My vote for the worst song ever recorded

Possible worst, nonetheless

"I'm Down 4 U" by Ja Rule and his Bitches: A series of women pledge their troths to Ja Rule, who questions their love and then decides he'll keep them all. Oh, and he does all this while trying to take what must be a collossal dump.

"The Next Episode" by Dr. Dre. Chosen for my inability to remember a second of it after so many plays on MTV. I can't believe he made us chill damn near a decade for this.

"Courtre De Sexisme" or whatever the hell its called, opening track to Sonic Youth's A Thousand Leaves. It's only a kittteeenn! Possibly their most annoying stroke. They tried again on NYC G&F's "Lightnin" but the outcome was too "ambient" to sink as low.

"Never Too Far Away" from GLITTER! and that first single off the new album by Mariah Carey. I swear, I cannot hear these ballads without imagining a choir of howling dogs with her. Makes her odes to rappers' cum sound pleasantly vapid by comparison.

I'd go with "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes or the disco staple that is "Born to Be Alive," personally, although you're right...."Cotton Eye Joe" makes the word "kill" sound positively comforting.

Other contenders:
- "Survivor" by Destiny's Child
- "There You Go" by Pink
- "Thong Song" by Sysqo

Also,

"I'm Down 4 U" by Ja Rule and his Bitches: A series of women pledge their troths to Ja Rule, who questions their love and then decides he'll keep them all. Oh, and he does all this while trying to take what must be a collossal dump.

That one made me laugh so hard I shot milk out of my nose, and I was not even drinking milk.

Any number of Raunchy Young Lepers songs own this thread, except they're incredibly funny. So maybe I'll name the anonymous late eighties uptempo energetic thing that was in the movie Traxx.

ARGH. This just sounds so abysmally wrong.

I very vaguely remember seeing the video for that one ... Frank Stallone standing in a military cemetery belting out this tune.

Or maybe that's another Frank Stallone movie monstrosity?

Indeed, who let them out?

???!!!!!!!

if worst, proof that worst = best.

just rememeber: all singles are OK as long as you don't buy them.

also 'next episode', 'cotton eye joe', 'i should be so lucky' and 'who let the dogs out' are all pretty good.

you can definately hear the creepy electronica of his seventies stuff like 'halloween' and especially 'assauly on precinct 13' in RZA productions - particulary 'liquid swords'

No way! I'm currently compiling a mix cd of this stuff and already I've gotten 4 or so requests for a copy! Haddaway forever!

Worst song (of this week): J5 - "What's Golden"

Worst song (of forever): maybe that 4-Non Blondes one... or something by Aerosmith... that ballad from the asteroid film, maybe? Not memorable enough to hate in a respectful way, just some kind of minor, though frequent, irritation. A fly buzzing around your room type of thing.

"The Next Episode" is very very great, if only for the horn sections that show up periodically. What's that a sample of, anyway?

The worst I've heard recently is "Not Pretty Enough" by Kasey Chambers. She sounds like Juliana Hatfield on helium, it has lyrics forty times as juvenile as Vanessa Carlton, the backing music is country-lite.

Oh, and Chris Isaak's "Wicked Games." That one really sucks.

Hey! That's a little harsh. Both those bands have made many songs infinitely superior to...

Mr Blobby. By Christ I still HATE it now. 4 Non Blondes are right up there an' all, as are Toploader and their "Dancing In The Moonlight", if only for that song's ability to make every cloth-eared chunky-ankled secretary in Christendom (Kissingdom?) think clambering onto the Yates' Wing Lodge table is a good idea.

That was the goal. Now imagine a compilation album!

- exploitation of "punk"
- commercial
- bad lyrics
- BIZKIT SPELLING

I NEED TO GET THIS AS MY RING TONE

He was a boy
She was a girl
Can I make it any more obvious
He was a punk
She did ballet
What more can I say
He wanted her
She'd never tell
That secretly she wanted him as well
But all of her friends
Stuck up their nose
And they had a problem with his baggy clothes

Chorus
He was a skater boy
She said see ya later boy
He wasn't good enough for her
She had a pretty face
But her head was up in space
She needed to come back down to Earth

Five years from now
She sits at home
Feeding the baby, she's all alone
She turns on TV
Guess who she sees
Skater boy, rockin' up MTV
She calls up her friends
They already know
And they've all got tickets to see his show
She tags along
And stands in the crowd
Looks up at the man that she turned down

He was a skater boy
She said see ya later boy
He wasn't good enough for her
Now he's a superstar
Slammin' on his guitar
Does your pretty face see what he's worth
(repeat)

Sorry girl but you missed out
Well tough luck, that boy's mine now
We are more than just good friends
This is how the story ends
Too bad that she couldn't see
See the man that boy could be
There is more than meets the eye
I see the soul that is inside

He's just a boy
And I'm just a girl
Can I make it any more obvious
We are in love
Haven't you heard
How we rock each other's world

I met a skater boy
I said see ya later boy
I'll be backstage after your show
I'll be at a studio
Singing the song we wrote
About a girl he used to know

But also please consider "We Didn't Start the Fire" -- "Achey Breaky Heart" -- Chicago's 80s rerecording of "25 or 6 to 4" -- the Pretenders' "I'll Stand By You" if only because they used to be great...

Something about this comment made me spit the water I was drinking right out in laughter.

ANYWAYS, The Glory of Love and Tender are fantastic songs, what's the matter with you people? They're especially good when you compare them to that fucking song from Benny And Joon. STOP SINGING AND GO WALK YOUR FIVE HUNDRED MILES THEN ASSHOLES.

-The worst thing about the song Sk8r Boi is that it pretends that skaters are outcasts. Maybe 15 years ago they were. Now there's more "skaters" then there are "jocks" and "preps", or whatever highschoolers say

-Any Weird Al song could qualify here, but Id say "I love Rocky Road" is his worst

-The song played at the end of Karate Kid that goes, "You're the best around... nothin's gonna ever keep ya down!!" over and over, could also go here.

But ok, on the Genesis *theme* there is a potential tie. John Wetton's cover of "Your Own Special Way" is just... gross.

But that's a great song!

"I can't dance" is good too!

I will defer to Nicole.

but I have to say that "isn't it ironic" song by alanis morisette is one of the most idiotic ditties ever penned. Why? because

irony: 1.the use of words to convey the opposite of their literal meaning; 2.incongruity between what might be expected and what actually occurs

example: "the world's oldest man
just turned ninety-eight
won the lottery
and died the next day"
wow, I bet they never saw it coming....

example 2: "it's like a black fly
in your chardonnay"
since flies normally congregate about open beverages, does this mean that there actually isn't a fly in the chardonnay(see definition 1)?

I could go on....but you get the point.

B-but! Without "Tender" there would be no "Tender - Cornelius remix" which YOU ALL KNOW would just be a *wrong* world to live in.

I've already added my tuppenceworth on this one, but: Starship and Europe are both way too good to be on here. How about "Bring Me Edelweiss" by, uh, Edelweiss?

excellent call! that really is awful isnt it?

"One Way" by the Levellers is the only song I have physically fought someone over to make them turn it off.

also 'born in the usa' - i just cannot handle those horrible crashing metronome drumbeats and nasty synthetic horn bits.

i take it no one's with me on the new badly drawn boy?

Exactly, I don't like the context in which it is most commonly used.

I'm amazed to see some of my all-time favorite songs in this thread...("Bohemian Rhapsody" & the Tori Amos/Robert Plant "Down By the Seaside"...I love the way their voices sound together!)

peter cetera?!

Anyway everyone knows that Where Do You Go To my Lovely is the wrose song ever.

"Party All The Time" is better than "Put Your Mouth On Me".

I told you the answer to this on that thread. You posted a huge list of songs that everyone seemed to disagree with then said "Too bad, now write for us cos we are too lazy to write about these songs that we chose and you disagree with" - it's totally different, you see.

Anyway I think I should've nominated Hero by Mariah Carey.

I nominate any UB40 song featuring toasting.
One Way by the Levellers is a good call, too.

I bet, however, you could get away with putting almost every song on this thread on at a party EXCEPT Mr Blobby.

although the top of the pops appearance almost redeemed it by being the single funniest thing i've ever seen. in some strange reverse-time influence thing, jagger seems to have copped the lot off david brent.

The Five Man Electrical Band

Signs

And the sign said
long-haired freaky people need not apply
So, I tucked my hair up under my hat and I went in to ask him why
He said "You look like a fine upstanding young man, I think you'll do"
So I took off my hat and said, "Imagine that, huh me working for you"

whoaaaa signs, signs, everywhere a sign
blockin' out the scenery, breakin' my mind
Do this, don't do that. Can't you read the signs?

I sorta like mine where it is, thanks! I mean, I agree with you on "Bohemian Rhapsody," but the only guy more useless than Springsteen is Dylan when it comes to the Nediverse.

Chunky A = Arsenio Hall's fat rapper character
"The Ho Is Lazy" = parody of Fine Young Cannibals' "She Drives Me Crazy"
Author of this post = the only human who still owns the LP

And the huge piece of goathaunch called "The Living Years" by Mike and the Mechanics must needs be addressed.

"I dont want to see a ghost/I'D RATHER EAT A SLICE OF TOAST/and watch the evening news"

Chorus goes "Life/Oh life/Ooooh liiiiife/Life"

While this should in *NO WAY* be seen as a defense of Avril Lavigne or her dubious music, "Sk8ter Boi" should not be lambasted as "Bizkit Spelling". Spelling "skater" and/or "skate" with the numeral "8" versus the conventional "ate" goes back as far as the early 80's (I remember a band called the Slammin' Watusis who had a track called "Sk8 Sk8 Sk8".) Secondly, "boi" with an "i" verus a "y" could conceivably be credited to ska and dub reggae (witness said genre's leaning towards pronouncing "boy" as "baWoy" or "bwuy"....like shitty Lauren Hill in the Fugees' cover of "Killing Me Softly").

What's my point? My point is that people were spelling things in stupid ways before the cancer that is Limp Bizkit plopped out of rap-rock's expulsive posterior and into the zeitgeist.

"Youth Of The Nation" fuckin' rocks. Heartfelt serious rap-rock with A CHOIR and MARTIAL DRUMMING. and even features a ROUND ala Row Row Row Your Boat. A classic.

As do most bands who chronicle girls who "fade away."

• Bryan Adams /"Summer of 69"
  
• Anything by Van Morrison!!! (Even "Brown-Eyed Girl", which sounds like a wonky sentimentalised version of the Rolling Stones!!!!)
  
• Melissa Manchester / "Don't Cry Out Loud" (Bleeagh!!! Sickly sentimental claptrap, and totally messed up psychologically speaking!!!)
  
• Stereophonics / Most of their stuff, but especially "Handbags and Gladrags" (Oh, look here's a Hammond Organ- aren't we soo soulful!!!)
  
• Most things by Simply Red (especially from "Stars" onward)
  
• Anything by Paul Weller post-Style Council, especially "Changingman". (Extra minus points for ripping the riff right off ELO's vastly superior "10538 Overture".)
  
• Any dance compils with some cod-scientific/educational/progression terms in the title ("Logical progression", "Beat skool: The next lessions", "Infinite series: the next level", and other titles that are pretty easy to make up the spot!), it's like they're saying "We're smarter than you!". Even worse, compils with "nu" in them- appropriately for the French word for "naked", it's usually more a case of the Emperor's New Clothes... Ultimate warning sign on dance compils: "Nu-Skool"- arrgh!!!!
  
• All those crap house records that rip off the Chic Corporation really badly, and then make like the 70s was really some funky super-dayglo era with a huge ironic grin!!! I mean come on, that's (a) really crap and unimagintive and (b) more 90s than 70s anyway. I saw "I Love 1973" pretty recently and it's actually looking dated already!!! There's some made-up "70s family" featured in the "Let's laugh at how crap 70s fashions were" spots, and I can imagine loads of people watching it thinking "That just looks so 90s!!!!"...
  

This is one of the greatest things I've ever read (rivalled only by "Pussy don't fail me now/I gotta turn this nigga out/So he don't want nobody else").

"Whole food that's what I need
A bowl of grain, the taste of seed,
Whole food every day to live the natural funky way.

You're so acute about pollution
Have you ever really looked at your food
It's sickly, sweetened, poisoned, flavoured,
Coloured, processed . . . . . God! if only you knew
That there's a funky way of eating
Keeps you randy, dandy, happy and free
Go on, go score yourself a banquet
Straight from nature, not from some factory."

NOTE:
The lyrics are the least awful aspect of the song.

No.

Because "Glory of Love" fucking sucks. And so does "I'm So Glad."

Worst song in my book is "My Life" by Mr. Joel.

Cream used the '60s Skip James version of "I'm So Glad, " not the 1931 original (which was based on a Tin Pan Alley song called "So Tired" or something) for their version. James was just fluffin' off in the '60s for the most part anyway, but the Cream were too bluesed-out to notice.

The REAL worst song, or close enough, is "Once You Understand" by Think. ("Featuring Lou Stallman", whoever the fuck he is." You all know this one, right? A Top-30 generation-gap-sap hit from 1971. Ya gotta hear it!

And a special hats-off to the Beatles for "Love Me Do," whose lyrics make the Ramones' look like Jimmy Webb. That they could debut with this godawful piece of moronic crap and become the world's greatest pop group with the greatest songwriting team is astonishing.

wouldn't this be a cover of a rod stewart song?

ahem......

please.

Stereophonics / Most of their stuff, but especially "Handbags and Gladrags" (Oh, look here's a Hammond Organ- aren't we soo soulful!!!)

wouldn't this be a cover of a rod stewart song?

Harumph!!!!!!!!!!

Mainly because of a karaoke incident involving this song.

here are a few i really don't like tho:

anything by The Calling
Creed 'My Sacrifice'
Dido 'Life For Rent'
Maria McKee 'Show Me Heaven'
Boyz II Men 'End Of The Road'
Mariah Carey 'Without You'
Elton John 'Candle In The Wind'
anything by Westlife
anything by Boyzone
anything by Billy Talent, Something Corporate, Good Charlotte and other bands of that ilk

boring i know

closely followed by:

Cranberries - Linger

or possibly

REM - Shiny Happy People

closely followed by:

REM - Everybody Hurts

sorry, but Britney's fucking awful.If she had a shred of talent/humor/irony/self-awareness she'd be easier to take. Hearing a muzak version of "Oops.." in the grocery store was entertaining.

IRONY IS LAME. http://www.theclothinglab.com/images/meshblank.jpg

-- Be sure to Loop! Loop, Loop, Loop. (??©?~?!=?@??) (webmail), May 24th, 2004 7:21 AM. (ex machina) (later) (link)

especially when it's used against itself!

I like FAR too many of the songs listed upthread.

such a creepy sentiment too..."clearly you are damaged and no other man would want you, but i, chris martin, will fix you."

It's very existence acts as a solvent to the very fabric of space-time, creating a gateway for the "Forgotten Ones" to escape - as well as causing 13 and 6 scores of angels to defect from their Heavenly manors thus sparking an interdimensional battle between the two factions for ownership of the souls of men.

Equally as egregious is "Wake Me Up Before You Go" - Wham!

I am convinced that in actually this is not a "song" at all. Further research at the sub atomic level will show that the sound waves produced by this contraption carry with them hordes of nanoscopic robots that "possess" the hapless listener by affixing themselves to integral neurological centers - and with the evil data encrypted within them cause the host subject to perform acts of unspeakable savagery as well superhuman feats of tecnological innovation.

and also this little slice of misery:

*Starts the Car

"Galang"

*Screeches off into the sunset. Hits a pothole. Bites tongue. Cries.

Note that I take the title literarily enough not to include anything that I don't consider a "song", but noise. :)

Any Sting is beyond the pale too.

"Crystal Blue Persuasion", playing over the gas station speakers a few minute ago as I filled the Honda's empty tank- made me want to douse myself and light a match. Could not get to 13 gallons fast enough. And "Crimson and Clover" is one of my favorite songs ever. (also good for testing stereo separation) Blue crystals treated me well on several occasions, even.

Oh god, this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMS_GMlnTHg

...OFFENSIVE...SUCCESSFUL...BUT AT A COST.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWpqrWFd0uA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vc2jDz6w-r4

Obv this is really the best song ever recorded but some churls might think it belongs here. To them I say "don't get fresh with me".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m9n5Uv0bp0&feature=related

Pretty sure the one in the pink bikini is a dude btw

OMFG it's the Tesco Blue Stripe Spice Girls

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ji6AlNnh4yg&NR=1

No misogyno but I'm pushed to decide which one most needs a slap

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_eONDPvMwo&feature=related

Fuckin Up the Classics Vol. 1

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jamJ4-C_TME

Favourite unintentionally homoerotic music vidz

Haha, how much make-up is Lewis wearing? He looks like Grace Jones! And why on earth does that clip end with him about to get raped by an old lady in a sauna?

Believe it or not, Sandi Thom has worse songs than that one in her repertoire, dreadful though it is. The one where she laments the decline of the horse as humankind's premiere mode of transport has to be heard to be believed.

Carl Lewis may be able to sing better, but at least Grace Jones can jump further.

I'll say "Be My Lover" by La Bouche, since 90's crap-club seems to be the trend here

― Curtis Stephens, Saturday, November 9, 2002 9:47 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^ suggest banned

Philip Michael Thomas - Just the Way I Planned It
Lily Allen - Say What You Say
LaToya Jackson - He's My Brother
Three Days Grace - I Hate Everything About You

Oh, almost forgot:
Darryl Worley - Have You Forgotten

Darryl Worley, Have You Forgotten? Lyrics
Looking for Darryl Worley tabs and chords? Browse alphabet (above).

Artist: Worley Darryl
Song: Have You Forgotten?
Album: Have You Forgotten?
Darryl Worley Sheet Music
Darryl Worley CDs

Download RingtoneSend “Have You Forgotten?” Ringtone to Cell PhoneDownload Ringtone

I hear people saying we don't need this war
But, I say there's some things worth fighting for
What about our freedom and this piece of ground
We didn't get to keep 'em by backing down
They say we don't realize the mess we're getting in
Before you start your preaching let me ask you this my friend

Have you forgotten how it felt that day?
To see your homeland under fire
And her people blown away
Have you forgotten when those towers fell?
We had neighbors still inside going thru a living hell
And you say we shouldn't worry 'bout bin Laden
Have you forgotten?

Fuck copied too much.

Philip Michael Thomas - Just the Way I Planned It

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLRwdbg1xME

Woulda been a better song if Don Johnson did backup vocals.

Don Johnson also did a shit-tastic called "Heartbeat", but I felt two Miami Vice peeps on the same list was overkill.