Publicist red flags!

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"Reminiscent of the sky-high melodies of Jeff Buckley"
"This is a boring band, but at least the singer has an OK voice"

Influenced by Refused
"This is a boring hardcore band"

Influenced by Refused and Radiohead
"This is a boring hardcore band that puts crappy space sounds on everything."

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Friday, 24 February 2006 17:41 (twenty years ago)

Not since...
"SOUNDS JUST LIKE..."

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 24 February 2006 17:47 (twenty years ago)

A cross between ... and ...
"TWICE as derivative"

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Friday, 24 February 2006 17:50 (twenty years ago)

"Bursting with attitude"

No fucking tunes whatsoever.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 17:57 (twenty years ago)

"The new Billie Holiday"

Can't actually sing in tune

― Rotatey Diskers With Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 24 February 2006 18:02 (twenty years ago)

"sounds like (whoever)...on acid/speed/crack/ecstasy."

Sounds like nerds spazzing out.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Friday, 24 February 2006 18:02 (twenty years ago)

The old reliable: "their best effort yet." Translation: you may or may not actually like it, but we expect you to praise it to the stars.

― mike a, Friday, 24 February 2006 18:02 (twenty years ago)

"ambitious" = laughably pretentious and overwrought

― mike a, Friday, 24 February 2006 18:03 (twenty years ago)

"reinvigorating Rock and Roll"

Even worse than the Black Rebel Bastard Motorcycle Wheeltappers and Punters Social Club

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 18:04 (twenty years ago)

see also: eponymous

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:09 (twenty years ago)

"hotly tipped"

I've got the drummer in the office Dead Pool.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:09 (twenty years ago)

"a signature sound"

as annoying as supermarket-checkout Muzak, and twice as likely to get stuck in your head

― yuengling participle (rotten03), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:09 (twenty years ago)

this is why I am totally writing my own press release

― Dominique (dleone), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:10 (twenty years ago)

Infuse [mainstream genre] with a darker, foreboding undercurrent

Same music but with eyeshadow

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:12 (twenty years ago)

"internet hit"

Posted on one blog somewhere. The poster is the drummer's girlfriend's brother.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:14 (twenty years ago)

"heartbreaking vocals"

Vomit-inducing vocals.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:15 (twenty years ago)

The first great album of *insert year* has arrived

... but this isn't it

― Rotatey Diskers With Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:15 (twenty years ago)

"(Celebrity X) is a huge fan"

Has nobbed the lead singer.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:16 (twenty years ago)

repeated mention of their town/state of origin

Nothing actually interesting about them aside from where they come from.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

lyrically complex

Load of sophomoric claptrap

― Rotatey Diskers With Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

"played legendary NYC indie-rock venue Pianos"

Has a pulse.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:17 (twenty years ago)

recorded in the same studio as [insert rock legend]

this is either a pale imitation of said rock legend, or an appeal to people who would never listen to this otherwise

― Dominique (dleone), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:18 (twenty years ago)

strong word-of-mouth reaction

Booed off stage at their last gig

― Rotatey Diskers With Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:18 (twenty years ago)

"Raw"

Has mastered 2 chords. Drummer usually pissed.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:20 (twenty years ago)

"(Album X) is breaking worldwide"

We hope the label will pay us. Making this record a hit can only help.

― mike a, Friday, 24 February 2006 20:20 (twenty years ago)

"challenging"

Atrocious.

― mike a, Friday, 24 February 2006 20:21 (twenty years ago)

"this time round we felt we needed an outside producer, to help us focus blah blah blah"

We fucked up producing ourselves so badly that the record company told us to stop dicking around, get a proper producer, and write some fucking songs for a change

― Rotatey Diskers With Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:21 (twenty years ago)

stripped down, back-to-basic approach

We pissed away so much money on the last album, what with the gospel choir and the 132 piece orchestra and what have you, that the record company has slashed our budget and told us to start selling some records or we're history

― Rotatey Diskers With Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:24 (twenty years ago)

this thread is funny and i'm all for knocking bad writers/publicists off their perch, but it also kinda points out a lot of what i hate about ILM -- this really intolerant conservative attitude where "no tunes" and "noodly" and taking time to make your record are ALWAYS bad things. a lot of the music i enjoy is stuff that works in spite of itself, where common sense would dictate that i should hate it but some nebulous quality compels me to keep coming back to it.

i'll shut up now.

― the bitchy guy in the pince-nez from the old films (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:30 (twenty years ago)

Sure, but y'know we're not really being intolerant, just taking the piss out of doubletalk.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:33 (twenty years ago)

but it's got these "gotcha! you losers are SO BUSTED!! OMGWTF" overtones.

― the bitchy guy in the pince-nez from the old films (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:34 (twenty years ago)

I think the assumption behind the thread is that the publicists are using the language to cover up flaws that the vast majority of people would regard as such. Thus so noodly and "atmospheric" that it's not actually, in point of fact, good.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:34 (twenty years ago)

And not just to ILM people. For, like, people.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:34 (twenty years ago)

i always get the feeling that publicists REALLY ARE that super-enthusiastic about everything they promote.

― the bitchy guy in the pince-nez from the old films (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Uh...hmm.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Maybe some of them are...

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:37 (twenty years ago)

Nobody could be that super-enthusiastic without an Olympian pharmaceutical intake.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:37 (twenty years ago)

well, i DO live in new york, so that could color my view of things...

― the bitchy guy in the pince-nez from the old films (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:38 (twenty years ago)

Or a $3000 check in the wings.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:38 (twenty years ago)

hey, publicists are people, too.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:39 (twenty years ago)

This thread’s making me squirt soda through my nose

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:40 (twenty years ago)

And the thing is we've all seen these press releases with exactly the same tone whether it be for a fantastic album or something you can only assume the company's putting out as a tax dodge, which kind of undermines the sincerity idea.

― Abu Hamster (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:41 (twenty years ago)

xpost Dude you don't even wanna know what I do for my paycheck, music-wise.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:43 (twenty years ago)

I gotta say, this thread made me reread our last press release and I'm horrified. OMFG here's the "lyrical complexity" bit, the Pianos namecheck, the "not since...", the "electronic touches..."

Truth is, I doubt that a good boutique publicist even needs all this text anymore - he/she should be able to call up some well-chosen contacts, say "I have a great album here. Trust me. I'm behind it all the way," and mail the CD. And then call them again. Repeatedly.

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:45 (twenty years ago)

their first release on the artist-friendly [very small label]

their first release since being dropped by [bigger label]

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:45 (twenty years ago)

the breakthrough they've been waiting for

yes, we know we said that about the last three, but this time it's really really true

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:47 (twenty years ago)

A scaled-down, personal side project...

The band has broken up 6 months ago

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Friday, 24 February 2006 20:57 (twenty years ago)

...rare early recordings...

we weren't prepared for this artist to be so popular and are now scrambling for more product

― Dominique (dleone), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:00 (twenty years ago)

"buzz has been building on the internet for months"

the few hundred geeks who will ever care already downloaded it months ago, nobody else will buy it.

― timmy tannin (pompous), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:01 (twenty years ago)

"Eminem protege"

Beats too awful for the last Fiddy album.

― Raw, Uncompromising, and Noodly (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:25 (twenty years ago)

haha you guys read press releases.

― m.c. (clikatowi), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:26 (twenty years ago)

"classically trained Goth/Industrial"

ponderous

"outrageous"

sophomoric

"ingenue"

narcissist

Or, from today's press release (all sic):

Check out the classically trained Goth/Industrial artist that is Morgan and her latest full-length release titled "And the Moon was Hungry."

Produced by The Wizardz of Oz (Liz Phiar) Morgan's music could be considered the love child of Trent Reznor and Blonde Redhead, Morgan has created an Orchestra On Acid.

For more information or concert review tickets...

(I swear that I opened this and read it while skimming the thread, laughing. There's another page of bio that's even more misleading. The album? Meh. I had it on earlier, but I don't remember a single song now).

― js (honestengine), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:34 (twenty years ago)

Other big flags? "MySpace" and "ringtones"= "Maudlin emo" and "sounds better in midi."

― js (honestengine), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:36 (twenty years ago)

...renewed enthusiasm thanks to a new record company that understands them...

They got dropped.

An infusion of metal and hardcore...

― Brian O'Neill (NYCNative), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:36 (twenty years ago)

I honestly don't understand how any professional writer can use the "...on Acid" now without spontaneously combusting of shame.

― Raw, Uncompromising, and Noodly (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:37 (twenty years ago)

Liz Phwoar

― joseph cotten (joseph cotten), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:38 (twenty years ago)

...supergroup...

you know this will suck

― Aaron A, Friday, 24 February 2006 21:40 (twenty years ago)

"sounds better in midi."

oh come on, everything sounds better in midi

― the bitchy guy in the pince-nez from the old films (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:42 (twenty years ago)

how about, "sounds like crap in everything but midi"?

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:43 (twenty years ago)

"mixed in Dobly"

― Raw, Uncompromising, and Noodly (noodle vague), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:44 (twenty years ago)

man, this thread is funny, but when you dudes do threads like this it gives me such a fucking horrible pit in my stomach at the thought of ever actually releasing a CD.

― M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:46 (twenty years ago)

"first release by original line-up in X years"

solo albums didn't pan out, mortgages don't pay themselves.

― timmy tannin (pompous), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:46 (twenty years ago)

Hey, try writing a bio for your own band with all this in the back of your mind. I think I closed our last one with a dick joke, just cause.

― Eppy (Eppy), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:46 (twenty years ago)

...hook-filled songwriting...

There is now a 75% chance this album will neither have hooks or be good.

― Sean Braudis (Sean Braudis), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:48 (twenty years ago)

"mystic"/"spiritual"= "hippie wank."

― js (honestengine), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:49 (twenty years ago)

Their first album on Sanctuary

"Jumped the shark"

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Friday, 24 February 2006 21:51 (twenty years ago)

not a translation of a phrase, just one of the most overused/sickening strings of words:

has played/shared the stage with/given away blow to/stolen equipment from/

THE LIKES OF

...zzzzz Doesn't everybody stop reading right here?

― c@md3n (c@md3n), Friday, 24 February 2006 22:12 (twenty years ago)

haha! i just turned in a story that included a use of "the likes of". now i'm ashamed.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 24 February 2006 22:21 (twenty years ago)

"misunderstood" = perfectly well-understood as the shit it is
"raging" = obnoxious
"whimsical" = supposed to be funny but isn't
"delicate" = quiet and dull
"dense" = loud and dull

― Jason Toon (Jason Toon), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:10 (twenty years ago)

If any press release writers read this - this is what I want to know:

* who are in the band and who plays what
* where are they from
* when are they playing round here
* when is the album actually coming out
* how manyeth album of theirs is it
* what is the single/video

Thank you, that'll be all.

― JoB (JoB), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:18 (twenty years ago)

"rearranges old elements in fresh ways" = garden variety indie ... in 2006!

― nbj,, Friday, 24 February 2006 23:20 (twenty years ago)

Meet James Blunt...

― fact checking cuz (fcc), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:27 (twenty years ago)

I wish all press releases were in bullet point format.

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:33 (twenty years ago)

and if you include a photo, identify everyone, from left to right. an amazing number of press photos don't bother to tell you who's who.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:51 (twenty years ago)

"trend-setting

Trend-following.

― Brian O'Neill (NYCNative), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:53 (twenty years ago)

"A diverse range of influences from The Smiths and The Jam through to Run DMC, James Brown, and Funkadelic"

Indie band with black vocallist.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 24 February 2006 23:55 (twenty years ago)

To those who are intimidated by the snark on display here -- fear not.

As someone who used to make his living as a critic and now makes records - most music writers actually like music. They just hate reading stupid press releases and horrible bios.

― Uncle Tom (Uncle Tom), Saturday, 25 February 2006 07:59 (twenty years ago)

"influenced by Talking Heads"

Anxious-sounding singer and boring beats.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 25 February 2006 08:45 (twenty years ago)

"blah blah blah"

This is going to be shitty just like everything else.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 25 February 2006 08:47 (twenty years ago)

Any writer who dares describe a beat as 'fractured' or 'bruised' ever again will be hunted down and shot like a dog. This is my promise.

― stu (stu), Saturday, 25 February 2006 08:54 (twenty years ago)

I agree with the hunting and killing, but I say we use the dog to track them down and shoot them like a rat or a snake. I just don't cotton to dog-shootin'.

― Okeigh, Saturday, 25 February 2006 13:11 (twenty years ago)

Oh, alright then.

― stu (stu), Saturday, 25 February 2006 13:43 (twenty years ago)

I swear that this just got emailed to me in a press release:

"They play rock-style music mixed with alternative-style."

― Brian O'Neill (NYCNative), Saturday, 25 February 2006 14:52 (twenty years ago)

If the artist is from Louisiana, unlesss it's Britney Spears, dollars to donuts their music will be referred to as a "gumbo."

Once, some copy editor inserted that word in one of my articles and I freaked - the only time the Rev. Hoodoo will consciously use the word "gumbo" is when he's writing about food!

― Rev. Hoodoo (Rev. Hoodoo), Saturday, 25 February 2006 15:02 (twenty years ago)

"classically-trained" or "thrown out of the elite [name] conservatory"

Wasn't good enough to make it in the classical world, lacks the imagination needed to go 'avant-garde', so they made a sub-Coldplay album with one operatic-style song that shows why they weren't good enough to make it in the classical world.

― joylyn, Saturday, 25 February 2006 17:22 (twenty years ago)

OTM

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 25 February 2006 19:27 (twenty years ago)

joylyn: YES!

"dark" and or "gloomy" = minor key snooze.

"darkwave" = dorkwave.

― js (honestengine), Saturday, 25 February 2006 20:12 (twenty years ago)

sensational success = we still can't understand why people bought that crap, but the fact alone that item x sold n units should be enough to convince you that item y is a hit
seemingly effortless = tried hard, might even have exercised / communicated a strong will to... (but failed)
national treasure = music scene in land x sucks (variation of the country/state theme)
colorful = lyrics don't mean anything but doobeedooh (not necessarily a bad thing)

― b0ring, Sunday, 26 February 2006 06:13 (twenty years ago)

in fact i came to appreciate publicist notes, if you read them right you have the release's most weak points at hand and can concentrate on it's upsides (if any).

― b0ring, Sunday, 26 February 2006 06:23 (twenty years ago)

Best thread ever. This is why i've been writing my own for years. Even MINE still read like dogshit but these fucking things are almost impossible to write unless you're a total douchebag

― Dog Ear, Sunday, 26 February 2006 07:35 (twenty years ago)

Angular guitar lines

Sounds like every Dischord band.

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Sunday, 26 February 2006 16:17 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

Would you say "poignant" is out of bounds? (what if the shit really is kinda poignant?!)

― Saxby D. Elder, Friday, 18 May 2007 21:51 (eighteen years ago)

ah, well you got to say something about the artist...

― whisperineddhurt, Friday, 18 May 2007 22:31 (eighteen years ago)

that's taking the world by storm

that has a massive promotional budget for this album, and damn they'd better recoup fast or they will be dropped like a hot potato.

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:04 (eighteen years ago)

Myspace sensations

Invested in a copy of FriendFlood, now annoying people in their thousands daily

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:26 (eighteen years ago)

have put metal firmly back on the map

Used to be a power pop band named Widget

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:33 (eighteen years ago)

heralded in some UK circles as ï¿½the new Nirvana.ï¿½

This band will never equal the quality or cultural importance of Nirvana. Also, they suck.

― Jeff Treppel, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:34 (eighteen years ago)

the Australian rockers are back with their second album

Young Einstein II

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:35 (eighteen years ago)

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Sustainable 3-5 year indie career if we can find another $60,000 for their next trip.

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 00:37 (eighteen years ago)

built up a massive following through constant touring over three years

to obtain arsehole quotient, multiply number of tattoos by number of self inflicted wounds

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:10 (eighteen years ago)

took control of her career

manager quit

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:12 (eighteen years ago)

collaborated with Bjork

will never collaborate with Bjork again

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:15 (eighteen years ago)

legendary Ibiza DJ

Notorious coke junkie

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:17 (eighteen years ago)

controversial punk violinist

Eton graduate amenable to extreme makeovers

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:20 (eighteen years ago)

has collaborated with John Zorn

is featured in The Wire

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 01:58 (eighteen years ago)

hah this thread is reminding me why i've not knowingly read a press release in half a dozen years. makes my life far better!

― Mike McGooney-gal, Saturday, 19 May 2007 02:00 (eighteen years ago)

not since Portishead

Not since we last heard that boring, overused descending bassline

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 02:03 (eighteen years ago)

Unfortunately a large part of my day job involves reading these press releases, so this has been a therapeutic thread for me. Full disclosure: I have committed many of these crimes myself.

― moley, Saturday, 19 May 2007 02:05 (eighteen years ago)

This thread's making me squirt soda through my nose
-- Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Friday, February 24, 2006 8:40 PM (1 year ago)

BIG RAYS aka the cummdriver

― bobby bedelia, Saturday, 19 May 2007 02:54 (eighteen years ago)

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Sustainable 3-5 year indie career if we can find another $60,000 for their next trip.

From Canada!!!! (grant money)

― Saxby D. Elder, Saturday, 19 May 2007 05:18 (eighteen years ago)

moley, I got one this week that backed up its "huge on the internet" assertion by providing the figures that 13 million people had looked at her Myspace profile, while only 2 million have looked at Robbie Williams'. (numbers not actual quotes.)

― energy flash gordon, Saturday, 19 May 2007 08:41 (eighteen years ago)

who cares, as long as it's got some rudimentary specifics, so I can decide whether to request or listen to the promo, or the link; it's more common now, to have a link to something you can listen to before decinding whether to contact the publicist, and I love it. That way, the music doesn't get completely blocked by bad hype and considerations of, "Do I really want to have this eager beaver bombarding me with followups, and/or guilt trips?" The link or the enclosed promo is so much better than press reelase only (especially that watermarked, or jump-thru-hoops to qualify to try to download, or to listen to something you're not allowed to download). So basically I don't care if they say "has shared the stage with," nor in a review, for that matter. Not that there aren't a lot of horribly written reviews.

― dow, Saturday, 19 May 2007 16:50 (eighteen years ago)

Re paren: I meant to say some pompous invitation to listen to a watermakred copy, and "serious requests only," like they'll come get you if you don't review it, and say what they want you to say.

― dow, Saturday, 19 May 2007 16:54 (eighteen years ago)

recorded by Steve Albini

The album was produced by Steve Albini

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Saturday, 19 May 2007 17:21 (eighteen years ago)

CURSE YOU FAUX HTML!

― The Real Dirty Vicar, Saturday, 19 May 2007 17:22 (eighteen years ago)

recorded by Steve Albini

The album was produced by Steve Albini

Yeh OTM, you have to pay extra to get that (i.e. major labels have to pay to get that).

― Saxby D. Elder, Saturday, 19 May 2007 23:28 (eighteen years ago)

three years pass...

featuring past members of [xxxxx]

"when [xxxxx] made it big, this is the lazy/drug-addicted/non-contributing person that they fired"

― thank you ilxor for starting this much needed thread (ilxor), Saturday, 12 March 2011 17:47 (fifteen years ago)

one year passes...

Hey Al, PLEASE dig into this Hood Internet album. It's actually great and like nothing out there.

― some dude, Tuesday, 11 September 2012 23:31 (thirteen years ago)

Was gonna say, anything from Biz 3 is inherently suspect.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 11 September 2012 23:35 (thirteen years ago)

Caused a sensation at SxSW this year

Playing to 5 people in a bar at 11am.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 11 September 2012 23:38 (thirteen years ago)

"hey ray, wanted to see if you'd had a chance to check out..."

The answer is NO like 90% of the time.

― Raymond Cummings, Wednesday, 12 September 2012 04:03 (thirteen years ago)

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