OK now he was LOLZ, tried to EXCELSIOR you, but you're an animal, baby it's in your ROFL

The misquoted wutang skit got real fat after 9 months and had a baby.

sorry if this was posted already, but I think I'm changing my mind about this guy. He might really be a genius.
he might well be the andy kaufman of our time.

"I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means,
I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Internet, downtown, fashion, culture. Period. By a long jump.
I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay-Z was allowed to become Jay-Z."

- Kanye West

― nicky lo-fi, Thursday, June 13, 2013 2:11 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I wish Kanye would invent some cool new Apple devices

― Moodles, Thursday, June 13, 2013 3:30 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

initial research indicates limited market for phone that interrupts all your calls with a message from Kanye

― Bathory Tub Blues (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, June 13, 2013 3:32 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

sorry if this was posted already, but I think I'm changing my mind about this guy. He might really be a genius.
he might well be the andy kaufman of our time.

at first I thought this was not part of the quoted text + DJP was saying this about Shakey Mo

lol @ shakey

This Shakey guy might be okay. I'm gonna give him another eight, ten years on ILX before I make up my mind.

shakey mo kaufman

Shecky Mo Collier

Re: Gravity:

--

so what is this movie about anyway? is it as minimalist as ned's description makes it sound?

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Sunday, June 16, 2013 10:28 AM (3 minutes ago)

i think so! isnt it in real time?

― we're up all night to get (s1ocki), Sunday, June 16, 2013 10:28 AM (3 minutes ago)

its basically apollo 13 in space.

― we're up all night to get (s1ocki), Sunday, June 16, 2013 10:28 AM (3 minutes ago)

bwahaha

what's the thread title a reference to?

ohhhh k nvm just got it

Being old and sometimes even ancient, I never get the references in EXCELSIOR thread titles, except the one to the H.W. Longfellow poem, of course.

on nu jay-z thread:

How about that Rick Rubin sleeping on a couch (I mean concentrating) in that Samsung ad.

― curmudgeon, Monday, June 17, 2013 10:45 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you lazy for this one Rick

― Number None, Monday, June 17, 2013 10:50 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

feel like someone else did that one earlier

Rubin produced the third Slipknot album, and their singer, Corey Taylor, said this about that in 2011:

"There are some people who would love for me to toe the party line, which is basically, 'Working with Rick Rubin was a very enriching experience.' Let me give you the fucking truth of it: Rick Rubin showed up for 45 minutes a week. Rick Rubin would then, during that 45 minutes, lay on a couch and have a mic brought in next to his face so he wouldn't have to move...The Rick Rubin of today is a thin, thin, thin shadow of the Rick Rubin that he was. He is overrated, he is overpaid, and I will never work with him again as long as I fucking live."

― 誤訳侮辱, Sunday, January 13, 2013 3:41 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you lazy for this one rick

― tylerw, Sunday, January 13, 2013 3:51 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you lazy for this, none

lol

i would never venture into a Black Sabbath thread

waterface you can eat my butt 24 hours a day at hoosteen.net

― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, June 17, 2013 4:42 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

hee hee

munch munch

big waterface the buttmuncher

I love seeing bands live. I hate dealing with the other people that are there that aren't in the band.

If I was in a band, I would hate my audience very passionately and I would want to punish them at every opportunity.

― Austin, Monday, June 17, 2013 8:16 PM (33 minutes ago)

you should join the smashing pumpkins!

― scott seward, Monday, June 17, 2013 8:44 PM (6 minutes ago)

hahahaha

zing

went the strings of my heart, obviously

i'd eat strawberry cake in a bush after like three puffs off a joint. shit, I'll do it right now sober, I'm 10 blocks from central park, who's bringing the cake.

― i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Wednesday, June 19, 2013 8:52 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://i.imgur.com/XFWqT.png
― i wanna be a gabbneb baby (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, June 19, 2013 4:14 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

8=D
― am0n, Wednesday, June 19, 2013 4:17 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Zone - Friend
― am0n, Wednesday, June 19, 2013 4:18 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Shakey Mo, is that metadata in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

― copter (waterface), Wednesday, June 19, 2013 9:19 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's meter data you clown

― temporarily embarassed millionaire (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, June 19, 2013 9:19 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

LOL

:D

Shakey - what kind of meter was it?

Individual buildings lead to mighty erections.

meat, er..

Meter? I married 'er, guv!

11 favorite albums by women/bands with prominet women musicians (i.e. Blondie, Yaz, Jefferson Airplane)

maura OTM

oh yeah, totally. the thread after the OP agrees with her. classic zing pileon

Oh the lolz

I think the zing pileon was hilariously executed, but not hilarious or tiresome that someone wanted to talk about women in music. But then it was totally hilarious that a brand new poster wanted to strip-mine ilxor for their blog or whatever. I'm conflicted on this one.

you've got to make your ilx bones before you start strip-mining

I for one have been soul-searching to try and ascertain the true motive behind my casual zing

Your 20 favorite feamle musicians/bands of the previous century: The Book

I hope 10songsblog keeps posting though and that this is just their way of saying "i'm one crazy customer ".

my favorite thing about that thread is how three examples are given in the title that don't appear in the OP's list

i.e. none of these artists

for 10songsblog, the only way is up

DJP slipping in and out like a ninja with Pokemon jokes in both threads.

Psyduck could kick Thom Yorke's ass though. Come on.

10*dongs*blog if u ask me

ienjoy10blogs

it made me wonder - what would be at the top of the democratic party's fantasy nuclear option wishlist?

― Z S, Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Copy and paste Alexander's wishlist.

― A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:13 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

mandatory gay marriage, 90% tax rate, teach the controversy regarding the flat earth theory

― Mordy , Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:25 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

drive-through abortions

(one of Bill Maher's good jokes)

― ballin' from Maine to Mexico (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"I am spaghetti, I contain meatballs."

― copter (waterface), Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

whoosp wrong thread

― copter (waterface), Wednesday, June 19, 2013 7:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that gave me the best lol in months

Kung Fu Hustle is a delirious slapstick comedy, if you like such things

― ballin' from Maine to Mexico (Dr Morbius), Thursday, June 20, 2013 5:20 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Probably more so than I would a non-slapstick comedy by the same name.

― The Butthurt Locker (cryptosicko), Thursday, June 20, 2013 5:21 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

local t.v. news guy came in and said he wanted to do a story in my store about turntables and vinyl. i told him to go away.

― scott seward, Thursday, June 20, 2013 9:01 AM (5 hours ago)

Did you explain to him why at all?

― Evan, Thursday, June 20, 2013 9:04 AM (5 hours ago)

not really. i did say that i wasn't ready. but that was just off the top of my head. but not far from the truth. i'm tired and i look like crap and my store - in my eyes anyway - looks terrible. probably looks fine to other people. he really didn't want to leave. he kept saying i'd be doing him a big favor. what i wanted to say and didn't say was that he would have done me a big favor by calling a day or two beforehand and letting me get ready and then maybe i would have. but i'm just cranky really. and i hate t.v. news.

― scott seward, Thursday, June 20, 2013 9:09 AM (5 hours ago)

plus he was just a doofus with one of those haircuts. i wanted him out.

― scott seward, Thursday, June 20, 2013 9:10 AM (5 hours ago)

"One local proprietor refused to speak with us, and angrily told us to leave his store."

― Tarfumes The Escape Goat, Thursday, June 20, 2013 9:11 AM (5 hours ago)

yes!

When James Cagney was a stylized lovable gangster, you didn't see the brains and viscera. That's easier to take, I think.

― ballin' from Maine to Mexico (Dr Morbius), Thursday, June 20, 2013 5:12 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

you could argue that seeing how horrible violence is is a bit more responsible

― we're up all night to get (s1ocki), Thursday, June 20, 2013 9:14 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm surprised you don't think a murderer can be loveable. I mean, lots of people love Obama

― polyphonic, Thursday, June 20, 2013 9:15 PM (26 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'd like to do "Various Methods of Escape."

― crüt, Friday, June 21, 2013 3:45 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

Can the chorus be a rhyming list, like 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover?

― I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, June 21, 2013 11:51 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Jump in the sewer, Brewer

― Ned Raggett, Friday, June 21, 2013 11:51 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Blow a hole though the wall, Paul

― I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, June 21, 2013 11:57 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hee

From the Macklemore - Same Love thread:

can i get a what what to these bitches from all of my uncles who don't love hoes, because they're homos

― some dude, Sunday, June 23, 2013 8:49 AM Bookmark

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq7gkQ7UkzI

pretty good, but the 6'30 mark puts it over the top

(only found it cos i decided The Black Astronauts wd be a good fictional 60s band name)

xp

(sorry that shd read 6'10 mark)

always wondered what happened to rocket 00001

This is Geir's 18th favourite album of the year. He rates it behind Beady Eye, Ocean Colour Scene and Spock's Beard(?) amongst others. He does rate it higher than The Knife, Vampire Weekend and Phoenix though. Not sure what this all means but I don't think he loves it. It probably sounds like I'm making this all up but let's just say discovering he is on Rate Your Music has brought me a lot of joy.

― Kitchen Person, Tuesday, 25 June 2013 02:44 (13 hours ago)

from "explaining sex to your kids":

i have this wildly stereotypical idea of continental europeans as totally at ease with this stuff, trading intergenerational barbs around the dinner table, daughters laughing raucously at something their aunt just said

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 7:11 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

after they've all had a bottle of wine w dinner, presumably

― the Spanish Porky's (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 7:15 PM (56 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

and a good multigenerational shag

― well-composed selfie (Matt P), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 7:26 PM (46 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Hahaha

like for instance they have more geopolitical chatter than we do here, also more ppl from countries that aren't the US/UK/Canada. also they have an active forum just to discuss netrunner lcg. also other stuff that interests me that i want to discuss but ilx posting base is too small.

― Mordy , Tuesday, June 25, 2013 8:43 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, like--lol example but--there aren't a lot of places i can go to argue about bakunin

― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 9:07 PM (57 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

is that one of those weird Japanese fetish things they talk about on Reddit?

― Spectrum, Tuesday, June 25, 2013 9:09 PM (55 minutes ago) Bookmark

lol

left out the best part

true, i don't like long excelsiors

but hol up

i used to dislike reddit but then it turned out they have a large enough posting population that they have active forums for all kinds of things we can't really support on ilx. it makes a nice supplementary forum for really niche interests.

― Mordy , Tuesday, June 25, 2013 7:56 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is an odd way to say this

― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 8:29 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh wait ok i understand you now

― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 8:42 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i misunderstood 'things we can't really support on ilx' as a reference to like all the gross sexist/racist/etc subreddits

― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 8:42 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

like for instance they have more geopolitical chatter than we do here, also more ppl from countries that aren't the US/UK/Canada. also they have an active forum just to discuss netrunner lcg. also other stuff that interests me that i want to discuss but ilx posting base is too small.

― Mordy , Tuesday, June 25, 2013 8:43 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, like--lol example but--there aren't a lot of places i can go to argue about bakunin

― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 9:07 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

is that one of those weird Japanese fetish things they talk about on Reddit?

― Spectrum, Tuesday, June 25, 2013 9:09 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fuuuuuuuu

― steening in your HOOSless carriage (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 9:13 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

lol at hoos' misreading

reddit = creepy sex stuff. I totally get it.

HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

New England Patriots ‏@Patriots 1m
The New England #Patriots have released Aaron Hernandez.

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, June 26, 2013 10:22 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

piiiiiiiiiiiiss

― Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, June 26, 2013 10:23 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it turns out he had diabetes

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, June 26, 2013 10:24 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

if there is anyone itt that has never baked a cake that they wish they could take back

― iatee, Thursday, June 27, 2013 8:55 PM (36 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

please pick up a stone and literally kill me

― iatee, Thursday, June 27, 2013 8:55 PM (36 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the cool thing about avoiding most advertising is that I don't have songs ruined for me by being in excessive ads /smug

― The Reverend, Thursday, 27 June 2013 21:30 (54 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah I never watch/hear commercials.

― LeRooLeRoo, Thursday, 27 June 2013 22:20 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

never knowingly watched an advert

― kenjataimu (cozen), Thursday, 27 June 2013 22:24 (37 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

cozen ✓

combo of geek stuff + darraghmac's usual genius + trolling Tuomas = Magnifico!

It would have been better if elrond had taken the ring and taken the fight to sauron and finished the whole affair without any fuss

It would have been better if frodo wore the ring all the time and was invisible then they wouldnt have needed an actor lol

It would have been better if gandalf swapped rings at the start but forgot and when gollum fell and nothing happened he could have usual suspected a flashback and dropped his cup and been all like noooooooo cos the ring was in his pocket all along

― dj hollingsworth vs dj perry (darraghmac), Friday, June 28, 2013 5:11 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

How do any of those endings fit the themes of the book?

― Tuomas, Friday, June 28, 2013 6:09 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

they are more satisfying than the themes of the book, which i will also improve

― dj hollingsworth vs dj perry (darraghmac), Friday, June 28, 2013 6:15 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

and cmon that gandalf soze moment would be hardcore daaaaaaammmn

― dj hollingsworth vs dj perry (darraghmac), Friday, June 28, 2013 6:19 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The point of the discussion wasn't "I can rewrite Lord of the Rings", it was that (in my opinion) the solution to the ring conflict is a bit weak, within the book's own set of themes and its narrative... I was only trying to point out that there are stronger potential endings that would not contradict or feel out of sync with the rest of the book.

― Tuomas, Friday, June 28, 2013 6:27 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It would have been better if Frodo had strapped into a cargo-loader and battled with a giant alien queen gollum over the edge of the precipice. And then nuked the whole site from orbit, it's the only way to be sure.

― nagl dude dude dude (ledge), Friday, June 28, 2013 6:31 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

we're not trolling it's just that the lord of the rings needs to be made better in many ways, ways which we must tell you about

Is there a way we can give the eagles machine guns?

such a lovely ring
such a lovely ring
such a lovely ak

http://www.conancompletist.com/darkofthesun/img/affiches/Where_Eagles_Dare.jpg

its like here are the ways u build a team:
-draft and scout really well, tank one or two years and get cornerstones, develop low draft picks and sign bargain FA's as role players (OKC, Spurs)
-sign no one for a while and accumulate cap space and sign multiple marquee FA's (heat, rockets, hawks, orlando ca. 2000)
-accumulate assets and trade for superteam (lakers, celtics)
-FUCK EVERYONE GET ME HALF THE CELTICS HERE IS A MILLION DRAFT PICKS WHERE IS MY VODKA *many cyrillic characters* (nets)

― battle hyrr of the shepublic (m bison), Friday, June 28, 2013 12:30 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

construct a box that is covered on the inside with mirrors, and a few small holes to let sunlight in. the box would be 4x4x7 ft, and it would be called "the freakout room"

― Z S, Monday, July 1, 2013 3:51 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

people taller than 7 feet or wider than 4 feet would not be allowed into the freakout room

― Z S, Monday, July 1, 2013 3:52 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

congratulations, you are an installation artist!

― Doctor Casino, Monday, July 1, 2013 4:02 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a friend of mine actually did this

― BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, July 1, 2013 4:41 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

did you get to experience the freakout firsthand?

― Z S, Monday, July 1, 2013 4:55 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it was ultimately sort of cheap looking on the inside but a fun idea

― BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, July 2, 2013 1:58 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it sounds a lot like a dressing room at TJ Maxx

― i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, July 2, 2013 2:30 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Minus the cameras.

woah, just heard this. my review of this is going to be live on pitchfork thursday morning.

― dylannn, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 3:55 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

can't really say much but "BBC" is going to change the sound of rap music for the next ten years.

― dylannn, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 3:57 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nope. this track is basically swizz/timbo/kanye coming together to produce the most out-there classic beat of all time. greatest producers of all time and the two greatest rappers of all time. this makes all the somber black and white rick rubin couch swizz blank expression ads before yo gotti youtubes over the last week worth it.

― dylannn, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 9:16 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"tom ford" despite the goofy title is a pretty amazing conceptual track that's built around samples from a single man, sort of reminds me of jay on "this can't be life" in its hard realism but describing a very different lifestyle.

― dylannn, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 9:21 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

mark richardson is going to hate me for this.

― dylannn, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 9:29 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The Magna Carta was the first piece of legislation in the history of the world to limit the powers of monarchy, a document forced on the King of England by a breakaway crew of feudal lords. After ducking and dodging the slings and arrows of the rap game for two decades, is the King of Rap finally signaling that he has voluntarily agreed to limitations on his lyrical prowess and majestic musical power, an end to his autocratic yet graceful rule over the Land of Hip-hop? With this, his twelfth album, King Carter appears finally ready to hang up the mic and retire to his Windsor Castle in the hills of Marcy with the still-vital Queen B and a steamer trunk of Tom Ford suits. Jay is leaving the game in the hands of his handpicked retainers, the Warders of His Majesty’s Rap Palace, a team that includes iPhone Generation luminaries such as Wale, Mark Ronson and, the most potent of all, J. Cole, the Lancelot to Jay's Arthur-- but Jigga What Jigga Who, perhaps out of a sense of noble obligation, wants a final chance to address the Roc Nation.

After a slightly treacly introductory ode to his recently-born daughter, the album opens with a trenchant meditation on fame and the stark realities of crashing through the glass ceiling. Quoting longtime friend Michael Stipe, Jay intones as if reciting a prayer, "That's me in the corner / That's me in the spotlight / Losing my religion"-- true, Jay has gone from the corner to the spotlight but the question still lingers, what is the "religion" that he's "losing"? Jay might spit heretical rhymes over this Kanye-helmed banger, which recalls Yeezy's anthemic "Jesus Walks," but he seems genuinely pained by the questions that pain all of us when he asks, "Getting ghost in the Ghost / Can you see me? / Can you see me?" Does the fame and the tinted glass of his luxury cars put him in the spotlight or render him invisible?

Switching gears in the Phantom on the the tour de force "BBC," a stunning 10-minute Bohemian Rapsody that sees reigning heavyweight beatmeisters Swizz Beats, Timberland and Kanye West teaming up to create a genre-defying coral reef of prickly free jazz clarinets and refreshing sea water synths, Jay sums up another of the album's themes with a lyrical performance worthy of F. Scott Fitzgerald: "Used to have tools like Black and Decker / Now I fly Airbus double decker." The question is, how does a man make the journey from Marcy playgrounds to the 8th arrondissement, while still remaining true to his personal vision? But once again, the questions seem to hang in the air, unanswered.

― dylannn, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 9:36 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol that guy likes a song

that isn't the LOL

idgi

is it like a parody of pitchfork or something?

http://thebubble.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/clap.gif

.............

Thats just an ilm post afaict

people, it's 2013.

dylannn's been on fire as of late

people, it's 2013.

― my eventual wife (stevie), Wednesday, July 3, 2013 11:32 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

truth bomb. j checked calendar and seems legit

wait what

I Don't Get Anything

you lazy for this one, casino

I Don't Get Anything

― Doctor Casino, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 12:53 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

new board

o good lord one of the new jay-z songs really is titled 'tom ford'. lol post by dylann obv.

http://www.transportxtra.com/files/9167-m.jpg

Alan Wood and Alan Clark were behind Marston success in the Enforcement category at the British Parking Awards

Deniz Huseyin

Marston Group’s award-winning pair Alan Clark and Alan Wood have both left the civil enforcement agent. Group business development director Clark has retired while business development manager Wood is joining Whyte & Co in the new post of director of development.

― hey, corsano's no pussy, dude (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Saturday, 23 February 2013 23:06 (4 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you're going to fucking park. you're going to park here, in this bay, with the dotted fucking line around it. don't even try to drive off. you're parking.

― c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le beurre (imago), Saturday, 23 February 2013 23:08 (4 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the screenwriter, thunder levin, also has credits on mutant vampire zombies from the 'hood! and stripped to kill II: live girls.

― Herbert Ruggles Tarlek Jr. (get bent), Saturday, July 6, 2013 10:14 PM Bookmark Flag Post

shit i might have to get cable now

― mookieproof, Saturday, July 6, 2013 10:16 PM Bookmark Flag Post

me too, cable, a tie, fuckin anything with which i could form a noose really

― dj hollingsworth vs dj perry (darraghmac), Saturday, July 6, 2013 10:58 PM Bookmark Flag Post

hahaha

well done

solid joeksmanship

in the part where t.i. goes "she aint bad as you" i thought he was saying shane battier. anyway thats my newest post about Blurred Lines by Robin Thicke, T.I. and Pharrell Williams. catch u guys on the flipside

― i wanna be a gabbneb baby (Hungry4Ass), Sunday, July 7, 2013 1:01 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the most promising young american author is TAO LIN

I don't know who Kid Cudi is, but he sounds too cuddly for me.

― how's life, Tuesday, July 9, 2013 11:56 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

man, respect H2, but that wasn't EXCELSIOR funny.

yeah I guess. It made me lol and I wanted to recognize it. Maybe it was just the moment.

so sportscenter is on right now and they just did a piece on the hernandez arrest timeline. i was desperately searching for the flipper in the couch cushions when one of these fools noted hernandez had private eyes watching him. like an innate reflex i start singing the hall and oates song, realizing for the every first time that the song isn't about a person whose eyes are private but an actual private eye LLC watching you. it was an epiphany. like an angel came down from the heavens and decreed to my nine year old self that a child would be born in 8 years. In two score years after his birth this child will be a professional football player. In two score and three years this child will be accused of murder. Only then will you know the true meaning of hall and oates' 'private eyes'.

― educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Tuesday, July 9, 2013 12:29 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

LOL

lol amazing

cough 77 cough

the cough of death

private boards

lol

i'm pretty sure that song is not actually about private investigators fwiw sorry to be a buzzkill

Side A - Private Eyes
Side B - No Really, I Have Hired Men Following You

Yeah, right. Next thing you're going to tell me is that there really was a Bette Davis.

a ragtag team of private eyes bound together by their loyalty to hall and oates

there was a Bette Davis but she didn't have eyes, so it's actually a very cruel song

but they're eyes without a face

Bette Davis' Eyes were actually stolen. Kim Carnes wrote the song to expose the alleged eye thief, subsequently hired Hall & Oates Private Eyes to investigate.

There's a scene out of The Good Ol Summertime where Judy Garland's sitting in a restaurant alone, and the mustached man at the next table drops his monocle in disgust.

― pplains, Wednesday, July 10, 2013 2:38 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Watched that movie on acid nearly 20 years ago. Think about it every day.

― pplains, Wednesday, July 10, 2013 2:39 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

THE GREATEST

https://www.facebook.com/cocksonlocalpapers

Suggest Drawing cocks on the local paper to Your Friends

NO!

New button pls stet

my rule for summer jams is that it has to be able to convincingly soundtrack a montage of all four golden girls acting saucy; by this metric blurred lines knocks it out of the park

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, July 10, 2013 9:06 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol yessss

With edits:

--

Oh well DONE there.

http://popdust.com/2013/07/10/justin-timberlake-take-back-the-night-20-20-experience/

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, July 10, 2013 10:12 AM (5 hours ago)

"take back the night" really justin????????

― lex pretend, Wednesday, July 10, 2013 10:23 AM (4 hours ago)

Lex otm, cannot believe that title

― what rhymes with Gukbe? (some dude), Wednesday, July 10, 2013 2:45 PM (36 minutes ago)

The video, in which Timberlake coos and begs rape victims to "stand up" and "take back the night" as they walk to his dressing room, is described by Timberlake as "pushing the envelope." [1] "You don't see too many guys doing what I'm doing," Timberlake said in an interview with MTV News, "I'm empowering women to be who they want to be." [2]

― first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, July 10, 2013 2:56 PM (25 minutes ago)

But as far as whether this piece of music moves me emotionally, I never look down on anybody else’s opinion. If a 14 year old girl comes to me and can make the case about some Britney Spears song moving her to tears, or making her life better, filling her with joy, if she honestly feels that emotion, then God bless her! I mean, that’s what all of us are trying to find in life, those reasons for living, those pieces of art that make our life better, that connect with us. I think that’s wonderful, as long as she can make the case. But if she’s just buying that Britney Spears record because it’s the hip new sound that’s been sold to her, along with her Abercrombie & Fitch clothing and her Sony PlayStation and her Starbucks, then that’s a horrible con, and it’s as bad as being raped. I just think that’s horrible. So I wrote "Take Back the Night" for them. And if they don't like it, fuck them and their poor taste.[3]

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, July 10, 2013 3:17 PM (5 minutes ago)

Writing the Jezebel article in my head right now.

― Tim F, Wednesday, July 10, 2013 3:21 PM (1 minute ago)

i was trying to push past my kneejerk distaste for this dude and the whole gross relentless self-promotion thing that you young people do that i find so displeasing and gross so i bought this book and i sat down to read it and are you fucking kidding me

― adam, Tuesday, July 2, 2013 2:44 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

gross

― adam, Tuesday, July 2, 2013 2:44 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wait it's bad?

― Guayaquil (eephus!), Tuesday, July 2, 2013 2:46 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so bad

― adam, Tuesday, July 2, 2013 2:55 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

but it's a trap, right, if you bitch about dude's shitty precious repetitive prose b/c it's ironic or whatever. bret easton ellis blurb v telling. i would have just walked away until i saw that the ny times, arbiter of good taste for all america, jump on board. people need to know the truth

― adam, Tuesday, July 2, 2013 2:58 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ugh

― Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the (Treeship), Tuesday, July 2, 2013 2:59 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

suck it young person

― adam, Tuesday, July 2, 2013 3:01 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

1 Month Passes...

― Gregory Bateson is always appropriate (sarahell), Thursday, July 11, 2013 5:06 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shit's getting boring

― markers, Thursday, July 11, 2013 5:07 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

by shit i mean EXISTENCE AROUND HERE

― markers, Thursday, July 11, 2013 5:07 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

if it weren't this thread would be bumped constantly

― markers, Thursday, July 11, 2013 5:07 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

markers do you shave your pubes

― waterface, Thursday, July 11, 2013 5:08 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

really?

well it took about three months, but treeship otm.

waterpalava

i've been wrong about everything so far pplains?

think he's saying you've been around the money and close to the money but never outright "on" the money

see ya again at halloween

how's life

i've been wrong about everything so far pplains?

― Treeship, Thursday, July 11, 2013 10:26 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://fmobserver.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Freaking-Out.gif

lol

i thought i wasn't controversial anymore. that image is inherently funny though.

treeship and waterface are not human beings, they are incarnations of ilx's naïve 77-era innocence and ilx's general assholeness

don't worry, you're slowly becoming controversial again xp

sweet

eventually they will battle to the death or have a baby or something

By general assholeness you mean comedy genius, yes?

i don't understand the naive thing. i think people are mistaking being polite and not having a mean spirited sense of humor for having a wide eyed faith in the goodness of others.

if we all stop being jerks to each other, but also stop being too nice to each other, they will both just fade away

i don't understand the asshole thing. i think people are mistaking being hilarious and a comedy genius for being dickish.

from now on i am going to make sure to fit the phrase "fuck you" into at least 1/3 of my posts. instead of saying something like "i don't agree with you about that album being bad" i will say something like "fuck you. i hate people who think differently from me."

re-branding effort.

that only makes waterface more powerful

i don't think treeface is naive, tho maybe a little too "nice" and a bit unctuous. waterface is a comedy genius.

actually scratch that. "forced."

from now on i am going to make sure to fit the phrase "fuck you" into at least 1/3 of my posts. instead of saying something like "i don't agree with you about that album being bad" i will say something like "fuck you. i hate people who think differently from me."

― Treeship, Thursday, July 11, 2013 10:40 PM (35 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://serpentorslair.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/palpatine.jpg

fuck all of you

feels weird not putting that in quotes

stop posting

waterface and Treeship, more like wasteofspace and Tweeshit

good one!

owned

from now on i am going to make sure to fit the phrase "fuck you" into at least 1/3 of my posts. instead of saying something like "i don't agree with you about that album being bad" i will say something like "fuck you. i hate people who think differently from me."

― Treeship, Thursday, July 11, 2013 9:40 PM (6 minutes ago)

been doing this for years and i have seen no appreciable change.

treeship, jjjusten was once like you....innocent, naïve, pure, virginal...look at him now, a bitter old man

is the f bomb really worth it

Luke: Soon I'll be dead, and you with me.
The Emperor: (laughing) Perhaps you refer to the emminent attack of your rebel fleet? Yes, I assure you, we are quite safe from your friends here.
Luke: fuck all of you
The Emperor: Your faith in your friends is yours.
Luke: feels weird not putting that in quotes.

http://sixpacktech.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/A-swing-and-a-miss..jpg

lol

from now on i am going to make sure to fit the phrase "fuck you" into at least 1/3 of my posts. instead of saying something like "i don't agree with you about that album being bad" i will say something like "fuck you. i hate people who think differently from me."

― Treeship, Thursday, July 11, 2013 9:40 PM (6 minutes ago)

C/D Ending all posts with "You pieces of shit"

thkng u

thanking u pieces of shit

You didn't like my Starwwars fucking joke? Fuckin fuck you you pieces of shit Neaderthals

I thought curse words were illegal or anyway frowned upon here at ILM. How many posts I've unfucked and unshitted, but all for nothing? Isn't there an etiquette of replacing a letter of a swear word with the letter X, or am I totally crazy?
Also, who else thinks the following *should* be illegal or strongly censured here: adding "uh" to the end of every word of your post as though you were transcribing Mark Smith lyrics. Does anyone actually find this the least bit funny or interesting?

― Paula G., Tuesday, January 21, 2003 4:15 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

She's an ugly girl, does it make you want to kill her?
She's an ugly girl, do you want to kick in her face?
She's an ugly girl, she doesn't pose a threat.
She's an ugly girl, does she make you feel safe?
Ugly girl, ugly girl, do you hate her
'Cause she's pieces of shit?

She's a pretty girl, does she make you think nasty thoughts?
She's a pretty girl, do you want to tie her down?
She's a pretty girl, do you call her a bitch?
She's a pretty girl, did she sleep with your whole town?
Pretty girl, pretty girl, do you hate her
'Cause she's pieces of shit?

You say he's a faggot, does it make you want to hurt him?
You say he's a faggot, do you want to bash in his brain?
You say he's a faggot, does he make you sick to our stomach?
You say he's a faggot, are you afraid you're just the same?
Faggot, Faggot, do you hate him
'Cause he's pieces of shit?

You say he's a Jew, does it mean that he's tight?
You say he's a Jew, do you want to hurt his kids tonight?
You say he's a Jew, he'll never wear that funny hat again.
You say he's a Jew, as though being born were a sin.
Oh Jew, oh Jew, do you hate him
'Cause he's pieces of shit?

you shitheads

wheres a congratulatory thread i can earnestly post on w/this username for a while. this will amuse me for at least a week prob

hi treeship! :) yer a thoughtful and fun person. just letting you know that I was that way once but years of hell turned me into a twisted internet banshee xx

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/32/Ben_Kenobi.png/200px-Ben_Kenobi.png
"May the 'fuck you' be with you. Always."

I <3 Treeship obvs

cant believe the big day has finally come! marriage is a blessing. so excited for you guys!

http://i.imgur.com/fZW69.gif

haha that was an xpost btw crut sorry

crut and Treeship sitting in a tree

woah I just blew my own mind

what are they doing up in there

F-I-S- you know what, I'm gonna stop

anyway Treeship maybe one day you'll see me and I'll see u, stephen garza style, and I'll show you a bit of internet history. suffice it to say that you've had it easy compared to a few

lawl

I like treeship.

I thought treeship was wins and waterface was brody? Wtf?

What in the goddamn world

wait what now?

xposts

thanks imago, crut, and carl agatha. i like you guys too. i like basically everyone on this board. tbh, being seen as vaguely controversial -- the embodiment of an objectionable cultural trend toward...something -- has been sort of fun, as in my life i've never really been a divisive figure. i object to mordy's description of me as "unctuous", though, but only because i like mordy and so don't like the idea that he thinks i am going around trying to get people to like me or something gross like that.

thought treeship was Balthazar Getty

Ive said too much, get out while you can, pray for me

dmac we are facebook friends you know who i am

(treeship is a-ok tho yes)

nobody is wins

Ya i know u have a fakebook profile i assumed that was ur little joke treeship......or should i say *pulls off treeships mask* CHAKI

...wow!

waterface is not a zillion parsecs away from a few former chaki socks

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/18/Clue_Poster.jpg

you guys I already solved the puzzle they are not human beings

You are David Icke and I claim my prize...

there is no treeship we are all treeship

guys unless you have lolz to post don't we have another thread to talk about treeface and watership oh wait we do it's called ALL THE THREADS

wither poop?

excelsior tangents are my favourite tangents because they turn butthurt the quickest

treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt treebutt waterbutt

^otm

honestly the best thing this excelsior thread has done is help me get rid of the horseshit username i have been rocking for a week due to lack of inspiration

i was going to add that to unfinest

water butt ship tree hurt face

I guess this is a case of... water/ship down

I guess this is a case of... water/ship down

― Meine Damen und Herren, ein grosse sh*tstorm! (snoball), Thursday, July 11, 2013 3:40 PM (2 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nice

yes, it's time

i almost unfinested myself for motivation tbh

Shite eyes, burning like faeces...

ew, ace fart imo

well ffs

look at me now, you happy

hi everyone have a blessed day

Ya i know u have a fakebook profile i assumed that was ur little joke treeship......or should i say *pulls off treeships mask* CHAKI

― dub job deems (darraghmac), Thursday, July 11, 2013 10:28 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

...wow!

― Neanderthal, Thursday, July 11, 2013 10:28 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg comic timing

http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/phantom_scooby_doo_unmask_1_1750.jpg

Ruh-roh!

Chaki-snak!

But who is the Scrappy-Doo of ILX?

All this because I liked waterface's pube joke?

Xp: reporting for duty

http://martinsketchley.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/milk-tray1.jpg
"...and all because the how's life loves pube jokes"

All this because I liked waterface's pube joke?

― how's life, Friday, July 12, 2013 11:29 AM (56 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Apparently. WTF guys?????

There are threads on ILX that start off being about anal sex, but quickly become arguments about music. Nothing surprises me here.

There's not been a Guns 'n Roses discussion for a long time, though.

co-worker: Guns 'n Roses in the conference room.
ILXor: Yeah, I'd like to suck on some of that!
co-worker: o_O

<ILXor goes to conference room, sees it's Axl Rose solemnly pushing a shopping cart, and not a weapon/flower combo>

ILXor: Noooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's gonna be 2015 and I'll still be laughing at that

Also I still think it's 2003

You will officially be laughing the longest, then.

http://www.zagerguitar.com/images/2525-2.jpg

In the year 4545
Won't need to login to post TMI
Won't be but a zing or two
Nobody's gonna Excelsior you

waterface and Treeship, more like wasteofspace and Tweeshit

― ienjoyhotdogs, Thursday, 11 July 2013 21:46

This isn't all that relevant, but Geraldo Rivera is a graduate of my law school, and his big "gift" to the law school was this crappy "cafe" on the ground floor of the main student housing building, which is called Geraldo's -- a sort of institutional-looking room with carpeted walls and a neon, cursive "Geraldo's" sign. It looks sort of like a snack bar from a 90s sitcom. But the thing is, my law school is in the middle of a neighborhood teeming with good cafes and restaurants, so no one ever went there and they stopped running it as a cafe after like two years. So now it's just this sad empty room with a neon "Geraldo's" sign where occasionally a couple of people can be found studying.

― i don't even have an internet (Hurting 2), Friday, July 12, 2013 11:45 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg

hurting are you still close by can you take a picture??

that is the saddest story. that should be on the saddest story thread.

Geraldo's, where everyone knows your name. Because you're the only person there. (note: does not apply if you're forgotten your own name)

http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/Uy7grh_BZu8/hqdefault.jpg

Geraldo's, during a recent anniversary event

They bury a mention of it in this page

http://www.brooklaw.edu/cityandcampus/housing/feilhall/about.aspx

this ass went to law school??

The ground floor features Geraldo’s, a comfortable cafe where you can attend a program or meet with friends.

Why couldn't it have been Gerardo's

Haha OMG

https://irs0.4sqi.net/img/general/width960/15529028_0cdmKQSNuwyewlHYQcuzObP_0avGKWOh01eepE1H1y0.jpg

Patrick Bateman's ultimate bar.

http://johnlarroquetteproject.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/gerardo.bmp

"Lawyer... SUAVE..."

yeah it's basically just an underutilized study lounge with that sign and a non-functioning bar for food, which I always found hilarious.

I didn't think I could laugh any harder today, but then I saw that neon sign

I love how there's no black paint over the bits where the apostrophe is supposed to stand out so it's just this squiggle.

neon sign made me think of

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdbt-sx5MDc

(apologies in advance, my brain is terrible)

Geraldo's & Dreams

Geraldo: the perfect one man Kraftwerk tribute band for your party, corporate function, or political fundraiser.

"Lawyer... SUAVE..."

― "Post-Oven" (DJP), Friday, July 12, 2013 6:30 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Thank you.

Feil is pretty nice as residence halls go, even though it feels a little bit like one of those corporate suite hotels. The school also owns a bunch of nice brownstones in BK Heights but they're selling them off. I can't really blame them considering how much money they'll probably get.

Hey that police academy sketch is pretty homophobic if u think about it

My personal recipe for a great summer salad:

Mix together in bowl, not on plate

1. salad leaves: fresh spinach, lamb's lettuce, watercress with stalks cut off
2. melt a table-spoon of lurpak butter into the salad leaves
3. add a squeeze of lime juice
4. grate plenty of extra mature cheddar on top
5. layer on thin slices of sweet emerald green tomatoes
6. plus sugar-drop tomatoes, these cut into 4, length & crossways
7. drizzle on some Harissa dressing (best not to overdo it,
I prefer Sainsburys taste the difference, but if you like it really hot: use Belazu Rose Harissa)
8. mix in a little extra virgin olive oil
9. and some sainsburys tomato puree with hint of garlic
10. and a scoop of pequillo pepper dip
11. and an smaller scoop of beetroot tzatziki
12. then add one packet of Marks & Spencers classic beef jerky
(this is the soft kind anyway, but to prevent any excess chewiness, should be cut into small pieces first)
13. cut up a few sugarsnap peas and toss 'em in too
14. sprinkle some chilli flakes, and grind plenty of salt & pepper, over everything.
15. toss together

― Campari G&T, Sunday, July 14, 2013 12:19 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

disgusting

― the late great, Sunday, July 14, 2013 12:22 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

mix on plate, throw in bin

the placement of 'precisely' in academic texts is sort of like when the drop happens in dubstep

― 乒乓, Sunday, July 14, 2013 6:01 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^^ truth bomb

i agree with the anti-life pursuit people. the early albums, up to and including dear catastrophe waitress, and all the stuff on push barman to open old wounds, are where it's at. the venom directed at this band in the early comments is lol. it's fun sometimes to read stuff that is the exact opposite of my opinion.

― Treeship, Saturday, July 13, 2013 11:45 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

they actually prefer the term pro-abortion

― szarkasm (schlump), Saturday, July 13, 2013 12:24 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha that salad "recipe" is truly, truly bizarre... how is it not like 75% liquid

don't forget the five pounds of tomatoes

topped with butter and cheese

+ 1 pk beef jerky

Marks & Spencers classic beef jerky

^^^ this is what gets me, it's like finding out that Walmart do spotted dick.

i like a modern jerky myself

is Campari G&T a gimmick account? what the hell is going on with that salad. is this a joke that i dont get

love that this recipe has been posted on 4 threads now

Guys if there's one thing I know, it's comedy, and that salad post there is fucking A+ hilarious. Nothing to get but a really funny joke.

Be well,

WF

the only other place i have seen this person is in extreme pharmacological detail on a thread about anxiety
no idea what is up, surprised you all are not already on this case

Guys if there's one thing I know, it's comedy, and that salad post there is fucking A+ hilarious. Nothing to get but a really funny joke.

Be well,

WF

― waterface, Monday, July 15, 2013 8:55 PM (9 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

classic jerk^

I'd take credit but my attempts to introduce sock puppets have all failed

i think it is a joke salad. it just makes such great use of the recipe/list format. it starts out normal, continues to seem normal, and then suddenly you realize that there are pureed tomatoes in this salad and nine kinds of dressing

enumerate pls xp

i'm gonna make that salad

it seems expensive.

2013, the year of "i think it is a joke salad."

and i'm gonna like it

i was gonna say

Flipper are the Pavement of early Eighties hardcore. Black Flag are the Smashing Pumpkins of early Eighties hardcre. And, the Bad Brains are the...er...uhm...the Living Color of early Eighties hardcore(?). (Voted for the Flips.)

― Idgi Pop (KMS), Tuesday, February 22, 2011 2:53 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
...

Ginn was like the Albert Ayler of hardcore guitar.

― Idgi Pop (KMS), Tuesday, February 22, 2011 4:41 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
...

ur like the Meatloaf of making band comparisons

― am0n, Tuesday, February 22, 2011 4:45 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

ahahahaha

hahaha amazing

joke salad annie

2013, the year of "i think it is a joke salad."

― goole, Monday, July 15, 2013 3:59 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Schlump otm

The entire recipe should be the next excelsior thread title.

i have so many questions

I'm sure I've told this dinner party standard here before but why not bring it out again.

I was once engaged in the sexual act commonly called 'doggie style' w/my ex-wife (who would surely be overjoyed that it was now posted on the interweb) when our adorable ginger-haired tabby kitten, seeing my scrotum swinging to and fro, decided to play tetherball. When his claws came in contact with my dangly bits, I (understandably) thrust forward rather forcefully trying to escape the clutches of his claws. "Enculé, qu’est-ce tu fous là?", she screamed after I had inadvertantly tried to put her head through the headboard. Little Diavolo, who was otherwise the most uxorious of cats, was most disappointed that the game was called on account of owner contumely.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 7 January 2005 02:53 (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

When we failed to consumate the act, I could find no objection to her explanation that she had a headache.

― Michael White (Hereward), Friday, 7 January 2005 02:56 (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://ffmedia.ign.com/filmforce/image/tarareid_aloneinthedark.jpg

― LSD ARISTOCAT (ex machina), Friday, 7 January 2005 03:28 (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

8 years old and still going strong

[Led Zeppelin's] only good song is All my Love

― Treeship, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 9:19 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think I speak for everyone when I say that

― Treeship, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 9:19 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://media.capetowndailyphoto.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/img_1705.jpg
http://scienceblogs.com/aardvarchaeology/wp-content/blogs.dir/417/files/2012/04/i-ce3aadd3e91ba496c68df484bc256079-115973.jpg
― Neanderthal, Wednesday, July 3, 2013 9:22 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://www.w-h-y.org/articles/2005/05_12_01_trans/images/edan.jpg

Edan Boyd Malvo (alias Edan or John Lee Malvo), along with John Allen Muhammad, was arrested on October 24, 2002 in connection with the Beltway sniper attacks. A jury in Virginia convicted Edan of capital murder on December 18, 2003, and he was sentenced to life imprisonment without parole on March 10, 2004. He has since pled guilty to six additional murders in Maryland, receiving six life sentences there, and is facing additional charges in several states. He has also confessed to a murder in Arizona. He was held at Red Onion State Prison, located in Wise County, one of Virginia's two supermax prisons, prior to his temporary extradition to Maryland in May 2005 for trial.

― and what (ooo), Thursday, 11 January 2007 03:50 (6 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahahaha

From the depression thread:

what's the difference between "gentle" and "relaxing" - they seem synonymous?

― Gregory Bateson is always appropriate (sarahell), Monday, 22 July 2013 20:36 (1 hour ago) Permalink

well yeah, but then the acrostic would spell either "gapes" or "rapes"

― Treeship, Monday, 22 July 2013 20:44 (52 minutes ago) Permalink

just swung by Electric Fetus this morning and picked up the vinyl...very reasonable...$22 for a double LP, good quality sleeve nice packaging, vinyl looks good...downloading the MP3s now...

grant's picture on the back is great! so "1989" style clothes....what a good strong head of hair that man has

feel really happy for my friend mike who recorded this, he has a little studio in his basement for about 20 years now...great guy and rarely works on stuff this high profile...

― adrian "stanky" legg (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, July 23, 2013 11:21 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

man "shine, shine, shine" is just a gorgeous pop song

mike (who recorded it) said that grant was blowing his mind because he would get keyboard sounds EXACTLY like Intolerance stuff and it's, of course, because grant still has the exact same gear

― hello :) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, July 23, 2013 12:12 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

So does anyone know who recorded this?

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Tuesday, July 23, 2013 1:41 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

go fuck yourself

― hello :) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, July 23, 2013 1:43 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

h3lg's DN makes that one

hahaha

A definitive history of the store was written in 2006 by Penny Peterson and Charlene Roise: "A History of the Electric Fetus" as prepared for the Greater Twin Cities Blues Music Society.

No cat ever belongs outside. They domesticated themselves 9000s years ago so now they are stuck with that decision. No take backs.

― Jeff, Tuesday, July 23, 2013 1:23 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

I keep thinking of how we could incorporate this into Silence of the Lambs

― "Post-Oven" (DJP), Wednesday, July 24, 2013 4:15 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It stuffs the ab flab in its butt or it gets the hose again?

― Lawyer... SUAVE... (carl agatha), Wednesday, July 24, 2013 4:16 PM (17 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Southerner Jack Tweed was notorious for using a golf club in one of his assaults.

― dubmill, Wednesday, July 24, 2013 6:09 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

croquet mallet imo

― imago, Wednesday, July 24, 2013 6:21 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

there's a man with a mullet going mad with a mallet in millets

― imago, Wednesday, July 24, 2013 6:21 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i never get into a scrap without my polo mallet.

― Fanois och Alexander (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, July 24, 2013 6:26 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

and horse.

― Fanois och Alexander (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, July 24, 2013 6:26 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's all blades round are way. Anyone swinging a cricket bat would be run out of town.

― Kind regards, (onimo), Thursday, July 25, 2013 6:14 AM (49 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A croquet mallet would probably make a reasonable weapon but would just be too camp for even yr most debonair of thugs.

― Matt DC, Thursday, July 25, 2013 6:26 AM (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

throw a rugby ball really hard at an intruders head

― max, Thursday, July 25, 2013 6:37 AM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

invade their country and move people there causing a massive eternal conflict, plus refuse to give them grain when there's a famine

― Shamrock Shoe (LocalGarda), Thursday, July 25, 2013 6:40 AM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Hilarious u_u

gree hee hee

i have sent texts involving penis words to my boyfriend but i don't know if that counts as a sext

― ⚓ (elmo argonaut), Thursday, July 25, 2013 2:53 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"penis word"
"thank you"
"more penis word"
"o yes"
"faster penis word"
"i am orgasm"

― waterface, Thursday, July 25, 2013 2:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

waterface is a penis word

haha

really i thought he was a cunt

Oh no some guy called me a cunt

*opens umbrella*

*flies away, never to return*

golle u got a problem with me son?

haha lex called me a cunt once

it was pretty cool

i havent been indirectly called a cunt on ilx for over 24 hours now. feelin pretty good abt myself

ur a cunt jjj

such a cunt

*resets timer*

Not just yet

(Cunt)

Ok go

*guy in hard hat solemnly walks over and flips the numbers on the "x days since our last calling jjjusten a cunt" sign back to zero, wipes single tear*

Now i want to write john terry verse

I'm drinking at a brew pub in Vermont and trying to drink enough that I don't think their beer is mediocre, but not so much that I can't sober up and figure out my rental comedy car. So, you're a cunt.

Well reasoned mh

Ur rental is p sweet btw imo

I do what I can.

jjj you are the nice kind of cunt. ask a glasweigiann

ahhh jjj you old cunt *punches arm*

^gets it

Yowld cuncha

I punched an old cunt with my arm once and it rotted half my fingers off

i knew a kid in school (named wayne) who had a speech thing such that he pronounced 'wouldn't' as 'wunt'.

he thinks jjj couldn't be finer

carn ya cunce lets go for a beer

I listened to some Johnny Thunders and the Heartbreakers today and thought how GnR would kill to write throwaway songs that good

― tight in the runs (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Thursday, July 25, 2013 6:59 PM (55 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i listened to hanoi rocks today and thought how Vince Neil would kill to write songs as good

― Algerian Goalkeeper, Thursday, July 25, 2013 7:04 PM (49 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

nice

Also his muscles are way too small for the type of dude he's supposed to be.

― PJ. Turquoise dealer. Chatroulette addict. Andersonville. (Hurting 2), Wednesday, July 24, 2013 11:19 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you would be a terrible homosexual

― playwright Greg Marlowe, secretly in love with Mary (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, July 24, 2013 11:21 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

<3

bwahahaha

Maybe it's because I've avoided political threads, but Morbs has been casually hilarious lately

lol 'problematic' r u 4 real?

― Mordy , Saturday, July 27, 2013 12:51 AM (22 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that was a joke. i thought it would be funny to use "problematic" after JD just complained about its overuse.

― fervently nice (Treeship), Saturday, July 27, 2013 12:52 AM (21 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

let's unpack this

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Saturday, July 27, 2013 12:53 AM (21 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kudos

I got some right now that sound like a bitchy record store clerk into giving humbling history lessons

You listened to Cheap Trick yesterday. Want to try Styx?

You listened to REM. Check out Chris Isaak.

If you like Soundgarden, we recommend Rush.

You listened to Neil Young and Pulp. Here's an album you might like. *large image of Jefferson Airplane's "Long John Silver"

You listened to the Pretenders. Here's a song you might like. *insanely large image of Neil Diamond's Moods album, track "Song Sung Blue"*

You listened to Cheap Trick yesterday. Want to try George Thorogood & The Destroyers?

I GET IT SPOTIFY, YOU THINK CHEAP TRICK SUCKS.

― da croupier, Saturday, July 27, 2013 12:50 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahah otm

"big questions" Matchbox 20 asked: What is it like to be the rain-maker? What is it like to be the head honcho? What is it like to be a sup-er-HEER-o?

― Doctor Casino, Sunday, July 28, 2013 3:29 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i wonder what it's like to be the head honcho, i wonder what it's like to know that i honched the heads

― balls, Sunday, July 28, 2013 3:30 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Wait did vg just admit to thinking Cheap Trick sucks? I knew it!

NOOOOO ;_;

I meant spotify recommendations suck and are weirdly snarky

wtf does "i knew it" mean

lol, just messin around

:D

Also, at least one of the monsters was possibly female.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, July 16, 2013 9:30 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The Russian monster, I think.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, July 16, 2013 9:30 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Did female monsters chat to each other about something other than a male monster

― ledge, Tuesday, July 16, 2013 9:31 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

idgi

then you have failed the bechdel test

I wish "Excelsiate" was used in the thread title instead of "Excelsior"

"You listened to Neil Young and Pulp. Here's an album you might like. *large image of Jefferson Airplane's "Long John Silver"

this is a good idea actually. good record. better than a pulp record probably.

i rest my case

you had a case?

watcha got against george thorogood anyway?

ok you're right, spotify eliminates the need for an actual record store clerk to recommend shit

man you must really hate george thorogood.

you should listen to long john silver though.

i don't need you to tell me, i have spotify

pulp wish!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrT0IKAkosM

spotify seward

long john silver's pretty great! and i'm someone who prefers jefferson starship to jefferson airplane. one warning though, and this may shock some: the vocals are awful.

smdh

"poison is a natural plant - why don't you put some in your food?"

Does there exist a Puffy-free version of this album? I'm sure someone somewhere with his computer has taken Sean out with his distorted Pac threats and '97 vocal tics.

― viacom dios, Tuesday, July 30, 2013 5:45 AM (14 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

evil post

― rap steve gadd (D-40), Tuesday, July 30, 2013 5:49 AM (14 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

word

― suggest bando (The Reverend), Tuesday, July 30, 2013 9:02 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

https://sphotos-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/59497_563004027068802_655618097_n.jpg

― scott seward, Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:11 PM (19 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Makes you think.

― Lawyer... SUAVE... (carl agatha), Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:13 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

― BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:13 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bahahahahaha

― HOOS next aka won't get steened again (Hurting 2), Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:20 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what if...beer was free

― Z S, Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:30 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what in the

― pplains, Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:30 PM (59 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://i.imgur.com/PPyNnmV.jpg

― pplains, Tuesday, July 30, 2013 3:31 PM (24 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dying

the whole series is great but the selection of the image there is what makes the flintstones one perfect

"My country, tis not of thee.."

what thread? what thread??

from here

why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk?

thanks onimo

should i listen to any of these?

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, July 31, 2013 6:07 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

How weak is your will to live.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, July 31, 2013 6:11 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

our sexting:

me: Sext: can i do some laundry at your place
her: Of course
me: That makes me so wet
her: You're such a slut
me: Wow mean

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Friday, July 26, 2013 10:11 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

there was a kid in my class who used to sing Oasis songs to himself, but the dude had somehow combined "Champagne Supernova" and "Wonderwall" into one song and he would sing "I saw you walking down the hall/faster than a cannonball/you're my wonderwall".

I think he either died or got a job at Radio Shack. can't remember which.

― Neanderthal, Wednesday, July 31, 2013 8:39 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Last 2 are both amazing

I LOLed only because this is probably the shortest contenderizer post in history:

i watch c-span of theswe hearings quite often, twice now, and I get the impression of a certain type of universal incompetance of a kind of unsure future..

def makes u wnt2gt n2 cryptography

i can't remember much of what i was watching..

― color definition point of "beyond "color, eg a transient that, Thursday, August 1, 2013 3:44 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

how is monitoring the internet/phone not a necessity for technological puriy if driving forcew of culture (such as psychedelia, questionably) are not in a harmony with it.. this is a general question.

i am for prison planet, as i would commit myself as a drug addict, but i respect psychonautical life whether religiousitily based or in the government programmes or //..

― color definition point of "beyond "color, eg a transient that, Thursday, August 1, 2013 3:46 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

right now drug culture seems to be defeating itself in uyearning for technological innovation in a n untenable syhstem of pseudopsychedelic mind-based facets of a multiverse that may not exist if it's behaviour is as such... but then again i can see the myopic workism of a corpocracy being too... unloving, or not free. but then again i would call that a projection of the mind itself. the concreteness of the universe is probably quite spelled out in theory of the mind, pshychaitry, etc, so i do not mean to be too... naive.

― color definition point of "beyond "color, eg a transient that, Thursday, August 1, 2013 3:49 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

dude

― IIIrd Datekeeper (contenderizer), Thursday, August 1, 2013 3:50 PM (25 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

watisacontenderizer a contention of a soft condition or a contending in suppleity

ned might be the nicest guy in the world... besides a certian someone...

lol "contenderiser"

like a paul riser to ally the schefs helen hunt

:-) sorry to throw the thread offtrack

coming from inside the thread

they just need a little time to wake up

― loosely inspired by Dr. Dre (crüt), Wednesday, July 31, 2013 5:48 PM

man you gotta add the context!

couldn't be bothered -- it was grebt tho

yeah it was a irl lol

otm

at least add the link

just honoring crüt for the record

I sat hunched at the bar, perusing the library of literature expounding the virtues of: bones, fat, offal and the art of butchery until the food started hitting the pass. Moments later, I was moaning with the sheen of melted pork fat glossing my lips as ate.

this is next-level

― Doctor Casino, Friday, August 2, 2013 5:07 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

if the pork sparkled it would be the ultimate fanfic

― the pen is mightier than the penisword (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, August 2, 2013 5:10 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/beauty-weird-places-5.jpg

― am0n, Saturday, 3 August 2013 01:49 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"His dream was to be a quadriplegic wildlife artist"

― phasmid beetle types (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 3 August 2013 01:50 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"wresting"

― am0n, Saturday, 3 August 2013 01:51 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

guy had a lot of time on his mouth

― phasmid beetle types (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 3 August 2013 01:53 (8 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kind of more amazed that you can become a quadriplegic in a wrestling accident than that you can draw birds w you mouth

spinal trauma: it's more likely than you think

spinal trauma: it's more likely than you think

man, Cavalera Conspiracy is really reachin for album titles these days

no one has mentioned how ironic and sad it is that jack white is complaining about someone ripping his music off?

― Z S, Friday, August 2, 2013 6:39 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's hysterical. white men born in the 1970s fighting over who invented the blues!

― some dude, Friday, August 2, 2013 6:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i did

― markers, Friday, August 2, 2013 6:44 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

great job!

― Z S, Friday, August 2, 2013 6:47 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ty!

― markers, Friday, August 2, 2013 6:48 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I like to picture markers and Z S as the two dudes in the car in the Sonic commercials

lol

I just keep imagining 4 Non Blondes as a band in the studio, putting down the backing tracks, and then Linda says "welp, time for me to BLOW SOME MINDS" and picks up the mic and screams into it while the anticipatory smiles on the faces of the rest of the band freeze and then become incredibly strained because they all remember what happened to Becky

― THE WORINÐLVE (DJP), Monday, August 5, 2013 2:05 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's like someone put together an unconvincing alt band for an early 90s movie and it got out into the real world and made a video before it could be recaptured.

― Deafening silence (DL), Monday, August 5, 2013 3:02 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(same thread)

what thread

what's up vs. what I am

heavily edited:

^^^^ sublime song, that. What the Cranberries SHOULD have been recording if they gave a shit about Shania Twain

― first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, August 5, 2013 5:32 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

why on Earth would the Cranberries give a shit about Shania Twain?

― THE WORINÐLVE (DJP), Monday, August 5, 2013 5:33 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(the idea of Dolores singing "Man (I Feel Like A Woman)" is going to haunt me for the rest of the evening)

― THE WORINÐLVE (DJP), Monday, August 5, 2013 5:34 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

go totally crazy
forget I'm a ZOMBIEH EH EH

― kinder, Monday, August 5, 2013 5:36 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

can you edit it some more

pray cease, i shall expire

Should be on i love to ride my bicycle, surely?

y'all are frumps, it tickled me

*barfs*

a mix between The Stone Roses and Primal Scream with the swagger of Oasis

There used to be a pizza place across from my law school (now a shake shack) that had no apparent name, just a giant block letter sign that said PIZZA SALAD. So of course we referred to the place as "Pizza Salad"

― HOOS next aka won't get steened again (Hurting 2), Thursday, August 1, 2013 10:49 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

to be clear, the pizza place is now a shake shack, not my law school

― HOOS next aka won't get steened again (Hurting 2), Thursday, August 1, 2013 10:49 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a mix between The Stone Roses and Primal Scream with the swagger of Oasis

― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Tuesday, August 6, 2013 5:10 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this whole thread is great

such a horrifying thread title.

― scott seward, Monday, 22 July 2013 18:41 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

a mix between hitler and pol pot with the swagger of hugo chavez

― neil degrasse (m bison), Monday, 22 July 2013 18:44 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

call me easily amused perhaps:

eh I dunno can you get good borscht in Russia these days?

― first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, August 2, 2013 4:55 AM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you couldn't for a while, but then putin came

― one yankee sympathizer masquerading as a historian (difficult listening hour), Friday, August 2, 2013 5:01 AM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's spelled "poutine"

― first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, August 2, 2013 5:04 AM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think the exchange is much funnier just ending with dlh's post

pfft you got a fucking nerve excelsior-lawyering considering yr alma mater's now a shake shack

Hurting's Own Law School and Grill

lol

aka "Geraldo's"

law school and grill is a long overdue idea. for dessert: tort torte

Tirami-sue

all day they play Discovery on loop as background music

The Who, 'A Legal Matter'

i come to the excelsior thread for the funny posts, but i stay for the riffing

http://speckycdn.sdm.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/1_guitar-solo.jpg

as i was scrolling down, I thought that was gonna be this

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/9/97/Billy_and_the_boingers.jpg

Not too far off, they both have Cat Scratch Fever

That reminds me that there used to be a coffee place near where I lived called "Legal Beanz" -- like wtf dude either make the obvious pun or go a different route. That just makes no sense.

good coffee there tho

Actually yeah, really good. First place I ever had legitimately good espresso other than the airport in Milan.

*oh and apparently I fabricated the "z" at the end of "beans"

Hot, Ready and Legal Beans

Near the middlesex county courthouse in new brunswick nj, all the businesses seem to have law related puns for names. My favorite is Mike's Courtside Sports Bar

no wind no fee

GILTY! PICTURE FRAMING

haha.

A Jury of your Ears: Stereos

All Rise Baking Co

Motion Granted Dance Studio

Motion Denied Physical Therapists Group

Confection Overruled

Burden of Proof Liquors

That reminds me that there used to be a coffee place near where I lived called "Legal Beanz" -- like wtf dude either make the obvious pun or go a different route. That just makes no sense.

― HOOS next aka won't get steened again (Hurting 2), Wednesday, August 7, 2013 11:10 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what's the obvious pun?

Legal Grounds iirc

fwiw it's not even near a courthouse

well that's just criminal

too bad, coffee places are always a good spot to pore over legal documents.

pore/pour

I was trying to think of something to do with tha but i've got nothing

POUR OVER
http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2010/01/22/t-magazine/22muhlke-coffee/custom1.jpg

its cheating to make bad jokes in the excelsior thread

yeah, it's like taking a dump in a urinal

ok, lol

sorry, that was gross.

so is taking a dump in a urinal

Sometimes so is taking a slash in a urinal (depending on the urinal).

just laughed harder at the excelsior thread than I have in years.

taking a dump in a urinal will do that, i guess

I could use a good laugh today, I'll go try the same

This is a real "hey remember this shit from nine months ago" moment

― yung humas (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, August 7, 2013 8:44 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Said this when my kid was born

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Wednesday, August 7, 2013 11:49 PM

its cheating to make bad jokes in the excelsior thread

― socki (s1ocki), Thursday, August 8, 2013 3:22 AM (11 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, it's like taking a dump in a urinal

― brio, Thursday, August 8, 2013 3:30 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ok, lol

― how's life, Thursday, August 8, 2013 3:30 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

sorry, that was gross.

― brio, Thursday, August 8, 2013 3:41 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so is taking a dump in a urinal

― BIG HOOS aka the denigrated boogeyman (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Thursday, August 8, 2013 3:47 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

DAMMIT YOU GUYS

brb gotta go take a dump in the urinal

and why not. I piss in the crapper all the time.

context is key but:

we really should have predicted this, because when you jerk off with a death grip eventually you're not going to be able to perform

― carlos danger zone (mh), Thursday, August 8, 2013 11:25 AM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

australian World War Z would have been over much quicker: Brad Pitt grabs his family, buys a slab of beer and heads to the beach.

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, August 8, 2013 9:31 AM (38 minutes ago)

a... slab?

― OH MY GOD HE'S OOGLY (DJP), Thursday, August 8, 2013 9:54 AM (15 minutes ago)

lol. GG is really interesting to me. he was a violent, attention seeking maniac for sure, but there was also something quixotic, and tragic, in his insistence on an extremely antisocial version of punk rock purity

― Treeship, Thursday, August 8, 2013 11:04 AM (13 minutes ago)

LOL what does punk rock purity mean wait stop don't answer that

― waterface, Thursday, August 8, 2013 11:06 AM (11 minutes ago)

Remove Bookmark from this Thread

― yung humas (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, August 8, 2013 11:07 AM (10 minutes ago)

http://www.ttcmcminnville.edu/sites/default/files/mcminnville/imagecache/TopStory/AplusCert.jpg

L-R: Me, Treeship, Whingey

x-post LOL!

Paramedics were called to Henley's home on November 21, 1980, where a 16-year-old girl was found naked and claiming she had overdosed on quaaludes and cocaine. She was arrested for prostitution, whilst a 15-year-old girl found in the house was arrested for being under the influence of drugs.[16][17][18] After pleading no contest, he was fined $2,500 and put on two years' probation.[19]

― first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, August 11, 2013 9:53 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

16 year old girl died of an overdose, and a 15 year old was way fucked up. Henley paid a fine or something. Which is completely o_O to me.

― Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Sunday, August 11, 2013 9:54 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Oh, I guess there wasn't a death after all.

― Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Sunday, August 11, 2013 9:54 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

one of those nights

― first I think it's time I kick a little verse! (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Sunday, August 11, 2013 9:55 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i wish i could remember who the hell all you people are, but you're all doing a heck of a job. onward into fall!

― scott seward, Saturday, August 10, 2013 5:39 AM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

[in the middle of the clusterfuck on the clusterfuck thread, summing up mine own feelings]

i met a guy last week who got stung by a bee right on the tip of his dick

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, August 12, 2013 11:31 AM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wtf was he doing to have that happen?

― they all are afflicted with a sickness of existence (Scik Mouthy), Monday, August 12, 2013 11:33 AM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

fucking a beehive

― markers, Monday, August 12, 2013 11:37 AM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ask a silly question.

― they all are afflicted with a sickness of existence (Scik Mouthy), Monday, August 12, 2013 11:43 AM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol markers with the alley-oop

if you guys like arguing w/ a wholly inaccurate caricature of what ive said then have fun

― rap steve gadd (D-40), Monday, August 12, 2013 12:55 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

straw mans
thats that shit i dont like

― lag∞n, Monday, August 12, 2013 4:39 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A+

if you guys like arguing w/ a wholly inaccurate caricature of what ive said then have fun

― rap steve gadd (D-40), Monday, August 12, 2013 12:55 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

had to double check the date on this post

But, tellingly, not the name

A couple days late to this, but this is in Santa Monica: http://www.legalgrind.com

free your mind and your ass will literally follow

― this gtr climbed mt. washington (Edward III), Monday, August 12, 2013 5:00 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

from Bolt the door, Varg is loose!

He moved to France to join the other mouseketeers obv

― i'll be your mraz (NickB), Tuesday, August 13, 2013 8:50 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

v'argtagnan

― i'll be your mraz (NickB), Tuesday, August 13, 2013 8:51 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

-.05 for self-setup

e'en so

99.5% = A +

richard dawkins is the cleverest racist of his generation.

― caek, Tuesday, August 13, 2013 7:42 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

he doesn't even win that while James Watson's still alive

― failed skirty tropes (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, August 13, 2013 8:35 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Nor morrissey

― darraghmac, Tuesday, August 13, 2013 8:50 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

he said "cleverest"

― failed skirty tropes (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, August 13, 2013 8:51 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Shit sorry im reading from the phone, thought it read worst singer

― darraghmac, Tuesday, August 13, 2013 8:52 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

my eye doctor's license plate is either

20TWNTY
or

TWNTY20
― Remember! The cormorant is a big brrd. It has got a long neck. (unregistered), Friday, August 9, 2013 11:03 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You either need a new eye doctor or a better prescription.

― pplains, Friday, August 9, 2013 11:28 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

loool

came in here to post darraghmac on morrissey

ppl always laugh when im serious

ppl always laugh when im serious

― darraghmac, Wednesday, August 14, 2013 5:28 (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

sounds like a morrissey song.

darraghmac on the ouuutside

the irish morrissey

the vegan house of pain

you can't live in new york cause some guy from citibank is playing solo bass in the only free apartment there

― szarkasm (schlump), Sunday, August 11, 2013 12:39 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

its just the riff from green day's longview over and over and over

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Sunday, August 11, 2013 12:48 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

Some Guy From Citibank Will Teach You To Play Guitar

do
not
see
blind
detective

― socki (s1ocki), Tuesday, August 13, 2013 9:42 PM (Yesterday)

he can't see you either!!!!

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, August 13, 2013 9:56 PM (Yesterday)

hahah

cf dad joeks

The ringing delayed guitar on 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' always reminded me of the theme to Due South, which started airing the year before. I'm convinced Deep Blue Something ripped it off. The video even has a dude riding a horse in the city!

― bizarro gazzara, Thursday, 15 August 2013 12:11 (5 hours ago) Permalink

Nope. Due South started airing on 26th April 1994, the original version of Home (actually Deep Blue Something's second album) was first released independently on 1st March 1994 (so a month before), before Interscope re-released it in January 1995. Home wasn't the first appearance of the song, though; since the song had appeared before that on Deep Blue Something's debut album (11th Song), which came out on 3rd July 1993, so quite some time before anyone would have heard the Due South theme tune. Of course, the actual single that everybody knows didn't come out until July 1995, by which time Due South had started airing and I do remember a few comments at the time saying "hey, this reminds me of the Due South theme" which I agreed with. However, I'm not convinced Deep Blue Something ripped off the Due South theme.

― I wanna live like C'MOWN! people (Turrican), Thursday, August 15, 2013 1:46 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

and that ^^^ is the most that anyone has ever cared about either of those two things

― no fomo (La Lechera), Thursday, August 15, 2013 1:48 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

holy shit

XD

well, that's one thing we've got.

I've said it once, I'll say it again: at least I bothered to look into it.

that's why it's so funny!

haha awesome

the ^^^ in the middle makes it pitch perfect

dammmmn

some dude!!

is rotten.com still around I dont want to check, but they prob do listicles now too

― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Friday, August 2, 2013 12:02 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

10 Hammer-Smashed Faces You Can't Unsee

― am0n, Friday, August 2, 2013 12:08 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahaha

can't believe E was snarky about a dude that looked into "Breakfast at Tiffanys"

sorry, DJP. i got dragged to a pub. for shame.

https://sphotos-b-dfw.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/1170729_482542411842562_1234700632_n.jpg fatheaded from certain angles

― color definition point of "beyond "color, eg a transient that, Saturday, August 17, 2013 4:56 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wait you aren't a markov chain?

― i too went to college (silby), Saturday, August 17, 2013 6:09 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wait, is "the hubster" his/her husband

― OH MY GOD HE'S OOGLY (DJP), Monday, August 19, 2013 3:53 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

HUSBSTER, Dan. Spelling counts.

― Here's the storify, of a lovely ladify (Phil D.), Monday, August 19, 2013 3:55 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

how do you even say that, in what sick tone of voice

― j., Monday, August 19, 2013 5:34 PM (50 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think you shriek it at the top of your lungs

― OH MY GOD HE'S OOGLY (DJP), Monday, August 19, 2013 5:38 PM (46 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(re: The Unforgettable Fire)

love 'bad' but it's been more than twenty years since i've been able to listen to it and not think of adam sandler's cajun man

― balls, Monday, August 19, 2013 10:48 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Life Hacks ‏@omglifehacks 17 Aug
How to get backstage at concerts and pretty much ANYWHERE: Wear a nice suit and walk quickly. People won't question you.

That's him, lower right.

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_meo7o6PwG61rgqc4go1_1280.jpg

― pplains, Tuesday, August 20, 2013 3:41 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

XD

awesome

Wow!

(who are they?)

that's the polyphonic spree

nowt they are pensioners guvnah

honched the heads + hurting's law school turned shake shack are killing me

i am behind on the lols thread

What the hell is Raith anyway?

― Ismael Klata, Wednesday, August 21, 2013 8:38 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A thothial conthruct

― dmacation problem (darraghmac), Wednesday, August 21, 2013 8:41 PM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Beautiful

omg

hahaha

Ffs even my ilf cru ignore my footcelsior thread

it deserved the big stage, man

one of those where my fingers wd go all trembly desperately trying to make sure nobody got another post in before i did

*applauds*

idk nv i'd have cut a deal where it spent another year on ilf then got the shot at a bigger board

THATS A SOCCER JOKE, YES

darragh took only three minutes to make that joke... :(

ILX best board in the world? Yes/No? (I hear there are some Spanish and Brazilian boards that are fantastic and you'll always somebody upping Italian, even German boards.)

other boards are technically superior but the pace and aggression on ILX is second to none obv

You dont get the same passion nowhameantrev

one of those where my fingers wd go all trembly desperately trying to make sure nobody got another post in before i did

― Dacca to Environ (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, August 21, 2013 7:58 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

big breaths

You dont get the same passion nowhameantrev

I would agree with you if I could get some of that cash, tbf

There's a scene out of The Good Ol Summertime where Judy Garland's sitting in a restaurant alone, and the mustached man at the next table drops his monocle in disgust.

― pplains, Tuesday, July 9, 2013 9:38 PM (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Watched that movie on acid nearly 20 years ago. Think about it every day.

― pplains, Tuesday, July 9, 2013 9:39 PM (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That one never gets old

Has the porn industry called Eat Me in St. Louis yet?

love that so much

Has the porn industry called Eat Me in St. Louis yet?

― midnight outdoor nude frolic up north goes south (Eric H.), Wednesday, August 21, 2013 10:39 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

nowadays it'd probably be called MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS: A XXX PARODY *sheds single tear*

pplains being boringly haunted by a character reacting to Judy Garland's character

the context was just people talking about eating alone iirc

pplains being boringly haunted by a character reacting to Judy Garland's character

― mh, Wednesday, August 21, 2013 10:52 PM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark

its awesome

Very! Did not mean to imply otherwise. I showed those posts to three friends at a bar this night.

and they all dropped their monocles in disgust

These days that sounds accurate.

Goodbye Marshall M
Though I never
Knew you at all,
Could've had the grace to sign a cap
For my brother in the cold

Modeled on your lyrics
And they whispered in my brain
I liked that shit you did with Rawkus
I get a rush from sudden pain

And it seems to me,
I'll end my life
By driving off a bridge
Never knowing how to mail this
When my tape's at end
And I would have liked to know you
But you were just too good
To call or write a stalking fan
Your biggest one was Stan

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, August 22, 2013 11:07 AM (13 minutes ago)

Rolling Drone Thread

Because this shit is fucked

― Raymond Cummings, Tuesday, 23 October 2012 22:48 (9 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Not Starving Weirdoes, but unmanned aerial agents of death

― Raymond Cummings, Tuesday, 23 October 2012 22:50 (9 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(edited)

“I am Chelsea Manning. I am a female. Given the way I have felt since childhood, I want to begin hormone therapy as soon as possible.”

― there are more than 3.5 HOOS per steen (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Thursday, August 22, 2013

woke up it was a chelsea manning

― Mordy , Thursday, August 22, 2013

woke up it was a woke up it was a chelsea manning morning in multiple news sources

no disrespect to mordy though, any more than one would think less of leibniz or newton for having invented calculus independently

scooped! blast.

mordy delivered it to my doorstep and it was fresh when I consumed it.

Whole thread is great but it turns on this exchange:

--

"Thin crust" and "regular" pizza are not the same thing

-- The medium-weight, risen, doughier crust on your standard-issue pizza = slices
-- Thin, crispy, more crackerlike crusts = squares

These are basic sensible adaptations to the consistency of the crust itself

-- If you cut a standard-issue pizza into squares, the center squares will be too soft and moist to pick up
-- If you cut a thin-crust pizza into slices and try to pick one up, it would split in the middle and everything would slide off

Occasionally people cut regular-type pizzas into squares for various reasons of convenience, like if a large number of people are sharing one pizza, or when busy lunch places want to fit a lot of small square pans in the oven instead of losing space on big round ones

If you don't think thin-crust pizzas are actually pizzas, then fine, you are not really arguing with anyone then

We have a perfectly good system for this stuff, stop messing with it

― ንፁህ አበበ (nabisco), Saturday, August 24, 2013 11:58 AM (3 hours ago)

You used to be so OTM.

― Lawyer... SUAVE... (carl agatha), Saturday, August 24, 2013 12:00 PM (3 hours ago)

The song is about being young and discovering sex. You need to look a bit deeper in the lyrics to find the meaning.

I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it till my fingers bled
Was the summer of '69

MEANING - he is talking about masturbation here. the six string is his "guitar" and the reference to 5 and dime refers to his hands (5 and 10 fingers). he "played it" till his fingers "bled" means he really got after it in that he masturbated so much it like hurt.

Me and some guys from school
Had a band and we tried real hard
Jimmy quit, Jody got married
Shoulda known, we'd never get far

MEANING - here he has discovered group masturbation. "had a band" refers to his little group "tried real hard" means they really went after it. two of his friends move on and they no longer do it. he seems a bit sad that they did not progress or "get far" which probably means he was looking for a little something more.

Ain't no use in complainin'
When you got a job to do
Spent my evenings down at the drive-in
And that's when I met you

MEANING - he keeps a positive attitude because he has a "job" to do meaning he needs to touch himself again. so he spent his nights at some "drive-in" and it is unclear here if he is talking about drive in movies that might very well be pornographic or he is talking about a drive in fast food place where he sits in the car watching.

Standin' on your mama's porch
You told me that you'd wait forever
Oh and when you held my hand
I knew that it was now or never
Those were the best days of my life

MEANING - once again he has found someone to masturbate with. apparently this person reaches climax faster than he does so they reassure him they will "wait forever" but wait what happens next ? that person then holds his "hand" (penis) and he knew he could no longer wait and climaxes - wow those were great times he thinks the best days of his life.

Man we were killin' time
We were young and restless
We needed to unwind
I guess nothin' can last forever, forever, no

MEANING - they were "killin' time" and were "young and restless" because they were basically bored and did not have cable television or the internet or anything so what did they do ? then "needed to unwind" meaning they needed to masturbate so that is how they killed time.

And now the times are changin'
Look at everything that's come and gone
Sometimes when I play that old six-string
Think about you wonder what went wrong

MEANING - they grow up and get older and he reflects on things that have "come and gone" but sometimes, probably when he is alone, he whips out "that old six-string" and thinks about his buddy or buddies.

Back in the summer of '69
Un-huh
It was the summer of '69, oh yeah
Me and my baby in '69, oh

MEANING - This is a reference to the sexual position "69" where two people come together for oral sex and resemble the letters 6 and 9 together. look at the number 69 and imagine two people facing each other but turned 180 degrees. the position allows for mutual direct access to each others sexual parts for mutual gratification. So there it is "the summer of 69" has nothing to do with 1969 it is basically a fond reflection on group masturbation.

― ship who you wanna ship (flamboyant goon tie included), Saturday, August 24, 2013 3:47 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

I want to "stand up" and "applaud"

Bruce's "oh yeahs" will never sound the same

glory days about glory holes surely

omg

do we have some kind of ilx medal we can give fgti

Bruce's "oh yeahs" will never sound the same

― touch. zing touch. you've almost convinced me I'm real (Sufjan Grafton)

simultaneously outraged and amused by this

the thorough explanation of "69" truly the icing on the cake there

yeah that is pretty much faq-worthy

yeoman's work there

lacan is pretty brutally pessimistic but i think he is unfortunately right about dissatisfaction being built into the structure of desire.

― Treeship, Thursday, August 8, 2013 11:34 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lacan way overqualified for that idea

― maven with rockabilly glasses (Matt P), Thursday, August 8, 2013 11:41 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"the grass is always greener on the other side" - jacques lacan

― Treeship, Thursday, August 8, 2013 11:43 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

it's a good post but y'all know that thing abt summer of 69 is c/ped from a songmeanings comment right

^

BREAJING NEWS: FGTI STRIPPED OF ILX MEDAL

It's a shame. I think we should accept that quoting songmeanings.com is just a new evolution of the game.

GREATEST CANADIAN SPORTS SCANDAL SINCE BEN JOHNSON.

"WHERE WERE THE COACHES" ASKS DON CHERRY

lol

sorry I should've clarified before medal was awarded but I was "outta town"

say it ain't so, flamboyant goon tie included

http://www.xtimeline.com/__UserPic_Large/233392/evt121119053200015.jpg

Fgti

There's a part of me that still believes you could write something great about masturbation. Don't give up.

The worst moment in my life up until now: hearing a record repeating "Girl you know itgirlyouknowit'sgirlyouknowit's" ad nauseam and realizing my two childhood heroes were not who they said they were.

The new worst moment in my life: "Summer of 69" revelation

fgti what have you done

he betrayed the nation of ilx and it is with deep regret and sadness that we shun him forever

obvs no one on ilx is going to write a post that long

"He *seemed* like a genius..."

I got my first real six-string
Bought it at the five-and-dime
Played it till my fingers bled
Was the summer of '69

MEANING - "six-string" refers to flamboyant goon tie included, a friend of the singer. underrated aerosmith "bought [him] at the five and dime" - they met while plying their trade as musicians working in a subgenre where most everybody is dead broke most of the time and have few prospects outside of the hope of a VW commercial. "played it til my fingers bled" - underrated aersomith bruised his fingers typing too hard as he lamented his friend's successful flipping of the classic copypasta troll, usually deployed to incite drama but here causing an entire room to burst into applause. "Was the summer of '69" - they agreed to overlook this incident and retired to their chalet to enjoy "69," a sexual position where two people come together for oral sex and resemble the letters 6 and 9 together. Look at the number 69 and imagine two people facing each other but turned 180 degrees. The position allows for mutual direct access to each others sexual parts for mutual gratification.

sorry we're fresh outta medals now aero

would u settle for polite applause y/n

(irl lols, tbh)

Man I could've really used that crystal clear explanation of a 69 when I was 11 years old and wondering why my mom was so upset over my older brother's chosen football jersey number.