Eurovision Song Contest 2022

YUM YUM YUMYUMYUM
YUM YUM YUM YUM
YUM YUM YUMYUMYUM

I apologize in advance.

You're not sorry at all

Fair

https://scandipop.co.uk/norways-eurovision-2022-song-subwoolfer-give-wolf-banana/

"tomorrow is Sunday" ?

Gonna be a spicy one folks

Sam Ryder: TikTok star to sing Space Man for UK at Eurovision 2022

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udsMTb2NIak

truly, truly awful

So basically Dua Lipa's management team went on Tik Tok and picked whoever from the UK had the most followers.

The lyrics are so bad, especially the "been down some black holes" line - which gets repeated over and over again. Also this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCbAEkfXSDE
...an intergalactic crime indeed.

Okay, but is it as bad as Latvia?

I would very much like to watch this with my five year old daughter, but 1.) it's not easy to do so in the U.S., is it, and 2.) is this possibly not something that a kid would find hilarious? I always had the notion from afar that it was kitschy shit that anyone not too concerned with what Steve albini or Gerard Cosloy might think could appreciate… now that I think for second, in 2014 or thereabouts Logo did a highlights program with bitchy gay guy commentary that was excellent…

Depends on the kid, I guess, but I would highly recommend it for watching with a kid. There's plenty of kitschy shit and a few actually good songs, as well as dreary rubbish like the UK sends.

Also I literally just watched Norway's entry for the first time, and... I kind of like it?

Seconded - there's a lot of variation between the acts to keep things interesting, and even the ballads usually have some bizarre theatrical staging. Might want to tap out at the voting though.

I watched my first Eurovision when I was 6, and was hooked thereafter.

OK, it sounds like James Blunt.

It's terrible.

It's probably going to do better than any UK entry for a considerable time. Win, even. Well, no let's say top ten.

god that's dull
I actually have seen him before doing a cover of the excellent Set You Free and completely ruining it

obsessed with Spain and Serbia this year. Kind of hate the Ukrainian entry unfortunately, not a patch on "Shum" - but expect them to win and won't begrudge it!

also France missed a trick by not sending Pauline Chagne

UK song obv embarrassing but I'd still say it's their best entry since...Flying the Flag (for You)? Not exactly a packed field at the top.

would make a good poll
have to go for scooch too

2.) is this possibly not something that a kid would find hilarious?

My kids love Eurovision but I'm not sure they would've when they were five, I think it helps to already be at least a little into current pop music

obsessed with Spain and Serbia this year.

further research has proven this to be correct

as if Ukraine isn't going to win this

Ukraine will walk with it via sentiment alone, but Serbia's entry is a hell of a thing.

doesn't the USA state version of this start tonight?

sisqos representing maryland

Amerivision Thong Contest

What state is Flo Rida representing?

Alas, as an honorable Sammarinese (!) citizen Flo Rida is not eligible for the US contest:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkhiH-JXFPs

ah, I'd forgotten about that

Some entries I like a lot:

First of all, our quite wonderful Dutch entry, by S10 (pronounced ‘Steen’ in English, because that’s how you pronounce her first name, Stien), whose 2020 album was very high on my ILM ballot that year. It’s our first Dutch-language entry since Sieneke’s dead on populist-not-poptimist arrival “Ik ben verliefd (Sha-la-lie)" in 2010:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2m-MGSys0k
S10 • De Diepte

Next up, Italy’s all-male passion play, hotly tipped to be the winner (ancora!) until the war broke out. And if they manage to pull off a performance like the one in the San Remo final, who could say they wouldn’t have deserved it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MgMhzfUmiA
Mahmood & BLANCO • Brividi

Now instead, Mahmood might have to settle for the runner-up position for the second time in three editions.

I also posted about the Albanian entry a couple of weeks ago on A thread for pop with Arabic influences from the Balkans, Transcaucasia, North Africa and the Middle East, to stunned silence:

”Sekret” by Ronela Hajati, this year’s Albanian Eurovision entry, is more than worth a thread revive. There’s several different versions to choose from - I can’t, so here’s all three of them:

the original all-Albanian version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NczxScmhajw

live performance in the national final, partly in English: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FuLIDqZ3waQ

the brand new revamped international video version, English + Albanian and featuring some strategically interspersed Spanish elements: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMu47raqbcc

A truly insane final video.

My favorites for this year are Cyprus and Czech Republic:

Andromache - Ela

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM8CY08UT6I

We Are Domi - Lights Off

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMesI3_LprY

This video contains snippets from all the tracks:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrOaYo3I-9A

Rehearsals underway, but to catch the snippets, off to TikTok...

https://www.tiktok.com/@eurovision

Two hours to go to semifinal 1! If you're over here and need viewing help...

https://www.eurowhat.com/watch

Semi final order badly formatted by me lazily pasting from Wikipedia

01 Albania - Ronela Hajati, "Sekret" (Albanian, English)
02 Latvia - Citi Zēni, "Eat Your Salad"(English)
03 Lithuania - Monika Liu, “Sentimentai”(Lithuanian)
04 Switzerland - Marius Bear , “Boys Do Cry" (English)
05 Slovenia - LPS, “Disko" (Slovene)
06 Ukraine - Kalush Orchestra, “Stefania" (Ukrainian)
07 Bulgaria - Intelligent Music Project, “Intention" (English)
08 Netherlands - S10, “De diepte" (Dutch)
09 Moldova - Zdob și Zdub & Advahov Brothers, “Trenulețul" (Romanian, English)
10 Portugal - Maro, “Saudade, saudade" (English, Portuguese)
11 Croatia - Mia Dimšić, “Guilty Pleasure" (English, Croatian)
12 Denmark - Reddi, “The Show" (English)
13 Austria - Lumix feat. Pia Maria , “Halo" (English)
14 Iceland - Systur, “Með hækkandi sól" (Icelandic)
15 Greece - Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord, “Die Together" (English)
16 Norway - Subwoolfer, “Give That Wolf a Banana" (English)
17 Armenia - Rosa Linn, “Snap" (English)

Bbc commentary: “thanks for getting off grindr to host Eurovision” (!)

Popbitch have handily just released their guide.

I still can’t believe these are the opening lyrics to the Latvian Eurovision this year. pic.twitter.com/9IDi4t3guz

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) May 10, 2022

Moldova vg

Zdob si Dob always are great value

wot? DJ ChisinÖtzi?

Austria very happy to be here

lots of 70s vibes tonight

this grew on me

Lithuania, Ukraine, Netherlands, Moldova, Portugal, Iceland would be my picks

Albania
Ukraine
Netherlands
Lithuania
Portugal
Greece
Norway (by the skin of their wolfs teeth)

Love love love love this Eurodance classics interval but too bad they didn’t save it till Saturday.

I think I might be the only person who really liked Austria? They were cute and fun and enthusiastic.

I was very happy about how happy they were to be there

the disco / dance / edm intermezzo, for a second I thought we were getting (Eumir) Deodato here.

*had me confused…

for me Austria were the best of the worst, which means i want them to go through

“caress the moon”? #onethread

farewell Ronela Hajati 😥

Oh thank god, I don't have to listen to Austria ever again!

OOOPS I meant Latvia!

Here we go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8a7Gbci7CI

That was a BIZARRE result all around.

don’t know, all of the countries seandalai and I mentioned were voted thru, except Albania (and that was a highly divisive one to begin with) - plus Armenia and Switzerland, who were both solid (although not my thing). the six that were eliminated were all crap (very fun crap, in the case of Austria), again except Albania, which was robbed, looted and plundered, a truly unforgivable travesty of justice.

I think I might be the only person who really liked Austria? They were cute and fun and enthusiastic.

I really did as well! I guess main singer was a bit too off at times, though (agreed again) not for want of enthusiasm.

except Albania, which was robbed, looted and plundered, a truly unforgivable travesty of justice

This truth.

SERBIA SERBIA SERBIA SERBIA

(Also I am very ashamed but I enjoyed Georgia quite a bit)

Cyprus presenting a masterclass in killing your own quite decent song

I'm convinced Serbia aren't going to go through and I'm sad about it already.

I would be surprised if it goes through (but also very happy)

There you go, guys

Yesssss! The rest of the lot that went through today was pretty poor, I've got to say. They picked mostly the most boring ones.

Czech Republic was good!

Serbia going through made me VERY happy. Estonia was the 'most improved' for sure, credit to the guy and glad he went through. Beyond that mostly indifferent or unsurprised though I would easily swap out San Marino for Finland on that front.

And yeah, Czech Republic made up for some iffy performances on the promo tour by all accounts.

Czechia was good fun, yes. Not quite as fun as Austria if we're comparing cheesy dance entries, but I definitely approve.

None of my favourite Cyprus -> Ireland -> North Macedonia stretch made it through :( Serbia obv great, rest was mostly blah.

I am sad that my favorite of the lot (Cyprus) didn't go through :(

Was the performance really that bad? I haven't watched

Rooting for Czech Republic now

Cyprus was pitchy and the whole thing felt a bit flat.

I wish they could just do playback. It's a song contest, not a singing contest, after all.

I said this on twitter, but I think it also suffered from feeling behind-the-curve in general. I like that sort of sound a lot but it's kinda what Eurovision was full of pre-covid. Added to staging that failed to impress and a lacklustre performance, it was fairly doomed.

Just taking this off the official Eurovision site, for reference.

Grand Final Running Order:
🇨🇿 Czech Republic: We Are Domi – Lights Off

🇷🇴 Romania: WRS – Llámame

🇵🇹 Portugal: MARO – Saudade, Saudade

🇫🇮 Finland: The Rasmus – Jezebel

🇨🇭 Switzerland: Marius Bear – Boys Do Cry

🇫🇷 France: Alvan & Ahez – Fulenn

🇳🇴 Norway: Subwoolfer – Give That Wolf A Banana

🇦🇲 Armenia: Rosa Linn – Snap

🇮🇹 Italy: Mahmood & Blanco – Brividi

🇪🇸 Spain: Chanel – SloMo

🇳🇱 Netherlands: S10 – De Diepte

🇺🇦 Ukraine: Kalush Orchestra – Stefania

🇩🇪 Germany: Malik Harris – Rockstars

🇱🇹 Lithuania: Monika Liu – Sentimentai

🇦🇿 Azerbaijan: Nadir Rustamli – Fade To Black

🇧🇪 Belgium: Jérémie Makiese – Miss You

🇬🇷 Greece: Amanda Georgiadi Tenfjord – Die Together

🇮🇸 Iceland: Systur – Með Hækkandi Sól

🇲🇩 Moldova: Zdob şi Zdub & Advahov Brothers – Trenulețul

🇸🇪 Sweden: Cornelia Jakobs – Hold Me Closer

🇦🇺 Australia: Sheldon Riley – Not The Same

🇬🇧 United Kingdom: Sam Ryder – SPACE MAN

🇵🇱 Poland: Ochman – River

🇷🇸 Serbia: Konstrakta – In Corpore Sano

🇪🇪 Estonia: Stefan – Hope

It's fucking sadboi Eurovision this year.

wow at the Italy-Spain-NL-Ukraine sequence in the middle

..and the SWE-(aus)-UK-POL-(SER)-EST package at the end

those are the other big shots imo that are *not* my personal favs

well, SER *is* a personal fav, but I don’t consider it a contender. (and AUS is neither)

Ireland was awful. I don’t understand anyone who liked it. Dated af.

Moldova should make a strong showing on that placement. The train song is fun!

I'd much rather be watching dated upbeat pop than the raft of sad whining men that got through, so I supported Ireland. Also I liked the synth line that came in at times.

Am absolutely going to be voting for Moldova tonight, the video for the song is so great. Have yet to hear any of the big five but almost everyone I know is really excited about the UK’s entry?

Oh dear god the UK entry sucks so bad. I like France's entry, and Spain seems like a banger but a bit by-the-numbers. Don't think I've heard more than mini clips of the other two?

I think people are excited about the UK entry because he's tiktok famous so might not crash and burn? But we've had name recognition before and it didn't help.

I don't care for the UK entry, but have to say it is an improvement on the last few years, it at least has a memorable hook.

Also having a young fanbase across the continent will help.

it at least has a memorable hook

Does it, though?

I've heard it once, a couple of weeks ago, and can still remember it, which is my test.

also the previous "name recognition" gambit was "let's assume most countries in Europe have thousands of diehard Englebert Humperdinck fans who will vote for any old tosh if he's involved"

Yeah the name recognition is dependent on also having a semi decent song. Blue did ok, Humperdinck and Bonnie Tyler, not so much.

Radio 4 talking about Eurovision just now, seem to be excited not that the UK have a chance of winning but that they are likely to finish in the top half of the leaderboard.

I can remember the hook ("space... maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnn") but not the rest of it.

remember last year when the hook was [generic EDM trumpet sample 001] and they decided to highlight this by having him perform between two giant trumpets

It’s better than average for a UK entry but I have doubts about how well it will do on stage. Also the hook that’s in my head is actually the Babylon Zoo hook.

tonight is the first time in 17 years that I’m not watching live :(

xxp maybe when he sings the hook they can hoist him up in the air on wires.

Here we go then

I like this little parade of nations thing, so I can remember the entry before they’re actually on

Serbia got a nice cheer there

Who's in then?

10 seconds in and I ask my first 'What does this sound like" of many this evening

This is such a banger but going first is such a killer

Think it was 'Titanium' it reminded me of

Portugal is so dreary..

I quite like it for a slow one!

Surely only Portuguese people get that one?

Idk why the Rasmus opened with the IT vibe. This is not good.

Sounds like Bon Jovi.

Not surprising since it was co-written by Desmond Child.

Finland is the worst so far

Only liked Romania so far (didn't see the first entry)

It’s so bad.

Oh no. Switzerland. 💤

Disaster strikes as a bee has apparently stung the Swiss singer's tongue, still he's soldiering on.

France is next, no idea about it except it’s in Breton

That was the worst so far

Jesus, that Swiss thing.

Not surprising since it was co-written by Desmond Child.

France sounds exactly nothing like a French Eurovision song.

There’s a pretty insane entry after this (Norway)

Regional French banger

Idk why the Rasmus opened with the IT vibe. This is not good.

I hope the singer gave that lollipop man his coat back.

What does the first 2 lines of this sound like?

That was one of the better French entries.

It might be Shakira - She Wolf that I'm thinking of re Norway. BIG COINCIDENCE IF SO

Norway spent too long on the concept and not enough time on the tune.

The song kind of repeats a bit but the audacity carries it.

Armenia is the kind of ballad that has won in the past

I have already forgotten it

Haven't really liked anything so far, to be honest.

Much as I love Eurovision it is always at least 70% dross

Czechs and France best so far, but yeah, nothing exactly amazing.

The Armenian song went up a notch at the end which improved it a lot. Now we have to put up with Mika while the stage crew clean up all that toilet paper.

Armenia is the kind of ballad that has won in the past

Presenting is even worse than usual somehow.

I've been paying so little attention that I've only just realised it's THAT Mika

Italy: so that's "good" is it? hm

Bad defence by Italy.

Graham loved it for some reason.

Spain brings it - but in a good year half the songs would slam like this.

Spain is a bit like the Romania entry..

snoball otm

When's the next awful one, I need to make another cocktail

Italian song was a complete mess.

When's the next awful one, I need to make another cocktail

― kinder, Saturday, May 14, 2022 9:03 PM (thirty-two seconds ago) bookmarkflaglink

go for it

Singing in Dutch, that's brave.

That last one is growing on me weirdly

The Dutch song gains an expansiveness halfway through that gives it something extra. Odd how the crowd sound like they're singing along a lot more than usual.

Ukraine...is actually quite good.

It’s not a patch on last year’s though

Yes, it's nothing special.

I'm glad it's passable as it would be really annoying if it was a shitty ballad and won anyway.

Destroy Germany.

Pretty sure this German sadboi can get to fuck

Oh good, a spoken section, that’s never cringe

Well at least it's not only the UK entry that's included an awkward reference to the pandemic in the lyrics.

Oh, subtitles are the lyrics in English...

"He arrived as black foam" ???

thats how i arrive so shut up

Lithuanian was one for the horny dads

So many lost boys tonight

So bored with these stop/start ballads that get really really quiet then REALLY REALLY LOUD.

Belgium was ok after a not so promising start.

Seemed like he had a good enough voice to carry something more than a Timberlake knockoff

So bored with these stop/start ballads that get really really quiet then REALLY REALLY LOUD.

As if on cue.

that sucked

Shoulda kept it stripped back imo

“He is also Iceland’s answer to Jim Corr”

My mind went to conspiracy theorist before it went to brother, sorry to say.

This was my second favourite!

That could have been from any Eurovision in the last 30 years.

Now I've heard these turgid ballads I can see why people are enthusiastic about the UK entry.

Going to vote for this Moldovan one about a billion times sorry now, FROM BUCHAREST TO CHISINĂU

Moldova is really good.

Moldova is exactly what I come here for. Finally.

Glad to have a song that doesn't start out all whispery and almost inaudible before bursting into a bombastic chorus and then back to simpering and so on.

They had an incredible entry maybe ten years ago with So Lucky but this one is even better and it wakes you up after all those dirges

That's the stuff. It'll do well in the voting.

Bonnie Tyler should've sung this in 2013

Some vague Andreas Jonsson vibes off that one

Destroy Australia

Unintentionally funny.

I liked it! I didn’t in the semi!

Viera

This is like another country’s entry, which is a compliment. I could see this doing well

He looks like one of the Allman Brothers. But, yes, this is much better than the UK have managed for a while.

Yeah, I was a bit lukewarm on it before but it sounds good compared to the patchy offerings we've had so far.

Well the last time the UK won it was a song sung by an American. So maybe that's the key to winning.

(xps)

Iiiiii don't wanna fall in love/I would wait a million years

I love going from that banger straight into LET ME TAKE MY BODY DOWN TO THE RIIIIIIVER

Leave him in the river

So many gloomy depressive songs this year.

A lot of the staging for these entries seems to consist of "how fast can we get these hundreds of white lights to flash?"

His dad is an opera singer iirc

OK Serbia has just rescued the entire contest.

What is the Serbian song about?

I think it is literally about healthcare as per the commentary?!

Serbia was brilliant, so glad I had the subtitles on.

Hands. Face. Space.

https://eurovision.tv/participant/konstrakta-22 you can see the lyrics in English here

Loved it

A healthy mind in a healthy body (Spoken backwards in Latin)

What could be the secret of Meghan Markle’s healthy hair?

What could it be?

What could be the secret of Meghan Markle’s healthy hair?

What could it be? (What could it be?)

I think it’s all about deep hydration

They say our skin and hair show it all

For example, deep undereye circles could signal liver trouble

The pesky spots around the lips point to an enlarged spleen

That’s not a good spleen, not a very pretty spleen

And the artist must be healthy

To be healthy, to be healthy

To be healthy

To-to-to-to be healthy

To be healthy, to be healthy

must be, must be, must be

How lucky the existence of the autonomic nervous system

No need to control my heartbeats

The heart beats, the heart beats, alone

A summer’s day, the colours bright, skirts of mine, on my body

My dog and I, we walk

just the two of us, counting steps

The skirt goes around my leg

We are walking and that’s all!

And it does not have to get better!

The heart beats by itself!

I surrender my trust, let it beat by itself!

I surrender my trust, let it beat! Let me breathe!

God grant us health, grant us health, grant us health!

(God grant us health)

Since there’s no medical insurance for me

Now how will they follow me?
(All in the name of health)

How will they care for me?
(All in the name of health)

The artist is invisible
(All in the name of health)

You can’t see me, it’s magical
(All in the name of health)

The artist could be healthy

To be healthy

To be healthy

To be healthy

To-to-to-to be healthy

To be healthy, to be healthy

must be, must be, must be

(A healthy mind in a healthy body)

(A healthy mind in a healthy body)

In a healthy body, in a healthy body

A healthy body

and what now?!

A sick mind in a healthy body

A sad soul in a healthy body

A desperate mind in a healthy body

A frightened mind in a healthy body

Now what shall we do?

That is genius. It MUST WIN.

People are mad about Serbia. It got the biggest cheer when she came out.

“You can vote up to twenty times” - always uncomfortable not knowing the upper limit until now

Thanks Gyac for the lyrics.

Moldova
Serbia
Ukraine

Honourable mentions for the French and not despising the UK entry.

You say this, but I know you’ll be giving Spain your votes

audibly gasped when the måneskin bassist appeared

— 𝔐𝔞𝔤𝔫𝔢𝔱𝔰 🧲 (@PerthshireMags) May 14, 2022

lmao

Since Maneskin actually turned up, does that mean we don't have to listen to Mika sing?

Nope the interval act and last year’s winner are always separate

Graham’s “oh dear” killed me

….. my wife pic.twitter.com/mzj1taoyvf

— 𝙼𝙸𝙻𝙵 𝚂𝙻𝙰𝚈𝙴𝚁 (@drratbag) May 14, 2022

I hesitated over Serbia for a hot minty but then went Sweden, genuine good song. Rounding out my top 5 would be Italy, Estonia (hated it on first listen but really enjoyed it tonight), and fuck it, Ukraine I guess

Actually I forgot, I'd put Lithuania 5

UK genuinely horrific, I hope he gets zero, gets run out of Torino on a rail, gets maudlin and falls asleep smoking, dies in a housefire

I'd agree if you were talking about Mika.

Bit much to wish death on either Mika or (UK Singer who looked like a rabbit) tbh. Just some singers doing their jobs.

The German guy, fair enough.

alea iacta est, need to get james redd in here

we got some points!!

Didn't they used to leave the three or so top points to reveal by the presenter in each country? (ie not just the top one)

woah!

xp they used to but we'd be here another two hours if they did that now

Yes but this is the jury voting which is 50% of points, no point getting excited this early

UK top of the leaderboard, Ukraine getting almost nowhere, should all change when we get to the public votes though.

Yeah just surprised we are not still on 0

The bit where everything gets thrown around by the public vote is one of the best bits

It’s incredible. Trying to remember which year some country on an unassailable lead got fucked by the public vote.

Last year, think it was Switzerland?

Well!

I don't get the love for Greece at all. She looks nice, I guess?

Very happy to see Germany still on 0

France getting ROBBED by the juries. Hopefully the public are kinder

I’m definitely going to this next year if it’s in the UK, either through them winning or taking hosting duties from Ukraine

they're gonna bulldoze my flat to build the UK Eurovision stadium

— cops can't read (@isaac_pdf) May 14, 2022

Armenia just gave France 7 points (and 0 to the UK)

He'll be Sir Sam Ryder by the end of the year.

my little tot

Public vote hopefully kinder to Moldova than the juries were

<rubs hands together>

Watch the avalanche of votes for Ukraine roll inexorably in.

banging table PUBLIC VOTE PUBLIC VOTE PUBLIC VOTE PUBLIC VOTE PUBLIC VO

Think the German guy's been hitting the sauce.

haha what moldova

Brutal for France and Germany

THANK YOU EUROPEAN AND MISCELLANEOUS COUNTRIES FOR VOTING FOR MOLDOVA I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR NOT FORGETTING THEM

ouch

Lol @ Switzerland, the public is good

OK we need the UK to get less than 29 votes now.

lmao public recognised Serbia and HOW

Great that Serbia and Moldova got some serious points

Graham is so annoying, he loves these fucking ballads.

UK should be toast. Fucking praying here.

I actually said out loud "Australia two points" and they got two points!

aw I had a soft spot for the Netherlands one

Aw that is brutal

Norton's musical taste is as bad as Wogan's despite him being 50 years younger.

Still think maybe 80% chance Ukraine will win it.

Aw Italy

LOL, knocked it out the park.

There we go, unassailable lead I think.

It's all over guys, the rest of you can all go home.

Fuck me those Ukraine points

Who is surprised? People are corny

2 mins to 12, get the fuck on with it

People elsewhere in the continent watching this at 2am lol

UK, 28 votes.

Wonder how many people actually vote in the UK?

Just thinking about the fact that if Putin hadn't decided to invade Ukraine, the UK would have just won Eurovision.

Public got it pretty much spot on.

Rotten bit of luck, chaps.

Wonder how many people actually vote in the UK?

Ukraine didn't deserve the 400 and whatever votes they got but they were right about Serbia.

I fucken voted, I do it every year. It's actually a big deal where I live, I could lean out the window and point out 4 more voters

Just thinking about the fact that if Putin hadn't decided to invade Ukraine, the UK would have just won Eurovision.

Just thinking about the fact that if Putin hadn't decided to invade Ukraine, the UK would have just won Eurovision.

― Portrait Of A Dissolvi Ng Drea M (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Saturday, 14 May 2022 bookmarkflaglink

The Ukraine's extra sympathy votes would've been spread out in a way that's hard to predict. A very small gap btw UK and Spain.

xp It's true! Also the Ukraine song is better, and not the sort of thing which would normally be in with a chance.

Tonight was truly Boris Johnson's Dunkirk moment.

you have melted our hearts, friends #Eurovision 💛💙...

...and it matters the world to us during this time 💔

we send all your love and support to our brave freedom defenders at Azovstal and along the frontline

congrats, KALUSH Orchestra 🏆🇺🇦 #SaveMariupol #SaveAzovstal pic.twitter.com/Vt7WzpMHFQ

— Ukraine / Україна (@Ukraine) May 14, 2022

Ukraine got 431 out of a maximum possible 468 public votes.

without the invasion ukraine have a different entry: alina pash withdrew as contestant for some faff to do with crimea which i'm too sleepy to understand

also russia would be competing

At least Switzerland got fuck all in the public vote.

Next year in a liberated Mariupol.
We’ll sort it out somehow.#Eurovision2022

— Illia Ponomarenko 🇺🇦 (@IAPonomarenko) May 14, 2022

Also Konstrakta’s formal video for the song rules too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S1jrYq87Zw

Just looking at the full vote breakdown now. The following countries’ public votes gave Ukraine 12 points:

🇮🇹 Italy
🇫🇷 France
🇮🇪 Ireland
🇮🇸 Iceland
🇪🇸 Spain
🇬🇧 United Kingdom
🇩🇰 Denmark
🇩🇪 Germany
🇦🇹 Austria
🇪🇪 Estonia
🇱🇻 Latvia
🇱🇹 Lithuania
🇵🇱 Poland
🇦🇿 Azerbaijan
🇧🇬 Bulgaria
🇲🇩 Moldova
🇨🇿 Czech Republic
🇬🇪 Georgia
🇸🇲 San Marino
🇦🇺 Australia
🇧🇪 Belgium
🇨🇾 Cyprus
🇳🇱 Netherlands
🇸🇪 Sweden
🇮🇱 Israel
🇵🇹 Portugal
🇳🇴 Norway
🇫🇮 Finland

My beloved Moldova got 8 points from the UK public, proving my votes for them didn’t go to waste.

They got 12 points from Romania and Serbia, which amuses me because I saw a comment on YouTube by an excited Serb talking about how the video distilled the experience of taking trains in the Balkans and when I ran this by my Serb mate she was like “unbelievably otm” & “one time I saw a group take a suckling pig on the train”. Any other year, they’d be reaping in the end of evening drunk votes but they still did very well!

Obviously there were some Bizarre Voting Irregularities, Sharivari to thread etc

Turns out that you can loop the 32 bar acapella intro of "Stefania" all the way through the break in Madonna's "Hung Up" - the keys match perfectly.

(Fucking hell, wait till she realises. There'll be no stopping her.)