worst musical instrument

what is the worst instrument in music?

sorry, i couldn't find a thread on this

dube

distorted guitar

I can't think of an instrument that always sounds bad, even ones I don't like - flutes, recorders, whistles, for the most part - can sound good in the right hands, er, mouths.

the drumitar

aw the drumitar looks like some sort of self-organising nexus of sentient garbage. not sure i want to listen to it though

the dube is basically a £250 wooden box afaict that looks like it's specifically built for annoying commuters at underground stations

i really hate tambourines btw. they're okay in a free music context, but some oaf bashing away with one in a rock song is consistently ruinous and almost impossible to ignore

come on guys, it's bagpipes

it should be so easy just to mentally filter it out as well but there it is, bash-tsk-tsk-tsk-ing away into your brain xp

bagpipes are great btw, here is incontrovertible proof:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8jOhqOsouM

There's no such thing sub specie aeternitatis but I generally dislike banjos, ukuleles, maracas, mandolins, vihuelas, bagpipes and vibraphones.

So many classic tracks would be nothing without a tambourine. And who plays free improv tambourine?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kruASSL78m8

Bagpipes totally rule.

Accordions are pretty annoying but then there's Pauline Oliveros. I do not share Richard Thompson's enthusiasm for Jimmy Shand records.

Jew's harp, not least for the name.

There's no such thing sub specie aeternitatis but I generally dislike banjos, ukuleles, maracas, mandolins, vihuelas, bagpipes and vibraphones.

― pomenitul, Monday, April 23, 2018 4:00 PM (five minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Maracas and mandolins are quite inoffensive, I think. Banjos and ukuleles can sound good in the right context.

I'm totally 100% with you on bagpipes, though - fucking awful instrument.

ukuleles have been thoroughly poisoned for me

Accordions are pretty annoying

I've long wanted this t-shirt: I'm pro-accordion and I vote.

accordions have such a nice rich sound, they're just associated with obnoxious music for whatever reason

It doesn't help.

And who plays free improv tambourine?

should've said free jazz really - was mostly thinking of people like pharoah sanders

I can't imagine hating the accordion. Sofia Gubaidulina's works for bayan (the Russian accordion, as it were) are absolutely incredible and the bandoneon (the Argentinian accordion) was Astor Piazzolla's instrument of choice. Not to mention that the accordion is essential to traditional gypsy and Romanian music, both of which I love.

It's a fairly widely disliked instrument tbf.

Its use in Germanic schlager is unspeakable, though, and Parisian accordion music gets old really fast.

Ditto Scottish Country Dance.

wth w/ the vibraphone hate

Exactly, I love that instrument.

I've long worshipped at the altar of ECM but the likes of Gary Burton are beyond the pale for me.

There's a particular variety of synth sound, this trebly and slippery and squidgy Cthulhoid aural nightmare... I'm not sure if it's exactly the same one across all of my examples but I'm thinking of Steve Winwood's 'While You See a Chance' and Donald Fagen's 'IGY' and Jackson Browne's 'The Load Out'. It damn near makes me physically ill. It just sounds so gross to my ears.

but bobby hutcherson! 'out to lunch!'! xp!

The correct answer is fiddle.

it's gotta be the ukelele, due to cultural contamination and through no fault of its own

xpost wow. the while you see a chance prophet 5 lead is all-time for me. Love it love it love it.

Yeah, I'll take Hutcherson as the exception that confirms the rule (for me, at least).

xps

lol @ squidgy Cthulhoid aural nightmare

the worst instrument is a 3-year-old's voice. come on, are you even listening? focus

... and now for the Krummhorn solo!

I've got a high tolerance for a lot of potentially annoying instruments when they're handled well.

Instruments that CAN be handled well - but usually aren't - is a different topic.

Personally I have a major hate-on for handbells. By which I mean an array of bells set forth on a table (generally in a church)with like 8 or 10 or 12 people (often children). The people pick up a bell and ring it at the place it comes in the music, then they stand around waiting for that note to come again. Makes me want to scream, because there are perfectly good devices allowing one person to play a whole lot of bells way more efficiently, with a keyboard. The only point to making 12 people stand around and wait for their D or whatever to come up again is for the, I dunno, glurgey community participatory spirit of it all.

Which is fine as a social goal, I guess, but it's pretty tangential to music. You could make a group painting where one person got to add all the red, and a different person could add all the blue or whatever. It might feel very communal, I suppose, but it seems like busywork and it isn't going to give you a better painting.

Children's singing voices in general are insufferable. And countertenors.

countertenors rule, as do crumhorns, shawms, banjos, cors anglaises, vibraphones and prophet 5 leads

I might’ve imagined it but I swear someone said electronic strings, which I find hard to accept

Synthetic sounds rule

apart from synthetic tambourines

My ear usually can't take the nasal high male vocal of bluegrass. Women are fine. I can dig like an Allison Krauss vocal treatment, but the whiny bluegrass dudes can suck it IMO.

Operatic soprano melisma can be grating too.

Countertenor? Sometimes. In small doses. I kinda dug this Toby Twining record from a while ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBGAoBZzx8A

xposts
Heard someone on a podcast recently complaining about Winwood synths.

I wasn’t familiar w/“While You See a Chance,” so looked up the video – even by the standard of ’80s videos, it’s truly WTF: https://youtu.be/0j6g_uUhH2c

Operatic singing is my least favourite use of the human voice, Shuts me off from a lot of good music but can't be helped.

Yoko - sorry

it aint what you pluck/blow/strum/pound/toot/sing/scream/spit, it's the way that pluck/blow/strum/pound/toot/sing/scream/spit it.

not a fan of the harpsichord

I've had an ongoing discussion with one of my coworkers about just how many musical crimes have been committed on the ukulele over the past fifteen or twenty years. We both agree that the ukulele is an alright instrument, but that it's become this unwieldy cultural thing where people start playing it and somehow develop this really elitist attitude that they're playing something really meaningful and the skill that they're developing is this really profound artistic self-discovery. But, it's like, dude you're just playing the same major/major/minor/major chord changes as a million other pop songs. Just, on a smaller set of strings. I have no idea how this ukulele subculture gained so much popularity over the past few years, but I find it thoroughly off-putting and obnoxious. The only redeeming use of ukulele I can think of is the Bob's Burgers opening theme song. And that's it.

That's totally subjective, though. The one that I think is bad and that I think a lot of people can get behind is the really awful synth sounds on those mid-eightes Windham Hill type new age records. Stuff like Shadowfax or Hiroshima. I have no idea what that kind of synthesizer is that make those sounds, but they aren't very appealing at all.

xpost: YES. OH MY GOD. THAT STEVE WINWOOD IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE.

Man, that intro to that song is fucking hilarious. Who thought that sounded good?

When it comes to '80s record production, it's probably never too off-base to remark (much as it pains me to resort to a mega-played-out cliche): "Cocaine's a hell of a drug."

idk man i was 11 years old when it was on the radio and that intro sounded like magic to me and i still love it

I'm honestly just here for the video. The fuck those ninjas shining makeup mirrors in my face for?

Ukulele redeemed… sort of…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nQwfFK8gTA

harpsichord is swank

anyone want to mount a vigorous defence of the tuba?

obviously the vuvuzela is the best instrument of all time

It's either saxophone or accordion. I'd go saxophone.

Barrel organs.

tuba in rap/r&b music is the best thing and it's not particularly close
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lwG6vD2vP8A
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ooz85nVYfiU

ukulele, no question. let's poll this. it's the ukulele

more in this thread (altho not all songs have tuba)
100 rap (or other fun genres) songs with crazy low end horn riffs

it's definitely the fuckin uke, i don't think i have a problem with any other instrument

haha i specifically came here to shout out shadowfax xxxxxxp

ban all winwood haters

Jew's harp, not least for the name.

― dinnerboat, Monday, April 23, 2018 9:08 AM

This is the best / most acceptable answer, IMO.

there is no such thing as a worst musical instrument. Henry Threadgill had some fucking awesome bands with accordions and tuba for starters!

obviously ukulele is the correct answer, as everyone is saying. that ukulele master that people talk about - well I listened to him, and it was crap

I resent the fact that a fucking ukulele cover of Somewhere Over the Rainbow is almost as popular as the actual version from The Wizard of Oz.

C'mon guys --

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSG32K8Z1sQ

Also, "Losing My Religion" is worth something...

anyone want to mount a vigorous defence of the tuba?

Does the tubax count? Because Raphaël Cendo's Décombres is fucking awesome.

ban all winwood haters

― brimstead, Monday, April 23, 2018 10:44 AM (twelve minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm

yeah uke is fine, it's the people who use ukes who are frequently insufferable

Also barrel organ is the wrongest answer so far.

"yeah [ ] is fine, it's the people who use [ ] who are frequently insufferable"

the thread's question is finally given a correct answer.

The correct answer is the patriarchy

I mean, that's obviously correct, but nowhere near as entertaining. Let the lowkey hate flow.

xp

would that winwood song be better or worse with a tuba in the intro instead of the synth?

anyone want to mount a vigorous defence of the tuba?

Yes, because tuba/sousaphone is the best bass instrument. The range of articulation and VOLUME make an electric bass seem really boring.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cl_MflAsmaM

https://youtu.be/C0n8c9B8SCA?list=PL_x4bNE9VCdrLT8dKWlUTmwKtFz-Ci5DP

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mfb2mcm9rw

https://youtu.be/ftk06kLUY4A?t=335

"yeah [ ] is fine, it's the people who use [ ] who are frequently insufferable"

the thread's question is finally given a correct answer.

― calzino, Monday, April 23, 2018 11:01 AM (two minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol i'm truly disappointed in the "guns don't kill people" defense here

human voice imo

only the human voice is capable of inflicting lyrics on the listener

xxp
obv killing someone with a tuba is a whole diff game to gunning someone down with a shotgun!

Is the vocoder human? (Whoa.)

Jew's harp, not least for the name.

― dinnerboat, Monday, April 23, 2018 12:08 PM (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Worst instrument to play as well.

feel like people are holding back on the kazoo here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7b_6il-IhpE

Tuba:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjNteHSCCSg

Ukulele:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u778gSi94N4

Not trying to change anyone's mind about either instrument. Just presenting for your assessment.

FTR, I was not hating on Winwood upthread but rather his taste in synths. Which is clearly atrocious.

I honestly can't think of an instrument that's indefensible across the board. Maybe not as big a fan of, say, the bassoon or the rain stick as some other instruments but they have their place.

bassoon is cool

no harpsichords = no boys for pele so CLASSIC

harpsichord is classic, if only for it's use in Van's "Everyone"

i'm not crazy about vocoders

steve's taste in synths is fine, those zippy leads are perfect

the synth in VH's jump, that's a pretty yucky synth

also harpisichords are beautiful to play

can't believe such a fine instrument is even mentioned here

save it for the worst one - the human voice

the hit and midd ratio of a good singer is pretty high

Not trying to change anyone's mind about either instrument. Just presenting for your assessment.

That ukulele video makes me even more adamant about my grievances, actually.

As long as no one disses the oboe I'm happy.

Austin: yeah that guy is highly punchable and I present his punchability for your delectation. (Though on a purely technical level I'm impressed by the simultaneous chords / bass / melody / percussion solo-ensemble sound.)

Harpsichord is a good example, like ukulele, of how overuse within a particular time or context can kinda ruin a perfectly fine instrument. Like if you listen to a bunch of music from that period in the '60s when every band discovered the harpsichord simultaneously and you're like, okay guys, I'm officially harpsich of the harpsichord now.

officially harpsich

A+

save it for the worst one - the human voice

― after party for the apocalypse (Ross), Monday, 23 April 2018 18:52 (thirteen minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

um

Overuse isn't really an issue for the harpsichord – the baroque era speaks for itself regardless of what came after. The same can't be said for the ukulele.

Saws are great for cutting wood but as a musical instrument they blow.

child voices is the correct answer

imago i'm just speaking smack, sorry everyone

voice is the correct answer

Voice basically has the same problem as all other candidates - can be used well and poorly. Advocates will cite the good uses, and foes will cite the most obnoxious ones.

Also I don't think virtuosos constitute a counterargument for any given instrument!

As it happens, I play mandolin (along with guitar, bass, drums). I hate most mandolin music. People are constantly showing me "waoh look at this great mandolin playerrrrr11!!11" But I don't much like anything I hear from "good" mandolin players. Ditto "good" guitar players, "good" bassists, "good" drummers.

As is widely known, the music that musicians like is often hostile to the ears of normal humans. cf. thread for discussion of guitarists i have only heard of because i read guitar magazines in the late 90s

i think it's fair to judge an instrument by its most obnoxious use

How about the fart.

Or talking burps

i think it's fair to judge an instrument by its most obnoxious use

― the late great, Monday, April 23, 2018 9:29 PM (three minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Me too, in which case it's BARREL ORGAN even more. The obnoxious use (hey lets set up shop for an hour IN FRONT OF THIS GUYS OFFICE), the people playing them, the 'hey wow look a barrel organ, morning made!' cru.

Steel drums, yuk.

Barrel organ/harpsichord double whammy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdzvk1BJOBQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xr7MTZPs_A

Barrel organ is also classic for having inspired Schubert's 'Der Leiermann'.

that uke billie jean cover is about as bad as it gets

Slide whistle? Recorder?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gZLU13YGqA

Lots of kids learn to play music in school on the recorder; it's earned its keep for that reason alone.

xp those are just noises ... no noise upsets me as much as bad lyrics do

White people are doing a good job of ruining steel drums, it's true.

Not that fond of calliope tbh, but I think it's more the music played on calliope than the tone itself.

Jew's harp, not least for the name.

I've never come across anyone who uses this term irl, only in old books. The jaw harp/mouth harp is an incredible and singular instrument!

I usually tend to be of the position that there is no bad instrument but the toy piano does challenge my conviction.

White people are doing a good job of ruining steel drums, it's true.

Dude, this is what white people do. Here, give me something real quick and let me show u.

I know some musicians in town who are doing increasingly well with their band whose concept is "cover songs...but on steel drum" and it's just like...no.

So I take it you guys aren't interested in joining my Trop Rock combo?

Mouth harp is a rad instrument, what are you guys talking about?

The Lines completely dropped the ball leaving it off the proper version of 'Nerve Pylon.' Here's the (superior) original with mouth harp.

there is no bad instrument

great position

I know some musicians in town who are doing increasingly well with their band whose concept is "cover songs...but on steel drum" and it's just like...no.

― change display name (Jordan), Monday, April 23, 2018 1:02 PM (six minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol i saw a steel drum band cover some Whitesnake song once, in college

Barrel organ is also classic for having inspired Schubert's 'Der Leiermann'.

― pomenitul, Monday, April 23, 2018 3:41 PM (twenty-nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm

the snare drum

Like, on its own, or as part of a group of drums? Or both?

The morsing (mouth harp) has a special place in Carnatic music: https://youtu.be/EKE6B1mCjro?t=5m13s

More specifically the terrible ‘90s snare drun sound. “PING!”

Actually, all drums are terrible.
How many different things can you do on a drumset? Two?!

lol

I do think we take for granted what a weird instrument the modern drum kit is, it's a little strange that it's become so codified and entrenched.

The morsing (mouth harp) has a special place in Carnatic music: https://youtu.be/EKE6B1mCjro?t=5m13s

Pretty groovy, I gotta admit

The gong is good. Unless you bang it too soon after your previous gongbang.

Actually, all drums are terrible.

on the contrary every instrument should be played like it is a drum

Not a huge kalimba fan

because it is so permanently etched onto both the song and the "instrument," going with https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF7lv1gfP1Q

I love steel drums; I hate the hang.

Guitars: Ovation and Godin.

Chapman stick

for real though, I'm glad so many people in this thread agree on the correct answer which is the human voice, especially that of small children.

Thanks to the misguided souls whose errors led to linking “While You See a Chance” upthread, that song is utter bliss and reconnecting with it has made my day.

Also “voice used as instrument” is my choice. Except throat singing I guess.

ross u fuckin legend

I think there's a story about the beginning of the master tape of "While You See a Chance" accidentally being erased. Steve came up with the intro we know now as an emergency stopgap.

Soprano sax is almost always obnoxious.

Also, xp to Mr. Snrub, it's the piccolo snare that's the real offender.

Both have the same problem: Let's make a shittier, higher pitched version of this classic instrument.

Muted trumpet sometimes falls into this trap too.

For some reason, instruments in the late 80s/early 90s wete required to have lots of trebly zing

Dan my dad loooves the Chapman stick. He saw some buskers play it in Hawaii. I have to remind myself that has does have good taste tho - enya, moody blues

To all the Chapman stick haterz, Patrick Stewart isn't having any more of your guff.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2d/9f/9c/2d9f9cde8fef835034bfb878af4598e3.jpg

I like some nice finger picking as much as the next man but strummy acoustic guitar is really crap innit?

I do think we take for granted what a weird instrument the modern drum kit is, it's a little strange that it's become so codified and entrenched.

― change display name (Jordan), Monday, April 23, 2018 1:58 PM (two hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i think about it literally every time i play. "who decided it should be like this????"

Handclaps. And the pan flute.

I resent the fact that a fucking ukulele cover of Somewhere Over the Rainbow is almost as popular as the actual version from The Wizard of Oz.

― flappy bird

i resent yip harburg writing "flahooley"

today it's probably the slide whistle just because i had this shit inflicted on me from an early age:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY35KtntPeU

that said the slide whistle sounds ok on "smile"

Eefing?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjo2FnZxnyU

I had to turn off the Billie Jean ukulele video a minute in. Just awful

But I found this by searching "ukulele" on youtube. it was the third result. It's beautiful and confirms what voodoo chili said - it's not the instrument, it's the people that play them now & have for the past 10 years and how the instrument is most often applied. But this is great:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puSkP3uym5k

There's no such thing as a bad instrument.

I like some nice finger picking as much as the next man but strummy acoustic guitar is really crap innit?

yep it's terrible more often than not and it's also part of the problem with a lot of bad uke playing tbh

the hurdy gurdy is the worst instrument tbf

ukelele is a pretty-sounding instrument! I assume there's been a plethora of hipster sad man in hat type shit over last so many years that's ruined it for people?

for me personally what did it was horrible youtube ukelele covers, it's almost like a whole new genre

yea. but also i can't think of a famous example of a ukulele as primary instrument. like Losing My Religion, which validates the mandolin (great instrument fwiw). the most famous uke song is that cover of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, which makes me want to smash every uke i see

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/aa/ec/2a/aaec2a2205a73a50630c41814d48f515.jpg

figured it out. tiki idol cursed the ukelele.

the most famous uke song is that cover of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, which makes me want to smash every uke i see

wtf the man is from Hawaii and has a killer voice. rag on all the suspenders core bands you want but if anyone has a right to play a ukulele it is this dude.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyinJyWUhas

Steve Martin/Bernadette Peters uke cover of Patience & Prudence from The Jerk is all time classic

All you ukulele haters are going to love this. if you can make it 30 seconds in, you’re doing better than me.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=q8ujhsYH7H0

Only 16 downvotes; guess somehow they’re reaching their audience...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7SliN-82P0&list=RDa7SliN-82P0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7SliN-82P0&list=RDa7SliN-82P0

sorry, attempt to post The Blue The Red and The Grey by the Who failed