Who is the best and worst Pitchfork writer?

I can't stand Brent DiCrescenzo and Chris Ott, but they aren't writing for Pitchfork anymore, are they?

(ba dum)

I don't really have least favorites: I usually don't really pay attention to the names in those cases. Although I guess I was never that keen on William Bowers. I do think he's a talented writer, something about him just bugged me.

haha you make it sound like something i would lie/brag about.

jabberwocky: being dismissive or dismayed about something =/ "blood boilin'"

Jabberwocky, re your very first post: I actually recommended to Scott P. that Amy Phillips should write for them. I have no idea if I was responsible for the hire or not, though.

"Inevitably, at some point in late summer, the landscape becomes vaguely obscene: August air gets thick and throbbing, heavy with a richness that's almost menacing. The sun hovers, uncomfortably plump. Lawn crickets yawn and twitter in double speed, their collective whispers slowly spinning into a single, disembodied howl. Everything else turns way too green."

yep, that's a record review

please

But Chris's stuff transcends their work because it transcends "music journalism." His column routinely brings a degree of perspective—of broad socioeconomic and cultural analysis—that no one else there can even come close to touching. If you don't believe me, just read his most recent column on the Pop Culture of 9/11. Not exactly typical "Pitchfork fare."

Yes, Chris is my friend. But he's also the site's most underrated writer by a mile — possibly b/c most people don't go to P-Fork for the kind of thing he has to offer. I do.

[ultramegahyper xpost]

http://pitchforkmedia.com/adfiles/neighborhoodiesaprilsquare2.gif

oh and props to all the ilx posters and freelance critics who make Pitchfork enjoyable these days.

(x-post)

I AM TEH PAST, I AM TEH FUTURE, I AM TEH ALL
http://www.nndb.com/people/718/000024646/jann.jpg

He's looking more, um, something than I thought.

Alas, I can not pass up another opportunity to express my extreme distaste for the writing of Chris Ott.

http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Studio/7675/dj.gif

I don't like several of my Pitchfork reviews, and I think others are fine. Sometimes my lack of experience at the time led me to some, I realize now, thuddingly naive points of view. I did get some hate mail for the Weezer review, but also some like mail. (The hate mail was more correct, the like mail made me feel better... so confusing... !!) To this day I don't listen to any Weezer albums at all for any reason.

I don't think I'm the worst Pitchfork writer, but I'm far from the best. Mark Richardson probably deserves that tag, in my humble estimation.

Thought I'd pipe up just in case one of you appreciated it for whatever reason (humor? pathos?). Also: What's up, Al Shipley!? Hit me an e-mail. (if'n you want)

Erm, ... well, if anyone who posted here is still alive, let alone reading this, I wish you well.

Giving Indie Acts A Plug, or Pulling It
Pitchfork Web Site Rises as Rock Arbiter

By J. Freedom du Lac
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, April 30, 2006; N01

AUSTIN Indie-rock kingmaker Ryan Schreiber has just stepped out of a nightclub onto the locus of live music known as Sixth Street, and despite looking just like a kajillion other scruffy indie types wandering up and down the block, he's been spotted by some kid from some band, a nascent synth-pop outfit called the Gaskets.

Schreiber's never heard of them -- which means you probably haven't either, given that his enormously influential Web site, Pitchforkmedia.com, serves as an early-warning system for the indie-rock world.

"I'm a big fan of your writing," the kid says, laying it on thick. Never mind that Schreiber rarely writes anymore, as his days (and most nights) are consumed with the business of operating the site. He smiles, then asks if he can listen to the Gaskets' music. He's handed a CD, which he stuffs into his shoulder bag. "You're in luck," he says. "I have a rental car and I didn't bring any CDs. I'll listen to it tomorrow."

The kid's face lights up -- and why not? The Gaskets have come to the South by Southwest Music and Media Conference in search of their big break, and the Richmond-based band has managed to get its album into the hands of one of the 25 most powerful people in the music industry, if we're to believe People magazine. (And we do.)

Schreiber, 30, is the publisher and editor of Pitchfork, the hilariously snarky, oft-elitist, sometimes impenetrable but entertaining and occasionally even enlightening Internet music magazine, which may or may not be the new (albeit much more alternative-leaning) Rolling Stone. The Chicago-based online publication, which Schreiber launched in 1996 out of his parents' house near Minneapolis, has become the most powerful voice among the music media's exploding new breed of digital tastemakers. Viewed daily by roughly 160,000 music zealots, record store buyers, college radio programmers, label executives, magazine editors and their ilk, the free site is capable of propelling an independent artist's career with a single rave, as Pitchfork-approved acts including Arcade Fire, Modest Mouse and Broken Social Scene can attest.

An endorsement from Pitchfork -- which dispenses its approval one-tenth of a point at a time, up to a maximum of 10 points -- is very valuable, indeed.

"Who knows, it could be great," Schreiber says of the Gaskets' CD. "I mean, it could be the new Arcade Fire!"

(If it is, Pitchfork isn't yet saying: In the roughly two months since South by Southwest, the site -- which posts five album reviews every weekday, along with gossipy news bulletins and lengthy interviews -- hasn't weighed in on the Gaskets.)

Schreiber is talking as he rushes down Sixth Street, headed to another venue in search of the Next Big Thing. It's his duty as a guide to the underground musical wilderness where artists like Tapes 'n Tapes, Spank Rock and Man Man roam.

* * *

Pitchfork has achieved a sort of mythical status, like an indie-rock yogi: Readers climb the digital mountaintop to see what wisdom (and written weirdness) its team of freelance writers might dispense about this off-the-radar band or that one, and then they act accordingly -- as happened two years ago, when Pitchfork published its now-famous 9.7-point review of "Funeral," by the relatively unknown Canadian band Arcade Fire.

"Funeral" became the fastest-selling title in the history of Merge Records.

"That amazing review," as Merge publicity director Martin Hall calls it, "was really the band's first validation, saying: 'Everyone needs to pay attention to this.' Before that, Arcade Fire had been below the radar. But the floodgates opened. And I was just holding on for dear life."

Stephen Sowley, new product manager for Reckless Records, an independent music retailer in Chicago, says Pitchfork's uncanny ability to shape opinion has forced him to pay attention to the site in the same way a stockbroker might monitor CNBC.

"I look at it all the time, because I need to know what people are going to come in and ask for," Sowley says. "If they give a glowing review to a record, with a high number rating, it goes crazy."

However, Sowley is hardly an unabashed fan of the webzine, which has many critics -- especially in the blogosphere, where one site, Tuning Fork, is devoted to picking on Pitchfork. Among the sources of complaints: Pitchfork's mean-spirited rants, which have been accompanied by more than a few zero-point ratings; the site's cooler-than-thou indie-elitist tone; blowhard reviewers who don't really review the music; and pretentious writing that can be, as Rob Harvilla brilliantly put it in the East Bay Express, "a dense, hugely overwritten, utterly incomprehensible brick of critical fruitcake."

(An example, from a review of a Metallica recording: "A banana spider bit into Ktulu the Mule's heel. The animal reared. The cart spilled its contents, the CDs and myself, into the dust. A safety cut the electrical field protecting 'St. Anger.' As the cart master attempted to rein the bucking animal, I slipped a disc into my overalls.")

Sowley says Pitchfork's writing is "smarmy and not always about the music and it's not polite. I think they kind of embrace every sort of stereotypical, cynical faction of indie hipsterism."

Then again, he adds: "No matter what I think of the writing, Pitchfork does need to be commended. They're serving as a means for people to find out about new music. They're shining light on bands that are taking risks and doing it for themselves, without a ridiculous advertising campaign to back them up."

Pitchfork's pointed digs are no accident. The name, Schreiber says, came from the gangster epic "Scarface," in which Tony Montana's pitchfork tattoo is said to be code for an assassin.

"When I started out, it was about really laying into people who really deserved it," Schreiber says. His earliest targets included the Stone Temple Pilots' "Tiny Music: Songs From the Vatican Gift Shop," which received an 0.8-point rating (the equivalent of an F-plus). Wrote Schreiber: "There's nothing for sale at the 'Vatican Gift Shop' but lousy, repetitive riffs, wimpy lyrics, and a drug-addled [SOB] that should have OD'ed a long time ago."

Ouch.

"Honesty is such an important journalistic attribute," says Schreiber, who had no journalism training when as a 20-year-old former record store clerk he launched the site as a solo operation. "And you have to be completely honest in a review. If it gets sacrificed or tempered at all for the sake of not offending somebody, then what we do sort of loses its value. . . . That's so the opposite of what criticism is supposed to be.

"So I think we maybe have this sort of snobbish reputation. But we're just really honest, opinionated music fans. We might be completely over the top in our praise, or we might be cruel. But to anybody who reads the site, it's clear that we're not pulling any punches."

Says Merge publicist Hall: "I think 90 percent of the music industry logs on to Pitchfork first thing in the morning to see what they've written about your bands -- and to see if you need to massage any of your artists' egos for the rest of the day." He laughs. "They definitely take a lot of shots, but it's usually amusing."

Though not always. Travis Morrison, for instance, is still reeling from a blow delivered by Pitchfork 19 months ago.

Morrison was the frontman for the Dismemberment Plan, a D.C. art-rock band that was adored by Pitchfork's staff -- so much so that they named the group's "Emergency & I" album of the year in 1999. Five years later, though, Morrison released a solo project, "Travistan," that Pitchfork deemed a complete disaster.

The album was branded with a dreaded 0.0 rating (Liz Phair and Sonic Youth are among the other artists who've suffered that indignity), and Morrison's bandwagon quickly emptied: College radio programmers cooled to his new project, a record store in Texas initially refused to stock the CD, and fans suddenly decided they probably shouldn't like Morrison anymore, either.

"I just got the sense [Pitchfork] thought I was a rock star and they wanted to take me down a peg, but I don't think it occurred to them that the review could have a catastrophic effect," says Morrison, who is working on a new album, with a new band. (He's also working a day job as a programmer for Washington Post-Newsweek Interactive.) "Up until the day of the review, I'd play a solo show, and people would be like, 'That's our boy, our eccentric boy.' Literally, the view changed overnight. . . . I could tell people were trying to figure out if they were supposed to be there or not. It was pretty severe, how the mood changed.

"The review isn't the story. The reaction to it is. The seriousness with which everyone takes Pitchfork is kind of mind-boggling."

Privately, some Pitchfork staffers disagree with the rating. Publicly, however, the site stands by its review.

"It's difficult," Schreiber says. "On a personal level, I feel bad. But on a journalistic level, I don't. It's important for us to be as completely honest as we possibly can."

* * *

In person, Schreiber is pleasant and charming and polite, and, dare we say, sweet?

"I think people assume I'm this huge, elitist jerk," he says, though in more forceful and colorful terms.

"I can see people having that kind of reaction, I guess. But there's a separation between your job and how you are as a person."

Apparently to prove that he's not a huge, elitist jerk, Schreiber admits that he's a fan of Hall and Oates. Yeah, those guys. Revel in his affinity for "Kiss on My List," "Maneater" and "Sara Smile," people. And know, too, that he's an unabashed Justin Timberlake fan.

"People wouldn't think that was a 'cool' thing to like," he says of Hall and Oates. "But for me, it's not about what's cool, even if Pitchfork tends to come off that way."

His wife, Elizabeth, tells you that even when Schreiber was working as a record store clerk, he had no problem selling customers albums by, say, Enigma, if that's what they really wanted.

"He doesn't hate you if you love Celine Dion," Elizabeth says. "I mean, he might not hire you. But he won't judge."

Schreiber speaks with a slight lisp, and he says "dude" and "sweet" and "niiiiice" probably more than most publishers. He drives a used Honda and rents a modest apartment.

"Money sort of isn't important," says Schreiber, who declines to provide specifics about Pitchfork's advertising revenue.

"It's to the point where we can sustain six full-time people and two part-time reporters and pay the entire freelance staff for reviews. But we're always sort of cutting it close."

He insists he has no plans to sell even the smallest stake in the site, though there's certainly been interest among investors and "other people with proposals."

"It's really important for me to retain complete ownership," he says. "I don't want to compromise my ideals for a lump sum. It's not about money; it's about journalistic integrity."

But enough about business. Schreiber is in Austin for music, at an annual festival that celebrates discovery, and he's trying to determine what band to see next. He's put together a tipsheet for himself, but the thing appears to be about 125 names long. He's like a kid in a candy store. A very, very crowded candy store.

He's trying to push his way past a crowd outside a club called Eternal. It's a mob scene, really, and Schreiber is slightly agitated. Places to go, bands to see, food to eat.

He wonders what the fuss is about, why the crowd has gathered on the street, and then it hits you: These people are all here to see Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, one of the more recent Pitchfork success stories, a new band whose self-titled, self-released CD Schreiber's site praised with an effusive 9.0-point review last June. The entire pressing sold out, as did the band's live shows, and Clap Your Hands Say Yeah became one of the industry's hottest unsigned acts, an uppercase Buzz Band.

Schreiber shakes his head and shouts a sarcastic apology to the assemblage: "Sorry, people!" He's soured some on the group, apparently because singer Alec Ounsworth hasn't given the Internet enough credit for its role in having broken the band. (MP3 blogs and other music sites also had a hand in spreading the gospel.) Plus, Clap Your Hands just isn't that great live, Schreiber says.

"I'm really anticipating their next album," he says. "At their heart, they write really good songs. But I think they got too much too soon."

To which you point out that Schreiber is largely to blame.

He shrugs, then orders a slice of pizza.

every image i have of ryan schreiber will now have this as a coda.

that's our boy.

...right?

"People wouldn't think that was a 'cool' thing to like," he says of Hall and Oates. "But for me, it's not about what's cool, even if Pitchfork tends to come off that way."

Seriously, HOW DO I SHOT WRITER.

so why doesn't he mention that he asked the writer to change the grade to a 0.0?

right.

http://img138.imageshack.us/img138/9154/top2ll.jpg
http://img206.imageshack.us/img206/7420/graph3yx.jpg

Read this:
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/o/orourke_jim/eureka.shtml

And then this:
http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/o/orourke_jim/halfway-to-a-threeway.shtml

Perhaps Ryan thinks being "honest" = "a spineless prick".

That said, Halfway to a Threeway succeeds where Eureka failed. (Maybe Jim actually took my advice.)

not enough use of 'histrionic'

guess that's why it's used in every other sentence of the review

O
T
M

The fact that PFM is incredibly popular and influential doesn't help them either and only brings out resentments we might otherwise overlook if they weren't so.

The rest wouldn't make the cut in a high school lit mag.

You really should. Who would stop you?

www.hipinion.com
www.archive.org/

Two people writing about the same subject OH NOES!

do it! strongo says it makes you feel like you just inhaled half a gram all at once!

The break that comes just past the one-minute mark of Sonic Youth's classic album, Daydream Nation, is still one my favorite "open secrets," and "Teenage Riot" is still one of my favorite rock songs. But the lyrics "Miss me/ Don't dismiss me" ring with less urgency of late, and today, I'm not here to write about rock songs at all. How did I know it was you reading this? Well, you and I are the only two people who still care what Kim Gordon is up to.

"I want that shit to be dope in your hearts first." He's like, "I don't want to look like a nut saying this is a group with artistic integrity and the next thing you know [the website] Pitchfork is giving you guys a 2.8. That's going to make me look bad."'"

That article's quotes about CYHSY were distilled from probably 10 minutes of discussion, and I think it got oversimplified, because we weren't talking about Pitchfork at that point. We were talking about how the internet in general-- referring to blogs, message boards, MP3s the band posted themselves, the band's ability to sell records over their website, etc-- impacted the band's early success. That was when I took issue with Ounsworth's weirdly puritanical "I don't read the internet" stance, and his general reluctance to admit that any of that did much for his band early on. It wasn't remotely about expecting them to ingratiate themselves to me or the site.

(Also, fwiw, I also haven't soured on them at all-- even the "too much too soon" bit comes from a discussion about how I think their next record has a good shot at being better than the first.)

Oh, and Alec has recorded a solo record. That wasn't a joke re: what's next.

so why doesn't he mention that he asked the writer to change the grade to a 0.0?

Ryan never asked me to change my Travistan review to a 0.0. At one point I think I told him I was wavering between a 0.0 and a 1.0, and he didn't even throw in an opinion.

Freedom's take on Travistan in this Washington Post article got on my nerves - I don't know how he can take seriously Morrison's claim that we thought he "needed to be taken down a peg" or that he had turned into some kind of a "rock star." I don't know how anyone could think the D-Plan or Morrison as a solo artist had reached some kind of major fame, never mind whether "taking down rock stars" is a big priority in the first place. The "Privately, some Pitchfork staffers disagree with the rating" crack makes it sound like the Pitchforkers who disagreed with the 0.0 are hiding Colin Powell-like behind some professional veil, when I could probably find a few of them right on this board saying they think the rating was too harsh.

But the main thing is, Freedom, man, did you even listen Travistan? If you had, you would've taken T-Mo's quotes with a grain of salt. (Morrison's later assertion that the album was about 9/11 - the whole "I lost my two front teeth" thing - made me wish we had a lower grade to give it.)

It's funny though, Freedom's a voicey writer for sure, but I've read this exact same article ("They broke Arcade Fire! And they hated Travistan!") at least five times. I wish someone would write an original article, say, about how Pitchfork is doing better now that New Times is bleeding music editors and Spin is in the toilet, yet it looks ancient compared to the rest of the Internet outlets - boards, blogs, mp3 blogs, playlist sharing sites, and kids just going "ysi? ysi? ysi?" to each other.

best: sherburne (column the closest thing to leland on there or elsewhere which is still a far cry obv but still)(which reminds me: could folx doing 'this month in banjos' columns maybe take a page from leland and list five or so 'pick hits' at the end cutting to the chase for dl queuers and perhaps prompting columns to avoid 'here is some songs in this genre this month that are gud' pitfall?)
worst: phillips (that i notice)

DEAR RYAN: MORE THIS MONTH IN BANJOS COLUMNS PLZ: PERHAPS FOR NOISE, SCARFROCK, COUNTRY, POP, HIP-HOP, METAL, JAZZ, AFROPOP, BPM, REGGAETON, EUROPOP, J-POP, THE 'DANCE MUSIC NOBODY WRITES ABOUT', ETC???

this month in otm

http://www.hiphopstore.ch/images/newlogo/nasican.jpg

http://www.laughmachine.com/images/Bios/K/kevin_smith.jpg

John Coltrane
Live at the Village Vanguard: The Master Takes
[Impulse!]
Rating: 8.5

The Village Vanguard. New York City. 1961.

We was sittin' there watchin' the stage. Waitin' for the man they called Coltrane to come out and do his thing. It was me and my four droogs. Them bein' Peter, Georgio and Dim; Dim being really Dim.

'Round an hour'd passed and the place was packed straight through to the back. I'd just dropped some dollars for 'Trane's Giant Steps six months back. Now was the time, this was the place. The Village Vanguard. New York City. 1961.

I was only there for the first night, see, but them cats at Impulse! just made my life complete. They put out four CDs of all that sound 'Trane put out those nights. But you know my type, man. Can't afford to eat, let alone spend some heavy cash on music. So I only got the essential. Live at the Village Vanguard: The Master Takes is one disc, makin' it one-fourth the cost of the box set. And you only get the best stuff.

Man, the opening beauty of "Spiritual..." It's like a dream I had: I floated on the River Nile, smokin' some fresh weed, relaxin'. But I ain't ever gonna see the Nile anyhow. This track's as close as I come, and it's close enough. Best of the best, though, has gotta be "India." It's only when you listen to a perfect old jazz tune like this that you realize how much drum-n-bass is derived from this music. 'Trane takes it to heaven and back with some style, man. Some richness, daddy. It's a sad thing his life was cut short by them jaws o' death.

Shit, cat. It don't make a difference. The man produced enough good music to last me a lifetime. This Village Vanguard thing's just another example of the genius of Coltrane.

-Ryan Schreiber

I would like to inform you of my extreme displeasure with your recent review of the new TOOL album and let you know that you are a total joke. Get in the line of people who have no idea at all what the band is about, or have actually listened to the music at all.

Pitchfork is a total joke too, so I do not know why I bothered wasting my time reading your review, but I did, and now I must tell you where you are wrong and why you are wrong and why you should go back to listening to some terminally awful new band, the type your e-zine likes to hype up.

Now, let us get some things clear, before we go on: I have not heard the new TOOL album and while I am deeply respectful of TOOL and their music, I also listen to a staggering amount of other bands, other music, and other genres. Yes, staggering. So, do not think I'm one of those teenage fans you stereotype. Yes, there are those fans out there, and there are other types of fans, people who simply appreciate solid music that is well planned, well executed, and completely original.

So, let us get to your worthless review...shall we!

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/record-reviews/t/tool/10000-days.shtml

"And as for taking them seriously-- well, I take Tool about as seriously as I do black metal or Lil Jon or the films of Tsui Hark. Which is to say, not very."

Are you kidding me? Why review an album if you have already passed judgment on the band? That doesn't seem like objective critiquing to me, at all. I can't believe that you have the gall to mention a band as talented as Tool and Lil' Jon in the same sentence. Part of me thinks you wrote this article to be inflammatory, but I also think you might just be this dimwitted, since most of your pals at Pitchfork are. The entire production you have is about coolness and being hip and with-it, not actually finding good new music.

Listen, you gave Arcade Fire the album of the year. They are a solid band and cool and put on an amazing live show (yes, I saw them twice before you went and annointed them and then ruined seeing them live for us common folks, since all shows thereafter sold out) but that album is not all that great.

Back to your terrible review!

Your need to rely on categories - nu metal - just goes to show the sham you are. Have you listened to much TOOL? I do not think so. Have you seen them live? I doubt it. Otherwise, I don't think you'd refer to what Maynard does as histrionics. Please, be serious! The guy is an unbelievable performer and clearly enjoys being on stage and isn't there to be "goofy". I mean, are you kidding? Goofy? That makes me want to kick your teeth in, and I don't even know if you are a girl or a guy. I'm just so tired of total idiots thinking they know about TOOL because some teenage kid wears their t-shirt.

Are you a journalist/music critic or somebody who just passes judgment based on the fans a band has?

"And with most songs stretching from the seven- to 12-minute range-- and without the stop-start whiplash that was the previous albums' definition of rhythm-- it's unlikely that most listeners will possess the patience or fortitude to make the pilgrimage more than a couple of times."

Um, no...they sell an "ass load" of records because they are an excellent band with many appreciative followers. Listen, Clap Your Hands doesn't want you as a fan either, since you are a douche bag, but a band can't chose their fans. For every black-blad teen, there is a serious music fan that realizes TOOL is the best band going on right no, without argument.

Just the fact that you mention Clap Your Hands Say Yeah in the article makes me want to punch your fucking face in. Really. I'm so tired of cunts pissing all over TOOL because they haven't listened to them and their songs are too long. Oh, any song over four minutes prevents you and the staff at Pitchfork from giving each other reacharounds and talking about how spikey your hair is and how awesome your new polo shirt is. Seriously, fuck you Jess Harvell. You officially have one more person in the world who wants to stomp the shit out of you, and normally I'm a nice fella. Jesus fucking christ, forbid a band goes over the set-in-stone time limit of a song! You need to go back to picking out awesome! t-shirts to wear around, so can't listen for more than five minutes, right?

Hopefully I'll distribute your garbage review to enough TOOL fans that you'll have numerous people who also hate you.

I don't care what you say about TOOL, in reality, since you clearly can't comprehend how fine their music is. It is a shame and I wish you could hear them for what they are. But, what pisses me off to no end is how you are a fucking JOURNALIST and you pass judgment on them because of how some of their fans look. That makes you a sham!

Now, let us get back to your drivel. Wait, you mention "emo" in the article? What? I can't believe I just had to type that word. If you are a music critic and still use that word you are a total fucking asshole. That term is so fucking stupid it makes my head explode.

"10,000 Days is supposedly named for the amount of time between Keenan's mother becoming paralyzed and when she died, so it's sort of a "Death Disco" for suburban teenage potheads."

Are you fucking kidding me? Again...let us talk about generalizations and stereotypes! Seriously, go fuck yourself, and after that, punch yourself in the face. You have no clue who listens to the band, so don't think we're all "teenage potheads". Fuck you, and fuck off.

And then we get to your stunning admission...

"If only the music had one-tenth of the Public Image Limited song's power. Instead I find myself in the awkward position of trying to sell you on the merits of a deeply uncool band by telling you to go buy their last album instead. "

Oh, so that is it! You piss all over TOOL because they are "uncool"! Not because Danny is the baddest ass drummer in the world, not because Maynard is an amazing performer, not because the band puts out amazing sounds...but because they are "uncool". So, Jess, are you cool? Yeah, you have reached the pinnacle of your profession and review a band you don't even like to tell us how you don't like them because they are "uncool". Again, are you fucking kidding me? This isn't a popularity contest...they are a BAND. They make MUSIC. They are not here to be judged cool, or not, by some fuckfaced 28 year old journalist with a predisposition to dislike the band they are reviewing.

And here is your awesome ending, Jess!!!!

"But hey, the next time you're sneering at someone in a Tool shirt, just remember how retarded you look walking down the street with the words "The Boy Least Likely To" or "Clap Your Hands Say Yeah" across your chest."

Exactly! You are in the music business to LOOK COOL. Not because you like music, or appreciate music, or like to hear music taken in new directions, but so you can wear a cool t-shirt of a cool fucking band while walking down the street. You know what that makes you? A total fucking joke. A fucking tool. Yep, you are a douche bag. And you have the guts to call TOOL pretentious! What are you then, Jess? Considering you are so overly concerned with t-shirts advertising bands that you and the fuckers at Pitchfork think are "cool".

So, why don't you take a big, big step back from your awesome journalism career (after you punch yourself in the face, and fuck yourself) and start listening to music you like, and writing objective reviews of bands, not evaluating music based on "cool"ness.

I look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,
Ryan Asher

(we're now at 56.)

Thank God that Magnet magazine exists.

that's a pretty good review of the Tool album!

Hahahaha. :-)

"10,000 Days is supposedly named for the amount of time between Keenan's mother becoming paralyzed and when she died, so it's sort of a "Death Disco" for suburban teenage potheads." HAHA, you're making up things at an incredible rate. If you're going to reach for things, make sure you have a Finglonger.

Random Futurama reference = not the best way to dispel stereotypes of Tool fans.

WE'LL ALL HAVE ONE MORE PERSON IN THE WORLD WHO WANTS TO STOMP THE SHIT OUT OF US!

yet another clueless personally biased review which cancels itself out, good job. rosetta stoned owns your life

Gwah?

x-post by a lot:

Jess, you love Tool, but do you LIVE Tool? The masses will accept no less, I'm surprised there's so much hate when you followed the formula (only compare album to other Tool albums, make claims of other being better but the new one is OK).

That's a mean thing to say about Belle and Sebastian.

i think i know this man's true identity.

Tool here last night: $66.66.

hahahaha hardly

i think i know this man's true identity.

Ah, video resumes.

Harvell, don't make these superstars cry:

http://img501.imageshack.us/img501/4254/kenmuscles4uu.jpg

Rock critic Jason Gross, as quoted in Listen to This by Kiera Butler
http://www.cjr.org/

-- JW (jo...), May 3rd, 2006.

this must be done!

(so Tool fans who write hate mail because they missed the point = PWND)

http://img305.imageshack.us/img305/3400/cyhsy8hy.jpg

fixed.

Uh-oh. What about honest, hard working Regular Joe? Can't a man blow off a little steam after a long day in salt mines with tallboy of Bud and the new Tool album?

And, by the by, isn't Tool fandom sort of predicated on a contempt for people? (i.e. nobody understands/ they're all a bunch of losers blahblahblah) Not that this pertains solely to Tool, but youthful clique-formation sort of demands an Other to be contemptuous of, no?

ooooh!

She certainly didn't forget to cut and paste the charming "stomp you in the face/punch you" murder death killer part. But hey, that was meant for her and Ryan. Let's respect his privacy.

Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?

Back to your terrible review!

Are you fucking kidding me? Uncool?

Back to your terrible review!

Jess replied to one of these angrymails quoting this thread?

(flexes nuts)

EMO RULEZ!!211121!!1

x-post "I know he's not as clever as you and fair game for a laugh with the boys, but it's unethical, don't you think?"

I didn't say he wasn't clever. Although the whole "I'm going to hit your stupid head" bit doesn't indicate a mastery of witty repartee.

This is probably my favorite line from that e-mail.

"Yeah" >>>"Sober">>>Aenima>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> rest of Tool's output = tha dumper

to: jess harvell.

can you please review the album and not talk about how things piss you off and how indie you are. tool are the radiohead of nu-metal? are you fucking serious? i'm not big on metal, but they are so
not nu-metal; in fact they came way before the whole wave of linkin parks and limpbizkits and stainds. i'm not a big fan of tool, nor
do i enjoy writing or bitching at someone over the internet, but please keep it a tad professional. do your homework jess. save all your frustration up for that next haircut you give yourself in front of your mirror while listening to dashboard confessional, better yet save it for your myspace. if you need some help reviewing it,
don't mind asking me for some help.

please take that half-assed pathetic excuse for a review somewhere else. why don't you clap your hands and say yeah.

-Juan Vargas.

your pitchforkmedia reader.

p.s. next time try opening the cd when you listen to it.

if you don't like your job, i'd be happy to take it.

OTM

Most people who are luke-warm about Tool probably listen to Dashboard Confessional

xpost LCD Soundsystem "Yeah" > or = Usher "Yeah" >>>>>>>>> Tool

that funny

Hi dere.

hahahaha

so where can i read ryan asher's column?

http://www.myspace.com/amidstchaos

Ryan Asher - Bass and Vocals

Influences - Dream Theater, Avenged Sevenfold, Tool, Vehemence, Atreyu, As I Lay Dying, Darkest Hour, Black Label Society, Megadeth, Crytopsy, Opeth, Shadows Fall, Killswitch Engage, Mudvayne, Pantera, Lamb of God, Trivium, System of a Down, Jason Becker, Yngwie Malmsteen, Damageplan, Alice in Chains, Randy Rhoads, Rush, Incubus, Down, Sevendust, Soilwork, A Perfect Circle, Caliban, Unearth, Chimaira, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani,

OR:

Influences - Ozzfest '99 through Ozzfest '03

TAKE A NUMBER

Back to topic, has anyone noticed that Ryan doesn't really do the reviews much anymore? I kind of think it's neat that he's reached a comfortable point where he manages the site and keeps things going. I really hate when originators of sites think they need to be overbearing after they have plenty of competent people on staff.

and yeah, i am certainly eager to read more hate mail if it is dumbfounding as the one posted earlier

And the Pitchfork staff swears that this is how it goes.

Hmmm.

Hmmm.

At dawn on June 10, all the residents of Lidice, a village ten miles outside Prague, were taken from their homes. They were shot in batches of ten at a time behind a barn. By late afternoon, 192 men and boys and 71 women had been murdered. The other women were sent to concentration camps. The children were dispersed, some to concentration camps, although a few who were considered sufficiently Aryan were sent to Germany. The SS then razed the town and tried to eradicate its memory. The name of Lidice was expunged from all official records.

THIS JUST IN: RYAN ADAMS PUTS OUT ANOTHER ALBUM, 'SUCKS' SAYS SOURCES

HAHAHAHA! yep

i don't know a single person who like's Tool AND generic 'Nu-Metal' band or would even concider lumping them in with Korn and co.

Jess, your wrong

Also, the best and worst writer was Brent.

There's a lot of good writers there, but I think Joe Tangari is my favorite. His reviews are clear and well-written, straightforward, descriptive and evocative, and his Dusty Grooves feature stories are a treat (I wish he wrote more of those DGs features).

I pretty much just read whatever Brandon Stosuy writes on there. But it has more to do with his taste than his prose I suppose.

yea joe tangari is great. also he seems to take (along w/ petrusich maybe? does she still write there?) all the folk/roots/americana/re-issues/compilations that i'm often interested in

xp i also tend to read whatever stosuy writes but i kind of think grayson currin does a better job handling that stuff

Yeah. Tangari seems like the guy designated to review The Numero Group's releases, which is fine with me.

I'm partial to Richardson, Leone, Stosuy. All are pretty consistently great.

ian cohen killing shit lately

once again, joe tangari:

At this point, it's almost unremarkable when another long-lost scene from some far-away corner of the world is unearthed and presented to the West in an easily digestible, well-produced compilation. If you're a global vintage pop junkie, it's become a matter of, "Oh, of course tons of amazing music was made in this place at that time, and here it is, thanks to someone else's hard work and passion." It almost feels like I should be bored or fatigued by it. But you know what? I'm not, and I think there's a stupidly simple reason for that: it's great music, and it fills a space, stylistically and sonically, that was previously empty.

i dunno if that's "worst", just kind of whatever

no, no. i'm sorry! joe tangari is one of my favorite p4k writers. apologies that wasn't clear.

There's a lot of good writers there, but I think Joe Tangari is my favorite. His reviews are clear and well-written, straightforward, descriptive and evocative, and his Dusty Grooves feature stories are a treat (I wish he wrote more of those DGs features).

― Daniel, Esq., Friday, May 29, 2009

global vintage pop junkie

one modifier per customer, please.

Tangari is great, yes.

lol @ "corny indie vegas"

(from way way upthread)

also I am so thru with "global vintage pop junkies". bad scene, man.

for all the purple prose, I still really like Brent D's Kid A review

Comparing this to other albums is like comparing an aquarium to blue construction paper.

^^ This makes me lol in the best way.

Best part is that when I first read this five years ago or so I totally agreed with all of it. Yes! Kid A! (Still love Kid A, don't think it's the best record ever though. But it's up there for me.)

i always assumed that review was tongue-in-cheek hyperbole

like even when i was in my "radiohead is awesome!" phase i read that and i was like uhhhh this isn't serious is it

if that's true then my whole life is a lie

So Nabisco is also gonna be New York Magazine's music critic.

Well deserved.

Amanda Petrusich is by far the worst. I submit:

Maybe more than any other band in operation, Seattle's Fleet Foxes are uncannily predisposed to singing about mountains: With its ghostly opening and perfect little Fender Rhodes riff, "Blue Ridge Mountains" feels ancient and huge, like it tumbled down from the top of the range and rolled straight into Sub Pop's front office. The atmospherics are so convincing-- and frontman Robin Pecknold's high, wearied vocals so effortless-- that when Pecknold mews the phrase "I heard that you missed your connecting flight" it feels genuinely anomalous: It's hard to imagine that Fleet Foxes and commercial airlines even exist in the same dimension. --Amanda Petrusich

My favorite used to be Eric Harvey, but I'm not sure if he's still writing. His blog, marathonpacks, has some wonderful writing. His piece on Wale's The Mixtape About Nothing is excellent and can be found here:
http://www.marathonpacks.com/2009/01/year-end-lengthy-write-ups/

I'll second the recommendation on Eric's writing, he's great, and a genuinely nice dude also.

i really liked Eric's thing on poloroids

I really like Mark Richardson (the guy who does the Resonant Frequency columns). Really good writer, can even make NMH sound interesting, which is nice. Can't name a worst since a lot of reviews seemed to have been taken off. Whoever wrote the 0.6 review they gave to Andrew W.K. was pretty bad. Most of their daily record reviews are confusing. Honestly if you cover up the rating and just read the review it's very hard to even guess what these guys rated it. The last one I read was their review for Underworld's Barking which he gave a mediocre score to besides seeming to like all the songs. Blah blah blah, these guys are old, blah blah blah, can't think of anything to say about the music.

Mark R. is probably my favorite Pfork writer, all things considered. I can name a few others I'd say are on par with Mark (nabisco, Tom E., Tim F., Eric H. all come immediately to mind) but none of them write frequently enough to really call my *favorite*. I guess the closest parellel is Tom B., who writes often enough, has pretty good tastes and judgment, and has a really distinctive personal voice that I can level myself with.

dave q, easy

One can argue that for every good Pfork writer there are 2-3 average-to-poor ones, but I think that's true of any critics' website, really.

Another great piece from Eric Harvey:
http://pitchfork.com/features/articles/7871-bad-moon-rising-the-practical-lessons-of-sonic-youth/

yes

How did I not realize until now that Rob Mitchum's full name is likely Robert Mitchum? You know, as in the actor.

This is like when I belatedly put together that Drew Gaerig rhymes with Lou Gehrig.

i'm disappointed p4k seems to have abandoned joe tangari's old dustry-grooves column. it was really great.

xxxp I gotta say I didn't find this piece particularly compelling (Harvey using himself in it seemed awkward). Does anyone other than Albini even care about this stuff?

Wait, is Harvey's piece the same thing that was on his blog a few days ago?

xxxp I gotta say I didn't find this piece particularly compelling (Harvey using himself in it seemed awkward). Does anyone other than Albini even care about this stuff?

yeah, seriously

albini produced bush right? surely he's not immune to getting some cash

dave q writes for pitchfork?

i'm disappointed p4k seems to have abandoned joe tangari's old dustry-grooves column. it was really great.

― Daniel, Esq., Wednesday, October 13, 2010 11:13 AM (45 minutes ago)

just a heads up: Tangari's blog is http://everygreatsongever.tumblr.com/ if you're looking for more of his writing

"albini produced bush right? surely he's not immune to getting some cash"

Uh he "engineered" Bush.

How did I not realize until now that Rob Mitchum's full name is likely Robert Mitchum? You know, as in the actor.

I think I've half-joked about this before, but ... I'm pretty sure he is actually related to Robert Mitchum, the actor/calypso singer. Or else that's just the kind of joke you're REALLY DEADPAN about when your name is Robert Mitchum. But I seem to remember it's true?

^^ not like closely or collecting-checks related, but some kind of related

(congrats on the new gig nabisco; you deserve it)

no but seriously: who is dave q?

You want Dave Q, you got it.

Rather an outdated page in terms of links but even so.

hey! thank you, markers. (xp)

right on. thanks Ned! what happened to him, though? did he take off with mark s and momus?

Still hanging in London last I heard; met him back in 2007 there.

oh right on thanks again Ned!

You're welcome!

dave q is my idol/hero.

quite fitting, you're as unfunny as he was :)

grrrrrrrr

this is one of my favourite-ever threads

this is another one

(is this the origin-point for Aerosmith's critical rehabilitation/transformation into ILX darling?)

circling back to thank markers again for the link to that joe tangari blog. every great song ever is fantastic.

glad you like it! man, I haven't even read any of the entries there yet. maybe I should

they're uniformly dynamite. the most current is representative of the flavor, tho the blog covers all kinds of music:

Girma Bèyènè: “Ené Nègn Bay Manèsh” (Ahma Records 45, 1969)

In my last post, I mentioned buying Buda Musique’s Ethiopiques 8 compilation. Subtitled Swinging Addis, this comp is note-for-note one of the best CDs I’ve ever bought. It includes music released on the Ethiopian independent label Ahma Records between 1969 and 1975, the year Haile Selassie, Ethiopia’s last emperor, was overthrown and Mengistu Haile Mariam’s Derg regime destroyed the nightlife of Addis Ababa with curfews.

I really can’t recommend it enough. Compiler Francis Falceto really went out of his way to include biographical information on all the performers, translate the songs and provide context. The creative burst that accompanied the final years of Selassie’s reign left behind a truly amazing body of work—the fidelity may not necessarily be high, but the music is funky, soulful, dark and very distinctly Ethiopian. The scales and vocal styles stamp it with a national identity.

Girma Beyene is a keyboardist, arranger and singer who was hugely responsible for the sound of Ethiopian pop music in the 60s and 70s. He played in the original Ras Band, one of Ethiopia’s first independent bands, and when the band was poached by another hotel, he stayed behind and founded a second Ras Band. He was the guy who hired Tesfa Maryam Kidane, one of the country’s greatest saxophonists, and Beyene actually was the most prolific arranger of the late imperial period, arranging more records than Mulatu Astatke, who he also worked with on occasion.

Beyene stuck with it after the rise of Mengistu, too, leading the Wallias Band until he left them during a 1981 tour of the US, deciding not to return home. His music career didn’t last long after his emigration, and he faded into the Ethiopian immigrant community of the American East Coast.

“Ene Negn Bay Manesh” is one of only four songs he ever recorded as a singer. He doesn’t have the powerful pipes of a Tlahoun Gessesse or Alemayehu Eshete, but his hushed vocals perfectly fit the smoky, dark vibe of his songs. His organ playing on this song is deftly funky and has a blues tinge to it, and those horns sound like an opening to another world, so it’s fitting that this was the first Ethiopian pop song I ever heard.

i'm sure his writing isn't for everyone, but i love it.

Haven't read his blog but I agree Tangari's a great writer elsewhere.

new Tangari blog @ http://yeeshkul.tumblr.com/

ATTN DANIEL

R0b Harv1lla writes for Pfork, one of the best I've read recently:

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/15970-a-very-she-him-christmas

yeah that is good

She & Him, her Instagram-folk outfit with the quietly excellent M. Ward, proud parents of two cheerily frivolous full-length records many people took remarkable seriously, and why not.

"adorkable" oh nooooo