The Best Of The 50 Worst Rock-n-Roll Albums Of All Time

Here's some of their reasoning (courtesy of here:

1. Presley, Elvis - Having Fun with Elvis on Stage
This 1974 monstrosity was subtitled "A Talking Album Only", but it was packaged like a standard live album. There was only one minor problem: this live album had no songs on it, just the rote between-song patter, repetitious non-jokes, and flat-out stupid scarf disbursements that were epidemic at the King's arena shows in the seventies.

2. Reed, Lou - Metal Machine Music
Capturing a sequence of squawks, screeches, and squeals, Reed uses no instruments, just electronic effects. The same drone vacillates for as long as it takes you to take the disc off the turntable.

3. Dylan, Bob - Self Portrait
... exactly what you don't deserve to confront on a Dylan record: lush string arrangements, a lazy angelic choir, dumb lyrics repeated until you want to drag “all the tired horses” out of the sun and into the glue factory.

4. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - American Dream
Young has since noted that the only reason he agreed to take part in this record was that he promised Crosby a CSNY reunion if the selfish, appetite-driven free-baser cleaned up, but that doesn't excuse the quality of his own compositions... Young's contributions to American Dream were its biggest embarrassments...

5. Boone, Pat - Pat Boone
His self-titled debut album (well, maybe he didn't title it himself) contains covers of contemporary R&B hits bleached a paler shade of white.

6. Milli Vanilli - The Remix Album
"Musically, we are more talented than any Bob Dylan. Musically, we are more talented than Paul McCartney". Half the record is remixes, with the expected random echo, scratches, and synthesizer slashes that are supposed to indicate remixing. The other half is made up of early tracks left off Girl, You Know It's True (American Debut Album).
Imagine, if you can, the existence of songs not good enough to make it onto a Milli Vanilli record.

7. Chicago - at Carnegie Hall
The music on this three-hour blast of bombast lives down to expectations. The packaging, which apes a high-class opera package, is wishful thinking.

8. Doors - Alive, She Cried
... another in the seemingly endless parade of Doors product that Elektra continues to release to capitalize on Morrison's refusal to die as a commercial prospect. The album consists of non-studio recordings made from 1968 to 1970 and focuses on the cheap theatrics and ho-hum sex fantasies that people are actually talking about when they describe Morrison as 'dynamic'.

9. Grateful Dead - Europe '72
Europe '72 captures the Grateful Dead precisely at the moment they turned into a parody of themselves. The back cover... depicted a cartoon cretin pushing an ice-cream against his rainbow-colored hair. It was a perfect descriptive image for this set: messy, unnecessary, and, well, dopey-looking.

10. Yes - Tales from Topographic Oceans
Tales from Topographic Oceans is a seventh-hand distillation of world thought, according to five of the most diffuse personalities (hence, when brought together, the most muddled thinkers) ever to try to coexist in a rock group. Keyboardist Rick Wakeman and drummer Alan White were the only genuine rockers of the bunch, although Wakeman's idea of inventiveness was often to try to coax fart noises out of his
Hammond B-3 organ and White often seemed so bewildered by the band's elaborate non-arrangements that he neglected to keep a beat.

11. Jethro Tull - Aqualung
Look at the back cover of Aqualung and you'll see a nine-verse pseudo-sacred text, penned in Gothic script by Anderson, starting with, "In the beginning Man created God; and in the image of Man created he him". Aside from the syntactic and theological nightmares implicit in these words, it's baffling why Anderson thought the text would be a good way to lure record buyers.

12. Byrds - Byrds (1973)
Many listeners of Byrds did not get past the first track, “Full Circle,” which limps out of the gate like a one-legged chestnut mare. The sound is listless, mid-tempo country rock, suggesting Poco in a stupor. The only thing the Byrds lost on this record was their
credibility; the only thing they found was the end of their record deal.

13. Queen - Queen II
What does the 'White Queen' stand for? Why do the band members want to go to 'The Seven Seas of Rhye'? Why do all four members part their hair in the middle? None of these questions are answered.

14. Queen - Live Killers
... the quartet ruins its few passable rock riffs (like “Now I'm Here'” with harmonic nonsense. It then collapses into an a cappella sing-along full of hoarse, off-key singing and Freddie Mercury joking, "Aah, the things you have to do for money."

15. Anderson, Bruford, Wakeman, Howe - (same title)
The question asked at the time was whether the Chris Squire-led band that held the legal right to the name Yes could possibly put out a worse record than this Yes (Not Yes).

16. Shaggs - Philosophy of the World
Groups like the Shaggs are the perfect justification for a book like this; the group is fundamentally awful, yet you can't help loving them.

17. Shaggs - Shaggs' Own Thing
... the Shaggs turned their talents to cover versions, most notably Tom T. Hall's nursery-school ditty, “I Love.” An atonal Dorothy recites Hall's list of lovable items (among them puppies, onions, and bourbon) with tremendous concentration, as if she's having trouble reading the lyrics and holding chords at the same time. It's a kitsch masterpiece.

18. Travolta, John - Travolta Fever
Why are we wasting our time with the music on Travolta Fever? That's not what was important to the performer, the producer, or the audience. What matters is that this record comes with a large poster of the idol, suitable for framing. We wonder how many young girls bought the package, threw away the records, and pulled out their thumbtacks.

19. Moody Blues - Days of Future Passed
Never before had any band displayed such a pompous approach to the seemingly straightforward act of putting together a record.

20. Various Artists - 70's Hits: Great Records of the Decade - Original Recordings, Vol. 1
... stands as a primer of the worst hits from that ten-year period.

21. Dylan, Bob - Live at Budokan
Bob Dylan went to Japan and made the most preposterous live album by a major performer in the history of rock & roll.

22. Waters, Rogers - Radio K.A.O.S.
Every few years a special kind of album emerges. An album fueled by colossal ineptitude and a perversely fascinating inability to communicate even the simplest idea without wrapping it in pretension. Radio K.A.O.S. ... was such an album.

23. Parks, Van Dyke - Song Cycle
Song Cycle's twelve over-orchestrated tracks are rampant with bad rhymes sung in a fey voice designed to make you say, "Oh gosh, what a genius." Instead, you lost interest after the first two minutes. Just because you've been told something is a masterpiece doesn't mean it is.

24. Who - Who's Last
Who's Last documents the final show from what must now be considered their last farewell tour (!). We just happen to know it was the last show; the information wasn't in the factually vacuous packaging. Perhaps the band members knew the record was a stinker and didn't want any of their names on it.

25. Rolling Stones - Still Life (American Concert 1981)
Still Life is a perfectly descriptive title for a live album that is as energetic as a plastic-fruit centerpiece.

26. Bon Jovi - Slippery When Wet
How many clichés can you squeeze into a single pop song? Probably not as many as Jon Bon Jovi can. The callous clinker, "Remember when we lost the keys/And you lost more than that in my back seat," is Meat Head Jovi's idea of evocative storytelling.

27. Journey - Greatest Hits
Those who insist that nothing in the Eighties rivaled the awfulness of the Seventies haven't had the distasteful experience of listening to the oeuvre of the San Francisco band Journey. They made Vanilla Fudge sound sensible.

28. Beach Boys - Still Cruisin'
For those waiting for the Beach Boys to hit rock bottom, the suspense ended with the release of this record.

29. Starship - Knee Deep in the Hoopla
The synthesizers heard throughout this album, provided by producer Peter Wolf (not Faye Dunaway's ex), do what synthesizers are supposed to do in the hands of minor talents: they mask the fat that there's no song in the immediate vicinity.

30. Willis, Bruce - The Return of Bruno
A host of backup singers and arrangements busier than Willis's accountants barely managed to prop up these songs. One could say they died easily.

31. Blood, Sweat and Tears - Blood, Sweat & Tears (1969)
They watered down Kooper's original concept until rock was all but eroded and aimed its fuzzy concept of jazz and blues to a mass audience who never listened to or cared for either.

32. Donovan - Greatest Hits
Sounding more like a be-in accidentally recorded than a bona fide song, “Mellow Yellow” is also notable in that it marks the first appearance by Paul McCartney on one of the worst records ever recorded. (There would be many, many more)

33. Astley, Rick - Whenever You Need Somebody
... his vacant smile was augmented by the desire to say absolutely nothing of importance either inside or outside a studio.

34. Emerson, Lake & Palmer - Tarkus
There's a picture of ol' Tarkus on the cover. He appears to be a giant armadillo with the body of a tank. Tarkus represents something (technology? nature? a rat that once bit Greg in the ankle?), but this symbolism is too obscure.

35. Starland Vocal Band - 4 X 4
... a quartet of laid-back studio hack singers who somehow managed to score a hit in 1976 with a sophomoric double entendre about making love during the day, the wretched “Afternoon Delight.” Not recognizing their status as lucky one-hit wonders, the band turned this unfortunate lapse of judgment by record buyers into a summer television variety series and the chance to record ever more insipid songs showcasing their vapid talents.

36. Grey, Joel - Black Sheep Boy
Grey's covers of Joni Mitchell and Donovan tunes have even less substance than the originals. The record's earnestness is what makes it truly rank.

37. REO Speedwagon - Life as We Know It
... the bland-rock group REO Speedwagon grasped at maturity and fell down so hard all you could hear was us laughing.

38. America - History: America's Greatest Hits
You still don't believe they're dumb? Well, what if we told you the band thought it was clever to start the title of seven consecutive albums with the letter H? We thought that would quiet you down.

39. Starr, Ringo - Stop and Smell the Roses
At the end of the first side of his worst album, formerly interesting ex-Beatles Ringo Starr says, "I'm going crazy with this record business. I want to stop it. You want me to stop it."

40. Starr, Ringo - Old Wave
... a collection that rocked somewhat harder than Smell but still had the misfortune of being built around an over-the-hill entertainer who had lost his interest in drumming and no longer worked to charm audiences with his off-key, rangeless singing.

41. Franklin, Aretha - La Diva
Blame disco. For every worthwhile new singer it uncovered, like Donna Summer, it ruined the careers of one hundred soul and blues singers.

42. Phantom, Rocker & Slick – same title
Mediocre talent on its own is just dull: a partnership of mediocre talents can generate something truly awful.

43. Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - Original Soundtrack to the Motion Picture

It was doomed from the start. Beatles fans are excused for hoping that when the Sex Pistols toured around the time this album was made, they came armed with guns, not guitars.

44. Costello, Elvis & the Attractions - Goodbye Cruel World
... even diehard fans like us came away from Goodbye Cruel World wondering if it was really a suicide note for his career.

45. Bowie, David - Never Let Me Down
"Day-in, Day-out, Stay-in, Fade-out/Day-in, ooh ooh/Day-in, ooh ooh ooh ooh".

46. Moore, Scotty - Guitar That Changed the World
You're unlikely to find a stronger bunch of rock songs, but you'll never hear them played with any less vigor unless the Mike Curb Congregation reunites.

47. Sheridan, Tony & the Elvis Presley TCB Band - (same title)
... proves that any Elvis project without Elvis is likely to fall short.

48. Lowe, Nick - Pinker and Prouder than Previous
Why does nearly every rock and roller we trust let us down sooner or later?

49. Parker, Graham & the Rumour - The Parkerilla
For Parker's part, either he is practicing being Foreigner's opening band or he's poorly parodying such a unit. The live stuff on The Parkerilla is bad, but the fourth side is a studio disaster.

50. U2 - Unforgettable Fire
They think they are the most important band in the world, and sometimes they are. On The Unforgettable Fire, they don't even come close.

btw I used to LOVE this book, despite some of its awful rockist assumptions.

Oh wait! There's another discrepancy. #33 in my copy is Joey Bishop: Joey Bishop Sings Country Western. Oh well. Vote for Astley instead of Bishop there if you want.

btw I used to LOVE this book, despite some of its awful rockist assumptions.

It's a riot! How often are you going to read several paragraphs on a Starland Vocal Band album that doesn't include "Afternoon Delight?"

I think they hated "Emotional Rescue" too.

xpost: the SVB entry had a HILARIOUS exegesis of their rewrite of "La Bamba."

Aqualung is a good album. Even if you didn't like it, you would have to understand why others do, and certainly one wouldn't say it's one of the 50 worst albums ever made. If you did, it's because you only listened to 60 albums or so.

Unforgettable Fire contains Bad, which in and of itself makes it NOT one of the worst albums ever.

The list is simply butt-plug music criticism of the worst kind.

Metal Machine Music is fucking awesome, chumps.

I like Donovan, so I'm voting for Donovan.

I voted for Donovan too. That's the only record I'm genuinely surprised to see up there.

I'll admit to not having heard 80% of these albums, but Europe '72 is indisputably smokin', and about 10 years before the Dead "descended into self-parody."

Reed, Presley, Donovan, Jovi, Tull, and Yes all get thumbs-up.

Hating on "Greatest Hits" albums is a sucker move. Who are these crapheads?

Guterman wrote for Rolling Stone and authored books on Jerry Lee Lewis, The Sex Pistols, Springsteen, and Sinead.

I voted for Days of Future Passed. "Nights in White Satin" and "Tuesday Afternoon" are still great tunes by themselves, not to mention "Dawn is a Feeling" and "Evening Time to Get Away".

I like Song Cycle!

FISTS ... SHAKING ... WITH ... RAGE ... AT ... THIS ... LIST!!!!

Sure there's some badduns on this list but the inclusion of Lou baby's sweet metal paen and the Queen 2 rekkid makes me want these guys' address.

Jimmy Guterman
1313 Mockingbird Ln.
Red Seal, NY 12121

Donovan - Greatest Hits

??????????????????????????????????????

yeah, why donovan??

fuck that asshole I'm voting for Donovan

The inclusion of "Slippery When Wet" is preposterous!! For shame, Messers Guterman and O'Donnell!!

"Remember when we lost the keys/And you lost more than that in my back seat" is hilarious.

it's a really stupid line, but if you're getting all heated about a bon jovi lyric the problem is clearly with you, not them.

Another vote for Donovan

That one just isn't even justifiable as a pick for this

Queen II is one of the best records released by anyone

ELP made many, many worse records than Tarkus.

um...aqualung? queen II?? unforgettable fire??? the mind boggles

I like that Moody Blues album. A lot.

I'm not a Bon Jovi fan but surely all their other albums are worse than Slippery When Wet.

Reed, Lou - Metal Machine Music

Stopped reading the list after this. Choice made.

Randomly idiotic and antagonizing for the sake of antagonization, why many contribute to ILM less and less.

There's a couple things wrong with Self Portrait, mainly the inclusion of two live tracks, but that's all. I move.

xpost nath yeah, nearly voted that one but that often gets big votes round here.

fuck that asshole I'm voting for Donovan

very eloquent. well done.

I do my best.

Randomly idiotic and antagonizing for the sake of antagonization, why many contribute to ILM less and less.

I don't know about that, George--the book was at the very least amusing at the time, and a poll thread based on same is certainly worthy of discussion.

My vote goes to Donovan. And yeah, even though I can imagine wimpophobics and people allergic to good, silly fun hatin' on that particular record (and Donovan in general), that doesn't mean we should let them off the hook so easily.

He's not even that wimpy, and on some tracks his backing band is LED ZEPPELIN.

Right. "Season of the Witch" and "Hurdy Gurdy Man" rule!

Actually they say Donovan was lying about the other Zep dudes being on HGM, and that it was really just John Paul Jones, but print the legend, etc.

i can't think of anyone who'd allow themselves to feel antagonised over such a harmless thread as this

Donovan

The only thing I own some tracks from is Nick Lowe, and good tracks they are.

Metal Machine Music has become a straw man for lazy critics. It'll come in first or second in this poll.

It is indisputably Bonzo on "Atlantis" and "Hurdy Gurdy Man."

Guterman is very much part of the Dave marsh school of crits: to him, prog bands and Queen, among other things, was the stuff that Springsteen was supposed to destroy forever. Springsteen was supposed to restore the correct emphasis onto proper American music etc etc.

I don't like the term, but this list practically self-identifies as 'rockist'. Can we please come up with another one for post-1980 music? Preferably starring K-Fed?

Or one that includes both pre- and post-1980 music, and doesn't mince about in such a crass, favouritist manner?

that doors record seems particularly rancid

Can we please come up with another one for post-1980 music?

But there's quite a bit of post-1980 music up there already: Milli Vanilli, CSNY, ABWH, Roger Waters, Stones, Beach Boys, Starship, Bruce Willis, REO Speedwagon, Ringo Starr, Elvis Costello, Bowie, Nick Lowe, Tony Sheridan, U2.

Or did I totally misunderstand your question?

And the Doors record wasn't released until 1983.

Hmm. A lot of those are pre-1980's bands that went on too long, which doesn't count as true post-1980 music IMO. Besides, I'll have you at post-1990. The list is inherently rockist.

Oh no argument on that last point.

It is indisputably Bonzo on "Atlantis" and "Hurdy Gurdy Man."

I read this as "indisputably Bono."

Guterman is very much part of the Dave marsh school of crits: to him, prog bands and Queen, among other things, was the stuff that Springsteen was supposed to destroy forever. Springsteen was supposed to restore the correct emphasis onto proper American music etc etc.

Dead OTM. And yet some of the pomposities of prog and Queen were very much present in Springsteen.

I had to vote for Bon Jovi--seems like some serious playa hating--just picking an album that was massively popular a few years before the book came out. If it were written today there'd be no way it would make the list--it's place probably taken by Avril or Britney.

I'm not a Bon Jovi fan but surely all their other albums are worse than Slippery When Wet.

That's what I don't get about this list. I like Tull OK (and voted for Aqualung over that wonderful Yes album). But even if I didn't, I can't imagine how Aqualung would be anyone's pick for their worst album! It's not even the proggiest. Also, the sentence he quotes seems pretty straightforward to me.

Unforgettable Fire, people! That's U2's best record for crying out loud.

2. Reed, Lou - Metal Machine Music
Capturing a sequence of squawks, screeches, and squeals, Reed uses no instruments, just electronic effects

Well, that's not really true, is it? I heard somewhere that he set up several guitars next to amps to get the foundational sounds, and only then used electronic treatments (namely speeding up, slowing down, and reversing tapes). In any case, I actually quite like MMM. But yea, it's true: Metal Machine Music has become a straw man for lazy critics.

And, yea, Unforgettable Fire? I'm not a big U2 fan but I think that's a good album, possibly their best, and in any case they definitely put out much worse stuff than that. Europe '72 is also fairly good, again you could just look at Shakedown Street or any of the other crap GD albums that are far, far worse than Europe '72. There is a lot of crap on that list but there are a good amount of decent albums on there, too.

I love Live Killers, so Jimmy and Owen can go slather themselves in each other's spooge and FELCH RIGHT OFF!

Also, you have to be a true jackass to disrespect The Shaggs.

Well, he sort of doesn't, in the description, so he just about gets away with it.

Picking live albums is for pussies.

Well, his worst rock and rollers of all time were: Macca, Phil Collins, Duran Duran (?), Billy Joel (the winner).

I love this book, it's like the definitive bathroom book. Their writing is viciously funny, especially about records I like (a bunch on the list). What's great is that they take very few cheap shots---Milli Vanilli is one, but there's not (m)any more. Their list of 33 1/3 rules for rock records is hilarious: my personal favorite is "Never put a children's choir on a record ("You Can't Always Get What You Want" is the only exception). I think they refer to Mike and the Mechanics' "The Living Years" here.

Anyway their opinions are ridiculous (hence the hilarity) and I vote for Europe '72, a great record, but pretty representative of what rubs folks the wrong way about the Dead. That's what these guys were going for: find records that are representative of something broader (usually an otherwise respected artist) and pick on what they thought was the worst of that. Why bother messing with "Go To Heaven"?

50. U2 - Unforgettable Fire
They think they are the most important band in the world, and sometimes they are. On The Unforgettable Fire, they don't even come close.

See, I agree with the other two (three?) commenters just above -- I think if there's any point at which U2 came close to being an "important band," it was on this record, which is easily their best -- and that's no small feat for a band that also released War, the Joshua Tree, Achtung Baby and Zooropa in succession.

Unforgettable Fire counts "Bad," "Wire," and "Indian Summer Sky" among its tracks -- three of my fave songs by the band. These guys are high.

tossup between Metal Machine and Slippery When Wet.

there's some other decent records on that list too.

you have to really hate the dead to put Europe '72 on that list. i'm boycotting this on account

QUEEN II

So this list is half easy cheap shots and half "OOOOOH LOOKIE ME." bullshit controversy attempts.

feh.

The list's one weirdoodledum cack of a wot-knot, of course.
:)

Having just one vote, mine goes to Song Cycle.

This list is pathetic. Most of these albums are at least decent, and are listed purely because they're by reputable bands not performing up to their previous standard. Nobody has the guts to put together a real list of the worst albums because it means spending oodles of time flipping through dollar vinyl for stuff that would never, ever be put out on CD. I guess it's more fun to take shots at easy targets.

Also, "Song Cycle" is great, "Metal Machine Music" is great, Donovan is great (seriously, wtf is his greatest hits album doing here?), "Slippery When Wet" is good fun.

Bashing "Aqualung", America, and "Tales from Topographic Oceans" is just cheap anti-frat boy sniping ... which I can respect, I guess.

How is Aqualung in any way 'frat boy'?

The inclusion of Donovan is just bizarre.

I'm voting for Slippery When Wet though. It has three classic, powerhouse singles, and only very, very lame people would (pretend to) dislike Livin' on a Prayer.

I'm slightly surprised that teh compilers, 'witty' and 'controversial' as they seem to believe they are, didn't include any Status Quo or ZZ Top in that list.

agreed Donovan is the total WTF for inclusion on this list. Easily top of the pack here, and I just bought a 2-CD comp of his so *nyah* to the haterz

yeah i was surprised to see queen II on the list. i've never heard that album, but i mean, it's queen in the 70s how bad can it be?

Various Artists - 70's Hits: Great Records of the Decade - Original Recordings, Vol. 1

Seems like cheating to include some generic comp like this

Has anyone actually heard the Bruce Willis album...?

Yes. It's very, very bad. Sub Don Johnson bad.

I have heard the Bruce Willis album. A lot. Not by choice. Of course it's horrible.

Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" vs Bruce Willis' "Respect Yourself."

Hmm...

polyphonic's words upthread were much OTM:

Nobody has the guts to put together a real list of the worst albums because it means spending oodles of time flipping through dollar vinyl for stuff that would never, ever be put out on CD. I guess it's more fun to take shots at easy targets.

The inclusion of Donovan is just bizarre.

Maybe not from the writers' perspectives. I'm curious how different generations/subcultures view Donovan differently. Something tells me many older types from the Dylan-is-god reality tunnel see Donovan as a total joke. Whereas, a lot of indie-rock types dig the guy. Buttholes Surfers might've helped create the latter phenomenon. I'm just guessing, though.

I can see hating on one of Journey's actual LPs (lots of filler) but the Greatest Hits!??! come ON

Something tells me many older types from the Dylan-is-god reality tunnel see Donovan as a total joke. Whereas, a lot of indie-rock types dig the guy.

He wrote catchy songs with goofy lyrics that are fun to singalog to. He's the proto-Marc Bolan.

Don Johnson's "Heartbeat" vs Bruce Willis' "Respect Yourself."

I think you should let YouTube decide it for you:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ULI5kolBpAk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ni90iL81wTQ (though it's being a bit wonky right now)

I spent a bunch of time hating on Journey's greatest hits when some asshole put the whole thing in order on the jukebox in a bar I was in a few days ago.

He wrote catchy songs with goofy lyrics that are fun to singalog to. He's the proto-Marc Bolan.

good point.

some asshole put the whole thing in order on the jukebox in a bar

well that's just obnoxious regardless of what album it is

RE: Johnson vs. Willis controversy - at least Johnson had the courtesy to not restyle himself as a bloozeman.

"You know, I'm actually starting to like Journey."

"Well, you're gonna be very pleased with the next 23 songs!"

There is something genuinely confounding about Donovan that has to do with "seriousness" in music - eg, conventional wisdom is Dylan is better cuz he's "deeper/more authentic/serious" whereas Donovan is a silly little teenybopper trying too hard. And Donovan - if you ever read him talking about himself (not recommended) - DOES totally try to hard. Its clear he was always desperate for credibility. What's interesting is that his failure to attain said credibility is the result of writing a bunch of childlike songs that are well-constructed and well-executed and really rather charming in their naivete and silliness (there are some exceptions - Hurdy Gurdy Man and Season of the Witch both have some genuine creepiness going on).

it's as if by trying too hard and taking himself too seriously, Donovan inadvertently stumbled into creating a very satisfying but completely UN-serious body of work.

it's as if by trying too hard and taking himself too seriously, Donovan inadvertently stumbled into creating a very satisfying but completely UN-serious body of work.

totally. he took the scenic route to arrive at Tommy James.

Listening to Donovan talk about himself vs. Bob Dylan always reminds me of the "Boris Karloff is a cocksucker!" scene from Ed Wood.

Shaggs!

Shakey OTM. The conventional wisdom on Dylan and Donovan comes out of Don't Look Back, where one of the long-running jokes is "Who is this Donovan?" that they keep seeing ads for while traveling the UK. They finally meet up, jam a bit, Donovan plays "Catch the Wind" or something, and then Dylan plays "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue". Actually, both versions are pretty good, but in the book this thread is about, the authors say that Dylan totally showed up Donovan (after the song, everyone is quiet until Donovan says "I used to know a girl named Blue", which is a pretty silly remark). But yeah, the Donovan record is one of many silly choices on this list, but the book really is hilariously written.

(after the song, everyone is quiet until Donovan says "I used to know a girl named Blue", which is a pretty silly remark).

hahaha - imagine if the roles had been reversed and Dylan had made that remark in the appropriately sarcastic tone after Donovan played the song, everyone woulda gone "ooooh, BURN".

the "Dylan good/Donovan bad" narrative is inherently stupid, classic baby-boomer rockist posturing.

it woulda been funnier if Dylan had played "Froggy Went a-Courtin'"

Shakey again OTM

How is Aqualung in any way 'frat boy'?

Half the frat boys I knew owned that record!

Nice poll, Kevin! And you're right: pretty funny book, even though I like many of their choices and take issue with most of their assumptions. (OH NOES STEVE HOWE NOT INFLUENCED BY BLUESMEN)

It comes down to a near-tie between moody Moodies muzak and metal machine music...Days Of Future Passed takes it!

Of the 50, I currently own eight, used to own a further eight, and WISH I owned Elvis/Journey/Milli Vanilli. Maybe that second Shaggs album too, tho I suspect it's kinda redundant.

Wow, you knew some really freaky frat boys dude.

I've been looking for that Elvis record for 12 years.

I was gonna say, if Aqualung and Topographic Oceans are really considered frat boy classics, I love America! (Moving Pictures and DSOTM I don't doubt, OTOH.)

xpost

Stop and Smell the Roses is like the second best Ringo LP.

what's the first? I only have the "Ringo" one with "I'm The Greatest" on it.

Yeah, I think that one's probably the best.

Toss up among the Queen sets and Topographic. Seven Seas of Rhye and Now I'm Here are great songs!

Yes gets my vote.

Stop and Smell the Roses is like the second best Ringo LP.

What about Goodnight Vienna? It has some cool glam-like production.

Yeah, maybe. It's been a while since I've heard that one.

Ok I found and listened to Having Fun With Elvis On Stage. It is really terrible, worse than I thought it would be. Listening to it, I felt drunk, without being drunk. It's like being inside the head of a bored, boring person who has no idea what to say, and does not care. So he says a whole lot of garbage. I know, this probably sounds classic. I thought that for 12 years! Well, now I know, and knowing is half the battle. (The other half is not listening to it again. That one's easy.)

to really have fun with Elvis onstage you should just watch "That's The Way It Was" which is really great and also full of many wtf moments (did Elvis just say, in all seriousness, "I am totally insane, and have been for many years" to a sold out audience? yes he did)

see also: Elvis drunkenly falling off his chair during rehearsal, wearing his sunglasses upside down, sweating bullets before going onstage, lambasting backup singers and threatening to replace them with Mahalia Jackson etc etc

Can it compete with the master?

haha I've never actually heard that, unfortunately

You have not lived.

*kills self*

glad we got the Donovan ball rolling then! :D

I'd never heard of the Paul Stanley banter record, but I've found it. We'll see if it "tops" Elvis'.

Here we go. (The original bootleg single is from a different era than the compilation we were all freaking out over last year.)

New York, lemme hear ya! Good people! This is where it all began! There wouldn't be KISS ... without New York CITY! Without the good STATE of New York! We got a lot of stuff for ya tonight...

Yeah I just found a 70 track compilation.

That would be the one from last year. And it is a joy forever.

yeah "That's The Way It Was" = sheer insanity.

I saw it several years ago while bar-tending a super-fan hotel party during "Elvis Week" (week-long tribute on the anniversary of his death). It was made all the more surreal by weeping Europeans watching it on the jumbo screen.

yikes

DO YOO LAWK THE TAYSTE OF AWK-KO-HAWL???

that paul stanley thing is one of the top 50 best albums of all time.

Every time one of the tracks comes on during itunes random play, the world seems a little brighter. Especially when a Nurse With Wound song comes on afterwards.

YSI...?

(its okay to ask for YSIs of unofficial bootlegs, isn't it???)

I don't think anyone would begrudge you this one.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK! WE LOVE YOU ALL, INDIANAPOLIS, WITH OUR LOVE...GUNS!
cue Salt Marie Celeste.

DETROIT YOU'VE OPENED YOUR HEARTS...AND YOUR LEGS...TO US

shakey i'll try to find my cd-r i don't know where it is at the moment...

I have it at home, so I'll YSI it if no one else gets to it first.

thx - I grabbed three MP3s off of WFMU but they're only like a minute apiece

Shakey check your email.

1st degree
2nd degree
If you've got any papers will you serve them to me?

Elvis: That's The Way It Was Is

Thanks Euler!!!

I have it at home, so I'll YSI it if no one else gets to it first.

If somebody could that would be great, I've misplaced the disc it's on.

Nice poll, Kevin!

Thanx, MVB!

"Every time one of the tracks comes on during itunes random play, the world seems a little brighter" re: Stanley…

OTmufuggin'M…

I suspect that M*** **leman would have some insight to impart re: Guterman and the way those preILM-era crits did they thang…

Maybe that second Shaggs album too, tho I suspect it's kinda redundant.

Shaggs' Own Thing is included on the 1988 Rounder CD The Shaggs. So if you have that CD, you have Shaggs' Own Thing.

Nobody has the guts to put together a real list of the worst albums because it means spending oodles of time flipping through dollar vinyl for stuff that would never, ever be put out on CD. I guess it's more fun to take shots at easy targets.

This is an excellent point. But I'm not sure taking shots is only about fun. It's about cultural value as well. Which reminds me of one of my all-time fave Xgau reviews in which he calls Ministry's Filth Pig "a grindcore album worth hating." So is the worst album of all time something that enrages you and/or has been embraced by thousands, even millions? Or is it, say, a never-to-be-digitized genre piece that failed to make any impression on you whatsoever and/or has been embraced by a fan base in the single digits? (I think I've asked this question before on ILM but it bears repeating.) Is it worth it to go on record saying you hate (insert obscure grindcore band here)? What kind of value would that statement have? (Seriously asking here.)

Of course, all this says a lot about musical communities. And Xgau's own value system. Clearly, he's not part of any grindcore community. And one could question the value of his pumping, oh, The Popinjays or Orüj Güvenç.

If someone wrote a 1000-word think piece on why s/he loathes Ganzmord (to choose a recent Scott Seward fave), would anyone even publish it?

Obviously made by some pathetic prog-hater. And I think hating prog was more usual in 1991 than it is today. Voted "Tales From Topographic Oceans", but there are several great albums on the list. Most of which are prog in some form or another.

xpost: he could still have picked high-profile artists and not been completely retarded over it

i need to get TFTO, actually.

(to choose a recent Scott Seward fave)

I mean, that's why I love Scott Seward so much. He DOES flip through dollar vinyl. And writes about it.

Re Kevin John your interesting rant: I agree that it would be useless to publish a list of obscure crap. We wouldn't even be involved in this long thread.

On the other hand, picking live albums is lame. Come on - aren't a lot of these just pushed out there to fulfill a contract etc.?

Same goes for the Mil Vils of the world. OK, we get it.

I have no problem with people picking like this, if the writing is good (as stated above by people). Just the list in and of itself lends itself to a lot of strawman votes (see live albums), and purposely brash put-downs of stuff that is pretty darn good.

rants not the right word.

Oh "rant" is fine.

But it was more speculative, i.e. there may be some use in ripping on obscure crap, esp. if the writing is superb. Richard Meltzer comes to mind here. But even there, it's kind of a dead end even though those San Diego Reader previews are funnier than The Comedy of Errors.

WTF, I totally thought I posted on this to praise that Beach Boys record, particularly "Somewhere Near Japan" and "In My Car."

From the FWIW Department:

About a decade ago, I had just jumped on board a music magazine as a freelancer. An editor was explaining the 0-10 rating system the mag used by giving examples of a 10 record and a 0 record. Some fancy remaster of Nevermind received a 10. "And what got a zero?" "Have you ever heard of The Impotent Sea Snakes?" Remarkably, some doomed publicist had sent me a copy of their 1995 God Save The Queens and I believe Greil Marcus wrote them up in his Real Life column. So the editor didn't have to tell me about their politically incorrect lyrics (their website deletes the real shockers) and fifth-rate glam vaudeville.

In any event, he called it the worst album ever made. So I'm just putting it out there in case you find the Nirvana/Impotent Sea Snakes spectrum a useful measuring tool.

their politically incorrect lyrics (their website deletes the real shockers)

Then you must record them here for all to see.

the Shaggs turned their talents to cover versions, most notably Tom T. Hall's nursery-school ditty, “I Love.”

in theory, this is the best, purest thing in the world

this is more like a worst of the big names sorta deal

Then you must record them here for all to see.

From "Porn Star": "I can even take niggers up my ass"

They get worse.

Song titles include:

"Fleching"
"Fist Fucking My Mother"
"Kangaroos (Up The Butt)"
"Ebony Whore"

And awful covers of "Sympathy for the Devil" and, um, "Backstabbers"

Ooops, that should be "Felching"

Hey that Impotent Snakes / Nirvana scale is helpful.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

We have worn our love like heaven.

first there is no poll winner then there is

What do you mean?

I get it now. Sorry - just wakin' up here.

I do want to say, though, that a lot of these albums are still fuckin' awful, i.e. I'd LOVE to hear that Beach Boys defense.

Shakey meant "first there is a poll winner then there is no poll winner then there is"

You can now listen to the book's 50 worst singles all in order...though I wish there was a way to skip to the next track. (A 30 second sample is enough for a good laugh, but nobody needs to sit through the entirety of most of this shit.)
https://www.mixcloud.com/leerosevere/fifty-worst-rock-and-roll-singles-of-all-time/

I'm compelled to admit that, having learned here yesterday about the circumstances of author Jimmy Guterman's death in 2016, I've been obsessing whether to give greater or lesser credence to his opinion of the 50 worst records of all time. He died four months after Keith Emerson - I wonder if Emerson's death coloured his opinion of Tarkus? Did he perceive some common thread there that he didn't in 1991? The Costello blurb quoted above is also notable in this regard.
His wife has a blog where she discusses how much he loved music - how did it feel to him that his book of the worst records was more successful than his book about the best records?

I'm sure there are many atrocious records on this list, but Donovan's Greatest Hits is silly (so I'm glad it won this poll).

Paul McCartney can be heard as one of the background revellers on this track, but the "quite rightly" whispering lines in the chorus is not McCartney, but rather Donovan himself.[10] Donovan had a small part in coming up with the lyrics for "Yellow Submarine", and McCartney played bass guitar (uncredited) on portions of Donovan's Mellow Yellow album.[11]

does anyone know which portions on Mellow Yellow have mccartney's bass?

There's a bunch of conflicting information about McCartney's involvement with Donovan records, some of it spread by Donovan himself.

I actually have to give credit to this book for being confident enough to say, "I don't like Donovan, Moody Blues, Tull, BST, ELP - I'm going to say their worst albums are their most beloved". It's bolder than making a list with e.g. Cosmic Wheels, Under Wraps, Love Beach, etc. etc., because if you hate the essence of an act, why wouldn't you hate their hits the most?

Whatever your opinion of the Grateful Dead, Europe ‘72 is a bizarre choice for such a list (I read the rationale a few posts down from the OP, and still don’t get it).

the louche quality of Mellow Yellow and Donovan's voice were what confirmed for me that I was gay when I was a kid. I had already suspected it when I was seven and had a crush on my high school sister's Swedish exchange student friend

I think the Dead rationale was nothing more than, "3 albums, it's three times as boring".

Queen II is the best Queen album

It's at least the most Queen album.

I kinda miss this style of music writing. Just some dude writing about the shit he hates. Classic

Chris Ott thread is thataway

I looked up something by Guterman for the Springsteen thread and stumbled on this January 2022 blog entry from his widow in the process. Really a sad read. It actually goes into private details about his struggle with depression - I want to say it's too much, but it's coming from his widow and she's still grieving and struggling with his death, and this is clearly part of that process.

https://www.pangyrus.com/essay-memoir/this-will-be-the-last-time/

I read that book over and over as a kid ca. 1990. I disagreed with theM about some things, but in the text there are enthusiasms for Elvis and early Rod Stewart that challenged my received wisdom when all I had known of them at the time was “lol fat”, and “housewives love him” respectively.

Not to excuse his sins as a writer (whom I don't think I've ever read, other than on this thread), but he earned Rock 'N' Roll Heaven for putting together The Sandinista! Project, that rarest kind of tribute album, which honors and sometimes improves on/fully realizes the original--- coverage archived here when villagevoice.com links started getting too changeable: https://myvil.blogspot.com/2016/06/clash-stash-actually-cuts-crap.html

Lol why didn’t Sandinista make his list? I mean, really?

Well, he did initially claim that The Sandinista! Project was the first in a series of remakes of "the worst albums by the best artists" (and supposedly was working on The Self-Portrait Project, which I still hope one day surfaces), but maybe hearing his contributors' visions of the original album made him realize it wasn't so bad. (Also, maybe he listened to Cut The Crap, and thought, "Oh wait.")

Although that one had its good moments too.

Disappointed in you for the first time evah, Josefa!

I actually liked Cut the Crap, it was different, and I always thought it was underrated compared to the first Big Audio Dynamite album that came out at the same time. “Yes I am… a dictator!” goes thru my head more often than anything from the BAD album.

Yeah, I hardly remember BAD at all. Really liked Julien Temple's Strummer doc, btw.

Almost exactly a year ago (8/3/21) I said this on Twitter:

CUT THE CRAP is as good as any other Clash album, and better than some. Their whole discography is a goddamn mess, and as a strip-it-to-the-bone, fuck-the-pop-charts record, it more than does the job. The guitar sound is ugly as shit, but in a really interesting way, and when you combine that with the Big Black-ish drum machine, the random stabs of ultra-80s synth, and the gang vocals, Strummer was actually really onto something. People who don't like CUT THE CRAP are too attached to the mythology of four dudes in a room makin' rock 'n' roll. Listen to it side by side with the first Big Audio Dynamite album, and wise the fuck up.

I love the first BAD album, btw, and like the second and third quite a bit too. I have no use for anything after that, though.

Is Jones the only or dominant vocalist in BAD? Don't know if I could get into that.

Well done unperson, I agree with all that

That self-titled Byrds album is pretty good. The Gene Clark songs are particularly nice. I suspect "No Other" was not quite the cult record it is now and these authors would have called it crappy and overblown back in '91.

I love This Is Big Audio Dynamite and I love Cut the Crap. Together they really form a blueprint for the collision-y 'Clash meets Public Enemy halfway' bands to follow in ensuing years.

CTC is also a lot of fun if thought of as the 'pop' As the Veneer of Democracy Starts to Fade.

I've written about Cut the Crap before but only in eight paragraphs. I'm gonna develop it into a proper review sometime soon I reckon

Yes to Big Audio Dynamite -- also the second one, with many lyrics co-written with Joe. I had a bootleg of an early Joe Strummer + Latino Rockabilly War album where they covered a few of the songs and dedicated them "to the boys in Big Odio Dynmaite"

I do think Megatop Phoenix is their best, though.

I gotta give that one another spin. I remember the first track being great.

The album template feels strangely prescient of Foxbase Alpha to me bcuz mix of house-informed modern London songs interconnected with found-sound-ish collages.

Will check it out with that in mind. I always thought late Clash responded to hip hop in a super interesting way. Not only Magnificent 7/Radio Clash, but all the drum machiney stuff on the Combat Rock b-sides. Mick with the synth drums at Bonds Casino, etc. Love all of that.

I've just been listening to Goodbye Cruel World, and I have a tough time imagining either a Costello hater or a disenchanted Costello lover calling it among the worst of all time. It's mostly weak songs mostly poorly produced, but just a couple of notches below Punch the Clock.
Cut the Crap is a collage of the worst bits of punk and Frankie Goes to Hollywood, which doesn't preclude a couple of good songs from being included.

Goodbye Cruel World is pretty good. He has worse albums to come, albeit the other side of this book.

Can we poll the worst 'worst album' lists? Q's mid-00s version is particularly witless.

I actually with Guterman's argument that Goodbye Cruel World is a pretty good batch of songs that's simply arranged and produced either poorly or haphazardly. I think "Love Field" manages to work pretty well, but even the live solo performances from 1984 are better. Wish I could link to it, but it's the one that's just Elvis on an electric piano.

*actually agree

I feel like Costello's made worse albums since, but GCW is the one most fans can agree one. Like you still have fans championing Mighty Like a Rose and The Juliet Letters.

argh, *agree on

Like you still have fans championing Mighty Like a Rose and The Juliet Letters

Hell yeah you do

I just listened to Cut the Crap for the first time ever, thanks thread! It's nowhere near as bad as I'd been led to believe. I'll even give it a few more spins soon. It's maybe missing some hookier songwriting - perhaps those will sink in later - and the production is kind of a kitchen sink mess, a la Sandinista, but as unperson said in a really interesting way.

Rhodes had no idea what he was doing but that's why it works and why the hyperpop etc kids love it :)

Like "Dictator" is always pinned up for being the atonal headrush that it is but what about "We are the Clash" with its unrelated solos for guitar, synths and bongos all happening at the same time, or "Are You Red...Y" where the main synth bit arrives deliciously a whole bar too late?

FWIW, Xgau gave Cut the Crap a B+. He also gave Goodbye Cruel World a B+. Just to confirm, he does indeed consider a B+ to be a good grade.

wild to see those Yes, ELP, Jethro Tull, & Moody Blues albums on there - like sure I get why people don't like 'em but this was published in 1991 and all 4 groups had made way worse music since

I think the intro stated that they made the effort to include more high profile releases - like albums that are the most disappointing in terms of expectations or possibly more deserving of worse reputations.

i found the concept and the execution of the 50 worst book annoying and silly and then i read the essay by his widow and was moved and actually quite upset -- a little bcz i was born two years before him so that's too young to go but also just anyway

Greil Marcus published a harsh critique of that book in his column, and I'm sure Guterman saw that. Somewhere on Guterman's old website, he sounds regretful when he mentions that his "best records" book sold much less than the "worst records" book - he already made it clear that he wrote the "best records" book in response to the other one after having second thoughts. It's still probably the book he's best known for, and it's almost certain he wasn't very happy about that.

Anyway, it is very sad what happened. It's very chilling too - it may have been a lot of things happening at once, but I feel the same situation could happen to almost any ordinary person, and it just makes life seem that much more vulnerable. It doesn't have to be a single catastrophic event, life can just progress in a bad way and it may be too much for most people to handle.

Yes---her memory piece is sad, but not depressing for me, though I def know where she's coming from, but every lucid, measured, observant, disclosed word seems essential, if there is such a thing: beautiful, anyway. Plainly poetic.

I haven't looked at it in years, but his Sex Pistols book w/Noel Monk was formative for me.