100 reasons why "Chelsea Dagger" is the worst fucking song ever

2. How the fuck are you gonna play a tune about sexual ambiguity and 1940s sexual glamour when you sound like Leyton Orient's second tier firm being chased out of a Wetherspoons in Hull?

3. You know that noise you made as a kid when you'd hilariously pretend to be retarded by sticking your chin out and hitting yourself with the back of your palm? That's the chorus to this song

4. Tim Lovejoy probably really likes this song

welcome to 2006

It's not the worst song of 2006, it's the worst song _ever_.

It is actually a worse song than both "We Didn't Start the Fire" and "Runaway Train"

5. It's just so utterly sexless, despite going for that neo-burlesque feel it's more like having a crying, black-eyed Serbian people traffickee grind on you for £15 in a Streatham lapdance bar

6. What on earth kind of pronunciation of "Well" is that? It has four syllables in it now?

7. One Franz is enough.

8. It's not even Franz, it's like when you order cheap celebrity lookalikes, and they all weight five stone extra, have less hair, and massive facial melanomas instead of beauty spots, and this song is the Franz of those.

9. Amy McDonald: "I'm really into indie rock now"

10. Got used in ad for shitty movie, which one I can't remember.

spot on, Dom

11. This is the new "every shitty movie trailer ever" song, and tbh I preferred "All Star".

12. Actually about a real life burlesque performer, and as anyone who's ever met them knows, burlesque performers are all inherently awful human beings

13. Was on FIFA soundtrack, thus has anti-Pro Evo bias

14. NME: "Their bouncing glamorama feels like the most important album you could own."

BOUNCING GLAMORAMA: http://static.flickr.com/122/303512782_ea1cb33906.jpg

Yr obv referring to this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clhOnZRrmXc

?

It is not as bad as that "she's so luvverly" scouting for girls track, in that after listening to this, I wanted the band to be thrown in jail, whereas after listening to the SfG track, I wanted the band to be devoured by lions.

It is a horrible record though, if I heard it come on over the pa in a shop, I'd leave asap.

The thing is P-man, there are bands who are worse "musically" than the Fratellis (Scouting for Girls, Amy MacDonald, those Elliot Minor dudes, and man just wait until you hear Palladium's "Hi 5" for the first time), and there's bands who are more morally objectionable (Kaiser Chiefs, Pipettes, K-Nash). The Fratellis score massively high in both sections.

15. The thing is P-man, there are bands who are worse "musically" than the Fratellis (Scouting for Girls, Amy MacDonald, those Elliot Minor dudes, and man just wait until you hear Palladium's "Hi 5" for the first time), and there's bands who are more morally objectionable (Kaiser Chiefs, Pipettes, K-Nash). The Fratellis score massively high in both sections.

16. Dude on the left there looks like one dude from Buffy Clyro
17. I know what one dude from Biffy Clyro looks like

Haha Buffy Clyro - worst slash idea ever :(

19. Every single review here is positive, but is positive in the sense of "Hey, this may not be what you'd call "good music"< but it's OK, right? You like OK music, yeah? 7/10". A collosal failure of this nation to have any desires to achieve anything. http://www.metacritic.com/music/artists/fratellis/costellomusic

"scrotum-clenchingly/soul-sappingly wretched" is the default steez of new british rock bands since when, exactly? I'm sure it wasn't that long ago that you'd hear the odd good one, I haven't heard a good new "mainstream" rock band for ages, like maybe 2 years.

When I'm at college doing my electrician's course, I see all these kids lining up to go into the music department, getting qualifications in how to play rock guitar/bass/drums or w/e. This is where all these shit bands come from, do you think?

Almost definitely. Teach them a fucking trade, that's what I say. I'm sure the guy from the Fratellis would be a decent baker if they gave him half a chance.

That metacritic thing is pretty weird. All of the reviews are pretty positive, yet the band is at best mediocre? Where are the reviews which are like "ho-hum another by-the-numbers guitar band yawn 3/10"?

stylus amirite

"what kind of music do you play, guys"

"we call our style 'vocational qualification rock'medio-core'"

That middle guy looks like someone with the modesty of David Essex and the looks of Ian McNabb.

While I completely agree with the sentiments contained within this thread, I'm concerned for Dom's safety. We need to find a way to block all NME approved music from hitting his ears before he develops an aneurysm.

Let's find out what all the fuss is about, eh?

Oh wait, THAT'S Chelsea Dagger? FUCK, I'd been meaning not to find out what that was.

While I completely agree with the sentiments contained within this thread, I'm concerned for Dom's safety. We need to find a way to block all NME approved music from hitting his ears before he develops an aneurysm.

I'm on the frontlines here, man. My boss keeps going on about how awesome The Enemy were in concert last week.

Not really related, but I just found this Kogan nugget in the teenpop thread and figgered this was as good a place as any.

"...the term "indie dance" gets bandied about, probably in relation to the Gossip and the Kooks and the Pipettes..."

!!!

The kids, with their hippin' and a hoppin' and their allover print hoodies...

thanks for putting song in head guyz

normally suffer this once a week during enforced xfm listening session in friends' car.

tho i think the hoosiers wind me up even more

shit

what about those young knife guys

are they a joke, or are they like someone's son or something

Young Knives = 'breath of fresh air' Boris Johnson supporters.

I'm pretty sure in ILX's dark past the Young Knives would have received "phwoarrr, dirty dronerock boys sure get my clit-on" posts.

But then Blount stopped posting aaaaaaahhhh

Sadly, Young Knives >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Fratellis

I'm pretty sure in ILX's dark past the Young Knives would have received "phwoarrr, dirty dronerock boys sure get my clit-on" posts.

http://www.lullabyes.net/blog/uploaded_images/yk-771850.jpg

Maybe not, eh.

man, I don't miss this

Isn't that Lucky Jim on the extreme left?

Don't think anyone in that photo is on the extreme left

am
i
rite

Longtime ilx poster "acrobat" has the kinda look for The Young Knives, it has to be said.

that is actually over the line

18 (?) Played a Celtic Park every time they score*. Results in thousands of people going "duh ru duh duh ru duh duh rurururu duh duh ru duh duh ru duh duh rurururu duh".

19 *Replaced the Pogues' "Fiesta".

20 - #18 also includes weird arm waving thing kind of like toy soldiers gone mental.

Oddly, I was just thinking how much the tune reminds me of 'Tin Soldier Man' by the Kinks.

I don't know what this is and I'm too scared to listen to it in case I have exactly the same reaction as Louis.

I think I know which song this is, is it the one with the da da da da, da da da da, da da dadaaadadada sing-along chorus? As much as I hate it, Scouting For Girls is still worse, and I feel, more morally objectionable. I had a similar reaction to Pash when I heard that one.

I actually think SfG is worse too, but I'm not exposed to it as much as Chelsea Dagger. Matt, you WILL have heard this song. You probably think it's by the Kaiser Chiefs.

Oh wait, THAT'S Chelsea Dagger? FUCK, I'd been meaning not to find out what that was.

-- Just got offedMatt DC, Friday, 9 November 2007 13:11 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

yeah i was gonna say, everyone knows this atrocity without knowing its name.

21. "Characterised by its anthemic, scat sung chorus, which repeats the line 'Dur dur dur', it has been adopted on many football terraces as a crowd favourite (see below)."

young knives are deese

If we're mapping 00s haircut indie up against 90s Britpop, where do the Fratellis fit in? I'm assuming it's somewhere around Cast territory.

(xpost - this song was surely written precisely in order to be adapted for terraces and that fact that to my knowledge this has never happened is very funny)

it's B-sides are called "Dirty Barry Stole the Bluebird" and "The Pimp".

^22.

23. yeah i was gonna say, everyone knows this atrocity without knowing its name.

-- That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 9 November 2007 15:11 (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

(there is no equivocating 90's with 00's Britpop.)

it's not unlike the supernaturals -- 'the day before yesterday's man' -- on the annoyingometer.

I was reading WSC's "Half Decent Football Book" the other day, and one of the most interesting points in it was that how, in the past 30 years, probably the only song that has gone straight from the top 40 onto the football terraces is "Go West" by the Pet Shop Boys: ie, for all these plays to laddishness that these awful bands make, or any usage of "terrace friendly choruses" in modern indie/rock, the only band who succeed at thjs are two old homos who couldn't tell their arse from Elano.

Of course, "Monster" by The Automatic may still say in the terrace canon, but even then there's not much they have in common with, I dunno, The View or Milburn

If we're mapping 00s haircut indie up against 90s Britpop, where do the Fratellis fit in? I'm assuming it's somewhere around Cast territory.

God knows. Britpop never got this... misanthropic, did it? Or just viscerally contemptous of its audience. Even when Noelrock was in full swing.

WHAT'S THAT COMING OVER THE HILL
IT'S MICHAEL CHOPRA

I don't hear this as much anymore

90's Britpop actually cared about the music, about its audience, about succeeding through innovation and sound. There was a lot of shit but there was also a lot of very good music. 00's Britpop is all about the 'product', the market, the image, the imitation. It sucks harder than any other musical agglomeration I can think of.

The Automatic can suck my balls.

90's Britpop actually cared about the music, about its audience, about succeeding through innovation and sound.

lol

not all of it, but a good deal of it. i don't want to get all Geir on yer asses, but there was plenty of decent stuff.

Geir?

haha xpost

You know, Louis, it takes a certain something to both wear rose-colored glasses AND live in an ivory tower...

That said I do agree that the level of cynicism in the 00s bands we're talking about is off the scale, compratively speaking

i googled the lyrics to 'chelsea dagger' coz all i've got out of it is the annoying chant. i don't understand the lyrics though so that's cool.

Colchester fans to financially fucked Coventry the other week: "What's that coming over the hill? TEN POINT DEDUCTION, TEN POINT DEDUCTION!"

You know, Louis, it takes a certain something to both wear rose-colored glasses AND live in an ivory tower...

Why is it that you only ever engage with me in order to belittle me? I'd really be intrigued to know. I'd also be interested to hear an explanation for your post. WTF "ivory tower"?

see, not ivory:

http://www.simonho.org/images/Cambridge/Peterhouse1.jpg

HOLY FUCK MY ROOM IS IN THE CENTRE OF THAT PICTURE

SHIIIT

Any chance we could just stick to slagging off the Fratellis?

NOT WHEN I'VE BEEN SUCCESSFULLY STALKED

The great thing is that, Kevin Bacon style, all LJ zings are no more than two posts from logically stretching back to the Fratellis

http://photos-d.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v150/103/125/36910239/n36910239_35469211_4596.jpg

This song is great.

A bit of controversy there...

Dom's through the looking glass, though. Knows what these songs mean in the context of the British class/sex wars. I accept that.

Harry Lime ARL (5:04:43 PM): passantino can be pretty funny, when he's not being a cunt
thom jesus west (5:05:08 PM): yeah, i mean, he's a twat, but he's getting pretty good at working with it. he's like our miccio
-- butts lmao (adelangsto...), January 27th, 2006.

24. probability of clicking randomly in the current time scrolly thing on youtube video and hearing du dur dur dur dur dur dur dur chorus roughly = 95%

I'm trying to find the goddamn best of lists on stylus since I realized I have no idea what music Dom has actually enjoyed since 2004.

haha i knooooow he wouldn't have repped for the Doctor's Advocate if he was from HERE.

I was reading WSC's "Half Decent Football Book" the other day, and one of the most interesting points in it was that how, in the past 30 years, probably the only song that has gone straight from the top 40 onto the football terraces is "Go West" by the Pet Shop Boys

Amarillo has managed it too, usually in relation to Arsene Wenger's sweet distribution methods. Rehab as well sometimes.

Surely Go West was sung at football matches before the PSB cover?

I'm trying to find the goddamn best of lists on stylus since I realized I have no idea what music Dom has actually enjoyed since 2004.

http://www.hardtofindrecordsrecordstore.com/htfrimages/BMR180010.jpg
http://www.billiethevision.com/usr_img/MALL_konvolut.jpeg
http://www.mysteryisland.net/loveandfear.jpg

That's about it.

i love the young knives ;_;

I think they're pretty good too.

I like the one Young Knives song I know.

Jesus Christ the Fratellis are a stale dogshit pannini tho.

haha i knooooow he wouldn't have repped for the Doctor's Advocate if he was from HERE.

-- da croupier, Friday, November 9, 2007 9:15 AM (Friday, November 9, 2007 9:15 AM) Bookmark Link

I rep for The Doctor's Advocate and I'm from HERE. (Assuming HERE means America.)

It ain't where you're from, it's where you're at

...and I also like The Young Knives!

25. One Fratelli is called Mince, which is the worst nickname ever and choosing to be known by it makes him a twat.

26. The riff at the start sounds a lot like "Thy Damnation Slumbereth Not" by Half Man Half Biscuit, thus fooling me into perhaps thinking that the drudgery of the workplace Jo Whiley listening is going to be enlivened by "There's a bloke over there who says I can meet.... Ken Livingstone". And then it's this shower of shite.

oh that'd be nice.

Wouldn't it though?

Vampire Weekend are like the charm school Fratellis. There, I said it.

they wear blazers right? fuck em.

Much better produced.

Better rhythm section.

The Fratellis have confirmed they’ve split up after singer John Lawler posted a note on the band’s website.

"We have no plans to work together right now", he said.
He posted his comment on at exactly the same time as bandmate Barry spoke of his past successes with the trio.

Lawler continued "Sometimes things just work out that way. Mince, Baz and I are working on music but not with each other.

"Your passion is appreciated more than we will ever be able to say. We'll forever give our hearts and souls to music and to you guys who want to hear what we do."

Lawler is currently busying himself with Codeine Velvet Club while drummer Mince is playing with metal band Throne o’Diablo.

Fans paid tribute to the trio on their website with one posting "You guys changed my life. Thank you for the wonderful music, memories and everything else."

http://www.faetzbook.com/images/maracas.jpg

Many hits, all forgotten but one..

Friends of my ex played in a band with the drummer prior to The Fratellis and claimed he stole the riff for Creeping Up The Backstairs from one of their own dismal songs, which they continued to include in their set. Apparently it was a really sore subject for them.

LOL

1. "Halloween Blues"
2. "This Old Ghost Town"
3. "She's Not Gone Yet But She's Leaving"
4. "Seven Nights, Seven Days"
5. "Shotgun Shoes"
6. "Whisky Saga"
7. "This Is Not the End of the World"
8. "Jeannie Nitro"
9. "We Need Medicine"
10. "Rock 'n' Roll Will Break Your Heart"
11. "Until She Saves My Soul"

"Chelsea Dagger" has also been played over stadium sound systems before and after many football matches, and has frequently been played at other sporting events as well. League One side Yeovil Town play the song after a goal is scored at their stadium Huish Park. Since moving to the Juventus Stadium in 2011, Italian Serie A side Juventus F.C. does the same, as does Scottish First Division outfit Raith Rovers. English Championship side Nottingham Forest, who have reluctantly used it for quite sometime as many fans are opposed to the banal moronitude of the track, as well as Perth Glory in the Australian Hyundai A-League.

really transfixed by the Area Band mediocrity inherent to their song-titling approach

Little is known about Lawler's life before he joined the Fratellis. He attended St. Maurice's High School and went to college before dropping out within three hours. Before joining the Fratellis, he played in an Oasis and Blur cover band.

Oasis AND Blur? Fucking hell. Who is this crazy deviant.

Mencap i wd "finest" yr display name but i'm not dealing with 200 posts from outraged Americans

all part of the ongoing quest to find a joke with the smallest possible theoretical audience

big fan of twin cover bands and the bet-hedging therein - there's an Abba/Carpenters one that I see listings for quite often

http://www.cjtazz.co.uk/images/tributes/jamiroquai_jawonderquai-l.gif

^that might be the platonic ideal

Abbarpenters