rolling fuck this shit worst songs of 2015 thread

this year's crop starts off... "strong". via eric harvey:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IL_JJLlGsaM

lol i knew that would kick off this thread as soon as i saw Warner Bros tweet it

worst attempted memes

this makes me really appreciate "hello"

D:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Evqvefc4fqM

Sam Hunt's new single brings the Drake-style 'slide mid-sentence from talking/rapping to singing' thing to bro country

2015 might be the year I finally LOSE MY DAMN MIND if shit like this keeps being called country music.

sam hunt is hot tho

I kinda don't hate the OP song.

"Take your Time" doesn't even remotely resemble country music to these ears

sam hunt is hot, his music isn't very 'country' at all, and i like that song. it is more interesting than the rest of his weirdly overrated album. the point above re: the drake-like delivery is otm and insightful tho.

a good portion of what the country radio format plays these days is basically hot adult contemporary (and crosses to that format w/ ease -- a barely-different edit of lady antebellum's "bartender" is getting play there rn). it is only called country because those stations play it.

That guy's flow is terrible. Like his singing voice is alright but he can't keep the beat on the lines where he switches over to rap mode. Also the country backing is so idiosyncratic and weird this is just an awkward mess.

http://open.spotify.com/user/forksclovetofu/playlist/3slfZre0izEZTHplBD5OLu

This song was from last year and has been a hit throughout Europe, Australia and New Zealand, so I think it'll only be a matter of time till it makes it way to the UK charts, and possibly the North American ones:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bznxx12Ptl0

Weird. AronChupa is also apparently in a band called Albatraoz. They're working the house-mouse-Albatraoz idea pretty hard.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQ31INpjXX0

Here are some words that rhyme with Corey: gory, story, allegory, Montessori.

ban hoedowns

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-99JEIwZq0

omg that andy grammer song...train meets rednex in hell

sirius has been pushing that albatraoz song for ages but i pray we as a country can stay strong

that is truly awful

ew it's the guy who did the "[something something] ohhhhhhhhhh, [something something] ehhhhhhhhhhhh" song from my nightmares

Trying to ride that Timber wave.

this ain't no hoedown throwdown

Y'ALL
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/61KihvMiJvL._SS280.jpg

man all these songs are really fucking terrible
good work everyone
death team makes me hate everything

Olly Murs and Travie McCoy made a song specifically for this thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niLMQsD9ZG4

i added the "Ralph's Rolling in the Dub" Remix of Aretha's cover to the Worst Songs Spotify list; it's not on youtube but wow
i mean wow

sam hunt faring pretty well relative everything else itt

I don't hate that Olly Murs song.

AronChupa and Andy Grammar, on the other hand? My god.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fcAj3lOyv3s

Love that AronChupa song. Most of my attention re: pop singles these days is "ooh that's a nice reverb plugin!" Anyway, nice plugins, AronChupa!

that last one is by the people who are anti-big tobacco propagandists? what?

Can't speak to the reverb plugin, but wtf even IS that AronChupa thing, and who is the target market for kiddie cartoon march music with gratuitous sophomoric profanity?

"has been a hit throughout Europe, Australia and New Zealand", so everyone I guess? I don't know why it'd be considered "bad" by anybody, let alone "worst", its stoopid fake La Vie Boheme vibe is fun and the EDM-via-Swedish-pop choruses are fun and the fact that she Shoobys the third verse is also fun.

fuck fun

we've established that I hate fun

that death team song is starting to warp itself and sound actually good though so maybe I don't

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcthHumFFRo

p rare that landfill indie does anything to me aside from go in one ear and out the other but I truly cannot believe how bad this band are

Every generation gets the Candlebox it deserves.

i don't mind this

I can't really hear anything to hate in Olly or Darlia

idk, I thought left swipe that was OK. Is it all vine people? How did Jerry Purpdrank miss the cut?

Darlia just sounds like a demo for a company that makes inexpensive digital effects for home recording and instruments -- "you'll sound awesome just like the big boys!"

honestly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAB5AC9yhY0

lmao this is from last year

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JfLGlmkvMyk

D:

gaye estate should be fighting the real enemy imo

First track itt to really bring the pain imo, watched the whole thing out of respect for its incredible tastelessness

Aww, these kids know a few Marvin Gaye songs!

OH NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

"Healing" is my favorite Marvin Gaye song.

oh dear god

I've got a bad feeling about this.

I've got a joke a really want to make but it would be in the poorest of taste.

lyric video plot seems to be there are multiple promotional photos of meghan trainor and two total of charlie puth

btw: lol @ "charlie puth"

nice callback to "Mercy Mercy Please"

BURN IT ALL

Apparently this person is Ellen DeGeneres's fault. So fuck her too.

"karma sutra"

WHY AM I LISTENING TO THIS

Somehow, the Death Team song is still the worst.

psssst we are soliciting worst songs EVAR!!!11!!one!! for emp on the panel I am on, feel like denizens of this thread may have some

that sounds like it deserves its own campaigning thread

see the emp thread

"acoustic cover of pop banger" is a long-standing pox but this is next-level hideousness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf_ldxntwJg

about as dirty as mould in a student bedsit

the redman bit that you knew was coming :((((((((((

This twerp may be my very least favourite thing in music right now.

ewww i am not brave enough to click the play button

a good time to remember that "thinking out loud" is the worst radio hit ever

yeah :(

I didn't hate All About That Bass, but from that to Future Husband to that Marvin Gaye thing is really some death spiral.

I thought ironic indie covers of pop songs were the worst things ever, but the earnest ones are possibly worse on the whole

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlC-uR7TnyM

15k youtube plays
1 million spotify plays

WHERE'S MY GUN?

Train - Bulletproof Picasso (starring Emily Kinney & Reid Ewing)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNHJ7zz16bY

"Am I made of paper? / Because I tear so easily"

I had to look up who those two people are.

Can we agree that this dude is the absolute worst lyricist of the last fifteen years? Never forget: "Now that she's back from that soul vacation / Tracing her way through the constellation, hey / She checks out Mozart while she does Tae-Bo / Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey"

lol i like that song a lot but i suppose it helps that i was somehow able to hear it w/o rly noticing the lyrics much/at all (it took me a minute to recognize in yr post what they were from)

my long tradition of defending Train singles does not stop here

Awwwww, that Death Team video is shot at O'Connor Bowl in Toronto! (the 5-pin bowling being a dead giveaway that they are getting the American 'hood vibe all wrong).

they're getting pretty much every vibe wrong imo

my long tradition of defending Train singles does not stop here

christ even the spiderman 2 song?

this is pretty wtf

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hZRHpCBt9Y

This wants so desperately to be some mutant combo of The Weeknd, Miley's "We Can't Stop" and Kitty (Pryde), but it just sounds so ridiculously strained and awkward.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IfB_K4RGtDo

I kind of like that

(from the description I was expecting "The Weekend" to load)

I don't specifically like it, but it might be the least objectionable nickleback song I've ever heard.

just poking my head in this thread to say that I actually kinda like fucking bitches in the hood

oh christ did the xp make me "like" nickelback, I regret it all

(I meant the roslyn moore, reminds me of my favorite katy rose/shut up stella tracks)

The vocals in the Roslyn Moore track don't seem to be off-key in certain parts. It's through the whole thing! She's either sharp or flat vs. the beat, but just a little, and that's enough to drive me insane.

That Nickelback is indefensible solely for the lyric "everybody wants to be the sister's mister ,Coca-Cola rollercoaster".

I don't understand "Fucking Bitches in the Hood" and that's a nightmarishly awful name for a song.

oh wait it's just an awful Uffie song

my long tradition of defending Train singles does not stop here

christ even the spiderman 2 song?

― insufficiently familiar with xgau's work to comment intelligently (BradNelson), Wednesday, March 4, 2015 2:28 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i didn't mean ALL of them. that one is kind of entertaining just to hear them try to do brooding hard rock, but not one of my favorites.

"Fucking Bitches" = most teenaged girls are awful again. It's cyclical.

think death team are in their thirties though.

yeah, i was surprised by how old they look in the video, when i heard the song i was like 'well, this is pretty bad, but these have to be some clueless teens'

I meant the teenaged girls who are consuming, not creating, that awful, awful song.

I'd been hearing Hozier's "Take Me to Church" for a long time until I found out who did it--I just thought of it as the Elton-John-soundalike. I don't hate the first half-minute or so.

"Fucking Bitches in the Hood" is kinda harmless relatively speaking - like "Mouldy Old Dough" subbing in as this year's novelty hipster shareable (Cameltoe, Pizza Hut Taco Bell)... at least it's not shrill, loud and in your face. Definitely too much chorus to too little verse but w/e. Compared to "Marvin Gaye" it's fucking Marvin Gaye.

"In The Burbs" mainly suffering from identity confusion and production issues - slide BPM up for Miley, slide down for Lorde, but doesn't have the oomph for either. Super dinky sounding. At some point in time this coulda been an okay indie track but it got waylaid somewhere.

i'm seeing meghan trainor for work on tuesday

i gather you don't have much good to say in advance of that meeting.

Lunchmoney Lewis' "Bills" was mentioned in rolling pop but not here.
consider it mentioned here.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IrQHeDcMi8

lol i had a feeling it would end up here

Bit of trivia about LunchMoney Lewis:
His father and Uncle were members of the reggae group Inner Circle.

Oh, so terrible earworm-laden music runs in the family.

everything about this is eugh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShlW5plD_40&feature=player_embedded

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ge7mozA-ptI

btw, i had my moments with "all about that bass" so i approached Title with an open mind and "dear future husband" was the track that closed the door hard

Lunch Money Lewis is dope i'm not into that song either but he's a super talented dude who's had a hand in a bunch of great records on the hip-hop side of things

"dear future husband" seems a pathetic misstep - what an unappealing persona to emphasize as she's building her identity. i guess it overlaps with the impish/"sassy" thing that people went for on her hit, but i feel like at least some portion of people that liked or shared that song did so because they felt like it stood for some kind of vaguely progressive, sisters-are-butting-it-for-themselves kinda idea if not a very nuanced or thought-out one. but this hands us a much much more conventional "am i right, girls?" spree of lame cliches that i imagine those same people won't actually relate to at all.

OTOH doubling down on a 'novelty' sound might be the right business decision since she doesn't seem to have much else to sustain a career on. the thing is i'd just rather hear dion and the belmonts than this insulting drivel. the carnival scene in the video made me hope we were headed in the direction of a "dead zone" plot but no such luck.

wow this is terrible

FIVE HOURS TO GO

maybe focus exclusively on her juvenalia? this wiki segment seems ripe for deep digging

1993–2008: Early life
Trainor was born on December 22, 1993, in Nantucket, Massachusetts. Her parents, Gary and Kellie Trainor, are the owners of jewelry store, Jewel of the Isle. Outside their business, Trainor's father taught music for eight years and being a musician all his life, plays organ in a Methodist church. Trainor's mother runs her Facebook page. She has an older brother, Ryan (born 1992), and a younger brother, Justin. Trainor began singing at the age of six, and writing songs at age 11. She told her father at this age that she had an "awesome voice and needed to record it". She played football between her third and fifth grade at school. Her first live performance was in 2004 at the wedding of her aunt and uncle, where she played the song "Heart and Soul" from the piano. At the age of 12, Trainor began performing professionally. She was in a band called Island Fusion, which comprised members of her family. They performed soca-inspired music at local bars and Nantucket watering holes. By age 13, Trainor penned her first song, "Give Me a Chance". Trainor's father coached her on playing the guitar. Her father insisted that she write for every genre, to which her mother said she "did a lot by ear". Trainor was raised in Nantucket until later in her eighth grade of high school before her family temporarily moved to Orleans, Massachusetts, and then re-located to North Eastham, Massachusetts where she attended Nauset Regional High School. She developed her musical talent playing alongside NRBQ members, Johnny and Joey Spampinato, and took guitar lessons from the former. She was a member of a jazz band for three years during high school and would develop music at a studio from home. During this time, Trainor obtained her nickname, Singer Girl.

like when did she stop going by "Singer Girl"? Does she regret quitting football? Have any of the Island Fusion songs made their way into her current repertoire? What was band camp like? What's her favorite cut of diamond? Does she ever feel like mom oversteps her boundaries on the Facebook? What are NRBQ really like? i tell you this thing writes itself

what the hell is the point of making music which sounds like a bad and toothless version of older music with even more regressive lyrics. why. why

idk walking home tonight I heard a soft jazz cover of Under the Bridge oozing out of some bar and I just feel all this music-related ennui right now and I probably shouldn't have clicked that Meghan Trainer video

a soft jazz cover of Under the Bridge

would you say that you don't ever want to feel like you did this day

sorry

I have a friend-of-friends named Meaghan Trainor who seems to be amused by all this.

wow thats like some 2010s version of michael bolton from office space

Ellie Goulding - love me like you do. What the fuck, laziest song ever.

Clean Bandit - extraordinary. The fuck, the melody belongs in the 90s dance pop discount bin.

lunchmoney lewis still doesn't have a wikipedia page

Trainor's mother runs her Facebook page.
and from the looks of it probably also wrote that entire paragraph.

i wish she had brought her mom up on stage to fact-check the claim in 'bass'

then again that would have made the song longer, soooo

http://www.jeweloftheisle.com/

http://static1.squarespace.com/static/52e6d0e8e4b0751fa43a5bc9/54c0591de4b085ef114da184/54c0591de4b085ef114da185/1421938494576/3451_10151499723514162_970000518_n.jpg?format=300whttp://static1.squarespace.com/static/52e6d0e8e4b0751fa43a5bc9/54c0591de4b085ef114da184/54c0591ee4b056c8040f3e99/1421891871540/10411212_10152698195439162_8140273214256823915_n.jpg?format=300w

Buy me a ring
Buy-buy me a ring, (babe)

a new person has started at work and its his turn for the music and I cant take it. I could just google the lyrics of every song and put it here

first up today

Tove Lo Timebomb

just catching up on the last page of this thread, Roslyn Moore destroys Nickelback Trainor & Lewis -- I do wanna hear that soft jazz "Under the Bridge" tho

in the spirit of making this thread meaner again: there's this local bar band* & it seems like every time I leave work on a friday or a saturday night they're across the street covering "Get Lucky" before a packed house of totally unself-consciously feeling-it drunk people, & that is the worst new music of 2014/15 for me

*who I have nothing against in theory. I gotta say that because my friends like em*

round 2, trying to sit thru more than the first minute of "Bills" -- okay I just made it to the part where Lunchmoney Lewis says "Goddamn goddamn goddamn / Aw man, aw man, aw man", now that the song is sabotaging its chances for radio airplay I find it charming

I realize this is off most people's radar -- lucky you! -- but there is somebody called Neves who does obnoxious dubsteppy stuff themed around Five Nights at Freddy's. Which happens to hit a sweet spot for, say, 10-year-old EDM fans who love Five Nights at Freddy's and tend to commandeer my car stereo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdIJpOQhxNk

Actual conversation in my car yesterday:

10-yr-old (to 6-yr-old): Do you like the "Small World" remix by Neves?
6-yr-old: Well ... I haven't heard the other one. I mean, the one that's not a remix.
10-yr-old: Neves is really good. (to me) Do you think Neves is really good?
Me: Hmm.

lol, parenting

that sounds terrible btw; here's another sampler
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnvFjQMo-p8
also, boo: i like tove lo's timebombs

Ive googled the lyrics to some of these, they mostly seem to be by Calvin Harris.

Today has been reminiscent of the day I listened to the end of year poll music but there is no break inbetween the garbage. I cant cope

nearly 7 hours of this stuff now

Where do you work where you have to listen to music all day?

I worked in a bookshop once and around Christmas boss decided the same damn CD was to play all day every day. On every morning, activate repeat function. I ended up forming a plot with a co-worker and hiding it.

I work in a company of 5 people. Its democratic about the music but the fifth and newest person got today and yesterday and put the same spotify playlist on both days, so I also knew the horrors that were to come, it was far from genial.

Harsh and shrill sounds are a problem for me in general, but when trying to think its almost impossible, very difficult day

She developed her musical talent playing alongside NRBQ members, Johnny and Joey Spampinato

Huh, maybe one of the reasons I don't find her completely irredeemable.

a bad and toothless version of older music with even more regressive lyrics

Hot funk, cool punk, even if it's old junk It's still rock and roll to me.

that sucks saer hope they get more considerate or take a hint or lose their spotify password

I think hes just a little bit oblivious, 2nd week in a new job and putting skrillrex and Katy Perry on just feels like a misjudgement. It's not really music conducive to developing or thinking.

but it lasted all day without complaint so maybe I'm just over sensitive!

And something I assume to be Muse, and some things which almost seemed like a parody of the pc music that was in the ilx end of year chart. And I googled the lyrics for another and it was something called Bastille

omg pray 4 saer

I was delayed in and he has the stereo on again. Im trying to code while David Guetta is blaring. I have another 7 hours of this ahead of me

Im not sure but I think it might be the same playlist again

This one is apt - the lyrics..."i dont know how much i more i can take".

google says its Clean Bandit

I should stayed in the woods

we should have a representative guetta song in here for sure; "what i did for love" is the big 2015 release and it's not especially egregious but certainly suffers from the standard lack of creativity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yt_myLDSdsY

the clean bandit track is extraordinary

He has a new playlist, ive googled the lyrics. its something called Imagine Dragons

back to the original playlist now. yellowcard, david guetta and katy perry. Work is starting to feel like spring break in cancun. I long to retreat to the copse

adam levine inflicts more crimes by influence upon top 40

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnM3sH5rQ5A

you are not the sugababes, you aren't even the sugababes minus all three sugababes

This is a quick, quarterly reminder that all available tracks mentioned on this thread are being posted as updated to a thread-specific Spotify playlist that I'm maintaining. I just did a quick sweep prior to posting this message and updated as of today with everything that's been added on Spotify since it was first mentioned... smooth jazz version of "Under the Bridge" included!

That playlist is currently a bit more than an hour of music most foul and is clickable below. Give it a spin and subscribe if you want to listen along through the year.

Rolling Worst Songs of 2015 Thread Spotify Playlist

This not-awful but totally unnecessary cover of "Groove is in the Heart"...

he has his playlist on again. googled the lyrics, f for you by disclosure.

its going to be a long day again

this bastille stuff is antagonistic garbage

the mary j blige remix of "f for you" is really good

disclosure in general are good tbh

painfully average with diminishing returns more like, if saer heard the original "f for you" his assessment was correct

except "latch," fuck "latch," maybe the sam smith backlash will finally reveal how garbage it is (and maybe the many-years-late impact of alunageorge's "you know you like it" will reveal how the crossover hit should have been "white noise")

it was, over here

("latch" was the initial crossover yeah but "white noise" was the smash)

("latch" is extremely mediocre, yes)

(though "white noise" towers over the rest of aluneageorge's blah discography to an even greater extent than the rest of disclosure's imo)

yeah this is from a US perspective -- "Latch" was as much of a smash as disclosure ever got whereas you couldn't pay people to listen to "white noise"

i agree latch is boring.
i will rep for most of the rest of the album

yeah I was about to say even "latch" is leaps and bounds above the cutoff for this thread

the entire rest of sam smith's album can stay in here tho

SRSLY americans why the fuck did you legitimise him, JUST SAY NO to boring bland british whiteboy soul in the future please (this is specifically re: the imminent push ella henderson will receive on your shores)

you're gonna have to lay some of the blame with mary j there
and i liked his work on the london sessions so i'm not sure i'm entirely on board with you
he's boring but mostly inoffensive

"imminent" underestimates the amount to which it's already happening

ok letting shit like smith and henderson pass as "inoffensive" without trying to cut them off at the root is why they end up so ubiquitous and eg jazmine sullivan does not

that's a hell of an either/or mission statement you're fronting there

saer: do you not have the option / equipment to put on headphones and listen to something else?

maybe i missed this.

Sort of but not really, im kind of pair-programming (with a different person again)

In regards to bland whiteboy soul with silly haircuts, is Sam Smith at least preferable to John Newman, who was also trying to make it big around that time?

My kids hate Sam Smith so much. They are 8.

kids otm

Sam Smith is dull Dull DULL but still > John Newman.

I am very sorry for your misery, saer, but your discovery of these horrors through lyric googling have left me giggling

So this is what John Popper is up to nowadays

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXVHJsVL4iM

Latch is cool with me

not sure what this one is

"im getting married, gonna burn a hole in the rug"

You are hearing Marry The Night by Lady Gaga from 2011.

'latch' is phenomenal, especially for a radio hit

the production is incredibly innovative imo and i think smith has some pretty interesting idiosyncrasies in his vocal performance

I dont think ive heard Latch though i havent googled all the lyrics yet.

Not one from googling but I saw something on the computer called Ninth Parallel that sounds like Prog PC Music, this may be the one that tips me over the edge.

is 'blow up the moon' a 'walk the moon' spinoff band?

ella henderson kinda-sorta happened here too at least w/ that one song but its eventual success was relatively minor compared to how long it was pushed at radio, promoted on tv and such

yeah I remember Ella being on Ellen ages ago singing that song about going down to the river to pray. Always had trouble picturing any of the English people I know bothering to get on the tube to commune with God on the Southbank but I don't know her life

Also I haven't read this thread in weeks I can't believe you still haven't said anything to your co-worker saer lmao

that would be "Ghost" and it's not so much fuck this shit worst as just unremarkable AC filler

We're back again today with the same playlist, I keep thinking I've identified most of the worst offenders, but with it being so long there's always an old enemy from last week reappearing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECzoKdWgvrM

He's back again

Yesterday I put something on before he was able to. I was able to put something on yesterday to stop this attack, but quietly enough it didnt get too much in the way of serenity. Unfortunately I could also hear the air conditioning and some people talking in another room

Today the antagonistic and threatening sounds are back. It reminds me of the day some hooligans from Birmingham City came into the woods and urinated on a resting squirrel and graffitied a tree

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eUdwabtcrE

Or, in case you don't have time to listen to the whole thing, the highlight:

In my dreams you're the dutch and I'm the dutchess
And your blunts are always loose
So I'm in charge of rolling dutches
And we getting so high
We always get the munchies
And we go for early brunches
That turn into late lunches
And we ain't got a label
We just rolling with the punches
I make fun of your belly
And tell you to do some crunches

this might be a good year to start a worst song of the year poll and this is a good place to pull nominations

I think he knows

The music was quieter today, though it was the same playlist

but later on, it disappeared

there is now silence

life is good

boy oh boy I sure love that low-hanging fruit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7--C6Qb-JAs

Those lyrics are haunting. I like the part where they say baby baby over and over.

lol

as easy they are to hate i do find bep genuinely amusing much of the time :(

he is humming

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9a8qXZoiszs

"any requests? I have too much to choose from"

this is a new playlist now he has put on now, ed sheeran followed by swedish house mafia. and his humming along

SRSLY americans why the fuck did you legitimise him, JUST SAY NO to boring bland british whiteboy soul

hahaha no one ever went broke betting on American susceptibility to this shit

I feel barely-positive about Disclosure and hate Sam Smith with the heat of hell but "Latch" is a total jam

actually I guess I hate hearing it out but on the radio it sounds perfect

god, is that only song that uptight motherfucker has ever sounded LOOSE on?

latch is disclosure's best song. liking their others and not that is to labour under a misapprehension

The longer but essentially identical answer is that this very whitebread congeniality sets up shop at the exact point where politeness short-circuits with rudeness, offering a soulfulness so garish, so ripe for colonisation by a particularly gauche display of aspirationalism, that it can only end up as the authentic* music of a street culture disinterested in the vexed, handwringing negotiations of self and other that both inspire and erode 90% of contemporary British dance music.

tim f's sharpest bit of crit this decade imo

(that's about 'control' i should say but it remains the pertinent vector into "bland whiteboy soul" hardman postures)

Yesterday I left the room briefly and came back in and everyone was laughing, and he said "yeah sorry, guilty pleasure this one"

lmao I should clarify that was a *positive* writeup of "control" (as it well should be)

between video and song this is a pretty good contender for worst of the year imo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSam5sBjvPk
"Most video directors thought my ideas were too zany, I forced myself to learn how to edit and directed the video myself, and who better to star in my video then The Fat Jewish who has always been a supporter of my Instagram page. I wanted to create something that made you feel like you were on drugs and portrayed internet culture in a nutshell."

It gave me a headache and so I took an aspirin, so technically speaking I suppose I do now feel like I'm on drugs.

i was able to last 1 minute before shutting it down

SPLURT
#OMW2SYG
"The Fat Jew"
"Swiggity Swooty I'm Comin Fo Dat Booty"
pseudo-"RAPPA POM POM!"-dancehall stylez
champagne facial
sub-tim and eric video skills
"OFFICIAL MERCH"
recurring iphone framing
#SWOOTYDANCE

i'm just saying this has everything you want from a legit worst song of 2015 contender

This might be a controversial offering, but Little Big Town has a new Top 40 crossover called "Girl Crush." It's not about platonic admiration of another woman, it's about being furiously jealous of a girl who gets to date someone she has a standard crush on. Even the intimations of lesbian urges are couched in this jealousy. I want to taste her lips is followed by Yeah, 'cause they taste like you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYZMT8otKdI

Hoping this doesn't start some "is it right or wrong to be offended/not offended" thing, but using the phrase "i've got a girl crush" to mean "i wish that i was jessie's girl" seems pretty fucking tragic

turns out jezebel already wrote about the song (figured it made the radar of people who don't wait till it hits the top 40), but in terms of country audiences not digging the saphphic winks, rather than the co-option of the phrase "girl crush" to mean something bitter

http://themuse.jezebel.com/little-big-towns-girl-crush-a-perfect-storm-of-country-1693794535

i'm not saying your take is necessarily wrong, but that song is great

feel like a song like this generates its energy *because* its gets its own core concept wrong. it's "annoying."

yeah i wonder if it would do as well if the line was "I have a hate crush"

like, everyone knows what "girl crush" means, everyone knows what lesbianism is, even way down there in nashville. this is... both! neither! some other thing! about a dude anyway!

i think "girl crush" is a beautiful song and i love it but i feel your take croup

phrases like 'man crush'/'woman crush' etc have just become another 'no homo' anyways (perhaps they always were but at first it was at least kinda charming that heteros were getting less uptight abt expressing strong maybe-physical admiration for members of the same sex)

it's definitely well written, catchy, etc. not pretending there's songs i love that aren't also reprehensible and depressing in their pandering/co-option.

i see that charlie puth is (rightly) an alum of this thread, i only realized yesterday via radio dj chatter that his surname is pronounced 'pooth'

it's about mimetic desire

Cant wait to find out whether Blake or brad gets to be the guy at a country music awards show who talks about someone with a hot wife and then sings "I got a guy crush" to applause

"girl crush," as an expression, I thought expressed or expresses something important for which it felt like there hadn't been a good phrase before. an experience people had and recognized. ime it was never "no homo" in the way that "man crush" usually got laden with (due to bro-ist usage from pretty early on i think, and much more commonly used as "YOU have a man crush on him, ha ha ha!"). it was a good thing for our culture to have more ways of women expressing admiration, solidarity, and even the kind of passionate but not necessarily sexual (but not necessarily not) feelings you can have towards other people, especially when you're young and they just seem so tremendously awesome and amazing. but our pop music just leaves this all behind.

woolf:

It was protective, on her side; sprang from a sense of being in league together, a presentiment of something that was bound to part them (they spoke of marriage always as a catastrophe), which led to this chivalry, this protective feeling which was much more on her side than Sally's. For in those days she was completely reckless; did the most idiotic things out of bravado; bicycled round the parapet on the terrace; smoked cigars. Absurd, she was--very absurd. But the charm was overpowering, to her at least, so that she could remember standing in her bedroom at the top of the house holding the hot-water can in her hands and saying aloud, "She is beneath this roof.... She is beneath this roof!"

team dresch:

It's where the obvious turns dumb, and clarity turns off
I'm standing somewhere near the back of the room
I'm on my left - I'm in between her
She's amazing, her words save me
She holds her head as if it's truth

and we get, what, "i kissed a girl and i liked it"? i might be a little out of date with that reference. and not being a pop-hating snob, just a pop lover disappointed in the state of the art.

well like i was getting at with the brad-paisley-at-the-cmas scenario, if a guy sang about mimetic desire (a phrase i didn't actually know before it came up here!) and referred to it in anguished self-seriousness as a "guy crush", people would be rofling. but between this and "i kissed a girl" - where katy keeps demeaning the smoochee as an "experimental game" etc - pop is clearly ok with the idea of these kinds of self-loathing erotic impulses coming from women.

and to be clear, i can totally understand being affected by "girl crush" AS an ugly expression of mimetic desire - "Kissed A Girl" is probably one of my favorite Katy Perry songs because of that weird, contemptuous undertone. i just find it depressing that 20 years after "rebel girl," THIS is how the phrase "girl crush" makes the top 40.

DC & dc otm

as hot a take as "those backwards hillbillies who listen to country" is for sites who only cover music for the viral angles, the "controversy" is largely not:

http://m.billboard.com/entry/view/id/119493

yeah i was kinda surprised when i searched for commentary about this song and just found "can hillbillies handle GIRLS KISSING?" as if the GIRLS KISSING aspect wasn't couched in male-flattering lovers-triangle talk

KRYS Corpus Christi, Texas, has only recently begun spinning the song, and while PD Big Frank Edwards says it's too soon to gauge a response, he adds, "I'm a narrow-minded, conservative, eighth generation Texan, and I think the song is fine."

gonna end all my reviews like that

totally. "I'm a simple, eighth-generation hyper-chicken from a narrow-minded, backwoods asteroid, and I think the song is fine."

and ha, i almost brought up "rebel girl" rather than "she's amazing."

Apologies if this has been posted but i wanted to share the horror (i saw it on a friends FB wall - think there was an article about it somewhere perhaps as apparently the band have record industry exec connections)

anyway its just plain bad imo but judge for yourself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jfol9YlSvPc

those guys scored an NYT profile
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/26/arts/music/sxsw-pays-off-for-the-prettiots.html?_r=0
i never got around to hearing it
it is not good on first listen

I don't know if I want to listen to it again necessarily but I found it inoffensive. Shit band name though. Like a portmanteau of pretty and Poirot. v bad

the NYT profile says it's a portmanteau of 'pretty' and 'idiots'. 'The Poirots' would be a nice band name

lol i was going to say "oh leave em alone, that cheap video implies they're not out of the oven yet" but it turns out the video was directed by richard kern

I find the premise of the song amusing, but the execution kinda lets it down -- & that singing style is terrible, of course, but I've resigned myself to the fact that it's here to stay

i asked my friend where she saw it and it was here. Didn't know about the NY Times article.
http://martiandanceinvasion.blogspot.com.au/2015/03/the-starving-artists-of-1.html

Danny goldberg's daughter? Just warning 90s folks - if you hate that on principle, you also have to hate That Dog

the drummer is the all grow(ing)-up Trachtenberg Family daughter; thought i knew her from somewhere

T/S Richard Kern vs Larry Clark

yeah, I was about to say, this sounds exactly like a that dog. song

(and IMO is far too good for this thread, also pretty good in general, also if you want to dismiss artists offhand because of their parents you've got a fuck of a lot of artists to dismiss)

i said the song was shit before i read anything about them

Yeah, this song is alright at best and ignorable at worst. I suspect they have the potential to make some REALLY BAD songs in the future, tho.

seems like glossy antifolk to me which i can like with proper massaging but there's not much going on there that makes me wanna stick around; though i agree it's not fuck this shit worst and there's a certain degree of not unfair to presume dog whistle commentary that goes along with slagging it as such
i would link to frankie cosmos' "birthday song" as "child of famous parents DIY lo-fi done right " corrective but i don't want that song in this thread

the NYT profile says it's a portmanteau of 'pretty' and 'idiots'.

well that's prettiotic

I suspect they have the potential to make some REALLY BAD songs in the future, tho.

They have the potential to make some great songs too, surely.

That song doesn't even annoy me as much as "88 lines about 44 girls."

He's whistling now

Judging from the video I was dreading that the Prettiots song was going to feature the first boyfriend singing at some point, but: Garfunkel and Oates > this song > Jesus H. Christ and the Four Hornsmen of the Apocalypse.

new britney/iggy goes here, though weirdly the instrumental is GREAT

iggy at least figured out what rhymes with iggy
(spoiler: it's iggy)

Well at least she's not trying to compare herself to Biggie.

Yeah, I actually really like the instrumental, particularly the bit leading into the chorus. Shame about the rest of it.

The worst song of 2015 has arrived. Please start polishing Christopher Owens' crown:

https://soundcloud.com/chri55ybaby/selfish-feelings/s-rTLPU

Ha, that guy's still around?

this fuckin' guy

he's like the dorm bro version of lana del rey

https://f1.bcbits.com/img/a0808919166_10.jpg

Dude's mouth is conspicuously unrestrained, work on it

Mark McGrath, Uncle Kracker & Kevin Griffin are UNCLE EZRA RAY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQqL_QowAto

And here I thought if Uncle Kracker was going team up with two other artists it would be Steve from Smash Mouth and Violent J.

is the cover art a deliberate *fuck you* to those of us who bought tickets for the Mark McGrath cruise?

fucking hell, this is depressing it's like a memory of a summer party from 1994 that i didn't want to go to where a friend got molested

The whispery beginning of that Chris Owens song ("I gotcher number in my phone etc.") was bad, but the chorus has a pretty good hook. I didn't hate it.

this is real bad, but at least kind of amusingly so. definitely not what anybody had ever hoped for on Assemble the new Traveling Wilburys .

i love how mark mcgrath's delivery on the first verse, with the telephone filter, makes it sound like he's trying to channel art alexakis. he is 47 years old and singing this shit btw. kracker for his part has gotten pretty countrified, maybe a better look than his borderline old man hat steez on "follow me." griffin sounds basically the same as ever, and surprisingly... competent? like he probably could have just put this out under some anonymous name and posed as a new shit band you'll hear about for a minute, like Neon Trees or 3OH!3 or Hot Chelle Rae. apparently at some point he developed a whole career as a songwriter for acts like james blunt, daniel powter, barenaked ladies, and like half the career of someone named "howie day."

is the cover art a deliberate *fuck you* to those of us who bought tickets for the Mark McGrath cruise?

lol

Chris Owens' voice on that song is excruciating.

This would sound great blasting out the back of a wakeboarding tow-boat.

this would sound great blasting out of massive bloody holes in the backs of all the participants' heads

huh was vaguely curious about that Chris Owens record where he reportedly pulls some country/Buck Owens moves but oof that is some bad songwriting up there

nate ruess has inflicted lasting damage upon pop vocals

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0BEJEIqAE8

Jesus Fishing Christ! All time low is an understatement.

maybe it's because i'm stoned right now but i actually kinda like this???

"B.Y.H.B." isn't playable in Canada. Sad face.

Turn that frown upside down!

I just want to be tapped into the zeitgeist.

spoiler: it stands for "bring ya hot body"

Trying to pick out the lyrics of "B.Y.H.B." through all of that autotune is as foolish as reading a book in the back of the van on the windy mountain roads between NC & Tennessee. I thought this style of production had finally fallen out of fashion; but, just like I've been trying to do my entire life, I forgot about country.

... "All Time Low" is at least terrible in a novel & fascinating way. I give it 3/5 Napoleon Dynamite Dance Sequences

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=06koEdJiwZg

wow I couldn't take more than 15 seconds of that

seriously why is the acoustic cover of pop rap song shtick a thing that keeps happening, "i feel like i'm taking crazy pills"

For the sake of my sanity, and because I don't feel like tossing my laptop across the room in a fit of rage, I won't even bother clicking that one.

right place for it.
questo and the roots have become terrible enablers for this shit

speaking of which
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohBTKf6XZME

ed sheeran just won't stop, he did "coco" at one point too :(

sheeran doing acoustic covers of rap songs doesn't bother me anywhere near as much as i feel it should

this hip-hop/broadway vid is more painful than the ed sheeran cover as a former theatre kid

for playlist's sake, here's youtube's own william singe sitting in for ed sheeran
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s10gMglvYXo

This is a quick, mid-year reminder that all available tracks mentioned on this thread (and a handful of album selections from each listed) are being posted as updated to the thread-specific Spotify playlist. I just did a top-to-bottom sweep prior to posting this message and have updated as of today with everything that's been added on Spotify since it was first mentioned.

I double dare you to spend two hours with this.

ILX's Rolling Worst Songs of 2015 Thread Spotify Playlist

No. 2 in Denmark, as well as the scatological sense

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF_6u7IHNZs

oh god I hadn't even gotten to the rap

or what I am guessing is an r. kelly interpolation

kill me

Wow that's almost the exact opposite of how I expected a song with that title to play out

(Xp) ... Except for the rap, which was TOTALLY predictable

You were expecting maybe https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HR1pBKjV1rI

Judging by the frequency with which I hear it out in the wild, it is looking like Andy Grammar's "Honey I'm Good" is a hit, thus completing its status as this year's "Rude."

Oh god, I forgot about that song.

"rude" is a fucking incredibly rich song compared to "honey i'm good"

https://youtu.be/DqX-BC7ImXU

(you may remember this guy from decline of western civilization ii drunk in the pool)

Alternately, we may remember him from being a total racist prick.

http://www.metalsucks.net/2014/07/16/former-w-s-p-guitarist-chris-holmes-dream/

Here, in "blind item" style, from Duff's autobio:

https://books.google.com/books?id=8I4fw88skq0C&lpg=PA132&dq=slash%20duff%20rainbow%20tattoo&pg=PA132#v=onepage&q=slash%20duff%20rainbow%20tattoo&f=false

'strip no more' is staggeringly bad, i felt the need to listen to it all but had to pause a few times to gather myself

Oh god.

The first time I listened to that song, I made the mistake of turning it off before he sings "she made me go wee hee".

There needs to be a thread for "things worse than the worst" for Chris Holmes. He's a fuckin mess

a car crash

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qKlZELdJh8

the real life derek smalls is the bassist in his group I think
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqX-BC7ImXU&feature=youtu.be

hahaha oh man
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qNOWn4wYCs

I fully expect to be the only one who dislikes this song, but this sounds like a bond theme performed by toddlers who are gargling hydrochloric acid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7EzjJvMLKo

terrible band

great band, idk what i think of that song though

this sounds like a bond theme performed by toddlers who are gargling hydrochloric acid

I was all set to love it after this description, but the I listened and it isn't very good

lol at the lyrics
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erm9G-bkb18

i like the micachu song a lot but i love your description of it, katherine

That's a goldmine Cosmic Slop.

I kinda like the song Katherine posted. It reminds me of when I was in college I used to drive around with this guy who had a cassette copy of Mezzanine stuck in his shitty van's shitty cassette player. I really liked the album, but whenever I tried to listen to it later on CD, it didn't do the same thing for me as when it was buzzing out of his crusty old speakers.

the vocals sound like they were recorded on a built-in laptop microphone with the noise filter turned on

lol at the lyrics
http://www.youtube.com/v/erm9G-bkb18&fs=1&hl=en

My God, it's like Karl Welzein came to life...

only one listen in but what the teetotal fuck happened carlito
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV8SQerjYvg

I don't really like hating on this because he's queer and cute and I actually did like "Grace Kelly," but my god this is insufferable:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZQ_9eebry0

my link was cee-lo's "robin williams" btw; maybe don't google it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSP4DJtRbak

"We are the new Americana
High on legal marijuana
Raised on Biggie and Nirvana"

dear god, lol

i saw her open for imagine dragons a few weeks back and she had diehard fans among the floor dwellers. this song was pretty eye-rolly but i thought her set was okay - the midpoint of sky ferreira and ldr.

'strip no more' is staggeringly bad, i felt the need to listen to it all but had to pause a few times to gather myself

― Merdeyeux, Tuesday, 7 July 2015 11:44 (2 weeks ago) Permalink

haha, this guy is indeed terrible when I first heard this I thought nothing could be worse but after 5 listens I'm surprised to find I like it when it comes on the radio, nonsensical lyrics and all

the posing authenticity idiotic aesthetics of this one is a lot more difficult to take for me (and since it's re-released as an international single now, it's both worst songs 2014 and 2015 material)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOlaazhXi_U

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOxvDFeQTy4

great news everybody

"strip no more" is #1

we did it

brb dying

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTxtioXVZQE

This has to stop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMr7NCFoHFo

Maroon 5 + fun + a pile of garbage=

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWi5arsIXA4

http://www.npr.org/sections/allsongs/2015/08/05/417728439/macklemore-ryan-lewis-return-with-ode-to-parenting-growing-up

"let's be birds, I want to fling birdseed and shit all over your walls"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KF6kB_4vzH0

I hope he has very rich parents.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xo1VInw-SKc

Not sure why this hasn't been posted yet. The only explanation is that either you all don't listen to Sirius or I'm crazy and it isn't the worst thing infesting the airwaves rn

this is my shite song

I kinda can't even be mad at this song, since it sounds EXACTLY like about 5,000 other songs. I mean, who gives a care anymore.

a) fight song is perfectly fine b) odd how the "hooray for teenage girls!" brigade doesn't have much use for songs actually meant for teenage girls, specifically to help them

I have been spared the spotify playlist from hell for a while but the monster is back with some new playlists now, a whole load of new garbage destroying all serenity and equilibirum. Vibeyness is in tatters now, branches snapped and tossed aside, leaves crushed underfoot, capitalists concreting over meadows.

His current weapon is something called Cool for the Summer. Its probably not as bad as the ones he was playing last time but theres been a period where he didnt play music and i began to recover and even forget that sounds like this has escaped into the wild like fire ants discarded as pets

I may be spending more time on this thread again as I cant afford a therapist

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqwAY9dMNxI

i love "fight song"

okay saer shitting on "cool for the summer" shall be the moment where we stop pretending to sympathize with his 'hell' of having to listen to pop music

i don't think "fight song" is that bad. i heard it at work back to back w/ "heartbeat song" once tho ('this is my heartbeat song' etc). that song is probably worse tbh lol

fight song is just watered down "Roar", i dont think it's terrible, it's just bland

and i have to say: katherine otm (xposts)

am I allowed to like the notion of inspirational anthems by/for teen girls and still never want to hear "fight song" again in my life

sure, of course, I wasn't talking about you. for what it's worth one of my friends in college got through some awful shit thanks to "Firework" and I can respect that while still knowing the song is ass

Came across this song the other day. Maybe not quite bad enough to warrant being part of this thread, and more the type of thing that I would have thought was cool and clever as a teenager, but now am to old and tired for:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlhokRA-VUE

Also I think I'm already sick of 90s revivalism.

the new FOB/Wiz thing is definitely bad enough for inclusion here but I don't think it's on YouTube yet

So I guess someone got to the Charlie Puth "get it on" song a while back -- I had never heard it until my phone ghost-played it tonight from my pocket, and then it took me a while to figure out how to shut it off because it was playing on some app I never use. Good god.

"it's kama sutra show and tell"

Still not a song this year worse than that one. xp

Maybe even in the past few years.

no one tell Saer I've been listening to this for the past 35 minutes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9EMINrmkOc

"Fight Song" is eye-rollingly derivative.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ky9Ro9pP2gc

oh god my ears

so bad

just flagged the three of you

First part sounds derivative of all the artists who are derivative of her older work, second section sounds like Marissa Marchant.

you made it to the second section?

I wonder if the super-litigious Gaye estate will sue that Puth guy, even though I think it's an extreme longshot.

the writer of "marvin gaye" is credited on "countdown"!

"Marvin Gaye" #1 in New Zealand only... WE'RE SORRY PLANET EARTH. It's a climate thing, I think. I'm not really from here.

This year's crop of crap does seem to have a lot more name-dropping than usual – mentioning obvious Cool People from the Past. Maybe it's just nostalgia obscuring how shameless it always used to be. I'm also pretty sure Biggie never sang with Nirvana. Speaking of which,

now that the song is sabotaging its chances for radio airplay I find it charming

Does Halsey's line, "high on legal marijuana", get censored or not? I suppose, because it's legal marijuana, maybe the radio wouldn't bother. It'd be like bleeping out "high on ritalin". Pretty smart songwriting really! (Um, no.) I can so imagine that song being played by the support act at an Imagine Dragons concert. It's, like, not unexpected at all.

I found Death to the Strange's 'Sign On' (i.e. welfare) was the most horrible song in this thread, it really comes across as poor-bashing. Maybe unintended (they seem inept in general). But the song is two years old. Ineligible/Too shitty/Not shitty enough?

(for the end-of-2015 poll, I mean)

it's from 2012.

i have not heard halsey's song on the radio censored or uncensored and i hope it remains that way

when the citizens of the future unearth the 2015 time capsule this is what they're gonna find
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYUaJGGneiI

that is some bad autotuning

i know complaining about autotune is older than any of these singers but that is just exceptionally bad

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=785Vhfh4EUc

I don't know what Birdcloud's deal it. I guess they're a "comedy" duo, but whatever this is...just, NO.

deal is

That has about 300 views, doesn't quite merit mention imo.

It's no "I wanna dance I wanna dance I wanna dance with a black woman". Pretty bad tho.

I'd presumed everything itt must have gone to Billboard #1 from all the YT views and hatewatching. Glad to be wrong! (So far.)

woof at "New Americana"

we are the new americana
high on legal marijuana
raised on biggie and nirvana
we are the new americana

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sqDDdWU6uxE

^ so much blackface in this video

that's among the very worst things i've heard this year
the video is amazingly amazingly bad for something that clearly took so much time
i'm ashamed that i knew more or less everyone of the 300 meme references, real "what am i doing with my life" head check moment

Maybe the ultimate shittiest rhyme of girl and girls.

Also winner of most punchable face

dunno if it approaches some of the no-name shit on this thread, but Fallout Boy "Centuries" is easily the shrillest, most irritating thing I actually hear out on a regular basis, usually while I'm waiting in line at the corner store. Loud, thin and crackley-sounding, and I guess it's some kind of commentary on teenage suicide pacts or something and it's just GAH. I had the hook looping through my head in my dreams last night and I awoke with an ugly headache. Also the Suzanne Vega sample is just ... there.

Thank you Singles Jukebox https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pKQG1EJ5Lhs

... i like centuries...

feel like that "strip no more" is somewhere upthread

i like Fall Out Boy but agree that Centuries is absolutely grating

I posted it upthread, for the record I did not suggest it, I think I even voted no on it to avoid the inevitable

can i nominate every single song spotify ads throw up

Strip no more was posted earlier, i suggested "mama said" was a far worse lukas graham single

"Mama Said" is merely forgettable.

today i learned that the semi precious weapons dude has a credit on 'centuries'

New Mackelmore
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGhoLcsr8GA

lol that actually seemed promising until he started rapping

goddamn he is garbage

I heard that Lukas Graham song on TSJ and it's without doubt one of the worst singles of the past 10 years. It's truly indefensible.

It's so bad they took it off youtube which is actually good because I wanted to hear it one more time to check if there was anything redeeming about it.

bleeeeeeuch

robbie williams has better flow than that dickbag

Hell, ROBIN Williams does too and he's been dead for a year.

is half-assed aping of Lil Wayne a new thing for him? I haven't kept up.

lol that macklemore song is an unbelievable mess but i sorta....... like everything about it that's not macklemore

i'll show myself out

I feel the same way

That finally made me actually force myself to listen to it and I kinda agree, I really want a Macklemore-free edit. You could easily get 3-4 mins outta that.

I like the beat and the group rap sections

canadian artists trying very hard to replicate the sound from "the hampster dance" and the rednex version of "cotton eyed joe"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAeWAwdZf9I

Either the song is called "Baby Dic" & the artist is Death Metal Dizzle or the song is "Death Metal Dizzle" and the artist is Baby Dic, either way ummmm man what a horrifying new rap metal hybrid

https://m.soundcloud.com/wbeix7ns995f/baby-dic-death-metal-dizzle-d

Wow, the Fred Durst revival has begun already? BAD

xxp It does have the banjo like Hampster Dance and Rednex, but it's lacking the overbearing desire to annoy that made us love those songs. Imo Coleman Hell is aiming to be Rednex but has fallen short (i.e. Mumford).

canadian artists trying very hard to replicate the sound from "the hampster dance" and the rednex version of "cotton eyed joe"

i read this description and eagerly clicked the video expecting to enjoy it immensely but it's not campy at all ;(

Grateful to have lived through hearing Coleman Hell back to back on the radio with this winner:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZmrhezlPp0

as usual, i don't hate Macklemore as much as the rest of ilm, tho i agree he's the worst thing about that song.

legit lol at "i'm going 38 Dan, chill the fuck out, mow yr damn lawn and sit the hell down"

legit lol at "i'm going 38 Dan, chill the fuck out, mow yr damn lawn and sit the hell down"

song is obnoxious af, but kinda fun once?

Grateful to have lived through hearing Coleman Hell back to back on the radio with this winner:

damn, that's rough.

BTW I guess the guy is named Baby Dic he has a "Baby Dic Regime" fb page

technically an older song, but in light of elle king having a proper breakthrough single it's time to revisit what could have been and could still be

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZgg9SIWfI0

this is pretty bad even if you leave aside the colonialism

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kscIIG2lvQo

What's "38 Dan" ?

"I'm going 38 (miles per hour), Dan!"

oh duh, I guess I thought I was missing some reference

I also only just realized that that really is Kool Moe Dee, Grandmaster Caz and Mellie Mel rapping (not just their names on the theater marquee for nostalgia).

yeah their part was cool

macklemore's def dropping his new jersey

haha, i read that ^ as he's unveiling, like, a new basketball jersey on the merch section of his website, and it says Macklemore on the back and Downtown on the front where the city name would go, and he'd probably be #2 because, y'know, dropping a deuce

I'm deeply conflicted on best/worst here:

Alaska Thunderfuck - This Is My Hair
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9RQlv5iXHI

SHUT UP THIS SONG IS THE BEST GET IT OFF THIS THREAD ASAP

did Slim Jesus shoot up this thread yet?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cw3eLk8Gu8

impressive for how quickly it establishes itself as garbage

yuck.

what, is this the crazy frog kid ten years later?

Slim Jesus a viral star? The old generation of viral stars must be facepalming in their graves.

On the question "Does This Is My Hair belong here?", I was tempted to say yes, but that song seems pretty unremarkable, even dull, to me. The video and bad jokes do make it quite annoying.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9sFKrbTITA

"feat. Tyga" - the two most chilling words in the English language

This is a quick, third-quarter reminder that all available tracks mentioned on this thread are being updated to the thread-specific Spotify playlist as posted. I just did another top-to-bottom sweep prior to posting this message and have updated as of today with everything that's been added since first mentioned.

61 tracks, 3+ hours. Good luck getting through it.

Rolling Worst Songs of 2015 Thread Spotify Playlist

haha oh boy i didn't know you were doing that one wow

It's a good year to do a poll!

We'll have to veto out a few entries. I don't think e.g. Joanna Newsom or Demi Lovato can really match the thread's low bar for consensus awfulness

did tyga just boast "i've got the TheraFlu"?

god what a bad song. this kind of lyrical theme is pretty much guaranteed to launch something into this thread, but it manages to get so much of the low-level craft stuff so wrong even while being just about as bone-headed with regard to the premise as i would have guessed.

Maybe not quite on the level on some of the other material here, but not good either:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xe7uutnarWE

Another vote for Macklemore's "Downtown"

xp Even on their weaker material from recent years, Matt Tong was a bright spot. Now they don't even have him (or Gordon) anymore.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

feel obliged to point out that there's a new mercury rev album

Oh Alaska... and every RuPaul's Drag Race contestant with a single dropping for that matter...

(xpost)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SzRSOBz1dzk

the new Jesu/Sun Kil Moon song starts out bad - akin to the last SKM record - and then takes a turn for the worse

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ws8pbDkRzQ

currently winning the thread imo

"NEW AMERICANA" CENSORSHIP WATCH DAY 107: Halsey's video was on TV in New Zealand. These truly are the Halsey-On days. Unfortunately The Edge TV is censoring the "marijuana" line, thus suppressing her meaningful message. (Kiwis barely even know what weed is.) Thanks to a cheapo audio reversal, she now sings "Smoking legal anaaa-wram". I didn't pay much attention to the vid itself, but, like you'd expect, it contains fuzzy VHS effect nonsense and Halsey being tied to a stake.

Even though all the posts on the song here are about radio censorship, we *are* considering "New Americana" one of the worst of '15, right?

Andy Grammar's "Honey, I'm Good" is the only hit single from this year that I actually hate more.

We'll have to let the voters decide :-) For me, there's at least a dozen songs in the thread that I dislike more than "New Americana" – it doesn't push my buttons as much as, say, "Fucking Bitches in the Hood". Anything really lazy and mean-spirited, that's what I like (i.e. hate).

If last year's top 2 is anything to go by, the poll winners won't necessarily be the two most 'unlistenable' songs, but two well-known and terrible songs. I reckon "Marvin Gaye" is a shoo-in, but MAYBE NOT, it's all to play for.

No, Marvin Gaye is absolutely a shoo-in.

few things in life make me as furious as "Honey, I'm Good"

like sure, it'd be great to be the maverick and vote for something other than the well-known consensus pick but "Honey, I'm Good" invokes a kind of rage nothing else matches

same, there have been points where i've put myself and others in serious danger because the first half second ("NA-") came on the radio and 100% of my attention immediately goes to making it stop

there has never been a sound more unpleasant than andy grammer going "NAW NAW"

you guys are seriously not giving due consideration to "#OMW2SYG (Swiggity Swooty)" by SPLURT
don't make me post it again

Feline Resurrection not getting enough consideration here

It takes a while to respond to, what with the video being about two weeks long. For those who haven't seen/heard it, it's like if the Albatraoz people decided to be intellectuals.

Feline Resurrection is like the cat equivalent of the bird-people wrestling anthem from Always Sunny.

also i'm pretty sure the opening is racist although its also incoherent so its kind of hard to get a handle on

The translation on the intro to Feline Resurrection doesn't work at all because in Chinese she's clearly specifying "cow milk" which has no sexual connotation whatsoever (also you 'eat' breast milk in Chinese, but anyway). Guessing that whoever translated it really didn't care, and can't blame them.

I have been in Germany and unable to watch most of the videos in this thread. Which I found annoying, until just now, when back in my GEMA-free home, I played Feline Resurrection, which is not only the worst song on this thread, but the worst song of all time. WHO COULD THAT APPEAL TO AND WHY ARE THEY NOT IN JAIL ALREADY?

why is the video for Feline Resurrection 7 minutes long?

The least erotic erotic introduction of all time adds an endless couple of minutes.

wow that j sutta thing

"We were already sold when we saw these three giant yetis shredding it in PPL MVR's only video - but then we heard the music, and were completely won over. Not much is yet known about this power trio - other than they only communicate in interviews through grunts. The future of rock might be slightly hairier now, but colour us intrigued.

https://youtu.be/EJzLKQzFFvQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJzLKQzFFvQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eObfi1CmZX4

i don't know what the hell to make of the visuals but annie is at least not revolting on first listen.

oh man that J Sutta thing is like a perfect storm of stupid people watching Twigs and thinking "we can do this" plus some kind of Cats-the-musical-goes-BDSM nightmare

haha forks i knew you would be the one who would like it

*shrug* i wouldn't go so far as LIKE IT but i listened to it once and don't feel scarred, please pass me my "this guy loves autotuned sasquatches" shirt

I'm not watching the J Sutta video but I am listening to the audio; the song is incredibly embarrassing, like "Corey Feldman with a production budget"-level embarrassing

It's good how the cat intro was acted in English, then dubbed into Chinese and subtitled in English. That's dedication.

I think we've had worse. But in the interest of fairness, I'd like to see "Feline Regurgitation" extended to include a list of credits and ads for merch.

ok in principle i am not really opposed to a video all about a loving little consensual BDSM scene where someone has a profound cat/milk fetish. but why does it turn into a creepy murder scene after that? i guess the plot is that this scene went awry and that our protagonist has mixed feelings about it? or is the whole thing some stupid metaphor for resenting your mother? not well thought out.

it's always weird when these featherweight dopey songs, with not a lot going on in the 'main' video, bother shooting a whole separate prologue and a long instrumental break. like maybe they could have used that footage for the verses or something, relieve the monotony.

the song itself is garbage but only the way that everything else is.

I heard an awful song that Shazam told me was Grouplove "Ways To Go" but turns out it's from 2013.

Also I've grown to REALLY hate Jason Derulo "Want To Want Me," but I feel like a decent percentage of ILX probably enjoys it.

So with that said, here's Rod Stewart:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6Gxz9WsTAo

shazam has appeared on my computer somehow and when a car drives past it tells me the name of the antagonistic sounds that i can just about block out. cars are bad enough for the environment as it is but there is no need for these sounds not only to follow me home but to identify themselves in this way

what a shit world we live in where phones can identify songs on command. this is truly the end of times.

I went two blissful years without a phone but have had to relent and buy one, I keep it at arms length as much as possible, but this was my computer that is keeping me informed about the garbage that is proliferating from these cars

holding out a sliver of hope but this is a very disconcerting sign of what may come with 'chiraq' http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/this-terrible-new-song-from-spike-lees-chi-raq-cant-pos-1741795557

you drive around with your computer on?

oh I see, when a car drives by your house.

I feel like it's time to bring this thread full circle

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFalCPji7uk

and the song that brought them to mind

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2haRSNr08M

I guess that ruins the point of "full circle." or else this liz/sophie song is so bad it un-closes the circle

there's still december!

There is the germ of a good song in that Liz track...

the germ that infected the good song with a debilitating disease

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eoKGkFzwU4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8SYGFsKubU

This was being circulated as a contender on Twitter a few days ago but...it's...growing on me...

For 10 seconds of the first verse, as her voice gets lower, I don't want to kill anyone involved in that song. Those ten seconds end.

I actually really love that Girli track.

The terrible bits are aggressively terrible but the sung parts are pretty catchy.

As we move to the end of the year, I'd like to drop a quick note to encourage any readers / lurkers / ilxors to post their least favorite tracks from this year to the thread so that I can hoover them into the ongoing spotify playlist. Last chance for any accessible stragglers that may not already be in the lexicon.

what was that one hysterically bad song about (iirc) Tinder dates, that got taken down within hours of the internet discovering it? I wanna vote for that based solely on memories of the one time I watched it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPS9Op5dhCw

no, that's the tobacco PSA one -- this was some weird earnest shit with a guy and a girl standing side by side staring into the camera singing while acting out their tinder date or something -- does anybody remember what I'm talking about? pretty sure it had its own thread, we may not have discussed it ITT

i think that video was taken down within hours of being posted. they were able to take it down before dying of embarassment, i guess

sounds about right:

The Horror of 'Tinder-Inspired Indie Band' Swype Right

I'm just gonna throw out some obvious choices for the playlist:

Fetty Wap - 679
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pzz4Z-O7710

PSY - DADDY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrG4TEcSuRg

how dare you put visionary artist and leader of the people fetty wap in this thread! permaban pls

"679" is awesome wtf

i like 679

xp

I haven't liked any of the "Trap Queen" followups either.

i will also roll for 679

alfred won't you come my way

btw tonight I watched just far enough in the "(Let's) Marvin Gaye (& Get It On)" lyrics video to reach the line "Karma Sutra, show & tell" at which point I pedantically corrected the video by turning it off

... I didn't even stick around long enough for Meghan Trainor's guest verse(?)
& I feel bad that I lolled over the "We've got this king-size to ourselves" lyric

WE WUZ ROBBED

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eniaB0xchTY

a few that made the cut on the (maura-contributed) Time list:

5 Seconds of Summer - Hey Everybody!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xPGbvv4IhNU

PSY and CL of 2NE1 - Daddy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrG4TEcSuRg

Ariana Grande - Focus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lf_wVfwpfp8

Meghan Trainor - Better When I'm Dancin'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pkCyfBibIbI

Nate Ruess - AhHa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWnCnEtUcrE

Omi - Hula Hoop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYzQvj3icjs

jesus christ:

https://mrtraumatik.bandcamp.com/track/i-love-females

^NSFL^ (Not Safe For Life)

You cannot unhear the line "I leave vaginas in ruins / Just like dinosaur fossils" among many other lines.

h/t maura, who just witnessed this live

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9figPVaplR8

so do we wanna do a poll? I'll manage if so.

Well let's not miss out on this song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSbCOxaZIVE

It'll be very hard for me not to vote for a song by 3OH!3 called "My Dick" even though I haven't heard it.

didn't know those guys still existed tbh

Vote Now for ILM's WORST SONG of 2015 - Voting Ends December 31, 2015

Sam Hunt's new single brings the Drake-style 'slide mid-sentence from talking/rapping to singing' thing to bro country

― some dude, Sunday, January 18, 2015 5:16 PM (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

2015 might be the year I finally LOSE MY DAMN MIND if shit like this keeps being called country music.

― Johnny Fever, Sunday, January 18, 2015 5:27 PM (10 months ago) Bookmark

I heard that sam hunt song on V103 this week.

It was on my ballot.

for some reason I find the cynicism of this Danish track very offensive, even though it is a bit of a jam

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjWQPFE2_uc

'Its the most wonderful time of the year'

Im not sure where to put this one as its obviously a song from another time, but here it is being played in Asda and in other shops. I like christmas a lot, there are fewer cars on the street, fewer people around, generally a relatively peaceful time of year, but this thing playing while you are in Asda which is packed with people buying bags of crisps that are bigger than their children is a belligerent act. I think the worst part of it is with most of the other garbage its time in the sun is done almost as soon as its replaced with something else, but this over-entitled moron smoking a cigar in your living room is never going to leave

what was that one hysterically bad song about (iirc) Tinder dates, that got taken down within hours of the internet discovering it? I wanna vote for that based solely on memories of the one time I watched it

― bernard snowy, Tuesday, December 1, 2015 3:01 PM (2 weeks ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i feel like i really made a difference

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4

haha is that a cover??? tell me that's a cover

It is.

Wow that was ridiculous

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oLazoHUu0yc/Tpi6il5Z8OI/AAAAAAAAABs/tiaChtjXe2M/s1600/here_comes_a_new_challenger.png
https://soundcloud.com/samvanandersson/sam-smith-hotline-bling
TBF i think you could likely easily make a mixtape of fuck this shit worst covers of hotline bling

"better" version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VMeaERwRKY

Whoa. Simply Red are back baby.

Still, even Sam isn't phoning it in as much as NME is

http://nme.assets.ipccdn.co.uk/images/2015NMECoverSamSmith_WhiteBorder_211015.article_x4.jpg

I'm wrapping this playlist for the year. It has been updated with a few new adds (Kevon Carter, Bloc Party, Lukas Graham, Chris Homes, Brothers NYC) and includes every track mentioned on thread that is available via Spotify's US catalogue as of EOY 2015. If I missed something or if a track comes available sometime in the future, bump here to let me know and I'll add.

Rolling Worst Songs of 2015 Thread Spotify Playlist

and on the way out, here's a solid contender for last second inclusion: Chris Holmes' "In Your Mouth"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EczrGugP2IM

http://40.media.tumblr.com/34d44784e3dc66b4d1155154dd7080f0/tumblr_nzqzjr7qce1tf2kqqo2_r1_1280.jpg

oops...wrong thread!

ha, i like the juxtaposition!

I can't believe we missed this one! it's very 'Death Team'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXCSBLpEmc0

Yulema Ramirez - Lowkey Flex

ABOUT
Mexican-American YouTube star known for her channel SelfBreez, which later became renamed Yuleema Imaginee. Her channel surpassed 360,000 subscribers in Dec 2015.

BEFORE FAME
She first became famous on the blogging website Tumblr for her blog stonecoldbabe.

TRIVIA
She uploaded her first video to YouTube of February 21, 2013, accumulating more than 150,000 subscribers in just over one year.

FAMILY LIFE
She is of Mexican descent but was born in California and raised with three brothers and three sisters. She resides in Palmdale, California.

ASSOCIATED WITH
She posted a video titled "Sprite and Bananna Challenge W/iammikoe" featuring the song "Royals" by Lorde in April 2014.

I just heard this bullshit turn up on the local college station...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-aazEOG-Pw

huh this is sort of right up my alley musically. not sure what it's doing lyrically

ok i've listened to two songs and these guys are great imo

My gripe was with the clunky lyrics and the singer's vocals.

The parts of their bodies that make them horny.

psst Rolling Worst Music of 2016 - Making That Meghan Trainor Money

heh, I know, but this was from a 2015 album.