awkwardness/embarrassment talking about music in person

I was a little shit when I was younger.

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I referred to morrissey as 'pop music' once in college and was nearly laughed out of the room...

Or I say 'oh, everything except indie rock' and then start enthusastically discussing the relative merits of jimmy eat world albums.

It suck aspecially because, like you, Kilian, I'm realy interested in hearing about other peoples' tastes - though once we've got onto the topic of their taste and more into the conversation it's much less awkward, you can agree and disagree and give a much more solid impression of what you think & what you like than in some half-minute precis of My Life In Music.

Unless they're all '...right. so, do you like the red hot chilli peppers? I love them!' which is the point at which to say 'mmm, they're not bad' and exit the conversation swiftly.

Those are always the best type of party convos ever.

xpost

my dad thought the stereo was broke?!?

I rarely if ever talk about music. It just seems awkward. Sometimes with my husband but not in depth.

I just got back from seeing NERD and she says "have you done anything cool recently" and i say "oh yeah, i saw N-E-R-D" and she looks like a hiphop fan, or at least a pop fan. She goes "who???" and i'm like "you know...NERD? Pharrell? They produce tons of stuff in the chart" and she just hadn't heard of Pharrell or NERD or anything.

i never heard from her ever again.

by the end of the conversation, she said she thought she had figured out what i didnt like, and told me "at least youre consistent". i had to try to articulate what it was that i hated about all of the people she named (jurassic 5, sublime, g love&special sauce, dave matthews), and to do it without simply exclaiming how awful and boring i thought they were, and how their songs all make me feel depressed and mediocre. i settled on "i think their music seems lazy" (but in a bad way, i meant...), which still sounds snotty, but she was pressing for some objective characterization of the bands i didnt like.

in general, conversations like these make me feel a little awkward, but i dont think i want to get all sullen everytime someone asks me about my FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD, so i think earnest is the key. i dont think anyone will think of you as snotty if youre clearly earnest about what you love.

On a related note, it occasionally makes me uncomfortable to play music for other people for the same reasons. Once I made a mix of indie rock that I absolutely loved, and after like 3 tracks a friend was all "ok that's enough" and threw in one of his many Zappa CDs that I've heard way too many times. Bleh!

In response to the "what kind of music do you like?", I usually just fling off a few recently-purchased names. It's easiest.

On the other hand, with the rare friend who is really into similar music, I get so excited talking that it's almost embarassing, like we're a couple of giddy schoolgirls or something.

Still, I tend not to bring up music with people I've just met unless I have fairly good reason to believe that we have similar tastes or come from very similar musical backgrounds. Most of the time I just embarrassing them or myself (usually myself).

I have a tendency to get too clinical. Instead of just saying "Yeah, they're cool" I rattle off my specific opinion about each single by a band. Or if someone asks for favorite bands I tend to clarify which years of a band's output qualify. It's defensive and unnecessary.

Even though it only makes up probably about 20% of what I listen to these days, I still usually say "indie rock". It's an easy answer that at least reflects my musical bakckground and also implies a serious interest in music. People can be casual fans of rap or dance or alternative, but it's a lot harder to be a casual indie rock fan since you have to actively seek out the music.

We talked about music for like two hours, her tastes spanning bollywood, Coletrane and The Avalanches. This is probably one of very few times in real life that a person has known pretty much everything I was bringing up. I don't think I've really sat down and hammered out musical preferences with someone like that since then. I said something about the Pharcyde and she fucking starts rapping Slim Kid Tre's first verse from "Otha Fish". You can imagine my erection at the time. Ever since then, we have been acquintences, constantly missing opportunities to hang out. I love her.

When people ask me what I'm listening to, it's like my brain has exploded at the concept. As many of you can understand, I listen to a lot of music, so it ends up being pretty hard to weed out the more obscure stuff. Even still, I manage to still push forward stalled conversations in this arena by relating artists they would know to the one that i have mentioned. All they need is a frame of reference to be active in the convo, really.

The worst is talking to people who know more than you. I used to live by this record store and I would help the guy who ran it out sometimes. one instance this girl was just looking for new electronic or something and i was gonna recommend prefuse or something like that and dude said 'come on, she was talking to me about collecting Bpitch Control 12-inches!' I was like 'my bad'.

sometimes I realize at parties that its stopped being a conversation and I'm just going off on some rant (usually I'm describing my take on some artist's work in elaborate, colorful detail) and the second it stops its just going to be a room full of people looking at me. Then I get all stumbly and awkward. If there's another guy who can't wait to ramble himself then it's fine, but if everybody's being polite and not waiting to speak then it can be death.

Not bad. I recently used "Everything except country, classical and show tunes". I might sub out country for jam band next time. But like Hurting said, a lot of jam band people are at least passionate about music and are relatable that way--some of the best musical conversations I ever had were with a jam band obsessive friend of mine.

YES. At least when it comes to pop music, yes yes a thousand times YES. The exceptions of course being my close friends who either agree with me that songs like "Creep" and "Bug-A-Boo" are great or have at least accepted that I have an unusual view of music. Its so much easier to find a girl to talk about that stuff with because they tend to like music because its catchy, or dancey, or any of those other reasons that I tend to like pop music.

When it comes to hip-hop, I hear a lot of bashing of strawman indie fuxxx here but for the most part, a lot of the guys who I connect with about hip-hop tend to be incredibly open-minded. If anything the only biases are not towards "indie" or "Mainstream" or "nerd rap" or "dumb shit" or "club shit" or whatever but towards "girl shit" which I understand - I mean, you know, we're all victims of social context etc. And besides, I can talk to girls about "girl shit".

DANGER, ROB GORDON! DANGER!

But don't act like you don't know what I mean. Not in the way of like "showing them the light that is good music" in that sense, but just the opportunity to share all the music you love with someone that has relatively few musical prejudices and is open to pretty much everything. It's like you get to discover your favorite bands all over again through them.

ihttp://www.beefheart.com/zigzag/pictures/MortonDeath1.jpg

But only until they realise that it's not actually Britney's work that you admire 'though, surely?

I would not bone any of their faces 'though.

You haven't seen me in person. Ask any of the many London-based ILxors who have and they will confirm this straightaway.

Five second pause, as he fixed me with an intent, solemn gaze.

"Have you heard of someone called Tanita Tikaram?"

I felt crushed.

Then he got all aggressive when I admitted to not liking Marillion.

("WHY not? What's WRONG with them? They're FANTASTIC musicians and the lyrics really MEAN something, not like all that CRAP in the charts...")

Tongue-tied and almost panic-stricken, I couldn't think of one single valid criticism.

but often you can find partial joins. its fucking frustrating though.

Trouble is that most people who respond enthusiastically to me saying "I'm into music" are the over-earnest types who turn out to be into Keane and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, or sometimes the Libertines. And the people (irl) who are into chart pop, r&b etc tend to make their music-love a relatively small part of their lives, and aren't very obsessive for the most part.

Talking about music is fine, depends how well you know the other person or what connection they are to you. I'm always spectacularly rude to my best friend's boyfriends about music, because they're all terrible indie boys who say things like "why would I want to listen to Missy Elliott, all she does is talk about herself?" I think I turned to her at that point and said "dump him now, he's awful!"

But you don't have to give a factually accurate, 100% all-encompassing answer! What does it matter? Just name a few bands or the last album you bought and move on. If you think they won't have heard of it, just describe it somehow.

It's like trying to respond to the enquiry 'how are you?' with yr whole life story and all the things that have ever happened to you that might lead to you being how you actually are today.

You see the difficulty.

Or else they go all Mike Dickin/me and respond that their health is not in question.

"Nirvana are the best band ever"

"Hendrix is the best guitarist ever"

"Damian Rice has to be the best songwriter of our generation"

This is a music university, and im yet to meet anyone who is ,how do I put this...aware. This is quite depressing.

Dr C's a nice, warm and friendly chap.

Unlike yourself.

Whoa! WTF! What have I said 'weasel' that's upset you so?

Yes, let's go back to talking nicely about nice things like boning Britney in the face.

the best conversations I've ever had about music have been when two people are arguing about one record which by all accounts the other "should" or would be expected to like, like a big record of the year, "Rocker" by Alter Ego or "Take Me With You" by Cosmos are the two that spring to mind.

so yeah basically you need to know the other persons perspectives fairly well before you can have a good chat about music.

What it is, I think, is being afraid of seen as TOO interested in music by people who aren't very interested in music or being a lightweight by fellow music nuts. I don't care about either v.much.

there's a lot contained in here, Dr. C!!

Thing is, generally, it doesn't matter what band or genre it is: people who love music are massively cute if you can get them on the topic of their favourite bands/songs/whatever. That's more important, almost, than who the band are, what they sound like.

I'll post on threads as I see fit, regardless of who sets them up. You been made a moderator or something? If not, put up or shut up. Preferably the latter.
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), October 13th, 2004.

wtf are you talking about? i was pointing out the stupidity of your claim "It was a good thread until you came on it." seeing as my post was the FIRST on the thread, and uh, i set the thread up, i don't see how it could have been a good thread BEFORE i came on it as it DIDN'T EXIST. jesus.

and dr.c the reason you were "still waiting" was because i logged off to do something else before i'd seen your response to my post. this is the first time i've seen it, which is why i'm only responding now. i was reacting to what i saw as the dismissive tone of your "I really don't understand what the question is all about. Just say what you like & what you don't like" post - it's annoying after a thread gets 60/70 interesting posts detailing similar experiences being told there is something irrational or pointless about the question posed in the first place. on re-reading there was probably no malice in yr post so apologies for the unnecessary aggression.

Kilian - no problem.

I also feel that 'Tech-house' just can't really be what I mean surely? Sounds far too glossy & coked up a description. I have a perhaps not totally rational fear of liking 'house' (except for acid-house that is) when it accounts for 99% of the horrid chav-music that pleases commercial radio listeners on an english weekend and bores me senseless on a bad evening out. Cut the cheeeeeeeeeeeese!!!!

I live & breathe electronic music these days but still feel like a total n00b/outsider to the 'scene' in most ways. Mostly cos I guess I don't get to go to good clubs often enough, and also because I buy the 90% of my music off the internet!

IDM tends to just get called 'electronica, you know, like Warp stuff?' that usually passes muster. I don't care if it was the US press co-opting the scene & trying to re-brand it. I much prefer it as a generic term for stuff without a 'steady' beat.

FACT. Tell 90% of casual music listeners you like 'Techno' & what they think you mean is Hard Trance, Hard Dance or Scooter! Oh and it's instantly assumed what your choice of weekend stimulant must be too.

yeah, agreed, that's a good tactic. and next I take my shirt off and fix them with a cold stare while shaking my hair back from my face. then when they venture "er, are you into R.E.M.?" I roar "OH YEAH IT'S ON BIOTCH" and bodyslam them

it's in the supermarkets, advertised on the television, given virtually all the slots on youth-orientated commercial radio, played in the chain-owned clubs, it's utterly generic, formulaic, predictable, lacking imagination and frequently unmistakeably naff. it's the unadventurous and all-pervading sound of the suburbs and it's very often in the charts. Oh and it's the same thing all your mates listen to.

Yes! Hearing it through their ears. My best friend is VERY picky (about everything, but esp music). I'll start playing a cd for him that I've been diggin on lately and proceed to scrutinize it, with every bit that annoyed me previously being magnified and practically making me cringe. At best, it takes a few weeks or so for me to enjoy it as much as I had before playing it for him.

Sometimes, they'll come back with "Ha ha, yes, so have you read a book by someone called Nick Hornby?", and I'll obligingly mug and blush and "Oh, I so relate" etc etc.

Other times, they'll say "So what have you bought recently", and I'll pick something well known and consensus-building, so we can smile and nod at each other.

If they start enthusing about something ghastly, I'll smile and slowly shake my head, and say something like "I just can't get anywhere with them", like it's my fault for being too rarified in my tastes.

So, self-deprecation and consensus-building, basically. I know, WIMP.

"Have you read High Fidelity?! It's totally about you!" No it's fucking not, I hate lists, I'm not [that] anal and I have sustained a successful relationship for a period of longer than two months. DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT MY CHARACTER BASED ON THE FACT THAT I WOULD RATHER LISTEN TO MUSIC THAN WATCH TELEVISION YOU FUCKING FUCK MORON FUCK FUCKER.

but from now on i'ma say i like reading about boning musicians in the face instead.

"you're from Chicago and you have lots of records, you're like that one guy Cusack played in that movie!"

Mostly when people ask me about music I just mumble "U2, White Stripes, Wilco, Radiohead". I don't get into too many conversations about it.

However this music critic I know IRL, someone regarded by mutual acquaintances as a music expert, is one of the few people I'll get into long conversations with about music because every time we talk music we argue, and whenever we argue I win. Mostly because his arguments are based on notions of "credibility" and whatever Spin is big-upping this month. Last time we talked I think he got pissed because I told him to turn off "boring-ass KCRW and Morning Becomes Eclectic" because the best stuff was either too popular/too noise/too underground/too alarming to yuppies to get played on that station. He left mumbling about how rap sucks now and that Franz Ferdinand was "the best band of the 21st century".

Not recommended.

with laura it was our mutual love of joy division, cocteau twins, durutti column and the chameleons that really brought us together (as well as mutual love of all things mod and northern soul-related). as far as beefheart was concerned, that was the sort of stuff i had to save for my "jerry out of the good life's afternoon off" moments in order to listen to!

Get your coat you old smoothie - you've pulled.

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My idea of a good day is one during which nobody asks me how I'm doing.

In the end I found out a girl my age who was into modern day techno-pop/electroclash (she knew Chicks On Speed). In the beginning our music conversations were kind of satisfying, if only because of the relief of having someone who at least shared some references. In the end its become a pain in the ass; just because I know those bands, she assumes I HAVE TO LIKE THEM ALL. And of course she just can't take that I'd rather listen to a certain x (mainstream act) than to a certain y (hip techno-pop act). But above that, she's just boring to talk to.

And because of my conversations with her to the rest of the pack I'm The Snob, wich makes talking about culture in general more awkward/embarrassing than it was before.

I usually just say I like dance music. Any kind. If they can't deal with that, they have a screw loose. I mean if they think that's unintellectual I cut them loose. Most people in the world don't have the luxury of living past 80 years, and that is their music of choice.

I think it's a weird question, I prefer to let people volunteer that information rather than ask them. Like, I don't have a "favorite band". When people ask that question I wonder if they really like music at all.

kind of a dick way of looking at things

"people"

i don't think asking about a favorite band is a dumb question

it is when you're young and self-important.

and why in the world would it be a weird question to ask about musical tastes

if ur so weirded out answering that question it might be ur issues and not theirs

I usually just ask people what their favorite drum machine is

when asked, i usually give a small list of whatever it is i've been listening to lately instead of an Best Favorite Music Of All Time Ever list

"What are your top three favorite analog synthesizers?"

yea me too donna

"who's your favorite former member of the fall?"

During college I remember a semi-random dude (that I sat with at the dining hall) getting uncomfortable when I asked him about his music taste. I ended up badgering him about it until he told me any one thing about his music taste (I gave him broader and broader questions). Anyways I finally got him to say that he liked the song 'Kashmir' by Led Zeppelin. But first I stereotyped him and asked him if he liked Depeche Mode. Anyways, yeah, I IRL trolled him and I have no excuse 'cept I was in a devilish mood and he was asking for it because he was nonresponsive sissy

I don't know, when I was in high school people used to ask what your favorite band was and I used to lie because I didn't like any of them.

I liked sixties music and oldies and r & b still do and asking teenagers "what their favorite band is" seems like such a perv question.

kinda odd view of what's pervy.

recently talking about music to someone i just met, it took us a good five minutes to realise that our tastes were v much overlapping because we spent so much time cagily avoiding firm specific answers.

"Hey sexy mama, how about I take you back to my place and press you real hard about your favorite band"

"Teacher! Teacher! Billy acquisitioned me about my special musical place"

yeah i love talking about music and will take up a convo with anyone about anything but it can be hard to break the ice. if someone who probably isn't as heavy into music as me asks what kind of music i like, i'm almost like well let's talk about what you're into and i'll find some subset of what i'm into that corresponds to that and focus on our common ground.