Cricket thread, summer 2013: England, NZ, and Clarke plus 10 random Australians

I thought it would be good to have a thread for what should be an excellent northern-hemisphere summer of cricket. NZ perhaps a sterner test for England than Australia? We shall see...

... excellent sledging of the Aussies there

thx, expecting that to come back and bite me!

In other news I am going to Lord's tomorrow, heavy winter overcoat and scarf being readied!

bit of a slog for england so far. i'll be there on sunday, hope there's more to cheer about than the last time i went to the cricket (day 4 of the oval last year)...

doesn't look like the pitch is a belter, and a slow outfield. Thinking it'll be a low-ish scoring game but will go on for at least 4 days.

I was at Lord's last year for a couple of days, saw SA get the upper hand in that Test with a silken Amla century and some great bowling from Steyn & Philander. Proper cricket!

napier going ham in thr yb40 rn

0WWWW0

picked up ponting in an earlier spell, ends 7-32

And yet Dernbach plays for England

lol. at least finn was unavailable as opposed to watching dernbach etc. picked in front of him over the last few years

napier has definitely deserved a twenty20 international or two, at the very least

so am I the guest commentator here or what

yes please! So will Guptil triple down today? Wouldn't bet against it!

4/50 after 15ov!

MITCHELL/STARC ATTACK 4EVA

#starcredwedding

FYI today is twenty years to the day of BALL OF THE CENTURY.

as featured here dear cricket, what are your greatest plays?

Not allowed to post on ILC :-(

A shame really, had the most racist Greg Ritchie vid ever lined up.

aw

nice batting dhoni/karthik

:D

o australia

David Warner should stick to Twitter

Today's not an official ODI, but Australia's lowest ODI score is 70. Come on Voges-y!

ouch

Yadav 5 for 18!

Sad that Ashraful has been done for corruption.

whelp time to find a high bridge

Narine and Roach killing them atm. Imagine we'll still contrive a way to lose, but it's nice to enjoy for now.

Great to see Shikhar Dhawan getting a century for India too.

omg gayle in flight

The eight Pakistani batsmen who weren't Misbah or Jamshed managed to rack up 18 runs between them.

Nine, even

...and Misbah had the jammiest start to an innings I've seen in a while

Dave Warner finally displaying some good hitting. Sort of.

http://www.smh.com.au/sport/cricket/warner-stood-down-over-altercation-with-england-player-20130612-2o431.html
http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2013/jun/12/cricket-australia-david-warner-incident

First of all, any bloke called "Joe Root" would be manna from heaven for Australian copywriters. Secondly, a drunken fight in a WALKABOUT!

You're going to recall Phil Jacques at this rate

or ricky, cuz there's no way Warner isnt being sent home

xxp glad to see Australians shrugging off those national stereotypes.

Word on Root was that he was using a wig as a false beard and that Warner took offence at the perceived insult to his "good mate" Hashim Amla. We're at Fredaloe levels of comedy, basically.

Dying at "a brief history of David Warner tweets": http://thewastedafternoons.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/a-brief-history-of-david-warner-tweets.html

yeah that is all time

So Warner is banned for all matches until the 1st Test. Good planning, Cricket Australia management team!

Fined $11,500 / 7000 pounds as well. He'll have to work in that Walkabout in between Tests to keep that working holiday visa going.

Can't wait to hear the crowd reaction when he walks out to bat in that 1st Test

and the reaction when he's out 10mins later

tbf he'll show you what for when he his that six, that will be like two thirds of his innings

some wonderful batting by sri lanka in this chase. hope they pull off the win.

england's substituting a tired batsmen with a good fielder, basically cheating, which has being going since it helped them win the ashes in 2005, really pisses me off.

been going on longer than that!

anyway, great stuff from kulasekara. left me feeling hollow, man

*selfbans*

Ponting retires

No Ashes swansong from him either ;_;

Good work guys!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/23026163

Seriously wtf do they think they're doing? Mother Cricket might not be the man for the job but to sack him 2 weeks before the Ashes starts is madness...

Are you kidding? We replaced a guy who is a) useless and b) South African with the awesome leadership of BOOF.

This means WE'RE BACK, BABY.

yeah Lehmann will do a good job, it's the timing that's utterly bizarre.

still you've called up Steve Smith so that means everything will be fine!

Uh, there must be some secret plan that allows Australia the luxury to send Steve Smith over to guest tweet all around England.

Shane Warne ‏@warne888 3h
Is it true that Aussie cricket coach Mick Arthur has been sacked ? Who's he's replacement followers ?
WOW !!!!!

Warney otm

Warney would be the best man for the job by such a comically long way (well, him or Ponting)

not sure Warne's the man to be e.g. running fielding drills at 9am TBH

would eat into valuable poker/instagram/plastic surgery/eating time

Classic LOLworthy performance from England yesterday

it was awful wasn't it

chokers

"great" T20 performance, blokes

Shane Warne ‏@warne888 16m
Just caught up with all the drama that has gone on in the last 24 hours with the Aust Cricket Team, bottom line is this, Boof is the man !!!

always think of boof as the one who was racist to the sri lankans

jokes mate jokes

m8

if this makes a call-up for cosgrove a possibility i'm all for it though

i mean you might as well ink in a debut for chadd sayers, first test. sayers, pattinson, harris, siddle. not bad

stoked for the madness

Ashton Agar! Agar the 'Orrible?

word is Steve Smith will get a game too!

ASHTON AGAAAAARGH!

Not going to take this news Lyon down, how dare they drop the best exponent of wearing zinc on his face since M. Hussey has left the Test arena for some punk kid from Perth?

Still, we're spared the sight of Dave Warner getting caught out for a lazy 22.

took a hat trick in the North berks league earlier this summer apparently

Yeah but a zinc-less 19-year-old left arm orthodox spinner.

brought him in to neutralise the threat of KP?

haw

Alastair Cook still looks like a guy who'd put a roofie into an unsuspecting girl's drink.

Glenn "2-1 Australia" McGrath talking up Australia's chances on TMS.

The man owns a modern art gallery, he knows what's happening out there on the edge.

I'm enjoying all the totally convincing talking up of Aus tbh

National anthems? Fire cannons? Fuck off ECB, it's only a Test match.

save the good stuff for the 20-20 matches IMO

So glad I starting steaming TMS in time to mute Mark 'Maximum!' Nicholas "at the ground".

FUCKING HELL WE COULD HAVE SELECTED JACKSON BIRD, YOU KNOW

commentator on five live 'radio' as the red arrows went past.

"LOOK AT THAT!"

Pattinson's done a Harmison. Calling it 5-0 now.

GOT HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM

Aggar coming on now...

UPROOTED

big wicket that, seemed to me like Root & Trott were looking pretty untroubled...

That was quality bowling from me mate Sid Vicious.

Oh look, now here's a South African.

1hr 47 until the "South Africa" cracks began, p good IMO

Gotta set the "tone" for ten Test matches.

my 10-0 bet is hereby rescinded.

bairstow and botham both start with the same letter, it's ordained

game on!

Jimmy! How perfect a delivery was that?

listening on radio, sounded a good one though!

Oh it was a beauty. Inswinger hit the seam held up Clarke gone. No one could have played that.

recording highlights to watch later...

It's the best delivery I've ever seen Jimmy bowl. Absolute top notch 100% perfect.

Just seen a replay of that Anderson wicket. Brilliant. The Telegraph website seems to do the best OBO coverage of this - all kinds of hawkeye etc to play with.

Peter Siddle, a true blue Australian vegetarian legend, yes but STEVEN SMITH...THE ANCHOR OF THE AUSTRALIAN MID ORDER??

looking that way innit. Straight as a die this morning.

on the other hand, not looking great for folks with Saturday tickets now

hah my brother texted me exactly the same thing!

's a good job really, cd do without having a long bowling stretch with Broad obv not really fit

lol, nine down with only three bowlers. Been trying to avoid hubris, but it does seem to have all gone a bit West Indies for Australia.

with Clarke as Lara, batting brilliantly while all around him fail

The Cricketer @TheCricketerMag
Meanwhile, in county cricket Simon Katich gets a double-hundred and Ricky Ponting is 67 not out

^lol

absolute bullshit call from the third umpire there [/pfunkboy]

Agar coming up with a Gillespie-esque performance, haters.

get him playing #3!

gillespie never timed it this fluently

agar will presumably bat at 8 for the rest of his australia career

shame this innings will be tarnished by that scandalous 3rd umpire decision

get Finn off now

WHO NEEDS DAVE WARNER NOW

really happy for Australia that they've reinvented Vettori

the series needed this partnership!

FIIIIIIIFTY!!!

PSYCHOLOGICAL BLOW!!!!!

i been trying to work something up with "jelly" for the last 15 minutes but i've got nothing

something about alex petridish

fuck it though, the guy's played beautifully

got the lead, this is the ultimate troll of england EVER

This is why cricket is brilliant and why I can't really explain it to Americans.

17 more runs for the biggest Aussie 10th-wkt partnership ever.

I do appreciate that Boof looks like he's still not happy enough with all this.

Going to put this out here: Ashton Agar is pretty handy for a No. 11 batsman.

^^^understatement of the century

McGarth with some real talk on TMS re: England's tactics against #ashtag #agar.

98*...

out! Aw poor guy. re. tactics, why didn't Cook do that 100 runs ago?

aw

Awwwwww man, what a fucking bummer

massive shame for Agar to go out so close. but even so, massive applause for the lad.

massive

Balls!!!!!!! Hope he gets that hundred one day but... cricket's a cruel game sometimes. Listen, I support England 100% but there a few funnier things in sport than watching an over-confident England cricket team crash and burn.

Now he'll just have to get a lazy 5-for.

:(

yeah awesome innings. Hughes played very well too, for someone known as a bit of a dasher.

Tino95 ‏@tinobest
Must say we as number 11 batters in Agar and myself love this English bowling attack #SweetLikeSugarCane #agar #Ashes #tinobest

that was a horrible loss of composure at the end. everyone wanted him to get there.

Odds on an innings defeat, anyone?

hah. Trott sawn off maybe?

what a joke

Probably going to be laughing at anyone who bought saturday tickets.

Classic Test imo

yeah best test already, whoever wins

Dunno bout that but I do hope there's no more DRS cockups like the 2 fuck ups yesterday. Whoever wins; I want them to win fair and square and not because incompetent 3rd umpires make a complete arse of things. I Like DRS because it should mean someone is only out if they are out, which is the way it should be, and it pisses me off India refuses to use it and yesterday has made sure they always will now.

Erasmus should be docked hit match fee.

Which way is this test gonna go? 2 quick wkts this morning and Australia to win. No wickets in the session(hah fat chance) and England must be faves unless we get Agar's Ashes.

Its not gonna be a draw though!

would like to say England have wrested the initiative, but there's something about Bell/Bairstow that inspires not the greatest confidence. it'll be fun whatever happens

I know what you mean about Bell. Him & Finn are on shaky pegs afaic. That's why I think its really even and Cook/KP being out or still there at lunch will decide things. Get them 2 quickly and England will roll over and Aussies will have a tiny score to chase. KP there for 2 hours tho could take the game away. With KP you never know what you will get. I just hope Cook plays a patient innings taking singles nothing flash and let KP do the business if he stays there long enough to settle in. Losing one or both would be a disaster. Bell cannot be trusted when things are going against them and Bairstow is inexperienced.

btw Bresnan is gonna come in for Broad next test isnt he? Its Ashley Giles all over again!

unless we get Agar's Ashes.

so going to happen

i mean the Prime Minister said its Ashton Agar Day today

If Peter Siddle QC has a good spell this morning, then I'll be more than stoked for the madness.

KP looked very determined yesterday evening and Cook looked like Cook. Agree that early wickets are key for Australia. I also think that Prior has a role to play.

Bresnan a lock to play the next Test or two, sadly, but probably for Finn unless Broad recovers (barring second-innings heroics). Onions forever bridesmaid, despite being a much better bowler. Apparently Tremlett's hitting a bit of form...

IMO Australia should just load the team with sparky allrounders and play Faulkner ahead of Cowan. Bowling options errywhere

Tremlett was in contention for this Test apparently. I like a bit of Bres myself.

Haven't looked, but have any of the Red Tops gone with "Agar The 'Orrible" as a back page today by any chance?

Its exciting because we dont know how its going to go today (unless Aus get those 2 wkts early)

Only me on twitter, Aldo

I cannot understand the mentality of wanting Tim Bresnan in your side (apart from 'control', which other bowlers bring equally well and with more venom), but hey-ho

Haven't looked, but have any of the Red Tops gone with "Agar The 'Orrible" as a back page today by any chance?

Metro did, on the front page. But they retained the H.

cunts

oh you mean the H on Horrible

"Bresnan can bat a bit like Ashley Giles"

stout yeoman blah blah good team man blah blah under-rated cricket brain blah blah good in the field blah blah etc.

But seriously he can bowl 90mph, moves it off the seam and can reverse it in dry conditions.

And not "Bresnan can bat a bit, like Ashley Giles"? (xp)

Ordered pizza, expecting a top Friday night in.

Which only mean a fairly dull English partnership with no wickets, forcing me to switch over to the Tour de France.

I had forgotten how much I hate Ashley Giles tbh. Dropping Ponting in *that* game. Cunt.

wtf how can you hate the King of Spain?

he was shit

bresnan has not bowled 90mph recently and he does not swing it much. he's basically craig white mk II, but with fewer tricks up his sleeve

a bowler should take wickets and he was ultra-negative

and the useless cunt dropped Ponting and it changed the course of that game which led to 5-0

I dont always go along with LJ's total attack method but fuck me LJ was right on him

I can understand you not rating him (I would disagree but whatevs) but dropping the c bomb hardly seems fair, particularly for dropping a catch.

White's sister, Andrea, is married to the former Australian international cricketer Darren Lehmann

well well!

I'm scottish I say it all the time you cunt :)

p much a term of affection north of the border!

Sometimes

It's hardly cricket though, is it?

Certainly wouldn't catch Australian cricketers resorting to such foul-mouthed insults

cf. one D Lehmann

There's more Scots on this thread than anyone else so who cares!

xp

Where's Ismael?

back in the balance as KP is out

Anybody got faith in Bell?

not really

well it's looking good now

cook out. game over

we'll see...

66-4 basically with Bell at the crease. so 5

since you're the most pessimistic person re. cricket I've ever met, I'm saying we're going to get a lead of at least 200 here.

Going to pretend that another Australian top order collapse can't happen, enjoying life right now.

There are more twists to come, imo

^^ yes, AGAR BOWLS A HAT-TRICK!!

You read it here first.

whoa that was close

oof

oh dear

it's fine, australia took the new ball with england completely at sea against the old one

yeah that's what Pigeon is saying on TMS

Ian Ronald Bell

defying us all

expecting you all to make public apologies

in the medium of interpretive dance

IR Bell, IRL, 4Real

Vaughany defends Belly... stoutly...

Former England captain Michael Vaughan, BBC Test Match Special

"One of the criticisms of Ian Bell is that he doesn't score runs in crucial situations. Well in this innings he's standing up to the plate."

You know im pessimist to be reverse mockers, neil. I keep telling you. btw hes only doing well as i had to go to an appointment and missed it. was hoping prior would still be there tho.
Hows the pitch playing?

not doing much. Lead now 199...

mockers going on: Anderson and Swann are going to win this for England.

blofeld just said his rap name is "mc blowjob"

see it wouldnt surprise me if pitch plays true and the aussies scored the runs at a slowish patient rate since broad isnt fully fit and finn leaks runs it wont be easy. Whats tomorrows forecast? I think if its cloudy then a lead of 250 would prob be enough albeit close. If its sunny 250 could be got with 4 or 5 down.

Fuck, why don't I have a portable radio xp

xxp Tufnell was corpsing hard

xp weather good tomorrow. I would like another 50+ obviously but think 200 to chase will be very difficult on this pitch, with our bowling and with Australia's batting.

Is the pitch getting better as the sun hits it? Seen a lot of pitches lately get better as game goes on and they dont crumble like they did

slowish with the occasional one shooting, but not disintegrating much.

Oh how i wish these 2 could bat through into tomorrow and make the most of it. I dont think the aussies will collapse like 1st innings.

Adam Mountford @tmsproducer
Just had to tell @blowersh what he inadvertently called himself on air. Apparently it was a nickname at school! Interesting day @bbctms

lol

the test that keeps on giving

oh no Bell what are you doing you shit bastard we're all doomed

haa

sorry, just got back from the shops, assumed i'd missed that

god, imagine being geoffrey boycott

can I just say, Ian Ronald Bell?

i don't know if this innings bodes so well, we've got 3 fit bowlers and they've got the greatest number 11 of all time, need to be looking at 300 plus imo

things even out? broad hit that for sure. cant believe he didnt walk. thats poor broad. Fuck off. Play the game you terrible cheat.

bell just dropped too by haddin

disgusted by broad tho. really am.

then again umpire wtf

worst umpiring ever btw , i know you want me to say it

one of the best umpires in the world too. Seriously wtf

at least it makes up for trott but i dont think KBP and boof will agree :)

where are you all? you just missed the worst bit of umpiring EVER

then a dropped catch

I know nobody walks these days and some will defend Broad but really how could he do that.

I dont suppose the Aussies walk but they wont do so now. Hope we dont get anymore of this in the series.

KBP remember when you get here Agar was stumped (it was on the line so out) and Trott wasnt out so you're still one up on dodgy decisions

let the umpire make the decisions IMO. What would Steve Waugh have done in that situation?

intresting spin on the walking q - sides make tactical use of drs hoping to get lucky so should not be given freebies

i remember watson tucking his bat under his arm quite promptly not so long ago

Cricket : Graeme Swann, The Wizard In Oz! Winter 2010/11 The Ashes!

(found by searching 'watson krampus')

yeah Clarke wasted a DRS on a speculative review, then are annoyed when they can't overturn a blatantly bad decision. Comme ci comme ca.

"then he is", "then they are", you know what I mean

yeah chappell, waugh etc wouldnt have walked but still. Its a poor show in this case but obv the villain is Dar. Who Ive always thought was the best umpire by far. I cant believe he missed it.

no problem with broad, and had a soft spot for AD ever since before a game I caught him having a crafty fag at... Trent Bridge I think it was. all hand cupped round and looking a bit shifty.

this all confirms that England are cheating cheaters that cheat to overcome their utter hopelessness and Australia are good honest blokes under the watchful eye of St. Adam Gilchrist (patron saint of walking)

no further correspondence will be entered into

lol. Easy to walk when you've made 150!

AG there are no "villains" here, just fallible human beings

Tough target already set by the time walk/no-walk became a thing.

Swanney to rip 'em thru later today and set us on the way for a 5-0 mauling.

yeah part of the Aussie's annoyance was that they new the game was already slipping away at that point IMO. The Agar non-stumping had a far bigger effect on the match, arguably.

Starc keeping a cool head here

jesus that was worse than harmison

lol nice start

rubbish Ian Bell 1 run away from another rubbish century

lol @ the hawk-eye on that delivery

sleepy slips

WARWICKSHIRE LAH LAH LAAAAH
WARWICKSHIRE LAH LAH LAAAAH

Well done Ian Bell!! Thank you sir!

just switched over to see Bell his century

right, switching back to the footy game

You do that.

Ian Bell => Ashes legend.

That delivery by Starc will be an Ashes legend

Aussies looking a bid ragged out there

*bit

Time to really stick the knife in to these worthless Aussies.

hey neil, that starc delivery, is that how you bowl? ;)

Julio is your surname 'Botham'? lol

Shame it's not a T20 game, they could have played on the PA system when Broad next faces a delivery.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4B_UYYPb-Gk

hows the footie going?

like dis

http://resources1.news.com.au/images/2012/08/25/1226458/018201-shane-warne-st-kilda.jpg

Starc better watch it or he will be getting *that* song

you wonder why siddle hasnt bowled yet

oh here he is coming on to bowl now

If Starc comes back to bowl, here's a suggestion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gQU4OsEVhc

i'd've gone with this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1d7B00rmBRE

if Broad gets a ton,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pblSU5M1d1Y

lol 'invisible touch'

Broad is certainly looking in the mood...

Broad walks!

broad walks!

lol why do the decent thing, what's up with him.

Id love to see a quick 40 of swanny fun here rather than him getting out right away. Make the aussies run around

lol why do the decent thing, what's up with him.

Shamed by AG on this thread obv.

Aus need 311 to win.

They'll be quite happy that it wasn't way worse.

yeah its gettable, esp with clarke. Its not a pitch for them to collapse on i reckon it could go close eng favs obv but you just never know in this test. agar could get another century!

yeah like the century he got before

in club cricket

I wasn't saying its "getable", just that the target wasn't worse.

They don't have the quality. If Swann bothers Eng to win easy.

lol Agar.

it's not "getable" AG what are you talking about

in the entire history of Test Match cricket there have been 9 higher successful 4th innings run chases, and of those 3 were in the range 310-320.

actually make that 8, there was another 311 chase

Yeah, England surely cannot lose this

If players get in runs can be made, partnerships can be big. Its not an impossible target. It wont be a walkover

Highest successful fourth innings run chase at Trent Bridge: 284 (England vs New Zealand, 2004).

but y'know if you prefer to be incredibly pessimistic then that's cool

Yeah, England surely cannot lose this

yeah, this. agree people can get in, but swann shd cause some chaos.

a #11 on debut never came in on 9 down and scored 98 either. Id say that was FAR more unlikely.
This pitch isnt doing anything either.

311 is a joke

come on its not like the australian top order has been known to collapse oh wait

xp so because one very unlikely thing happened, another very unlikely thing will happen?

I don't think it's impossible that Australia can do it, just unlikely in the extreme.

I never said they would did i? i said it was possible and not a gimmie

Is it just mental for Watson? Because he looks a class act then gets out. Is it because of a lifetime batting at 6 he just cant get out of that mentality?

A wasted review too

111!!!

perfect time to get that wicket. Jimmy on after tea at Clarke!

sky were talking about 111 and superstition and bang it happened.

David Shepherd will be hopping about on a cloud during tea now!

Mention of it on TMS too. I saw Shepherd in a hotel bar in Bristol about 15 years ago, I assume he would have been umpiring at the County Ground which was just up the road.

I cant actually remember the last time I saw a wicket fall on 111

https://twitter.com/tmsproducer/status/356066210883985408/photo/1

Another goes - Clarke in now.

this and the next one are the important partnerships. Clarke really is key. Unless agar does it again.

Might bat at no 8

swann and finn out of sorts

Finn is playing much better now.

2 in 2!

Agar's in. This should be fun.

yes could be interesting. He can't do it again can he?

oh ffs i go outside for 30 mins of sun after missing it all and i miss wickets

highlights on 5 worth a watch I would think

I saw the wickets as Sky just showed them. Would be a lot happier if we could get one of these 2 out tonight tho

wow tomorrow is actually sold out

For the one hour we will need - let the party begin!

The winning Brtishes summer of sport continues hooray!!

No way will it be done in an hour. It will be a nervy few hours!

afte that first innings im taking nothing for granted

so this is exciting :)

hiding behind the sofa.

Still not worried.

I am but agar gone!

What did I tell you guys? One down (Agar - whatever happened in the 1st innings - is really a desperate move by these selectors), three to go.

Agar - whatever happened in the 1st innings - is really a desperate move by these selectors

what are you on about

Agar hasn't got much of a record with the ball that I can see - not sure why he was fast-tracked really.

Hilarious that he delivered with the bat, it reflects badly on the Aussie top six.

Jimmy!

Throwing in a player based on qualitative rather than quantitative analysis has worked before and will work again. Agar's looked the part.

O now less exciting.

desperate or not bringing in Agar has worked for them.

Its not about any form of analysis. I don't think anyone has had anough of a look at him. I haven't heard a mention of a single great performance with the ball to justify the selection - and yet what they do need is a spinner, who takes wickets.

"Looking the part" => hocus pocus

Siddle smakes a couple = 91 left.

smakes => a hybrid of smashes + makes.

Agar's taken a 5-for in the Sheffield Shield, should have had at least 3 in the second innings here. Can clearly bat to Test standard

We'll see whether he can really bad to test standard over the series.

Another for Jimmy!

Good reprieve by Cook, apparently a great catch (listening to the radio)

Awesome catch, esp after dropping that one

gonna see some fireworks now as the Aussies are gonna just hit out

50 for Haddin, he's putting Finn through here.

55 to win.

3x boundaries in one over.

finn really is a waste of space

<50 to win.

is Finn as much of a waste of space as Bell do you think AG?

Finn is going through a bad patch - that 3rd seamer spot is up for grabs at the moment.

Still in a no worries mood.

31 needed

Six from Pattison.

No worries.

i think you've been maybe a little bullish here xyzzz (but we're still gonna win this)

my chest hurts.

You can't do duplicate posts - how fucked up is that?

Anyway, still not worried.

dopped catch! Apparently it was difficult tho'

Anyway, still n0t worried

England don't deserve lunch

finn drops one

yeah it wasnt easy but he got there

this is absolute bullshit from England

quite right, umpire

one more before lunch - anyone hungry?

wish i was watching this in a pub

still not w0rried.

i'm going to go and cycle up Ventoux for a break.

England more or less waved the white flag there. They dont see how a wicket is gonna come and neither do I. Aus faves to win.

it's been an amazing test match

^^^this

classic, classic series already

mirror-image 2005, anyone?

yeah I was wondering that.

will a different result mean a different series winner?

Oh and up yours to all of you who said this target wasn't getable.

that's the idea i think - tho it depends whether it's seen as a reverse of Edgbaston or a reverse of the first Test result!

of course the target wasn't getable. but it was gettable. been doing my nut about that for 2 days now

I said gettable but got corrected and dictionary.com says http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/getable?s=t&path=/

pretty sad when anyone gets picked up on spelling though to try put them down.

as long as they don't do it idgaf how it's spelled.

I always knew this would be close and it can go either way. Aus favourites but it only takes one ball. Nobody knows what is going to happen. 20/20 can go get fucked; test cricket is best.

haha me too fizzles

just so we're clear on what "favourites" means, if you want to bet on Australia for the match they're not the favourites with any of the important online bookies at the moment

Accoding to Neil above it would only be the 4th time this target was ever achieved. AG - can you read?

You know im pessimist to be reverse mockers, neil

― Algerian Goalkeeper

Oh and up yours to all of you who said this target wasn't getable.

― Algerian Goalkeeper

ur the worst

it's like watching with my Dad but with less racism

nice memories then..

I'm just chillin' at the end of another cracking ep of Columbo here, "no worries"

here we go

16 to win

Haddin takes a single - he'll be on strike.

Bell saves the single - but you'd want Pattison facing five balls against Jimmy...still its all gambling now.

Friend of mine is doing tv work and is about to go and do a slot of exactly the same programme that he was doing in 2005 when the final wicket fell at Edgbaston.

REVIEW

ooh review.

dont think its out

DRS had to come into it.

Jimmy didn't appeal

OUt!!!

OH NOES THE FAVOURITES HAVE LOST

theres a mark

its close.

massive call here.

athers think the marks there before the mark

i think theres a sound

OUT

Eng win!!

lol controversy

ban technology imo

I def hear a sound but wow dodgy

No fkn worries - what did I tell you all at the start of the day :)

10 wkts for Jimmy.

can't give that

sound and hotspot says its out but i dont think eng thought it was out when appealing but i guess it was the right decision. well played Australia. Great test match.

there was a sound but that was not a clear hot spot, could easily been on the bat before

Prior was convinced actually

but yeah he coulda heard a sound of bat hitting pad but i guess its payback for that stumping. 2 for 2? evens out?

BURN ALL TECHNOLOGY NOW

oh well it's in the books now. gg

snicko says edge!

so good decision

now perhaps football luddites will realise that technology can take a lot of controversy out of close decisions

snicko confirms, save all technology now

^OTM.

uncertainty only becomes more and more fine grained and more reliant on non-viewing notions+detail.

right, i'm off to the Ventoux. Thanks everyone - xyzzzz__, I wanted to kill you.

er, xpost to NV.

yeah NV, blatter and Platini & co can get to ****

I think I can go eat lunch now. I couldnt face it through that tension.

test cricket won today

amazing test and there's four more!

Thanks everyone - xyzzzz__, I wanted to kill you.

So did I :)

Guys you guys should know after 12/13 years im pessimistic with cricket. 40 years of England F*** ups does that to me! (and im Scottish)

wrap jimmy in cotton wool

yeah, v v reliant on him. carry some sort of injury at the end there? shades of McGrath in 2005?!

nah it was just cramp while loosening up

man of match is Jimmy Anderson

So next test - Finn, Bresnan, Onions or Tremlett?

want: onions. will be: bresnan

Won't be: Finn. That much is certain.

England dont like to change things so I'm not convinced Finn will be dropped but if he is I think it would be Tremlett.

Nah, you're right, they will probably keep Finn

in general perseverance with players has been one of the factors in England's improvement of the last few years imo

Cook didn't seem to trust him but the selectors do.

"Clarke plus 10 random Australians"

more than a tad disrespectful.

anyway, Cowan will be gone. i'd be tempted to bring Warner straight back in; he's not exactly the type of player who requires match practice.

Jackson Bird deserves a shot too, but it would be a tough decision to drop one of the bowlers, given we managed to take twenty wickets.

and they all scored runs

exactly. i have a strong feeling that those lower order runs will continue to prove handy as the series progresses.

Faulkner for Cowan imo

Faulkner would definitely give the bowling more strength. and he's probably likely to score more runs than Cowan, despite being a bowling all-rounder, so yeah why not?

Who is the most Lehman like batsman in the squad? That is who will come in.

Khawaja, prob

In think Finn will play at Lords, where he tends to do pretty well. Aus may go unchanged, perhaps? Give Cowan another chance rather than put another unproven player in at 3?

Shows what I know- Bresnan in for Finn. Cowan and Starc out for Aus (the latter seems a bit harsh), Khawaja and Harris in.

why is it always delayed in the mornings? annoying.

It's because of the Queen, so reign stopped play.

(I can't take any credit for that, read it on the BBC)

haha very good beeb

no Finn? pissy

yeah I would have picked him, as mentioned above he bowls well at Lords.

from Alternativecricket.com (excellent site)

The Queen: "So, Mr Broad, I hear you didn't walk when your time was up?"

"Yes ma'am, I'm sorry, it's just ---"

"Join the club, son."

do we know what time lunch will be, considering the delay?

just want to get the most out of my midday pub visit to watch some of this

Watto! what a bowling change.

oh dear

KP out!

YES. this is the start we needed.

fucking england

game on innit

another wicket soon-ish would be key

hmmm good pressure-easing partnership from Trott and Bell.

both looking in excellent nick <mockers on>

who and what is stevie smith
is she woman is she myth

What happened? I am confused.

Steven Smith is a national hero this morning.

he bowled beautifully. surprised they even took the new ball. rip nathan lyon

wish i had have seen his spell, but i turned the tv off a) because i was falling asleep and b) because the Bell and Bairstow partnership was seriously starting to get on my nerves (particularly after the no-ball reprieve).

disgusted to see Ian Bell letting the nation down again, hope he's executed soon

the Sherminator did truly show his mettle

not sure sledging Bell works any more, he seems to have turned in to Mark Waugh

rip nathan lyon

aw man, who is going to cover themselves in zinc cream now

England 'not waving, but drowning' last night, eh what?

mark waugh only ever scored one hundred per series. bell's not quite got his divine profligacy

shambles!

I would go so far as to say "DRS omnishambles"

come on lads, try and make a game of it

getting Khawaja in was a selectoral master stroke

Former Australia seamer Glenn McGrath, BBC Test Match Special

"The lunches here at Lord's are easily the best in the world: choice of starter and mains. I snuck in at lunch in training the other day and helped myself to the fine cuisine."

Yeah Glenn, can see why you're concentrating on the food.

Glenn "2-1 Australia" McGrath, you mean?

When asked to comment on Bell's century yesterday McGrath talked about the Austrailan bowling for 5 minutes instead. Kind of admire that, wouldn't expect anything else tbh.

i should get a doggy bag Glenn, don't think you'll be there to get fed on Sunday

Ed Smith says it's the worst hour's cricket he can remember seeing from an Australia team, hard to disagree really.

Clarke gone now

Clarke gone, wheels falling off!

this must be really depressing AG, nothing to moan or worry about ;-)

Quite a collapse. Still, we remember the last test match and the lower order has well outbatted the top order. Maybe they should switch the order about. Haddin @ 3 Agar @ 4 if Clarke(like KP) wont man up and go to 3

we shd definitely enforce the follow on

who needs Anderson?

I think after that review Clarke will want Watson out that squad.

http://static.guim.co.uk/sys-images/Sport/Pix/columnists/2009/6/7/1244335287980/The-Ashes-urn-001.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otCpCn0l4Wo

xp yeah he started the rot. Dressing room door is closed, Clarke & Boof reading the riot act I should think

Boof was stil outside. Im guessing Clarke was doing a bit of
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZ76LC_l8yk

hah yeah. Mind the windows Pup!

Or what's known to our generation as "doing a nasser"

David Cameron, Mervyn King & Keane a real shower of cunts at Lords today
http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/68842000/jpg/_68842810_davidcameron.jpg

lol

maybe don't wanna run yourself out when you're still shy of 100

i am gonna be so peeved when we don't make them follow on. i imagine there are MCC bigwigs putting the thumbscrews on Cook as i type.

I would like to see the follow-on enforced as well, but it's never going to happen.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

spineless gits

Only having to bowl an hour more then feet up for the night I woulda followed on. It would be nice to see the top 4 get some runs but it could backfire if they dont. Might not matter in this test but it could later. No way Aus wanted to bat again though, shoulda put them in

dude i feel confident in saying that nothing in this situation is gonna backfire

no i mean backfire for batsmans confidence in next test, not this test.

i guess. Cook owes us an innings, certainly.

yes. Im not being negative, honest. Just saying it would be nice if cook and root could get a century. Sets them up for the series. Our battings just been made to look good by the aussies batting.

They should declare at 50/0. Make it interesting.

Cook out for 8

Yeah, like I said. 50/1.

Trott out for a duck

Michael trying his best to help Australia here

oh no! who will save us now?

most of our batsmen have been a fucking disgrace so far tbh

And that's the job of England's top order (xp)

the idea was supposed to run australia ragged. KP inside edges but it goes safe unlike the other 2

and they dropped root earlier too (hes really struggling but hopefully he can get through it)

Like I said, 50/2.

Aussie bowlers must be so pissed off with their own batsmen

:D

england all out 100 here would be interesting

Like I said... oh forget it.

LOL Bresnan as nightwatchman, wtf?

totally lost the initiative. idgi

why did we not enforce the follow on again? Lords worried they need to give refunds?

initiative not lost, we're 260 ahead with power to add lots tomorrow, Aus totally shot.

why did we not enforce the follow on again? Lords worried they need to give refunds?

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Friday, July 19, 2013 1:31 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yes.

seriously though, why did we not enforce the follow on and have Aus 30-3?

i'm being serious!

no guarantee it wd've happened, plus pressure re: ticket returns, plus they want the wicket to deteriorate as much as poss before Swann has to bowl again, plus they never enforce the follow on any more

it's not a totally open and shut case either way, and i don't think it's cynical to think that money for english cricket might have played a part in the decision in a dead rubber like this. i mean they're 270 or whatever ahead with 7 wickets and australia are just completely fucking awful, so it's not like it matters.

from Cook's perspective, why would you? Loads of time in the game, Swann bowling 4th innings, get some of the players scoring runs who have missed out thus far (didn't happen but hey ho). I don't buy the idea there was any pressure from the MCC or anyone else on Cook.

I mean conspiracy theories are cool and everything, but come on

the bowlers are outperforming the batsmen by so much i'd rather they kept them rested

but i'm sure i've heard guys on TMS more or less admitting that maximizing ticket revenue is a real ish

I'm sure it is but I don't think it's the reason why Cook & Flower would choose not to enforce. Another reason is to give the bowlers a rest after a hot day, which is why it was particularly weird that Bresnan went in as nightwatchman.

the way everybody's batting it'll be over by tea tomorrow anyway

yeah in the grand scheme it won't make much difference either way I don't think, though it's a shame Eng aren't confident enough to ram home their advantage.

yeah, hot day, plus Cook just doesn't do it - get runs on the board and bowl last tends to be his way of doing things.

not sure how the ticket revenue consideration would come into his decision making - he wouldn't think it himself, so someone wd need to tell Flower and Cook and I'm just not sure how well that would go down. obviously I'm probably being hopelessly green.

like i can say, there are good arguments for either way. i'm not saying ticket revenue is the overriding factor, or that there is unseemly pressure, but i do think it's part of the calculation, especially in situations like this when the result is clear.

So if it isn't a bloke from the ECB tapping Cook and Flower on the shoulder then how does ticket revenue become 'part of the calculation'? Did Flower compute how much extra fkn revenue they'll make from a few more overs of batting? Maybe they should bowl really badly so that Australia have a chance of getting in sight of the target? Sounds like nonsense.

Don't care for the decision or the flurry of wkts - series has gone from potentially exciting to near dead.

Hoping for a finish tomorrow - I don't want a contest. Really really doesn't interest me.

The prevailing opinion last night was that the wicket was so likely to deteriorate that England "wouldn't want to bat fourth on it". Now the reverse of that is that if you bowl the second innings well enough then you shouldn't have to bat again, but since I'm not on an ECB contract what do I know?

It's just not the done thing these days... at Test level anyway

I bet the Aussies wouldve put us in.

but the upside is that root will have a bit more confidence now. (downside is cook./trott/kp made an arse of it)

oh well as long as we win

Len Goodman is easily the best guest they have had on TMS so far.

lol i was just thinking the same thing

Normally I am in favour of batting again but the aussies really were on the ropes and our bowlers only needed to bowl for an hour before close of play then have overnight to rest.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/23226523

^read that excellent article guys

Bresnan out

I'm hearing disconcerting talk about England upping the tempo this afternoon and putting Australia in for a tricky hour tonight. This Test is only halfway gone and with little prospect of rain/hurricane/Act of God coming to the tourists' rescue we must ask ourselves what Messrs Border and Waugh would've done in this situation. That's right, they wouldn't be declaring would they? No sir.

When did cricket become so depressingly safe?

English cricket's pretty much always been like that

if we had mcrath and warne it would be different i suppose. Wonder if KP as skipper woulda changed the mentality?

Hahaha for the first time Shane Watson doesn't call for a review and HotSpot shows the ball took a slight touch of the bat before pad. He might actually have stayed in if he'd stood his ground. OH THE IRONING.

lol khawaja takes Swann out with a clothesline.

made it worse for Aus asthe injured swann is off and Root is tearing them apart. Clarke and Khawaja out

Lets have a day off guys!

3 wkts for two runs. Awesome!

def noise there but no hotspot (yet snicko says out but isnt used as part of drs in this series) so i reckon out but hotspot failed (as did the umpire upstairs)

smith however was proven out as hotspot and snicko said so therefore glenn mcgrath can gtf

Former Australia seamer Glenn McGrath, BBC Test Match Special

"Michael Clarke didn't need to play that one down the leg-side and Steve Smith was not happy at all, he reviewed straightaway. There was nothing on Hot Spot and he walked off shaking his head. The old DRS, there hasn't been one overturned in this Test match. I'm becoming less and less of a fan of DRS."

yes there was you dick. Shove it up your cocky 5-0 arse

2-0 pattinson out LBW

Beefy gets his day fishing

Swann has 9 for the match!

2 wins in a row against Australia @ Lords too!

Revived wrong thread! For the record...

http://www.okmagazine.com.au/assets/images/article/insider/14729/kyly_boldy_michael_clarke_married_main.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzYzVMcgWhg

coincidentally I put that on the other thread I mistakenly revived :-)

no coincidence ;)

retained

I was there, maaaan (though actually I left about 3pm to catch a train)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=borbm2f6k_Y

After all the money they spent on Emirates Old Trafford (tm), you'd think they could have built a ROOF.

Watching Clarke's century live at Emirates Old Trafford (tm) was a real pleasure, as was KP's century. Plenty of "Fanatics" there too, made for some shall we say "lively" banter. Warner was getting it in the neck, though he managed not to leap into the crowd Inzamam-style, which was obviously disappointing.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-23600037

Monty Panesar: England cricketer 'urinated on bouncers'

Well that's one pretty novel way method of dealing with short pitched deliveries

SILICON-GATE

a new low for the aussie press

Englands batsmen are awful.

yes yes, we're rubbish, I know

Rise like Lyon after slumber.

Christ, and I thought Australia were bad...

the batting is so poor in not difficult conditions.

omg steve smith drop gif pls

Sam Sheringham, BBC Sport at Chester-le-Street

"Now, here's something to liven up the atmosphere. A man dressed as the Honey Monster is running up and down the steps of one of the stands chasing another man who is dressed as Kermit the Frog. The stewards soon put an end to the fun, much to the crowd's annoyance. Ten minutes later, they are back, to huge cheers..."

Anyone seen Neil around today?

hiya! Warner out...

clarke's the key

and he's gone!

game on now! would not like to predict this one way or the other tbh

I'm saying England

haha the games changed so quickly! Get haddin now and I'll agree with you

there we go!

this is nuts. I think charlie h went to bed thinking Aus were waltzing it.

lolstralia

That was like watching England in the 90s but in reverse. Charlie h wont believe his eyes when he wakes up.

For years I've been waiting to post this, this seems like the perfect moment.

Britishers! I'm a real happy for you and I'm a let you finish, but:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6AOqSj8HJl4

is that supposed to be humour?

Oh dear... Thought anyone in the UK could appreciate that - yes, humor - but I forgot about you eh.

Carry on lads.

:)

Hi Kerr :)

lolstralia

― Neil S, Monday, August 12, 2013 2:48 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

3-0 is a bit harsh on Aus cuz apart from one test theyve been in the game and ran England close. But that was one hell of a collapse.

Btw what does Ian Bell need to do to get man of the match!

Props need to go to Bresnan for getting warner and keeping that end tight and shoring up the runs. Him and Broad were immense after tea.

I bet the Aussies waking up to news of defeat wont believe it after being 109-0

Sidenote: I just finished reading two cricket-themed books by P.G. Wodehouse, Mike at Wrykyn and Mike and Psmith. I knew very little about the sport before reading them, but very much enjoyed them (especially the second book). How widely read are these by all you cricket buffs?

I like Wodehouse but have stuck largely to Jeeves & Wooster tbh.

xp AG: I think Bell will be happy enough with his Man of the Series award!

Bell's Ashes!

particularly if he gets another century in the final test (I'm there days three and four so may witness that) which is by no means beyond the realm of possibility.

Thanks for jinxing that.

even if he doesn't he'll be far and away the most prolific batsmen of the series, with the best average, which is currently 40 above his closest rival on the England team (73 to KP's 34)

Look, you won the series, there's no need to take the piss.

butthurt Englanders on the radio this morning calling for the abolition of Test cricket - i lolled

i mean i lol now, but i'm sure i'll have to listen to my old man giving it the "let's secede from the ICC" speech in full Alf Garnett mode at some point this week

hadn't posted this yet

http://i26.tinypic.com/2ajucf4.jpg

my heart's not really in it, though, because I kinda loathe this England team, KP and Anderson aside

might support Australia for the home series

god I miss the days of Caddick and Gough, Atherton and Hussain and Trescothick - days when you could actually root for the blokes out there

now turn'd faceless automatons laser-engineered against risk, experimentation, eccentricity, admission of weakness or basic sportsmanship

gonna watch the video of yuvraj singh hitting stuart broad for six sixes and laugh and laugh and laugh

when KP is the likeable one, you really gotta work on your PR

real talk

Joe Root is kind of adorable tbf

Admittedly, there's a lot to dislike about Australia (Watto, Warner) but there's also honest toilers and cult heroes (Siddle, Lyon, DEVEREUX!!) to balance it out.

KP is so the most unlikeable person. And how is Trecothick one of the blokes? depression is very unblokey.

Obv I don't care as long as they do the job. So the most likeable is Ian Bell, by some distance.

Really this should've been 4-0, what a clueless decision by Clarke that was. Wonder if his job would've been on the line this morning if the light held up.

what decision by Clarke?

I didn't like those players because they were 'blokey' but because they were clearly playing in a good spirit and not getting ahead of themselves. Broad, to harp on a theme, is a good international bowler who does well against limited batsmen and puffs around like he's the bloody Roman Emperor. I think KP is actually quite a quirky and affable figure who shows the opposition far more respect than some of his teammates

lol that last sentence works both ways

As for Eng's supposed conservatism I don't see the problem. Eng are actually really attacking when they want to be.

Above all they have a core of ppl with a ton of experience who know when to do both. Its such a cliche to say how robotic and efficient they are. In the main this Eng side are good but not amazing. They have to make the best of what they have, and they seem to be doing that. Which, from an England side in any sport, is what we should be amazed about. They are competent!

xxxp = Clarke's declaration?

As for KP that's bollocks. KP " shows the opposition far more respect" is waffle based on nothing I'm afraid.

I'm judging England, as you all should, on their recent performances against South Africa, the only team in world cricket with 4 or 5 classic cricketers

My opinion on KP is personal and derived purely from subjective observation

I think KP's character is very similar to Geoff Boycott's, so I guess if you loathe one you'll loathe the other. Boycott's obviously fucked up a little more (thus far)

Then what's the point of posting on this thread at all if the perfs against a piss-weak Aussie side don't change your judgement either way? yes SA are the best at the moment, no one is going to contest that.

Can you not share your views on KP then? I mean I'll just keep taking the piss. In an objective way, of course.

you're all determinism, j

tbh I'm radge at England for not giving Kerrigan a bowl in the second innings and basically handing the cheap wickets to Billy Big Bollocks instead

this is my favourite stuart broad moment btw, better even than the six sixes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twJ7RvYF8WA

was there 'n all

anyway less than three months until England are placed in the tropical colosseum that is the GABBA and are put to the sword by Ryan Harris

get excited