Shut up, I know how to finish in front of Hamilton - Formula 1 2013

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eEyJXfWm2Y4/TomfWExKcdI/AAAAAAAABDs/lIR56--WqzI/s1600/vettel+funny+ice+cream.jpg

poor attempt at continuing the ILX F1 Ice Cream meme

Let us start the year with Ronspeak:

Whatever people choose to do at the end of a contractual period, the professional thing to do is to be supportive of the other side. We don't wish him every success at Mercedes - that's understandable, as he's obviously going to be a competitor - but we don't wish him anything negative.

Farewell Brawn GP and a big hello to The Niki & Toto Wolff & possibly Paddy Lowe Show.

And yeah sure, Ross Brawn may have helped Ferrari and his own team win a few championships but Niki Lauda...uh...um, convinced Eddie Irvine to sign for Jaguar and didn't they do well?

Whoa big ol F1/Newey piece in this week's NYer (paywalled)

New cars (except Williams) that look a bit nicer and Mercedes is having a shit time at Jerez!!

Hoping that Lotus isn't sandbagging and they know what they're doing, etc.

http://www.popularmechanics.com/cars/news/industry/the-insanely-complicated-f1-steering-wheel

Ahhh hah wasn't LH complaining a couple days ago about all the new buttons on the Merc wheel

That actually looks like a more ~simple~ wheel from the early-00s iirc.

Watch out, Eric Lux: ADRIAN SUTIL IS BACK

Sick of F1 Racing shafting you with the same old stories every month? Here's a new player in the F1 magazine game from an, err, interesting publishing source: http://www.pitpass.com/48493-A-different-Formula-for-F1-magazine-publishing

Hey guys, guess which year this headline was published: "It's now or never for Mark Webber."

2004

hello to actual racing again! well, practice. vettel top in opening sesh.

sutil with new helmet design... canny ruse to avoid being served with legal documents?

looking at one of the lotuses and getting nostalgic for the days of real JPS black and gold colourschemes - thinkin baout getting this t-shirt http://8380labs.myshopify.com/products/atcc-85-unbesiegt

Do they have a Jim Richards "Pack of Arseholes" T-shirt as well?

How 'bout that McLaren? I know it's only FP1 and FP2 but has Hamilton made...the right decision?!?

only lewis' accountant knows for sure!

I suspect Mercedes are paying Lewis by the tweet.

@LewisHamilton
Can't wait to get back in the car, this track is the shizznit!! Wondering how the car will feel. But I know I got the best team around me.

@LewisHamilton
If you don't already, please follow my beautiful girlfriend @NicoleScherzy & check out her new song BOOMERANG!! Bless

Love the track maps in here, you can rotate them which is awesome

James Allen blogged that Honda will be coming back as a supplier for McLaren. Wow, just wow. Can we lock up the "former commentator" in a room with Adrian Sutil sometime?

- WET QUALIFYING
- TELEMETRY NOT WORKING

The EXCITEMENT that is VOLUNTEERS USING BROOMS TO BRUSH WATER OFF A FORMULA 1 CIRCUIT.

they loving it

remember when schuey would wring heroic quali laps from useless ferraris? I feel Lewis is not on for one of those sessions

Lewis is currently no NICO ROSBERG, BITCH.

a fit of pic

Esteban Gutted.

^da hardlol

welp, back to the FULL WETS

(australian television coverage-specific: did Greg 'Pathetically Uninformed' Rust rly have to mention that it's "bucketing down outside the Qantas Club"?)

This is what I like to call 'Paul di Resta Weather': endlessly gloomy.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BFdh_TFCEAAFGJA.jpg

Yep, tell Seb that it's kinda wet out here.

@H_Kovalainen
C'mon the rain is not that bad, get on with it… #F1

we gotta protect the pay drivers, heikki

SEE YOU AGAIN TOMORROW MORNING

http://www.topgear.com/au/car-news/f1-car-sings-aussie-anthem-140313

these things idle at 5,000 rpm these days

does kimi really make for a credible dandruff treatment ambassador?

He is a bit of a flake.

Well, he does enjoy a flake in his ice cream cone.

I was really hoping for some shakeup with qualifying. Alas.

Mark Webber is thrilled as ever to be starting from P2.

btw Seb has to start on those ruined super softs...good luck with dat, champ

!!! ADRIAN SUTIL IS LEADING A GRAND PRIX !!!

What a GBH (great bloody hero) he is.

Kimi knew what he was doing today.

lol, look at the little victory lane they have in the garage there!

IS HE GOING TO SWEAR ON THE PODIUM AGAIN?

~ LOTUS / PIRELLI CONSPIRACY THEORY~

Hey, remember when it was fifteen years ago when:

a) Sepang was the first TILKEDROME
b) Everyone thought it was *the shit*

imagine if he'd got the job to redo spa back in the day

OK stop weeping it didn't happen

just thinking bout Hockenheim and the Österreichring makes me Di Resta-level gloomy, thx

can't believe they actually pulled up the old forest part at hockenheim - ridiculous, why not leave it for classic racing? can't even visit the spot where this happened any more:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fG6ZGWA_xiA

paul di rotatesta, morelike

di resting up in Q3

Forecast for the race: rain, rain and rain.

http://f1pulse.com/UserFiles/magnum-180313.jpg

Finally, being an arrogant dickhead catches up with Ol' Hairy Eyebrows.

sourpusses all round post-race!

SOAP OPERA FOR BLOKES

MULTI 21, SEB, MULTI 21

Lewis crying over not letting NICO ROSBERG, BITCH past was a nice touch compared to Happy Boys next to him on the podium.

You know how Vettel could build on his new persona as villain and become a supervillain? TAKE MARK'S GLASS OF ORANGE CORDIAL AT THE NEXT PRESS CONFERENCE AND POUR IT OVER HIS HEAD.

mick of vettel is a filthy rotten dog
Posted at 11:47 PM March 24, 2013

your a filthy rotten dog vettel.dont come racing in Australia you dog because your not welcome you scumbag dog

Paul C of Brisbane
Posted at 6:47 AM Today

Seb should change his name to DOG, because that's what he is and he committed the biggest DOG act in all of sport history. "I didn't mean to overtake" is an absolute insult to webber and, the team and the F1 fan base. No wonder fans are leaving F1 in droves when dogs like Seb are protected for their actions. Last time i looked he was in a team.

I had a good lol at the clearly distressed Webber talking about "catching some waves"

waves of revulsion imo

Shit is getting real: somebody asked for Flav's opinion.

Webbel starting from pitlane and Vettel from ninth because RED BULL CONSPIRACY.

Webbel? Webber, er?

They told Toro Rosso to block Webber because TORO ROSSO IS ITALIAN FOR..."VETTEL CHAMPIONSHIP".

They forgot to put on Webber's rear tyre correctly! The grubs, the fucking grubs!!

kimi raikkonen, DIY aerodynamicist

Ol' Hairy Eyebrows wins easily. Therefore, I hated this race.

CRAZY DAVE COULTHARD BUSTING OUT MANDARIN TO HIS CHINESE HOMIES

Vettel final push was crazy fun.

I suspect Bernie is more happy than usual that we're in Bahrain this week: can't get a copy of Playboy there.

Ooh, a non-exciting race!

CRAZY DAVE COULTHARD SWAGGERS TO THE PODIUM IN TIGHTY WHITEY JEANS FOR ALL THE HOMIEZ IN BAHRAIN

The race for first was dull but there was great stuff happening in the field. Grosjean and Perez mainly.

There was! Aside from SV Vetteling it this was a fantastic race I thought. More great battles than I could keep track of!

Aside from Chico almost puncturing JB I didn't think he did anything that awful ... in that particular scrap. I'm not sure if he forced Alonso off or if Alonso was just trying something crazy.

Webber ... so brilliant most of the time, but moments of madness. It's like he has seizures once or twice a race and decides to just demo derby someone.

How do you qualify so well (pole) and get mugged throughout the race?

Having Sutil around is turning Di Resta into a monster. I'm happy for Gro but I would have loved to have seen him on podium.

Generally the qualifying is just about a few laps, so race distance is obv a big difference (am shocked at how well Vettel's Red Bull did though). From my understanding Rosberg's problem was something in the rear tire setup?

Given what happened to Massa I can totally see that.

Also maybe being forced to the dirty side so many times in those first laps messed something up as well.

Ahhhh hah ha F1 ninja taiko drums pre-podium

I like these little diaries Nico puts up, nothing too informative but it's a little less guarded

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFdcFIh2i-g

I like how succinctly Porsche put this. I wonder if 2014 will help any, I'm not sure it will

James Allen blogged that Honda will be coming back as a supplier for McLaren. Wow, just wow. Can we lock up the "former commentator" in a room with Adrian Sutil sometime?

― Y Immanuel Kant Read (King Boy Pato), Saturday, March 16, 2013 4:23 PM (2 months ago)

The Curse of KBP Zings in ILX F1 Threads strikes again.

http://www.sport24.com/var/plain_site/storage/images/auto-moto/formule-1/actualites/les-daft-punk-avec-lotus-633429/15271191-1-fre-FR/Les-Daft-Punk-avec-Lotus_article_hover_preview.jpg

we're up all night to get really drunk and fall off a boat
we're up all night to get really drunk and fall off a boat
we're up all night to get really drunk and fall off a boat

It's Nico Rosberg, Bitch currently smashing it in the non-existant Pole Position World Championship.

lol position morelike, amirite

lol from first to fourth by the first corner position

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/67782000/jpg/_67782885_lewishelmet4.jpg

Posted without comment.

So, I'm not able to watch the race until now and put myself on a 24-hour F1 news blackout. So until now I've missed out on:

- IT'S NICO ROSBERG WINNING IN MONACO, BITCH
- IT'S SECRET MERCEDES TESTING DRAMA, BITCH

explain to me what is happening in this gif http://i.imgur.com/uPOt8lr.gif

looks like the car missed the turn and ran into the Run out area, due to a slick road (?), then fish tailed his way out and back onto the course

that's a sick reverse

There's a reason they get paid the big bucks.

Up at 3.45am to watch the Canadian GP live for the first time in years. IT BETTER RAIN.

Looks pretty and dry but can change at the drop of a hat.

Oh well, there's always Perez irritating everyone/Grosjean crashing into everyone/never tiring speculation 'bout TESTGATE.

I can't believe Maldonado got a penalty for hitting someone. He never is out of control.

Pretty but kind of dull. A few moments of great racing but not well covered by NBC.

http://i2.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article868153.ece/ALTERNATES/s615/mark-webber.jpg

So, farewell then.

I can see his point after reading this

race time...

I think the tires are going to be talked about again.

ha ha ha ha fuck you Seb.

Not gonna buy Pirelli tyres anytime soon.

Craig Scarborough ‏@ScarbsF1 52m
This years Pirelli tyre had a stronger shoulder, so its unlikely to be purely a tyre weakness.

Glad the testing paid off for Mercedes in the end, however.

"Empty car, coming through!"

Never seen that before.

It could be argued that this isn't a great change for the Marussias.

Vettel wins are the most boring of wins, doubly so when Raikkonen was just ready to overtake.

Your choice for the empty Red Bull seat?

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-cq_L-oFUyv8/UdgQSFdH-DI/AAAAAAAAgB4/zXCwdEDG4G0/s400/montagem_fotos_template.jpg

Drinks & Falls Off A Boat, Braces, Incredibly Boring Frenchman

Yes, this man has won a World Drivers Championship: http://instagram.com/p/beYeEjr01_/

So apparently someone put paprika into Vettel's summertime goulash.

Crofty must be thrilled that he somehow crowbarred that into the commentary.

Meanwhile, in Lewis Hamilton news, he's become the new Jacques Villenueve: http://instagram.com/p/cARbGdL0yN/

ahahahaha grosjean

surprise, surprise

He just made up for it, that was quite the overtaking manoeuvre.

Ballsy. And clean! Did they change drivers during that pit stop?

FAIL 22

hold it together Kimi...

http://photos.gpupdate.net/newsnew/95582.jpg

Talkin' to Charlie.

Imagine if Mercedes could have tested on these tires.

Well done Kimi. Fuck Vettel.

Glad they left him alone, he knew he had enough petrol.

I really really really hope they let Roscoe up on the podium with Lewis today, that would be terrific and a great opportunity for an Instagram photo.

Grosjean getting punished for the pass on Massa is bullshit. None of the top drivers would have been penalized for the same maneuver.

I haven't cried in twenty years but then this happened: http://www.entertainmentwise.com/news/122112/Lewis-Hamilton-Dedicates-Grand-Prix-Win-To-Nicole-Scherzinger-Its-Been-The-Toughest-Couple-Of-Months-Of-My-Life

WHY DOESN'T AUTOSPORT WRITE ABOUT LEWIS HAMILTON'S BROKEN HEART

It's time for Lewis to go Full Villeneuve: dye his hair a stupid colour, release that album, and cause every grump over-fourty Formula 1 'expert' to go into full meltdown about he should focus on racing and not his dog.

actually I guess he probably already has done this with the new team and the heart on sleeve announcements and the mad tatts

it's just that joining Ross Brawn's team is a bit different to joining Craig Pollock's team

Real talk: Lewis Hamilton's Instagram is the most amazing of all Instagram feeds.

Well, they finally found a job suited for Massa's unique talents.

http://imageshack.us/scaled/landing/138/3fkr.jpg

And if Alonso doesn't start watching his mouth, di Montezemolo will have him pumping petrol rather sharply too.

whoooo variable weather at Spa

stoked for the madness

I can't believe Maldonado was involved in an incident.

Can't believe bad luck happens to di Resta.

Not the most exciting of races. Moments, but little ongoing drama and racing.

DON'T SPRAY CRAZY DAVE WHEN HE'S IN THE TIGHTY WHITEYS

lolling at the continuing Alonso/Ferrari "intrigue": http://www.autosport.com/news/report.php/id/109737

Thankfully, the tifosi have a solution to all this.

http://grid.f1arab.com/wp_ar/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Kimi-Italian-GP-2013.jpg

man alive does Jean Alesi know how to work a crowd

John Surtees, less so

Massa out of Ferrari in 2014

I'm shocked.

I kind of am! I thought for sure he'd limp on for another year

Nah. I'm a bit surprised he made it this far, but I knew a new car would mean a new driver.

Kimi then?

Looks like. I wish they would go with someone younger they can build with like Hulk or Di Resta or something.

I can't see Alonso and Kimi (I think Alonso would bail) - but I can see Hulkenberg. I think Lotus just got some sponsorship so they should be able to pay Kimi now

http://formula1.ferrari.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/57_130606_M1C9833-959x543.jpg

"Ha ha ha, fuck you, I'm off to Caterham!"

Putting Kimi and Ol' Hairy Eyebrows together at Ferrari would be akin to pouring a large vat of vodka on a raging fire. Gotta be Hulkenberg for sure.

Alonso clearly doesn't want Kimi, but I can see Ferrari wanting to stack the decks. Plus Grosjean and Perez haven't lit any fires so maybe they're not as excited about promoting untested drivers.

My pref would be Hulkenberg though

Man, I am not good at this seat predicting thing - Kimi is in w Alonso

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/jonathanlegard/alonso2reuters595.jpg

STOKED FOR THE MADNESS

well at least he can look forward to getting a cracked version of photoshop and redesigning the euskatel jerseys.

Well this is interesting

However, once they decided not to keep Felipe, they asked me what I thought and I told them that in my opinion, Kimi was the best out there in the market, especially when next year’s championship will see many changes and will require a lot of car development work in January and February.

I am fully expecting this to be a dull race unless Grosjean arses it up at the first turn.

(LET'S SEE THE KBP PREDICTION CURSE WORK IN MY FAVOUR FOR ONCE)

well alright NICO BITCH made this Grand Prix exciting for about two seconds

Must find something more interesting to do then watch Vettel quite easily win this.

I missed out on Roscoe getting a pair of shades, how did that happen?: http://instagram.com/p/dos8D1r0y_/

GOOD HEAVENS I LOVE THERMAL CAMERAS

~it's so psychedelic~

FOCUS ON THE *RACE*, NICO.

FIREWORKS!! (LITERALLY!!)

Well, it's official, they've banned fun and larks in Formula 1.

http://www.grandprixweekly.com/wp-content/uploads/Senna-Mansell.jpg

THAT IS VERY UNSAFE, AYRTON, BACK OF THE GRID NEXT RACE!!

Nice one Lotus

Urgh

again

I dunno, I'm with the stewards on this one - scary

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HO91FVHIRY

Barrichello at Sauber, maybe

Nico Rosberg has admitted he took objection in Singapore when world champion Sebastian Vettel suggested his rivals are lazy.

After dominating the floodlit grand prix, German Vettel explained Red Bull's advantage by insisting that while his team works "very hard", the others are "hanging their balls in the pool very early on Fridays".

It may have been a joke, but Mercedes' Rosberg did not laugh.

"Maybe he shouldn't be thinking about my balls," he is quoted on Thursday by Germany's Auto Motor und Sport.

"It was definitely inappropriate," added Rosberg. "My team works its ass off. And he can't possibly know how much we work compared to them.

"My boys work like crazy."

And as F1 figures puzzle over why Vettel is being booed on post-race podiums, Rosberg said comments like the one made in Singapore do him no favours.

"He is in very clear danger of losing the respect of the other drivers," he said.

McLaren's Jenson Button agrees: "It was a wrong and unfair thing for Sebastian to say."

But Vettel said he found it "strange" that his comment was so controversial.

"It was not my intention to say anything against someone else," he said, "but only to show that our success is no accident."

"Maybe he shouldn't be thinking about my balls" -next year's thread title?

Ahhhh hah ha I can't believe that quote is real

http://www.auto-motor-und-sport.de/formel-1/rosbergs-rat-an-vettel-weniger-gedanken-ueber-meine-eier-7764162.html

It's official: Massa no longer gives a shit.

"WHEN ARE YOU GONNA CALL ME IN, MAN? THESE TYRES ARE FUCKED!"

"Uh, Lewis, did you see those sparks?"

Leading the Korean Grand Prix is...uh, some guy in a SUV.

That was Nico Hulkenberg's best drive yet but he's such a heavy bastard, so he can fucking stay at Sauber.

Pitpass on its high horse because J. Allen is a certifiable cretin non shocker: http://www.pitpass.com/50084/Death-of-a-non-story

The Conspiracy of The Week is brought to you by that well known motorsport journal, er, Wired: http://www.wired.com/autopia/2013/10/red-bull-f1-traction-control/

Alright, Jalopnik had it first (http://jalopnik.com/red-bull-may-have-invented-a-secret-new-hybrid-technolo-1442585020) but the former has really run with it adding on why Webber is still shit.

Yeah I heard about that on Windsor's podcast. It would explain a lot, I buy it. That's what you do in the sport, come up with ways around the rules your competitors haven't thought of

alright the championship is over

!!!! FOURTH WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP !!!!

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/07/27/article-2380092-1B049488000005DC-202_634x405.jpg

DONUTS!!!!

SHOWMANSHIP!!!!

Seb is on a serious humanizing charm offensive, about time

Kim Raikkonen (the guy who hasn't gotten paid) is sent to the back of the grid because of something wrong with the Lotus (the car of the team who hasn't paid him).

Uh, maybe he won't turn up for the race now.

Kimi did the least he possibly could.

Mysterious investors buy into Lotus, demand that they sign up The Hulk.

This will be a) awesome or b) "Tradition of Excellence" despair.

In a landmark ruling, a French court on Wednesday ordered Google to prevent its search engine from providing links to images of a sadomasochistic orgy involving former Formula One boss Max Mosley.

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/18s43f2rdisqvjpg/original.jpg

That court case is going to be either the most fascinating thing or a series of "lol Bernie is a crook" anecdotes.

This one falls squarely into the latter: http://www.pitpass.com/50399/F1-team-bosses-bribed

Double points for the last GP of the season next year? What the fuck is this, NASCAR?

This has only made me even more angry about F1 after Maldonado got that Lotus drive.

L. Hamilton's Twitter and Instagram is the gift that keeps on giving.

schumacher's condition now critical after skiing accident brain trauma, initially reported as not so serious

Fucking hell

Didn't Joely Richardson pass p much that way, seemed fine at first etc

That news sucks.

The initial reports were false, serious brain trauma and in a coma on arrival.

Used to be able to buy money with this dude, backing him for a podium finish. Hope he can get through this shit :(

Uh Natasha Richardson even

Bloody hell, guys.

The reports keep getting worse.

yes, it's awful.

Uh Natasha Richardson even

... and Sonny Bono, a Kennedy. Stupid pastime.

Yeah the thought of this (and many, many knee wrecks etc) makes me look at skiing as akin to motorbiking without the helmet or bike, on ice

ppl wear helmets now tbf

For instance, Michael Schumacher was wearing one

Skiing itself has proportionately fewer fatalities than cycling or swimming, says Dr Mike Langran, a GP who founded the website ski-injury.com. The figures he cites suggest that the death rate for skiing is 2.07 deaths per million people skiing, compared to 29.4 per million cycling, and 72.7 per million swimming. (The rate is calculated by taking the total number of people who do the activity in a year and dividing it by the number who died doing that activity.)

When it comes to injuries, there are about "2-4 injuries per 1,000 days spent on the slopes", he says.

How 'bout that fake priest? Well done, journalism.