35-and-older support group thread

are you happy getting older? or do you wake up every morning wracked with mortality-angst? do you envy, pity, or resent twentysomething cockiness? have you started getting really freaked out over minor day-to-day changes in your health?

How did you know?

definitely the latter, given what I've been through in the past year. the others not so much. I was wracked with mortality-angst as a teen, seems kinda juvenile at this point. ditto twentysomething cockiness. I'm eternally grateful for my family, my life is kind of all about that now, which is cool and something that I associate with getting older.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

LOL you fuckin kids, I turn 48 this year. You ain't seen nothing yet, people in their 30's seem young to me now and people in their 20's seem like teenagers.

I have been blessed with good health so the only things I have really had to worry about so far are needing reading glasses and having to bike to work to avoid gaining desk-job weight.

do women have the same panic attacks over turning 40 that men do? i don't see myself cougaring it up; how else can i exhibit my midlife crisis?

My only real fear is retirement. I had a wimpy 401k at one point, but I think it got cashed out when I left that job. Now I don't have one. Or any real savings to speak of.

HELLO, SOUP KITCHEN!

I'm generally pretty healthy, but now that Shakey brought that up I have another thing to worry about. Thanks, Shakey!

how else can i exhibit my midlife crisis?

penis car

Oh wait, that was get bent in the op.

My memory's going, isn't it.

xp - i can drive around in a barbie-pink corvette like angelyne. oh wait, i don't drive.

needing reading glasses and having to bike to work to avoid gaining desk-job weight.

i've had to do these since my 20's ;_;

definitely seen my health get patchier and energy decline in the last few years since passing 35

on the upside i appear to be living my midlife crisis via synthesizers instead of sports cars

I don't know about being happy getting older, but I'll certainly happier to be less of a reactionary screw-up compared to my younger self, even if on the other hand I have to live with some of the decisions he made. I've not met that many cocky 20-somethings, but I neither envy, pity, nor resent them, knowing that the cockiest of them have the sharpest of learning curves ahead (I did).
As for health, no real problems yet. Just mildly aching joints and a sound like a pepper grinder when I turn my head from side to side. Oh and that thing where you wake up and have somehow pulled a muscle in your back/shoulder, which then takes two days to stop feeling sore. Or pulling a muscle while bending down to pick something up or lift something. And the whole General Melchett "Baaaahh!" thing when doing anything that requires exertion.

Being 35 has been pretty sweet for me so far. No complaints (other than the damned occasional tinnitus flare-up).

I've had to wear glasses just to see since the age of 8, so I have no idea, but is worsening vision more of a worry for people who only started needing glasses in their 20s?

Too-much beer intake usually gives me wake up problems now. Either physical ones or from guilt & shame.

34 1/2 here. Feel like the merry-go-round is spinning out of control and there's no way off.

You ain't seen nothing yet, people in their 30's seem young to me now and people in their 20's seem like teenagers.

This x1,000. And actual teenagers seem like aliens or zoo specimens. I'll be 44 this year. I often have literal panic attacks thinking that, on the whole, I'm probably closer to being dead than I am to the day I was born.

eh death is always there, and has been since you were born

i don't think you're blowing anyone's mind with that

i can honestly say that i never ever wish i were younger. maybe when i'm older i'll think this. i was kinda bummed when i turned 40. didn't think i would be. felt like i was in my 30's forever. i'll turn 45 this year. god willing! i just feel fortunate to still be here. for real. every day is more than i ever thought i'd have when i was young and sad. wish i could go back to young me and tell myself to cheer up a little. feel like it took me 4 decades to really get a handle on the whole life thing.

i used to freak out thinking about my mortality but now my body's kindly taken over so i just get permanent panic attacks instead, real physical ones. i don't think i've felt fit and well in 2 or 3 years tbh, and the shit i shd do to make it better is stuff i haven't got the energy to do after a hard day's thinking my heart's about to stop/burst

yeah i smoke cigarettes for that.

i think the cigarettes help cause it

i don't think it's my age bothering me tbh, i think you just don't pile up enough shit to really get on top of you until you reach a certain age

really! that sucks. cigs definitely calm down my natural panic state. or manic/depressed state.

i also think that 30 years of steady drinking slowed my brain down enough to make things more manageable in general. pro tip!

What is steady drinking? I drink roughly a bottle of red wine a night and maybe the odd extra ale or two. Is that steady?

So far 35 has pretty much been the shittiest year of my life but that's all circumstantial. I do worry about being 35 and the fact that it seems like the last 15 years have passed so damn quickly and I still don't really feel like an adult. Still, I would never want to be in my 20s again and I like myself more now than I ever have so idk, really. I think from here on out. I'm just gonna get younger. 34 should be pretty awesome.

I bought the convertible at 34. My regular companion still loves it, 8 years later.
http://i44.tinypic.com/qnl7gl.jpg

I mostly regret not pursuing the family option, but like hitting the road with Teufel on a whim.

DOGGLES. YES.

^ should read "mid-life crisis convertible".

Part of it is that I really fucking hate what I do for a living but don't feel poised to make big career changes right now, and there's no reset button or anything. You can't just hit pause while you figure shit out, there's bills to pay.

Bill Hicks was OTM when he told marketers to kill ourselves. We are the worst.

Jeez, this thread makes me realize I am too old for a 35-and-older support group. I belong with the 55-and-older group. So, uh, carry on.

"What is steady drinking? I drink roughly a bottle of red wine a night and maybe the odd extra ale or two. Is that steady?"

you're on the right path.

having said that, maria and i don't really drink anymore. i have the occasional when i go out or i'm at a friend's house. but that's about it. 30 years of steady did the trick. we were both really good at it. can't say i miss it much. i need all the energy i can get.

Luis Buñuel drank a bottle of red a day and lived until 83. I don't think I will fare that well.

a bottle a day is sensible. i wasn't always so sensible. my motto is: if it feels like work, don't do it.

Turning 40 this year and honestly approach it as nbd. Late 30s have been great. So much happier in all aspects of my life now. And if quitting your corporate drone job and moving to rural Mexico (on the beach, natch) is a midlife crisis, I hope to have many more of them before I die.

I've gained some weight (but still have an "enviable bmi" according to my doc, so who cares). Dudes don't check me out/hit on me because I guess I am not hotttt anymore, but I have a dude who loves the hell out of me and things I'm the bestest, so who cares. I have better self-esteem, greater financial resources, and much more diverse interests now. 40? P'shaw, bring on 50.

^^ people who seem to have figured out how to live

oh yeah, the tinnitus, that is kind of a drag and I worry about it getting worse but hey, what can I do? I wear earplugs now so I try not to worry.

are you happy getting older? or do you wake up every morning wracked with mortality-angst? do you envy, pity, or resent twentysomething cockiness? have you started getting really freaked out over minor day-to-day changes in your health?

no, yes, yes/yes/yes, no (grimly resigned, not too freaked out)

I'll be 50 in November and have warned all my loved ones that it's going to be ugly. The other day I thought "If I thought I was going to die in Mississippi, I'd start believing in God so I could curse Him on my deathbed." I think a lot about reset buttons and off-switches. I hate much of my life circumstances but I can't throw it all aside because I'm the caretaker and not the caretakee.

Unfortunately, I don't really enjoy drinking.

I am pretty down with being 40 at this point actually, although frankly massive insane extended youth and bad decision making syndrome honestly makes responsibleish adult life sort of a relief really. I mean, having a kid (which I am finally getting around to at lol 40) would have fucking freaked me out even a few years ago, but now it's like yeah I'm ready and this shit makes sense and somehow it's fairly anxiety free. To be fair, the thing that does freak me out is thinking abt whether my comfort zone with my age might be more delusional than being terrified of it.

Another huge bonus is that some of my psycho extrovert vibe has mellowed out now. Back in the day staying home and doing nothing pretty much any night ever was like srsly anxiety inducing. Now 2 or 3 days out and the rest hanging at home reading or babbling at the wife, and then staying up after she goes to sleep is pretty much the best thing ever. I used to go to shows or house parties like 6 days a week. That's insane to me now.

And to clarify, I'm not talking in my early 20s, I'm talking like 5 years ago. Old man at the party style

I used to do that, kind of. I would have a full-time job plus hobbies/rehearsals plus 3-5 social occasions a week: meet someone for brunch, meet someone for happy hour, go home and power nap and go back out dancing til 4am, bike home, etc. My accident slowed me down and then I discovered that with a computer and the internet and a home and roommate I really like, I actually like being slowed down. I stay home a lot.

It's also possible that when I got rid of my full-time job a lot of my compulsions to DO ALL THE THINGS in my spare time eased up.

I was extremely content at 40. Then my husband left to marry the woman he'd been sneaking around with for months, and I lost most of the things that made me happy day-to-day. So, I'm not dealing very well with age, though I admit my problems may be more related to geography than chronology.

42 and pretty relaxed. Have healthy salads and walk a lot, you should be good.

I'm 43, and tbh the last couple years have been the best ones of my life. I feel like I know so much more about myself and how to just deal with things in the world than I used to. It helps a lot that I have a great gal to hang with, but I'm not sure I even would have been ready to meet her much earlier. I didn't know enough about who I was. (I've been divorced twice -- I don't know if I actually regret either of those relationships, they got me through my 20s and 30s, but there are good reasons I'm not in them any more.) I love being a dad, I love thinking about the next 10-15 years that I have to watch and help them grow up.

I was at Bonnaroo over the weekend, camping with a group of good friends that ranged from 30 to early 50s. We all had a great time and joked a bit about being the olde folkes at the rock show, but I didn't envy or pity the youth of America all around us, I just thought they seemed like nice young people and I was glad they were having a good time. That's one thing in particular that I feel more and more -- the importance of pleasure, where you can find it. "Enjoy every sandwich," like Warren Zevon said. I'm starting to know a lot of dead people, and I know that number is only going to increase until eventually I join them. I pretty much just want to appreciate everything I can between now and then.

it's true, if you've never met him in person, ned raggett is the most relaxed person on earth.

go eat sandwiches olds

i kid ned, of course. i've never actually seen him eat a salad. he could be the zen-master of salads. and he certainly does seem to be comfortable with himself and healthy, and that's something to aim for in life.

Since my cancer got under control, yes, I am happy getting older.

The freaking out was last summer/fall/winter.

(also go to the doc if you get a backache)

Understandably! I would be concerned if you *didn't* freak out on at least 3 or 4 levels! Glad cancer ass is kicked, good job on the new marrows :)

xpost it was certainly a shock, after reading about your pains and attempts to get them treated, to find out the real cause. Totally rattling.

and he certainly does seem to be comfortable with himself and healthy, and that's something to aim for in life.

Thanks very kindly -- I do, gently, try.

tipsy and jjusten resonating

39 and finally feeling like an adult, and being ok with it. it took until just the past few years to not be so immature. meeting *the* person has helped too, having had enough relationships to know when it's special. took a long time

the physical stuff hasn't bothered me too much yet, although i'm getting fatter than i'd like and recently blowing out my knee isn't helping. the latter event is making me realize that maybe there are things i just shouldn't do anymore, like play basketball.

the other stuff . . . i haven't really accomplished anything and have nothing to show for my advancing years apart from surviving. i don't mean a novel/work of art/feat of strength, i mean anything.

and i have essentially nothing to look forward to, in neither the short term nor the long. most things will probably get worse, in fact. that's not necessarily aging's fault, but it's not helping.

also i don't understand the evolutionary purpose behind all this hair that's now trying to grow out of my ears wtf

My ears/nose are currently fine but am slightly distressed about having to trim my eyebrows. It's not just vanity either, I hate it when they tickle my eyelids.

Can also confirm the relaxedness of Ned.

(also go to the doc if you get a backache)

Aaaarrrghhh

Hi,

Healthwise I'm better than I ever have been, headwise I have not much grey, a few eyebags, the only real manifestation is that I have to fix one eye for long, one eye for short.

46 here.

wld say that one of the few positive things abt getting older is that time never hangs heavy for me, as it did when i was younger - the hours and days seem to speed by now, every minute seems precious, and i'm almost never bored, even at work.

Oh yes the time dilation thing is really obvious to me these days, yeesh! I dont know why but man.

oh yeah, I'm 34 in hexadecimal.

xp Maybe more to do, more to remember, more to think about? And more motivated to find things to fill the time?

I took a long time off work on paternity recently, which featured a lot of empty half-hours waiting while e.g. the elder child decided whether or not he wanted to eat his shreddies. Normally I'd have no time to tolerate that because I'm dashing hither and yon, but the last few weeks I did and frankly it was hell, all that waiting around.

xp 100111 in binary. Sometimes feel like it in decimal as well.

45.
up until a few years ago i was the happiest i had ever been in my life.
i felt relaxed re life, and comfortable with my place in the world (something that eluded me in my 20s and 30s)
lovely wife. gorgeous kids. cool job. nice house. the works.
everything i never expected to happen in life did.
then as mentioned elsewhere, the evil lump took my wife last year.
so, since then i have had a massive life shake up.
and recently while its been a very rocky road, mk2 hit 10 yesterday, and mk1 is in the middle of a field with some mates celebrating the end of the exam season.
i would like to think that both of them are happy and successful in their little worlds, they smile and laugh a lot, and generally seem very content with the little world we have created for ourselves, which is all i want in life.
thats my primary role from hereon. the rest can swing.
we have a quiet happy home (no arguements !) , and a massive social support network in place now making things a lot more enjoyable.
i no longer work full time, meaning i get to have time out from the chaos, and enjoy some long wished for 'me-time', as well as being a school run dad.
so, yes, a year on, its still f*cking tuff emotionally on a day to day basis, but damn, it could be a lot lot worse.
health wise : well, i can now down a bottle of red as if it were a can of coke, and finish a second pretty easily as well.
so, i now restrict my drinking from thurs to sunday, and then go dry for 3 days a week in some hope that this helps keep serious problems under control.
suspect i am kidding myself, but at the moment i care not - other than the extra inches on the waistline.

zevon was a dick and all but "enjoy every sandwich" is some no fooling zen master level shit. wickedly difficult to live by but nothing else is really living.

Sympathies, Mark, and really pleased you've kept everything together.

'massive social support network' has rung a bell with me though. I don't have one personally - parents, very few friends-friends who live a day away, ilx - everything else I'm dependent on the missus. Which I'm happy with because that's how I am, but if I lost her what'd happen? I have no real conception, nor do I think I want one.

Enjoy every sandwich - yes, I love that. Not sure if it also carries the meaning 'enjoy the sandwich you've got', but that's a useful mantra too.

before bh died, we were tight.
no family of value, very few friends.
her and the lads was all i needed.
so, this has been a big change in my world to say the least (and if i'm honest, there are times i could do without all the demands of the social world - i am at heart a homeboy ..)

My present situation is pretty much what you described as "up to", I have never taken this for granted though. (I'm sure you never did either)

That's one thing in particular that I feel more and more -- the importance of pleasure, where you can find it. "Enjoy every sandwich," like Warren Zevon said. I'm starting to know a lot of dead people, and I know that number is only going to increase until eventually I join them. I pretty much just want to appreciate everything I can between now and then.

OTM.

Getting older is a privilege.

also i don't understand the evolutionary purpose behind all this hair that's now trying to grow out of my ears wtf

I think it's to keep you from listening to others?

Anyway, you may have surmised that I am no Pollyanna, but I wouldn't rule out any surprises, pleasant ones included.

Is this maybe where I admit that I honestly don't think I'd be stressing about being 35 and getting older that much at all if I didn't want kids? The thing is though that I do and due to several factors I don't know when or if that's going to happen anymore. I mean if someone could magically tell me that at 41 I'd be able to conceive and have a healthy kid I feel like the pressure would be off a little but since that's impossible, yeah, it does stress me out for that reason alone, mostly.

I'm 33 but this is my favourite new thread

I'm 47 and I guess I'm midway through what passes for an official mid-life crisis. OK, I've got the overt signs: vinyl reissues, MBV/Breeders/Loop reunion shows, Marc Maron's WTF, but what I didn't expect was just how overwhelming the view into old age is when you're standing next to it. When I was little, I was mystified by the idea of being 30 and 40 and what everything was going to be like. I'm from the moon landing and space colony generation, so I've got a latent "where the hell are my jetpacks?" attitude, and I feel threatened by Prism and the generations that follow me.

Now as I face 50, 60, 80+ I've lost all hope for that traditional kind of futurism and just hope that I can manage to do some cool shit and be healthy before the world goes all Thunderdome.

Both my gf and I have parents old enough (80+) to have health issues to be mindful of and as we're continually helping them out, you're constantly thinking "hfs, what am I going to be like that age?" My mom is 88 and is confronting the world with a lot of anger because the world is completely different from what she's used to. I hope I can handle it better, but that existential dread is straight out of the Total Perspective Vortex.

I'm from the moon landing and space colony generation, so I've got a latent "where the hell are my jetpacks?" attitude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zULEAMOcOP4

Oh we were brought up on the Space Race,
now they expect you to clean toilets.

Meantime...

Now as I face 50, 60, 80+ I've lost all hope for that traditional kind of futurism and just hope that I can manage to do some cool shit and be healthy before the world goes all Thunderdome.

Yup. Crossed my mind more than once.

it's scary how difficult it is to imagine what 2030, 2040 etc. will look like.

in some ways, isn't the prospect of rapid change and political uncertainty harder for younger people though? i hope to be alive into the 2070s and even (why not? i eat very healthfully) the 2080s. but those years sound outlandishly distant.

get off our thread you young healthy eating fucko

sorry.

you guys will be alive too. your posts on ilx will provide scientists with enough data to recreate your consciousnesses in digital form, like ja-rel in the new superman movie.

It all depends... no doubt that it's harder for the young - look at all the protests out there.

2030+ is distant and immediate at the same time. Jarvis OTM

37 and the main thing is that now I make louder noises when I get up off the couch after sitting for a long time. oh and I pulled my hair back in a ponytail for the first time in a while after not touching up my hair color for a good couple of months, and hoooweee I have THE most awesome Paulie Walnuts silver hair going on right above my ears. Like I'm almost thinking I'll let my color grow out to see just how white this shit has got since I last looked.

not really freaked out though, I am ok with turning 40 or whatever. I think I might have a crisis maybe about 50, but not 40.

"Enjoy every sandwich"

post-35 so far: not enough sandwiches : (

I definitely had a 40 freakout Veg :( A big fat one. I CANNOT AFORD TO BUY MY OWN PLACE I HAVE NO LONG TERM PARTNER I AM A FUCKING FAILURE etc

thankfully I dont want kids cause adding that to the pile would prob kill me.

aw Trayce :(

Jarvis OTM

I actually sing that line to myself pretty much every time I DO have to scrub the toilet.

I just turned 35, so I'm allowed to play, right?

Don't mind getting older, do mind having pissed away most of my 20s. Only went back to school last year in order to get a Masters (and then hopefully a PhD) and was surprised at how much I *don't* feel like the old guy on campus. Since I'm monogamously coupled (and have been for quite a few years), I don't really have to worry about relationship shit anymore, so most of my anxiety revolves around money, the fact that I really should have a career by now, and when/how/if it will be possible for us to have kids. I'm more focused now than I ever have been at any other point in my life, which leads to a feeling of disappointment at not being further ahead in life than I should be, but a lot of this kind of thinking tends to come from comparing your situation against those of others your age (or, far more depressingly, younger). Which is probably not a very useful way to go through life anyway.

never let it be said that i was not a man who did not enjoy sandwiches

Me commenting in this thread is absolutely fraudulent because I only turned 34 a month ago.

But I have absolutely no idea how I got to be 34. I must've been posting on this damn forum for about 12 or 13 years. I've been with Emma for nearly 12 years. Hell, it's 6 years since we bought our first flat, and that seems like yesterday.

If you'd asked me at age 15 or maybe even 20 I'd have thought I'd have kids by now. But I also don't feel anywhere near adult enough in some ways. There obviously isn't just some magic moment when you go "oh, I'm now a responsible enough adult to create progeny". Obviously. My brother and a good friend at work both recently had their first kids in their early 40s, and another work colleague is expecting and will be 39 (iirc) when she gives birth, so by that comparison we've got loads of time (Em will be 31 next month).

In some ways I feel a bit like I wasted my certain aspects of my 20s, because there are various things I've (re)taken up doing in my 30s that I'd given up for long stretches (cycling, football) and it now seems like wasted time. I'm not sure what I did for all that time. Watched too many DVD box sets and listened to too many records I didn't give a shit about, perhaps.

it now seems like wasted time. I'm not sure what I did for all that time.

Am 47 and I swear that I've spent all of my leisure time for the past ten years on consuming online content. Am hoping that someday this will prove itself to be invaluable but am skeptical.

Elvis OTM re. Thunderdome and PRISM concerns.

I'm 33 but my knees click when I walk, I permanently have about 3 health worries on the go which I don't know whether I should ask the doctor about bcz I can't bother him about all of them, and whenever I leave the office I feel like someone jams their thumb on the fast-forward button of my life because entire evenings/weekends/weeks/months disappear in what feels like minutes. So I can relate and will be lurking to see where it goes from here.

(Have spent the past 6 months going through a protracted breakup and it's brought up a lot of future fear and reflection and I am so damn tired.)

My hands hurt, my ankles always feel strange, my knees feel weak and when I wake in the night I run my tongue round my dodgy tooth and wonder. Sometimes I get to thinking 'well, I only need them to hold out for another x years', and somehow that's a comfort wth?

Am 47 and I swear that I've spent all of my leisure time for the past ten years on consuming online content.

This. God damn the fucking internet.

Bye.

if someone could magically tell me that at 41 I'd be able to conceive and have a healthy kid I feel like the pressure would be off a little

At 41 you will be able to conceive and have a healthy kid. The odds are a little down, but it can totally, totally happen.

A friend of mine just had a kid at 50.

also i don't understand the evolutionary purpose behind all this hair that's now trying to grow out of my ears wtf

I think it's to keep you from listening to others?

― ballin' from Maine to Mexico (Dr Morbius),

<3

im a few years behind cryptosicko but otherwise p much in line with the entire post, tho in the past year i've made solid moves towards career progression, further study and lost a good bit of weight. hopefully by 35 i'll have it all figured out.

wtf is a "career" anyway? How much money do you need to be earning, how much work do you need to be taking home? What other parameters define a career rather than a job?

idk? that whole 'balance' thing, for me over the next few years it'll be a lot to do with being able to afford to buy/build the house we want

nb public sector so money is rubbish but the 'balance' thing? amazing.

the work/life balance aspect is something that has hit me hard in the last year.

i think this is a massive part of any persons 4th decade.

i love not having to work full time. i care not re having a so called career.

in fact, i'm now off to the pub for a toasted ham and cheese sandwich and a few pints.

otm

enjoy every pub lunch

I'm on the old 9-5 5 days a week and manage to get an hour in the pub every lunch time. This along with a 10 min commute makes the "career" seem tolerable but I wonder if it were less tolerable would I be more inclined to jack it in? (and do what exactly?) Have been where I am for 15 years more or less, the thought of being here for another 15 more - and more! is stifling if I really dwell on it, no matter how cushy my position.

Also in 5 months I'll be 40 ＼(^o^)／

37 and the main thing is that now I make louder noises when I get up off the couch after sitting for a long time.

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, June 21, 2013 12:06 AM (6 hours ago)

You and Carl may be the same person.

Jumping into the family/kids thing in my late 20s owed a whole lot to an age/mortality-related freak-out. I had had a couple of health scares in my 20s and then my dad had a health scare. He's been fine ever since, but I was super-determined to make him a grandparent. His dad died before me or my cousins were born, and although my grandma remarried and I did have a grandpa, I only saw them a few times in my life because we lived hundreds of miles away. So by the time I was graduating from college, basically the only thing on my mind was living near my parents and having kids. And that's what I went and did! Success!

But what that brings me to is that now I'm staring down the barrel of 35 and my career is in a bit of a cul-de-sac at the moment and I've been wrestling with an aggravating cycle of debt that I can't seem to break out of. So part of me, despite being truly grateful and lucky to be blessed with my family and kids, really wishes I had taken a few years to work on saving up money and doing things for myself and building my career, maybe getting a masters at night instead of rushing home to cook dinner and watch Adventure Time with the kids. I mean, that second part brings me the most pleasure I've ever had in life before, so to be honest fuck these fantasies about having done things differently, but I'm really hitting a brick wall of "what the hell am I going to do now?"

had taken a few years to work on saving up money and doing things for myself and building my career, maybe getting a masters at night instead of rushing home to cook dinner and watch Adventure Time with the kids.

The other thing about this fantasy though, is that left to my own devices, without the responsibilities of parenting and the needs for moderation that that entails for me, I could have totally seen myself going down a path of degenerate alcoholism, as well. That could have happened so easily.

Yeah, that's the thing that keeps me from spending too much time in the "what if" trenches -- I figure any path would produce its own new set of missed opportunities, regrets, etc etc etc.

You know you're on an old people's thread when a Life of Brian clip is within the first five posts.

Since my cancer got under control, yes, I am happy getting older.

And this. My knee makes this staticy sound these days, like the cartilage is made of rock candy, but that ain't nothing compared to some of what I've already been to.

The kids keep me young. Conversely, they're going to kill me soon.

I know it's hard to believe, son, but when we were young, we used to sit around hissing "Monty Python's Flying Circussssussssss" at each other.

37 and i feel fine, little angst, little to no handwringing about age in private or public
fine with my life and my job
i take care of my body container as well as i can, and try not to think about the future negatively because it's gonna suck plenty without me worrying about it
so in response to the OP
are you happy getting older?
yes
do you wake up every morning wracked with mortality-angst? do you envy, pity, or resent twentysomething cockiness? have you started getting really freaked out over minor day-to-day changes in your health?
no
get back to me when i'm 50, when i'm 60 -- this is too soon

At 41 you will be able to conceive and have a healthy kid. The odds are a little down, but it can totally, totally happen.

um yeah, I feel pathologically obligated to point out that this is entirely incumbent upon the medical histories of the people involved and isn't something you can blithely guarantee to someone

endometriosis is a fucking scourge

:(

I know what you mean Dan but in lieu of something really unfortunate like that, why not feel positive about it? If she'd said 46 or 47 then I'd be like well, yeah, that's probably too late but 41 is the new 31 these days, or something

I gave up "dating" about 5 years ago, and every time I think about resuming, I realize nearly all the gay men close to my age are dead, paired off, or insane.

Conversely, for straight dudes, early 40s is a good time. From both personal experience and observation, single guys in their 40s have a lot of options, dating-wise. I realized that, once I got over the disorientation of being divorced at 40. (I think this is somewhat less true for women, and I'm not saying that's fair.)

:(

I know what you mean Dan but in lieu of something really unfortunate like that, why not feel positive about it? If she'd said 46 or 47 then I'd be like well, yeah, that's probably too late but 41 is the new 31 these days, or something

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, June 21, 2013 10:35 AM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Oh Dan <3.

I mean, as of right now I have no reason to think that it would be an issue other than the decreasing odds that come with age. That said, I have two friends right now with completely unexplained infertility and who are about to start IVF (both husband and wife check out totally fine in all areas yet both couples have been trying for over two years and just can't conceive)and I think that's freaking me out a bit because, I mean, how do I know that won't happen to me? On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I'd be absolutely more than OK with adopting should this ever become an issue. Yes, I realize that I am probably over thinking this but it's hard not to sometimes especially when things are so up in the air etc. I'm a thinker and a worrier by nature, it's just what I do.

Ah, that feels like a really personal post for some reason even though I'm sure I've talked about way more personal stuff on ILX before. idk. DJP otm but TH too in a lot of ways. Why not be positive until there's reason not to be? I just need to stop worrying so much about everything tbh. Maybe that will come with age.

My brother and his partner were trying for two years with no luck, went through IVF and other procedures with no luck,. threw their hands up and said "fuck it, it's just not meant to be", and got pregnant almost immediately. It's a weirdness. I can only conclude that stress is a barrier to fertility sometimes.

You do hear stories like that a lot but I've also heard friends struggling that being told stories like that (or told to just relax) can be really unhelpful while they're going through it.

f*ck. i love fridays.

Conversely, for straight dudes, early 40s is a good time. From both personal experience and observation, single guys in their 40s have a lot of options, dating-wise. I realized that, once I got over the disorientation of being divorced at 40.

oh yes. being a widow in your 40s = massive magnet.

as someone said to me : after 20 years of marriage you have been trained. you have no emo issues re kids. you are prime target.

^^ please replace widow with the awful word : widower

haha yeah ENBB, sorry if i'm doing that.

JUST RELAX, YOU CAN RELAX RIGHT

@enbb : bh was older than most - after years of looking at kids with a look of sheer evilness, her body clock kicked in hard in her 30s.
amazingly, after this change, we had one pretty quickly.
then things became more difficult.
a few years after mk1, we lost one which was really tuff.
but then when bh was 39 we ended up with mk2.
all went perfectly well.
no problems at all.
pizza + a lot of red wine + sinatra = game on.
i.e. 41 = easy days.

hahah guys thank you - I'm really OK it's just something I think about occasionally these days as I realize it's not likely to happen any time soon. It is certainly nice to hear stories like those though. And Tracer you're so not doing that. I meant that I've heard from people actively struggling with infertility that being told to stop trying and it'll just happen or to just relax is pretty much the worst thing.

FWIW, I saw this article yesterday:

"... The widely cited statistic that one in three women ages 35 to 39 will not be pregnant after a year of trying, for instance, is based on an article published in 2004 in the journal Human Reproduction. Rarely mentioned is the source of the data: French birth records from 1670 to 1830. The chance of remaining childless—30 percent—was also calculated based on historical populations.

In other words, millions of women are being told when to get pregnant based on statistics from a time before electricity, antibiotics, or fertility treatment. Most people assume these numbers are based on large, well-conducted studies of modern women, but they are not..."

Huh, fascinating! Also, my mom had me at 39 without any sort of intervention at a time when a 39 year old giving birth would be like a 55 year old doing so now. There are just a lot of scary statistics out there (from olden timez it now seems lol) and that coupled with what my friends are now experiencing had me a little freaked out. In the end though Tracer is right, there's not point in worrying about stuff I don't yet have reason to worry about.

Anyway, there's a lot of things I love about being in my mid-thirties but they all mostly have to do with not being a clueless 20-something anymore tbh.

widower is a terrible word

Least it's not widowest.

widow esq.

tis true.
i hate the word 'widower'.
really hate it.
its like an afterthought to the word widow ..
'oh fuck, we forgot that it can happen to blokes as well .. '
i feel like a campaign needs to be set up a la the use of the word actor.
i.e. widow = gender neutral ..

agreed

plus widower makes it sound like you were party to the act of widowing, which is just kinda no thanks

@vg : never thought of it like that ..
but yes, that's spot on, and probably why i hate the word so much ..

The Old English masc. form was widewa.

Like veuf/veuve in French.

I'm 52. My kid just finished his first year at the University level. I'm in a good relationship (many years after divorce), lots of relatives nearby, decent dayjob, still doing writing for my local alt-weekly and seeing live music.

En vieillissant, on devient plus fou et plus sage.

I need to learn French and Spanish

Old dogs should keep learning new tricks, even if it is not easy.

xxp The height of cleverness is being able to conceal it. For example, by writing in a language that the majority of people around the world don't speak.

what language does a majority of people around the world speak

Esperanto.

@snoball : is that still a valid "language" ?

no, but george soros is a native speaker of it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obBfzVRmKq8

41 here. 40 felt pretty shit. Nothing original: parents getting older and the kids thing. I could still have a crack at kids now, but I don't want to do it on my own and the chances of finding a partner who wants them at this stage is pretty low. I wish I did want to do it on my own, but for me a lot of the joy of kids would be getting a joint kick out of them. Now, though, just finding someone I'm really into and having them be just as into me would be totally fine by me, kids aside.

Started a PhD last year - surely that's a mid-life crisis. There are other oldies like me on campus, so that side of things is ok. I've met some great savvy students in their 20s and 30s as well. I do have a hard time being hassled and snarked on by a supervisor only two years older than me, but I would have been just as furious about some of the situations we've had here if I were 25.

Tried a range of jobs, done fine in most of them, got to travel in several of them - problem is that the most fulfilling ones were also the worse for work-life balance. Health is good, but that can change in an instant. Best of all is lots of close friends, though most of them are a long way away atm.

I'm 41 too, and my situ. is similar to ljubljana's in many ways. My mum's gone already, my dad has been suffering from severe depression & anxiety for a long time and is taking both ageing and widowerhood really badly. I'm divorced, tried to have a kid on my own and gave it up after a while...

My health is relatively good given how many people I know who have or have recently had the Big C, but there are a lot of creaks about the knees & other joints, and I do that grunting thing when I sit down or stand up, even though I'm not (much) overweight. Injuries leave a permanent trail of stiffness and pain that they didn't use to. My neck and hands always hurt.

I've clearly been having a protracted mid-life crisis since 2005. I abandoned paid employment last year because I couldn't stand the sense that my life was rushing away from me. I mean, I couldn't take the job either, but the awful feeling that I might squander my middle age like I squandered my youth is keeping me from going back. I am going to make a go of the current bastard novel, and if it's shit and I remain skinted and unknown, so what. Beats suffocating to death on the Jubilee Line.

45, everything's as good or bad as it has been since I don't when. My quote above is La Rochefoucauld, "As you get older, you become crazier and wiser."

Though in my case it's more the former than the latter.

I turn 39 in a week which doesn't really stress me out but does make me wonder wtf I've done with my time so far. I'm generally happy, for the most part, other than the clinical brain chemistry stuff which is mostly under control. Quit my job to go to fucking art school which is pretty luxurious when I really think about it, and I have a teaching gig lined up already for next year so the wife and I will both be on 9 month a year schedules which has been our goal for a while.

The kid thing hasn't worked out - maybe endometriosis, maybe something else, who really cares at this point - and IVF is not worth the monetary gamble and emotional investment for either of us so we've just started looking into adoption. In a way I'm kind of bitter about this and a little freaked out about being a 40 year old dad but we've got friends who just did this and they seem wonderful. It just sucks to have to jump through a bunch of hoops when so many people can just have multiple kids at will.

I don't really stress mortality but I don't like that I get hurt easier and it takes longer to recover from things like fucking up my back at the gym or drinking more than four beers. I'm in better shape and generally healthier than I have been for a long time but do regret not doing that sooner, though I'm getting better about regretting all the poor decisions I've made.

The "missing close friends" thing is also kind of hard, as everyone has spread around the country. I have decent friends where I live now but not the core group of people who were always around and up for whatever that I had in my 20s.

I get more awesome every single year.

Going to be 43 this summer.

PROS:

Great relationship w/wife
Awesome daughter that I love so much it's scary
Renewed interest in work - much more passionate about such things than I was in my 20's or 30's.
Still active w/hobbies
Healthier for the most part. Quit smoking about 7 yrs ago. Cut my drinking WAY back. Exercise a few times a week. I did have to go on blood pressure meds this year, so that's kind of a bummer

CONS:

Deteriorating friendships. I have no idea how to form new relationships. My co-workers are 90% female and socializing after work w/the opposite sex feels weird to me. College & high school buddies are on the other side of the country. Not sure how to engage with people I don't know.
Realization that I wasted mass amounts of energy on the most ridiculous pursuits in my younger years, i.e. spent an inordinate amount of time trying to extend my adolescence and now I'm paying for it
Closed the door on having more children and I really regret that now
I'm closer to the end now than the beginning. I never went through an existential angst phase when I was younger, but I think about it a lot at 3 am these days.
My kid now imitates me when she gets off the couch and makes an audible "ooof" sound. :(

I'm 52. My kid just finished his first year at the University level. I'm in a good relationship (many years after divorce), lots of relatives nearby, decent dayjob, still doing writing for my local alt-weekly and seeing live music.

― curmudgeon, Friday, June 21, 2013 4:27 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Excluding the divorce part (I really only intend to do this once, though I'm sure most ppl say this), I really hope this is what my life is like at 52.

Although...to have a kid even *starting* university by the time i'm that age, i'd have to have been on that already. *sigh*

Having children late in life has been a paradox: I wish I had had them earlier so I could spend more time with them, knowing that hanging out at the bar trying to be Henry Chinaski is no way to live a life. But if I hadn't hung out at that bar, I would've been forever wondering about what kind of bikini spring break vacations I was missing out on.

I also don't play with them on the same energy level. Sometimes Hammer wants to run around the yard like a crazy man with me, and after five minutes, I"m all "Look, your end of the stick's got a 40-year-old Dad on the end of it. Deal with that for a moment while I catch my breath."

When my dad was the age I am now, I was 15. I could not even fathom having a teenaged son right now, let alone having already been divorced and remarried. Even crazier is my step-dad who at my current age, had a 24-year-old step-son. Of all the adults I've adjusted my sympathy levels for over the past few years, he's the one with the line off the charts.

I learned that James Gandolfini was younger than me when he began production on The Sopranos. Both of Justin Bieber's parents are younger than I am. I mean, it's one thing to go yuk yuk yuk I've outlived Buddy Holly, but realizing now that I'm older than Martin Luther King Jr ever was, good grief.

god, i couldn't wait to turn 40. 39 was the worst, because when people heard i was 39 they made a big fucking deal out of it ooohhh turning 40, last days, the big FOUR-OH, etc. and it was super irritating. i was so relieved to have that over with.

my 40s have been wonderful, amazing, the best years yet. traveled lots, bought a house, fell in love. now 49, i'm with the most terrific guy and i love my life more all the time.

AND i just found out i can RETIRE in five years! holy shit!! i thought i'd have to work till i was 90!

(inspiring thread)

I was 16 when my mom was my age, but what's even freakier is to see pics of my grandmothers at 40. They looked like full on old women. My step-gran was already gray and sporting a weekly wash-n-set hair helmet to go with her Steinmart poly pant suit.

So I figure until I start getting crazy with the Aquanet and hot rollers, I'm still ahead of the game.

Although I do own some elastic waist jeans (jeggings, technically) and I bought some bright pink lipstick that is exactly the same color that my grandmother and great aunts always wore.

Eh, what can you do.

I also just realized how much of my feelings are guided by watching first my grandfather -- who died 9 years ago -- and now my grandmother suffer through Alzheimer's to the point that the people they were, that I grew up with, simply disappeared. Building a lifetime of memories and experiences seems entirely futile if my genes are just going to snatch them away from me bit by bit until I don't know who anyone in my family is and don't understand how to use a fork or go to the bathroom.

I don't miss the feeling of having to have simultaneously *arrived* and be *heading somewhere* that I had from about 30-35.

I'm turning 41 in a couple of weeks, and I'm not particularly anxious about it, nor was I when I turned 40. But a very close friend/former bandmate of mine died days after her 41st birthday, and something about turning that age when she's not around feels wrong.

so sad!

i really feel for those who have lost people. or who have had the fear and pain that misfortune or ill health can bring. it really sucks. now all the really old people can say to us: you ain't seen nothing yet! but that doesn't always seem so comforting. to know that we will just suffer more loss if we live long enough! but the good stuff can be really good.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OdkaRmRC2H0

Heh xps, I love those 'when my parents were my age' perspectives, but they're starting to get weird.

My three-year-old burst into some DJ Sven & MC Miker G the other day, and I got to thinking: 'that's cool, a 26-year-old hook still works. Now, what's the equivalent I'd've been singing when I was three?' *counts* 1979 ... 1953 ... rock'n'roll has yet to drop, wtf

Ha ha! My introduction to music was playing lots of my mum's lousy old 50's/early 60's ex-jukebox 45's when I was six. Thirty odd years later I still even remember the b-sides in quite intricate detail.

My dad had 4 kids by my current age, i try not to think about it tbh

mine had 7 by my age (with 2 following), i will be having zero

By my age my grandfather had left school, worked ten years through the depression in (I think) the shipyards, enlisted and fought through WWII, occupied Italy in some fashion, then spent a few years back in the uk working, starting a family and readjusting to civilian life. You've just got to hold your hands up to these guys.

When my dad was my age he'd been living in America for over 10 years and owned/was the chef of his first restaurant and I was 2. My mom than he is but she had been a children's clothing buyer for years before leaving the industry to run that place with my dad. It would be another five years until she had me.

When my dad was my age, I had just graduated from high school. Best-case scenario for my kids doing that, I'll be 53 and 56 respectively. But that's not uncommon now obviously -- I have lots of friends my age with kids my kids' age.

Yeah, that's been the weird part. I'd say at the daycare, we're right in the middle of the pack, age wise.

47 and largely living the life of a young man however my body has several reservations about this strategy and lets me know via lower back nonsense, retaining fat + carbs put into it instead of just magically converting them into energy like it did all through my 20s, needing naps wtf is this I don't nap naps are for olds, etc

did not expect to live this long or to get this life; when I'm at home with the family instead of far from them (as I am much of the time), I feel almost overwhelmed by how glad I am to have gotten where I am. Which I think is partly a function of my accomplishments and good fortune but also partly a function of age - I feel like my perspective in the last year or so, as I start out on new work and take stock of the work I've done and of course as parenthood and its vast new worlds open up for me, has widened in ways I couldn't have anticipated (both backwards-looking in terms of how I conceive of the past and forwards-looking in terms of how I imagine building the future). the big "this is a function of your present age" thing since becoming a father is that I now feel sad when I think of dying. Pretty much since I was 14 I have looked forward to dying. I know that's fucked up but it's true. loving someone like I love my son makes me want to go on living as long as possible, which is a pretty new feeling for me and is weird and scary. the reality that I probably have less time than I've already had seems clear now, and is clearer daily. the probability that I will not be around to see how my son deals with being 47 is kinda heavy. I better stop here because a man of my age does tend to go on and lose sight of what the point was he was trying to make

When my dad was my age, he already had two kids out of high school, served a 26-year military career (he started at 17 and retired in 1988) including four tours of Vietnam, and retired from that to a still-going civilian career in facilities management.

When my mum was my age, I was 15 and no fun to be with, and she'd been separated from my Dad 2 years, having been with him 24 years. I have never had a relationship last longer than 18 months.

Let's see, my dad at my age was commanding a nuclear sub training base in upstate New York and probably pondering a bit at his 11 year old son and 8 year old daughter on occasion.

when we moved from the island to here i was 40 and we kinda completely changed our lives. it was nice to know that it was possible to do! i'll be 45 in october and i can't even tell you how much has happened in that time. a little overwhelming. lots of amazing stuff and some real hard stuff too. i think i kinda saved my mental and physical life by moving and ditching my Pekar job at the hospital. it was just gonna get worse and worse and taking the leap was 150% the right thing to do and i shiver when i think of how easy it always was for me in the past to NOT make the move or take a chance. so, i've gotten a little bolder with age. and ilx helped me with that! for real! lemme tell you how ILX helped save my life. since i'm here. and incapable of working this week apparently.

*the story of how ilx helped save my life*

i was really low on that island. no close friends or family of my own. raising a baby and feeling isolated and also physically wasted from severe sleep apnea and drinking. i was bumming. it was hard for the both of us. maria and i. money troubles. the whole thing. i didn't get my apnea checked because i didn't care enough to and it meant getting a sleep study in falmouth which meant getting on a ferry and going to falmouth which was WAY too much effort for me. easier to die choking in my sleep. ilx even then was a lifeline. just to interact with some like-minded people. that's why i started i love books back then. i needed contact. so when ned and others talked about those EMP pop conferences i got curious. i never went anywhere. ever. i went an entire calendar year once without once stepping foot off of marthas vineyard. which is really really scary in retrospect.
so anyway, the 2007 EMP thing was coming up and it seemed like more than a few people from here were gonna go whether they were presenting or not. so i submitted something and they said okay and i proceeded to have panic attacks for months at the thought of going. but let's get it straight, i was ONLY going cuzza this place. i never would have known about it without this place. i was only going because people i knew - if not in the flesh - and liked were going to be there. and boy were they there! of the three i've been to, this was the most ilx-y by far. you had your ned, your matos, and nate and the geeta and sheesh dave stelfox! hanging with mark sinker and reverend rodney for 3 days! and simon reynolds, not an ilxor, who is lovely and not a gobshite at all. oh and tons more that i am forgetting. it was so great! my thing went well and people liked it and that was a big boost, but it wasn't that so much as just finally feeling like i was around MY people that had me flying. don't laugh. rock critics are people too sometimes. i just felt like i was a part of something. and not sad at home, which is key. that feeling rocked my world.
a few months go by and its summer and i go to the bookstore and pick up a new book ironically titled MAROONED and i'm in it cuz that crazy motherfucker phil freeman put me in it cuz he knows me from here and my pals geeta, and d.wolk, and matos and dave queen and miccio are in it too and i'm a part of a thing with them. my online pals. and a couple of months after that i'm reading in a bookstore in nyc and there are tons of people there and you have NO idea the lengths i have gone to in my life to never speak in public. herculean lengths! but its this thing of ours. and i was so happy to be a part of it.
so, in a nutshell, i was like we gotta get the fuck out of here and this place with the 8 dollar gallons of milk and i'm gonna miss mike at the record store and i'm gonna miss beth parker and aunt bette but we gotta get the fuck out of here. we are so trapped. we built a house there. i was so miserable. the bank was practically begging us to not pay the mortgage. we were in way over our heads. they gave morons like us loans back then. it was all the rage. i wanted us to go somewhere where we could always feel like how i felt in Seattle in 2007. Or at the Housing Works Bookstore in NYC. I wanted us to be a part of something we could be proud of and that we could contribute to. done AND done! we really did it. as of today. and that's good enough for me. never would have hung out with Tarfumes or had him play in my store or do a million other things if i hadn't had that glimpse that year. that glimpse that makes you realize that you...want...more. not more stuff. not more money. just a place where you can breathe and DO more. and go to a hospital and get treated for something that is friggin' killing you. because you care enough to! because everything seems a little easier in a place where you feel welcomed. it can be hard work, man. really hard. but if you can find that place you can take on a LOT of the bad shit that happens in life without being pulled under by it as easily.

i swear i'm putting my nose to the grindstone next week. you won't here from me AT all! promise. just rilly want a little vacation...

Mum & Dad had already had 3 kids by now.

xxpost Aero, I love what you wrote, melancholy though it may be.

Fuck me, can we make Scott's post there part of the permanent FAQ of this place? Hurrah for Scott and ILX and all!

Scott, I'm going to hang on to that post like the life preserver it is, until I reach the shore.

Scott that is the best. <3

suitable for framing! tears welling up, etc.

taking the leap was 150% the right thing to do and i shiver when i think of how easy it always was for me in the past to NOT make the move or take a chance.

This is a powerful argument for hope. Cheers, Scott.

Superb, Scott. Superb.

Scott, that was so insanely inspiring to read. You fucking rule.

I will also say it really never hurts to get checked for sleep apnea, which I've been struggling with a bit lately. (CPAP didn't work out for the best so I'm going for an appliance/retainer type thing -- we'll see!)

Bravo, scott! That was totally ace.

Scott, that is awesome. Really inspirational.

Aero and Scott both in their own ways really, really moving and inspiring me here... Damn... Thanks guys

I was at that Housing Works reading and I had no idea it was that iconic for you!! I thought you were elevated rock critic that I was kind of shy abt talking to. :)

Many xps but I posted that fertility article in the women's issues thread yesterday - the article is worth a read

<3 aero & scott, i need to hug u guys sometime

Scott, that is an amazing post. It reads like a little breath of fresh air. For a couple of years now I've felt so trapped, and I admit I've been blaming it on age. But, as I tried to get across upthread, I know that's not the whole story. Though, honestly, escape would be so easy if I were fifteen years younger, and not a mother. When does the wisdom of age kick in, anyway?

sorry, i've not read the thread just yet:

it's only after turning 35 that i realised what i want to do with my life. in fact, it's only in the past few months that i've had absolute clarity about the area in which i want to specialise and make a difference (and i mean a real difference, not growing some rich guy's bank account). i've also worked harder in the past few years, and had more energy, than at any time in my whole life.

the main reason for that (I *think*; still not sure precisely what brought it on) is this: 7–8 years ago i had a sudden realisation that i could just die at any moment, and that i need to do everything i want to do straight away. nothing kicks you into action like an acute awareness of your own mortality. nothing.

i'm 40 next year. my only serious ~life~ concern is that i'm working/healthy/alive long enough for the postgrad i'm about to throw myself into to be worth doing. that concern comes from just recently seeing a load of 50+ people cop strokes/cancer/early death. bugger-all i can do about that if it happens to me, obviously, so i plan to press on in the off-chance that it doesn't, and that at 75 i'm actively improving the lives of other people.

When does the wisdom of age kick in, anyway?

Gradually. It's more that, as you face life's various crises or huge choices, you start noticing that you somehow rose to the occasion and didn't fuck things up badly, so you start to trust yourself more. You won't claim it as wisdom, though. Other people eventually notice that you seem to be confident and responsible and you navigate your life reasonably well. They may even ask you for the benefit of your wisdom!

oh and i should mention that that's where my happiness and life satisfaction comes from (and i'm married to the most incredible person on the planet, and appreciate every single day of that as it happens) xp

I am getting jealous of some of these dad biogs. By the time my dad was my current age, he was a hard drinking Irish-fuck, mechanic type prick, getting divorced from my mum and serving an 18 month ban for drink driving and disappearing out of my life forever. Many years later, at the behest of my partner he turned down a chance to meet his grandson, just because my son has autism and that freaked out his Irish catholic sensibilities. So I am looking forward to him dying and me personally telling his cunt of a sister that I won't be attending his funeral because I don't give a flying fuck about him. This all sounds a bit bitter but I am very calm about it these days, ruthlessly so. As I get older I become more devoted to my son, to the point where I would do anything for him. He keeps me honest and brave.

When does the wisdom of age kick in, anyway?

I don't think it does particularly.

I'm 48, and I don't think I've picked up any more wisdom than

(i) try to enjoy things at the time ( 'enjoy every sandwich') if you can- you'll look back and what seemed fixed way of life was just a temporary era....
(ii) try to avoid unproductive negative thoughts - that stuff drives you crazy and can cripple you for literally years at a time

I don't think there's any real real wisdom you can codify or put into words that allows you to think 'now I really know how to handle life'. In the end you have to improvise and make the best of whatever comes up.

I think most wisdom from most older ppl comes in the form of Mickey Mantle's last year: "Don't do what I did"

In the end you have to improvise and make the best of whatever comes up.

Yeah, that's the problem. I'm still just improvising, and not very well it seems. No one's going to look to me for ideas. Your two bits of advice strike me as very sound, though.

Maybe one last bit of wisdom:

(iii) try to enjoy being yourself, or at least try to make peace with yourself: if you feel you can't like or trust yourself, you can't even even trust your mistrust and that way lies despair/madness..

(Disclaimer: from Dr Morbius' 3 categories -dead, paired off, or insane - I guess I'd be in the last category.

well i am too occasionally

Are there people who actually become wise before their time? I have never met any. Just saying after reading someone on the 20's thread talking about traversing life like it is a simple map, divided into 20's/30's /40's zones etc.

I think there are different kinds of wisdom. When I was 20 (or when I was 10!) I had some bits of the map that most other people I knew didn't but I was missing some of the parts that everyone else had wrt being a happy member of society.

(iii) try to enjoy being yourself, or at least try to make peace with yourself

Another good point, and one I need to work on, for sure. You seem pretty sane to me. Not enough categories, maybe.

I used to think that I knew so much when I was young. I was embarrassingly gauche and socially inept in reality, but still I was right about a lot of shit!

xp

an unfortunate segway

http://www.foundshit.com/pictures/funny/segway-baby-stroller.jpg

Xp to damo, "hey"

That "I used to think that I knew so much when I was young" shock underlies so many midlife crises.

"I can't see the lines I used to think I could read between"

I wasn't having a personalised dig at you and you seem a really nice guy. xxp

That is an unfortunate segway. Why the hell is she not wearing any ppe?

I used to be so arrogant, that I thought life would never subtract any dignity from me ever again. Boy was I wrong.

didn't you see the TED talk about how wearing helmets means you are giving in to the "Culture of Fear" drummed up by helmet advertisers and their powerful allies in Washington?? it was discussed at length on the helmets C or D thread.

also, i knew you didn't really mean that as a dig at me. that's why i put "hey" in quotation marks. if i was offended i would have written something like HEY!

The thing that stresses me out about how stupid I used to be is that I'm still the same idiot and obviously still am stupid, but won't know how stupid until a couple of years from now.

This thread made me think about bucket lists, which I generally don't like the idea of. I was happy to discover that my bucket is small and do-able! 1. own a cat or cats 2. get back to Russia soon and make it a regular thing 3. catch up somewhat on the canon, doesn't have to be comprehensive or anything 4. make this PhD as enjoyable and mindblowing as it ought to be. 5. via the PhD, hang out with small kids from time to time 6. probably end up in London. Grateful to thread for helping me establish that I'm not that hard to please despite the I'm-all-alooone whining above and all over this borad.

there are so few things that i want in life, but in a way, that makes it harder. if you want lots of stuff, you can trivialize their importance when you fail to attain them.

Many things are difficult and annoying about being older, but there is one big thing that is good -- at 41, married, with all the children as I expect to have and in a career I plan to stick to, the endless, grinding uncertainty about WHO WILL I TURN OUT TO BE is more or less behind me -- it's amazing how much mental energy that meets and how much it improves life to have shucked it off.

(But maybe 10 years from now I'll realize how stupid 41-year-old me was to think that in 2013...)

I thought life would never subtract any dignity from me ever again. Boy was I wrong.

Wait until you very old and are nearing death. Indignities may strip you down like a pack of pirahanas.

This thread made me think about bucket lists, which I generally don't like the idea of.

I find them annoying. My joys in life do not come via quantifiable lists like that, they come via the process of creation and discovery, via pleasant surprises and richer growth in what you already enjoy and love. There's no set schedule, just as there are no guarantees.

Many x-posts here, but it's something I often think of - when my mum was my age now, I'd graduated university. But she was very young when she got pregnant. Can't quite fathom it really since I have no kids myself and no plans to have any.

The thing that stresses me out about how stupid I used to be is that I'm still the same idiot and obviously still am stupid, but won't know how stupid until a couple of years from now.

I think this cycle probably continues until death or mental deterioration. Put positively, it means you're still learning.

And I have a sort of anti-bucket-list mentality -- some years ago I reconciled myself to knowing that whenever I die, I will leave behind a mountain of books I meant to read, places I meant to go, music I meant to listen to, etc etc. I actually find this comforting. It takes the pressure off and just lets me do the things I have time or inclination for. If you're never going to get to everything, then you can just do whatever you feel like.

but you have to continue building your fort of wisdom with fewer and fewer brain cells...

And I have a sort of anti-bucket-list mentality

i too am not esp goal-minded; also the things i can think of that i would want to do are so preposterous that if i spent my life chasing them, i wouldn't have a life anymore

I don't even know what my goals would be. I don't want to climb a mountain. I don't want to fly to India. I'd like to die before my kids, but not anytime soon though. That's about it.

but you have to continue building your fort of wisdom with fewer and fewer brain cells...

Think smarter, not harder.

I've been holding off posting here as I'm only 30, but it's a little warped for me as health problems and how I physically feel does make me feel ancient sometimes, and more afraid of ageing I guess.

On the other hand, the fact that a lot of my 20s was spent waiting to feel better (until I reached a point where I could move on regardless) means that I feel a bit younger than 30 too, mentally. Like I sort of had to catch up on things I missed during 2/3 years of never going out and another 2/3 of of kinda fathoming the mental effects of the first few years. (Though obv who's to say a healthy me would have done anything new anyway?)

are you happy getting older?

Yeah, increasingly I am. I feel like my inner judge is more fair and calm. I feel more serene generally. I have more money and there's a sense of life moving along, friends are doing okay too and we can do slightly different things as well as partying (which is still fun.)

or do you wake up every morning wracked with mortality-angst?

I find the sense of meaninglessness kind of comforting, to be honest. Comforting or inspiring. Like, my decisions are not the be all and end all in the universe. Sometimes it's palpable, on a long walk on a hot day, with some music on, a sense of barely existing and it feels good.

do you envy, pity, or resent twentysomething cockiness?

I envy it a little bit, I sometimes wish I used my own to create more rather than just party all the time. But I was how I was. I envy the way people in my drama diploma who are quite young have no safety net whatsoever, like in my case there's all the comfy old-person pleasures that you have when you've built a career over a few years, clothes or wine or nice restaurants, and they kind of stop you from diving into something where you'd be penniless, it's like money is fattening you and killing you.

have you started getting really freaked out over minor day-to-day changes in your health?

My health is fucked, basically. Scott's post rings a bell cos I often think I should go to a doctor again and see if I'd have more luck getting it fixed. but I did exhaust a lot of options when I first got sick in 2005. I worry a lot about how I'll feel in my 40s and 50s given how bad my health can sometimes be now, in my 30s and how it was in my 20s.

I often feel like the societal stereotype of an old person, with lots of ongoing conditions that flare up and no real proper explanation for all of them, so when I'm actually old I fear that'll be something I'm kinda ignored/condemned more for.

But I guess I'll still have the courage of my convictions. I sort of think shedding the bulletproof feeling of youth and coming to terms with its exit is a key part of happiness, and it's actually quite good to be rid of it in a way. I wasn't very thoughtful in my youth.

I often feel like the societal stereotype of an old person, with lots of ongoing conditions that flare up and no real proper explanation for all of them, so when I'm actually old I fear that'll be something I'm kinda ignored/condemned more for.

No, when you're old you'll just be like everyone else and you can sit around freely trading weird-health-problem stories. Major thing I've noticed over 40 is how freely people start to talk about their health issues. I think you develop a much more specific sense of your body as an imperfect physical mechanism prone to wear and tear and breakdown, and there's much less self-consciousness about it. People sit around and talk about colonoscopies!

Ah that's good to know. I feel like for the last few years if I openly talk about health stuff people just have no response and are like "...", even with good will.

Yeah, younger people don't know how to talk about serious health stuff because it's mostly foreign and also frightening. You get older and it all starts to get unfortunately familiar -- things happen to your parents, your friends and eventually to you. And it becomes natural to talk about it and trade experiences.

38, mostly focused on kids, starting to deal with my parents' serious health issues. Once the kids get older and more independent, will have more time/energy to directly ruminate on personal stuff/mortality/middle age. Otherwise, I'm mostly content and happy but hyper-aware of how little it would take to throw everything into chaotic flux.

i feel like an old person (46) in that i obsess about my own antiquity, especially in relation to the age or youth of others. like there's a young woman at work who seems to like me and frequently wants to chat, but my sense that she's a kid -- and that i'm ancient relative to that -- gives me anxiety. plus the parade of infirmities.

I just met someone last week who has the same foot pain I do!!! It's mysterious and not confined to a certain joint or place, so it's really hard to describe/define, and we've tried the same things, been to doctors, but no one has ever offered any explanation! We shared that mentally we don't give ourselves the benefit of the doubt because we seem to be the only ones who experience this effect--she in fact had NEVER TOLD HER BOYFRIEND that walking and standing-at-things dates were excruciating to her! Sheeeeit.

That was such a great conversation.

I'll tell you one big difference between 29 and 39.

At 29, say you're playing basketball or some strenuous activity, and boy, once you're into it after a bit, your heart starts beating fast and your sides hurt. "What's the matter, plains, you still in?" and you go, "Nah, I'm just going to sit here and have this heart attack, hahaha."

At 39, the self-propel belt on your mower goes out and you cut the lawn uphill for about 30 minutes in 80 degree weather. Later, when you're leaning against the shower stall, feeling your heart beating fast and your sides hurting, you honestly wonder to yourself "If I'm having a heart attack right now, how bad do I let this get before I call for an ambulance?"

And I assume at 49, you actually have the heart attack. Can't wait.

but my sense that she's a kid -- and that i'm ancient relative to that -- gives me anxietyYes. This is how I feel on the internet, most of the time.

I had a scare a couple of years ago with a knee. I was getting loads of advice from the over-60 crowd and having visions of growing old before my time. Thankfully, it's all cleared up now.

And I assume at 49, you actually have the heart attack. Can't wait.

been there.

in the middle of the chemo/surgery/chemo chaos i was having a shower and had some very serious chest pains.
couldn't breath, starting shaking all over.
couldn't stand up.
legs gave way.
got v.v.v scary.
bh was in no position to drive me to a hospital/doctors as she had just come off a round of soul destroying chemo.
only solution - i had to drive to the nearest a&e.
my heart was pounding, and it was too painful for words ...
the a&e crew picked up on my situation very quickly and was soon diagnosed as tietze syndrome.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tietze_syndrome

after a bollocking from the staff re driving to the hospital i was given some assuring advise (probably stress related due to the chaos - drink some wine tonight !)

just thought it wise to pass this on, as it may not be the big one ...

And I assume at 49, you actually have the heart attack. Can't wait.

― pplains, Tuesday, June 25, 2013 12:31 PM (43 minutes ago)

That's why I hired a yard guy two years ago and quit trying to mow it myself. I can't think of a worse reason to have a heart attack than pushing a machine around a boring expanse of grass.

I like to check in with the old Death Clock now and again, to keep me honest.

http://www.deathclock.com/

It now has me reaching 90. (Of course, that's with me describing myself as an optimist. If I say I'm "normal," I only make it to 73.)

Oh, I misread it -- the optimistic refers to their projection, not to my mental health. Well, I'll go ahead and be an optimist anyway.

Optimist puts me just shy of 100 years old. "I'm dying on Wednesday, May 4, 2078."

i've been really fortunate with my health so far. i'm 45. i can still race my bike if is wish, though my power has dropped about 10% from age 34 (part of that is likely due to riding much less). but i can still go an hour at the same heart rate as back then. i've never finished a workout or event and thought, "uh oh, too much," at least so far. i'm sure it'll happen, hopefully in a mostly benign fashion. as far as regular chores go, i broke my hand in three places last summer and cut maybe a quarter of an acre in 90+ heat one-handed with a regular push mower, several times. beyond, like, #braggin', i mean to say that when you have your health, you do have it all, or nearly all.

dying cutting the lawn would be second worse only to dying while shoveling snow. at least you might smell the grass before you go, in the snow you just get a face full of ice/snow/slush. ive got a 9 y/o whom i intend to deputize into lawncare in 3 years max, pretty psyched tbph.

I am not messing w/ death clocks after the last year.

As for avoiding stupid and other kinds of heart attacks...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/summeranne/satchel-paiges-six-rules-for-staying-young

(btw Optimistic v Pessimistic is a 32-year swing on that thing. Buncha shit.)

Deathklok gives me 22 years left to go.

My tip for staying young is to go to my gym's 10:00 am water aerobics class. I'm the youngest in there and I can smoke those old ladies when we swim from one end of the pool to the other. Out of my way, grandma! Me and my pool noodle are coming through!

paige thing never fails to cheer me.

i've got til 2067, maybe i'll live long enough to see florida underwater.

I'm 38 and enjoy good health. My great uncle died Friday because this 84-year-old possessing every one of his five senses intact stopped taking heart medication, prescribed as a result of open heart surgery in 2010. He dropped dead in front of his house; it was an hour before his wife found him. His daughters are devastated; my cousin, his grandson, now must deal with the consequences: no will, no coffin, no burial, plus closing down the man's CPA practice in Queens.

So I'm going to avoid that scenario.

thanks, ca

which reminds me, i still need to do up a will and all that fun stuff :s

There's some scary stuff and some very moving stuff in this thread. I appreciate everybody sharing their experiences.

At 52, I'd say the worst thing about aging has been losing people and anticipating their loss. Also realizing that I am now the designated grown-up and that when more family members pass away I will be sweeping up the pieces as well as grieving.

The physical aspects of aging are not much fun, but as observed upthread, if you survive long enough, it gets easier to persuade yourself to see doctors, adopt more sensible habits, etc.

My approach to exercise has changed completely. When I was in my 20s, I could jump in and out of training, getting fit quickly when I was working out and preserving some of the gains when I was not working out. If I got hurt, I healed so fast it didn't matter. But then I reached an age where it became obvious that I was going to have to exercise more just to maintain the ability to get off the couch. Instead of pretending injuries don't matter, I've had to figure out how take care of them. But I've also gotten more patient and less inclined to measure my success in terms of other people's performance, so exercise is more fun than it used to be.

I have one year and one week before I need to check in on this thread in earnest.

Optimist puts me just shy of 100 years old. "I'm dying on Wednesday, May 4, 2078."

― Not Simone Choule (Eric H.), Tuesday, June 25, 2013 7:32 PM (57 minutes ago)

I'm probably tempting fate massively by saying this, but that's my 104th birthday.

I'm much less stressed about health than I used to be - I've probably lost about 70 pounds over the last ten years, eat much healthier, and exercise way more (relative I guess when you start with "none" as the baseline).

It used to be that every little ache or pain was cancer or a heart attack or tumor and was totally going to be that fatass who drops dead at 29 from cardiac arrest; now at least I can pin most problems on exercise related injuries and such. Though they still might be tumors.

If being an optimist raises your life expectancy that much I should really work on that.

Nah, that's the optimistic prediction vs. the pessismistic one -- i.e. your likely statistical range.

But there is this:

http://www.webmd.com/balance/news/20041101/optimism-may-help-you-live-longer

Oh! for all you pessimists out there, I'm not gonna see President Rodham.

I mean, it didn't make sense, Gore Vidal almost made it to 90...

It may be that "optimism" and "pessimism" as categories exclude the beneficial effects of staying alive just to dance on as many graves as possible.

x-post to fellow 52-year-old

so exercise is more fun than it used to be

I wish I could say that. Also, my brother, sister-in-law and brother-in-law all in their late 40s seem to thrive on long runs and pumping iron on a regular consistent basis. I exercise, but need to do more and on a more consistent basis. But again, I was not hardcore about it in my 20's through 40s either.

"more fun" is a stretch, sometimes it doesn't feel fun, but I've gotten more relaxed about it ... when I was younger, I stressed out about running faster or getting more sw0le, now I'm happy just to do something consistently ... if the intensity level is kind of laughable sometimes, nbd

exercise is 85% mental health benefits/fun, 15% maintenance of body container for me -- but it always has been. that hasn't changed with age at all. you could not pay me to do anything competitively, but i need only the flimsiest excuse to take a 2 hr walk.

I finally started getting serious with a workout program in February, and am a little surprised to be enjoying it. I'm swamped with work and wasn't able to go yesterday or today, and I'm feeling a little antsy. Still haven't dropped a single pound, but my pants fit better.

I love exercising more and more, perhaps because the consequences of failing to exercise are so much more obvious. Stiffness, sluggishness, insomnia, depression. I feel like the foot-smashing aged me 10 years though, b/c it made exercising painful and complicated. I still haven't figured out how to exercise around the arthritis, which is massively pissing me off. Advice on arthritis of the midfoot tends to assume that you're a 75 yo diabetic who's already had to make peace w/ walking at 1/2 mph and wearing special shoes.

That's another negative post from me abt ageing tho, and I should say it's not all bad. The terrible fear of failing to write has finally driven me to actually fuckin write, which is p. great. The failure to have a proper life - house, husband, kids, career - has liberated me for writing. And travelling. And spending days just sorting my scrap collection & listening to Kings of the Wild Frontier. In some ways I'm more in touch with my old 'young' self than I was at any point in my 30's.

I only got into exercising during the past few years as my twentysomething self was always like "exercise? I'm in great shape...I don't need that shit!" although the weight I've put in in the last few years clearly disagrees. Youthful assholeness finally coming back to bite me, I guess.

*on in

deathclock says i have a little under six years left, oh well

exercise is 85% mental health benefits/fun

It took me way to long to learn this about myself - if I don't go to the gym or yoga or bike riding or whatever on a regular basis I get really surly

My favorite thing about exercising is that point when I can tell the second wind/endorphin rush is coming in the next minute or two. It's kinda sexy.

i don't like exercising; i like playing. that doesn't seem to be a v. reasonable option anymore tho

I've got too many friends who think playing basketball once a month is a "workout." A couple of those friends have suffered knee and ankle surgery thanks to out of shape basketball.

if I don't go to the gym or yoga or bike riding or whatever on a regular basis I get really surly

I am so used to this commonplace that I often take a bike ride in the morning "to get my mood up for the day" but the truth is it doesn't actually work on me. Probably good for my body to have the bike ride anyway.

A couple of those friends have suffered knee and ankle surgery thanks to out of shape basketball.

lol otm

I quit playing weekly basketball three years ago (at 41, lol) after watching a half dozen old fuckers like me go down with nasty injuries, and we all were in shape.

Basketball is awesome but it is horrible for your body.

44 year old friend of mine just broke his ankle playing basketball. He was definitely in shape, a 2:35 marathoner.

That's an incredible marathon time for any age, really.

The hardest part is that what I noticed most is that my brain thinks like it's still 18 years old on the court (hah, and everywhere else) but you just can't make plays like you used to. And the next thing you know, you've blown out your ACL.

even better than the dad thing if you want to feel like you haven't accomplished anything in life is to do the famous death thing. for instance, i am 44 going on 45 and John Coltrane was 40 when he died. oops, looks like SOMEONE forgot to change the entire world with his incendiary art. :(

on the other hand, i DO make a killer potato salad. take that, Trane!

ysi?

lol

Do you put hard-boiled eggs in your potato salad, scott?

no egg = not potato salad!

everyone to your bunkers, shit's about to get real

Would you serve potato salad with a pizza?

I've had pizza with mashed potatos on it.

wtf

we put eggs in our potato salad, which was the style at the time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsLqCWP-cT0

I've had pizza with mashed potatos on it.

we got dat here

I've had pizza with egg on it. Nom.

Wrong. Wrong. You're all terrible and wrong.

cmon you're old you can eat what you want now

salt
white pepper
paprika
garlic
shallots
spicy mustard
honey
celery
potatoes (i'm fond of rhode island royal potatoes these days. also prince edward island potatoes.)
hot stuff to taste (hot sauce that you like. or even rooster sauce! but you don't have to go crazy.)

and that's about it. but hard boiled eggs are fine too. there is always room for something else. how about some bacon?

i do everything by eye. so i don't have measurements or anything.

Christ for a second I thought you were listing what you put on pizza and I almost cried.

I like a nice new-potato salad, with vinegar and mustard seeds, peas, some herbs and not a lot else.

would eat all this potato salad pizza

I am interested in a new potato + dill potato salad version but I haven't experimented with that yet.

EGGS IN POTATO SALAD THAT'S CRAZY

oh wait - maybe I've had that

potato pizza is good

brb, I'm hungry - need breakfast

There was a pizza place in London that had an amazing pizza w/ potatoes. It was right near the old Astoria but it closed down and it was all very sad.

my friend maggie, at her pizza place, has a nice potato & garlic pizza:

http://www.magpiepizza.com/

There was a place that did Pizza with Spagbol on it.

I like a good potato salad early in the morning
billy likes to peel the skin from his big brown spud

I keep forgetting how old I am. 40 looks great from here, I'm now 42. I take sugar baths and then slather coconut oil all over after. I also juice a lot of green veggies and getting off the meat. Been a vegetarian and a vegan in my past...Oh and I am back to working out with frequency and drinking lots of water. Trying to hold on!

mustard/mayo-based potato salad is the chunky ejaculate of Satan's penis

oh wait i forgot to mention mayo.

mayo.

i use about two tablespoons of mustard. doesn't overwhelm any one thing. tastes good with everything else. its a crowdpleaser.

You're wrong, Dan. You're a man of many talents and a vast trove of information, but in this case you're just wrong.

this conversation about pizza and mayo is a real crowd pleaser too if the past is any indication
another thing about being 35+ is the onset of "pffft this has been done before" old person trend fatigue

OH DEAR GOD DAN NO

I only got into exercising during the past few years as my twentysomething self was always like "exercise? I'm in great shape...I don't need that shit!" although the weight I've put in in the last few years clearly disagrees. Youthful assholeness finally coming back to bite me, I guess.

I guess I'm pretty lucky that I'm tall and have a fast metabolism cos I've always got away with this... until recently. I'm nearly 37 and I put on weight on holiday a few months ago and this time it doesn't seem to be going away of its own accord. I may have to resort to actually doing something about it. Not today though, had chips for lunch and have to go to stupid work function tonight so will have to drink beer to numb the boredom.

Not sure I want to know what my cholesterol is like but I did have my BP done today and apparently it's normal.

linking exercise to weight loss exclusively is missing a huge part of the point of exercise!

linking cholesterol to bad health is missing a huge point of bacon

ok, now it's a death by pizza thread

there's a schnitzel place by my office that puts potato salad in it's schnitzel sandwich! (and also sauerkraut, fried onion, tomato, lettuce and cheese)

i turned 41 last may and im still not even close to being comfortable with it. id never be a 20 something again. i mean it was so fun but so dysfunctional too. i loved my 30s . if i could be say 32 forever then yay!

I honestly keep forgetting that I'm married to a 41-year-old. Not saying this just because she's here, but sunny looks and acts like a 32-year-old. She doesn't forget the neighbors' names, make a racheting sound when getting up or go on meaningless rants about the county government.

id never be a 20 something again. i mean it was so fun but so dysfunctional too. i loved my 30s . if i could be say 32 forever then yay!

Yes! I know I'm supposed to lament getting older, but so far i'm liking my 30s way more than I did my (sometimes fun, mostly dysfunctional) 20s. I mean, if I could go back and do those years without being an absolute neurotic mess, that'd be great, but the relative calm and sanity that has characterized my 30s thus far is far more preferable to me.

I'll be 45 this year and it's mind blowing if I think about it. My 30s were kind of great (my kids were born) but also were marked with tragedy.

I guess it's not really possible for me to lock into a decade as any better than the others. I think the hardest part for me about getting older is a) I don't physically recover from exercise like I used to, b) my vision is starting to get worse, and c) I'm starting to realize that some of my dreams might come true long after I'm gone.

Whoever said getting old was a privilege is OTM.

I'm gonna be 42 in December and am happier now than at any prior point in my life. Good job, been married 20 years, no kids, no debt...things are pretty fucking good. I'm diabetic, but I keep it pretty well under control (I've cut back on red meat and high-carb stuff in a big way), and I have pretty good health insurance for an American, so all things considered, I got no real complaints.

even better than the dad thing if you want to feel like you haven't accomplished anything in life is to do the famous death thing. for instance, i am 44 going on 45 and John Coltrane was 40 when he died. oops, looks like SOMEONE forgot to change the entire world with his incendiary art. :(

ha, this is the thing that used to bother me most about getting older. I've failed at a lot of things in life, but they were things I never really expected to be any good at. being older has made me both more shameless and more focused in pursuing my creative interests. a lack of those attributes is what held me back for a long time. haven't changed the world w/ incendiary art but at 42 I made the kind of record I've wanted to make since I was 16yo, and it's coming out on one of my all-time favorite record labels. it's hard not to get that old-dude-down-at-the-club feel when hanging out in a warehouse at 2am on a tuesday night with a bunch of young noise freaks, and I guess this is some shit I should've done when I was 25. but I didn't, ah well. just trying not to be this guy:

A group of young people formed the company of the first deck, apparently tradesman’s apprentices from Pola who had merrily united for a trip to Italy. They made a lot of fuss about themselves and their enterprise, chattered, laughed, contentedly enjoyed their own gesticulating and mocked those colleagues, who, portfolios tucked under their arms, were walking along the street to pursue their business and who made threatening gestures to the departing. One in a bright yellow, excessively fashionable summer suit, red tie, and a boldly bent up panama hat, exceeded all the others with his shrill voice and gayness. No
sooner had Aschenbach set eyes on him than he realized with a kind of terror that this ephebe was false. He was ancient, there could be no doubt about it. Wrinkles surrounded his mouth and eyes. The meek crimson of his cheeks was makeup, that brown hair below the colorfully-banded straw hat was a wig, his neck was dilapidated and sinewy, his moustache was dyed, his yellowish and complete set of teeth which he laughingly presented was a cheap counterfeit, and his hands with signet rings on both index fingers were that of a very old man. With a shudder Aschenbach looked at him and his communion with his friends. Did they not know
or notice that he was elderly, that he was wrongfully appropriating their garish dress, fraudulently played one of theirs? As if nothing had happened, seemingly out of habit, they tolerated him among themselves, treated him as an equal, answered his teasing nudges without disgust. How could that be? Aschenbach covered his forehead with his hand and closed his eyes that were burning from a lack of sleep.

Woah, what is that?! Amazing.

even better than the dad thing if you want to feel like you haven't accomplished anything in life is to do the famous death thing. for instance, i am 44 going on 45 and John Coltrane was 40 when he died. oops, looks like SOMEONE forgot to change the entire world with his incendiary art. :(

Yeah, but Sun Ra put out his first records -- self-releases, no less -- when he was 41 or 42. And Bill Dixon made more (and arguably better) records in his 70s and 80s than in his 30s and 40s (he was 37 when his first record came out).

Someone inspire me with examples of women who have done that in their 40s! It can't be too late for me.

death in venice - thomas mann iirc xxpost

I don't even want to change the world, I just wanna set things on fire with noise.

For like 30 seconds.

Ma Raineys first recording came out 1923 when she was 37, and in the next 5 years she was crazy prolific. and she is badass

Move thread to ilm ffs

Yeah, but Sun Ra put out his first records -- self-releases, no less -- when he was 41 or 42.

Great. I've got two years to book a flight to Saturn.

my "look at what that person did by x years old" seems to have long passed, thank god.

jesus was 33, if you can't create one of the dominant world religions and irrevocably change the course of history just hang it up imo

death in venice - thomas mann iirc xxpost

― Hi i am your great fan suces (jjjusten), Wednesday, June 26, 2013 3:59 PM (47 minutes ago)

ding ding ding

The Speaker of my state's House of Representatives is just slightly younger than me. He tweets about having posters of Michael Jordan up on his walls when he was a kid, and my first reaction is "How could a Speaker of the House be young enough -- oh yeah, he's 36."

One of these days, we're going to have senators named Jason and Emily and Justin and Stacy. When Jennifer Granholm was elected, that broke the seal.

Oof, yes. Ronaldo's a few weeks younger than me - means that I've had a whippersnapper scaling heights I can't even dream of since I was 20 ffs

...just trying not to be this guy:

lol I thought "Aschenbach" before even reading the quote. Everyone's deepest fear!

If you're gonna play the "how old were they when" game it's easier on the ego to play it with composers and authors and directors. Musicians and athletes and chess players will always make you hate yourself

Gosh, I'm 16 times older than Secretariat when he won the Triple Crown.

rimbaud stopped writing before he was 20 and then he bacame, like, a pirate or something. think he was 34 when he died. they don't make them like they used to though.

it's like I always told my kids, you're pretty good on the recorder but mozart composed his first symphony at 8

i mentioned this in something i wrote but when i idolized the rapper Rakim in the 80's i thought he was, like, 400 years old. he just seemed like the authority and voice of experience in some legendary sense. i didn't know until years later that we are the same age.

people didn't live as long way back when. more urgency. you packed more in and did things quicker. like when people got married right out of high school and had 6 kids by the time they were 30. now people live forever and 30 really is like the new 18. 30 year olds definitely LOOK 18 now. way back when 30 year old men and women looked much older. all that smoking probably. and coal smoke in the air or something.

yeah! rakim made "follow the leader" when he was like 19 or 20, blargh

ugh i know. but some people are genuine prophets.

30 year olds definitely LOOK 18 now

exception: candidates on The Apprentice

it's not even "how mature" or "what an old soul", more like "from what ancient rock were ye hewn"

xp

well yeah exactly. he was biblical.

Someone inspire me with examples of women who have done that in their 40s! It can't be too late for me.

― free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Wednesday, June 26, 2013 12:58 PM

Georgia O'Keeffe!! She was even older when she started painting iirc

Grandma Moses!

Just realized I'll never make a "rising star lawyers under 40 list," like my boss just did. ;_;

One of these days, we're going to have senators named Jason and Emily and Justin and Stacy.

Live long enough and it'll be Jayden and Emma and Aiden and Ava.

We already have a Rand fergawdsake

here's hoping North West goes into politics

Just realized I'll never make a "rising star lawyers under 40 list," like my boss just did. ;_;

― carl agatha, Monday, July 1, 2013 2:28 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The newspaper I work for does a "40 under 40" feature each year, and I got assigned research and cold calling all the past winners this year.

I got into my boss, You would pick the year I'm 39-and-a-half for me to do this one, right?

Even if I hadn't waited until I was old to actually get on a proper career path, I'd never make such a list because I am just not particularly motivated toward that kind of success. But I liked thinking that it could happen if I really put my mind to it one day.

I'll also add that when we'd publish their pictures, boy were those a lot of old looking 36-year-olds.

Also, most of the bios start with lines like "Dawson Murphy may be the CEO of Murphy Bait Inc. at the ripe young age of 33, but his grandfather was even younger when he founded the company at age 24 in 1948..."

I wouldn't make a list either, because so many of those 'achieved unbelievable success age 25' people either die young, have serious mental/emotional problems, or are horrible people.

or achieved unbelievable success age 25

Georgia O'Keeffe!! She was even older when she started painting iirc

Georgia O'Keeffe is awesome, but -- and not to discourage anyone! -- she started painting as a kid, went to art school, etc.

xp Despite everyone in the world hating them.

boy were those a lot of old looking 36-year-olds.

Like nearly everyone on The Apprentice ever. I've never really fallen foul of one of these high flyer executive whiz-kids, but I always watch shows like that and think that by the time those kids reach my age (hey old man), they'll regret (or at least seriously start to question) burning themselves out just to make some unpleasant rich guy even richer.

nah they'll be diving into their swimming pools full of money