Worst Rhyming Lyrics Ever...

"Generals Gathered in their Masses/Just like Witches at Black Masses..."

Rhyming "Masses" with...er..."Masses"? Crap!

Though that horrible, horrible, vile, vile 7" you were listening to, the one about the boy who wanted the Leonard Cohen fangirl outside the Chelsea Hotel to give him head- god, that had some utterly appalling offenses against the English language, but I'm not going to dignify it by listening to it again. What *is* this horrible cartoon image of NYC that Rough Trade seems to be obsessed with at the moment?

'And Madonna, she still has not showed/ We see this empty cage now corrode/ Where her cape of the stage once had flowed/ The fiddler, he now steps to the road/ He writes ev'rything's been returned which was owed/ On the back of the fish truck that loads/ While my conscience explodes' (Visions Of Johanna)

'Now your dancing child with his Chinese suit/ He spoke to me, I took his flute/ No, I wasn't very cute to him/ Was I?' (I Want You)

Easily the worst EVER.

How about Sonny Bono's "The Beat Goes On" (from memory, forgive me):

"soldiers keep marching off to war/ electrically, they keep a baseball score"

This line was meant to imply that things were getting crazy in this modern world, with all these wars and now electrical scoring of baseball games. I guess.

Jackson Browne. Jesus wept.

"It's no use, he sees her/

He starts to shake and cough/

just like the old man in/

The book by nabokov..."

"don't stand so close to me" by the police.

I can't remember the lyrics to "Don't Look Back in Anger" By Oasis, but IIRC they could probably match the above.

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One of the weakest rhymes in hip hop from one of the best lyricists.

That Madonna rap-thing in Vogue was pretty funny..."Grace Kelly, Harlow,Jean/Picture of a movie queen".

My favorite is Haysi Fantaysee in "Shiny Shiny" - "I'm a hot retard/Marquis de Sade!"

But I have to say that I really love all these lyrics. So I don't know if that's what you're looking for.

The lyrics to PIL's "Religion" are truly awful and cringeworthy, though. "A liar on the altar! Sermon never falter! A bitch spelled backwards is DOG!" Can't remember the rhyme for that line, but I'm sure it's terrible. Even as a 16 year old at Catholic High School I found these lyrics laughable.

I know it doesn't really count given the subject, but there are some fantastic non-rhymes in a couple of David Devant songs, where they specifically set up a rubbish-rhyme opportunity and then deliberately side-step it.

In particular "My old uncle thinks I'm barmy/Because I don't pack my bags and join the Navy"

Or, not quite so good: "I woke up this morning, my head was full of rocks/I couldn't remember the night before, I'd lost a pair of shoes"

ABC from 'that was then but this is now.'

New Order have done some howlers. There's one from a track off Lowlife that rhymes "reasonable" with "seasonable"

"I like biscuits and grits on the sausage

And so you know it's me, I wrote some nonsense

Hova glova nivlan blizman glaze niull...

The return of the crazy one"

I'm always disappointed by Shyne's lyric on "Get Out":

"Shyne - by any means necessary

Kidnap your mom and your pops if it's necessary"

Actually I just want to mention this one, also from "The Return Of The Crazy One":

"If you missed me I was laying in the cut

Wrecking big butts

And scratching my... knees"

Nice.

"Every day, a little sadder, a little madder... will someone get me a ladder!!" - ELP, "Still You Turn Me On"

"Billy Mac is a detective down in Texas, you know he knows exactly what the facts is, He's not going to let these two escape justice, He makes his living off of the people's taxes..." (Yikes.) - Steve Miller Band, "Take the Money and Run"

"Hey mighty brontosaurus/Don't you have a lesson for us" -- "Walking in Your Footsteps"

"My sisters and I/Have one wish before we die/And it may sound strange/As if our minds are deranged/Please don't ask us why/Beneath the sheltering sky/We have this strange obsession/You have the means in your possession" -- "Tea in the Sahara"

It's so transparently obvious that the words "the sheltering sky" are in there solely so that Sting can make an allusion to the book of the same name, thus demonstrating what a learned man he is; the problem is that the reference makes precious little sense within the context (nor does it make any more sense when he repeats it later). Sting is often guilty of gratuitous namedropping/conceptdropping -- Nabokov, "The Sheltering Sky", synchronicity -- and not backing it up with anything but half-baked rhymes ("minds are deranged"? Bleech). When he's not trying to show off his supposed erudition, he's an OK lyricist, and once he went solo even some of his "socially conscious" tracks (usually the kiss of death, as in "Footsteps" above) are tolerable -- I remember liking the first track of The Soul Cages. And of course, I quite like about two-thirds of the Police's stuff, especially the first three albums. They sure could play.

But when he gets infatuated with a new author or theory and starts namedropping, run away as fast as possible...

Not only that, but he mispronounced Nabokov's last name. Its proper pronunciation is "nuh-BOH'-kawf" and Mr. Nabokov was very sensitive about Anglophones getting it right. One of my undergrad English professors spent about half a class drilling us on this and all the while cursing Sting for corrupting an entire generation of American college students.

Had Sting pronounced Nabokov correctly, of course, the world would have been spared a silly rhyme and Mr. Sumner would have had to inflate his ego some other way.

He can keep going for hours, you know. We know this because he told us so.

I remembered the terrible Oasis lyric:

"Please don't put your life in the hand/

...of a rock 'n' roll band"

That's awful, isn't it?

x0x0

Someone from America please put my mind at rest: DO dope men in America really wear corduroy, or . . . did they force this rhyme? Surely not. I like this, and other, silly forced rhymes, including all the others in the question except Des'ree. Oasis and the Police write TRULY bad lyrics: Sting 'quoted' Shakespeare in contemporary English - multiple lines!

Every second counts when I am with you/I think you are a pig, you should be in a zoo/even though you're stupid, I still follow you...

"And now she's two years older Her mother's with a soldier She left me when my drinking Became a proper stinging"

"i'm your worst nightmare squared/that's times two for those who aren't mathematically aware" - common featuring canibus "makin' a name for ourselves"

(this and other all-time hip hop lyrical faux pas are detailed in "ego trips' book of rap lists" which i'd highly recommend to anyone who's not already seen it.)

and wot about twisting the pronounciation? Antichrist/Anarchaist, of course, and the bloody awful Eurythmics Theess/Bleess - this and bliss rhyme anyway, if you say them properly!

Sorry. I wuv Squeeze. They understood from the outset the divisive cruelty sedimented into the word "cool" (which they were NOT, hurrah!!) and wrote thru the middle of the guts of that facts.

Good one, but I think it's from "pass the mic".

"I wanna devise a virus/To bring dire straits to your environment/Crush your corporations with a mild touch/Trash your whole computer system and revert you to papyrus/I want to make a super virus/Strong enough to cause blackouts in every single metropolis/Cause they dont wanna unify us/So fuck it total anarchy and can't nobody stop us"

Del the Funkee Homosapien, Deltron3030, "Virus"

and file under It Happens to the Best of Them:

"Ooh, if you knew how I felt now/You wouldn't act so adelt (adult) now"

Replacements, "Kiss Me on the Bus"

"Or at play while she's still slightly wet / Or at play while she is dripping wet"

and

"I'll admit I was unfaithful / But from now I'll be more faithful"

two rhymes very close to my heart, from Sparks's "Propaganda".

The worst ever must be "what the heck / kissed my neck" from Bobby Goldsboro's parody-defyingly icky "Honey".

And Mark S is right about "Up The Junction".

I'm not from America, but the lyric is probably referring to Carrhart corduroy 'work pants' - very popular at the time in the hip hop world.

I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid I use a word that don't mean nuttin' -- like "looptid"

i have the pe album. i think that line is great. what's wrong with it? the rest i'm not familiar with but they look damn fine in print.

"...and I want you NOW. Megan...

...she don't eat bacon...

...she's one o' them vegans..."

It makes me weep and cringe all at the same time. I can't tell if it's clever or merely foolish anymore, really.

"She was in The Omen with Gregory Peck/ She got killed, but what the heck..."

My favourite bad rhyme of all time is by The Las from I.O.U.:

"On the streets of knowledge/ You must eat your porridge..."

er.... right lads....

I went around to her PAD The lights were off -- and that's BAD

Easily the single worst lyric I have ever heard. For other great examples of lyrical awfulness y'all should check out his masterpiece "The Madcap Laughs."

(The questionable plural of "horse" is pronounced in a tone that says, "I dare you to correct me here": and then when we reach "doors", we get — superbly, because with pluperfect conviction — "dorce"... )

"Don't just stand there lets get *TO IT*, Strike a pose there's nothing *TO IT* vogue" ~Madonna

They don't even write their own lyrics and they STILL suck.

It's the fun house, bitch, everything's funny!
(You act like whuppin' on your ass ain't funny!)

This isn't even taking into account the number of times they invent nonsense words or toss in non-sequiturs just to make a rhyme.

Hanoi Rocks - ?

Another Brett Anderson classic:

"She's as similar as you get/To the shape of a cigarette"

I could write a whole essay on everything that's wrong with that line.

and though you were just a little squirrel
you understood every word

Pronounced of course squrl and wurr...

"i'm bored, i'm the chairman of the board"

urk -stephen/.

2. I'm surprised that Stevie T hasn't mentioned 'I tried to surprise ya / with vodka and Tizer'.

3. Let's not forget Costello's 'You played me for a fool / Get yourself another fool'. Ah, wordsmith.

4. Masonic Boom said that Merritt had written many clunkers. I could not disagree more - as I made very clear on that thread itself. That was the whole point, or starting-off point, of that thread. I think it miraculous how few clunkers he's written - fewer, in a sense, than almost any other pop lyricist I can think of.

5. Everybody who has stuck up for Squeeze: good on yer.

I don't think this one has been mentioned yet: The Smiths, the Queen Is Dead.

"So I broke into the palace / with a ... (sponge?) ... and a rusty spanner / she said "I know you and you cannot sing" / I said that's nothing, you should hear me play pian-O"

He would almost get away with it if he pronounced the Cockney variant "pianner", but the fact that he ennunciates piano so painstakingly makes it completely cringeworthy.

If you want a lame Smiths rhyme, it has to be that old favourite "If the day came when I felt a natural emotion / Well I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump in the ocean".

Or, in a different lame-o style "I wear black on the outside / 'Cause black is how I feel on the inside". Although I always suspected he was taking the piss out of goths on that one.

I kind of agree with Nicky D about the other 'bad' lines.

It doesn't rhyme, but it does stink.

I want to see my family / My wife & kids, waiting for me

I broke out in hives, hearing that one. Of course, the new crop of alt.rock darlings seem to have a copy of Rhyming for Dummies stashed inbetween their Choose Your Own Adventure books. "Kryptonite" has some choice loafs, as does that Tantric song, I think. Or is it Union Underground? Hmm...

It's not so much the rhyming, though, that's terrible in most cases, but the language leading up to the rhyme. Many a fire / desire couplet has been launced into the air, but in the hands of a good lyricist, those cliches are gonzo.

"Anything passes/ when you need glasses" -- Monument "Keep telling us we're to have fun/ then take all the ice cream so we have none" -- More Than a Party "Promises me I'm as safe as houses/ as long as I remember who's wearing the trousers" -- Never Let Me Down Again

And more recently, I think I heard the absolute worst rhyme in a song on the radio in Dave Navarro's Rexall: "There is no love left in your eyes/ there is love between your thighs"

Triple ugh!

HOWEVER, there is "Dressed In Black" where the last word of each line of the first verse is "again". Cute when I was a teen, but now somewhat obvious and painful.

I feel motivated to stick up for Manchester here. Ned's Atomic Dustbin were from significantly further south than Manchester. Stourbridge, I believe.

Blood and neighboorhood end with the same letters and do not rhyme. I would appreciate, though, if they did that throughout Mr. Price's "rap". i.e. bound and wound (as in a hurt), worried and cried

do I really have to relive it?

or: "In the master's chamber/gather for big feast/they stab it with their steely knives/but they just can't kill the beast."

These guys are millionaires.

Absofuckingcredible

Second Place is in the song "Girl on TV" by (oh my gosh!!) LFO "Shooby doo wop and Scooby Snacks/Met a fly girl and I can't relax” “She's from, the city of angels/Like Brady Davis, James Dean and Gable”

Damn it takes talent to be THAT bad.

A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido

I must say: lame-o

Oh I'm in love with a bop sh'dayo Out of Camden Town for a day - oh

Anyway what's the point in picking on Brett Anderson's rhymes when the entire lyrics are wretched?

"Each Household Appliance Is like a new science in my tooooowwwwwwwnn" -Smiths

"Oranges, Poranges Who says nothing rhymes with Oranges?" - WitchyPoo, H.R. PuffnStuff

She's so high/High above me/She's so lovely/She's so high/Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc or Aphrodite - Tal Bachmann

Her skin is pale like God's only dove Screams like an angel for your love Then she makes you watch her from above

You lead me on with those innocent eyes You know I love the element of surprise In the garden I was playing the tart I kissed your lips and broke your heart

Generals gathering in their masses/ Just like witches at black masses

('War Pigs')

I think if more people listened to this lyric, there might well be less conflict in the world.

Thank goodness for the good souls who make life better If it wasn't for the good souls life would not matter

Weak and annoying and pointless, like all of the 'sailor's lyrics.

- Van der Graaf Generator, "Killer"

'there's a great big crack/ in the union jack' off 'crack in the union jack'

oh you lazy sod. apart from being lousy in every possible way, the tune's shite too. how can there be a crack in it ? there can be a rip in it, or a tear, or it can be - i dunno, torn in two, burned etc. etc. but how can a flag be cracked ? even if there was/could be a crack, there must be a better way of describing it than saying it's 'great big'.

bad too, is stevie wonder's 'please don't go' which has 'please don't go, no no no - if you go i'll be sad and blue, so i say nay nay nay baby please stay'

howl ! nay nay nay ! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrggggggggg.

Whenever, wherever - Shakira.

Listen to the voice of Buddha/ People stop your sericulture.

(Being Boiled)

I have still to work out how the production of raw silk products is a hindrance to a happy life, unless you are considering the worm.

"Greasy slicked down body, Groovy leather trim. I like the way ya hold the road. Mama, it ain't no sin"

Much as I like Zep, they had some awful lyrics.......

Ridin' through the FM stations
The tumbleweed, the petrol stations
Will all onboard this Yankee station
Prepare themselves for battle stations

(I think even Clarke B would have to agree that this overdoes it on the 'repetition of the same word' front...)

Girl, I keep thinkin' of how I feel
When I'm in your arms gives me a chill

I like how he says "cheeeeeel" to make it rhyme.... sort of.

Sleek, icy, majestic , paranoid - this splendid track draws to a close with these verses, Devoto delivering each line with world-weary contempt over a slow beat:

‘In the back of his caaaaaaahhhr.....(beat, beat, beat, beat)
Into the null and void he shoots.....(beat, beat, beat)
The Man at-the-cent-ah-of-the-Mo-tor-cade.....(beat, beat, beat)
Has learned to tie his boots
(beat, beat, beat, beat)
‘In the back of his caaaaaaahhhr.....(beat, beat, beat, beat)
Into the null and void he seeeees.....(beat, beat, beat)
The Man at-the-cent-ah-of-the-Mo-tor-cade.....(beat, beat, beat)
Can choose be-tween-coff-EE-and-TEA

Lines all the more astounding, awful and hilarious because of the great ‘null & void’ phrases leading up to them. I think they could serve as a very good illustration of the meaning of the word ‘bathos’.

romance, sheer delight, how sweet,
i gotta find me a girl to make my life complete.

fuck off, ll.

"Let them take you up in the air
Let them brush your rock & roll hair"

Note: Ric Ocasek, the man singing this song, had the worst new wave mullet ever.

Umm, that one actually kind of makes sense in a free-associative way. I don't think those words were picked just to make a bunch of stupid rhymes.

"I don't plan or conspire/I don't want to get no higher" - Late at night, Electronic.

Similarly, "something's happening/it's distracting" from Twisted Tenderness

Get Ready had some pretty crap lyrics throughout. I do love New Order... but I can't forgive the lyrics. Similarly, I don't like slagging the Police... but it's justified.

Have we mentioned the monstrosity that is "In this ever-changing world in which we live in" from Wings' Live and Let Die? It's dreadful because all those "ins" are there just to make it scan. It's DISGUSTING, Paul!

I would have been ashamed to even put such a shitty line on paper.

"I was never sure of the accurate score
When I sat in for a hand with the Ice Queen
It was just a game with a noble name
When I sat in for a hand with the Ice Queen
I didn't have time The aces weren't mine
I knew the stakes were high
She started melting when I was dealt in
I thought I'd just go along for the ride"

"Melting" matched with "dealt in" always made me wince.

"Nourished by food we eat, hungered by waste excrete"
- from "Adorations." Ewwwwwwww!!!

"I can survive the rat race honey
Time is money and money is honey, honey
My megabucks your symmetrical beauty
Together we can serve the nation - yeah!
The quality of life filled us all with pride
America
And as I watched I just cried and cried"

- from "America," easily their lamest hour.

Come on you little fighter
No need to get uptighter

Trevor Rabin led metal lite edition of Yes' "Love Will Find A Way":

Here is my heart
Waiting for you
Here is my soul
I eat at chez nous

Yowza.

I hope they at least pronounced it as "meltin'".

"We don't need the English!
Telling us what to wear
Telling us to dye our hair
All they do is dye their hair!"

--from the Bags "We Don't Need the English". The way she sings the last line is so great, so snotty and teenage.

So it DOES rhyme, at least.

Dreams of going to the Grammies
'Til you poked me with you whammy

I'm just from Encino
Why are you so mean-o

Beautiful.

(Robert Palmer)

Crusader, Crusader, please take me with you/
The battle lies far to the East/
Crusader, Crusader, don't leave me alone/
I want to ride out on your Quest.

From the same opus, a topical verse that should be thundering with righteous anger out of stereos in Washington as I write:

We Christians are coming, with swords held on high/
United by Faith and the Cause/
The Saracen heathen will soon taste our steel/
Our standards will rise 'cross the land.

Too bad about the rhyme, lads. Still, nice one.

"Dehumanization
It's such an big word
It's been around since
Richard the Third"

Dehumanization
It's easy to say
But if you're not a hermit
You know the city's OK"

BLEH!! AWFUL!! ICK!!

-Sonic Youth, "Nevermind (what was it anyway?)"

oh, Kim Gordon.. how we're glad that phase is over.

I hate you and your fishy friends
I hate you and it never ends...

Get your hands off my tomato
Cherry juice on a rotten potato
Subway slasher is on my ass
Steals my money and smokes my grass

The 1986 song from the "Separations" album, called "Little Girl With Blue Eyes": the chorus is absolutely terrible!

Little Girl With Blue Eyes there's a hole in your heart
and one between your legs
You'll never have to wonder which one he's going to fill
in spite of what he says...

Ouch!

And yet, that's exactly what happened. Sure, it makes sense in a "if I think about it, I can probably create a deep meaning I can apply to explain away this crappy song" sort of way.

Fred Durst. Can only complete rhymes by putting the same word at the end of each line, as thus: "I know y'all be lovin' this shit right HERE/blah blah blah bizkit is right HERE". Fuckin' less-than-pathetic.

"I am I said
To no one there
And no one heard
Not even the chair"

Although when isn't that true? The meaning and emotional oompf of music (or any artform) springs entirely from the listener, whether it's through something disjunctive like that Nirvana lyric or through something seemingly obvious like, I don't know, "Close To You" by the Carpenters. It's all devoid of meaning until you add your own.

Blah blah blah. I assume this is kinda obvious and I don't need to continue.

'It should be possible I know, to see you without stress/But I can see I'll have to go, I'm changing my address.'

'I've been a fool more than once, more than twice/I'm gonna move to a new town where people are nice.'

From Split Enz' (the predecessor to Crowded House) follow up to 'I Got You', 'I Hope I Never'. This title phrase was surprisingly not followed by '...have to sing such crap again...'

Well, you ask Joyce and Vicki
If candy-floss is sticky
I'm not a blinking thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And i'm doing very well

I bought a lot of brandy
When I was courting Sandy
Took eight to make her randy
And all I had was shandy
Another thing with Sandy
What often came in handy
Was passing her a "mandy"
She didn't half go bandy

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
If I ever took the mickey
I'm not a flipping thicky
I'm billericay dickie
Ind I'm doing very well

I'd rendez-vous with Janet
Quite near the Isle of Thanet
She looked more like a gannet
She wasn't half a prannet
Her mother tried to ban it
Her father helped me plan it
And when I captured Janet
She bruised her pomegranet

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
If i ever shaped up tricky
I'm not a blooming thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

You should never hold a candle
If you don't know where it's been
The jackpot is in the handle
On a normal fruit machine

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
Who's their favourite brickie
I'm not a common thicky
I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well

I know a lovely old toe-rag
Obliging and noblesse
Kindly, charming shag
From Shoeburyness
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
I thought you'd never guess

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
A pair of squeaky chickies
I'm not a flaming thicky I'm Billericay Dickie
And I'm doing very well"

Oh golly, oh gosh
Come and lie on the couch
With a nice bit of posh
From Burnham-on-Crouch
My given name is Dickie
I come from Billericay
And I ain't a slouch

So you ask Joyce and Vicki
About Billericay Dickie
I ain't an effin' thicky
You ask Joyce and Vicki
And I'm doing very well"

The late, great Mr Dury, gawd bless 'im

Van Morrison - "Just Ball" (The Lost Tapes)

"Nobody callin' on the phone/ 'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome" Joan Osborne (Or is it Prince?)- "One of Us"

But this takes the cake:

"It was a night like this forty million years ago/ I lit a cigarette, picked up a monkey skull to go/ The sun was spitting fire, the sky was blue as ice/ I felt a little tired, so I watched Miami Vice" Was Not Was- Walk the Dinosaur
Here's another incredible excerpt from that song:
One night I dreamed of New York/ You and I roasting blue pork/ In the Statue of Liberty's torch/ Elvis landed in a rocket ship/ Healed a couple of leapers and disappeared/ But where was his beard?????

But how about this stinkeroo from the critic-proof (under the Serious Rock Critics Ordinance #1873, which states that anything in tribute to or praise of the Sex Pistols jointly or individually is by definition sacrosanct),'Rust Never Sleeps':

'The King is gone but he's not forgotten
This is the story of Johnny Rotten'

and, later,

'Hey hey my my/Rock and roll will never die
My my hey hey...(you can most likely guess what comes next)

all sung in that billiard table flat, bored (sorry afficionados, 'edgy') tone Mr Young has patented. What a combination to attract wankers, Neil Young singing thru his proboscis and talking thru his other orifice about Johnny Rotten!

++Harry Chapin - "Cat's in the Cradle"

Can't tell if this is supposed to mean the mother had a caesarian section...

I went down to the zoo and I looked in the cages
Then I walked on home past the office, collected my wages

Which just screams "Ahhh, did you see what I did there?"

I don't know why I'm picking on The Replacements so much today. I swear that they really are one of my favorite bands.

And if you really want to get on Don Henley's case, I present to you:

"You can spend all your time making money.
You can spend all your money making time."

Huh?

"You can spend all your time making money.
You can spend all your money making time."

Huh?

-----------------

I, er, understood that one. For example, if you employ a tax agent, roof gutterer, or gardener, rather than doing it yourself, you're spending money to make time - I think that's what he's getting at?

I fail to see the problem.

Has no-one mentioned the clunkers that make up pretty much all of She's Electric?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH.

In "All The Way" he rhymes parasites with literasites.

"It don't take no Houdini
To tell me what I am
Parasites and literasites
They'd burn me if they can"

and in "Sooner Than You Think" he makes up seasonable to rhyme with reasonable.

"To buy a drink that is so much more reasonable
I think I'll go there when it gets seasonable"

Brilliant!

-The Hurricane-
Rueben could take a man out with just one punch
but he never did like to talk about it all that much,
it's my work, he'd say, i do it for pay,
and when it's over, i'd just as soon be on my way,
up to some paradise,
where the trout streams flow and the air is nice,
and ride a horse along the trail,
but then they took him to the jail-house
where they tried to turn a man into a mouse.

-motorpsycho nightmare-
what do doctors know about farming, pray tell
i said i was born at the bottom of a wishing well
................
i had to say something to strike him really weird
so i yelled out i like fidel castro and his beard.

"Now the beach is deserted, except for some kelp..."

It don't take no Houdini

I thought the line was "It doesn't take a genius" (latter pronounced with three syllables).

Livin' la vida loca
Her lips are devil red
And her skin's the color of mocha
She will wear you out
Livin' la vida loca

reaching, quite.

THE CRANBERRIES - "I Just Shot John Lennon"

It was the fearful night of December 8th.
He was returning home from the studio late.
He had perseptively known that it wouldn't be nice.
Because in 1980, he paid the price.

John Lennon died. [X6]

With a Smith & Wesson 38,
John Lennon's life was no longer a debate.
He should have stayed at home,
He should have never cared,
And the man who took his life declared,

He said I just shot John Lennon.
He said I just shot John Lennon.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.
What a sad and sorry and sickening sight.
What a sad and sorry and sickening night.

Ah, ah ah ah, ah...

"I'm Officer O'Malley / I shoot you in the alley"

both from Prince Paul's "The Men in Blue". My friend went to the extent of editing out all the bits he didn't like.

And why has nobody mentioned that "Life oh life" record yet?

"Espionage is a serious business / Well I've had enough of this serious business"

"Everybody, everywhere! Don't be afraid, don't have no fear!" - pronounced "Fee-AIR"

Of course, Billy Joel is a goldmine for this sort of thing.

You think I'm soft in the head,
Well, try someone softer instead

--Hooters, All You Zombies

They say the cream will always rise to the top.
They say that good people are always first to drop.
What of Kurt Cobain, will his presence still remain?
Remember JFK, ever saintly in a way.

We get better than that in the local newspaper...

He sits alone at a table in a small café
Drowning his tears in a bottomless cup of coffee
And he's tumbling into his thoughts
His memories are all tied in knots...

Oh poor romeo
Sitting out on his own-ee-o

Huh?

-----------------------------------

It's not "money," it's "love."

In the last verse, the guys was just showing his fatigue:

"I did all that sh!t/ It was a waste of *time*/
I pulled the thong outta booty/ It was laced with *brown*/"

EPMD _Out_of_Business_:
Song: "Symphony 2000"

Lady Luck's Verse, last rhyme:

"Stop your crying and your b!tchin/
Like EPMD's last album, you Outta Business"

Such a shame, The song is good, like eating a delicious meal. But the last rhyme is like finding a roach in the last bite. /shudder

"I was shakin' my ass on the streets til mornin' / [yadda yadda yadda] 'til the break a dawn...n"

-Willie D, Geto Boys

Now, that 'spouse' thing is horrid, but, you know, he could have SORTA redeemed it by RHYMING it with something, which is why I assumed he used that word. But no. That one has kept me up late at nights.

"He's getting a tattoo, yeah he's gettin' ink done"

- The Offspring

Probably the most consistently bad lyricists ever. Didn't they all, like, go to Harvard?

Also, "Artibella" by Ken Boothe, a great song otherwise, features an unfortunate recurring line that rhymes "me" with "i-deeeee......a" (idea)

That Cranberries lyric above still wins, though, and I actually read this entire thread. That chick makes Noel Gallagher, Sting and Brett Anderson sound like Maya Angelou.

I love "Living In Paradise" actually, but as many forced Costello rhymes as I can take, this one is hard.

>>can't remember the following rhyme but "in these ever-changing >>times in which we live in" fom "Live & let Die" always struck me as >>one of the dumbest lines in rock
>>-- Fritz Wollner (FritzWollner5...), June 15th, 2001.

-Depeche

What's so wrong with that one? It's simplistic and silly, but Type O Negative are pretty tongue in cheek anyway.

People put WAY too much emphasis on lyrics.

But theres just one little thing that really really,
Really really annoying me about you you see,

or

I couldnt concentrate on what i wanted to order,
Which cost me my place in the queue i waited for YEAH

or

That yeah yeah you are fit,
And yeah i do want it,
But i stop sharkin' for a minute to get chips and drinks

or

I was like nah, even though you look grand
But you look sharp there smilin hard suggesting and

or

I got this stella i bombed from that last cafe
This nights not even begun, yes yes oh yay

All of those from 'Fit But You Know It' alone. Yes, he does rhyme 'and' with 'grand', and 'drinks' is supposed to rhyme with 'fit'.

Talented people can do it as well though. One of my favourite Brian Eno rhymes is:

And she tells me they're selling up their maisonettes
Left the Hotpoints to rust in the kitchenettes

I think it's lovely (see also some Smiths comments upthread) but I can imagine it setting some people's teeth on edge.

-AAAOOWWWW!!!!!
-HEY YOU!!!!!!!!
-Who said that?!?!?!?!?
Well, baby, how ya been?!?!?!

!?!?!?!??!?!??!

"You don't have to read my mind/ To know what I have in mind"
From "Hot Blooded," by Foreigner

2) Yes, it would, except that you got the lyric wrong. It's "in this ever-changing world IN WHICH WE'RE LIVING". You misunderstanding made it sound redundant. It's not.
>>can't remember the following rhyme but "in these ever-changing >>times in which we live in" fom "Live & let Die" always struck me as >>one of the dumbest lines in rock
>>-- Fritz Wollner (FritzWollner5...), June 15th, 2001.

-- Slappy Wilson (slapp...), April 21st, 2004.

It's not even that, because that would still be redundant (with two "in"s).

It's "But if this ever-changing world in which we're living/ Makes you give in and cry/ Say live and let die."

I don't drink or smoke ain't into dope
Won't try no coke, ask me how I do it, I cope
My only addiction has to do with the female species
I eat 'em raw like sushi

No me gustan ternos, mi estilo es moderno
Si me enterno, you me enfermo
Mi apariencia es dura, vivo en la locura
No me vengan con ternuras

So please don't judge a book by its cover
There's more to being a latin lover
You got to know how to deal with a woman
That won't let go
The price you pay for being a gigolo

There's not a woman that can handle
A man like me
That's why I juggle two or three
I ain't one to commit, you can omit that bit
You pop the question that's it
Haber uno, dos, tres, cuatro mujeres
Y la situaci?all?no muere
No es un delito calmo mi apetito
Con un llanto o un grito

So again don't let my lyrics mislead you
I don't love you but I need you
Would you rather have me lie
Take a piece of your pie and say bye
Or be honest and rub your thighs

Well, it's ten o'clock and I'm two hours late
I never said I was a prompt date
But you kept persisting that I meet your parents
Huh, they're going to love my appearance

Ding dong el timbre suena
Tu madre abre, que vieja mas buena
Le digo ¡Hola! Pero no para bola
Que se ha creido vieja chola

Go and serve the food mom
Que tengo ambre
If you don't hurry, me va a dar un calambre
Y usted señor? Why's your chin on the floor?
Sierra la boca por favor

What's this amor, these little huevos?
que yo no pruebo

I'm used to good ol' fashioned
Homestyle Spanish cooking
If i try that I'll be puking
Well it's been a pleasure but we got to go
Regresaremos temprano
Cinco, seis, o siete de la mañana
Su hija esta en buenas manos

But Gerardo's follow-up, "We Want The Funk," runs a close second:

Excuse me, where have I seen you?
They tend to ask me
A humble answer I give them
As we start to get closer
But then even more so
They all persist on rubbing my torso
I'm Latin but I ain't wrapping in satin
No, that old disco look just ain't happening
I'm fresh and new and making my debut
So let me run this information by you
It's true we outdo, it has become an issue
Love 'em and leave 'em fast we won't miss you
It's tradition we're well conditioned
We outlast the competition, so listen
We don't care too much about kissing
No, we know just what you've been missing
We're straight out and blunt
We don't put up with stunts
Baby, you know what we want

Don't play shy, don't expect long good-byes
These are some of the rules that we go by
No demands and forget holding hands
Please, not around our friends
We intend to hold on to our image
Don't try to cross that line of scrimmage
Don't say you weren't aware, so have yourself prepared
And beware, this is a one-time love affair
See, that's as far as it goes, it's our motto
And you thought you won the Lotto
Waiting to claim your prize you go unrecognized
Huh! How's that for a surprise?
So save yourself from confusion and sorrow
Don't even think about tomorrow
Tonight's the night, enjoy!
We're here to make some noise
Let me hear the pitch in your voice

Smoother than James Bond you wake and we're gone
So you wonder what you did wrong
Huh! Don't be blaming yourself, it's a must that we vanish
Here's the scoop straight to you, but in Spanish . . .
Oye nena, rubia o morena, mi excusa esta en mis venas
Soy un simple mujeriego no lo niego ni miento
Soy latino cien por ciento
Asi que piensa lo bien si no es conmigo con quien es?
Responds de una vez
No te me hagas la importante la dificil o atorrante
Al cabo tengo mas amantes
No te prometo nada saldrias por donde entrastes
Yo no pienso molestarte
Asi que no me busques, me sigas, me asustes
Busca otro que te la ajuste

Now there it is laid out plain and simple
In Spanish but on tempo
Can't comprehend at all, confused or in a hole?
What's the matter? No habla espanol?
If that's the case then no need to worry
Bust out the dictionary
You want some inside info
Wanna know what you're in for
Look up right under "nympho"

Anyone who rhymes 'table' with 'able' needs a smack.

Gang Of Four - I Found That Essence Rare

Great song, but that one grates REALLY badly.

"I have never seen a ghost/ I'd rather have a piece of toast"

"I'm afraid of the dark/Especially when I'm in a park"

Marvellous.

It's the way he says "awfully."

"You talk too much, you worry me to death
You talk too much, you even worry my pet"

Awesomely awful! It took two guys to write the song. Wonder which one took credit for that rhyme.

"No more heroes anymore"

The next line is that line repeated. But can you imagine how many bad rhymes they tried first?

"Home in" with "Abdomen", and they pronounce abdomen so it rhymes.....classic

What's great is that it's not even like they're buying time for you to get to the GOOD rhymes, because immediately after comes:

Trouble in his HEART
Laughing at the THOUGHT
Comin' as he GOES
Into overDOSE

'We prune in June and plant in October
And complain to the Council when a sign gets knocked over'

Both from Oz band Redgum's 'The Long Run'.

the lyrics below are truely bad. they are purposely vague and sound like they were written by a pimple-ridden 14 yr old who is pissed off all the time cause girls don't like him. can you guess the writer...

the sewers belch me up
the heavens spit me out
from ethers tragic i am born again
and now i'm with you now
inside your world of wow

...

i've got the tremor to stay
because you are
i scar the stranger, betrayed
all of my senses ashamed
i will deny all that i am afraid
lies will disguise
rules of time and endgames

...

may i walk beside your shadow, softly
bless the ground you walk upon so easy
innocence, come to me
squandered in anarchy

...

welcome to nowhere fast
nothing here ever lasts
nothing but memories
of what never was

...

farewell goodnight last one out turn out the lights
and let me be, let me die inside
let me know the way from of this world of hate in you
cause the dye is cast, and the bitch is back
and we're all dead yeah we're all dead
inside the future of a shattered past
i lie just to be real, and i'd die just to feel
why do the same old things keep on happening?
because beyond my hopes there are no feelings

...

Bleed in your own light
Dream of your own life
I miss me
I miss everything I'll never be
And on, and on

...

Bye June
I'm going to the moon
It better be by June
'Cause I'm going to the moon

guessed who it is yet?

my vote for worst lyricist who is popular despite how awful and boring his lyrics really are... billy corgan (of the smashing pumpkins)

certainly it can be enjoyable (just like loathing and pain can be enjoyable), but who wants to be in such a state of mind that they find pretentious-ness enjoyable?

I'm glad I'm not a teenager anymore!

Take your baby by the hair
And pull her close and there there there
Take your baby by the ears
And play upon her darkest fears

"Try to figure out, they wonder what next you'll pull
You don't understand anything sexual"
-Replacements

"I like hot-dogs, franks and beans
I grew up in forrest hills queens"
-Dee Dee King

This is like a Kool Keith lyric.

Three main problems:
1) Was Ice Cube even considered the ultimate tough guy following Straight Outta Compton? He always gave the vibe that he's more of a storyteller than an actual gangster.
2) Referring to an earlier thought. Lazy.
3) Abruptly ending the story two lines later.

You're Dirty, like that BASTard
It's gettin drastic.

And Leo Sayer:

There was ham and there was turkey,
there was caviar
And long tall glasses
with wine up to.. yar.

(really love the song)

The Gift Horses - learning to bring yourself down
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ty8zDqpdkmo

this song, from a great, great movie called a swedish love story, has among the worst english-language lyrics i've ever heard:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfABswxUztA

sample:

would you like to know / everything you show
would you like to show / everything you know
well there's lots of information
there's a great deal places to see
there's a lot body people
'twould be so nice to meet

no, those aren't typos.

'Abdul's not seen Cleopatra, it's been almost now a year/ And I wonder where she's atra...' - Jonathan Richman

these lyrics are great imho

uh yeah those are fantastic.

the swedish song is terrifically catchy btw, it just has impossibly bad lyrics.

Really a huge fan of "Romeo" / "his own-e-oh" mentioned upthread, makes the song IMO.

'Abdul's not seen Cleopatra, it's been almost now a year/ And I wonder where she's atra...' - Jonathan Richman
these lyrics are great imho
― the sir edmund hillary of sitting through pauly shore films (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 21:10 (1 year ago) . Great performance here too:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sU_WvyhJuyE

http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG

this song, from a great, great movie called a swedish love story, has among the worst english-language lyrics i've ever heard:

Funny, I've seen that movie a dozen times and never noticed the lyrics. It was once explained to me that Swedes sing in English with a deliberate simplicity, meant to create an effect of "English = the language of effervescent fun"

I don't know about worst, but I heard the Animals' "When I Was Young" in the car today, and the passive inversion for the sake of a rhyme on "I smoked my first cigarette at ten/And for girls, I had a bad yen" is pure camp.

Came to post exactly the same lyric! Heard "When I Was Young" in the car yesterday. It actually has a second lyric that's almost as bad: "I met my first love at thirteen/She was brown, and I was pretty green."

Eric Burdon sang a lot of clunky shit

“What’s it like to be a loon?
I liken it to a balloon”

I like the way that T. Rex lyric plays with alliteration and assonance, it's sort of charming.

the passive inversion for the sake of a rhyme on "I smoked my first cigarette at ten/And for girls, I had a bad yen"

^this reminds me of one of my all-time it’s-so-bad faves:

I laughed at all of your jokes
My love you didn't need to coax

(“Maggie May”)

Beatles are about the worst offenders

Father Mackenzie
saying hello to a friend as he walks from the grave
his name is Dave

sheesh

Re: Rod Stewart, there's a Greil Marcus article where he says that his love of "Every Picture Tells a Story" isn't damaged by the line "My body stunk but I kept my funk".