In every "Classic Album" TV/Radio documentary...

1. "Of course, this was all before sampling"

2. Mountains of coke

3. "Lemme pull this harmony vocal up just a little bit and isolate it."

4. engineer who clearly doesn't think the album is all that

5. lol haircuts

6. "This was our Sgt. Pepper"

6. "This originally wasn't going to be on the album until he came in on the last day of recording and nailed it."

7. Putting words into mouth of dead bandmember.

8. Dude from Rolling Stone/the NME with lol haircut in 2008.

9. Anthony DeCurtis w/no hair

10. Pushes up fader "what was that?" "oh that's just some of Brian's afriacan call & response backing vocal ideas that we didn't go with"

11. "Now, if we listen to this backwards..."

12. "This was really...a turning point, for the whole band."

13. Dude from rival band claiming that Classic Album completely led to them releasing some pile of shit to compete.

14.

http://mic-resource.com/images/U87_Z.jpg

15. "It was our Spinal Tap moment."

16. *Some guy being interviewed in his house with a guitar artfully placed behind him, just in shot over his right shoulder

(*preferably not a member of the band but someone who was in them before they were famous and hasn't played anywhere bigger than his local pub since)

... I HATE that kind of shot, it's in EVERY rock music documentary ever

17. Six words: David Fricke, leather jacket, enormous teeth.

17. is kind of a subset of 8. though

18. "I originally wrote the song on this very instrument, but we ended up not using it on the record because the rest of the band wasn't feeling the glockenspiel."

19. File video footage of birds, traffic, ominous buildings, clouds while album cut plays.

17. is kind of a subset of 8. though

But I didn't mention his lol haircut!

20. Montage of major political events from the year in question which have fuck all to do with the songs on the album.

21. Ugliest member of the band turning out to be the handsomest member of the band after aging.

22. Singer/guitarist performs a portion of a key song with an age-ravaged voice and completely different guitar tone/effects.

23. "[Insert famous musician] dropped in during the recording, and he/she/they just loved it!'

24. vacuous non-celebrities opining on record that they are suspiciously young to have heard when it came out

25. Drug casualty member interviewed with slightly haggard, ex-rock chick wife as prop in suburban garden.

26. Shit song written by bass player covered in 15 seconds

27. Original choice of cover art features naked chix/blatant drug references

28. Interviewee's cigarette placed just out side of frame

29. Reference to the album's chart position with a slow pan up the issue of Billboard it peaked in, with some embarrassing or less respectable album just above it.

30. Producer interviewed swivelling round in a chair in front of enormous mixing desk

31. Dude from record label who thought the album was shit and didn't want to release it.

30. Producer interviewed swivelling round in a chair in front of enormous mixing desk

that was likely not used to mix said record on

32. Norwegian recluse complaining that the album isn't melodic enough.

33. Story about enormous tape loop held taut with pencils and mic stands threading around control room.

34. "It was so small we had to put the drummer/string section in the bathroom/fire escape staircase"

35. Affectionate anecdotes about dead ex-roadies who were, in reality, drug-addled rapists and thugs
36. Embittered ancedotes about ex-managers who failed to make them even more money they already have

37. Commercials

38. Nile Rodgers.

39. Drummer who "happens" to be sitting in front of a bunch of gold discs on the wall.

40. "Bodger discovered that if he suspended his guitar amp over a fire bucket full of eels he got amazing natural reverb."

41. Richest or key member of band interviewed not in rented studio but in equally well kitted out home studio built in an enormous barn in Shropshire.

42. "If you listen very closely to the guitar solo in 'Truck Train Trailer', you can hear Aggi's son babbling about rubber duckies. When I pointed it out to Stephen a few years ago, he nearly bit my head off -- but I think it really adds to the character of the song. Nice little easter egg that very few people know about."

43. "This was our Deserter's Songs."

Slightly too many Pastels references in there for comfort!

44. Sixties album recorded on 4 or 8 track machine, listened back on brand new 172 track console.

Slightly too many Pastels references in there for comfort!

purely coincidental!

45. "That one didn't work 'till we broke out the whiskey and hookers. Only took one take after that."

46. "Initially, I was against putting out [insert classic hit] as a single..."

47. "And this bit..." (presses button on board to solo single instrument from the multitrack tape) "...is a guitar played with a mike stand/ashtray/old shoe/skull of a 13th century monk/some other bizarre object"

46. Lengthy interview with band member that conveniently avoids any mention of a popular urban legend regarding their initial refusal to record the song that became the album's biggest hit.

lol xpost

47. producer not so subtly hinting that hit song in question was a mess until he too control of it

took

48. One track that is never ever discussed or played, usually always about halfway through Side 2.

See 26. Shit song written by bass player covered in 15 seconds

Yes!

49. Guitar sound described using quasi-psychedelic imagery ("we wanted the guitar solo to sound like flying through purple thunderclouds on an antique Persian carpet sprayed with unicorn urine!")

50. Footage of the album's songs being played live culled almost exclusively from tours that took place many years, albums and lineup changes later.

(xpost) addendum: description gives you no fucking clue what the guitar actually sounds like, then the engineer/producer punches it in and it just sounds like a Tele played through an AC30.

51. Corollary to #1: "Of course, this was all mixed before automation..."

52. Everyone in file footage wearing eyeglasses in the studio.

53. "And this is the guitar I used..." - gingerly picks up ancient wreck of an instrument with 35 years of collected fingernail grime on the frets and finger board

54. "(name of musician) was the first person in the country to own a (insert name of obscure synth), and no-one in the studio knew how to use it!"

55. Corollary to #51. "Final Mix was like a performance" anecdote

56. Really boring keyboard player

57. "We got the bass drum to sound like this by stuffing it with a dead dog!"

58. Keyboardist: "This is the actual keyboard I used for that track...", but what it comes time to play a bit of it, a modern keyboard is used instead, not-so-subtly skating over the fact that the older keyboard doesn't work.

59. "Of course, back then no-one knew that heroin was dangerous"

60. Cowboy hats

61. Bass played now has a beard that makes him look like the Unabomber.

Truck train tractor

62. Gritty archival helicopter view of lower-income housing towers in city where band formed / bucolic car-window footage of shady streets and porches in small town where band formed

63. Brief discussion of band's history prior to that album, illustrated by photographs where the band members all look about 14.

64. "It was originally called 'Truck Train Trailer', but the record company execs refused to even glance at the acetate until we gave it a more commercial title."

65. awkward home video montage of a recently deceased band member

66. "We never liked playing this song live"

67. Footage of Muhammad Ali dropping by the studio

68. Bono saying hearing this album changed his life (along with 900 other albums)

69. Ex band member who went totally la-la on LSD and was fired is now a soberly suited executive in Silicon Valley and earns more money than the rest of the band put together.

70. intercutting of interviews w/ different band members to disguise open fact that they all hate each other

71. "The producer locked everyone in the studio and wouldn't let anyone leave until the track was cut."

72. Awkward reunion, after several years, of lead guitarist with singer, who he knows has slept with at least two of his wives

17. Six words: David Fricke, leather jacket, enormous teeth.

Beat me to it.

73. "We knew we'd recorded a pretty good album, but we had no idea how overwhelming the response etc."

74. Totally pointless anecdote about booze/drugs.

75. "It's not my favourite album I've ever made but..."

76. Rock critic interviewed in front of massive cd/vinyl collection, driving home the point that "he/she really knows what they're talkin' about."

77. "I think it said something about the times we were living in and what people were going through..."

78. Band member visits site of club where the band played their first gig together. Location is now either a burnt out derelict husk or a wine bar completely at odds with the band's image. Bonus points: band member goes to old style jukebox and selects track from the album, but it is clearly faked and dubbed on afterwards.

79. "By the way, a remixed/remastered/remodeled edition of [insert album title] drops in two weeks yo."

80. Producer gets engineer to fade out out band leaving only lead vocal to demonstrate what a good singer that coke-addled jackass was.

81. ...followed by a tedious discussion about how good the singer was at double tracking vocals.

82. Stevie Wonder anecdote

83. Guitarist consistently referring to Jimi Hendrix by his first name

76. Rock critic interviewed in front of massive cd/vinyl collection, driving home the point that "he/she really knows what they're talkin' about."

also: "shit, i had no idea [critic] looked like that"

84. Bizarre dietary habits of band members: "At the time, all he would eat was dry toast and chips"

85. Anecdote about the band's drug dealer having their own limo on tour, paid for by the record company.

82. Stevie Wonder anecdote involving invisible crocodile.

86. last :45 is a quick roundup of the ridiculous garbage the band members have put out since

87. Band member demonstrates how they got odd sound on drums right there for camera, but it sounds nothing like the recording. Sheepish grin.

88. During the playback scenes, Assistant Engineer chap at desk who was -12 when record was made.

89. Complexions that resemble streaky bacon rashers wrapped against a tree-trunk.

90. Band member (usually guitarist) unsubtly hints how about how much sex and drugs he did during those "wild times".

91. If it's a Classic ROCK album, you can pretty much guarantee that Slash will be a talking head somewhere in it - talking about how the record 'changed his life' (like many many other rock albums), and how much of an influence it had on GNR in the early days (like many other rock albums).

Obvious bitterness from band members that the most talented (usually guitarist) decided to leave to focus on solo career, and became more famous.

mid-atlantic accents.

92. the songwriter explains how he wrote the song, demonstrating how he played it first simple on acoustic guitar at home, followed by the chorus of the song itself, to emphasize the difference.

93. Some old guy with a rainbow beard or otherwise bizarre attempt at youthful hair coloring

94. someone claims credit for inventing playing with a tape loop and/or feedback

Hah that is so awesome. Obviously it was some unknown dude in the 30s.

"We had a little extra studio time left over at the end, so we recorded [most memorable song on the album] as a goof."

96. producer, sitting behind a huge mixing desk, points out something 'obscure' that was obvious to everyone the first time they heard the record. ("Note how he sings 'hello how low'")

97. singer explains that he can't sing that high any more.

98. Jim Keltner and his aviators

Linked to #92:

99. Interviewee starts to sing part of song unaccompanied, recorded version plays under them and the pitch and/or timing is noticeably off.

100. "They were everywhere. It was literally overnight."

101. The fans loved this one of ours, but my personal favorite was (names worst album).

102. He came in that day with a song we'd never heard before and did it in one take.

(I imagine these two were maybe already done? I didn't read them ALL)

102. "Andy Wallace came in after the fact and ruined the mix."

er, 103

103 ".. and then we did the same number again. It wasn't the same though..."

104. "and here is the decorative, chorusing out version of Mary Is A Dyke"

106. "We nailed it on the first take."

107. (Corollary of 100) camera pans up a Billboard chart to dramatically demonstrate a record's rise in the charts... or an animation thereof, showing what it has displaced

16. *Some guy being interviewed in his house with a guitar artfully placed behind him, just in shot over his right shoulder

(*preferably not a member of the band but someone who was in them before they were famous and hasn't played anywhere bigger than his local pub since)

― Ich Ber ein Binliner (Tom D.), Tuesday, 4 November 2008 17:25 (twelve years ago) bookmarkflaglink

... I HATE that kind of shot, it's in EVERY rock music documentary ever

― Ich Ber ein Binliner (Tom D.), Tuesday, 4 November 2008 17:27 (twelve years ago) bookmarkflaglink

I was thinking about this the other day. I've noticed that, since the pandemic has meant people have had to appear on TV from their homes, that this phenomenon is not confined to musicians - middle aged men (invariably) from almost any profession are apt to do it.

108. Blurry collage of print-media clips containing scathing reviews of the artist's previous output - "(the singer) sounds like an epileptic chicken in the midst of being strangled."

We could poll these, but I feel Aja would probably walk home with it.

"This is when I was singing a little like Jerry Lewis, remember that?"
"Yeah..."
"What can you do."
"That was a very fertile period for you."

We could poll these, but I feel Aja would probably walk home with it.

We did poll them, 13 years ago, and Aja did in fact win.

BEST EPISODE OF CLASSIC ALBUMS

#onethread

For most of that episode Becker and Fagen sound like they're simultaneously complimenting each other while also zinging each other at the same time. It's not a surprise that Steely Dan are practically the ILX house band.

I just saw that about 10 mins ago, blushing, talk about stepping on a rake lol

109. within the first five minutes: a writer or actor who was introduced to the record by their older sister's boyfriend. the album was "a right of passage" and was spoken about "in hushed tones"

110. montage of session musicians: "at the time it was just another date. we had no idea we were making history."

It's cool, Maresn3st, no need to feel bad. Nobody has the entire board memorized... except a few posters (who know who they are)

111. Impressionistic footage of a stylus gently undulating as a vinyl LP lusciously revolves on a turntable

112. Dave Grohl

113. Establishing footage of aged Rock Star arriving at studio in a new sports car.

114. Someone who was once a legendary reckless party animal making and drinking something like a wheat-grass smoothie

(And yes, Dave Grohl arriving in a sports car and then drinking an acai kombucha could hit these last three easily)

Anyone say "Carlos Santana invokes 'Coltrane' and 'Miles' amidst some cosmic gobbledygook talk"?

115. Footage of people frugging at Woodstock

116. Musician suddenly pausing while describing something horrible and staring off into space before reaching a very brief, apologetic conclusion.

Did anyone ever see BBC Four's When Albums Ruled the World or whatever it was called, and the narrative was that MTV came along and ruined the fun (somehow). And I can't remember who it was but some talking head in a very quivering voice came on at this point, to talk about how things were before MTV, saying 'looking at someone's record collection used to be like LOOKING INTO THEIR SOUL'.

Absolutely correct.

looking at someone's spotify history is more intimate since you see what they actually listen to not just what they own and display

117. unrelated famous musician or other celebrity roped in to explain the importance of music they're clearly not very familiar with, because the producers reckon no one will care otherwise

somehow never discovered this thread before. fantastic read. "it changed my life."

117a - celebrity is Stuart Maconie.

118. Easily licensable photos and/or crummy stock footage of "influences", most of which have diddley shit to do with the featured act.

119. Shot of interviewee finishing their chat and walking out of frame.

Printed Postscript: [insert name here] DIED AFTER THIS INTERVIEW. THIS FILM IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF [HE/SHE/THEM].

120. Producer or someone sits in front of a mixing desk with what is apparently the original master tapes loaded into the tape machine - or at least that's the idea - but irritatingly they don't actually describe the production process, or show how the music is mixed, or play any of it back, or anything.

I mention this because there's a documentary about Steely Dan's Aja where they do play alternative drum tracks from "Peg" while sitting at the mixing desk, and it's fascinating. The obvious audience for classic album documentaries is super-nerds, but the producers always insist on aiming them at a general audience who (in the producers' mind) don't need to know about the technical stuff.

I mean, doesn't everybody want to hear Steve Albini talk for half an hour about vintage guitar pedals? I rest my case.

121. "We wanted to get back to basics."

Ha @ 120 -- I was actually thinking about this earlier, how the financial backers of these kinds of things have to pursue a wide audience.... fundamentally at cross purposes with the lore-seeking musicians and music nerds in the audience (or doing the interviews). And so:

122. Palpable sense throughout that hours of genuinely interesting minutia and making-of stories have been left on the cutting-room floor, in favor of anecdotes which anyone remotely familiar with the band/album has already heard millions of times.

123. Band members filmed separately, often thousands of miles apart, because they cannot stand each other and have only been doing it for the money for years.

124. Palpable tension between original producer and 20-year-old assistant when the latter is required to press the spacebar on a ProTools rig.

125. Studio being used for playback scenes not the original studio, which is long gone and replaced by a mixed-use development of condos and an anchor Starbucks.

126. Band member/creative genius with a long history of "recovery" wearing shades during every interview.

125(A). Scene of band members pulling up to said Starbucks in disbelief.

"Bloody hell!... Anybody for a latte?"

125 (B) “So this is where the control room was…the drums were usually set up where that espresso machine is…oh, and the bathroom, that was the vocal booth. Let’s check it out…[snaps fingers]…wow! Still got that sound!”

Did anyone ever see BBC Four's When Albums Ruled the World or whatever it was called, and the narrative was that MTV came along and ruined the fun (somehow). And I can't remember who it was but some talking head in a very quivering voice came on at this point, to talk about how things were before MTV, saying 'looking at someone's record collection used to be like LOOKING INTO THEIR SOUL'.

126. Despite infamous history of massive drug use during entirety of recording, band members claim crystal-clear memories of the first time they heard the finished album back.

126a. Specifically, band members recall a shared realization that they hadn't just made a good album, but "something really special"; or, manager or label guy recalls moment of realizing they had a monster hit on their hands.

127. Band members in present claim to have appreciated punk, hip-hop, new wave, or other non-dino-rock form, as part of a generalized sense that so much great and creative music was happening at the time. Documentary colludes in this fraud by eschewing abundant evidence that the band publicly and obnoxiously disdained this genre at the time.

Great "exception that proves the rule" to 126 being Ian Anderson, who never touched drugs, recalling that when the band finished recording Aqualung, he had no idea whether they'd made a good album or not.

Did anyone ever see BBC Four's When Albums Ruled the World or whatever it was called, and the narrative was that MTV came along and ruined the fun (somehow). And I can't remember who it was but some talking head in a very quivering voice came on at this point, to talk about how things were before MTV, saying 'looking at someone's record collection used to be like LOOKING INTO THEIR SOUL'.

― you can see me from westbury white horse, Tuesday, 16 August 2022 00:38 (two years ago) bookmarkflaglink

I think about the passion this was delivered with a lot.

Back then if you saw Hot Hits 6 in someone's collection, with its anonymous re-recordings of Banner Man and When You Are a King and Chirpy Chirp Cheep Cheep, it MEANT something. But no one who was born a day after the 70s will ever understand this.

When you first met someone who also owned a copy of The World of Val Doonican, you knew you were finding your tribe.

Back then MTV didn't TELL you what to buy, you had to actually have the imagination to go out there and discover Showaddywaddy's Crepes & Drapes for yourself. It made it clear what sort of person you were.

I mean, how could it even compare to standing in the furniture department of the big Co-Op in Market Drayton, clutching the latest Judie Tzuke record.

128. Exactly one interview with band member is filmed in unlikely circumstances that show off the aging rocker's continuing dynamism, material comfort, or good heart: they're rock-climbing, water-skiing, piloting a Cessna, digging wells for the needy, pitching in on oil-drenched beaches, etc. Though necessitated by the star's ego, schedule, or perhaps their desire to shine a spotlight on a meaningful cause, these inclusions are embraced by the documentarian as life-giving interruptions to the churn of talking heads and montaged photographs.

129. Interview subject is plainly hammered and has nothing insightful or even coherent to say about the album... but it's all the footage they have of this guy, so it's going in the show and that's that.

130. Over audio of band member reminiscing about about how wild the parties were back then, vintage footage shows band engaged in endearingly dorky antics in the studio (bunny ears, walking backwards, standing on their heads). Either the more deabucherous exploits never took place, they weren't filmed, or the record is being bowdlerized for network television; the doc doesn't tell us.

131. Studio snapshots and footage from sessions for entirely different album are deployed willy-nilly, provoking vituperative outrage from small subset of fansm