pitchfork's new Jet review

my

god

Personally, I would have rated it "rolleyes emoticon".

This brightened my morning.

Which is fair enough.

Pitchfork Media (Chimp peeing in its own mouth/10.0)

This is brilliant.

Too high!

"Jet's lead singer smiled as he held the monkey..."

http://perpetua.tumblr.com/post/328886761/jet-one-hipster-one-bullet-you-little-pitchfork

Fucking embarrassing

like "winning the Jet vs. Pitchfork" game was as easy as not acknowledging them and going on to make millions of dollars anyway

wow just wow

ADMIT IT

I like how they released this song *three years* after the initial review ran.

All artists, please read this: http://www.lastplanetojakarta.com/2005/04/rave_on.html

Sonic Youth - I Killed Robert Christgau With My Big Fucking Dick

this is hilarious

well there's 2 minutes of my life I regret

I wish i could find the Steve Sutherland 9/10 review of the album from NME. He was most upset about.. something/everything to do with dance music. It all seems a terribly long time ago. Thank goodness.

delusions of some sort of pitchfork 'agenda' are hilarious

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F3CMVagiHQ

ahahahahahahaha

You hang names on your wall
Then you shoot them all

You fly around in planes
That bring you down
To meet me who loves you, like
Me crashing to the ground

Are you so lonely?
Don't even know me
But you'd like to stone me

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it really is?
Before you go on home

I used to treat you right
Give you my time
But when I'd turn my back on you
Then you do what you do

You've just enough, in my own view
Education to perform
I'd like to shoot you all
And then you go home
With you on your own
What do you really know?

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it really is?
Before you go on home

And then you go home
With you on your own
What do you even know?

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it really is?
Before you go on home

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it is?
Why don't you tell it like it always is?
Before you go on home

Mr Writer, why don't you tell it like it really is?
Why don't you tell it like it always is?
Before you go on home

delusions of some sort of pitchfork 'agenda' are hilarious

"Tonight on 'The Factor': are the Pitchfork and Homosexual agendas working together to promote Grizzly Bear and the bear lifestyle to children?"

They should have realised this was the worst shitting idea ever, within a minute of recording it. I thought maybe they'd come back with some prog-rock stylings for this one, too.

Just...fuck.

lol

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/12191-the-airborne-toxic-event/

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/archives/2008/09/an_open_letter.html

LOL at the comments on that post:

They should've launched a DDoS attack on Pitchfork instead.

so true...

We decided a long time ago not to take reviews too seriously.

it shows

I don't think I have ever been as pro-Pitchfork as I am right now.

You've just enough, in my own view
Education to perform

Can't believe K Jones was clearly so enamoured of the phrase "just enough education to perform" at the time but couldn't fit it into a better cadence than that

i have to say i think the airborne toxic event response is rather charming

It was tl;dr but you just never, ever respond to a review of your work.

i mean compared to jets response the airborne toxic event letter seems like a model of articulate restraint but theres no way it doesnt look totally 100% butthurt

yeah but if you got 1.6 from pitchfork or somewhere wouldn't you honestly be butthurt too?

yeah but i wouldnt go crying to stereogum about it

It is sort of weird that they obviously exercise restraint in their response but don't have the presence of mind to restrain themselves to the extent of not writing it at all

butthurtedness can be funny like that

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_EZsaP6TeWmM/SIymj9NeYNI/AAAAAAAAATs/MRwunz64P5c/s320/blackkids.jpg

i know you all gonna tell me i'm RONG but i kinda like the jet song. tho it'd be better if it was sung in the style of andrew wk

i understand the butthurt if some joker decides to use the 300 words assigned to talk about your record to promote their own agenda (especially as a springboard for complaining about some phenomena or scene your not even part of - like the airborne toxic event one) like they're having a rant at yr expense (literally if you hired a publicist)

but jet's response is just so much funnier and brings the lols more than the a.t.e. and coz of that somehow seems classier

Shame it took Jet, like, three years to do it. That's possibly the worst turnaround for any diss track I can think of.

they wrote the song the next day but the title took years

guess they spent those 3 years touring, snorting coke off models tits and rolling around in money and only just got around to noticing pitchfork's existense?

I think it's more likely that they spent those three years learning to read.

jets response brings the lols but probably not in the way they wanted

The song is perfect in its complete awfulness though, from the song title, to the inane lyrics, to the delivery. Everything. For a piece of shit, I wouldn't change any of it.

Responding to a negative review, lead singer of Jet writes song about wanting to shoot 15-year-old Tapes n' Tapes fans in thrift stores.

i have no idea who jet are so i can't comment but its an awesome song

if that were an andrew wk song you'd all be wetting yrselfs over it

apart from that 1 line tho don't see much evidence it's actually about pitchfork it's just hipsterbaiting which seems to be a national sport for most of the english speaking world

If it were an Andrew WK song it'd be called One Hipster One Party and wouldn't be a pissy butthurt rant though.

lol let's not act like jet and andrew wk are remotely in the same place as artists, and i'm hardly an andrew wk stan.

Don't forget about the JET street team! Complete missions, earn points and get GREAT, EXCLUSIVE merch, deals, and more from the band!

http://jet.fancorps.com/uploads/subscriber/jet/theme_header.jpg

What's going on in the right third of that banner?

Thrift store arson.

yr right i know nothing about jet i just assumed based on that one song

They've given their street team a mountian to climb with that fucking song.

if that were an andrew wk song you'd all be wetting yrselfs over it

"if that were a good song, you'd all like it"

the song would remain exactly the same but the point of view changed from failed invective to stupid dumb fun?

It doesn't sound anything like Andrew W.K. tho.

oh i give up joke fail

have u ever heard andrew w.k.

Saying something rong is often a key element of a joke but there are other key elements too.

s'ok 99% of the things posted on the excelsior threads don't sound funny to me either

You should record a shitty song about it.

In 3 years time or so.

i wrote an idolator post about all this about a year ago called "So pitchfork gave your band a bad review" that was making the rounds

I am very proud of it.

I would link to it, but it seems to have been erased from the internet thanks to the new idolator redesign, so #FML

I understand 100% what it's like to be super, super bummed about a bad review, a lot of the stuff mad ppl say about it while grousing rings true ("you work x # of days/weeks/months/years on a thing and then some guy tosses off a total dismissal of it on his lunch break, having listened to it once while reading his email") but the line I'm always trotting out is John Berryman's bit from one of his intros: "It is idle to reply to critics." He then gives a small bit of a reply, a two-line clarification of his book's plot structure, but the money line is "it is idle." No point to it, not productive in any way, ever, at all. Either take the criticism as criticism, and try to harvest something useful from it, or don't read it, imo

or you could write and record a terrible 2-minute song about it

as our friends in Jet did

does everybody remember Nick Cave's "Scum," his anti-music-journalists jam

yeah john d very otm. don't think i've ever really responded to any press criticism beyond having a growl down the pub with mates. just saying i understand the impulse

on a personal level i just think jet's middle finger is funnier than a.t.e.'s as far as idle retorts go

WAsn't it just about one guy in particular? xp

Hey four-eyes, come
That's right, it's a gun
...
I unload into his eyes
Blood springs
Dead snow
Blue skies

lol

"Scum" was I thought about three - he says he lived with three and wants to tell you about #1

Well then he hooked up with some slut from the same game
Black snow! Black snow!
Cocksuckstress, and I should know
Mean and vicious, her microphone always smelled suspicious
His and herpes bath towel type
If you know what I mean

WIRE MAGAZINE CAN SUCK MY MASSIVE GINGER COCK a nine minute drill n bass symphony by mr karen & his mates down the pub

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ has potential

"mean and vicious, her microphone always smelled suspicious" is such prime Cave that the track is almost an argument in favor of responding to critics. But he makes it such a personal dis track, of a guy he actually knows, that it's different from "you said bad things about my album"

i mean, having WRITTEN countless reviews, I'd know when someone would take down my band, there were a hundred different reasons why someone would write a bad review--bad day, connected with the old stuff, not their thing, just being lazy. I knew how shitty webzines pay and how frustrating it is to be a writer and how little time you have to turn this shit around sometimes. So I never let it bother me.

I even approached someone who wrote a bad review of us, and now we're good friends! :D

The irony is I always enjoy reading Swift or Henry Fielding writing "critics fuck off" but maybe that's because I'm reading them 250 years later.

man I'd forgotten what a lolfest, self-consciously so I think, "Scum" is

Well you're on the shit list
Thrust and twist, twist and screw
You gave me a bad review!
And maybe you think that it's all just water under the bridge
Well my UNfriend, I'm the type that holds a grudge

Bridge rhymes with Grudge, now, does it?

It's a half-rhyme, Jeez, everyone's a critic

Re: Our gig at Deptford Abyss
Who the hell does Jeff Dreadnought think he is?
Was he even there? (I ask myself)
Does he even care? (don’t kid yourself)
Wait ’til our PR men hear of this

It’s a bad review, we got a bad review …oh Lord
It’s a bad review – wotta we gonna do? …oh Lord
I can’t walk down the street ‘cos other groups I might meet, and they’ll smirk
Oh, it’s a rum old do, is a bad review …oh Lord
And my girlfriend’s fuming

You hacks don’t know where it’s at
You can’t appreciate the master of the Strat
Not that I’m concerned (‘course you’re not)
Your paper’s full of crap (‘course it is)
I only read the gig guide anyway

It’s a bad review, a b-b-b-bad review …oh Lord
We got a bad review, I can’t believe its true …oh Lord
Well I know what you look like, so don’t ever come near Stroud,
Page 32, it’s a bad review …oh Lord
My girlfriend’s fuming

OK – let’s go to chapel

Oo-oo – what’s to do? It’s a bad review
Oo-oo – what’s to do? It’s a bad review

The fearsome hollow boom of the older boys in the deep end
The green shoots of recovery shrivelled up in harsh tomorrows
Left to pick dry sticks and mumble to myself
A melancholy emblem of parish cruelty

argument over

Well my UNfriend, I'm the type that holds a grudge

who wrote this? Donald Rumsfeld?

I think "bridge" and "grudge' are a good rhyme actually - off-rhyme but the consonance is hard enough to work

I've not heard it, so..OK.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/culture/2006/dec/22/1

How does it feel ... ... to be the subject of a song?
Mat Snow, writer, subject of Scum by Nick Cave

I'd got to know Nick Cave when he fronted the Birthday Party and I was just starting to write for a living. He made great music, I wrote gushing reviews. In 1983 he and his then-girlfriend Anita stayed in my flat in Brixton when they needed a room and I needed rent money. When they moved out, we lost touch, until in 1986 I came to interview him for NME. Frosty in the extreme, he explained why.

The previous year I'd mentioned in print that I found his forthcoming album "disappointing". I was, he told me, "an arsehole". And he'd written a song that developed this theme. Weeks later, I bought for £1 a green seven-inch flexidisc called Scum off his merchandise stall at a Bad Seeds show at Camden's Electric Ballroom. "Miserable shitwringing turd," he snarled to a grindcore accompaniment, "fuckin' traitor, chronic masturbator, shitlicker, user, self-abuser," adding, almost superfluously, "my un-friend, I'm the type that holds a grudge."

It's a brilliant record, and if I have any complaints it is that Nick has squirrelled Scum away as a bonus CD track on his album Your Funeral, My Trial. Like Dylan's Mr Jones or Pope's Colley Cibber, I'd rather be memorialised as the spotlit object of a genius's scorn than a dusty discographical footnote. Still, my Cave-fan wife-to-be was mightily impressed when, on our first date, I unrolled the story (not for the first time). Seven years later Scum is "our song".

The irony is I always enjoy reading Swift or Henry Fielding writing "critics fuck off" but maybe that's because I'm reading them 250 years later

there's more to it than this - Swift & Fielding are writing to guys they have to break bread with who publish things (often without a byline) to score points. Plus, the dynamic of one writer criticizing another seems more even, so it's more sensible for an author to respond. There'd be five minutes' internet fame for whoever started a blog where he only did his album reviews as songs & uploaded them to a YouTube channel

So who can say the same for "Mr Writer" ? (xpost)

(musically, "Scum" isn't on the same level as the other stuff Cave was doing then, and I think he knew that a track like that was best treated as an anomaly, not a single)

Guardian 22/12/06

How Does it Feel ... to be the subject of a song?
Mat Snow, writer, subject of Scum by Nick Cave

I'd got to know Nick Cave when he fronted the Birthday Party and I was just starting to write for a living. He made great music, I wrote gushing reviews. In 1983 he and his then-girlfriend Anita stayed in my flat in Brixton when they needed a room and I needed rent money. When they moved out, we lost touch, until in 1986 I came to interview him for NME. Frosty in the extreme, he explained why.

The previous year I'd mentioned in print that I found his forthcoming album "disappointing". I was, he told me, "an arsehole". And he'd written a song that developed this theme. Weeks later, I bought for £1 a green seven-inch flexidisc called Scum off his merchandise stall at a Bad Seeds show at Camden's Electric Ballroom. "Miserable shitwringing turd," he snarled to a grindcore accompaniment, "fuckin' traitor, chronic masturbator, shitlicker, user, self-abuser," adding, almost superfluously, "my un-friend, I'm the type that holds a grudge."

It's a brilliant record, and if I have any complaints it is that Nick has squirrelled Scum away as a bonus CD track on his album Your Funeral, My Trial. Like Dylan's Mr Jones or Pope's Colley Cibber, I'd rather be memorialised as the spotlit object of a genius's scorn than a dusty discographical footnote. Still, my Cave-fan wife-to-be was mightily impressed when, on our first date, I unrolled the story (not for the first time). Seven years later Scum is "our song".

lol AWESOME how Mat Snow turns that around with such dignity - the power of the writer

So who can say the same for "Mr Writer" ? (xpost)

Cave from a Guardian interview Feb 06

His moral code has, however, sometimes had an unbending, eye-for-an-eye quality. In 1986 he reacted to an unfavourable review by Mat Snow, an NME journalist and erstwhile friend, by recording one of the most toxic character assassinations in rock. He called it Scum. "Yeah, I've got a mind like a steel trap," he says, smiling ruefully. "It's an unfortunate aspect of my character but if someone says something negative about me it's in there for ever. I can still remember the offending sentence. Mat Snow suggested our second Bad Seeds album 'lacked the dramatic tension of the first'. And I was so enraged by this that I wrote Scum. But," he adds in mitigation, "there was a sense of humour about it as well."

yeah but he also chased an NME writer from his flat with a machete IIRC

neat little thing from the Guardina, not sure if anyone's seen it:

How Does it Feel ... to be the subject of a song?
Mat Snow, writer, subject of Scum by Nick Cave

I'd got to know Nick Cave when he fronted the Birthday Party and I was just starting to write for a living. He made great music, I wrote gushing reviews. In 1983 he and his then-girlfriend Anita stayed in my flat in Brixton when they needed a room and I needed rent money. When they moved out, we lost touch, until in 1986 I came to interview him for NME. Frosty in the extreme, he explained why.

The previous year I'd mentioned in print that I found his forthcoming album "disappointing". I was, he told me, "an arsehole". And he'd written a song that developed this theme. Weeks later, I bought for £1 a green seven-inch flexidisc called Scum off his merchandise stall at a Bad Seeds show at Camden's Electric Ballroom. "Miserable shitwringing turd," he snarled to a grindcore accompaniment, "fuckin' traitor, chronic masturbator, shitlicker, user, self-abuser," adding, almost superfluously, "my un-friend, I'm the type that holds a grudge."

It's a brilliant record, and if I have any complaints it is that Nick has squirrelled Scum away as a bonus CD track on his album Your Funeral, My Trial. Like Dylan's Mr Jones or Pope's Colley Cibber, I'd rather be memorialised as the spotlit object of a genius's scorn than a dusty discographical footnote. Still, my Cave-fan wife-to-be was mightily impressed when, on our first date, I unrolled the story (not for the first time). Seven years later Scum is "our song".

In a jocular manner.

something of a sidetrack but the gaurdian had a thing on this very subject

How does it feel ... ... to be the subject of a song?
Mat Snow, writer, subject of Scum by Nick Cave

I'd got to know Nick Cave when he fronted the Birthday Party and I was just starting to write for a living. He made great music, I wrote gushing reviews. In 1983 he and his then-girlfriend Anita stayed in my flat in Brixton when they needed a room and I needed rent money. When they moved out, we lost touch, until in 1986 I came to interview him for NME. Frosty in the extreme, he explained why.

The previous year I'd mentioned in print that I found his forthcoming album "disappointing". I was, he told me, "an arsehole". And he'd written a song that developed this theme. Weeks later, I bought for £1 a green seven-inch flexidisc called Scum off his merchandise stall at a Bad Seeds show at Camden's Electric Ballroom. "Miserable shitwringing turd," he snarled to a grindcore accompaniment, "fuckin' traitor, chronic masturbator, shitlicker, user, self-abuser," adding, almost superfluously, "my un-friend, I'm the type that holds a grudge."

It's a brilliant record, and if I have any complaints it is that Nick has squirrelled Scum away as a bonus CD track on his album Your Funeral, My Trial. Like Dylan's Mr Jones or Pope's Colley Cibber, I'd rather be memorialised as the spotlit object of a genius's scorn than a dusty discographical footnote. Still, my Cave-fan wife-to-be was mightily impressed when, on our first date, I unrolled the story (not for the first time). Seven years later Scum is "our song".

And who can say the same?

xpost

I think it might've been Jack Barron who incurred Cave's machete wrath?

Anyway, perhaps a UK broadsheet could run a light-hearted piece on this latest incident.

Well I know what you look like, so don’t ever come near Stroud

It's a classic

Sturridge has gone to Chelsea btw

that's the best line yeah. voted 'faust arp'

well fair nough but I mean what's to stop people just registering multiple accounts to repeatedly suggest ban the same person?

no idea bruv but hey james brown had the most destructive influence on music of anyone ever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgprXt3zLeU

Saw this in the Graun earlier:

How Does it Feel ... to be the subject of a song?
Mat Snow, writer, subject of Scum by Nick Cave

I'd got to know Nick Cave when he fronted the Birthday Party and I was just starting to write for a living. He made great music, I wrote gushing reviews. In 1983 he and his then-girlfriend Anita stayed in my flat in Brixton when they needed a room and I needed rent money. When they moved out, we lost touch, until in 1986 I came to interview him for NME. Frosty in the extreme, he explained why.

The previous year I'd mentioned in print that I found his forthcoming album "disappointing". I was, he told me, "an arsehole". And he'd written a song that developed this theme. Weeks later, I bought for £1 a green seven-inch flexidisc called Scum off his merchandise stall at a Bad Seeds show at Camden's Electric Ballroom. "Miserable shitwringing turd," he snarled to a grindcore accompaniment, "fuckin' traitor, chronic masturbator, shitlicker, user, self-abuser," adding, almost superfluously, "my un-friend, I'm the type that holds a grudge."

It's a brilliant record, and if I have any complaints it is that Nick has squirrelled Scum away as a bonus CD track on his album Your Funeral, My Trial. Like Dylan's Mr Jones or Pope's Colley Cibber, I'd rather be memorialised as the spotlit object of a genius's scorn than a dusty discographical footnote. Still, my Cave-fan wife-to-be was mightily impressed when, on our first date, I unrolled the story (not for the first time). Seven years later Scum is "our song".

i love that nick cave song--it would be terrific to get a response from its subject!!

funny you should say that

How Does it Feel... to be the suggest of a ban?

at any rate:

Jet's shitty music --> pretty funny Pitchfork reviews --> more of Jet's shitty music
Airborne Toxic Event's shitty music --> not-particularly entertaining Pitchfork review --> too-sad-to-be-lolworthy butthurt passaggro rant

whoever wins, we lose...

I remember Jack Barron being chased by Cave during an interview as well

Anyone seen this breakdown of "Scum" from the Guardian a few years back?

How does it feel ... ... to be the subject of a song?
Mat Snow, writer, subject of Scum by Nick Cave

I'd got to know Nick Cave when he fronted the Birthday Party and I was just starting to write for a living. He made great music, I wrote gushing reviews. In 1983 he and his then-girlfriend Anita stayed in my flat in Brixton when they needed a room and I needed rent money. When they moved out, we lost touch, until in 1986 I came to interview him for NME. Frosty in the extreme, he explained why.

The previous year I'd mentioned in print that I found his forthcoming album "disappointing". I was, he told me, "an arsehole". And he'd written a song that developed this theme. Weeks later, I bought for £1 a green seven-inch flexidisc called Scum off his merchandise stall at a Bad Seeds show at Camden's Electric Ballroom. "Miserable shitwringing turd," he snarled to a grindcore accompaniment, "fuckin' traitor, chronic masturbator, shitlicker, user, self-abuser," adding, almost superfluously, "my un-friend, I'm the type that holds a grudge."

It's a brilliant record, and if I have any complaints it is that Nick has squirrelled Scum away as a bonus CD track on his album Your Funeral, My Trial. Like Dylan's Mr Jones or Pope's Colley Cibber, I'd rather be memorialised as the spotlit object of a genius's scorn than a dusty discographical footnote. Still, my Cave-fan wife-to-be was mightily impressed when, on our first date, I unrolled the story (not for the first time). Seven years later Scum is "our song".

good lookin out ilxor, appreciate that

I sb'd him

Good on you?

ilxor i think you should write an article about how that is "our SB" for you and yr gf

Doesn't he have to write a song about SB'ing me first?

Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one.
When you gonna give me some time, Sharona?
Ooh you make my motor run, my motor run.
Gun it comin' off the line Sharona
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona...

Come a little closer huh, ah will ya huh.
Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona.
Keeping it a mystery gets to me
Running down the length of my thighs, Sharona
Never gonna stop, give it up. Such a dirty mind.
Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona...

When you gonna give it to me, give it to me.
It is just a matter of time Sharona
Is it just destiny, destiny?
Or is it just a game in my mind, Sharona?
Never gonna stop, give it up.
Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touch
of the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M My Sharona...

motherfucker

That's more like it.

hey didn't read the whole thread but there was a piece about this very subject in the guardian not too long ago

How does it feel ... ... to be the subject of a song?
Mat Snow, writer, subject of Scum by Nick Cave

NICK CAVE WROTE A SONG ABOUT ME. LOL

I don't have anything else from the Guardian. Can post some old bits from the Telegraph in full if you like.

be sure to wait for someone else to post it first, otherwise i won't have the same impact

Hey, I bet no-one saif the same abou "Mr Writer" though, ay, ay?

it was def Jack Barron who got chased by Cave with an axe or a machete or other heavy bladed instrument - no court wld ever convict him

And his name is Rex Bob Lowenstein
He’s forty-seven, goin’ on sixteen
His request line’s open, but he’ll tell you where to go
If you’re dumb enough to ask him why Nick Cave wrote that song about Matt Snow

Jet split btw

in other news, Jet were still going

love this thread title

i wonder if their shitty taco van drove a wedge thru their shitty band

looks like they added the 0.0 to the Jet review on pfork... it was originally "no rating"

thank you based ilxor

Fell so relieved that I thought of the magazine when I saw the thread title, the band needs no part of my consciousness. I would defs nominate "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" as the worst song of the early 2000s.

http://gumbumper.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Michelle-Jet-Magazine.jpg

RIP Jet, heaven needed a shitty covers band that couldn't even do covers.

I SAID one, two, three, c'mon and *vomits over microphone*

i had to review one of their albums years back, and played it a bunch just to try and find something to write about, and then cancelled my last.fm account because it was essentially broadcasting to the world "o hey i listen to jet all the time" and i didn't think i could live down the shame.