ITT pitch your concepts for horrible '70s album titles/covers in the style of I've Got My Own Album To Do

for reference

artist: Ken Harris

title: "Fancy Meeting Me Here!"

front cover: Ken (a bearded, slightly shlumpy, Nilssonesque singer-songwriter in a flannel shirt) is pictured approaching a bar with a surprised look on his face. seated at the bar (shown in profile and partly in shadow so that you can't quite make out his features) is another shlumpy, bearded man in a flannel shirt

https://i.imgur.com/6fWpTTR.jpg
(kinda like this)

big reveal on the back cover: two identically-dressed Ken Harrises are pictured sitting at the same bar and toasting each other with huge idiotic grins on their faces

https://i.imgur.com/1dFtViz.jpg
(kinda like this)

lol, I like it. I had a bunch of these pitches in the original thread, so it's good to have a designated thread for them.

"Allegedly Sexy" would be a good Rod Stewart album title (cover art could have a courtroom scene with a hot female witness pointing a finger at Rod)
― Abbadabba Berman (Hurting), Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Bixby Snyder -- I'd Buy That For a Dollar

http://s3.amazonaws.com/ebaumsworld.prod/uploads1518566328843-1ombg3.jpg

sic's current display name makes me imagine one of these. Elton's Musk - jazz saxophonist Elton Dean playing smooth sax riffs on an electric car assembly line with a gaggle of sexy female auto technicians squabbling to get a whiff of his manly odour.

This had to make the other thread, even though it is not from the 70s. It's got the similar vibe you discuss.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SGJDWmCU6yw/TyLnWVPZlMI/AAAAAAAABA0/7h88FOLz8z0/s1600/Al+Di+Meola+-+Kiss+My+Axe.jpg

Amazingly I don't think it had been posted on the thread, I thought of it from your description. That look on Al D's face always cracked me up.

"Allegedly Sexy" would be a good Rod Stewart album title (cover art could have a courtroom scene with a hot female witness pointing a finger at Rod)
― Abbadabba Berman (Hurting), Wednesday, November 16, 2005
― "...And the Gods Socially Distanced" (C. Grisso/McCain), Monday, May 11, 2020 5:44 PM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Whoa, origin story

"I Rest My Case" - by Nick Lowe-style roots rocker. Cover has the artist lying in a king sized bed next to a guitar case. If he was British he could be dressed in a lawyer's wig etc.

can I be in this thread for insisting that The Who's last album should've been called Who Gives a Fuck?

lol

I'm disappointed that the lead singer of Herman's Hermits has only ever released one solo album, and it isn't titled Noone Loves You or Noone Cares

Noone Does It Better! (A cover's album)

okay I have racked my brain for HOURS on this and the best I can come up with is a Mario Kart themed Ween album called I'm-a Goona Ween

Man Alive's third release is called "A Man, A Plan, A Canal: Man Alive"

http://fwiw.imgix.net/wp-content/uploads/sites/12/2019/09/Insta-Post_housing_4.jpg

The Dan Boonins Band - Rockin Hard or Hardly Rockin?

actual lols

Neil Young & Crazy Horse: Horses For Courses (each guy is photographed doing a different activity at a different race track)

I'm imagining this one with each band member eating a different course of a meal, one on a starter, one on a main, one on a dessert, one eating cheese and biscuits with a cigar, this should all take place with the backdrop of different race courses, of course.

oh and neil should be in the centre of the picture, shrugging at their antics

the first track should be a cover version of Crazy Horses by The Osmonds, the LP should also contain covers of "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses?" and "Wild Horses" to close.

Artist: The Loose (Bay Area folk-rock quintet)
circumstances: After two albums, the band has fired, and replaced, its rhythm guitarist/co-lead singer and its bassist.
Title of the third album: Loose Change!

(This also works for pub-rockers The Spare.)

yes, but we need the band somehow represented as coins jangling around in a pocket too

Band members' faces on the coins ought to do it! Possibly being slammed down onto the counter of a record store by either a) some denim-clad rocker type, or b) a fishnets-and-miniskirt model type. Record store clerk is handing them a Loose/Spare Change LP with his mouth hanging open - maybe a vest-and-moustache type with stogie protruding from the corner of said mouth.

I like it. There could also be a poster for the 9-11 conspiracy film Loose Change displayed prominently in the shop.

Neil Young & Crazy Horse: Horses For Courses (each guy is photographed doing a different activity at a different race track)

― "...And the Gods Socially Distanced" (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, May 12, 2020 1:07 AM (eight hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

How about a band called Horse, and the record is "A Horse Off Course" with the band on horseback wandering off the racetrack.

Roni Size - Size Isn't Everything.
Front: Cartoon-style illustration. A (more) miniature Roni is standing in the palm of a giant, leering record exec-type as the city spreads out beneath them. What the exec can't see is that Roni's holding a syringe (almost as tall as he is), and is about to plunge it into his palm.
Back: Exec is sprawled out over a row of buildings with birdies tweeting around his head. Roni's standing atop his voluminous belly, arm-in-arm with a couple of fashion models, with a voice bubble coming out of his mouth saying the album title.

Justin Thyme's 1971 semi-self-titled debut, "(Got Here) Justin Thyme", is a lost underground classic of the country-rock genre. The cover shows Thyme in cowboy attire in the doorway of a saloon, arms resting on the doors swung inward, pit-stained and still dusty from the trail, ready to draw the guitar off his back like a six-gun.

Robert Zimmerman - Who's Bob Dylan? (1972), is a bizarre one-off soft-rock album recorded at a low point of Dylan's career when he had tired of using his famous pseudonym. Cover here.

lol. that would also work equally well for a different artist also named Robert Zimmerman

also lolling @ "Size Isn't Everything"

https://i.imgflip.com/414xa8.jpg

https://i.imgflip.com/42kiwa.jpg

https://imgflip.com/i/42knok

http://i.imgflip.com/42knok.jpg

Recorded almost 10 years after nearly dying in London, Jimi Hendrix' "Experiences . . . I've Had a Few" is an attempt at a back to basics record in the vein of Let It Be, but like that record, betrays a lack of inspiration.

“I’ve Had a Few”, you say?
Here, these are your materials - wouldn’t know how to do it myself:

https://static.ticketbar.eu/amsterdam/classificaties/combi-tickets/rondvaartenheinekenexperience/rondvaartenheinekenexperience_grid-1515498095.jpg

https://thisgirlabroad.files.wordpress.com/2014/09/img_2742.jpg?w=672&h=372&crop=1

(there’s your font)

https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/proxy/XUlTeiFJCS1eyIfCBdsI4rHBFmcBe_o5nguc95gdl8VEePtNZ244748H2lKAsQQgoY3LZQhLbmKUCBm7Ypsbgpgnmg

https://www.multiple-box.de/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/artikelbild-161.jpeg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e9/50/6c/e9506cd936288804a91cf7e66ac26d5a.jpg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/77/37/92/773792b3395528026055c6fdb6c2d40a.jpg

Optional: work something in with “let it beer” or “let it... burp”, or even “burple haze”, you get the drift.

Martin Handy - Keep One Handy

I can't decide if the cover should be said Martin waving a handkerchief coquettishly, or a cartoon giant hand proffering a hanky with Martin in it, or Martin's face printed on a condom.

That's what gatefold sleeves are for, you can have them all!

How about a band called Horse, and the record is "A Horse Off Course" with the band on horseback wandering off the racetrack.

― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive)

there was a band called horse, this is their album

https://www.youtu.be.com/watch?v=OWgzkLTHbkA

it's pretty good

i am also reminded of diana marcovitz's 1974 singer-songwriter record "a horse of a different feather"

https://www.discogs.com/Diana-Marcovitz-Horse-Of-A-Different-Feather/release/4165951

15 for sale from $3.26!

i do have a friend whose last name is handy. his first name is not "martin" though because he's american. he's never released an album with a pun-based title that i'm aware of, though.

Martin's face printed on a condom

Shades of...

https://img.discogs.com/NfW6H3hg7_F-V7O30CVznHfA_Bo=/fit-in/600x604/filters:strip_icc():format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-2581883-1363315105-3321.jpeg.jpg

Now I'm envisioning a bass-feature record called "Back to Bassics" where the artist has actually never released anything other than stream of basic bass-feature records.

Sadly the only record of that title on Discogs seems to be some minimal techno thing.

Martin Handy - Keep One Handy

i'd honestly prefer the title "comes in handy" and the cover art is just the artist fucking his clone with a strap-on, that way it can be on two threads

Oh god. Definitely the follow-up.

Hit the Pavement

Malkmus, Spiral Stairs, and crew are lying on the road, having been severely beat up. Possibly by their clones

Bill Callahan returns to the Smog moniker with "They Oughta Do Something About The Smog" -- cover is Bill coughing in a polluted urban streetscape

The Doors "Those Swinging Doors" etc

IMHO The Doors definitely missed a trick by not by having more opening/closing puns in the titles of their six LPs.

The first post-Morrison album should've been: "One Door Closes...Another One Opens!" With a cover pic of Manzarek et al walking out of a funeral chapel arm-in-arm and laughing. Back cover: an urn.

"A Byrd in the Hand is worth Two in the Bush!"

Folk duo Flaherty and Burke stand shrugging in front of a sign saying Tree Fellers Wanted

Clearly there needs to be an album titled "Hot Takes" where the cover involves a studio reel-to-reel machine in some way.

I am sort of torn between having the reel-to-reel in flames vs having the artist doing that gesture where you put your finger on something and pretend it's really hot and make a cheeky face

The first post-Morrison album should've been: "One Door Closes...Another One Opens!" With a cover pic of Manzarek et al walking out of a funeral chapel arm-in-arm and laughing. Back cover: an urn.

― some infected evening (Matt #2), Thursday, May 28, 2020 7:05 AM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

hahaha ok yes

Tiny Gets Waxed

front cover: Tiny Tim is stretched out on a chaise longue in the middle of an old-timey recording studio; only the upper half of his body is visible. the horn of a wax cylinder phonograph is positioned a few inches from his face, and a sound engineer is standing by to oversee the recording process. Tiny is presumably singing into the horn, though you'd swear by his gaping mouth and furrowed brow that he was yelping in pain.

the scene continues onto the back cover, where we see that Tiny is naked from the waist down. his dick is exactly as big as you'd expect it to be. a beautician is peeling a strip of orange-pube-encrusted wax off of Tiny's pasty crotch.

(the record itself is a collection of bawdy ballads dating back to the 1890s and 1900s. it's one of the rarest and least sought-after LPs in existence)

Clearly there needs to be an album titled "Hot Takes" where the cover involves a studio reel-to-reel machine in some way.

I am sort of torn between having the reel-to-reel in flames vs having the artist doing that gesture where you put your finger on something and pretend it's really hot and make a cheeky face

― longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Monday, June 1, 2020 4:11 AM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

Needles slammed up into the red on the VU meters and the cartoon smoke from the cover of Loaded coming off the machine.

Metallica The Black Album Revisited (2032)

An old man's hand (wrinkled, liver spots etc) opens a black leather photo album with various sepia-tinted pictures of the Metallica members, each dressed in black.

Six month's later, Chad Kroger's "Look at this Photograph" is also released, featuring old chad kroger holding an infinite recurision of the younger chad kroger meme

Max Boyce - Boyce Keep Swinging

Welsh language close harmony David Bowie covers album, on the front is Max as Ziggy on a swing in a playground, on the back cover is a parody of the Heroes picture with a giant leek between his hands.

It feels like a wasted opportunity that when The Sweet were reduced to a trio in 1979, they never managed to release an album called Three Piece Sweet

Album cover would've been three jigsaw puzzle pieces, with candies on them.

Derrick New - Out With the Old...

Cover is a very elderly man walking through a door marked “OUT” and the artist walking through one marked “IN”

James Archibald - Self Driving Car

cover is a selfie of the artist driving a car

Had an idea for an updated version of this concept. Record is called “Guitarists HATE Him”

Aging UK DJ puts out record called "Bangers 'n' Mashups" - cover is bangers and mash plated on a vinyl record

actually that one would be perfect for DJ Food

https://i.imgur.com/uMfLH0S.jpg

well done

Winner

Robin Zander solo record - '...with this one weird trick'

lol @ Robert Culp

an extra horrible one came to me tonight -- the cover is a paycheck resting on a scale that is going down a playground slide, and the title is "Pay on a Sliding Scale"

Status Quo/Spinal Tap rockers Rusty Spanner - Kicked in the Crotchet.

The Hipgnosis cover involves semi nude possibly underaged model fighting back against medallion-clad Peter Grant resembling sleazy attacker wearing musical note spangled trousers. Too hot to stock on American shelves so replaced with typographical cover in a blackletter typefece. Band is too minor for label to bother renaming it to wordplay Americans would find meaningful, leaving heshers to ponder if it has something to do with yarn.

https://scontent-lcy1-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.18169-9/934849_10152808096340571_1583611673_n.jpg

Clearly Brian Setzer needs to take advantage of this cultural moment and release an album called "Hard Setzer"

https://i.imgur.com/3skK8ee.jpg

still waiting on Robert Culp's sophomore LP... Mea Culpa

and his collab record with his buddy, Two Guys One Culp

One Culp and It's Gone

supergroup concept

https://scontent-lga3-2.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/p526x296/273376936_10165975995735304_2650424967268006406_n.jpg?_nc_cat=110&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=730e14&_nc_ohc=IdOZYISqnJYAX_Ccggj&_nc_ht=scontent-lga3-2.xx&oh=00_AT-OQLzV31PCf_FhGmC3tgcvIAgqOf6ElgBPVNa_ykiZjg&oe=6203CD20

Hahaha

lol

https://i.imgur.com/j0RYMTL.jpg

sorry

can you repost your Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe thing, man alive? the fb link seems to be expired

This thread is causing me fits of uncontrollable laughter.

https://i.imgur.com/mskEIWq.png

Here you go
https://i.ibb.co/Qcg8kpd/dch.jpg

although totally just a result of laziness and not thought out in advance, I like that Dewey Redman is red.

One Love is really getting me on revisiting

what about an album of David Crosby covers played on xylophones etc entitled 'If I Could Only Marimba My Name'

irl lol

Timpani High (About 3am)

hahaha

Cover shot is Crosby wandering through the desert, a soft mallet in either hand.

Earl Klugh Trio - Klughless

Cover is just the other two members of the trio. So are the tracks.

what about an album of David Crosby covers played on xylophones etc entitled 'If I Could Only Marimba My Name'

― o shit the sheriff (NickB), Tuesday, March 29, 2022 12:47 PM (one month ago) bookmarkflaglink

I missed this the first time around. Underrated.

https://i.imgflip.com/6t1k19.jpg

A covers record, obv

brilliant

Ages ago I imagined a parallel universe John McLaughlin stooping not quite to 'McLaughin' (not even possible in parallel worlds) but rather to 'Aughlin a Laugh'.

McLivlin, McLaughlin, McLovlin

Band is called E.V.O.O.

Album is “Extra Virgin Killer” - bottle of olive oil on black background.

A Flair for the Dramatic

The cover is a hot alt model who is wearing a fake beard and mustache, to resemble William Shakespeare. But rather than Elizabethan garb, she's in a TGI Fridays-style waitress uniform with lots of buttons (a la Jennifer Aniston in Office Space).

Lester and Jack Eyvil - The Lester of Two Eyvils

The Ombudsmen - Check Yourself Before You Wreck Yourself

He should make a record called Losing Bonamassa. Cover is him getting calcium pills from a doctor.

― walid foster dulles (man alive), Friday, February 20, 2015 3:51 PM (seven years ago) bookmarkflaglink

The Doors - Don't Let Us Hit You in the Ass

Lol. Aging Jim Morrison would have been a goldmine for these I bet.

The spoken-word album that discusses and evaluates a certain Louvin Brothers record, by the singer of "Kiss From A Rose."

Ratin' Is Seal

I’m pleased to announce my forthcoming acoustic flatpicking record “Jet Fuel Can’t Melt Steel Strings”

A Robert Plant album with the title Industry Plant in block red letters across the top. In the center of the frame is a huge fern, with a mic stand & guitar propped in front it. The fern is surrounded by several figures, all costumed in exaggerated style, and whose sight-lines lead to where the fern's "eyes" would be: (a) to the left, a sleazy label type (portrayed by Plant himself), chomping on a cigar and thrusting out a contract & pen; (b) to the right, a "dealer" with a huge baggie of white powder in one hand and an oversized spoon in the other; and (c) crouching lower in the frame, a "groupie" type, gazing up lovingly.

Was just thinking that a truly abysmal name for a record would be “Countdown to Poundtown”

(The front cover) The artist (with an expectant expression and prominent wristwatch) being led by the hand by a hot lady…(on the back cover) to an animal shelter with cute pets in cages; artist looks chagrined.

Cover photo: inside of a mud hut. Pith helmet-clad artist is sitting opposite an African woman dressed in traditional wedding garb. Scattered around him are various communication devices - semaphore flags, pad and pencil, Morse code machine. In his hand is a loudhailer. His companion is giving him a bemused, uncomprehending look.

Album title: My Wife Doesn't Understand Me

xp: gatefold is a fake £1 note with the artist's face in place of the queen's head.

(The front cover) The artist (with an expectant expression and prominent wristwatch) being led by the hand by a hot lady…(on the back cover) to an animal shelter with cute pets in cages; artist looks chagrined.

― Expansion to Mackerel (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 20 December 2023 03:53 (eight hours ago) link

lol yes

Julian Clary makes early 90s album of duets, cover art of him climbing out of a giant trifle bowl, titled The Poof Is In The Pudding (produced by Bob Stanley & Pete Wiggs)

Bluesmen Walter Washington & Walter Trout sit under a bridge, looking forlorn.

Title: "Bridge Over Troubled Walters"

Moe Bandy - This Is Actually My https://i.imgur.com/0Q4F3R6.jpeg Rodeo!!! (1976)

the cover art would look something like this, but with a trio of cowboys standing around laughing at an indignant Bandy

https://i.imgur.com/N5vDcgJ.jpeg

A super hot/fast country guitar pickin’ record called “Save Some Notes For The Rest Of Us!”

Lubomir Melnik should use that one...

Bruce Hornsby and the Range: A Range Of Different Musical Styles

Cover is an oven range and there is a pot or pan on each burner, and inside each pot or pan is the name of a musical genre (Blues, Jazz, Rock, Soul). And each is also in a different terrible typeface and different bright color.

David Van Day and a reformed Dollar: Another Day, Another Dollar

album by a smooth-jass guy entitled SAX OFFENDER, on the cover he leers & pulls open his raincoat to reveal the saxophone slung at crotch level

a young woman dressed for some reason in benny hill show style "sexy nurse" gear recoils in theatrical shock

Sequel: he is clocking in with a punch card to a stereotypical jazz club, prominently holding his sax, album title BLOW JOB

lol!

An album called “There’s Nothing Left To Live For”. The star is in the middle, to his right are several beautiful women, a sports car, stacks of cash, booze, etc, and to his left is a boring looking office desk with some bills and forms, a desktop computer etc.