Rolling Stone's 50 uncoolest records

I've never heard of this, but just for being called that it can't possibly be uncool.

poor old bob seger!

So cool.

time for me no-tin tin meat pudding pie pie

• Haircut One Hundred: Pelican West- bizzare mix of 80s cocktail funk and Beatles melodies, on the knife edge between "Classic" and "Tacky". Like a lot of great records, the first time I listened to it, I didn't know if I liked it or not!
• Sparks: Kimono My House- dunno, thought it was pretty cool over here in the UK!
• Pet Shop Boys: Actually- Why?!?!?!? It's a sin!!!! (Doh!!!)
• The Monkees: Greatest Hits- Dunno, I thought this was much better than "White Light, White Heat", if you ask me!!!!
• Joe Meek: The Amazing World of... - Hey!! Meek's cool enough to have a load of valve compressors made in his name!!! How cool can you get?!?!?

I have one (Haircut 100 - very cool LP) and large parts of the two that Omar owns on tape somewhere. The Moog Cookbook LP is GRATE but I don't have it. I shall probably get all of these at some point in the future tho'.... well, maybe not The Proclaimers or Weezer.

Rolling Stone weighs in with a primer on... what, exactly? ironic hipsterism? Note that as with their "coolest records" list, it really doesn't reflect the current editorial policy of the magazine at all. I suppose these are records to throw on between doses of the more rigorously recommended 'NSync, Sum 41, what have you.

While it wouldn't be a shock to discover that RS writers don't actually enjoy much of the music they cover, I have to wonder what really motivates these lists. The writers simply stretching their legs, or a strangely misguided attempt to make connoisseurs out of Limp Bizkit fans? i.e. is their staff actually at odds with its readership and constantly, futilely, trying to shape it into a shadow of its former (ancient?) hipper days?

The inclusion of people like Andrew WK might merit a closer look in this respect. It suggests that they want to come off as pre- emptive Hype Reactionaries (® Ron on the White Stripes vs. Carpenters thread) on the one hand, while also giving a knowing nod to someone presently basking in his 14th minute in some of the more with-it publications.

Really though. Joe Meek and Presley's Clambake? The nerve.

the beach boys: love you haircut one hundred: pelican west pet shop boys: actually the electric light orchestra: a new world record

And they were all bargain charity shop Vinyl purchases, but that doesn't reflect the quality.

This word (you know the one) is beginning to hold a fascination for me. Thanks ILM!

You may be onto something there. Rarely used it myself until I started lurking around here. ILM vocab influence?

Simple: People buy magazines with lists in. And then discuss how stupid the lists are, endlessly.

These guys should have gone all out and suggested Sports by Huey Lewis and the News.

does that say something?

Here's the actual review from '76 (they gave it four stars):

If there is any grace in heaven, Night Moves will give Bob Seger the national following which has long eluded him. It is simply one of the best albums of the year. As a vocalist, Seger recalls Rod Stewart; his raspy voice can both soar and attack. As a composer, he echoes Bruce Springsteen in his painful attempts to memorialize his past.

Night Moves offers rock & roll in the classic mold: bold, aggressive and grandiloquent. Seger's Silver Bullet Band and the Muscle Shoals Rhythm Section share the backup credit and provide support of almost operatic intensity. The arrangements use traditional devices: on the title tune, for example, tempo and volume continually shift to create climax upon climax; in "Mainstreet," a single guitar rings out the drama through the repetition of spare lines.

Seger is a romantic in search of an adolescent conception of love which has always eluded him. He can laugh at his condition ("Sunspot Baby") or try to exorcise it (his reworking of "Mary Lou"), but most of the time he rubs at it like an old wound ("Night Moves" and "Mainstreet"). All of these are songs of reminiscence, for Seger, above all, is a survivor.

If there is a flaw in the album, it is that the production is not aggressive enough. Occasionally the horns are too muted, the drums too hesitant. But these errors, like Seger's penchant for self-conscious poeticizing ("Sunburst"), are minor in an album bursting with energy and conviction. (RS 230)

KIT RACHLIS

Yes. The staff.

Right. So on second thought the savvy-seeming nods aren't central to the piece, which is more of a revisionist/"we've still got it, in a way" full-circle flashback sequence. Cokehead postmodernism. Brilliant.

(Don't mind me).

[Actual name of Bob Seger song]

The worst ones on here are obviously Barenaked Ladies and Shania Twain - they're not uncool, they're just absolutely awful.

I want to hear a lot of these records, though! - I'm pretty sure my mom has some. Are Bread really godlike? I've still yet to hear ELO.

Where to begin on the uncool list: remember The Outfield? They are actually much less cool than dorky staltwarts Rush, or Styx, but I don't have time to explain right now. They sure do suck on epic Ginger Lynn-ian levels, though. How about Natalie Merchent's solo records? Humorless soccer mom music for those who want to cut loose with a margarita once a month at Chilis...owww! Mick Jagger/Robert Plant/Roger Waters/Roger Daltry solo albums (particularly the one that was co-written with Leo Sayer).? Need I bring up the various lame-ass singer-songwriters of the 70's in the Dan Fogelberg/Michael Martin Murphey mold? Can't leave out the dumbest huge band since - what? The Mongolian Horde? - Oasis. "Be Here Now" is uncool to the point of embarassment. There are easily more uncool records, generally, than cool ones. Besides the God of Uncool (the anti-Nick Lowe?) Huey Lewis, how could any uncool albums list leave out Michael Jackson's 90's output? He is as essential to 90's suckage as he was to 70's and 80's musical brilliance.

Lists like this are tricky, though. Here's an example: The Osmonds "Crazy Horses" is so incredibly uncool that it transforms itself into Miles Davis-in-the-50's cool. Unlike Miles Davis fusion albums in the 70's...very uncool. And if you are going to put Accept on the list, aren't they really a funnier, wittier version of Rammenstein? Put them on that bitch, too! I will stop now..

Is this the theory of Schroedinger's cool?

I was going to remark on that. (Actually, it's "Secret Treaties", btw.) Perhaps it's a subtle nod to the elusive (illusive?) nature of coolness.

truly the most uncool record of all time....it is guaranteed to get you dumped by any self-respecting girl...your love for it must always link you to the uncoolest dregs of society. THink of the last guy you saw in a rush shirt....he was probably about 43 buying a lawn mower and a soda for his eight year old son with a rat- tail....but....dear god geddy rules on that album

np: Blue Oyster Cult - Agents of Fortune

Please be assured that my previous posts are intended as satire, and that I do not claim any knowledge of the use of drugs (or lack thereof) at the offices of Rolling Stone magazine. I have no reason to believe that any writer or staff member at Rolling Stone Magazine has a history of drug abuse, and would never undertake to present such a notion as truth. My earlier reference to the consumption of cocaine, a drug which enjoyed a heyday at roughly the same time as Rolling Stone magazine, was an off-color attempt at humor and was not meant to seriously implicate any Rolling Stone magazine employee (or for that matter any Public Relations representative of Shania Twain or The Pet Shop Boys) in any such behavior, now or ever.

I have never personally met any staff members of the aforementioned magazine or Public Relations teams. I have, however, perused said magazine in supermarket checkout lines many times and am thoroughly convinced of its editorial board's ability to develop and commission mystifying lists without the use of mind-altering substances.

Please accept my apologies for any confusion my remarks may have caused.

Sincerely,

actual mr jones = comic genius today

i never have any records from any of these lists but clambake was a classic movie. shelly fabares!

i played the guess which ones jody has game

secret treaties
louvin bros
elo
meatloaf
supertramp
george michael
sparks
the knack
cinderella
the bee gee's 1st

lessee, that's 10... I'm gonna say the next five are

bread
klaatu
pet shop boys
accept
america

nb i can't correctly i.d. drawings of mary or felicity ;-)

andrew w.k.: i get wet
weezer: weezer
the fifth dimension: up, up and away
meat loaf: bat out of hell
the moog cookbook: ye old space band
perrey and kingsley: the in sound from way out
supertramp: breakfast in america
sparks: kimono my house
the knack: get the knack
vince guaraldi: greatest hits
the electric light orchestra: a new world record
bob seger: night moves
joe meek: the amazing world of
cinderella: long cold winter
the bee gees: bee gees 1st
blue oyster cult: secret treaties

i have 5th dimension, bacharach, freedom rock, commodores. only the freedom rock would qualify as intentional ownership

supertramp: breakfast in america
george michael: listen without prejudice vol. 1
klaatu: klaatu
pet shop boys: actually

All of which are actually quite good, although that Pet Shop Boys album is not at all their best moment (rather the opposite).

Hmph.

i have an 8:1 ratio of coolness, by which i mean i own 8 records on the coolest list and 1 on the uncoolest list. since it's rolling stone, does this mean i'm cool or uncool? SHUT UP thE HEAD VOICES

andrew w.k.: i get wet
weezer: weezer
venom: at war with satan
meat loaf: bat out of hell
the moog cookbook: ye old space band
george michael: listen without prejudice vol. 1
the knack: get the knack
pet shop boys: actually

ones i used to have (but no more alas!):

accept: balls to the wall
supertramp: breakfast in america
america: history: america's greatest hits

ones i'd like to get (or at least listen to):

biz markie: the biz never sleeps
the bee gees: bee gees 1st
blue oyster cult: secret treaties (isn't this one also on the "50 coolest records" list?)
burt bacharach: reach out
perrey and kingsley: the in sound from way out
louvin brothers: satan is real
the commodores: commodores
the beach boys: love you
haircut one hundred: pelican west
sparks: kimono my house
the monkees: greatest hits
the electric light orchestra: a new world record
hank williams: as luke the drifter
joe meek: the amazing world of
elvis presley: clambake

never had, don't have now, and have no intention on getting:

everything else on the list

I used to own:
Biz Markie
Supertramp
The Knack

"the"? ahem.

Kids in my school used to walk around town singing the commercial when this was being advertised regularly.

Heh. Both of which Chuck Eddy specifically mentioned in Stairway to Hell.

Addendum: I just downloaded Moog Cookbook, "Buddy Holly" - yeah, it's
a cover of the weezer song. Double dose of uncoolness! Anyway, this
is fantastic. It's not a note-for-note reproduction; instead they
used the original melody as a jumping-off point for their own
circus-like arrangement. I love moog synths - they have a random,
organic feel that is impossible to simulate. They don't communicate
with other synths, so you have to record them live - plus they have
iffy tuning, giving the track has a very human feel.

andrew w.k.: i get wet
weezer: weezer
meat loaf: bat out of hell
the commodores: commodores
supertramp: breakfast in america
the beach boys: love you
sparks: kimono my house
the knack: get the knack
the monkees: greatest hits
the electric light orchestra: a new world record
the bee gees: bee gees 1st

And I want to own these ones

biz markie: the biz never sleeps
neil diamond: velvet gloves and spit
the fifth dimension: up, up and away
the moog cookbook: ye old space band
louvin brothers: satan is real
rick nelson: ricky
haircut one hundred: pelican west

I own ten *AND* my current ringtone is "Balls To The Wall" from Accept.

We're still a few years away from VH-1/RS's "Who liked this stuff in the first place LOL!?!?" revisionism.

shania twain: come on over
meat loaf: bat out of hell
supertramp: breakfast in america
george michael: listen without prejudice vol. 1
klaatu: klaatu
sparks: kimono my house
the knack: get the knack
pet shop boys: actually
the monkees: greatest hits
the electric light orchestra: a new world record
the bee gees: bee gees 1st