Steven Wells (RIP June 2009)

It said something about "This is music for long-haired vegan gurlie-boys who read French poetry and think football is vile" which was pretty much spot on.

That said, I think he's a one trick pony whose one trick stopped being funny a long time ago. Sigh.

its a shame really, but a world in which there are only loud shouty exciting things in capitol letters and weedy mumsy quiet middle class things, is a fairly dull world, and to write about things that way for 20+ years seems such a waste

Steven Wells is the Anti-Christ of music writing, a man pushing his own ill-conceived, badly informed political agenda onto his own third-rate interviews, which reveal little about the musician in question.

The nadir would obviously be the Belle and Sebastian interview, where Stuart Murdoch plays him like Ace/Jack suited, and Wells' response basically amounts to "Haven't you even read "No Logo"".

Steven Wells entire existence basically resembles that "Yoof TV" show in the Young Ones. Shame he didn't realise it was a piss take.

did you actually read that interview dom?

''It said something about "This is music for long-haired vegan gurlie-boys who read French poetry and think football is vile" which was pretty much spot on.''

he hates football kate but i never read that review.

I actually like his writing style, I just wish he'd stop writing about music. His Guardian cricket things are great.

Thinking about it I suppose I do hate him, though in a weary Noel Gallagher "oh jesus not him again, not more of the same" type way.

Yes

''Yes''

dave- how old are you?

so what ringtone d'you reckon he has? i wouldn't be surprised if ringtones are the only things he listens to.

I know dave. i was too.

I haven't read him in many years. but when I did start it was one hell of a contrast having all those writers looking at scenes etc and then wells doing his thing. it was one hell of a contrast and i enjoyed that.

''so what ringtone d'you reckon he has?''

an atari teenage riot one of course!

ladies and gentlemen, i give you: undugnified

Many years ago the band I was in did a few dates supporting Atilla The Stockbroker and The Newtown Neurotics. One of these gigs was at a notorious nazi skinhead haunt in N London called Skunks.

We were on first, jumping up and down making a horrible racket and shouting all sorts of crap about systems and nuclear war and anarchy as was our wont.

The skinheads seemed unimpressed.

Then the Neurotics went on and played their set complete with their rather left-wing take on things.

The skinheads seemed deeply unimpressed.

Finally Atilla took the stage.

A couple of numbers into the set (I was on stage with him at the time providing backing vocals for his version "Garagelend"), suddenly all hell broke loose. There were fists and glasses and bottles and pool cues and furniture flying through the air.

All the guys in the bands etc. who were about made a dash for it and most of us managed to get into the cellar away from the mellee. In the process I grabbed one guy who was standing by the side of the stage and pulled him to safety with us. I didn't know who he was but thought he must be part of our entourage as he I'd seen him talking to Atilla and the Neurotics earlier.

It turned out that this individual was Mr Wells who was then a writer for the NME, and whilst we were all cowering in the cellar I laughingly suggested to him that having saved him from getting a severe kicking must at least be worth a write-up for our band, even if he said we were shit (which of course we were).

He enthusiastically agreed and promised to do so - and indeed, true to his word, in the next edition of NME there was a review of our set.

It said ".... and Sub-Active from Henley"

I wish I'd left the miserable bastard to get his head kicked in now.

he has plenty of passion and enthusiasm but he has a lot of hate as well.

what's all this abt 'isn't he old', shouldn't he grow up. He is a great writer precisely bcz he can keep writing like that. his writing has passion, energy and he's v funny.

he is a one-trick pony. so what? most writers don't even have that.

he is a good journo anyway. Most of the time that I've read articles on the worst indie attrocities they've been written by him.

he is kind of like bart simpson of rock-crit. really. the article linked to above was a wonderful read.

(when ppl say you should die painfully if you don't like the same music as I do that is funny to me)

he doesn't have to get "musicological" about it, but something more than "this fucking rocks!" would be welcome. and even the bland NME writers can go into *some* detail about why music turns them on/off. like i said, i think this "i don't get fucking musicological!" thing has become a bit of a get-out clause.

I know. nor does steven. bcz its a joke.

he thinks of music as a form of protest. It isn't music unless it does that. its not a get out clause.

but as I said above he provides a nice contrast (for me anyway) to other writers who discussed music.

and tht's even worse than geir - and at least he can go some way towards explaining his crackpot theories

We must glorify whatever subversive genius occasionally streaks the mainstream pop midden. By which of course I mean Pink, Good Charlotte, (.....)

P!NK.

G00d C|-|/-\rl0++3.

"Subversive g3n1us"

eh...fuck 'im.

I didn't realise there was a big fuss about him. He is fine if you don't actually have any opinions or hang ups about music or you hate most music and want to read reviews out of sheer boredom or jadedness.

And extra torture and pain should go to ppl who make assumptions abt ppl who like him.

Wells -totalitarian? Come on. Totalatarianism, is by definition, something which must be enforced, which seeks to exclude or suppress opposing opinions - Wells works in the music press, and as such, knows full well he's part of an unfurling debate, albeit a fairly heated internal one given the NME's lack of direct competition.

I suspect Wells is a fairly reasonable chap attempting to lend some militancy to his opinions, both in the interests of good copy, not being to mealy mouthed, and because it's well, more fun. Obviously a desire to keep the mailbag bulging plays it part too, and that's probably why in small doses, Wells is fairly entertaining. But, week on week, the obvious attempts to stoke controversy grate, and limit him as a writer - stuck forever in a strident (if occasionally very funny) rut.

That said, he's one of the better writers of a fairly strong bunch at Bang, which I like, but don't think will see next year. More's the pity.

the guy that writes like 10,000 words about he reviews, HE'S the worst writer ever. can't remember his name now, but whenever you read it it's just Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz JESUS CHRIST JUST FUCKING TELL ME IF YOU LIKE THE ALBUM OR NOT.

What many of you hataz don't know is that he had a hand in TV stuff you love ie. The Day Today and other Chris Morris projects.

And by the way, I don't really think he jonesed for Daphne and Celeste. Swells has always had a thing for posh blondes (when I saw evidence of this I started to call him Clarse Warrior).

didn't know that and now i like him even more.

The man is a penis. Fact.

an incredible insight.

I'm not quite sure what people object to:
a) he thinks politics is more important than music?
b) he tries to be funny rather than a sad-arse trainspotter?
c) he likes bands / music you don't?
d) he's old?
or more likely, as usual in music journo slagging sessions:
e) he get's paid for it, I don't?

Like saying "I'm not a racist, I hate racism, but I just happen to make a living from being on the publicity officer for the BNP"

He's stupid. That's the problem.

Like saying "I'm not a racist, I hate racism, but I just happen to make a living from being on the publicity officer for the BNP"

He's stupid. That's the problem.

e) he get's paid for it, I don't?

he's not funny and, haha, I get paid for being a "sad-arse trainspotter"...

it amused me.

''His politics and confused''

and therefore real but that is not the case here.

''If he hates capitalism so much then making a video for a Sony-backed rock band (Manics) and writing for a magazine that is supported by Coca Cola and Carlsberg hardly seems fitting.''

he explains this quite clearly in the article linked to above.

You just slipped up mate.

I have commented at length on the previous steven wells thread too I think.

Oooooooh. Such an insult!

His politics may be old-fashioned and not terribly carefully thought out, but I don't go to the music press for my political philosophy. I agree with him far more than not, and don't remember him ever really offending me.

Calum is dead right re. Swells on vegetarians. There is one phrase that sticks in my mind from that piece: "Ning nang nong off"! Says it all.

Dammit, THAT'S where I knew the name. I kept asking myself why it was familiar!

Really, Jamie? Gosh, I dunno, I remember thinking -- this would have been 1994, I guess -- "Ah! I like this Jamie character! He has sass." But hey. :-)

(I do love you really. Actually, I was meaning to say, now's a good a time as any - I really (really) like your column in CTCL this month. As good as Kulkarni's (high praise, honest)).

< /fawning half-wit>

Like Sunday morning.

I really (really) like your column in CTCL this month.

Hey, thanks. :-)

In 1999 I sent a letter to the Melody Maker (it wasn't printed). It began like this (capitals in original):

"You complain about the sorry state of music now. I complain about the sorry state of journalism in your paper. Melody Maker is dismal. Most of you can't write. Melody Maker was once the home of lovably pretentious fanatics - Simon Price, Taylor Parkes, Chris Roberts, Everett True. I REMEMBER JAMIE T CONWAY! I was fifteen, and I was turned on by these guys' WRITING!"

So, hi Jamie! I still remember!

It was sad watching it hobble itself, though the NME was outselling it by a fairly large margin even back in 1994 - 1996. Even if Sutherland ("a rugger playing twat," I heard, though having quit long before, I never had the pleasure) hadn't been allowed to run rampant, i doubt it would have survived. Which is why I think Bang will fail also. But: I thought that about CTCL, and by all accounts, it's doing handsomely, so what do I know?

Cozen - I wasn't fishing (well, maybe a bit) - I *really* don't like most of my Maker output. Reading some old reviews over a few years back all I could see the points where I could have written something better and reverted to cheap jokes and empty ranting. I'm critical to the point of counterproductiveness though, so perhaps I'm a poor judge.But as far as I'm concerned, I wrote 600 words during that period that were worth preserving, which have never been printed and weren't about music.

I'm not currently in Scotland, but Glasgow's still home. I've been EFL teaching in Eastern Europe for the past 6 months, where my teenagers think I'm subversive and I get to show my favourite Simpsons episodes under the pretext of exposing them to some "living English." Worth selling 97% of my record collection for, then. Oh. And there might be a novel, if can piece everything I've written in the last 6 months into one coherent narrative..........

Perhaps if I stop wasting time on the internet..........

My part in the golden era of MM was fairly minimal, though. There were far better folk than me there (Mr K for one).

I'll post again sometime but I've waited 31 years to write a book and really should get on with it......

Peace.

I rather imagine you dislike it, but what are your thoughts on the Levellers / Prophets Of Da City review you wrote "in character" and the minor scandal it stirred up?

Neil was great from the moment he started appearing in the letters column. Then he got even better!

There was a valid point in there somewhere, though apart from the "controversial bit" it was probably a tad clumsy. About Mr Wells level, perhaps. But I dealt with the ensuing "controversy" fairly badly, rather dimly failing to appreciate its rather obvious origins (though you'd think Allan Jones might at least have had an inkling) and backing down slightly, which was more than I should have, even if hadn't been a press stunt. I think only my mum and my gran thought I handled it well, and well, they would. The letter from the 16 year old girl the following week saying "I wasn't the writer I thought she was" for being so easily intimidated was properly humbling/shaming. Words that echoed in my mind often before I finally quit.

Like I said - the Maker was.... character building.

BUT THE BEST JOURNALIST EVER IS MR BIFFO OF DIGITISER. HE'S THE CHRIS MORRIS OF COMPUTER GAME WRITING. LE POMPT-DE-POMPT DE DOMPT!

Take it from me, though, that Levellers review wasn't great. I mean, I did like your stuff in general, but that one was poor, I thought (I haven't just turned up to criticise, I am going somewhere with this). It wasn't that there was anything wrong or untrue with the points you were making, it was the really heavy irony; it came across as clumsy, because rather than getting into the mind of the kind of dumb kid you were pretending to be, it went through a lot of obvious, silly things that *no one* would *ever* actually say, sort of like the satirical equivalent of caricature.

But - that's why the fuss was so ludicrous (I forget the details, but lots of people took this in-character review at face value and got very angry, flooding the paper with complaints of 'racism' and stuff...in retrospect, I suspect flak, an organised letter campaign by some crackpots). Probably no one ever told you, but I did the letters page around the time *it was decided* to capitulate to the idiots, and I wrote a "Viewpoint" or whatever it was called at the time, defending you, and saying something along the lines that the day we watch what we say because of what fools might think, it's a bad day for everyone. An agonized Everett took me to one side and said "Look, you understand why I can't print this." But the thing was, I didn't understand it at all, and I was furious.

If I'd have been you, and had encountered that lack of support from my editors, I'd most certainly have walked. But as it was, Allan Jones did stand up for me on the odd occasions people cut up rough or threatened legal / punitive action, and more or less told them to fuck off. To this day, I don't know why they all caved in over your review. Can you remember who the complainers actually were? That might shed some light.

hi jamie.

http://sport.guardian.co.uk/news/story/0,10488,955222,00.html

What utter nonsense. Grow up.

"The Bacofoil-Helmeted Nutter Who Thinks His Neighbour's CIA-Trained Dog Is Mind-Controlling Him Through Beatles Lyrics Beamed Into His Fillings Award"

This isn't funny! Pseudo monty python word jizz isn't funny! Christ time to take some deep breaths and calm down for me I think!

And don't even get me started on his piss poor excuse for a novel.

What do you mean, "possibly"? My grandfather could write a better article than that, and he's been pushing up daisies for 20 odd years. Sheesh, that's some bad writing.

Every article he's written on footie has been awful (apart from the one where he got beaten up, but that was funny purely cos he got beaten up) The Grauniad commissioners should be hanging their heads in shame at getting him to do that column.

never read him on sport before actually.

but what is funny to one person might not be funny to the other. but this one just isn't anywhere near the music article linked to earlier in this thread.

Funnily enough, I mulled over the Levellers review at some length just after posting, and concluded it must have been pretty poor for precisely those reasons. I was retreating behind irony a lot by that point, Whether I'd have been able to handle the idea with greater subtlety or insight in 600 words (or more), then or now, is another matter.

It only occurred to me as I was typing my previous post that Allan J (or anyone) *should* or might have backed me up, or wanted to - what that says about me is another story. No one mentioned your Viewpoint, though it's probably for the best it didn't appear, since it'd probably have puffed me to new levels of self-righteousness and offered all the wrong kinds of encouragement. Not that I needed any, by that point.

I don't remember any names other than the aforementioned 16 year old (Kate. From Reading, bless her. Thanks for getting that in, at least). but I remember reading over the copies of the letters (one from the Prophets press office, another from some guy whose first name might have been Simon) later and thinking there was a certain similarity in tone, or that the latter echoed the former in some way. But I could have been wrong about that.

As to why they caved in: Hmmmmm. I'd guess a combination of two things; firstly, that it didn't seem worth defending such an artless piece, and secondly, that an unknown quantity wasn't regarded as worth going out on a limb for, in the same way that say, there's one standard for temp workers and one for permanent. I know you were another freelancer too, but the fact you were an office staple will have made a difference. I was just a voice on the phone. And your popularity would have made you an obvious asset to any smart editor. Despite the above (thanks Nicole), my passing would have caused justifiably few ripples, and it would definitely have been better for me I had walked (or been pushed) into templand at that point.

Happy Birthday.

Oh, and Mr Desouza - lay off my mate Gillanders. He's got a wife and two quiffs to support.

(he is an architect, oh yes!)

what do you mean "possibly"? my grandfather could write better than that, and he's been pushing up daisies for 20 odd years. sheesh that's some bad writing

-- Dom Passantino"

sigh, haha unreal! remind me how the fuck your own brand of lame off-the-peg wit is any different to wells'?

I spent about 6 months on and off in hosp, back in 1987, nothing as life threatening as that story (op'd on Crohns Dis, iymk) but many things there I recognise. Glad I didn't have a wife or g/f then, mainly to spare them the agony of seeing someone you love go through it. And yes, you don't 'bravely' fight it, you live moment to moment until it's over.

Swells is a great writer, just wasn't a great writer every time. I'd buy his book!

Sorry, I'm typing rubbish now, but that was pretty goddamn on the money.

I'm doing chemo right now - which isn't crazy fun but
is also far from being a nightmare,

What I've got is Hodgkins lymphoma which I have been
told many times, is the common cold of cancers.

So, given all the crap I've done over the years, I've
got off lightly.

I feel I ought to stress that - thanks to Katharine's
insurance - we're NOT facing massive medical bills.

He always struck me as an OK bloke, 'writing persona' of old to the contrary.

Despite never having met him and other evidence to the contrary, buy hey.

http://www.bowlie.com/forum/belle-and-sebastian/17794-steven-wells-nme.html

I don't think I have ever read Steven Wells say anything interesting about music.

RIP big man, heaven needed someone to give Asian Dub Foundation and the Dandy Warhols positive reviews

swells is a giant.

He's a twat who dares you to think he's a twat.

Because then he has entered your consciousness, and that for him is a victory.

My favourite piece of Wells writing was from about 1997 when he did his RIGHT I AM GOING TO MAKE SHED SEVEN INTERESTING FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER thing.

Rick Witter (spouting on about something): "Yeah, I think I'd like to spend a day as a woman. I'd like to know what it's like to be penetrated."

Wells: "You are of course aware that you don't need to be a woman to do that?"

Witter (mouth open): "...."

I was rereading 98-00 NMEs at the British Library the other week, as part of a potential article, and what it struck me was that Swells was a fantastic interviewer (his Sonic Youth piece was amazing), but an awful, awful reviewer.

The nadir would obviously be the Belle and Sebastian interview, where Stuart Murdoch plays him like Ace/Jack suited, and Wells' response basically amounts to "Haven't you even read "No Logo"".

I'm glad I mocked this statement at the time. Stuart Murdoch 'playing him like Ace/Jack suited' actually entailed Stuart Murdoch writing a really stroppy letter to the NME the following week, going "Dear Steven Wells, I haven't read your piece about us in the NME but people have told me about it you're a lousy journalist... (babbles on for a bit) ... okay, I've read your piece now, maybe you're not such a bad journalist but you're still wrong."

Even when I didn't agree with him (about 75% of the time) he was always worth reading and in retrospect I kind of agree with what he was trying to do - eg using the singles column to slate every single hyped arse-end-of-1998 indie band and then giving Single of the Week to En Vogue.

I was rereading 98-00 NMEs at the British Library the other week, as part of a potential article, and what it struck me was that Swells was a fantastic interviewer (his Sonic Youth piece was amazing), but an awful, awful reviewer.

-- Dom Passantino, Sunday, September 2, 2007 2:38 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

am kind of surprised we haven't met, d. this is the kind of shit i do for weekend phun.

i was searching for a thing i thought he wrote about the beautiful south in the '90s, but maybe it wasn't him(?).

http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/print_friendly.php?id=12342

I'm a sometime SY fan, and I laughed at that.

If anyone is interested in commissioning a 10,000 article about the NME between the releases of "OK Computer" and "Is This It", holla.

i hope you've emptied your inbox recently, shit is going to get swamped.

Also, if you're reading this and you're the cute Swedish girl who was photocopying the indie charts from back issues of Music Week for your dissertation, I would like to nail you.

i hope you've emptied your inbox recently, shit is going to get swamped.

"inbox"

Swells is totally classic, I just wish he'd write more CD reviews!

And Tits Out Teenage Terror Totty is amazing.

When I first encountered Swells in the NME I thought he was a genius(well, I was fourteen), but by the time I'd stopped buying it in 1999, his ranting just seemed embarrassing and juvenile. The problem wasn't just that I'd grown out of him, it was that his writing had actually declined to the point of self-parody. The final nail in the coffin was a laughable piece of punk fan-fiction about what would've happened if the Sex Pistols had gone into government, which was the kind of thing you might expect to be written by a teenager getting into politics for the first time. Also the fact that he(and the rest of the wretched paper) was still getting off on the notion that Morrissey might be an EVILE RASCISTE, even though that had been pretty much disproven by then.

But still, I'll never forget the column he wrote at the height of the Dead Di madness of 1997, which was absolutely spot-on. I can still quote some of it to this very day("is the mood of our nation really to be determined by a mob of grief-demented royal tea towel collectors?").

Wasn't he writing for Kerrang for a while post-NME? I think it was Kerrang. I seem to remember he was calling himself "Cardinal Swells" and there was a photo of dressed in a flying helmet and goggles. Hmm.

Metal Hammer I think. His gleefulness at smacking down crappy metal bands never really matched his gleefulness at smacking down crappy indie bands

i remember a rare visit ot NME, putting tricky woo's 'sometimes i cry' album on the stereo, and SWELLS walking over and turning the volume up. he is a star for that, at the very least. he also has a strong choke-hold.

Because then he has entered your consciousness, and that for him is a victory.

So... sWells is actually nude spock? Who knew?

Stevie, was D*niel B**th specifically hired as an erstatz Swells or did he adopt that style of his own accord?

For championing Atari Teenage Riot when everyone else at the NME was going mad over Terris, I give thanks.

(even though ATR are actually a bit rubbish)

http://www.readwritethink.org/lesson_images/lesson184/frying_pan_fire.gif

xp, hah

i never thought em to be *that similar in style to be honest, dom - daniel always seemed to be aiming more for a simon price/taylor parkes type of thing, but i don't really know. i'm sure daniel had more of a tolerance for the manics-youth-brigade than SWELLS. SWELLS was hilarious company, in the best way, the few times i travelled with him.

I think it was on here, or possibly via one of my mates, where it was mentioned that Daniel Booth basically admitted to not really having much interest in music generally

like noel edmonds

there's an interview he did with a zine back in the late 90s where he said he'd much rather be writing about football.

The doors of 90 Minutes were hard to pass through.

manics-youth-brigade

where did they all go?

poptimists.livejournal.com/

jokes bruv

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/music/2007/10/bring_back_the_screamers_of_po.html

a little taste of the B&S piece but still no sign of the original online...

What's really scary is the way all three policemen in that picture look EXACTLY THE SAME.

like noel edmonds

-- RJG, Monday, 3 September 2007 12:14 (1 month ago) Link

It's kinda embarassing to see dudes to still "PUNK MUSIC WAS SO REVOLUTIONARY, MAN", considering that the Ramones' sole contribution to music has been hockey theme tunes and The Donnas.

^^^bizzaro world Swells

i don't think he means to be taken literally etc?

who does?

i'm pretty sure most music writers basically "mean what they say" in a pretty straightforward manner -- don't get the feeling petridis or whoever is playing games with us.

what videos did swells direct?

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUaytvw9AaM";>This is one</A> that comes up if you search youtube. It's rather silly.

malformed video id. but he did some for st etienne and the manic street preachers.

oh yeah...the capital letters guy, i remember!

Swells OTM re Bunker Hill. Someone get that man a Rallizes bootleg.

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/music/2007/04/jon_savage_the_pop_swot_its_ok.html

reynolds zing

As anybody who's read Simon Frith or Simon Reynolds knows, most pop eggheads write like they've never danced, smiled or had an orgasm, never mind experienced the empowering, exciting, spine-tingling, head-exploding, genitals-engorging rush that comes with being part of one of the great pop culture "moments".

B-b-but I got Energy Flash and it's all about joy and dancing (obvs) and rushes and bliss and great pop culture "moments". Dude needs to put some research into his zings, perhaps he could make fun of Reynold's glasses or something. And I like the way he puts in the little "I've been called a nerd and a puff so I'm not a total meathead, honest" disclaimer in at the start.

i like reynolds but 'energy flash' is more about 'the politics of dancing' than dancing, more about the idea of joy than joy. cue old ilx dbag to explain how there's no diff, i guess, but reynolds' deal is partly about idealizing how other people dance. generally people who are not like reynolds -- in a sense he is the morrissey of rock crit.

Hmmm... I dunno, isn't that him just trying to be a bit more objective/less self-obsessed? Otherwise he'd end up sounding like the Everett True of dance crit: "The first time I heard The Ragga Twins, I was at Rage on six pills and tyring to make it with this raver chick called..."

And most of the time when someone's writing about the numerous dance scenes across the world they weren't there, so they have to take a bit of distance.

lol that's coz simes was still an indie-kid-who-hated-indie when house music started coming into the uk innit.

Wasn't he into all kinds of noisy electronic weirdness like Front 242 or The Young Gods? Not such a huge leap to getting into the more wigged out side of early house/techno.

And when house music came to the UK, everybody would have been into some other scene like indie or soulboys or b-boys or whatever The Face was bigging up that month, so they were all strangers to it.

i dunno, maybe, but his "epiphany" was c. 1990 i think, and he does talk about it. i actually don't care about being 'objective' in the way you were saying, more that -- we talk about this alll the tiiime -- the "intelligent = bad/ruffneck = real" thing can be really limiting.

xpost

yeah but house came in in like mid-1986.

thing is reynolds REALLY HATES soulboys AND indie kids and it's a bit like, he doesn't have a tribe of his own, and idealizes the east end. or something.

Well, OK. I suppose there's a thin line between being enthusiastic about some great new thing and fetishising the people involved in it. But don't Wells and similar writers fetishise the "real" feelings of teenagers and their own punk-rockin' teen years through rose tinted specs?

There is no racism - casual, institutional or overt - in indie music. If indie musicians state that English identity is threatened by immigration, that is not racist. And if indie fans talk about hip-hop in language reminiscent of that used by Adolf Hitler to describe Jews in Mein Kampf (”contamination”, “filth”, “disease”) that too isn’t racist. In fact to even suggest that it might be racist, is racist - racist against white males who just happen to despise black music and only like music made my white males for white males.

A case in point: Emily Eavis recently made the statement that Glastonbury ticket sales were slow because headliners Kings Of Leon, Jay Z and The Verve “are all good but not A-list bands”.

This was reported on NME.com under the headline ‘Glastonbury Attendance Down Because Of Medium Range Jay-Z’.

Many NME readers, not one of whom is even slightly racist, responded to the shocking news that a coloured chap would be headlining Glastonbury - Western civilisation’s premier Aryan folk music festival - with much gnashing of teeth and rending of all-white band logo-ed T-shirts.

“Jay-Z and hip-hop is not what Glasto is all about and never has been,” pointed out a poster on NME.com.

“The festival needs to stay true to itself and that does not include hip hop acts,” agreed another reader. “Bring back Oasis or Radiohead - they are classics that people never bore of seeing at Glasto - this is what it is all about- not Jay-Z.”

Glastonbury: Aryan folk festival

Emily Eavis recently made the statement that Glastonbury ticket sales were slow because headliners Kings Of Leon, Jay Z and The Verve “are all good but not A-list bands”.

Then why is she booking them then?

yea there's some commentary on this on the noel gallagher/glastonbury thread.

Mainly "lol Steven Wells" basically...

He's like the Warhammer 40,000 of rock criticism.

Fucking genius upthread from Tico Tico.

bump 4 da reload

lol

http://www.thequietus.com/2008/05/what-we-dont-need-is-an-alternative-oldster

I believe the phrase is "u mad, doggie"

Dom is 25? blimey...

Too old? Too young?

yeah.

passing the torch

"Primark Charlie Brooker"!!!!!

We have beef!

LOL. Good god, Dom.

101 reasons why punk sucks

http://www.sfwchan.com/pics/30443189.jpg

FAKE MAX R.

10/10 for fake max r

0/10 for DiS disclaimers at the beginning and end of your CHALLENGING OPINION there. What exactly did they think was going to happen?

IRL consequences

that'd be a wrestling match i'd love to see.

awesome, though: top work. both of you.

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/7/74/250px-PDVD_889.jpg

henry gay miller // May 7, 2008 at 12:07 am

man, imagine if dom was into some real insurrectionary future-punk shit like atari teenage riot or asian dub foundation or even primal scream’s XTRMNTR? that would BLOW THE FACIST TORY SCUM’S MINDS.

^^^lawling at this

Brains, power, and muscle, like Dame, Puffy, and Russell
Your boy back on his hustle, you know what I've been up to
Killin y'all niggaz on that lyrical shit
Mayonnaise colored Benz, I push Miracle Whips

Pronto llegara
el dia de mi suerte
te lo juro por mi gente
te juro que un dia llegara
And we won't stop
We always knew we'd make it
Even though you player hated
we still made it to the top

Nice equation of autism with racism made by SWells in those quietus comments there. If it'd been Shaun or Bez he would have pounced on them in a second.

Just saying, like.

also having cloth ears. the BASTARD.

Cloth caps. Cloth ears. 'Appen it's grim being a Northern skinhead.

http://www.sfwchan.com/pics/30443189.jpg

^^^this is probably the best thing posted to ILM in maybe two years

http://music.guardian.co.uk/rock/story/0,,2285562,00.html

^^ actually calls for a new punk rock

sike but it does bring up sid vicious as an edgy and relevant role model.

Jon Robb is worse, tho:

http://www.thequietus.com/2008/05/black-sky-thinking-the-credit-crunch-is-good-for-rock-nroll/

john robb is the worst writer of all time.

actually no, second worst.

I hope it's gonna be like the early 90s all over again, when Black Wednesday happened and only four years later Gold Blade released their debut album

I wonder what impact the credit crunch will have on Jon Robb's fucking ridiculous haircut and weird-ass voice.

This article is stoopid anyway, look at some of the awesome music that's come out of booms: acid house, jiggy hip hop, 2step... Oh, and *cough* TEH SIXTIES.

The more money that's around in the economy in general, the more money there is for putting out records, putting on club nights, setting up labels, buying equipment, PAs, whatever.

there isn't any correlation at all.

Records sales don't take a slump when the wider economy does the same?

I dunno, it would be interesting to see some figures.

record sales =! great era for music.

there have been good musics in boom times and bad time alike.

Yeah, well that was my point. Not that the boom-era music was superior, more that it was just as good.

But I think it's better for musicians if they can actually get their music out there, that must be harder in a slump.

http://www.thequietus.com/articles/dumbfuckingstan-vs-british-art-school-rock-it-s-no-contest

sw;dr

I like how a band who have had 14 entries on the Billboard Hot 100 including a #2 are seen as not having broken America.

Most US band tour buses keep a "slut book" in which photos of abused and degraded females are lovingly placed in a album that the drugfucked scum haul out for violent on-bus circle jerks.

Most US band tour busesmessage board zingers keep a "slut book" in which photos of abused and degraded females are lovingly placed in a album that the drugfucked scum haul out for violent on-bus circle jerks.

The difference being, message board zingers have to use public transport.

Rate the people sitting across or next to you on public transport

dang xpost

That would merit a 0/10 in anyone's book.

He's very ill again.

I had a weird run-in with this guy. I don't entirely get what his deal is, but I guess at least he's, like, passionate about whatever it is.

The first page of that article is brilliant, I'll read the rest later.

i guess you were fucking listening, nitush [.]

hahahahahahahahaahahahahahah

Ha, yes, that! In any case, I totally wish him the best with treatment; that sounds rough as hell.

“Sorry about your relapse, but you already wrote about this. Write about something besides yourself.”

I dunno if it's burnout on my part (and prolly that of loads of other people) or if he really is much better (esp at this stage) at writing abt things other than music but that is a really great read

That is a great, no-bullshit article. Fuck cancer.

"I have an interesting conversation with a 12-year-old anesthetist about the horse tranquilizer (and top disco drug) Ketamine and especially its relation to the new British dance craze, wonKy (a sort of mutated dub-step)."

poor guy, on top of all of this he's hallucinating simon reynolds

Basically I love that he manages to work a gratuitous pop at Travis into an article about getting cancer for the second time in three years.

Swells passed away Tuesday

well fuck. rip.

rest in splenetic, manufactured crankiness

very sad news. rip you gorgeous grump.

Shit.

RIP... was fleetingly wondering to myself how he was doing like two days ago :(

I say this quite often, but I say it now, and never more so than now...

NME HAD BETTER DO A DAMN TRIBUTE !

Fuck off cancer.

RIP Big Guy, heaven needed someone to call Jesus a dirty hippy.

Didn't know he was even ill. RIP.

Remember him being on a radio-broadcast debate at the Oxford Union about the relative worth of pop and classical music. Some Oxford twerp said "I would just like to quote a celebrated lyric from pop music that tells you all you need to know. 'A wop bop a loo bop/A lop bam ... boom'". (polite laughter)

To which Swells replied "And I'd like to give you some classical music. De de de derrrr" (to the tune of Beethoven's 5th).

He was funny, sometimes.

After everything, still miss him now he's gone.

RIP

Genuinely surprised at how saddened I am by this. RIP, you mad fucker.

This is shocking, RIP. I never agreed with his opinions on music but I had a great affection for the way he wrote.

Jesus, never liked the guy much, as a writer, but RIP

I loved Steven Wells fiercely from the day I met him at NME and FUCK FUCK FUCK cancer. Again. Swells, RIP.

Yes this sucks, up there with Anthony Wilson and John Peel in terms of shockingness for me. RIP.

No mention on NME website :-( but not really surprising

http://www.nme.com/news/various-artists/45590

Was hoping for some tributes by today's hot new electroclash stars plus some bloke I've never heard of out of the Enemy but never mind.

"I have already planned my own funeral. I will sit up in the coffin, sporting a huge embalmed grin, my right hand waving with animatronic enthusiasm as my left hand furiously pumps an embalmed and cosmetically enlarged erection."

Oops my bad!

what tom d said

so sad. had some minimal contact with him & he was a real gent. rip.

I had no idea he was ill either :( Swells was my fave nasty grump in the 80s-90s NME heyday. He was a bastard but I loved him for it. Peel had his place, and Steven did too. I'm genuinely devastated by this news.

I'd heard he was ill the first time around but not about the relapse; am sitting here intermittently in tears and/or making sure people who knew and loved him have heard about this. One of the sites he wrote for has posted the obit headline SWELLS DIES, CAPS LOCK BUTTONS SIGH IN RELIEF. Which I'm sure he approved well before it needed to be used.

I'm sure he'd appreciate the fact that his memorial thread is mostly comprised of people slagging him off.

RIP.

the comments under that article are wonderful.

God, (the first one today, not the NME one)...

That comments section contains all the names you would hope to find on a Swellsy tribute. Except for Stuart Murdoch, but there's time. (even Norman Strike, blimey!)

77. Ted Chippington said... on Jun 25, 2009 at 08:50AM

“SEE YA MATE RIP”

aw

Kitty Empire's comment is so fantastic: "Rest in peace? Peace?! As if. NEVER SURRENDER."

Links to further tributes here and here, including one from Los Campesinos!...which if you read this will explain much. As well as a few comments upthread...

Damn, great funny writer, even (or more so) when he destroyed the stuff you loved. Latterly his sports writing was a wonderful reminder of his talent. Will put the B & S away and listen to some Napalm Death to honour his memory.

RIP. His writing for NME often made me laugh until it hurt. PUNK ROCK!

Man, this is weird. I didn't even know he was ill, and I didn't realise how much I miss when the NME was actually worth reading until this just made me think about it.

RIP.

You can get to this via Ned's links above, but James Brown in the Guardian is a fantastic wee read.

Uh, nobody's yet mentioned the utterly reality-boggling prescience of nebbesh? 6 years ahead of the curve, man...

The comments on the original article continue to grow -- and one's been posted from Neil Tennant, short but sweet:

“One of the most passionate people writing about music. For that, we all thank him.”

Just posted in comments:

Hi all,

I spoke with Steven's wife Katherine this afternoon, and she's very moved by the outpouring of support shown both in the comments here and the gobs of tributes creeping out of every corner of the web today. She's asked that I ask anyone who knew him here if they might send scanned pictures of Steven from the 80s/90s. They will be used at his memorial service in a slideshow we're planning so, please, if you have them—or anything you might have you think could add—please email me at bmcmanus @ philadelphiaweekly .com

Much appreciated. Thanks so much. Look forward to hearing from you.

Brian McManus
Philadelphia Weekly, music editor

This man hated every band I ever cared about. Quite right too. RIP SKULLFUCKING ROCK'N'ROLL STORMTOOPER SPUNK NAZI!!!!!

oh my god @ swells' choice of closing quote

it's like he knew

Like grimly, I'm surprised how much this got to me, is getting to me. Those comments under his last column are very moving. Never tried to emulate him, never met him, shared almost no music taste with him, yet his passing feels pretty fucking sad and empty today.

This is so incredibly sad. RIP. Fuck you, cancer.

Was Steven Wells a prophet? His last commissioned words were "I blame it on the boogie."

this has been a weird, weird day

saw only a little of him over here, but kicks the ass of post-Thriller MJ.

What a day!

"I blame it on the Sunshine" really freaked me out just now.

Does anyone have a link to the original Swells article on his illness posted by Venga back in 2006?

Think I read it at the time and would like to read it again.

http://www.philadelphiaweekly.com/news-and-opinion/cover-story/the_english_patient-38416404.html?page=1&comments=1&showAll=

ta very much.

Uh, nobody's yet mentioned the utterly reality-boggling prescience of nebbesh? 6 years ahead of the curve, man...

― Goethe*s Elective Affinities, Thursday, 25 June 2009

the RIP bit in the title was added yesterday, nebbesh didn't predict it! (if that's what you mean)

does anyone have a link to his phil collins interview?

or a link to an interview he did with Sonic Youth in NME at the end of the 90s? At the time my naive self found that remarkable, since hostility towards the Smiths or Bis seemed sort of logical for him, but Sonic Youth not so much.

I'd like to read that interview as well, since I heard about it at the time but missed the issue it was in

I don't remember it being much to get excited about either way rilly - it was while they were doing press for A Thousand Leaves which is one of their more 'adult' albums let's face it, and it was sort of autopilot 'lol u old, get out the way grandma' type railing

He completely destroyed SY's Dirty in (I think) the first issue of BANG as well.

R.I.P., by the way, obviously. I was never a fan of his style, but you have to admire someone who raged as hard as he did. And to die so young. Sad loss.

R.I.P :-(

I'd heard he was ill the first time around but not about the relapse; am sitting here intermittently in tears and/or making sure people who knew and loved him have heard about this. One of the sites he wrote for has posted the obit headline SWELLS DIES, CAPS LOCK BUTTONS SIGH IN RELIEF. Which I'm sure he approved well before it needed to be used.

Suzy. We didn't check this with Swells before hand but I was in touch with him and he was writing for me up until very recently. He was my friend and an extremely valued colleague and insensitive or not I just wanted to write something that I thought might have made him chuckle. Our obit will be running on Monday, co-written by former colleagues from NME/IPC, BANG, Playlouder, Metal Hammer etc.

He was a genuine force of nature. RIP.

Mr Doran, I did laugh my ass off when I read the headline! Looking forward to seeing what other ex-NME people say.

Suzy: Stubbs, Mueller, John Robb etc

He once suggested, in pitch-perfect Barking vowels, that Billy Bragg should release an album called More Songs About How I Neffer Git To 'Ave Any Sex.

A legend for that alone.

i have never read anything by him. after all these comments i got curious. what piece of writing should i start with? but please no music i don't give a shit about. like michael jackson for example.

I'm in the middle of putting together a Swells reader for a week or so. I'll put a link here when it's done.

I assume the Mondays interview from 1992 would be a forlorn hope? Ach, I'd love to read that again.

when i read swells in quietus i thought they were writing about swell. what a great band.

I'll see what I can do. The ones I remember quite vividly are the Sonic Youth interview, the feature on Shed Seven, when he kept on turning the volume down on Rick Witter, the argument about beards on playlouder, the argument with Dom Passantino on the Quietus, the review of Daydream nation in BANG, the U2 feature in NME . . .

the review of Daydream nation in BANG

actually if you can recall the cover/issue number, i should have that in the archive so could scan it if interested.

Cheers. I'll look into it.

the feature on Shed Seven

Hang on, was this the "Rick Witter smells of piss" one? Again, I'd love to see that one more time ... if only because I think I destroyed my copy with tears of laughter before I got to the end.

the argument with Dom Passantino on the Quietus

:)

That interview with Shed Seven made me laugh more than anything I can remember reading in the NME. The bit I remember was Rick Witter saying somet bollocks along the lines of "I'd like to spend some time as a woman, to feel was it was like to be penetrated" and Swells immediately firing back with "erm, you are of course aware you don't need to be a woman to do that?" Think Witter was lost for words.

I always think of him as a proto-Poptimist as much as a shouty punk rock guy - I remember him writing a singles column where he ripped the shit out of every jobbing mid-90s indie band in there and then heaped praise on En Vogue, going "oi The Warm Jets, THIS is what you should be doing".

He was also a genius at making unfashionable but very clever insights sound bludgeoningly stupid. Railing against what he saw as the inherent sexism and racism in the music industry, etc. RIP dude.

"the review of Daydream nation in BANG"

Seconded - I've gotta read that

I barely recall anything in Bang but I feel like (a) this was maybe in the first issue and (b) it was Dirty he gave a kicking?

I'm commissioned him to do it, and when I received his copy I felt like Jennifer Jason Leigh at the end of The Hitcher being pulled apart by opposing forces of mirth, guilt and incensed outrage that someone could say that aobut the Youth.

I think it was Dirty. I'll dig it out of the garage at the weekend.

oi The Warm Jets, THIS is what you should be doing

what a frightening thought (but point well taken and supported obv)

Mr. Sinker on Mr. Wells

And a new memorial site:

http://www.thestevenwells.com/Main.html

The bit I remember was Rick Witter saying somet bollocks along the lines of "I'd like to spend some time as a woman, to feel was it was like to be penetrated" and Swells immediately firing back with "erm, you are of course aware you don't need to be a woman to do that?" Think Witter was lost for words.

This is exactly right!

Lesson: use the clarifying word "vaginally" as often as possible

This is vaginally right!

Mark G -- so va(G)in(ally)!!

(;)

Genius comment on the Guardian message board http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/organgrinder/2009/jun/25/nme-writer-steven-wells-tribute-james-brown?commentid=65c914eb-fb46-44b6-99af-5ae721cc14af

Dear Stakeholders,

it is with regret that I, on behalf of IPC Media, announce the death of
a reputable one-time NME labourer, Steven Wells.

Human Resources at the NME tell me that he was hired by the NME in 1983.
I have also been informed that Mr. Well's labour contributed greatly
to the success of the NME brand in the decades wherein NME contracted his work.

In his position as opinion executive, he allowed NME to diversify its market position by offering greater quality written content solutions at cost, with humour as added value.

The NME share value increased several percentage points over his tenure as writer, and I speculate that this may partially have been attributable to the Unique Selling Point the NME cultivated in the delivering of his content solutions.

In retrospect, it is thought that IPC media made a sound investment decision when procuring his labour and ROI was high in this market period.

On behalf of all shareholders at IPC Media and the cross platform brand 'NME'
we express our gratitude for the dividends he secured at NME.

Yours,

Conor Mcnicholas

I'm in! (xpost)

ahem..

The NME tribute was just right.

Would have been nice to have had some of his writing there too, but probably right not to.

Swells having 'little true interest in music' is a hilarious notion!

Please consider who wrote that; I thought it was a bit offensive myself.

Actually I'm angered about that comment. Fuck him.

I am really glad I found this piece on Napalm Death (I first read it in the NME when it was originally posted as an ad I think, but I've lost the issue). Maybe the first time I had heard of John Zorn. I am sure there are one or two cuts in that piece from what I read in the ad but what is on there still reads as wonderfully.

Haha yeah it was a page feature taken out as a full page ad by whoever Napalm's label were at the time (late 90s IIRC) - can't have been that successful an idea given that no-one else ever did it but from a young reader's POV you glance over it and are like 'YEAH! How come there aren't more bands getting round the prospect of no editorial by doing this?'

Oh wow just now saw this! Matt DC nails everything correctly in post of 29 June 2233 UTC*... singles columns was indeed one place he shone (lol I'm sure I have several CD singles laboriously mailordered from the UK just because of him. Haha shit I even have that Gold Blade album!). Also, classical music = "men in powdered wigs sticking small unelectrified guitars under their necks and horned women screaming about dragons".

RIP you were great fun.

*) Actually he had some kind of proto-Poptimist good-guy bad-guy double-act with David Quantick didn't he?

Haha shit I even have that Gold Blade album!

and that album is great!!!

Actually he had some kind of proto-Poptimist good-guy bad-guy double-act with David Quantick didn't he?

― anatol_merklich, Thursday, July 9, 2009 8:58 AM (20 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

apparently, yeah.

el quant still wrote for the nme when i started reading it. (people underrate quantick coz his views on music as such aren't that interesting... less so than swells even. this is to miss the point.) i think they did some collab more recent than the 80s but have drawn a blank.

still haven't really gathered thoughts on this dreadful news.

some collab more recent than the 80s but have drawn a blank.

On The Hour, The Day Today

Lololololol

I hadn't read that before but virtually every single line is funny.

I have dipped in and out of Tits-Out Teenage Terror Totty ever since I found it on a shelf at home after the memorial bouzer.

^ILX taken out of context

LOL. Am pretty sure Swells lived for random sentences like that. Wanted to get up at speeches part of drink and say ''no feminist was ever so happy discussing his own penis".

Does anyone know if there is a link to his 1998 Sonic Youth interview? I have just been reading bits and pieces of Swells writing and from reports he did a very funny demo-job on them.

Always had a burning desire to read Tits Out Teenage Terror Totty, but if I only I could develop Johnny 5-rapid speed-reading skills