Are You Nice?

also have u ever been the 'nice guy' who 'finishes last' or the 'nice lady' equivalent?

I'm nice on okc but rly fuck u

niceness has never been one of my character traits. i was even less nice in high school / college. amazingly this is the nicest i've probably ever been.

Nice seems to be mainly used a synonym for boring. It's not an aspirational quality.

As a teenager I identified very strongly with this mindset although I had plenty of girlfriends. I was just horrible at processing it when they left me.

These days, I think of myself along the lines of "a bit of a bastard with a heart of gold", so fuck you.

Just be warned folks: this poster uses sarcasm and is often seen joking around. Those easily offended or with no sense of humor are encouraged to leave ILX immediately!!

ime niceness is the affectation of goodness w/out actually being decent

http://www.arjanwrites.com/arjanwrites/images/ladysov_by_themidnightsocia.jpg

on the opposite side, that kind of cultivated meanness that christa miller gets typecasted as is pretty annoying too. like good for u u're a jerk who is secretly very loyal.

I have definitely been the "nice guy who finished last" but that was a perhaps unavoidable side effect of being The Black Guy in a town where a non-insignificant percentage of girls were not trying to fuck with The Black Guy romantically or their parents were forbidding them, which probably doesn't fit very nicely into the snarky box crafted by this thread

I mean, maybe it was my fault that the girl who asked me to prom freshman year was told by her parents that she wasn't taking a goddamned nigger to a dance and I've been unfairly resentful all these years, who knows

Sugar and spice crusting on top. A seething mass of FUCK YOU underneath, and therefore all the more anxious to maintain the sugarcoating.

You sing in the choir you dont even get to consider option 2 djp

voted "fuck u" btw

should be a choice c: used to be a, now b

Dan you're totally nice.

I am nice sometimes.

But I hate a lot of stuff and I think maybe that makes me not very nice a lot of the time even if I'm being outwardly nice.

E I think you just described the human condition

feel like there is some weird anti-reclaiming of the word going on here, i mean it's never been the most celebrated of words, the easiest to reach for compliment that's kind of empty but not harmful. but now there are these reddit or what have you "nice guys" who think they are being respectful to women but end up being kinda creepy and the backlash is focusing on the word not (or as much as) the behaviour.

enbb fwiw from my limited exposure to u on ilx i don't think you're 'nice,' tho u are nice w/out the scare quotes around it

I used to tell people that I was polite rather than nice but then someone pointed out to me how much I swear

I'm pretty nice I think. I'll go a little bit out my way to help people; I'll always try to make them feel at ease; I'll put quite a lot of time into boosting some kid or newbie where I've got some kind of edge or advantage.

But - I'm not really that interested in people, I'm not necessarily doing it out of goodness. If somebody doesn't pick that up and run with it, they can get stuffed. I make a point of remembering grudges, even when I don't really hold them any more. I get all annoyed if niceness isn't reciprocated. I don't phone people to keep up. If somebody actually does properly hack me off (fairly rare) I'll feel no qualms about cutting them off to their face and putting the boot in behind their back. So I dunno, maybe not that nice?

Where I do think I'm genuinely nice is that I'll never put anybody out if I can help it, and I almost never toy with people or be rude for nothing. Mostly all I ask of folk that they leave me alone and make no unsolicited demands of me; I couldn't do that if I went around stepping on toes or asking them to do things they don't want to.

Ugh tldr fuck u

I don't know if I'm nice. I feel like I'm too misanthropic, but people often tell me I'm nice.

I think I'm nice but I probably come off as not-nice a lot because a)sarcasm and b)inside I am usually seething with misdirected rage and self-loathing.

the number of self-described misanthropes who are secretly just disappointed nice people is legion

some "nice" people on here I would not have pegged as "nice"

I am not nice. I am a mean prick whose default facial expression is a glare of barely suppressed homicidal rage. I'm not a grudge-holder, though, 'cause I don't give enough of a fuck about you to remember what you said yesterday or what I thought about it at the time.

frogbs what did u vote for?

I'm fairly nice. I try to be helpful and polite and generally don't lose my temper. I don't really care about any of the hypothetical advantages of not being nice (inspiring intimidation, climbing greasy poles, etc) so i have no incentive to be anything other than pleasant most of the time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfC2iovCzu4

i think buzza is nice

i overheard a girl describe me as 'nice' to her friend once so i think that pretty much seals it

"I try to be helpful and polite and generally don't lose my temper." I think this describes me too. Usually.

The internet doesn't count, right?

frogbs what did u vote for?

both poll options are pretty extreme! i'd say i'm kinda on that George Costanza level

if i were nicer i might've included a pathetic hedging middle option however

i did give a dude I barely knew (the brother of a dude I knew) $500 in order to bail him out of jail because he was going to lose custody of his daughter otherwise, then considered paying someone the same amount to break his kneecaps when he wouldn't pay me back. so I suppose my niceness level rests somewhere between "little bitch" and "pretty fuckin stupid"

i'm lovely

loverly

i am nice in the sense that i am very polite and don't really have it out for anyone else.

on the other side, if you are a stranger and try to chat me up i will shut that down pretty quick. i dont really celebrate other people's successes. i dont like to share food.

(i think a lot of that comes from being youngest in a big family)

should be a choice c: used to be a, now b

― Stranded In the Jungle Groove (James Redd and the Blecchs), Tuesday, February 26, 2013 9:48 AM

^^^ this

Voted nice, but I'm getting less nice every year. My default setting is nice but I have moments where "fuck you" just boils out of me like lava.

Im nice but ive no time for anyone doesnt directly entertain or amuse me

To a fault, in that I can't handle or tolerate confrontation or people being upset with me

I'm nice, in the 'ie finish last' romanting category. You could lay a Cars soundtrack over my teen/20's years.
And I'm nice in the unscare quotes way bcz I hate confrontation and I'm too polite for my own good. But fuck you anyway :)

"not being nice" is something I have trouble even processing, and that probably makes me a bit of a cock in a lot of people's eyes.

the gis results for nice wo/man are instructive

http://www.shutterstock.com/pic-108377909/stock-photo-closeup-of-a-nice-man-wearing-a-red-t-shirt-and-sunglasses-the-guy-is-posing-with-a-mysterious.html
http://www.123rf.com/photo_8904039_an-image-of-nice-woman-holding-red-apple.html

i think i'm nice. being nice has always worked ok for me.

Nice v little to do with confrontation imo, i avoid confrontation cos cunts arent worth hassle

but i mean what's 'nice'

if you have to ask

I'm very nice, maybe overly polite. I think it's been a net win - total life and in terms of sex/relationships.

To a fault, in that I can't handle or tolerate confrontation or people being upset with me

― The New Jack Mormons! (kingfish), Tuesday, February 26, 2013 11:21 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ha. Yes, this. I apologize for stuff all the time even if I know I'm not wrong or at fault just to keep the peace. This is not necessarily a good thing.

Nice v little to do with confrontation imo, i avoid confrontation cos cunts arent worth hassle

Yeah, I think that's a strange definition of nice. I hate confrontation, but that's really common with children of alcoholics. I don't think that means I'm nice. Avoidance of confrontation can lead to passive aggressive behavior and other bad habits.

but that's really common with children of alcoholics

Is it? Interesting.

totally nice but i'll cut a bitch too

x-post Yeah, I'm not sure the confrontation thing has anything to do with being nice either but KF's statement there was just something I totally identified with. Sadly.

Nice, but distant.

Is it? Interesting.

According to my old therapist, it is.

ha. fuck u i'm nice is about right.

I should have explained better; I don't mean that avoiding confrontation = nice.

I get a lot of 'you're too nice' bc I find myself in situations where someone has failed to do whatever it is I've asked them to do, and I let it go instead of confronting them over it (and confront could just mean 'say that's not what I asked for') --- mostly low level restaurant/fast food scenarios but kind of in life in general

which may mean I'm not so much nice as pathetic

ha i thought i had started this thread a while ago
Are you nice?

me and Mordy, nice minds think alike

fuck, scrap the whole thing then. mods delete plz

A Nice Mind
starring Russell Brand and Jennifer Lawrence

do we have a dedicated jennifer lawrence thread? i'm celebrity crushing hard on her these day.

omg we just saw her post win press interview

the girl is a riot

mostly low level restaurant/fast food scenarios

LOL I have never ever in my life returned something (ok once but it had a dead cockroach in it) at a restaurant and the idea of doing so makes me cringe. I kind of always thought that was from growing up in the industry. It's OK, we can be pathetic together.

x-post - I LOVE HER!

just the right combination of nice and sass

Yes, totally.

I've definitely sent stuff back to the kitchen but I've rarely been mean about it; my thought process is generally "if I screw up a dish at home that's on me, but if you don't give me what I ordered then that's on you and I'd like for you to fix it"

I don't send back dishes I don't like though, that's also on me for choosing poorly

such a movie star too. xp

Too right I'm nice

no but honestly if you haven't seen this you have to

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ACQpZW-eTg

I've definitely sent stuff back to the kitchen but I've rarely been mean about it; my thought process is generally "if I screw up a dish at home that's on me, but if you don't give me what I ordered then that's on you and I'd like for you to fix it"

That's how it should be and totally within your right as a customer. I just get hung up on rocking the boat or upsetting people or being thought of as a bitch to the point where I'd rather just deal with it even when I know I should speak up. This worry spills into other areas of my life as well. It's not good and it's something I'd like to change.

i decided long ago tho that i was done being nice to idiots

just a personal thing

I am not nice. I am THE NICE. *progs out*

I thought I was nice in a wimpy and innocuous beautiful soul, benefit of the doubt, assume the best in everyone way, but then I signed up for okcupid (initially just to check out the profile of a guy a friend was talking about), and after a little browswing I've found that 100% of profiles annoy me at least a little bit. So I realise that beneath the veneer of niceness I'm cruel and merciless.

yay ENBB <3

also surm I just started humming the Greatest Love Of All when you said 'I decided long ago' :)

I am not nice. I am THE NICE. *progs out*

*sings Dylan off-key*

xp hahahaha that works!

I can't vote in this poll.

Too nice?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPuvn4-x8ww

also nice is great until you need to get w/ chicks and then all of a sudden it just doesnt cut it

― max

lmao

http://i4.ytimg.com/vi/s9JqbCH4aVw/mqdefault.jpg

"What a nice guy"

Should we expand this this to the complication of being too nice but having more than a little misanthropy?

Like, I enjoy helping people and have a political outlook I describe as "drunken Protestant eco-tech socialist" but there are plenty of times where I have certain opinions about the human race best not discussed in public.

(Especially after reading news stories about American education policy.)

I found a dude's notebook once with some important work notes I guess and phoned the number inside to get it back to him.
He tried to give me $20 for it and it creeped me out many ways:
1. Am I supposed to offer money if someone finds my stuff?
2. Did I make it sound like I was holding his notebook hostage?
3. What happened to just being nice and expecting other people to be nice without implicit bribes involved?
4. Maybe this guy was just being nice?

i dont think im very nice but i aspire to being kind

I think my misanthropy, a la Nietzsche and pessimism, became so extreme it came out the other side. Easier to like people when your expectations are bottomed out.

You can definitely be nice and misanthropic or, at least, severely disappointed in the human race

I think my misanthropy, a la Nietzsche and pessimism, became so extreme it came out the other side. Easier to like people when your expectations are bottomed out.

― ryan, Tuesday, February 26, 2013 12:21 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

haha, the laffer curve of nice

i've always been very self-protective and scared of socializing but i'm realizing ever so slowly that i cant just ignore others anymore, it makes me too unhappy in other words it impedes my own progress/goals too much and ultimately im a pretty dull person to be left alone with. (also im a cancer, i need family but i cant have anything to do with my blood one.) so i've been figuring out how to listen in conversations and engage in a way that reflects what i honestly think in an effort to connect (being nice is like stage one of this i think) instead of opting for a thousand pre-wired dysfunctional ways of shutting things down.

I can be a crank but I try my damnedest to be kind to others. Like, making others feel shitty makes me feel shitty. That said, when it comes to people who just can't be bothered with base-level decency, it can get a little Nazareth "Hair Of The Dog". I'm half asshole on my dad's side so it's often been an overt and intentional effort to Bruce Banner that shit. But I'm certain that most people who know me at all well would say I'm kind/"nice".

but no, im not actively nice on ilx, its too much fun to not be!

Lol true

i do like you all an awful lot (except frogbs) HUGS

ha! that wasn't very nice to frogbs

no shit!

I was raised to be kind. It mostly took.

I try to be as kind as possible, and I am generally pleasant to people when I interact with them, so yeah, I would call myself nice. I'm also assertive and unafraid to be very mean to someone if the situation calls for it. But my default is nice, and I approach new people with the assumption that they, too, will be nice in return.

I have probably experienced what entitled jerks are calling the "nice guy" friendzone thing or whatever, but that wasn't about people not liking me because I am nice. That was about people not liking me because they did not like me, or me not being assertive enough about what I wanted so people didn't know that liking me was an option, or me smiling and accepting ill-treatment because I was too invested in appearing cool and unaffected.

how do you all feel your niceness levels are normally compared to when operating a vehicle?

one of the reasons i sold my vehicle tbh

ultimate test of my niceness is being in a long queue at the post office. not in terms of how i behave, but just in my wishing dead people who've dared to post TWO things ffs and the like.

i'm very nice. i wasn't aware of it for the longest time until some friends revealed that they call me "smiley [flopson]" amongst themselves, like that was the nickname they had chosen to give me. recently experimented with being selectively less nice, via being rude to jerks and it was pretty awesome. i got into this brutal irl zing standoff on new years that ended with someone throwing a drink in my face. but it's hard to keep up, i forget about it and revert to my normal position. it's actually a weakness imo, like i had to strain not to smile warmly at this racist old man at a diner the other day telling me how oh, you study economics, you must be agree with these bigoted opinions

hm.. wait, why did he think that economists wouldn't be argumentative?

I am nice.

In the sense of friendly yet unassertive personality traits, not in the sense of chauvinistic, blame-the-victim ideological construct used by male stalkers, hopefully.

Yeah, "nice" has kinda been reappropriated of late.

i think people often try to approximate "nice" by being overly fawning rather than simply being "not a douchebag."

i think nice is wider than not-a-douchebag. nice people are not douchebags, but non-douchebags are not necessarily nice. douchebag is pretty specific.

I'm nice. I also finish last but I think the two are unrelated

i am not nice.

but certain people seem to tolerate me.

how can anybody accurately say this about themselves? seems like its dependent on the judgment of others

The fuck do others know

I said I was nice because that's what everyone else says about me fwiw

I do think my niceness plays a part in my occasionally finishing last (or at least nowhere near the front of the pack) inasmuch as I'm aware of the ways that I could get ahead if I were willing to be more of a general dickbag. I don't blame other people for finishing last when it happens, though, because it's a cross I'm willing to bear in the pursuit of being a decent person.

I am nice. My friends joke about how nice I am and how annoying it is. When we fight it's usually a "ohhh of course you would say that, you're just. so. NICE."

I am. And I have this to prove it:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8385/8511862386_24f9e3d962.jpg

i flip through a lot of dumb business-y books but none of them are close to "How to Get Ahead by Being a General Dickbag" except maybe that biography of Jobs.

Has anyone ever remarked on yr startling resemblance to hello kitty cat

Fw taylor onwards is p much all 'general dickbag' school tbr

also have u ever been the 'nice guy' who 'finishes last'

Take it to ILTMI

All the time, darraghmac - round face, beady yet wide spaced eyes, whiskers, hair bow. Check check check and check

Awes

how can anybody accurately say this about themselves? seems like its dependent on the judgment of others

― Donkamole Marvin (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, February 26, 2013 11:36 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Btw I am not nice, stay outta my way grrrrr

aside from having a haughty mien and being super bitchy i imagine most would agree that i'm a regular cupcake

IDK I grew up with this very 'you are a woman and therefore nice (and also a second class citizen)' def of nice where nice kind of meant bending over backward for everyone and saying yes to everything

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS8ZviSMSFQLFHjbw9DXef8Q9pVs3_KCIAp_OD5TmyXQqhv_0VFsg

and never making mistakes, and never having vices, and maybe never even being outré even it wasn't malicious.

So I might be a pretty decent person* but I'm certainly not nice because to choose to be this kind of nice, how I came to see the word "nice," is so limiting.
*then again, I might not be

And maybe manipulative – an idea I first encountered years ago c/o this essay about Squidward! which presents Spongebob as "The Evil Nice":

A great study in how nice people get away with murder can be found in Spongebob Squarepants. Spongebob is classic nice, insisting that everyone conform to his view of what they should be doing or how they should be acting and feeling. In the process, he deeply insults his (platonic) friend Sandy the squirrel, lands his driving instructor Mrs. Puff in jail, constantly invades Squidward's privacy, takes horrible advantage of good-natured Patrick and regularly puts bystanders and the entire town of Bikini Bottom in physical peril. In fact, he will stoop to anything to get his way. But the havoc he wreaks is excused by all. People can't help but favor someone so forcefully sweet and sensitive.

See also this excerpt from Jack Morin's Anal Pleasure and Health:

THE NICE PERSON SYNDROME
SOME OF us are strongly influenced by a destructive pattern called the Nice Person Syndrome, which distorts or totally blocks effective communication. The Nice Person Syndrome is an exaggerated role adopted during childhood as a means of getting approval and affection; in some families, it's a strategy for survival. Nice People try to be good boys and good girls at all costs. They're steeped too soon and too heavily in the values of unselfishness, cooperation, and pleasing others. They grow up inclined to defer to the wishes of others and to put their own desires in second place, or ignore them altogether.

I use the word Nice (capital N) to describe adults who still act like good boys and girls. Such people are often highly intuitive, but they use their sensitivity mostly for the purpose of discerning what's expected of them. They have a profound need to be liked and will violate, if necessary, their own integrity for even the possibility of love and affection. Ironically, they usually are accepted and well-liked, but they're not satisfied because they know they've withheld important dimensions of their true selves...

Nice People operate on the basis of one central conviction: The only way to get what I need, or to avoid trouble, is to not upset anyone. They're usually very good at getting what they want without asking for it, but there's always something missing. Spontaneity is difficult since each interpersonal exchange is, in a sense, a performance. Keeping up the image requires constant vigilance, since all "bad" qualities-such as anger, selfishness, or competitiveness-must either be squelched, denied, or re-channeled in such a way that they at least appear nice.
I've deliberately presented a somewhat exaggerated characterization. But in it you may be able to see aspects of yourself.

Like I try to be kind to my fellow man, and whatnot, and I fail a lot, and apologize sometimes, and etc, not nice though. I mean Jesus himself, the guy on that poster, he wasn't always so nice. At least not in the Chester Brown comics?

OMG I NEED THAT BOOK xp

IDK maybe growing up with that terrible extreme niceness imposed helped make me the kind of adult who at least tries to be compassionate. I guess part of the problem with the word nice is it's not very specific (which just makes me feel like Jonas's mom in The Giver: "Precision of language, please" *slashes wrists* *remembers we're not in a fictional dystopis, probably* *unslashes wrists*)

Matt P –––– YOU DO.

you're hungry, not starving

my family was selfish horrible people in nice guy central. i tried to be a nice guy but selfish horrible person caught up to me. now i don't think about 'nice' per se, i think of things to do or say that will further my master plan of not being totally isolated from everyone. strategic selfishness.

nice, aloof, secretly hate everyone. for mental health: 'the vices of the crowd are not hateful but ridiculous and one should not weep but (discreetly) laugh at them'.

i was trying to think which was the last US president who wasn't nice and it isn't until you hit Nixon/LBJ that you get these mean dudes.

honestly, that is not a quote I would expect from a book titled Anal Pleasure and Health

I want to forward it to my wife but

idk that quote was p freudian

"fuck u" -- i'm pretty good on here nad on the internet, but people who know me irl would be split on this question. although most ppl would probably say nice, i know some would say no. or at least not all of the time.

there's a jumbled answer for you

fuck u, to everyone on ilx, and everyone in life, tho

I use the word Nice (capital N) to describe adults who still act like good boys and girls. Such people are often highly intuitive, but they use their sensitivity mostly for the purpose of discerning what's expected of them. They have a profound need to be liked and will violate, if necessary, their own integrity for even the possibility of love and affection. Ironically, they usually are accepted and well-liked, but they're not satisfied because they know they've withheld important dimensions of their true selves...

Nice People operate on the basis of one central conviction: The only way to get what I need, or to avoid trouble, is to not upset anyone. They're usually very good at getting what they want without asking for it, but there's always something missing. Spontaneity is difficult since each interpersonal exchange is, in a sense, a performance. Keeping up the image requires constant vigilance, since all "bad" qualities-such as anger, selfishness, or competitiveness-must either be squelched, denied, or re-channeled in such a way that they at least appear nice.
I've deliberately presented a somewhat exaggerated characterization. But in it you may be able to see aspects of yourself.

this definitely resonates w/me.

If that is what Nice is, then I am not Nice.

It's irritating to me when people assume that having a pleasant demeanor and being subversive are incompatible. I didn't grow up being told that I had to be nice (or "nice" or Nice or subservient or w/e), but I do think that treating people in a nice way helps to achieve one's goals. It seems to be a decent way to navigate through the endless stream of assholes this planet has produced.

So yes, I am nice, but do not step on me. People's reactions to this question are even weirder than that thread asking "do you think you're sexy".

xp Me, too, to an extent but it also seems to be equating "Nice people" with sociopaths with the whole "every interpersonal exchange is a performance" with something real missing. It also begs the question of why people act that way. I mean, sure, some people are just sociopaths but speaking for myself, keeping everyone happy and squelching bad feelings was a key coping mechanism (I almost said "survival tactic" but that's a little too melodramatic; however I think for some people that would be very accurate) and something I had to very consciously unlearn when it ceased to be useful.

I also agree with LL: "It seems to be a decent way to navigate through the endless stream of assholes this planet has produced."

do you guys know anyone who has actually gotten ahead by being mean and unpleasant?

i think i know people who have gotten ahead *despite* being mean and unpleasant and plenty who are sort of stuck at a certain level bc they're dbags whom no one wants to work with.

of course there are plenty of incredible pieces of shit in positions of extreme power; i feel like at a certain point there's a particular ambition and desire for status that takes over and lots of 'nice' people simply don't have that for whatever reason.

I know plenty of people whose success is due, in no small part, to being ruthless, cynical and willing to exploit others, so yeah. It doesn't necessarily manifest as transparent unpleasantness on the surface but it's not far underneath.

would it be too tough to trick these people into revealing their true nature in a career-damaging way? of course a nice person would never do that to them.

do you guys know anyone who has actually gotten ahead by being mean and unpleasant?

~lawyer joke~

But yes, many people who have reached p. much the pinacle of success in their chosen legal career trajectory are openly mean and unpleasant.

for every scalia, there's a ruth bader niceberg i hope.

the only people i see at the upper end of large organisations are utter assholes, but they have the sense only to be utter assholes to people below them on the hierarchy

would it be too tough to trick these people into revealing their true nature in a career-damaging way? of course a nice person would never do that to them.

This rather assumes that their bosses aren't worse, tbh. The director of my unit at work is appalling but nowhere near as terrible a person as her own manager. I don't know whether it's a question of individual drive spilling over into a kind of aggressive mentality that sees everything as a competition or whether it's ingrained in the system that, after a certain point, you have to see people as dehumanised productive units who need every last drop squeezed out of them before being discarded but it's horribly common in the corporate sector.

do you guys know anyone who has actually gotten ahead by being mean and unpleasant?

I could name at least 50 people, yes.

is it awkward to meet these people outside of work and find that they're actually nice? or consummate bastards they are all?

I've had people be my Best Friend to my face and then be complete dickholes on the administrative end, I'm calling my lawyer etc. On one hand it's like "fuck you for being so NICE at dude's wedding" but on the other hand, in my experience, most successful dickholes approach life from a mama or papa grizzly perspective, not outright nihilism. If you're on the right team then yay for you. Otherwise, well, you have to respect these lawyers/secretaries/security guards/tax consultants/movie producers for protecting their interests and those of their clients, no?

The most negative not nice people I've met on a social level have been true believers and actualizers of progressive kindness who mostly feel let down by their fellow man

That Anal Health speil is pretty cool, nice writes, nice little re-plating you did of Randian philosophy you did there, very nice

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YyIneLnxuNg

I'm nice in a way that includes only the most flattering collection of qualities that are at least some times associated with any definition of niceness.

The most negative not nice people I've met on a social level have been true believers and actualizers of progressive kindness who mostly feel let down by their fellow man

― i hold the kwok and you hold the kee (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, February 27, 2013 4:32 PM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hehe otm

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

That Anal Health speil is pretty cool, nice writes, nice little re-plating you did of Randian philosophy you did there, very nice

― i hold the kwok and you hold the kee (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, February 27, 2013 9:35 PM

Haha fair enough, it's on that spectrum. Probably a false dichotomy to have
Nice Manipulative Doormat ---------------------------- Fuck You Got Mine
as the spectrum, I don't even believe that's the case, this is just a bunch of weird Mormon baggage treaclin' out, I mean yuck. It did tale a lot of...anal sex guide books? feminist '70s workplace assertiveness guidebooks I found at the public library? safe practice firmness with aggressive cell phone kiosk employees? to get a different view that I can still be ""NICe"" and also have boundaries
LL is right I could give you a right honest assessment of my looks totally comfortably ("grown up Campbell's Soup Kid") but this is really turning me into a pyschodramatic fondue pot
vague man

Anyway on the X guys finish X thing the only winning move is not to play

Most of that book is about looking at your butthole in a mirror anyway

Maybe it is an Ayn Rand thing

Atlas Winked

i've little to say about anal health (pro!) or mormonism (whatever!) but i am a big fan of abbotry/crabbitism

if it's cool for you then that's cool imo

Wasn't directing any crit of the book itself at you, Crabbits! The quote you posted, it nails that aggressive parenting = good little grownup thing perfectly. Jack Morin got my number.

I probably said to myself when I was younger "why don't people like me when I try so hard to be nice" (read: desperate avoidance of saying anything controversial or indeed anything at all in face-to-face conversations) but as I get older I realise that I am and probably always have been bitter, crotchety and prone to really inappropriate bursts of anger or at least theatrical stage whispers to anyone I'm with whenever I feel I've been wronged (which is quite often, as anyone who's clicked on the IA thread will know).

So, no.

I would still like to be nice, or at least be capable of being nice but also capable of being sassy instead, which is where I guess I differ from the "fuck u" poll option

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

victory for the SB system

"fuck u" dudes are probably all softies inside like those fiercesome dinosaurs that turn out to be vegetarians or Harlan Ellison.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KfyjhwlInDw

fuck u

Noice.

I reckon im nicer than many of the people i see going on about niceness

Oh shut up you’re definitely nice.

Whewww it is wild to re-read that Jack Morin moment seven years on. I am Nice, as he describes, for sure, and it's been largely a shitty thing to be. "Denying yourself the right to be angry is dangerous," said my therapist, once, "unresolved anger just turns into anxiety and self-hatred."

Most of the indisputably evil people I've met in my life LOVE to talk about how nice it is to be nice, Nice People Rule etc. I don't want people to be nice to me, I want people to be truthful, constructive, and communicative. I want people to be good to me, not nice to me.

thats what i said! xp

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_w02yrvWeAM

I strive for kindness, hopefully succeeding more often than not. Probably about a 50/50 split between people who read that as concomitant with Nice and those who fail to recognize how much more of a crank I'd be if I weren't striving for kindness in the face of their unrelenting bullshit.

strangely all the ilxors ive met from Minnesota are in fact nice