do you tend to remember the good things or the bad things about past relationships?

http://www.universalstudiosentertainment.com/assets_c/2010/04/62108445_EternalSunshineoftheSpotlessMind_800x445-thumb-800x445-619.jpg

when I try to remember the bad things I always feel like I'm kidding myself by trying to focus on stuff that wasn't anywhere near as important as the good stuff

i seem to remember the positive things more

i guess that's maybe better/healthier most of the time? i dunno. it seems uncharacteristic of me lol

about even, i think. but aero otm about the good stuff winning out over the bad, on balance.

usually the bad, with a heavy focus on why the hell didn't i leave earlier or why the hell did i get into it at all

with one exception I'm still either close friends or at least amiably acquainted with my ex's.

mostly the good but then i'm a positive guy and i like my exes as ppl

About even. I think it's often based on how things ended. Pretty much every positive memory of my last relationship was tainted by the shockingly abrupt way it came to a halt. But I have a good number of situations where things just tapered off or didn't work out and I still have plenty of fond memories (and am ztill on good terms with the ladies in question).

mostly good, aero otm, but i have some Errors. altho even those i end up dangerously wistful over.

that said my favorite line on this subject is proust's (well, swann's): "to think that i wasted years of my life, that i wanted to die, that i felt my deepest love, for a woman who did not appeal to me, who was not my type!"

but then he marries her. i guess that's proust's line.

i like my exes as people far away as possible

usually the bad, with a heavy focus on why the hell didn't i leave earlier or why the hell did i get into it at all

good stuff about them, bad stuff about me :/

but with a v strong sense of 'would never go back'

me & my buddy were trying to work out whether we had learned more (or maybe not learned, say grown more) from good decisions or from bad decisions. good decisions were really encouraging, & underpinned your sense of self, & improved your confidence, equipped you to act. but bad decisions/experiences/w/e were sorta even more compelling to me, maybe; i get a way bigger reaction from the angst related with a thing failing, & the subsequent reflection, than i get a kick out of feeling successful about something i did well. most of the time i am thinking about the good things, all kinda well-worn & nicely crumpled memories, all young & soft, but maybe the most influential remainders are what i got out of what went wrong. it all reorients me, it is the thing that makes me equipped & determined in what i do now.

I haven't learned from relationships, even the good ones. I make the same mistakes. So do most of us, I suspect, until thanks to, I dunno, luck we meet the right partner.

what c sharp major said

icarus also flew etc

generally the bad things. it's why i'm able to stay on friendly terms with most of my exes without getting extraordinary pangs of regret.

depends on how it ended tbh

i think the good and bad have evened out over time
mostly good i guess because i am able to forgive, but absolutely no pangs of regret

It depends. Mostly positive memories, but a couple that ended badly still make me feel upset if I think about either of those people to this day.

good with most, every terrible thing the last man did to me. voted good.

I remember the bad things more, even though I've been on good and even friendly terms with most of my exes. I get caught up in the good times, but obsess and reflect on the bad ones.

Good things, most of the time... But I guess that's because all of my break-ups have been more or less civilized, and none of my exes have done anything awful to me (nor I to them), and I've stayed in touch, or at least on friendly terms, with most of them. I guess the downside to this can be the occasions when you meet them later on, and end up having "ex sex", and start to long after them again... (Though ex sex can be nice in itself, if both parties have no interest in getting back together; it's always nicer to have casual sex with someone you know and are physically and mentally comfortable with than with some random person you met at the pub an hour ago.) But for me, that's never lead to any overt drama either. Most of the time, when I think about my exes, I'm able to appreciate the moments we shared and the feelings we had for each other, while still acknowledging those feelings are gone (or, in some cases, have metamorphosed into a friendship) and can't be rekindled. So yeah, good memories mostly.

Ex sex sux.

Not necessarily, at least in my experience. Like I said, if both parties have no particular interest in getting back together but do appreciate the casual sex, it can be fun; IMO sex is always better when you're physically and mentally familiar with your partner and know his likes and dislikes than it is with a stranger/one night stand. For example, how many people get an orgasm when they're having sex with someone the first time?

Neither good or bad things for me
Mostly incidents of unique feelings that couldn't be recreated

yeah ex sex can be genuinely nice provided you can remember why you dug each other but not why the merest thought of not having each other used to make you frantic; if you've both had serious relationships since you're prolly golden

I think my most satisfying sex has been with ex's.

i tend to remember the good times about everything which is how i can romanticize the worst parts of my life no less than six months later

"well we screamed at each other constantly and one time she tried to kill me with hammer, but there was that good night where we watched destiny's child on soul train and got drunk on gin."

i wish that wasn't actual thought-process, but we can't choose our brains

yet

people say friends don't destroy one another. what do they know about friends?

in her defense i probably deserved to be killed with a hammer at that precise moment

Depends on the relationship. One of them was so legitimately bad to have eclipsed any good that occurred. One I remember as mostly good, but that person is a vaccine denying baby chiropractor now, which certainly taints my opinion of him and makes me take a skewed view of the relationship. One I remember as good, and I still have some general contact with the person and honestly wish him well even though I knew through the bulk of the relationship that it was a bad idea and going nowhere.

For example, how many people get an orgasm when they're having sex with someone the first time?

I am sure this is true for over 90% of men

some men do fake orgasms you know

that's why I didn't say 100% of men

^^faker

When I say 'ex sex sux' (which is an actual mantra I employ whenever that particular opportunity has arisen), I mean that the aftermath sux. I haven't been in that situation and had shit remain casual and unencumbered on one side or the other. So now I just classify it as a Must To Avoid.

Is it really true, or just a part of the "men can always perform" myth? Can't speak for anyone else, but in most of those cases I've been to nervous/self-conscious/drunk to orgasm.

(x-post to Dan)

eleven fabulous years of hearing about tuomas's ejaculate

Hey, I've only done that since 2003.

(Posted to ILX, that is.)

thank you for that clarification, although it was too late to stop the phrase "perpetual fountain" from flashing through my mind

http://www.phoodie.info/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/cheeseFountainLG1.jpg

just when i thought it couldn't get any grosser

this is why dan and i have to be separated in the classroom

haha otm

What's wrong with that mushroom?

never forget

It's so gouda.

famous mushrooms of finland

Is that thing in the pic for real?! Why would anyone need a thing like that?

why would anyone need perpetual fountains?

Yeah, but cheese...? The water ones are at least nice to look at.

can't wait to see pictures of Tuomas at a midwestern wedding reception bemusedly holding crackers in the water fountain

oh god, I expected to feel all wistful or something but now that I've opened this at work I may have to explain my guffawing

I'm gonna try that line the next time I'm at the gay bar ("Hi! Would you like to bemusedly hold my cracker in the water fountain?")

Why would anyone need a thing like that?

romcom --> cheese fountain in < 75 posts

So it's a Midwestern wedding tradition?

(xxx-post)

yes the groom dunks the bride's head in the fountain then everyone eats off her with crackers

originally called a saginaw dip but now usually just "the dip"

this tradition was immortalized in song by the group Freak Nasty

I would say for the period of time in my life where I wasn't that confident, I have a strong remembrance of the good times, and assume that the bad times were more of an issue with my disposition. I think that's probably not that true and the relationships kind of sucked in their own way, but, emotions. Probably have some awkward feelings about one or two of those now, I wonder what things would have been like if the situation was different.

I feel like anything that's developed into a relationship in recent years, the reasons it didn't work out were personal or situational? The situational ones are just about remembering good times and feeling some regret, but.. ~life~

I actually failed to marry a young woman because we couldn't agree on the type of cheese for the saginaw dip at our presumed wedding.

Liking ranch dressing is a make or break moment for me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmlODsJANVs

are you pro-ranch or anti-ranch, Alfred?

you don't want to know about the philadelphia variation of the dip, tbh

orig. Lefty Frizzell song was written for Patsy Cline and had the lyric "I was dipped in Saginaw, Michigan" (actually pretty insightful baptism/wedding parallel in 1st and 3rd verses) but she died so he rewrote it

you don't want to know about the philadelphia variation of the dip, tbh

Many unions have been torn asunder because the participants could not agree on Whiz or provolone.

I actually failed to marry a young woman because we couldn't agree on the type of cheese for the saginaw dip at our presumed wedding.

i'm sorry
WHAT?

still dying @ freak nasty btw

We both actually enjoyed a mexican-styled queso fresco, but I argued that her more-traditional family would not approve. She felt I was always trying to appease her family when she didn't care.

(I'm making this shit up, LL, we're still trying to pretend this cheese dip farce is a thing)

are you pro-ranch or anti-ranch, Alfred?

Ranch is like French or thousand island: rivers of cholesterol hiding the taste of...celery sticks?

you can dip many things in ranch dressing

well, it's not accentuating the taste of celery sticks, I will give you that

you can dip many things in ranch dressing

wrong thread, sailor

truly no thread we can't devolve into food, sex, clowning tuomas, old 90s rap references, or some combination thereof.

i mean

Or even sex clowns, etc

foodsexclown

http://lindavernon.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/img465.jpg

The bad, b/c the bad times in my 2 LTRs were far more abundant and dramatic than the good times.

For example, how many people get an orgasm when they're having sex with someone the first time?

Not this person. I've faked more than a few b/c I really didn't want to get into the whole "No, really, truly, it's fine [it's just that I don't care about you deeply enough]" thing. I could be wrong, but I think the last time I was able to come w/ another person was in late 2009.

Results pictured above.

oh man I almost started a tmi thread about this once

I nominate Je55e to start said thread

I v rarely come with someone new the first couple of times either, nbd, yr just getting to know each other's bodies / interests / level of comfort

I pretty much forget everything. If there is an especially bad or good moment i may remember it, but more or less, it all fades away.

I nominate Je55e to start said thread

I was thinking of starting that thread but I was still at work and ready to leave.

Thread suddenly became relevant to my life! I basically never come with anyone else present. This is hilarious to say but it feels too personal/private to share.

I mean orgasm seems like something you do alone.

what if a baby is in the room

well then you're not alone obv

cats count too

That's so sad. Mutual O's are, like, the greatest thing ever.

Are you completely done calling my personal variety of sexual experience "sad"? Because that was ungenerous at best.

Does Mutual O's include 1 fake and 1 non-fake?

mutual 0's and 1's

Sure, or even 2 fakes if you're feeling your oats.

Are you completely done calling my personal variety of sexual experience "sad"? Because that was ungenerous at best.

"That's sad" = "I am sad to hear that". I am completely done with everyone in this place taking everything ever as some sort of unprovoked personal attack, though.

ok, fuck it, I'm making a multi-gender TMI borad orgasm thread. We can share random anecdotes and facts and all feel normal.

how dare you old lunch, how very dare you

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/NewAnswersControllerServlet?boardid=47

goddamn it. I meant:
it's like a home for anorgasmic people! a thread for anorgasmia and difficulty in getting off

You did have the option of taking two seconds to think about how your comment might make someone feel. I see you choose not to exercise any sensitivity there, just saying, you're not breaking my heart or anything but maybe for future reference.

You also have the option of taking two seconds to consider whether a sentence could be read in ways other than a slight or a personal attack. But whatevs.

The important thing to remember is that the Big Bang is the only orgasm that matters, and everyone took part in that.

FTR and for future ref, I am not about beef cultivation.

btw as the original poster of this heartfelt, melancholy thread i am appalled with two p's at all these posts about cheese, ranch dressing and orgasms

i have tempbanned u from my heart

I don't know how I failed to notice, until just now, the video in your initial post. So very, very well-played.

u gotta watch out if fondue comes out u

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

voted 'good things' because i was in an upbeat mood, but really, in some instances, i've forgotten almost everything. distressingly, because i'd love to remember it.

Failed to vote, but they pretty much equal out: very positive with about half of 'em and negative with the other half.