....

yes but you need the self-assured cockyness of I'M A BAJILLIONAIRE BEYOTCH to pull them off successfully

couldn't you get the necessary cock-boost from like a pair of aviator sunglasses or something?

you tell me. a bajillion dollars vs aviator sunglasses.

Being a thousand-aire is only slightly less likely for me than winning the lotto.

thread makes me think of a legendary post from another forum i post on.

"i'd fly my f-14 like straight up into the sky eating my fucking sandwich all laughing and shit like "HA HA HA!" fucking cheese and steak falling out my mouth like i'm a winner, finally i'm a winner. and like opening the cockpit and just firing my gun randomly out the side of the plane laughing and the cheesesteak would like fly right into my mouth from the wind and i'd be like "this tastes so fucking good."

Sushi in Chicago? that's crazy

― killa amc (admrl), Thursday, March 29, 2012 5:27 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

well that's only cuz i live here

― J0rdan S., Thursday, March 29, 2012 5:42 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you cld get that little japanese dude to come make it for you in your house. party @ ur house.

i would maybe buy some art

I would buy famous pieces of art and destroy them on live tv

it would be a new form of art

Why not just burn a million dollars like KLF? This is something I would entertain doing fwiw

omg machine-gunning art would be awesome

NO WAIT i would pull a chris burden and buy my own ad space

q: I haven't been paying attention but aren't the payback odds gonna be even worse for this particular lottery considering how many people are playing? like isn't it goiong to be quite likely that it will be split anyway?

where i just read transcripts of random de subjectivisten threads

lol 'payback odds' sounds ominous, I meant payout odds

iatee don't harsh our buzz :)

I'd endow a scholarship at my high school for the kid with an SAT score over whatever the equivalent of 1400 is today (2100?) with the lowest GPA.

Go into orbit like Richard Garriot

Hire Richard Garriot to make a new Ultima series

"you tell me. a bajillion dollars vs aviator sunglasses."

i feel like even a bajillionaire would benefit from these:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hKgOgCKk78o/T0Lq3oH-RTI/AAAAAAAAD5A/c6Fyo4m7QyU/s1600/aviator-sunglasses+(1).jpg

Ummm, I wear aviators every day

teach us how to live

-- get through the current work deadline (somehow), then quit
-- sell my house to my brother for $1, then get the fuck out of MS
-- renew passport, travel
-- eat like a goddamn pig, find the best liposuction doctor available
-- endow an org dedicated to conservative-harassment such that people will start saying "Crµmp" in every situation where they used to say "Soros"

wmc did wtc

02 08 12 28 47 MBALL 12

fingers crossed

dudes there was a line to the lotto machine at the supermarket tonight, never seen that before

i didn't buy a ticket. i hope alternate universe mordy who bought a ticket and won enjoys his riches.

I didn't either :(

yay serfdom

i would start a competing business against my boss and run her into the ground. for fun.

but first i would buy a huuuuge property and get all the dogs.

ALL OF THE DOGS

240 million would be too fucking much responsibility for me. So much capacity for evil embodied there and so many ways to get entrapped in it. Even just giving it away in a blind panic would probably do hella harm to someone or something.

have u seen bresson's l'argent?

its like when mario balotelli gave £3000 of his winnings to a vagrant outside a casino and ppl were like oh god that dude just went and overdosed in a dumpster

turns out he never did give the money but the moral of the story was thought to stand nonetheless -- england likes morality tales about the fecklessness of the indigent and damned

...or Brewster's Millions? xpost

Worst that could happen now that I've posted the numbers is that I win and lose the ticket.

but first i would buy a huuuuge property and get all the dogs.

― just1n3

ALL OF THE DOGS

― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl)

“You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of bacon and eggs dogs, but what I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs dogs you have.”

:D

xp that is pretty much otm

oh and also i would give my closest friends lots of money but only on the condition that we all lived in the same city. i would probably not give any money to anyone in my family, except my nana, who is so old she doesn't need it.

i would pay this guy to perform a special show for my nana bc she ADORES him (like, she has photos !framed! of him all over her retirement-home room).

I worked in the kitchen at Daniel O'Donnell's wedding reception. According to the waiting staff he's actually a bit of a dick

holy shit i didn't check the link, did just1ne really just ref wee danyil

ha wait a sec isn't he on an actual lotto ad doing just this?

x-post
O'Donnell is a bit of a dick as well as being firmly locked in the closet according to someone i know who's related to him..

yeah he's a smarmy-looking bastard imo, but what can i say, my nana loves him. like, LOVES him. she's almost 90, so i'm not gonna judge.

xpost that's the received wisdom alright. Apparently his wife was very nice though

i was a bit weirded out the first time i walked into her room and realised there were more pics of danny boy than of her own family.

tbh, daniel has been so long and so obv in the closet that it's not even something you'd bring up anymore, it's an underlying truth that doesn't even need acknowledgement i'd say

he's smarmy but he's no steve martin

mr spacecadet went to school with some (probably distant) relative of just1n3's nana's heartthrob, and had a signed CD which he insists he only asked for because he thought the heartthrob in question might die suddenly and it would be worth lots of money

(I don't think he still has it, however, so I can't promise it to anyone's nana. not even this week, after my own 91y/o Nan died and I would do all of the things for other people's nanas that I didn't do for my own)

Hey I didn't mean to be a downer! Carry on with your windfall plans!

A few years ago I had this daydream of turning a particular closed-down pub into an awesome music venue and not caring if it ran at a loss because I would have so many imaginary lottery winnings, but now the pub has been knocked down and I never go to see bands any more, so it no longer seems the best pit to throw money into

I'd pay off everything, obviously. Then I would pay whatever amount of money it took to keep family/friends from knowing I won the lottery. I'd live modestly, but I'd have lots of videogames and popsicles.

rich in popsicles

mmm. jeff otm

Courvoisier popsicles.

in louis vuitton wrappers with gold sticks

I've been resisting buying a ticket, but I think I'm gonna do it.

If you win, you could maybe buy something to cure that fever!

If it were curable, it would've been cured by now. I am a doctor, after all.

http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lc1zat2gnm1qal2bto1_500.jpg

Courvoisier popsicles.

― )Dre( vs. (Eazy), Friday, March 30, 2012 9:50 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You'd need to buy a very special refrigerator to do this.

I bought a ticket this morning and the old man selling them then laughed at me and said I was wasting my money. I know that, but is that really something you want to be telling customers if you're selling tickets?

"you want I should buy some beef jerky instead?"

"Ah yes, Bugles! A sound investment!"

I know that, but is that really something you want to be telling customers if you're selling tickets?

He enjoys the hell out of it and it doesn't keep people from buying, so win-win.

you know what's worth my money? these delicious day old hotdogs! I'll take three.

xpost it's because then dude buying ticket thinks "hnur you won't be saying that if I wins."

convenience stores don't make much on lotto tickets unless someone wins (in which case they get a nice bonus), AFAIK

People thinking they're dropping truth bombs about wasting money is tiresome, though. Gambling is fun - $5 for the chance at never having to work again is a worthwhile investment. Better than 2/3 of a pack of smokes, certainly.

xpost and they get a nice "Winning lottery ticket was sold here" poster to display

yeah i think people def get some pleasure out of the dream of winning tho that prob doesn't justify spending more than $5 because you will not get twice as much pleasure out of the dream of winning if you spend $10

but even if you just spent $1 a week, that's $365 a year, if it makes you happy to dream of bein a millionaire, why not, people spend $365 on all kindsa stupid shit

err I live in a world w/ 365 weeks a year

lol

mathematics aside, I think you're otm

whats more depressing to me is the people you see buying $20-30 worth of those scratch off tickets, then scratching them off furiously before they leave the store so they can immediately claim their $2 or free ticket. i can see dropping $5 to win millions but i don't get the spending that same amount for the significantly smaller payoffs of the scratch-off ones.

http://www.gametheory.net/mike/applets/Risk/

I was once in line behind a guy who was redeeming his $400 winning scratch ticket. He then proceeded to blow the entire $400 on more scratch tickets. Made me sad. Also, he took a long-ass time buying $400 in tickets, and I just wanted to pay for my gas.

"Why do people buy lottery tickets" is pretty well covered in the economics literature.

Several years ago I bought my last scratch off and won $50. I thought I will never reach this pinnacle again, so no more.

yeah, thats kinda what i was getting at, people really into scratch-offs tickets usually end up spending the winnings on more scratch-off tickets. just seems so unsatisfying to be caught in the endless circle.

(xpost)

it's kind of the difference in two casino games - you play slots hoping for the big-ass jackpot, you play the table games for more consistent, lower wins. (and either way, you lose in the end)

also like lottery scratchers, when you hit a number on roulette for $175, you just get drunk and give it all back

the crossword scratch-offs are fun, except when your last letter is an O and you think you've just won five grand, only to find out it was actually a Q

Meat raffles are good.

I have made a deal w/ God where I will buy a ticket for the first measly drawing after this one hits, and She will let me win.

Jerry Saltz on Facebook:

Okay. Got my 367 mega-million ticket. If win, after taking care of a few family members, and buying large desk-aquarium, I buy the1.8 million square-foot Starrett-Lehigh Building on West 26th St. Give four floors to four NYC museums; 1 floor to DIA. One floor for White Columns + Artist Space; Four floors to give to 75 different NYC galleries; four floors for 125 artist studios. Change art world ... Forever.

what does she get out of it xp

I'm interested in the large desk-aquarium

if this is an aquarium that doubles as desk, then OMG YES

She gets her pref'd kitchen worker to win this drawing

http://hit-decor.com/designs/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/desk.jpg

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh how much do I want that

although knowing my luck I'd drop my coffee mug on it and the whole thing would smash and all the fish would die :(

Some woman in my bldg just bought $90 in tickets at the newsstand downstairs.

Estimated jackpot has jumped to $640M overnight, btw. I'll be disappointed if it's not $700M by the time of tonight's drawing.

Not sure that Salt's plan changes the art world forever. Pretty sure it will still be the playground of the obscenely rich.

Saltz's

If he did that in Chicago/Seattle/Portland/Montreal/etc., that might change the art world forever.

Or he could just buy all of downtown Detroit and turn it into artists' studios.

got 20 quick picks. never do this. I'd be happy just to get few hundred thousand.

Have been doing this weekly for years.. I'd feel real lucky if I got $7.

If I won, much like WmC's bit upthread, I would not only fund a large foundation dedicated to handing out scholarships and mentor ship, but several layers of distributed progressive think tanks and policy pushers/messaging-reinforcers. And a couple groups of stand-ups and Onion writers/Yes Men-types focused on nothing but mocking every authoritarian out there.

Also, depending on how drunk I was that day, I'd name the scholarship group "Lebowski's Little Urban Achievers"

they should have a lotto where all you win is fresh socks and debt forgiveness. that seems to make most people on this thread more happy than milllioililons

That should be a candidate's platform.

Yeah, he would do this:

https://twitter.com/#!/DamonLindelof/status/185806051357097984/photo/1

jerk, bet he wins too

If he does, he should split it up evenly between everyone who wasted their time watching his stupid show.

I'd fund to completion randomly absurd Kickstarter projects, like the group that wanted to put a Robocop statue in Detroit, the Cryptozoology Museum, etc.

Struggled to fill out my ticket correctly, gas station clerk was not amused.

I'd fund to completion randomly absurd Kickstarter projects, like the group that wanted to put a Robocop statue in Detroit, the Cryptozoology Museum, etc.

― Reality Check Cashing Services (Elvis Telecom), Friday, March 30, 2012

when i win u are totally on staff

All right. Last hour of peace and quiet before I become a zillionaire.

Let's do this, ILX.

there was absolutely no line at my corner store either of the times i went today. probably cuz i live in an affluent and class-conscious neighborhood where people wouldn't be caught dead doing something as gauche as buying a lottery ticket.

(i bought one.)

they should have a lotto where all you win is fresh socks and debt forgiveness.

Can I just say how much I support this? I told my sister that, if she won, I'd only ask her to pay off my student loans (although I wouldn't turn down anything beyond that).

i just asked the gas station dude if a lot of people had been buying lotto tickets, and pointed out that you had 100x better odds of getting hit by lightning

he looked back at me and shrugged and said "you got better chances on hella shit than hitting the lotto"

OTM

good news for california schools:

http://www.scpr.org/blogs/education/2012/03/30/5312/california-schools-poised-get-100-million-tonights/

that's great but also kind of sad

it's sad that students probably won't see any of it because it's used to shore up budget deficits

i know every little bit counts but that's only like two percent of the yearly budget if you include fed money

if i had any altruism in my heart instead of being a selfish ho i'd donate my winnings to the school systems in california and new york.

If I ever win I will use some of it to right some wrongs in this world. Like, where do people go on the internet when they're looking for information about pitchforks? That url should belong to them.

i would start my own super PAC for supporting candidates who are former wrestlers and action movie stars

I won!!

sike

^ ban

I actually did win!!! $3, but still. Chipped away at that jackpot!

i also won $3. which is really $2 if you factor in the cost of the ticket. also, the winnings are taxable, so that leaves me with around a buck.

doesn't it seem like lottery fixation has as much to do with uncertainty and a sense of hopelessness in america right now as it does with the huge jackpot? like lines coming out of supermarkets and corner stores while ppl wait to pray that they're the one in 170 million who is going to win a ticket out of this day to day drudgery and melancholy.

hmmm, it wouldn't let me post that with the link to the article that i was just reading wrt. every time i try to post the link i get an error.

utilitymord

it includes bits tho like

Laura Horsley, who does communications and marketing for a trade association, bought $20 worth of Quick Pick tickets at a downtown Washington, D.C., liquor store Friday. But Horsley, who said she won't buy a lottery ticket unless the jackpot tops $100 million, remained realistic.

"I don't actually think I'm going to win, and I don't believe in superstitions or numbers or anything like that," she said. "I just figured it's right around the corner. I'd be crazy not at least to give it a shot."

and

In Indianapolis, college student Chris Stewart said he showed up at the lottery's headquarters at 6:30 a.m. to be first in a line.

"I've never seen a jackpot like this before," said Stewart, who bought five additional tickets. "If I won -- I mean wow! I just don't know what I'd do. I'd really have to think what I could do with it."

For David Kramer, a lawyer in Lincoln, Neb., buying his Mega Millions ticket wasn't about "the realistic opportunity to win."

"It's the fact that for three days, the daydreaming time about what I would do if I won is great entertainment and, frankly, a very nice release from a normal day," he said.

i fucking bet. the house is coming down around us. quick, fantasize about the deeds + feats that kind of money could purchase

yeah for some reason LOTS of people have this mentality of "i won't play the lottery until it hits [X] dollars" which is incredibly stupid but is def the main factor behind the insanity we've seen this week

i'm sure there are a lot of bad essays being written on the subject as we speak

I'm glad nobody won tonight I'm gonna buy a ticket for next time

I don't play the lottery (or, rather, I hadn't in 10 or 15 years). I just bought a ticket on a last-minute whim. Whatevs. It netted me, like, a free pack of gum.

i want to buy a ticket so i can participate in this broad american human experience of waiting to see which one of us the fates will chose (i'll be rooting for me, k?)

the buck that bought the bottle could've netted a free pack of gum

why is there no ilx pool? i'd give you each a million; lil extra to whiney for his wedding

sometimes when i really want something, i bargain for it with god. i'll be like, "god, i really need this. student loans are high, i have a family, i'd like to own a house one day, etc," and then i'll try to negotiate for it like, "god, i will donate so much to charity and really glorify your name, come on." but ~600 million dollars winning from a lottery ticket it seems a little presumptuous to ask for. what the fuck will i do with ~600 million dollars? i don't really need that money. of course, by that logic, by living in the united states in 2012 i'm living a far more comfortable and privileged life than almost anyone in the world and certainly more than the vast majority of human history. so i really shouldn't ask for anything. if the future is a utopia, then maybe i do have a right to feel impoverished by future-humanity standards of living. of course, if it's a dystopia, this could be the best time + place etc to be alive and posting on ilx is like the pinnacle of human achievement / decadence. it's all downhill from here.

this shit is willy wonka level at this point, there were lines everywhere all day. and yes at root it is basically an antirevolutionary measure.

smoke weed every day

(by which i don't mean "there would be a revolution if we didn't have a giant lottery", just, you know, it does its escapist bit for the mollifying collective hallucination)

if mordy wins the lottery maybe he could pay my dealer to answer his phone

being on a college campus i guess i was pretty insulated from all the madness, i mean people were talking about it but i didn't get to see any of the lines

i don't know how i'm going to win without a ticket. tho i hear that the chance of winning the lottery is statistically zero. so maybe i have an equal chance of winning the lottery without buying a ticket as i do with buying a ticket.

this is one of my favorite tweets ever, so true too https://twitter.com/#!/desusnice/status/185055221540601856

you know it's over already right mordy?

i don't want 600 million dollars

i want one million dollars. maybe two, just in case

xp so you're saying that if reality is going to ripple and a sack of 600 million was going to fall from the lacuna into my lap, it would've already happened?

I'd be okay with just being stoned almost to death.

if u guys don't think we need to appeal to metaphysics here to parse 600 million dollars being distributed to one person w/ odds of 1 out of 170 million...

It's probably much more likely that 200,000,000 of us won $3, yeah?

yeah for some reason LOTS of people have this mentality of "i won't play the lottery until it hits [X] dollars" which is incredibly stupid but is def the main factor behind the insanity we've seen this week

your odds are equally shitty if the jackpot is $50 or $550 million - might as well wait to waste your money on big jackpots, if you're not going to play routinely.

might as well use your money to roll some joints really, right?

if you're supplying, sure

Student brought lottery tix to class today -- we all chose numbers, arranged the tickets on a table, touched them simultaneously, and vowed (informally) to share if any of us won (unlikely, but hey you never know, and they're good people, I trust them enough.) None of us won, but two of my lucky numbers came up!!

All hail 23 and 38!! I'm just upset I didn't get more than those two.

didn't 23 come up twice?

Rise and grind bright and early, players.

23 is an obvious lucky number, but 38 is my secret weapon and I missed my chance to use it to win MEGAMILLIONS. Kinda disappointed now that I've seen the numbers, tbh.
Also today has been thoroughly awful, and the spoiling of my magic numbers is like rancid frosting on the turd.

your odds are equally shitty if the jackpot is $50 or $550 million - might as well wait to waste your money on big jackpots, if you're not going to play routinely.

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Saturday, March 31, 2012 4:03 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

article on slate recently says this isn't the case

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/do_the_math/2001/08/is_powerball_a_mugs_game.html

"Cumulative-jackpot lotteries such as Powerball are essentially a massive transfer of value from the dupes who play when the jackpot is small to the wiser ones who wait until the jackpot is big, with the house taking a healthy cut along the way."

Question - some of the states use lottery sales to fund things like education, does that apply to Mega Millions and Powerball? Does it go to the states?
(got one number :P)

Winning Tickets Sold:
Match 5 + 1 Jackpot Winners: IL(1), KS(1) and MD (1) Match 5 + 0: Winners in AR(1), AZ(3), CA(29), CO (2),CT(1), DE(1), GA(6), ID(2), IL(11), IN(1), KS (1), KY(4), LA(2), MA(5), MD(4), MI(6), MN(4), MO (1), NC(4), NJ(5), NM(1), NY(17), OH(10), OK(1), PA(5), RI(1), SC(1), SD(1), TN(2), TX(14), VA (5), WA(5), WI(3) and WV(1)

that's a huge split pot

jesus...

There are only 3 winners who matched the 5 numbers + the MegaBall; they'll split the $640,000,000.

The others -- matched 5 numbers, but didn't match the MegaBall -- won the 2nd prize, which is $250,000, and not split among the winners.

Matt thanks for that Slate article, very interesting.

i was rooting for Cankles b/c this is what he told us he was gonna do if he won:

if i win the lottery im gonna hire someone to go to your houses and snap your napoleon dynamite dvds in half

― these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Friday, March 30, 2012 2:05 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

:D

Yeah, well, I'm gonna use the $3 I won to buy three used copies of Napoleon Dynamite to send to random ILXors.

plz make sure I am not random