Test Cricket 2013 - England in New Zealand

And what better way to start..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4Sbzhhkoyc

And it's FIVE YEARS since this magnificent moment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fyc22i1hVbk

For one horrific moment I thought this was a poll thread

which vid would you have voted for?

Don't want to put any ideas in your head

well you already did i suppose

but if you vote in the 70s poll then i wont poll these vids!

Finally, the question that has been on everybody's lips can be answered: can New Zealand lose by less than say, oh, an innings and one hundred-and-fifty runs?

Against England, yes

Tuesday 5th March 2013
1st Test Match
New Zealand v England Dunedin 21:30 GMT

Wednesday 13th March 2013
2nd Test Match
New Zealand v England Wellington 21:30 GMT

Thursday 21st March 2013
3rd Test Match
New Zealand v England Auckland 21:30 GMT

so England are going to hammer hapless Kiwis in the Tests, right?

or what KBP said.

"Complacent England limp to unconvincing draw against emboldened Kiwis"

nah. England have the second best bowling attack in the world, NZ can't get any runs, have captaincy issues and a "developing" bowling unit. Even if England don't score lots of runs (and I happen to think they'll do pretty well), it'll still be 3-0.

tbf NZ does have "home ground advantage" on the swamp that is Dunedin's University Oval

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hzzeps234HI

kbp otm

so 90 mins to go.Wonder how the weather is there?

Raining...

NZ win toss and put underprepared (as usual) English batsmen in

christ. are we going to see some play? feel england's batsmen being put in is a good thing for balance of play. boycs all over the shop on TMS.

underprepared as usual? Not true AG, we've been exemplary in playing warm-up games recently. Admittedly not ideal for England this series, but there we go.

monty panesar hasn't played, there are a couple of others, he said vaguely. think AG's point is good for this tour.

oh the bowlers will be fine, Monty has that metronomic action and the others had a run-out in the one dayers and 2020s, though Swann's fitness is a worry for the rest of the year. If the issue is under-cooked batsmen, then Compton is the only worry IMO.

yeah, i think so - agree about compton, wish him well. no way england shd lose this series, but it's quite a long run of difficult tests that they've got to play and I'd quite like to see NZ do well. shame about swann.

KP would be a worry because I always feel he cba against "smaller" sides and you dont know with Bell. But Bell has looked good and he is in no way underprepared.

Still wont be surprised with 1st test match horrorshow batting though just because y'know its England.

Y'know it's England, who are the 2nd best team in the world by a long distance, only behind an excellent SA team, and have been top three for the last 8 years you mean? So pessimistic!

I always want to see NZ do well, but I don't think they have enough in the tank, as I said upthread.

i just think England are always vulnerable in first test match every time they play

sometimes vulnerable in away test matches against good opposition, yes.

cue 180-7 today

good shout i think. kp has his own cycle, and is relatively meaningless in terms of form imo.

Swann officially ruled out of the tour.

A fit monty is better than an unfit swann so might be a good thing to get him sorted for the Ashes where we will really need him.

lol fuck off kp u racist pos

england 18/3

racist, did i miss that? terrible cnut though. did that awful interview. 'favourite smell? food', 'most treasured possession? my wife'

swap 'em around, though...

Just realised that for one ball, both batsmen and the bowler in an England-NZ Test were South African, a situation clearly too volatile to last

this interview

http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/2006/sep/02/weekend7.weekend1

Who would play you in a movie of your life?

Me.

What is your most unappealing habit?

I can never sit still for five minutes.

What is your favourite smell?

Food.

What is your favourite word?

Lekker.

fucking food!

also, Dubai, sport of cunts.

maybe he just likes watching slave labour happen

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zlota_kaczka

So everyone else is right, I'm wrong, saying Trott double century tho

kp left SA due to "politics" i.e. he wanted to be a spin bowler where there was a quota system to counteract the effects of a lil thing called apartheid

right. I thought he might have said something. I think that interview gives a fair-sized clue as to possible motivations/justifications in his head. he's obsessed with money and possessions and expresses the sort of minimalist sensuality that in fact is nothing to do with sensual appreciation but the expression of power - "I can have these things that others can't" (that's why the trait he most deplores in others is jealousy - of him of course, and his explanation for any opprobrium that comes his way.)

Other things throughout his career have indicated the same thing, whether it's the Surrey move, or the one-day farrago. He's a pure mercenary, both financial and in terms of winning with publicity ( cba'd against the small teams, has his own cycle of form etc). Very talented, often remarkable to watch, he suffers slightly from the problem of many roving South African cricketers - he's hard to like.

But inasmuch as its a racist thing - well structurally yes, absolutely, tho the system that accepts him is also guilty - but really, it's just about him.

his main rival for the kwa-zulu natal offspinner's slot was one robbie macqueen

https://si0.twimg.com/profile_images/1979217507/IMG01088-20120320-1148.jpg

a white man

excellent post fizzles - I'm usually a KP apologist, but strictly regarding on-field matters. he's clearly keeping some sort of score

turns out marcus trescothick is alive and well and making his debut for new zealand

SAVE US MUDHSUDEN

predictable day of cricket. Aggers otm
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/21695834

as wretched a display as ive seen in years. Lets hope they can pick it up tomorrow.

"Complacent England limp to unconvincing draw against emboldened Kiwis"

― Le petit chat est mort (Tom D.), Tuesday, 19 February 2013 11:15 (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I would say I told you so except not even I believed they could be that sloppy, complacent and SHITE

^

Getting really strong Trescothick pangs watching this guy bat. Will be a joy to watch over the next 10 years. Hoping he doesn't tighten up - please, keep playing that cover-drive, cor

hey imago get yr prog vote in

gaah, lump it all on vdgg

actually i did save is a list somewhere

good then vote with it (follow the rules)

three vdgg votes is all i needed tbf

min of 20 on a ballot

which it seems you did, thanks!

now make Englands bowlers do better!

my trax ballot was like 8

but the important thing is that XTC - Complicated Game gets a zillion points so you'd better include it

CRICKET ONLY IN THE CRICKET THREAD PLEASE

ps i only came in here to mock cricket cos ilx is quiet

top craicz dmac

tbf tbf had I been brought up on hurling I'd probably disdain cricket as the prissy cowardice it is

you think dmac ever played hurling???

if you'd been brought up hurling some fullback would've put you in the ground at u-16, we lose 35% of our best lads that way

i was p decent hurler fyi, got the marks on my hands yet to prove it. but we moved and they don't hurl in mayo (nor athletics, nor maths, nor anything else i was good at in 1993 ;_;)

what do they purvey in mayo

i heard you're a lightweight who hurls after 2 pints in the pub

xp sheep, turf, mistrust

i dont drink pints as a rule but i can handle two alright tbh

oh I had no idea dmac was a gin n tonic guy

explains why he hasnt voted

tom d drinks babycham and again that explains why he hasnt voted either

this is not a biography tbh, just that cricket is shit and yeah why not talk about me sure im better than cricket

rutherford gone, can stop watching for a bit and do some gdamn writing

dmac why don't you write your novel too, begin it with the words "sheep, turf, mistrust"

the story of new zealand cricket foreword by ross taylor?

i cant even write cards these days tbh, ilx has kilt me

did ilx make you cynical?

dropped catch

terrible upbringing made me cynical, ilx is just where i type that way when i'm not busy

write a short-story or tbh I'm displeased with u

but not KP/KBP slash

about what like

and i cant i'm not a latenighter anymore, i'm only allowed up cos i recorded spurs match

about something in between mayo upbringing and spurs match, say

wide poles you set, i reject the invite with thanks

the money was only resting in his account

xp

who the fuck puts a pizza in the oven and then decides to go for a lie down on a bed. someone who's been drinking that's who. how's the cricket going?

badly. i went to bed before 1 woke up after 4.30am or something to find play abandoned for the day now i cant sleep

CRICKET ONLY IN THE CRICKET THREAD PLEASE

Amen to that

Would TMS be so great if they only talked about cricket? There's a CLR James quote somewhere...

Marginally more entertaining banter on TMS than "hey imago get yr prog vote in"

close sometimes though

cf. commentary of a certain G. Boycott

it was p mental when he chose his dinner party guests: Seve Ballesteros, Katy Perry and Paula Creamer.

Had to google Paula Creamer. None of them would show up of course.

I hope England lose this. I hate when English bowlers start having a go at the batsmen when the score's 250/1 or something. Ryan Sidebottom wrote the book on this.

Anyone think England will take the game into tomorrow with a chance of a draw?

yes? at least, England have got recent form for digging in well after flaky starts. pitch doesn't seem to have any demons + weather might play a part.

does feel slightly different tho. cook is perhaps due a slump in form (tho seems to have remarkably robust mentality), not sure this is Pietersen's sort of match, pressure on Compton. Bell seems to have gone back to the glory days of racing elegantly to 30, grinding out another 5, then getting out. For all his slightly strange mental resilience, or perhaps as part of it, Trott seems susceptible to peculiar out-of-nowhere brainfades. No Swann to hold up the end. England can struggle slightly on these deader pitches looking to score too quickly. Bowlers are all out of form, well obv apart from Jimmy.

trying to have it both ways! yes, I think England will get an ill-deserved draw.

dont see England getting a draw. Awaiting a collapse.

well played Compton. Still awaiting a collapse due to reckless shots from KP, Bell etc though!

For all his slightly strange mental resilience, or perhaps as part of it, Trott seems susceptible to peculiar out-of-nowhere brainfades.

haha this is a weird one isn't it, i think his operating system just crashes sometimes. his robotic blankness is sort of compelling tho, prime candidate for an 'interior life of' thread.

Finny showing how it's done lol

trotts out

KP out

England basically 77-4. Game on?

fed up with KP's CBA attitude in non big tests. Remember this is the guy who wanted to miss the NZ series in may to play IPL.

the guy should have 40+ centuries with his talent

Finn out

Root run out

woke up for that part. having slept through most of Finn's resistance. admit to some mild nocturnal panic when Root went, but i think even by that stage we were probably ok? not entirely reassuring tho. not sure any players apart from cook and Compton come out of the match with any credit and wdve been nice to see Compton get a few more leisurely runs this morning. not convinced by him tbh. lot to be said for building confidence/stability in the role.

Trott was fine and unlucky. Bell looks in ok nick I just dont trust him when the chips are down but in normal circumstances he will make runs. KP is really struggling though. He desperately needs time in the middle.

lol Aussies dropping 4 players for not doing their homework.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

this seems to be the de facto cricket thread at the mo, so LOL at all this nonsense:
http://www.espncricinfo.com/india-v-australia-2013/content/current/story/624494.html

Watson could go for the "paranormal activity" explanation as to why he failed to do his homework I suppose. That Aussie team for the next test looks pretty bad- the worst since the Packer schism perhaps?

KBP to thread!

ha xps!

particularly one to savour since this is the kind of wheels falling off a clown car that England specialised in for so long (and still seem to manage now and again)

its made them the laughing stock of cricket. wtf are they thinking?

Can you imagine telling Bradman or Border or Waugh Or Warne or McGrath or Ponting to do homework???
lolololol

kinda want to put money on australia to win this test, their team won't be affected too much apart from losing pattinson and hoping hughes can crack the spin code. oh, and they'll have to choose 3 from 4 crap spinners, might as well choose the best batsmen of them

Watson's a big loss IMO.

http://skepticlawyer.com.au/files/2012/06/Dog-deleting-homework.jpg

this is the kind of wheels falling off a clown car that England specialised in for so long

These England confine their comic episodes to the opening innings of test series

These days, that is

let's not forget text messages and mean fake Twitter accounts.

also pedaloes

this is way more ridiculous . This is management bullshit.

More ridiculous than being unable to beat New Zealand?

lots of teams have been unable to beat NZ, not many have had senior players sent home for not doing their homework

especially sending home vice-captains for not doing homework

they were dropped, not sent home. still ridiculous, mind you

reckon this will be steve smith's test

watsons gone home

I think Wade will be chosen as a specialist batsman if fit.

Do you think they were given lines to do?

Australia vice-captain Shane Watson is considering his Test future after being dropped for the third Test with India.

Watson, Mitchell Johnson, Usman Khawaja and James Pattinson were omitted after failing to provide a presentation to coach Mickey Arthur on team strategy.

Watson, 31, left the tour to be with his pregnant wife but said he was "absolutely shattered" to be dropped.

"I'll spend a few weeks with my family to weigh up my options," he told the Sydney Morning Herald.

New coach by the Ashes?

"I know Shane Watson and he is not the sharpest tool in the shed. Getting him to write things out and put them in front of the coach is not going to be his strong point."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/21742082

tbf Hoggard is the son of a university professor and could probably hang in a conversation about string theory

not suggesting Hoggard is stupid, that was just a great quote

no I'm saying it's a bit rich of Hoggy lording it over that lunk

mind you, Watson used the word 'holistic' in context yesterday so idk

Not exactly going too well this series, is it?

not exactly, no. Mixed opinions about Cook's decision to bowl by the sounds of it, a gamble that has not paid off.

meanwhile Siddle is putting the Indians to the sword in amusing fashion, gotta love the guy.

lol 'mixed'

that's a fairly foam-coated sword vicious is waving, yo

Vaughan said he would have bowled first and been wrong too. But yeah it's the old Steve Waugh "have a think about bowling, then choose to bat" thing isn't it.

nah. England have the second best bowling attack in the world, NZ can't get any runs, have captaincy issues and a "developing" bowling unit. Even if England don't score lots of runs (and I happen to think they'll do pretty well), it'll still be 3-0.

― Neil S, Tuesday, 19 February 2013 11:18 (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

be lucky if england makes 100 nevermind 200. Huge humiliation and heads will roll

Finn and Anderson especially need to look at themselves. Broad is the only one who has performed this series and monty is only playing because Swann is injured.

NZ should declare now so they can have the day off tomorrow

so England are going to hammer hapless Kiwis in the Tests, right?

― Neil S, Tuesday, 19 February 2013 11:14 (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Not quite

hah fair dos.

Re. performances, it's the batsmen who have been the problem, I think Anderson is jaded and Finn hasn't been at his best either. Losing Swann then KP obviously upset the balance of the team and I think Monty is shot and unlikely to play for England again. By the same token I don't think it's the time to panic selection-wise.

Having said all that, NZ have played above expectations so well done them!

I think Monty is shot and unlikely to play for England again

Blimey, Monty's renaissance was short-lived

apparently he was having problems throwing the ball in the field, something Flower would be on to like a shot. It might have been a temporary thing though.

Why is this series even being played given that we are playing NZ in the summer anyway?? They've been playing non-stop for the last 6 months it seems.

Should have given the lads a rest and they'd have been fresh for the Ashes.

Over by lunchtime or over by tea?

If I were a betting man I'd bet on the former

heroically bat all day to secure an historic series draw against the unbeatable giants of NZ, you mean

it's nice to see a stronger NZ, better for the world game

*pats NZ on head*

that's not what I was doing ffs

lol i know, calm down. i haven't been following this series too closely, are NZ that much stronger than they were against south africa or is it more to do with england's incompetence and lack of prep?

NZ have discovered a really solid bowling unit and their top 6 is more Test-class than not. definitely lucked out with the two openers. williamson is becoming a solid act, mccullum too. taylor/brownlie vulnerable this series but both are good enough. mostly, though, the bowling unit is the reason they're doing better.

england's batting hasn't been particularly inspired, but really, the bowling has been the difference. nz have been extremely accurate and unrelenting, england much less so

England's batting has been shit mostly and the bowling poor and the fielding awful.

^^^cuts through it

cool, just a couple of areas to address pre-ashes then

tbf fielding has been okay

oh shit

lol this is gr8

double shit.

its up to monty

2 kane williamson wkts in an over

i haven't seen any of this but i might as well watch the last few minutes.

no way monty can survive

jesus how did he get in

oh god monty has to survive a whole over

monty gets a single. 3 balls left at prior

last ball

DRAW

boooooo

mccullum batted too long, but england were so lucky all day today

well done England I'm happy to be wrong. Well dont to Sir Matt Prior, Ian Bell, Stuart Broad and Lord Monty!

fuck the rest of the english batsmen for being abject on a flat pitch.

Well done NZ you deserved to win and unlucky. How did those bails not come off with Prior earlier???

better not hear any of that pish that NZ wont do well in may conditions. Its no foregone conclusion.

Test cricket at its best though. Wonder if NZ regret the flat pitch now.

Prior stand-out player for the series, for England at least.

Average of 103 for the series!

i love him. you too, monty.

Yeah, but what about his bowling?

Matty could probably give it a go

http://www.okmagazine.com.au/assets/images/article/insider/14729/kyly_boldy_michael_clarke_married_main.jpg

View photo of amazingness while listening to this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzYzVMcgWhg