when someone commits a speaking error in the heat of the moment, document it here

sometimes in the unpredictable world of irl, people say some really odd things because they can't think of the correct word or phrase and they have to say something because the thinking silence is getting awkward. it occurs even more frequently than hearing the beatles playing in a store in real life. it might be kind of neat to just compile them here. i'll start.

listen to that pun on words

this could also be a repository for standout mixed metaphors.

i know this is kind of a...left-handed compliment, but

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraphasia

Pretentious/Prestigious mix ups are always good.

pretty ambiv on this track just put on soundcloud, too portentious for me

― suare, Thursday, 23 May 2013 20:36 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Unambivalent about spelling: portentous. And while I'm at it: "pretty ambiv???"

― FlappyPants, Thursday, 23 May 2013 21:06 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that's not paraphasic so much as an unwitting portmanteau of portentous + pretentious and as such it is a good word for describing overrated rubbish / the emperor's new clothes

A great neoflapism

(xp) perfect for prog rock

just today i wanted to say something to a colleague from another department whom i'd just had lunch with. didn't exactly know what but intended to say something other than just "see you later" as he'd just told me he's leaving the company in a few weeks. stood there thinking for two seconds, then said "bur". wtf

JT and Timbo go Las Vegas. I kinda like it though, Jiggaboo and all.

― future kendricks (longneck), Monday, January 14, 2013 4:19 AM (7 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

In an email I got yesterday: "Your good at this, I have the upmost confidence in you!!"

this happens to me a lot. a while ago at work, someone asked me where they should put their bike, so I pointed towards the bike shed and said, "put it over there in the bike [awkward pause] trough."

friend, esl granted, in attempting to organize a chaotic situation 'its like hurdling cats'

My wife works with people who do this all the time. Best ones I can remember:

"We've got to be first cat off the rank!"

"I don't like to blow my own bags, but..."

Also, they're always having what are referred to as "visitations" from high-up management

trailing off in the middle of a sentence is a favorite of mine

we can talk about it until the clowns--uh, clow--uh, clouds descend upon us

Is this like the other day when our not at all esteemed leader of the Opposition referred to his "suppository of wisdom"?

This thread is making me giggle already, this cannot bode well.

I once referred to the "laundroom" as a kid, when I had a brainfart.

best when someone excitedly exclaims something between "I'm going to kick your ass" and "I'm going to wipe you out" that turns into... well, you get the point. A friend blundered into that as a teen while playing video games

LOLLLL.

sorry, but...

God my ears need an edema....

― I'll take the jangle-jangle over the throb-throb (brg30), Thursday, August 22, 2013 9:19 PM

burning the candle at both ends of the stick

I had a compadre of people working with me on this

ZS, you genius.

Today someone said 'how do you describe elves? Elvish?' And I confidently said 'No, Elvish is the language in Tolkein. 'Elfen' is the adj... adjunct... jj...pffft...'

it is true, though, that you can cut the tension... even with a knife around here

In the holidays you can get those Italian panna....cotta... fruit cakes

to parallel off of Juan's comment

s. clover is imminently skippable but i always brake for shakey mo

― JEFF 22 (Matt P), Friday, October 4, 2013 11:28 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"I have always said if there is anything I could do to help I would make myself available," he said.

Knew Dalglish would say exactly this the minute I read the headline about him rejoining the Liverpool board.

Oops wrong thread. In a sort of apt way.

terrible boss at my first job used to say 'key work adjectives' instead of 'key work objectives'

efficient, teamsmanship-like, worky

I was friends with Anglophones in '97, so lots of Cornershop and second-tier trip-hop got bumped around the dorm.

― Geoffrey Schweppes (jaymc), Monday, October 21, 2013 12:32 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"I stand correct"

oh god i am the worst at this. language seems to fly away from me at the worst moments.

i definitely posted this before but my greatest was referring to something as "my constellation prize"

Never do this I'm an eloquent mf

jay smooth was on totally biased and pronounced "fogey" with a soft g and then immediately corrected it, i love those bits of "i (probably) pronounced it that way most of my life and i'm still getting used to this" psychology peeks

also love whenever i can see the first draft of something that was quickly edited online, related ^^

http://youtu.be/XnXKVY-_i2c

This album is so good. Seems like a nice anecdote to the bougie pseudo-R&B we were dismissing upthread. It plays with a lot of the same sounds and influences, but is grounded in actual soul and solid songwriting

― Evan R, Monday, October 28, 2013 4:28 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

t/s: bougie pseudo-R&B vs actual soul and solid songwriting

look I guess I will have to vote Last Exit because Homer as a donut-eating Mafia Don is top level of his dream sequences

oh oh oh and the negations with Burns: "My God! He is coming onto me!"

― The Miracle of the Jimmy Smits (King Boy Pato), Saturday, November 2, 2013 4:12 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

perma-flustered man at work says

exasterbated

quite a lot.

haa

"We had so many trick or treaters, we ran out of heroin"

Think he meant to say Haribo

... or DID he

it's too protracted, 'zing' as onomatopoeia demands a certain pithiness

― twist boat veterans for stability (k3vin k.), Saturday, November 2, 2013 1:40 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i agree, i wish i came directly after the OP

― 1 P.3. Eternal (roxymuzak), Saturday, November 2, 2013 1:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

My girlfriend trying to get me out the door faster: "chop to it!"
A friend "it was crazy hot. We were sweating pigs"

any sixth grader can tell you your friend was using METAPHOR, NOT SIMILE

in an argument, someone just stated Kurt Cobain had a "sorted" past.

Couldn't let that one slide, 'cos I'm a dick.

some of my all-time favorites from work and life:

"Without your password, I can't give out any account pacific information"

"I was wearing tenor shoes"

"Minds a well do it, you have nothing to lose."

and there was one time Al Michaels was on MNF and he accidentally said a player was "unmolested", later correcting it to "uncontested"

and there was one time in middle school I got angry at some dude and in the heat of frustration, screamed "YOU DUCK SICKER!!!", and got clowned for the rest of the year for it.

some dude is so mean

that shipley, always siccing his army of ducks on everyone

haha oops

"chop to it!"

that's a phrase though isn't it? (chop chop and chop to it).

now nervous. xpost

hop to it surely

"some of facilities could show up on the map as being in, you know...zebek...zebekistan...uzistan...or whatever"

"In the abundance of caution, I am taking the liberty of sending you..."

My mother-in-law remarking on how good something was: "... the best thing since fried bread!"

are you sure that's an error are you sure your mom isn't just awesome

"crack attic"

"the school Liberian"

Although that last one was typed, so I think autocorrect is half to blame.

zebek...zebekistan...uzistan...or whatever

I love this. Giggling like a spaz here.

recently my office was gathered for the announcement that a guy was leaving which led to a colleague giving an impromptu testimonial wherein he described the guy as having been "a real detriment to the company" there was a brief moment of silence before everyone burst out laughing while he tried to forge on can only think he'd wanted to say...asset?

Aw man, the impromptu testimonial speech is definitely the moment of heat, too

the best thing since frybread
http://www.manlykitchen.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/indian_taco.jpg

Colleague: How's the French Onion Soup you're making going?
Me: I camarelised.... CA-RA-MAH-lised the onions last night.

someone mentioned the movie bruce almighty and someone else said something about steve carrell and a funny scene from one of his movies and someone else said "was it in 40 years a virgin?"

reminds me when my younger brother bawled "VAGINA!" at my nan, during a parlour game that involved naming things - in this case "body parts" - beginning with a specified letter.

my nan said "yes dear, I suppose it is" which was about right.

wasn't really in thread premise tho. man at developers I was visiting today said "exackerbated" surely as a joke earlier. not at all in the heat of the moment. must've been a joke.

I once tried so hard to not office-speak "going forwards" that I said "from this moment on" instead like I'm gandalf.

http://youtu.be/P8pnnVwcPUU

"excavator" pronounced "esscavator," about a hundred times in the last week

My wife said on several recent occasions that my son's school participated in the International Bachelorette program.

"Yeah, it's not exactly rocket surgery."

"rocket surgery"

About 338,000 results (0.26 seconds)

WW starts out as a disenchanted immaculated suburban guy working a job he's overqualified for while confronted with very real 21st c problems & ends up takes this really wild ride

― °ᄋ๐ْ ° (gr8080) , Tuesday, March 25, 2014 1:08 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I once had an angry client complain "How can you make such a mistake, it's not rocket salad!" and I laughed, thinking she'd made it up as a joke to take the heat out of the situation, but it turned out she hadn't and that's what she thought it was, and I was just laughing at her getting angry and it made her more angry.

About 1,190,000 results (0.33 seconds)
Search Results

Images for "rocket salad"
- Report images

when someone commits a leafy vegetable error in the heat of ilx, document it here

how dare actors cash in? how dare they! please all actors upload the high standards of your audience. for shame!

― djenter the dragon? (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Thursday, June 5, 2014 5:01 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

turning myself in: i always say "deplete the purpose" instead of "defeat the purpose" and then spend the next few seconds trying to remember what i was supposed to say, often to no avail

also mix up "persecute" and "prosecute" all the time

always confuse my dinner with andre with that movie about the pet seal

pefeat the durpose

Also turning myself in, in reverse: for some reason I always assumed "moreish" meant trendy, of-the-now, or sophisticated in a kinda gauche sense. So when I asked for a second packet of peanuts in a bar and the woman behind the bar said she found peanuts moreish, I was puzzled and then laughing about this with my friends: haha she thinks moreish means something you want more of. Turns out that's what it means. Guess I confused it with modish, maybe.

'Deliberate' becomes 'debilitate' with me.

Co-worker: 'who's doing task X?'
Me: 'Russ*l, N*t and me'
CW: 'that's great threesome if you'll excuse the pun'

.....what pun?

i always say prostate for prostrate

people always say no pun intended when there was in fact no pun! annoying!

or maybe they mean none was intended and they were successful at not doing what they did not intend to do so they are announcing it. i did not use a pun, and no pun was intended.

I accidentally said "I pledge allegiance to the plag" the other day

I always say 'debilitating'instead of 'deliberating'

― monoprix à dimanche (dog latin), Sunday, 7 September 2014 04:13 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Argh wrong thread

― monoprix à dimanche (dog latin), Sunday, 7 September 2014 04:13 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

just said "clinical error" instead of "clerical error" i do this often

listen don't put a guilt conscience on me

this happens to me every day because i work with non-native speakers but my favorite one is self-steam because of how true it is.

hahaha, love that

Last night I said "when pinch comes to shove" :/

Stop by later, I have to show you something. I found some golden gems in there.

i accidentally said "barely manilow" the other day and got excited, until i discovered a tribute act already exists by that name :(

That's a good one. My favourite was a Burt Bacharach tribute called Burt Backing-Tracks

they're gonna have a hard time finding a movie that TUOMAS MADE UP...(in his self conscious)

― Ballistic, Tuesday, March 2, 2010 2:16 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"given up the goose"

i want to make sure this isn't just a one...one-on meeting...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s7TCuCpB5c

I said purse-clutching instead of pearl-clutching just now, oops

It's a shit phrase anyway but

"This is the most difficult part and the part that involves the most hair-wringing' *makes pulling motion*

'ya got any tea and flick medicine?'

"Her credentials are unimpeccable - in every sense of the word"

haha that's great

they cannot be impecked

In trying to describe Punishers logo the other day I referred to his "skeleton head".
"... you mean skull", says bf, who now won't let me live it down.

Must have been a glitch inside your skeleton head

confess to having sympathy with ur bf in this situation

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=donald+trump+talking&page=&utm_source=opensearch

me just now when my cat suddenly freaked out and did a wall jump:

parquet!

at this point i have accidentally said "knock me off my socks" so many times that it's now replaced "knocked my socks off" as my default. not that i say it that often. but it's similar to how autoreplace on an iphone can turn into a nightmare when you make the same mistake too many times and apple decides to adjust itself to accommodate your recklessness

haha that happens on my phone a lot

autoreplace thinks thnkeankehjteh* = thank you for ...

*or something like it

hearing a lot of "back to ground zero" recently

(instead of "square one")

square nine one one

This thread makes me think of Little Carmine Lupertazzi.

heard someone refer to "the dominic effect" recently, can't remember who or when but i wrote it on a post-it and just found it on my desk

Heh. It would make perfect sense in a UK context.

Referring to this shitstain btw: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominic_Cummings

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EhV28uwWsAAoOw0.jpg

bist du sicher?

Ich kenne ihn nicht.

Was ist Tennis?

Der Dominic-Effekt ist in full swing!

Ganz toll!

and if you don’t know, now you know

“Was she jumped or was she pushed?”