X Factor 2012 (UK)

Nicole Scherzinger replaces Kelly Rowland as judge.
Louis starts his usual inter-judge 'banter'.
...and, er, that's it really.

First of the audition shows is this Saturday.

An X Factor contestant has had her music taken off sale online in what she says is a "joint decision" with the ITV programme.

Soon after Lucy Spraggan's audition aired on Saturday evening her tracks and album began to climb the charts.

Spraggan says there's a "part of me that's disappointed" but that it was "fair on everybody involved".

"Obviously I was asked and I've obliged because you've got to do, what you've got to do, to get somewhere in life."

So that's finalist #1 confirmed then.

Well, quite possibly.

It was more the "oh, they're singing their own songs, how is Simon Cowell going to get his grubbies on their publishing then?" if the songs were downloadable already.

And now we know!

sooo is anybody watching? i'm not! yet!

It's heavily edited, even more so than last year.

Judges' Houses starts this week. For once Louis doesn't get to mess up the Over 25's.

If someone could time how much of this weekend's shows are people blubbing, it would be much appreciated.

Dermot does the Gangnam Style dance - the look on his face afterwards...

this is my first time watching this year. those guys were not good.

is there a theme tonight?

wow now even white people are young *random black people* to louis.

I'm watching for the first time tonight as well. If those harmonies were "on point", as Sherzinger claims, then I can't wait for the first one that isn't because it'll be like a sackful of fighting cats.

I guess the theme tonight is "guess which 6 didn't have SyCo contracts before the competition".

The theme is "Heroes", which means the usual 'group of 18 year old girls inexplicably idolises The Kinks' kind of nonsense.

Fuck me, that was the woman from that Beyonce video at the start there, surely?

oh no what's james arthur doing.

So this guy, who looks more like Alexis Taylor than a hunk, thinks Kelly Clarkson is a hero? Of course.

James Arthur - his voice sounds muffled when he's singing quietly, and the diction is all over the place when he sings loud, and the enunciation of the words isn't clear when he raps.
I like that they havn't tried to cover up his tats.

if i was doing a louis drinking game i'd already be obliterated.

Tax dodge Gary Barlow giving a lecture on integrity, nice.

- comparing someone to a black artist from the 90's DRINK A SHOT
- 'recording artist' DRINK A SHOT
- interuptig Gary DRINK A SHOT
- 'made that song his own' DRINK A SHOT

RETURN OF THE TRANSLUCENT BOX

Melanie Masson - this is actually properly good, even if she's more like a contestant on The Voice.

ya. though the instant 0-100 emotional build is jarring as always.

It's because they each have only 2 minutes to sing.

Louis saw Led Zep at Woodstock, apparently.

"Melanie, with those flares you looked just like JIMI HENDRIX"

Lucy is her own hero, then?

lucy spraggan was a hero to most but she never meant shit to me.

Hahaha "You remind me of Victoria Wood and Kate Nash, someone like that."

The judges are liking this now, but how about when she comes on with that acoustic guitar for the 4th week in a row?

xp lol I was going to say "she sounds a bit like Victoria Wood" but held off because it sounded a bit dismissive

what naughty thing did nicole say?

WTF how many commercial breaks are there?

MK1 have a shit name as well, but mysteriously Louis didn't ask them to change it.

Chris Maloney, this year's Steve Brookstein

so much male grooming this year.

At least adding George means that union J are no longer named after an Australian radio station.

Uh-oh, first Queen sighting of this series' live shows.

And Louis is cribbing every single move from the Wand Erection playbook. Especially the 'stand on a box with the band's name on it'

I still don't get Queen, at all, why would you choose that song to show off any semblance of talent?

"Louis, since you last worked in the industry things have changed." Top zing from Barlow there.

The effect on Jade's voice makes it sound like she's singing in a tunnel.

Jade's "Sweet Dreams" Rebecca Ferguson moment is going to be amazing, isn't it

ugh, Spock beard on both Wossy and Stephen Fry

and speaking of terrible beards, it's Rylan, who's dressed like a extra in a Derek Jarman movie

Who the fuck is this prick?

Looks like a cross between George Michael and Adam Ant, sings like Johnny from last year.

Unbelievably he got worse when he started performing.

Also throw in a bit of Russell Brand.
The funny thing is that Rylan's probably straighter than Tom Jones.

The popper-o'clock chorus was pretty good though. But can you imagine how bad Rylan would be if Louis was his mentor? It'd be like Wanger in Ibiza.

is louis only familiar with ancient egypt through the movie cleopatra?

ha STFU Gary

Keyser Soze is pretty good.

We've had a Queen song, a Coldplay song, and to round it off, fucking 'Imagine'. Hope they get all the standard cliche XF songs out of the way early.

cmooooon diamanda galas week.

To be fair to them, it was supposed to be inspired by the Olympics and that was what it sounded like musically too. Only missing Muse.

Somebody should send Barlow the results of Kerr's 80s poll and tell him that what the kids are REALLY listening to.

Come on Masonna week - totally pumped for Rylan jumping off the top of an amp stack and landing in a crumpled heap. Actually Chris has the 'crumpled heap on the floor' move down already.

I think it was two years ago I did a full song listing for a Cocteau Twins week.

ITV continuity announcer clearly was reading the 80s poll. "Set it on fire" obviously not a coincidence.

ella ye've taken 'raping a slave' and ye've made it yer own.

Louis' black polo neck makes him look like an Irish version of Karl Stromberg.
http://curtisehoffmann.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/stromberg.jpg

This group song is really bad, it must be live.

Fucking shambles.

Whoever's arranging these songs to fit into two minutes is making a real mess of it.

oops i forgot about this. have we given up already??

I guess there were really only three of us last week. RIP X Factor, when you lose ILX you lose the nation.

The early live shows are always a bit of a mess, but this year even more so. With Carolynne we've already lost one not exactly great but interesting artist. Jahmene and Chris are both cruise ship bores. Louis desperately wants Union J to be the next Wand Erection, but they won't be. And Rylan's just a twunt.

Also the nearest we get to an urban act is MK1, who are 'urban' in as much as 'children's TV urban'.

And the theme this week is shit. Alright so when isn't the week's theme shit, but when most of the acts can't relate to the songs they're performing, something's wrong.

Given up tonight already in favour of QI and Thick of It. Will watch the repeat tomorrow if I can be arsed but I don't like any of the acts if I'm honest.

Bill Bailey is wearing a Mastodon shirt on it, so at least one person on television tonight is aware of some current music.

^^^ probably beats the awareness of current music on X Factor.
2 hours tonight, which is a long slog.

James Arthur did look as though he was about to have a fit and stagger off stage, but it was all just part of his 'intense' act. That's my big underlying problem with this year's acts, no variation. They're all going to be doing their own narrow acts week in week out.

Watching it on +1. James is the Aldi Plan B, yes? Quite enjoyed his turn, but now it's the Teenage victoria Wood doing a take on Golddigger that most buskers would be ashamed of.

Most buskers wouldn't have such a blingin' guitar though.

also lol at James being Aldi Plan B

The only Louis Boy Band Cliche missing from this District Nine performance is stools to get up from during the key change.

Dated song, dated peformance. But what kills me is that they're going to be in the contest for a while because of their rabid fan base,

Jade is doomed to be this year's Rebecca Ferguson. Pleasant enough, and will get to near the end, but people will look at the Finalist's Advert for Marks & Spencers and go "who was she again?"

Potentially Jade has the most interesting voice this year - if she's given a bit more freedom in material choice she could go from being Rebecca Ferguson to being Misha B.

Rebecca is pretty much my favourite voice ever on x factor. she's been significantly more succesful than winner Matt Cardle (although both of their sales are puny compared to 3rd place One Direction, obviously). I think she's fairly well respected and wrote or co wrote all of her debut album.

This MK Dons thing is awful. She's almost good enough when she sings but the Urban Stylinz Innit are like when Eddie Large dressed up as a punk rocker.

They're like an 'urban' Same Difference.

Her comment is the most DING DING DING thing in the show all series - "the sort of people who like what we do aren't the sort of people who watch this or pick up the phone and vote." That should maybe be a hint that this isn't the competition for you.

Keyser Soze fighting with Gary in his VT protesting about a mash up? Not going to be pretty.

This Kye mash-up is a microcosm of what's wrong with him generally - all the bits are there, they're just not being deployed effectively.

Yeah, it was all over the shop. No idea who thought the falsetto was a good idea.

Also, too much effing guyliner (part of a general problem of 'too much make up' with most of the male acts tonight)

"I don't want to thought of as a joke act." vs "You're going to be backed by dancing pandas".

Why was he exempt from the theme?

That was weird, the screen just cut out and said for "legal reasons" they couldn't repeat some of that.

Tulisa swore, I think.

No, it was during Rylan's second excursion into Gangnam Style. The Tulisa swears is the MILF bit still to come.

He changed the words to "Oppa Rylan Style", which seems a bit of a stupid thing to censor.
http://www.unrealitytv.co.uk/x-factor/x-factor-2012-rylan-clarks-performance-cut-from-itv1-for-legal-reasons-video/

The comments field on that has produced this gem of poetry:

Here we go agian
Come on give this a brake
Ok people saying its how it is set
Out ok come on its live
What and why have people got a problem
With rylan
Ok people say it is all set up and a act
Can that be true xxXxx

Watching v v late, having missed so much due to being out of the country since bootcamp. Rylan (who I might have to call Dylan because I refuse to teach my phone his name) has many Wanger/Waissel/Brucknellisms to spare.

Who do people like? Melanie sings like a fucking Bodyform advert. Lucy makes me want to hurt people, and has done since auditions. I have little other opinion thus far.

I liked Melanie's performance - there was quite a lot of range there and it wasn't all 'woooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh'. And if she doesn't win, she can audition for The Voice next year.
Jade's sounding pretty good as well, and could win if she's allowed to spread out into different styles. Since Tulisa is her mentor that might happen as well (or at least be more likely then if Louis was her mentor).
Lucy has run out of steam - it'll be acoustic guitar busker jams with random stuff going on around her (DJs? whan next, a brass band? morris dancers?)until she's voted off.
Ella can hit those notes, but probably can't manage the nuances of Rebecca Ferguson, She'll be in the competition for a while though.
MK1 are the big disappointment for me - they could genuinely have brought something to XF, but they've been turned into Same Difference meets a 2012 update of PJ & Duncan. Awaiting them are a couple of years of children's TV and then panto.
And speaking of panto... Rylan. "Le Tigre? Blue Steel? They're all the same!" There's just nothing there. At least with Jedward I felt that there was some weird twisted talent. Even Johnny and Wanger could have been good - if anyone but Louis had been their mentor. For some reason Nicole has a huge blind spot when it comes to Rylan. She thinks he's great, really he's the most tedious Butlin's redcoat "you must get up and dance and have a good time or else" fascistic poser. It doesn't matter how nice he is backstage, when he's performing he's a talent void that threatens to swallow the whole show.

I like James and Jade, but that's about it.

Ella can sing but will be Adele/Lana del Rey'd into submission. I think Melanie's all right but I will be sick of "you're like a Janis Joplin/Stevie Nicks/Jennifer Rush/Robin Beck for today" by the end of October. All the groups are dreadful.

I didn't watch any of the auditions so only know Lucy from the last couple of weeks, but she's dreadful. The most interesting thing for me about her is how the producers are (at least based on this week) being sympathetic to her being a lesbian and not using it as a comedy schtick or ignoring it.

So according to Gary, James Arthur "exercises demons whenever he sings"

James Arthur is basically basing his performances on "wouldn't it be subversive and ironic if I did THIS" right? His contrived, awkward conversation with Mary J Blige on the phone was so grim.

Club Classics week, ffs.

how low can it go.

Opportunity doesn't Knock for Chris...

can imagine him playing pontins, getting bottled off the stage.

I misread that as Pontius (Pilate). I was thinking Butlin's, but Pontins is more Chris's level.

New drinking game - drink a shot every time someone says 'mash-up'. A double if what they do turns out to be a MEDLEY, like Rylan's mess last week.

They've dressed Jahmene like the head waiter at a wedding reception.

Louis: "You remind me of a little Ray Charles!" DRINK A SHOT

some day i'll actually do the louis drinking game, perhaps when i don't care whether i live or die.

Well I suppose Jahmene does look like he's been dressed by a blind man...

i have so little interest this year. i'm already regretting however many hours i'm still going to spend watching it up till christmas.

EVERYBODY'S HAD A TOUGH WEEK THIS WEEK

not sure james understands the meaning of fun.

LMFO?

rockist gary being rockist.

also having a brain tumour i guess.

Between James and Lucy it's a bit of a return to the terrible s-l-o-w-e-d d-o-w-n acoustic versions of a couple of years ago.

What's the betting Wand Erection Jr. stand up at the key change here?

"You are not your job or how much money you have in the bank what French perfume you wear!"

"We are going clubbing tonight" no we're not, we're staying in and watching X Factor...

I FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF.

is brian friedman dressed as the grim reaper from the seventh seal tonight?

Wouldn't fancy Rylan's chances in a game of chess against him.

So Lucy and Rylan had a little drinkie and, er, drunkly fell over some stuff in the street? And got thrown out of the hotel (just in time for all the press to be there)? It's hardly Led Zep territory.

next week jahmene accidentally sets a policeman on fire.

"He laughed at my green trousers, so I doused him in petrol and lit a match. Hehehehehehe"

What a shithead Gary is sometimes. The problem with Keyser Soze's performance wasn't the number of flat notes.

kye is a pretty remarkably innocuous person, when i don't have direct sensory perception of him it's as if he never existed.

He wants to be Chris Martin, when really he needs to go out on stage and be himself.

District 3, the contrarian young teenage girl's choice. The backing vocals are turned WAY up to cover how bad they are. The one in the red trousers is particularly bad.

Ella gets the pimp slot this week, last and after the final commercial break.

Adele tweeting Ella is like the Kraft Cheese Slice version of Pete Townshend mid 60's saying "you're trying to write like me!" to Bowie.

It's amazing how urban pop makes up so much of chart hits today but MK1 didn't stand a real chance.

I'm sticking with my assessment that they're the urban Same Difference.

The woman from MK1 actually sounds a bit like Diana Vickers. Sometimes the guy's rapping is OK, but most of the time he comes across like a CBBC presenter.

Welcome to ropey-as-fuck Halloween week.

Gary = Gomez, Tulisa = Morticia, Nicole = Granny, Louis = Lurch

i'm not watching this week, this may be a solo mission for you, snoball...

I'm watching. I thought that Union J performance was pretty good, much better than Keyser Soze.

That Hallowe'en theme so far:

Robbie wears Gene Simmons make-up in his video for Let Me Entertain You
The song has Nightmare in the title

Kye has a technically better voice than Robbie, the problem is that he doesn't really seem to put himself across. The more I see of him, the less I actually am interested in him as an artist, there's really no hint at an inner drive. It's like singing is a job to him. As limited as Robbie is as a singer, he communicates to the audience what he's about and what the song is about. Kye either can't do that, or has nothing to say.
Union J - They'll probably be in the final three at this rate. Even though their harmonies are the restricted to the usual Louis Walsh 'everything in unison during the chorus' style. I can't tell apart the three that don't look a bit like Harry from Wand Erection.

That Hallowe'en theme so far:

As much as Rylan's performance tonight is going to make me want to fill my ears with concrete, at least he'll take the theme and run with it.

oh speak of the devil

Hallowe'en Watch: Songs have Toxic, Horny (because devils have horns) and Poison in the titles.

Nice nod to Rocky Horror with Rylan's stage entrance.

In two years time, you'll be walking down the street, a bus will go past, and Rylan's face will be on the side as part of an advert for Cinderella or whatever panto somewhere.

Hallowe'en Watch: A song about having life in God. But was in the film Daredevil (oooh, devil, spooky), and if you don't listen to any of the words apart from the title could be about vampires.

OK, so Chris's shit-yer-pants scary Halloween costume is... a black trench coat.

Hallowe'en Watch: Title metions death

"mentions"

It's like Peter Kay doing a Twilight parody.

hmmm okay i've thought about it and i have no idea who chris is. and i thought kye was unmemorable...

Nicole is getting more barking every week.

Louis thinks "you remind me of Tony Christie" is an insult.

ah that guy. xp to myself. it's kinda bothersome that in the last few weeks i've spent more time on the x factor than i have on my thesis and yet i still can't remember fuck all about it.

That's the big problem this year. No-one is really terrible enough to be memorable - not even Rylan. OTOH there aren't any interesting acts. The children's TV urban stylings of MK were the closest we got to something contemporary. Everyone else is either a competant but dull singer, or a Louis boy band.

Or commits crimes against music with an acoustic guitar.

Conveniently, District 3 bring their own sticks for us to beat them with.

And I posted that before they started singing 'Every Breathe You Take'.

Hallowe'en Watch: dressing up, canes. Song has Monster in title.

More 'malakas' that 'moloko'.

Tulisa has just claimed you can't sing in tune if you're dancing.

http://www.chud.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/clockwork-orange-tramp-beating.gif
Louis and District 3 work out their differences.

During the Savile controversy, should Dermot really be boasting that all the contestants face "a fate worse than death" tonight?

(By which I mean in period literature it only ever means rape)

Halowe'en Watch: has the word Killing in the title

Halowe'en Watch: has the word Freak in the title.

They're really not trying, are they?

This is pretty awful. It'll be interesting whether the ones who claimed it was time to retire mashups comment.

Any other year and Jade would have coasted through to the next week with that performance. But I think she'll be in the bottom two tomorrow. Nicole's "awkward" comment sums it up.

Lulz at Tulisa encouraging everyone else to remember that there's supposed to be a theme this week and that means you don't have to sing that well. Then Jade saying the theme is dressing up.

Maybe next week the theme could be 'not singing well'.

Halowe'en Watch: Was once covered by Type O Negative? I got nothing.

Plan C.

xp black clothes are scary!

Jame sis still pretty much the best thing on this.

Did Tulisa just say she wanted James to "bring back hepatitis"?

James could be the best act this year, but he's mis-firing with this 'intense' act.

bottom two this week: Keyser Soze, Jade

Yeah, he's misfiring with intense but everyone else is misfiring worse.

It says something about how all over the place some of the other artists are when a one trick near joke act like Rylan looks safe this week.
And District 3 deserve to be bottom two based on this week's performance, but realistically they have a slew of people who will vote for them, so it'll never happen.

Judges seemingly unaware of Marilyn Manson in saying James made Sweet Dreams his own.

Jame sis still pretty much the best thing on this.

What, Britney? Intersting...

Appropriate lyrics allocation in the group song:
"I can never win" sings the spare wheel from Union J
"I am vain" sings Rylan

also, Keyser Soze sounding at his most Chris Martin for a brief second there

Fun? 'fun.'? FUN?! These jokers are basically the USA's revenge for us sending Scumford & Sons there, right?

Robbie, higher than those musicians on wires will ever be.

Jade and Union J in the bottom two. Jade: not a surprised. Union J: WTF?! It's going to be funny if they get voted off and Louis is stuck with District 9 for the rest of the series, after lack of effort he's put into them.

Jade went, obv.

This is the one time the judges should have sent it to deadlock, on the off chance that Union J polled the lowest number of votes, leaving Louis' dreams of a Wand Jr. in ashes.

X Factor's Lucy Spraggan leaves show due to illness

"illness"

Yes, in the same week she threatened to leave through not being able to sell her own music for herself, despite having signed a contract which said she wouldn't.

It should also be noted, arguably, she was "too ill" to perform last week despite being shown on the show itself out on the piss for Rylan's birthday on the Thursday night. Like any other "little Victoria Wood" would.

Probably the best move for her. And most of the time the only way to 'win' this show has been not to win.

And if someone as obviously XF pop material as MK1 can't succeed, there's really no way Lucy could have.

Anyway, we'll see if it's real illness or "illness" by how much time Dermot spends covering her exit.

"stiff" "hard" ffs Nicole's gag writer must hate her.

Strictly Come Dancing soars ahead of X Factor

pulled in an average of 9.8m viewers - while X Factor drew an average of 7.8m.

x factor makes me feel like a bit of a sociopath - these seemingly massive displays of emotion which leave me ice cold, time after time.

Chris and District 9 have all the emotion of a supermarket greetings card. Jahmene's technically a good singer, but he's kind of limited in the styles of music he can do. OTOH he's probably going to win this year.

Ella - would be in the final two in a boy band free contest.
Rylan - the limits of his voice really show on this Spice Girls medley.

Union J - performing that kind of song of which there is always one of on every boy band album.
James Arthur - like Jahmene and Ella, he's really better than this contest.
Bottom two prediction: Chris Phoney Baloney, Rylan.

'Guilty Pleasures' week, so the song choices will be even worse than usual.

didn't realise it had started already, what did union j do?

a Real Music version of the Grease soundtrack, just what we needed.

union j did "call me maybe" which is as guiltless a pleasure as i can imagine.

in fact the only pleasure less guilt-inducing is "can't take my eyes off you" which, what? everyone loves that song!

Pretty sure that Rylan is going to make up for any lack of guilt.

Gary: “Rylan was dressed as Evil Knieval.” A good portion of the audience are not going to get that reference.
Nicole: “I would have to thank all the lovely humans of the UK for voting.” - because extra-terrestrials in the UK vote for Rylan.
Olly Murs and his new single. He can't make up his mind if he wants to be Robbie Williams, Will Young, or Michael Buble.

so are the voting public trollin hard or what?

Maybe it's the same people who keep voting for Helen to do trials on I'm A Celebrity. As an aside, I wonder how big the overlap is between people who voted in the PCC election and people who vote on X Factor.
Chris reminds me of those people who drive at 50mph in the middle lane of a motorway. He's not doing anything wrong, but he's annoying, and there's this feeling that he doesn't have any more in him, that he has no real bite, and worse than that, he doesn't mind.

Chris confuses me, feel like I'm in some world of syco bluff and double bluff - he is fairly pointless, brooksteiny. HENCE It would make sense that the powers-that-be dislike him and want him gone (they lost a little Adele to him this week!). SO the smear stories come out, accusations of insanely committed self-voting, claims that he is a 'diva'; THEN he breaks the code, makes a noise, tells us that the x-factor powers-that-be want to destroy him and he is the people's champion. Is this his work, or part of the narrative? Is SyCo trying to rouse a nation losing interest in its product by building a soft-eyed cheese salesman w/ persecution issues, the machine building an anti-machine machine? Or is this what just happens when a soft-eyed cheese salesman w/ persecution issues turns up in a quiet x-factor year? Are troll votes coming in for him as well as Rylan? Or do people just like him?

I don't think they're doing some Metal Gear Solid double double cross thing with Chris - it's just that drop in viewing figures is mainly people who want contemporary acts that in some way relate to the singles chart. People sitting there with their mugs of Ovaltine are going to lap Chris's cheese act right up. Any 'Chris is secretly a totally demanding diva/self voter/troublemaker' is probably the media trying to get some kind of interesting story out of all this. Tabloid/celeb mag interest is dropping to the level it was in the last couple of C4 Big Brothers. My feeling is that if SyCo were trying some kind of complex/meta thing, they'd be doing it with Rylan, but they're not.
I suspect that the reason that people like Rylan is that - whether you like the music he makes or not (I don't) - he's very effective at getting across to the audience what his act is about in the infomercial formed by the VT and live performance. The acts that have been voted off in previous weeks haven't been able to do that. And apart from Rylan, the acts that are left are pretty simple: Jahmene - power ballads, Chris - 80's cheese by the yard, Union J - boilerplate boyband (they won out over District 9 because the latter's act was more complex and harder to distil down into something that could be put across in the time available, plus D9 were a bit shit), James - AUTHENTICITY AND I-N-T-E-N-S-I-T-Y
And they haven't really lost Ella - she's only 16, and probably under some Byzantine contract, so they'll just put her in a rehearsal studio for a couple of years to develop her, and then get her to record an album.

Notice also that the whole 'Chris has nerves' thing has been dropped. No doubt he was nervous at that first audition, but it's been overplayed and exaggerated. If I was as nervous as he supposedly was on the first live show, I'd still be bricking it seven weeks later. I wouldn't be as calm as he is now.

I get the impression a lot of people want Chris to win now just to show how bad the show has become and to witness Simon Cowell having to give him a contract. If you add those votes to the actual fans, the Susan Boyle type voters, it's not surprising he has been getting the highest number of votes all through the series. I'd like to just add the big picture of him on stage with the huge lights coming out of his eyes was one of the best things I've seen on the show. I do enjoy watching Gary try to defend him week now his precious Kye has gone. I would love someone to point out last year that he said on that same stage Sami was nothing but a cruise ship singer, also he defended Frankie's weak vocals saying he was his "little pop star" but apparently this year it's a singing competition.

I'm not sure Rylan is getting troll votes, I think people just really like him. Unlike Wagner and Jedward Rylan actually seems like a great guy and all the people voted off before him have not had a bad word to say about him. Out of the people left Rylan is the only one I'd be happy to see win. His repsonse to Gary on Saturady was quite something.

I wish Jamie from Union J had entered as a solo artist, his voice is probably the best in the competition. It's nice they've finally let him come out this week, it was really awkward seeing him look so uncomfortable when the judges kept saying how they would get lots of girls each week.

Ella is no big loss really, she peaked doing Minnie Riperton weeks ago. It's a similar situation to when Laura White got voted out early in 2008. Good singer but no real personality, only this time they haven't got anyone great left to save the show Alexandre Burke style.

Little Mix were the right winners last year but really the show should have ended in 2010. Simon actually got some real stars from that series and Matt Cardle.

Chris is the only one left who really needs to win this. I think it's going to play out like this:

4th/5th: James
4th/5th: Rylan
3rd: Jahmene
2nd: Union J
1st: Chris

He'll release a Barlow Instant Mashed Potato & Cheese single, then he'll disappear.

I know Louis is an easy target but I realised my favourite thing he does is whenever he has an act in the bottom two he always says "They're gonna sing their hearts out" like he can't think of anything else to say. He did it twice last week for his two boy bands.

I think the producers might get lucky and Jahmene might win it overall. There is no way Union J will come second, they or Rylan will be out next week.

One thing I'm pretty excited about is if they bother with celebrity duets this year, who will they get to sing with Chris? My guess would be Tesco Mary.

I loved the 'Big Brother Chris Is Watching You!' quasi-fascist Tesco disco imagery. Shame it was wasted on Chris, it would have looked great behind Rylan.

Simon actually got some real stars from that series and Matt Cardle.

actual lols

Tesco Tesco mindmeld

point taken on Rylan - he is v likeable - live shows, I started off annoyed - can't sing, can't dance, just towie-voiced barlow-foil campery w/o rising to jedward/wagner heights of car-crashery - but now I find him v cheering to have around.

And yeah, they haven't lost Ella as such, but imagine they'd prefer to have her around for longer. Who's the lowest placed contestant to have a ('proper', ie non-jedward) career?

Assuming you don't mean Chico either, don't think anyone lower than 4th place had done anything of note.

Chico! I'd ask 'where is he now?' except I saw the other day:

http://www.boogienightsthemusical.co.uk/images/landscape_poster.jpg

I just had a quick look on Wikipedia. Nobody, basically, except Chico and Jedward who are both discounted for 'joke' reasons.
Interesting how in the last 5-6 years, many 2nd place acts have had longer careers than the acts who beat them to 1st. Olly (who was on last night) came 2nd to Joe McElderry, Rebecca Ferguson came 2nd to Matt Cardle, JLS came 2nd to Alexandra Burke. Although bucking the trend is Marcus Collins, who came 2nd to Little Mix, but he's all but disappeared.

Gareth Gates looking like Craig Revel-Horwood these days...

Well, Joe continues to have a career, just not as a 'pop singer' of the straightforward kind.

Alexandra Burke is doing alright by anyone's standards apart from JLS.

The Osmonds - for all your piss-poor shopping centre Santa needs!

whoa whoa waidaminnit..

Shane Richie Junior?

ime w/ that poster he's not the first thing you notice but it becomes hard to focus anywhere else once you've spotted him.

I think they sabotoged Marcus Collins's career on purpose. They rushed his album out for Mothers Day and didn't really bother with a second single. They put out the first Little Mix single in the summer with the follow up ready for the live shows. This is what they've done with One Direction, Olly Murs and Cher lloyd in the last few years, who are basically the only acts Simon has cared about apart from Leona. They tried to launch all the winners with just one single following on from the success of Leona Lewis but the difference was Bleeding Love was amazing. I actually felt sorry for Cardle with the shit they gave him for his lead single, written by Gary Barlow but sounded like The Feeling.

Alexandra's second album was a huge flop which is a real shame as she was probably the best winner they've had. I think they waited too long to put out her second album and there were rumours of her scrapping an album then redoing it really quickly. I think her main reason for failure was the fact she didn't call her second album Okay.com. I still like to watch the Beyonce duet now and again, it's still the best moment from the entire show even including anything Cher did.

Now Leona's career is basically over it looks like Olly Murs is the biggest success story from the show, here in the UK at least.

"not the real Shane Richie"

Poor Gareth Gates, Will obviously was the right winner of Pop Idol but he deserves better than that.

Gareth Gates was on Celeb Masterchef this year, the sure sign of a career needing revived. He didn't last very long.

Marcus Collins' version of Seven Nation Army is a crime against music.

Marcus Collins wanted to put his own spin on that song you know, he just used the exact backing track from this version from a couple of years ago to help him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDNG4ewIkXk

inexplicably can't stop laughing at 'shane richie junior'.

It's like, Desi Arnez Jr. at least had some credibility as an actor, but Shane Ritchie Junior has none at all.

cf: Toby Hull and Emu

He's hardly Matthew Corbett.

I'm pretending Shane Richie Jr doesn't exist. Senior is bad enough.

I'm going to pretend that Shane Ritchie Senior doesn't exist, then by default Shane Ritchie Junior doesn't exist. Two turds with one stone.

Yes, and indeed lol. Is Jr spawn of Nolan, because if we can get shot of her too....

confirmed, Richie Jr in nolan bloodline

From Shane Ritchie Junior's Facebook...

Shane performs an eclectic mix of material during his live show, choosing songs from musical influences as diverse as Van Morisson to the Kings of Leon and adapting his act to suit the audience type.

I wonder if he does that shit joke his old man used to do about 'communicating through his trumpet', which was just SR talking through the mouthpiece of a trumpet.

This week's theme: ABBA vs Motown. Shitest theme week since they dropped Big Band Week?

Maybe it's just me, but that Union J track actually kind of worked.

I thought it was like so many other boyband covers of ABBA songs - all subtlety hammered out of the arrangement.
Rylan can feck off as well. As nice a person as he undoubtably is, he's like the Wizard of Oz. We've seen behind the curtain and there's nothing there except a man who's happy to sing campy versions of songs. Also the chess theme was misplaced - that song isn't even in 'Chess' the musical.

Is Jahmene singing a little flat here? (says tone deaf snoball)

Yeah, Jahmene is flat. I bet it's described as "emotion".

They were aiming for 'male Whitney' there, but it was too low key and a bit introverted.

He's going to waste everyone else in the Motown section though.

Judges showing up their inability to tell when people sing in tune there.

James is still the only one I don't dislike (watch him screw that up later).

Holly Willoughby, truly 2012's Carol Vorderman.

Trying to think of something positive to say about James. At least he's... erm... making it his own.

"I never thought that angst and ABBA would work so well" WTF Louis? It's practically their stock in trade!

Louis never thought angst and Abba went together? Has he never listened to the words?

Fair play to him though, 4 Louis Drinking Game phrases in one sentence.

An Abba/angst x-post. Who would ever have predicted that?

I actually agree with Tulisa here, on both counts. Also I think Dappy is a knob, so three counts.

Gary BarlOBE

Fuck off Chris. During the VT he went all the way from being sympathetic to Ella leaving to being 'tough shit'.

Did Gary get an OBE? You'd think they would have mentioned it. Still, I'm looking forward to Ella next.

Watch in disbelief as 'Motown Classics' gets stretched out to include anything by any black US act ever.

One song turned out to be quite enough, thank you.

Anybody whose name is an anagram of 'JAHMENE' has a fighting chance of getting through to next year's live finals, because they'll want to re-use those giant letters to save money...

"Lets get it on" not murdered there!

Chris's performance so daytime TV that I half expected Donny MacLeod to come on then instead of Dermot.

James still the only one I don't dislike. Jahmene wanting to "bring back Motown" - where's Justin Lee Collins when you need him?

Doing community service?

Unwritten joke was surely "why would you ever need him?"

Well I already have a floor mop.

Robbie Williams announces stadium tour for UK and Europe

He'll be selling pies...
No, actually he's singing. And the support act is Olly Murs, uh...

that was literally the least swinging bit of jazz singing ever performed.

also, why am i still subjecting myself to this.

I don't know. I don't even know why I'm subjecting myself to this.

If someone had asked me earlier this afternoon what song I thought Chris would sing, I would probably have said 'You Raise Me Up', because it's the most fucking obvious predictable shite.

And Chris singing a Bubbles song was a bad idea, it just highlighted how leaden his singing is.

Union J just sound totally disconnected from each other when they sing. They're not "cool" under pressure on stage like Nicole said, they just don't have any personality.

FRANKIE SAY JAMES TO WIN

have to hand it to him there i suppose. tho nicole has to take the plaudits if he wins for consistently giving him the best song choices.

...and James' version of the 'Power Of Love' was so good, it made me forget the shitty cover used on that M&S ad with the snowman.

He's the only one inspired by music, as opposed to being inspired by Westlife..

Why do I shout "FUCK OFF!" whenever Gary winks at the camera at the start of the show? Also Louis is wobbling around like he's drunk.

Rod Stewart, the latest in a long line of veteran singers to get pulled into X Factor's blandness vortex. Next year: Chuck D.

and louis greets him with YA REMIND ME OF A YOUNG STEVIE WONDER.

"You remind me of Robin Williams in a Tina Turner wig!"

DA NEXT BIG BOY BAND

I fist-pumped the air when Dermot announced Jahmene was through. Union J are OUT! Louis' dreams of Wand Jr. winning this are ASHES!

we just knew, here..

Two hours tonight and two hours tomorrow. There is going to be a lot of padding.

I used to have a toy keyboard that played 'Flashdance' as it's demo tune - it was about a billion times funkier than Chris's version.

I think James will win, because everyone thinks he should...

Out of the three of them, James is by far the all round artist. The slight problem with Jahmene is that sometimes he sounds a bit too much like his influences. The major problem with Chris is that he's shit.

Anyway, if you all thought Chris by himself was bad, he's performing a duet with meat-and-two-veg Barlow in a bit.

piss awful

Ever had that feeling you are watching TV, and the camera shot makes you feel like you got hit on the head from behind, and you fall to the ground and blackout?

The amount of padding in this is incredible. "Hey here's Rio Ferdinand for absolutely no reason, just because we're in Manchester and him and a bunch of his team mates were available."

2 contestants. 2 hours.

could be all done in 15 minutes.

in fact, if they cut the padding and just got the chorus rather than bore us, i would probably have watched a lot more of this season.

(well that and the fact that the selections have all been really crap .. )

^^^ While this has been on tonight, I've been simultaneously listening to some music, watching some videogaming livestream, posting to ILX, and googling for electronic circuits, and really I felt like I've missed nothing.

they really hate supermarket workers

is this a real song?

James' mumble-singing obscures the melody of this song when it's really the vocals that are supposed to carry it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWdrO4BoCu8

James looks like he's wearing a smoking jacket.

We were pondering the lack of Christopher on Sunday's show.

Apparently, he had a sore throat...

I didn't even notice he was missing.

If even 10% of his 'behaviour' stories are true, he is in 'danger' of never being seen again.

(Beyond the 'X-Factor live' tour, obv)

They read out some of the voting totals (each week, top two) on ITV2.

Pretty much 1: Chris, 2: Jahmene for the first seven weeks.

I sure that all these 'Chris has a huge strop and refuses to perform at the final' and 'Chris has a huge row backstage with Carolynne' stories are just being made up by the papers to try and get some kind of controversy out of a more or less entirely controversy free year. He's just the most boring XF contestant ever, it's not realistic that he'd suddenly start behaving like this.