Village Voice's F2K

F2K: Idolator Counts Down The 50 Worst Songs Of The ’00s, One By Ear-Splitting One

Contributions from several ilxors. I'm definitely looking forward to this. Actually, this'll be the first time I actually read Idolator in a while.

It should always be read. But I would say this.

Anyway the revulsed reactions from various friends who had never encountered brokeNCYDE before ensured this started off with a bang.

i think all songs on this list will be agreeably terrible

it's sad cuz whiney is banned

he will be happy that you started this though, kshighway

Whiney was banned? Wtf, we need him back immediately.

I like Whiney fine, but he's been insufferably ornery lately. Some time away may do him good.

wow "Control Myself" is a really thoughtful choice

kshighway, give him one of your other user names ; )

:-)

i totally knew that was whiney about a sentence into that

[Special thanks to Jordan Sargent and [NAME REDACTED] from [LOL FAMOUS WEB SITE] for helping us put together this list

lol wat

where's dom passantino when you really need him?

was thinking the exact same thing

"control myself"? this list is not off to a good start. :(

[Special thanks to Jordan Sargent and [NAME REDACTED] from [LOL FAMOUS WEB SITE] for helping us put together this list

it was me & arianna huffington

anyway, jeezus. i'd never actually heard brokencyde. now i know why i feel icky when i watch emotwink porn.

Hope Whiney comes back soon, but in the meantime I'm sure we'll all be following this.

ahahahahaha wat

I said I hope Whiney comes back soon, but in the meantime many of us will be reading whatever he writes for this Idolator series.

i think your crush on Whiney is cute.

"control myself"? this list is not off to a good start. :(

― Mr. Snrub, Tuesday, October 20, 2009 3:13 AM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark

^This... BrokeNCYDE OTM, though.

hahaha i didn't know that whiney wrote for idolator

"control myself" is a great song, actually surprised it was deemed beyond the pale

any list that starts with brokenCYDE is gonna be a good one, for sure. A bold move immediately excluding 'My Humps', I'm pretty sure that we (okay, I) can only find it fun and funny now after years of being overexposed and acclimatised, forgetting how mindblowingly awful it first felt.

how many songs do brokenCYDE have?

Out of curiosity, did anyone here who likes "Control Myself" actually read the reasons *why* Maura didn't like the song?

Yeah, I just did -- her criticism might hold more water if the production was as boilerplate as the lyrics.

she licked
off
her lip
gloss

Okay I'm not gonna lie, I love this song but I do see why someone would not like it, given it's an oddly-muted club banger that is completely anonymous and personality-free coming from a couple of the biggest personalities in the music industry.

All I can really say is zuh-zuh-zuh-zuh-zuh

It's an 8.0. It could never be a 9.0 or a 9.5 or a 10.0. Though it could be a 6.5 or a 7.5. But it's better than a 6.0, definitely.

I will admit that I was shocked to discover a few months ago that I had put it on my (108-track) Best of 2006 mix, but that's just because I'd completely forgotten about it.

i'm glad Jordan helped w/ this, Whiney kept asking me for suggestions but i was like, sitting at home with a newborn baby, and did not have enough hate to spare

the "Control Myself" blurb forgot to mention the 3 most pathetic things about the song:

1) that Fergie was their first choice for the hook and they got J.Lo after she said no
2) that LL was purposely recycling his "Going Back To Cali" flow for old school points
3) that the Clipse actually got all butthurt and accused LL of biting because they had their own song with the whole ancient "zuh-zuh-zuh" thing on it around the same time

god i wish i could still comment on Idolator, some stupid error message keeps coming up no matter what browser i'm on for the past 6 months anytime i try to comment

i'm glad Jordan helped w/ this, Whiney kept asking me for suggestions but i was like, sitting at home with a newborn baby, and did not have enough hate to spare

― some dude, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 14:45 (15 minutes ago) Bookmark

Why you hate the babby? :(

haha

48 is up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXf0yIRcdnI

We loved the Iraq war? Or The Moldy Peaches?

#48 just made me a Whiney FAN 4 LYFE

the Moldy Peaches were the equivalent of a seventh-grader from gifted class screeching “Cheese monkey!” at bullies until they were too sad and confused to give him the beating he so clearly deserved.

clearly this is whiny speaking from experience right?

what the fuck is that song

also lol at the ad hominem attack

I am going to be so entertained at Dan's reactions to all these horrible songs yet to be unearthed.

it's kind of nice to know that my wholly unfair prejudgment of The Moldy Peaches was absolutely 100% accurate

by pdfreeman at 2:22 pm

@Christopher R. Weingarten: Millionaires are the new Runaways, grandpa.

^Phil OTM

as tom ewing said on twitter, "who's got the crack?" is 47 places too low on this list. what a vile song.

I'm hoping that Ashlee Simpson, The Goo Goo Dolls, and Smashmouth didn't make the Worst of the 00's list, since they're all listed on the barfing iPod.

(Ashlee for not having any songs that are anywhere in the vicinity of the 50 worst of the decade, other two because any badness worth anything happened before the decade started.)

*~~ashlee's wondrous~~*

also cuz "all star" is a dope song

and who cares about any other SM songs

Ey, all I'm saying is that there have been some REALLY awful songs this decade.

I know no SM song exists that's worse than Bree Bree.

In fact, I bet there have been 50 worst-of-decade-worthy songs released this YEAR, according to this thread.

i hope jordan has done that thread proud in his selections!

There's gotta be some weighting for general importance, though -- something off of Brokencyde's new album should be worth more than something off of one that they self-released, in the same way that trolling MySpace or CDBaby for awful songs would seem to be a waste of time.

I'd like to suggest that those who can also comment directly on Idolator; Whiney (and Maura!) can respond directly to commentary there.

47!

holy lolz I never read the lyrics to that

"it's that clubs fault that I humped a 14-year-old girl on stage (let's pretend I never threw that male fan into the crowd)"

I had never heard "Control Myself" prior to Maura's post and I was somewhat floored by the production. Yes, all other elements of the song are concentrated dumb evil, but man, that beat.

you do know it is just https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r976pP0aY0M this right?

My superficial knowledge of Afrika Bambaataa: revealed!

Well that is a shame and something you should rectify asap.

oh shit, we could see Jewel's "Intuition" on here

^Spoken by someone who learned love from Charlie Sheen. (In a postmodern world, the good is bad. Weird, I just listened to this song today for the first time in like two years.)

Is "Intuition" the one that goes, "I see a burning bush to my left / I see something something to my right / You're not in sight. / You're not in sight?"

That's "Standing Still," the awfulness of which I had long forgotten until this new regrettable moment.

I hope "Standing Still" appears on this list.

oh I had also forgotten about that song and yes, WAY worse than "Intuition"

Dear God that "Bree Bree" song is the worst fucking thing I've ever heard in my life.

there's something about songs being presented as "LOL THE WORST" that makes me end up liking them in a weird way. as if preexisting knowledge that something will be bad just sets you up for backward-dissapointment, "oh c'mon this isn't so bad." as stupid as the lyrics are the akon song is not even one of the songs akon released this decade. but yeah "why doesn't anyone wanna take blame? -> i'll take on all the blame -> even though it's on you" is hilarious.

as stupid as the lyrics are the akon song is not even one of the songs akon released this decade

The missing word here makes this assertion wonderfully mystic.

i'm not sure if whiney's timely expulsion will bode well for this thread. i'm with kshighway; dude can be a bit of a caricature of himself, but i think the laffs outweigh any annoyance or resentment engendered. huge lols on the article, though, like especially the decade breakdown.

haha oops

"worst"

moldy peaches at 48 is some gauntlet-tossing critical audacity - how the fuck do you lower the bar 47 more notches?

this will make a dandy playlist, i'm sure. thanks, y'all! Moldy Peaches rule, btw!

xp following TMP with akon is a step in the right direction.

I am assuming "Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell" and "Stars Are Blind" are going to pop up on here eventually (low 40s for Das Racist, high 20s for Paris).

I thought Whiney really genuinely liked the Das Racist song

Maura is doing this, too!

I'm sorry that it took so long to see . . . But I was on tour with Gwen Stefani

lol

I really genuinely like "Stars Are Blind".

A bunch of people do! A bunch of people also genuinely like brokeNCYDE (of course those people are "the dudes in "brokeNCYDE")

2) that LL was purposely recycling his "Going Back To Cali" flow for old school points

actually the flow seems straight jacked from "Funky Cold Medina"...I'm always tempted to insert "like Mick Jagger said I can't get no satisfaction" in the verses.

that said, I love Control Myself and will rep the hell out of it.

well LL did "Cali" but not "Funky Cold Medina" and he did a bunch of interviews namechecking "Cali" when "Control Myself" came out so

oh look at that whiny is blogging

i know LL didn't do Funky Cold Medina, i'm saying the flow is identical.

blogs very much in character

yeah...but if I'm talking about what LL was "purposefully" going for and referencing his own words, while you're saying "actually" like you're dropping a truth bomb or contradicting what i was saying at all

also the meter is way closer to "Cali" than "Medina," you're still wrong

46!

oh this fucking thing

die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die die

woah i totally thought dynamite hack was the 90s....next you'll tell me wheatus teenage dirtbag was the 00s too

"Teenage Dirtbag" is a single by Wheatus, released in 2000.

aiyeeeeeeeeeeeee1111111!!!!

okay harvey danger was the 90s still right?

Yeah, that was '98.

good lord.

I was hoping to see that song by that asshole about banging your piano all night long until you like express something maaaaan here, but I'm not sure it lives up to these standards.

OH SNAP HE TOTALLY TOOK DOWN DYNAMITE HACK

So much for the billions and billions of dollars Dynamite Hack is pulling in these days, career = OVER.

This one more than most does kind of seem like shooting fish in the barrel.

But the Dane Cook/Richard Pryor thing at the end is spot on.

Yeah but sometimes those fish are evil and need shooting.

Quite honestly, if a list of the worst songs from a decade wasn't largely comprised of obvious shooting-fish-in-a-barrel choices (and I think at least 3 of the 5 presented so far are in that category), it wouldn't come across to me as "worst songs" as much as "songs we have INTERESTING OPINIONS about".

Having said that, I'd kind of love to participate in an ongoing rundown of, say, Pitchfork's or Rolling Stones' top of the decade list and explain why every choice is terrible.

If it were a note, it would be the final note in the Price Is Right “sad trombone” tune. Also it would not be played by a trombonist, but literally farted out of the sphincter of a just-hanged Saddam Hussein, the morose poot representing his twitching body’s last involuntary movement.

A bunch of people also genuinely like brokeNCYDE (of course those people are "the dudes in "brokeNCYDE")

I like brokencyde! stone me with stones!

I guess you're right. A "worst songs" list really should be objective and not subjective. xxxxp

I like brokencyde! stone me with stones!

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, October 21, 2009 2:36 PM

Sorry, I DO NOT BELIEVE YOU.

Quite honestly, if a list of the worst songs from a decade wasn't largely comprised of obvious shooting-fish-in-a-barrel choices (and I think at least 3 of the 5 presented so far are in that category), it wouldn't come across to me as "worst songs" as much as "songs we have INTERESTING OPINIONS about".

or hey you could just not have a list of the worst songs from a decade

time and energy wasted on bad music is time and energy you're not spending on discovering dope new music imo, though i suppose lists like these have their appeal too.

or hey you could just not have a list of the worst songs from a decade

You could also not have a list of the best songs from a decade; in fact, no one really needs to write anything about music.

otm

discovering dope new music is overrated anyways

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/34/73616873_6d4a340c2f.jpg?v=0

this is dope new music for me

it's true! I can't watch their videos but the album is funny + absurd + well produced.

xp to johnny fever

post music

or pictures of it

okay, i guess? xxxxpost ¯\(°_o)/¯

there's something about songs being presented as "LOL THE WORST" that makes me end up liking them in a weird way. as if preexisting knowledge that something will be bad just sets you up for backward-dissapointment, "oh c'mon this isn't so bad."

^ I don't know how much of this thought process played into me liking brokencyde, but I'm like, really? you're getting apoplectic over this?

I get being contrary but come on now.

I'm the contrariest

I did a lot of heartfelt soulsearching trying to figure out if my enjoyment of brokencyde was bound up in lol irony, but in the end I concluded that I really truly enjoy listening to that album

if your emotional maturity is > 16 YMMV tho

this thread is helpful though, I feel like I'm working through my issues of guilt and shame

in re: brokencyde

wow, it's like this thread is defenseless without whiney around

post whatever you want guys, black is white, freedom is slavery, brokencyde are great

looooooool

i hear that fucking Dynamite Hack song on the radio at least once a week but wow never saw the video. didn't realize they beat Vampire Weekend to the exact same "lol check out how we look and then listen to the lyrics" punch almost a decade earlier.

Vampire Weekend at least seem reverent toward the cultural musics from which they borrow, though. Dynamite Hack comes across as "Hey d00ds, wouldn't be totes hilarious if we covered Eazy-E with acoustic guitars? LOL we've never even seen crack cocaine except on Dateline, so the levels of irony will be off the chain!"

awful song, wtf @ ppl defending it in the comments.

I have been driven to distraction lately because the local pop station plays "Party In The USA" and "Battlefield" incessantly but I don't think I could deal with Dynamite Hack exposure once a week.

Important question: how did you feel when Travis Morrison of beloved indie rockers The Dismemberment Plan covered a Ludacris song with an acoustic guitar?

never heard it!

45!

Important question: how did you feel when Travis Morrison of beloved indie rockers The Dismemberment Plan covered a Ludacris song with an acoustic guitar?

never heard it!

I have, and it's just as bad if not even worse. Travis should know better.

hahahahahahahahahaha that writeup is awesome

(02:29:34 AM) Whiney: can you post in the F2K thread for me
(02:29:39 AM) HOOS: yep
(02:33:18 AM) Whiney: to Johnny F and n/a: We tried to make it a fair balance of barrel-fish, challops and personal grudges. Anything that leans too far to classic targets is just Digg-style "Fergie is terrible LOL isn't Insane Clown PUSSIES for idiotz ROFL?" Anything that leans to far to challops is "Look at my CAHRAZAY opinions! Here's my book on why the Beatles are the worst band ever!" Striking a good balance fulfills your role as both reporter AND a critic with a unique voice. That being said, I don't remember Dynamite Hack being some incredibly hated on group, just some sad novelty blip that came and went.

The Travis Morrison cover was awful, but mostly because it was just plain bad. I was more interested in knowing if the same "rules" as to irony and slumming apply to him as they do for Dynamite Hack.

Ned seems to be enjoying all this a bit too much, methinks.

Are there any acoustic covers of rap records that aren't awful?

The Sesame Street appearance is rofflesome.

forget brokencyde

fight the real enemy ie james blunt imo

Are there any acoustic covers of rap records that aren't awful?

http://www.hearya.com/2007/05/25/top-10-indie-covers-of-rap-songs/

ummm, signs are pointing to "no"

okay except the "Baby Got Back" cover is hysterical

i think whiney was making an under-considered criticism in the dynamite hack post & i think lists of bad songs are funny.

whiney's cynicism & self-loathing makes him a tedious message boarder at times but it makes him a hilarious writer when he's trying to eviscerate something which is why this list has been really awesome so far imo

that's ridiculous, his poor fashion sense and goblin-like features are the source of his hilarity

i like cheese.

44!

OTT:

not all acoustic or covers, obviously, but the above question reminded me that i need to watch that mtv thing with 2pac backed by members of Groove Colelctive. its actually pretty good...

I really hope the blackout crew are in this.

"This last part isn’t Aaron (or America’s) fault, but cracked me up anyway. Four different lyric Web sites (incorrectly) list the second verse as: “Everybody come together, make it half-black, white, Spanish, Chinese…” I’m pretty sure that means that Carter’s idea for world harmony would be to have everyone ejaculate in a big bucket and make a new race of awesome hybrid people."

If I ever meet Whiney, I will high five him for this.

Never heard of Aaron Carter, I guess he one of those US-only stars?

"he was"

haha "one of those"

he was a "star" to 12 year old girls for a few years - not really notable aside from being the brother of a backstreet boy

oh the lolz in that entry, my God

Hate pieces are almost always more fun to read than love pieces IMO.

god, whiney's write ups have been so good & funny

btw that aaron carter album got a classic 4-star review at AMG by steven thomas erlewine

man if there are 43 songs WORSE than this aaron carter thing, it's gonna be a crazy ride

I dunno, I'm more offended by "Oh Aaron" than this one (which is pretty bad, sure, but I think the Beastie Boys' "An Open Letter to NYC" is way worse on this theme -- lacks the WTF that makes "America AO" if nothing else completely insane).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNI43Q6MNt0

LOL wrong Aaron Carter! That was the one I linked over at Idolator, subgenre of videos if not songs exactly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4yAuL204zE

This NEEDS to be on the list:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iul3ujcBGwU

43!

i really like the beat to open letter to nyc y'all crazy.

omg that aaron carter writeup

I hadn't heard that Basshunter tune before, quite funny! Though Double You already did a much better Eurodance version of "Please Don't Go" back in 1992:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XX19QG_RFXQ

i like that beastie boys song altho the rub n tug remix is way better

tuomas, i will see your double you and raise you a kws (who also released a version in 1992 because of some distribution-related snafu):

<object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3w1TzLR2tYc&hl=en&fs=1&";></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3w1TzLR2tYc&hl=en&fs=1&"; type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object>

oh no :(

let's try that again:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w1TzLR2tYc

42!

lol I am psychic

I had actually forgotten how terrible this song is, for some reason I thought I thought it was okay and forgettable but no, it is actually fucking terrible.

41!

ill cop to pretty much loving "kryptonite" but i can understand why it's on this list

j.r. rotem really is the worst human being on the planet but "better in time" & "becky" are waaaayyy better than "whatcha say" which imo could've made this list!

I really, really, really appreciate Idolator for doing this difficult work. Thank You.

that song makes me feel queasy it is so bad although thanks idolator for making me remember like a feather.

haha that KWS video was filmed in the local nightclub "Gloss"(now Hamilton Palace) in Hamilton (my town)

Aw, the V-Hudge song isn't THAT bad, though it is probably her worst song. Best song was a bonus track on her first album, "Don't Talk":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Fp794lMR4c

ill cop to pretty much loving "kryptonite" but i can understand why it's on this list

ditto, i suppose. although I'm not sure if it's really one of the 50 worst song of the decade. it's an inoffensively bland modern rock track. surely even 3 doors down have done worse. that awfully maudlin song from American Pie 2, for example?

3 doors down have def done worse. what about that song that was playing in movie theaters for months trying to get you to join the army? at least 'kryptonite,' shitty as it is, kinda earned its spot on the charts

Beyond the boundaries of your city's lights,
Stand the heroes waiting for your cries.
So many times you did not bring this on yourself,
When that moment finally comes,
I'll be there to help.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here.
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

When there are people crying in the streets,
When they're starving for a meal to eat,
When they simply need a place to make their beds,
Right here underneath my wing,
You can rest your head.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here!
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there...

There... there... there...

Hope and pray that you'll never need me,
But rest assured I will not let you down.
I'll walk beside you but you may not see me,
The strongest among you may not wear a crown.

On that day when you need your brothers and sisters to care,
I'll be right here!
On that day when you don't have the strength for the burden you bear,
I'll be right here!
Citizen soldiers holding the light for the ones that we guide from the dark of despair.
(Citizen soldiers)
Standing on guard for the ones that we sheltered,
We'll always be ready because we will always be there.

the whole thing reeks of challoping for ilx's (one's peers: i.e., pretentious 20-some-year-olds reparazent!) favor. big fucking surprise. still, if it wasn't all so consistently obvious it may have been somewhat funnier (tho i sincerely doubt it).

3 doors down have def done worse.

Perhaps, but if you were subjected to rock radio for upwards of 8 hours a day any time between 2000 and 2003, you heard this song enough times to make you wish for deafness. Its ubiquity alone qualifies it for the list over any other 3DD song.

if you want to claim a song's ubiquity is exceptional, don't use the set up "if you were subjected to rock radio for upwards of 8 hours a day anytime between 2000 and 2003." Because, in that context, later years offer similarly ubiquitous - and worse - gold & platinum singles by three doors down.

lol wikipedia says "citizen soldier" went to #1 in australia, waht

what about that song that was playing in movie theaters for months trying to get you to join the army?

I'm here without you babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Here_Without_You

I think.

and yeah, I think I heard "Kryptonite" about eight thousand fucking times when I was in, oh, seventh grade. whoever said that the band has worst songs though is completely correct. see above post.

* worse

Don't know where else to post this, but . . . Whiney was interviewed by the AV Club y'all:

http://www.avclub.com/newyork/articles/christopher-r-weingarten-talks-about-twitter-and-t,34154/

Sample:

AVC: What is your response to the internet commenters who didn’t like your speech at the 140 Characters Conference? Some of them thought you should “just get with the times.”

CW: This goes well beyond the music-criticism industry. This is every industry right now. Where there was once jobs for 100 people in the old way of doing things, now there’s a new way of doing things where only 10 people can do it. You’re either one of those 10 people or you get fucked. I’m worried that maybe one day we’re not going to be paying for musicians. Maybe one day we’re only going to have bedroom crybaby bullshit like Wavves. I’m terrified to think the future is just going to be Pitchfork reviewing MySpace pages, because there’s not going to be anyone left to put out records or review records. It’s just going to be a series of links and an advertisement.

ha i feel bad for that wavves dude

Like, I think Asher Roth should get punched in the balls, but [his album's] first track’s got kind of a hot beat. He got like a 1.5.

zach hill is the drummer in wavves now

hey you're not kidding, what the hell.

yah i'm not sure how to feel about that

3 doors down have def done worse.

Perhaps, but if you were subjected to rock radio for upwards of 8 hours a day any time between 2000 and 2003, you heard this song enough times to make you wish for deafness.

Or if you were ever in a band that did covers and had to play the fucking thing.

Or if you went to a bar that had a band that played covers and had to listen to them play the fucking thing.

zach hill is the drummer in wavves now

― plax (I know, right?), Sunday, October 25, 2009 3:17 PM (5 hours ago)

wow

bad drummer teams with bad bedroom guitarist, news at 11

uh, can't speak for everyone but zach hill's really good imo

wavves suck obv

i'm pretty sure zach hill is making more money touring w wavves than he ever has w hella or marnie stern - pretty sure dude is just trying to stave off getting that job at the corner burrito joint

aka don't hate the player, hate the game

i documented my complaints elsewhere but dude's drumming is as annoying as fuck

dnr there was so much money in throwing tantrums for spanish ppl

sarahel posted a really nice little thing about his drumming style somewhere, like a little breakdown. Astrological straights is a first class alb

he can probably lay down a solid beat and pour beer over the other guys head at the same time though

I wish I were in Wavves.

3 doors down have def done worse.

Perhaps, but if you were subjected to rock radio for upwards of 8 hours a day any time between 2000 and 2003, you heard this song enough times to make you wish for deafness.

Or if you were ever in a band that did covers and had to play the fucking thing.

― a wicked 60s beat poop combo (Pancakes Hackman), Monday, October 26, 2009 12:30 AM (12 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Or if you went to a bar that had a band that played covers and had to listen to them play the fucking thing.

― ...And You Will Know Us by the BLAZE of YA DEAD HOMIE (los blue jeans), Monday, October 26, 2009 1:41 AM (11 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

life is hard.

Is 3 Doors Down your mom or something?

Ioannis fyi tbh whiney says stfu

"also tell him that if he thinks taking down Basshunter and 3rd-tier Aaron Carter singles is "obvious" then I don't know what amazing musical world he's wrapped himself in"

tell him the feeling's mutual, Hoos.

can't wait for the "Hey Ya" and "Crazy" write-ups, btw.

i can't stand 3DD, Dan.

xps

Okay, really? You think making fun of James Blunt and brokeNCYDE is on par with making fun of Outkast and Gnarls Barkley?

I mean, really?

no. just mean to point out that it's mostly been a bit too obvious thus far. hopefully that will change as the countdown continues. cripes, man, let me deal with my feelings of disappointment in my own way, will ya?

uhhh really confused as to what you expected

So horrible, terrible, awful songs shouldn't be obvious?

challops are a couple threads over

something funny maybe?

xps

i'm certainly laughing

Actually appearing at an event like that - being aware of it, standing in a room with those people - makes it difficult to view Whiney sympathetically, as a possible sky-is-falling peer. If you look at the history of music criticism, there is a reason it's so dramatically demarcated by generation, by eras of writers: it never paid a living wage. Shit or get off the pot.

whoa.

if it was like a list of 10 songs i could see being disappointed by an obvious entry here or there, but with 50 it'd be crazy to not have anything that's at least a little easy or on the nose

i agree, actually. i'm just being a grumpy old man. (and the Moldy Peaches rule!)

...dammit!

so much resentment on this thread

I never in a million years would have guessed that The Moldy Peaches was an inclusion that would make someone mad! lol

stranger things have happened imo. but yeah that is pretty lol-worthy, i agree.

40!

So X, it makes X sound like X.

http://www.korrekt.com/home_04/maxell_ad_chair_01_small.jpg

master baiter, this guy

This is a “collaboration” like leprosy is a collaboration with your skin,

So good.

you know, it's odd -- i stopped working in office supplies almost a decade ago, yet i don't feel the need to trawl office supply related message boards wiping my ass on indifferent office supply aficionados.

i'm weird, though.

that three hole punch sucks ass

these people claiming gel pens have the same relevance as the ballpoint revolution are talking out of the wrong hole.

you're just pissed chris crossed you off the "potential peer" list ages ago.

:'-(

now i just want to know which offends him more, the existence of Idolator's obnoxious parlor game, or that whiney is there, fiddling like nero as rockcrit burns

Holy shit, that is crappy! You'd think Loud could've hired someone to actually remix those two songs together instead of just cutting and pasting Wu verse, Ozzy chorus, Wu verse, etc.

It seems being non-American saves you from some crappy music. I haven't even heard about half of this artists, let alone heard their songs. I think "Control Myself" and "You're Beautiful" are the only ones I'd heard before... And with the latter tune I didn't know before who performs it, as I'd only heard it on radio.

It seems being non-American saves you from some crappy music.

Is that how it is.

I never in a million years would have guessed that The Moldy Peaches was an inclusion that would make someone mad! lol

I am just mad that they are not number one.

now i just want to know which offends him more, the existence of Idolator

I'd prefer if everyone just waybacked back to maura.com and forgot the entire lamentable episode, yes.

hey, i was actually spared that aural travesty (re: #40). phew. where's Bill, btw?

strongo, define "working" in this context.

no.

fyi i have the biggest musical-critical dick, so maybe we can cut this whole conversation off right now

why doesn't your dick like musicals?

his last girlfriend's vagina sang "hello dolly" every time they tried coitus

It seems being non-American saves you from some crappy music.
-- posted 10 min. ago from the audience at the Eurovision Song Contest

(btw that vagina will be #5 on this list)

btw that vagina will be #5 on this list

Why don't they try being a little more obvious.

max's gfriend's vagina is soooo overrated

;(i);

wow u guys

Louis Armstrong was not a pussy dammit!

sigh

god bless us

39!

what the hell

About right.

ghastly!

that heidi montag song better place

ha was just thinking the same thing

It seems being non-American saves you from some crappy music. I haven't even heard about half of this artists, let alone heard their songs. I think "Control Myself" and "You're Beautiful" are the only ones I'd heard before... And with the latter tune I didn't know before who performs it, as I'd only heard it on radio.

― Tuomas, lunes 26 de octubre de 2009 19:19

Pretty sure the hatred for the songs will be more universal as the list reaches climax, tho. Only two songs I've ever heard from the list so far are Kryptonite and Beautiful. If this is really a demographic thing my ears are extremely grateful for not living in the states. Then again, a great deal of music which did ended up being a hit in my country makes this set of songs sound like immense works of art in comparison.

Just so you feel deeply sorry for me. This was a massive hit two summers ago.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnoaj8b2bGM

hahahahahahahahaha I remember this song

i love this song, as a matter of fact, i love my dog to this song. aka my girl because females are not humans they are robots created by the lord jesus christ to give us blow jobs and anal pleasures. they do not have feelings nor rights but this song rules and you can all smoke my big fat cock. CHACCARON!!!!!

― mike bready jr, Saturday, April 22, 2006 1:32 AM

Pretty sure the hatred for the songs will be more universal as the list reaches climax, tho.

Maybe so, but number 39 is yet another artist and song I'd never heard about before.

Btw, Chacarron is awesome both as a parody and as an actual song! If it will be on the list, I'll be disappointed.

Things you've never heard about before? I am shocked.

Tuomas, have you heard of Danity Kane, the group she came from? It's the most recent girl group put together by Diddy, specifically the song "Damaged" (which is about a bazillion times better than Aubrey's solo nonsense):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nd5qfva5h90

No, never heard of them. But I haven't owned a radio nor a TV for most of this decade, so clubbing and ILX and friends have been pretty much the only sources for learning about new pop music.

Want prosperity? Index ranks Finland as place to be

Though I'm sure Finnish radio would never play stuff like that Kryptonite song, it sounds like the sort of stuff that's popular in America only.

waiting for Flobots

Beckett's worst play

"Well, shall we flow?"
"Yes, let's flow."
They do not flow.

38!

that totally hilars brohammer from your freshman dorm who borrowed your laundry basket all the time and then freestyled that funny rap about laundry baskets, remember that?

Okay, I don't usually advocate murder, but Say Anything has gone too far.

Alex in NYC, if you're listening, pls send me some cool crazy ass phrase to sum up my feelings about this.

I'm convinced Dan has just listened to this and gone catatonic.

holy fucking shit this is horrible

BTW since I know you all really wanted a YouTube playlist for everything so far (and everything to come):

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=EA5E8AC76BD79FFD

Perfect for clearing the room after your parties have gone on too long.

hahahaha

I could seriously have lived without ever having to have seen Cisco Adler's cock come up in a GIS, thanks.

even though I enjoy most of the tracks on the list I know already, I'm not going anywhere near that playlist.

Started to put together a Spotify playlist, but missing too many to justify it at the moment. Perhaps as the list progresses more will be available. A lot of Aaron Carter but no America AO. Basshunter also shamefully absent.

okay wtf I finally broke down and played the Aaron Carter song

I mean, WHY

I actually really like Say Anything, but I've managed to avoid that particular cover. Going to try and keep it that way too, thanks.

Yeah, Say Anything are amazing, but that cover is downright awful. Which, it was made for a one-off punk-crunk compilation. Were you expecting it to be any good?

I'm sure that compilation is a treasure-trove of horrific songs. I can't imagine the New Found Glory cover is better than the Say Anything cover.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExCvsFFmgtM

got that right. woof.

okay, AMAZING? Say Anything are AMAZING?????????

what the hell

based on that i am now listening to say anything songs on their website, and cursing the day that god invented ears, music, recording, rock bands, the internet, and streaming audio

honestly i love my rock music and all...but at this point let's just shut it down. the operation has been compromised.

I mean, it's kind of like how can you possibly be a normal, functioning human being who is well-adjusted and normalized into modern society, then turn around and say something like "Say Anything is amazing"? Aren't you basically half a step away from throwing co-eds into Jigsaw traps at that point?

people overuse 'amazing' and 'awesome' all the time... in the 21st-century lexicon they often mean little more than 'mildly pleasing'.

yr missing the point

I think the Say Anything song "Alive With the Glory with Love" is amazing (not using the word hyperbolically). None of their other songs have made quite the impact. I like the band, tho. I enjoyed Two Tongues, and I'm looking forward to the new album.

xp

not really. one person likes 'em, another doesn't. the usual.

okay seriously, listening to "Alive With The Glory With Love" now and am expecting Ashton Kutcher to pop his head around my cubicle wall any second

honestly. you guys all koganed your brains out or something.

like i'm all for pop emphera, like music that sounds like how 7-up looks, but this is just all the whiney horrid vocalisms that have ruined indie rock filter through wack third wave 90s pop punk ska bands and then run through bad modern rock studio sounds

it doesn't work as rock or as catchy pop music.

it's like a popcicle made of mcnuggets

but it's nice to pinpoint where exactly popism became stockholm syndrome

popholm syndrome

not to be confused with pophole syndrome

music that sounds like how 7-up looks

hah, i haven't actually listened to ~any of the songs on this thread yet, but this is perfect

Say Anything are a very good band and their first album is one of the best of the decade imo. don't see anything popist or koganed out about holding that opinion, since they're pretty middle tier as far as major label emo bands go.

okay seriously, listening to "Alive With The Glory With Love" now and am expecting Ashton Kutcher to pop his head around my cubicle wall any second

― ADVANCED CHORD CHANGES (HI DERE), Wednesday, October 28, 2009 9:22 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

lmao

37!

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha this thing, what the hell

This is what The Farm sounds like to everyone but me, isn't it?

only one i've heard but that sounded alright to me(?)

36!

holy lolz, so glad I chose to skip this album even though I liked the first one

She apologized for all the bratty behavior that made her interesting, and replaced all her rapping with what my brain tells me is singing but my ears tell me is screeching tires.

fucking hell. i apologise world. we may have given the world many a great thing but i am genuinely embarrassed be on the same land mass at the person who made this.

"you don't need to eat that burger sauce just rub it all on your lips"

(xpost) That line is great but is completely undercut by the laconic rap she does on the track he's making fun of.

The vocal filter on the chorus is fucking creepy and not at all sexy.

holy lol "(oh, porridge)"

The background voice saying in his smooooooooooooothest voice "food blenders". omg, there are not 35 worse songs surely.

holy lol "(oh, porridge)"

omg lolololol.

I am massively enjoying this because it is hilarious, not because it's any good.

i now feel like i might give anorexia a try.

the electro Ebola that’s killing hip-hop

Isn't this the same idea everybody jumped over SFJ for?

Sov album is good btw (though that song's just silly.)

I had no idea this record existed. Blimey.

I'm just expressing myself as ONE HUNGRY MIDGET

"the way you chew that CHEESE... you SLEAZE!"

okay I actually just caught the bit that the tire screech ref alludes to and holy fucking lolz

Weird Al is so mad at this girl right now

Cheesecake Drake

^^this is such a good burn

I think this is pretty funny and doesn't sound bad. It's quite obviously a parody of sex raps, I can't believe the writer even has to ask whether or not she's joking.

It's like asking whether or not "Chocolate Salty Balls" should be taken seriously... Sometimes joke songs can be good too.

yeah the thing is this is clearly a joke song and it's also clearly awful

I think even the people who hated her first album would agree this is many many many many many times worse than ANYTHING on it.

Well, compared to the horrible song that began this countdown, or the Ozzy/Wu tune, this is way more listenable.

i for one am glad we have someone like tuomas to let us know when someone is being facetious or sarcastic

tbh I'm not sure that I've recovered from brokeNCYDE yet but come on, this is not a particularly good effort from Lady Sovereign

This is the first thing I've ever heard of her, I guess I might be more disappointed if I was a fan or something.

This is pretty bad but it was worth sitting through three minutes 30 for the fella going "spoons... ice cream... crisps"

35!

ha, the first one where i know someone who owns a copy of the single.

just ftr, that song was based entirely off of a sample stolen from (I believe...?) track 4 off of this:

http://www.amazon.com/Best-Techno-Vol-2/dp/B000000CGX

Isn't this just a remix of Cuban Boys' "Cognoscenti vs. Intelligentsia"...?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iulnYHD5Wg

...which came out in 1999. Of course the sample they both use came from some cartoon, but I don't hear too much difference between this and the "Hampsterdance Song". Both simply loop that sample and but a happy hardcore/handbag beat behind it, with some instructional male vocals.

If it isn't a remix, then the Cuban Boys should sue Hampton the Hamster for stealing their idea.

And if they indeed sue him, Hampton should be represented by this guy:

http://www.greenwichworkshop.com/images/gallery/images/Prints/Bullas/1995legaleag2.jpg

34!

what the hell

That was a slow burn.

more like a slow beating-my-computer-into-good-enough-shape-for-me-to-be-able-to-look-at-web-pages

and of course one of the first things I look at... is that

33!

33 and a turd.

that song should have been "higher" on this list, haha

sure, go ahead, be cruel and hurtful toward a 21 year old from a small town in colorado trying to follow her dreams

you don't even know her!

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha this is an autotune bonanza

like there isn't a single actual note on here that is produced by her

in character

Rolling country 2007 thread

Ah, and now I'm listening to Heidi Montag's blank so-what pasted-on voice singing the silly electro discopop "Body Language" and the vocals have more presence and less distance (is that the word?) than those of anyone I've mentioned in this paragraph except Kelly C.

Wow, autotune.

i'm really starting to understand My Humps not making it.

wtf?? had to pause to make sure all those sounds came from the same place, what a mess

singing the silly electro discopop "Body Language"

That was more of a dis of the other people in that paragraph than it was a ringing endorsement of Heidi Montag's personality, unless you consider "blank so-what pasted-on singing" to be complimentary. Also,"Body Language" sounds nothing at all like "Higher."

...Which is terrible.

except the hills is maybe the best thing on telly

Anyway, this > Chris's relatively mild (for such an obvious target) putdown:

"Fill in the blank:

1) If Heidi Montag's singing didn't sound like she was forcing salt water out through her nose, "No More" would be one of the best singles of the year.

2) Despite her sounding like she's forcing salt water out through her nose, Heidi Montag's "No More" is one of the best singles of the year.

3) Heidi Montag's "No More" is one of the best singles of the year, and one of the reasons for this is that she sounds like she's forcing salt water out through her nose.

(I am wavering between choices 1 and 2. If I were ever to shift to choice 3, this would probably mean that I have entered a new psychosocial life stage, such as _______.)"

32!

sometimes i feel bad for not saying something smart like the rest of you guys about music. this, however, is not one of those times:

lolololololololololololololololololololololololololetc

this makes me regret ever saying anything positive about Smashmouth, ever

"The 50 Worst Songs of the '00s That No One Would Ever Have Heard If We Hadn't Linked To Them"

huge lol at the last line

I am coming by to say thank you again. So awesome this list.

Though I did lose a friend to BrokeNCYDE. He listened to "Bree Bree" about fifty times trying to figure out why it exists and now likes it.

^^^a real warning^^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MU42iWcvTCg

^ jon lovitz harmonica solo around 1:30

from whiney:

can you tell dan and ned and kshighway thanks for the support
and also,
I'm proud that, thanks to hoot smalley, the same ilx thread has accused the list of being too obvious and too obscure

Good work to Whiney finding pretty much the worst of the Disneymania tracks after all -- having a hard time topping. (Most of them are at least nearly competent.) Also not fair to fault songs that I hate that aren't done quite as ear-bleedingly badly.

Some other contenders, though:

Hilary Duff - The Tiki Tiki Room
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6An_3ehvsBc

Plain White T's - When I See an Elephant Fly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nD6jNjJGbLo

Fan_3 = It's a Small World After All <--winner for my money
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p57GkvH6EE

Disney Channel Stars - Circle of Life
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRGUNBOeUOk

Woops, forgot Jonas Bros.'s version of "Yo Ho (Pirates Life for Me)."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q29Y12mB1oE

my one big gripe about this list so far is that about half the of it is actual bad songs written in the '00s, and the rest is just distasteful covers/samples/appropriations of stuff from the 20th century that was actually good once upon a time

Jonas Bros.'s version of "Yo Ho (Pirates Life for Me)."

^^^ why do we live in a world where such things exist

I'm really wishing more of them went out on limbs, instead of just pointing fingers at crap that 99 percent of the audience is obviously already going to have no use for, thus confirming their superiority over all the theoretical morons out there who don't (and probably forgot about these songs years ago anyway). (Haven't been following the comments at all, but have any of the choices provoked much argument? Moldy Peaches, maybe?) But maybe all the TV On The Radio and Radiohead and Bob Dylan songs finish higher on the list; we'll see.

Definitely could use some counter-challops to the F2K choices so far, but I think the list is a good starting point. (I have a feeling there will be some representative controversial indie or crossover pop track or whatever else higher in the list -- top half for the obvious choices, bottom half for more controversial but more important/interesting ones? TIME WILL TELL.)

Worst Songs list is going to involve shooting fish in a barrel. Radiohead and TV on the Radio didn't make anything TOTALLY FUCKING AWFUL and it would just smell of mouldy challops imo.

Wrong. They both made plenty of songs worse than, say, "Kryptonite."

I meant: "...all the theoretical morons who do (have a use for etc.)..."

Like, when is that awful John Wayne Gacy song by Soofjam going to show up? PASTE'S #1 HAS OUR FIFTH WORST SONG ON IT.

Wrong. They both made plenty of songs worse than, say, "Kryptonite."

hahaha no they didn't, come on

I think any Worst Of... list has to be a good amount of challops by default, anyway. If you're not going to say anything interesting about something be the worst of something, what's the point?

(Anyway, if not those artists I named specifically, then artists "like" them. My point is that not all of a decade's worst music is made by bands and singers that people "in the know" already hate. Though, like dabug said, maybe the more interesting picks are coming up later.)

That sentence almost makes sense. Oh well. Anyway, I think it's a lot harder to dislike stuff than to like or ignore it (we tend to ignore stuff we don't generally like), so to truly be the worst, it has to be kind of special and, by definition, a bit more idiosyncratic than "bests" tend to be.

(Well, I tend to ignore stuff I don't generally like, but I don't spend a ton of time consciously hating on music; not worth my time for the most part.)

xhuxk otm. And let's retire "challops" already, unless you really believe that any opinion that deviates from bs consensus is bad faith contrarianism.

Well, lots of times the stuff we hate most is stuff that other people stupidly think is great. (And if that necessitates "challops", so what?

bad faith contrarianism

Does challops really suggest "bad faith"? I know it can, but I always just saw it as just-plain-contrarianism, if obvious.

i thought this was supposed to be a fun thing where we all lol'd @ retarded youtubes for a couple weeks

Though I did lose a friend to BrokeNCYDE. He listened to "Bree Bree" about fifty times trying to figure out why it exists and now likes it.

I was almost this guy, but caught myself at the point of "hey this actually kinda neWOAH."

I think the Heidi Montag one is alright! Shit! Smash Mouth one is pretty evil, though.

Naw, too many words of analysis for that.

xpost

I don't think you can actually argue that everyone "in the know" hates all of the songs they've listed so far (the biggest exception being the James Blunt song, actually).

I assume more high-profile songs are coming up but I am mostly enjoying this list as a "what exactly were these people thinking" exercise; even if it continues trawling through a whole bunch of easy targets, the writing is making me laugh, so as far as I'm concerned it's successful.

think you can actually argue that everyone "in the know" hates all of the songs they've listed so far

Yeah, that's probably true -- They don't know most of these specific songs, so how can they hate them? What I meant is that I think Idolator's audience is predisposed to hate most of these sorts of songs, when I wish there were more choices that would actively make that audience question what they already like.

Which is what, though?

The Sufjan Stevens John Wayne Gacy Song!

I mean, just BLEAH.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otx49Ko3fxw

If anyone accused me of liking that piece of crap I would sue for defamation.

Gee, shucks, guys, have you ever really tried to understand the serial killer? It takes you to dark places, as can be evidenced by the little defeated sigh I give out at the end of the song. It's really difficult for me to sing for people, I'm so happy to be able to share it with such a special audience.

I would sort of assume by default that the target Idolator audience has been actively avoiding Sufjan Stevens for years.

God, every one of you is just...so...special. Poor John Wayne Gacy, he didn't have the specialness that we have. (Ew, never even realized how he overpronounces "behavior," like he wants to hear it as "behaviour.")

xpost, nah, that's where Sufjan Stevens fans go to feel "broad."

really i'm in this more for the potential lol write-ups than a definitive & rightfully ordered list of the worst songs of the 00s. whiney's picks have brought out a lot of good & funny writing from him & i'd imagine that that would be a lot harder if he was taking on a bob dylan album track.

what Jordan said, really. Also is John Wayne Gacy Jr. the one where he cries in the van? that is so twee and pathetic that just thinking about it makes me want to throw up. how i still like that album when everything i ever think about it makes me want to hate it, i'll never know.

oh wait, that is 'Chicago'. JWG Jr. sucks though and most probably should make the list.

lol ppl are now hating on indie rock itt chuck's goal is achieved

the problem w/ tv on the radio, from my perspective, & same with radiohead, is that they are boring. this list is far more interesting when the songs are provocatively bad, where they actually evince a strong reaction. kneejerk indie hating would be really fucking boring

boring song = boring discussion. why even throw MORE attention to those bands, anyway>

i for one am hoping for a dylan list-topper and TROTR runner-up just so they can reuse this image

http://gothamist.com/attachments/arts_jeff/pnj.jpg

lolz.

problem w/ tv on the radio, from my perspective, & same with radiohead, is that they are boring. this list is far more interesting when the songs are provocatively bad, where they actually evince a strong reaction.

Well, "provocatively bad" can make for more entertaining music than boring, which was part of my point. I don't trust the list for that reason. But yeah, I can see how, this late in the game, it might be difficult to write anything remotely interesting about those ancient indie heroes. (The XX, on the other hand, I still hope finish top ten. And I don't get how hating say Grizzly Bear on whoever is by definition anymore "kneejerk" than hating Heidi Montag or Smash Mouth.)

Well, "provocatively bad" can make for more entertaining music than boring, which was part of my point.

right which is why this list is more interesting than if it covered boring music. i think theres an element of truth in advertising here -- you go in expecting entertainingly-bad songs -- that is way better than going in & being "surprised" by a bunch of challenging opinions about critically acclaimed boring music

OMG that dylan picture

xhuxk you could just say you wish the list was tailored to you and get it over with.

do y'all who are calling radiohead boring typically enjoy "slow" music, be it modern classical, ambient soundscapes type shit, super esoteric minimal stuff that's not "fast"? out of sheer curiosity.

you could just say you wish the list was tailored to you

Nah, I don't. And I wouldn't want it to be all indie, either -- that'd be stupid. I just wish it had more range. Which maybe it still will.

How are you defining "range"? Because it doesn't appear to be any definition I'm familiar with considering these are the songs on the list so far:

50. brokeNCYDE, “Bree Bree”
49. LL Cool J feat. Jennifer Lopez, “Control Myself”
48. The Moldy Peaches, “Who’s Got The Crack”
47. Akon, “Sorry, Blame It On Me”
46. Dynamite Hack, “Boyz-N-The-Hood”
45. James Blunt, “You’re Beautiful”
44. Aaron Carter, “America A O”
43. Basshunter, “Please Don’t Go”
42. 3 Doors Down, “Kryptonite”
41. Vanessa Hudgens, “Sneakernight”
40. Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi, and the Wu-Tang Clan, “For Heaven’s Sake 2000”
39. Aubrey O’Day feat. Roscoe Umali, “Never Fallin’”
38. Say Anything, “Got Your Money”
37. Satellite Party feat. Jim Morrison, “Woman In The Window”
36. Lady Sovereign, “Food Play”
35. Hampton The Hamster, “The Hampsterdance Song”
34. Happy Mondays, “Jelly Bean”
33. Heidi Montag, “Higher”

Needs more critically acclaimed boring music.

but doesn't critically acclaimed music usually get acclaim because it isn't horrible?

That's kind of where the request falls down.

I mean, a lot of those songs are just goofy. Goofy is not the same as bad. I honestly feel sorry for anybody who hates electro-hamsters that much!

I am of the opinion that most of these songs are significantly worse than just "goofy" and people who put extraneous letters in the word "hamster" should die.

Well, critically acclaimed music is theoretically at least somehow distinctive. And distinctions, by definition, would seem to provoke strong reactions -- good and bad. So it seems curious to me that they haven't flipped the tables on some distinctions that aren't as good (or distinctive) as they're cracked up to be, that's all.

i still can't believe anyone would give the time of day to that heidi montag track

the most offensive kind of music is indistinctive shit that just sounds like everything else which unfortunately is a lot of popular music these days and i kinda love sometimes how people run around in circles trying to prove how interesting and distinctive some of it is.

lol @ people still trotting out the tedious "offensively bad music is actually better than boring music because of the strong reactions it elicits!" trope which is basically a rationalized "so bad it's good". 1) it's not true and 2) it's much more interesting to write about "goofy" or awesomely bad songs anyway

i mean is anyone really looking at idolator.com's list of the top 50 worst songs of the decade and complaining about the choices? what the hell do you expect, it's just a bit of fun

do y'all who are calling radiohead boring typically enjoy "slow" music, be it modern classical, ambient soundscapes type shit, super esoteric minimal stuff that's not "fast"? out of sheer curiosity.

― jØrdån (omar little), Friday, November 6, 2009 3:15 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont find radiohead boring bcuz of its pacing, if thats what you're asking

Whiney asked me to post this for him:

xhuxk, we purposely avoided making challopsy takedowns because it would just make us look spiteful and silly. Like on the Blender lists when they're saying "We Didn't Start The Fire" is one of the worst songs ever or Primus is one of the worst bands ever. It doesn't read as "insight" it reads as "intentionally riling people up."

the most offensive kind of music is indistinctive shit that just sounds like everything else which unfortunately is a lot of popular music these days and i kinda love sometimes how people run around in circles trying to prove how interesting and distinctive some of it is.

― jØrdån (omar little), Friday, November 6, 2009 3:31 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

dude do u really think thats more true now than ever ... ppl have been on some "all popular music sounds the same" shit for ages .... not to sound like john d. here but were getting old, thats about it

if this list causes this thread to turn into a p4k style clusterfuck, it's time to reassess and then shut down the internet.

30 is the new 20

but doesn't critically acclaimed music usually get acclaim because it isn't horrible?

lol

p4k style clusterfuck

Don't worry, at some point Ned will be back w/ a new link to remind us that yes, most of these tracks have been totally horrible.

the Blender lists when they're saying "We Didn't Start The Fire" is one of the worst songs ever or Primus is one of the worst bands ever.

I've never seen this, fwiw. (And "We Didn't" and Primus are hardly the canon, by any stretch of the imagination, and, either way, I don't see why you couldn't be insightful chopping them -- or the Hold Steady or M.I.A. [both of whom I like btw], or Animal Collective, or whoever -- down. Doesn't depend on who you pick; it depends on what you say. If you make a smart case against a record you think is shitty, why worry about idiots who might accuse you of just being "challopsy"?)

Will still rep for "Food Play," tho. SO HILARIOUSLY GROSS.

honestly xhuxk i think its way more interesting to cover songs other ppl arent going to be talking about

Don't worry, at some point Ned will be back w/ a new link to remind us that yes, most of these tracks have been totally horrible.

Just chilling here.

Needs more critically acclaimed boring music.

to be fair the list has already included the moldy peaches

I doubt they're gonna be throwing in tv on the radiohead or the fleet furnaces tho

Best disses tend to be the most difficult ones, though as far as cheap laughs go that Smash Mouth one is pretty great. That's in part because I don't give a shit about Smash Mouth, though. I tend to respond better to takedowns from people who might conceivably be fans of the music -- or, maybe a better way of putting it, someone who might actually give the track the benefit of the doubt. So I don't think I'd want to read someone who doesn't know indie rock write a "TVOTR is boring" blurb any more than I want to read someone bashing a decent-ish novelty track for being stupid or annoying. (Not that they aren't, but that pointing this out isn't usually very interesting.)

fwiw I support "Bingo" or "Jimmy" showing up on this list and M.I.A. is one of my favorite discoveries of the decade

I would love to read Rich Juzwiak pick some latter-day Mariah Carey track for a 50 Worst feature, e.g.

Good exercise -- get people to write a blurb destroying a terrible track from a band they usually love.

Give ya an essay on Radiohead's "Pop is Dead" easy.

I would love to read Rich Juzwiak pick some latter-day Mariah Carey track for a 50 Worst feature, e.g.

― The Cure for Mugabe's Concubine (dabug), Friday, November 6, 2009 3:58 PM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i kind of wouldnt, though -- or i enjoy it only in the context of him sharing shit that is actually good, i.e. "compare this great track im putting you on to to this less mariah track"

there is really no point in expending tons of time talking about shit that isnt good! its a waste of my time! unless its done in an entertaining way, w/ entertainingly shitty music.

like, i think a song can be simultaneously 'entertainingly bad' & still not be something i'll actually want to hear again ... sorry guys \Oo/

Maybe. Though line between entertainingly-bad and bad-bad is a tough one. Where does Blue October's "Hate Me" fall?

(Surefire for the top twenty, I'd hope...)

LOL, listening to "Hate Me" for the first time in years and the first thing it's reminding me of is the Interpol song about the subway she is a porno.

Maybe. Though line between entertainingly-bad and bad-bad is a tough one.

this is exactly why there shouldnt be a distinction! bad is bad

OK, now I'm having a Bad Song flood in my brain. "Screaming Infidelities" was this decade!

xpost -- but it's really not true! There are a thousand different bads, as many bads as there are goods!

Mediocre-bad and spectacular-bad seems to be the key distinction here, tho -- point being that it can be difficult to say interesting things about stuff that's just mediocre.

right i just don't agree with the idea that "specacular bad" = "kinda good in a way!!"

I dunno, I have a soft spot for spectacular failures. And not just "failures that are also spectacles" (a la a bunch of Metallica from this decade, though at least something featured in Some Kind of Monster should make it, with full-on description of the writing process documented in the film, shudder) but a special kind of jaw-dropping badness. Not good as a song, but good as an experience!

^^^^^ I think this is how I feel about that Lady Sovereign song...? I spend way too much time laughing at it to actively hate it.

Oh man, I hope "Do You Realize???!?!??!??!??!!!!?" makes it, though I think that falls into the "failure that is also a spectacle" category rather than spectacular failure.

Lessee, Miley's spectacular failure's gotta be "Wake Up America":
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdcOKHQmYDA

Aly and AJ's Amber Alert Anthem "I Am One of Them" terrifies the crap out of me:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrN24ErsK3Q

Lindsay song + video for "Confessions of a Broken Heart" (dir. Lindsay Lohan):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1yJqDTSufBE

omg that Lindsey Lohan song, I'd forgotten about it

Ooh, spectacular failure, K-Fed's "Lose Control" as performed at the Teen Choice Awards!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aam1pDl8wnM

(although really the wtf thing about the LL song is the video; the song itself isn't as horrible as the other things on the list)

Well, if there must be some Lohan representation, several things off of Ali's holiday album should do. I vote "Christmas Magic," despite my semi-affection for its total AM cheeze:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGv4-jbccSQ

(OK, I'll stop spamming with Rolling Teenpop holdover Youtubes now.)

"I mean, a lot of those songs are just goofy."

Exactly. I'm not having any fun w/the Idolator list cause it comes off too much like the Joke Police. I'd rather see more ridicule for stuff that's been critically or commercially acclaimed--someone articulating why, say, Grizzly Bear sucks than a blurb putting Smash Mouth in their place. The idea that you can't do this without seeming "spiteful and silly" is just dumb. Just, like, don't be spiteful and silly about how you do it.

And "challops" is an even dumber term than "hater" and serves the same irritating purpose of shifting the focus away from the actual argument being made and to the motives of the person arguing.

you would seriously rather read MORE coverage of grizzly bear

smh

you would seriously rather read MORE coverage of Heidi Montag

[retarded internet abbreviation]

Have you been on any gamer forums and discovered the magic of "QQ"?

(because that's kind of what you're doing here)

i like it when ppl act like finding dismissive coverage of indie rock is difficult

thats the only coverage of heidi montag ive ever read tbh

tbh = to be heidi

you are heidi montag and I claim my five dollars

i am iirc

oh hey

you suck at everything, Heidi (sorry ;_;)

i cannot keep up w/this thread but:

even if it continues trawling through a whole bunch of easy targets, the writing is making me laugh, so as far as I'm concerned it's successful.

― The Dance at the Crossroads (HI DERE), Friday, November 6, 2009 1:23 PM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

is otm. whiney is writing funny stuff, so fuck it if the list is correct, like there's some cosmic list of ACTUAL WORST SONGS you fucking aspie rubes, what in the hell

Ooh, spectacular failure, K-Fed's "Lose Control" as performed at the Teen Choice Awards!

That's a good (i.e., really really bad) one, but I'm crossing my fingers for "Popozao" in the top ten. High expectations!

Here, they can post this as an addendum to the as-scheduled F2K:

Grizzly Bear - "Two Weeks": This song is really boring!
Fleet Foxes - "White Winter Hymnal": This song is really boring!
TVOTR - "Wolf Like Me": This song is really boring!

deej otm

And yet I could imagine Pitbull doing this song, just about verbatim, and no one caring that much.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCxuW1STyI0

oh oh, somebody threw down the aspie gauntlet (on ILM!?) = shit is getting serious

My personal nominations would include The Hold Steady's "Chillout Tent", which I know has some following on ILM, but which contains some of the most jarringly interpolated vocals I've ever heard from Dave Pirner and Elizabeth Elmore. It also sounds like The Hold Steady's most out-of-touch song, which is weird, since they are usually quite well-attuned to the the lives of druggy teenagers for a bunch of thirtysomethings.

But whatever, I'm enjoying F2K for what it is. Keep up the good work, Whiney.

I for one couldn't care less about the stupid mildly funny blurbs. I just want the list. The songs have all been INCREDIBLY bad so far. I am so making a "torture" mix CD of these when it's all said and done.

Can this song please be on the list??

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7itHHrTty0

like there's some cosmic list of ACTUAL WORST SONGS you fucking aspie rubes, what in the hell

^^^

Oh good, someone else who didn't bother to read the thread and just call everyone aspies instead.

You must not have attended the same concert I attended, because your criticism is way off!

from whiney:

can you tell dan and ned and kshighway thanks for the support
and also,
I'm proud that, thanks to hoot smalley, the same ilx thread has accused the list of being too obvious and too obscure

― Bobby Wo (max), Thursday, November 5, 2009 2:54 PM (3 days ago)

Hope all is well, Whiney. Really enjoying your F2K posts!

Wow it's almost Monday already here in Boston. Yikes.

31!

that one's especially amusing to me because of the old thread where Whiney was all "I can't believe this song is going to be a single" and we had to inform him that it already had been one: 50 Cent - Curtis

This is like everything I hate about 50 condensed into one song with an extra helping of Snoop-biting

(also ppl do realize that Maura is doing half of these, right)

Maura's leaving: http://idolator.com/5290342/its-time-for-me-to-say-goodbye

Nooooooooooo.

so whos taking over

I wonder what will happen to the site now . . .

I guess we'll find out tomorrow . . . maybe?

Totally gross. I hope some enterprising soul brings the sight down one way or another.

:(

the sight = the site, GAH. I guess I am just too appalled at the Perez-isation of idolator.

the...what?

The layout, I'm guessing.

Or the zinging?

I did lol at "Maura leaving Idolator < My Humps" even though this still sucks

the layout has barely changed in the history of the site, though

Yeah, you're right. I have no idea then.

gossip

Eh, I just figure they're going to do something cheesy and hacky, that's the way all of these sites seem to be going.

yeah, it's probably best to preemptively accuse them of going in a direction they haven't made a single step towards, just to be safe

Better safe than sleazy.

did we kill idolator?

http://idolator.com/5290702/lady-gaga-fans-air-their-grievances

I don't think my guess was all that wrong. "Frown-y face", jesus christ.

Although if "Robbie" turns out to be Robbie Neville fallen down on hard times, c'est la vie.

Even though I like Lady Gaga, it's weird to see a Gaga-related post on Idolator w/o Maura slagging her off in some not-so-subtle way. This Robbie clown is just all business, the facts are the facts.

But yeah, frown-y face. ugh.

I'm wondering, based on this blog post, if this person actually understands what "curiosity killed the cat" actually means...?

I think curiosity is too big a word for him.

i can really only assume that maura quit for a better opportunity elsewhere, b/c i cannot imagine how that could be seen as a good new direction from any angle

Idolator commenter brasstax OTM: "Robbie, you do realize you’re going to be terribly tortured and ridiculed from now until the point many of us just get bored coming back here, right?"

RIP Idolator

"At any rate, they say curiosity killed the cat. Or, in this case, the cat-suited pop star."

RIP F2K?

If you are a Lady GaGa fan who sat around yesterday waiting for her “Bad Romance” video to make its way online, then you’re a Lady GaGa fan who ended their day with sad frown-y face.

:(

guys, I think Robbie is just Whiney fucking with us. the site will probably disappear into oblivion tomorrow.

I am sad that I am never going to see the "You, Me and Dupri" picture again.

brasstax = me.

You, Me and Dupri pic RIP

Johnny Fever aka brasstax OTM

http://i35.tinypic.com/b5fn2f.jpg

Haha I haven't been very in the loop w/ Idolator since they lost the budget for my column but I was at least hoping that someone who was already part of the fold was taking over and didn't want to rush to judgement but...yeah, that's not terribly encouraging

NEVER FORGET xp

really, I have far less beef with "frown-y face" (which is at least an attempt at personality) than I am at an apparent fundamental misunderstanding of one of the most-quoted proverbs in the English language

I remember the NME writing something about Robbie Williams where they rhymed Robbie with blowjobbie.

wait what is going on?

Also lol @ my username apparently being invalid for about a week now...? My nerd rage must go unsatisfied!

Make a up a new username and unleash hell.

f2k is still happening, right?

Someone should ask Whiney. It's probably not going to happen on Idolator, at least.

Or if it does, it will be something like "OMG wtf you guys, that Radiohead song gave me a frown-y face".

:-(

haha too bad we banned the guy who might be able to clear things up right now!

whiney wants to know if he can come back now

Whiney, just give us the lowdown on Friday; you'll be unbanned then.

Oh, it just continues to be bad...

surprised a top ten debut after your last album wasn't even released counts as a trouncing but hey frown-y face

The sales figures quoted there are absolutely riveting.

I mean, I can't tell you how fascinated I am by whether a record label is "pushing" someone or not.

But how many more posts with poorly-used common expressions and comments tossed out w/o context from fan boards will we have to suffer through before then? Love the "no accounting for taste" calls of apocalypse for a Top Ten debut from someone whose last album wasn't even released!

Er, expost

Er, xpost.

Can we talk about how these post titles just aren't up to par? That was one of my favorite things about Brian/Maura Idolator... they were always either funny, or eye-rollingly bad. Now they're just titles. Nothing to see here. Go on to the business of reading the article, please. Thank you.

"Jojo to Sudanese Government: Leave (Get Out)"

the pressing question there is "why is the Sudanese gov't in Jojo's house"

"Man Decapitated in Strip Club"

"Super Caley Trounce Celtic"

"Jojo to Sudanese Government: Leave (Get Out)"

i was always sadly proud of that one.

though i feel like if any headline sums up my tenure at idolator, it's still:

"Yes, It’s Come To This: A Video Of Miley Cyrus Drinking Ketchup"

Okay, so apparently Robbie is this guy: http://chartrigger.blogspot.com/

Yes, I may as well just go ahead and remove Idolator from my bookmarks right now.

god...

it's like they really wanted to take out any bit of a critical voice that the site had left

a quick look suggests he likes snow patrol and calvin harris. rip idolator. ;_;

apparently according to whom?

why would anyone give that guy an actual writing/editorial role? I DON'T GET IT

it's like they really wanted to take out any bit of a critical voice that the site had left

but w/o a critical voice it's just, like, a bad news aggregator. i don't get why this is desirable from any standpoint.

Calvin Harris??!?!?!?!? O_o

The Daily Swarm identified him as that guy. They may be wrong, but based on what's been posted on Idolator today, it fits.

neither do i lex

while this obv sucks on multiple levels, i must admit I find the idea of a blog whose ideal reader wishes Perez Hilton ONLY talked music kind of fascinating.

It really doesn't take much to be considered a "noted blogger" these days does it? I mean, ffs, the guy just relates chart rundowns and press releases.

not to be contrarian because this is totally depressing, but at least they got someone interested in popular music instead of just going indie and becoming Stereogum 2 right away

it's like they're aiming for...a kind of US digital spy? yeesh.

Yeah, but what's the point in reading Idolator now when Popjustice exists to cover the same material in a much better fashion?

maybe but i think the likelihood of this dude coming to appreciate good indie is less likely than an indie stan coming to appreciate good pop. *maybe*

i don't know how that pertains to what i said

lol I accidentally clicked on the Idolator link on The Daily Swarm because I thought it was a blog tag and LOLOLOLOLOLOL at the Britney "piece"

so is this guy just going to be publishing whiney & maura's f2k blurbs or...

Yeah, but what's the point in reading Idolator now when Popjustice exists to cover the same material in a much better fashion?

idolator's remit was always much wider than popjustice's - it was about popular music (not nec pop music) with a side order of maura's own taste. it worked really well. can't imagine popjustice ever acknowledging eg hip-hop.

It doesn't really matter, the Idolator commenters are going to destroy this guy anyway.

not to be contrarian because this is totally depressing, but at least they got someone interested in popular music instead of just going indie and becoming Stereogum 2 right away

― some dude, Tuesday, November 10, 2009 1:07 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

doesnt the same company own both stereogum and idolator?

Yes.

yeah that was why i said that

oh well no need to get snippy

i don't know how this all "works" behind the "scenes"

sorry i just thought that was implied (xpost)

http://www.thedailyswarm.com/headlines/idolators-new-editor-illiterate/

Seriously, whoever wrote this is awesome. Love the picture too.

ftr the Britney blurb was written by "Becky"

Well done, Becky! You can write press releases!

the "indie stan" post didn't make sense to me in the context of the conversation, though (xpost)

Becky Luc@$? xp

nevermind

dogtits

i have to say i kind of like how both this thread and the idolator comments today are just kind of liveblogging the collective discontent about all this and slowly intensifying

"Becky Lucas": C or D?

She would be a perfect writing companion for Robbie.

so have they replaced everyone over there or what

I love Maura. I'm sad she's gone. But I feel like the Idolator brand has been betrayed by bringing in these hack writers with no discernible personality or voice to essentially report chart figures and regurgitate press releases (and badly, at that).

There are countless writers out there who, as lex stated, who can write about popular music without focusing solely on "pop music." Robbie and Becky aren't those people.

maybe it's that thing where buzznet are phasing out something they can't afford to run by making it as shit as possible so no one misses it when it eventually does go

how appropriate are the names "becky" and "robbie" though. it's like they really wanted to hire 13 year olds to run the site but couldn't legally pay them.

yeah honestly there are at least half a dozen past Idolator contributors who would've been able to carry on the site pretty well imo, i'm guessing the reason none of them are on there today is that the owners wanted to clean house and start fresh and/or pay new people at a much lower rate than the old people were used to getting

I'd rather it just have died last night.

how much do music writers get paid to music write

It's the Mickey Mouse Club (Becky! Robbie!).

I was a guest editor for a day back when it was a Gawker property and I got a check for $80 (which was probably about $10-per-post).

wait Johnny Fever what is your name or the name you posted on Idolator under?

At least they removed Maura's name from the left rail.

I am commenter "brasstax" and my guest editor day was July 10, 2007.

The "fuck you" in all caps made me laugh.

thx johnny

theory:

this site links to idolator

http://www.thefablife.com/author/howardb/

though she might be too "sharp" to be "becky"

Seriously though, these dudes are going to get a handful of days of shit from the old crowd in the comments, then they're going to abandon the site and who else will come in to read this shit? As people've said upthread, many sites do what these two are doing way better. Google News is 100% more useful than this now.

they're = old crowd in the comments

The comments on these posts are great though.

I will say that what Maura and Jess and Brian and whoever else had to do on a daily basis was HARD. Maura kept assuring me all day long that I was doing a good job, but I felt like I'd been beaten by 5pm.

Yeah...I did 2 days of guest blogging and really staggered through the 2nd one, although it was mainly my fault for thinking I could juggle it w/ my desk job instead of just doing it from home.

Even when I didn't agree with what Maura had to say, which was often, I still thought the writing on the site was mostly clear, incisive, and worthwhile. Which, as you're saying, is very hard to do consistently multiple times every day of the work week.

Idolator was one of the few music blogs I still read.

whiney: can you tell them to take the (RIP) out of the headline

hey whiney if this is dead you should continue it here starting friday.

Y'all are forgetting the part where they open comments back up after no one comments from the Olden Days and the posts and comments become an indistinguishable mush.

first paperthinwalls, now this...

http://i33.tinypic.com/2h7e639.jpg

After a [...]

maybe it's Robbie Robertson

Alright, he fixed it, but his new post self-links to his previous Lady Gaga post from earlier in the day.

Choice quote: "Initial thoughts: Fashion = pain. Lots and lots of weird, strange pain."

Fuck this shit.

your theory is incorrect, omar

i need to remove this from my blog roll right now

not that anybody pays attention to it, but still, you know?

my new theory is that becky is still robbie

If you run out of good stuff to read on nu-Idolator there's always the venerable Stereogum holding it down:

DEATH CAB ROCK HOT TOPIC!!!11!

Stereogum has been Buzznet's flagship for a while, but I'm very sad that its status is now justified.

(although, in the beginning when Stereogum was just Scott Lapatine posting whatever he wanted to, it was a great blog.)