Count Down: 100 albums you must *not* own...

Wandering around amsterdam, into a pretty cool record shop (its on a corner of 60 degrees angle, you know the one), heared the funniest cover ever, of "Freebird", I had to have one. The rest turned out to be the most offensive rubbish about aids and homophobia ever heared in the guise of comedy. The cover of paranoid was ok though.

All the signs were good, Anticon guest spots, Bark Psychosis style surges and all that, but the singing!!!!!! So utterly bedroom it made me feel like I was listening to someone's awful 4-track demos, so I sold that sucker pronto.

Otherwise, buy pretty much any other rock album ever made instead of this whack of cynical cockcheese.

Well it could be any of theirs possibly, but this is the only one I've heard all the way through. Excruciating uber-schmindie.

The miserable sound that a bunch of posh guys with *credentials* (Matching Mole, Gong, Quiet Sun) make when they discover *new wave*. Unintentially funny for all of 2.76 seconds, then just plain embarrassing. They're so determined to be paranoid and 'cold-war' that they make Ultravox sound like something you might throw on to get everyone in a party mood.

(note: rule 1 not strictly followed, but I'll be damned if I'm ever gonna play this all the way through again)

Jonathan Davies' step-brother's band. Have a guess how it sounds.

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00002429D.03.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

Second-division Europop album whose gimmick is that the singer 'browns up' and does his vocals in comedy Indian voice. Staggeringly awful and doubtless highly offensive.

(Sorry for stretching rule number 2.)

err..maybe i should go on amazon and try and remember what the actual title was. and i DO own this, but only because somebody sent it me for review, and i can't find anyone else that wants it.

four and a half stars on amazon. which says a lot about amazon reviews.

Dom - if you must *not* own the Dr. Bombay record, how come I've just resolved to purchase it on sight? Explain that away.

and if you want a copy of tim's album, you know where to come.

Some of the worst music in the world, combined w/some of the worst lyrics in the world, sung by the worst singer in the world. Thee apotheosis ov record collector rock (or something like that anyway)

The foulest of stools dropped by this diseased arse of a group. After the utter misery that is 'Star' you think it couldn't get any worse. But it does. Yes, sir. We get the life-sapping dirge of 'Stuka'. Then...there's bad and there's the grotesque 'Medication', in which Bobby and our heroes (Throb, Innes - wankers all) redefine embarrassing as only drooling, junkie half-wits in thrall to all that is noxious about rock an roll can. Fucking terrible.

84. Moby '18'

stretching an already watery schtick way too far without changing anything at all

I'm not sure a rock god ever fell so far as this. Apart from the erratic yet interesting "Ha Ha Hee Hee," *sad* is the only word to describe this burnt-out, phoned-in effort from one of the greatest.

if we're putting fallen-god albums on, then jimmy cliff's 'fantastic plastic people' deserves mention. excrutiating at times, including songs like 'jersualem' with the lyric 'palestinians don't like israelis, israelis don't like the palestinian'...
yes, jimmy, that's a fair appraisal of the situation.

maybe the fallen-god thing is a separate thread. its probably already been done, as well.

PART 1: " AFRICAN PRAYER "

Beyonce - Crazy in Love (46664 version)
Bob Geldof - Speech
Bob Geldof - Redemption Song
Queen, David A Stewart - Say It's Not True
Paul Oakenfold/Shifty Shellshock and TC - Starry Eyed Surprise
Paul Oakenfold/Shifty Shellshock and TC With Amampondo Drummers - Ready Steady Go
Baaba Maal - Baayo
Baaba Maal - Njilou
Youssou n'Dour - Africa Dream Again
Yusuf Islam, Peter Gabriel - Wild World
Peter Gabriel, Youssou n'Dour, Angelique Kidjo - In Your Eyes
Peter Gabriel, Youssou n Dour - Biko
Bono, The Edge, Beyonce, David A Stewart - American Prayer

PART 2: " LONG WALK TO FREEDOM "

Bono, The Edge, David A Stewart, Youssou n' Dour, Abdel Wright - 46664 (Long Walk to Freedom)
Nelson Mandela - Speech
Queen - Invincible Hope/46664-The Call/The Show Must Go On
Angelique Kidjo - Afrika
Yvonne Chaka Chaka - Umquombothi
Bongo Maffin - The Way
Johnny Clegg and guests - Asimbonanga
Johnny Clegg, Jimmy Cliff - People
Jimmy Cliff - Many Rivers To Cross
Jimmy Cliff - I Can See Clearly Now
The Corrs - Breathless
The Corrs, Roger Taylor - Toss The Feathers
Ladysmith Black Mambazo, The Corrs - Leliungelo Elakho
Ladysmith Black Mambazo - Homeless
Andrea Corr, Brian May - Is This The World We Created?

PART 3: " AMANDLA "

Eurythmics - Here Comes The Rain Again
Eurythmics, Youssou n'Dour - 7 Seconds
Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
Abdel Wright - Loose Me Now
Ms Dynamite - Don't Throw Your Life Away
Danny K - Hurts So Bad
Bob Geldof - The Great Song Of Indifference
Bob Geldof - (What So Funny 'bout) Peace, Love and Understanding
Watershed - Indigo Girl
Bono, The Edge - One / Unchained Melody
Anastacia, Bono, The Edge, David A Stewart, Queen - Amandla
Queen, Zucchero, Thandiswa Mazwai - Medley(Bohemian Rhapsody / I Want It All / I Want To Break Free / Radio Ga Ga)
Queen, Anastacia, Amampondo Drummers - We Will Rock You
Queen, Anastacia and Cast - We Are The Champions
Soweto Gospel Choir, Cast - 46664 Chant

Some people have a pop at Xtrmntr, I target Bob Geldof. All bases covered

- Well yes, but exactly these comments are even more apposite when applied to the album Primal Scream (see also S/D: Guaranteed career-killing words in record titles to see how this also proves Siegbran's rule that self-titled albums that are not the debut will not tend to be awfully good.

Unspeakable muck. Like a decade trapped in a phone box with a ranting bore.

77. Happy Mondays: Yes Please - drugged out sloppy second shite.
76. Lil' Kim: La Bella Mafia - the cheapness! The cheapness! How dare she fuck BB's 'Paul Revere' in the ass like that?
75. The Strokes: Room On Fire - they were kinda cool the first time around, I admit, but now we've seen it and this is just plain ol' boring.

mencap - what would you SAY about such an album? peter gabriel, bono and david stewart, bob fucking geldof singing bloody redemption song? (oh why oh why oh why always redemption song??).

is the world music on it any good? that, and jimmy's tracks might be the only saving graces.

80. Breathe - All That Jazz

Nobody should own it, and nobody does. Except me.

70. Fish - Vigil in a Wilderness of Mirrors.

Obviously.

SWEET GOD IN HEAVEN???!!! But, what the, umm........

the bottom

aka the Watford Smiths Show.

No explanation needed.

Like being kidnapped by tone-deaf Moonies.

If you like James Taylor, yeah. If you like David Bowie, not so much.

Good to see the Scouse popsters doing their bit in the fight against AIDS

Save yourself a tenner and stick your head in the nearest concrete mixer instead.

Jimbo's poetry album! I suppose it's almost funny, but just imagine listening to the whole thing (I did, once and once only).

I thought they might be, but they aren't. Actually, Baaba Maal is OK.

Let's do another one:

61. 40 Below Summer - s/t. A Roy Castle-esque last breath of nu-metal. The sound of someone throwing a tin of grey paint over a Pro Tools setup. The person who signed this to Roadrunner should be killed.

I can't be bothered to try and think of non-easy ones.

there were IIRC 2 albums by the post jim doors, neither of which I've heard, kind of like post lou VU, I suppose, but probably even worse.

Unique for making two albums after famous frontman dies?

60. phil collins - anything really, but 'no jacket required' will do.

although whichever one it is where he sings 'you can't hurry love' should be the one. not because its a particularly awful version (its smug, and lacks what the supremes' version possessed, but then it would be, wouldn't it?) but because i love the original, and find myself singing along to a phil collins song.
actually, that isn't a very good reason.

Are those two post-Jim Doors albums instrumental only? If not, who sings?

Doug Yule drops all the remaining members (Moe Tucker, Willie Alexander, walter powell, and 1 other I believe), and makes album of limp guitar pop with Ian Paice of Deep Purple on Drums and Doug on Everything else. 1 track is merely alright, the rest are pants beyond...

Just so you know.

they asked Mike Patton of Faith No More to replace him and he was 'uncooperative'

He told them to bugger off?

If I had read this earlier, I would have spared me the trouble of buying it and selling it the week after.

Speaking as one of the world's biggest Eno fans I am sad to pass on the news that this is 70 minutes of twiddly tiddly-bonk nonsense which thinks it's Morton Feldman but is closer to Marty Feldman.

The two worst artists in the history of popular music get together for a bit of a jam, maan. A slow agonizing death in a vat of superconcentrated hydrofluoric acid is preferable to hearing any ten seconds of this stinker. Even fans of each of these losers know that it's far, far beyond the limits of even their tolerance.

57. That album Neil Young did w/Pearl Jam

N Young Fan: "Look! It's the new neil young album!" me: "yes yes, but it's got fukcing PEARL JAM on it!!"

No-talent control freak scraping fuzz-sludge from the bottom of grunge's barrel. Unendurable.

Four years of dinking around and an entire genre surpases one of its pioneers. What was he thinking?

There is nothing worse in the whole world of music than quite clever people who think they are also wise.

The village idiots get to make a record. They really shouldn't have.

Gedge. What sort of name is that? Gedge. Aye, plain speaking GEDGE tells it like it is, like. Burds are bloody 'ard work right enuff. Allus wearin' t'favourite dress or summat round t'village with her new fancy man. And ah'm left in't parlour all by me sen.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING WANKER GEDGE!

AC/DC?

Doc, might the Random Hold hatred the result of seeing them supporting XTC at The Hexagon in 1979?!?

My turn?

51. http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00008VAJE.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

Don't let Part 1 fool you - there's nothing remotely amusing on this smug and sniggering pile of prehistoric dogshit, not surprisingly the only good thing on it is an instrumental.

No, I wasn't in Reading until late 1980. Were they shit, then?

hey it's not only the rockers that produce inessential, smug drivel! just when you're congratulating yourself at getting to the end of this life-sapping collection of no fun, you realise there are two more CDs of the same you've gotta sit through

Uh, to tell the truth, I didn't think they were too bad - but I could understand what you meant and it certainly didn't make your rant any less amusing!

??'s for each of numbers 54 to 52

Tuneless, charmless, bollix

On my 30th birthday we had a game whereby after a few pints I gave all the guests a pound and they had 5 minutes to go to the market and buy me an instant present. One of them returned with this and it has squatted on my shelves ever since as a reminder of man's folly and baseness.

43. Stone Roses - Second Coming

not even the bacharach-swipe can save it.

41. Various Artists - Ruby Trax

NME-organised album of then-famous indie bands doing covers of #1 singles, the definition of 'good idea on paper' at least until you saw the tracklist. The subject of many a pub conversation among the FT staff - someone always manages to remember something forgotten and horrible. Every track on this is a stinker, even - no, ESPECIALLY - the Vic Reeves version of "Vienna" that Carsmile says he likes. A mind-crushing nadir is reached w/ NME journo Dele Fadele's band doing "Where Do You Go To My Lovely?".

Weeeell, why don't we:
43. The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi battling whatever
Do you realise you're a bunch of hippie wankers?

...words fail me, unfortunately they do not fail Mr. Skinner

(from Watchdog, or That's Life i think...)

Look, I'm not saying that you shouldn't own one or two Stereolab albums...but if you haven't realized by now that *that's all they can do* you really are bonkers. I haven't heard this, but let me guess what it sounds like. "Ba-ba-ba, , ba-ba-ba-BA-baaa, , do-doo-do-doo, la morte de la moog, , c'est la margerine eclipse, ba-ba-ba ....

Rubbish.

This is why I don't live with my ex-flatmates anymore.

What period Hawkwind, Pash? I haven't seen them since 1985.

Like discovering that your cute, funny, goofy 12 year old nephew has become an annoying self-pitying fuckwit of a 13 year old.

Licking your mother's asshole for a million dollars is an ethical dilemma. Recording the sound of you doing it and looping it for 40 minutes is just evil.

i hope you're all saving your best/worst offerings for the top 10 btw

This is true. This is all too true.

Heh. Dirty hippies.

(x=post, instert that into my post, above)

that wanker g.norton has already done the obvious joke here, so let's be serious: nothing wrong with boybands or even boybands singing dadrock, but this lot just give both a bad name. tremble at the prospect of volume 2...

It is more Sebadoh than Sebadoh, more indie than indie, more sloppily made for its own sake than it ever should be, like a self-obsessed snake swallowing itself. How can I get this outta my house? I must not own this, but maybe you can. This album will mark you as a...as a...ah, you know.

I was going to pick the first one, because any Suede record would have done in my book...but I am informed that Dog Man Star is objectively worse.

Who didn't love that cover of Boyz N Tha Hood!?!!

Usually, dreadful romcoms have great soundtracks. Well, they have Curtis Mayfield and Al Green on at least. This has Dido, Norah Jones, and Nickelback Juniors, Maroon 5.

You know how Johnny Halliday is this big joke because he's a French attempt at copying American rock? Adriano Celentano is an Italian attempt at copying Johnny Halliday.

When I saw the title I thought 'wow, awful can-rock band finally gets a sense of humour about it's lame moping', but no. They were actually serious.

Why E just didn't come round personally to my house to kick me in the bollocks and say "No, we don't care about you anymore", I shall never know.

regards,

REB

The second time someone put this on in my presence, I just walked out of the room. It's easier that way.

14. Definitely Radiohead's 'OK Computer'. A friend burned this for me, and to date I've tried to listen to it twice - without making it all the way through the album either time. I hurled it out the window at around track nine the second time.

butt tell me why once again why
#11. Butthole Surfers "Hairway to Steven" is so fucking important? Force feeding for the last five days or so reveals Gibby and Kru lost the plot well before the Rough trade.

*sniffles*

Unspeakable muck. Like a decade trapped in a phone box with a ranting IRISH bore.

Fucking BUY the original damn records or fuck off hippy fuck!

Morrissey - Kill Uncle. "Rarely has anyone betrayed his talent so completely" etc.

1). Patti Smith - Horses.

=1. Darkstar - Darkstar
=1. Patti Smith - Horses
2. Bob Marley - Legend
3. Pavement – Slanted and Enchanted
4. Van Morrison – Astral Weeks
5. The Beatles – Help!
6. Nick Drake – Five Leaves Left
7. Aphex Twin – Druqs
=8. The Verve Pipe – Villains
=8. Iggy Pop – Skull Ring
9. Mick Jagger - Goddess in the Doorway
10. Weezer – Weezer
11. Butthole Surfers - Hairway to Steven
12. Ryan Adams – Rock N Roll
13. Pere Ubu - Pennsylvania
14. Radiohead - OK Computer
15. Cast – All Change
16. This Mortal Coil – Filigree and Shadow
17. Outkast – Speakerboxxx/The Love Below
18. Various – “Grease” OST
19. The Rembrandts – LP
20. Eels – Shootenanny!
21. Our Lady Peace - Happiness... is not a fish you can catch
22. Adriano Celentano- Greatest Hits
23. Various – “Love Actually” OST
24. Dynamite Hack – Superfast
25. Bernard Butler – People Move On
26. Suede – Dog Man Star
27. Eggs- Exploder
28. Westlife - Unbreakable – The Greatest Hits Vol.1
29. String Cheese Incident – Untying the Not
30. MC Paul Barman – Paullelujah
31. The Offspring – Americana
32. Eminem – The Marshall Mathers LP
33. The Beta Band – The 3 EPs
34. Red Hot Chili Peppers – Californication
35. Stereolab – Margerine Eclipse
36. The Streets – Original Pirate Material
37. Gary Moore – Still Got the Blues
38. The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots
39. Various – Ruby Trax
40. Space - Spiders
41. The Stone Roses - Second Coming
42. The Shirehorses - Our Kid Eh?
43. Wire - Manscape
44. Jim Sauter / Don Dietrich / Thurston Moore –Barefoot in the Head
45. Sonic Youth - Goodbye 20th Century
46. New Order – Get Ready
47. Various – Clicks and Cuts 2
48. Frank Zappa – Joe's Garage (Part 2 & 3)
49. Electric Six – Electric Six
50. The Wedding Present – George Best
51. Supergrass – I Should Coco
52. Grandaddy – The Sophtware Slump
53. Thomas Dolby – Aliens Ate My Buick
54. Smashing Pumpkins – Siamese Dream
55. Neil Young & Pearl Jam – Mirrorball
56. Bob Dylan & The Grateful Dead – Dylan and The Dead
57. Brian Eno - Neroli
58. Velvet Underground - Squeeze
59. Phil Collins - No Jacket Required
60. Galaxy Sound Orchestra - Synthesizer Hits, Vol. 2
61. 40 Below Summer - 40 Below Summer
62. Jim Morrison - An American Prayer
63. Throbbing Gristle - 2nd Annual Report
64. The Clash - Cut the Crap
65. The Polyphonic Spree – The Beginning Stages Of...
66. Babylon Zoo - The Boy With The X-Ray Eyes
67. Gene - Olympian
68. David Bowie - Hours
69, The Cure - The Top
70. Terry Callier – Timepeace
71. Fish - Vigil in a Wilderness of Mirrors
72. INXS - Elegantly Wasted
73. Breathe - All That Jazz
74. Tears for Fears - Sowing the Seeds of Love
75. George Clinton - Hey Man Smell My Finger
76. Oasis – Be Here Now
77. U2 - Pop
=78. The Strokes - Room On Fire .
=78. Lil' Kim - La Bella Mafia
=78. Happy Mondays - Yes Please
79. Manic Street Preachers - The Holy Bible.
80. Various - 46664 (Nelson Mandela Benefit for AIDS Crisis concert)
81. Jimmy Cliff - Fantastic Plastic People
82. Sly Stone – Ain't But the One Way
83. Primal Scream - Give Out But Don't Give Up (or take your pick!)
84. Moby - 18
85. Tim Burgess – I Believe
86. Drew - Nuff Said
87. Dr Bombay - Rice And Curry
88. Adeva - Adeva
89. Spin Doctors - Turn It Upside Town
90. Lil Jon & The East Side Boys - Kings of Crunk
91. Random Hold - The View From Here
92. Belle and Sebastian - The Boy With The Arab Strap
93. Jet - Get Born
94. Hood - Cold House
95. The Beatles – Number 1s
96. The Beautiful South – Carry On Up The Charts
97. Dido - No Angel
98. Extra Hot Sauce - Taco of Death
99. shelleydevoto - Buzzkunst
100. Piano Magic - Writers Without Homes

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/dre200/e203/e20332qhctt.jpg

who'd admit to knowing it?

So, I know it alright, oh yes, I know the unspeakable horror...

Personally I think the title says it all.

Now I'm aware that this may sound a little heavy handed, but when it saves me from having to endure the likes of http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00008G9JD.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg then I think the ends justify the means.

Yeah, I wish there had been more obscure choices and less "hey, didya know that (insert highly revered piece of the canon here) actually sucks?", cuz frankly we've had enough threads based around *that* already.